Joe Rogan Experience #1563 - Tony Hinchcliffe

1. 0:02 – 2:29

   Texas vs. California: shutdowns, fear, and the “normal” vibe shift

   1. NANarrator0:02

      (drumming music plays) Joe Rogan podcast. Check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience.

   2. JRJoe Rogan0:06

      Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night. All day. (rock music plays) Hello, Tony.

   3. THTony Hinchcliffe0:13

      Yeah. Salud, my friend.

   4. JRJoe Rogan0:15

      Oh.

   5. THTony Hinchcliffe0:17

      Good to see you on the right side of America.

   6. JRJoe Rogan0:19

      Feels good out here.

   7. THTony Hinchcliffe0:20

      Feels good, right?

   8. JRJoe Rogan0:21

      Whole different feel.

   9. THTony Hinchcliffe0:22

      Feels normal.

   10. JRJoe Rogan0:23

       Yeah.

   11. THTony Hinchcliffe0:23

       People aren't terrified.

   12. JRJoe Rogan0:25

       Correct.

   13. THTony Hinchcliffe0:25

       They got everybody scared as fuck in California.

   14. JRJoe Rogan0:28

       It's horrible, man. Everything's shut down. Everything feels bad.

   15. THTony Hinchcliffe0:31

       (sighs)

   16. JRJoe Rogan0:32

       It's sad.

   17. THTony Hinchcliffe0:33

       It is sad. It's-

   18. JRJoe Rogan0:34

       The more, the more businesses are completely closed, the sadder it is. It's seeing stuff that you know.

   19. THTony Hinchcliffe0:41

       Yeah.

   20. JRJoe Rogan0:41

       And the memories that you have there.

   21. THTony Hinchcliffe0:43

       It's also ... I think it's harder to bounce back in big places. I think it's harder for big places to bounce back, 'cause you get like all these stores closed down. Like all the stores that got hit hard with the looting on Melrose-

   22. JRJoe Rogan0:56

       Yeah.

   23. THTony Hinchcliffe0:56

       ... like they're still closed, right?

   24. JRJoe Rogan0:58

       Most of them.

   25. THTony Hinchcliffe0:59

       Have any of them come back?

   26. JRJoe Rogan0:59

       Most of them. Yeah. Yeah.

   27. THTony Hinchcliffe1:01

       When you drive down M- ... The last time I was there, it's like boarded up, boarded up, boarded up, for lease, for lease, for lease. I'm like, this takes a long time to come back.

   28. JRJoe Rogan1:09

       It feels that way, for sure.

   29. THTony Hinchcliffe1:11

       Yeah.

   30. JRJoe Rogan1:11

       Some places are open, but i- it's not the same vibe.
2. 2:29 – 4:21

   Joe’s sudden golf addiction: meditation, energy, and skill rabbit holes

   1. THTony Hinchcliffe2:29

      You're al- you're all in with the golfing. Look at you.

   2. JRJoe Rogan2:30

      It's unbelievable.

   3. THTony Hinchcliffe2:31

      You took a trip to Pebble Beach.

   4. JRJoe Rogan2:33

      I'm telling you, dude. It's the greatest thing.

   5. NANarrator2:35

      (laughs)

   6. JRJoe Rogan2:35

      Outta nowhere. I went to go smoke pot with my buddy, Pete, one day.

   7. NANarrator2:39

      (gasps) .

   8. JRJoe Rogan2:39

      And then, you know, he's like, "Yeah, I'm golfing." I'm like, "Great. I'll smoke pot with you there." I figured I would just drive the cart and have fun. The rest is history. Addicted. I caught myself the other day watching a, a thing on the TV, like golf lessons or whatever, and at the same time, I was on my iPad on YouTube not realizing I was doing two at once, learning how to chip.

   9. THTony Hinchcliffe3:02

      (sighs)

   10. JRJoe Rogan3:02

       It's so much fun.

   11. THTony Hinchcliffe3:03

       It's very dangerous. It's why I never play it.

   12. JRJoe Rogan3:05

       Why is it dangerous?

   13. THTony Hinchcliffe3:06

       'Cause it's a suck of time. It sucks time. Not that it's bad. People enjoy it. And, and, and as, as far as like activities that suck time, I mean, at least you're walking around, you're out in nature, you got all that beautiful green grass. You know? There's, there's positives to it.

   14. JRJoe Rogan3:22

       It's definitely an interesting thing to suck time, because it gives me energy and when I'm away from it, I can think more clearly about everything else. It's like s- it's very meditative.

   15. THTony Hinchcliffe3:33

       Mm-hmm.

   16. JRJoe Rogan3:34

       You're always thinking about your next shot or your last shot, what you did wrong, what you coulda done better for the next one. So it's like when I'm out there, it's ... I'm not looking at my phone for four or five hours, which is great. I'm not thinking about anything else, so that when I do afterwards. And, you know, normally most days if I don't do that, I sort of like crash out around evening time. But if it's a golf day, even if I'm up at 6:00, 5:00, 7:00 AM, I have energy all day-

   17. THTony Hinchcliffe4:03

       Mm-hmm.

   18. JRJoe Rogan4:03

       ... all night after that. Those are the best days now.

   19. THTony Hinchcliffe4:07

       Yeah. It's probably like every ... Like archery's like that. It's meditative.

   20. JRJoe Rogan4:11

       Yeah.

   21. THTony Hinchcliffe4:11

       It helps clear your mind, uh, because it's so difficult.

   22. JRJoe Rogan4:14

       Yeah.

   23. THTony Hinchcliffe4:14

       Right? You're concentrating so hard on each individual putt and shot.

   24. JRJoe Rogan4:18

       Mm-hmm.

   25. THTony Hinchcliffe4:19

       Did I say it right? Putt?

   26. JRJoe Rogan4:19

       Yeah. Yeah.

   27. THTony Hinchcliffe4:20

       What do you call them? Shots? Drives?

3. 4:21 – 7:43

   Power vs. touch in golf: drives, putting, and what makes the game hard

   1. JRJoe Rogan4:21

      It depends on what you're shooting. The, the drive is from the tee.

   2. THTony Hinchcliffe4:24

      Talk to me about your knowledge.

   3. JRJoe Rogan4:24

      Yeah, the drive is from the tee. That's the first shot. That's power. Hopefully some accuracy. You're aiming for the middle. Uh-

   4. THTony Hinchcliffe4:31

      Is that the hardest to get good at?

   5. JRJoe Rogan4:33

      No, putting's the hardest.

   6. THTony Hinchcliffe4:34

      Really?

   7. JRJoe Rogan4:35

      Yeah, because it's-

   8. THTony Hinchcliffe4:35

      Well, what about miniature golf?

   9. JRJoe Rogan4:36

      It's all touch. That ... Putting's the most like archery. Miniature golf (laughs) isn't really the same.

   10. THTony Hinchcliffe4:41

       (laughs) It's not.

   11. JRJoe Rogan4:42

       No, on the golf course there's no windmill to knock it back at you.

   12. THTony Hinchcliffe4:45

       Hey, gotta get it up that ramp. That ramp's narrow.

   13. JRJoe Rogan4:48

       The ramp?

   14. THTony Hinchcliffe4:48

       Yeah, the ramp-

   15. JRJoe Rogan4:49

       Oh. (laughs) Yeah.

   16. THTony Hinchcliffe4:49

       ... to get to the, the windmill.

   17. JRJoe Rogan4:51

       Right. You gotta get it in the clown's mouth-

   18. NANarrator4:53

       (laughs)

   19. THTony Hinchcliffe4:53

       (laughs)

   20. JRJoe Rogan4:53

       ... just like at Pebble Beach. (laughs) I'm like, "Excuse me. Where are your clowns?"

   21. THTony Hinchcliffe4:57

       There's no other sport that's worth millions of dollars if you're the best-

   22. JRJoe Rogan5:00

       Yeah.

   23. THTony Hinchcliffe5:00

       ... that also has a miniature version that little kids play.

   24. JRJoe Rogan5:04

       (laughs)

   25. THTony Hinchcliffe5:04

       Right?

   26. JRJoe Rogan5:04

       Totally.

   27. THTony Hinchcliffe5:04

       Like a fucked up version with all like bumpers everywhere and weird holes and-

   28. JRJoe Rogan5:10

       It's fun though.

   29. THTony Hinchcliffe5:11

       ... it's on concrete with fucking fake grass over it. Right?

   30. JRJoe Rogan5:14

       Yeah.
4. 7:43 – 11:38

   From golf to pool: Filipino pool culture, Efren Reyes, and Manny Pacquiao’s hidden talent

   1. THTony Hinchcliffe7:43

      Yeah. That, that's the same with, uh, pool with moisture. If you're playing in a place that has a lot of moisture, like, uh, some of the best players on Earth come from the Philippines. And what happened is, soldiers, I believe in, uh, the Second World War, brought over to the Philippines pool. They taught them pool. And, uh, they play a lot of pool outside. So they have these, uh, outside areas, like chickens running around and shit, and they're playing pool, like a lot of open air, uh, pool tables. And it's obviously, it's an island, so it's near the ocean. There's probably a lot of humidity in the air. And the tables, uh, they also have this weird thing they do where they pour powder on the rails. So like, they have like baby powder because the tables, see everything gets so slick 'cause it's wet and sweaty and sticky, uh, and moist. So they put, uh, baby powder near the pockets. And they all touch the baby powder on their fingers. And then, you know, the cue runs smoothly through your hand. But then you're always touching the table. So you're putting baby powder all over the table. So the table gets really dirty.

   2. JRJoe Rogan8:40

      Right.

   3. THTony Hinchcliffe8:40

      So they're playing on these like dirty, slow, wet tables. And so, they develop these like real fluid strokes because they're so used to having to power the ball around these disgusting tables. Like, not disgusting, but just-

   4. JRJoe Rogan8:55

      Yeah.

   5. THTony Hinchcliffe8:55

      ... you, you would be upset if you played on a table like that in America. You'd say, "Why don't you guys clean the table?" But over there, they don't give a fuck.

   6. JRJoe Rogan9:01

      Right.

   7. THTony Hinchcliffe9:01

      Also, they don't give a fuck if there's a bunch of people around the table. So they have these games, and I watch these games, like if you looked at my YouTube feed, you'd fucking laugh 'cause like the suggested videos, the vast majority of them are Filipino pool.

   8. JRJoe Rogan9:16

      (laughs)

   9. THTony Hinchcliffe9:17

      I watch Efren Reyes. If, if you look at Jeff Golling Production, Jeff Golling is a guy who films, it's all, like simple stuff. They film it like with a tripod and a cellphone. And then, uh, they, they just film these pool matches. And people get obsessed with watching Efren Reyes play these young guns in the Philippines. Efren Reyes is probably the greatest pool player of all time, like pretty widely regarded. She liked the Hicks and Gracie of pool. And he's playing these-

   10. JRJoe Rogan9:46

       He looks like Manny Pacquiao, right?

   11. THTony Hinchcliffe9:47

       Um, Manny Pacquiao's a killer, by the way.

   12. JRJoe Rogan9:50

       Yeah.

   13. THTony Hinchcliffe9:50

       Ma- Manny Pacquiao's a killer pool player.

   14. JRJoe Rogan9:52

       Really?

   15. THTony Hinchcliffe9:53

       Oh my God.

   16. JRJoe Rogan9:54

       Wow.

   17. THTony Hinchcliffe9:54

       Like world class. Like Manny Pacquiao could play professional.

   18. JRJoe Rogan9:58

       Wow.

   19. THTony Hinchcliffe9:58

       Yeah. Yeah. Like he gambles with professionals.

   20. JRJoe Rogan10:01

       Damn.

   21. THTony Hinchcliffe10:02

       Yeah. My friend Max Eberle, who's a l- you've met Max, I think so.

   22. JRJoe Rogan10:05

       I think so.

   23. THTony Hinchcliffe10:05

       Max ... I know you have.

   24. NANarrator10:06

       Yeah.

   25. THTony Hinchcliffe10:07

       He's a legit pro. Like Max is like world champion caliber pro. And he's gambled with Manny Pacquiao.

   26. NANarrator10:14

       Wow.

   27. THTony Hinchcliffe10:14

       And he said Manny Pacquiao's good. He says you have to really bear down to beat him. Like, if they play a race to 10, he might beat Manny because Max is world class.

   28. NANarrator10:22

       Yeah.

   29. THTony Hinchcliffe10:22

       But he might beat Manny like 10 to 7 or 10 to 6.

   30. JRJoe Rogan10:25

       Wow.
5. 11:38 – 21:23

   Boxing deep-dive: Mayweather vs. McGregor, endurance strategy, and defensive mastery

   1. THTony Hinchcliffe11:38

      He's a professional. Like a, like a legit professional. So if Manny decides to retire from, uh, from fighting and goes, uh, into professional pool, he, he might win some world championships. Like no bullshit. I mean, he's still fighting actively. They're actually talking about him fighting Conor McGregor right now, which is kinda bonkers. Look at that, gets out, beautiful position.

   2. JRJoe Rogan11:58

      Why do you say it's kinda bonkers?

   3. THTony Hinchcliffe12:01

      Because f-

   4. JRJoe Rogan12:01

      Because you think Manny would-

   5. THTony Hinchcliffe12:02

      F- fighting Conor McGregor.

   6. JRJoe Rogan12:03

      ... dominate Conor, right?

   7. THTony Hinchcliffe12:05

      Is that a question?

   8. JRJoe Rogan12:07

      (laughs) You know, it's-

   9. THTony Hinchcliffe12:07

      You're talking about one of the greatest boxers of all time-

   10. JRJoe Rogan12:09

       I agree.

   11. THTony Hinchcliffe12:09

       ... against a guy with one professional boxing match.

   12. JRJoe Rogan12:11

       I agree. And I'm a huge Manny Pacquiao fan.

   13. THTony Hinchcliffe12:14

       But?

   14. JRJoe Rogan12:14

       But ... (laughs)

   15. NANarrator12:16

       Is there a but coming?

   16. JRJoe Rogan12:16

       There is a but coming.

   17. THTony Hinchcliffe12:16

       I can't believe it.

   18. JRJoe Rogan12:18

       The other week ...

   19. THTony Hinchcliffe12:19

       Conjunction, conjunction.

   20. JRJoe Rogan12:20

       ... I re-watched-... McGregor-Mayweather-

   21. THTony Hinchcliffe12:24

       Mm-hmm.

   22. JRJoe Rogan12:24

       ... since it's been, like, done. I just w- it was on my Showtime app and I wanted to watch some boxing.

   23. THTony Hinchcliffe12:29

       Right.

   24. JRJoe Rogan12:29

       It popped up and I clicked on it. And I did not remember... I remembered Conor shocking me with how good he did.

   25. THTony Hinchcliffe12:37

       Mm-hmm.

   26. JRJoe Rogan12:37

       But I did not remember it being as close as it truly was.

   27. THTony Hinchcliffe12:42

       Let me explain something.

   28. JRJoe Rogan12:43

       Yeah.

   29. THTony Hinchcliffe12:43

       The reason why it was close is because Mayweather let him blow his wad.

   30. JRJoe Rogan12:48

       Right.
6. 21:23 – 23:15

   Fight brutality and survival: broken jaws, animals, and why nature has no hospitals

   1. NANarrator21:23

      Did you see the, uh, fighter who had his jaw split?

   2. THTony Hinchcliffe21:26

      (gasps)

   3. NANarrator21:27

      And h- and fought for, like, four more rounds with it?

   4. THTony Hinchcliffe21:29

      What?

   5. NANarrator21:30

      The bot- the bottom mandible broke in half.

   6. THTony Hinchcliffe21:32

      That happens. It breaks in half right here and it goes up and down.

   7. JRJoe Rogan21:34

      Oh.

   8. NANarrator21:35

      Yeah, check, check this out.

   9. JRJoe Rogan21:36

      Fuck that.

   10. THTony Hinchcliffe21:37

       Oh, Jesus.

   11. JRJoe Rogan21:38

       Oh, no.

   12. THTony Hinchcliffe21:39

       Look at, look how it's dropped down.

   13. NANarrator21:41

       They said it happened in the second round and they kept fighting.

   14. THTony Hinchcliffe21:43

       And he kept fighting?

   15. NANarrator21:44

       He wanted to fight, but they had to, like, tell him, "Hey, your jaw's broken. That's not good."

   16. JRJoe Rogan21:48

       (laughs)

   17. THTony Hinchcliffe21:49

       Well, the prob- Oh, my God, that's so, that's so broken.

   18. NANarrator21:52

       Yeah.

   19. THTony Hinchcliffe21:52

       The problem is it'll tear all the tissue in there and then it'll never heal right.

   20. NANarrator21:56

       Young-

   21. THTony Hinchcliffe21:56

       Oh, my God.

   22. NANarrator21:57

       Benjamin Hussein from Australia.

   23. THTony Hinchcliffe21:59

       Who hit him?

   24. NANarrator22:00

       Uh ... Ben Mahoney.

   25. THTony Hinchcliffe22:05

       Jesus.

   26. NANarrator22:05

       They said it dislo- they thought it just dislodged his mouthpiece and then a bunch of blood started coming out.

   27. THTony Hinchcliffe22:11

       There was a-

   28. NANarrator22:11

       But, yeah.

   29. THTony Hinchcliffe22:11

       ... a woman who had that in an MMA fight.

   30. NANarrator22:14

       See if it's just an accident.
7. 23:15 – 36:30

   Chimp attacks and captivity: fairness, jealousy, and “animal prison” ethics

   1. THTony Hinchcliffe23:15

      I think grudges are connected to cognitive function, like our ego, our, our u- understanding of ourself. That's like, "Oh, I'm gonna get him back," 'cause it's like your ego. I don't think animals have an ego. They have, they have a sense of fair, though. Animals have a sense of f- some animals do, at least. Chimps do.

   2. JRJoe Rogan23:31

      Hm.

   3. THTony Hinchcliffe23:31

      One of the reasons why chimps attack people is 'cause th- if people give something to someone else and they don't give it to them-

   4. JRJoe Rogan23:37

      Oh.

   5. THTony Hinchcliffe23:37

      ... they have a real sense of fairness.

   6. JRJoe Rogan23:39

      Wow.

   7. THTony Hinchcliffe23:40

      Yeah, there's a famous story of this guy who had a pet chimp. And then, the thing about chimps is you can keep them when they're young, and then they get older and it's like a man, but a man that's five times stronger than you. And, like, why is he gonna listen to you? He's not gonna listen to you. So, uh, I think he started biting off fingers. It's one of the things that chimps do.

   8. JRJoe Rogan23:59

      Mm-hmm.

   9. THTony Hinchcliffe23:59

      When chimps get mad at you, they bite off your finger. Yeah, just to let you know they're the boss. Like, they don't give a fuck if you're injured. They have no remorse, right? And they're intelligent. So you have this thing that's not a dog and it's not a person. It's this weird in-between thing. It's an animal, but it's also intelligent. And so when you do something for someone else but you don't do something for them, they get rage. Like horrific rage.

   10. JRJoe Rogan24:22

       Hm.

   11. THTony Hinchcliffe24:22

       So this guy gets rid of this chimp, brings it to a shelter.... the shelter takes it in. And he goes to visit it every year. And the chimp goes to see him like, "Oh, my friend, I miss you, I miss you. Why can't I come home?" But he can't come home, ever, because he would just take over the house, right? 'Cause he's a grown chimp. Y- ... Like, they don't castrate chimps the way they castrate dogs. Like, you ... When you castrate a dog, like, everybody f- ... It's standard. People think it's good. "Oh, did you get your dog neutered?" "Yeah, I did." They're like, you want your dog to have no testosterone. You want your dog to have no balls. But then it becomes a different thing.

   12. JRJoe Rogan24:53

       Right.

   13. THTony Hinchcliffe24:53

       Then it's, like, s- ... Tired and, like, it l- ... Is it, like ... Have you ever t- seen a dog get snipped? I had one of my dogs get snipped a- at, when it was five years old. He was just too aggressive. And so someone talked me into it. And then when I got him snipped, all of a sudden, he was just tired all the time. He was lazy. And I realized, like, oh, he didn't have any testosterone anymore. It's all gone. I'm like, "Wow." Like, so the dog's a different dog now. So you can't do that to chimps. For whatever reason, you can't do that to chimps.

   14. JRJoe Rogan25:17

       You can't neuter a chimp?

   15. THTony Hinchcliffe25:18

       Mm-mm. So this guy goes to visit the chimp and he brings a birthday cake. "Happy birthday, buddy." And the other chimps w- ... That are in cages right next to him are like, "This motherfucker didn't bring me a cake? I can't believe this shit." So they figure out a way to get out, and they got out and they attacked the man and they tore him apart. They tore his face off. They tore his dick off. They tore his feet off. They, they bit his fingers off. It's one of the most horrific, cruel attacks you'll ever hear of, because they did it to try to take away from him the things he wants and needs. Like, chimps recognize you need your fingers in order to do things.

   16. JRJoe Rogan25:52

       (gasps)

   17. THTony Hinchcliffe25:52

       You need your face in order to see, you need your dick in order to fuck. So that's the things they go after.

   18. JRJoe Rogan25:57

       Fucking assholes.

   19. THTony Hinchcliffe25:58

       They don't tr- ... They don't just try to kill you. They try to take away what it means to be a human. So if you try to hide your hands, they'll pull your hands away from m- ... And open them up-

   20. JRJoe Rogan26:07

       Right.

   21. THTony Hinchcliffe26:07

       ... and bite them off like crazy, with a rage-filled look in their eye. And they don't communicate with language, so they only have this sense in their head of what's fair and what's not fair, and what you've done to them. So if you do something that makes them jealous, they think immediately you've done some- ... Something bad to them. They don't think that ... "No, no, I just gave my friend a cake." Uh-uh. You made them feel bad, so it's you. You made them feel bad, so they go right after you. It's r- ... It's bu- ... It's like a sort of a ... It's an interesting study, in the way, sometimes, people look at things. Like, we've all been jealous, right? You've been jealous of someone. You see someone who's doing something well and you go, "Oh, I wish I was that guy." But you don't go attack that person. Right? People recognize, like, "It's not his fault that I feel bad that he has this Corvette. I have to just ... Fuck, I just gotta appreciate the guy's hustle. Guy's out there kickin' ass. All right, I gotta get my shit together." But there's a thing that we have initially, wh- ... Especially when they're children, we, we feel angry. Like, you feel upset.

   22. JRJoe Rogan27:12

       Yeah.

   23. THTony Hinchcliffe27:12

       Like, you feel, uh, like you've been shorted, like someone's ... "Oh, why didn't I get that?"

   24. JRJoe Rogan27:17

       Right.

   25. THTony Hinchcliffe27:17

       "This is bullshit. He gets it and I don't"? It's a, a fascinating part of humans. And then humans, as we get older and more sophisticated with language, but still carry the same childish emotions, we find reasons to be upset at someone for being successful. We find reasons. "Eat the rich." You know, we find re- ... We just find these weird little ways that we can justify our jealousy or, or our anger, or our d- our disdain for those who are more successful than we. So it's like a ... We, we're coming up with complicated, sophisticated ways to justify these primal behaviors that chimps exhibit in just violent rage. So this guy, it's a famous case, like, this ... You can see the pictures if you wanna see the pictures.

   26. NANarrator28:03

       I ... Yeah, I'm, uh-

   27. JRJoe Rogan28:03

       Of the cake guy?

   28. THTony Hinchcliffe28:04

       Of the guy who got his face ripped apart-

   29. NANarrator28:06

       Yeah, yeah, yeah.

   30. THTony Hinchcliffe28:06

       ... and fingers bitten off and-
8. 36:30 – 38:30

   Odd animal facts and dark humor: giraffes as the happiest zoo residents, koalas as eucalyptus addicts

   1. THTony Hinchcliffe36:30

      I would have giraffes as ... I've t- I've had a bit in my act about w- uh, giraffes, you know? About the only animals at the zoo that don't seem bummed out at all are giraffes, 'cause they're just like, "Another day with no lions."

   2. JRJoe Rogan36:43

      Yeah.

   3. THTony Hinchcliffe36:43

      They just stroll around. They're so happy. They're so calm at the zoo that they let babies feed them. Like, when my daughter was two, I brought her to the zoo. She holds out a piece of lettuce and the giraffe come over. It's a giraffe. They didn't train it. And his tongue reaches out and grabs ahold of the lezza- the, the lettuce. It's really kinda cool the way they do it.

   4. JRJoe Rogan37:00

      Yeah.

   5. THTony Hinchcliffe37:01

      But that's the only animal that I would keep as a pet because they don't seem to care. They seem to like it. Like, th- they're stress free. They just chill.

   6. JRJoe Rogan37:08

      I held a koala when in Australia this last time, so I went with the whole Kill Tony crew. So like, I'm like, "Okay, I'll do the touristy stuff that I've never done there," in the seven or eight or whatever times I'd been there. And we went and held koalas and they feed them eucalyptus the whole time.

   7. THTony Hinchcliffe37:23

      That's all they eat.

   8. JRJoe Rogan37:24

      And the reason w- why (laughs) they keep feeding them eucalyptus is because the second you stop giving them eucalyptus, like truly within three seconds of them not having the next leaf, they turn more into a bear. Like, it's like they start acting. Instead of being this mellow little bundle of joy, you feel their claws tighten up and they get... Y- you just, you feel it. It's a fucking bear.

   9. THTony Hinchcliffe37:48

      They get angry.

   10. JRJoe Rogan37:48

       They're all... They're like cute and, and slow and dumb and then as soon as they r-... It's a straight up drug, like it's an IV drip of just heroin to them.

   11. THTony Hinchcliffe37:58

       (laughs)

   12. JRJoe Rogan37:58

       And if they come off, they're just...

   13. THTony Hinchcliffe38:00

       Is there another animal like that, that only eats one plant?

   14. JRJoe Rogan38:04

       I don't know.

   15. THTony Hinchcliffe38:05

       That's a good question, right? I mean, cows eat grass, sheep eat grass. But they just eat eucalyptus.

   16. JRJoe Rogan38:12

       Yeah.

   17. THTony Hinchcliffe38:12

       Like one weird plant.

   18. JRJoe Rogan38:14

       They smell like it. It's strong.

   19. THTony Hinchcliffe38:16

       Oh.

   20. JRJoe Rogan38:16

       Oh, yeah.

   21. THTony Hinchcliffe38:17

       I wonder what they taste like?

   22. JRJoe Rogan38:18

       That's a good question. Let's do it.

   23. THTony Hinchcliffe38:20

       If they get real cunty with you, would you cook one?

   24. JRJoe Rogan38:22

       Yeah.

   25. THTony Hinchcliffe38:23

       You felt like a little aggression from them, right?

   26. JRJoe Rogan38:25

       Oh, absolutely, I'd put it down.

   27. THTony Hinchcliffe38:26

       Yeah. "Where's my fucking leaves?"

   28. JRJoe Rogan38:27

       Yep.

   29. THTony Hinchcliffe38:27

       "Where's my fucking leaves?"

   30. JRJoe Rogan38:28

       (laughs)
9. 38:30 – 43:17

   Real-life horror premise: the ‘adult posing as a child’ adoption scandal

   1. THTony Hinchcliffe38:30

      If it was a real ti-... Do you... You remember that story about a girl that this, this couple adopted and they thought they were adopting like a 10-year-old and it turned out to be a tiny person?

   2. JRJoe Rogan38:40

      (laughs)

   3. THTony Hinchcliffe38:40

      And a tiny person who's completely insane and was pretending to be a little kid?

   4. JRJoe Rogan38:44

      Oh.

   5. THTony Hinchcliffe38:45

      Do you know that story?

   6. JRJoe Rogan38:46

      Scary. No.

   7. THTony Hinchcliffe38:47

      Do you know the story? It's a terrifying story, 'cause this couple had this like little tiny person in the, in their house that was like Chucky, that wanted to kill them.

   8. JRJoe Rogan38:55

      (sighs)

   9. THTony Hinchcliffe38:56

      And like, and then they realize like, oh, this lady's 30. Right here. "Ukrainian orphan at the center of an adoption scandal might be an adult. Here are eight adults who were caught posing as children."

   10. NANarrator39:05

       It's happened that many times.

   11. JRJoe Rogan39:07

       Fuck.

   12. THTony Hinchcliffe39:07

       Yeah. So look at that. Imagine that's a 30-year-old playing with your baby and you're like, "Oh, we're gonna help her. She's gonna have a better life." Meanwhile, she's doing heroin when you're not around.

   13. JRJoe Rogan39:17

       Whoa.

   14. THTony Hinchcliffe39:19

       Yeah.

   15. JRJoe Rogan39:20

       That might be the scariest thing ever.

   16. THTony Hinchcliffe39:20

       These are the different stories... These are the different stories.

   17. NANarrator39:23

       Yeah, this one's about her.

   18. THTony Hinchcliffe39:24

       Okay. C- cli- click on that one.

   19. NANarrator39:25

       This is the family that got... Wow! Come on.

   20. THTony Hinchcliffe39:25

       Parent... Oh. Oh, come on, you fucking pop-up. Oh, you son of a bitch. "Looks like you're using an ad blocker. We're here to cock-block your ad blocker." (laughs) Um.

   21. NANarrator39:37

       It's in your computer.

   22. THTony Hinchcliffe39:37

       That's hilarious. Why don't you just shut off the ad blocker? I don't mind ads.

   23. NANarrator39:41

       I did, I did, I did.

   24. THTony Hinchcliffe39:41

       All right. "Parents who are acute..." "Parents who are accused of abandoning an eight-year-old Ukrainian girl say the adopted..." Oh, "they adopted say she was actually a 22-year-old mentally disturbed adult." (laughs) Look at the parents. Like, uh, it's a movie. It's a Coen brothers movie, right?

   25. JRJoe Rogan39:55

       Yeah.

   26. THTony Hinchcliffe39:55

       Like th- those two winding up in jail. (mimics gavel) "Well, it all started when we tried to do a good thing and adopt a baby."

   27. JRJoe Rogan40:03

       Yep.

   28. THTony Hinchcliffe40:04

       You know? "Daryl's balls didn't work, so he decided..."

   29. JRJoe Rogan40:10

       Fuck.

   30. THTony Hinchcliffe40:10

       Crazy, right?
10. 43:17 – 51:17

    Movies then vs. now: Poltergeist shock moments, nostalgia, and the end of risky originals

    1. JRJoe Rogan43:17

       It's so sad what's going on with movies.

    2. THTony Hinchcliffe43:18

       You're making fun of little people. Dude-

    3. JRJoe Rogan43:19

       I s- I saw some stat the other day about how they're doing remakes and like-

    4. THTony Hinchcliffe43:23

       Yeah.

    5. JRJoe Rogan43:23

       ... there's no original anything anymore.

    6. THTony Hinchcliffe43:24

       They're taking stuff out of movies.

    7. JRJoe Rogan43:26

       Yeah.

    8. THTony Hinchcliffe43:27

       I saw, um, Poltergeist the other day.

    9. JRJoe Rogan43:29

       Hey, I almost went to the drive-in last week and saw that.

    10. THTony Hinchcliffe43:32

        Yeah.

    11. JRJoe Rogan43:32

        That was playing at a local, uh, drive-in.

    12. THTony Hinchcliffe43:34

        I haven't seen it in forever.

    13. JRJoe Rogan43:35

        Yeah.

    14. THTony Hinchcliffe43:35

        Like, I, I, I didn't remember so much of it. I, it's probably been 20+ years since I saw it. But one thing I recognized when I saw, I was like, the times were so different when that movie came out. I wanna say that movie's... It's like, it's eight, wait. It was like '84 or some shit? Like, what, when do you think that came out? (clears throat)

    15. JRJoe Rogan43:55

        I guess '82.

    16. NANarrator43:56

        Yeah, uh, uh-

    17. JRJoe Rogan43:56

        Could be.

    18. NANarrator43:57

        ... you forgot the rest of the story. She got adopted again, and went on and did more interviews and said that like, she was 16, not 33. The girl on the thing.

    19. THTony Hinchcliffe44:05

        Uh-huh.

    20. NANarrator44:05

        You wanna see a picture of her on the thing?

    21. JRJoe Rogan44:07

        Oh, come on.

    22. THTony Hinchcliffe44:07

        That's her now? Oh my God. Oh my God, she looks like she's 40. That's her?

    23. NANarrator44:11

        Yeah.

    24. THTony Hinchcliffe44:12

        That's the little girl?

    25. NANarrator44:12

        Yeah.

    26. THTony Hinchcliffe44:12

        She totally looks like an adult. "Natalia Grace Barnett, I'm 16, not a thirty, 33-year-old scam artist." Oh, that, she's old. Look at her face. That's not true. Look at her face. Go back up to that face. That is not a 16-year-old's face.

    27. JRJoe Rogan44:26

        Mm-mm.

    28. THTony Hinchcliffe44:27

        That's a woman's face.

    29. JRJoe Rogan44:28

        Yeah.

    30. THTony Hinchcliffe44:29

        That's crazy. But look how small her hands are in, in relationship to the rest of her face too.
11. 51:17 – 1:03:33

    Sex, violence, and boundaries: choking, slapping, spitting, and what counts as assault

    1. THTony Hinchcliffe51:17

       Whoops. Yeah, maybe he's just really into choking. Have you ever been with a girl that- that wants to get choked?

    2. JRJoe Rogan51:22

       Yeah.

    3. THTony Hinchcliffe51:23

       Weird, right?

    4. JRJoe Rogan51:24

       Yeah, I'm not into it.

    5. THTony Hinchcliffe51:26

       Not into it.

    6. JRJoe Rogan51:26

       Yeah.

    7. THTony Hinchcliffe51:27

       I don't wanna let that fucking genie out of the bottle.

    8. JRJoe Rogan51:29

       Mm-mm.

    9. THTony Hinchcliffe51:29

       Last thing you wanna do is be really into choking.

    10. JRJoe Rogan51:31

        Right. No.

    11. THTony Hinchcliffe51:32

        You know? It's like being really into feet.

    12. JRJoe Rogan51:35

        Yep, weird.

    13. THTony Hinchcliffe51:36

        But way worse, because it could lead to death.

    14. JRJoe Rogan51:39

        (laughs) Yeah.

    15. THTony Hinchcliffe51:40

        'Cause like (laughs) , if you're really into feet and then you date a normal girl, and you're like, "Oh, you know, I'd like to, uh, you know, with your feet," she's like, "What?" Like, for a lot of gals, that would be, like, a deal breaker. Looking for a husband, looking for a man to take care of your children, looking for a person to be responsible. You don't want a guy who wants to beat off on your feet.

    16. JRJoe Rogan51:57

        Mm-mm.

    17. THTony Hinchcliffe51:57

        Right?

    18. JRJoe Rogan51:58

        Yeah.

    19. THTony Hinchcliffe51:58

        So, for a guy who's really into feet, and then he breaks up with his woman and tries to get a new one, it's like, "Mm, f- feet thing's kind of important."

    20. JRJoe Rogan52:07

        (laughs)

    21. THTony Hinchcliffe52:09

        (laughs) But that's... But at least that's not dangerous. It's just creepy.

    22. JRJoe Rogan52:12

        Yeah.

    23. THTony Hinchcliffe52:13

        But for someone who's into choking people, well, he's gotta be real careful to test those waters.

    24. JRJoe Rogan52:18

        Yeah.

    25. THTony Hinchcliffe52:18

        You know? Like, if you were with a girl and that... Like, you- you had a crazy relationship for 10 years, all you did is fuck and choke each other. And you're like, "Damn, that's what I miss. I miss choking and fucking."

    26. JRJoe Rogan52:29

        Holding's fun. Grabbing's fun. Grabbing by the throat's fun.

    27. THTony Hinchcliffe52:33

        (laughs)

    28. JRJoe Rogan52:33

        Applying pressure isn't fun. It's not fun.

    29. THTony Hinchcliffe52:37

        Grabbing is fun? (laughs)

    30. JRJoe Rogan52:38

        You ever- You ever been with a girl that... And you're hooking up and she says, "Hit me"?
12. 1:03:33 – 1:14:39

    Fame, optics, and power: Johnny Depp fallout, Bezos divorce math, and Theranos deception

    1. THTony Hinchcliffe1:03:33

       Jesus Christ. They booted him out of this m- new movie because he lost a lawsuit. You see that?

    2. JRJoe Rogan1:03:39

       Yeah. Crazy.

    3. THTony Hinchcliffe1:03:41

       Did you see the r- hear the recordings where she's admitting to hitting him? She's admitting to punching him.

    4. JRJoe Rogan1:03:46

       Yeah. I guess the judge is just insane on this case.

    5. THTony Hinchcliffe1:03:51

       Well, it was a... It was a civil suit, right? Where he was suing a tabloid for, um, describing him in a inaccurate manner, or describing his life in a... And then he lost that suit and because he lost that suit... I wonder if it's, like, just the optics of him losing that suit, so the, the studio has to step in and, and get rid of him.

    6. JRJoe Rogan1:04:15

       Right.

    7. THTony Hinchcliffe1:04:16

       Is that what it is?

    8. JRJoe Rogan1:04:17

       I think so. That's just what they do nowadays. They're like, "Okay, you're not working. Not working."

    9. THTony Hinchcliffe1:04:22

       (sighs) I think they still have to pay him, though. I think that's also part of the thing. He still gets an eight-figure paycheck. (imitates cash register ringing)

    10. JRJoe Rogan1:04:31

        Sweeet. Heck yeah.

    11. THTony Hinchcliffe1:04:32

        And he gets to stay home.

    12. JRJoe Rogan1:04:33

        Beautiful.

    13. THTony Hinchcliffe1:04:34

        Yeah.

    14. JRJoe Rogan1:04:34

        Doesn't have to do the press releases, doesn't have to walk the red carpet. He gets to just be Johnny Depp out there.

    15. THTony Hinchcliffe1:04:40

        Wouldn't it be nice if it just... The, the, the, they, he doesn't do the movie, but that money just pays her off? Like, "Get out."

    16. JRJoe Rogan1:04:48

        Yep.

    17. THTony Hinchcliffe1:04:49

        "Stop. Leave me alone." I don't think she gets any money anymore. I think he's suing her now.

    18. JRJoe Rogan1:04:54

        Mm-hmm.

    19. THTony Hinchcliffe1:04:54

        I think that's what's happening.

    20. JRJoe Rogan1:04:56

        You know who's a badass? Jeff Bezos.

    21. THTony Hinchcliffe1:05:00

        How so?

    22. JRJoe Rogan1:05:00

        Got a divorce, made his ex immediately the richest woman of all time. You know, immediately she became that.

    23. THTony Hinchcliffe1:05:08

        Wow.

    24. JRJoe Rogan1:05:08

        $36 billion, the richest woman of all time, won it all in a divorce. And then right after that, which was 2019, he goes and he doubles or triples his overall wealth. So, he got out right before making her twice over the richest l- woman of all time. So, she got $36 billion or whatever instead of $72 which she would have gotten a year later once the pandemic hit.

    25. THTony Hinchcliffe1:05:37

        That probably pisses some women off that the way the richest women get to be the richest women is through divorce.

    26. JRJoe Rogan1:05:42

        Yup.

    27. THTony Hinchcliffe1:05:43

        There's probably a lot of women right now that just don't even wanna fucking hear that shit.

    28. JRJoe Rogan1:05:46

        Yup. They're like, "Don't... Can we just not mention that to the-"

    29. THTony Hinchcliffe1:05:48

        Just stop it.

    30. JRJoe Rogan1:05:49

        "Richest woman of all time."

Episode duration: 3:00:24