Joe Rogan Experience #1463 - Tom Green

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   ... one. The OG,…

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:00

      ... one. The OG, ladies and gentlemen.

   2. TGTom Green0:02

      Oh, Joe.

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:03

      Y- you're the OG.

   4. TGTom Green0:04

      Virtual, virtual-

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:05

      Dude, knuckle... We can give each other real knuckles.

   6. TGTom Green0:06

      Come on, don't be scared. (laughs)

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:07

      Here we go.

   8. TGTom Green0:08

      I'm not, I'm not, like, I'm not crazy s-... I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, like, a paranoid person, but I'll tell you, Joe, you got me to leave my house for the first time in five weeks, okay?

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:16

      I'm so happy you left and I'm so happy you got tested.

   10. TGTom Green0:19

       Yeah. The first time in five weeks that I've left the house and, yeah, I got tested and I'm... And everything's great, so... But I'm not, like, you know, paranoid or anything like that. It's just-

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:26

       Spray it down, baby.

   12. TGTom Green0:28

       Yeah, yeah, just, you know...

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:29

       How, how bad is all this Lysol for us?

   14. TGTom Green0:30

       This stuff is pretty good, by the way.

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:31

       This is a real question, right? How bad is all this Lysol?

   16. TGTom Green0:34

       Yeah, yeah, it'll be fine.

   17. JVJamie Vernon0:35

       The aerosol's probably not bad.

   18. TGTom Green0:36

       Um, but no, great to be here. Thank you for having me.

   19. JRJoe Rogan0:38

       My pleasure.

   20. TGTom Green0:39

       And, uh... Man, what... I haven't, I haven't left my house in five weeks. Uh, I've been isolating as a responsible citizen, right?

   21. JRJoe Rogan0:49

       Yes.

   22. TGTom Green0:49

       Yeah. And, uh, I, I feel good. I feel... First of all, I'm s- excited to be here. I, uh-

   23. JRJoe Rogan0:55

       I'm excited to have you here.

   24. TGTom Green0:55

       I posted that... I was... I've been going through my computers. I'm at home, I'm going through my computers and just killing time. I live alone, okay? I happen to be single at this point in my life.

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:06

       Ladies.

   26. TGTom Green1:07

       There you go, huh? Right, right (laughs) .

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:10

       (laughs)

   28. TGTom Green1:10

       Right before this happened, uh... And I kind of think to myself sometimes, I think, "Okay, imagine if I had been in a relationship that hadn't been going well and this happened."

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:19

       Mm-hmm.

   30. TGTom Green1:19

       And then you have to make the decision to isolate with somebody. I'm not in that situation, I'm home alone and I've been talking a lot to my friends on FaceTime, and I've been socializing, and I've been, you know, living life in this world, but alone in my house. I'm going through my computers, started going through old footage. I found that clip from when you came up to my house back in the day and, uh... Yeah, I just... I, I, I saw this moment where I just... I'll jump right into this, if that's cool.
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   So I've, I've, like…

   1. JRJoe Rogan15:00

      if you live in a neighborhood that has a grocery store that delivers, you can just order online. They'll send it to your house.

   2. TGTom Green15:04

      So I've, I've, like I said, I haven't left my house in five weeks. It's the first time I left.

   3. JRJoe Rogan15:09

      It's like a Castaway type deal.

   4. TGTom Green15:10

      Mm-hmm.

   5. JRJoe Rogan15:11

      Or like a prisoner with an ankle bracelet.

   6. TGTom Green15:12

      "Joe, when Joe Rogan calls, you come." "Okay." But, uh, no one else would've gotten me out of my house.

   7. JRJoe Rogan15:17

      Really?

   8. TGTom Green15:17

      Yeah, absolutely.

   9. JRJoe Rogan15:18

      Oh, thank you.

   10. TGTom Green15:18

       Nobody else. Uh, but I was, I was very, uh, you know, I'm honored to be here. I love the show.

   11. JRJoe Rogan15:23

       I'm honored to have you.

   12. TGTom Green15:24

       But, uh, no listen, I, uh, I have gotten good at living, uh, in my house without leaving. Um, I, uh, first of all, one thing that was weird, and I actually find it strange actually, I find this strange. About four weeks before shit went down, right? For whatever reason, it was happening, it was, it was in, like it was in Italy, I think. It was bad over there. I am not by any means a doomsday prepper or anything like that. You know, in fact, I'm the opposite. I, I've always said to myself, "If something went wrong, you know, I'd have like, I don't, I'd have like one day's supply of food or something (laughs) like that in my house." And I went before the rush on the toilet paper, all that stuff, I went and I got nonperishable food. I got sardines. I read articles about what's good protein. I got, you know, beans. I got rice. I got, I stocked up my pantry with stuff. I got about a month's supply of food not thinking that I was actually going to, actually. I mean, I knew it was possible. There was glimmers of it. They were starting to talk about it, but not thinking I was actually going to be locked in my house. And then all of a sudden it happened and-

   13. JRJoe Rogan16:37

       So you just were being smart. You're like, "Wouldn't it be nice if I did have a month's supply of food?"

   14. TGTom Green16:42

       Yeah. I talk about this stuff a lot with my friends, and we're always sort of talking about the possibilities of things. But, you know, you didn't think it was actually gonna happen. So then it happened, so, uh, then I've, I discovered some delivery services that deliver groceries.

   15. JRJoe Rogan16:53

       Right. But who are the people delivering it and are they healthy?

   16. TGTom Green16:56

       So, so here's the thing.

   17. JRJoe Rogan16:58

       You think about that.

   18. TGTom Green16:59

       So yeah, I, I do not interact with them.

   19. JRJoe Rogan17:01

       Oh, Jesus.

   20. TGTom Green17:02

       (laughs)

   21. JRJoe Rogan17:02

       But you touch the stuff that they touched, right?

   22. TGTom Green17:04

       Um, well-

   23. JRJoe Rogan17:04

       What have they been hot chewing all over your bag?

   24. TGTom Green17:06

       You know, I mean, again, I, again, again, just, just to be safe I, I did disinfect them and then I take them and put them in, with gloves, with rubber gloves, and put them into a, uh, a, another room. And, uh, I let it sit for three days for the virus to die, and then, uh, then I start eating. Then I start eating.

   25. JRJoe Rogan17:23

       I wish there was a clear answer to all this.

   26. TGTom Green17:26

       Mm-hmm.

   27. JRJoe Rogan17:27

       Or I wish there was a clear solution to all this.

   28. TGTom Green17:30

       I tell you, talking to you is making me feel better.

   29. JRJoe Rogan17:35

       Well, I feel better reading the latest statistics, um, about the mortality rate. I wonder what the actual, there's an infection rate, hospitalization rate, and mortality rate. And what was it, what was the study that was, was it UCLA? Is that what it was? For sure?... and it, it showed a v- a very low fatality rate in comparison to infection. So, that's good news. But the, the bad news is, this, you know, it could still kill a lot of fucking people, and, uh, people that are immune-compromised, people with diabetes, people that are overweight, people with lung problems, people with, uh, cigarette habits, all those. And p- and particularly, one of the nurses was saying, uh, people who were into the Juul, people who smoke, uh, with Juul-

   30. TGTom Green18:15

       Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   Mm-hmm. …

   1. JRJoe Rogan30:00

      eating clean-

   2. TGTom Green30:00

      Mm-hmm.

   3. JRJoe Rogan30:01

      ... and don't drink alcohol and don't smoke cigarettes. If you just do those things, like, this is real, like, this has actually been proven.

   4. TGTom Green30:07

      Mm-hmm.

   5. JRJoe Rogan30:08

      So, I don't know what you can get away with saying and what you can't get away with saying, but you- you can't always just hope that doctors come up with a cure. Because yes, the doctors are gonna come up with a cure, and yes, we need them to do that. But you can't always think that medicine is gonna fix you and you could just keep doing what you've always been doing that got you sick in the first place. Because a lot of times when you get sick, it has to do with how you've been living.

   6. TGTom Green30:32

      Mm-hmm.

   7. JRJoe Rogan30:32

      Not always, but a lot of times. Like, is your immune system already compromised or are you already weak? Are you beating up your body and abusing it and then boom, then you catch a cold.

   8. TGTom Green30:41

      Mm-hmm.

   9. JRJoe Rogan30:41

      We all know that's true. So, advice on how to strengthen your immune systems is it's important for everybody. Now, if you want people to say, "Don't say that this is a cure for COVID-19, it's gonna keep you from getting COVID-19." Fine, great. But-

   10. TGTom Green30:56

       So what, like YouTube is gonna take a video down that says, uh-

   11. JRJoe Rogan30:58

       I want... This is what I'm saying, like if you say-

   12. TGTom Green31:00

       ... "If you take a lot of vitamins, don't, uh, don't, don't drink alcohol." Or, or-

   13. JRJoe Rogan31:03

       During the time, if- if it has to do with coronavirus and it's contrary or not in what the World Health Organization has recommended-

   14. TGTom Green31:10

       Yeah, which changes every two weeks.

   15. JRJoe Rogan31:12

       Well, they fucked up.

   16. TGTom Green31:13

       (laughs)

   17. JRJoe Rogan31:13

       I mean, there's... There- there was a-

   18. TGTom Green31:14

       Wear masks, don't wear masks, wear masks, don't wear masks, good to wear a mask, bad to wear a mask. What? What the fuck?

   19. JRJoe Rogan31:18

       Somebody posted it on their Twitter the other day-

   20. TGTom Green31:21

       Hmm.

   21. JRJoe Rogan31:21

       ... um, from... It might have been Donald Trump Jr., but it showed World Health Or... No, it was on Instagram. World Health Organization, a tweet from them from, it was, I guess it was... What time it was last year? I think it was last y- I think it was either December or maybe the beginning of this year, but they were saying that the World Health Organization says that it cannot be contracted from person to person.

   22. TGTom Green31:44

       Hmm.

   23. JRJoe Rogan31:44

       This is a tweet that they put out.

   24. TGTom Green31:46

       Mm-hmm.

   25. JRJoe Rogan31:46

       So you can't say-

   26. TGTom Green31:48

       How the hell do you get it then?

   27. JRJoe Rogan31:49

       Well, they didn't know then. They-

   28. TGTom Green31:50

       Directly from a pangolin. Yeah. (laughs)

   29. JRJoe Rogan31:52

       Yeah. You have to be there. So don't worry about it.

   30. TGTom Green31:54

       Yeah.
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   I think he did…

   1. JRJoe Rogan45:00

   2. TGTom Green45:00

      I think he did like four times or something.

   3. JRJoe Rogan45:02

      Wow.

   4. TGTom Green45:02

      'Cause he... I think he just... You know, I had a curtain (laughs) . He might... I had a cur-... I had a shiny curtain.

   5. JRJoe Rogan45:08

      Yeah.

   6. TGTom Green45:08

      I had a desk. I had the, the desk that you... And I just think he felt like it was fun for him. No pressure. We're doing a little kind of make-believe tonight show or whatever.

   7. JRJoe Rogan45:18

      That's awesome, man.

   8. TGTom Green45:18

      And he'd come up, and I was just so overjoyed that he was there. And we'd stand in the hallway, and I'd start talking to him. And he'd say... I could tell he'd get quiet. He was never quiet on the show, but he'd get quiet before the show. And I was like, "Is he, is he not in a good mood?" The first couple times. And he said, "Don't leave it in the hallway, Tom."

   9. JRJoe Rogan45:37

      (laughs)

   10. TGTom Green45:37

       "Don't leave it in the hallway." And I realized, oh, he doesn't wanna have the same conversation again. And it made it a lot easier for me, as the host of the show in my living room, because then I didn't feel obligated to talk to him either. And we just sat there in silence for half an hour until the show started.

   11. JRJoe Rogan45:54

       We fucked that up a bunch of times-

   12. TGTom Green45:56

       (laughs)

   13. JRJoe Rogan45:56

       ... on this podcast.

   14. TGTom Green45:57

       Yeah. Yeah.

   15. JRJoe Rogan45:57

       Not, not just you and I. I mean-

   16. TGTom Green45:59

       Oh, yeah. I was trying to kinda talk about things that weren't gonna come up, like this.

   17. JRJoe Rogan46:02

       I mean, like the early days of the podcast-

   18. TGTom Green46:04

       (laughs)

   19. JRJoe Rogan46:04

       ... sometimes before we ever got-

   20. TGTom Green46:05

       Oh.

   21. JRJoe Rogan46:05

       ... the show started-

   22. TGTom Green46:06

       Yeah.

   23. JRJoe Rogan46:06

       ... we had talked about all the coolest shit.

   24. TGTom Green46:07

       Yeah. N-

   25. JRJoe Rogan46:08

       And then like, "Fuck, what were we just talking about?"

   26. TGTom Green46:10

       N-

   27. JRJoe Rogan46:10

       "Oh, I forgot, man." Because you were stumped.

   28. TGTom Green46:12

       And then you're talking about it again, and you-

   29. JRJoe Rogan46:14

       (laughs)

   30. TGTom Green46:14

       And you know you're talking about it again, and they know. And you're sort of then you're trying to pretend-
5. 1:00:00 – 1:05:58

   I've done thousands of…

   1. JVJamie Vernon1:00:00

      Yeah, me too.

   2. TGTom Green1:00:00

      I've done thousands of shows, but then... How could I have... How can I walk off stage and feel like-... that was the best show. Li- that's what I said the last time, that's what I said the time before, that's what I said the time before. But I love that feeling of like, oh, there's somewhere... We're moving somewhere with this. We're moving in a dir- we're, we're, we're figuring something out. It's very fulfilling, so...

   3. JRJoe Rogan1:00:18

      Well, it's clearly something that the more you do it, the better you get at it. If you're enthusiastic and you're concentrating on it, the more you do it, the better you get at it.

   4. TGTom Green1:00:25

      Mm-hmm.

   5. JRJoe Rogan1:00:25

      And the, the more years you have in, it's like the more data you've processed on how to do it right and how to do it wrong and how to, what to avoid and what to emphasize and-

   6. TGTom Green1:00:36

      Mm-hmm.

   7. JRJoe Rogan1:00:36

      ... all these different things. They, they just get to a greater and greater understanding in this thing. So really there is a difference between like 10 years and 20 years, 20 years and 30 years.

   8. TGTom Green1:00:46

      Mm-hmm.

   9. JRJoe Rogan1:00:46

      It really, you really do keep... As long as you really are still passionate about it-

   10. TGTom Green1:00:50

       Yeah.

   11. JRJoe Rogan1:00:50

       ... you will still get it, get better at it. Dom Irrera said this to me. He was like... And Dom's been doing it longer than me. I remember watching Dom on TV when I was thinking about doing comedy, he was already on TV, right? And when I became friends with him. He was like one of the first guys that I was friends with. It's like, "I can't believe I'm friends with Dom Irrera." And, uh, to this day, Dom's been doing comedy probably 40 fucking years.

   12. TGTom Green1:01:10

       Mm-hmm.

   13. JRJoe Rogan1:01:10

       To this day he still says, "You know, you just keep concentrating on it, you still get better."

   14. TGTom Green1:01:16

       Mm-hmm.

   15. JRJoe Rogan1:01:16

       I'm like, that is the craziest thing, isn't it? It's like you just... If you're... As long as you're still locked in, and some guys like Dom are still locked in, like he still crushes.

   16. TGTom Green1:01:25

       Yeah.

   17. JRJoe Rogan1:01:25

       I've seen Dom at The Comedy Store crush.

   18. TGTom Green1:01:26

       I know, which is so inspiring, right?

   19. JRJoe Rogan1:01:28

       Oh, yeah, with new shit.

   20. TGTom Green1:01:29

       Yeah.

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:01:29

       Yeah. Just-

   22. TGTom Green1:01:30

       Walking.

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:01:30

       ... walking around, light, light with the audience, having a good time.

   24. TGTom Green1:01:34

       Uh-huh.

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:01:35

       Been doing it forever, still loves it, still loves doing standup. And I think that's what's up. It's like whatever you're doing, whether it was your public access show or whether it's you doing standup or maybe you become an author, whatever the fuck it is, that thing, you just have to really be all in on that thing and-

   26. TGTom Green1:01:50

       Mm-hmm.

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:01:50

       ... really be interested in tha- that thing. And if you are, you're gonna get better at it.

   28. TGTom Green1:01:54

       Mm-hmm.

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:01:55

       You're gonna get better at it.

   30. TGTom Green1:01:56

       Mm-hmm.

Episode duration: 3:24:45