Joe Rogan Experience #1420 - Mark Normand

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   (gulps) Ladies and gentlemen,…

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:00

      (gulps) Ladies and gentlemen, Mark Norman.

   2. MNMark Normand0:06

      Hey, hey.

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:06

      You trying ... Did your thing come un- unplugged?

   4. MNMark Normand0:08

      No, no, I'm all good. It just isn't as long as I hoped.

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:11

      Is it?

   6. MNMark Normand0:11

      Which I've heard before.

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:12

      We're g- ... Ha!

   8. MNMark Normand0:12

      But, uh, yeah. No, we're good. (thumps desk)

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:14

      We're gonna get new, uh, things with a box and, like, a little volume-

   10. MNMark Normand0:18

       Ooh.

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:18

       So we can ... Yeah. We're gonna make it like a real radio show.

   12. MNMark Normand0:21

       Finally. This thing's been slacking.

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:22

       Yeah, I know. That's what I've been saying, man.

   14. MNMark Normand0:24

       Mm-hmm.

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:24

       Just this- this little box right here that controls the volume is just too complicated. Nobody can figure out where the dial is for their thing.

   16. MNMark Normand0:31

       It's prehistoric, too. That looks- looks aged.

   17. JRJoe Rogan0:34

       Does it?

   18. MNMark Normand0:34

       Yeah, it's a little weathered.

   19. JRJoe Rogan0:35

       Hmm. Well-

   20. MNMark Normand0:36

       Probably from all the weed smoke.

   21. JRJoe Rogan0:37

       ... it's patina. That's what they call it.

   22. MNMark Normand0:40

       Patina?

   23. JRJoe Rogan0:40

       Patina.

   24. MNMark Normand0:41

       Is that an you're made?

   25. JRJoe Rogan0:42

       You know patina? No.

   26. MNMark Normand0:43

       Oh. (laughs)

   27. JRJoe Rogan0:43

       Patina's like, uh, the surface of an old car-

   28. MNMark Normand0:46

       Ah.

   29. JRJoe Rogan0:46

       ... where it has kind of like ... Or maybe a- a knife that's been kinda like slightly rusted, you know? It's g-

   30. MNMark Normand0:52

       A little wear and tear.
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   No, I never saw…

   1. JRJoe Rogan15:00

      my favorite video in New York is the rat that's killing the pigeon. Did you ever see that video?

   2. MNMark Normand15:03

      No, I never saw that.

   3. JRJoe Rogan15:04

      Oh.

   4. MNMark Normand15:04

      I saw a pizza rat.

   5. JRJoe Rogan15:05

      Yeah, pizza rat ain't shit on p- pigeon-killing rat. The fucking rat's killing a pigeon.

   6. MNMark Normand15:10

      Wow, it's like the woke brigade, they're attacking each other.

   7. JRJoe Rogan15:12

      Takes the pigeon do- Yeah, very similar. Taking the pigeon down-

   8. MNMark Normand15:15

      Uh-huh.

   9. JRJoe Rogan15:16

      ... and, and attacking it, and the pigeon tries to flutter away and the rat fucking chases it down.

   10. MNMark Normand15:19

       Wow!

   11. JRJoe Rogan15:20

       I didn't, I didn't know rats were predatory.

   12. MNMark Normand15:21

       Oh, yeah.

   13. JRJoe Rogan15:21

       I didn't know ... I thought they were mostly just scavengers.

   14. MNMark Normand15:24

       Yeah, I guess so.

   15. JRJoe Rogan15:24

       I didn't know they would actually go after a live thing and attack it and kill it.

   16. MNMark Normand15:27

       Yeah, desperation, man. Was it, was it in the subway area or was it on the street?

   17. JRJoe Rogan15:32

       I think it was on the street, 'cause I don't think pigeons actually go into the subway-

   18. MNMark Normand15:36

       Yeah, that's a good point.

   19. JRJoe Rogan15:36

       ... for the most part.

   20. MNMark Normand15:37

       Good point.

   21. JRJoe Rogan15:37

       Unless they get fucked over and they, they don't know-

   22. MNMark Normand15:39

       Right. (laughs)

   23. JRJoe Rogan15:39

       ... how to get out.

   24. MNMark Normand15:40

       Seen, seen a few in an airport before.

   25. JRJoe Rogan15:41

       Yeah. Oh, here it is. So, here's this, this pigeon, and this rat is-

   26. MNMark Normand15:45

       Oh!

   27. JRJoe Rogan15:45

       ... trying to walk off with this-

   28. MNMark Normand15:47

       Wow!

   29. JRJoe Rogan15:47

       ... fucking pigeon. And it's as big as him. That's what's crazy.

   30. MNMark Normand15:50

       What a bitch-ass pigeon, though. Like, come on, flap it up.
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   Yeah. …

   1. JRJoe Rogan30:00

      man.

   2. MNMark Normand30:00

      Yeah.

   3. JRJoe Rogan30:01

      Oh my God.

   4. MNMark Normand30:02

      And cows kill-

   5. JRJoe Rogan30:03

      Ugh!

   6. MNMark Normand30:03

      ... more people than sharks a year.

   7. JRJoe Rogan30:06

      Really?

   8. MNMark Normand30:06

      Sharks are l- it's almost like Black people where it's just sexier to talk about it, you know? But the cows are actually the ones killing more people.

   9. JRJoe Rogan30:13

      Cows kill more people than sharks?

   10. MNMark Normand30:15

       Give it a goog!

   11. NANarrator30:17

       ... yeah. The coconut thing might be an exaggerated story.

   12. MNMark Normand30:20

       Oh.

   13. JRJoe Rogan30:20

       You shut your mouth.

   14. NANarrator30:21

       I'm sorry. I, I just-

   15. JRJoe Rogan30:22

       Shut your mouth.

   16. NANarrator30:22

       There's a whole Wikipedia thing about it.

   17. JRJoe Rogan30:24

       Yeah, I've gone through that. Yeah, they don't really know.

   18. MNMark Normand30:26

       A Wiki can be anything.

   19. JRJoe Rogan30:26

       Well, some days people get better at it. They wear helmets, they avoid the trees. Some years-

   20. MNMark Normand30:31

       Yeah, well, why not wear a helmet every day, you know?

   21. JRJoe Rogan30:32

       'Cause pe- ... Well, they're probably poor and they want a coconut.

   22. MNMark Normand30:35

       Ah. Yeah, I guess that's a good point.

   23. JRJoe Rogan30:36

       If you're trying to climb a tree and a coconut just nails you halfway down and then you fall, that's a double whammy.

   24. MNMark Normand30:40

       Good point. Good point.

   25. JRJoe Rogan30:41

       Right? Bonk.

   26. MNMark Normand30:42

       Yeah.

   27. JRJoe Rogan30:42

       Boo, splat.

   28. MNMark Normand30:43

       It feels like a '70s arcade game, you know?

   29. JRJoe Rogan30:45

       Have you seen those guys climb the trees? F- fuck, man.

   30. MNMark Normand30:48

       Oh.
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   Well, even more, m-…

   1. MNMark Normand45:00

      we talk a big game and we complain and bitch and moan, but I think the, the real shit's out there.

   2. JRJoe Rogan45:05

      Well, even more, m- more telling, when Rotten Tomatoes only let-

   3. MNMark Normand45:09

      Right.

   4. JRJoe Rogan45:09

      ... five woke critics-

   5. MNMark Normand45:10

      Right. (laughs) Right.

   6. JRJoe Rogan45:11

      ... judge his special, he had a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes.

   7. MNMark Normand45:14

      Exactly.

   8. JRJoe Rogan45:14

      Then when they let the general public do it, it jumped up to 99%-

   9. MNMark Normand45:18

      99%, yeah.

   10. JRJoe Rogan45:18

       ... which is fucking unheard of.

   11. MNMark Normand45:19

       I know. And why does anybody go... This is weird, right? I mean, we do it, but, you know, the, the people with the big voices and the loudest people are all going, "Oh, well, what are you gonna do?"

   12. JRJoe Rogan45:28

       Well, the loudest-

   13. MNMark Normand45:28

       They never chime in on that shit.

   14. JRJoe Rogan45:29

       Well, the... But right now you are one of the loudest people-

   15. MNMark Normand45:31

       Oh, shit.

   16. JRJoe Rogan45:31

       Right now. And here's the other thing.

   17. MNMark Normand45:33

       That's terrifying.

   18. JRJoe Rogan45:33

       Those people that are... Or the other loudest people out there are all being employed by giant companies.

   19. MNMark Normand45:39

       Ah, is that what it is?

   20. JRJoe Rogan45:39

       Now, if you're a part of a giant media company, we don't even have to say any names, you have to make arrangements with political parties and candidates. They will give you access to candidates, but they w-... In exchange, they would like you to run certain stories.

   21. MNMark Normand45:55

       Hmm.

   22. JRJoe Rogan45:55

       They would like you to cover things. They would like you to not cover other things. I mean, you're seeing this anti-Bernie Sanders push-

   23. MNMark Normand46:01

       Yeah. Oh, yeah.

   24. JRJoe Rogan46:01

       ... across the board. Hillary Clinton just came out and said that she thinks, she... Nobody likes him.

   25. MNMark Normand46:06

       I saw that.

   26. JRJoe Rogan46:07

       She said that. Why would you say that?

   27. MNMark Normand46:08

       I know.

   28. JRJoe Rogan46:08

       The guy campaigned for you.

   29. MNMark Normand46:10

       (laughs) What are you, an eight-year-old? "Nobody likes him."

   30. JRJoe Rogan46:12

       Exactly. And she said that he's a career politician. Like-
5. 1:00:00 – 1:03:08

   Oh, dude, I wind…

   1. MNMark Normand1:00:00

      do a three days on YouTube with those trick shots.

   2. JRJoe Rogan1:00:02

      Oh, dude, I wind down at the end of the night every night watching pool on YouTube.

   3. MNMark Normand1:00:05

      Really?

   4. JRJoe Rogan1:00:06

      Yeah.

   5. MNMark Normand1:00:06

      Oh, look at that.

   6. JRJoe Rogan1:00:07

      Well, because it used to be hard to find pool matches on television.

   7. MNMark Normand1:00:11

      Right.

   8. JRJoe Rogan1:00:11

      You know?

   9. MNMark Normand1:00:11

      Yeah.

   10. JRJoe Rogan1:00:12

       It's hard. ESPN doesn't have 'em, and it's like you never... It's like I'd put... I'd set it in my DVR, I'd look for billiards.

   11. MNMark Normand1:00:18

       Uh-huh.

   12. JRJoe Rogan1:00:18

       You know? 'Cause I used to play a lot, like, like all day long when I lived in New York.

   13. MNMark Normand1:00:22

       Yeah.

   14. JRJoe Rogan1:00:22

       I played tournaments. I was more obsessed with pool than I was with almost anything.

   15. MNMark Normand1:00:26

       Really?

   16. JRJoe Rogan1:00:26

       Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like... If there was money in professional pool, I probably would've quit doing standup.

   17. MNMark Normand1:00:31

       What?

   18. JRJoe Rogan1:00:32

       Yes.

   19. MNMark Normand1:00:32

       Would you ever get into like a pool grift? Like a, like a bar brouhaha?

   20. JRJoe Rogan1:00:36

       Oh, like get hustled?

   21. MNMark Normand1:00:37

       Yeah, then you like snap the, the-

   22. JRJoe Rogan1:00:39

       No.

   23. MNMark Normand1:00:39

       ... the, the stick and go-

   24. JRJoe Rogan1:00:40

       No.

   25. MNMark Normand1:00:40

       ... "Come on, motherfucker. Come at me."

   26. JRJoe Rogan1:00:42

       Most, most of that's nonsense.

   27. MNMark Normand1:00:43

       I don't know. Ar-

   28. JRJoe Rogan1:00:43

       From The Color of Money.

   29. MNMark Normand1:00:44

       Artie Lange's got some stories out in-

   30. JRJoe Rogan1:00:46

       Well, he was hanging out with dirt bags.

Episode duration: 2:34:45