Joe Rogan Experience #1523 - Joey Diaz & Brian Redban

Joe Rogan 0:00 (thumping sound) (snaps fingers) Whoo! Salud, gentlemen. (glasses clinking)

Joey Diaz 0:05 Salud. Happy birthday, my brother.

Joe Rogan 0:07 Thank you so much. Thank you for being here.

Joey Diaz 0:07 To many more.

Joe Rogan 0:08 Thank you, Young Jamie. (glasses clinking)

Brian Redban 0:10 Thanks, sweetie.

Joe Rogan 0:10 Thank you. Thank you all. Whoo. (sighs)

Joey Diaz 0:13 Tremendous.

Joe Rogan 0:14 53 spins around the sun.

Joey Diaz 0:16 I have not fucking had a drink the whole fucking-

Joe Rogan 0:19 The whole COVID?

Joey Diaz 0:20 ... the whole COVID. Not an- and, you know, and I didn't drink before that either, I don't think.

Joe Rogan 0:23 No, you weren't much of a drinker.

Joey Diaz 0:25 It's fuck- every night I go home, I'm gonna have a make up 'cause that- the Heineken makes it light.

Joe Rogan 0:28 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 0:29 Five points.

Joe Rogan 0:29 Oh, yeah.

Joey Diaz 0:30 Tremendous. The last-

Joe Rogan 0:31 They make a double zero that actually tastes good.

Joey Diaz 0:33 The last-

Joe Rogan 0:33 Zero alcohol, it's the be- they- Heineken has, for sure, the best non-alcoholic beer.

Joey Diaz 0:39 Really?

Joe Rogan 0:39 It tastes like fucking beer. Like, you're- you- if you were a alcoholic, you'd be like, "Oh, my God. I fucked up." Like s- you know how you have those- like, I like O'Doul's. They taste good, but it doesn't taste like beer. A cold O'Doul's is delicious. I like those non-alcoh- I do. Some people don't like 'em. I like 'em. Like, a cold one is really nice. But it- you know what you're doing. With the Heineken, they kinda trick you. I don't know what the fuck they're doing. They're doing some weird shit 'cause it tastes like- it tastes like beer.

Brian Redban 1:06 Well, beer is like a taste kind of.

Joe Rogan 1:08 Yeah.

Brian Redban 1:08 That's- that's why O'Doul's work. It's kind of like s- that smoke juice you put in meat. Like, "Oh, that's the s- taste of smoke."

Joe Rogan 1:14 Right, or like watermelon gum.

Brian Redban 1:15 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:15 That shit don't taste like watermelon.

Brian Redban 1:17 Nah, but still good. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:18 But you know what it is.

Brian Redban 1:18 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:19 It's so crazy how beer- like, I grew up on six-packs and eight-packs.

Joe Rogan 1:23 Hmm.

Joey Diaz 1:24 Eight-packs were the eight ounces.

Joe Rogan 1:25 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:26 Nips, you got a case of nips or a case of beer. And then you went out to Colorado and they had 3.2.

Joe Rogan 1:34 3.2?

Joey Diaz 1:34 Alcohol.

Joe Rogan 1:35 Low alcohol beer.

Joey Diaz 1:36 If you're under-

Joe Rogan 1:36 Like Utah.

Joey Diaz 1:36 ... between 18 and 21.

Joe Rogan 1:38 Oh, really?

Joey Diaz 1:39 That's what you have to drink. Then when you turn 21-

Joe Rogan 1:42 Oh.

Joey Diaz 1:42 ... they give you the full dose. There used to be a club on the hill. I for- uh, I forget what it was, in- in the University of Boulder downstairs, and that's what they served you, 3.2 beer.

Joe Rogan 1:52 Right around the time I was turning 18 was the time they made it 21 years old. I'm pretty sure. Find out when they did it in Massachusetts. When did Massachusetts make the drinking age from 18 to 21? I feel like I missed it by, like, a year or two, but probably for good. They were like, "Jesus Christ." Like-

Brian Redban 2:08 I remember that when I was in elementary. People were mad about that. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 2:11 Yeah, at least make it harder for them. Fucking animals.

Joey Diaz 2:14 Thank you for the COVID test.

Joe Rogan 2:15 My pleasure.

Joey Diaz 2:16 I did the blood test.

Joe Rogan 2:17 Okay. They're- it's 1979, they've raised the drinking age from 18 to 20. Huh, but when was it 21? Oh, okay. '84, Dukakis.

Joey Diaz 2:26 '84.

Joe Rogan 2:27 Exactly. Okay.

Brian Redban 2:28 Dukakis.

Joe Rogan 2:28 So '84, I was 17. That son of a bitch, and he raised it from 20 to 21.

Joey Diaz 2:33 Dukakis also fucked up. He gave out furloughs to prisoners, and one escaped and killed somebody. So when I got into a halfway house-

Joe Rogan 2:40 That was Willie Brown, right? Wasn't it?

Joey Diaz 2:41 Somebody. When I got to a halfway house, everybody was mad at Dukakis 'cause you couldn't have furloughs no more.

Joe Rogan 2:46 Oh.

Joey Diaz 2:47 He used the furlough prisoners.

Joe Rogan 2:49 That was a famous story.

Joey Diaz 2:49 Yes.

Joe Rogan 2:49 What d- about- it was Willie something or another, right?

Joey Diaz 2:52 I forget the whole story, but I know that people in prison-

Joe Rogan 2:55 (sighs)

Joey Diaz 2:55 ... were furious 'cause they couldn't go to fucking- on furloughs no more.

Joe Rogan 2:59 That poor guy.

Joey Diaz 3:00 'Cause- 'cause Dukakis let 'em go for, like, four days like a fucking, you know, like Club Med for four days. He's a fucking prisoner. How you gonna let him go to Club Med? And that was the end of that dude.

Joe Rogan 3:10 Well, they're releasing a lot of prisoners right now 'cause of COVID. They're opening up the doors.

Joey Diaz 3:16 18,000 in California.

Joe Rogan 3:18 Yeah, yeah.

Brian Redban 3:18 Did you hear that one that just, uh-

Joey Diaz 3:19 That came out of jail and shot the motherfucker who accused him.

Brian Redban 3:22 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:23 Yeah, yeah. I don't- yeah, I don't know if that's the best idea, kids. 'Cause a lot of those people are very violent. Like, it- it depends on what you're letting out. If you're letting out some dude who sel- sold weed, you should've let him out a long time ago, you know? You're letting out some guy who's selling mushrooms, let that guy out. Don't put- keep him in a fucking cage with people who are murderers.

Joey Diaz 3:42 We've had this conversation before. (graphics thudding) You gotta let out the people that are non-violent drug offenders.

Joe Rogan 3:47 Yes, all of 'em.

Joey Diaz 3:48 Non-violent drug offenders, first time, first time offenders unless, you know, there's- there's- you know what the big thing in jail is sometimes when you go to county? There's a big DUI population.

Joe Rogan 4:00 Really?

Joey Diaz 4:00 There's motherfuckers that can't stop getting DUIs.

Brian Redban 4:03 (sighs)

Joey Diaz 4:04 I think my ex-brother-in-law has the record in Colorado. (fart sound effect) And I'm not making a joke here.

Joe Rogan 4:10 Hmm.

Joey Diaz 4:10 Like, there's people that stay in the system because of the DUI problem.

Joe Rogan 4:14 Jesus.

Joey Diaz 4:14 You know, they gotta blow into a tube before they start their car.

Joe Rogan 4:18 Yeah, my friend Robbie had that.

Joey Diaz 4:19 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:19 His work van.

Joey Diaz 4:19 They- they- they's got all types of shit so-

Joe Rogan 4:21 And then they-

Joey Diaz 4:22 ... and then they put you in work release. That's a complete different situation. Then you, you know, you- it- they have different levels of it, you know?

Joe Rogan 4:29 Yeah. That blowing in the thing, it takes some time too. He couldn't just start his car. So if it was cold out, like, we were playing pool, and I go, "How long does that take?" And he's like, "It takes, like, five minutes. Just gotta sit here."

Joey Diaz 4:40 10 seconds.

Joe Rogan 4:40 'Cause it has to check to see to make sure you're all right. And you can't- there's no getaways. Like, if something's chasing you, (laughs) you hop out of the car, you gotta blow in the thing-

Joey Diaz 4:48 No, you gotta-

Joe Rogan 4:49 ... to get the car to start.

Joey Diaz 4:49 ... I had a friend that did that. He used to just pay people $5 to blow in there.

Joe Rogan 4:53 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 4:53 He would get hammered. "Come here. What are you doing? Blow in there."

Joe Rogan 4:56 Do you know what happened in Chicago? Do you have any idea what happened this weekend in Chicago?

Joey Diaz 4:59 No.

Joe Rogan 5:00 Do you- do you know?

Joey Diaz 5:01 Oh, about the-

Brian Redban 5:02 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 5:02 ... crazy-

Joey Diaz 5:02 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:03 ... the world- there was a shooting.

Joey Diaz 5:04 The riots.

Joe Rogan 5:04 There was a shooting and then there was some crazy looting.

Brian Redban 5:07 They broke into Tesla.

Joe Rogan 5:08 And Jamie was the first one to tell me that there was, like, an incorrect story. The incorrect story was that a 14-year-old girl was shot. Is that what it was? Or 15-year-old girl was shot?

Brian Redban 5:17 I heard, yeah, a 15-year-old was shot and killed by the police, but it was misinformation that was- and I don't know how that got out or who put it out initially. I didn't find out that part of it, but it was actually a 20-year-old that was not killed and was in the hospital. (liquid sloshing)

Joe Rogan 5:31 Oof.

Brian Redban 5:31 So it got- I don't know. I-

Joe Rogan 5:33 Yeah, we're one of those away. We're one of those away from this whole fucking thing exploding in, uh, in different cities again.

Joey Diaz 5:40 Why do you feel this strongly about Los Angeles lately?

Joe Rogan 5:44 There's too many people here to-

Joey Diaz 5:45 I've seen you make a turn very ... Ever since the Houston trip, you've been a different person.

Joe Rogan 5:50 Well, I've been thinking about it for quite a while. I've been thinking about leaving LA for a while 'cause I think- I don't- this is just my- my- my feeling. I don't think this is a healthy way to live. I don't think it's good for your brain. I really don't. I think people-

Joey Diaz 6:03 Which part of it?

Joe Rogan 6:03 The people that live here, like...I wonder if it's a coincidence that so many people that live in cities have, like, um... It's like cities are always Democratic, right? Almost always. Cities are rarely Republican. Isn't that weird? Like, I don't know. I mean, is Houston like that? That's a pretty big city. Dallas is a pretty big city. But I think they might be blue. I think the cities might be blue, and then the states are all, you know, the, the surrounding areas red.

Brian Redban 6:31 Me and Jamie grew up red.

Joe Rogan 6:32 I wonder... But I always used to think that that was because they were smarter. I just think that they were more educated, so they were more likely to be Democrats. Because I, I, my family was Democrats growing up, and I always felt like that was, like, the, the people who were really interested in freedom of speech, really interested in education, really interested in welfare and making, making programs for poor people and prison reform. They didn't want, they didn't want the death penalty. They wanted you to have the right to choose. That's what it was always to me. So why the fuck are they all, like, lumped up in cities? Like, what is that? It's because that's where all the universities are? But there's some universities are in, you know, in the middle of nowhere too. It's weird. It's weird how cities are like... Like, if you just... Forget if you had a, a dog in the fight. If just looking at people, it's odd that these big giant clumps are almost always they lean Democrat. It's weird. And then when shit like what's going on now happens, where you have violent reactions on a regular basis. Like, on a regular basis, there's riots. On a regular basis, there's crazy shit going on in Portland and Seattle. They're trying to burn federal buildings. This isn't rare. This is like every day. We're totally accustomed to it. Have you, have you noticed? You see a fucking looting and a riot and a building on fire on TV, you don't even flinch. You don't even flinch. That used to be a big deal, right? Remember, like, the Waco days? That was a big fucking deal. There was a standoff with the feds and a compound, and there was a guy who thought he was Jesus who was fucking everybody's wife, and they had guns. And you're like, "Holy shit."

Joey Diaz 8:00 Waco was fucked up.

Joe Rogan 8:01 It was fucked up.

Joey Diaz 8:01 What year was Waco? '94, '95?

Joe Rogan 8:04 Well, Hicks, Hicks was alive, because Hicks talked about it on stage, so it had to be pre-9... I think Hicks died in like '93, in that area. It was like Hicks and Kinison died within a couple of years of each other. So it had to be-

Joey Diaz 8:16 It was Ha- it was Waco and then the Oklahoma City bombing-

Joe Rogan 8:19 Yep.

Joey Diaz 8:19 ... which blew our fucking minds.

Joe Rogan 8:20 Waco, '93, okay.

Joey Diaz 8:22 '93.

Joe Rogan 8:23 So-

Joey Diaz 8:23 And then '94, '95 was the Oklahoma City bombings, which really fucked with me that week. I snorted a lot of coke.

Joe Rogan 8:30 The Oklahoma City bombings are very interesting.

Joey Diaz 8:33 Very interesting that week.

Joe Rogan 8:34 Very interesting. There's a lot of weird stuff there.

Joey Diaz 8:36 That's April 19th, 1995. I was still living in Boulder.

Joe Rogan 8:39 Do you see that building? Look at the building. There's people to this day that don't believe that that was just a car filled with some sort of explosive that did that.

Brian Redban 8:49 Damn.

Joey Diaz 8:49 The most... thing I remember that fucked with me-

Joe Rogan 8:51 They say it's too uniform.

Joey Diaz 8:52 It was a daycare on the basement.

Joe Rogan 8:54 Oh.

Joey Diaz 8:55 That's what destroyed me that week. And I remember I bought a big batch of coke and I cut it and I was trying to sell it, and I did the whole bag in four fucking days just watching the coverage on this. Ugh. Like I was just-

Joe Rogan 9:08 There are, there are some fucking insane people out there. And there are, there are people that are so insane they'll plant a bomb in front of a building and blow the whole side of it up. They don't give a fuck who's inside. They want to-

Joey Diaz 9:18 Timothy McVeigh.

Joe Rogan 9:19 Yeah. Look at that.

Joey Diaz 9:21 And then you had the Unabomber around that time.

Joe Rogan 9:23 Look at how it blew. That's crazy. So there was all these reports. The problem is, like, eyewitness reports after traumatic events like that, they're always off. People are always like... You know, th- they don't know what they saw. They're so fucked up. And you could tell them what they saw and then they'll repeat what you said. It does happen with people. When they l- there's a big crazy explosion like that, people... So you don't know who's telling the truth and who's... But there was a lot of people that were saying they saw people carrying off bombs that were unexploded. Like, they saw, like, the FBI carrying off bombs. Like, that there was more than one bomb. And then the way it looks, if you look at the way the building exploded, the way they were explaining... There's... I was watching something on it, that the way a f- one of those bombs would go off, if it was a just fertilizer bomb, like, it wouldn't, it wouldn't necessarily go off that way where it looks like the whole side of the building is going out, you know? That it would be located... The blast would be, all the damage would be where the truck was located. But being a moron and not knowing shit about explosives, I don't know if that's true, but it does get interesting. Like, who gave him this int- information? Why is he blowing up that building? Like, what, what the fuck is going on? You could do that with a truck and some manure? Is that real? That's a hell of a fucking bomb. Can you do that? Like, could any crazy fuck just fill a pickup truck up, fill it with fertilizer, do what they have to do to light it on fire and make it explode, and blow up a building like that?

Brian Redban 10:55 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 10:55 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 10:55 How was this... No. Was it a... The, the one guy was a suicider or he just left it there and detonated it?

Joe Rogan 11:01 I think he just left it there.

Joey Diaz 11:03 I forget if he left it and detonated it.

Joe Rogan 11:04 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 11:04 And then they caught him, the one guy that was a pair. They were part of a pa- paramilitary group from the hills of Michigan or some shit.

Joe Rogan 11:12 Something extra spooky about those white dudes who live in the woods who are plotting to overthrow the government.

Brian Redban 11:19 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 11:19 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 11:19 Right? There's something extra spooky about those guys. And that's what you think of when you think of Timothy McVeigh. You think of those k- kind of people. Those, uh, you know, those people like... It's a real sad story. You, you ever hear the Ruby Ridge story?

Joey Diaz 11:32 No.

Joe Rogan 11:33 That was a real sad one. That was a guy who got in a, a standoff with the cops, with the federales, and they fucking shot his wife while she was holding the baby. I forget exactly what they were after him for. I forget exactly what it was, but it was an egregious overuse of power. I mean, they murdered these people and the snipers murdered these people. And the people eventually shot back and then... I mean, it was just a bloodbath. But it, it became a symbol of how, if you give people that kind of power, you know, you don't know exactly how they're going to wield it. You give people the power to, like, pull guns out and storm some fucking cabin in the middle of the woods-... some people are, some people are more than willing to shoot people off.

Brian Redban 12:15 Did you ever see this story? It's, uh, Tony Kiritasis.

Joe Rogan 12:19 What is it?

Brian Redban 12:20 He... This was a live press conference that got put on, like, every news channel. A friend of mine sent this to me recently. There's, like, a whole YouTube series about it. I think it's maybe even on Amazon Prime.

Joe Rogan 12:31 What's going on?

Brian Redban 12:31 He's really mad at this dude. I think he was, like, his mortgage broker or something like that, and he got taken advantage of, and so he kidnapped him.

Joe Rogan 12:37 Oh, my God.

Brian Redban 12:37 It's like a four-day ordeal.

Joe Rogan 12:39 Oh, my God.

Brian Redban 12:40 And he took over all the airwaves to get, like, his story heard.

Joe Rogan 12:44 Oh, my God.

Brian Redban 12:44 I started looking into it the other day. It was insane. Like, I never even heard of it. It was in, like, 1979 or something, '77.

Joe Rogan 12:52 Jesus.

Brian Redban 12:52 Is he still alive?

12:53 I-

12:54 What's his yelp look like?

12:55 I think, I actually think he might still be alive. I lo- when I looked him up-

Joe Rogan 12:58 Holy shit.

Brian Redban 12:58 ... I think he was alive, yeah.

Joe Rogan 13:00 Holy shit.

Joey Diaz 13:00 This is the creepiest start to any podcast I've ever been on in my life.

Brian Redban 13:04 (laughs)

13:04 Ever.

Joey Diaz 13:04 Buildings blowing up.

Joe Rogan 13:05 We were cheersing. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 13:06 Some poor fucking governor with a gun to his fucking head.

Brian Redban 13:10 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 13:10 What the fuck is going on here?

Brian Redban 13:12 Jesus Christ. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 13:12 What the fuck is going on here? I just did a COVID test, I feel good.

Brian Redban 13:17 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 13:17 You know what I'm saying? And all of a sudden, I come into bombs and fucking explosions. Where's the happiness? It's your birthday, cocksucker.

Joe Rogan 13:24 Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Happy birthday to me.

Joey Diaz 13:26 We le- we're getting the fuck out of here, because all you need to do is hook a fucking left on La Cienega and then hook another left on Melrose and drive and play a game, let's count the for lease signs.

Joe Rogan 13:38 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 13:39 And then, and think about-

Joe Rogan 13:41 You can't, you can't just shut things down.

Joey Diaz 13:42 Think about the last time you were at the Improv. Close your eyes and think about the last time you were at the Melrose Improv. Now open them when you go to Melrose now. Think of the last time you were there-

Joe Rogan 13:53 Ugh.

Joey Diaz 13:54 ... and think of how long it's gonna take for Melrose to be like that again.

Brian Redban 13:58 Melrose was destroyed already.

Joey Diaz 14:00 That is why I am leaving-

Brian Redban 14:01 Like, like, m-

Joey Diaz 14:01 ... because of things like this. I see an 18-month comeback, and that's a guy with a GED. I see an... It's gonna take... Let's say we go April.

Joe Rogan 14:12 Yeah, but that's assuming, that's assuming everything goes well.

Joey Diaz 14:13 That's assuming everything goes well and everybody does the vaccine or some people say it's gonna disappear Novem- on, on, on, like, Election Day.

Joe Rogan 14:21 Well-

Joey Diaz 14:21 It's gonna just disappear.

Joe Rogan 14:22 That doesn't make any sense, whoever those people are.

Joey Diaz 14:23 I don't fucking know either. So, yeah, I don't fucking know either, but I'm looking at this as an 18-month recovery. West Hollywood is gonna be last because of the supermarket situation. They had 29 infected employees, and they spread it throughout the community in Hollywood. West Hollywood's gonna be last. Did you know that? That all those bars are gonna be last? So, I'm sorry to give you the fucking bad news.

Brian Redban 14:50 Joey, you just sa- got, went off on Joe-

Joe Rogan 14:52 (laughs)

Brian Redban 14:52 ... about, starting this podcast-

Joey Diaz 14:54 Oh, no, because-

Brian Redban 14:54 ... off with bad news, and now you made me feel worse-

Joey Diaz 14:56 ... w- we're talking, we're talking-

Brian Redban 14:57 ... 'cause I'm thinking about it. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 14:58 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 14:58 ... about why we're leaving here. We're talking about why we're leaving, why we're leaving, that's why. And the other thing that bothered me was the no school.

Brian Redban 15:06 Burbank ain't bad right now. The, you know, like, they don't, like, they, they, there-

Joey Diaz 15:08 Burbank ain't bad. Burbank e- but the sh-

Brian Redban 15:10 You're homeless for 24 hours there, and then you disappear.

Joey Diaz 15:12 Let me tell you something about Burbank, Joe. Burbank, every time I go, I, I go to Burbank just to look around. I got friends that live in Burbank. I go to two areas in Burbank. I go down Magnolia to Victory, by Alberto's, and I see that street is getting very eerie. Like, when you go on that street, you feel two things are coming, an earthquake... Every time I'm on Magnolia, I think of an earthquake. Like, this, this is good earthquake weather, for some reason, by the Donut Hut.

Brian Redban 15:41 Mm.

Joey Diaz 15:42 And then you see those people lining up for guns. There's three stores in a row called Joe Rogan.

Brian Redban 15:46 Oh, there's three of them right, right around me, yeah.

Joey Diaz 15:48 Joe Rogan. It's crazy. They're, there every day.

Joe Rogan 15:50 I was driving, I was driving the other day, 9:30 in the morning. There was a big line in front of, uh, Peterson's, trying to buy r- guns.

Brian Redban 15:55 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:56 You know?

Brian Redban 15:57 Yeah, it's crazy, uh, I follow all the gun shops around me, and they all have Instagrams, of course, and they show all the guns that got in for the day. And I'm like, "Oh, you know, I might, I might get one of those." And then, like, an hour later, it's sold out like shoes. Like, there's a line constantly on all three of those gun stores.

Joey Diaz 16:11 How fucking sad is that?

Joe Rogan 16:13 Well, this is what, this is what-

Joey Diaz 16:14 This is what bothers me.

Joe Rogan 16:14 ... what's sad. What's sad is, I mean, we, now we know. We didn't have a plan if everything went sideways like this, and you can't... Like, governors and mayors, it's their fault, right? But it's not their fault, because really, get... That fucking job is a ridiculous job in a pandemic. Like, all of a sudden, there's a new problem that's presented with you. You don't have the resources to fix it. People are not gonna listen. They're gonna wanna party, they're gonna wanna still go out, they're gonna do... And you're in this situation where, you know, a, a large percentage, uh, it didn't turn out to be as bad as we thought it was, but they thought it was gonna be a large percentage of our population could possibly die. And you don't have the resources, and what do you do? And governors, even though they, they are in that position, they're in that position 'cause they got elected. They're not in that position 'cause they passed a battery of tests and show that they know exactly how to respond in any given circumstance. They were charismatic. They had the right money behind them. They said the right things. They backed the right bills. And then you become a mayor, and then you become a governor. But it doesn't mean you know what to do if things go sideways and no one knows what to do. And the fact that they were always getting those checks, they're always getting those checks. No matter what happened, no matter what shut down, they kept getting those government checks. And they told all these other people they couldn't work. Like, you can't... That's not a plan. That's not a sustainable plan. You can't tell people, "You can't work, but I'm gonna keep getting paid, and I'm gonna tell you when you can go back to work again." Because people are gonna go, "Fuck you." Like, you can't just keep everything shut down for five months. That is California. I, I don't know what the proper response would have been. I don't know. But this wasn't it. This is, wasn't the best case scenario. And again, not a fucking word about your health. Not a word about taking vitamin D. Not a word about exercise. Not a word about drink water. Not a word about cut out sugar. Not a word about, "Use this as an opportunity to lose weight. We have to up our metabolic health. We have to be... We have to take vitamins. We have to be better about our health." Not one word! Everything's, "Wear a mask," and, "You can't do this," and, "You can't do that. Don't open this and don't open that."And look, they weren't prepared. That's all it is. They're not bad people. Like, people think that they wanted to sabotage the, the state or sabotage the city. I'm sure Garcetti and Newsom are nice guys. They, they probably are fine to hang out with. The, the problem was nobody was ready. Nobody knew what the fuck this was.

Joey Diaz 18:29 I can't hang out with Garcetti.

Joe Rogan 18:31 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 18:32 (laughs)

18:32 He says, he says Los Angelinos too much. Leave it alone, all right?

Joe Rogan 18:35 No, he's just, Angelenos.

Joey Diaz 18:35 Angelinos.

Joe Rogan 18:36 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 18:36 He drives me fucking crazy. Newsom, Newsom looks like you could smoke a joint with him-

Joe Rogan 18:40 Maybe.

Joey Diaz 18:41 ... and talk to him and he'll go, "You're right. I fucked up." But Garcetti's too... What about the fucking DA's husband is getting charged with assault because-

Joe Rogan 18:51 What? When happened?

Joey Diaz 18:52 Jackie Lacey's husband is getting charged with a misdemeanor assault because when they went to his house to protest, that brother pulled out a piece.

19:02 Did he really?

19:02 And said, "Get the fuck away from my door." And they took a picture of him, and they charged him with misdemeanor whatever, assault. The DA's husband.

19:12 My God.

19:13 It's just been, uh, you know, a real-

Joe Rogan 19:15 The, uh, mayor of... Or the head of police of Seattle just quit.

Joey Diaz 19:20 Yeah, that motherfucker tapped.

19:21 Yeah.

19:21 He sent the letter out.

Joe Rogan 19:22 It's a lady. No, it's a lady.

Joey Diaz 19:23 And I can't... Yeah. She sent our-

19:24 'Cause those cuts, man.

19:25 She sent the letter out.

19:25 That's a, what, 4 million, $8 million?

Joe Rogan 19:27 Well, y- you know, the cops, they see the writing on the wall for whatever reason. People decide they hate cops now. It's... Look, there's bad people in every fucking job. You know, the problem with being a bad cop is, it's, it, it can, uh, it can ruin a person's entire life, ruin the life of a family. When you see someone abuse someone like that, like what we saw, it's natural to get upset. We all got upset, but it's not every cop. And I think that's a crazy way of looking at things, and they're figuring that out right now in New York. And New York has record crime, man.

Joey Diaz 20:01 New York is off, going off the fucking hook.

Joe Rogan 20:04 My friend, John Joseph, you know, he, he lives in New York. He's always sending me updates. You know-

Joey Diaz 20:08 I'd love to fucking change.

Joe Rogan 20:09 It's crazy.

Joey Diaz 20:10 Crazy.

Joe Rogan 20:10 And John's never left. He's be... You know, he's the lead singer of the Cro-Mags. Hardcore dude, does triathlons and shit. He's not going anywhere. You're not kicking him out. But he's... You know, he's, he sends me these updates on crime, and nobody gives a fuck. It's crazy. It's like these guys, uh, uh, I mean, I mean the criminals, they don't give a fuck. They're getting, they're getting wild.

Joey Diaz 20:30 They're stealing catalytic converters in my neighborhood.

20:34 Yeah.

20:35 Catalytic converters are going like fucking hot cakes now, okay?

20:38 They're so crazy.

20:39 I've thought of stealing crazy shit.

Joe Rogan 20:41 How much does that worth?

Joey Diaz 20:41 When I was doing coke, I was thinking about bringing it into the White House, shit like that. But who would rob a fucking catalytic converter right off the street? They melt them down to platinum, they sell it, and that's how they're making a living.

Joe Rogan 20:55 Jesus.

Joey Diaz 20:55 Studio City the last week, they've been hitting neighborhoods so if you park on the street, they clip your catalytic converter.

21:02 But it's great. Everyone has Nest cams now and home security cameras, so, like, next door has become my new fetish of just watching people's home security of, like, people walking in the neighborhood doing nothing.

Joe Rogan 21:12 Hmm.

Joey Diaz 21:12 That's crazy.

21:13 Yeah, but I'm gonna tell you something.

21:14 This guy looks suspicious. (laughs)

21:14 Let me tell you guys a fact. Our friend's martial arts school got robbed the other night.

Joe Rogan 21:19 Yeah? What'd they steal?

Joey Diaz 21:21 She c- caught it on camera. She dialed 911. They put her on hold for an hour.

21:27 What?

21:29 So you're dead. You're dead, buddy. You're dead.

21:34 Always call the non-emergency line, by the way.

21:37 And always press two.

21:39 (laughs)

21:39 And always press two, and you want the Spanish, they pick up quicker. So you fucking unemployment dummies that haven't gotten unemployment.

Joe Rogan 21:45 He just gave up the secret code.

Joey Diaz 21:47 You gotta pr-... I don't need unemployment no more. You gotta press two. Speaking Spanish, they get answered quicker.

Joe Rogan 21:52 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 21:52 You dumb fucks, you learned something new with Uncle Joey. Why are you pressing one? It's... And say, press two, if you speak Spanish. The lady's gonna answer, and you're gonna talk to her, like, halfway. Like, "Mi no sabe?" And she'll fucking give you your paperwork, and next thing you know you got your unemployment. But everybody presses one like a fucking nut bite. Think about that next time. Think about... Press Spanish and see how quick they fucking pick up the phone.

Joe Rogan 22:17 Isn't it crazy how everybody went from everything is great, the economy is great. We hate Trump, but other than that things are great.

Joey Diaz 22:24 But if-

22:24 That was-

Joe Rogan 22:24 If that was like... If that was how their cou- their country was, and then all of a sudden everybody wants a gun. Same people. Same people.

Joey Diaz 22:32 It's 'cause people are actually scared. And what... They're watching that video of, live footage, you know. That scared a lot of people.

Joe Rogan 22:39 Well, also they, they also know people who have died, so they're scared to go to work. There's that too, right? That compounds it. Everybody knows somebody who's gone because of COVID or knows somebody-

Joey Diaz 22:49 Yes.

Joe Rogan 22:49 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 22:50 That tastes tremendous, by the way. I don't know who made that, what it is.

Joe Rogan 22:53 Buffalo Trace, it's the shit.

Joey Diaz 22:54 That is fucking delicious.

22:56 It is great.

22:56 Fucking delicious.

Joe Rogan 22:57 Yeah, it's very good. It's American.

Joey Diaz 22:59 If I didn't have to drive, I'd have nine more.

Joe Rogan 23:00 This shit is older than America. They, they... This company started in 1773.

Joey Diaz 23:04 That is fucking delicious.

23:06 Where they out of?

23:07 Huh?

Joe Rogan 23:07 The, uh, Kentucky.

Joey Diaz 23:08 Ah.

Joe Rogan 23:09 Buffalo Trace.

Joey Diaz 23:10 Christ. You do two more of those, then you gotta break out-

Joe Rogan 23:11 They used to make, they used to make booze during the, uh, when, when it was illegal.

Joey Diaz 23:16 (clears throat)

Joe Rogan 23:17 They did it for medicinal reasons. I didn't know that they had a weed scam, like they have a weed scam today, they used to have a booze scam. Same thing. You could distill whiskey for medicinal purposes, like a doctor could prescribe it. Like, "Brian, you need a drink." Like, "Whew. Thanks, doc." You go to the doctor and cut your script-

Joey Diaz 23:33 Here.

Joe Rogan 23:33 ... for some whiskey, I guess. Which... What the fuck did they use whiskey for, for medicinal purposes?

Joey Diaz 23:39 Having fun.

23:40 Fuck, I used to fucking drink... I used to drink Jack and pull my teeth out.

Joe Rogan 23:44 Ugh.

Joey Diaz 23:44 What?

23:44 When I didn't have a... When I didn't have insurance, when I was a young comic-

Joe Rogan 23:48 Oh, God. Oh, if you had a toothache?

Joey Diaz 23:50 ... if I had a toothache on the way home, I'd stop and get a little pint of Jack, do shots, gargle with it, and work the tooth. A couple bumps-

Joe Rogan 23:58 There's something about-

Joey Diaz 23:58 ... to numb the head, and you're fucking good to go. I used to... I, um... It was terrible.

Joe Rogan 24:03 Something about losing your teeth that's, like, extra creepy.

Joey Diaz 24:06 Listen to me, dog.

24:07 Hmm?

24:08 From the cocaine drip, from all those years, right at the end, nobody really caught it. You gotta watch an episode of My Name is Earl.... when I go, uh, I sing a song at the end (snaps fingers) , "Tim Stacks, Tim Stacks, what you gonna do?" Look at my tooth. My tooth is black. I had already quit coke two weeks, and all of a sudden, like a month later, I see that episode and I'm like, "Oh, shit, I got a cocaine-"

Joe Rogan 24:36 Your tooth was dead?

Joey Diaz 24:37 "... I got a cocaine tooth."

Joe Rogan 24:39 Oh, my God.

Joey Diaz 24:39 From the nerve. Nobody caught it.

Joe Rogan 24:41 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 24:41 So I went to the doctor for something different. It was like the 22nd of December, and he was like a Beverly Hills dentist. Like this idiot sent me to like the, you know, uh, your friend's dentist, Jamie from My Name is Earl.

Joe Rogan 24:55 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 24:55 Like, he has the movie stars and shit. They send me there. I'm no movie star. You gotta pay 200 just to walk in there. So I went in there for something different and the doctor said to me, "What are you gonna do about that little, uh, the cocaine tooth?"

Joe Rogan 25:08 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 25:08 And he goes, "Yeah, I had one of those at one time." (laughs) That's the best when the doctor cops you doing drugs, so.

Joe Rogan 25:14 How many doctors cop to doing drugs?

Joey Diaz 25:16 I got two of them that-

Joe Rogan 25:17 Really?

Joey Diaz 25:18 ... have copped to me, three of them.

Joe Rogan 25:20 Wow.

Brian Redban 25:20 Like cocaine?

Joey Diaz 25:20 Four, four, four, four.

Brian Redban 25:23 Wow.

Joey Diaz 25:23 One c- one that I grew up, and I would see him out at clubs, and he'd come up to me. I was 21. He was like 50 and he'd come up to me, he'd go, (claps hands) "What do you got for the head?" In Spanish, in Cuban, miss. He used to say, " (Spanish) "

Brian Redban 25:34 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 25:36 And I'd go, "Aspirina," aspirin and he would go, " (Spanish) ," and he'd walk away from me.

Joe Rogan 25:42 (laughs) Yeah.

Joey Diaz 25:43 My one family doctor, whenever I went to see him, the best 20 years, was with my doctor. I couldn't give him nothing hand-to-hand, but I walked into his office, put it on his desk, and then I'd go into the examination room. I never gave him blow, I just gave him like lollipops and brownies.

Joe Rogan 26:02 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 26:02 I remember one time I went in and he's like, "Listen, man. I found one of your brownies one night and I ate it." Holy shit. Next thing you know I was making a steak sandwich at 4:00 in the morning. What the fuck was in that thing? Oh, yeah. And then my heart doctor now, he's the best. That's the best doctor I've ever had. He's got three stents in his heart from doing blow.

Joe Rogan 26:23 (laughs)

Brian Redban 26:23 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 26:23 He sold Quaaludes in Chicago. He's a fucking nut, but I love him. Love him to death.

Joe Rogan 26:30 Joey, what do you, what do you think happens to the country?

Joey Diaz 26:33 Me?

Joe Rogan 26:33 Yeah. How does this, in, when you look at it, how does this even out?

Joey Diaz 26:37 Listen, first of all, I'm gonna be as honest as I can with you. I don't know what red means and what blue means. I've never... I grew up hanging out with guys that were Democrats. I ripped signs down as a kid for people. I did all that political dirty shit as a kid. And guess what? By the age of 13, I saw the theft at the municipal level.

Joe Rogan 27:00 Hmm.

Joey Diaz 27:01 I couldn't imagine the thievery at the presidential, the senatorial level, and the governor level. I couldn't imagine what the thievery was, okay? I saw it firsthand as a child. I was involved with it. I saw the payoffs. I went to Long Island with this family. I saw all this shit.

Joe Rogan 27:20 Mm.

Joey Diaz 27:20 I saw how things got done, you know. So I lost my faith in it.

Joe Rogan 27:26 Mm.

Joey Diaz 27:26 Like I don't really believe it and I think it's all a bunch of bullshit. Uh, Joe Rogan's running for president. I got a drug that is gonna hook people, is gonna fuck people up. I donate $5 million to Joe Rogan. Joe Rogan makes a few calls and gets that drug passed. And every year I donate $5 million to Joe Rogan. That's how the game is played.

Joe Rogan 27:48 It's a little more complicated than that, but-

Joey Diaz 27:49 It's... But that's in the same fucking neighborhood, my friend.

Joe Rogan 27:51 Yeah, it's in the same neighborhood. You, you're right.

Joey Diaz 27:53 It's in the same fucking neighborhood.

Joe Rogan 27:54 No, I'm agreeing with you.

Joey Diaz 27:55 You buy yourself into this.

Joe Rogan 27:56 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 27:57 So you know what? As far as politics, I never trusted it, so dis- disclaim me as a politician. I'm talking about as a human being, I see a lot of despair, I see a lot of fear. I see, uh... You know, yesterday somebody put a thing up and they said that they shut the clubs down in San Diego. And I go, "Thank fucking God." And a lot of people said shit to me and I'm like, "I'm not saying because of that. I'm saying because there's social despair." I think that if you're in a parking lot doing comedy and the guy just went home and his wife broke up with him, and all of a sudden he checks the mail, he's losing the house, and he gets in his car to go for a ride... You know how many farmers markets do people get hit at with cars? Especially lately. People have been running through people lately. I don't want to see some guy run through a parking lot in La Jolla and hit a bunch of people watching a comic or com-... Right now is not a time to do comedy. You know what? People want to laugh, but, uh, their, their, their, their moral compass is off. We're confused. Do we wear a mask? Do we not have to wear a mask? Is there a disease? Am I gonna get unemployment? Am I gonna get evicted? There's a lot of things going on in people's minds. You know, people snap on a daily basis just getting caught on the 405. About, you know, I expect a huge amount of people losing it. You gotta be well-grounded.

Joe Rogan 29:24 Yes.

Joey Diaz 29:24 Thank God I do copy you. I get on, I get up in the morning, I do some shit, I do two bong hits and I get on a mountain bike. I can't hike, but I get on a mountain bike-

Joe Rogan 29:34 Same.

Joey Diaz 29:34 ... and I go all the way to Coldwater.

Joe Rogan 29:35 Beautiful.

Joey Diaz 29:36 And I come back and I get vitamin D and then I wash my pussy.

Joe Rogan 29:39 Ooh.

Joey Diaz 29:40 And then I do what I gotta go do. So I get all that shit out of the way. I don't watch no TV. I don't want to hear it no more.

Joe Rogan 29:47 Just-

Joey Diaz 29:47 You put COVID, anything, World News Tonight is the number one watched show. Why? Because they're just selling you shit.

Joe Rogan 29:53 Disasters.

Joey Diaz 29:54 They're just selling you disaster.

Joe Rogan 29:55 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 29:55 I don't watch it. The TV wasn't allowed in my house till 6:00, now it's at 7:00. And then, uh, I don't watch Jeopardy or Game of Fortune.

Joe Rogan 30:02 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 30:02 That shit fucks me up because it makes me feel too old. Remember when I'd call for you? I'd call for you at 7:15.

Joe Rogan 30:09 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 30:10 (Knocks on table) "Who is it?" "It's Joey. I'm here to call for Joe." "Hold on one second. Come in." "How you doing, Mrs. Rogan?" "How you doing, Joey? Mrs. Rogan, shh, shh, hold on." And she's watching Jeopardy.So, when I was a kid, if you watched Jeopardy, you were an old person.

Joe Rogan 30:22 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 30:23 So, every time Jeopardy comes on now, I get pissed off.

Joe Rogan 30:25 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 30:25 I'm like, "What the fuck am I doing home?"

Joe Rogan 30:27 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 30:27 Because when Jeopardy comes on at 7 o'clock, you and I are getting ready to go on stage.

Joe Rogan 30:31 That's a good show though. That's a good show.

Joey Diaz 30:33 I know it's a good show. I'm, I don't, I, I get like one answer per show.

Joe Rogan 30:37 Right? (laughs)

Joey Diaz 30:37 It doesn't matter. Yeah, I'm a dumb fuck. But, what I'm saying to you is, for the last 30 years, you and I at 7 o'clock, a certain adrenaline goes into our body. And Red Band included.

Joe Rogan 30:49 You mean get ready to perform?

Joey Diaz 30:50 Get ready to perform.

Joe Rogan 30:51 Yeah, for sure.

Joey Diaz 30:53 At 7 o'clock something would happen to me that it would change. I'd go from being a dad, husband-

Joe Rogan 30:58 Get ramped up.

Joey Diaz 30:59 ... and all that shit-

Joe Rogan 31:00 Talk getting ramped up.

Joey Diaz 31:00 ... to being a murderer. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 31:01 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 31:01 I'm going down to The Comedy Store.

Joe Rogan 31:03 Yeah. Yeah.

Joey Diaz 31:03 I gotta go sharpen the sword. You get what I'm saying? 7 o'clock you start thinking about new things, you know, the toilet paper-

Joe Rogan 31:11 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 31:11 ... fucking, you know, all this shit. You write it down, you take a shower.

Joe Rogan 31:17 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 31:17 I'd have my process.

Joe Rogan 31:18 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 31:19 I'd do a four-shot espresso, I'd do two bong hits, I'd take a shower, get all duded up, get in the fucking car, go over Laurel Canyon. I'd be behind Hynne sometimes or, or Schaub going down Laurel Canyon. Fucking tremendous, and all of a sudden, that got taken away.

Joe Rogan 31:37 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 31:37 You don't think we're suffering? We don't... we just, we've, we're learning to deal with it.

Joe Rogan 31:41 Well, we got to take it away in the nicest time ever for comedy.

Joey Diaz 31:44 Yes.

Joe Rogan 31:44 This is the thing, like, people that don't... that didn't go to The Comedy Store that weren't Comedy Store regulars, there's an image of The Comedy Store that I think is from the darker days where people thought of The Comedy Store as the comics are mean and shitty to each other and that it's like the, the industry never goes there. It's like a dark place, like a dangerous place. But when we got shut down in March, that, those last few years were probably the nicest, friendliest years in the history of the store. People were so nice to each other. There was so many people that were supporting each other and because everybody had podcasts, like, everybody kind of fed off of each other doing that, and so it was beneficial to everybody to pump you up. Like, to let you... like you let me know about Jeremiah, you r- you let me know about Tony Hinchcliffe. We let each other know about these guys, and everybody sort of circulates and everybody does well together. It was a real good environment, man. It felt good every time you go there. It was all hugs and everybody was laughing. Everybody was like, "I love that new tag," or this or that. It's, it's fun. It was a good time. It was one of the most positive places I've ever been to in terms of like a community for comedians. It was super supportive, and it was like that for years, man. Like for the first year I was back, I was like, "I can't even believe I'm back." First show I did back was yours. Yeah.

Joey Diaz 32:57 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:57 That was fun.

Joey Diaz 32:58 It was fun.

Joe Rogan 32:58 And I think Doug Stanhope, uh, opened it up. Remember? He was just like-

Joey Diaz 33:01 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 33:01 ... "Guys, crazy show here." Yeah.

Joey Diaz 33:04 I feel my whole time at The Comedy Store, which is 23 years, was pretty fucking good. You know, I didn't come out here to do anything. I came out here... I was a criminal and comedy won. You know, I used to be a cr- I was a criminal and a comic, and comedy won, it beat it.

Joe Rogan 33:24 Yeah, but I always knew-

Joey Diaz 33:25 Right?

Joe Rogan 33:25 ... Joey, your, your thing was always that you had come from a very unsteady, unsteady base. And you could tell. You were like a loving guy, but you had to get to know you. You had to, you gotta, you had to get through you.

Joey Diaz 33:38 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 33:38 And then, and then you were a really loving guy, but there was this like the bridge you had to cross, but I knew a lot of people like you. I knew, I knew people like you. Not, not as funny as you, but I knew people that were like brilliant but crazy in the sort of same sort of way, and it was always the same thing. It was always like their childhood was all fucked up or there was... so there was a mi- a missing there, there's some shit that goes wrong there. And when you develop like that, when you grow like that in like such a chaotic experience like yours, there's... this is, you know, it's hard. It's harder.

Joey Diaz 34:10 You live-

Joe Rogan 34:10 But when you get through, you get through with gifts. That's what's interesting about it. It's like it's harder for you than a person that had like your normal Norman Locke, R- Rockwell mom and pop sort of a life. It's harder for someone like you. It's much more emotionally difficult. You, you go through much more want for, uh, for love. There's... you're not... you don't, you don't feel support, you don't feel stable, and you grow up like that and it's, it's very hard to right yourself as an adult, 'cause all of us come out of our childhood, which we don't really have any control over who our parents are, and we don't... we have very little control over our experiences when we're kids. But we come out of that shit shaking, like when we get onto the road finally, like not everybody comes onto that road with the same amount of stability. Like some people come on that road and they're like, "My mom was awesome. My dad and my mom love each other. Yay!" And they're just going down the road. And other people are like, "Who am I? My uncle fucked me and I'm on coke and I'm only 15," and that... there's a lot of those people out there too. And it's like a matter of like righting it, a matter of like getting it stable, a matter of like getting your life in a position where you feel like you, you can make good decisions and you're in control of it. And it's not the same for everybody, and I knew when I met you, you were a good guy. I know... I knew you were a good man.

Joey Diaz 35:25 No, I knew that too. I knew-

Joe Rogan 35:26 I knew right away.

Joey Diaz 35:27 I didn't question that.

Joe Rogan 35:28 But I knew you just-

Joey Diaz 35:29 I just questioned how long I was gonna last here.

Joe Rogan 35:32 You were distracting yourself with other shit.

Joey Diaz 35:33 I, I didn't know how long I would last here. I thought this was just gonna be a, a fluke and I would end up in New York selling coke. And the story is that I became a regular. I broke the record. I became a regular within a month.

Joe Rogan 35:46 Did you really?

Joey Diaz 35:47 Yeah, I landed here January 29th.

Joe Rogan 35:49 That's amazing.

Joey Diaz 35:50 I became a regular February 19th on my 30-something birthday. So-

Joe Rogan 35:53 Well, if Mitzi, Mitzi caught you at the right time-

Joey Diaz 35:56 She caught me at the right time. And everybody kept saying to me, "Has Mitzi seen you?"

Joe Rogan 35:59 That's amazing.

Joey Diaz 36:00 "Has Mitzi seen you?" So I didn't really go through the whole thing. So now let's go back to that area. That area... that era was hard at the store. I had to follow Mooney every night and Dave Tyree and a bunch of crazy people after 11:00. It got crazy in there.

Joe Rogan 36:16 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 36:16 And then Holtzman would go on and clean house and, you know, it was just a different... I saw the three different phases of the store.

Joe Rogan 36:24 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 36:24 Then we saw the other phase with that fucking Mutt LaRage and his little crew, and, and I didn't go there for seven years.And then came the Adam fucking era, which was pretty fucking goddamn special.

Brian Redban 36:36 Pretty special.

Joey Diaz 36:37 It got so special that it got overly special. Like, Tuesday nights were fucking just ... like, you had to go down there prepared for war.

Brian Redban 36:45 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 36:47 Like, Tuesday nights-

Brian Redban 36:48 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 36:48 ... when you ... You ever see, like, Rambo before he's gonna, gonna go somewhere or-

Brian Redban 36:52 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 36:52 ... or The Expendables?

Brian Redban 36:53 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 36:53 They always see 'em sharpen their knives and s- setting all their equipment up and shit, like, before they go to war. Br- Bradley Cooper in The Sniper. That's how we were on Tuesday nights. Like, we, we had to sharpen our fucking knives, you had to take your Alpha Brain, you didn't get high all day. Like, you know, Tuesdays, you had to go down there and bring it, bitch.

Brian Redban 37:14 Yeah, you had to-

Joey Diaz 37:15 It was pretty fucking interesting.

Brian Redban 37:17 ... jump rope.

Joey Diaz 37:17 And it became ... But then on the other side of that, it started becoming monotonous for me. It was like, I was on the road or I was at The Comedy Store. I was on the road, or I was at The Comedy Store, or I was at home. I didn't do anything else for, like, three or four fucking years. Am I mad at that? No, no, no, no. I wish I would've gone to more parties maybe.

Brian Redban 37:38 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 37:38 Maybe more concerts. I wish I would've done some more stuff. When I went to New York last year to shoot The Sopranos, I saw my friends and I saw how they lived now and who they were now, and we met every night. We went to a different n- great restaurant for dinner and at a quarter to nine, they'd be yawning and I'd be happy as fuck that they were yawning.

Brian Redban 37:58 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 37:58 'Cause I'm just as fucking tired. We're not kids no more. And we would go our separate ways and I'd go back to my hotel and I'd go, "That was tremendous." And that's what you do now.

Brian Redban 38:08 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 38:08 But I went out every night with a different one to a different restaurant. And everybody has families. You know, it w- it just became something different for me.

Brian Redban 38:17 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 38:17 I wanted to go somewhere else. I would go to Texas with you in a heartbeat. You know me, dog, I love you to death. But I wanna go home.

Brian Redban 38:25 Right.

Joey Diaz 38:25 I wanna, I wanna eat this ... I wanna go to somebody's house and have the feast of the seven fishes.

Brian Redban 38:32 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 38:32 Okay? I'm sick and tired of eating this shit for the last ... Remember, I've been gone for 30 years, kid. I've been gone since '83. I went back for 18 months of homelessness and then nine months in '93 to become a comic, to do open mics with Mike Picchetti at the New York Comedy Club, across the street from where Castellano got shot. I played the game, dog. Then I went back to Colorado and got into fucking, you know, with the ex and the bop, bop, bop, and the fucking smacking the gl- guy and then getting thrown out and I ended up in Seattle. And then two years there and then Stanhope lured me down here and I got a developmental deal and then ...

Brian Redban 39:11 How did Stanhope lure you down here?

Joey Diaz 39:13 I did New Years with him.

Brian Redban 39:15 Where at?

Joey Diaz 39:16 In Seattle, '96 to '97. He's like, "You're wasting your time up here." He goes, "You're ready." But I had worked with him, like, the time before that, so he's like, "I got bunk beds. You're wasting your time."

Brian Redban 39:27 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 39:27 And I go, "You know what? I gotta go down there to shoot a pilot anyway. CBS is paying me like 20 grand."

Brian Redban 39:32 How'd they find you?

Joey Diaz 39:34 Uh, Thanksgiving, the night before Thanksgiving in Seattle.

Brian Redban 39:38 What were you doing?

Joey Diaz 39:38 I was on stage at the-

Brian Redban 39:39 And someone from CBS-

Joey Diaz 39:41 ... at The Underground.

Brian Redban 39:41 ... wanted you to do something?

Joey Diaz 39:41 He was from Seattle.

Brian Redban 39:43 Wow.

Joey Diaz 39:43 And he went home for the holidays and I got off stage and the guy's like, "Listen, I've been looking for a guy like you for three weeks."

Brian Redban 39:52 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 39:52 "Can you read?" "Yeah." "Okay."

Brian Redban 39:54 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 39:54 "Meet me tomorrow. I'm gonna put you on tape. I got a pilot because we want you to be ..." The ... It was, it was really fucked up. They wanted my character to be Spanish, but they didn't want him to look Spanish.

Brian Redban 40:06 Mmm.

Joey Diaz 40:06 It was CBS's answer to NYPD Blue. It was a show called Bronx something, something. And I came down and I was the worst actor in the world.

Brian Redban 40:18 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 40:18 I started out with like 19 pages.

Brian Redban 40:22 (gasps)

Joey Diaz 40:22 All the cops and DAs would come into the bar and I would chitchat, give them information, sell shit. And every day that I went and rehearsed, every day they took a page out. (blows raspberry) Every day they took a page out. I went down there, by the time they shot the pilot, I had no lines. I just nodded. I was terrible.

Brian Redban 40:40 Ugh.

Joey Diaz 40:40 I was snorting coke. I never been to an acting class before.

Brian Redban 40:44 Ugh.

Joey Diaz 40:44 I was staying up till six in the morning, going there at eight. What's his name was the director.

Brian Redban 40:49 Who's what's his name?

Joey Diaz 40:50 The guy who played the doctor. You gotta think about this one 'cause he's big time. He played a doctor in the movie with Tom Cruise, with the naked women, when the ch- she get ... he- the chick has a heart attack. He's fucking a you- a young chick and Tom Cruise has to help him with the chick because the chick is dead. He's a big time motherfucker and then he played the-

Brian Redban 41:13 What movie's that? What is that movie? (laughs)

Joey Diaz 41:14 What's that fucking movie?

Brian Redban 41:15 Goddammit. Vanilla Sky, Vanilla Sky.

Joey Diaz 41:17 What is it?

Brian Redban 41:17 Vanilla Sky. Vanilla Sky, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. Oh.

Joey Diaz 41:19 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. What's the movie with-

Brian Redban 41:22 I never saw Vanilla Sky. It's great.

Joey Diaz 41:22 What's the movie with Tom Cruise-

Brian Redban 41:24 I've heard it's awesome. Yeah.

Joey Diaz 41:24 ... where he sneaks into the party and there are a bunch of freaks? He's, he's married to the fucking Australian chick at the time?

Brian Redban 41:32 Nicole Kidman.

Joey Diaz 41:32 Nicole Kidman, and him and Nicole Kidman have a fight so he go-

Brian Redban 41:36 Eyes Wide Shut? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Joey Diaz 41:37 Eyes Wide Shut.

Brian Redban 41:38 Oh.

Joey Diaz 41:39 Who played the doctor?

Brian Redban 41:40 He ... That's the Kubrick one.

Joey Diaz 41:41 That, that's a brilliant-

Brian Redban 41:42 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 41:42 ... movie, but whoever played the doctor that he has the girl all coked up.

Brian Redban 41:46 Oh.

Joey Diaz 41:46 All right, he also played the doctor, you ready? To Johnny Sack in The Sopranos.

Brian Redban 41:52 Really?

Joey Diaz 41:53 He was the one that kept saying, "I shot my wife, the mailman, and I was already going down so I shot the maid too."

Brian Redban 42:01 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 42:01 He was the doctor and he turns his shades and he goes, uh, he tells him, "Dr. Friedman."

Brian Redban 42:07 There it is.

Joey Diaz 42:07 That guy.

Brian Redban 42:07 That guy.

Joey Diaz 42:08 He directed me in this.

Brian Redban 42:10 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 42:10 And he loved me in the beginning, and at the end he wouldn't even look at me. He would just shake his head.

Brian Redban 42:15 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 42:15 I was ... I didn't know how to fucking act!

Brian Redban 42:17 It's hard.

Joey Diaz 42:18 How can you put me on CBS? I just came ... I've been doing comedy six years.

Brian Redban 42:22 (laughs) Some people can just fucking do it. So-

Joey Diaz 42:28 Then I got it. No, then I got it doing it more, but that was the first time-

Brian Redban 42:31 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 42:31 ... when they say action, I go, "What?"

Joe Rogan 42:33 It's crazy when, like, an athlete does it. When an athlete ... and then they're really good. You're like, "Jesus Christ, like, how hard is it to act?"

Joey Diaz 42:41 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 42:41 This guy just came off the fucking bench. Like, there's-

Joey Diaz 42:44 I just-

Joe Rogan 42:44 A lot of athletes have done, like ... Who else has done, like, amazing jobs? The athlete thing is weird, right? Because at least Canadians-

Joey Diaz 42:51 Rappers.

Brian Redban 42:51 Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

Joey Diaz 42:53 Fucking rappers really stole the game.

Joe Rogan 42:55 Yeah, that's it.

Joey Diaz 42:55 Queen Latifah-

Brian Redban 42:57 Rappers, for sure.

Joey Diaz 42:57 Ice Cube.

Joe Rogan 42:58 Ice Cube.

Brian Redban 42:58 Yes.

Joey Diaz 42:59 Ro-fucking-Friday.

Joe Rogan 43:00 Right. They're the best example.

Joey Diaz 43:01 I mean, are you fucking crazy?

Joe Rogan 43:03 Actors are the best example. Or excuse me, uh, rappers.

Joey Diaz 43:06 Rappers, tremendous.

Brian Redban 43:06 Rappers.

Joe Rogan 43:06 Rappers are the best example.

Joey Diaz 43:07 No acting classes, no nothing.

Joe Rogan 43:08 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 43:09 They just took it by the horns.

Brian Redban 43:10 Tupac.

Joey Diaz 43:10 They know how to act.

Joe Rogan 43:11 But no one's better than them.

Joey Diaz 43:12 Tupac. Tupac was-

Joe Rogan 43:13 Stop and think about it. Like, think about how many rappers, high-level rappers became high-level actors.

Joey Diaz 43:18 Bro, Tupac made some weird movies, Joe.

Joe Rogan 43:21 Juice.

Joey Diaz 43:21 He made a, he made a ... Huh?

Brian Redban 43:23 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 43:23 Juice?

Joey Diaz 43:24 Which one's Juice?

Joe Rogan 43:25 Wasn't he in Juice?

Brian Redban 43:25 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 43:26 I think so, yeah.

Joey Diaz 43:26 Juice? What about the one where he played the junkie-

Brian Redban 43:29 I forgot about that one.

Joey Diaz 43:29 ... with the guy and the hot Black chick?

Joe Rogan 43:32 How crazy is that, that Tupac was a huge movie star as well as a huge rap star at the same time?

Brian Redban 43:38 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 43:38 I loved the movie Po-

Joe Rogan 43:39 Poetic Justice.

Joey Diaz 43:39 Oh, he was tremendous in Poetic Justice.

Joe Rogan 43:42 Dude, he did a lot of movies.

Joey Diaz 43:43 He tortured Janet Jackson.

Joe Rogan 43:44 Oh, did you ever see Bullet with Mickey Rourke? That was the most, one of the most ridiculous movies of all time.

Brian Redban 43:48 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 43:48 Terrible, terrible, terrible. What's the movie-

Joe Rogan 43:51 But it was interesting to see the two of them together.

Joey Diaz 43:53 Yeah, that wa-

Joe Rogan 43:53 That was ... Mickey Rourke was jacked.

Joey Diaz 43:54 On Above the Rim.

Joe Rogan 43:56 Did you ever see how big Mickey Rourke was in that, in that movie?

Brian Redban 43:59 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 44:00 Go to, go to that movie. Like, there's, there's videos of it, like, Mickey Rourke in a tank top. He was fucking jacked.

Joey Diaz 44:05 And the guy next to him with the white shirt-

Brian Redban 44:07 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 44:08 ... that guy was married to Traci Lords.

Joe Rogan 44:10 Traci Lords.

Joey Diaz 44:10 You know him. That's your buddy, George.

Brian Redban 44:12 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 44:13 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 44:13 Joe. That's your buddy, Joe.

Brian Redban 44:14 I don't know who that guy is.

Joe Rogan 44:15 How did you know that picture?

Joey Diaz 44:15 Yes, you were with him one night at the store.

Brian Redban 44:17 No, I don't know.

Joey Diaz 44:17 He's married to Traci Lords.

Brian Redban 44:19 I might've said hi to him.

Joey Diaz 44:19 You were playing the drums and jumping up and down with him-

Brian Redban 44:21 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 44:21 What are you talking about?

Joey Diaz 44:22 ... talking about vitamin supplements.

Brian Redban 44:24 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 44:25 (laughs)

Brian Redban 44:25 (laughs) Why would you know that man?

Joey Diaz 44:26 What's his fucking name?

Brian Redban 44:27 I don't know the guy.

Joey Diaz 44:28 Y- di- Jo- Joe, don't lie to me. He's talking to you about-

Brian Redban 44:31 No, I'm not lying to you.

Joey Diaz 44:31 Fu- ... Look, right there.

Joe Rogan 44:32 Where?

Joey Diaz 44:32 That guy was one of the best-looking men that ever-

Brian Redban 44:36 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 44:36 He's a handsome guy.

Joey Diaz 44:36 ... fucking was ... In that movie with Mickey Rourke-

Joe Rogan 44:39 It says Sam-

Joey Diaz 44:39 ... he's fucking, he's his brother.

Brian Redban 44:41 Uh, that's his assistant. That's his photographer.

Joey Diaz 44:41 He's his brother, and he's fucking two chicks in a disco.

Brian Redban 44:46 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 44:47 He's ... I saw that guy at a couple of-

Joe Rogan 44:49 Who is he?

Brian Redban 44:50 I don't know.

Joey Diaz 44:50 That guy walking the dog, find out what his name is, Jamie, please.

Joe Rogan 44:54 Why ...

Joey Diaz 44:54 Sir.

Joe Rogan 44:54 Do you keep-

Brian Redban 44:55 That's Mickey Rourke.

Joey Diaz 44:56 No, that's not Mickey Rourke.

Joe Rogan 44:56 No, the other guy he's holding hands with.

Brian Redban 44:58 He's the photographer, but-

Joey Diaz 44:58 Go down with, down.

Joe Rogan 44:59 The guy who he's holding hands with.

Brian Redban 45:00 It's Sante.

Joey Diaz 45:00 Go down with, down.

Brian Redban 45:01 I should show it when I go here.

Joey Diaz 45:02 That's no Armand Assante, that guy.

Joe Rogan 45:04 Yeah, that's Sante.

Brian Redban 45:05 No, it's not showing his name. I don't know why. I'll find it, I'll find it.

Joe Rogan 45:08 Okay.

Joey Diaz 45:09 He, he came to this store one-

Joe Rogan 45:10 That's a bold move. Look at the half-cropped shirt.

Brian Redban 45:12 Yeah, you need a move that.

Joey Diaz 45:12 He came to this store one night. He played Mickey Rourke's brother in this movie.

Joe Rogan 45:16 Bullet.

Joey Diaz 45:17 And the other thing was that he was married to Traci Lords.

Joe Rogan 45:22 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 45:23 John Enos, that good-looking motherfucker.

Brian Redban 45:27 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 45:28 Jesus.

Joey Diaz 45:28 Well, he ain't that good-looking no more, but in this movie, you would suck his dick.

Brian Redban 45:33 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 45:34 He was fucking-

Joe Rogan 45:34 Back in '96.

Joey Diaz 45:35 Yeah, he was fucking smoking. He was very, very good-looking.

Joe Rogan 45:38 This is, is a strange movie.

Brian Redban 45:40 Really, it's dangerous.

Joe Rogan 45:41 Very strange movie. Is that that dude ... Who ... Is that that guy Ben, the guy who was driving the car? What the fuck's his-

Brian Redban 45:47 No, it was Brody.

Joey Diaz 45:47 He won an Academy Award years later.

Joe Rogan 45:48 A- And, it's Adrien Brody?

Joey Diaz 45:49 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 45:50 Oh, that guy. Yeah, okay.

Brian Redban 45:51 Oh.

Joey Diaz 45:51 Everything was going good.

Joe Rogan 45:52 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 45:52 They were giving him a 7-Up commercial, and they told him to get the fuck out of here. How do you win an Academy Award doing, like, a Shasta commercial?

Joe Rogan 45:58 Is that what happened?

Joey Diaz 45:59 Something weird happened with Shasta.

Joe Rogan 46:00 They shut him down after he did a Shasta commercial?

Joey Diaz 46:02 They did something. I don't know.

Joe Rogan 46:03 That's all you have?

Joey Diaz 46:03 I'm just joking.

Joe Rogan 46:05 I don't know, man.

Joey Diaz 46:05 You got another blunt for Young Uncle Joseph?

Brian Redban 46:07 Yes, of course, I do.

Joey Diaz 46:07 Thank you, brother.

Brian Redban 46:08 You can have some of mine.

Joey Diaz 46:09 No, I'm all right, 'cause that corona test was tremendous.

Joe Rogan 46:13 I got one right here, Jimmy.

Joey Diaz 46:14 Just that swab in your nose, I know she took things out of my nose that would need to figure out-

Joe Rogan 46:19 We have to find out. Let's find out what's keeping you going, make sure everything's, everything's okay.

Joey Diaz 46:22 I did the antibodies test, but then a dentist told me, she goes, "Joey, the antibodies is no good."

Joe Rogan 46:28 The FDA approved one is good. It shows-

Joey Diaz 46:31 Because-

Joe Rogan 46:31 ... whether or not you've had it.

Joey Diaz 46:33 It's a respiratory illness.

Joe Rogan 46:34 Yes.

Joey Diaz 46:34 It shouldn't be in your blood, so that's what-

Joe Rogan 46:37 Oh, well she-

Joey Diaz 46:37 That's why she said ... That's why I did the swab, to be honest with you, and I didn't want to faint. I faint at the weirdest moments, Joe.

Joe Rogan 46:42 Yeah, but that's not real. What- whatever she just said, that's not true.

Joey Diaz 46:46 Okay, whatever.

Joe Rogan 46:46 Like, it's-

Joey Diaz 46:46 Who-

Joe Rogan 46:46 It's in your blood for sure.

Joey Diaz 46:47 Who gives a ... Who gives ... Everybody's faucing now. Who gives a fuck?

Joe Rogan 46:49 No, they-

Brian Redban 46:50 Where's the lighter?

Joe Rogan 46:50 The best way to find out ... Right in front of you. Right in front of you.

Joey Diaz 46:52 Thank you, brother.

Joe Rogan 46:52 Right there. The best way to find out, apparently, is you draw blood, and then they do an analysis of the blood.

Joey Diaz 46:57 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 46:57 But the, the pinprick is FDA approved, and the swab lets you know if you have, like, recent infections.

Joey Diaz 47:04 And I gotta tell you r- right here, 'cause you know I'm a man's man.

Joe Rogan 47:06 I know you're a man's man.

Joey Diaz 47:07 And I tell you the truth all the time.

Joe Rogan 47:09 I know you do.

Joey Diaz 47:10 I made jokes about Dana White's Fire Island.

Brian Redban 47:12 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 47:12 I wanna apologize to him because look at ... He did it right.

Joe Rogan 47:17 He did.

Joey Diaz 47:17 The bubble worked.

Joe Rogan 47:18 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 47:18 And now he looks like a hero. The bubble worked. And unless everybody adheres to the bubble-

Joe Rogan 47:23 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 47:24 ... then it's not gonna work for-

Joe Rogan 47:25 Well, film crews-

Joey Diaz 47:26 You guys are-

Joe Rogan 47:26 ... are figuring it out now, too. They're doing-

Joey Diaz 47:27 You haven't heard from Tyler Perry any complaints.

Joe Rogan 47:30 No.

Joey Diaz 47:30 But have y- ... You don't check your fucking j- email. I do lately because they ... I get all the SAG emails.

Brian Redban 47:37 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 47:37 And I gotta tell you something, you gotta read this SAG shit.

Joe Rogan 47:40 Like what they have to do?

Joey Diaz 47:42 Yeah, that's why a lot of them, and they're trying to do it fucking, you know, mens amores.

Joe Rogan 47:46 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 47:46 And people are showing up going, "This ain't gonna work, dog."

Joe Rogan 47:50 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 47:50 "This ain't gonna work." Tyler Perry already puts you in a bubble. He picks you up at Van Nuys. You get hired. You go do a test. 16 days from when, when they pick you up in Van Nuys. Then you go to Van Nuys Airport. They give you another test. You get on a personal plane. You fly to Atlanta. When you get off the plane, they do it again. Quarantine for 24 hours, and then you're put into three groups, group A, group C, group B. You can't mingle with B or C, and you, you got access to a mall, a hotel, workout, little area outside. Everybody's social distancing. Not one fucking complaint. But everybody's doing it. When I, when I found this out, I got pissed off. This is my life. I've been paying dues.... just like you. I don't wanna do movies and I don't wanna do TV, but I gotta finish this movie. I thought that ... I read something in the LA Times that said that by adding COVID to movies, it's gonna add a million dollars to the bu- like, it's gonna cost a million dollars to do it properly. (clears throat)

Joe Rogan 48:58 Jesus.

Joey Diaz 48:58 Sorry. Which is, uh-

Joe Rogan 49:00 Joe.

Joey Diaz 49:01 Which is- which is-

Joe Rogan 49:02 You can't cough on Brian, it's 2020.

Joey Diaz 49:03 I didn't cough on Brian.

Joe Rogan 49:03 (laughs) I coughed on my fucking hand.

Brian Redban 49:05 Have a courtesy hat. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 49:06 So for you to, for you to shoot a real movie like that, you have to have two nurses doing COVID tests.

Joe Rogan 49:13 Yeah. They're gonna get better.

Joey Diaz 49:15 You know what they're doing? You know what they-

Joe Rogan 49:15 They got one at the White House that takes 20 minutes.

Joey Diaz 49:17 You know what they're doing?

Joe Rogan 49:18 What?

Joey Diaz 49:18 They're hiring fucking out-of-work actors to get certified online. Then, they put them on the set to do COVID tests and fucking, you know, separating. Can't do that. I pay dues. I want a fucking nurse there, bitch.

Joe Rogan 49:35 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 49:37 You know?

Joe Rogan 49:37 Well, it's ... the problem is if you catch it and you are not healthy, you don't have a- a good immune system, you're older, you're compromised, maybe you got some sort of a condition already, it's not good. So looking- asking people to work where there's a one outta 10 chance, or one outta 20 chance, or whatever the- the number is, that you might catch it, that's a new ask. That never was the question. The question was, "Hey, do you wanna work at UPS?" I'm like, "How much does it pay? What are the hours? Okay, I'll do it." It wasn't like, "You might die." Like, "You might catch this disease that you die from." It's not likely, but you're- everyone knows someone who at least knows someone who died from it. So it's like, "Fuck, how bad do I want this job?" Or you could stay home and take 600 bucks from the government or whatever it is. The addic- most people are gonna take ... they're gonna take that money. You could either downsize your life and just figure out a way to save money. 'Cause it's- that ... if you worked at a supermarket, it used to be you just worked at a supermarket. It didn't used to be you come in contact with someone that might have something that can kill you. And it's killing people. Not a lot, not a lot. But that does not give you any comfort when you're lying there with tubes in your nose if you're one of those people that gets it and gets it real bad, like Michael Yo. And y- you're in a hospital and you think you might be going.

Joey Diaz 51:01 Michael Yo, Geoffrey Gurion, Frankie Big Balls, and Chris were sitting in the green room together that Friday night.

Joe Rogan 51:11 They all got it?

Joey Diaz 51:12 Except Chris.

Joe Rogan 51:13 He didn't get it?

Joey Diaz 51:14 No.

Joe Rogan 51:15 Really?

Joey Diaz 51:16 Geoffrey got it, hospitalized. Big Ball Pete, uh, Lisa Lenoir-Bennet's ex, great guy, he got it. I think he was hospitalized. And as his last blog I read from him, he was on oxygen treatment.

Joe Rogan 51:30 Jesus.

Joey Diaz 51:30 And Michael Yo got it.

Joe Rogan 51:32 Michael Yo was here months later-

Joey Diaz 51:34 (coughs)

Joe Rogan 51:34 ... and he said he was still, uh, struggling with fatigue. So he looked great when I saw him. He looked like ... if you saw him, you would think, "Oh, he's 100% recovered." Like, he looked like he ... ready to go do a triathlon. But he said no. He said he still gets tired easy. It's not ... he doesn't feel the same.

Joey Diaz 51:52 That's a shame.

Joe Rogan 51:53 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 51:54 Knock on wood.

Brian Redban 51:54 Thank you.

Joe Rogan 51:54 This is- this is weird. So like, I get it, man. I get people not wanting to work. I fucking get it. I'm not saying people should go back to work. I'm saying people should have the option. And I know-

Joey Diaz 52:05 Like Peaches.

Joe Rogan 52:05 Yeah. Everybody, man. Everybody should have the option. Everybody should have the option. This is not a normal time. It's not like ... this is, uh, not a normal ... it's not a normal scene, you know?

Joey Diaz 52:15 So if you don't wanna work, how much does the government have to give you a week?

Joe Rogan 52:19 It's a good question. This should be an honest discussion that we should figure out like how much money is necessary.

Joey Diaz 52:23 And does your rent get paid?

Brian Redban 52:24 Yeah, that's the rent thing. So it's- it's crazy.

Joey Diaz 52:26 That's the rent thing I wanna know.

Joe Rogan 52:27 No, because now you can't- you can't just have people broke like this for five months and not even let them work. This is what we're seeing. We're seeing people that are ... they ... everyone has a hair trigger. Everybody's ready to go off. That's not good for any of us.

Joey Diaz 52:38 No. No.

Joe Rogan 52:38 It's not a smart way to do it.

Joey Diaz 52:39 And you look at the restaurants and the restaurants are o- are open. You and I try to support restaurants, fucking Tacos 86.

Brian Redban 52:46 Three, four times a day. Oh, yeah. Tacos 90-

Joey Diaz 52:48 Tacos 86.

Joe Rogan 52:48 Four times a day. (laughs)

Brian Redban 52:49 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 52:49 Oh my God. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 52:50 Brian's like, "I abuse my body just to support them."

Brian Redban 52:53 What happened? Uh, no. Tacos 1986.

Joey Diaz 52:55 Oh my God, Joe Rogan-

Brian Redban 52:56 Just opened up in Burbank. It's amazing.

Joey Diaz 52:57 That's our shit. That's our shit.

Joe Rogan 52:59 Mm.

Joey Diaz 53:00 So, uh-

Joe Rogan 53:01 Listen, I love restaurants.

Joey Diaz 53:01 ... I try to sup- I try to support the local restaurants, but I know they're making ugatz.

Joe Rogan 53:07 They're not making much, but they-

Joey Diaz 53:07 They're making dick. They're keeping the employees over. That's why I tip as much as I can.

Joe Rogan 53:13 Mm.

Brian Redban 53:14 Let's keep on.

Joe Rogan 53:15 He ... Jamie just handed me-

Brian Redban 53:16 All right.

53:17 I'll get me a board.

Joe Rogan 53:17 Biden announced Harris for VP.

Joey Diaz 53:19 Okay.

Joe Rogan 53:20 Kamala Harris, "A fearless fighter for the little guy. I have the country's finest public servants as my running mate." They might win. She's a powerful lady.

Brian Redban 53:29 Can you click on her name?

Joe Rogan 53:31 She's very good at talking. Yeah, she was that lady that, uh ... she got in- into it with Tulsi Gabbard (sighs) at the, uh, primaries.

Joey Diaz 53:42 I don't know nothing about these people, Joe Rogan.

Joe Rogan 53:44 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 53:44 I know that Biden's a-

Joe Rogan 53:44 One of them might be the vice president of the United States.

Joey Diaz 53:46 ... and I think that fucking, uh, Trump won the election on Saturday when he gave people money 'cause money talks and bullshit walks. If I get a check in the mail from Trump for 600, he bought my vote right now at this point in the-

Joe Rogan 53:58 The thing about it is though, I don't think, uh ... I think it relies on the state paying 25%.

Brian Redban 54:03 And the state, like, of California's bankrupt.

Joe Rogan 54:05 States, like, don't have any money. Yeah, they're like, "We don't have any money, bro."

Joey Diaz 54:06 What were you talking about the other day 50%? You had me almost scared to death.

Joe Rogan 54:10 When you add up the state income tax with the federal income tax, it's- it's in the neighborhood of 54%.

Joey Diaz 54:15 That's where it's gonna go into?

Joe Rogan 54:16 With an increase, yes.

Joey Diaz 54:17 All right.

Joe Rogan 54:17 The increase that California wants to do? Look, they- they have tr- they're trying to figure out a way to buy their way out of some of the problems that we have. I get it. I don't know what the fuck they should do. I'm a moron. I shouldn't be the mayor or the governor. I am not gonna do it. It's not in my wheelhouse. I would not balance the budget. I would not ... I'm- I'm not a pay attentioner. (laughs) That's not me, man. I got things to do. I'm worried about space. All right? I'm not worried about your budget. But somebody has to do it and they have to do it right. And y- giving them more money is not gonna ... it's not gonna fix it. They need a fucking real plan. No one's telling us how to get out of this economically. No one's telling us how to get out of this healthwise.

Joey Diaz 54:53 ... everybody's bitching.

Joe Rogan 54:54 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 54:55 But this is the first time we've been caught with our pants then down.

Joe Rogan 54:59 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 54:59 I'm not mad at anybody. I can't really be mad at anybody because everybody got caught with their pants down. How we've handled it at times is kinda weird. It's kinda-

Joe Rogan 55:10 It's not just that. It's not just that. We look vulnerable as a nation 'cause we handled it stupid. (laughs) We, we had a big giant surge again. It's like we were, uh, we were doing real well. Everything was trending down, and then we have a big giant surge again. Now people are going out. Now places that weren't getting it are getting it again. (exhales loudly) We didn't do such a good job. It's not... You know, the... And the problem is, if the country's locked up, and we basically are, m- a big percentage of everybody's locked up, and we're economically fucked, and we're scared to do things, so we're like probably not that healthy. We're not, not as healthy as we normally are. And there's not as much money and people aren't working well. Well, what? This is not a strong country then. Like the, the country's only strong if everything's strong, like the economy's strong, the military's strong, the government's strong. When the economy's fucked and the people are unhealthy, like that is, that's the backbone of the whole country. This is a vulnerable country. That's where it gets weird. We don't ever wanna think that. We're like, "Oh, we don't have to worry about that anymore." But of course we do. That's history. History is countries taking over countries. History is countries figuring out a ways to dominate other countries. Who knows what they're doing today to each other? I mean, we hear about like Russian interference. Who knows what kind of fucking viruses we have on our computers?

Joey Diaz 56:26 Oh, that mail-in fucking thing-

Joe Rogan 56:28 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 56:28 ... is gonna be a party and a half.

Joe Rogan 56:30 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 56:30 That is the biggest scam in the fucking world. That is the biggest fucking scam in the world. Already the post office is running fucking behind. Nevermind all those ballots. That's a scam and a half. That's a scam and a half, and it's terrible.

Joe Rogan 56:45 I wonder what the best way to do it is, though. What if it turns out the post office is the best way to do it? Like maybe it takes more time, but-

Joey Diaz 56:52 Oh.

Joe Rogan 56:52 ... maybe they're better at it.

Joey Diaz 56:53 Oh, bro, you never wa- you never stuffed boxes for $20 and looked the other way?

Joe Rogan 56:58 No, I never stuffed boxes for $20. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 57:00 I, I stuffed boxes. I had to stuff boxes.

Joe Rogan 57:01 No.

Joey Diaz 57:01 Bro, I grew up in North Bergen, New Jersey.

Joe Rogan 57:03 Stuff boxes? What do you mean by stuffed boxes?

Joey Diaz 57:04 I grew up in North Bergen, New Jersey.

Joe Rogan 57:06 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 57:07 I was a Cuban kid that stumbled upon a fight one day and stuck up for an Italian kid, and they made me part of their family. But the other part of their family was that they were political. And he was the other side of the wing for politics. Remember, there's a mayor, and he shows up with a guy like you that's intelligent, but then he also has a guy like me. And I do weird things for him.

Joe Rogan 57:28 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 57:28 I let people know what is, what the mayor wants done.

Joe Rogan 57:32 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 57:32 And I gotta be very... I was that guy's son.

Joe Rogan 57:36 Oh.

Joey Diaz 57:37 I was his son. I became his son. Then his son died and I really became his son. So I didn't know what I was doing. He would just go, "Go light this on fire."

Joe Rogan 57:47 (laughs)

Brian Redban 57:47 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 57:47 "Put $50 in your pocket." And that's all I went and did, you know what I'm saying?

Joe Rogan 57:52 (laughs)

Brian Redban 57:52 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 57:52 He told me to go pick up this, I went and picked this up. He told me to go do this, I still remember... How I met most of my friends today were from that election.

Joe Rogan 58:00 Wow.

Joey Diaz 58:00 The '76 election, column A and column B. And I mean, they were battling on the street. I don't have to tell you about Jersey knuckleheads.

Joe Rogan 58:09 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 58:09 You know, we were throwing rocks at each other. And then at night we were paid to go rip down your signs.

Joe Rogan 58:15 Mm.

Joey Diaz 58:15 And then the next night your people ripped down our signs. And then whoever puts a sign of each one on, we all have a fucking memory of that. So if I side with Joe Rogan in North Bergen and Joe Rogan loses, I might as well pack my bags-

Joe Rogan 58:32 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 58:33 ... because they're gonna demote me from a teacher to a janitor. That's how they get you in Jersey, dog.

Joe Rogan 58:39 So they would all put signs on their lawn for the guy that they support? Let everybody know-

Joey Diaz 58:43 They tell... Listen.

Joe Rogan 58:43 ... this is the way... You're, you're my friend?

Joey Diaz 58:45 They tell you.

Joe Rogan 58:46 "Spaulding."

Joey Diaz 58:47 They, they-

Joe Rogan 58:47 "Vote for Harry Spaulding."

Joey Diaz 58:48 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 58:48 "He's a good man."

Joey Diaz 58:49 They come to your house, they knock on your door, and they tell you who you're gonna vote for.

Joe Rogan 58:54 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 58:54 "Listen, you're gonna vote for these guys."

Brian Redban 58:55 Oh.

Joey Diaz 58:55 "It's gonna be fine. We'll take care of you. Your brother-in-law needs a job, the retard, right?"

Brian Redban 59:00 It sounds like a nightmare place to live, by the way.

Joe Rogan 59:02 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 59:02 That's... And the-

Brian Redban 59:03 I would hate that s-... (laughs)

Joey Diaz 59:05 You think-

Brian Redban 59:05 What are you doing? Get off my porch.

Joey Diaz 59:07 That's-

Brian Redban 59:07 Get away from me.

Joey Diaz 59:07 That's-

Brian Redban 59:08 (laughs) I don't... Joey, you're moving back to this?

Joey Diaz 59:10 That's... No, no, no, no, no.

Brian Redban 59:11 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 59:11 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 59:11 That's Hudson County politics. That's how we used... Listen, in Hudson County, Jamie, if you'd like to verify, no mayor in Hudson County has ever just vacated.

Joe Rogan 59:23 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 59:24 They've all either been put in prison or died. Every mayor. The active mayor in North Bergen now is very good. He has changed the town. His name is Mayor Sacko. He's very good, very good. That town is clean, Bobby. Cameras everywhere. You do something, there's a curfew at night.

Joe Rogan 59:43 Mm.

Joey Diaz 59:43 Very clean. In fact, they just had an, a writeup about the New York Times where most of the people are moving to. It's my hometown, North Bergen, then down the hill, Edgewater. You know who lives in Edgewater?

Joe Rogan 59:55 Isn't that Frankie Edgar?

Joey Diaz 59:56 No.

Joe Rogan 59:57 He's, he's in Toms River, right?

Joey Diaz 59:58 He's in Toms River.

Joe Rogan 59:59 Who's-

Joey Diaz 59:59 Hey, you know who lives in Edgewater?

Joe Rogan 1:00:00 Who?

Joey Diaz 1:00:01 Name a rapper.

Joe Rogan 1:00:02 Jay-Z?

Joey Diaz 1:00:04 Name a rapper.

Brian Redban 1:00:05 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 1:00:05 He lives there?

Joey Diaz 1:00:05 Ice-T.

Joe Rogan 1:00:06 Really?

Joey Diaz 1:00:07 Nu- Naughty By Nature.

Joe Rogan 1:00:08 Ice-T does not-

Joey Diaz 1:00:09 All the Knicks, all the Nets.

Joe Rogan 1:00:12 ... cop shows still.

Joey Diaz 1:00:12 All the baseball players live in Edgewater.

Joe Rogan 1:00:14 Ah.

Joey Diaz 1:00:15 So it's right above Edgewater. All that Hudson County, Hoboken, where Gino's a cop and all that-

Joe Rogan 1:00:20 Oh, okay.

Joey Diaz 1:00:20 ... that's Hudson County.

Joe Rogan 1:00:21 Okay.

Joey Diaz 1:00:21 They play by their own rules, G. They do it a different way. And you gotta pick a side. You gotta pick a side, and if you don't pick a side and that side loses? Boom, you gotta live in that hometown to work in that hometown.

Joe Rogan 1:00:32 Oh, no. And then they, they fuck with you.

Joey Diaz 1:00:35 They... Yeah, it's a whole-

Joe Rogan 1:00:36 You went with the wrong side.

Joey Diaz 1:00:37 But it's tremendous. It's a way to keep-

Joe Rogan 1:00:39 (sighs)

Joey Diaz 1:00:39 ... everybody in line. Everybody knows where they stand. Once you go, you go.

Joe Rogan 1:00:44 Those guys that put their hand on the back of your neck, those guys that tell you...

Brian Redban 1:00:49 Oh yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:00:49 "This is, this is what we're gonna do. We're gonna do this, okay?" And they're holding the back of your neck and you're like, "What kind of conversation is this? Like, you're not squeezing my neck yet, but it seems like..."What happens if I don't vote for this guy? (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:01:01 Bro, one of the most interesting ones that you've never watched, but you should read about, I think Jamie has watched, is season two of Narcos, when they rig the election in Mexico. And they try to do it with a computer and they get busted, and then they actually just sent narcos to the fucking voting stations. They put a gun to your head and go, "Put another zero next to that number."

Joe Rogan 1:01:24 Whoa.

Joey Diaz 1:01:25 In 1987, the elections in Mexico were so fucking crooked because the government that was coming in was gonna side with the United States and that could never happen. They were gonna lose millions of dollars. So that government had to win. And when you watch it play out in the series, you're like ... But when you read about it, you're like, "What the fuck?" They caught them red-handed. It's like you catching me taking this and you going, "Joey, that's mine. Yeah, bye." And walking out of here. Like, it was that cold-blooded of an election. The, the fucking guy had to resign years later, but it was that brutal.

Joe Rogan 1:02:05 Mm.

Joey Diaz 1:02:05 They ... Because they figured they weren't gonna win the election in Mexico City, so they went to all these farmer places and all those motherfuckers got beat up. So forget about Mexico City, we're gonna lose Mexico City. It was what, what's the name of LA, LAPIRA? The, the PRA, the PRI is an organization. Tremendous storyline on how they needed that government to win so they could keep getting drugs into this country.

Joe Rogan 1:02:34 (exhales)

Joey Diaz 1:02:35 And how the CIA was even involved in that election, but it was the narcos who went out to the small villages and fucking put guns to your head, put a zero on that number.

Joe Rogan 1:02:47 (clicking fingers) It is one of the craziest things about being an American, is that we're connected to a country that's feeding us drugs and is run by cartels. And everybody's like, "Shh." (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:03:00 Bro, they had a town in Mexico during this, that the cartel said if they saw you on the streets without a face mask, they'd shoot you.

Joe Rogan 1:03:08 Mm. They've done that in other countries.

Joey Diaz 1:03:10 Because it was, it was, it was such a small village-

Joe Rogan 1:03:12 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:03:12 ... that it would have destroyed the village, so the narcos got involved and said-

Joe Rogan 1:03:16 (exhales)

Joey Diaz 1:03:16 ... "If you go out without a face mask, we'll put a bullet in your head."

Joe Rogan 1:03:21 There's something about people who have power, whether it's you're the mayor or the governor or you're the narcos or you're a cop, something about people having that kind of power over your life like that, with just a finger on the trigger, it's too much for most people to handle. It's too much. Most people can't handle it. That's, that's what you're saying, dude. Most people should not have the ability to just shoot you. (laughs) You can't shoot them but they can shoot you. If you don't listen, they can shoot you. If you're running away, they can shoot you. You come at them with a taser, they can shoot you. Like ... (exhales)

Brian Redban 1:03:52 They need to, like, re- like, make a freeze gun, where you can just freeze them.

Joe Rogan 1:03:56 That's not a bad idea.

Brian Redban 1:03:58 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:03:58 Joe Rogan, nobody could (laughs) call a cop's life-

Brian Redban 1:04:02 It's just too dark.

Joey Diaz 1:04:02 ... until you're a fucking cop.

Joe Rogan 1:04:05 Yeah, it's too dark to understand what that job entails.

Joey Diaz 1:04:07 You don't ... It's too dark to understand the entails.

Joe Rogan 1:04:08 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:04:09 You know why I started going to jujitsu? So I could watch the UFCs and not feel guilty.

Brian Redban 1:04:15 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:04:15 Because I can't ... Nothing bothers me more when I see a blogger or an announcer that's never done a jumping jack.

Joe Rogan 1:04:21 Mm.

Joey Diaz 1:04:22 And he's trying to cover the UFC. Nothing bothers me more than that. So, I want you to understand, I grew up with guys that were cops. I talked to them. I saw how they had to blow steam off because of the things they saw. Yeah, they used their power, they fucked around, they were all bad lieutenants if you want to call it. But the job itself, unless you're doing it, man, it's weird.

Joe Rogan 1:04:48 It's so weird.

Joey Diaz 1:04:49 It's a weird job. Do, do I-

Joe Rogan 1:04:51 It's ... You're d- you live in a different world than everybody else.

Joey Diaz 1:04:53 Do I appreciate poli- listen, I've been arrested, how many times have I been arrested?

Joe Rogan 1:04:57 A million.

Joey Diaz 1:04:58 I never had a fuck-

Joe Rogan 1:04:58 You've been arrested a million times.

Brian Redban 1:04:59 A million point one.

Joey Diaz 1:05:01 I've never had a problem... I've never had a problem with a cop. I even had a cop pull over at a Chinese restaurant one time and let me get food handcuffed 'cause I hadn't eaten all day.

Joe Rogan 1:05:08 Well, you've got good cops and you're a good guy.

Joey Diaz 1:05:10 Okay. And that's number three.

Joe Rogan 1:05:11 And you, you, you charmed them.

Joey Diaz 1:05:11 Number three, I've never said the word pig on any podcast. When I went to jail, I went to jail on my own accord. It was my problem.

Joe Rogan 1:05:18 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:05:20 I've never given a cop a problem. When they interrogated me, oh, I'll light you on fire. (Finger snaps) If you wanna get interrogated-

Brian Redban 1:05:27 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:05:27 ... you interrogate me. I'll talk to you about the Cuban Missile Crisis.

Joe Rogan 1:05:31 (laughs)

Brian Redban 1:05:33 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:05:33 (laughs) I'll get you... Bro, those-

Joe Rogan 1:05:34 Big pigs.

Joey Diaz 1:05:35 Those two white dudes in Boulder, I had them confused to death.

Joe Rogan 1:05:37 (laughs) Nah.

Joey Diaz 1:05:38 I had them confused to death. I was taking them on psychological rides.

Joe Rogan 1:05:43 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:05:43 Let me tell you something, the one cop I faced on Facebook and started torturing him.

Joe Rogan 1:05:47 Oh, I wanna see some dumb dude try to interrogate you.

Brian Redban 1:05:51 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:05:51 He li- he lives, he lives in Telluride and he was involved in the JonBenét Ramsey case.

Joe Rogan 1:05:56 Oh.

Joey Diaz 1:05:56 So, when I mentioned his name on a podcast one time, people started sending me messages. They go, "You know, we go to school with his kid. His kid's a fucking moron."

Joe Rogan 1:06:05 (laughs)

Brian Redban 1:06:05 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:06:05 Right? So ... (laughs) Like, they're like, his kid, like, became a criminal-

Joe Rogan 1:06:09 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:06:10 ... but the dad has gotten him out of trouble all his life. The kid's a fucking criminal.

Joe Rogan 1:06:14 Oh.

Joey Diaz 1:06:14 So they taunt ... The, the same people from Facebook hit me one day and they go, "Your buddy the cop retired." So I sent them an email, "Hey," on Facebook, "Hey, listen. Congratulations on your retirement. Check out Joey Diaz on YouTube, cocksucker."

Brian Redban 1:06:29 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:06:29 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:06:29 And (laughs) I know he read it-

Joe Rogan 1:06:31 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:06:31 ... but he didn't fucking reply, you know what I'm saying?

Joe Rogan 1:06:33 That's hilarious.

Joey Diaz 1:06:34 I put him ... Dog, listen to what I did to that dude.

Brian Redban 1:06:37 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:06:37 Just, there was two of them, all right? There was a big white dude that ... The, the, the white dude ... This is the fucking crazy thing. I was not wanted, but I was questioned on a credit card situation-

Brian Redban 1:06:51 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:06:51 ... in August of '85. Somebody had destroyed that mall with a credit card.

Joe Rogan 1:06:57 Oh.

Joey Diaz 1:06:57 And somebody said I fit the description. So these two-... with uniforms, kept asking me questions. I worked at Footlocker and they keep showing up every day, "Can we talk to you? Yeah, the jewelry store said it's you. Listen, eh, eh, pretty soon..." You know, they didn't have cameras then, Joe.

Brian Redban 1:07:16 Oh.

Joey Diaz 1:07:17 So they kept saying, "Pretty soon we're gonna start getting the receipt and you're gonna have to go in for a whatever." And they were coming every day and shaking me down. And I would go, "Guys, if I was a ju- a fucking credit card thief, would I be working at Footlocker?"

Brian Redban 1:07:31 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:07:31 So I was just buying time. I knew they were gonna catch me eventually. That one cop even came to my house (microphone thumping) on a Sunday night and knocked on my door, and said, "We're g- we're getting the jean sizes tomorrow. You might as well turn yourself in." I'm like, "Dog, you got a warrant? Get the fuck off my doorstep." That night, that, that morning I went to San Francisco. A year later, I get arrested for kidnapping. He gets promoted to detective. He doesn't remember me from the credit card thing. The whole time I'm sitting there going, "When is this fucking cop gonna remember me from the credit card thing?" So you gotta remember, I turned myself in. When I turned myself in, dog, and I pressed that buzzer and they opened that door, all the cops drew their guns on me and said, "Get on the floor," 'cause I was wanted for kidnapping, kidnapping two.

Brian Redban 1:08:18 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:08:18 They didn't know what I was packing, what type of person I was, so they handcuffed me, put me in a room that was white, made me wait for a half hour, then they came in and played their technique, which I've been doing to people all my fucking life.

Brian Redban 1:08:30 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 1:08:31 You know, I'm the one that would break into Joe Rogan's house and steal one shoe.

Brian Redban 1:08:35 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:08:35 You ever do that to somebody? You take an ounce of coke and you steal one shoe.

Brian Redban 1:08:39 That's horrible. (laughs) Oh, yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:08:40 I know, that's horrible. And then they-

Brian Redban 1:08:42 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:08:42 You steal their one favorite pair of shoe, you take one shoe and you throw it away. That destroys people psychologically. For years they'll keep looking for that one shoe. "What happened?" And then every time you see them, you go, "You ever find that shoe?" "No! I fucking searched everywhere."

Brian Redban 1:08:56 (laughs) That's weird as fuck.

Joey Diaz 1:08:57 Oh yeah, I'm the fucking dirtiest bastard. I, I know how to fucking flip flop you.

Brian Redban 1:09:01 So these guys get you in the inter- interrogation room-

Joey Diaz 1:09:02 They get me into the interview room and they ask me, "What's going on?" And I'm talking to them, I go, "I don't know what happened. That guy showed up, the guy pulled a gun. Next thing you know I was home." And they're like, "So what happened to the guy with the