Joe Rogan Experience #1468 - Alonzo Bodden

1. 0:00 – 3:18

   Negative tests, positive vibes — and why superhero diseases never help

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:00

      ... one. Hello, Alonzo Bodden.

   2. ABAlonzo Bodden0:02

      Joe, I am negative.

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:04

      I know! But you're positive. You're a positive person.

   4. ABAlonzo Bodden0:07

      I'm positive. I'm a positive person, life is good, but the test is negative. Which, that's always what you wanna hear after a medical test.

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:15

      Yeah, basically.

   6. ABAlonzo Bodden0:16

      The test is n- I can't... I'm trying to think, is there any one where you wanna hear, "The results were positive"? I think you always wanna hear, "Yeah, this one came up negative."

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:24

      Yeah. How come no diseases ever make us better?

   8. ABAlonzo Bodden0:26

      (laughs)

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:26

      There's not like a disease that's like a Marvel comic book-

   10. ABAlonzo Bodden0:30

       Yeah.

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:31

       ...where you catch it.

   12. ABAlonzo Bodden0:31

       Yeah. How come I can't get hit with gamma radiation-

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:34

       Right! Like, look what happened to The Hulk and Spider-Man.

   14. ABAlonzo Bodden0:36

       ...and just... Just, every time I get mad at somebody, just Hulk out. But, you, you know, they never show, like, everyday things with The Hulk. Like, suppose he's in a car, right? Now your car, The Hulk just grew, tore up your car. "Hello-"

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:48

       Yeah.

   16. ABAlonzo Bodden0:48

       "...State Farm. Yeah. You're not gonna believe what just happened to my car." (laughs)

   17. JRJoe Rogan0:51

       Yeah. The, the, the concept of The Hulk that's on all the time annoys the shit out of me. You know that he's The Hulk now constantly, 24 hours a day?

   18. ABAlonzo Bodden0:58

       Yeah, yeah.

   19. JRJoe Rogan0:59

       And then he's smart, and he's, he's just like-

   20. ABAlonzo Bodden1:00

       Right, The Intelligent Hulk.

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:01

       Come on. He's... So, he's Bruce Banner all the time. He's Bruce Banner, but he's also The Hulk.

   22. ABAlonzo Bodden1:07

       I, um, I'm-

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:08

       Fuck.

   24. ABAlonzo Bodden1:09

       We were talking about reading, which is what I'm doing now, and I got this book. It's like 10 years of The Hulk. It's like 1,000 (laughs) pages of Hulk comics.

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:18

       Jesus.

   26. ABAlonzo Bodden1:18

       A 10-year run, and the story is, it's great. It's the gray Hulk, who was smart, but not like the movie one, but he was smarter than the regular one, and he would-

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:29

       Oh, really?

   28. ABAlonzo Bodden1:29

       He would only change at night, like a vampi- like a werewolf.

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:33

       Werewolf? (laughs)

   30. ABAlonzo Bodden1:33

       Yeah. So, it's... So, it's like, "Hey, this is how much free time I have, Joe." (laughs)
2. 3:18 – 5:32

   Hulk canon arguments: smart Hulk, gray Hulk, and what makes the character work

   1. ABAlonzo Bodden3:18

      How much Marvel were you into growing up?

   2. JRJoe Rogan3:20

      A little bit.

   3. ABAlonzo Bodden3:20

      Were you into the... Okay, so... 'Cause-

   4. JRJoe Rogan3:21

      Yeah, I didn't like DC that much, but I was a-

   5. ABAlonzo Bodden3:23

      Yeah.

   6. JRJoe Rogan3:23

      ...giant Marvel guy.

   7. ABAlonzo Bodden3:24

      'Cause I was a big Marvel guy, and I tell people one of the big things, and they brought it up in the first Avenger movie, and this was a storyline, I remember this. The Hulk could never fight Thor because they were both so strong they would destroy the planet. 'Cause like, The Hulk's-

   8. JRJoe Rogan3:39

      (laughs)

   9. ABAlonzo Bodden3:39

      The Hulk's strength was unlimited 'cause the madder he got, the stronger he got.

   10. JRJoe Rogan3:44

       Right.

   11. ABAlonzo Bodden3:44

       And Thor's a god, which is something they never play in the movies, but in the comic books, every now and then, Thor would remind them like, "I'm a god."

   12. JRJoe Rogan3:52

       Yeah.

   13. ABAlonzo Bodden3:52

       "I can destroy the whole planet. Like, that's what I... My dad is the god." You know? (laughs)

   14. JRJoe Rogan3:57

       But that's the problem. If he's a god, then what the fuck is Captain Marvel? 'Cause that chick trumps everybody.

   15. ABAlonzo Bodden4:02

       Right, yeah.

   16. JRJoe Rogan4:03

       She comes down and everybody's gotta sit the fuck down.

   17. ABAlonzo Bodden4:05

       Yeah, I, I don't know.

   18. JRJoe Rogan4:05

       "Mom's here."

   19. ABAlonzo Bodden4:06

       (laughs)

   20. JRJoe Rogan4:07

       "She's, she's the superhero mom." Captain Marvel's the number one superhero.

   21. ABAlonzo Bodden4:11

       Yeah, she's the most powerful, although in the-

   22. JRJoe Rogan4:13

       Yeah. If you wanna save the world, you call her.

   23. ABAlonzo Bodden4:15

       In that last one, like when The Hulk... When, I mean, when Thor went to where he got the new ax made.

   24. JRJoe Rogan4:20

       Yes, oh, yeah.

   25. ABAlonzo Bodden4:21

       That was like...

   26. JRJoe Rogan4:22

       Yeah.

   27. ABAlonzo Bodden4:22

       He was, like, controlling a sun, right? Wasn't there, like, the power of a sun was going...

   28. JRJoe Rogan4:26

       (laughs)

   29. ABAlonzo Bodden4:26

       You know, it, it's really... And, and this is what I love and this is what, what, why women laugh at us. 'Cause we're having this discussion right now.

   30. JRJoe Rogan4:35

       Oh, yeah, for sure.
3. 5:32 – 11:48

   Power scaling nerd-out: Thor vs Hulk, Captain Marvel imbalance, and ‘regular humans’ in Avengers

   1. JRJoe Rogan5:32

      Yeah, but there's... Like, the balance, the imbalance in super power is so crazy. You can have a guy with a bow and arrow or the fucking Hulk.

   2. ABAlonzo Bodden5:39

      Right, or-

   3. JRJoe Rogan5:39

      "Hawkeye has no superhuman powers with the exception of the period when using Pym particles to become Goliath."

   4. NANarrator5:47

      I don't know about that.

   5. JRJoe Rogan5:47

      Okay, whatever, dorks. (laughs)

   6. ABAlonzo Bodden5:49

      Okay.

   7. JRJoe Rogan5:49

      "He's at the very peak of human conditioning." Sure he is. "He's an exceptional fencer, acrobat, and a grandmaster marksman, having been trained from childhood in the circus by the criminal's trick shot and..." Oh, boy. Well-I'm a big Jeremy Renner fan. I like that guy a lot.

   8. ABAlonzo Bodden6:05

      Yeah.

   9. JRJoe Rogan6:05

      However, we have to be realistic about superpowers. You got the Hulk on one hand, you got Captain Marvel on the other hand, and a dude who's, like, uh, uh, an acrobat-

   10. ABAlonzo Bodden6:14

       Yeah, Hawkeye-

   11. JRJoe Rogan6:15

       ... who's good at shooting shit.

   12. ABAlonzo Bodden6:16

       ... I think Hawkeye's limit is fighting crime.

   13. JRJoe Rogan6:19

       Mm-hmm.

   14. ABAlonzo Bodden6:19

       Right? Like, criminals, Hawkeye could take down, but when super powers and-

   15. JRJoe Rogan6:24

       Yeah.

   16. ABAlonzo Bodden6:24

       ... aliens and stuff come in, that's when you gotta-

   17. JRJoe Rogan6:27

       Yeah.

   18. ABAlonzo Bodden6:27

       ... you gotta make some phone calls.

   19. JRJoe Rogan6:28

       But I just can't buy aliens coming at you and you're shooting them with a bow and arrow. I just-

   20. ABAlonzo Bodden6:33

       No.

   21. JRJoe Rogan6:34

       ... they came here from another planet.

   22. ABAlonzo Bodden6:35

       (laughs)

   23. JRJoe Rogan6:35

       You shot 'em with a bow and arrow? Come on. Come on. (laughs) You know?

   24. ABAlonzo Bodden6:39

       Yeah.

   25. JRJoe Rogan6:39

       That's-

   26. ABAlonzo Bodden6:39

       Well, who else? Well, well, Captain America, like, his... He's just really strong, right?

   27. JRJoe Rogan6:44

       Yeah, but c... Superhuman.

   28. ABAlonzo Bodden6:46

       But... Yeah, superhuman strength.

   29. JRJoe Rogan6:47

       But he's super... Part of a experiment.

   30. ABAlonzo Bodden6:48

       Right.
4. 11:48 – 15:04

   Godzilla, Gamera, and why old special effects still charm (and sometimes beat CGI)

   1. ABAlonzo Bodden11:48

      Oh, anything with special effects from back in the day. Except, you know... You know what still holds up though? Godzilla.

   2. JRJoe Rogan11:55

      It does. It's kinda fun, right?

   3. ABAlonzo Bodden11:56

      Like, the, the old Godzilla movies, like, Godzilla was... Like, he's still badass, you know? (laughs) There was just something about Godzilla that it was... That... Yeah, he holds up. His old movies are good.... and the new Godzilla's good.

   4. JRJoe Rogan12:10

      Well, they figured out how to make those Godzilla movies, like, w- when we were doing stop-motion animation, they were like, "Hmm, why don't you just have a dude in a Godzilla suit?" A- and then they just-

   5. ABAlonzo Bodden12:21

      And then make everything else smaller.

   6. JRJoe Rogan12:22

      Yeah. They just had, like, a little New York-

   7. ABAlonzo Bodden12:24

      Yeah.

   8. JRJoe Rogan12:24

      ... or a little Tokyo and this dude in a Godzilla suit running around. It's actually, for the time, like, really good special effects.

   9. ABAlonzo Bodden12:31

      Oh, yeah. Yeah, th- yeah. Godzilla movies were great. Like, the... And he fought l- and they, they would just come up with all these different monsters-

   10. JRJoe Rogan12:38

       Yes.

   11. ABAlonzo Bodden12:38

       ... for him to fight. (laughs)

   12. JRJoe Rogan12:40

       Yes, Mothra.

   13. ABAlonzo Bodden12:42

       (laughs)

   14. JRJoe Rogan12:42

       And fl- giant moths and shit.

   15. ABAlonzo Bodden12:44

       Yeah.

   16. JRJoe Rogan12:44

       Gamera. Remember Gamera?

   17. ABAlonzo Bodden12:45

       Gamera.

   18. JRJoe Rogan12:46

       Ugh.

   19. ABAlonzo Bodden12:46

       That was the one that spun around. That was like-

   20. JRJoe Rogan12:47

       Yeah, like a turtle. (laughs)

   21. ABAlonzo Bodden12:48

       ... the turtle that spun around. Yeah, a spinning turtle that shot rays out of his legs.

   22. JRJoe Rogan12:53

       Oh, yeah. Those were so weird.

   23. ABAlonzo Bodden12:54

       Man, you know what those were? Those were good drugs, Joe.

   24. JRJoe Rogan12:56

       Mm-hmm.

   25. ABAlonzo Bodden12:56

       You can't get those drugs now where you just sit around and say, "Man, what if we had a spinning turtle?" (laughs)

   26. JRJoe Rogan13:02

       D- when... Those things would be on, like, Saturday afternoon, right?

   27. ABAlonzo Bodden13:05

       Yeah.

   28. JRJoe Rogan13:05

       You'd have to get up-

   29. ABAlonzo Bodden13:05

       Every week.

   30. JRJoe Rogan13:06

       ... and watch 'em on Saturday.
5. 15:04 – 20:42

   Jurassic Park logic holes and the art of suspense: Werewolf transformations, Alien, and what you don’t see

   1. ABAlonzo Bodden15:04

      Although... And, you know, I hate to be this guy, but, but we do it at, like... You ever watch movies and just, like, you, you pull out the holes in the logic?

   2. JRJoe Rogan15:12

      Yeah.

   3. ABAlonzo Bodden15:13

      This.

   4. JRJoe Rogan15:13

      What's the holes in the logic?

   5. ABAlonzo Bodden15:14

      The two kids would not be with the lawyer.

   6. JRJoe Rogan15:18

      Yeah. True.

   7. ABAlonzo Bodden15:18

      One... The, the, the little boy loved dinosaurs, and he knew who, uh, the dinosaur scientist was. He'd have been in that van.

   8. JRJoe Rogan15:27

      True.

   9. ABAlonzo Bodden15:28

      He would... No way the two kids would've been with the lawyer. At least one of 'em would've been with a scientist.

   10. JRJoe Rogan15:33

       Yeah, for sure. Were there parents in that movie?

   11. ABAlonzo Bodden15:36

       No, they were with their grandfather.

   12. JRJoe Rogan15:38

       And was their grandfather the main scientist dude?

   13. ABAlonzo Bodden15:40

       Yeah. No, the grandfather was the old guy who owned-

   14. JRJoe Rogan15:43

       The park.

   15. ABAlonzo Bodden15:43

       ... Jurassic Park, right?

   16. JRJoe Rogan15:44

       Right, the old guy that looked like Colonel Sanders.

   17. ABAlonzo Bodden15:46

       Right, right.

   18. JRJoe Rogan15:46

       Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

   19. ABAlonzo Bodden15:48

       So, it's like, if your grandfather created this park and he hired this scientist, you're like, "I'm hanging out with the scientist," even though he didn't-

   20. JRJoe Rogan15:55

       Yeah.

   21. ABAlonzo Bodden15:55

       ... like kids. It'd be like, "My grandfather said that I can ride with you." (laughs)

   22. JRJoe Rogan16:00

       (laughs) And Jeff Goldblum was the sexy scientist.

   23. ABAlonzo Bodden16:02

       Yeah. Goldblum was great in all of 'em, though.

   24. JRJoe Rogan16:05

       He was amazing.

   25. ABAlonzo Bodden16:05

       He, he was just that great character that, you know...

   26. JRJoe Rogan16:08

       Yeah, you bought it.

   27. ABAlonzo Bodden16:09

       Yeah.

   28. JRJoe Rogan16:09

       Especially the first one.

   29. ABAlonzo Bodden16:10

       Yeah. I l- I love that, "Drive faster."

   30. JRJoe Rogan16:13

       Yeah.
6. 20:42 – 26:00

   Tiger King as quarantine lightning-in-a-bottle (and why it burned out fast)

   1. JRJoe Rogan20:42

      It's a kinda... It's a transitionary point for us. And it's kinda interesting that the thing that caught on the quickest when it all went down was Tiger King.

   2. ABAlonzo Bodden20:51

      Oh, yeah.

   3. JRJoe Rogan20:52

      The, that everybody was like... (laughs)

   4. ABAlonzo Bodden20:54

      (laughs)

   5. JRJoe Rogan20:54

      "This is, this is the perfect show for a fucked up quarantined world."

   6. ABAlonzo Bodden20:58

      So I have two, I have two theories about Tiger King. It's like, either you watch Tiger King and you feel better about yourself, you're just like, "Man, this guy is fucked up. I'm not..." You know, "Thank God."

   7. JRJoe Rogan21:09

      (laughs)

   8. ABAlonzo Bodden21:09

      Or you're watching Tiger King and you're like, "Yeah, that's about where we at." (laughs) "That's, that's a... Well, you- "That's about where we are." (laughs)

   9. JRJoe Rogan21:16

      You kind of don't totally hate him. Like, you don't totally hate Joe Exotic, even-

   10. ABAlonzo Bodden21:21

       You get it. I get it.

   11. JRJoe Rogan21:22

       Yeah.

   12. ABAlonzo Bodden21:22

       You know, you, you... I mean, what he did, like, he was, he was P.T. Barnum.

   13. JRJoe Rogan21:28

       Yes.

   14. ABAlonzo Bodden21:29

       He was P.T. Bar- Like, he could've been P.T. Barnum if he, if he could've grown his idea. But, but that, that idea of just, "I'm just gonna keep bullshitting people and just reinventing myself and showing them this and sh-..." And, and people went for it.

   15. JRJoe Rogan21:45

       Yeah.

   16. ABAlonzo Bodden21:46

       You know?

   17. JRJoe Rogan21:47

       He just wants attention so bad.

   18. ABAlonzo Bodden21:48

       Yeah. That... But that whole thing, yeah, definitely a phenomenon. I would, I would love to see, like, what people... 'Cause it was worldwide. What people in other countries, I would like to get their opinion-

   19. JRJoe Rogan22:01

       Of us.

   20. ABAlonzo Bodden22:02

       ... of Tiger K- 'Cause they've never seen... You know, a lot of countries, they've never seen anything like that. You know what I mean? Like, in the United States, like especially if you've traveled the Midwest or, or if you've been to one of those... You ever go to, like, the low-budget circuses? You know, the... Not the, not the big ones, but the ones that, like, set up in a-

   21. JRJoe Rogan22:18

       As, as in carnivals.

   22. ABAlonzo Bodden22:19

       ... carnival lot?

   23. JRJoe Rogan22:19

       Yeah.

   24. ABAlonzo Bodden22:20

       Yeah.

   25. JRJoe Rogan22:20

       Yeah.

   26. ABAlonzo Bodden22:20

       Like, we've seen that. But people who have no idea of that-

   27. JRJoe Rogan22:25

       Yeah.

   28. ABAlonzo Bodden22:25

       (laughs) Be... I w- I wonder what their opinion would be.

   29. JRJoe Rogan22:28

       There was one that was near my house, and I, I took a picture of one of the, uh, one of the roller coaster rides they had set up-

   30. ABAlonzo Bodden22:34

       Yeah.
7. 26:00 – 31:25

   Lockdown behavior, beach bans, and the ‘we can’t have nice things’ problem

   1. JRJoe Rogan26:00

      I think we're supposed to be May 15th, right? May 15th's gonna end...

   2. ABAlonzo Bodden26:03

      That's the l- yeah, I think that's the latest projected date.

   3. JRJoe Rogan26:06

      But the governor just stopped people from going to parks and beaches.

   4. ABAlonzo Bodden26:11

      Well...

   5. JRJoe Rogan26:11

      That was a new, uh, thing today.

   6. ABAlonzo Bodden26:13

      Yeah, I think, you know, you know what it is? This is my theory on it, like y- we can't have nice things, you know? Whenever they give us something nice, we don't not... You know, like a little kid getting something nice-

   7. JRJoe Rogan26:23

      Fuck it up.

   8. ABAlonzo Bodden26:23

      ... and they break it. So it's like, "Okay, we're gonna let you go to the beach." It's like, no, you're not supposed to be l- playing volleyball and laying... Like, like just you're supposed to keep moving, right? You're supposed to like walk or ride a bike, or-

   9. JRJoe Rogan26:34

      Right.

   10. ABAlonzo Bodden26:34

       ... go surf or this or that. But you weren't supposed to just...

   11. JRJoe Rogan26:36

       Mingle.

   12. ABAlonzo Bodden26:37

       ... gather in groups.

   13. JRJoe Rogan26:38

       Yeah.

   14. ABAlonzo Bodden26:38

       And of course we're gathered in groups, we're partying, they're like, "All right, no, you can't..." You don't know how to behave.

   15. JRJoe Rogan26:43

       Yeah, they had specific rules, like you weren't allowed to stay put. Like you couldn't lean on things, couldn't sit down.

   16. ABAlonzo Bodden26:49

       Right, 'cause, 'cause-

   17. JRJoe Rogan26:49

       But you could go walk around.

   18. ABAlonzo Bodden26:51

       I was riding...

   19. JRJoe Rogan26:52

       (laughs)

   20. ABAlonzo Bodden26:52

       I rode, I rode my motorcycle along PCH and you would see people, they'd park their car along PCH, right? And they'd sit on the car and kinda like look at the beach and stuff like that. And so I guess you, each one of them had a car's distance between them 'cause y- you're sitting on your car, the next person's sitting on their car.

   21. JRJoe Rogan27:12

       Mm-hmm.

   22. ABAlonzo Bodden27:13

       But then I passed this, um, Neptune's Net, which is like a big motorcycle hangout, and there were maybe 20 bikes in a row, parked, and the guys were all just kinda hanging out. And it was like, "No, man, like that, you can't do that." You know what I mean?

   23. JRJoe Rogan27:29

       Mm-hmm.

   24. ABAlonzo Bodden27:30

       Like, like a motorcycle's the ultimate social distancing vehicle, right? You're, you're by yourself, you're wearing a jacket, gloves, a helmet, you're not breathing on anybody.

   25. JRJoe Rogan27:38

       Yeah.

   26. ABAlonzo Bodden27:38

       But when you stop, you can't just all hang out (laughs) like normal, you know?

   27. JRJoe Rogan27:43

       Right, right.

   28. ABAlonzo Bodden27:43

       And that, that was the part that, uh, that I think that that's where they're like, "No, we're not gonna do it." 'Cause I think, you know, eh, eh, this Georgia, and Florida, whatever, it's like they're like the experiment, man. They're like, "All right, yeah, let's let them get out and then let's wait two weeks and see what happens."

   29. JRJoe Rogan28:00

       Mm-hmm. Yeah, exactly.

   30. ABAlonzo Bodden28:01

       You know?
8. 31:25 – 41:56

   Disinfectant panic, hand-sanitizer drinking, and why kids make dumb trends go viral

   1. ABAlonzo Bodden31:25

      You know, they were call- But, but this one is weird, and I was just reading about this.

   2. JRJoe Rogan31:30

      Oh.

   3. ABAlonzo Bodden31:30

      There has been an increase in kids drinking hand sanitizer.

   4. JRJoe Rogan31:34

      Oh!

   5. ABAlonzo Bodden31:35

      And they told the hand sanitizer people, "Stop making it smell good," because kids, you know, it's like this sweet-smelling-

   6. JRJoe Rogan31:44

      Oh, God.

   7. ABAlonzo Bodden31:44

      And my only question is where the hell are the kids getting it? 'Cause I can't find any. I can't (laughs) ... Where are you getting this hand sanitizer you're drinking? But they said, all kidding aside, they said because it's alcohol, it's like poisoning them.

   8. JRJoe Rogan31:58

      Someone was saying that the-

   9. ABAlonzo Bodden31:59

      But-

   10. JRJoe Rogan31:59

       ... if you get hand san- Someone was saying they went to a supermarket and they got hand sanitizer and it smelled like tequila.

   11. ABAlonzo Bodden32:04

       Yeah, it, it has a sweet smell to it, and they, they said-

   12. JRJoe Rogan32:07

       But do you have like buckets of that stuff? Like, there, it's probably mostly just alcohol, right?

   13. ABAlonzo Bodden32:12

       Yeah, it's, it's 70% alcohol.

   14. JRJoe Rogan32:14

       One of my sponsors is making hand san- uh, Buffalo Trace Whiskey.

   15. ABAlonzo Bodden32:18

       Mm-hmm.

   16. JRJoe Rogan32:18

       They're, they're, they're donating cases, cases of hand sanitizer to schools-

   17. ABAlonzo Bodden32:22

       Yeah, 'cause they, they can easily switch over-

   18. JRJoe Rogan32:26

       ... and first responders. Yeah.

   19. ABAlonzo Bodden32:26

       ... to make it, yeah.

   20. JRJoe Rogan32:27

       Yeah, yeah, real easy.

   21. ABAlonzo Bodden32:28

       Yeah.

   22. JRJoe Rogan32:28

       Real easy. Just, it's just alcohol that tastes like shit.

   23. ABAlonzo Bodden32:30

       Right, but, but kids are-

   24. JRJoe Rogan32:31

       But they know the process.

   25. ABAlonzo Bodden32:32

       But kids are drinking it, and that's just a-

   26. JRJoe Rogan32:36

       God damn it. Can't- watch your kids. Don't let them-

   27. ABAlonzo Bodden32:37

       Yeah.

   28. JRJoe Rogan32:37

       ... drink that shit. What the fuck?

   29. ABAlonzo Bodden32:39

       Yeah.

   30. JRJoe Rogan32:39

       I can't believe I'm saying this.
9. 41:56 – 46:14

   Nature is terrifying: goats, rams, hippos, ants, cats—plus the weirdness of exotic pets

   1. ABAlonzo Bodden41:56

      Yeah. I wa- I was in, uh, South Africa and, you know, we did this safari. It wasn't like the real safari 'cause we didn't have time, but they were like, "Yeah, by far the most dangerous animal is the hippo."

   2. JRJoe Rogan42:07

      Oh, yeah.

   3. ABAlonzo Bodden42:08

      That's, that, that was the one. They... 'Cause when we went by the water, you saw the backs of the hippos and they were like, "Yeah, you don't want them to come out of there."

   4. JRJoe Rogan42:16

      Yeah.

   5. ABAlonzo Bodden42:16

      Like, 'cause-

   6. JRJoe Rogan42:17

      Fuck that. Hippos are terrifying.

   7. ABAlonzo Bodden42:19

      Yeah, and they're mean.

   8. JRJoe Rogan42:20

      They're huge too.

   9. ABAlonzo Bodden42:21

      They're, they're mean. They... It's like, basically it's like a tank-

   10. JRJoe Rogan42:25

       And they're vegetarians, which is weird.

   11. ABAlonzo Bodden42:26

       They're vegetarian, but if they feel a threat-

   12. JRJoe Rogan42:29

       Yeah.

   13. ABAlonzo Bodden42:30

       ... they grab you. They drag ... They drown you. They, they pull you under water, because they can hold their breath for like five or six minutes, or something like that.

   14. JRJoe Rogan42:38

       (groans)

   15. ABAlonzo Bodden42:38

       And they just hold you till you're dead, but-

   16. JRJoe Rogan42:40

       Oh, Jesus Christ.

   17. ABAlonzo Bodden42:41

       But they say, but they're like very territorial, very mean, and they're fast. I think they, they run like 20 miles an hour or something like that. Like, yeah, it's basically an armored living vehicle.

   18. JRJoe Rogan42:53

       Oh.

   19. ABAlonzo Bodden42:53

       I mean, a living thing that you-

   20. JRJoe Rogan42:55

       There's a crazy video of a, a hippo chasing these people on a boat. Have you ever seen that one?

   21. ABAlonzo Bodden42:59

       Yeah.

   22. JRJoe Rogan43:00

       (laughs)

   23. ABAlonzo Bodden43:01

       Or did you ever see like the lion that jumped on the hippo? And then the hippo just stood there, then the lion jumped off. He was basically like, "I can't fuck with this thing." (laughs)

   24. JRJoe Rogan43:09

       Well, there was ... Yeah, there's one video where the lion's trying to eat the hippo, and it's biting into the hippo's back. And the hippo's just like-

   25. ABAlonzo Bodden43:15

       Yeah. The hippo's like-

   26. JRJoe Rogan43:16

       This is just so ... Oh, so annoying.

   27. ABAlonzo Bodden43:17

       ... "Why don't you leave me alone?" (laughs)

   28. JRJoe Rogan43:18

       So annoying. You keep biting me. I think it was taking little pieces out of its back.

   29. ABAlonzo Bodden43:25

       (laughs)

   30. JRJoe Rogan43:25

       It just couldn't figure out how to get rid of the lion. They're so big.
10. 46:14 – 50:44

    Pets and the road: why comedians want dogs (but touring makes it hard)

    1. ABAlonzo Bodden46:14

       That has been something ... Since, since I've been just locked down, that thought's crossed my mind. Like, "Man, I should get a dog. I should get a dog."

    2. JRJoe Rogan46:20

       Dogs are great, but only when you go on the road-

    3. ABAlonzo Bodden46:22

       But only ... Right.

    4. JRJoe Rogan46:22

       ... as much as you do. Yeah.

    5. ABAlonzo Bodden46:23

       Once I go back to work, I won't be able to take care of it, so ... But, but dogs are really cool. And I have a neighbor who has a dog, it's called a dogo. You familiar with these?

    6. JRJoe Rogan46:32

       Oh, a Dogo Argentino?

    7. ABAlonzo Bodden46:33

       Yeah.

    8. JRJoe Rogan46:33

       Ooh.

    9. ABAlonzo Bodden46:34

       Yeah.

    10. JRJoe Rogan46:35

        That's awesome.

    11. ABAlonzo Bodden46:35

        But it's a fantastic dog. Like, and, and she says ... She's a dog trainer. She said, "Yeah, some people have used these for fighting and this and that." She said, "But if you get ..." She's like, "I know a breeder. I'll get you a good one you can dr-" And it's really a great dog. And it's tempting, but I know like once I go back on the road, then it becomes the, the ... It's either at the kennel all the time-

    12. JRJoe Rogan46:56

        Yeah.

    13. ABAlonzo Bodden46:56

        ... where I gotta get the dog sitter, so it's not gonna work. But dogs are just ... They're just cool, man. I love dogs.

    14. JRJoe Rogan47:02

        Yeah, it would be sad for the dog if he did that, unfortunately.

    15. ABAlonzo Bodden47:03

        Right. It's not fair to the dog to just leave it.

    16. JRJoe Rogan47:06

        Eliza's got it nailed. She gets them little dogs, she puts 'em in her purse.

    17. ABAlonzo Bodden47:09

        And she takes 'em with her.

    18. JRJoe Rogan47:09

        Takes 'em everywhere.

    19. ABAlonzo Bodden47:11

        She-

    20. JRJoe Rogan47:11

        She's figured it out.

    21. ABAlonzo Bodden47:12

        (laughs) We were at the Improv once, and she's about to go on, and she just handed me her dog.

    22. JRJoe Rogan47:16

        Yes, that's what she did. (laughs)

    23. ABAlonzo Bodden47:17

        She's like, "Here's Blanche. Here's Bla-" I'm like, "Yeah, okay. I guess I'll hold Blanche." (laughs)

    24. JRJoe Rogan47:21

        She would just know that we would take care of it. God, it was an aw- adorable dog.

    25. ABAlonzo Bodden47:26

        Yeah, Blanche is-

    26. JRJoe Rogan47:26

        Her new dog's very ador- Have you met Tofu?

    27. ABAlonzo Bodden47:28

        No, I haven't met the new one.

    28. JRJoe Rogan47:30

        Oh, super adorable dog.

    29. ABAlonzo Bodden47:31

        Hotz. Jeremy Hotz has one too. He's got a ... Shaq. Shaq is his long-haired Chihuahua-

    30. JRJoe Rogan47:37

        Oh.
11. 50:44 – 56:52

    Comedy’s future: livestreams, VR clubs, and socially distanced shows

    1. JRJoe Rogan50:44

       I don't buy this thing that they wanna... I mean, I, I don't wanna do the tracking thing. When they talk about that, I think that's a real slippery slope. If they let you track people on their cellphones, whether or not-

    2. ABAlonzo Bodden50:55

       Right.

    3. JRJoe Rogan50:55

       ...they're sick or healthy and you, you know exactly where they go and who they're in contact with, I think that's a slippery slope because the problem with that is once they get that kind of power to track people, they're gonna find-

    4. ABAlonzo Bodden51:05

       They're never gonna get rid of it.

    5. JRJoe Rogan51:06

       They're never gonna get rid of it. They're gonna find-

    6. ABAlonzo Bodden51:07

       And-

    7. JRJoe Rogan51:07

       ...another reason to use it.

    8. ABAlonzo Bodden51:09

       Right.

    9. JRJoe Rogan51:09

       Use it. They'll use it for the flu, they'll use it for something else.

    10. ABAlonzo Bodden51:11

        And it, and it's also so... It's such a faulty thing to do, you know? You know what I mean? Like-

    11. JRJoe Rogan51:18

        Yes.

    12. ABAlonzo Bodden51:18

        It's, it's like if you know you're being tracked, well, I'm gonna give my phone to whoever. Like what-

    13. JRJoe Rogan51:24

        (laughs)

    14. ABAlonzo Bodden51:24

        What do they always do in a movie? They, they put the tracker on-

    15. JRJoe Rogan51:27

        On a car, yeah.

    16. ABAlonzo Bodden51:27

        ...on an animal or a car or something, and then they send them the wrong pla- well, now they don't know who ha- no, I don't think that's a-

    17. JRJoe Rogan51:33

        Well, then they'll get a felony to do that, Alonzo. You can't give your phone to your friend.

    18. ABAlonzo Bodden51:38

        Yeah.

    19. JRJoe Rogan51:38

        You would try to be deceptive.

    20. ABAlonzo Bodden51:39

        Yeah, okay. I'm-

    21. JRJoe Rogan51:41

        I think-

    22. ABAlonzo Bodden51:41

        (laughs) You know?

    23. JRJoe Rogan51:42

        I just think it's a fucking slippery slope, and I think we have-

    24. ABAlonzo Bodden51:44

        It, it-

    25. JRJoe Rogan51:44

        ...to be really careful.

    26. ABAlonzo Bodden51:44

        It absolutely is. I don't, I don't think we can... I don't think you can trust them, trust any authorities or medical or whatever with that. It's, it's like-

    27. JRJoe Rogan51:54

        But that said, what I was gonna say, you could have a driver's license, right? Well, why can't you have a license that shows you've been tested?

    28. ABAlonzo Bodden51:59

        Yeah.

    29. JRJoe Rogan52:00

        You don't need... It just has-

    30. ABAlonzo Bodden52:01

        Yeah, you-
12. 56:52 – 1:07:32

    Tracking vs testing: privacy ‘slippery slope,’ test IDs, and vaccine-era expectations

    1. JRJoe Rogan56:52

       So, yeah. Adversity tests character. There's a lot of people that haven't had to develop character. They've been living these weak-ass, fucking useless, silly lives.

    2. ABAlonzo Bodden57:01

       Right.

    3. JRJoe Rogan57:01

       And then all of a sudden, adversity comes and shines its ugly head, and these morons are all of a sudden dealt, uh, the weirdest hand of cards ever, where everybody's kind of fucked. And then when things go back to work again ... When you're asked to deal with adversity and you don't have any character ...

    4. ABAlonzo Bodden57:17

       Right.

    5. JRJoe Rogan57:17

       Like, you- like, you're, you're a guy with character. I think you'll be fine. I think you probably will be nicer after this. I know I'm gonna be nicer.

    6. ABAlonzo Bodden57:24

       Yeah.

    7. JRJoe Rogan57:25

       I think most people are gonna be like ... I don't even mean, like, nicer. I mean, like, I'm a little more appreciative. I'm always nice, but-

    8. ABAlonzo Bodden57:30

       Appreciative.

    9. JRJoe Rogan57:31

       ... appreciative.

    10. ABAlonzo Bodden57:32

        And aware.

    11. JRJoe Rogan57:33

        Yeah.

    12. ABAlonzo Bodden57:33

        Aware of, of ... You know, one of the problem ... People are not aware of the existence of other people.

    13. JRJoe Rogan57:39

        Yes. Right, right.

    14. ABAlonzo Bodden57:40

        You know? So you have ... Like, like, if you- if you're holding a sign, "Give me liberty or give me death," in front of a Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream, you're like ... You're not, you're not really aware what that means, are you?

    15. JRJoe Rogan57:52

        Yeah.

    16. ABAlonzo Bodden57:52

        Like, you're- you're probably-

    17. JRJoe Rogan57:53

        You don't know what it stands for.

    18. ABAlonzo Bodden57:53

        ... gonna be okay. If there's a Baskin-Robbins behind you-

    19. JRJoe Rogan57:57

        Yeah.

    20. ABAlonzo Bodden57:57

        ... your liberty's probably not a life-and-death issue right now. (laughs)

    21. JRJoe Rogan58:02

        Yeah. The aware- awareness thing is a- it's a real problem with people, but there's people that are ... They're barely keeping it together with the most amazing society ever. Through no fault of their own, for the most part. Most people are fucked up. They grew up in a fucked-up house, and they had a fucked-up family, in a fucked-up neighborhood.

    22. ABAlonzo Bodden58:18

        Yeah.

    23. JRJoe Rogan58:18

        And people did them wrong every step of the way, and then here they are, all fucked up at 35 years old. But that doesn't take away from the fact that they are fucked up at 35 years old, and if they are really overweight and they eat sugar all day and they can't keep a job and they're always making excuses and now there's a pandemic, don't expect them to rise to the occasion, man.

    24. ABAlonzo Bodden58:40

        Right.

    25. JRJoe Rogan58:40

        And-

    26. ABAlonzo Bodden58:41

        Or, you know, that- that's one. The other one's are the: we're so insulated from reality.

    27. JRJoe Rogan58:48

        Yeah.

    28. ABAlonzo Bodden58:48

        You know? Like, like, I, I briefly lived in suburbia, right? I had a house. I was up in Valencia.

    29. JRJoe Rogan58:54

        Oh, that's a nice area.

    30. ABAlonzo Bodden58:55

        It's nice, but it's too nice. You know what I mean?

Episode duration: 3:07:30