Joe Rogan Experience #1440 - Fortune Feimster

1. 0:00 – 2:31

   New specials everywhere + Tom Segura’s “makeup disaster” promo

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:00

      Three, two, one. Fortune. What's up?

   2. FFFortune Feimster0:03

      Jo.

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:04

      Good to see you. What's happening?

   4. FFFortune Feimster0:05

      You too. This is exciting.

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:06

      It's exciting for me too.

   6. FFFortune Feimster0:08

      Aww.

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:08

      Aww.

   8. FFFortune Feimster0:08

      Our first date.

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:10

      Do you have a special coming out or something going on?

   10. FFFortune Feimster0:12

       I- it just came out.

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:13

       (gasps)

   12. FFFortune Feimster0:13

       Like, a month ago.

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:15

       Oh, it's out already?

   14. FFFortune Feimster0:15

       Yeah.

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:16

       I didn't even know.

   16. FFFortune Feimster0:16

       Well, there's a lot of specials coming out right now.

   17. JRJoe Rogan0:18

       Goddamn, is this the craziest time ever for specials?

   18. FFFortune Feimster0:20

       Yeah. It's like one after another after another.

   19. JRJoe Rogan0:23

       It really is. Like, I can't remember ever in the history of comedy there's been this many specials released.

   20. FFFortune Feimster0:28

       No. And like, just killers every week.

   21. JRJoe Rogan0:31

       Yeah. Speaking of special, pull up the, um, the video of Tom Segura's-

   22. FFFortune Feimster0:35

       (laughs)

   23. JRJoe Rogan0:36

       ... new special. There's a... Uh, it's on... "Netflix is a joke," on, uh, Instagram. Has a copy of it.

   24. FFFortune Feimster0:43

       Oh, 'cause he's doing English and Spanish, right?

   25. JRJoe Rogan0:45

       Yeah. Uh, this one's just English.

   26. FFFortune Feimster0:47

       Oh, okay.

   27. JRJoe Rogan0:47

       And he's gonna do one in Spanish. You gotta... Yeah, people don't know that Tom Segura is fluent in Espanol.

   28. FFFortune Feimster0:53

       Yeah. He had his mom on his podcast.

   29. JRJoe Rogan0:55

       Yeah.

   30. FFFortune Feimster0:55

       And that was cool.
2. 2:31 – 3:54

   Makeup vs reality TV: UFC broadcasts and the swollen-forehead example

   1. JRJoe Rogan2:31

      Look, that's what he looks like. This is what I always say. Like, these... I'm the only one in the UFC broadcast-

   2. FFFortune Feimster2:36

      Mm-hmm.

   3. JRJoe Rogan2:36

      ... that doesn't put makeup on too.

   4. FFFortune Feimster2:38

      Yeah.

   5. JRJoe Rogan2:38

      And I'm like, "We're getting... We're, we're talking to people that are getting their heads punched in."

   6. FFFortune Feimster2:43

      (laughs) Yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan2:43

      Okay, literally. Joanna Jedrzejczyk, who's the former strawweight champion-

   8. FFFortune Feimster2:47

      Mm-hmm.

   9. JRJoe Rogan2:47

      ... she had a fight with this woman, uh, Zhang Weili, who is the strawweight champion-

   10. FFFortune Feimster2:52

       Yeah.

   11. JRJoe Rogan2:52

       ... from China. This crazy, epic... Like, one of the best fights in history. And at the end of it, Joanna's head-

   12. FFFortune Feimster2:58

       I saw that.

   13. JRJoe Rogan2:59

       ... was so sw- like a Frankenstein forehead.

   14. FFFortune Feimster3:01

       Yeah.

   15. JRJoe Rogan3:02

       Imagine.

   16. FFFortune Feimster3:02

       Crazy.

   17. JRJoe Rogan3:03

       Me... Yeah, look at her forehead. Now, imagine me with makeup on standing next to her.

   18. FFFortune Feimster3:08

       Right.

   19. JRJoe Rogan3:08

       That would be ridiculous, right?

   20. FFFortune Feimster3:09

       Right.

   21. JRJoe Rogan3:09

       I refuse.

   22. FFFortune Feimster3:10

       You're like, "Look at my foundation." (laughs)

   23. JRJoe Rogan3:12

       Th- they're like, "Well, s- we're just gonna cut down the shine." Who gives a fuck if I'm shiny?

   24. FFFortune Feimster3:16

       Yeah.

   25. JRJoe Rogan3:17

       Literally no one cares.

   26. FFFortune Feimster3:18

       Yeah. She's got a double forehead now.

   27. JRJoe Rogan3:21

       It's a double triple forehead.

   28. FFFortune Feimster3:22

       She... I-

   29. JRJoe Rogan3:23

       Everything's swollen.

   30. FFFortune Feimster3:24

       Is it back... Is it back down? Have you-
3. 3:54 – 6:08

   Why fights can end instantly (and why that’s part of the thrill)

   1. FFFortune Feimster3:54

      Are p- are you guys super bummed out when people, like, throw one punch and the person falls down? (laughs) And that's it?

   2. JRJoe Rogan4:00

      No. No.

   3. FFFortune Feimster4:00

      That's exciting too?

   4. JRJoe Rogan4:01

      Yeah, it's exciting. It's-

   5. FFFortune Feimster4:02

      Yeah.

   6. JRJoe Rogan4:03

      The sport is crazy, you know? It, it can happen that way where... Like, there was a recent fight where Donald Cerrone, um, fought Conor McGregor.

   7. FFFortune Feimster4:12

      Mm-hmm.

   8. JRJoe Rogan4:12

      And Conor... In the clinch, Conor McGregor slammed his shoulder-

   9. FFFortune Feimster4:16

      Yeah.

   10. JRJoe Rogan4:16

       ... into Donald's nose and broke his nose. So they came out of the clinch. Like, seconds into the fight, his nose is bleeding.

   11. FFFortune Feimster4:22

       Geez.

   12. JRJoe Rogan4:22

       And then he got head kicked and he got pummeled and, and-

   13. FFFortune Feimster4:24

       And that was it?

   14. JRJoe Rogan4:25

       ... they stopped the fight in 40 seconds.

   15. FFFortune Feimster4:26

       Oh my gosh.

   16. JRJoe Rogan4:27

       Yeah.

   17. FFFortune Feimster4:27

       What-

   18. JRJoe Rogan4:27

       And everybody was bummed out 'cause it was this huge pay-per-view event.

   19. FFFortune Feimster4:30

       Yeah.

   20. JRJoe Rogan4:30

       This big deal. But that's f- part of what's crazy about this sport is it... It's the fighting in either boxing, kickboxing, or MMA is the only sport where you can end it early.

   21. FFFortune Feimster4:40

       Right.

   22. JRJoe Rogan4:40

       Like, football goes the distance.

   23. FFFortune Feimster4:42

       Yeah.

   24. JRJoe Rogan4:42

       Right?

   25. FFFortune Feimster4:42

       You know it's g- you're in for three and a half.

   26. JRJoe Rogan4:44

       You got four quarters. Yeah. You-

   27. FFFortune Feimster4:45

       Four hours.

   28. JRJoe Rogan4:46

       Yeah. You... Baseball goes all the innings.

   29. FFFortune Feimster4:48

       Mm-hmm.

   30. JRJoe Rogan4:48

       It's like, that's just how it goes.
4. 6:08 – 7:09

   SiriusXM morning show reality: early wake-ups, no metrics, old-school radio energy

   1. JRJoe Rogan6:08

      So, you do that morning show with Tom-

   2. FFFortune Feimster6:09

      I do, yeah.

   3. JRJoe Rogan6:09

      ... on Sirius. You enjoy it?

   4. FFFortune Feimster6:11

      I love it, except for the 5:30 wake up.

   5. JRJoe Rogan6:13

      Yeah, that's horse shit.

   6. FFFortune Feimster6:14

      I mean-

   7. JRJoe Rogan6:14

      Why do, why do you guys have to do it that way?

   8. FFFortune Feimster6:16

      Ev- every comic that comes to the show is like, "Why are you waking up this early?" 'Cause we're all doing spots so late, you know?

   9. JRJoe Rogan6:21

      Yeah. Well, it's... This is the new world. You don't have to do that anymore.

   10. FFFortune Feimster6:25

       Yeah. Well-

   11. JRJoe Rogan6:25

       Like, this whole idea of, like, it has to be on at 8:00 AM. Ready to go.

   12. FFFortune Feimster6:30

       Right. I don't know. That's just how they set it up, you know? 7:00 to 9:00 every morning-

   13. JRJoe Rogan6:34

       (sighs)

   14. FFFortune Feimster6:34

       ... Monday through Thursday. We're doing it for Netflix. Um-

   15. JRJoe Rogan6:37

       That's cool.

   16. FFFortune Feimster6:37

       They have a new Sirius XM channel.

   17. JRJoe Rogan6:39

       That's very cool.

   18. FFFortune Feimster6:40

       93. Um, so yeah-

   19. JRJoe Rogan6:41

       They give you numbers? They tell you how many people are listening?

   20. FFFortune Feimster6:43

       They give you no information.

   21. JRJoe Rogan6:45

       What the fuck, Netflix?

   22. FFFortune Feimster6:45

       You have no idea. We have no idea. We only know that people are listening 'cause they call in.

   23. JRJoe Rogan6:50

       (laughs)

   24. FFFortune Feimster6:50

       That's the only (laughs) way we know. So, you have... You're, you know, just talking to mics, you hope. (laughs)

   25. JRJoe Rogan6:55

       Yeah.

   26. FFFortune Feimster6:56

       You hope there's an audience. It seems like there is one-

   27. JRJoe Rogan6:58

       It's kinda fun though that way.

   28. FFFortune Feimster6:59

       Yeah.

   29. JRJoe Rogan6:59

       It would be kind of fun to do a show where no one could record it and, you know-

   30. FFFortune Feimster7:04

       Mm-hmm.
5. 7:09 – 9:15

   Howard Stern memories, Anna Nicole Smith, and celebrity “cash-in” culture

   1. JRJoe Rogan7:09

      Radio used to be... I mean, that's one of the fun things about The Howard Stern Show back in the day, 'cause it was so crazy-

   2. FFFortune Feimster7:14

      Living the moment.

   3. JRJoe Rogan7:15

      ... for radio.

   4. FFFortune Feimster7:16

      Mm-hmm.

   5. JRJoe Rogan7:16

      But it was... You were hearing this, and this is the only time you were ever gonna hear it.

   6. FFFortune Feimster7:19

      Oh, yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan7:20

      But-

   8. FFFortune Feimster7:20

      I remember when his, his show was on the E! Channel.

   9. JRJoe Rogan7:22

      Mm-hmm.

   10. FFFortune Feimster7:23

       I was-

   11. JRJoe Rogan7:23

       That's right.

   12. FFFortune Feimster7:23

       It was, like, him and Anna Nicole Smith's show. That was, like, it. (laughs)

   13. JRJoe Rogan7:28

       (laughs) That's right, I forgot she had a show.

   14. FFFortune Feimster7:30

       Yeah.

   15. JRJoe Rogan7:31

       Rest in peace.

   16. FFFortune Feimster7:32

       Mm-hmm.

   17. JRJoe Rogan7:32

       Poor Anna. She was one of the first, like... I mean, if Instagram was around, she would've been one of the first Insta hoes.

   18. FFFortune Feimster7:40

       Yeah. Like, a reality celebrity.

   19. JRJoe Rogan7:42

       Yes.

   20. FFFortune Feimster7:43

       Everyone was following her life and her lawyer.

   21. JRJoe Rogan7:46

       Right. Yeah.

   22. FFFortune Feimster7:48

       H- Howard... His name's Howard-

   23. JRJoe Rogan7:49

       J. Howard Marshall.

   24. FFFortune Feimster7:50

       Stern, I th- or-

   25. JRJoe Rogan7:51

       Oh, no, no, no. Different guy.

   26. FFFortune Feimster7:52

       Wait.

   27. JRJoe Rogan7:52

       Yeah, I think it is Howard Stern.

   28. FFFortune Feimster7:53

       Yeah.

   29. JRJoe Rogan7:53

       Yeah, different Howard Stern. Yeah.

   30. FFFortune Feimster7:55

       So, they had two Howard Sterns (laughs) on the E! Channel.
6. 9:15 – 11:03

   Coronavirus anxiety, wet markets, and the ‘course-correction’ theory

   1. JRJoe Rogan9:15

      This fucking shit. The coronavirus.

   2. FFFortune Feimster9:16

      You know?

   3. JRJoe Rogan9:16

      We had a guy on yesterday talking about the coronavirus.

   4. FFFortune Feimster9:19

      Oh, man. I heard.

   5. JRJoe Rogan9:20

      It's not good.

   6. FFFortune Feimster9:20

      I heard that he was in here.

   7. JRJoe Rogan9:21

      It's nerve-wracking.

   8. FFFortune Feimster9:22

      Yeah.

   9. JRJoe Rogan9:22

      It's not good.

   10. FFFortune Feimster9:23

       Well, 'cause, you know, you don't really know what's coming.

   11. JRJoe Rogan9:27

       Yeah. Well, here's the thing. There, there's a whole bunch of other diseases that we discussed too-

   12. FFFortune Feimster9:30

       Mm-hmm.

   13. JRJoe Rogan9:31

       ... like chronic wasting disease, and there's a lot of shit that's, uh, on th- the table that could happen to people.

   14. FFFortune Feimster9:37

       Yeah.

   15. JRJoe Rogan9:37

       There's all these pandemics that are possible.

   16. FFFortune Feimster9:40

       Well, aren't there, like, uh, because certain things are melting, certain diseases that are sort of, like, being uncovered from...

   17. JRJoe Rogan9:48

       Yeah, that's a theory. Yeah.

   18. FFFortune Feimster9:49

       Yeah, I don't know.

   19. JRJoe Rogan9:50

       Yeah, there's a theory that the permafrost is going to release when it, when it gets melted.

   20. FFFortune Feimster9:55

       Mm-hmm.

   21. JRJoe Rogan9:55

       It's gonna release some ancient bacteria that we don't have an immune, immunity to.

   22. FFFortune Feimster9:59

       Oh, man.

   23. JRJoe Rogan10:00

       It's possible. It's all possible, you know?

   24. FFFortune Feimster10:02

       (laughs) It's good times right now.

   25. JRJoe Rogan10:03

       There's something that happens with any, any time you have overpopulation.

   26. FFFortune Feimster10:08

       Mm-hmm.

   27. JRJoe Rogan10:08

       And one of the things that happens is nature starts to try to course correct.

   28. FFFortune Feimster10:12

       Yeah.

   29. JRJoe Rogan10:12

       Nature's like, "There's too many."

   30. FFFortune Feimster10:14

       Mm-hmm.
7. 11:03 – 13:13

   ‘Sweet and sour bat’: shocking food images, big bats, and gross-out curiosity

   1. FFFortune Feimster11:03

      Wasn't this started from bats?

   2. JRJoe Rogan11:05

      Yes.

   3. FFFortune Feimster11:05

      Yeah.

   4. JRJoe Rogan11:05

      Some people are eating bats over there. Bro.

   5. FFFortune Feimster11:08

      Ooh. (laughs)

   6. JRJoe Rogan11:10

      Bro.

   7. FFFortune Feimster11:12

      I'm a sweet and sour chicken gal myself. (laughs)

   8. JRJoe Rogan11:15

      (laughs) Sweet and sour chicken sounds good right now.

   9. FFFortune Feimster11:17

      Ugh, sweet and sour bat.

   10. JRJoe Rogan11:18

       Bats is what you eat when you're starving to death, you know?

   11. FFFortune Feimster11:20

       I mean, yeah, that's true.

   12. JRJoe Rogan11:22

       Yeah.

   13. FFFortune Feimster11:22

       Slim pickings in certain places.

   14. JRJoe Rogan11:24

       Well, China, again, has a fucking billion people.

   15. FFFortune Feimster11:27

       It's-

   16. JRJoe Rogan11:27

       And when you see the stuff that they're eating over there... There was a salamander that they had-

   17. FFFortune Feimster11:31

       Mm-hmm.

   18. JRJoe Rogan11:31

       ... that was like, I mean, like the size of your thigh bone.

   19. FFFortune Feimster11:35

       Yeah.

   20. JRJoe Rogan11:35

       It was huge. Enormous fucking salamander, and they're holding it down with a meat cleaver.

   21. FFFortune Feimster11:39

       Yeah. They're like-

   22. JRJoe Rogan11:39

       About to hack up this salamander.

   23. FFFortune Feimster11:41

       They're like, "It's all food."

   24. JRJoe Rogan11:42

       Look at that bat.

   25. FFFortune Feimster11:43

       Oh, man.

   26. JRJoe Rogan11:44

       Bro. (laughs)

   27. FFFortune Feimster11:46

       That's gnarly.

   28. JRJoe Rogan11:47

       And they got the wings spread to let you know it's a good one. Look.

   29. FFFortune Feimster11:49

       That's a big, that's a big bat.

   30. JRJoe Rogan11:50

       That's a juicy bat. A lot of meat there.
8. 13:13 – 17:46

   Dog puke heroics → pets, home security, and gun-safety talk

   1. JRJoe Rogan13:13

      (burping) My dog threw up in my, uh, car today, and I caught it in a coffee cup.

   2. FFFortune Feimster13:17

      Oh. Wow, that's impressive.

   3. JRJoe Rogan13:19

      Well, he was sitting in the front seat. And, uh, sometimes, he gets sick.

   4. FFFortune Feimster13:22

      Mm-hmm.

   5. JRJoe Rogan13:22

      Especially when he just eats.

   6. FFFortune Feimster13:24

      Yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan13:24

      And, uh, I saw the... (burping)

   8. FFFortune Feimster13:26

      Yeah.

   9. JRJoe Rogan13:27

      (burping) They start moving, and I just-

   10. FFFortune Feimster13:29

       Mm-hmm.

   11. JRJoe Rogan13:29

       ... put a coffee cup right, right where his mouth is while I was driving. Bah.

   12. FFFortune Feimster13:33

       Oh, man.

   13. JRJoe Rogan13:33

       He filled the coffee cup up.

   14. FFFortune Feimster13:34

       Yeah, I have a little dog who will just throw up out of nowhere. (laughs)

   15. JRJoe Rogan13:38

       (laughs) Dogs throw up.

   16. FFFortune Feimster13:39

       But they do give you warning-

   17. JRJoe Rogan13:40

       Yeah.

   18. FFFortune Feimster13:40

       ... which is nice. We always grab them and-

   19. JRJoe Rogan13:42

       (laughs)

   20. FFFortune Feimster13:42

       ... (laughs) you know, pull them off the couch.

   21. JRJoe Rogan13:44

       Well, when you're driving, you know-

   22. FFFortune Feimster13:46

       I mean-

   23. JRJoe Rogan13:47

       ... fortunate thing is he's sitting right next to me in the front seat.

   24. FFFortune Feimster13:49

       Yeah. He's so cute.

   25. JRJoe Rogan13:50

       He's adorable, isn't he?

   26. FFFortune Feimster13:51

       That's a good dog.

   27. JRJoe Rogan13:52

       He's a sweetie pie.

   28. FFFortune Feimster13:53

       Mm-hmm.

   29. JRJoe Rogan13:54

       Gotta love that dog. He's a... I've never had a golden retriever before.

   30. FFFortune Feimster13:57

       Yeah.
9. 17:46 – 20:18

   Self-defense laws, escalation, and the uneasy balance of gun ownership

   1. JRJoe Rogan17:46

      What happens to someone like that? They take their gun away?

   2. JVJamie Vernon17:50

      Oh, y-

   3. JRJoe Rogan17:50

      They should.

   4. JVJamie Vernon17:51

      It's against the law, I think, right? 'Cause you, like...

   5. JRJoe Rogan17:53

      You fire it off in your house?

   6. JVJamie Vernon17:55

      ... discharge it inside on accident or something like that, or, like, you can get fined, I think.

   7. JRJoe Rogan17:57

      Yeah, you can't get fined if you shoot a b- an intruder. If you sh- shoot a person, you're all right.

   8. FFFortune Feimster18:02

      (laughs) Oh, that's okay.

   9. JRJoe Rogan18:03

      But if you shoot your computer...

   10. FFFortune Feimster18:05

       I was gonna say-

   11. JRJoe Rogan18:05

       If you shoot a person, like in Texas, you can kinda ... You could shoot ... I, I remember a story where a guy was repoing a guy's car. A guy hadn't made payments on his truck, I believe.

   12. FFFortune Feimster18:15

       Mm-hmm.

   13. JRJoe Rogan18:15

       And the repo guy was opening up the door and, you know, with the Slim Jim and getting into his car-

   14. FFFortune Feimster18:21

       Mm-hmm.

   15. JRJoe Rogan18:21

       ... and the guy reached out the window with a rifle and shot the guy in his driveway.

   16. FFFortune Feimster18:25

       Dang.

   17. JRJoe Rogan18:25

       Yeah. And they didn't charge him.

   18. FFFortune Feimster18:27

       They ... Really?

   19. JRJoe Rogan18:28

       Yeah, they said, "Someone was breaking into your h- your car, as far as you knew."

   20. FFFortune Feimster18:31

       Right.

   21. JRJoe Rogan18:31

       "It's on your property."

   22. FFFortune Feimster18:32

       Okay.

   23. JRJoe Rogan18:33

       But I mean, he killed this fucking repo guy.

   24. FFFortune Feimster18:35

       Man.

   25. JRJoe Rogan18:36

       Yeah.

   26. FFFortune Feimster18:36

       But then you hear stories about people getting sued, like, if they shoot somebody that was trying to break into their house.

   27. JRJoe Rogan18:43

       That's in other c- other states.

   28. FFFortune Feimster18:44

       Right.

   29. JRJoe Rogan18:45

       In other states, yeah, you can get sued.

   30. FFFortune Feimster18:47

       I mean, which is crazy.
10. 20:18 – 35:45

    Pop culture detour: crossbows, The Walking Dead realism, and character kill-offs

    1. FFFortune Feimster20:18

       I like bow and arrows.

    2. JRJoe Rogan20:19

       You do?

    3. FFFortune Feimster20:19

       That's fun.

    4. JRJoe Rogan20:21

       You've shot that?

    5. FFFortune Feimster20:21

       Yeah.

    6. JRJoe Rogan20:22

       Yeah?

    7. FFFortune Feimster20:22

       Not with ... Not the gun. The old-

    8. JRJoe Rogan20:24

       Oh, crossbow?

    9. FFFortune Feimster20:24

       The old school. (laughs)

    10. JRJoe Rogan20:25

        See, the g- that's what a crossbow is. It's a shitty gun.

    11. FFFortune Feimster20:28

        Yeah. (laughs)

    12. JRJoe Rogan20:28

        It's not really a bow. Like, people call it a bow. Like, come on, that's not a bow.

    13. FFFortune Feimster20:32

        That's true.

    14. JRJoe Rogan20:33

        It's got a trigger, you gotta scope. Get the fuck out of here.

    15. FFFortune Feimster20:35

        Yeah. Daryl, Walking Dead.

    16. JRJoe Rogan20:37

        Yeah.

    17. FFFortune Feimster20:37

        Pa-pa-pow.

    18. JRJoe Rogan20:38

        That Walking Dead show is ridiculous.

    19. FFFortune Feimster20:39

        He never runs out of arrows. (laughs)

    20. JRJoe Rogan20:41

        Right. Never runs out of arrows and he never gets a pass through.

    21. FFFortune Feimster20:43

        It's been, like, 16 years-

    22. JRJoe Rogan20:45

        Yeah.

    23. FFFortune Feimster20:45

        ... he's been in the zombie apocalypse. These zombies-

    24. JRJoe Rogan20:47

        These zombies-

    25. FFFortune Feimster20:47

        Unlimited amounts.

    26. JRJoe Rogan20:48

        ... are so soft, you could walk up to 'em, stab 'em in the skull-

    27. FFFortune Feimster20:51

        Mm-hmm.

    28. JRJoe Rogan20:51

        ... and your knife will go through their skull, no problem.

    29. FFFortune Feimster20:53

        Yeah.

    30. JRJoe Rogan20:54

        Try stabbing someone in the skull. That shit's hard.
11. 35:45 – 45:32

    Comedy writing craft: Fortune’s journalism background and Joe’s 4-step process

    1. JRJoe Rogan35:45

       How do you write, Fortune?

    2. FFFortune Feimster35:46

       I write ... I go to the computer and write it all out.

    3. JRJoe Rogan35:49

       That's what's up. Knuckles. Boom.

    4. FFFortune Feimster35:51

       Boom.

    5. JRJoe Rogan35:51

       That's how I do it.

    6. FFFortune Feimster35:51

       Oh, you do that?

    7. JRJoe Rogan35:52

       Yes.

    8. FFFortune Feimster35:52

       I cannot ... Some people are like, "Oh, I write stage." I'm like, "No, no, no." I'll find punchlines on stage.

    9. JRJoe Rogan35:58

       Yes.

    10. FFFortune Feimster35:58

        But I have to know where I'm going.

    11. JRJoe Rogan35:59

        Good for you.

    12. FFFortune Feimster36:00

        But I, but I was a journalist for seven years.

    13. JRJoe Rogan36:03

        Were you really?

    14. FFFortune Feimster36:03

        Yeah, I was an entertainment journalist.

    15. JRJoe Rogan36:05

        No kidding.

    16. FFFortune Feimster36:06

        It was my, like, day job while I was pursuing comedy at night.

    17. JRJoe Rogan36:09

        How'd you get that gig?

    18. FFFortune Feimster36:11

        Very random. I, uh, was the, I was the, um, student speaker at my college graduation. And, uh, this actress was the commencement speaker and she hired me to come out to LA and be her assistant. And her neighbor wrote for, like, the LA Daily News and she's like, "I heard you're a good writer from your speech from in college." I was like, "Yeah, you know, I ... It, it seemed to go well." She's like, "Do you wanna write for me, cover events and stuff? And it'll be in the LA Da- Daily News." I was like 23, I was like, "Yeah, sure. Why not?" So I just like became a journalist. I had to just like learn how to do it.

    19. JRJoe Rogan36:49

        Wow.

    20. FFFortune Feimster36:49

        So I was going to like, um, like movie premiers, or like the Grammys, Oscars, Emmys. I talked to celebrities on the phone and would write stories. It wasn't like gossip, it was more like-... "What are you working on? Tell me about, you know, the project and what are you doing next? And what was it like working with so and so?" And so I was, like, getting to learn all this stuff about the business.

    21. JRJoe Rogan37:10

        And were you trying to make them funny or were you just, like, just laying it out?

    22. FFFortune Feimster37:13

        Just s- just laying it out. Laying out the, you know, the interview and what they said. And, and then that job led to a syndicated column. So I was writing ... So it, uh, it became full-time for the next six years.

    23. JRJoe Rogan37:23

        Really?

    24. FFFortune Feimster37:24

        Yeah. So I wrote, uh, all day from, like, 9:00 to s- well, like, 9:00 to 6:00.

    25. JRJoe Rogan37:29

        No shit.

    26. FFFortune Feimster37:29

        And then I would do events at night. And then I started, like, uh, doing comedy, um, like two years into that.

    27. JRJoe Rogan37:38

        Wow, so you would write all day and then do comedy at night?

    28. FFFortune Feimster37:41

        Mm-hmm.

    29. JRJoe Rogan37:41

        So while you were writing, would you say, "Ooh, this could be funny," and then, like, set it aside?

    30. FFFortune Feimster37:45

        Yeah. Well, I always was, like, requesting to, like, go to, (laughs) like, funny movies. Like, I knew I could interview comedians or, uh, like, or go to, like, Sarah, Sarah ... Uh, Sarah Silverman had a show on Comedy Central. I was like, "Oh, can I go to set and interview all the comics?" (laughs) So I was, I was, like, gathering knowledge that way, knowing that I loved comedy. But I didn't ... I was never that person who were like, "I wanna do comedy," 'cause you know, like, brand new into standup. Um, but it was more of just, like, it taught me the skill of just getting to the story faster.
12. 45:32 – 53:40

    Relationships, language, and labels: ‘partner,’ ‘fiancé,’ and social signaling

    1. JRJoe Rogan45:32

       Lesbians are so funny with "partner". Why don't you just say, "My girl"?

    2. FFFortune Feimster45:35

       "My girl."

    3. JRJoe Rogan45:36

       "My woman."

    4. FFFortune Feimster45:36

       I don't know.

    5. JRJoe Rogan45:37

       Why, why is it part- partner's always just like-

    6. FFFortune Feimster45:38

       Partner seems-

    7. JRJoe Rogan45:39

       ... "Are you guys in business? Like, what are you doing?"

    8. FFFortune Feimster45:40

       ... it seems respectful.

    9. JRJoe Rogan45:41

       Is that what it is?

    10. FFFortune Feimster45:42

        I don't know. W- I think because we, uh, couldn't get married. I mean, we're not married, we're engaged. But I think because people couldn't get married for so long, it was like they couldn't say "wife" or "husband".

    11. JRJoe Rogan45:52

        Right.

    12. FFFortune Feimster45:53

        So the word-

    13. JRJoe Rogan45:54

        Right.

    14. FFFortune Feimster45:54

        ... became "partner".

    15. JRJoe Rogan45:56

        It is weird, right? Like, "wife" and "husband" and all these words-

    16. FFFortune Feimster46:00

        Yeah.

    17. JRJoe Rogan46:00

        ... that, just standard words that we just use over and over again.

    18. FFFortune Feimster46:03

        "My wife".

    19. JRJoe Rogan46:04

        "My girl", "My girlfriend."

    20. FFFortune Feimster46:05

        It's like they're, it's like your girlfriend for a long time, then it's your fiance for a long time, then it's wife.

    21. JRJoe Rogan46:10

        When did bae come along?

    22. FFFortune Feimster46:11

        (laughs)

    23. JRJoe Rogan46:12

        When did B-A-E...

    24. FFFortune Feimster46:13

        When did bae come along?

    25. JRJoe Rogan46:15

        Seems like it's real recent, within like three or four years.

    26. FFFortune Feimster46:17

        Couple of years ago?

    27. JRJoe Rogan46:18

        Yeah. These fucking kids on Instagram, they- they probably came up with it.

    28. FFFortune Feimster46:22

        My bae.

    29. JRJoe Rogan46:22

        Twitter kids.

    30. FFFortune Feimster46:24

        (laughs)
13. 53:40 – 1:08:11

    Health, food texture, Whole30 weight loss, and why ‘being poor makes you fat’

    1. JRJoe Rogan53:40

       They don't wanna get eaten, 'cause they're delicious. Have you ever had sea urchin sushi?

    2. FFFortune Feimster53:43

       I've ... Never, mm-mm.

    3. JRJoe Rogan53:44

       Oh, it's so good. It looks like a orange tongue.

    4. FFFortune Feimster53:45

       Oh, that's that orange ... Yeah.

    5. JRJoe Rogan53:47

       Yeah.

    6. FFFortune Feimster53:47

       I- I've never had it, 'cause it looks weird.

    7. JRJoe Rogan53:49

       It does look weird, but it's quite delicious.

    8. FFFortune Feimster53:51

       And the texture's not ...

    9. JRJoe Rogan53:52

       It's a little mushy.

    10. FFFortune Feimster53:52

        Okay.

    11. JRJoe Rogan53:53

        But I d- ... Texture doesn't bother me.

    12. FFFortune Feimster53:55

        Texture bothers me. I can't eat certain foods.

    13. JRJoe Rogan53:58

        Really?

    14. FFFortune Feimster53:58

        'Cause it-

    15. JRJoe Rogan53:58

        Like what?

    16. FFFortune Feimster53:58

        Like strawberries. They're still-

    17. JRJoe Rogan54:00

        (laughs)

    18. FFFortune Feimster54:00

        I know, it's so (laughs) -

    19. JRJoe Rogan54:01

        (laughs)

    20. FFFortune Feimster54:02

        It's so weird.

    21. JRJoe Rogan54:03

        That's a crazy one.

    22. FFFortune Feimster54:04

        The- the little straw- the little seeds.

    23. JRJoe Rogan54:06

        Oh, really?

    24. FFFortune Feimster54:06

        Yeah.

    25. JRJoe Rogan54:06

        The pokey-outy seeds on the outside?

    26. FFFortune Feimster54:08

        I hate 'em.

    27. JRJoe Rogan54:08

        Really?

    28. FFFortune Feimster54:08

        Like, the- the- the feeling of, like, uh, like, biting-

    29. JRJoe Rogan54:11

        Hmm. What about kiwis? You okay with that?

    30. FFFortune Feimster54:13

        Uh, it'd be the same.

Episode duration: 2:50:25