Joe Rogan Experience #1601 - Brian Redban

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   (drumbeats) Joe Rogan podcast,…

   1. NANarrator0:00

      (drumbeats) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

   2. The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night. All day.

   3. BRBrian Redban0:12

      (Upbeat music plays) Oh, hello, Joseph. Hello, Joseph. Nice outfit you're wearing.

   4. JRJoe Rogan0:15

      Hey, awesome outfit for you.

   5. BRBrian Redban0:17

      Yeah, we're burritos.

   6. JRJoe Rogan0:18

      (laughs)

   7. BRBrian Redban0:18

      And, uh, Jamie's in the Matrix. Jamie, what are you-

   8. JRJoe Rogan0:20

      Look at that.

   9. BRBrian Redban0:21

      That is preposterous. Show 'em the pants. It's a full thing.

   10. JRJoe Rogan0:24

       Oh, yeah. Awesome.

   11. BRBrian Redban0:24

       Where would, where was one get something like this?

   12. JRJoe Rogan0:28

       Uh, the internet. What do you mean?

   13. BRBrian Redban0:29

       Oh, must be.

   14. JRJoe Rogan0:30

       Yeah.

   15. BRBrian Redban0:30

       You didn't go to a store and shop?

   16. JRJoe Rogan0:33

       No, no, no.

   17. BRBrian Redban0:33

       What's the company?

   18. JRJoe Rogan0:33

       Uh, it's called Dumb Good.

   19. BRBrian Redban0:36

       But isn't it supposed to have numbers? Is it... Does it have numbers?

   20. JRJoe Rogan0:39

       It does, yeah.

   21. BRBrian Redban0:39

       Oh, those are numbers?

   22. JRJoe Rogan0:40

       Yeah, I mean, if you look close, you can see it.

   23. BRBrian Redban0:41

       Oh, okay. 'Cause it looks-

   24. JRJoe Rogan0:42

       And it's, like, officially licensed, I think.

   25. BRBrian Redban0:44

       Ooh.

   26. JRJoe Rogan0:44

       Hey, you know what I mean?

   27. BRBrian Redban0:45

       Ooh, official.

   28. JRJoe Rogan0:45

       Official. They just pushed that movie back, the s- the new one.

   29. BRBrian Redban0:48

       They push everything back. They're pushing the James Bond one back forever, 'cause they think that theaters are coming back.

   30. JRJoe Rogan0:53

       No.
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   Yeah. Yeah, I mean,…

   1. BRBrian Redban15:00

      I was, when I was fighting and doing comedy at the same time in the beginning of my, uh, standup career. I was half-assing both of them, you know. You just really can't do both. Especially back then, I had a full-time job too. It's like there's no way. There's not enough time. That's a thing, like, people wanna, like ... They think they could do everything. You, you fucking can't. You gotta know what your time is, you know. Like, what is the number of hours you have in the day? Like, how much, how much time do you really need for something, you know?

   2. JRJoe Rogan15:30

      Yeah. Yeah, I mean, especially with, when it comes to comedy, you should probably protect your head, not injure your head when you have to remember things and talk-

   3. BRBrian Redban15:37

      That's true too.

   4. JRJoe Rogan15:38

      ... (laughs) and chill.

   5. BRBrian Redban15:39

      But a little bit of brain damage is good for comedy.

   6. JRJoe Rogan15:42

      (laughs)

   7. BRBrian Redban15:42

      It really is. It is. Like, look at Kenison, look at Roseanne Barr. They didn't even get a little bit of brain damage, they got a lot of brain damage. They both got hit by cars. But that's what made them.

   8. JRJoe Rogan15:52

      Yeah.

   9. BRBrian Redban15:53

      Yeah.

   10. JRJoe Rogan15:54

       Remember when, uh, uh, what's his name? Luke Skywalker got hit by a, a car.

   11. BRBrian Redban15:59

       Oh, yeah.

   12. JRJoe Rogan15:59

       After Star Wars, and it changed his whole entire look.

   13. BRBrian Redban16:02

       Oh, that's right, it fucked his face up, right?

   14. JRJoe Rogan16:04

       Yeah.

   15. BRBrian Redban16:05

       (laughs)

   16. JRJoe Rogan16:05

       Looks like a different person almost.

   17. BRBrian Redban16:07

       Almost. It kinda looks pretty good now. Did it, did it, did it, like, take a while before they figured out how to fix it?

   18. JRJoe Rogan16:13

       Well, I just know from, like, if you look at Star Wars and, and then t- like, Empire Strikes Back. I think it was between those two movies. You could tell, there was a definite ... Like, I remember he had, like, some kind of weird scar or something, or they tried-

   19. BRBrian Redban16:24

       Hmm.

   20. JRJoe Rogan16:24

       ... to put a lot of makeup on his face to make him look a little bit more normal.

   21. BRBrian Redban16:27

       I thought it was ...

   22. JRJoe Rogan16:28

       There.

   23. BRBrian Redban16:28

       Is that it?

   24. JRJoe Rogan16:30

       What the heck? Was that before the makeup? (laughs) Wow.

   25. BRBrian Redban16:36

       Is that right? I don't think that's it.

   26. JRJoe Rogan16:39

       I was, I was u- I'm looking at the picture when you brought up the scar, so I was-

   27. BRBrian Redban16:41

       I don't think that's it. I think the injury happened afterwards.

   28. JRJoe Rogan16:46

       It ... Well, that was ... That, this is from Empire Strikes Back, so that would make sense.

   29. BRBrian Redban16:49

       Okay, before Empire Strikes Back began filming, Hamill was in a car accident and fractured his nose and left cheekbone. Hmm.

   30. JRJoe Rogan16:56

       That kinda looks like-
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   (laughs) I started watching…

   1. BRBrian Redban30:00

      not that sophisticated. And they're like, "He's my guy." You know, when you're, like, comin' down off of meth and you don't wanna think too much and he says something cool on TV, like, "Yeah. I'll vote for him." You know, this... (laughs) .

   2. JRJoe Rogan30:15

      (laughs) I started watching this show last night. Have you seen My 1,000 Pound Sisters?

   3. BRBrian Redban30:20

      Oh, I... Nah.

   4. JRJoe Rogan30:21

      (laughs) I... Have you talked about this a million times?

   5. BRBrian Redban30:23

      I can't. I can't watch that.

   6. JRJoe Rogan30:26

      Wow. That's, that's crack right there.

   7. BRBrian Redban30:27

      I can't watch that.

   8. JRJoe Rogan30:28

      All those shows. TLC or whatever, uh, network, they do a good job to just reel you in and just make you watch everything.

   9. BRBrian Redban30:35

      Good job of exploiting people.

   10. JRJoe Rogan30:36

       Yeah.

   11. BRBrian Redban30:37

       Hm.

   12. JRJoe Rogan30:37

       Yeah.

   13. BRBrian Redban30:38

       What a good job.

   14. JRJoe Rogan30:39

       Good. (laughs) But yeah, I highly recommend watching that show. It makes you feel so good about yourself.

   15. BRBrian Redban30:45

       I highly recommend you try some of this tobacco.

   16. JRJoe Rogan30:47

       Oh, this looks like good tobacco.

   17. BRBrian Redban30:48

       It's very good tobacco. Yeah, I don't like those shows, man. They make me feel sad. (coughs) I don't know why (coughs) but particularly people that are overweight, like, (coughs) like those people that can't move and they need, like, to fucking get cut out of their house.

   18. JRJoe Rogan31:08

       Hm.

   19. BRBrian Redban31:08

       They depress the shit out of me.

   20. JRJoe Rogan31:10

       Yeah.

   21. BRBrian Redban31:11

       Everything changes when you have kids, dude, 'cause you look at them as like, "That was someone's baby." Like, "That was someone's baby." This guy, he got a shit deal, you know. He got parents that just probably didn't pay attention to him or someone abused him or, you know, he got terrible habits that he developed early on or he got bullied or there's horrible things happened and now here he is just, just satisfying himself with stuffing things in his mouth all day. It's sad, you know.

   22. JRJoe Rogan31:36

       Yeah. The show is pretty sad and depressing, uh, especially when you realize... 'Cause a lot, you know, a lot of those people you always wonder like, "Do they really, how much do they really eat?" And then you watch them, like, ask them, like, "How many Cokes, you know, or soda poppies do you have per day?" And they're like, "12, 14 a day." And holy shit.

   23. BRBrian Redban31:54

       Yeah, that's where a lot of it comes from, the sugar.

   24. JRJoe Rogan31:57

       Mm-hmm.

   25. BRBrian Redban31:57

       A lot of them are drinking it. They're drinking their, their fat on.

   26. JRJoe Rogan32:00

       Dude, I tell you, Liquid IV has saved my life from, you know, not having... I used to always be, like, Diet Cokes and Gatorades and Power, you know, Powerades-

   27. BRBrian Redban32:07

       Mm-hmm.

   28. JRJoe Rogan32:07

       ... and stuff. I drink, like, three of those a day now, like...

   29. BRBrian Redban32:11

       Dude, the Onnit gym's not too far from here, son.

   30. JRJoe Rogan32:14

       (laughs)
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   (laughs) …

   1. BRBrian Redban45:00

      moving into populated areas of the German Empire from the forests of Lithuania and... Look at that name. Volhynia, Volhynia. Locals hypothesized that war efforts displaced the wolves, so the canines started seeking out new hunting grounds. The hungry wolves infiltrated rural villages, attacked calves, sheep, goats, and in two cases, children. They also showed up on the front lines, feeding on the fallen and sometimes taking advantage of incap- incapacitated fighters. "Parties of Russians and German scouts met recently and were hotly engaged in a skirmish when a large pack of wolves dashed on the scene and attacked the wounded." Holy fuck. Reported a 1917 Oklahoma City Times article. Hostilities were at once suspended, and Germans and Russians instinctively attacked the pack, killing about 50 wolves. The Russian and German soldiers temporarily stopped being enemies once they found a common foe. Both sides agreed as- to a ceasefire if the wolves interrupted another battle. Isn't that hilarious? Poison, rifle, hand grenades, and even machine guns were used successfully or were successfully tried in attempts to eradicate the nuisance, according to a 1970- '17 New York Times article. But all to no avail. The wolves, nowhere to be found quite so large and powerful as in Russia, were desperate in their hunger and- and regardless of danger. As a last result, resort... God, I can't read. As a last resort, two adversaries, with the constant of their commanders, the consent of their commanders, entered into negotiations for an armistice and joined forces to overcome the wolf plague. Wow. Isn't that wild? Like, that's what people really need, right? We need a- we need aliens invading us so we come together like in a Tom Cruise movie.

   2. NANarrator46:45

      (laughs)

   3. BRBrian Redban46:45

      Like, that's what America needs right now. We need an alien invasion. That's what the wolves are, right? They're not us. They're something else. We can all decide. I like people even- even Russians that we're at war with or Germans that we're at war with, if you're on the other side. I like them more than I like wolves.

   4. NANarrator47:00

      What if we have an alien invasion, like, every week and we just don't know about it?

   5. NANarrator47:03

      (laughs)

   6. BRBrian Redban47:03

      Well, isn't that what a virus is, man? What's a virus? You know, I know it's here.

   7. NANarrator47:09

      Right.

   8. BRBrian Redban47:09

      But it's not us. And it's a- and it's an invasion. Like, this thing... It's almost like, if one day, right? Elon Musk is terrified about artificial intelligence. Not terrified, but-

   9. NANarrator47:21

      He should stop making shit then (laughs) .

   10. BRBrian Redban47:22

       Reasonably concerned. No, I think he- he's right, you know? I think a lot of, uh, scientists are concerned about the one day. What happens if one day you get a sentient, l- you know, meaning something that can think for itself, artificial thing that decides it wants to take over the world and it wants to build other artificial things. Like, I don't know how you would get those instincts. I guess you would have to program it into it, or would it develop them eventually when it realizes... Like, if you give it- give it a certain amount of autonomy, if you gave artificial intelligence a certain amount of ability to read... Like, it's, it'll think through its mind and read the fu- like, see how the future's gonna play out if it goes about things the way it's going about things right now. "Okay, you know, I'm gonna have to change my programming and make it so the..." The best way is like, "I make more of me." Because these silly-... fucking apes with their nuclear weapons. These people are crazy and they made me. Oh, Jesus Christ. Like, they don't know what they're doing. I don't need them around. They're gonna fuck up everything. They're ruining the whole... They don't know how, how to make a better version of me. So, it would make a better version of itself and it would also develop all the instincts that all the other animals have, all the other life forms that we're aware of. When they have to survive, they develop weapons. Why do you think walruses have that bi- big ass tusk, right? Isn't that... They use that as a weapon, right? Like gorillas.

   11. JRJoe Rogan48:40

       Tie balloons too.

   12. BRBrian Redban48:41

       Gorillas have weapons. Gorillas just eat plants all day. They don't have to kill anything with their mouth. All that shit is to keep other gorillas from fucking their girl.

   13. NANarrator48:49

       Mm-hmm.

   14. BRBrian Redban48:50

       That's what that is. And I guess animals, to keep out the other animals, like... But who's gonna attack a fucking gorilla? Like, they just go to sleep on the ground, you know? (laughs)

   15. JRJoe Rogan49:01

       (laughs)

   16. BRBrian Redban49:01

       You know?

   17. JRJoe Rogan49:01

       Artificial just needs an operating system so that it can grow, you know? Like, once it has a formula, it's gonna... That's when it's gonna start cloning itself and it's gonna start making an army. Like that, that dog that, that Elon had, that Danielle... It was chasing Danielle Rolling's dog around in the hallways of the hotel. Did you see that video?

   18. BRBrian Redban49:17

       I did not.

   19. JRJoe Rogan49:18

       Uh, but he... I guess Elon has that fake robot dog.

   20. BRBrian Redban49:21

       Yeah.

   21. JRJoe Rogan49:21

       You know? That's the shit. You give that dog an operating system, it learns how to make itself, you know?

   22. NANarrator49:27

       (laughs)

   23. JRJoe Rogan49:27

       And start fucking attacking anything that tries to stop it.

   24. BRBrian Redban49:30

       You saw that, uh, episode of Black Mirror, right?

   25. JRJoe Rogan49:32

       Which one?

   26. BRBrian Redban49:32

       Heavy Metal, where there's, there's like this drone, spoiler alert, that's chasing this lady.

   27. JRJoe Rogan49:37

       Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yes.

   28. BRBrian Redban49:38

       Remember that one?

   29. JRJoe Rogan49:39

       I think so.

   30. BRBrian Redban49:39

       She's- It's...
5. 1:00:00 – 1:05:22

   Yeah, Samsung's a lot.…

   1. BRBrian Redban1:00:00

      their own screens.

   2. NANarrator1:00:00

      Yeah, Samsung's a lot.

   3. BRBrian Redban1:00:00

      And they make a lot of, uh, Apple screens too.

   4. JRJoe Rogan1:00:03

      Mm-hmm.

   5. BRBrian Redban1:00:03

      But, um, the LG company, I think, is gonna stop making phones.... they've been making some weird phones, like they made that one phone that flips sideways.

   6. JRJoe Rogan1:00:10

      Right.

   7. BRBrian Redban1:00:10

      You know that one? It turns into a T.

   8. JRJoe Rogan1:00:12

      Yeah, the flipper was-

   9. BRBrian Redban1:00:13

      Have you seen that?

   10. JRJoe Rogan1:00:13

       Yeah. The switch or something.

   11. BRBrian Redban1:00:13

       Like what is, what is that?

   12. JRJoe Rogan1:00:15

       It's so stupid.

   13. BRBrian Redban1:00:15

       When does that come up? (laughs)

   14. JRJoe Rogan1:00:17

       (laughs)

   15. BRBrian Redban1:00:17

       What, what do I need-

   16. JRJoe Rogan1:00:18

       This is so dumb.

   17. BRBrian Redban1:00:18

       When do I need a phone to turn into a fucking T?

   18. JRJoe Rogan1:00:20

       Yeah, but it's, it's the Samsung Wing.

   19. BRBrian Redban1:00:22

       Yeah, like what is that?

   20. JRJoe Rogan1:00:23

       Yeah.

   21. BRBrian Redban1:00:23

       That's so dumb. It costs $5.

   22. JRJoe Rogan1:00:25

       Zero. (laughs) Oh, zero? (laughs)

   23. NANarrator1:00:27

       They're giving it away, they're giving it away.

   24. BRBrian Redban1:00:29

       It costs $0. They're giving it away, 29 bucks a month for 24 months, and they give it to you for free.

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:00:32

       Yeah, but at least-

   26. BRBrian Redban1:00:33

       But nobody wants it.

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:00:33

       ... LG is thinking, uh, outside the box-

   28. BRBrian Redban1:00:36

       No, they're not thinking. They're not thinking.

   29. NANarrator1:00:36

       A little.

   30. BRBrian Redban1:00:37

       That's not outside the box. That's in the litter box.

Episode duration: 3:49:38