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The Joe Rogan ExperienceThe Joe Rogan Experience

Joe Rogan Experience #1606 - Ali Siddiq

Ali Siddiq is a stand-up comic and writer who initially developed his comedic talents during a six-year stint behind bars. Now a successful headliner, Siddiq spends his time offstage volunteering to meet the needs of his Houston, Texas community. His most recent special is "It's Bigger Than These Bars", filmed live at Bell County Jail in Texas.

Joe RoganhostAli SiddiqguestGuestguest
Jun 27, 20244h 19mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:00 – 15:00

    (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast,…

    1. NA

      (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience.

    2. JR

      Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night. All day. (instrumental music plays) All right, we'll move on. What's good, brother? How are you?

    3. AS

      I'm good, man. Thanks for having me.

    4. JR

      Pleasure to get you in here, man.

    5. AS

      Thanks for having me.

    6. JR

      My pleasure. Um, y- you live in Houston.

    7. AS

      Yes, I do.

    8. JR

      Which has got a gigantic rich history of standup comedy.

    9. AS

      Yes. Um, (clears throat) well, we go back to Theodores, Sam Kinison.

    10. JR

      Yeah. Did you ever do the Laugh Stop? Did you do that place?

    11. AS

      I did the Laugh Stop.

    12. JR

      Did you do the old one in River Oaks or the upstairs one?

    13. AS

      The, the old one in River Oaks.

    14. JR

      Yeah. That was the shit, right?

    15. AS

      That was the... I, I'll always remember that place 'cause that was the only time I've ever in life, and I'm ashamed of this, I, I wanted a comic to do bad.

    16. JR

      (laughs)

    17. AS

      (laughs) And that was the only time I've ever wanted a comic to do bad because I had just start- I had just started. I... maybe, maybe four months in. And the guy... so you had to go in and you had to sign this open mic list, and it's like 30 people on the list. And I'm like number 27, and he's 26. And he was-

    18. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    19. AS

      ... like, he's talking to me. He's like, "Yeah, man, I've been doing standup for 25 years, man. It's crazy." You know? And I was like, "Wow, 25 years." And I'm thinking I'm a pretty good student of standups and I'm like, "I hope he's not good."

    20. JR

      (laughs)

    21. AS

      Because if he's good and he's 26 on this list, and I just started and he's been doing it 25 years, I'm like, "Yo, it's gonna be a long road for me." (laughs)

    22. JR

      (laughs)

    23. AS

      So I was like, "No," and he wasn't. I was like so relieved. I was like-

    24. JR

      (laughs)

    25. AS

      ... "Oh, goodness gracious, thank you." (laughs) It was, it was ridiculous.

    26. JR

      That's a funny way of look... Uh, that's... there's a lotta layers, right, to why someone succeeds or doesn't succeed in standup. And if you're, if you're 25 years in and you're not doing well, like some- you're something. You've t- you've taken a turn the wrong way somewhere.

    27. AS

      At four months, you don't know that. You... like-

    28. JR

      Right.

    29. AS

      ... I'm, I'm literally... was it? Yeah. So I'm five months out of prison at this point. So this is four months of me doing standup. And I'm really like, "Man, I hope that this guy is not good."

    30. JR

      (laughs)

  2. 15:00 – 30:00

    You're wearing rubber shoes?…

    1. JR

      that have that flat leather shiny bottom. Even if I dress up, I'm- I'm wearing rubber shoes.

    2. AS

      You're wearing rubber shoes?

    3. JR

      Yeah, when shit goes down, you- you- you have to be able to move.

    4. AS

      That's why I don't wear flip-flops.

    5. JR

      Yeah, I don't wear flip-flops.

    6. AS

      I would've- I would've-

    7. JR

      I'd rather be barefoot than flip-flops.

    8. AS

      You would never see me in a pair of flip-flops.

    9. JR

      Unless I'm at the beach. At that's... I'm letting everybody know-

    10. AS

      Yeah, that's-

    11. JR

      ... I'm not here to do-

    12. AS

      That's the beach.

    13. JR

      ... shit. I'm just relaxing.

    14. AS

      Hey, yo, you can steal my kids while I'm on the beach.

    15. JR

      (laughs)

    16. AS

      I'm like, "Yo, look, I'm off duty. This is- this is vacation. I'm off duty on everything." (laughs)

    17. JR

      Yeah.

    18. AS

      I remember being in Miami and my daughter was... It was a storm coming and my daughter- my daughter Jaden, she had to be maybe, ah, I'ma say eight. I'm- and I'm pushing it. I don't think she was eight. But it... So these waves are huge and they literally are, like, bringing her in and then they sucking her out. And I'm like, "Oh, that's- that's pretty cool."

    19. JR

      (laughs)

    20. AS

      And her mom was like, "No, she's going out too far." I'm like, "But she can swim. She's on the swim team." She's like, "Why are we concerned? She's on the swim team." She's like, "This is the ocean." I'm like, "She's a swimmer." And she's like, "No." So I look and my daughter's, like, way further than she was when I'm like... So the... I'm like, "Okay, I'ma wait," 'cause I see this one big wave, and the wave literally brings my daughter in and throws my daughter in the middle, almost damn into the hotel. (laughs)

    21. JR

      (laughs)

    22. AS

      I'm like... I'm like, "That was a big... That was a pretty big wave." Just tossed her. I'm like, "Yo-

    23. JR

      Uh-

    24. AS

      ... we should go to the pool."

    25. JR

      ... I have one daughter that's a daredevil, and she likes to go a little bit too far out. And I was letting her know, like, "You gotta understand tides. Like, I know you can swim, but tides are no joke. Like, tides suck out people that can swim, and you try to fight against those tides, you can't do shit." And she's... And she was a little skeptical because- 'cause she's athletic and she's very pigheaded like her father, but then I showed her, there was a dude who was a WWE guy, some jacked wrestler who drowned off of... Was it Venice? Was he, like-

    26. NA

      Yeah. Yeah, yep, yep, yep.

    27. JR

      ... near Venice Beach? Which, you know, the tide there is not even that bad.

    28. AS

      Yeah, rip tide on the cur...

    29. JR

      But occasionally- occasionally it just sucks everything out, and then you're fighting against it trying to get in and it just sucks you out further and you're trying to make pro- ... And then you realize, like, "Oh my God, I'm out of air. Like, I can't fucking breathe. And I'm fighting against this and I'm not gaining any ground and I'm exhausted and I want to take a break."

    30. AS

      Yeah.

  3. 30:00 – 45:00

    (laughs) …

    1. AS

      and the d- it was a bear. It was a sleeping bear. "Quiet! Quiet, I say! I want quiet!" The-

    2. JR

      (laughs)

    3. AS

      I used to think that that bear was crazy, and then I saw my mama, Mama, and he, he would go to sleep like this. (breathing noises) Like, soon as he closed his eyes, he'd go... My mom would sleep like that. My mom, soon as she close her eye. (snoring) "Quiet!"... I'm, like, this lady is the bear off of the cartoons.

    4. JR

      (laughs)

    5. AS

      You cannot... Like, you tippy-toeing in the house. But then you get older, and I literally work seven days a week. Like, my, my, my life is crazy. So when I g-... I fall asleep anywhere. I'm over 40.

    6. JR

      Right now you fall... You work seven days a week?

    7. AS

      Yeah.

    8. JR

      What do you do seven days a week?

    9. AS

      I, I just took on a radio job.

    10. JR

      Oh.

    11. AS

      Yeah, I-

    12. JR

      It's seven days a week?

    13. AS

      Yeah. Monday through Friday, Monday through Friday I'm in Houston on Magic 102. Um, the urban station.

    14. JR

      Is it in the mornings?

    15. AS

      It... No, it's midday. That's the-

    16. JR

      Oh.

    17. AS

      It's the craziest thing 'cause I'm from 6:00 to 2:00. I mean, from... No, from 2:00 to 6:00. And then this is the f... Last week I was in Jacksonville at The Comedy Zone. This is the first weekend that didn't feel like a weekend. Like, I wasn't excited. Like, I've been doing standup for 22 years. I've always been excited about a weekend that I'm doing. But this is the first weekend I'm doing after working at the radio station for the last three weeks. So it, it's like, "The weekend coming." I'm like, "Oh, some more work? Shit."

    18. JR

      (laughs)

    19. AS

      (laughs) Like, like, like, I was n-... I was so not... That was the first time in all of comedy I ever felt like, "I don't, I don't wanna go." And I was like, "Okay, I gotta snap outta that, that shit, 'cause that's not who I am."

    20. JR

      Wow.

    21. AS

      So... And I, and I've forgotten. DL has called me twice to make sure that I was going to goddamn work. He was like, "You do know you have to be at work?" "Oh, shit! I do." 'Cause I, I'm not accustomed to doing anything in the day, in the middle of daytime.

    22. JR

      So he has to call you to let you know?

    23. AS

      He's called me twice-

    24. JR

      (laughs)

    25. AS

      ... in the last three weeks just to, just to... Like, "Yo, you know you have to be somewhere, right?" Like, "Damn, I do have to be somewhere."

    26. JR

      How far away is the station from your house?

    27. AS

      Like, 30 minutes.

    28. JR

      That's not too bad.

    29. AS

      But it's, it's horrible. It's literally horrible. Just-

    30. JR

      So did you, did you know what you were getting into? Or did you have an idea of what it was gonna be, and then once you started doing it, you're like, "Oh, shit! What have I done?"

  4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

    Stars of Death. …

    1. AS

      And it, I remember the first time I did it, I was looki- him and Lee had ate, Lee had ate like maybe s- four of these little chewy-

    2. JR

      Stars of Death.

    3. AS

      ... little chewy edibles. He had ate like four of them, and-

    4. JR

      (sighs)

    5. AS

      ... and I'm, and I'm looking and he's literally over there melted. Like, he, it was like-

    6. JR

      (laughs)

    7. AS

      His eyes were open and then I looked over, like an hour later, he was like, it was like a blob of a person over there. So I'm like, "Okay, I'm never gonna be like that on his show." Oh, shit. A year later, I'm literally in there and he's like, "Ah, you know, eat, you know, eat, do edibles, it's nothing, it's ch-" so...

    8. JR

      (laughs)

    9. AS

      I eats a, eats the edible and I'm sitting there and I, I thought I was talking pretty regular f- at first, and then all of a sudden, I noticed that it's like, "Yo, I'm, I don't, I don't think I'm speaking correctly." Like...

    10. JR

      (laughs)

    11. AS

      And like, and he was like, "No, y- you, you fucked up, G. I t- tell you, I got you." He was like-

    12. JR

      "I got you." (laughs)

    13. AS

      I'm like... I'm like, (clears throat) I, I'm like, "No, I don't, I don't, I don't think..." And I'm looking at, I'm looking at Lee and Lee's like, "You're wasted."

    14. JR

      (laughs)

    15. AS

      I'm like, yeah. I'm like, "Yeah, man." And so when I look back at it, I was like, "Yo, I was so fucked up." And I didn't even eat the... I ate another edible but the star, he gave me that star and... This is what, this is what people learn about me. I'm... When I lose, I lose. When I win, I win. But I'm never embarrassed to say when I'd wimped out on some shit. So, I had... I was already messing with these mushrooms. I was on mushrooms and then he gives me this damn star, and I'm like... I told myself, "I'ma eat it. I'ma eat this star. I'ma eat this star." But I kept thinking about what other people was telling me. "Don't eat the Death Star. Don't eat the star." I'm like, "Oh, no, I'm, I'ma eat it. Joe ain't gonna fucking punk me out this shit."

    16. JR

      (laughs)

    17. AS

      So, I'm staying at the Lowes and I literally stash the star at the Lowes in this, in, in the room. I'm like, "Whoa, when somebody find this, they gonna have a good time. I'm not gonna have this shit on me." And then I stashed the mushrooms inside the hotel somewhere, so a maintenance man probably found them and had a good time. I'm like, I was g- I was wasted. I couldn't do it anymore.

    18. JR

      They're too much, those stars. He's giving them to me. They're 250 milligrams. That's too much. I've seen Joe eat four of those. Four. A thousand milligrams, like it's nothing.

    19. AS

      And he did (laughs) .

    20. JR

      (laughs)

    21. AS

      (laughs)

    22. JR

      Looks at you. We were on a plane once. And he had these, uh, Chiba Chews. I forget how many milligrams they were.

    23. AS

      Yeah.

    24. JR

      Several hundred milligrams too. He pops two Chiba Chews. I'm nervous just sitting next to him. I'm like, "Are you fucking serious?" He's like, "Joe Rogan, come on. It's time to dance with the devil." So we're, we're on the plane.

    25. AS

      (laughs)

    26. JR

      In the middle of the plane ride, he leans over, he grabs me and he touched me. He goes, "Joe Rogan, I almost had a panic attack."

    27. AS

      (laughs)

    28. JR

      He goes, uh, "I, I almost, I almost couldn't do it. I almost couldn't do it." He goes, "But I'm fine." And then he pulls out two more Stars of Death and throws them and I'm like, "No!" He goes... (laughs) Like so, he almost had (laughs) a panic attack, and then two hours later, we were on the way to New York, grabs me by the shoulder and tells me and then pops two more.

    29. AS

      Yo.

    30. JR

      He doesn't give a fuck. He goes to the basement. He goes right down there. He wants to see what's in the corners. (laughs)

  5. 1:00:00 – 1:13:01

    Right. …

    1. AS

      set to sound like me." I'm not writing the cadence for you. I'm just writing, "Here, use this word." Or "Go there." That's if you choose to. It's not a... It's not mandatory.

    2. JR

      Right.

    3. AS

      Because as a comic, it's one... We one word away from some shit being the most explosive thing that we've said. Like I've s... "Hey man, just add this on the end."

    4. JR

      Right, right.

    5. AS

      I'm like, "Okay." And-

    6. JR

      Isn't it crazy how that works?

    7. AS

      Yeah.

    8. JR

      Sometimes you just find a new way of saying it and boom.

    9. AS

      Like it's... And it, and it's... I, I think I have just as much fun when it's me doing it or when I wrote that part for somebody and I was like-

    10. JR

      Yeah.

    11. AS

      And I'm wait... I'm waiting for the part that I've interjected into the joke-

    12. JR

      Yes. (laughs)

    13. AS

      ... I'm like, I'm like, "Okay, watch this, watch this, watch this, watch me say this."

    14. JR

      Yeah.

    15. AS

      And she said... Ah!... I'm like, "Yeah."

    16. JR

      (laughs)

    17. AS

      That's me right there. That's my part. Out of the whole sentence, all I added was this and it had changed the game. You know, that's the big thing.

    18. JR

      Yeah.

    19. AS

      So it, it's so many layers to this business and you wanna be, you wanna be in it, you wanna be funny and but I, I think it's not a lot of people that would admit to what we have admitted to of, "Ah, I was fucking being weak as shit right here."

    20. JR

      Yeah.

    21. AS

      And I'm now, I want the strongest... People like, if somebody hosting or featuring for me or if I'm on a show with multiple people, I'm rooting for everybody to go out-

    22. JR

      Yeah.

    23. AS

      ... and do well. And they're like, "Ali, what you gonna do?" I'm just waiting on my 20 minutes or my 15 minutes and then after that I want, I wanna watch everybody else. I'm watching before, I'm watching after. I wanna see everybody do well. And I, I didn't come up in an environment like that. I came up in a very competitive, uh, you gonna, I'mma, I'mma try to kill the room before you go up as the host. Like, okay, as the host, I thought my job was to get the room ready for the next two comics. I, I don't think that it's about me. And I think a lot of people who host when I'm, when I'm dealing with somebody who's hosting, I try to explain to them, "Hey, how much time you doing? 10? Use three minutes. Use three minutes of it to get acclimated to the audience. Let them ali- Don't go out and start with your material. It's be- 'Cause now you're gonna be fucking up 'cause people cut, still coming in."

    24. JR

      Yeah.

    25. AS

      Now you mad. "Oh, look at this." You know, just, just invite the people in first and then start sliding in your material.

    26. JR

      That's good advice. That's very good advice. That's the worst thing when someone tries to jump right into a joke.

    27. AS

      Hey, brother, I'm still ordering. I ain't-

    28. JR

      Yeah.

    29. AS

      People still being seated. I'm not hearing. It's not that you not funny, I'm not hearing what you saying.

    30. JR

      Right.

Episode duration: 4:19:07

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