Joe Rogan Experience #1526 - Ali Macofsky

Joe Rogan 0:02 Hello, Ali. Oh-

Ali Macofsky 0:03 Hi.

Joe Rogan 0:03 ... look at it, you fired up the vape? Is it the vape?

Ali Macofsky 0:05 Yeah. I brought two JUULs.

Joe Rogan 0:06 So you brought cigarettes, two JUULs, and Camels.

Ali Macofsky 0:09 Coffee and a smoothie.

Joe Rogan 0:11 Dude.

Ali Macofsky 0:11 I wasn't sure what to expect.

Joe Rogan 0:13 What would you, what, what was your worst case scenario?

Ali Macofsky 0:15 Oh my God, worst case scenario, I poop my pants right off the bat.

Joe Rogan 0:18 Oh, have you done that before, like when you get nervous?

Ali Macofsky 0:20 Not when I get nervous, but I used to... Well, only once in college.

Joe Rogan 0:24 You pooped your pants?

Ali Macofsky 0:25 Yeah, I was-

Joe Rogan 0:26 Were you drinking?

Ali Macofsky 0:26 Yeah, I was hungover, I ate Chipotle. I ate Chipotle pretty much every day in college.

Joe Rogan 0:31 That's, uh, not good for your brain.

Ali Macofsky 0:32 It was not good at all.

Joe Rogan 0:33 If you're trying to learn.

Ali Macofsky 0:34 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 0:34 Actually, Chipotle, like, those bowls? They are pretty good. Like-

Ali Macofsky 0:37 They're so good.

Joe Rogan 0:38 ... like if you get, like, one of those steak bowls with rice, like, that's about as clean as you can eat.

Ali Macofsky 0:43 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 0:43 Really.

Ali Macofsky 0:43 And in college it was nice because you could eat, like, half of a bowl and be, like, super full and then eat the other half later, and you can do the tricks of getting half steak, half chicken or something, that way-

Joe Rogan 0:54 That's a trick?

Ali Macofsky 0:55 ... they give you more.

Joe Rogan 0:56 Oh, is that a trick?

Ali Macofsky 0:56 Kind of.

Joe Rogan 0:56 I don't think it is a trick, I think they have, like, a scooper.

Ali Macofsky 0:58 It's kind of a trick. They have a scooper, but if you say you want half this and half that, they're not gonna put half in the scooper, they're putting a full scooper in there.

Joe Rogan 1:06 Are they really?

Ali Macofsky 1:06 And then you're getting a full pooper on the couch in college.

Joe Rogan 1:09 Mm.

Ali Macofsky 1:09 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:11 Sorry to hear about the poop in the pants.

Ali Macofsky 1:12 It's all right.

Joe Rogan 1:13 People are very embarrassed about that, but it does happen if you take chances.

Ali Macofsky 1:16 I feel like it happens to every... Everyone has a poop story-

Joe Rogan 1:18 (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 1:18 ... I hope.

Joe Rogan 1:19 Well, if you don't, I feel like you're just not taking enough chances with your diet.

Ali Macofsky 1:23 No, and it's like, I think everyone's poop story starts out with them being like, "Oh, I thought I was gonna fart."

Joe Rogan 1:28 Mm-hmm.

Ali Macofsky 1:29 "And then it was not a fart."

Joe Rogan 1:30 Of course. Yeah, that's, in the car, that's when it happens. Yeah.

Ali Macofsky 1:33 I was... Honestly, on the drive up here, I-

Joe Rogan 1:35 Uh-oh.

Ali Macofsky 1:35 ... I had a little bit of gas and I was like, "Just wait until you're there. Hold it. Because you don't want to take any risks right now."

Joe Rogan 1:42 Mm. Yeah.

Ali Macofsky 1:43 So I, you know, it actually worked out. I, I let it out.

Joe Rogan 1:46 I've had a pod... There was a podcast once where I legitimately thought... Do you remember who it was? I legitimately thought I was gonna shit my pants. I was like pinching my s- my abs down. I was like crunching myself. I was like, "Uh, listen, if I don't get out of here right now, I don't know if I'm gonna make it." I... Do you remember who it was?

Guest 2 2:02 I don't know.

Joe Rogan 2:02 But I might even said it on the air.

Guest 2 2:04 (laughs) Yeah, I remember it happening, but I don't remember who was in the room.

Joe Rogan 2:07 I barely got out. Barely got out.

Ali Macofsky 2:08 It's kind of a nice feeling though, I like that, like, adrenaline rush of like, "I need to hold." Like, it really tests my skills.

Joe Rogan 2:15 Like cramming for a test.

Ali Macofsky 2:16 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 2:16 Like, you, like, "Oh my God, there's not much time left."

Ali Macofsky 2:18 Yeah. I, I dropped out of college, so, like, I feel like me trying to hold in a poop is the most cramming for a test I feel like I do now.

Joe Rogan 2:25 Why... Th- that is a psychological thing, the cramming thing. They, they say that some people, like, procrastinate until they know they just, they have to t- like, "Okay, I'm gonna stay up all night."

Ali Macofsky 2:35 I'm a procrastinator.

Joe Rogan 2:36 Yeah.

Ali Macofsky 2:36 Always.

Joe Rogan 2:37 But most comics are.

Ali Macofsky 2:38 You think so?

Joe Rogan 2:39 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think there's something... Look, we're all broken. We're all broken toys.

Ali Macofsky 2:43 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 2:44 And (laughs) most, most comics, um, there's something about, like, the laziness and the non-conformity and, you know, the unwillingness to do drudgery. Is that a word? Yeah.

Ali Macofsky 2:55 I think so.

Joe Rogan 2:56 Yeah, the un- unwillingness to do the, you know, like, boring, mundane life's choices-

Ali Macofsky 3:02 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:02 ... jobs. That's what leads people to comedy, like-

Ali Macofsky 3:04 Yes.

Joe Rogan 3:04 ... "Oh, maybe I could just talk shit."

Ali Macofsky 3:06 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:06 Yeah.

Ali Macofsky 3:06 I literally thought... I always knew I wanted to, like, entertain people somehow. I didn't know exactly how until my senior year of high school, but before that I was like, "Maybe I'll be a singer or a comedian," you know?

Joe Rogan 3:18 Well, you have a great voice.

Ali Macofsky 3:19 I have a decent voice.

Joe Rogan 3:20 You have a very good voice.

Ali Macofsky 3:21 Thank you.

Joe Rogan 3:21 Um, and you use it in your act sometimes.

Ali Macofsky 3:23 I try.

Joe Rogan 3:24 You do. Um, you started doing standup, how old were you?

Ali Macofsky 3:28 I think I did my first open mic when I was, like, 17.

Joe Rogan 3:32 Whoa.

Ali Macofsky 3:32 But I didn't start then.

Joe Rogan 3:33 You were about as e- like, there's only one other person I know, O- Olivia Grace.

Ali Macofsky 3:37 Yes, I love Olivia.

Joe Rogan 3:38 She... I met her at, I think it was Brea. She came up to me and she was, like, 16.

Ali Macofsky 3:43 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:43 And I was like, "What?"

Ali Macofsky 3:44 And she had been doing it since she was, like, 14 or 15.

Joe Rogan 3:47 That's crazy.

Ali Macofsky 3:47 Crazy.

Joe Rogan 3:48 She's very funny too.

Ali Macofsky 3:48 She's so funny.

Joe Rogan 3:49 And super cool.

Ali Macofsky 3:50 Yeah, so I, when I started, I was living in Long Beach at my parents' house, and so I would go back and forth between Orange County and LA. And Olivia was in Orange County, and she was, like, the first person my age, kind of-

Joe Rogan 4:03 Mm-hmm.

Ali Macofsky 4:03 ... you know, that I, like, met. And so we became friends and I was like, I was like, "You're so funny." Like, it's so cool that she had already had so much time under her belt-

Joe Rogan 4:13 Crazy.

Ali Macofsky 4:13 ... when I was, like, 18, you know?

Joe Rogan 4:14 Yeah, yeah, it's crazy. It's, uh-

Ali Macofsky 4:16 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:16 That's a w- I, I didn't know you could start until you were 21.

Ali Macofsky 4:19 No, I didn't either. I had no idea. I thought... And I also didn't know that open mics happened at, like, coffee shops and bars and, like, literally anywhere-

Joe Rogan 4:28 Yeah.

Ali Macofsky 4:29 ... at all. You know, laundromats.

Joe Rogan 4:31 When I started, I waited until my 21st birthday, but then I met my friend Robbie and he was 19. I was like, "How did you get in?" And they're like, "You, they'll let you in, but you can't drink."

Ali Macofsky 4:40 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:40 I was like, "Oh."

Ali Macofsky 4:41 Yeah. I had my s- I-

Joe Rogan 4:42 Is that still the case, like at the store? If they, if they had a show, an open mic night?

Ali Macofsky 4:47 No.

Joe Rogan 4:47 Do they let you in?

Ali Macofsky 4:48 Well, when I, when I started doing open mics for real, I was maybe 18, on the verge of 19 or something, and I would go to The Comedy Store, but I had already been doing open mics around town so all the guys who worked at The Comedy Store as door guys knew me. They didn't know how old I was, so no one ever checked my ID, and I never talked about being young or anything, so I would just perform, hang out, and, uh, and then when they found out I was under 21, I got kicked out for a year.

Joe Rogan 5:15 (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 5:16 And I couldn't perform there again. So I had already been doing Kill Tony.

Joe Rogan 5:20 Ugh.

Ali Macofsky 5:20 I had already been doing-

Joe Rogan 5:21 And then they found out?

Ali Macofsky 5:22 And then they found out.

Joe Rogan 5:23 Oh my God.

Ali Macofsky 5:23 And so then I would, like, do shows, do open mics, and then I would just come to The Comedy Store and hang out on the sidewalk and just be like, "Hey, guys. What's up?" Like...

Joe Rogan 5:30 That's hilarious.

Ali Macofsky 5:31 And on my 21st birthday, at midnight I walked in.

Joe Rogan 5:34 Really?

Ali Macofsky 5:35 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:35 That's hilarious.

Ali Macofsky 5:36 And I remember Redband was there and George Perez and, uh, on my 21st birthday, they each gave me $21.

Joe Rogan 5:42 (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 5:43 And then on my 22nd birthday, I was at The Comedy Store and they gave me $22 and I was like, "You guys better live for a long time."

Joe Rogan 5:50 S- That's a crazy place to be when you're 21 years old. You know, to be around, I mean, just the people you just named, George Perez and Brian Redband, and you're 21 like, "Hello."

Ali Macofsky 5:59 (laughs) Yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:00 Like a little, a little fawn.

Ali Macofsky 6:01 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:01 Like clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk-

Ali Macofsky 6:03 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:03 ... walking out to the field.

Ali Macofsky 6:03 I still feel like that.

Joe Rogan 6:05 Well, that place is, I mean, especially when you're dealing with, you know, so many-... like, you're going there, you're 21 years old and you're just seeing Jessel Nick and, you know, and all these, like, big time headliners.

Ali Macofsky 6:18 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:18 Joey Diaz and, you know, and Chris Rock shows up, and Dave Chappelle's there, and you're fucking 21. You're walking around going, "This is crazy."

Ali Macofsky 6:26 Yeah. Yeah. It, it felt so surreal just, like, being there and hanging out and feeling kind of like I was a part of it, you know?

Joe Rogan 6:33 Yeah. Like, you were a part of it.

Ali Macofsky 6:33 Like, in a small way. But, yeah, I'm super grateful for Kill Tony, 'cause I feel like that's what helped me become, like, more ingrained in the scene at The Store.

Joe Rogan 6:43 Well, that's how I found out about you.

Ali Macofsky 6:45 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:45 Yeah. I found out about you through Kill Tony, and Tony kept raving about how good you were. And then I saw you do some sets. And your progression is, it's kind of a hilarious story, like, you opening for me.

Ali Macofsky 6:55 I know.

Joe Rogan 6:56 Like, 'cause you did a couple shows at, like, The Improv, couple shows at, like, you know, The Comedy Store, and then I'm like, "Hey, you wanna do Vegas?"

Ali Macofsky 7:05 Well, no.

Joe Rogan 7:06 (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 7:07 No. What happened was you had been the guest, like, on Kill Tony, and I was a regular, so you had seen one minute of my material, maybe two times.

Joe Rogan 7:15 No, I'd seen you other times.

Ali Macofsky 7:17 But then-

Joe Rogan 7:17 I'd been in the room while you were doing standup-

Ali Macofsky 7:19 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 7:19 ... a couple other times.

Ali Macofsky 7:19 But then you invited me. I remember Tony hit me up one day and he was like, "Hey, is it cool if I give Joe your phone number?" And I was like, "Joe..." And he was like, "Rogan?" I was like, (laughs) "What?"

Joe Rogan 7:33 (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 7:33 I was like, "Yeah, of course." And so then you text me, you were like, "Hey, do you wanna do some shows at The Improv with me this week?" And I was like, "Yeah, I'm, of course." You're like, "Are you available?" I'm like, "Oh, I think I can be available for that."

Joe Rogan 7:44 Well, I knew you were funny, you know? I mean, that's how I do it. I, when I think someone's funny, I'm like, all right, let's see.

Ali Macofsky 7:50 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 7:50 You know, let's see what they do in front of a packed house-

Ali Macofsky 7:53 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 7:53 ... you know, with, uh, Joey Diaz and Duncan Trussell and Ari Shaffir, and just like, let's see what's up.

Ali Macofsky 7:59 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 7:59 Let's see what's up.

Ali Macofsky 8:00 And then, and then I had been doing that for, for a couple months, I'd say.

Joe Rogan 8:03 Mm-hmm.

Ali Macofsky 8:03 Just, like, doing the hosting spot or, like, little opening spots at The Improv and The Comedy Store. And then you were like, "Oh, I..." I was like, "Oh, I saw that you were gonna be in Vegas this week." Like, "I think I'm gonna drive and come watch you," 'cause I'd never seen you in, like, a bigger venue than a comedy club. And you, you were like, "Okay. Um, do you wanna open?" And I was like, "Well, I wasn't hoping you'd say that-

Joe Rogan 8:25 (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 8:25 ... but I was kind of hoping you'd say that." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 8:28 So you did Vegas.

Ali Macofsky 8:29 That was the coolest-

Joe Rogan 8:30 You did The Mirage.

Ali Macofsky 8:30 ... experience of my entire life. Still to this day, one of, like, the highlights of my life.

Joe Rogan 8:35 It was really fun. It was really fun. But you were so composed and so, like, on top of it. You crushed. And then I said, "Okay, do you wanna do an arena?" (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 8:46 (laughs) How many-

Joe Rogan 8:47 So you went, you went from... I mean, how many times had you been paid to do standup other than the times opening for me and, you know, like a couple of little gigs on the road?

Ali Macofsky 8:55 Yeah. I mean, I never really got paid to do comedy, like, besides, like, drinks or, like, a couple bucks for gas.

Joe Rogan 9:02 So you do The Mirage, which is, like, I think The Mirage is 1,300 people or 1,200 people. It's a good size place.

Ali Macofsky 9:09 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 9:09 It's a good size place. Then we do a fucking gigantic basketball arena. (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 9:14 You know what I think, you know what I think helped me with The Mirage? Was in my head, I was like, "1,200 is giant." I was like, "This is gonna be huge, crazy," and I, like, overhyped it so much that by the time I saw the venue, it was like... It was so beautiful and it felt intimate for some reason, you know?

Joe Rogan 9:32 Well, it's the most intimate place in Vegas.

Ali Macofsky 9:35 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 9:35 In terms of, like, those big theaters that you can play.

Ali Macofsky 9:37 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 9:37 It's my favorite place in Vegas. I love it.

Ali Macofsky 9:39 So s- yeah. So as soon as I got there, I was like, "I got this."

Joe Rogan 9:42 I used... I was doing bigger places there, and I came back to The Mirage just 'cause it's a better setup.

Ali Macofsky 9:46 Yeah. And I feel like the people who run that place-

Joe Rogan 9:49 Oh, they're awesome.

Ali Macofsky 9:49 ... were really helpful.

Joe Rogan 9:50 They're awesome.

Ali Macofsky 9:50 Cool.

Joe Rogan 9:50 They're the best. They're the nicest folks. And they all love comedy-

Ali Macofsky 9:53 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 9:53 ... and it... You know, there you are. That's you, kid.

Ali Macofsky 9:55 Aw. Jamie was taking pictures.

Joe Rogan 9:57 Yeah.

Ali Macofsky 9:57 I was like, "Can you get more? My mom really wants to see me."

Joe Rogan 9:59 Yeah. It's too bad you can't really see the audience in there too, but, um-

Ali Macofsky 10:03 Very true.

Joe Rogan 10:03 ... so then you go from that.

Ali Macofsky 10:05 Well-

Joe Rogan 10:05 What, what arena did we do?

Ali Macofsky 10:08 We went to, I believe, Denver.

Joe Rogan 10:12 Was it Portland?

Ali Macofsky 10:13 Oh, yeah, it was the Moda Center.

Joe Rogan 10:14 Yeah. That place is fucking huge. (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 10:16 Yeah. Oh my god. And it was in-the-round. The first one-

Joe Rogan 10:19 Yes.

Ali Macofsky 10:19 ... was in-the-round, so there's literally people all around me. I'm like, I don't know where to stand, I don't know, like, how to use the space of the stage.

Joe Rogan 10:27 Yeah, that's like 13 or 14,000 people.

Ali Macofsky 10:29 Oh my gosh, yes.

Joe Rogan 10:30 It was bananas.

Ali Macofsky 10:31 But I told you after, I was like, "You know what I hate about this, is that this feels the best way to perform." I was like, "This is where I feel the most myself." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 10:41 Well, it's definitely the biggest pop.

Ali Macofsky 10:44 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 10:45 Like, the rush that you get from a big k- a big joke that kills in, you know, a 15,000 seat arena or whatever, it's, it's bananas. Like, the biggest I did was Chappelle and I did, uh, the Tacoma Dome.

Ali Macofsky 10:57 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 10:57 We did 25,000 people.

Ali Macofsky 10:59 That looked crazy.

Joe Rogan 10:59 It was bonkers.

Ali Macofsky 11:01 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 11:01 Like, when you would hear the laughs, they were deafening. It was the people scream- 25,000 people screaming. It's just-

Ali Macofsky 11:07 Was there, like, an echo, like, wave?

Joe Rogan 11:09 Oh, yeah. It's wa- ah. It's nuts.

Ali Macofsky 11:11 'Cause I-

Joe Rogan 11:11 It's wild.

Ali Macofsky 11:11 'Cause I remember after the Moda Center, which is, like, an inside arena, then we did, um, that outdoor theater, amphitheater in the Bay Area, um...

Joe Rogan 11:20 Mm. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ali Macofsky 11:21 Where the Grateful Dead played.

Joe Rogan 11:22 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was fun too.

Ali Macofsky 11:24 That was fun, but that was cool because it was outdoors-

Joe Rogan 11:26 Mm-hmm.

Ali Macofsky 11:27 ... and I was like, "There's a lawn?" Like, I v- it was just crazy, 'cause when I was little, I would always go to concerts and I would always watch the performer and I'd be like, "I wanna do that." So the first time I got to, like, do the arena and the amphitheater, I was like, "I'm literally doing what I've always wanted to do."

Joe Rogan 11:43 Yeah. Those shows are fucking awesome, but I still think 200 people is the r- that's the right size.

Ali Macofsky 11:51 I think-

Joe Rogan 11:51 200 to 300 people is the right size.

Ali Macofsky 11:53 Yeah. I agree.

Joe Rogan 11:54 Like, if you wanted it so, like... There's no, nothing wrong with those shows. They're awesome. I love doing arenas. But, the, you know, like, the original rooms, like 190 people, that shit is perfect.

Ali Macofsky 12:06 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 12:06 When everything's popping...

Ali Macofsky 12:08 ... I, I like the 200, 300 range, or even smaller, because that's when you get, like, the honest feedback.

Joe Rogan 12:15 Yeah.

Ali Macofsky 12:15 And I think that's why it's fun to also do the, like, arena or amphitheater, because it's the jokes that you've been working on that you know work.

Joe Rogan 12:22 Right. Yeah.

Ali Macofsky 12:22 And so you're getting the response that you want from those jokes, and you kind of almost expect that response. But when you're doing the smaller, intimate shows, that's when you get the, like, kind of pause where you're like, "Huh, maybe that joke needs tweaking."

Joe Rogan 12:34 Mm-hmm.

Ali Macofsky 12:34 Or, like, you can figure out-

Joe Rogan 12:36 Yeah.

Ali Macofsky 12:37 And that way, when you do get a pop in, like, a smaller room, you're like, "Oh, that really works."

Joe Rogan 12:41 Yeah. Small, small crowds, like, late at night, that's when you find out if you're full of shit.

Ali Macofsky 12:46 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 12:46 'Cause you get to see the, the, the fat in your act.

Ali Macofsky 12:49 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 12:49 You get to see the clunky, fucking those weird segues that you do or-

Ali Macofsky 12:53 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 12:54 ... or when you act something out and it seems cheap and stupid, you're like, "Oh, my God. Like, you're just doing it in front of, like, three people?" You're like, "Oh, this-"

Ali Macofsky 13:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 13:00 "... material's terrible."

Ali Macofsky 13:01 Yeah. That's why I liked working at The Comedy Store, 'cause you'd have to be there until the last person's off stage.

Joe Rogan 13:07 How much comedy have you done during the quarantine?

Ali Macofsky 13:10 Um, I've done a decent amount of Zoom shows, and then, um-

Joe Rogan 13:15 How weird are those?

Ali Macofsky 13:16 They're weird. I kind of just, like, I think I grew up always being, like, on the internet and interacting with strangers online. So I, I felt like I was prepared for something like a Zoom show, and I also was like, "Okay, don't look ... Don't expect to get anything out of this or get the same feeling out of this. Like, just have fun, engage with the people watching as best you can, and, like, see where it goes. Have no expectations."

Joe Rogan 13:42 It's just something to do, right?

Ali Macofsky 13:43 But it fucking sucks.

Joe Rogan 13:43 Yeah.

Ali Macofsky 13:43 Yeah, it fucking blows.

Joe Rogan 13:45 M- Mark Normand said it best, he said, like, it's like methadone comedy.

Ali Macofsky 13:48 (laughs) Yeah.

Joe Rogan 13:49 He's like, you know, he w- (laughs) he was talking about how he did, uh, standup in the park when he was bombing.

Ali Macofsky 13:53 Yes, I was watching his YouTube, Park Normand.

Joe Rogan 13:56 (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 13:56 So good.

Joe Rogan 13:57 But it's, you know, we're all, like, desperate to get back.

Ali Macofsky 14:01 I know.

Joe Rogan 14:01 And, and LA we're not doing any comedy, but New York is doing standup again.

Ali Macofsky 14:05 Yeah, I've seen that.

Joe Rogan 14:06 Yeah. Which is crazy. Like-

Ali Macofsky 14:07 I f- I feel like I'm starting to see some shows. My friends are doing some shows outdoors here. So I don't know, I'm c- kind of hopeful, but I'm also, like, if, if I get an offer to go to a state that's open and doing comedy, I would take it.

Joe Rogan 14:23 Are you taking vitamins? Are you taking care of yourself? You just tested negative.

Ali Macofsky 14:27 I just tested negative.

Joe Rogan 14:28 So you don't have the vid.

Ali Macofsky 14:29 I don't, I don't got the Covie, but I've been getting tested a lot because my sister just moved to Arizona last year.

Joe Rogan 14:36 Mm-hmm.

Ali Macofsky 14:37 So I've been going out there a lot, which is hot for the 'Rona.

Joe Rogan 14:41 Yeah. Yeah. Um-

Ali Macofsky 14:42 And so I've been getting tested really frequently and ...

Joe Rogan 14:46 Whenever they say, like, it's hot for the 'Rona, I always wonder, like, what makes some place hotter than others? Like, why, why are other places more susceptible? Like, what's going on there?

Ali Macofsky 14:54 I don't know. Well, I guess with Arizona everything's open.

Joe Rogan 14:57 Everything's open. They're-

Ali Macofsky 14:57 It's almost like corona never happened there.

Joe Rogan 14:59 Yeah, they don't give a fuck.

Ali Macofsky 15:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:00 Well, that's a wild west town.

Ali Macofsky 15:02 I know. I told them, I'm like, "They're the COVID cowboys."

Joe Rogan 15:04 Yeah.

Ali Macofsky 15:04 They're wearing maskless chaps.

Joe Rogan 15:05 (laughs) They, they have open carry. Like, you could have a gun in your pocket-

Ali Macofsky 15:10 I know. I was-

Joe Rogan 15:10 ... and just walk into a store.

Ali Macofsky 15:11 I did a show in Arizona, I was like, "What are you guys gonna do, shoot COVID when you see it?"

Joe Rogan 15:14 (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 15:15 "Is that your defense?"

Joe Rogan 15:16 Well, f- in their defense, like, they're on the border of Mexico, and that is a place that has literally changed very little since people came across the fucking country in covered wagons.

Ali Macofsky 15:25 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:26 Like, that's Arizona.

Ali Macofsky 15:27 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:27 You know, like, Arizona, like, Phoenix is as big as it gets.

Ali Macofsky 15:30 I love Arizona.

Joe Rogan 15:31 It's great. I love it there.

Ali Macofsky 15:32 I love it. It's so beautiful.

Joe Rogan 15:34 Yeah.

Ali Macofsky 15:34 There's so much to do.

Joe Rogan 15:35 I filmed my 2005 special there.

Ali Macofsky 15:37 Okay, brag.

Joe Rogan 15:37 Yeah. I love it there.

Ali Macofsky 15:39 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:39 Uh, I, I've been going there forever. I, I just love that Tempe Improv, that place is great.

Ali Macofsky 15:43 Dude, Tempe is my favorite. That was the first place I headlined. And the, Casey, the manager there, one of the best people ever. He just, like, I feel like every comedy club manager should, like, take a class under Casey, because he's, like, so compassionate and he gets it and he's, like, not full of bullshit. He's just, like, an honest, caring dude. I feel like he rubs that, he runs that club so well.

Joe Rogan 16:09 Well, that place has a history of cool people running it, 'cause Adam Eget used to be there.

Ali Macofsky 16:12 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 16:13 That's, yeah.

Ali Macofsky 16:13 And Paige from the Improv.

Joe Rogan 16:14 Yep, yep.

Ali Macofsky 16:15 So many people.

Joe Rogan 16:15 That's where I met both of them. I think I met Paige there. I might've met ... Yeah, I think I met Paige there. Um, I just feel bad for those people now. Oh, you're taking a ...

Ali Macofsky 16:23 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 16:23 I was like, "What's that sound?" How a- how addicted to those things are you now?

Ali Macofsky 16:26 So addicted.

Joe Rogan 16:27 Yeah?

Ali Macofsky 16:27 Completely addicted. Yeah. Well, when I was (laughs) at my mom's house during lockdown, my mom's a smoker.

Joe Rogan 16:34 Oh, boy.

Ali Macofsky 16:34 I know.

Joe Rogan 16:35 It's this, it's this weird thing when they get to be a certain age and they're still smoking all the time, like-

Ali Macofsky 16:39 I know.

Joe Rogan 16:39 ... ooh, you are on the edge, huh?

Ali Macofsky 16:41 Well, she was trying to read that book, Allen Carr's book to-

Joe Rogan 16:44 What book?

Ali Macofsky 16:44 ... stop smoking.

Joe Rogan 16:45 How about you stop smoking?

Ali Macofsky 16:47 All right. Well, I guess if you've been doing it all your life, I don't know.

Joe Rogan 16:51 Take up another hobby.

Ali Macofsky 16:52 I know. You'll have to talk to her.

Joe Rogan 16:53 She's not gonna listen.

Ali Macofsky 16:53 We'll get her on the pod. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 16:55 No one's gonna listen.

Ali Macofsky 16:55 She's not, yeah. No. When you're, when you're in it, you're in it, you know? But when I was with her, she was smoking and I'm like, "I don't wanna be smoking." Like ... 'Cause my mom always says, "Don't smoke, it's bad." And I've just been smoking since I was, like, 17.

Joe Rogan 17:08 Oof.

Ali Macofsky 17:09 But I quit for two months, off nic-, off, like, the Juul, off cigarettes-

Joe Rogan 17:14 When did you do that? When?

Ali Macofsky 17:14 Um, at the beginning of lockdown, for two months.

Joe Rogan 17:16 So why'd you start back up again?

Ali Macofsky 17:17 'Cause then I came back home to LA and I was like ...

Joe Rogan 17:20 What was the first one like? Did you know that you were being a loser-

Ali Macofsky 17:23 No.

Joe Rogan 17:23 ... when you were reaching for that first one?

Ali Macofsky 17:24 Well, that's-

Joe Rogan 17:24 You're like ...

Ali Macofsky 17:25 Ugh. No, because in my head I'm like, "It's just one hit of the Juul. I'm fine. I'm not gonna get addicted again. I got this." And then a couple more times I hit my friend's Juul and I was like, "I need to buy my own."

Joe Rogan 17:40 Damn.

Ali Macofsky 17:41 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:42 That quick.

Ali Macofsky 17:42 That's what happened with cigarettes. Like, I wasn't addicted. Like, I think people think that if you smoke one cigarette, you're gonna be addicted, and that's not the case. I smoked one and I was fine, and then-

Joe Rogan 17:52 No, I've smoked one multiple times b- before shows.

Ali Macofsky 17:55 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:56 I, I s- I started with Tony. I smoked one of Tony's before a show, back when Tony used to smoke. And I was like, "Dude, this gives you a crazy rush, like, it makes you feel good."

Ali Macofsky 18:03 You smoked mine in, uh, like, St. Louis or St. Paul-

Joe Rogan 18:06 Mm-hmm.

Ali Macofsky 18:06 ... or something, and you were, like, buzzing.

Joe Rogan 18:08 And I took some cigarettes from Dave Chappelle when we did shows together. Um, a, a cigarette before a show gets you buzzed. A c- cigar doesn't quite get you that buzzed. Like, you gotta inhale. And I think there's, like, whatever funky chemicals they put-

Ali Macofsky 18:19 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 18:20 ... in those cigarettes to get you addicted. Those are good.

Ali Macofsky 18:22 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 18:23 Those, those chemists-

Ali Macofsky 18:23 They're so yummy. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 18:24 Those chemists are fucking, they're on the ball.

Ali Macofsky 18:26 They know what they're doing.

Joe Rogan 18:26 They do.

Ali Macofsky 18:27 It's so yummy.

Joe Rogan 18:28 Unfortunately, they kill people.

Ali Macofsky 18:29 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 18:30 It's crazy that no one's trying to stop it, but yet it kills half a million people a year.That's what's bizarre. The, the, everybody's worried about COVID. COVID has killed less than 200,000 people. Cigarettes have killed probably, in the same time of COVID, more than 200,000 people.

Ali Macofsky 18:45 It's always crazy when you find out someone, like, someone's family member or friend got lung cancer and never smoked. That always freaks me out.

Joe Rogan 18:54 Yeah, you can get lung cancer.

Ali Macofsky 18:55 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 18:55 You can get lung cancer from toxins in the air, you can get lung cancer from genetics, you can get lung cancer, you know, environmental shit if you work-

Ali Macofsky 19:01 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 19:01 ... at a factory that has a lot of weird fumes.

Ali Macofsky 19:04 But there's also so many things that kill people, like-

Joe Rogan 19:07 Oh, yeah.

Ali Macofsky 19:07 ... fast food-

Joe Rogan 19:08 Oh, yeah.

Ali Macofsky 19:08 ... is so unhealthy.

Joe Rogan 19:09 Mm-hmm.

Ali Macofsky 19:10 I love that too.

Joe Rogan 19:11 Do you?

Ali Macofsky 19:11 Mm, mm, mm.

Joe Rogan 19:11 What's your go-to?

Ali Macofsky 19:13 Taco Bell.

Joe Rogan 19:13 Really? You like eating garbage.

Ali Macofsky 19:15 I love garbage.

Joe Rogan 19:16 You just, like, straight-

Ali Macofsky 19:17 I love garbage.

Joe Rogan 19:17 That's why you're shitting your pants all the time.

Narrator 19:19 (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 19:19 It was once, okay?

Joe Rogan 19:20 (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 19:21 It was once.

Joe Rogan 19:21 Only once?

Ali Macofsky 19:22 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 19:22 I've shit my pants at least once this month.

Ali Macofsky 19:25 You've got a couple more years on me.

Joe Rogan 19:26 Yeah, yeah. But, I mean, I also eat, like, a lot of meat.

Ali Macofsky 19:30 Yeah, doesn't that make you shit?

Joe Rogan 19:31 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's crazy.

Ali Macofsky 19:32 Does meat give you loose stools?

Joe Rogan 19:34 Oh, my God, it gives you the most ridiculous diarrhea.

Ali Macofsky 19:38 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 19:38 Like, I told Tom Segura, "You gotta try this carnivore diet," 'cause he was trying to lose weight. And I lost 12 pounds in a month. I got shredded when I did it.

Ali Macofsky 19:45 But isn't that kind of unhealthy to lose that much weight in a month?

Joe Rogan 19:48 I don't know, it felt great.

Ali Macofsky 19:49 Okay.

Joe Rogan 19:50 I don't know.

Ali Macofsky 19:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 19:51 I really don't know. I was gonna get my blood work done, but then I had to travel and then the COVID hit and it's like, oh Christ.

Ali Macofsky 19:57 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 19:57 Um, I forget what my excuse was. I had an excuse.

Ali Macofsky 20:00 Yeah, mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 20:01 Not a good one, but I had an excuse. But anyway-

Ali Macofsky 20:03 Do you ever eat fast food? Oh, when you called me yesterday-

Joe Rogan 20:05 Yeah, so Tom-

Ali Macofsky 20:05 ... you were at In-N-Out.

Joe Rogan 20:06 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ali Macofsky 20:06 You had the craziest order.

Joe Rogan 20:08 Well-

Ali Macofsky 20:08 I thought you were feeding your whole family with your order.

Joe Rogan 20:11 (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 20:11 He was on speaker, he was like, "Yeah, can I get, like, 12 Flying Dutchman?" I'm like-

Joe Rogan 20:14 No, four.

Ali Macofsky 20:15 I know. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 20:16 I just had four Flying Dutchman. It's not that much meat.

Ali Macofsky 20:18 I guess not. Is that one patty or two?

Joe Rogan 20:20 Two patties with cheese.

Ali Macofsky 20:22 So, that's a total of eight patties.

Joe Rogan 20:23 Yes.

Ali Macofsky 20:25 Okay.

Joe Rogan 20:25 Gotta feed all this-

Ali Macofsky 20:26 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 20:27 ... meat, you know?

Ali Macofsky 20:28 D- do you eat, like, three meals a day?

Joe Rogan 20:30 No.

Ali Macofsky 20:31 One?

Joe Rogan 20:31 Generally, I eat, um, very light in the morning.

Ali Macofsky 20:34 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 20:35 Usually. Unless I'm, I have a really hard workout. And then, like this morning, I just had eggs. Um, just a couple, like three eggs.

Ali Macofsky 20:42 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 20:43 And, um, then-

Ali Macofsky 20:44 How do you cook 'em?

Joe Rogan 20:45 Fry. Fried eggs.

Ali Macofsky 20:46 Hmm. I'm ma-

Joe Rogan 20:47 Sun- sun up.

Ali Macofsky 20:48 I thought that I would know how to cook eggs at this point in my life. You know, I'm 24. That's something that's pretty basic.

Joe Rogan 20:54 You don't know how to do it?

Ali Macofsky 20:54 I keep fucking up eggs.

Joe Rogan 20:56 How do you fuck that up?

Ali Macofsky 20:57 I, I get really impatient and so I put the heat on the pan way too high.

Joe Rogan 21:01 Oh, gross.

Ali Macofsky 21:01 And then the eggs are just, like, fried instantly.

Joe Rogan 21:04 Yeah.

Ali Macofsky 21:04 But I've gotten better. I'm getting better, but I don't-

Joe Rogan 21:06 Well-

Ali Macofsky 21:06 ... think I could fry eggs.

Joe Rogan 21:07 This is not that complicated. You know, you have a-

Ali Macofsky 21:09 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 21:09 ... very minor issue that you're complaining about here. (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 21:12 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 21:13 So, I eat that, you know, I'll eat, like, a light breakfast before a workout and then I'll work out and then I won't eat until dinner. I usually eat twice a day.

Ali Macofsky 21:20 Okay.

Joe Rogan 21:20 And I eat a large dinner.

Ali Macofsky 21:21 Yeah, I see it on your Instagram.

Joe Rogan 21:24 Well, you've seen me eat live, like-

Ali Macofsky 21:26 Yeah, in real time.

Joe Rogan 21:27 ... when we go, yeah. I eat a lot.

Ali Macofsky 21:27 That's an experience.

Joe Rogan 21:29 (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 21:29 It's like going to the zoo and, like, feeding a giraffe.

Joe Rogan 21:32 (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 21:32 You're like, "Whoa."

Joe Rogan 21:33 Well, people don't believe it, like when I go to a, a restaurant and I'll order two entrees. Like, l- l- the waiters are like, "What are you doing?"

Ali Macofsky 21:41 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 21:41 Like, "You're not gonna eat all that." I'm like, "Just watch me, bitch."

Ali Macofsky 21:43 It's fun going out to eat with you 'cause when I was growing up, my dad would, you know, we, I have two older sisters and my dad was kind of single dad, shopped, like, food on a budget.

Joe Rogan 21:52 Mm-hmm.

Ali Macofsky 21:52 And so he'd be like, "You know the drill. No soda, water only." Like-

Joe Rogan 21:56 Mm.

Ali Macofsky 21:57 ... the bare minimum. So then, when we get to go out after shows and eat, I'm like, "I can get two entrees if I want?"

Joe Rogan 22:03 (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 22:03 "And an appetizer?"

Joe Rogan 22:05 Yeah, that is, uh, the good thing about growing up poor, is that you really appreciate when, you know, you get good stuff, like g-

Ali Macofsky 22:13 Yeah. I don't wanna say I grew up poor, but-

Joe Rogan 22:15 Well-

Ali Macofsky 22:15 ... we weren't, like, you know-

Joe Rogan 22:16 Right, you weren't starving.

Ali Macofsky 22:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 22:17 Yeah. Well, I grew up, you know, I mean, we weren't starving either, but we were poor.

Ali Macofsky 22:22 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 22:23 You know, and we were on welfare when I was a kid. We, we drank powdered milk, you know, the whole deal. We had, we were on food stamps.

Ali Macofsky 22:28 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 22:28 And, um, like-

Ali Macofsky 22:29 I'm on food stamps now.

Joe Rogan 22:30 Are you?

Ali Macofsky 22:31 Yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 22:31 That's so crazy.

Ali Macofsky 22:32 I know. I'm on unemployment.

Joe Rogan 22:34 Phew. That's crazy. How much are they giving ya? How much do they give you for unemployment?

Ali Macofsky 22:38 I think I, you have to, like, put in all of your information and, like, you know, whatever. And so I think I'm getting, like, $400 a week.

Joe Rogan 22:47 Hmm. The good news is you're, you're living with your mom, right? So y-

Ali Macofsky 22:50 No, I'm living at my house.

Joe Rogan 22:51 Oh, you are?

Ali Macofsky 22:52 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 22:52 Yeah. Well, you were with your mom for a little while?

Ali Macofsky 22:54 I, uh, yeah, but I kept my place 'cause I was like, "Who knows how long this is gonna last? Who knows if I wanna stay at my mom's house?" Whatever. Like, it's nice to know I have that as an option 'cause my parents live, like, in the greater Los Angeles area, but-

Joe Rogan 23:05 I read that they're going to, uh, there was a ban on evictions and, and, l- and, you know, and making peop- forcing people to pay rent.

Ali Macofsky 23:15 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 23:15 But that's gonna go up September 1st. They're gonna force people to start paying again. And I'm like, "Okay, but-"

Ali Macofsky 23:20 I've just been paying my rent.

Joe Rogan 23:22 But what happens to those people? If you have five months of back rent and the rent is $3,000 a month-

Ali Macofsky 23:29 I know.

Joe Rogan 23:29 ... or something like that, that's crazy.

Ali Macofsky 23:30 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 23:30 And then all of a sudden you have to pay it all?

Ali Macofsky 23:32 Yeah, it makes no sense. It, that's why I was like, "I'm gonna pay mine now," because I, who knows how much money I'm gonna have saved up-

Joe Rogan 23:40 Yeah.

Ali Macofsky 23:40 ... after this, so I might as well just pay. Luckily my rent is, like, cheap, so it's manageable. Um, and if I ever was in a pinch, like, I know my parents would help me out.

Joe Rogan 23:49 How long did you think this was gonna last?

Ali Macofsky 23:52 Uh, I've, everyone was saying it was gonna last, like, three months. But I was like, "This is gonna last longer." There's no way things are just gonna be like, "Okay, if we do this, it's all gonna go back to normal." It just felt too big for it to be over that quickly.

Joe Rogan 24:07 Well, I was optimistic, unfortunately.

Ali Macofsky 24:10 Hmm.

Joe Rogan 24:10 I, I really did think it was gonna be three months. I thought it was gonna be two months, really.

Ali Macofsky 24:13 Yeah, I was like-

Joe Rogan 24:13 I was like, look, it takes... You get sick and then you're only sick for, like, a week, right? So, if everybody just stays home, who, the people that are sick will get better, people won't get infected. This is simple.

Ali Macofsky 24:26 Yeah. I just feel like, um, like, Americans are so, like, uh, "Don't tell me what to do."

Joe Rogan 24:31 Yes.

Ali Macofsky 24:32 And there, America's such a big...... country, how would you expect everyone to be on the same page?

Joe Rogan 24:39 Well, we're, uh, it's a big country. We're all crazy.

Ali Macofsky 24:42 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:42 And we travel around a lot.

Ali Macofsky 24:43 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:44 Yeah, and spit in each other's face.

Ali Macofsky 24:45 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:45 And here you go. Here we are-

Ali Macofsky 24:47 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:47 ... five months later. Is it five now? Yeah, right?

Guest 3 24:51 Yeah.

Ali Macofsky 24:51 I think so.

Joe Rogan 24:51 Yeah, it's five months. Five fucking months. No, no end in sight.

Ali Macofsky 24:54 Do you feel like it's gone by fast or slow for you?

Joe Rogan 24:56 Slow.

Ali Macofsky 24:57 Hmm.

Joe Rogan 24:57 It doesn't feel good. I don't like it. I'm not worried about myself. I'm worried about other people and I'm worried about the city. I'm worried about the economic aspects of this as much as I'm worried about the health aspects of it.

Ali Macofsky 25:07 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 25:07 'Cause it just... I don't know how... Look, when people get sick, they get better, right? Hopefully. But when a city gets that far gone, like as far as LA is right now, like I don't know how a city bounces back. I've never seen it happen. Like, I've seen cities that used to be big, like... Have you ever been to Detroit? Do we ever do a gig in Detroit?

Ali Macofsky 25:24 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 25:25 Detroit is interesting-

Ali Macofsky 25:26 Okay.

Joe Rogan 25:26 ... because Detroit used to be one of the most wealthy cities in the world.

Ali Macofsky 25:30 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 25:30 Like at one point in time, during the height of the auto industry, you'd go to Detroit and it was fucking Cadillacs and Camaros and Corvettes and it was beautiful and everybody was making money.

Ali Macofsky 25:40 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 25:40 And it was just am- amazing. Now Detroit is sketchy as fuck.

Ali Macofsky 25:44 Isn't it getting-

Joe Rogan 25:46 Coming back a little bit.

Ali Macofsky 25:47 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 25:47 A little bit. But when you drive through Detroit, you could buy a house for like five bucks.

Ali Macofsky 25:50 Crazy.

Joe Rogan 25:51 The, uh, the guys from Top Gear, they have a new show now, it's called The Grand Tour. Is that what it's called?

Guest 3 25:56 That's right.

Joe Rogan 25:57 Grand Tour. Um, they bought homes in Detroit. They went to Detroit and just bought houses. They were like, I bought a house for like $2,000.

Ali Macofsky 26:05 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:05 And then they were like, you know, like showing like what you can buy for 2,000 bucks-

Ali Macofsky 26:08 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:08 ... and then they were driving their cars crazy around.

Ali Macofsky 26:10 So crazy. I think once I make like a good amount of money, the first thing I'm gonna do is invest.

Joe Rogan 26:15 Move to Detroit.

Ali Macofsky 26:16 (laughs) Yeah, move to Detroit. No, I think I would like invest in real estate. That's what everyone says, right?

Joe Rogan 26:22 Don't listen to everyone.

Ali Macofsky 26:23 Okay.

Joe Rogan 26:24 Yeah, I mean, investing in real estate is generally a good idea if you do it in the right place.

Ali Macofsky 26:28 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:29 But, you know, I don't know, just keep kicking ass.

Ali Macofsky 26:32 I remember when COVID first started, I hit you up. I was like, "Joe, I'm scared. Do you have a guest house?" (laughs)

Joe Rogan 26:37 (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 26:37 And you were like, "I'm scared too." I'm like, "That's not the answer I was looking for."

Joe Rogan 26:41 I was scared in the beginning.

Ali Macofsky 26:41 If you're scared, I'm scared.

Joe Rogan 26:43 In the beginning, I was real scared.

Ali Macofsky 26:44 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:44 Yeah, because I was like... 'Cause I didn't know... First of all, the, the information you get from China is so, it's so filtered-

Ali Macofsky 26:52 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 26:53 ... by the Communist Party or the, the, the Chinese government. So like who is telling the truth? Like, how bad is this?

Ali Macofsky 27:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 27:00 So when it hit... And then, you know, when you see them sp- uh, driving on the street with those big tanks spraying the houses... Did you ever see those videos from China?

Ali Macofsky 27:08 No, I don't... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 27:10 Like li- big Lysol trucks.

Ali Macofsky 27:11 It looked like Ghostbusters.

Joe Rogan 27:12 Yeah, exactly. I was like, "This is not good."

Ali Macofsky 27:15 No.

Joe Rogan 27:15 Like, what are they doing? And then you were getting information from cruise ships that were saying that it, it lasts up to 17 days just on surfaces.

Ali Macofsky 27:22 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 27:22 I'm like, "Oh my God, we're fucked."

Ali Macofsky 27:24 I know.

Joe Rogan 27:24 This is a superbug.

Ali Macofsky 27:25 I was on a cruise at the beginning of the year, so I got it, I got it out of the way.

Joe Rogan 27:29 You were on a cruise?

Ali Macofsky 27:30 Yeah, I, I got booked to perform on a rave cruise.

Joe Rogan 27:33 Oh, Jesus Christ.

Ali Macofsky 27:34 And I was like, "This might be the worst experience of my life, but there's no way I can pass up on having that," you know?

Joe Rogan 27:40 Was it good?

Ali Macofsky 27:41 It was so fun. It honestly-

Joe Rogan 27:43 (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 27:43 ... like changed my life (laughs) . I like, I was like, first of all, who goes on a rave cruise? Second of all, who goes to see comedy on a rave cruise?

Joe Rogan 27:53 Yeah.

Ali Macofsky 27:53 And so I was like, "I need to bring a friend." So I brought my friend Danny, and I was like, "He's gonna be the perfect person to have whether this is the best or the worst time." And we pull up to the port in Miami and it's like 11:00 AM and there's people in like blue wigs and fishnets drinking like Jack Daniels.

Joe Rogan 28:08 Look at you.

Ali Macofsky 28:08 Oh, that's me. I... Look at that smile.

Joe Rogan 28:11 You look so happy.

Ali Macofsky 28:12 I was.

Joe Rogan 28:13 And look at, everybody has no mask on.

Ali Macofsky 28:15 No mask. This was, ugh, what a good time.

Joe Rogan 28:17 The old days.

Ali Macofsky 28:18 The old... Look at, it looks like I have abs in that picture.

Joe Rogan 28:20 When do you think we're gonna go back? This is January 21st. This is right before the world ended.

Ali Macofsky 28:24 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 28:25 When do you think we're gonna go back to no masks? Do you think some people are just gonna wear masks forever now?

Ali Macofsky 28:30 I think so. Yeah. Yeah. Well, isn't... Like, uh, I watch this Japanese reality show and, uh, (laughs) it's so good. It's called Terrace House. And they just film people in this hou- it's beautiful. And, um, and people over there wear masks when they're sick.

Joe Rogan 28:44 Yeah.

Ali Macofsky 28:44 Like, that's just always been a thing.

Joe Rogan 28:46 Mm-hmm.

Ali Macofsky 28:46 And so I think maybe that's something that'll be implemented.

Joe Rogan 28:49 Well, they did a really good job in stopping COVID because of that.

Ali Macofsky 28:53 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 28:53 Just because they wear masks all the time. They didn't stop their businesses.

Ali Macofsky 28:57 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 28:57 They didn't close down. And they only k- uh, I think only 1,000 people died.

Ali Macofsky 29:01 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 29:02 See, see if that's true. I think that's the number. And they're, they're starting to have resurgence in cases, unfortunately.

Ali Macofsky 29:07 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 29:07 But it's probably, that's what happens.

Ali Macofsky 29:08 And now everyone's like losing their hair.

Joe Rogan 29:10 What? They are?

Ali Macofsky 29:11 Yeah, I heard that-

Joe Rogan 29:12 What, Alyssa Milano?

Ali Macofsky 29:13 (laughs) And other people.

Joe Rogan 29:15 I think with her it might be due, she might be, have a lot-

Ali Macofsky 29:18 Stress.

Joe Rogan 29:19 ... of stress in her life.

Ali Macofsky 29:19 Stress, yeah.

Joe Rogan 29:19 She seems like a little high strung.

Ali Macofsky 29:21 Stressed out, yeah.

Joe Rogan 29:21 That lady needs a joint. What is that?

Ali Macofsky 29:24 I don't know.

Joe Rogan 29:26 Recovered, 35,000. 1,000 deaths. That's amazing. 1,073 deaths in Japan.

Ali Macofsky 29:31 (laughs) That's amazing.

Joe Rogan 29:32 That's incredible.

Ali Macofsky 29:33 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 29:33 That's incredible. I mean, how do they do that?

Ali Macofsky 29:35 I don't know.

Joe Rogan 29:35 And look at their big spike. The big spike is like towards the end of, uh, it looks like April 22nd.

Ali Macofsky 29:41 Do you think that this is like mostly accurate? As best-

Joe Rogan 29:44 I think Japan is honest.

Ali Macofsky 29:46 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 29:46 You know? I mean, but just that they're just very disciplined, you know? They're very disciplined and they, they follow order.

Ali Macofsky 29:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 29:51 You know? Like if you... Have you ever gone?

Ali Macofsky 29:53 No, I want to. Well-

Joe Rogan 29:54 It's beautiful.

Ali Macofsky 29:54 I wanted to.

Joe Rogan 29:56 It's really interesting. It's like you're... I love the f- I love when people are just human beings, but they have a whole different way of doing things. Like you go there, you're like, "Oh, look how they do it." Like-

Ali Macofsky 30:05 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:06 ... you walk down the street, everybody's like real polite. Like, nobody's bumping into each other or yelling at each other. It's like very orderly.

Ali Macofsky 30:12 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:12 And, you know, it's, it's interesting. It's like really packed with people, but there's no litter.

Ali Macofsky 30:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:18 It's-

Ali Macofsky 30:18 What's your favorite country you've been to?

Joe Rogan 30:22 Well, I'm a big fan of America. Um, I love Canada.

Ali Macofsky 30:27 I've never been.

Joe Rogan 30:27 I mean, I guess that's kind of a country-

Ali Macofsky 30:28 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:28 ... that's separate from us because you could walk over there, but I mean, s- you could walk to Mexico too.

Ali Macofsky 30:33 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:33 I, I love Canada perform. They're fuck... They're so nice up there. They're like America, but the, I always say with 20% less douchebags.

Ali Macofsky 30:39 Mm. That's nice.

Joe Rogan 30:41 They're fucking nice.

Ali Macofsky 30:42 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:42 They're really nice. And it's cold. And they... So it violates my, uh, dickhead cold weather theory.

Ali Macofsky 30:47 Mm.

Joe Rogan 30:47 I used to have a dickhead cold weather theory 'cause I grew up in Boston.

Ali Macofsky 30:50 Boston.

Joe Rogan 30:50 I was like, "Why is there always such dickheads here?"

Ali Macofsky 30:52 'Cause it's fucking freezing, yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:53 'Cause it's so cold. But it's not, 'cause Canada's colder than that and they're nice. If you go from Boston to Montreal, it'll ruin your dickhead cold weather theory.

Ali Macofsky 31:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:00 'Cause I'm like, "Well, it's fucking colder here and people are nice."

Ali Macofsky 31:02 Hmm.

Joe Rogan 31:03 It maybe gets so cold that they're forced to be nice.

Ali Macofsky 31:06 Ah, yeah, 'cause they're all struggling.

Joe Rogan 31:08 They gotta stay together.

Ali Macofsky 31:09 Yeah. Cuddle.

Joe Rogan 31:09 Have you been to Montreal?

Ali Macofsky 31:10 No, I've never been to Canada.

Joe Rogan 31:12 Oh, you never been to Canada? Oh, you gotta go.

Ali Macofsky 31:13 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:13 It's awesome. It's amazing.

Ali Macofsky 31:13 I was hoping to do new faces this year, but that's canceled.

Joe Rogan 31:16 But if I had to bail off the continental North America, if I had to get out of this, this spot, I would go to Australia.

Ali Macofsky 31:23 Ooh.

Joe Rogan 31:23 I love Australia.

Ali Macofsky 31:24 Really?

Joe Rogan 31:24 Yeah.

Ali Macofsky 31:25 I've never been, but it's not a place that, like, I'm super dying to go to. I w- I w- I really wanna go to New Zealand.

Joe Rogan 31:31 I would go there too.

Ali Macofsky 31:32 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:32 I've never been but it looks amazing.

Ali Macofsky 31:33 Road trip.

Joe Rogan 31:34 Yeah. Oh my God, what is that? They just had four new cases.

Ali Macofsky 31:37 I know. They were-

Joe Rogan 31:38 They, they had no cases.

Ali Macofsky 31:38 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:39 Yeah. They're pretty impressive. But, um, Australia, the first thing I would do if I d- I did move there is, uh, try to convince them to drive on the right side of the road. Like, "What are you doing?"

Ali Macofsky 31:48 It's weird.

Joe Rogan 31:49 Like, "Why are you o- why are you over here with your steering wheel on the wrong side?"

Ali Macofsky 31:51 Yeah. Why... How did that happen?

Joe Rogan 31:52 Bunch of fuckin' assholes.

Ali Macofsky 31:52 What happened when we came over to America? Was someone just like-

Joe Rogan 31:55 'Cause-

Ali Macofsky 31:56 ... "Let's just switch it all up"?

Joe Rogan 31:57 Everybody's jealous of us 'cause we're the shit.

Ali Macofsky 31:59 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 31:59 So they're like, "They do it like that, we're gonna do it like this."

Ali Macofsky 32:02 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:02 Do you know why, though, honestly?

Ali Macofsky 32:04 No, that's why I'm asking.

Joe Rogan 32:05 Um, the reason why is they drive on the left side of the road because if you were a knight and you were, like, in combat, you would want to have your enemy on your right side. So if you were riding towards them, you would wanna have your enemy so you could slash at 'em with your, your dominant arm. Yeah. That's also why when you shake someone's hand, you shake someone's hand with your right hand, 'cause that's your dominant arm.

Ali Macofsky 32:30 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:30 Supposedly.

Ali Macofsky 32:31 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:31 So that's your sword arm. So these are all sword people. They're all old fucking-

Ali Macofsky 32:36 What type of cars were knights driving?

Joe Rogan 32:38 ... barbarians.

Ali Macofsky 32:38 Like a Cadillac Escalade?

Joe Rogan 32:39 They were on horses, honey.

Ali Macofsky 32:40 Oh, okay. Got it.

Joe Rogan 32:42 (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 32:42 Got it.

Joe Rogan 32:42 But they's- (laughs) But they'd-

Ali Macofsky 32:43 Not in Escalades.

Joe Rogan 32:43 When they'd run up to each other and stab each other, they would wanna do it with their right arm so they'd want the enemy to be on the right side of them.

Ali Macofsky 32:49 Crazy.

Joe Rogan 32:50 Yeah. So they were on the left side of the road.

Ali Macofsky 32:52 Hmm. It's weird to think that that's, like-

Joe Rogan 32:53 I might have made that up, by the way.

Ali Macofsky 32:54 Maybe. You know, I just trust w-

Joe Rogan 32:56 (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 32:56 I have blind faith. I'm like, "I know less so I'll just-

Joe Rogan 32:59 Ugh.

Ali Macofsky 32:59 ... take that as a fact."

Joe Rogan 33:00 Yeah, I still talk like the days before the internet. I'll just start saying shit and I'm not sure if I fully researched it.

Ali Macofsky 33:05 I know. But that's the crazy thing about the internet, is I feel so confused all the time.

Joe Rogan 33:10 You, you can with many things, with many subjects you can get really confused. Is that a fact?

Narrator 33:14 You, you can with many things, with many subjects you can get really confused. Is that a fact?

Guest 2 33:14 I mean, it, I've, I'm pretty sure that's right, but I know, like, America drives on the right 'cause we're like, "Fuck that, we're driving on our..." Like, we're not driving on the left.

Joe Rogan 33:20 But we invented cars, bro.

Ali Macofsky 33:22 Did we?

Guest 2 33:22 So we're like, "Fuck that, we're driving on the right."

Joe Rogan 33:23 Detroit Ford, motherfucker.

Guest 2 33:24 But I could say anti-drive on the left is why we drive on the right. S- it's because they drive on the left is why we drive on the right, kind of.

Joe Rogan 33:31 Um.

Guest 2 33:31 You know what I'm saying?

Joe Rogan 33:32 Um-

Ali Macofsky 33:32 I f- yeah, we're like the younger sibling who's like, "Fuck you, we do it our own way."

Joe Rogan 33:36 Oh, you d- that's how you drive with horses? Well, with cars we're gonna just flip it.

Ali Macofsky 33:39 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 33:39 I don't know. I mean, what is the reason why they decided to drive on the right? There's gotta be a reason.

Guest 2 33:44 That's, that's what I'm saying. It, it's g- it's like colonization.

Ali Macofsky 33:46 What is it saying? Just to be different?

Guest 2 33:47 Like, they're like, "Fuck British rules."

Joe Rogan 33:48 "In the early colonization of North America, English driving customs were followed and the colonies drove on the left. Ah, after gaining independence from..." That makes sense. "They were anxious to cast off all remaining links with their British colonial past and gradually changed to right hand driving." Aha. That makes sense.

Ali Macofsky 34:07 Have you ever... Did you, when you were in Australia, did you, like, rent a car and drive yourself on the left side?

Joe Rogan 34:12 No, I have never driven a car on the left hand side.

Ali Macofsky 34:14 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 34:15 I remember reading about Matthew Broderick and he was over in Ireland, I believe, and he got in a fatal car crash, smashed into someone, and the speculation was that he was on the wrong side of the road. Like, he was coming home from the set and then he fucked up. I r- I remember reading that. I don't know if n- that's the case, but I do know he was in a, a bad car crash. And I was like, "Oh my God, you gotta be on your fucking Ps and Qs if you're driving on the left side of the road."

Ali Macofsky 34:36 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 34:36 'Cause your he- like, do you know when you're driving, you get in that weird auto mode where you just... Like, y- you ever be in your car and then all of a sudden-

Ali Macofsky 34:43 (laughs) I don't know how I get home sometimes.

Joe Rogan 34:45 Right. Like, "How did I get here?"

Ali Macofsky 34:46 Do you text and drive?

Joe Rogan 34:47 No.

Ali Macofsky 34:48 Okay.

Joe Rogan 34:48 No, I do not. I do not.

Ali Macofsky 34:50 Yeah, me neither.

Joe Rogan 34:50 It's too tempting. I have a little slot in my car for my phone, it just goes (imitates pop sound) .

Ali Macofsky 34:54 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 34:54 Right in there and I, I don't, I don't do shit.

Ali Macofsky 34:56 In every car you have, you have a slot?

Joe Rogan 34:58 Well, in the car that I drive the most.

Ali Macofsky 34:59 Yeah. The Tes?

Joe Rogan 35:01 The Tesla has a slot. But the thing I like to do is this, I like to do, "Hey, Siri, text Ali Macofsky." And the, "What would you like to say?" And then that kind of shit.

Ali Macofsky 35:09 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 35:09 Your, your phone go off when I said, "Hey, Siri"?

Ali Macofsky 35:11 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 35:12 (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 35:12 People get mad at you.

Joe Rogan 35:13 People get mad at you. Like, if you l- they listen to the podcast, they get mad that-

Ali Macofsky 35:15 I have, like-

Guest 2 35:16 I had to do with this. It's fine.

Ali Macofsky 35:16 ... like, an iPhone 2 so I don't have to worry about it.

Guest 2 35:18 I have the time, half the time it, it's dirty.

Joe Rogan 35:20 Oh, that?

Guest 2 35:20 It's old. Yeah. The, the... Why don't we... Well- We will.

Joe Rogan 35:23 ... we're not replacing it in the new studio.

Ali Macofsky 35:24 (inhales deeply)

Joe Rogan 35:25 You gonna viti- visit us in Texas?

Ali Macofsky 35:26 Duh.

Joe Rogan 35:26 Duh.

Ali Macofsky 35:27 I was w- I was like, uh, you, when you called me yesterday, I was like, "Maybe he, like, wants me to, like, move with him."

Joe Rogan 35:32 (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 35:33 And then you're like, "Don't do the podcast." I'm like, "Fine, I guess. I'll stay in LA." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 35:37 Well, once everything's up and running, the- the plan is-

Ali Macofsky 35:39 I'll babysit.

Joe Rogan 35:40 Okay. Well, good.

Ali Macofsky 35:42 I've got nothing over.

Joe Rogan 35:43 My daughter likes you.

Ali Macofsky 35:44 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 35:44 She met you.

Ali Macofsky 35:44 I know. She's so cute.

Joe Rogan 35:46 Adorable.

Ali Macofsky 35:46 She's so cute. I was like, "Are you on TikTok?"

Joe Rogan 35:49 (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 35:49 That's like how I... Whenever I meet a young person, I'm like, "Are you on TikTok? I know the dances."

Guest 2 35:53 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 35:53 The Chinese government is watching you.

Ali Macofsky 35:55 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 35:55 Um-

Ali Macofsky 35:55 Do you think they're actually gonna ban it?

Joe Rogan 35:57 Yes. I think they're gonna force a sale, that's what I think.

Ali Macofsky 36:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 36:00 I think probably some big American tech company's gonna buy it. Because, um, there was a group of softw- uh, I don't know if a group or some software engineer that, uh, back engineered TikTok-

Ali Macofsky 36:10 Mm.

Joe Rogan 36:10 ... and they said, "This is the worst application we have ever seen in terms of violation of privacy."

Ali Macofsky 36:15 Whoa.

Joe Rogan 36:16 It's the worst. Like, it tracks fucking everything. And it, they-

Ali Macofsky 36:20 But it-

Joe Rogan 36:20 ... send that information directly to the Chinese government, so they're, they're data mining.

Ali Macofsky 36:23 Is it bad that I-

Joe Rogan 36:25 Don't give a fuck?

Ali Macofsky 36:25 ... don't give a fuck? Should I care more that people are taking my privacy?

Joe Rogan 36:30 Um-... this is how I feel about that.

Ali Macofsky 36:33 Okay, tell me.

Joe Rogan 36:33 You are a 24-year-old standup comedian.

Ali Macofsky 36:37 25 next month.

Joe Rogan 36:38 So, you're like, "What am I gonna do? What are you gonna do? What, are you gonna find out where I shit?"

Ali Macofsky 36:41 Yeah. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 36:42 "Are you gonna find out where I take naps?"

Ali Macofsky 36:43 I keep my laptop on with the camera on when I'm pooping, just in case.

Joe Rogan 36:47 Hmm.

Ali Macofsky 36:47 If the government's watching, I want them to get the full range of me, you know?

Joe Rogan 36:50 I- I feel like if they're wa- they're paying attention like hedge fund guys who are trying to overthrow governments.

Ali Macofsky 36:56 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 36:56 You know, they're- they're paying attention to like, important shit.

Ali Macofsky 36:57 They don't care about me?

Joe Rogan 36:59 What do we do?

Ali Macofsky 37:00 I know nothing.

Joe Rogan 37:00 We fucking, we- we talk shit, like-

Ali Macofsky 37:02 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 37:02 ... what? You know, the people that think that the government's watching everything you do, like, bro, you're boring.

Ali Macofsky 37:06 Yeah. (laughs) Yeah.

Joe Rogan 37:06 Okay, they're- they're not, they're not paying attention to you. I guarantee you they're not. But-

Ali Macofsky 37:11 They're probably watching you, don't you think?

Joe Rogan 37:13 Yeah, they're watching me.

Ali Macofsky 37:14 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 37:14 They listen to everything I say, I'm sure.

Ali Macofsky 37:15 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 37:16 But I only say everything publicly, so-

Ali Macofsky 37:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 37:18 ... the things that get me in the most trouble, I say right here.

Ali Macofsky 37:20 Yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 37:20 (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 37:21 Just- just talking shit. But, you know, that's the business. The business is the talking shit business. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 37:26 What are you gonna do?

Ali Macofsky 37:28 But that's the thing, to get back to like, being so confused about information now, because there's so much information, I don't know what to believe. Isn't it crazy, like having a podcast and then like saying something and being like, "Ah, I don't know if that's right?"

Joe Rogan 37:41 Well, that's what Jamie's for.

Ali Macofsky 37:42 Jamie.

Joe Rogan 37:43 Jamie's the best. Jamie- Jamie pulls things up all the time that I thought were right.

Ali Macofsky 37:47 I know, I've always wanted to-

Joe Rogan 37:48 But actually ... (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 37:50 Actually, you're wrong.

Joe Rogan 37:51 Well, I mean, if you're coming to me as your major source of information, you're already fucked.

Ali Macofsky 37:57 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 37:58 If I say something that I absolutely know to be sure, I will say that I absolutely know this to be sure.

Ali Macofsky 38:03 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:03 And if I say something and I go, "I don't know if that's true," please Google it.

Ali Macofsky 38:07 (laughs) Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:08 Just- just, I'm- I'm just, I'm not supposed to be a source of information. I'm just not.

Ali Macofsky 38:11 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:12 It's not my thing, uh-

Ali Macofsky 38:12 You just have a lot of information.

Joe Rogan 38:14 I- I have some information.

Ali Macofsky 38:14 Whether it's factual or not.

Joe Rogan 38:17 I- I'm a shit-talker.

Ali Macofsky 38:18 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:18 That's what I am, a professional shit-talker.

Ali Macofsky 38:19 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:19 I talk shit. Eight out of 10 times, I don't even mean what I say.

Ali Macofsky 38:23 Yeah. (laughs) That's the crazy thing, too-

Joe Rogan 38:25 Yeah.

Ali Macofsky 38:25 ... about the internet is that some people will just like assume that everything you say is real and it's like, no, there's some d- you know, there's some like-

Joe Rogan 38:34 I'm gonna put this up later.

Ali Macofsky 38:35 Okay.

Joe Rogan 38:35 Here, I'll, uh, I'll- I'll send this to you, Jamie, right now. This is, uh, Tim when he was getting his COVID test. (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 38:42 Oh my God.

Joe Rogan 38:42 And this is something that I'm sure people are gonna be pissed about, but this is a- a perfect example of what I like. I don't need everyone to be serious and/or telling the truth.

Ali Macofsky 38:54 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:55 And I like the fact that I can tell the difference.

Ali Macofsky 38:58 Yes.

Joe Rogan 38:58 And I- I like when people say outrageous shit that they don't really mean.

Ali Macofsky 39:01 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 39:02 And I'm v- that's one of the things that frustrates me the most about this internet culture, is that people love to take something like, that Tim Dillon would say in this clip and put it in quotes and pretend that he really means it. Play that.

Ali Macofsky 39:12 And have it totally out of context.

Joe Rogan 39:14 Are you getting it? Oh, it's- it's actually a fairly large video. (laughs) Should I, um... You got it? Oh, you got it. Yeah, put it up there and then give us some volume. This is, uh, Tim Dillon taking his COVID test. Here we go. I'll put it on the internet after the podcast.

Guest 3 39:35 Woo!

Ali Macofsky 39:37 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 39:38 How's that, buddy? I don't like it. (laughs) You don't like it? I don't like it. This disease doesn't exist. What?

Narrator 39:44 (laughing)

Joe Rogan 39:44 You are... This is outrageous. I can't even put this on the internet. It does not exist. It's fake. Oh, no.

Narrator 39:51 (laughing)

Joe Rogan 39:52 See, now there's a lot of people that'd be like... (laughs) That's Jamie. (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 39:59 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 39:59 That's his, his emoji.

Ali Macofsky 39:59 His emoji.

Joe Rogan 39:59 His laugh, his smile. He added his emoji. But it's like, there's so many people that'd be like, "You know how many fucking people died?"

Ali Macofsky 40:05 I know.

Joe Rogan 40:05 "147,000 Americans." That's what they would do. They would take that clip-

Ali Macofsky 40:09 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 40:09 ... and then they'd go, "Oh, you're yucking it up? Ha ha ha. Grandma's dead."

Ali Macofsky 40:13 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 40:13 And-

Ali Macofsky 40:13 What are we supposed to do? Be sad about grandma all the time?

Joe Rogan 40:16 All the time.

Ali Macofsky 40:17 All the time we're supposed to be sad.

Joe Rogan 40:18 24/7.

Ali Macofsky 40:18 Everything's supposed to be serious.

Joe Rogan 40:19 These humorless fucks who spend all day complaining about things.

Ali Macofsky 40:24 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 40:25 But I get it.

Ali Macofsky 40:25 I f-

Joe Rogan 40:25 Because there's no work.

Ali Macofsky 40:26 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 40:27 What are you gonna do?

Ali Macofsky 40:27 Like, of course it's sad, but that's like why comedy is so important and to make light of things and be ridiculous because it's like-

Joe Rogan 40:34 Oh, for sure.

Ali Macofsky 40:34 ... there needs to be a balance.

Joe Rogan 40:36 For sure. It's... That's what we do.

Ali Macofsky 40:38 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 40:38 And it's also like what we enjoy. Like, one of the things about The Comedy Store is, that I enjoyed the most, is like going there and people would go, like talk shit to you. "You really wearing that?" Like, "What?"

Ali Macofsky 40:47 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 40:48 "Are you really wearing that?" And then all of a sudden there'd be like a- a roast fest.

Ali Macofsky 40:51 (laughs) Yeah.

Joe Rogan 40:51 You'd be standing there like, "What did I do?" (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 40:53 Yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 40:53 And they're just shitting on my clothes or shitting on my shoes or... You know, it's like, it's fun. It's fun. Like d- and saying things you don't mean are fun.

Ali Macofsky 41:01 Yeah. I remember when it was like me, you and Santino out somewhere and we were getting brunch and I was like wearing a shirt and you're like, "What the fuck is that tattoo on your arm?"

Joe Rogan 41:10 (laughs) What is that tattoo? (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 41:10 And I was like, "What's that tattoo on your arm?" We were just going back and forth. "That's dumb. What does that mean? You get that at a thrift store?"

Joe Rogan 41:17 What is that tattoo? I don't... I forget.

Ali Macofsky 41:18 I don't know. It's a rowboat with a flower in it.

Joe Rogan 41:20 Mm-hmm. Okay.

Ali Macofsky 41:22 I got it for 10, 10 bucks. I won a raffle.

Joe Rogan 41:24 It's a good deal.

Ali Macofsky 41:24 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 41:24 It stays with you forever.

Ali Macofsky 41:25 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 41:26 When you're 80... "It was for 10 bucks." Today it's-

Ali Macofsky 41:28 It's not even gonna look like that.

Joe Rogan 41:29 Today it's $1000.

Ali Macofsky 41:31 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 41:31 (laughs) Yeah.

Ali Macofsky 41:32 I, um, my friend got a tattoo gun on Amazon. You know that anyone can just buy a tattoo gun on Amazon?

Joe Rogan 41:38 (laughs) You just started tattooing yourself? Oh my God, you tattooed your palm? What is that, a star?

Ali Macofsky 41:41 I saw the Post Malone episode and I was like, "I gotta get another tat before I come on."

Joe Rogan 41:45 Were you thinking about getting one on your cheek?

Ali Macofsky 41:47 No. (laughs) No, not yet.

Joe Rogan 41:48 Would you do like a little star? Like...

Ali Macofsky 41:49 I- I have thought about a face tattoo.

Joe Rogan 41:51 Right above your eyebrow?

Ali Macofsky 41:52 Like a tiny little one over here.

Joe Rogan 41:53 Ooh.

Ali Macofsky 41:54 Maybe.

Joe Rogan 41:55 There's been multiple face tattoos on this podcast. And you know the one I forgot?

Ali Macofsky 42:00 Who?

Joe Rogan 42:00 Mike Tyson. I forgot he has a face tattoo.

Ali Macofsky 42:03 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 42:03 I forgot.

Ali Macofsky 42:03 A prominent one.

Joe Rogan 42:04 The first one though was Kat Von D. She was number one. And she has a gang of them. She's got little stars all over the fucking place.

Ali Macofsky 42:11 Yeah. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 42:11 Oh, geez. And then, uh, the second one was... Was the second one Tyson? Who else?

Ali Macofsky 42:20 You had Kat Von- Von Dion?

Joe Rogan 42:22 Well, yes. Yeah. Early-

Ali Macofsky 42:24 It's...

Joe Rogan 42:24 Early in the day. She's awesome.

Ali Macofsky 42:26 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 42:26 But Travis Barker probably has the most tattoos.

Ali Macofsky 42:28 He's so talented.

Joe Rogan 42:30 I've had him on. He's a great guy too.

Ali Macofsky 42:31 He's like a legend. He's so cool.

Joe Rogan 42:33 He's such a sweetheart of a person too, like a really genuinely nice guy.

Ali Macofsky 42:36 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 42:36 But he's got-... face, head, neck-

Ali Macofsky 42:39 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 42:39 ... everything. Like, he was on his, uh, Instagram the other day getting new tattoos. He's like, "I'm out of space."

Ali Macofsky 42:43 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 42:44 So they're just, like, drawing over old tattoos, like, new writing.

Ali Macofsky 42:47 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 42:47 You know, like ...

Ali Macofsky 42:48 Do you think he could get, like, a skin graft just so he can do, like, a new tattoo?

Joe Rogan 42:51 Well, he's actually had skin grafts-

Ali Macofsky 42:52 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 42:52 ... because he had a-

Ali Macofsky 42:53 The plane.

Joe Rogan 42:54 ... plane crash.

Ali Macofsky 42:54 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 42:55 Yeah. Yeah. Um, I don't think he would. Skin grafts are fucking painful.

Ali Macofsky 42:59 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 43:00 Yeah. But he's-

Ali Macofsky 43:01 Have you ever had one?

Joe Rogan 43:01 ... got everything covered. Yeah, I'd had a skin graft once.

Ali Macofsky 43:03 Oh.

Joe Rogan 43:05 Um, he's got, uh, literally them everywhere. He's got 'em everywhere.

Ali Macofsky 43:10 Really?

Joe Rogan 43:10 I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah, everywhere, like, top of his head all the way down his hands, his arms, his legs.

Ali Macofsky 43:17 Damn.

Joe Rogan 43:17 Everything's tattooed.

Ali Macofsky 43:18 Okay.

Joe Rogan 43:18 Like, see, see if you can find the video. The video's kinda crazy.

Ali Macofsky 43:21 I have a weird amount of tattoos where I'm like, I ... It's like, I feel like I'm playing blackjack right now. I'm like, "Should I quit or not?"

Joe Rogan 43:28 Yeah, look.

Ali Macofsky 43:29 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 43:29 He's out of space.

Ali Macofsky 43:30 Damn.

Joe Rogan 43:31 It's everywhere-

Ali Macofsky 43:32 Well, there's-

Joe Rogan 43:33 ... under his chin.

Ali Macofsky 43:33 There's still some face room.

Joe Rogan 43:35 Yeah, but-

Ali Macofsky 43:36 Some cheeks.

Joe Rogan 43:37 Well, there was a, a fake picture that somebody ... May- may- might have been him that he posted of his face fully tattooed. I was like, "Damn, he might have went all in," but it was fake.

Ali Macofsky 43:47 How old were you when you got your first tattoo?

Joe Rogan 43:50 23, maybe.

Ali Macofsky 43:53 Do you remember what it was?

Joe Rogan 43:54 Yeah, I still have it. It's like a, a demon with a jester's hat on.

Ali Macofsky 43:58 Nice.

Joe Rogan 43:59 Stupid.

Ali Macofsky 44:00 I know. All my tattoos are so stupid.

Joe Rogan 44:01 It's there to remind me that I used to be a moron.

Ali Macofsky 44:03 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 44:04 I like-

Ali Macofsky 44:04 I feel like that's what these are.

Joe Rogan 44:05 (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 44:05 I'm like, "You know what? You're gonna be a different person."

Joe Rogan 44:08 Well, I'm still a moron, but I'm, I'm definitely less of a moron than when I was 23.

Ali Macofsky 44:12 Yeah. That's why it's ... That's why, uh ... That's why I really liked, like, being at the store and, like, having people like you and Tony and Santino and just, like, all the people there, like, y- you know. Because for me, being a young person in comedy, I'm always like, "Were you guys, like, bad when you first started?"

Joe Rogan 44:31 Oh, we were terrible.

Ali Macofsky 44:31 I'm like, "Did you guys know what you wanted to talk about?" And it's so cool being able to, like, ask you guys for advice and, like, have these mentors and-

Joe Rogan 44:40 Well, it's also the, the, the guys you're talking about, everyone's gen- genuinely honest. Like, they'll tell you the times they bombed. Like, ugh, the worst is people that don't admit they bomb or don't admit when they bomb 'cause, like, okay, you're protecting yourself, and you're damaging our relationship.

Ali Macofsky 44:55 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 44:56 By protecting yourself, first of all, doesn't really work.

Ali Macofsky 44:58 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 44:58 You're not really protecting yourself. And two, you're damaging our relationship 'cause now I can't listen to you 'cause now-

Ali Macofsky 45:03 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 45:03 ... I know ... I think you're full of shit.

Ali Macofsky 45:04 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 45:05 That's not good.

Ali Macofsky 45:06 Ugh. Remember, uh, remember when we were in St. Paul in f- in the arena, and I said, "What's up, St. Louis?"

Joe Rogan 45:13 (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 45:15 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 45:18 That was rough.

Ali Macofsky 45:19 Oh, my god.

Joe Rogan 45:21 You barely recovered from that one.

Ali Macofsky 45:22 I thought I was gonna get burned alive after the show.

Joe Rogan 45:25 Ooh, they got mad.

Ali Macofsky 45:26 And I opened it up. I was the first one on stage. I was, like, so excited. I'm like, "What's up?"

Joe Rogan 45:31 Oh, no.

Ali Macofsky 45:32 Dead silence, and I'm like-

Joe Rogan 45:34 Oh, no.

Ali Macofsky 45:34 ... "That's, that's not how this works."

Joe Rogan 45:36 Oh, no, yeah.

Ali Macofsky 45:37 Ooh. But then I recovered, thank God.

Joe Rogan 45:39 I think I've done that before. I think I called Minneapolis, Michigan once.

Ali Macofsky 45:44 Yeah, I, I retired saying, "What's up," wherever I'm at. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 45:47 What's up?

Ali Macofsky 45:47 I'm like, I'll just get into it.

Joe Rogan 45:49 Yeah. Well, there, there's some places that demand respect. Like, if you go to New York and you call it Philly, your show's over.

Ali Macofsky 45:55 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 45:55 "What's up, Philly?" What uh ... They would just, "Boo! That's a mistake you can't make."

Ali Macofsky 46:01 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 46:01 "Boo!"

Ali Macofsky 46:02 Oh, my god.

Joe Rogan 46:03 Some mistakes you can't make, but if you call St. Paul St. Louis, you're like, "Oh, my god. I'm a fucking idiot." Like, a couple minutes later, if you have some good jokes, they'll forget.

Ali Macofsky 46:11 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 46:12 New York will never forgive you if you call it Philadelphia-

Ali Macofsky 46:14 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 46:14 If you call New York Philadelphia or if you call Philadelphia New York, they'll, they'll kick your ass.

Ali Macofsky 46:19 Um, wouldn't you know the difference between Philly and New York?

Joe Rogan 46:21 Not if you're drunk.

Ali Macofsky 46:22 Ah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 46:23 You don't drink.

Ali Macofsky 46:23 I don't drink.

Joe Rogan 46:23 When did you stop with the boozing and everything else?

Ali Macofsky 46:26 Um, I stopped everything, uh, the day after Halloween of 2015.

Joe Rogan 46:32 Was it a rough Halloween?

Ali Macofsky 46:33 It was a rough Halloween, yeah.

Joe Rogan 46:35 (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 46:35 Not one of my best moments.

Joe Rogan 46:37 So 2000 ... You were 19 then?

Ali Macofsky 46:39 I was 19. Mm ...

Joe Rogan 46:40 Wow.

Ali Macofsky 46:40 I think I was 20.

Joe Rogan 46:42 Hmm.

Ali Macofsky 46:42 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 46:43 So right around then.

Ali Macofsky 46:44 Yeah, 'cause I ... Yeah. I, um, I woke up half naked on my dad's couch, and I was like, "This is not the way I want to be waking up."

Joe Rogan 46:53 (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 46:53 This is not a pretty sight.

Joe Rogan 46:55 Were you out all night or ...

Ali Macofsky 46:57 Yeah. And I was like ... I was moving to LA November 1st, 2015, and I was like, "Okay, I still want to go out for Halloween, but I, like-"

Joe Rogan 47:05 (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 47:05 "... need to be respectful." No, no hard alcohol, just, like, a couple beers, get your shit together, don't be a piece of shit. Blacked out-

Joe Rogan 47:13 That's amazing.

Ali Macofsky 47:14 ... woke up half naked. So whenever people are like, "How long have you lived in LA?" I'm like, "Uh, four years, seven months, you know, whatever days."

Joe Rogan 47:22 Right. You can g- get it down to the-

Ali Macofsky 47:24 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 47:24 ... Alcoholics Anonymous chip.

Ali Macofsky 47:26 Yes, yes, yes.

Joe Rogan 47:26 (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 47:27 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 47:27 Jim Norton's the same way.

Ali Macofsky 47:29 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 47:29 Nort- Norton stopped when he was 19.

Ali Macofsky 47:31 Oh, really?

Joe Rogan 47:31 Yep, yep. He realized. He was like, "I ... I'm a fucking mess, and I, I can't do this."

Ali Macofsky 47:35 And I thought when I started comedy, I was like, I was like, "Everyone who is successful drinks." Like, it's just part of it. Like, you have to be boozing and schmoozing and, like, having a good time after the show and, like, partying it up and have this, like, rock star attitude.

Joe Rogan 47:49 Yeah, rock star shit. Yeah.

Ali Macofsky 47:50 And then I realized that there were so many successful comedians who don't drink, and I was like, "Okay, maybe this is, like, possible."

Joe Rogan 47:57 Yeah. Oh, it's very possible. I mean-

Ali Macofsky 47:58 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 47:59 ... Hicks did his best work after he cleaned up.

Ali Macofsky 48:01 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 48:01 He didn't, you know, didn't do anything.

Ali Macofsky 48:04 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 48:04 When he was, like, in his 30 ... He ... I think he quit, like, at, like, 30 or something like that.

Ali Macofsky 48:10 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 48:11 But then whatever he had done caught up to him already. But he smoked a lot of cigarettes-

Ali Macofsky 48:15 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 48:15 ... which is just as bad, my friend.

Ali Macofsky 48:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 48:18 You gotta stop.

Ali Macofsky 48:18 He's your favorite, right? He was your favorite.

Joe Rogan 48:20 Hicks? No.

Ali Macofsky 48:21 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 48:21 No, he's not my favorite. Um, he's not the funniest.... he was a, a great mind and I think he had really interesting thoughts. And I think that his comedy was very revolutionary, in that it changed the way people thought about doing comedy. Like, 'cause you could do comedy and talk about important issues. You could talk about complex things.

Ali Macofsky 48:42 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 48:42 And it, it inspired me to talk about more complex things. But Kinison, I think-

Ali Macofsky 48:47 But you didn't start out talking about complex things.

Joe Rogan 48:50 No.

Ali Macofsky 48:50 Did you?

Joe Rogan 48:50 No.

Ali Macofsky 48:50 Okay, thank God.

Joe Rogan 48:51 No, no.

Ali Macofsky 48:52 'Cause I'm like, my, my ass, whatever my jokes are.

Joe Rogan 48:56 Yeah, that's-

Ali Macofsky 48:56 Sucking dick, doing whatever.

Joe Rogan 48:58 (laughs)

Ali Macofsky 48:58 You know, the dumb shit.

Joe Rogan 48:59 Of course, of course.

Ali Macofsky 49:00 And I'm always like, "I hope I'm..." I mean, I don't mind if I keep talking about whatever, like dumb shit, I just want it to be, like, a little bit more elevated.

Joe Rogan 49:08 Well, some people talk about dumb shit forever and it's great.

Ali Macofsky 49:11 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 49:11 Like, it doesn't, you don't... There's no rules. It just has to be funny.

Ali Macofsky 49:14 I used to be so insecure, you know, about, you know, my dumb jokes, which I think are funny, but they're... You know, the com- it's not like I'm breaking boundaries or, like-

Joe Rogan 49:23 Yeah.

Ali Macofsky 49:23 ... opening people's minds to, you know, new thought.

Joe Rogan 49:25 But the problem is, the people that wanna do that all suck. The people that wanna break boundaries-

Ali Macofsky 49:30 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 49:30 ... the people that wanna open people's minds-

Ali Macofsky 49:31 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 49:31 ... like, oh, they're almost always annoying.

Ali Macofsky 49:33 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 49:33 Like, I think the jokes should be... Well, there's two things that should be possible, right? First of all, what you're saying, for the people in the audience, should be entertaining, should be interesting.

Ali Macofsky 49:43 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 49:44 That was one of the things that Hicks said, like, just try to be, try to be interesting. He had like a... See if you can find this. He had like a rules to comedy thing that he wrote that's very insightful. It's really int- I mean, I mean when you think about the guy died, I think he was only like 33-

Ali Macofsky 49:58 Damn.

Joe Rogan 49:58 ... when he died. Yeah. He was just really fucking smart.

Ali Macofsky 50:02 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 50:03 You know, just really smart and also started comedy really young. (clears throat) So here it is. Bill Hicks' principles of comedy. "If you can be yourself on stage, nobody else can be you and you have the law of supply and demand covered." "Your, the act is something you fall back on if you can't think of anything else to say." Number three, "Only what, only do what you think is funny, never just what you think they will like, even though it's not that funny to you." Number four, "Never ask them, 'Is this funny?'" You tell them this is funny. Number five, "You are not married to any of this shit. If something happens, taking off on a tangent, never go back and finish a bit, just move on." Number six, "Never ask the audience, 'How you doing?'" People who do that can't think of an opening line. They came to see you tell them how they're doing. Asking that stupid question up front just digs a hole. This is the most common mistake." I like how he writes that in all caps.

Ali Macofsky 51:02 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 51:02 "THIS IS THE MOST COMMON MISTAKE" with a... Well, not all caps, front word, uh, first letter caps. "The most common mistake made by performers. I want to leave as soon as they say that." Number seven, "Write what entertains you. If you can't be funny, be interesting." That's what I was talking about. "You haven't lost the crowd. Have something to say and then do it in a funny way." Number eight, "I close my eyes and walk out there and that's where I start." Honest. Number nine, "Listen to what you are saying."

Ali Macofsky 51:31 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 51:31 "Ask yourself, 'Why am I saying it and is it necessary?'" This will filter all your material and cut the unnecessary words. Economy of words.

Ali Macofsky 51:42 You're super into that.

Joe Rogan 51:43 Economy of words-

Ali Macofsky 51:43 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 51:43 ... is everything. It's everything with jokes. Number 10, "Play to the top of the intelligence of the room. There aren't any bad crowds, just wrong choices." That's not true.

Ali Macofsky 51:52 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 51:53 That's just not true. There are definitely bad crowds. Number 11, "Remember this is the hardest thing there is to do." That's not true. Being a soldier, way fucking harder. "If you can do this, you can do anything." Nope, you can't tell people jokes and then do brain surgery.

Ali Macofsky 52:08 I can't do shit.

Joe Rogan 52:09 Yeah, that's not true.

Ali Macofsky 52:10 I'm useless.

Joe Rogan 52:11 Number 12, "I love my cracker roots. Get to know your family, be friends with them." Well, that's not the worst advice. But the all, the, the thing that is a problem with any of that stuff is, "This is how you do it." The beautiful thing about comedy is there is no, "This is how you do it."

Ali Macofsky 52:26 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 52:26 Like, there's Mitch Hedberg and there's Sam Kinison.

Ali Macofsky 52:29 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 52:29 Those are two g- all-time greats. There's Richard Pryor and there's Louis C.K. There's Dave Chappelle and there's Emo Philips.

Ali Macofsky 52:37 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 52:37 There's Bobcat Goldthwait and there's fucking, you know. I mean, there's, you can do that all day. There's-

Ali Macofsky 52:42 But I think that just goes back to, like, just be who you are on stage.

Joe Rogan 52:45 Yes. Yes. But also do what you feel like doing. Like, Gaffigan likes to do his kind of comedy.

Ali Macofsky 52:52 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 52:52 Right? If all of a sudden Gaffigan had to do like, uh, you know, someone else's act, like Bobby Lee or something like that, like, it wouldn't be... It's not what he's interested in-

Ali Macofsky 53:01 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 53:02 ... you know? He's, he, you find what you like to do. It's like some people are country music stars, some people are rappers-

Ali Macofsky 53:09 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 53:09 ... you know? Like, everyone's got their own thing they're doing.

Ali Macofsky 53:11 And that's the thing with, like, comedy is I feel like when you're starting out, it can feel so, like, competitive or, um, like, "Should I be doing what this person's doing 'cause they're doing things or whatever?" But I, I feel like I have to look at it like music. It's like, "Oh, I like a rapper and I also like this, like, corny pop musician."

Joe Rogan 53:32 Mm-hmm.

Ali Macofsky 53:32 They're in totally different lanes. They're not competing against each other. They're not looking at each other being like, "Why are they doing that?" They're doing their own thing and I can appreciate both artists or both songs or whatever. You know what I mean? Does that make sense?

Joe Rogan 53:45 I do know what you mean-

Ali Macofsky 53:45 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 53:45 ... but some people can't and some comics can't. Some comics decide that they don't like what you do-

Ali Macofsky 53:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 53:51 ... so you shouldn't be doing it.

Ali Macofsky 53:52 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 53:53 They get angry.

Ali Macofsky 53:53 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 53:54 You know, "You shouldn't be talking about sex. You should be talking about," you know, like, w-... whatever, absurd things.

Ali Macofsky 54:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:00 But that's like because comedy is ... If you go to a comedy club, it's just a comedy club. Like n- nobody goes to a music club and doesn't know what kind of band is playing. If you go to see rock and roll and, uh, all of a sudden a, a folk singer shows up, you get upset.

Ali Macofsky 54:16 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:17 Like there's no other venue like that where like someone will come on stage and they're Metallica, and then right afterwards would be like Sarah McLachlan.

Ali Macofsky 54:25 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:25 Like that's a weird combination. But in comedy, that's a combination that exists all the time.

Ali Macofsky 54:30 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:30 You will, you will see weird combinations like that all the time. Where if you're on a, a 10-person show, like at The Store, where 10 people are doing 15-minute sets, you are likely to see the full spectrum of comedy.

Ali Macofsky 54:41 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:41 You know, all kinds of weird shit.

Ali Macofsky 54:44 That's why I like The Original Room so much-

Joe Rogan 54:46 Mm-hmm.

Ali Macofsky 54:46 ... 'cause it goes until, you know, 2:00 in the morning, sometimes longer, and you get to see the weirdest stuff. And-

Joe Rogan 54:52 Yeah. Well, that's where I saw Laura, Laura Beets.

Ali Macofsky 54:55 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:55 Li- I mean, and I became a giant fan of hers and I put the post on my Instagram. Because me and Kreischer, we did a show, this big-ass sold out show-

Ali Macofsky 55:04 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:04 ... in The Main Room. And then Bert and I sat down in the back of the room and Laura was on stage, and there was like maybe, I mean, pff, 15 people or something, something like that, a small-ass crowd. By the time she was off stage, the crowd had doubled-

Ali Macofsky 55:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:18 ... because they were coming in to sit down to listen to her. And that doesn't seem like a lot, you know, "Oh, it was only 30 people," but that's a big jump.

Ali Macofsky 55:26 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:26 And for The OR, at like whatever time that was, she's so talented.

Ali Macofsky 55:31 She's so funny.

Joe Rogan 55:32 And just so like, "Aah!" You know, like it's her-

Ali Macofsky 55:34 I ... Yeah, I love her style.

Joe Rogan 55:36 And it's like what he was saying, she's herself.

Ali Macofsky 55:37 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:38 She knows how to do it. And she works so hard. Like her and I talked about writing, and she showed me her notebook. First of all, everything is like, there's like a line and then a space, like she has a ... Like leaves a whole line bare and then the next space.

Ali Macofsky 55:50 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:50 I'm like, "Oh, you're fucking organized as fuck."

Ali Macofsky 55:52 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:52 And she's like, "Yes, I'm serious."

Ali Macofsky 55:54 (laughs) Yeah. I have a friend who, her notes are color-coded.

Joe Rogan 55:57 Ooh.

Ali Macofsky 55:58 She has it like color-coded, jokes that like really work, jokes that need some work on them, brand new jokes, and then like certain parts of the joke are color-coded differently. And I'm like, "My brain does not work like that."

Joe Rogan 56:09 Does she use highlights or does she use tabs?

Ali Macofsky 56:10 She, she does it on her computer and phone.

Joe Rogan 56:13 Oh.

Ali Macofsky 56:13 Yeah. And then like when she's doing a show, I think she just like transfers what she wants to do into the notebook.

Joe Rogan 56:18 Oh.

Ali Macofsky 56:19 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 56:19 Interesting.

Ali Macofsky 56:20 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 56:20 Yeah. Well, everybody's got their own interesting way of doing it. Ron Funch said something really interesting.

Ali Macofsky 56:25 I heard. I listened to the pod-

Joe Rogan 56:26 He was like, "Write ..." Ron was like, "Write what you love, you hate-"

Ali Macofsky 56:30 And fear.

Joe Rogan 56:30 "... and then what you fear."

Ali Macofsky 56:31 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 56:31 I was like, "Oh." And I, I texted him after the podcast, I go, "I ask that question all the time, like, 'What's your process?'" Rarely do I get an answer that makes me go, "Oh-"

Ali Macofsky 56:42 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 56:42 "... I'm gonna implement that." And so I, I told him that. I mean, I know it's probably a standard writing exercise, but I d- I wasn't aware of it.

Ali Macofsky 56:49 Yeah. It's probably just a great way to really figure out your perspective on things and figure out your like, uh, point of view and the angle that you wanna take.

Joe Rogan 56:58 And, and for, for a bit, it seems like the perfect combination-

Ali Macofsky 57:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 57:00 ... because you always wanna combine those three things.

Ali Macofsky 57:02 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 57:02 What scares the fuck out of me, what I love, and what I hate.

Ali Macofsky 57:05 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 57:05 Those things are awesome together.

Ali Macofsky 57:06 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 57:06 It's ... That really is comedy. It's a very smart way to write. I was like, "That, that made a big difference."

Ali Macofsky 57:12 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 57:12 I just can't wait till it fucking opens up again.

Ali Macofsky 57:14 I know. I feel like I'm in retirement.

Joe Rogan 57:16 Whoo!

Ali Macofsky 57:16 I'm like, "Do I go to Palm Springs and ..."

Joe Rogan 57:19 Well, I was saying, you know, people like you, you're in the middle of your development. This is when the party's happening.

Ali Macofsky 57:26 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 57:26 This is when everything's rocking and rolling, and you get shut down, right? And I was saying to Chappelle Lacey the same thing.

Ali Macofsky 57:31 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 57:31 Like, here you are in the middle, everything's starting to rock and roll and kicking up and y- you're starting to do sets and it's picking up and it's picking up and it's picking up-

Ali Macofsky 57:38 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 57:38 ... and then all of a sudden, boom.

Ali Macofsky 57:40 I know. I was ... I did my first headlining show, and then I was on my way to do my second headlining weekend, uh, in Denver at Comedy Works. And then the day that I got there, things got really crazy and they were talking about the LA lockdown, and I was like, "I don't know what that means. Like I can't do the rest of the shows here." So then I flew home, canceled the rest of the shows.

Joe Rogan 57:58 Oh, you were worried that they were gonna lock down where you can't fly in?

Ali Macofsky 58:00 Yeah, I think I texted you. I was like-

Joe Rogan 58:02 Oh, that's right.

Ali Macofsky 58:02 ... "I don't know what to do. Like I'm already here. I feel bad canceling."

Joe Rogan 58:05 Yeah.

Ali Macofsky 58:05 Like, "I don't know."

Joe Rogan 58:07 It's one of those things where, where it was, it was really obvious that everything was gonna cancel.

Ali Macofsky 58:12 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 58:12 'Cause we were at The Store and I was supposed to do The Main Room and, uh, I think I was doing The Main Room I think it was more than one show. It might've been two nights.

Ali Macofsky 58:20 Yeah, I was supposed to host.

Joe Rogan 58:21 Yeah. And then they called me up and they said, "Hey, the state is putting a, um ... They're making a limitation so you can only have 200 people in a room." And obviously The Main Room is bigger than that. So-

Ali Macofsky 58:32 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 58:32 ... "We're gonna shut the shows down." I'm like, "Yeah, it's probably a good idea." And they're like, "Do you, do you ... Uh, would, would you rather do The OR? We'll move your show to The OR and move as many people there as you can." And I'm like, "I don't know if we should do shows."

Ali Macofsky 58:44 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 58:45 I was like, "What do we do? What if, what if we all get sick?"

Ali Macofsky 58:47 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 58:48 'Cause, you know. And that was in the early days when no one knew what it was and what's gonna happen to us and ... I was in Vegas, I think it was like first week of March, that was the, the last time we had a Vegas show with a, a live audience and it was this pa- packed T-Mobile Arena. And I remember thinking like, "This is ... This feels weird." Like people were on the plane, some had masks, some didn't. This guy wanted to shake my hand. And I was like, "I'll shake your hand." He's like, "You sure?" I'm like, "Yeah, I'm still shaking hands." It was like March 7th or something like that.

Ali Macofsky 59:19 Yeah. Crazy.

Joe Rogan 59:20 Yeah. Here we are.

Ali Macofsky 59:21 I think it's been like so unorganized with how to handle it and that's why I think there's so much like, uh, resistance towards doing things now.

Joe Rogan 59:31 Well, it's like they didn't know. No one knew.

Ali Macofsky 59:33 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:34 It's y- y- I was saying this in the podcast the other day, when you become a governor, you don't become a governor because you pass a bunch of tests that show that you accurately know how to handle each and every situation.

Ali Macofsky 59:45 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:45 You become a governor because you're popular. You win a popularity contest, you back the right bills, you say the right things, you got the best hair and people are like, "I like him. Let's see if he can run shit."

Ali Macofsky 59:54 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:54 And then something like this happens and you realize like, "Oh, these motherfuckers, they don't know what they're doing."

Ali Macofsky 59:59 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:00:00 This is just guesswork. And they're like, "We're- we're going on science." No, you're not.

Ali Macofsky 1:00:04 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:00:04 Stop saying that. You're not going on science, because if you were, you'd be telling people to take vitamin D. You'd be telling people to take zinc. You'd be telling people large doses of vitamin C. You'd be handing that shit out. You'd be on every corner. People would be able to get vitamin D, vitamin C, and zinc. You'd pass it out. You don't- you don't know what you're doing.

Ali Macofsky 1:00:19 Is that the magic vitamins?

Joe Rogan 1:00:20 That's the big combination, vitamin D, vitamin C, and zinc. The- but the virus apparently has a very difficult time replicating in your system when you have all those things.

Ali Macofsky 1:00:30 Hmm.

Joe Rogan 1:00:30 And this is all, they don't know why, they don't exactly know what's- what the deal is. But there's some direct evidence that points to that, including a bunch of studies that have been done on people that are in the ICU, where more than 80% of them in the ICU have low levels of vitamin D, insufficient levels of vitamin D. Only 4% have sufficient levels.

Ali Macofsky 1:00:50 Is vitamin D the sun one?

Joe Rogan 1:00:52 Yes.

Ali Macofsky 1:00:52 Okay.

Joe Rogan 1:00:53 That's one that we have a real problem with.

Ali Macofsky 1:00:54 I've been going to the beach a lot.

Joe Rogan 1:00:56 Well, that's good.

Ali Macofsky 1:00:57 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:00:57 You need to take it too, though.

Ali Macofsky 1:00:58 Oh.

Joe Rogan 1:00:59 Unfortunately, because we're really supposed to be outside all day. These- all this house shit, that's not really, uh-

Ali Macofsky 1:01:04 (laughs) I don't-

Joe Rogan 1:01:05 ... nature doesn't know what we're doing.

Ali Macofsky 1:01:06 Yeah. I-

Joe Rogan 1:01:06 Nature's like, "Why are you bitches... Where's your sun?"

Ali Macofsky 1:01:08 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:01:09 Like, we're designed to get sun all the time.

Ali Macofsky 1:01:12 I always think about your joke. You know when there's certain people... I've told you this before, but there's certain jokes that just always stand out to you. Like, you always just kind of, like, think about them. The joke about, uh, about houses and how underwater there's no houses. There's nowhere to hide.

Joe Rogan 1:01:28 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That it's the- the most dangerous neighborhood-

Ali Macofsky 1:01:31 Yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:01:32 ... in the world is the ocean.

Ali Macofsky 1:01:33 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:01:33 'Cause there's nowhere to hide.

Ali Macofsky 1:01:34 But it's so true. It's like-

Joe Rogan 1:01:36 I know.

Ali Macofsky 1:01:36 ... houses are such a weird concept. Like, obviously they make sense, but, like, it is a weird concept to be like, "This is my safe space."

Joe Rogan 1:01:43 Mm-hmm.

Ali Macofsky 1:01:43 "Don't enter. There's locks on the door. I have my own bedroom in my house so that people in my house can't come in."

Joe Rogan 1:01:47 Well, that's why human beings have figured out a way to manipulate the entire world, whereas (coughs) -

Ali Macofsky 1:01:53 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:01:53 ... whereas, uh, people in the ocean, like, uh, dolphins, ocean people, they never figured it out. They have no- they- they never rest.

Ali Macofsky 1:02:01 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:02:01 They're always, "Ah, shark! Ah! Octopus. Ah!" They're always just running away from shit.

Ali Macofsky 1:02:05 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:02:06 They never have a chance to sit down, close the door, and go, "What the fuck am I doing with my life?" Like, that's what you- you have when you have a living room and a gun. You can shut the door and you- you feel a little bit safe, and you can start thinking about things. Like, people had to develop weapons and they had to develop housing.

Ali Macofsky 1:02:20 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:02:20 They had to develop shelter. They had to- they had to figure out where to stockpile food, and that's- that's how we figured out how to become human.

Ali Macofsky 1:02:26 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:02:26 But until then, we were basically like the smartest animals. We are the animals that figured out how to use tools.

Ali Macofsky 1:02:32 And now we're just dumb.

Joe Rogan 1:02:34 Now we're just soft jelly.

Ali Macofsky 1:02:36 (laughs) Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:02:38 Little- little fucking bags of water.

Ali Macofsky 1:02:41 I don't drink enough water.

Joe Rogan 1:02:43 Why not?

Ali Macofsky 1:02:44 I don't know.

Joe Rogan 1:02:44 It's free.

Ali Macofsky 1:02:45 I know.

Joe Rogan 1:02:45 Drink it.

Ali Macofsky 1:02:47 I'm- I'm gonna just stockpile all of these.

Joe Rogan 1:02:49 You- why don't you drink... Make a deal with your mom. You drink water, I'll stop smoking cigarettes.

Ali Macofsky 1:02:52 (laughs) Yeah. I mean, she's gonna listen to this episode, so...

Joe Rogan 1:02:55 Will she?

Ali Macofsky 1:02:56 Oh, my god, yeah. She's jazzed.

Joe Rogan 1:02:58 Well, your mom's a very nice lady.

Ali Macofsky 1:02:59 I know.

Joe Rogan 1:03:00 I met your mom.

Ali Macofsky 1:03:00 She wanted to say thank you.

Joe Rogan 1:03:02 Oh, I love her.

Ali Macofsky 1:03:02 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:03:02 She's great.

Ali Macofsky 1:03:03 She's sweet.

Joe Rogan 1:03:03 Stop smoking, lady.

Ali Macofsky 1:03:04 Yeah, Jennifer.

Joe Rogan 1:03:05 Wi- while I'm smoking weed.

Ali Macofsky 1:03:06 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 1:03:07 Stop smoking.

Ali Macofsky 1:03:08 Uh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:03:09 Jennifer.

Ali Macofsky 1:03:11 Jenny.

Joe Rogan 1:03:12 Get it together.

Ali Macofsky 1:03:13 Both of my parents work together. I think it's so funny. They've been divorced since I was, like, five or six and they have the same job.

Joe Rogan 1:03:19 (coughs) That's funny.

Ali Macofsky 1:03:20 And every once in a while, they'll work together and send a selfie to me and my sisters.

Joe Rogan 1:03:23 (coughs) There was something that I tweeted today that says marijuana (coughs) stops people from getting COVID.

Guest 2 1:03:30 That was pretty old news, though.

Joe Rogan 1:03:30 That can't be real. (coughs)

Guest 2 1:03:32 It was going around earlier. I'll see if it's the same thing that was happening.

Joe Rogan 1:03:36 I bet Tommy Chong wrote it under a pen name. It's probably fake.

Guest 2 1:03:40 Uh...

Joe Rogan 1:03:41 So when do you decide to pull out the real cancer-causing cigarette and leave the Juul alone?

Ali Macofsky 1:03:47 Me?

Joe Rogan 1:03:48 Yeah, sometimes you smoke-

Ali Macofsky 1:03:48 When do I stop it all?

Joe Rogan 1:03:49 No, sometimes you smoke cigarettes.

Ali Macofsky 1:03:51 Oh.

Joe Rogan 1:03:51 May 18th, 2020, new Canadian study reportedly says marijuana may prevent the coronavirus. Aha.

Guest 2 1:03:59 Yeah, it said that they had, like, uh, one strain of a sativa, I believe. I remember reading this back then.

Joe Rogan 1:04:04 Ah.

Guest 2 1:04:04 That, like, might have some-

Ali Macofsky 1:04:06 I don't know if I believe that.

Guest 2 1:04:07 ... something. Yeah, it was- it was like, "Let's- let's study this, though. Please study it because we need to study it."

Ali Macofsky 1:04:11 'Cause does... This, uh, is probably dumb, but does- when you smoke anything, marijuana, cigarettes, whatever, does that go into your bloodstream or just your lungs?

Joe Rogan 1:04:21 It goes into your bloodstream from your lungs.

Ali Macofsky 1:04:23 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 1:04:23 Yeah. "Strong obje-" Uh, update, "Strong objection to the believed treatment has been extended to the source, for Dr. Kowaluk's report." What does this-

Guest 2 1:04:32 "Source" is what- who wrote this, actually. It says, uh, "Posted in The Source blog magazine."

Joe Rogan 1:04:36 Oh, okay. So I understand.

Guest 2 1:04:37 Not like the, uh, source.

Joe Rogan 1:04:39 (clears throat) Right. Um, but, "Strong objection." Like, look at that. Look at the- the post that- that says at the bottom again. Go back to the bottom part. "Strong objection to the believed treatment has been extended to the source, for Dr. Kowaluk's..." But that doesn't mean anything.

Ali Macofsky 1:04:52 (laughs) Why does it say Shabi Allah at the bottom?

Joe Rogan 1:04:56 I don't know.

Guest 2 1:04:56 Yeah, I mean, someone reached out and said that's not true.

Joe Rogan 1:04:59 About the author? That's the author's