Joe Rogan Experience #1606 - Ali Siddiq

Narrator 0:02 (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience.

Joe Rogan 0:06 Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night. All day. (instrumental music plays) All right, we'll move on. What's good, brother? How are you?

Ali Siddiq 0:16 I'm good, man. Thanks for having me.

Joe Rogan 0:17 Pleasure to get you in here, man.

Ali Siddiq 0:18 Thanks for having me.

Joe Rogan 0:19 My pleasure. Um, y- you live in Houston.

Ali Siddiq 0:22 Yes, I do.

Joe Rogan 0:22 Which has got a gigantic rich history of standup comedy.

Ali Siddiq 0:26 Yes. Um, (clears throat) well, we go back to Theodores, Sam Kinison.

Joe Rogan 0:31 Yeah. Did you ever do the Laugh Stop? Did you do that place?

Ali Siddiq 0:34 I did the Laugh Stop.

Joe Rogan 0:35 Did you do the old one in River Oaks or the upstairs one?

Ali Siddiq 0:38 The, the old one in River Oaks.

Joe Rogan 0:39 Yeah. That was the shit, right?

Ali Siddiq 0:40 That was the... I, I'll always remember that place 'cause that was the only time I've ever in life, and I'm ashamed of this, I, I wanted a comic to do bad.

Joe Rogan 0:49 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 0:50 (laughs) And that was the only time I've ever wanted a comic to do bad because I had just start- I had just started. I... maybe, maybe four months in. And the guy... so you had to go in and you had to sign this open mic list, and it's like 30 people on the list. And I'm like number 27, and he's 26. And he was-

Joe Rogan 1:10 Mm-hmm.

Ali Siddiq 1:10 ... like, he's talking to me. He's like, "Yeah, man, I've been doing standup for 25 years, man. It's crazy." You know? And I was like, "Wow, 25 years." And I'm thinking I'm a pretty good student of standups and I'm like, "I hope he's not good."

Joe Rogan 1:25 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 1:26 Because if he's good and he's 26 on this list, and I just started and he's been doing it 25 years, I'm like, "Yo, it's gonna be a long road for me." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:35 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 1:35 So I was like, "No," and he wasn't. I was like so relieved. I was like-

Joe Rogan 1:40 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 1:40 ... "Oh, goodness gracious, thank you." (laughs) It was, it was ridiculous.

Joe Rogan 1:43 That's a funny way of look... Uh, that's... there's a lotta layers, right, to why someone succeeds or doesn't succeed in standup. And if you're, if you're 25 years in and you're not doing well, like some- you're something. You've t- you've taken a turn the wrong way somewhere.

Ali Siddiq 1:57 At four months, you don't know that. You... like-

Joe Rogan 1:59 Right.

Ali Siddiq 2:00 ... I'm, I'm literally... was it? Yeah. So I'm five months out of prison at this point. So this is four months of me doing standup. And I'm really like, "Man, I hope that this guy is not good."

Joe Rogan 2:16 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 2:16 'Cause he, he doesn't look like he's on drugs. He doesn't look like he just went down some drug binge.

Joe Rogan 2:21 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 2:21 I'm like, he's pretty clean cut and I'm like, "He... please be terrible. Please be terrible."

Joe Rogan 2:27 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 2:28 "Please be terrible." Like, I've seen other people that was terrible that night that was up earlier than him, but I was like, I just wanted him to be bad to be going right in front of me. So I was like, "Oh, no, I'm in a different ballgame."

Joe Rogan 2:39 If that's the only time you've ever wanted someone to do bad, then you're psychologically well off.

Ali Siddiq 2:44 Yeah, that's the only time.

Joe Rogan 2:45 That's good. That's amazing.

Ali Siddiq 2:45 As a, as a comic. As a comic. I've wanted my son to run into the table.

Joe Rogan 2:51 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 2:52 If that, if that counts as-

Joe Rogan 2:54 Just to teach him a lesson?

Ali Siddiq 2:55 Yeah, yeah. Like, I told him to stop running. I was like, "Yo, man, stop running through here. Stop running through here." Like, "Yo, eventually, you're gonna hit this table." So-

Joe Rogan 3:02 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 3:03 ... (laughs) I, I booby trapped it a little bit. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 3:06 (laughs) What did you do?

Ali Siddiq 3:07 I put my house shoes, like, right in the way-

Joe Rogan 3:09 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 3:09 ... and he didn't see them and then boom, right into the table.

Joe Rogan 3:10 How old is he?

Ali Siddiq 3:11 He's 10 now.

Joe Rogan 3:13 Oh, how old was he then?

Ali Siddiq 3:13 But he was like seven.

Joe Rogan 3:14 Oh. Seven's a good age to run into a table.

Ali Siddiq 3:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:17 Like, you're not so big that you're gonna hurt yourself. You're really just gonna get hurt a little.

Ali Siddiq 3:22 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:22 And like, "Ow!" But it's not gonna be like a injury.

Ali Siddiq 3:25 He fell apart. Like, when he hit the table, it's like... you, you ever hit your baby toe?

Joe Rogan 3:31 Yes.

Ali Siddiq 3:31 It doesn't matter. This is the only, this is the only piece of your body that it does not matter literally how big you are and how much you work out. It doesn't matter. I've seen giant... My cousin's a huge dude. I've seen him fold up in the in infant position from hitting his... the... barely scraped his baby toe on the edge of the table, and he's folded up. I'm like, "Yeah. All them muscles didn't help at all."

Joe Rogan 3:53 Well, it's a bitch ass limb.

Ali Siddiq 3:54 (laughs) It's like-

Joe Rogan 3:55 It has no power.

Ali Siddiq 3:56 But it, it can put you down.

Joe Rogan 3:58 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 3:58 It literally can put you down.

Joe Rogan 3:59 It's too painful for such a weak thing.

Ali Siddiq 4:01 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 4:01 It should be, it should be l- a thing... you know, like, there's certain parts of your body that don't, they don't hurt if you run them into things. You know?

Ali Siddiq 4:08 Like what part is that?

Joe Rogan 4:09 Knees.

Ali Siddiq 4:10 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:10 You could hit, you could hit things-

Ali Siddiq 4:11 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:11 ... pretty fucking hard with your knee.

Ali Siddiq 4:13 Elbow.

Joe Rogan 4:14 Yeah, elbows. Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 4:15 Unless you chip that little piece, but elbow.

Joe Rogan 4:17 Yeah, yeah.

Ali Siddiq 4:18 Fore- you know, forehead.

Joe Rogan 4:20 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 4:20 You can pretty much hit as much.

Joe Rogan 4:21 Yeah, that's why headbutts work, right?

Ali Siddiq 4:23 Yeah, headbutts work. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:25 But little bitch ass toes.

Ali Siddiq 4:27 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 4:27 They just have no power. Like, you can't curl anything with your toe.

Ali Siddiq 4:31 Yeah, and then your pinky, your pinky is definitely needed. I didn't think... like, people will say this all the time. Like, "I don't need ev- all of my, my fingers." No, you, you actually do.

Joe Rogan 4:40 Jamie was saying that if you lose your pinky, you lose 50% of your strength in your hand.

Narrator 4:44 Yeah. (clears throat) I was trying to figure out the pinky toe thing 'cause I was like, "Maybe the pinky toe is a little bullshit," but, uh, there's a doctor that explains it would be almost impossible to run, walk or skip without your pinky toe.

Joe Rogan 4:57 What? Impossible.

Narrator 4:58 I mean, you could get, you could get something in a shoe to, like, replace what it would be, but, like, it's needed for balance.

Ali Siddiq 5:03 Like, impossible to skip? I thought I was, like... I've skipped before.

Narrator 5:08 (laughs) Maybe you could figure it out, but that's what the... maybe, maybe this doctor is bullshit.

Joe Rogan 5:10 People say-

Narrator 5:11 I don't know.

Joe Rogan 5:11 ... a lot of doctors are fucking weak. I bet you could be fine without your pinky toes.

Narrator 5:18 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 5:18 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 5:18 I mean, you wouldn't be optimal. You know, if you wanted to play soccer or something where it required a lot of, like, shifts left and right-

Ali Siddiq 5:24 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:24 ... you'd probably be fucked.

Ali Siddiq 5:26 I, I don't know.

Narrator 5:27 I'm looking for-

Ali Siddiq 5:27 Skipping? I, okay... I'm, I'm on the fence with this skipping. I don't even think I've used my pinky toe to skip.

Joe Rogan 5:33 I've, I've never s- I haven't skipped in so long-

Ali Siddiq 5:36 You know, I ha- I have daughters.

Joe Rogan 5:36 ... I could lie and say I never skipped 'cause I-

Ali Siddiq 5:39 I ha- I have daughters.

Joe Rogan 5:39 I have two. I have two too, but-

Ali Siddiq 5:40 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:40 ... we don't, I don't skip with them.

Ali Siddiq 5:42 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:42 I do a lot of other things, but skip with them?

Ali Siddiq 5:43 Yeah. Skipping is, is, is, like, been mandatory in our house for a long time.

Joe Rogan 5:48 I've broken toes before. It's weird. You, you could tape them to the toe next to it, it make- takes a lot of the weight off of it.

Ali Siddiq 5:55 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:55 But I don't know about pinky toes.

Ali Siddiq 5:58 I know that pinky finger, I don't know if you could actually hold a gun after that.

Joe Rogan 6:03 ... I don't even think you can pull the trigger.

Narrator 6:04 Um-

Ali Siddiq 6:05 If, if you lose that finger-

Narrator 6:06 Maybe actually, I mean, so-

Joe Rogan 6:07 You can hold a, you could hold a gun with that.

Ali Siddiq 6:09 It's, it's gonna be ... It's tough.

Joe Rogan 6:10 No.

Ali Siddiq 6:10 It's, it's tough.

Joe Rogan 6:11 No.

Ali Siddiq 6:12 That last ... Depending on your bottom stock, it's tough.

Joe Rogan 6:15 Well, it'd be easy to drink tea. Choo-hoo.

Ali Siddiq 6:18 Now-

Joe Rogan 6:18 Pinkies up.

Ali Siddiq 6:19 (laughs) It's hard to-

Narrator 6:20 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 6:20 Right?

Ali Siddiq 6:20 It's hard to hold a cup without your thumb. (laughs)

Narrator 6:22 Okay.

Ali Siddiq 6:23 Without your thumb, yeah. Well-

Narrator 6:25 I think I misunderstood what it said, actually.

Ali Siddiq 6:26 No, you can hold it without your thumb. You just ... It's just the right handle. What? Misunderstood?

Narrator 6:31 It's not the, the toe. It's the metatarsal. So like, the thing it's connected to.

Ali Siddiq 6:35 Oh.

Narrator 6:36 The, like, the next bone.

Joe Rogan 6:37 The, the, the bone.

Ali Siddiq 6:37 The ace.

Narrator 6:38 The next bone. So, like, you can't have this.

Joe Rogan 6:38 Well, that makes sense.

Ali Siddiq 6:39 That's like the running board.

Narrator 6:40 So if that wasn't there, you'd be fucked.

Joe Rogan 6:41 That makes sense. Yeah, 'cause I feel like the other four toes would compensate for the pinky toe.

Narrator 6:46 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:46 What a stupid fucking conversation we have here.

Narrator 6:48 I know.

Ali Siddiq 6:48 Man, so the pinky toe is the running board of the foot? (laughs)

Narrator 6:51 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 6:51 Yeah, exactly. (laughs) It's like sort of that thing that just hangs out there. But it just has no strength. Like, if you, you try to wrestle your pinky toe-

Narrator 6:58 I was trying to figure out, 'cause mine's curled under almost, 'cause of the shoes I wear. It's just like my toes are all fucked up, you know? Like, it's like-

Joe Rogan 7:04 Oh.

Narrator 7:04 I was like, "How ... I'm not even really using it, so how can it be that-"

Joe Rogan 7:06 You can get some of them toe shoes.

Narrator 7:08 Oh, I've done that. I, I'm working on it.

Joe Rogan 7:10 Do you ever, do you ever use those?

Narrator 7:11 Yeah, I have the yoga toes thing.

Joe Rogan 7:12 Oh.

Narrator 7:13 Oh. Oh, are those? I do have, yeah, and I'd kick the fuck up.

Joe Rogan 7:15 Like the Vibrams?

Narrator 7:15 I wore them once, I wore them once. But no.

Ali Siddiq 7:17 Did your toe, do your pinky toe curl under in the toe shoes?

Narrator 7:21 Uh, it's-

Joe Rogan 7:21 You gotta shove them in there if they're like-

Ali Siddiq 7:22 Yeah, they just-

Narrator 7:23 Yeah, yeah.

Ali Siddiq 7:24 And it just be awkward?

Narrator 7:25 Do some work, yeah, yeah.

Ali Siddiq 7:25 Oh, is it? Okay. All right, I was wanting to know. (laughs)

Narrator 7:29 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 7:29 It's like having a glove with a bent finger.

Joe Rogan 7:31 I know a dude who wears those toe shoes everywhere. He wears them everywhere. I, I was at a party with him the other day. He had toe shoes on.

Ali Siddiq 7:38 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 7:38 Vibram toe shoes.

Ali Siddiq 7:39 Yeah, that's the brand.

Joe Rogan 7:40 It's like letting people know, "I'm into optimizing. I'm into optimizing my health and fitness."

Ali Siddiq 7:45 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 7:45 "Look at me in my toe shoes." I used to run in them.

Ali Siddiq 7:49 You used to run in the toe shoes?

Joe Rogan 7:49 Yeah, I used to run in, uh, trail, Vibram trail shoes. But I kept fucking up my toes. I fucked up my toes a couple of times.

Ali Siddiq 7:57 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 7:58 I fucked them up a couple ... 'Cause I was running on like very rocky terrain.

Ali Siddiq 8:02 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 8:02 And occasionally I would jam my toe, and it was fucked. Not good.

Ali Siddiq 8:05 'Cause it's like they isolate it. It's like-

Joe Rogan 8:08 Not smart.

Ali Siddiq 8:09 Yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 8:10 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 8:10 The toe shoe thing. I, I've always d- ... I didn't like them. It was like mittens for your feet. I never liked them.

Joe Rogan 8:16 I liked them 'cause they're goofy and people made fun of them. And then also, the idea is if you can get your feet to u- to, like, each toe to move individually, it actually strengthens your feet and it can increase athletic performance. Allegedly.

Ali Siddiq 8:30 That's, that's the thing. I'm, I'm not athletic anymore.

Joe Rogan 8:33 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 8:34 Nature has decreased my (laughs) my athletic performance.

Joe Rogan 8:37 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 8:38 I used to get ... I used to actually could touch the rim, almost dunk, but my knees was like, "Yo, I don't care what you put on them, fam. We ain't doing it."

Joe Rogan 8:46 Did you see the Tom Segura dunk? When he-

Ali Siddiq 8:48 No.

Joe Rogan 8:48 You didn't see what happened?

Ali Siddiq 8:50 No.

Joe Rogan 8:50 Oh, I gotta show you something. Tom Segura went to dump, dunk, and as he's running towards the net, he blows out his patella tendon. As he's leaping up in the air, his knee blows out, and then he falls and lands on his arm, snaps his arm in half. So he blew out his knee and his arm all in one terrible maneuver.

Ali Siddiq 9:11 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 9:11 And they did it all on video. Him and Bert were having a dunk competition. And now Tom has, uh, he's got this thing on his, his hand because his nerves got damaged.

Ali Siddiq 9:20 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 9:21 And he's ... Watch this.

Narrator 9:24 Oh, fuck.

Guest 9:25 You okay?

Ali Siddiq 9:27 No, no he's not. Okay-

Joe Rogan 9:28 Yeah, watch this. Boom. Look at the arm, breaks. Yeah.

Narrator 9:36 Oh, fuck.

Guest 9:36 You okay?

Narrator 9:38 (groans)

Guest 9:38 You okay?

Narrator 9:38 (groans)

Guest 9:38 You okay?

Joe Rogan 9:38 Oh.

Guest 9:38 You okay?

Narrator 9:39 (groans)

Joe Rogan 9:41 His arm. His arm.

Narrator 9:44 Ah.

Guest 9:46 You okay?

Narrator 9:49 (groans) Can you call 9-

Joe Rogan 9:51 Call 911.

Ali Siddiq 9:52 Oh, I've never seen anyone call for ... (laughs)

Joe Rogan 9:55 Not good. That's why it's good to be a little athletic, 'cause occasionally you and your stupid friends wanna have like (laughs) a ridiculous competition for a video.

Ali Siddiq 10:06 This is the r- this ... That's the reason why wives yell at husbands, "No! Don't go!" (laughs) Like, "Are you gonna play basketball again?" Like, like ... (laughs) It's like she-

Joe Rogan 10:16 But that's not even regular basketball. They're just, they were just dunking over and over and over again.

Ali Siddiq 10:21 So, um, I'm, I'm quite sure you know Bill Bellamy.

Joe Rogan 10:24 Sure.

Ali Siddiq 10:25 So Bill Bellamy's, um, road manager, Terrance, they're shooting, just shooting around in the gym. Just shooting, regular shooting. And it's always this, "Man, you need ... Man, pull up on your, on your toes. Lift up on your toes and shoot the ball." So he lifts up on his toes and blows out whatever's back there, is go- (laughs) is gone.

Joe Rogan 10:47 Like his, his Achilles?

Ali Siddiq 10:47 His Achilles is gone.

Joe Rogan 10:48 Oh, no. That's a bad one.

Ali Siddiq 10:50 Like, yo. I'm like, "See?"

Joe Rogan 10:51 Oh.

Ali Siddiq 10:51 I'm like, "Don't listen to people." When you're just shooting around, just listen to yourself. Just, "I'm just gonna do this."

Joe Rogan 10:58 Mm-hmm.

Ali Siddiq 10:59 "I'm just gonna lay the ball up." Not, don't ... If somebody like, "Ah." That's why when I go to the gym I intentionally put on cowboy boots.

Joe Rogan 11:06 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 11:08 (laughs) intentionally. I'm like cowboy boots and shorts for me, fam. I'm not-

Joe Rogan 11:12 Cowboy boots and big chips.

Ali Siddiq 11:14 (laughs) I'm ... I don't want nobody trying to convince me to do anything. I'm like, "No, I'm not doing it."

Joe Rogan 11:19 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 11:19 I remember the last time I was convinced. I'm not doing it.

Joe Rogan 11:22 What was ... What convinced you the last time?

Ali Siddiq 11:24 Oh. Hey, man. First, it always start with, "You played football, didn't you?" I'm like ...

Joe Rogan 11:30 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 11:31 (laughs) That ... I think it's been more injuries started with that right there.

Joe Rogan 11:36 (laughs) That statement.

Ali Siddiq 11:37 "So you played football," right? (laughs) So I'm like, "Yeah, we, you know, we all played football." So me, my friends, we out there in dress shoes, mind you.

Joe Rogan 11:48 Oh, no.

Ali Siddiq 11:48 In dress ... We supposed to be running one little quick little route this way. Nope. Nope. Out- ... We outside the gym, 'cause it's the only place where it's cars. Like, it's no cars. Like, "Yo, we go right here to LA Fitness."

Joe Rogan 12:02 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 12:03 Like, but why? Like, why do you know where LA Fitness is right now? Like, why do you even know-

Joe Rogan 12:07 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 12:09 ... (laughs) like, how does he- first of all, how does it even start? He was like, "Yo, we going, we going to LA Fitness now. We out there just throwing the ball." Nerf ball, not even a real football. Nerf. You know? That's what he had in his car, a little Nerf, with the little- with the little, um... I think they got some new ones where they twist or something, 'cause my Nerf balls was smooth. This was- has little waves in it. Throwing the ball. And I cut, forgetting that I have on dress shoes, 'cause now you getting competitive. One person catch the ball. Say, "I'm-" "That's touchdown." First of all, you're nowhere close to... First of all, there's... Okay, if that's the pole down there, you're nowhere close to it, sir. You know what I'm saying? So now- now it's competitive. Now-

Joe Rogan 12:46 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 12:46 ... now I'm up on the line, you know. Now you really being what you saw on TV. Now you being a safety. And I cut, I cut that dress shoe, that heel, caught a little gravel.

Joe Rogan 12:57 (sighs) .

Ali Siddiq 12:57 And it's hard to explain, the side of your face being scratched up. Like, you- you... 'Cause the gravel scratch. It's like when... Like, fall off a motorcycle and you get the- the cement rash.

Joe Rogan 13:09 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 13:09 Turf ra- So I'm just like... S- side of my face is scratched up. My hand is scratched up. And I'm like, "Huh, okay, now I gotta go home and explain why my face is bleeding." "You supposed to be at the club, sir. How did- how did you go from the club to this?" "Okay, let me tell you what happened."

Joe Rogan 13:26 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 13:26 "Okay, we were drinking and someone said, 'You played football, didn't you?'" And then (laughs) then all of a sudden you in the LA Fitness, you know, gym parking lot throwing a Nerf ball.

Joe Rogan 13:35 With dress shoes on.

Ali Siddiq 13:36 With dress shoes on.

Joe Rogan 13:37 Dress shoes are useless. They look good, but if you ever get in a situation with those shiny bottoms-

Ali Siddiq 13:45 So you see-

Joe Rogan 13:45 ... those slippery leather bottoms-

Ali Siddiq 13:47 So-

Joe Rogan 13:47 ... those things are useless.

Ali Siddiq 13:48 So you see the guy who with me now, Andre Johnson. Sneakers, looks ready, all- all the licenses that he need to have everything on him. I had another security person, his name was Dre as well, but he wore suits everywhere. And I told Dre, I said, "Hey, man, one of these days, something's going to probably happen, and you have on a suit and dress shoes, and you're probably not gonna be able to get to me." We at this club in Houston. Melee fight breaks out. I'm on stage. I'm trying to figure out which way to go. My security is on the ground 'cause he's trying to run to me and slipped.

Joe Rogan 14:29 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 14:30 And it's like- it's- I'm wondering why all these other people following, 'cause he's the one knocking them down, 'cause he's fair, 'cause he was big. He was like 3- 300. So he's just on the ground. And I'm just staying on the stage like this, like just waiting. And another... The sheriff that was working there came and got me and took me out the back. And I'm like, "Yo, Dre, the guy with the rubber-based shoes, he saved me."

Joe Rogan 14:50 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 14:51 "What were- what were you doing with- with the slippery bottom, sir?" Like-

Joe Rogan 14:54 Well, you can get some dress shoes that have bottoms that are rubber. I have those. I don't have any shoes that have that flat leather shiny bottom. Even if I dress up, I'm- I'm wearing rubber shoes.

Ali Siddiq 15:05 You're wearing rubber shoes?

Joe Rogan 15:06 Yeah, when shit goes down, you- you- you have to be able to move.

Ali Siddiq 15:09 That's why I don't wear flip-flops.

Joe Rogan 15:11 Yeah, I don't wear flip-flops.

Ali Siddiq 15:12 I would've- I would've-

Joe Rogan 15:13 I'd rather be barefoot than flip-flops.

Ali Siddiq 15:15 You would never see me in a pair of flip-flops.

Joe Rogan 15:16 Unless I'm at the beach. At that's... I'm letting everybody know-

Ali Siddiq 15:19 Yeah, that's-

Joe Rogan 15:19 ... I'm not here to do-

Ali Siddiq 15:21 That's the beach.

Joe Rogan 15:21 ... shit. I'm just relaxing.

Ali Siddiq 15:22 Hey, yo, you can steal my kids while I'm on the beach.

Joe Rogan 15:24 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 15:26 I'm like, "Yo, look, I'm off duty. This is- this is vacation. I'm off duty on everything." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 15:31 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 15:31 I remember being in Miami and my daughter was... It was a storm coming and my daughter- my daughter Jaden, she had to be maybe, ah, I'ma say eight. I'm- and I'm pushing it. I don't think she was eight. But it... So these waves are huge and they literally are, like, bringing her in and then they sucking her out. And I'm like, "Oh, that's- that's pretty cool."

Joe Rogan 15:54 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 15:54 And her mom was like, "No, she's going out too far." I'm like, "But she can swim. She's on the swim team." She's like, "Why are we concerned? She's on the swim team." She's like, "This is the ocean." I'm like, "She's a swimmer." And she's like, "No." So I look and my daughter's, like, way further than she was when I'm like... So the... I'm like, "Okay, I'ma wait," 'cause I see this one big wave, and the wave literally brings my daughter in and throws my daughter in the middle, almost damn into the hotel. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 16:24 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 16:24 I'm like... I'm like, "That was a big... That was a pretty big wave." Just tossed her. I'm like, "Yo-

Joe Rogan 16:28 Uh-

Ali Siddiq 16:28 ... we should go to the pool."

Joe Rogan 16:29 ... I have one daughter that's a daredevil, and she likes to go a little bit too far out. And I was letting her know, like, "You gotta understand tides. Like, I know you can swim, but tides are no joke. Like, tides suck out people that can swim, and you try to fight against those tides, you can't do shit." And she's... And she was a little skeptical because- 'cause she's athletic and she's very pigheaded like her father, but then I showed her, there was a dude who was a WWE guy, some jacked wrestler who drowned off of... Was it Venice? Was he, like-

Narrator 17:00 Yeah. Yeah, yep, yep, yep.

Joe Rogan 17:00 ... near Venice Beach? Which, you know, the tide there is not even that bad.

Ali Siddiq 17:05 Yeah, rip tide on the cur...

Joe Rogan 17:05 But occasionally- occasionally it just sucks everything out, and then you're fighting against it trying to get in and it just sucks you out further and you're trying to make pro- ... And then you realize, like, "Oh my God, I'm out of air. Like, I can't fucking breathe. And I'm fighting against this and I'm not gaining any ground and I'm exhausted and I want to take a break."

Ali Siddiq 17:25 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:25 Not good.

Ali Siddiq 17:27 Should go to the side.

Joe Rogan 17:28 Yeah, that's what you're supposed to do.

Ali Siddiq 17:29 Go- go to the side.

Joe Rogan 17:30 Supposed to go sideways.

Ali Siddiq 17:31 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 17:31 Yeah, but nobody taught this dude that, I guess. Or he couldn't. I mean, big fucking dudes-

Ali Siddiq 17:36 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 17:36 ... that's the problem with big fucking dudes, they don't have a lot of gas in that tank. You know? When you're a giant WWE dude... Like, how big was that guy? He was huge, right?

Narrator 17:46 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ali Siddiq 17:47 You know, you can... I- I just figured out or found out that you can drown, you don't even have to be in water, you can drink too much water and drown.

Joe Rogan 17:54 Yeah, you drink too much water, it's not really drowning. Your- your body, it's an electro... Look at the size of that motherfucker. And that dude drowned.

Ali Siddiq 18:02 You know something? I was hoping, and I'm not even... I- I'm- I don't even go here. I was really hoping that he was not Black because it's like... I was-

Joe Rogan 18:09 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 18:10 I'm like, I'm literally sitting here... It was one of them things like, "Okay, all right-"... please let him pull up and he's not a Black dude that can't swim, that- (water splashing) probably drowned in a damn teaspoon of water.

Joe Rogan 18:21 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 18:21 (laughs) He's like, I'm sitting here like, so I'm all, I was like, "Ow!" And then I looked, I'm like-

Joe Rogan 18:27 That's a terrible stereotype that turns out to be accurate too often. Like b- Black dudes that can skate real good. Like Black dudes that play hockey, how many of them? There might be like 20.

Ali Siddiq 18:37 Five.

Joe Rogan 18:38 (laughs) 20 on earth? (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 18:39 Probably five, at most.

Joe Rogan 18:40 How many Black dudes are in the NHL?

Narrator 18:42 A few.

Joe Rogan 18:42 How many?

Narrator 18:43 I don't, I don't know.

Ali Siddiq 18:44 I knew one that played with, for the, the Oilers, I think it was. I used to watch him. I think it was the Oilers.

Joe Rogan 18:50 Somebody had a joke about that, that it's just 'cause it's frozen water.

Ali Siddiq 18:53 You know, it's, it's a weird thing that th- that's the problem. I, I used to hate that stereotype that, um, Black people can't swim. But 75% of all drownings in the United States are Hispanic and African American.

Joe Rogan 19:07 Is that true?

Ali Siddiq 19:08 Yeah. And but-

Joe Rogan 19:09 75%?

Ali Siddiq 19:09 Yeah, of drownings in the United States. But the weird thing is, 55% of all pool parties are thrown by Black people.

Joe Rogan 19:19 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 19:19 (laughs) I'm so confused. I am so-

Joe Rogan 19:21 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 19:23 ... so co- (laughs) We throw, we throw pool parties like, "Ah, don't get in that pool."

Joe Rogan 19:26 But are they drowning in pools or are they drowning in the ocean?

Ali Siddiq 19:31 Mostly pools.

Joe Rogan 19:32 Really?

Ali Siddiq 19:33 I don't think we be at the ocean like that. I've seen us there-

Joe Rogan 19:35 I feel like I could teach someone how to not drown in a pool in about five minutes. You know what I'm saying?

Ali Siddiq 19:42 I, th- and, and it, it, probably 'cause you can swim, correct?

Joe Rogan 19:44 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 19:45 And so this is the thing. This is the thing, and me and you probably are alike in this. I'm very irritated with people who can't swim, because I got pushed in the pool at five.

Joe Rogan 19:54 Mm-hmm.

Ali Siddiq 19:55 And about time my mother got into the gate, I was already out of the pool. I'm like, "How do you drown in the p- how, why are you around the pool then don't know how to swim?"

Joe Rogan 20:06 Right.

Ali Siddiq 20:07 And if you calm down, the worst thing is, is try to teach somebody who's not calm or doesn't have patience how to swim. Look, you can't choke me and think that we both gonna survive, so I need you to relax and just kn- okay, hold onto the wall. And I, 'cause I take it by, 'cause I have kids, so I've taught children how to swim, so I don't know how I can't teach an adult how to swim, but it's, it's been very frustrating before.

Joe Rogan 20:32 When people get older, they stop learning. And also, they want to be right. They want to, "I know, I got it. I know what I'm doing." They, they're like, they want to be right. They don't want you to know something they don't, that they don't know. There's, that's a problem. But it's also like people get, when they get older, they just, they shut down. They don't, they don't know how to learn things, just accept that you know how to, don't know how to do something and figure it out. And the pool is a weird one because like you can die in there. S- it's not like learning anything else. Like you could die in there pretty fucking easy, especially if there's a deep end.

Ali Siddiq 21:03 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 21:04 You can die in there. What is this?

Narrator 21:05 We're teaching Jesus Trejo how to swim.

Joe Rogan 21:07 Hey!

Ali Siddiq 21:07 Oh.

Joe Rogan 21:07 Jesus doesn't know how to swim?

Narrator 21:08 He didn't know how to swim. It's, this is like, it's like a 12-minute video. It's almost kind of frustrating 'cause he's doing exactly, like, he won't let them just tell him to calm down and-

Joe Rogan 21:17 (laughs) It's like obviously-

Narrator 21:18 He's standing in like two feet of water, he's just like panicking.

Joe Rogan 21:20 Really?

Narrator 21:21 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 21:21 I would be so mad.

Joe Rogan 21:22 Jesus is hilarious.

Narrator 21:24 I think they were going on like a river and they didn't want him to drown on the river, so they like took him into a pool.

Joe Rogan 21:27 Oh, I wouldn't take him on a river if he couldn't fucking swim.

Ali Siddiq 21:29 But it's like, oh no, he can't go under.

Narrator 21:30 It was like the two-foot river, you know, like where you can just stand up in it, but-

Joe Rogan 21:32 Yeah, but you get hit in the head.

Narrator 21:34 I know, yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 21:34 And go under, you get hit under. Remember when Remy Warren was telling that story?

Narrator 21:37 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 21:37 He, he saw somebody drown. He saw a canoe overturn. He was on the side of a river and he saw a fucking dude float down face first.

Ali Siddiq 21:46 Mm.

Joe Rogan 21:47 And he saw, uh, the dude was dead and he saw a woman just barely keeping her head above water, and he had to jump in the water and rescue her.

Ali Siddiq 21:53 No, that's dope.

Joe Rogan 21:55 Dude.

Ali Siddiq 21:55 That is dope.

Joe Rogan 21:56 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 21:56 I rescued a child-

Joe Rogan 21:57 Greg Fitzsimmons rescued somebody.

Ali Siddiq 21:59 I rescued his child, I've rescued a waiter at the, what comedy club was that? Um, Connecticut. No. Yeah, Connecticut. Yeah, Connecticut.

Joe Rogan 22:10 How'd you, how'd you rescue a child?

Ali Siddiq 22:12 Um, drowning.

Joe Rogan 22:13 In the water, in a pool?

Ali Siddiq 22:14 In the water. Parents not paying attention at the pool.

Joe Rogan 22:17 Ugh.

Ali Siddiq 22:17 Not paying attention. Child walk right into the pool. Right, and I'm, and I'm just, I'm walking, I'm walking by the, I'm walking to somebody. I'm like, "Oh." And I'm just reached down, I'm like, "Yo, who baby?"

Joe Rogan 22:28 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 22:30 "Yo! Did y'all know y'all baby was in the water?" And like, it was like, they said, "Oh my God!" And I'm like, "Yo ma'am, your baby just literally walked in the, not paying attention, just out there drinking, you know, barbecuing."

Joe Rogan 22:40 As a parent, it's stunning when you watch some people that just don't even watch their kids, just let their kids wander off.

Ali Siddiq 22:47 I'ma, I think I'm a lot as a, as a parent. Like I'm a lot. I, I think I'm overprotective to the point... And I don't think you can be really overprotective. I just, especially in like grocery stores and in the parking lot of places.

Joe Rogan 23:00 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 23:01 Like people just back out. Like, I don't let my kids just run loose in the parking lot. I want them right next to me 'cause somebody can't, you can't see them.

Joe Rogan 23:08 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 23:09 They backing out, but some parents are just very loose.

Joe Rogan 23:11 Well, it's amazing how few accidents we really have, considering how fucking stupid so many people are. It's kind of amazing. There really should be accidents everywhere all the time. It's amazing. You can go weeks and weeks without seeing an accident.

Ali Siddiq 23:26 Yeah. Not my house.

Joe Rogan 23:27 Really think about it.

Ali Siddiq 23:28 Not my house. Like (laughs) -

Joe Rogan 23:29 I mean car accidents.

Ali Siddiq 23:30 Oh, car accidents.

Joe Rogan 23:31 You know, someone backing up into something.

Ali Siddiq 23:33 Oh, you, oh, you just, you just got to Houston. I mean, you just got to Texas, so just wait a minute.

Joe Rogan 23:37 Oh, I've seen a couple.

Ali Siddiq 23:39 (laughs) Oh, oh.

Joe Rogan 23:39 I've seen a couple here.

Ali Siddiq 23:40 Oh, just wait.

Joe Rogan 23:41 I've seen some ridiculous ones.

Ali Siddiq 23:42 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 23:43 But for the most part-

Ali Siddiq 23:44 Meh.

Joe Rogan 23:44 ... most days you drive home, you don't see shit. You see people stay in their lane, they use their blinker, they turn. Most of the time, it's amazing. When you think about the shit decisions so many people make in their lives, so many people are just constantly fucking up with their life, wrecking their life.

Ali Siddiq 24:01 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:01 But they could figure out how to drive.

Ali Siddiq 24:03 I- is it, is it, um, is it a way not to wreck your life?

Joe Rogan 24:09 You gotta wreck your life a little bit, so that you know how to not wreck your life. I don't trust anybody who's made no mistakes. Like if you tell me you've made no mistakes, I'm like, "What?"

Ali Siddiq 24:16 Like what, no mistakes?

Joe Rogan 24:18 How have you done that? You've never fucked anything up?

Ali Siddiq 24:20 That's, like, when people say, "I don't judge people," like, "Well, how you pick your friends?"

Joe Rogan 24:24 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 24:25 Y- you just randomly, "I'll take anybody."

Joe Rogan 24:27 Yeah. I judge everything.

Ali Siddiq 24:27 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:28 I judge myself first.

Ali Siddiq 24:29 Judge myself first.

Joe Rogan 24:30 Def- yeah.

Ali Siddiq 24:30 I gotta know who I am to even... I gotta know who I am to even decide how, uh, how to pick a friend, like-

Joe Rogan 24:38 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 24:38 ... like, "Who the hell am I?"

Joe Rogan 24:40 Right.

Ali Siddiq 24:40 You know, I remember when I made, um... And, and, and it's deep. Like, sometime people say, "Well, the youth can't teach you things." Most of the things I learned that I kept, I learnt when I was young, I probably just didn't apply it at the time.

Joe Rogan 24:51 Mm-hmm.

Ali Siddiq 24:51 I've learned it, I just didn't apply it at the time. Sometimes you don't apply the right methods. But I had a, uh, a friend, and I, I w- think I was very young and juvenile where I gave people titles that didn't earn those titles. And when you are 13 and you say, "Hey, this is my best friend," and then-

Joe Rogan 25:16 Oh.

Ali Siddiq 25:16 ... (clears throat) they say, "No, I'm not. Me and you not best friends." And you have to get past that, that little small part of being crushed, like, "Oh, I thought we, we were," and he's like, "Nah, we haven't gone through anything yet. We friends, but to be best friends, you know, we haven't been tried and tested to see how much, you know, we down with each other." I'm like, "Well, y- yeah, that pretty much makes..." I wasn't that advanced at that age yet, but, like-

Joe Rogan 25:46 Mm-hmm.

Ali Siddiq 25:46 ... damn. Tried and tested.

Joe Rogan 25:47 How old was this kid?

Ali Siddiq 25:48 (laughs) 13. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 25:49 All right.

Ali Siddiq 25:50 It's like, it's like dinahi. He was like, "Nah, we..." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 25:52 I remember I had a, a argument with this kid when I was 13. It was over nothing. It was, like, a softball argument. We were playing softball, and I don't even remember what it was all about, but I remember he got, like, real emo- And I, I had to piece it together in my head what was wrong here. But it was, it was, uh, a lesson that I kept for years, 'cause he got real shitty with me, and he said, "Hey man, forget we ever met," and he storms off, and I wa- I was like, "Forget what we ever met?"

Ali Siddiq 26:16 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 26:16 "How am I gonna do that?" I'm like, "That doesn't make any sense." And then I remember thinking, "Oh, this kid has a single mom. His mom's kinda fucked up. And he's got this weird stepdad situation." Remember we talked about his stepdad had big forearms 'cause he scooped ice cream? His dad worked at this, a ice cream place, he was talking about his dad's got, stepdad got these big forearms-

Ali Siddiq 26:36 Big papa arms.

Joe Rogan 26:36 ... 'cause he's always scooping ice cream. It was w- I remember thinking, I wa- I wasn't even mad at the kid. I felt bad. I felt like, "All right, man." You know? He was like, "Forget we ever met," and he stormed off like he's gonna get me. And I remember thinking, "W- that is so ridiculous." Like, that, it was one of those moments where someone tries to hurt your feelings, and it's so ineffective that you get a little life lesson. You're like, "Wow, that's a weird way to try to manipulate me there."

Ali Siddiq 26:59 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 27:00 "Forget we ever met." I'm not, definitely not gonna forget we ever met. I'm not, I'm not even gonna forget this, 'cause I'm still talking about this all these years later. I'm like, "That was so weird."

Ali Siddiq 27:09 You think I'm gonna forget that you the guy who told me to forget we ever... (laughs)

Joe Rogan 27:12 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 27:13 Can't forget you told me-

Joe Rogan 27:14 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 27:14 ... to, to forget you. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 27:15 (laughs) I remember that fucking dude 40 years later. I'm 53. I was 13. 40 years later, I'm still thinking about that dude, like, "Man."

Ali Siddiq 27:24 You know, you know the guy who told me... (laughs)

Joe Rogan 27:29 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 27:29 He's like, he's like some weird... Like, he, he, he pulled a, he did what his mom-

Joe Rogan 27:34 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 27:34 ... probably did to the... "We're, it's over. And forget you ever met me, Charles."

Joe Rogan 27:38 Yes. (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 27:39 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 27:40 (claps)

Ali Siddiq 27:40 He's like...

Joe Rogan 27:41 Exactly.

Ali Siddiq 27:41 And he's, like, he can't wait to use it. He's like-

Joe Rogan 27:44 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 27:44 ... "I'm gonna say that one day to someone."

Joe Rogan 27:46 I remember his mom drank a lot of wine. That was the word. You know, "His mom likes to drink wine. She's always drinking wine." Like, his, his mom was just, like, a little of a mess. And this poor kid, like, that's how he expressed himself. But I remember thinking immediately, like, I didn't f- I wasn't angry at him. It was, like, blank. Like, like, you know, you could say, "You're a fucking loser." I'm like, "Damn, am I loser?" Like, it would hurt my feelings.

Ali Siddiq 28:05 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 28:05 Like, "Shit." But, "Forget we ever met," I was like, "Oh, what? (laughs) You poor guy."

Ali Siddiq 28:11 Yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 28:12 I started thinking, I was-

Ali Siddiq 28:13 Like-

Joe Rogan 28:13 I felt bad for the kid.

Ali Siddiq 28:14 Yeah, 'cause you start thinking, like, if you said that to me, what are you gonna say to... Pills are definitely next if you break up with someone, so.

Joe Rogan 28:20 Yeah. But you, you just feel like you, you know, you learn things from, like, weird little interactions with people when you're a kid, and you, like, feel something weird from it, and you're like, "Let me figure that out." Like, "What, what is that? Why is he doing that? Why are people saying that?" You know?

Ali Siddiq 28:34 Yeah. Yeah, I learned, I learned a pretty good amount of information when I was a kid, just didn't apply it all, you know?

Joe Rogan 28:42 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 28:43 Like, my, my dad, I knew my dad wasn't the best of dads. I just knew it. I'm like, "No, this is not what Dad's supposed to do." I've never seen this on TV, sir. This is-

Joe Rogan 28:53 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 28:54 (laughs) Like, this is...

Joe Rogan 28:55 You have to see it on, like, Leave It to Beaver or something.

Ali Siddiq 28:57 I've never seen this one.

Joe Rogan 28:58 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 28:58 Like, I've watched all the episodes of Good Times.

Joe Rogan 29:01 Yes. (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 29:01 I've never seen James-

Joe Rogan 29:03 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 29:03 ... ask J.B. or Michael to do this one but... You know, you... My mom was a, you know, pretty structured mom, but she was... I can't, I can't really say my mom was a mess, but as you, as a child, you l- you don't really know what's wrong. As you get older you like, "My mom was pretty much crazy person."

Joe Rogan 29:22 (sputters) (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 29:22 "She's a crazy person." And, and I, and I understood why she, why she was crazy. Like, I understand things about my mom now because I'm a parent. Like, I never knew why I couldn't wake my mother up. Like, if you w- you couldn't run in and out of our house. Like, if you woke my mother up, it was like, "It's hell to pay if you wake up." But now that I think about it, my mom worked two jobs, she went to school. And she only had, out of 24 hours, she only had two hours of sleep.

Joe Rogan 29:49 Oh, my God.

Ali Siddiq 29:50 So-

Joe Rogan 29:51 Really?

Ali Siddiq 29:51 ... she just... My mom literally would come in the house from being out and go to sleep. I used to watch this, this (laughs) I used to watch this cartoon, and the d- it was a bear. It was a sleeping bear. "Quiet! Quiet, I say! I want quiet!" The-

Joe Rogan 30:07 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 30:08 I used to think that that bear was crazy, and then I saw my mama, Mama, and he, he would go to sleep like this. (breathing noises) Like, soon as he closed his eyes, he'd go... My mom would sleep like that. My mom, soon as she close her eye. (snoring) "Quiet!"... I'm, like, this lady is the bear off of the cartoons.

Joe Rogan 30:26 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 30:26 You cannot... Like, you tippy-toeing in the house. But then you get older, and I literally work seven days a week. Like, my, my, my life is crazy. So when I g-... I fall asleep anywhere. I'm over 40.

Joe Rogan 30:41 Right now you fall... You work seven days a week?

Ali Siddiq 30:44 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:44 What do you do seven days a week?

Ali Siddiq 30:45 I, I just took on a radio job.

Joe Rogan 30:47 Oh.

Ali Siddiq 30:48 Yeah, I-

Joe Rogan 30:48 It's seven days a week?

Ali Siddiq 30:49 Yeah. Monday through Friday, Monday through Friday I'm in Houston on Magic 102. Um, the urban station.

Joe Rogan 30:57 Is it in the mornings?

Ali Siddiq 30:58 It... No, it's midday. That's the-

Joe Rogan 30:59 Oh.

Ali Siddiq 30:59 It's the craziest thing 'cause I'm from 6:00 to 2:00. I mean, from... No, from 2:00 to 6:00. And then this is the f... Last week I was in Jacksonville at The Comedy Zone. This is the first weekend that didn't feel like a weekend. Like, I wasn't excited. Like, I've been doing standup for 22 years. I've always been excited about a weekend that I'm doing. But this is the first weekend I'm doing after working at the radio station for the last three weeks. So it, it's like, "The weekend coming." I'm like, "Oh, some more work? Shit."

Joe Rogan 31:31 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 31:32 (laughs) Like, like, like, I was n-... I was so not... That was the first time in all of comedy I ever felt like, "I don't, I don't wanna go." And I was like, "Okay, I gotta snap outta that, that shit, 'cause that's not who I am."

Joe Rogan 31:44 Wow.

Ali Siddiq 31:45 So... And I, and I've forgotten. DL has called me twice to make sure that I was going to goddamn work. He was like, "You do know you have to be at work?" "Oh, shit! I do." 'Cause I, I'm not accustomed to doing anything in the day, in the middle of daytime.

Joe Rogan 31:58 So he has to call you to let you know?

Ali Siddiq 31:59 He's called me twice-

Joe Rogan 32:01 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 32:01 ... in the last three weeks just to, just to... Like, "Yo, you know you have to be somewhere, right?" Like, "Damn, I do have to be somewhere."

Joe Rogan 32:07 How far away is the station from your house?

Ali Siddiq 32:08 Like, 30 minutes.

Joe Rogan 32:09 That's not too bad.

Ali Siddiq 32:10 But it's, it's horrible. It's literally horrible. Just-

Joe Rogan 32:14 So did you, did you know what you were getting into? Or did you have an idea of what it was gonna be, and then once you started doing it, you're like, "Oh, shit! What have I done?"

Ali Siddiq 32:22 I was... It's the, "Oh, shit. What have I-"

Joe Rogan 32:24 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 32:24 'Cause it's like if... I'm like, "Okay, I'm on the radio. I'm gonna be a midday personality. I'ma be able to do standup." Then I'm like, "Oh, shit! This shit is every day?" Like, (laughs) like, "I gotta be here-"

Joe Rogan 32:35 "Five days a week."

Ali Siddiq 32:35 Like, so I can't come in here and, like... Okay, so don't nobody record these shows. Like, this is live. Like, "Yeah, you gotta be here every day." And then I gotta come up with shit. Like, I, I don't wanna come up with nothing. I-

Joe Rogan 32:50 What kind of come up? What do you gotta do?

Ali Siddiq 32:51 Like, I, I do the, what they call the F word of the day, and then they do this thing called Ask Ali. And then I do, um... I make up a story about anything called, um, You Not Gon' Believe This. So if I... You, you could bring up something and I'll be like, "Joe, you not gonna believe this."

Joe Rogan 33:10 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 33:10 "One time me and Kimbo Slice got into it at a convenience store." And, and, and I just tell this ridiculous story about... Over some finance, you know. So I was gonna slap Kimbo, but he, you know, he lucky. You know what I'm saying? (laughs) So I go through a whole story. So, um, the first one I did was I was the fifth... Like, this lady called in, like, "I love The Four Tops." I say, "See, ma'am, if... I understand that you love The Four Tops, but you really would have loved The Five Tops, 'cause I was the fifth Top. They just kicked me out." And she was like, "What?"

Joe Rogan 33:37 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 33:37 I'm like, "Yeah. Okay, let me tell you what happened. So it's-"

Joe Rogan 33:39 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 33:40 "... Soul Train was '66, right? I get into it with Don Cornelius." So I just, just name all these people. And the people be like... And they just be like, "Are they... Is this true?" I'm like, "First of all, you know I wasn't born in '66."

Joe Rogan 33:52 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 33:52 "I wasn't even alive in '66." Like... (laughs) Like, so... That's why I just said, "You not gonna believe this."

Joe Rogan 33:58 So you have to do that every day?

Ali Siddiq 33:59 Every day.

Joe Rogan 33:59 Oh, no.

Ali Siddiq 34:01 Every day.

Joe Rogan 34:02 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 34:02 And as a comic, I don't do the same set. I don't do the same set every time I go on.

Joe Rogan 34:07 Of course.

Ali Siddiq 34:08 So it's hard for me to do the same thing every da-... And knowing that I have to do it. Like, if somebody told me, "You have to do this five minutes of standup," like, outta all the stuff I have, "We just want this five minutes, and you gotta do this every day," I would fucking hang myself. I'm like-

Joe Rogan 34:26 Right. Isn't that funny? Like, if you had to do it once, you'd be like, "Yeah, that'd be fun," but if you had to do it every day.

Ali Siddiq 34:30 Every day?

Joe Rogan 34:32 How'd you agree to do this?

Ali Siddiq 34:35 Pandemic. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 34:39 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 34:39 Pandemic pressure.

Joe Rogan 34:40 Really?

Ali Siddiq 34:41 Hey, hey, comedy clubs are... Not that many clubs are open. Don't know when you gonna be able to go back.

Joe Rogan 34:46 Mm.

Ali Siddiq 34:46 "Hey, look, you're not doing any TV. Your SAG and AFTRA insurance gonna run out."

Joe Rogan 34:50 Mm.

Ali Siddiq 34:51 You know what I'm saying? "Now, oh, shit! I ain't gon' have no insurance, so I need some... I need to... What I need to do?" (laughs) So then the radio gig came up. I'm like, "It... Does it have insurance?" And they was like, "Yes." I was like, "Okay, I'll be there."

Joe Rogan 35:04 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 35:05 And-

Joe Rogan 35:06 How long you think you gonna hang in there for?

Ali Siddiq 35:07 Oh, man. It's, it's so, it's so... I hate to say this 'cause this is, like, this is like national, world news right now. This is like breaking news on your-

Joe Rogan 35:14 Oh, no. (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 35:15 ... on your show. Um, yeah, I don't know.

Joe Rogan 35:17 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 35:17 It's, it's tough.

Joe Rogan 35:19 Do you do a podcast as well?

Ali Siddiq 35:20 No, I'm getting ready to start one.

Joe Rogan 35:22 That's the move.

Ali Siddiq 35:23 And-

Joe Rogan 35:23 That way you do it when you wanna do it.

Ali Siddiq 35:24 That... Like, they've been asking me to do it for a while. And then when I looked up how long... I, I think this has been my thing. I, I look at other people's podcasts, I'm like, "It seems so easy." But then you look at, "Oh, since '09?" Oh, no, it's... This is a, this is a well-oiled machine, 'cause I've done... I've tried to do it myself, and it's not like this. It's like, me holding my microphone. I got a little, a board. I'm just not into it at this point. But now-

Joe Rogan 35:55 Yeah, but if this was set up for you, like this kinda thing-

Ali Siddiq 35:57 Oh, yeah. I wou-

Joe Rogan 35:57 ... and all you had to do is show up and talk to people.

Ali Siddiq 35:59 Would walk in and do-

Joe Rogan 36:00 Like that.

Ali Siddiq 36:01 ... this like, like clockwork.

Joe Rogan 36:03 But that's all doable.

Ali Siddiq 36:05 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 36:05 You could do that.

Ali Siddiq 36:06 I'm, I'm-

Joe Rogan 36:06 That's what you want.

Ali Siddiq 36:07 I'm getting myself together now.

Joe Rogan 36:09 Ali, you don't want a boss.

Ali Siddiq 36:11 I... This is the thing.

Joe Rogan 36:12 You can't have a boss.

Ali Siddiq 36:13 I, I haven't had a job since 1999.

Joe Rogan 36:15 Yeah, you're, you're too funny to have a boss.

Ali Siddiq 36:17 Too-

Joe Rogan 36:17 Funny people can't have bosses.

Ali Siddiq 36:18 See? You see? You see that this is... It's like, it's like you talking to me and-... I'm already on the fence of quitting a new job. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 36:29 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 36:29 And you, and you, as soon as you said it, "Ali, he doesn't want a boss." I'm like, "He is... He knows me."

Joe Rogan 36:34 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 36:35 Um, um, um, I texted people like, "Look, um, I don't think I'm gonna make it." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 36:38 Well, I know, I know that you're a funny comedian. If you're a funny standup comic, having a boss is kryptonite.

Ali Siddiq 36:45 It's-

Joe Rogan 36:46 It's too hard.

Ali Siddiq 36:47 They had, they, they sent out a... Okay. I haven't, and I know this is bad. They have a team meeting thing on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. And they, they for the last, mm, I've been hired since the 23rd of November. I didn't go to work until middle of December, or actually the end of December, January 1.

Joe Rogan 37:15 So it's been a month, one month?

Ali Siddiq 37:17 So-

Joe Rogan 37:19 About.

Ali Siddiq 37:20 I haven't made any of the team meeting Zoom calls, not one of them.

Joe Rogan 37:27 What do you think happens on those calls? I would, I would go just to be curious.

Ali Siddiq 37:30 I have no idea what happens. I asked-

Joe Rogan 37:32 I bet they're boring as fuck.

Ali Siddiq 37:33 I asked my, I asked my... The co-host, I climb... I asked him like, "So how was the call?"

Joe Rogan 37:39 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 37:39 He's, "Just, you know, random things, you know." Like-

Joe Rogan 37:41 Now who's the co-host?

Ali Siddiq 37:42 Uh, Funky Larry Jones.

Joe Rogan 37:43 Do you know him personally outside of-

Ali Siddiq 37:45 Yeah. Know him, know him very well.

Joe Rogan 37:46 Oh, okay. Well, that helps a lot.

Ali Siddiq 37:47 It helps.

Joe Rogan 37:49 That's a lot.

Ali Siddiq 37:49 He's been doing radio my whole entire life, so 47 years, so-

Joe Rogan 37:52 Let's talk to Funky Larry about separating from the mothership.

Ali Siddiq 37:55 Yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 37:56 Let's say you talk to Funky Larry about the two of you guys doing something on the side.

Ali Siddiq 38:02 Because-

Joe Rogan 38:03 Are you allowed to do a podcast while you're doing the radio gig?

Ali Siddiq 38:05 Yes.

Joe Rogan 38:05 Oh, that's good. That's a good deal.

Ali Siddiq 38:07 Yes. All right.

Joe Rogan 38:07 How long are you tied into this contract for? I feel like I'm your agent.

Ali Siddiq 38:11 Yeah. I- I-

Joe Rogan 38:11 I feel like I'm a new agent.

Ali Siddiq 38:12 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:12 Like, Ali, how long are you tied into this?

Ali Siddiq 38:15 I think one solid year.

Joe Rogan 38:17 Ooh, one solid year of five days a week. That's a long time.

Ali Siddiq 38:21 And-

Joe Rogan 38:22 You could-

Ali Siddiq 38:22 I think they got me with the flexibility, "Oh, you know, we know you do standup. We know, we know your career. You can just go whenever you wanna go." I'm like-

Joe Rogan 38:28 Does it pay well?

Ali Siddiq 38:30 Mm, pays okay.

Joe Rogan 38:32 (inhales deeply)

Ali Siddiq 38:32 I think, I, it seems, see-

Joe Rogan 38:34 I don't like what I'm hearing.

Ali Siddiq 38:35 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 38:36 I don't like most of what I'm hearing. (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 38:40 (laughs) This is how, this is how people d-... I, I wouldn't even give a resignation. I wouldn't even-

Joe Rogan 38:44 Just stop show-

Ali Siddiq 38:44 I would just stop showing up just like-

Joe Rogan 38:46 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 38:46 ... "I don't think, I don't think Ali is coming anymore." Like, you know.

Joe Rogan 38:49 Yeah, don't let them sue you.

Ali Siddiq 38:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:51 That's, that's part of the problem with those goddamn pieces of paper that you sign.

Ali Siddiq 38:54 They'll sue. They'll sue.

Joe Rogan 38:54 Contracts are terrible. They'll sue you. Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 38:57 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:58 Yeah. Like Jamie and I don't have a contract. If he just stops showing up, I'd be fucked.

Ali Siddiq 39:03 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 39:03 We don't have a contract. He just likes working here.

Ali Siddiq 39:06 Yeah, I, I...

Joe Rogan 39:08 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 39:08 I think that's the, that's the thing. But, but I think... But Jamie probably, he loves doing this whole thing. But if somebody... I don't care what job it is, if you haven't been working since 1999 and you've been-

Joe Rogan 39:20 Yes.

Ali Siddiq 39:20 ... living a... I'm, I just had, I probably just said this prior to getting that job. I was like, "My life is so wonderful and most of my friends' life is the same as mine 'cause we can call each other in, like at 10:30, 'Hey-

Joe Rogan 39:35 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 39:35 ... hey man, let's go have margaritas.'"

Joe Rogan 39:37 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 39:37 And everybody, and everybody shows up and 'cause we don't have jobs.

Joe Rogan 39:41 Right.

Ali Siddiq 39:42 And another comic, Marcus Wiley, he reminded me. He called me like, "Hey, we're having margaritas today." I said, "What you mean we having margaritas?" "Oh no, you can't go. It's Wednesday. You have a job, sir." I said, "What time y'all going?" "Oh, oh no."

Joe Rogan 39:57 5:00.

Ali Siddiq 39:58 "Oh no, oh no. Don't try to ask what time we're going." (laughs) Like, uh, 'cause remember, I never had a time to go. Whate- whatever time it was-

Joe Rogan 40:06 Right.

Ali Siddiq 40:06 ... I could show up. Like, "Hey, have it." This is like day at 3:30. I'm like, "Oh, so y'all gonna be doing, having margaritas while..." You know the F word of the day, I do it at 3:30.

Joe Rogan 40:17 (sighs)

Ali Siddiq 40:18 (laughs) I do it at 3:30. So it's fucking sucks, man.

Joe Rogan 40:21 The one good thing though is if you're forced to work and you're forced to come up with things, I bet you come up with more material this way.

Ali Siddiq 40:29 (sighs) I don't know.

Joe Rogan 40:29 Does that... Is that happening?

Ali Siddiq 40:30 Nah. I, I, I think that the... My material comes from me actually talking with my friends and remembering things that has happened to us.

Joe Rogan 40:42 Mm-hmm.

Ali Siddiq 40:42 Yeah, I think that's most of my material. Like I, I just got a new 30 minutes based on three stories just that I, I forgot, I totally forgot. My boy was like, "Remember when Rick got stabbed in the ass?" I was like, "Yes."

Joe Rogan 40:57 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 40:58 I do. I remember when he got stabbed in the ass 'cause we told him not to go. And he (laughs) and this dude-

Joe Rogan 41:04 No.

Ali Siddiq 41:04 This dude, he was in this dude's house with this, with this lady. I guess it was girlfriend. This man came in the house, before he woke them up, it was like he was, he was definitely a psycho. He, he pushed the couch up against the door, the front door. So when they was fighting, he was trying to get out, so when he tried to grab the couch to put out the door, the dude stabbed him in his ass. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 41:31 (groans) That's a terrible place to get stabbed.

Ali Siddiq 41:34 Hey man, in the meaty part.

Joe Rogan 41:35 How big was the knife?

Ali Siddiq 41:37 It was like a steak knife.

Joe Rogan 41:38 Oof, serrated.

Ali Siddiq 41:40 Stabbed him right in his ass.

Joe Rogan 41:42 Oof.

Ali Siddiq 41:43 And he (laughs) the... It's, uh, so much to the story 'cause the dude had threw his pants and his keys out the window. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 41:53 Oh, no.

Ali Siddiq 41:53 And so, so when he got stabbed there, he said he slid down the stairs and when he slid down the stairs, he landed in the grass and he said, "You know what was there? My keys." (laughs) So yeah, I'm like, "Ow," his keys were there. He had got his... He found his keys and drove home with no pants on and he went to his mom's house.

Joe Rogan 42:10 (exhales deeply)

Ali Siddiq 42:11 And he was stabbed in the ass.

Joe Rogan 42:13 Did he go to the hospital?

Ali Siddiq 42:14 I don't think so.

Joe Rogan 42:15 Wow. Just sucked it up?

Ali Siddiq 42:17 Sucked it up.

Joe Rogan 42:18 Damn. I would wanna get some stitches on my ass I think.

Ali Siddiq 42:20 I know that's, that's the weirdest thing what men suck up. I've seen a lot of men not go to the hospital for shit that I was like-... know that, that-

Joe Rogan 42:29 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 42:29 ... that looks like you should be at the hospital.

Joe Rogan 42:31 I know a dude who still limps, 'cause he fucked up his Achilles two years ago.

Ali Siddiq 42:35 Didn't go.

Joe Rogan 42:36 No.

Ali Siddiq 42:37 Didn't go.

Joe Rogan 42:37 Never dealt with it. He blew out his Achilles and now he, he's got this little Hop Along Cassidy shit going on.

Ali Siddiq 42:41 I think, I think that's the thing with, with... That we grew up thinking that men are so tough that we don't go to the hospital. I don't think I ever believed that, 'cause when I was a kid, I'd zip my, um, my little manhood up in my pants and went straight-

Joe Rogan 42:57 (inhales deeply)

Ali Siddiq 42:57 ... to the hospital. Straight, I'm talking about-

Joe Rogan 43:00 (groans)

Ali Siddiq 43:00 ... from that point on I was like, no, the hospital is the place to be when your little penis skin is all raveled up into your pants because-

Joe Rogan 43:09 I will never understand dudes who don't wear underwear, who just go commando. Just d- dick and jeans.

Ali Siddiq 43:16 I, I didn't, I didn't ever see that until I started going to a-

Joe Rogan 43:18 Joey Diaz.

Ali Siddiq 43:19 ... actual gym, and dudes come out of the gym, out the shower and, like, "Yo, what-"

Joe Rogan 43:25 Just put their pants right on?

Ali Siddiq 43:26 "Did he just, did he just put on, did he just put on some jeans?" Like, I didn't see no other process. (laughs) I didn't see, I didn't see nothing else happen. I saw the towel, I saw his towel and the jeans going up, like...

Joe Rogan 43:36 I didn't see it on a regular basis till Joey Diaz.

Ali Siddiq 43:38 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 43:38 Joey Diaz would hav- always have jeans on with no drawers, no underwear, and then he would... His jeans never fit 'cause he has this giant belly, so he would shake himself sideways and his jeans would drop. I don't know if you've seen Joey Diaz's dick, but it looks like everything else on Joey Diaz. It looks like it fits him. (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 44:00 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 44:00 It's a giant dick. (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 44:03 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 44:03 It's like... What is the Lenny Bruce description? A baby's arm with an apple in its fist. That's what it looks like.

Ali Siddiq 44:09 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 44:09 It's like, what in the fuck? And he would just drop his pants all the time. He had a... On the, one of my, uh-

Ali Siddiq 44:16 Joey.

Joe Rogan 44:16 ... albums, my first album in 1999, Joey Diaz is naked with Timberlands on, with a cape. Like he's got a cape across like he's a vampire, and his giant belly and his balls are hanging out. They look like two grapefruit in an old lady's pantyhose. It's just (laughs) the most ridiculous person. But he is the only dude that I know that would regularly wear no underwear. Regularly.

Ali Siddiq 44:43 We, we've talked a lot, but no, never seen his penis.

Joe Rogan 44:46 He's a wild dude.

Ali Siddiq 44:48 Yeah, he is.

Joe Rogan 44:48 You told me he got you fucked up on his show.

Ali Siddiq 44:50 Yeah, oh, man.

Joe Rogan 44:51 Edibles.

Ali Siddiq 44:52 A- and it's like I said, I melted. He, like, what's the, the guy, my man, the Flying Jew that's on his show?

Joe Rogan 44:58 Lee, yeah.

Ali Siddiq 44:58 Lee. And it, I remember the first time I did it, I was looki- him and Lee had ate, Lee had ate like maybe s- four of these little chewy-

Joe Rogan 45:08 Stars of Death.

Ali Siddiq 45:09 ... little chewy edibles. He had ate like four of them, and-

Joe Rogan 45:13 (sighs)

Ali Siddiq 45:14 ... and I'm, and I'm looking and he's literally over there melted. Like, he, it was like-

Joe Rogan 45:18 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 45:18 His eyes were open and then I looked over, like an hour later, he was like, it was like a blob of a person over there. So I'm like, "Okay, I'm never gonna be like that on his show." Oh, shit. A year later, I'm literally in there and he's like, "Ah, you know, eat, you know, eat, do edibles, it's nothing, it's ch-" so...

Joe Rogan 45:38 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 45:39 I eats a, eats the edible and I'm sitting there and I, I thought I was talking pretty regular f- at first, and then all of a sudden, I noticed that it's like, "Yo, I'm, I don't, I don't think I'm speaking correctly." Like...

Joe Rogan 45:53 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 45:53 And like, and he was like, "No, y- you, you fucked up, G. I t- tell you, I got you." He was like-

Joe Rogan 45:57 "I got you." (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 46:00 I'm like... I'm like, (clears throat) I, I'm like, "No, I don't, I don't, I don't think..." And I'm looking at, I'm looking at Lee and Lee's like, "You're wasted."

Joe Rogan 46:07 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 46:08 I'm like, yeah. I'm like, "Yeah, man." And so when I look back at it, I was like, "Yo, I was so fucked up." And I didn't even eat the... I ate another edible but the star, he gave me that star and... This is what, this is what people learn about me. I'm... When I lose, I lose. When I win, I win. But I'm never embarrassed to say when I'd wimped out on some shit. So, I had... I was already messing with these mushrooms. I was on mushrooms and then he gives me this damn star, and I'm like... I told myself, "I'ma eat it. I'ma eat this star. I'ma eat this star." But I kept thinking about what other people was telling me. "Don't eat the Death Star. Don't eat the star." I'm like, "Oh, no, I'm, I'ma eat it. Joe ain't gonna fucking punk me out this shit."

Joe Rogan 46:57 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 46:57 So, I'm staying at the Lowes and I literally stash the star at the Lowes in this, in, in the room. I'm like, "Whoa, when somebody find this, they gonna have a good time. I'm not gonna have this shit on me." And then I stashed the mushrooms inside the hotel somewhere, so a maintenance man probably found them and had a good time. I'm like, I was g- I was wasted. I couldn't do it anymore.

Joe Rogan 47:21 They're too much, those stars. He's giving them to me. They're 250 milligrams. That's too much. I've seen Joe eat four of those. Four. A thousand milligrams, like it's nothing.

Ali Siddiq 47:29 And he did (laughs) .

Joe Rogan 47:30 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 47:30 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 47:30 Looks at you. We were on a plane once. And he had these, uh, Chiba Chews. I forget how many milligrams they were.

Ali Siddiq 47:38 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 47:38 Several hundred milligrams too. He pops two Chiba Chews. I'm nervous just sitting next to him. I'm like, "Are you fucking serious?" He's like, "Joe Rogan, come on. It's time to dance with the devil." So we're, we're on the plane.

Ali Siddiq 47:49 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 47:49 In the middle of the plane ride, he leans over, he grabs me and he touched me. He goes, "Joe Rogan, I almost had a panic attack."

Ali Siddiq 47:54 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 47:54 He goes, uh, "I, I almost, I almost couldn't do it. I almost couldn't do it." He goes, "But I'm fine." And then he pulls out two more Stars of Death and throws them and I'm like, "No!" He goes... (laughs) Like so, he almost had (laughs) a panic attack, and then two hours later, we were on the way to New York, grabs me by the shoulder and tells me and then pops two more.

Ali Siddiq 48:12 Yo.

Joe Rogan 48:12 He doesn't give a fuck. He goes to the basement. He goes right down there. He wants to see what's in the corners. (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 48:20 I- (laughs)

Joe Rogan 48:20 What's in, what's in there? (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 48:22 I don't... I don't even understand how he could do so many edibles. I don't even under-

Joe Rogan 48:27 It's strange.

Ali Siddiq 48:28 He, he had a... What did he try to give me to do? Um, an opioid. He's like, "I got the last two biscuits. I got these-"

Joe Rogan 48:35 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 48:36 "... from Cosby myself."

Joe Rogan 48:37 No!

Ali Siddiq 48:37 Like, I was like... (laughs) Like, I'm not doing a fucking ƒO2.

Joe Rogan 48:40 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 48:40 He's like, "Come on."

Joe Rogan 48:42 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 48:42 And like-- I said, "How do you even have them?"

Joe Rogan 48:44 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 48:45 He was like-- and he's just gets two. He's like-

Joe Rogan 48:47 Biscuits? (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 48:47 ... there's two in the drawer. He got the last two biscuits. Got to-

Joe Rogan 48:49 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 48:50 ... got them himself.

Joe Rogan 48:51 (laughs) Biscuits.

Ali Siddiq 48:51 I was like, "Yo, this is-"

Joe Rogan 48:53 Ugh.

Ali Siddiq 48:53 "... crazy." But I love him. I, I remember when, um, doing this, this podcast and he found out that I actually knew Moses Malone, like know Moses Malone. And-

Joe Rogan 49:03 How do you know Moses Malone?

Ali Siddiq 49:04 Uh, Moses Malone is like a very... Before he passed. So the, the first guy who ever, um, invested in my career, his name is Anthony Colbert. And he, um, he was the first people to sign Destiny's Child. They had, he had a music company with Mo' it was called Mo' Music. And he had been friends with Mo' for years, so he would-- Mo' would be at his office all the time. And we was in the same building. I worked for this record label called Key Players. I was the record pool. I gave all the DJs their records. So I would organize records, give them out to DJs when I first came home. (sniffs) So Moses would be downstairs and with Colbert and he introduced me to Moses. And so after that, Moses would always recognize me. So then one day Moses was like, "Yo, hey, Chief, Colbert don't wanna go to lunch. He ain't got time. You wanna go to lunch?" I'm like, "Yeah, I wanna go to fucking lunch with Moses Malone." It's this strip club called Treasures-

Joe Rogan 50:07 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 50:08 ... that he loved going to-

Joe Rogan 50:12 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 50:13 ... in Houston called Treasures. "Chief, best buffet in town. Best buffet in town." I'm like, "Huh?"

Joe Rogan 50:22 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 50:23 He's like, "This is the best buffet in town." I'm like, "Are we, are we going to a strip club or are we going to eat?" "This is the best buffet in town. You understand what I'm saying to you?"

Joe Rogan 50:33 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 50:33 I go in, this is my first time ever having food, going to a strip club for food. I'm like, "Oh, okay." So we in there and the buffet is a huge-ass buffet. It's like a chef, it's lit up. It looked like a cafeteria with the little lamps, but it's all these naked women in here, you know. I'm like, "Oh, okay." I said, "So, you like, you like crab with your crab?" He was like, "Man, um, look here. Now this is the buffet." I say, "So we arguing about is it the buffet or is it the strip club?" So it's another, it's a str- a male strip club called Le Bear in Houston. I said, "So."

Joe Rogan 51:07 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 51:08 "All the men that's here, if this buffet was in Le Bear, would you go?" Mo' like, "Hell no, I wouldn't go."

Joe Rogan 51:17 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 51:17 I said, "So it's not the best buffet in town. It's got titties with this buffet. This is what, what is important about this buffet, 'cause if it was penis with the buffet, you wouldn't fucking go eat the buffet." He's like, "Yeah, pretty much correct." And then that's how me and Moses got tight arguing about Treasures and the buffet. And known him ever since. So when he passed, I was at his funeral, and we used to talk all the time. I've been mad at Moses one goddamn time over a motorcycle seat. And this is when you can't-- I learned that you really can't tell people what to do with they, they own money. "Ali, you funny, man. You funny. You funny." I say, "Well, why don't you invest in my career?" "How much you need? How much you need?" "Need about $5,000 to get, you know, press kit and all this other stuff done." Moses totally fucking ignored me after that, right?

Joe Rogan 52:05 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 52:06 Eight months later, randomly talking, me, him, Colbert, Luke, randomly talking, he's telling them about that he replaced the seat on his motorcycle just because, and the seat cost him $5,000. And I am pissed.

Joe Rogan 52:25 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 52:25 Like he has no idea why I'm even mad. I'm like, "So you've a, a, a fucking motorcycle seat?" He's like, "Yeah." And I just walked out and slammed the door. And Colbert was like, "You know he mad at you 'cause he asked you to give him $5,000 to further his career, and you just, you didn't never say anything." "So what are you mad about?" "Cause you just fucking spent $5,000 on a motorcycle seat that you didn't have to change, and you could have helped him." He was like, "Well, shit, I, I mean, Ali can't tell me how to spend my money." (laughs) I was like... He had a, a alligator motorcycle seat with an M on it.

Joe Rogan 52:57 I like it.

Ali Siddiq 52:59 Fucking nice-ass seat.

Joe Rogan 53:00 That sounds good.

Ali Siddiq 53:01 But I want it. I want it. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 53:02 I get it. But in retrospect-

Ali Siddiq 53:05 You know-

Joe Rogan 53:05 ... though, are you happy that you didn't get the money from him?

Ali Siddiq 53:07 I'm, I'm excited. I was-

Joe Rogan 53:08 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 53:08 ... it's 'cause I think that it would have probably changed how we interacted.

Joe Rogan 53:12 Yeah, for sure.

Ali Siddiq 53:13 You know?

Joe Rogan 53:14 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 53:14 And, you know, it's, it's, it's things that as an adult you know why you don't, you understand why you don't get it. As a comic you had, you definitely have to understand that as a comic 'cause you know how we are. I'm not getting something.

Joe Rogan 53:27 Right.

Ali Siddiq 53:27 And we feel like we've been rejected or pushed to the side. And then you start, some comics start getting bitter 'cause they feel like other people are getting other opportunities. But sometimes it's not for you in that particular space. It's been, it's been shows that haven't been for me, and I've been cool with it. Then there's been shows that I thought they wasn't for me that I got on like, "Eh."

Joe Rogan 53:50 But you have the benefit of hindsight. You have the benefit of-

Ali Siddiq 53:52 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 53:52 ... becoming successful and then looking back and going, "Oh, all those things that went wrong, that's probably good."

Ali Siddiq 53:57 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 53:57 'Cause you develop more character. You understand the business better. And reaching out for someone to help you, it rarely really helps you. You think it's gonna help you, but it's gonna fuck your relationship with that person 'cause you're gonna have to pay them back quickly and you're probably not gonna be able to.

Ali Siddiq 54:13 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:14 And then it's also gonna, you're gonna know that you had to borrow money from somebody. You know, when you know you just did it yourself, it's like you have a peace. Like I'm a self-made man. You can look at it that way.

Ali Siddiq 54:25 And, and be easy, and be easy with it.

Joe Rogan 54:27 No, it's better. It's better.

Ali Siddiq 54:28 A- And, and who wants to be around like, "Yo, you see him right there?"

Joe Rogan 54:32 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 54:32 "You know how I made him, right?" You know what I mean?

Joe Rogan 54:34 Oh, no!

Ali Siddiq 54:35 Ah. He was like, "I..." That would be the-

Joe Rogan 54:36 No.

Ali Siddiq 54:36 ... fucking worst-

Joe Rogan 54:37 Yeah, that's the worst.

Ali Siddiq 54:38 ... somebody popping in, "Yo, so you know Joe Rogan, right? I'm the fo- I'm the one that gave him all this shit to start his podcast." Never brings me up. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 54:48 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 54:49 You know, like, you know, it's a weird, it's a weird thing. So in this business, you know, and you, and you get excited. You can get excited about certain things again when you feel like, "Okay, I, I did this and something else exciting is going to happen." You know, you, I'm, I'm very optimistic, you know, now than when I was growing up or when I was coming up in comedy, because at first I was a, a little, I had a little chip, or a lot, I had a lot of chip.

Joe Rogan 55:21 Well, everybody does as a young man, especially when you're entering into something where it's a long road and you seeing these other people get ahead of you and you're like, "Fuck." (slaps table) Like when you were saying about being embarrassed, wanting someone to do badly, I remember the exact same feeling. I remember feeling like a real bitch because I wanted people to bomb. I didn't want people to do well. I wanted them to bomb because I felt in some stupid way that if they did poorly, that made me better. That doesn't make any sense. It's just, I just was scared of my own... I was nervous. I, I didn't, I didn't want to bomb, so if someone else bombed, I'd be happy. "Good." Because if someone killed, I'm like, "Shit they did so good. Now there's pressure on me." Because it was just a bitch way of thinking and I realized it when I was, it was, probably I was 21 when I realized it. It was when I was first starting, I was like, "Oh, okay. I've got a bad mindset here. I have a bad... I've, I've fallen into a trap."

Ali Siddiq 56:16 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 56:16 And the trap is I'm the only one... I want to be the only one who does well, which is a terrible mindset because what they're doing on stage has nothing to do with me.

Ali Siddiq 56:24 Nothing.

Joe Rogan 56:24 But I c- in my mind, I was competitive with them, but I'm like, "No, the competition is with yourself." And actually, it benefits you when people are great because when people are great around you, first of all, it makes you step up your game. Second of all, you're a comedian, but you're also a fan of comedy. Like you should want to laugh. And the... If you're around funny people, you get funnier. And that's the thing about weird little small communities. You know, you go to like a place like Pittsburgh or something like that. They don't have like a big comedy community and you realize, "Oh, all them people fucking suck. They're just not that good." Like there's a lot of not that good in some of these communities. And not, not Pittsburgh, but you know, just name a, name a city.

Ali Siddiq 57:07 Yeah, any city people. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 57:08 Name a town. I don't... Pittsburgh, "Hey, fuck you, man."

Ali Siddiq 57:11 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 57:11 That's not what I meant. I mean, you're, you're in a small town with not a lot of pros in that town, that live in that town. You don't have a high standard that you, you judge yourself by.

Ali Siddiq 57:20 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 57:21 But when you're a place like L.A. and you're surrounded by top level comics all the time, it forces you to rise up.

Ali Siddiq 57:29 Ne-

Joe Rogan 57:29 It's good for you.

Ali Siddiq 57:30 And I know people get... I, I've said this and people have been very pissed at me in both spaces. I don't, I don't always find that L.A. comics are strong. And that, and that be my, my thing. I think if you're a strong guy out of L.A., that you were strong before you got there because I don't see a lot of places where they give enough time for them to develop a show.

Joe Rogan 57:59 Right.

Ali Siddiq 57:59 That's what I'm saying. Now, I, I don't think they-

Joe Rogan 58:00 Yeah. I know it's...

Ali Siddiq 58:01 I know it's like it's funny people in L.A., but overall show, I remember coming to the Improv and they, they asked me how long I was gonna do. I was like, "Yo, I'm gonna do like, maybe like, 75." And he's like, "What? Like you doing 75 what? Seconds or minutes?"

Joe Rogan 58:21 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 58:21 I'm like, "Like 75 minutes." He's like, "No, a headliner, I hear like 20, 20, 25 is stretching it." I'm like, "I'm not..."

Joe Rogan 58:31 Where? What i- what improv is this?

Ali Siddiq 58:33 At the... In L.A. Dude told me that, um, he wanted me to do 25. I was like-

Joe Rogan 58:39 What?

Ali Siddiq 58:40 ... "Uh, uh, no. I'm, I'm not gonna be able to do that."

Joe Rogan 58:42 That's ridiculous. They must have tried to bo- overbook the show.

Ali Siddiq 58:45 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 58:45 They must have had like five or six people on before you or something like that.

Ali Siddiq 58:47 It was-

Joe Rogan 58:48 It doesn't make any sense.

Ali Siddiq 58:48 I know Jay Phillips was coming on after me, um, at like he had the 10:30 show, I was the 8:30 show.

Joe Rogan 58:55 Oh.

Ali Siddiq 58:56 And I was like, "I, I don't even know how that works." But I, I did an hour. We settled at a hour and he's like, "Yo, man. You were, you were really funny. You live here?" I'm like, "No. I live in Houston." That's why I didn't understand a 25 minute headliner. Who... What the fuck is that? Like (laughs) it's so...

Joe Rogan 59:15 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 59:15 I live in a place where, um, time and time to develop a show is you... It's multiple places to go, like in chunks of 15. I don't think you can develop a, a hour show in chunks of three and five.

Joe Rogan 59:30 Right.

Ali Siddiq 59:30 I think you gotta do it in chunks of 15 or 20s to actually get it tight.

Joe Rogan 59:35 I agree, yeah.

Ali Siddiq 59:36 And then you, and like you say, you have to have other strong comics. Like I come watch somebody if they want me to. I'm not coming out to do it. But if you say, "Oh, I want you to come look at my set." I'm like, at this point, I've written for so many people, like you know, I come watch and punch up and say, "Oh, well, I think this." But I tell people, even when I do that, "I don't want your set to sound like me." I'm not writing the cadence for you. I'm just writing, "Here, use this word." Or "Go there." That's if you choose to. It's not a... It's not mandatory.

Joe Rogan 1:00:11 Right.

Ali Siddiq 1:00:11 Because as a comic, it's one... We one word away from some shit being the most explosive thing that we've said. Like I've s... "Hey man, just add this on the end."

Joe Rogan 1:00:22 Right, right.

Ali Siddiq 1:00:22 I'm like, "Okay." And-

Joe Rogan 1:00:24 Isn't it crazy how that works?

Ali Siddiq 1:00:25 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:00:26 Sometimes you just find a new way of saying it and boom.

Ali Siddiq 1:00:30 Like it's... And it, and it's... I, I think I have just as much fun when it's me doing it or when I wrote that part for somebody and I was like-

Joe Rogan 1:00:41 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 1:00:41 And I'm wait... I'm waiting for the part that I've interjected into the joke-

Joe Rogan 1:00:45 Yes. (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 1:00:45 ... I'm like, I'm like, "Okay, watch this, watch this, watch this, watch me say this."

Joe Rogan 1:00:49 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 1:00:49 And she said... Ah!... I'm like, "Yeah."

Joe Rogan 1:00:51 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 1:00:51 That's me right there. That's my part. Out of the whole sentence, all I added was this and it had changed the game. You know, that's the big thing.

Joe Rogan 1:00:58 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 1:00:59 So it, it's so many layers to this business and you wanna be, you wanna be in it, you wanna be funny and but I, I think it's not a lot of people that would admit to what we have admitted to of, "Ah, I was fucking being weak as shit right here."

Joe Rogan 1:01:17 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 1:01:18 And I'm now, I want the strongest... People like, if somebody hosting or featuring for me or if I'm on a show with multiple people, I'm rooting for everybody to go out-

Joe Rogan 1:01:31 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 1:01:32 ... and do well. And they're like, "Ali, what you gonna do?" I'm just waiting on my 20 minutes or my 15 minutes and then after that I want, I wanna watch everybody else. I'm watching before, I'm watching after. I wanna see everybody do well. And I, I didn't come up in an environment like that. I came up in a very competitive, uh, you gonna, I'mma, I'mma try to kill the room before you go up as the host. Like, okay, as the host, I thought my job was to get the room ready for the next two comics. I, I don't think that it's about me. And I think a lot of people who host when I'm, when I'm dealing with somebody who's hosting, I try to explain to them, "Hey, how much time you doing? 10? Use three minutes. Use three minutes of it to get acclimated to the audience. Let them ali- Don't go out and start with your material. It's be- 'Cause now you're gonna be fucking up 'cause people cut, still coming in."

Joe Rogan 1:02:30 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 1:02:30 Now you mad. "Oh, look at this." You know, just, just invite the people in first and then start sliding in your material.

Joe Rogan 1:02:37 That's good advice. That's very good advice. That's the worst thing when someone tries to jump right into a joke.

Ali Siddiq 1:02:43 Hey, brother, I'm still ordering. I ain't-

Joe Rogan 1:02:45 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 1:02:46 People still being seated. I'm not hearing. It's not that you not funny, I'm not hearing what you saying.

Joe Rogan 1:02:51 Right.

Ali Siddiq 1:02:51 'Cause I'm still, "Oh, so, um, so y'all got popcorn. What y'all got? Jalapeno poppers? I want that."

Joe Rogan 1:02:58 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 1:02:58 And I, I think that the dynamics of how you deal with standup is how you deal with life. I think it's, it's starting to merge like that for me. How I deal with people in my particular career is how I deal with the people in my personal life. Hey, look, I don't have time for your, your opening shenanigans right now.

Joe Rogan 1:03:22 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 1:03:23 (laughs) Tell my, tell my son, tell my son all the time, "You are the opener." You know what I'm saying?

Joe Rogan 1:03:29 Mm-hmm.

Ali Siddiq 1:03:29 Your sisters are the feature and I am definitely the headliner of this whole household.

Joe Rogan 1:03:35 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 1:03:36 (Laughs) If I, if... Without me, there's no show, sir. There's no show. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:03:41 (laughs) That's a good way of looking at it. Yeah, I, I, I agree with you about, uh, having strong opening acts too. It's so important. The worst thing in the world is when you go see a headliner and they bring terrible opening acts. And you know what they're doing? They're just stacking the deck. They just want themselves to look good. But meanwhile, you subjected your audience to 35 minutes of bullshit. Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 1:04:05 (laughs) Yo- your audience is like, "Say, um, who the f-" I- I've heard an audience ask somebody, "Who the fuck is this?"

Joe Rogan 1:04:12 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 1:04:12 "Who the fuck is this guy?"

Joe Rogan 1:04:14 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 1:04:14 Like, (laughs) it's like... And this is, this always make you love East Coast audiences.

Joe Rogan 1:04:20 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 1:04:21 'Cause a Connecticut audience is fucking, uh, uh, West Nyack. "Yo, who the fuck?"

Joe Rogan 1:04:26 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 1:04:26 "I done traveled an hour from the city to see this guy. Who is this?"

Joe Rogan 1:04:29 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 1:04:29 I'm like... And I didn't, had to come out the, the management, the dude ain't trying to hear none of that shit. And my man is like, "Yo, where is the fucking Mexican guy on Booze Guy?" I'm like, "Ah!" And I'm standing in the shadows. I'm like, "I'm, I'm coming, sir. Just let him finish." Like, "Yo, how long before..." And, and he even saw me. "How long before you go up?" I'm like, "About time you get your drink. I'll be on..."

Joe Rogan 1:04:55 Do you always bring opening acts on the road?

Ali Siddiq 1:04:58 I try to.

Joe Rogan 1:04:59 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 1:04:59 I try to. I try to at least bring the feature.

Joe Rogan 1:05:02 You have to in Florida.

Ali Siddiq 1:05:06 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:05:06 (laughs) That place is the worst.

Ali Siddiq 1:05:09 (laughs) Like, all of Florida. I don't like-

Joe Rogan 1:05:10 They'll, they'll set you up with an opening act. You'll be like, "What in the fuck is happening?" Like, I remember I was working in Tampa once, I was like, "I gotta get out of the room 'cause I don't think anything is funny anymore. I think there's no funny. I think funny's not real. Like, I gotta get outta here. This is crazy."

Ali Siddiq 1:05:24 Okay.

Joe Rogan 1:05:25 That was early in the career. The guy's probably dead. But he was, he was a reckless motherfucker. He was, he was crazy. But his, his act was... It didn't make any sense. It was like, "Oh, my God. What is, what am I seeing here?" But from like-

Ali Siddiq 1:05:39 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:05:40 ... like '99 on, I started bringing opening acts. I was like, "I can't do this anymore."

Ali Siddiq 1:05:45 Uh, this is... The, the weird thing is I'm-

Joe Rogan 1:05:49 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 1:05:49 ... I'm, I'm in Tampa this weekend. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:05:54 I know. (laughs) Tampa's crazy. There's a lot of swingers in Tampa too.

Ali Siddiq 1:05:57 And I, um... The first, I think the first time I went to Tampa, it was like, "Yo, man. From this point on, I'mma bring at least the middle."

Joe Rogan 1:06:09 (laughs) Tampa.

Ali Siddiq 1:06:11 I'm fucking bringing the middle, 'cause-

Joe Rogan 1:06:13 Mm-hmm.

Ali Siddiq 1:06:14 So I, I try my best to... It, it's weird. I, I don't think people know the... How could they, though? The dynamics and the mindsets of comics when you get to a particular position of the things that you wanna help do. Like, how much help other comics have to give other comic. 85% of your help comes from other goddamn comics, whether it's referring you to somebody or telling somebody about you or pointing you in the right str- it's other comics. So I try to give a lot of help to people that's in town. Maybe you, you can't get in this club.... eh, but you know me, and this is just not the club where you work at. Hey, because I'm in this position, I'll twist somebody's arm to get you to host, but please don't make my twisting... and the dude looking at me, like, "This is your guy, right?"

Joe Rogan 1:07:17 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 1:07:17 (laughs) Like, like, but it's, but I know for a fact there's no better than the guy that you had here last time.

Joe Rogan 1:07:23 Right.

Ali Siddiq 1:07:24 Like, he's, okay, if he's terrible, what about the guy that you had here last time? The reason why this terrible guy is here because your guy was worse.

Joe Rogan 1:07:31 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 1:07:31 So, so my middle, the middle is always gonna be a ringer. It's gonna be somebody who's probably headlining somewhere else. And now it's not a lot of work for people 'cause, like, clubs and a lot of GMs have explained to me, like, "We, all we need is people who can hit grand slams. We don't, we ain't got time for the, oh, you can get half the room. We ain't got time for this shit."

Joe Rogan 1:07:56 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 1:07:56 "We, we in a pandemic. We need asses in the seats."

Joe Rogan 1:07:59 Yeah.

Ali Siddiq 1:07:59 "And this is what we, this is what we doing." So, it'd be a person who may have been doing cruise ships or colleges or some other venues where they're headlining. "Hey, can I come on the road with you?" Or my friends, if I'm writing something, you know, like, to give me a different perspective, I just bring my friends. "Hey, they go- they gonna watch my set. They goin', 'Hey, man, you should do this.'" So, that's where I'm comfortable at, and then I want somebody to hang out with that I know.

Joe Rogan 1:08:27 That's big. That's big. That keeps the road from being lonely 'cause I would bring two opening act... I would, I started bringing two o- two opening acts because Joey Diaz didn't always show up. Diaz was always my opener because... And one of the reasons why Diaz was my opener is he was the funniest dude that was willing to go on the road. Like, Diaz was a murderer, but he liked to do, like, 20 minutes. He didn't like to do an hour. Like, he could do an hour-

Ali Siddiq 1:08:52 Easy.

Joe Rogan 1:08:52 ... but Joey Diaz likes to just, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da, just come out guns blazing-

Ali Siddiq 1:08:56 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:08:56 ... for 20 minutes, just-

Ali Siddiq 1:08:57 Shoot the shit.

Joe Rogan 1:08:58 ... mow 'em all down and then he's outta gas, you know? He's a big guy. He's gotta take a break. But that's his be- his best set is 20 minutes of thunder, you know? He would just destroy for 20 minutes, half hour, whatever it was, but this was the Joey Diaz coke days. And Joey, he, he never knew. Most of the time he would show up, but sometimes he never knew. Like, one time I was in Jersey. I was working at Rascals and, uh, he's not there for the first show. He just doesn't show up. First show starts, like, 40 minutes late 'cause they gotta call some other dude 'cause by the time showtime starts, can't get ahold of... This is the beeper days Joey. I would call his pager and his p- his fucking pa- it was useless. And then, uh, finally they get a local guy to come down. He does his time and then I go up, and then the second show starts late and the guy was fine. The g- guy was pretty funny. It worked out well, but Joey was supposed to be there the next day, and he had apparently talked to the booker and said, "Oh, it was a mistake," and this and that. "No problem, I'll be there." It's a... He was on a bender, and then the next day it's showtime. It's eight o'clock and I'm on the phone with him. He goes, "Joe Rogan, I'm not gonna lie to you. I never left Vegas." (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 1:10:04 He was, he was in Vegas. He never called. I'm like, "Shit." And so luckily we had that other dude, but I decided then I'ma bring two opening acts so that way I bring, like, Ari Shaffir, I would bring Duncan Trussell and I'd bring, or, you know, whoever could make it-

Joe Rogan 1:10:22 Mm-hmm.

Ali Siddiq 1:10:22 ... and then I would bring Joey Diaz. And if Joey showed up, we got a three-man show. Joey didn't show up, we got a two-man show, but I didn't wanna tell Joey not to show up 'cause he's magic. Like, when he's there, it's magic, you know? It's, it's the... I think-

Joe Rogan 1:10:37 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 1:10:39 ... I, the, it, this is the thing. I have, um, like, like Bert.

Joe Rogan 1:10:48 (sighs)

Ali Siddiq 1:10:49 Bert has a fucking freedom about comedy and life that I wish I had developed earlier 'cause I, I don't have it down, like, he, like, he literally has this shit down. Like-

Joe Rogan 1:11:02 In what way?

Ali Siddiq 1:11:03 Like, this is when I knew that he was, his life was different than mine. I'm getting ready to do his podcast. He calls like, "Hey, you in Tampa?" You know, "Doing it in, doing my podca- I'm out here at vacation with my family, my people from here," you know? So, he shows up to my room, literally, walks in, no fucking shirt on.

Joe Rogan 1:11:27 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 1:11:29 Toes are fucking, toenails are painted.

Joe Rogan 1:11:33 (laughs)

Ali Siddiq 1:11:33 He literally just coming from, like, the beach with his kids or something, and then doing the podcast. Walks in my room, he's like, "Ali, were you, were you raised by a single mother?" I was like, "Yeah. How you, how you know?" "'Cause your fucking room is amazing." My, I've been in my room for three hours, it look like I've been squatting in my room. (laughs) I was like, "Okay." I'm like, so we doing, doing this podcast and he just, we just fucking randomly talk for, like, two, two half hours about just whatever. And he's sitting in my, in, in my room. He has his feet crossed in the chair, just fucking, just so relaxed. So, we're walking out and I'm being, I'm, I'm, I don't know why my mind is judging him like this and it's literally, it's like a Honda Toyota Civic, to- what, some, some small ass car. And I'm, like, quite sure I'm walking towards this car, like, quite sure this is what he's in 'cause he's a shirtless-

Joe Rogan 1:12:31 Mm-hmm.

Ali Siddiq 1:12:32 ... barefooted man, so this is probably what he drove in. And as I'm walking, it's a huge ass Benz on the side that I, it's, like,