Joe Rogan Experience #1606 - Ali Siddiq

1. 0:00 – 0:06

   Intro

   1. NANarrator0:02

      (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience.

2. 0:06 – 2:45

   Houston standup roots and early open-mic insecurities

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:06

      Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night. All day. (instrumental music plays) All right, we'll move on. What's good, brother? How are you?

   2. ASAli Siddiq0:16

      I'm good, man. Thanks for having me.

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:17

      Pleasure to get you in here, man.

   4. ASAli Siddiq0:18

      Thanks for having me.

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:19

      My pleasure. Um, y- you live in Houston.

   6. ASAli Siddiq0:22

      Yes, I do.

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:22

      Which has got a gigantic rich history of standup comedy.

   8. ASAli Siddiq0:26

      Yes. Um, (clears throat) well, we go back to Theodores, Sam Kinison.

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:31

      Yeah. Did you ever do the Laugh Stop? Did you do that place?

   10. ASAli Siddiq0:34

       I did the Laugh Stop.

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:35

       Did you do the old one in River Oaks or the upstairs one?

   12. ASAli Siddiq0:38

       The, the old one in River Oaks.

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:39

       Yeah. That was the shit, right?

   14. ASAli Siddiq0:40

       That was the... I, I'll always remember that place 'cause that was the only time I've ever in life, and I'm ashamed of this, I, I wanted a comic to do bad.

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:49

       (laughs)

   16. ASAli Siddiq0:50

       (laughs) And that was the only time I've ever wanted a comic to do bad because I had just start- I had just started. I... maybe, maybe four months in. And the guy... so you had to go in and you had to sign this open mic list, and it's like 30 people on the list. And I'm like number 27, and he's 26. And he was-

   17. JRJoe Rogan1:10

       Mm-hmm.

   18. ASAli Siddiq1:10

       ... like, he's talking to me. He's like, "Yeah, man, I've been doing standup for 25 years, man. It's crazy." You know? And I was like, "Wow, 25 years." And I'm thinking I'm a pretty good student of standups and I'm like, "I hope he's not good."

   19. JRJoe Rogan1:25

       (laughs)

   20. ASAli Siddiq1:26

       Because if he's good and he's 26 on this list, and I just started and he's been doing it 25 years, I'm like, "Yo, it's gonna be a long road for me." (laughs)

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:35

       (laughs)

   22. ASAli Siddiq1:35

       So I was like, "No," and he wasn't. I was like so relieved. I was like-

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:40

       (laughs)

   24. ASAli Siddiq1:40

       ... "Oh, goodness gracious, thank you." (laughs) It was, it was ridiculous.

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:43

       That's a funny way of look... Uh, that's... there's a lotta layers, right, to why someone succeeds or doesn't succeed in standup. And if you're, if you're 25 years in and you're not doing well, like some- you're something. You've t- you've taken a turn the wrong way somewhere.

   26. ASAli Siddiq1:57

       At four months, you don't know that. You... like-

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:59

       Right.

   28. ASAli Siddiq2:00

       ... I'm, I'm literally... was it? Yeah. So I'm five months out of prison at this point. So this is four months of me doing standup. And I'm really like, "Man, I hope that this guy is not good."

   29. JRJoe Rogan2:16

       (laughs)

   30. ASAli Siddiq2:16

       'Cause he, he doesn't look like he's on drugs. He doesn't look like he just went down some drug binge.
3. 2:45 – 4:31

   Dad lessons: booby-trapping a kid and the anatomy of pain

   1. ASAli Siddiq2:45

      As a, as a comic. As a comic. I've wanted my son to run into the table.

   2. JRJoe Rogan2:51

      (laughs)

   3. ASAli Siddiq2:52

      If that, if that counts as-

   4. JRJoe Rogan2:54

      Just to teach him a lesson?

   5. ASAli Siddiq2:55

      Yeah, yeah. Like, I told him to stop running. I was like, "Yo, man, stop running through here. Stop running through here." Like, "Yo, eventually, you're gonna hit this table." So-

   6. JRJoe Rogan3:02

      (laughs)

   7. ASAli Siddiq3:03

      ... (laughs) I, I booby trapped it a little bit. (laughs)

   8. JRJoe Rogan3:06

      (laughs) What did you do?

   9. ASAli Siddiq3:07

      I put my house shoes, like, right in the way-

   10. JRJoe Rogan3:09

       (laughs)

   11. ASAli Siddiq3:09

       ... and he didn't see them and then boom, right into the table.

   12. JRJoe Rogan3:10

       How old is he?

   13. ASAli Siddiq3:11

       He's 10 now.

   14. JRJoe Rogan3:13

       Oh, how old was he then?

   15. ASAli Siddiq3:13

       But he was like seven.

   16. JRJoe Rogan3:14

       Oh. Seven's a good age to run into a table.

   17. ASAli Siddiq3:17

       Yeah.

   18. JRJoe Rogan3:17

       Like, you're not so big that you're gonna hurt yourself. You're really just gonna get hurt a little.

   19. ASAli Siddiq3:22

       Yeah.

   20. JRJoe Rogan3:22

       And like, "Ow!" But it's not gonna be like a injury.

   21. ASAli Siddiq3:25

       He fell apart. Like, when he hit the table, it's like... you, you ever hit your baby toe?

   22. JRJoe Rogan3:31

       Yes.

   23. ASAli Siddiq3:31

       It doesn't matter. This is the only, this is the only piece of your body that it does not matter literally how big you are and how much you work out. It doesn't matter. I've seen giant... My cousin's a huge dude. I've seen him fold up in the in infant position from hitting his... the... barely scraped his baby toe on the edge of the table, and he's folded up. I'm like, "Yeah. All them muscles didn't help at all."

   24. JRJoe Rogan3:53

       Well, it's a bitch ass limb.

   25. ASAli Siddiq3:54

       (laughs) It's like-

   26. JRJoe Rogan3:55

       It has no power.

   27. ASAli Siddiq3:56

       But it, it can put you down.

   28. JRJoe Rogan3:58

       Yeah.

   29. ASAli Siddiq3:58

       It literally can put you down.

   30. JRJoe Rogan3:59

       It's too painful for such a weak thing.
4. 4:31 – 8:38

   Pinky toes, balance myths, and toe-shoe optimization culture

   1. ASAli Siddiq4:31

      Yeah, and then your pinky, your pinky is definitely needed. I didn't think... like, people will say this all the time. Like, "I don't need ev- all of my, my fingers." No, you, you actually do.

   2. JRJoe Rogan4:40

      Jamie was saying that if you lose your pinky, you lose 50% of your strength in your hand.

   3. NANarrator4:44

      Yeah. (clears throat) I was trying to figure out the pinky toe thing 'cause I was like, "Maybe the pinky toe is a little bullshit," but, uh, there's a doctor that explains it would be almost impossible to run, walk or skip without your pinky toe.

   4. JRJoe Rogan4:57

      What? Impossible.

   5. NANarrator4:58

      I mean, you could get, you could get something in a shoe to, like, replace what it would be, but, like, it's needed for balance.

   6. ASAli Siddiq5:03

      Like, impossible to skip? I thought I was, like... I've skipped before.

   7. NANarrator5:08

      (laughs) Maybe you could figure it out, but that's what the... maybe, maybe this doctor is bullshit.

   8. JRJoe Rogan5:10

      People say-

   9. NANarrator5:11

      I don't know.

   10. JRJoe Rogan5:11

       ... a lot of doctors are fucking weak. I bet you could be fine without your pinky toes.

   11. NANarrator5:18

       (laughs)

   12. ASAli Siddiq5:18

       (laughs)

   13. JRJoe Rogan5:18

       I mean, you wouldn't be optimal. You know, if you wanted to play soccer or something where it required a lot of, like, shifts left and right-

   14. ASAli Siddiq5:24

       Yeah.

   15. JRJoe Rogan5:24

       ... you'd probably be fucked.

   16. ASAli Siddiq5:26

       I, I don't know.

   17. NANarrator5:27

       I'm looking for-

   18. ASAli Siddiq5:27

       Skipping? I, okay... I'm, I'm on the fence with this skipping. I don't even think I've used my pinky toe to skip.

   19. JRJoe Rogan5:33

       I've, I've never s- I haven't skipped in so long-

   20. ASAli Siddiq5:36

       You know, I ha- I have daughters.

   21. JRJoe Rogan5:36

       ... I could lie and say I never skipped 'cause I-

   22. ASAli Siddiq5:39

       I ha- I have daughters.

   23. JRJoe Rogan5:39

       I have two. I have two too, but-

   24. ASAli Siddiq5:40

       Yeah.

   25. JRJoe Rogan5:40

       ... we don't, I don't skip with them.

   26. ASAli Siddiq5:42

       Yeah.

   27. JRJoe Rogan5:42

       I do a lot of other things, but skip with them?

   28. ASAli Siddiq5:43

       Yeah. Skipping is, is, is, like, been mandatory in our house for a long time.

   29. JRJoe Rogan5:48

       I've broken toes before. It's weird. You, you could tape them to the toe next to it, it make- takes a lot of the weight off of it.

   30. ASAli Siddiq5:55

       Yeah.
5. 8:38 – 11:37

   Aging, athletic bravado, and catastrophic dunk attempts

   1. ASAli Siddiq8:38

      I used to get ... I used to actually could touch the rim, almost dunk, but my knees was like, "Yo, I don't care what you put on them, fam. We ain't doing it."

   2. JRJoe Rogan8:46

      Did you see the Tom Segura dunk? When he-

   3. ASAli Siddiq8:48

      No.

   4. JRJoe Rogan8:48

      You didn't see what happened?

   5. ASAli Siddiq8:50

      No.

   6. JRJoe Rogan8:50

      Oh, I gotta show you something. Tom Segura went to dump, dunk, and as he's running towards the net, he blows out his patella tendon. As he's leaping up in the air, his knee blows out, and then he falls and lands on his arm, snaps his arm in half. So he blew out his knee and his arm all in one terrible maneuver.

   7. ASAli Siddiq9:11

      (laughs)

   8. JRJoe Rogan9:11

      And they did it all on video. Him and Bert were having a dunk competition. And now Tom has, uh, he's got this thing on his, his hand because his nerves got damaged.

   9. ASAli Siddiq9:20

      (laughs)

   10. JRJoe Rogan9:21

       And he's ... Watch this.

   11. NANarrator9:24

       Oh, fuck.

   12. GUGuest9:25

       You okay?

   13. ASAli Siddiq9:27

       No, no he's not. Okay-

   14. JRJoe Rogan9:28

       Yeah, watch this. Boom. Look at the arm, breaks. Yeah.

   15. NANarrator9:36

       Oh, fuck.

   16. GUGuest9:36

       You okay?

   17. NANarrator9:38

       (groans)

   18. GUGuest9:38

       You okay?

   19. NANarrator9:38

       (groans)

   20. GUGuest9:38

       You okay?

   21. JRJoe Rogan9:38

       Oh.

   22. GUGuest9:38

       You okay?

   23. NANarrator9:39

       (groans)

   24. JRJoe Rogan9:41

       His arm. His arm.

   25. NANarrator9:44

       Ah.

   26. GUGuest9:46

       You okay?

   27. NANarrator9:49

       (groans) Can you call 9-

   28. JRJoe Rogan9:51

       Call 911.

   29. ASAli Siddiq9:52

       Oh, I've never seen anyone call for ... (laughs)

   30. JRJoe Rogan9:55

       Not good. That's why it's good to be a little athletic, 'cause occasionally you and your stupid friends wanna have like (laughs) a ridiculous competition for a video.
6. 11:37 – 17:47

   Dress shoes, security realities, and beach parenting with dangerous tides

   1. ASAli Siddiq11:37

      "So you played football," right? (laughs) So I'm like, "Yeah, we, you know, we all played football." So me, my friends, we out there in dress shoes, mind you.

   2. JRJoe Rogan11:48

      Oh, no.

   3. ASAli Siddiq11:48

      In dress ... We supposed to be running one little quick little route this way. Nope. Nope. Out- ... We outside the gym, 'cause it's the only place where it's cars. Like, it's no cars. Like, "Yo, we go right here to LA Fitness."

   4. JRJoe Rogan12:02

      (laughs)

   5. ASAli Siddiq12:03

      Like, but why? Like, why do you know where LA Fitness is right now? Like, why do you even know-

   6. JRJoe Rogan12:07

      (laughs)

   7. ASAli Siddiq12:09

      ... (laughs) like, how does he- first of all, how does it even start? He was like, "Yo, we going, we going to LA Fitness now. We out there just throwing the ball." Nerf ball, not even a real football. Nerf. You know? That's what he had in his car, a little Nerf, with the little- with the little, um... I think they got some new ones where they twist or something, 'cause my Nerf balls was smooth. This was- has little waves in it. Throwing the ball. And I cut, forgetting that I have on dress shoes, 'cause now you getting competitive. One person catch the ball. Say, "I'm-" "That's touchdown." First of all, you're nowhere close to... First of all, there's... Okay, if that's the pole down there, you're nowhere close to it, sir. You know what I'm saying? So now- now it's competitive. Now-

   8. JRJoe Rogan12:46

      (laughs)

   9. ASAli Siddiq12:46

      ... now I'm up on the line, you know. Now you really being what you saw on TV. Now you being a safety. And I cut, I cut that dress shoe, that heel, caught a little gravel.

   10. JRJoe Rogan12:57

       (sighs) .

   11. ASAli Siddiq12:57

       And it's hard to explain, the side of your face being scratched up. Like, you- you... 'Cause the gravel scratch. It's like when... Like, fall off a motorcycle and you get the- the cement rash.

   12. JRJoe Rogan13:09

       Yeah.

   13. ASAli Siddiq13:09

       Turf ra- So I'm just like... S- side of my face is scratched up. My hand is scratched up. And I'm like, "Huh, okay, now I gotta go home and explain why my face is bleeding." "You supposed to be at the club, sir. How did- how did you go from the club to this?" "Okay, let me tell you what happened."

   14. JRJoe Rogan13:26

       (laughs)

   15. ASAli Siddiq13:26

       "Okay, we were drinking and someone said, 'You played football, didn't you?'" And then (laughs) then all of a sudden you in the LA Fitness, you know, gym parking lot throwing a Nerf ball.

   16. JRJoe Rogan13:35

       With dress shoes on.

   17. ASAli Siddiq13:36

       With dress shoes on.

   18. JRJoe Rogan13:37

       Dress shoes are useless. They look good, but if you ever get in a situation with those shiny bottoms-

   19. ASAli Siddiq13:45

       So you see-

   20. JRJoe Rogan13:45

       ... those slippery leather bottoms-

   21. ASAli Siddiq13:47

       So-

   22. JRJoe Rogan13:47

       ... those things are useless.

   23. ASAli Siddiq13:48

       So you see the guy who with me now, Andre Johnson. Sneakers, looks ready, all- all the licenses that he need to have everything on him. I had another security person, his name was Dre as well, but he wore suits everywhere. And I told Dre, I said, "Hey, man, one of these days, something's going to probably happen, and you have on a suit and dress shoes, and you're probably not gonna be able to get to me." We at this club in Houston. Melee fight breaks out. I'm on stage. I'm trying to figure out which way to go. My security is on the ground 'cause he's trying to run to me and slipped.

   24. JRJoe Rogan14:29

       (laughs)

   25. ASAli Siddiq14:30

       And it's like- it's- I'm wondering why all these other people following, 'cause he's the one knocking them down, 'cause he's fair, 'cause he was big. He was like 3- 300. So he's just on the ground. And I'm just staying on the stage like this, like just waiting. And another... The sheriff that was working there came and got me and took me out the back. And I'm like, "Yo, Dre, the guy with the rubber-based shoes, he saved me."

   26. JRJoe Rogan14:50

       (laughs)

   27. ASAli Siddiq14:51

       "What were- what were you doing with- with the slippery bottom, sir?" Like-

   28. JRJoe Rogan14:54

       Well, you can get some dress shoes that have bottoms that are rubber. I have those. I don't have any shoes that have that flat leather shiny bottom. Even if I dress up, I'm- I'm wearing rubber shoes.

   29. ASAli Siddiq15:05

       You're wearing rubber shoes?

   30. JRJoe Rogan15:06

       Yeah, when shit goes down, you- you- you have to be able to move.
7. 17:47 – 24:03

   Who can’t swim, drownings, and the frustration of teaching adults

   1. ASAli Siddiq17:47

      You know, you can... I- I just figured out or found out that you can drown, you don't even have to be in water, you can drink too much water and drown.

   2. JRJoe Rogan17:54

      Yeah, you drink too much water, it's not really drowning. Your- your body, it's an electro... Look at the size of that motherfucker. And that dude drowned.

   3. ASAli Siddiq18:02

      You know something? I was hoping, and I'm not even... I- I'm- I don't even go here. I was really hoping that he was not Black because it's like... I was-

   4. JRJoe Rogan18:09

      (laughs)

   5. ASAli Siddiq18:10

      I'm like, I'm literally sitting here... It was one of them things like, "Okay, all right-"... please let him pull up and he's not a Black dude that can't swim, that- (water splashing) probably drowned in a damn teaspoon of water.

   6. JRJoe Rogan18:21

      (laughs)

   7. ASAli Siddiq18:21

      (laughs) He's like, I'm sitting here like, so I'm all, I was like, "Ow!" And then I looked, I'm like-

   8. JRJoe Rogan18:27

      That's a terrible stereotype that turns out to be accurate too often. Like b- Black dudes that can skate real good. Like Black dudes that play hockey, how many of them? There might be like 20.

   9. ASAli Siddiq18:37

      Five.

   10. JRJoe Rogan18:38

       (laughs) 20 on earth? (laughs)

   11. ASAli Siddiq18:39

       Probably five, at most.

   12. JRJoe Rogan18:40

       How many Black dudes are in the NHL?

   13. NANarrator18:42

       A few.

   14. JRJoe Rogan18:42

       How many?

   15. NANarrator18:43

       I don't, I don't know.

   16. ASAli Siddiq18:44

       I knew one that played with, for the, the Oilers, I think it was. I used to watch him. I think it was the Oilers.

   17. JRJoe Rogan18:50

       Somebody had a joke about that, that it's just 'cause it's frozen water.

   18. ASAli Siddiq18:53

       You know, it's, it's a weird thing that th- that's the problem. I, I used to hate that stereotype that, um, Black people can't swim. But 75% of all drownings in the United States are Hispanic and African American.

   19. JRJoe Rogan19:07

       Is that true?

   20. ASAli Siddiq19:08

       Yeah. And but-

   21. JRJoe Rogan19:09

       75%?

   22. ASAli Siddiq19:09

       Yeah, of drownings in the United States. But the weird thing is, 55% of all pool parties are thrown by Black people.

   23. JRJoe Rogan19:19

       (laughs)

   24. ASAli Siddiq19:19

       (laughs) I'm so confused. I am so-

   25. JRJoe Rogan19:21

       (laughs)

   26. ASAli Siddiq19:23

       ... so co- (laughs) We throw, we throw pool parties like, "Ah, don't get in that pool."

   27. JRJoe Rogan19:26

       But are they drowning in pools or are they drowning in the ocean?

   28. ASAli Siddiq19:31

       Mostly pools.

   29. JRJoe Rogan19:32

       Really?

   30. ASAli Siddiq19:33

       I don't think we be at the ocean like that. I've seen us there-
8. 24:03 – 30:26

   Mistakes, judgment, and childhood lessons that stick for decades

   1. ASAli Siddiq24:03

      I- is it, is it, um, is it a way not to wreck your life?

   2. JRJoe Rogan24:09

      You gotta wreck your life a little bit, so that you know how to not wreck your life. I don't trust anybody who's made no mistakes. Like if you tell me you've made no mistakes, I'm like, "What?"

   3. ASAli Siddiq24:16

      Like what, no mistakes?

   4. JRJoe Rogan24:18

      How have you done that? You've never fucked anything up?

   5. ASAli Siddiq24:20

      That's, like, when people say, "I don't judge people," like, "Well, how you pick your friends?"

   6. JRJoe Rogan24:24

      (laughs)

   7. ASAli Siddiq24:25

      Y- you just randomly, "I'll take anybody."

   8. JRJoe Rogan24:27

      Yeah. I judge everything.

   9. ASAli Siddiq24:27

      Yeah.

   10. JRJoe Rogan24:28

       I judge myself first.

   11. ASAli Siddiq24:29

       Judge myself first.

   12. JRJoe Rogan24:30

       Def- yeah.

   13. ASAli Siddiq24:30

       I gotta know who I am to even... I gotta know who I am to even decide how, uh, how to pick a friend, like-

   14. JRJoe Rogan24:38

       Yeah.

   15. ASAli Siddiq24:38

       ... like, "Who the hell am I?"

   16. JRJoe Rogan24:40

       Right.

   17. ASAli Siddiq24:40

       You know, I remember when I made, um... And, and, and it's deep. Like, sometime people say, "Well, the youth can't teach you things." Most of the things I learned that I kept, I learnt when I was young, I probably just didn't apply it at the time.

   18. JRJoe Rogan24:51

       Mm-hmm.

   19. ASAli Siddiq24:51

       I've learned it, I just didn't apply it at the time. Sometimes you don't apply the right methods. But I had a, uh, a friend, and I, I w- think I was very young and juvenile where I gave people titles that didn't earn those titles. And when you are 13 and you say, "Hey, this is my best friend," and then-

   20. JRJoe Rogan25:16

       Oh.

   21. ASAli Siddiq25:16

       ... (clears throat) they say, "No, I'm not. Me and you not best friends." And you have to get past that, that little small part of being crushed, like, "Oh, I thought we, we were," and he's like, "Nah, we haven't gone through anything yet. We friends, but to be best friends, you know, we haven't been tried and tested to see how much, you know, we down with each other." I'm like, "Well, y- yeah, that pretty much makes..." I wasn't that advanced at that age yet, but, like-

   22. JRJoe Rogan25:46

       Mm-hmm.

   23. ASAli Siddiq25:46

       ... damn. Tried and tested.

   24. JRJoe Rogan25:47

       How old was this kid?

   25. ASAli Siddiq25:48

       (laughs) 13. (laughs)

   26. JRJoe Rogan25:49

       All right.

   27. ASAli Siddiq25:50

       It's like, it's like dinahi. He was like, "Nah, we..." (laughs)

   28. JRJoe Rogan25:52

       I remember I had a, a argument with this kid when I was 13. It was over nothing. It was, like, a softball argument. We were playing softball, and I don't even remember what it was all about, but I remember he got, like, real emo- And I, I had to piece it together in my head what was wrong here. But it was, it was, uh, a lesson that I kept for years, 'cause he got real shitty with me, and he said, "Hey man, forget we ever met," and he storms off, and I wa- I was like, "Forget what we ever met?"

   29. ASAli Siddiq26:16

       (laughs)

   30. JRJoe Rogan26:16

       "How am I gonna do that?" I'm like, "That doesn't make any sense." And then I remember thinking, "Oh, this kid has a single mom. His mom's kinda fucked up. And he's got this weird stepdad situation." Remember we talked about his stepdad had big forearms 'cause he scooped ice cream? His dad worked at this, a ice cream place, he was talking about his dad's got, stepdad got these big forearms-
9. 30:26 – 35:19

   Ali’s new radio job: pandemic pressure, daily bits, and hating the schedule

   1. ASAli Siddiq30:26

      You cannot... Like, you tippy-toeing in the house. But then you get older, and I literally work seven days a week. Like, my, my, my life is crazy. So when I g-... I fall asleep anywhere. I'm over 40.

   2. JRJoe Rogan30:41

      Right now you fall... You work seven days a week?

   3. ASAli Siddiq30:44

      Yeah.

   4. JRJoe Rogan30:44

      What do you do seven days a week?

   5. ASAli Siddiq30:45

      I, I just took on a radio job.

   6. JRJoe Rogan30:47

      Oh.

   7. ASAli Siddiq30:48

      Yeah, I-

   8. JRJoe Rogan30:48

      It's seven days a week?

   9. ASAli Siddiq30:49

      Yeah. Monday through Friday, Monday through Friday I'm in Houston on Magic 102. Um, the urban station.

   10. JRJoe Rogan30:57

       Is it in the mornings?

   11. ASAli Siddiq30:58

       It... No, it's midday. That's the-

   12. JRJoe Rogan30:59

       Oh.

   13. ASAli Siddiq30:59

       It's the craziest thing 'cause I'm from 6:00 to 2:00. I mean, from... No, from 2:00 to 6:00. And then this is the f... Last week I was in Jacksonville at The Comedy Zone. This is the first weekend that didn't feel like a weekend. Like, I wasn't excited. Like, I've been doing standup for 22 years. I've always been excited about a weekend that I'm doing. But this is the first weekend I'm doing after working at the radio station for the last three weeks. So it, it's like, "The weekend coming." I'm like, "Oh, some more work? Shit."

   14. JRJoe Rogan31:31

       (laughs)

   15. ASAli Siddiq31:32

       (laughs) Like, like, like, I was n-... I was so not... That was the first time in all of comedy I ever felt like, "I don't, I don't wanna go." And I was like, "Okay, I gotta snap outta that, that shit, 'cause that's not who I am."

   16. JRJoe Rogan31:44

       Wow.

   17. ASAli Siddiq31:45

       So... And I, and I've forgotten. DL has called me twice to make sure that I was going to goddamn work. He was like, "You do know you have to be at work?" "Oh, shit! I do." 'Cause I, I'm not accustomed to doing anything in the day, in the middle of daytime.

   18. JRJoe Rogan31:58

       So he has to call you to let you know?

   19. ASAli Siddiq31:59

       He's called me twice-

   20. JRJoe Rogan32:01

       (laughs)

   21. ASAli Siddiq32:01

       ... in the last three weeks just to, just to... Like, "Yo, you know you have to be somewhere, right?" Like, "Damn, I do have to be somewhere."

   22. JRJoe Rogan32:07

       How far away is the station from your house?

   23. ASAli Siddiq32:08

       Like, 30 minutes.

   24. JRJoe Rogan32:09

       That's not too bad.

   25. ASAli Siddiq32:10

       But it's, it's horrible. It's literally horrible. Just-

   26. JRJoe Rogan32:14

       So did you, did you know what you were getting into? Or did you have an idea of what it was gonna be, and then once you started doing it, you're like, "Oh, shit! What have I done?"

   27. ASAli Siddiq32:22

       I was... It's the, "Oh, shit. What have I-"

   28. JRJoe Rogan32:24

       (laughs)

   29. ASAli Siddiq32:24

       'Cause it's like if... I'm like, "Okay, I'm on the radio. I'm gonna be a midday personality. I'ma be able to do standup." Then I'm like, "Oh, shit! This shit is every day?" Like, (laughs) like, "I gotta be here-"

   30. JRJoe Rogan32:35

       "Five days a week."
10. 35:19 – 54:49

    Building a career without LA/NY moves and why comedy communities shape comics

    1. JRJoe Rogan35:19

       Do you do a podcast as well?

    2. ASAli Siddiq35:20

       No, I'm getting ready to start one.

    3. JRJoe Rogan35:22

       That's the move.

    4. ASAli Siddiq35:23

       And-

    5. JRJoe Rogan35:23

       That way you do it when you wanna do it.

    6. ASAli Siddiq35:24

       That... Like, they've been asking me to do it for a while. And then when I looked up how long... I, I think this has been my thing. I, I look at other people's podcasts, I'm like, "It seems so easy." But then you look at, "Oh, since '09?" Oh, no, it's... This is a, this is a well-oiled machine, 'cause I've done... I've tried to do it myself, and it's not like this. It's like, me holding my microphone. I got a little, a board. I'm just not into it at this point. But now-

    7. JRJoe Rogan35:55

       Yeah, but if this was set up for you, like this kinda thing-

    8. ASAli Siddiq35:57

       Oh, yeah. I wou-

    9. JRJoe Rogan35:57

       ... and all you had to do is show up and talk to people.

    10. ASAli Siddiq35:59

        Would walk in and do-

    11. JRJoe Rogan36:00

        Like that.

    12. ASAli Siddiq36:01

        ... this like, like clockwork.

    13. JRJoe Rogan36:03

        But that's all doable.

    14. ASAli Siddiq36:05

        Yeah.

    15. JRJoe Rogan36:05

        You could do that.

    16. ASAli Siddiq36:06

        I'm, I'm-

    17. JRJoe Rogan36:06

        That's what you want.

    18. ASAli Siddiq36:07

        I'm getting myself together now.

    19. JRJoe Rogan36:09

        Ali, you don't want a boss.

    20. ASAli Siddiq36:11

        I... This is the thing.

    21. JRJoe Rogan36:12

        You can't have a boss.

    22. ASAli Siddiq36:13

        I, I haven't had a job since 1999.

    23. JRJoe Rogan36:15

        Yeah, you're, you're too funny to have a boss.

    24. ASAli Siddiq36:17

        Too-

    25. JRJoe Rogan36:17

        Funny people can't have bosses.

    26. ASAli Siddiq36:18

        See? You see? You see that this is... It's like, it's like you talking to me and-... I'm already on the fence of quitting a new job. (laughs)

    27. JRJoe Rogan36:29

        (laughs)

    28. ASAli Siddiq36:29

        And you, and you, as soon as you said it, "Ali, he doesn't want a boss." I'm like, "He is... He knows me."

    29. JRJoe Rogan36:34

        (laughs)

    30. ASAli Siddiq36:35

        Um, um, um, I texted people like, "Look, um, I don't think I'm gonna make it." (laughs)
11. 54:49 – 1:19:12

    Comedy craft: competition mindset, strong openers, and hosting the right way

    1. ASAli Siddiq54:49

       You know, like, you know, it's a weird, it's a weird thing. So in this business, you know, and you, and you get excited. You can get excited about certain things again when you feel like, "Okay, I, I did this and something else exciting is going to happen." You know, you, I'm, I'm very optimistic, you know, now than when I was growing up or when I was coming up in comedy, because at first I was a, a little, I had a little chip, or a lot, I had a lot of chip.

    2. JRJoe Rogan55:21

       Well, everybody does as a young man, especially when you're entering into something where it's a long road and you seeing these other people get ahead of you and you're like, "Fuck." (slaps table) Like when you were saying about being embarrassed, wanting someone to do badly, I remember the exact same feeling. I remember feeling like a real bitch because I wanted people to bomb. I didn't want people to do well. I wanted them to bomb because I felt in some stupid way that if they did poorly, that made me better. That doesn't make any sense. It's just, I just was scared of my own... I was nervous. I, I didn't, I didn't want to bomb, so if someone else bombed, I'd be happy. "Good." Because if someone killed, I'm like, "Shit they did so good. Now there's pressure on me." Because it was just a bitch way of thinking and I realized it when I was, it was, probably I was 21 when I realized it. It was when I was first starting, I was like, "Oh, okay. I've got a bad mindset here. I have a bad... I've, I've fallen into a trap."

    3. ASAli Siddiq56:16

       Mm-hmm.

    4. JRJoe Rogan56:16

       And the trap is I'm the only one... I want to be the only one who does well, which is a terrible mindset because what they're doing on stage has nothing to do with me.

    5. ASAli Siddiq56:24

       Nothing.

    6. JRJoe Rogan56:24

       But I c- in my mind, I was competitive with them, but I'm like, "No, the competition is with yourself." And actually, it benefits you when people are great because when people are great around you, first of all, it makes you step up your game. Second of all, you're a comedian, but you're also a fan of comedy. Like you should want to laugh. And the... If you're around funny people, you get funnier. And that's the thing about weird little small communities. You know, you go to like a place like Pittsburgh or something like that. They don't have like a big comedy community and you realize, "Oh, all them people fucking suck. They're just not that good." Like there's a lot of not that good in some of these communities. And not, not Pittsburgh, but you know, just name a, name a city.

    7. ASAli Siddiq57:07

       Yeah, any city people. (laughs)

    8. JRJoe Rogan57:08

       Name a town. I don't... Pittsburgh, "Hey, fuck you, man."

    9. ASAli Siddiq57:11

       (laughs)

    10. JRJoe Rogan57:11

        That's not what I meant. I mean, you're, you're in a small town with not a lot of pros in that town, that live in that town. You don't have a high standard that you, you judge yourself by.

    11. ASAli Siddiq57:20

        Yeah.

    12. JRJoe Rogan57:21

        But when you're a place like L.A. and you're surrounded by top level comics all the time, it forces you to rise up.

    13. ASAli Siddiq57:29

        Ne-

    14. JRJoe Rogan57:29

        It's good for you.

    15. ASAli Siddiq57:30

        And I know people get... I, I've said this and people have been very pissed at me in both spaces. I don't, I don't always find that L.A. comics are strong. And that, and that be my, my thing. I think if you're a strong guy out of L.A., that you were strong before you got there because I don't see a lot of places where they give enough time for them to develop a show.

    16. JRJoe Rogan57:59

        Right.

    17. ASAli Siddiq57:59

        That's what I'm saying. Now, I, I don't think they-

    18. JRJoe Rogan58:00

        Yeah. I know it's...

    19. ASAli Siddiq58:01

        I know it's like it's funny people in L.A., but overall show, I remember coming to the Improv and they, they asked me how long I was gonna do. I was like, "Yo, I'm gonna do like, maybe like, 75." And he's like, "What? Like you doing 75 what? Seconds or minutes?"

    20. JRJoe Rogan58:21

        (laughs)

    21. ASAli Siddiq58:21

        I'm like, "Like 75 minutes." He's like, "No, a headliner, I hear like 20, 20, 25 is stretching it." I'm like, "I'm not..."

    22. JRJoe Rogan58:31

        Where? What i- what improv is this?

    23. ASAli Siddiq58:33

        At the... In L.A. Dude told me that, um, he wanted me to do 25. I was like-

    24. JRJoe Rogan58:39

        What?

    25. ASAli Siddiq58:40

        ... "Uh, uh, no. I'm, I'm not gonna be able to do that."

    26. JRJoe Rogan58:42

        That's ridiculous. They must have tried to bo- overbook the show.

    27. ASAli Siddiq58:45

        Yeah.

    28. JRJoe Rogan58:45

        They must have had like five or six people on before you or something like that.

    29. ASAli Siddiq58:47

        It was-

    30. JRJoe Rogan58:48

        It doesn't make any sense.

Episode duration: 4:19:07