Joe Rogan Experience #1623 - Doug Stanhope

Joe Rogan 0:00 (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

Narrator 0:04 The Joe Rogan Experience.

Joe Rogan 0:06 Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. (rock music plays) Douglas.

Doug Stanhope 0:16 I am fucking nervous.

Joe Rogan 0:18 Why? For real?

Doug Stanhope 0:19 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 0:19 Why?

Doug Stanhope 0:20 Uh, it's a good- no, it's a good thing. I haven't left my fucking house in a year. I mean, except for-

Joe Rogan 0:25 You've been totally locked up?

Doug Stanhope 0:26 Well, I mean, I go to the grocery store. Uh-

Joe Rogan 0:29 How did you, how did you avoid getting it? You didn't get it at all, right?

Doug Stanhope 0:32 No.

Joe Rogan 0:32 The cooties?

Doug Stanhope 0:33 No.

Joe Rogan 0:33 Nothing?

Doug Stanhope 0:33 Because everyone I know is a shut-in too.

Joe Rogan 0:36 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 0:36 And I fucking loved it. It's, it's like, I left a day after my year anniversary. Like, I packed a week before coming here.

Joe Rogan 0:47 So, all you've done is go to the food store?

Doug Stanhope 0:49 Yep.

Joe Rogan 0:49 Wow.

Doug Stanhope 0:50 Uh, well, I went up to Phoenix for New Years to see a... it's a long story, to see a dog that I almost kept, uh, but I gave away. Anyway, so yes, basically no, I have not left-

Joe Rogan 1:04 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 1:04 ... fucking Bisbee, Arizona in a year.

Joe Rogan 1:06 Wow.

Doug Stanhope 1:07 And I didn't think it affected me until I left. It's like if you stayed in bed for a year going, "I don't need to walk. I know how to walk." And then after a year you're like, "Fuck, my legs." (laughs) "I'm atrophied."

Joe Rogan 1:22 What feels... What feels the weirdest?

Doug Stanhope 1:24 Well, just figuring out how to pack for the road. I packed everything. I drove and, uh, I left Sunday to be here Wednesday. It's a 13-hour drive. I could have done it in one shot. (laughs) But I was so excited, I was like, "I'm gonna leave on Sunday and just take the back roads and, uh..." Like, I practiced talking on the phone before I came here.

Joe Rogan 1:48 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 1:49 An hour and a half before, I'm just calling people... Like, I don't talk to anyone on the phone. The only time I, you know, use the phone is to figure out where to meet you to talk. I don't socialize on the phone.

Joe Rogan 2:01 Right.

Doug Stanhope 2:01 You and I talk maybe twice a year tops. And when I see it's you I go, "Do I have an hour?"

Joe Rogan 2:09 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 2:09 "Okay, I'll make an hour," because we don't... but otherwise... So, I was like... I haven't talked to people other than, "Do you have a room available?" for three days.

Joe Rogan 2:20 Right.

Doug Stanhope 2:20 Three and a half days. So I was calling, you know, Bingo and Brian Henegan going, "Just talk to me." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 2:26 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 2:29 You know, I packed what I thought was a car load of shit. I forgot vodka, which is my go-to drink, and a shirt. I only had the T-shirt that I was wearing that after three days started to stink and I went, "Fuck, I didn't pack another shirt."

Joe Rogan 2:45 Did you go shirt shopping then?

Doug Stanhope 2:46 Yeah, I went to the thrift store.

Joe Rogan 2:48 Oh, thrift store?

Doug Stanhope 2:49 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 2:50 Of course.

Doug Stanhope 2:50 Yes. You notice I have fucking... I did... Like, I brought two different suits, like goofy suits.

Joe Rogan 2:57 Right.

Doug Stanhope 2:57 I'm like, "I've been wearing pajamas for a year. I would... I think I would be even more awkward if I was wearing a suit, especially with stupid hair."

Joe Rogan 3:05 When did the goofy suits become a thing with you? Like, what year do you think that-

Doug Stanhope 3:09 1989 it started in telemarketing-

Joe Rogan 3:12 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 3:12 ... because my mother would send me goofy suits like that because they had just gone out of style, like in that earlier... that decade.

Joe Rogan 3:20 Mm-hmm.

Doug Stanhope 3:21 So, they're, you know, fucking... It's like buying acid wash jeans now. You know, they're a fucking nickel a pair at the thrift store.

Joe Rogan 3:27 I think Jamie has a few pairs. Do you have any of those?

Narrator 3:29 Acid wash sweatpants?

Joe Rogan 3:31 Oh, yeah, that's right. Sweatpants.

Doug Stanhope 3:33 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 3:34 Yeah, but that is your signature shit now, the goofy suit.

Doug Stanhope 3:39 Yeah, and I go, "I don't think I'm ready to put on a goofy suit. I don't know if it would clash with the goofy hair." Because people will show up at my shows in goofy suits-

Joe Rogan 3:48 Oh, no.

Doug Stanhope 3:48 ... but they'll have like plaid on plaid and you go, "No, that doesn't work."

Joe Rogan 3:52 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 3:52 Like, I accessorize perfectly in a goofy suit but I go, "I have the goofy hair now. Is that like polka dots on plaid? I don't know."

Joe Rogan 4:01 Right, have you gone too far?

Doug Stanhope 4:02 Yeah, I want to be comfortable here so I'm wearing pajamas like I have for the last year.

Joe Rogan 4:07 Why don't you just wear pajamas?

Doug Stanhope 4:09 That's what I'm wearing. Well, pajama pants.

Joe Rogan 4:12 Are those pajama pants?

Doug Stanhope 4:13 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:14 Okay. There you go.

Doug Stanhope 4:15 And this is... this was my old travel shirt. I wore this any time I traveled. I'm like, "Yeah, I want to be comfortable. I don't want to fucking worry about my tie clip."

Joe Rogan 4:23 You've stayed within your means very well. Like, you've never had to worry about finances. Like, you've... you dialed that in early.

Doug Stanhope 4:32 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:33 You never fell into the trap a lot of people do where they like buy a bigger house or buy a bigger car or this or that?

Doug Stanhope 4:40 Yeah, my shit's paid for. After a year of not working I go, "Ooh, I always bragged about how much fucking I don't need to work," and then I go, "All right. Now I'm starting to worry. Should I buy this dumb plastic shit from Amazon or not?" (laughs)

Joe Rogan 4:58 (laughs) When do you think you're gonna start working again? Are you gonna get the vaccine?

Doug Stanhope 5:00 I got my first shot.

Joe Rogan 5:02 Which one? The Pfizer or the Moderna?

Doug Stanhope 5:03 No, Moderna. I got my first shot (laughs) about two weeks ago. Two weeks ago tomorrow.

Joe Rogan 5:13 Why is it funny?

Doug Stanhope 5:13 Because I just realized I still have the fucking Band-Aid when I took a bath last night.

Joe Rogan 5:19 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 5:19 I'm such a fucking slothful pig when it comes to bathing.

Joe Rogan 5:23 Oh, that's hilarious.

Doug Stanhope 5:25 And it's still there. I didn't wash that hard that it came off even last night. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 5:29 They're resilient, those Band-Aids.

Narrator 5:30 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 5:31 They'll stick around for a while if you let them.

Doug Stanhope 5:32 Well, I'm gonna get my follow-up shot two weeks from now.

Joe Rogan 5:35 And they'll just peel that off.

Doug Stanhope 5:35 From the same lady and I want her to see the same dirty bandage and make her take it off. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 5:41 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 5:41 I know that's rude but I think it's funny.

Joe Rogan 5:45 So, you're getting the shots in Bisbee? Is it hard to get it? Or do they have a good supply?

Doug Stanhope 5:49 Uh, yeah. Well, it just... I don't want to get anyone in trouble but I probably cut a line.

Joe Rogan 6:00 Oh, don't say anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 6:01 But yesterday Cochise County tweeted, "Okay, now 18 and up."And I go, "Yeah, that's great you Tweeted that but, uh, maybe nine people in all of Cochise County are on Twitter. (laughs) You gotta go door to door to fucking alert these people."

Joe Rogan 6:18 The UFC contacted me. They have a large supply of, uh, Johnson & Johnson vaccines, that's the one you only take one shot, it's different. It's on MR- mRNA vaccine, it's a different vaccine. What is that called, an adenovirus? Is that what it's called? Do you know what it's called? Some sort of different shot. But they, uh, they wanna give it to me this weekend.

Doug Stanhope 6:39 Oh, so you haven't had your first yet?

Joe Rogan 6:41 I was, I was gonna head down and get it. No.

Doug Stanhope 6:42 All right. I, I, I don't, I don't know your... You know, I, I just-

Joe Rogan 6:47 It's not anti-vaccine

Doug Stanhope 6:48 ... I hear about you.

Joe Rogan 6:49 Oh. You hear about me.

Doug Stanhope 6:51 It's like, "I think he's an anti-masker. Well maybe he's an-

Joe Rogan 6:53 No.

Doug Stanhope 6:53 ... anti-vaxxer."

Joe Rogan 6:54 No. I'm neither anti-max... Anti- (laughs) anti-mask or anti-vax, I'm neither one of those things. But I'm not worried about the virus. Everyone that I know that got it, they were, they were sick for like a day. My whole family got it and I didn't get it.

Doug Stanhope 7:09 Okay.

Joe Rogan 7:09 But I'm on so much shit, between vitamins and testosterone and I'm in the fucking sauna every day. Like what does this say? "Unlike the mRNA virus from Pfizer/Moderna which deliver a fat covered bits of genetic material into your cells, the Johnson & Johnson vaccine uses a shell of a virus to carry genetic material into your cells," says Ghandi.

Doug Stanhope 7:29 Oh.

Joe Rogan 7:30 Ghandi's the guy? That's the doctor. How weird. Change your name, bro. You know? That's like Dr. Hitler.

Doug Stanhope 7:35 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 7:36 You know what I mean? Like, maybe time for a fucking name change here, bro.

Doug Stanhope 7:39 Well, maybe he's changed his name up. Like, "Oh-

Joe Rogan 7:43 Right.

Doug Stanhope 7:43 ... I was Dr. Hitler (laughing) I should change it to something more easily consumable."

Joe Rogan 7:48 (laughs) He became Ghandi. "The shell is an uh, adenovirus which normally causes colds but it has been modified so it'll no longer replicate and make you sick."

Doug Stanhope 7:57 All right, you don't need to read all that. We ha- we'll have people tune out in the third hour.

Joe Rogan 8:01 They, they're tuned out already.

Doug Stanhope 8:02 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 8:02 So, uh, yeah. So no, I'm not anti... People get mad at me because I said I don't think I need the vaccine, because I'm healthy.

Doug Stanhope 8:08 Well, here's the thing. You have the longest, uh, platform in the shortest attention span society has ever known.

Joe Rogan 8:17 Mm.

Doug Stanhope 8:18 So when people put the, the, the viral clip of Rogue, uh, Burr telling you, "Don't act like we know what the fuck we're talking about!"

Joe Rogan 8:26 Right, right, right.

Doug Stanhope 8:27 That was like 22 seconds of a three hour podcast.

Joe Rogan 8:30 It's not like that. It's-

Doug Stanhope 8:31 So, oh, Rogan's a fucking anti-masker.

Joe Rogan 8:34 That was me trying to get Burr riled up.

Doug Stanhope 8:35 Yeah. Yeah, but I'm saying-

Joe Rogan 8:37 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 8:37 ... people don't ha-

Joe Rogan 8:38 No.

Doug Stanhope 8:38 There's no context anymore.

Joe Rogan 8:40 Right, of course, yeah.

Doug Stanhope 8:40 It's done. Uh...

Joe Rogan 8:43 That is weird. Because you think like, people know what you're doing. Like with Bill, you're always like, "Come on, you gonna listen to them?"

Doug Stanhope 8:49 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 8:49 You're always gonna say that to him, just like, "Bah! Bah!" And then you, you fucking crank him up and let him go.

Doug Stanhope 8:54 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 8:55 You know? So I'm like, "You think these fucking masks work? You know they say masks are all bullshit." And then next thing you know, Bill's (gasps) ugh, that fucking Irish face gets red-

Doug Stanhope 9:04 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 9:04 ... and he's on a rant. I, I mean obviously masks do something. You're breathing through a filter. It's the, the question is like how much does it filter? I don't know. I mean, some people say it does nothing, because the air's getting in and the particles are smaller than the air. And some people say it blocks a lot of what's coming out, like a certain percentage of it. But here's the thing, like, look at how few people got the flu this year.

Doug Stanhope 9:27 There, that's my hypocrisy. I got... First of all, COVID for me for a year has been the best excuse I've ever had. This is one of the best years of my life-

Joe Rogan 9:37 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 9:38 ... was 2020-

Joe Rogan 9:39 Just allowed-

Doug Stanhope 9:39 ... plus one. Uh, was, yeah, to have an excuse to not socialize, to not work. 'Cause I'm legendary for every three years going, "Fuck this, I'm done with comedy." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 9:49 Yeah, you quit for like six months and then you-

Doug Stanhope 9:52 And I know that I'm lying.

Joe Rogan 9:53 Right.

Doug Stanhope 9:53 But, uh, like, uh, mentally, this time I had an excuse to not work. I had an excuse why you couldn't come over, where generally I'm polite and you wanna come down and visit but, yeah, COVID. And then-

Joe Rogan 10:05 Mm.

Doug Stanhope 10:06 ... well, you really believe that shit? Well the people around me do. And then they can put the blame on, you know, Chaley and Tracy like-

Joe Rogan 10:13 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 10:13 (laughs) ... yeah, they're, everyone else is worried. I'm sorry there's nothing I can do. Uh, and then I get the shot. Uh, my first one. And, uh-

Joe Rogan 10:22 Did the first one bother you at all? Did it fuck with you?

Doug Stanhope 10:24 I'm so afraid of needles that I started drinking at 9:00 AM for a 5:00 PM shot.

Joe Rogan 10:31 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 10:31 So the next day when I was sweating through fucking comforters, I don't know is that hangover or flu residual?

Joe Rogan 10:39 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 10:40 But the, the hypocrisy is that I've always shit on Chaley and Tracy for getting flu shots. "You should get a flu shot." No, I don't, I don't, I don't like needles. Uh, well I might be killing as many old people (laughs) by not getting a f- regular flu shot, but I don't give a fuck about old people and they're not in my life.

Joe Rogan 10:59 Oh.

Doug Stanhope 11:00 Which I think, uh, subliminally a lot of people, uh... If, if, if coronavirus was killing that many babies and children?

Joe Rogan 11:12 Right.

Doug Stanhope 11:12 I think the same anti-maskers would be attacking you with a crowbar for not wearing a mask in public. "You're fucking risking my kid's life!"

Joe Rogan 11:22 Probably.

Doug Stanhope 11:22 People would get fucking ape-like over their children.

Joe Rogan 11:24 Yeah, people would be, they'd be very different. But, yeah.

Doug Stanhope 11:27 Yeah. I think that's, of fucking natural selection kind of thing is, I don't give a fuck about old people, they're taking food from the fucking family and the, and the herd. Let them die off.

Joe Rogan 11:38 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 11:38 I'm a... I get a... I, I've been studying Evolutionary Psychology. Uh, I, I downloaded a book on Audible about it, 16 and a half hours, and listened to it on the way out so I should-

Joe Rogan 11:50 Yeah?

Doug Stanhope 11:50 ... have a degree even though I didn't understand (laughs) most of what they were talking about.

Joe Rogan 11:54 What's the book?

Doug Stanhope 11:55 Uh, The Moral Animal.

Joe Rogan 11:57 Oh. Um, who is that? Who wrote that?

Doug Stanhope 11:59 I...... it's- it's like when you started comedy and you go, "That guy was really funny." "What was his name?" "I have no idea, I just went to comedy night and there was a guy that was really funny." I don't know.

Joe Rogan 12:09 What, uh- what got you into this Moral Animal book?

Doug Stanhope 12:12 Well, I- I- uh- fucking-

Joe Rogan 12:13 Long drive?

Doug Stanhope 12:14 That's why I love long drives.

Joe Rogan 12:16 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 12:16 Like, that's why I left three days early, 'cause I l- th- there's nothing that makes me more creative, like your sensory deprivation tanks. A fucking road trip acro- from Arizona across New Mexico and West Texas?

Joe Rogan 12:30 Yeah. (clears throat)

Doug Stanhope 12:31 Nothing but fucking two lanes to focus on, n- nobody out there and, yeah, y- your mind spirals. That was why I- I had to practice talking.

Joe Rogan 12:42 Sometimes that's great.

Doug Stanhope 12:43 I stopped and did one podcast, my own podcast, which I should promote, I never promote my own. I'm putting more effort into it. We're doing Patreon. Uh-

Joe Rogan 12:51 Are you doing Patreon now?

Doug Stanhope 12:53 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 12:54 Did you just get tired of doing ads?

Doug Stanhope 12:56 Well, I- uh- well, we gotta make money.

Joe Rogan 12:59 Right.

Doug Stanhope 12:59 Like, I started that podcast as a- a- a default open mic. Back- I started my podcast back when we really thought everyone has a podcast. (laughs) And since COVID, like, I have two people that I- I keep in touch with that are in, uh, one's in a mental institution for murdering his mother.

Joe Rogan 13:20 Whoa.

Doug Stanhope 13:20 Actually in a halfway house now. Uh-

Joe Rogan 13:23 They're gonna let him out?

Doug Stanhope 13:24 Yeah, he's got a job. He- I have this in-

Joe Rogan 13:26 Killed his mom?

Doug Stanhope 13:26 Yes. Y- yes. I assume stabbed her to death, I never really got into the details.

Joe Rogan 13:31 Whoa.

Doug Stanhope 13:31 But he's coming to my shows. He- he gets day passes and-

Joe Rogan 13:34 Yeah?

Doug Stanhope 13:35 ... nice kid. And then Bobby Caldwell at-

Joe Rogan 13:37 Nice- nice kid.

Doug Stanhope 13:37 ... Notes from the Pen-

Joe Rogan 13:39 Hold up.

Doug Stanhope 13:39 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 13:39 Let's not gloss over this. Nice kid stabbed his mom, what happened?

Doug Stanhope 13:43 Yeah, he's a m- mental illness.

Joe Rogan 13:45 And they're gonna let him out? Did they fix it?

Doug Stanhope 13:47 He- he's- h- he's out.

Joe Rogan 13:48 How'd he-

Doug Stanhope 13:48 He only went back in because of COVID and now he's back out-

Joe Rogan 13:51 How long was he in for?

Doug Stanhope 13:52 (laughs) Not very long, I think it was 2014.

Joe Rogan 13:54 How's his mom- how's his mom's family feel about this?

Doug Stanhope 13:56 Uh, the- the-

Joe Rogan 13:57 2014? Really?

Doug Stanhope 13:58 Yeah, yeah, that quick.

Joe Rogan 14:00 That's fucking crazy.

Doug Stanhope 14:01 Yeah. Well, fuckin'-

Joe Rogan 14:02 You- you go in jail for eight years for-

Doug Stanhope 14:03 ... he legions of- he went to ... it's ... He thought, uh- well, he thought his mother was the devil and was gonna hurt the rest of the family. Uh, that's ... This isn't like, uh-

Joe Rogan 14:18 Yeah, but you-

Doug Stanhope 14:18 This isn't cool mental illness-

Joe Rogan 14:20 ... 2014? 2014?

Doug Stanhope 14:20 ... like, I'm kinda bipolar, so-

Joe Rogan 14:22 Right.

Doug Stanhope 14:22 ... excuse my behavior. This is, like, serious mental illness, voices in your head.

Joe Rogan 14:27 That's like Jason Vorhees shit, like, why do they, uh, let him out?

Doug Stanhope 14:31 Well, he- they put him in, uh, he got found not guilty by reason of insanity.

Joe Rogan 14:36 Wow.

Doug Stanhope 14:36 Went to a mental institution, showed great progress, uh ...

Joe Rogan 14:41 (laughs) And now he's out.

Doug Stanhope 14:45 Well, he's-

Joe Rogan 14:46 Sort.

Doug Stanhope 14:46 ... halfway house. He's got a- he's got a job and a bank account and he was-

Joe Rogan 14:50 Wow.

Doug Stanhope 14:50 ... employee of the month at his job.

Joe Rogan 14:52 Who hir- who hires him?

Doug Stanhope 14:53 It's a- it's a- a- a-

Joe Rogan 14:56 Knife company?

Doug Stanhope 14:56 (laughs) Knife company. He doesn't have sponsorship. But the point is he's starting a podcast. Bobby at notesfromthepen.com fucking accidentally killed his wife i- in a- during a suicide attempt and now he-

Joe Rogan 15:10 Wait, wait, wait, wait, what?

Doug Stanhope 15:11 ... he's ano- he's the other guy. He's-

Joe Rogan 15:13 Jesus Christ.

Doug Stanhope 15:14 But he's- th- that guy's brilliant. He's really strong. He was dr- drug addicted and tried to kill himself and fucking, the bullet went behind him as his wife was trying to stop him, killed her.

Joe Rogan 15:25 Whoo.

Doug Stanhope 15:26 And, uh, yeah, he's doing 15 years. He's, like, he's, uh, like, four years away from release in Michigan. Uh, hopefully fucking Michigan, uh, starts ... They- they don't have a, uh, good behavior kind of thing, or Bobby would be out by now. That guy's actually a legit writer. Uh, if y- i- if- he does, uh, on his website he has, uh, he's a comedy fan and he has all these, uh, like, how a comic ... these different comics. Pull up notesfromthepen.com and how comics would fare in prison, 'cause-

Joe Rogan 16:02 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 16:02 ... he rates all- all the- the comedians, how they would ... And, uh, of course, y- y- you do very well. Uh-

Joe Rogan 16:09 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 16:09 ... go pull it up.

Joe Rogan 16:12 This book that you have too, I wanna talk about.

Doug Stanhope 16:12 The point is they both have podcasts. Bobby's podcast is really popular now.

Joe Rogan 16:18 Let me see, Andrew Santino, "7 out of 10, redhead, quick wit, relatively young, confident. He'd find his crew. I feel like redheads fight more than usual, so he'd probably get into a few altercations."

Doug Stanhope 16:28 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 16:28 "But generally would be all right with a few, some news stories and a few scars." Um, go up a little bit.

Doug Stanhope 16:35 Go to R- go to Rogan.

Joe Rogan 16:37 (laughs) Amy Schumer?

Doug Stanhope 16:39 Question mark? (laughs)

Joe Rogan 16:42 (laughs) Adam Sandler, "9 out of 10. If- if I'd only seen his comedies, I would have scored him lower."

Doug Stanhope 16:48 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 16:49 "But there's a depth, even darkness under the surface." Had you see- have you seen Uncut Gems?

Doug Stanhope 16:53 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 16:54 It's fucking fantastic.

Doug Stanhope 16:55 Yeah, it's great.

Joe Rogan 16:56 It's fucking fantastic.

Doug Stanhope 16:57 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 16:58 It's like, if you think you know who Adam Sandler is, watch Uncut Gems. I mean, that guy's a- an incredible actor. Like, if you- you th- see-

Doug Stanhope 17:06 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:06 ... Waterboy and then you see this, you'll go, "Wait- wait a fucking minute. This is the same guy? Like, how come you haven't been doing this the whole time?" Like, he's so good. You wonder, like, it's crazy that he does these, like, silly movies, which I guess he loves, and I- look, I love Zo- Zohan's one of my favorite movies.

Doug Stanhope 17:24 I- there's a- there's one that I watched on a- th- the- Hangover Sundays where you go, "I just need something dumb-

Joe Rogan 17:32 Right.

Doug Stanhope 17:32 ... but not too dumb." Uh, and- and- I- I forget what it was, it was one of the dumb ones. I swear he's a- someone's dad and comes back into his life. I think that is probably seven of his movies.

Joe Rogan 17:43 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's got a gang of those kind of movies.

Doug Stanhope 17:46 But it was- I- like, this is, like, so perfectly dumb for what I need in my head right now.

Joe Rogan 17:52 Yeah. They're fun movies. Like, he's got- we- me and the family when we went into the COVID lockdown, we watched, uh, every Adam Sandler movie. We had, like, movie night basically every night, 'cause we were just trapped at home. You know, in the beginning everyone was trapped, it's all we did. We stayed at home, we watched movies, we went to the grocery store. And then slowly but surely people started getting annoyed with it.

Doug Stanhope 18:13 Well, that's- uh, the difference is-... and it was triggering to hear when you said "me and the family"-

Joe Rogan 18:20 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 18:20 ... because that's the, the part of Joe Rogan no one ever considers is you do actually have-

Joe Rogan 18:26 Oh.

Doug Stanhope 18:26 ... a family. I do not. So for me at home, it was just the usual suspects that would come over and would, you know, in the summer we'd have movie nights out on the patio. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 18:37 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 18:38 You know, watch The Jerk. Why would you watch The Jerk again? Because we were locked down.

Joe Rogan 18:41 It's a good fucking movie.

Doug Stanhope 18:42 Yeah, and having cocktails on the patio.

Joe Rogan 18:44 The Jerk is kinda historic too. It's like, it's not just a, it's not just a good movie, it's like you're watching a chunk of history. Like, this is, when Steve Martin came out with that movie, back in the day-

Doug Stanhope 18:55 Iconic.

Joe Rogan 18:55 ... that mo- that movie was the shit. It was the shit.

Doug Stanhope 18:57 And it still is.

Joe Rogan 18:58 It is.

Doug Stanhope 18:59 I, I don't, uh, I don't know if younger people appreciate a lot of this stuff that, uh, that we do.

Joe Rogan 19:04 The Jerk?

Doug Stanhope 19:05 But I think The Jerk, The Jerk held up in front of an audience of younger people. So-

Joe Rogan 19:09 It's fucking great.

Doug Stanhope 19:10 ... some of them you go, even myself, like Kentucky Fried Movie, you go, "Oh, that was the shit in 1979." And then you watch it, you go, "This is the dumbest fucking movie."

Joe Rogan 19:20 I didn't see that. I thought, I think I saw it back in the day, but I haven't seen that recently. Um...

Doug Stanhope 19:25 Movie 42 is the one that we found.

Joe Rogan 19:28 What's that?

Doug Stanhope 19:30 I think it's called Movie 42. Hey, I wanted to see Rogan, how Rogan fared in prison on Notes From The Pen. Uh, Movie 42 is like a, it's a sketch comedy, but like, huge names are in it, like Hugh Jackman was-

Joe Rogan 19:44 Oh, really?

Doug Stanhope 19:44 ... he's got balls on his chin. Uh, it's- it's just really dumb-

Joe Rogan 19:48 He has balls on his chin?

Doug Stanhope 19:49 Like, it's, uh, it's basically, you know, sketch comedy but filmed like a, a, a movie.

Joe Rogan 19:54 Okay.

Doug Stanhope 19:55 Anyway. It was one of the things that we found just watching dumb shit.

Joe Rogan 19:59 Movie 43.

Doug Stanhope 20:01 Sorry. See?

Joe Rogan 20:01 The biggest cast ever assembled.

Doug Stanhope 20:03 That's why I have to have you fact-check me, Jamie.

Joe Rogan 20:05 Uh-huh. Kristen Bell, blah, blah, blah. Joey Diaz, nine outta 10.

Doug Stanhope 20:09 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 20:09 "This is pointless. Joey Coco Diaz has already done time."

Doug Stanhope 20:11 Oh, you're fucking 10 outta 10.

Joe Rogan 20:12 In, in cal- oh, I got 10 outta 10. "Visually and physically multiple black belts. Son of an Irish cop from Boston. New Jersey, actually. Uh, first choice for a victim..." Da, da, da, da, da. "Respectful, intuitive and disciplined. Cakewalk. Perfect score." Oh. There we go.

Doug Stanhope 20:30 (Jamie laughs) Jo- uh, I mean, you don't even-

Joe Rogan 20:32 How did I do better than Joey Diaz?

Doug Stanhope 20:32 ... have to read it. I just, I love where it says, "Joe List, see Chris Hardwick with glasses."

Joe Rogan 20:37 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 20:39 But I talk to Bobby, uh, uh, you know, uh, a couple, few times a week. He, uh, uh, and a, a fucking great guy. My point was, he has merch. He doesn't just have a podcast, he's selling merch.

Joe Rogan 20:51 From, from The Joy.

Doug Stanhope 20:52 So when I started my podcast, I thought, "Ah, this is just a throwaway 'cause everyone has a podcast." Now I have two friends in prisons or mental institutions that have podcasts-

Joe Rogan 21:02 (sighs)

Doug Stanhope 21:02 ... and are probably pushing more merch than me. So.

Joe Rogan 21:05 So the guy who killed his mom, he has a podcast as well?

Doug Stanhope 21:08 It, I don't think he has a lot of listeners.

Joe Rogan 21:10 Well, I mean, he does now.

Doug Stanhope 21:12 He just-

Joe Rogan 21:12 What's it called?

Doug Stanhope 21:12 He just put out two-

Joe Rogan 21:14 (laughs) What's it called?

Doug Stanhope 21:15 Uh, The Ward.

Joe Rogan 21:17 Oh, wow.

Doug Stanhope 21:17 Uh, but he does open mics at, uh-

Joe Rogan 21:22 Jesus.

Doug Stanhope 21:22 ... in the mental institution.

Joe Rogan 21:23 What?

Doug Stanhope 21:24 Yeah, uh, eh, it-

Joe Rogan 21:25 Mental institution has open mics?

Doug Stanhope 21:27 He, he started it.

Joe Rogan 21:28 Isn't comedy bad for your mental health? Like, if you, if you-

Doug Stanhope 21:30 If his comedy is bad for everyone else's mental health-

Joe Rogan 21:33 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 21:33 ... I'll be... And I'm very honest with him. Like, I, he, like, he, he sends me clips of him and I go, "I didn't even know when I would, uh, like, give you a, a, a polite laugh, 'cause I didn't know where the joke was."

Joe Rogan 21:46 Huh, that's not good and he's try-

Doug Stanhope 21:47 But he's fuckin'-

Joe Rogan 21:48 ... and he's getting out.

Doug Stanhope 21:48 (laughs) But he's a great fucki- c- like, he's, he's aware of his psychosis. Like, he thought Lorne Michaels was secretly telling him he was gonna be on Saturday Night Live.

Joe Rogan 22:01 Maybe he was.

Doug Stanhope 22:01 So what he does, he murders his mother. Stay with me. Then he drives, uh, from the Southeast up to New York City. He gets on the set of Saturday Night Live, texts pictures to his sisters saying, "See, I'm on this set." Then finally security sees the error in their ways, they escort him off. Huge fan of Legion of Skanks.

Joe Rogan 22:27 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 22:28 So he goes down and he hangs out at the Cave and Creek. The podcast, like, Big Jay-

Joe Rogan 22:33 Right.

Doug Stanhope 22:33 ... they know who this guy is.

Joe Rogan 22:34 They know his deal?

Doug Stanhope 22:35 Actually, I just did Legion of Skanks and I fucking, I dr- I dialed Twyman. I could call Twyman right now, eh?

Joe Rogan 22:42 Oh, boy.

Doug Stanhope 22:42 But I won't. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 22:43 Yeah, let's not.

Doug Stanhope 22:44 Uh-

Joe Rogan 22:44 Jesus Christ, that's hilarious.

Doug Stanhope 22:46 ... and then they finally caught him and he went to Rikers Island, and then he got found not guilty. Anyway, he's a big comedy fan.

Joe Rogan 22:52 Well, there you go.

Doug Stanhope 22:52 Said to say hi.

Joe Rogan 22:53 Tell him I said hi back.

Doug Stanhope 22:55 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 22:55 It's, uh, it's a real bummer when you like someone and then you f- you hear their comedy and you're like, "I can't."

Doug Stanhope 23:02 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 23:02 "I can't be friends too."

Doug Stanhope 23:04 Well-

Joe Rogan 23:04 You know?

Doug Stanhope 23:05 This is, you know, this i- this is a-

Joe Rogan 23:07 Yeah. Well, he's a different case.

Doug Stanhope 23:09 Yeah, it's, uh-

Joe Rogan 23:10 It's... But, you know, like, when you're, when you're like... At the store there was always, um, an interesting hodgepodge of beginners and veterans, people that had been, you know, doing the road forever, and then there'd be people that, you know, you hung out with and you're like, "Oh, he seems like a funny guy." And then you see his set and you're like, "Oh, shit, I can't hang out with you. I just can't 'cause you're not gonna make it." It's like-

Doug Stanhope 23:32 Eh, you've never dated a comedian.

Joe Rogan 23:34 No. I did when I was 21.

Doug Stanhope 23:36 Where?

Joe Rogan 23:36 When I was 21.

Doug Stanhope 23:37 I, I, I was in a relationship for a, like, a year and a half.

Joe Rogan 23:42 It can get rough.

Doug Stanhope 23:43 And-

Joe Rogan 23:45 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 23:45 And they're working out bits, and you can't... Like, I can tell Twyman-

Joe Rogan 23:49 Ooh.

Doug Stanhope 23:49 I don't get why you would even think that's a joke.

Joe Rogan 23:52 Right. And he can handle it.

Doug Stanhope 23:53 'Cause who's he gonna kill? Me?

Joe Rogan 23:56 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 23:57 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 23:57 If he kills another person, he's really going away.

Doug Stanhope 23:59 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:00 This, this time.

Doug Stanhope 24:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:00 For real.

Doug Stanhope 24:02 Yeah. Those, and none of these meds are gonna work.

Joe Rogan 24:04 Yeah, the, um, the dating comedian thing, it works sometimes. Like, uh, like Tom Segura and Christina Pazitzky, it works great.

Doug Stanhope 24:13 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:13 You know? Bonnie McFarlane, Rich Vos works great.

Doug Stanhope 24:15 Is funnier than Vos, so, uh-

Joe Rogan 24:17 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 24:17 ... it's, uh, you know, power dynamic.

Joe Rogan 24:18 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 24:18 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 24:20 (laughs) Well, they're both funny. They're both-

Doug Stanhope 24:21 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:21 ... very funny.

Doug Stanhope 24:22 Yeah, he's, he's as good as Vos.

Joe Rogan 24:22 And as is Christina and Segura, they're both very funny.

Doug Stanhope 24:26 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:26 The problem is when one is not.... yeah. And then it's usually, like, a ugly male comic who's funny and a hotter female comic who's not funny who needs someone to do punch-up.

Doug Stanhope 24:37 Yeah.

Narrator 24:38 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 24:38 Writes their jokes for them.

Joe Rogan 24:39 It's always the case.

Narrator 24:41 It is.

Joe Rogan 24:41 They're always, like- like half-ass writers, and they- they get hooked up with some really, you know, really funny comic who's fucking way above his head.

Doug Stanhope 24:49 Troll, like the old troll guy-

Narrator 24:49 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 24:50 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 24:50 ... like me or Bill Maher.

Joe Rogan 24:52 And he's fucking way above his head. And so he helps punch up her act (clears throat) . I've had a lot of friends that have had those kinda weirdo (sighs) rela- Natasha Leggaro, Moshe Kasher, that's another good relationship between two funny people.

Doug Stanhope 25:04 Right.

Joe Rogan 25:05 But, i- i- there's been a lot of those relationships where the- the one of them is not good, you know, and it's just-

Doug Stanhope 25:11 I, uh, uh, how many times have you fallen into the trap of the comedian that you see them do five minutes in the Belly Room or whatever, and you go, "That guy's got some fu- he's really funny." But, and then you realize, oh, he stumbled into two accidentally funny jokes-

Joe Rogan 25:29 Mm-hmm.

Doug Stanhope 25:29 ... that he doesn't even understand are funny, but you're already promoting him.

Joe Rogan 25:32 (clicks tongue) I- I- I, I knew a girl who was like that. (clears throat) For whatever reason, she never, it never clicked. I don't wanna say her name. But it never clicked. But I saw her at an open mic night one time, like, 15, 16 years ago, and I was like, "Holy shit, she's a fucking monster." I was like, "She is gonna be huge. She's gonna be goddamn huge." And she never put it together. But she had one open mic night set in the Belly Room, and I watched it, and I was like, "Jesus Christ, that- that is a funny person."

Doug Stanhope 26:00 This is- this is a trap as well, when you say, "I'm not gonna say their name." So right now there's 130 women-

Joe Rogan 26:08 (coughs)

Doug Stanhope 26:09 ... thinking, "He's talking about me."

Narrator 26:10 Ha.

Doug Stanhope 26:11 "Is he talking about me?"

Joe Rogan 26:12 No, the one- the one I'm talking about, she's doing great with other stuff. So, it's not like a-

Doug Stanhope 26:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:17 You know, that's the thing with comics. It's like either they make it or they're a tragedy. You know, either they make it as a comedian or whatever it is that sought them, that- that- that made them seek out becoming a comic ruins whatever's left of their life. You know, if they can't make it in comedy and they see all these other people make it in comedy, then they're depressed and angry and bitter and they just wanna burn a, burn the world down. You know, they just, i- it's ... But this woman's not like that. She actually became successful at other stuff.

Doug Stanhope 26:45 Have you had people turn on you because they thought you were gonna help them as much as you helped other comics where you-

Joe Rogan 26:51 No, no, not really. I- I help people as much as I can. There's only mu- there's- there's only so much you can help, you know? And there's some people you can't help. You know, like, what you're doing is so p- poor, it's just like such ... There's nothing there. Like, I don't know what you need to do to change the way you're interfacing-

Doug Stanhope 27:09 What w-

Joe Rogan 27:09 ... with reality.

Doug Stanhope 27:09 What- what about older comics that-

Joe Rogan 27:11 Oh, that's bad.

Doug Stanhope 27:12 ... that s-

Joe Rogan 27:12 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 27:13 ... where they- they just-

Joe Rogan 27:14 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 27:14 ... stopped trying? Like-

Joe Rogan 27:16 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 27:17 ... "Yeah, we're going in a different direction on this tour."

Joe Rogan 27:19 Imagine if you were still doing your act from like 2000.

Doug Stanhope 27:22 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 27:23 Imagine. You had some great bits in 2000. I remember your act in 2000, it was funny as fuck. Imagine if you just hung onto that and you kept doing it on the road. There's- there's a lot of guys like that.

Doug Stanhope 27:32 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 27:33 We- we know them and they're out there. They're- they're just fucking ... It's like ... I don't, I mean, if you're in a band, it's a different story, you know? Like, I think band members don't mind doing old songs. Like, they'll, like, The Stones will go out there and they'll do an old album, and I don't think it's a problem. But a comic, it's just like, it's, there's something ... It's death. There's something about, like, rehashing an old perspective and- and trotting it out there like you give a fuck, it's like, "Ooh."

Doug Stanhope 28:05 He, uh ... I- I f- find myself in that position where I still do give a fuck about issues, 'cause i- uh, you and I both talk about shit that's horrible in society-

Joe Rogan 28:19 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 28:19 ... generally. And, uh, when that doesn't change and you're still angry about it-

Joe Rogan 28:23 Right.

Doug Stanhope 28:23 ... but you already did like three different bits from three different angles and-

Joe Rogan 28:28 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 28:28 ... "I can't eat this pie with a different fork again."

Joe Rogan 28:31 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 28:31 "The fuck do I do?"

Joe Rogan 28:33 Yeah. Right. And then sometimes you find a better perspective-

Doug Stanhope 28:34 And everything new is fucking ... I don't understand.

Joe Rogan 28:38 (laughs) How much are you on social media?

Doug Stanhope 28:40 You talk about TikTok.

Joe Rogan 28:41 Oh, I've, I have a fuck ton of TikTok.

Doug Stanhope 28:42 The point is, I don't know about a lot of shit, but I'm aware of what I don't know, so-

Joe Rogan 28:47 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 28:47 ... I try not to launch an opinion.

Joe Rogan 28:50 Yeah. The- the old perspectives that are still valid are weird too, 'cause it's like nothing's changed. It's like some- some old perspectives that you had, they- they are still good, like, they are still valid. I guess I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about comics that just like (clears throat) , you know, it becomes like, they're- they become like a carpenter. Not that there's anything wrong with being a carpenter, but they got tools and they just, you know, they just like, "Oh, this one needs a fucking T-square and I- I'm gonna use a- a hammer on that." And th- th- they're not comics anymore. They're just like, uh, tradesmen.

Doug Stanhope 29:23 Yeah, they're playing fucking Tetris. "All right-

Joe Rogan 29:26 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 29:26 ... this point of view fits into (laughs) this."

Joe Rogan 29:28 Yes. That's a good way to put it. Yeah, that's a good way to put it.

Doug Stanhope 29:30 Yeah, with a very dated reference, 'cause that's the last video game that was on a phone that I still-

Joe Rogan 29:36 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 29:36 Oh, they still have Tetris? And I still use the reference.

Joe Rogan 29:39 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 29:39 So yeah, at some point you're gonna (laughs) suck unless ... I don't know what's worse, is like, being the guy who has dated references 'cause he doesn't know if like, "Oh, now video games are in 3D or 4D or (laughs) HD."

Joe Rogan 29:52 It's an immersive fucking experience.

Doug Stanhope 29:56 Or being the old guy that, like, still watches whatever kids watch-

Joe Rogan 30:02 Right.

Doug Stanhope 30:02 ... and uses those references.

Joe Rogan 30:05 70 year old guy playing Twitch games online.

Doug Stanhope 30:08 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:08 Yeah. Yeah, and that's-

Doug Stanhope 30:09 It's like Grand Theft Auto VI. Is it VII yet? I don't know.

Joe Rogan 30:14 How many Grand Theft Autos are there, Jamie?

Narrator 30:16 (clears throat) There's done five.

Joe Rogan 30:17 Five?

Narrator 30:18 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:18 Ugh.

Narrator 30:18 It's been 10 years. Or close to it.

Joe Rogan 30:20 10 years?

Narrator 30:21 It's been a while. They're still promoting it, though. (whispers) Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:24 You mean Grand Theft Auto V came out 10 years ago?

Narrator 30:27 It came out right around the time-

Joe Rogan 30:27 No shit.

Narrator 30:28 ... I got a job for-

Doug Stanhope 30:28 So that's even a dated reference.

Narrator 30:30 Yeah, so about eight, ten years, yeah.

Doug Stanhope 30:31 (laughs) I'm using a, I'm using a 10-year-old reference as a new reference of something I don't understand. Like it just-

Narrator 30:37 It's still popular, so no, it's, I mean, you're not really that wrong, to be honest with you.

Doug Stanhope 30:40 Well, it's, uh ...

Joe Rogan 30:42 Are they making a new one?

Narrator 30:44 ... they are very quiet about that, so like, no one knows.

Doug Stanhope 30:46 They're very quiet about a lot of things. Like, if you were a comic that, like maybe eight years ago, was hired to be a comic that's in the game and you put on the whole fucking CGI suit and you did your act in front of a fake audience-

Narrator 31:01 Mm-hmm.

Doug Stanhope 31:01 ... that, uh, so they could put it in the game but you had to sign all sorts of non-disclosure agreements, like it's the biggest secret that you're gonna be on the game and then you're never on the game, you still to this day could not fucking talk about it.

Narrator 31:14 Really?

Doug Stanhope 31:14 That's my point.

Narrator 31:15 Annie Letterman is one of the bigger voices in that game.

Doug Stanhope 31:17 Is she really?

Narrator 31:18 Yeah. Like, the sister.

Doug Stanhope 31:19 I fucking love her.

Narrator 31:20 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:20 I love her.

Doug Stanhope 31:20 I, uh, like sh- an- another... The Comedy Store documentary.

Joe Rogan 31:24 Yeah, she was great in it.

Doug Stanhope 31:25 The-

Joe Rogan 31:25 She was great.

Doug Stanhope 31:26 ... one of the good things about-

Joe Rogan 31:27 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 31:27 ... COVID, and I could go on about all the great things about COVID, and I'm sorry if a half a million people are collateral damage to the joy that I've gotten out of COVID, is I get to learn about a lot of new comics that... I don't watch comedy 'cause it's, I'm always afraid, "Oh, I'm gonna..." you know?

Joe Rogan 31:46 Yeah. She's one of my favorites.

Doug Stanhope 31:47 A- and that was that, uh, Comedy Store documentary that made me, "Oh, fuck, I love this chick."

Joe Rogan 31:53 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 31:53 Turns out she was a... She went to the Death Valley party th- they, they had like a, a, a resurgence of it, a small core group went out to Death Valley in October and she showed up and I was, I pussied out, like, "I don't wanna drive fucking 13 hours to fucking Death Valley." But, uh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:10 Well, you get to meet her anyway. She's, um... I'm trying to get her to move out here. She probably will. She's fucking brilliant, man.

Doug Stanhope 32:16 Bargatze?

Joe Rogan 32:17 She's the real deal.

Doug Stanhope 32:18 Oh, yeah, no. Uh-

Joe Rogan 32:18 Nate Bargatze is fucking hilarious.

Doug Stanhope 32:20 Uh, I'm trying to think, uh, Nate Craig was one, uh, Sam Morril, I don't know-

Joe Rogan 32:24 Sam Morril is very funny, very funny.

Doug Stanhope 32:26 Yeah, like I, I actually-

Joe Rogan 32:27 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 32:27 ... sat down and watched a bunch of people.

Joe Rogan 32:29 There's a great crew coming up, you know? There's, um... Do you, uh, pay attention to Andrew Schultz? You listen to his stuff?

Doug Stanhope 32:35 Yeah. No, Sh- Schultz-

Joe Rogan 32:37 Hilarious.

Doug Stanhope 32:37 ... I, like, there's a few that I... I, I, I'm terrible, and so are you, uh, at following up a lot of times, like, uh, like, "Hey, Joe, on Sunday, what time on Wednesday and where do I go?" And-

Joe Rogan 32:53 I didn't text you back?

Doug Stanhope 32:54 No, no.

Joe Rogan 32:55 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 32:55 And, uh, it like, it affected all my travel plans.

Joe Rogan 32:59 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 32:59 And, uh-

Joe Rogan 32:59 I'm sorry (laughs) .

Doug Stanhope 33:00 ... and then I, then I ask the fucking worst person ever, "Hey, uh..."

Joe Rogan 33:04 Who'd you ask? Red Band?

Doug Stanhope 33:06 No. No, no.

Joe Rogan 33:07 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 33:07 Red Band is the one who fucking got... He was the hero. No, Brett Erickson and fucking Kerry Mitchell.

Joe Rogan 33:12 Oh. Oh (laughs) .

Doug Stanhope 33:12 I'm like, "Can you at least tell me, like do you know like what part of Austin so I could book a hotel near it?"

Joe Rogan 33:18 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 33:19 And they gave me... They didn't say, "I don't know," they gave me the wrong information. They gave me the information of the fucking new-

Joe Rogan 33:25 Oh, yeah.

Doug Stanhope 33:25 ... you know, place. And they, he lives like 10 minutes north of there. I'm like, "Well, wh- where... Does he do the podcast there?"

Joe Rogan 33:33 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 33:33 Like, I wanna be like uber distance but if you live out in fucking butt fuck rich part of town, they might not have Ubers. Ron White fucked us like that once. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 33:42 Did he?

Doug Stanhope 33:42 Well, yeah, he's like, "Yeah, after the show in Atlanta," he showed up and did a guest spot. (laughs) "But you have to come to my house to party afterwards. It's, it's just right down the road. It's like fucking almost an hour away. We're gonna be on the tour bus, so we'll take all of you on the tour bus and we're coming back through this way."

Joe Rogan 34:02 (sighs)

Doug Stanhope 34:02 "Anyway, tomorrow we'll drop you back off," and we partied through the night. Like, one of the hardest fucking hangovers I've ever lived through. With a show the next night.

Joe Rogan 34:11 Ron White is sober now.

Doug Stanhope 34:13 Oh, uh, yeah. Tell me that but... (laughs) So, so the next morning as we're still like vaguely awake, he's like, "You guys gotta get a Uber." We're like, "I thought the tour bus is taking us back." "Change of plans."

Joe Rogan 34:27 Oh, God.

Doug Stanhope 34:29 And then it's this gated community on a golf course and a fucking Uber takes two and a half hours-

Joe Rogan 34:34 (sighs)

Doug Stanhope 34:34 ... so we're drinking again to fucking tamp down the hangover and then... It was, it was one of the worst shows I've ever had that night, where I said, "If I gave refunds, this would be the show. But I don't."

Joe Rogan 34:45 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 34:47 Uh, yeah. I heard he's, uh, do some like Ayahuasca effect thing?

Joe Rogan 34:51 Yeah. He went, um... He's more than 60 days sober now. Sharp as a tack. I did, uh, the Chappelle's shows with him last week. I did Sunday and Tuesday with him last week. And I did a Vulcan Gas Company in town too. I did that with him too. He's fucking sharp as fuck, and just completely sober. He went to the doctor. Big mistake, right? You don't go to the doctor.

Doug Stanhope 35:13 Nope.

Joe Rogan 35:13 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 35:14 Nope.

Joe Rogan 35:15 He went to the doctor (laughs) . The doctor gave him the old once over and go, "We gotta fucking hit the brakes on this train." Like, "This runaway train is heading right for a cliff."

Doug Stanhope 35:23 Did, did he tell you why he went to the doctor?

Joe Rogan 35:25 Nope. I didn't ask. I feel like Ron White tells you everything he wants to tell you.

Doug Stanhope 35:29 Oh, I do. I... 'Cause that's my doctor, is... Who did I just talk to? Uh, I, I can... Fuck it. I'll... J- Jordan Zevon, Warren's son.

Joe Rogan 35:39 Oh.

Doug Stanhope 35:40 Uh, who I've known peripherally through like MySpace and social media. Like, we've DMed here and there. He sent me a, like Warren Zevon's like original practice amp. Uh, fucking cool guy and I said, "Hey, I want you on the podcast." This was just a couple of weeks ago. And he's like, "Uh, I'm probably not that interesting. I'm not Jordan Springsteen," (laughs) and, uh, "But here's my number anyway 'cause I don't drink anymore." And I called him up and I go, "I'll tell you if you're interesting or not." And he told me the most interesting story. He got diagnosed with cirrhosis and then, uh, like unwrapped, like, "Well, what made you go to the doctor to begin with? What symptoms (laughs) should I be looking for that you had?" That's like Hedberg's old joke. "My girlfriend wanted me to get a AIDS test. So I call my friend and I said, 'Hey, Brian, do you know anyone with AIDS?' And he said, 'No.' And I said, 'Well, you know me.'"

Joe Rogan 36:40 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 36:42 But yeah, it...

Joe Rogan 36:45 So, you-

Doug Stanhope 36:45 What should I look for? I have none of those symptoms, I think I'm good.

Joe Rogan 36:48 Um, you're a, um, a moderate regular drinker. That's what I would say.

Doug Stanhope 36:55 Well, it's also 1:30 in the afternoon.

Joe Rogan 36:58 Yeah, but I mean, you, but you drink a lot of light beer.

Doug Stanhope 37:01 No, that's, that's, that's-

Joe Rogan 37:02 Silver?

Doug Stanhope 37:03 That's, like, 13 years ago.

Joe Rogan 37:05 When did you stop with the light beer?

Doug Stanhope 37:05 I moved to cocktails because I don't know anything. I, I need you as a fucking, uh, personal trainer of life. Uh, at 2008, I quit smoking for a year and I got really fat. And, uh, so what I did as I switched from M- Miller Lite to vodka cranberry, straight, thinking, "Oh, cranberry is a juice, which is good for you."

Joe Rogan 37:32 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 37:32 No, it's got like eight times the fucking sugar.

Joe Rogan 37:35 Have you ever had like a, a r- an actual cranberry? They're disgusting.

Doug Stanhope 37:38 Oh yeah, they're gross.

Joe Rogan 37:38 Cranberry juice cocktail is just sugar. Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 37:41 Well, yeah. Now, I, I do, uh, vodka soda with just a splash of juice.

Joe Rogan 37:46 That's a good-

Doug Stanhope 37:47 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 37:47 ... that's a good way to go.

Doug Stanhope 37:47 But at first I go, "Oh, juice is better for me." I'm not considering sugar makes you fat.

Joe Rogan 37:53 Yeah, that shit's real fatty. Um, but the cigarettes, what is it? What happens when you get off the cigarettes?

Doug Stanhope 37:58 That's my problem.

Joe Rogan 37:59 It jacks up your, cigarettes jack up your metabolism, right? It does something and when you get off of it, slows you down.

Doug Stanhope 38:05 Well, it kills your appetite.

Joe Rogan 38:06 Oh, is that what it is?

Doug Stanhope 38:07 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:07 But it also, doesn't the nicotine like rev you up? Like-

Doug Stanhope 38:10 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:10 ... burns calories too.

Doug Stanhope 38:11 Yeah. And I d- i- i- I, if, if I'm on a, a bender and the, you know, the hangover will kick in when I light my first cigarette the next day. And then I'll get like booze shakes.

Joe Rogan 38:23 Oh.

Doug Stanhope 38:24 Uh, it's after the first cigarette.

Joe Rogan 38:26 Hmm.

Doug Stanhope 38:27 Uh.

Joe Rogan 38:27 That's interesting. The cigarette kicks it in.

Doug Stanhope 38:29 Well, I guess that means it does jack you up.

Joe Rogan 38:31 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 38:32 Like you're holding-

Joe Rogan 38:33 I, I'm like, uh-

Doug Stanhope 38:34 ... I'm holding a drink with two hands like Leaving Las Vegas where you can't sign the fucking banknote.

Joe Rogan 38:39 Oh. I remember that movie. Um, I like smoking cigarettes before shows. I did it once with Hinchcliffe.

Doug Stanhope 38:45 Wait, you smoke cigarettes?

Joe Rogan 38:45 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Doug Stanhope 38:47 I remember when you barely drank. I remember one podcast we did a million years ago where you had like three beers and you were saying you were drunk.

Joe Rogan 38:56 Really?

Doug Stanhope 38:57 Yeah. It was a long time ago.

Joe Rogan 38:59 Yeah, but I mean, that was like 2009 when I started podcasts.

Doug Stanhope 39:06 I have no idea of time.

Joe Rogan 39:07 I was, that was, for sure drinking, like actual drinking then. Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 39:12 Well, you're older. You don't have a, the memory that I do.

Joe Rogan 39:15 Yeah. I'm over the hump by like what? Two months? (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 39:17 No, I, no, tomorrow's my birthday and you turn-

Joe Rogan 39:19 How old are you tomorrow?

Doug Stanhope 39:20 You're February, right?

Joe Rogan 39:21 No, I'm August. How old are you tomorrow?

Doug Stanhope 39:23 Oh wait, you're F- I'm older than you.

Joe Rogan 39:25 Yeah, I think so.

Doug Stanhope 39:26 All right. I thought you were a month older than me.

Joe Rogan 39:28 No.

Doug Stanhope 39:28 All right. Well, if you're a kid-

Joe Rogan 39:30 Are you 54 tomorrow?

Doug Stanhope 39:30 ... you have no idea what you're talking about.

Joe Rogan 39:31 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 39:31 (laughs) I'm 54 tomorrow.

Joe Rogan 39:33 I'll be 54 in August. (laughs) Isn't that weird? When I was a kid, I thought 54 people, th- that was a dead person. You w- you weren't doing shit. You're just laying around waiting to rot out from the inside.

Doug Stanhope 39:45 I know, and I s- I still feel like that. And everyone's aging beautifully, and I, I'm not gonna keep up.

Joe Rogan 39:50 Ron White was fucking luxurious head of hair and, uh, now that he's 60 days sober, sharp as a tack, I think he's gonna pull through this swimmingly.

Doug Stanhope 39:58 I don't remember him not being sharp as a tack.

Joe Rogan 40:01 Well, he was always great even when he was drunk. I mean, he was always a great comic for sure, even when he was drinking like every day. But, uh, I, you know, like I said, I didn't ask for specifics what it is that was getting him, but something was getting him. Something, it's something bad enough where he got so scared that not only did he get off the booze, but then he went to Costa Rica and did, uh, multiple ayahuasca ceremonies.

Doug Stanhope 40:26 Oh.

Joe Rogan 40:27 And he wants to talk about it, but I don't wanna talk to him about it until he talks about it on the podcast.

Doug Stanhope 40:31 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 40:31 I go, "Let's just, let's just, tell me on the air, 'cause like the first time you tell me, it'll be the best."

Doug Stanhope 40:35 Exactly. That's, uh, do you, uh, 'cause I'm always in that mindset of-

Joe Rogan 40:39 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 40:40 ... like, Jordan Ziva, in that conversation, we talked for almost an hour and I go, "I just wasted a fucking podcast."

Joe Rogan 40:47 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 40:47 I'm monetizing in my head even without money, I'm monetizing, capitalizing on a personal conversation where you're like, "Fuck, that would've been a great podcast."

Joe Rogan 40:56 You could look at it that way, but you could also look at it like you want to share this in its purest and best form with all the people that enjoy your podcast.

Doug Stanhope 41:04 That's why when I saw you-

Joe Rogan 41:05 And the best way to do it.

Doug Stanhope 41:06 ... I go, "Just tell me the stuff that we're not gonna talk about on the podcast."

Joe Rogan 41:09 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 41:09 "Don't fucking waste a breath."

Joe Rogan 41:10 Well, that stuff will be soon. We can, (clears throat) the stuff that I told you not to talk about, it's just, uh, a matter of, we have to get up and running.

Narrator 41:19 (clattering)

Joe Rogan 41:19 Where I put 'em on-

Doug Stanhope 41:19 Yeah. And it's where I put out, I, yeah, I want, I, I, I don't wanna waste a breath that's worth shit.

Joe Rogan 41:26 What is this? TX Whiskey?

Doug Stanhope 41:27 That came from a fan and, uh-

Joe Rogan 41:30 Oh, Jesus. It's probably tainted.

Doug Stanhope 41:31 No, I just opened it before 'cause I had the booze shakes before you showed up and I go, "I should open this now 'cause I don't want to be quivering."

Joe Rogan 41:39 Smells good. I did a podcast yesterday with Marcus Luttrell.

Doug Stanhope 41:43 That is not a sponsor. Uh, TX, I brought that bottle on purpose.

Joe Rogan 41:50 For Texas.

Doug Stanhope 41:50 If I get a fucking, if I had a whiskey sponsor on my podcast, I would, I would be making bank because-

Joe Rogan 41:56 We have a whiskey sponsor. We have a Buffalo Trace. They're the shit. You ever have that?

Doug Stanhope 42:00 Yes, I have.

Joe Rogan 42:01 Phenomenal.

Doug Stanhope 42:03 And, uh, I could s- i- if there, there is anything I could sell on my podcast-

Joe Rogan 42:09 It'd be booze.

Doug Stanhope 42:10 ... it's liquor.

Joe Rogan 42:10 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 42:11 When I was a Miller Lite drinker on stage, like, I, I think my first five specials of whatever, like CDs or DVDs when they made the transition, you can hear me saying, "Can I get another Miller Lite up here?" And I wasn't pushing the product, it's just what I drank. But on the road, they would sell out of Miller Lite in, if I was doing a week by fucking first show Friday, they're sold out of the brand I'm drinking. I'm like, "It tastes exactly like fucking Coors Light or Bud Light." I couldn't tell the difference. A whiskey, I could fucking sell. So yes, I am actively fucking searching out a whiskey sponsor.

Joe Rogan 42:47 Maybe you should go to the doctor first, get it checked out.

Doug Stanhope 42:50 ... make sure everything's okay.

Joe Rogan 42:51 Feel great.

Doug Stanhope 42:52 Okay, fine. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 42:53 (laughs) Do I look bad?

Doug Stanhope 42:54 No, you look great. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 42:56 Like I said, Ron White's 10 years older than you and he's been going hard forever. He's been going hard for 50 years.

Doug Stanhope 43:04 Uh, uh, uh, is he, uh, was he a cigar smoker?

Joe Rogan 43:07 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 43:07 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 43:08 Still smokes cigars. He still smokes weed.

Doug Stanhope 43:10 Hmm.

Joe Rogan 43:10 But, uh, he's, uh, he's off-

Doug Stanhope 43:11 I've been doing the edibles.

Joe Rogan 43:12 Have you, really?

Doug Stanhope 43:14 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 43:14 Well, I r- I saw that on your Instagram, or your, uh, Twitter rather.

Doug Stanhope 43:17 Yes.

Joe Rogan 43:17 I was like, "Look at this, hmm."

Doug Stanhope 43:20 Yeah, it's-

Joe Rogan 43:20 You're, you're paranoid?

Doug Stanhope 43:22 No, no, no, n- uh, not really. But I've, I, I've been doing 'em mostly during a fucking year of COVID, so I- I-

Joe Rogan 43:30 That wouldn't make you paranoid though? Just be, don't you just like, just think of mortality and life and death and people you used to know-

Doug Stanhope 43:37 Not on 10 milligrams, but sometimes.

Joe Rogan 43:38 Oh, little baby, little baby doses.

Doug Stanhope 43:40 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 43:40 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 43:40 Yeah, uh, I mean, I, I get paranoid anyway, I get fucking paranoid on the road. Driving through West Texas, I know... How far have you been from Austin-

Joe Rogan 43:51 I've been-

Doug Stanhope 43:52 ... in a car?

Joe Rogan 43:53 Um, not recently, but I've been. I've driven, you know, down to Houston, Dallas.

Doug Stanhope 43:58 Well-

Joe Rogan 43:59 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 43:59 ... West Texas, just like-

Joe Rogan 44:00 Yeah, West Texas you might as well be in a vampire movie.

Doug Stanhope 44:02 Especially when I'm in that head space-

Joe Rogan 44:04 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 44:04 ... after... Okay, I just did 450 miles, stopping to piss once with my gator up.

Joe Rogan 44:12 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 44:13 The gator's-

Joe Rogan 44:13 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 44:13 ... fucking great because it hides my fucking old man neck flesh, so, another great thing about-

Joe Rogan 44:18 Well, there's a lot of guys that were rocking the neck bandana anyway-

Doug Stanhope 44:21 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 44:21 ... for a long time. And now, you know, they just keep it going. That, like, by the way, that neck bandana doesn't do jack shit.

Doug Stanhope 44:27 I know.

Joe Rogan 44:28 I talked to my doctor about it, he was like, "You might as well not have a fucking mask on with that thing."

Doug Stanhope 44:31 Well, no, I-

Joe Rogan 44:32 It's all open at the bottom and-

Doug Stanhope 44:33 If I'm in a place, I put a fucking N95 and then I put-

Joe Rogan 44:37 Yeah?

Doug Stanhope 44:37 ... this over it.

Joe Rogan 44:39 Are you taking any vitamins or anything-

Doug Stanhope 44:41 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 44:41 ... to try to protect yourself?

Doug Stanhope 44:42 I took four B12s before I came here.

Joe Rogan 44:43 Oh.

Doug Stanhope 44:43 I got chewable zincs with C.

Joe Rogan 44:46 Oh...

Doug Stanhope 44:46 At home I load up on C. I wake up, I take-

Joe Rogan 44:49 Oh...

Doug Stanhope 44:49 I drink a smoothie that has carrot juice.

Joe Rogan 44:52 What?

Doug Stanhope 44:52 Uh, beets. I, I, if it's a red one I'll do beets and strawberries. Uh, spinach. I don't fucking do kale, broccoli, uh, then I have the green mix, uh, flaxseed and peanut butter for protein. Uh, if it's green I do cucumber and celery for flavor, green apple, pineapple.

Joe Rogan 45:11 Are you feeling better from doing this?

Doug Stanhope 45:13 Well, yeah, I... No, I feel like shit all the time.

Joe Rogan 45:16 (laughs) That doesn't help at all?

Doug Stanhope 45:17 I'm sure it does, but I don't notice... I'm really bad with cause and effect. Like, like I get nervous. When I started this, I'm like, "I'm nervous and I love it." But I, I'm not mentally aware that I'm nervous, I know physically that I'm nervous. When I booked the UK, I f- I'm so terrified of the UK for some reason, even though they're-

Joe Rogan 45:40 Really?

Doug Stanhope 45:40 ... very welcoming to me. I'm terrified of their audiences, uh, 'cause generally I think they're s- smarter and funnier than most American comedians.

Joe Rogan 45:50 Mm.

Doug Stanhope 45:51 Just the average guy in the crowd. That I, like, I, I know when I can't brush my tongue, 'cause I gag, that I'm nervous. Where I, I, I wasn't-

Joe Rogan 46:01 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 46:01 ... really aware that I was nervous until...

Joe Rogan 46:06 I think they have very high standards for, for y- your work-

Doug Stanhope 46:10 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 46:10 ... in the UK. They don't tolerate sloppiness so much. They, they, they want you to be prepared.

Doug Stanhope 46:16 But I don't know-

Joe Rogan 46:17 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 46:17 ... what they expect. And I, I-

Joe Rogan 46:19 'Cause you don't know the culture as well.

Doug Stanhope 46:21 Right.

Joe Rogan 46:21 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 46:22 I can't, I can't profile like you can in the States, where you can look at a person and, and know by what they're wearing or how they h- carry themselves. Over there-

Joe Rogan 46:35 Right.

Doug Stanhope 46:36 ... everyone's just a mutated head like me with fucking-

Joe Rogan 46:38 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 46:39 Like, I don't know y- y- you're, you've...

Joe Rogan 46:43 They've, they're generally, (coughs) generally very accepting towards American comics though. Like, when American comics have gone over there, they've done really well. Like, Bird did his last special there. Um, you know, obviously Hicks became huge over there.

Doug Stanhope 46:56 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 46:56 A lot of guys go over there and do really well.

Doug Stanhope 46:59 Yeah, I, again-

Joe Rogan 46:59 I l- I've always loved performing there.

Doug Stanhope 47:00 ... I don't know why, but I, I, I just don't know...

Joe Rogan 47:04 They're very polite there too, right?

Doug Stanhope 47:06 During the day.

Joe Rogan 47:07 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 47:08 And then a few pints later, then their, all their aggro that they've swallowed because of their culture, "Oh, it's impolite to say this," and that's why they're fucking smashing each other in the head with pint glasses at the end of the night at last call or whatever they call last call.

Joe Rogan 47:24 They got a lot of stabbings over there. It's a weird thing, 'cause, you know, it's hard to get a gun.

Doug Stanhope 47:30 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 47:31 It's like-

Doug Stanhope 47:31 I, there's an old bit I used to do, like, "We have all the shootings (laughs) uh, but less of the fist fights, 'cause..."

Joe Rogan 47:38 Mm-hmm.

Doug Stanhope 47:39 Uh, well...

Joe Rogan 47:41 True.

Doug Stanhope 47:42 That we, we have no h- we have no healthcare. Th- they can afford to beat the fuck out of each other-

Joe Rogan 47:48 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 47:48 ... because they don't have to pay for the stitches. Of h- it's a old bit-

Joe Rogan 47:52 Yeah, they don't have a co-pay.

Doug Stanhope 47:53 ... so I don't remember how it goes.

Joe Rogan 47:53 W- tell me about this book, you were telling me about this book.

Doug Stanhope 47:55 Oh, Sam Talent?

Joe Rogan 47:56 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 47:56 Yes.

Joe Rogan 47:57 'Cause maybe-

Doug Stanhope 47:57 Running the Light, that's for you.

Joe Rogan 47:59 Is that... Because I think-

Doug Stanhope 48:00 Go ahead.

Joe Rogan 48:00 Thank you. I think someone else told me about this and I wasn't paying attention. And-

Doug Stanhope 48:05 It's the best depiction of road comedy. There's never been any movie in the United States, or, that, that shows standup comedy for what it is. Uh, what was Adam Sandler? Back to Adam Sandler. The one he did where, like, he's a old, bitter comic that thinks he has cancer but he's wrong. Se- yeah, Funny People.

Joe Rogan 48:31 I never saw that.

Doug Stanhope 48:31 That, that was, uh, but it wasn't app- applicable to road comedy.

Joe Rogan 48:36 Right.

Doug Stanhope 48:36 Where this is someone who's still doing one-nighters in fucking Amarillo, Texas.

Joe Rogan 48:42 Oh.

Doug Stanhope 48:42 He's a old guy-

Joe Rogan 48:43 And he's 53.

Doug Stanhope 48:43 ... and he's our age.

Joe Rogan 48:44 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 48:45 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 48:45 Um, there was, we were talking before the podcast about Bill Maher's book. A lot of people don't know it. It's one of the things that I-... before I talk to Bill Maher, I, I wanna t- tell him. That's like, that's ag- a great book.

Doug Stanhope 48:56 Did you tell his fucking writers to s- s- stop stealing my fucking bits?

Joe Rogan 49:01 Are they stealing your bits?

Doug Stanhope 49:01 Sorry, yeah, we, I, I, th-

Joe Rogan 49:02 Really?

Doug Stanhope 49:02 That Patreon was supposed to go out fucking three weeks ago, but Chaley was on vacation. Yeah, so again, it's-

Joe Rogan 49:08 What bit?

Doug Stanhope 49:09 Well, this time, it, it, it subtle hints at it, uh, uh, it was about, uh, well, my bit was about the 10K Fun Run for Your Own Ego I think was the track title, but we have to, his was, "We have to stop raising awareness for raising awareness!" And then, the, like, there's things that are absolutely specific to my bit from four years ago-

Joe Rogan 49:35 (groans)

Doug Stanhope 49:35 ... when it was relevant. He goes into, like, uh, "And football, do you, can you stop with the pink shoes? Like, uh, I'm trying to watch the game here!" Like, specific lines in my cadence-

Joe Rogan 49:49 (groans)

Doug Stanhope 49:49 ... where, like, I, I know you fucking ... I don't think Bill Maher stole shit, 'cause I don't think he's that committed to his own show. I think he walks into his writer's room and says, "What's my opinion this week? You, go. You, go." I think his (laughs) but he's fucking ripped me off since 2007 as a goof, you know, PR stunt basically, when Bristol Palin was announced that she was, you know, pregnant at s- like, 17 when Sarah Palin was-

Joe Rogan 50:19 Right.

Doug Stanhope 50:20 ... a vice presidential candidate, we put up a website, savingbristol.com, where I was offering her like 25 grand to have an abortion (laughs) so she doesn't ruin her life and get stuck in that cult. The next day or in th- within that week, he put up a fucking, uh, Levi, the ha- uh, the father of the baby, a website saying, "We're gonna raise money to fucking..." Like, mirror, like, wha- like, thi- this is fucking specific, and this last one was, he's talking about NFL w- players wearing pink shoes, the bit I did, I think, five years ago, where the NFL hasn't done pink shoes for years, and it's not even football season, and you're using the exact same fucking-

Joe Rogan 51:05 Wow. It's probably his writers, you're probably right.

Doug Stanhope 51:08 Uh, f-

Joe Rogan 51:09 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 51:09 ... fucking abortion is green was one of my favorite bits I did a long time ago. Yeah, he did that, uh, you know, uh ...

Joe Rogan 51:15 That bit? I remember that bit very well.

Doug Stanhope 51:17 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 51:19 (sighs)

Doug Stanhope 51:20 And, uh-

Joe Rogan 51:21 That's the problem with writers.

Doug Stanhope 51:23 I-

Joe Rogan 51:23 I mean, we've always had a problem with that at the store, like, guys would, uh, come in, writers would sit in the back of the room and then you'd hear certain comics' bits on someone's monologue.

Doug Stanhope 51:33 We had that problem with The Man Show.

Joe Rogan 51:36 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 51:36 Now, i- i- it's a reverse problem, is that ph- we know we're gonna take the bad beat for doing shitty bits. (laughs) The sketches like this ... Do you remember the time where (laughs) we had to do some fucking awful bit that, uh, where we were-

Joe Rogan 51:56 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 51:57 ... talking?

Joe Rogan 51:57 I know what you're saying. Yeah. Without being-

Doug Stanhope 51:59 But, we forgot that we were-

Joe Rogan 52:00 ... too mean to other people.

Doug Stanhope 52:00 Th- yeah, we, we-

Joe Rogan 52:01 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 52:01 ... forgot we were mic'd up and we were talking about-

Joe Rogan 52:03 (laughs) (claps hands on legs)

Doug Stanhope 52:04 ... like this fucking bit we're about to fucking ... We forgot that the head writer was listening to the (laughs) entire thing.

Joe Rogan 52:11 The problem is-

Doug Stanhope 52:11 I still feel bad about that.

Joe Rogan 52:13 ... that's, I don't feel bad about that. You, you, you, we were forced into that situation. That was a trick. You know, I, I tell people what happened with that show. You and I got pulled aside-

Doug Stanhope 52:21 But that specific instant-

Joe Rogan 52:22 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 52:22 ... incident where a, like, if we had talked to Tom to his face and said, "This thing sucks," but he had to hear it from me smoking backstage by a fucking dumpster and (laughs) -

Joe Rogan 52:36 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 52:36 ... just you talking to me, we're like, "Who fucking wrote this?" Jesus gun. Good God. I can't believe I came up with that.

Joe Rogan 52:42 I would never do a show like that ever again. I don't think you can ever do a show where you bring in producers that aren't comics, that don't understand your sensibility, and then you have network executives that have their opinions and they're not funny and they all wanna get their greasy little hands on the, on the recipe. And it becomes-

Doug Stanhope 53:02 Well, y-

Joe Rogan 53:02 ... a disaster.

Doug Stanhope 53:03 Like, I'm, I, we're, uh, you know Olivia Grace?

Joe Rogan 53:06 Yes.

Doug Stanhope 53:06 Fucking-

Joe Rogan 53:06 Very funny.

Doug Stanhope 53:07 ... the best.

Joe Rogan 53:08 I met her when she was like 16.

Doug Stanhope 53:09 Yeah, she has a fucking-

Joe Rogan 53:10 She came to the Bray Improv.

Doug Stanhope 53:11 ... tattoo of a quote of my bit on her belly from when she was like 16.

Joe Rogan 53:15 Whoa.

Doug Stanhope 53:16 And, and I go, "I'll pay for you to get that covered up." You know, you gotta-

Joe Rogan 53:19 Yeah, get that lasered off, kid.

Doug Stanhope 53:20 Uh, but sh- we're pitching a show, a series now, and-

Joe Rogan 53:24 For, on what network?

Doug Stanhope 53:26 Well, we're-

Joe Rogan 53:27 For what?

Doug Stanhope 53:28 Uh, uh, well, the, the premise is y- y- I don't know if you saw my Louie episode where I was, the character was named Eddie that was gonna kill himself.

Joe Rogan 53:38 Mm-hmm.

Doug Stanhope 53:39 Uh, and th- it ends with me driving off to my last gig to kill myself, but what if Eddie didn't kill himself and here 15 years later (laughs) it's kind of a Harold and Maude thing. And, and, we, it's through a British production company where you go, "Oh, okay. (laughs) So huge difference." But we're, we're pitching it homegrown network, uh, the, the, the point is that I don't need it now. When we did The Man Show, I needed that and you didn't 'cause you were doing Fear Factor. Like, if you weren't doing Fear Factor, you had the, the presence to go, "Fuck this! I'm not doing this. No, we're doing it this way." And I was the guy that was in the office every day going, "Uh, whatever you say."

Joe Rogan 54:26 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 54:27 "Uh, I think that's funnier, but I'll do it your way."

Joe Rogan 54:29 Well, I only did it because I was gonna do it with you. Like, I, I was very specific with them. Like, they, they, they pitched a bunch of other people and I said, "No."

Doug Stanhope 54:37 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:37 I said, "I'm doing it with Stan Hope, or I'm not gonna do it." I'm like, "I need a real comic."... I'm like, "I need a crazy person."

Doug Stanhope 54:43 Yeah, but I did not have the, the-

Joe Rogan 54:44 You didn't have the ability to say fuck you.

Doug Stanhope 54:46 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:47 Yeah, yeah.

Doug Stanhope 54:47 Uh, but now, now I do. So now-

Joe Rogan 54:49 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 54:49 ... it's kind of fun to pitch a series.

Joe Rogan 54:51 Right.

Doug Stanhope 54:51 I don't need it. Like, I, I think it would be funny. I, I love the premise and it would be dark, like that episode I did.

Joe Rogan 54:57 Well, she's great. I'm down for anything that she does, but I just feel like at this day and age, like anytime you bring other people into the mix, it's a mess. It's just, you gotta be autonomous.

Doug Stanhope 55:07 But I, I, but I'm saying now I have that presence of mind where I wouldn't do something-

Joe Rogan 55:12 Terrible.

Doug Stanhope 55:12 ... stupid because-

Joe Rogan 55:13 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 55:13 ... a suit what, "How about instead-

Joe Rogan 55:15 Right.

Doug Stanhope 55:15 ... of you're j- like suicidal drunk guy, you're a crazy guy who wears funny hats?" Like I would not capitulate.

Joe Rogan 55:22 Right. Like if we were in the same situation that we were in way back then with The Man Show today, we would be like, "No, we're not doing this sketch." Like there was, there was a bunch of sketches that were like, they shouldn't have been on the show. They just were not good. And these guys, they had this idea of what it is. (laughs) My favorite fucking scene was the, the Joey Diaz bursting out naked to introduce us.

Doug Stanhope 55:43 Yes. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 55:43 And they, they, they-

Doug Stanhope 55:43 I remember Zoie Friedman-

Joe Rogan 55:46 Sh- cried. She cried.

Doug Stanhope 55:47 She, she, she, e- it aged her like a president.

Joe Rogan 55:52 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 55:53 Where she became a frumpy old woman looking-

Joe Rogan 55:57 Well-

Doug Stanhope 55:57 ... at Joey Diaz, bursting through that going, "Do you think this is what Man Show is about?" And we're like, "Yes."

Joe Rogan 56:02 Well, no, no, no. That was before he did it. Before he did it-

Doug Stanhope 56:06 Oh yeah.

Joe Rogan 56:06 ... she, she thought that, and then once he did it, that became the number one thing on the show. That was all the promos, that was the thing... Like they, when, when they showed the ads-

Doug Stanhope 56:14 We only did it once from my-

Joe Rogan 56:15 Yes, but when we did it, that became a part of the promos. When Joey burst out naked and started dancing, that became a big part of the promo. But before then, I said... I made a compromise. I go, "We'll do it your way first, and then we'll do it our way." And then we did... We got, we don't have to show this.

Doug Stanhope 56:32 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 56:32 We've seen this a hundred... People can find it online. But, uh, Joey's the best.

Doug Stanhope 56:38 (coughs)

Joe Rogan 56:38 I'm so bummed out he's in New Jersey. I'm trying to trick him into coming out here O- once I open my club out here, I'm gonna slowly trick him into coming out here.

Doug Stanhope 56:47 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 56:47 I just have to figure out what's the proper strategy.

Doug Stanhope 56:50 You, uh, uh, uh, I'll, I'll come out here more because you're on the perfect side of the country. Like everything east of the 35 corridor that goes all the way from the fucking bottom of Texas up through Kansas City and Minneapolis, I could drive everything west of there, the long route and listen to fucking Audible books and be-

Joe Rogan 57:13 Mm-hmm.

Doug Stanhope 57:14 ... in bliss and in like my most hyper creative place.

Joe Rogan 57:19 You still got that white suburban?

Doug Stanhope 57:21 Well is, is, we call it the van-

Joe Rogan 57:24 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 57:24 ... because you don't... We still tour in that fucking thing and you don't want someone to know-

Joe Rogan 57:29 Oh.

Doug Stanhope 57:29 ... you just had a fucking creeper come up to the door here.

Joe Rogan 57:34 Hey, easy. Shh.

Doug Stanhope 57:34 Like, yeah, you don't want someone to know what you're driving.

Joe Rogan 57:37 That's why there are trained killers out there.

Doug Stanhope 57:38 You know, I still... I do gigs in sh- shit holes where they don't have a green room.

Joe Rogan 57:44 Oh.

Doug Stanhope 57:44 So I sit in the van and smoke cigarettes, till fucking Chaley comes out and taps on the window, goes, "Come on in through the kitchen."

Joe Rogan 57:51 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 57:52 We'll get you on stage. And we call it mobile green room. So we always call it the van on the podcast so people don't look for a white suburban.

Joe Rogan 58:00 Well, you shouldn't have said it again. We'll bleep that out.

Doug Stanhope 58:02 No, no, no.

Joe Rogan 58:03 Bleep that out, Jimmy.

Doug Stanhope 58:03 Don't bleep it out.

Joe Rogan 58:04 Bleep it out, Jimmy.

Doug Stanhope 58:05 No, don't bleep it out.

Joe Rogan 58:06 You can put a wrap on it, camouflage it.

Doug Stanhope 58:08 People still say, "Oh, hey, you gave out..." Uh, my address is public.

Joe Rogan 58:12 Yeah. Well, I remember you had those people coming over to your house for the Super Bowl party.

Doug Stanhope 58:16 But see, but I was saying th- like it's an open invitation to like the town. And you said... And so it's like anyone who shows up can go? I go, "Yeah, but I was talking about the town." So people still email me-

Joe Rogan 58:27 Yeah, but you weren't... No, no, no, no, no, you weren't. You were on the podcast actively giving out your address, calling the world to come to Bisbee, Arizona to come to your party. Don't bullshit me.

Doug Stanhope 58:38 Okay. Okay.

Joe Rogan 58:38 You were 100% saying... You were putting it out there.

Doug Stanhope 58:42 Okay. Well, I, I might have been led into it because of the power dynamic. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 58:47 (laughs) Oh my God.

Doug Stanhope 58:49 If I knew-

Joe Rogan 58:49 The power dynamic.

Doug Stanhope 58:50 So, so it was never... Like I, we, people still will randomly show up and, you know, they're taking pictures. It's just a fucking house. It's not a compound or anything.

Joe Rogan 59:01 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 59:01 Uh, it's just, it's got a lot of loud colors. But, uh, so we, we, I had a couple problems with people who think that I'm talking to them.

Joe Rogan 59:12 Oh, those guys.

Doug Stanhope 59:12 What's the frequency, Kenneth? Yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:14 Yeah. Did, did you get any of the chip in the head guys?

Doug Stanhope 59:17 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:18 Any of those guys?

Doug Stanhope 59:18 Well, I, I don't engage them enough-

Joe Rogan 59:20 We've had a few of those guys.

Doug Stanhope 59:20 ... but like, like is still... They think that the podcast is secretly talking to you, like Twyman who murdered his mother thought that Lorne Michaels was telling him to come on Saturday Night Live. Had a couple of those where fucking Chad Shank is great. I don't do Facebook, but when he sees problems coming like that, he fucking gives me a head up. So two times, once I had to... Have you had to do a restraining order yet?

Joe Rogan 59:49 Not yet.

Doug Stanhope 59:49 No. I had my first and I felt like, "Oh, I'm someone, I'm someone again. My first restraining order." The second one, like I warned the cops ahead of time and the guy... I'm watching on security camera as, (laughs) as the guy's updating his Facebook and Chad Shank is updating, "Yup, he's, he's in town. Yeah. He's hitchhiking." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:00:16 Jesus Christ.

Doug Stanhope 1:00:17 And then I, I alerted the cops who fucking... Bisbee cops have been so fucking cool with me.

Joe Rogan 1:00:25 Are you friends with the cops in your town?

Doug Stanhope 1:00:27 Uh, well, now a lot of them are judges. (laughs) They, they, they've moved-

Joe Rogan 1:00:30 They became judges?

Doug Stanhope 1:00:32 Well, one of them, uh... And, and then... But yeah, they, they've all been cool with me. Yeah. A couple of friends that are now judges.

Joe Rogan 1:00:39 Are you there for life? Is that your spot now?

Doug Stanhope 1:00:42 Yeah. Oh, fuck. Let me get to Comedian Grove in a minute.

Joe Rogan 1:00:47 Comedian Grove?

Doug Stanhope 1:00:48 Yeah. I've ref-When I left on this trip, right before I left on Sunday, my buddy, Raider, found a spot where you go, "Oh, we could make Comedian Grove, like Bohemian Grove for comics." And, uh, it was the first time that I really thought, "Oh, I could leave Bisbee and move there."

Joe Rogan 1:01:10 Comedian Grove, meaning-

Doug Stanhope 1:01:11 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 1:01:11 ... like you have a place that comics can all move to?

Doug Stanhope 1:01:15 Y- y- yeah. Uh, w- where we could set up... It's got like, uh, uh, 17 casitas, uh, 29,000 square-

Joe Rogan 1:01:26 What is a casita?

Doug Stanhope 1:01:26 Li- little-

Joe Rogan 1:01:27 Little houses?

Doug Stanhope 1:01:27 Cabins, but, you know, Southwest-

Joe Rogan 1:01:29 That's one of those things that I've read but I've never looked up, like a casita, like that kind of-

Doug Stanhope 1:01:33 Yeah, so you say... Cabin.

Joe Rogan 1:01:35 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 1:01:36 Like... With a main house, it's 4,000 square feet. Like a ballroom, which would be the showroom, 2,000 square feet. (coins clinking) 42 miles from a, you know, a secondary airport where you go, "Oh, yeah, we could..." D- do you remember the cave house outside of Bisbee?

Joe Rogan 1:01:55 Mm-hmm. Yeah. I talked about buying it. Remember? I talked... I told you.

Doug Stanhope 1:01:57 Yeah, and then we said if we... It was a million dollars. And I go, "Well, if we get 10 comics to pitch in 100, 100 grand, we could have this, like a fucking comedians-"

Joe Rogan 1:02:09 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 1:02:09 Like you always had that idea of The, uh, League of Extraordinary Comedians.

Joe Rogan 1:02:13 Yes. (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 1:02:15 Like a, like a Skull and Bones. This would be a place we could have a performance space, 17 different places-

Joe Rogan 1:02:23 (coughs)

Doug Stanhope 1:02:23 ... where people could come in, like a private club free speech zone, I don't know what the fuck they...

Joe Rogan 1:02:29 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 1:02:30 With a showroom, a vacation destination. And I spent half of this drive turning off my fucking Audible (laughs) book-

Joe Rogan 1:02:39 Thinking about it.

Doug Stanhope 1:02:39 ... just to fucking fantasize. I'm like-

Joe Rogan 1:02:41 Listen, let's pause you right here. Let's join forces. Let's join forces, Doug Stanhope. Austin, Texas is calling you. That's what I'm doing here. That's my plan. My, my plan is to... I mean, I've already got Tim Dillon moved here, Fahim Ew-

Doug Stanhope 1:02:57 Fucking Dillon moved here?

Joe Rogan 1:02:58 Dillon moved here. Tom Segura moved here.

Doug Stanhope 1:03:00 Why isn't he here?

Joe Rogan 1:03:00 He's on the road. He's doing gigs. It's the best place to do gigs 'cause you're in the middle of the country. You could fly... It's the middle up, middle down. I mean, it's not the middle down, but it's, it's the middle left, middle right, and the middle up, so to get to everything, it's in the center.

Doug Stanhope 1:03:14 What do you mean? But this, but that's... Th- th- this is making a new LA, and it's-

Joe Rogan 1:03:18 Uh-uh. No. It's making... This is-

Doug Stanhope 1:03:21 No.

Joe Rogan 1:03:21 ... Hollywood LA. It's-

Doug Stanhope 1:03:23 This is Bohemian Grove for comedy. This is like a, a invite only where-

Joe Rogan 1:03:29 No.

Doug Stanhope 1:03:30 ... where you-

Joe Rogan 1:03:30 No, it's not.

Doug Stanhope 1:03:32 I just spent fucking three days fantasizing about this. Don't try to-

Joe Rogan 1:03:36 I understand, but I'm telling you-

Doug Stanhope 1:03:37 Don't fantasy cock-block me.

Joe Rogan 1:03:38 I'm not fantasy cock-block. I moved here to do this.

Doug Stanhope 1:03:41 I know.

Joe Rogan 1:03:41 It's one of the reasons why I moved here. My plan was move here, get settled, live in a place where there's less people, and also separate standup comedy from the entertainment industry outside of comedy, because we've always been like entertainment industry adjacent, right? Movies and TV shows, they, they corrupt comics in a way, you know, in the, the opposite way you would think. You know, you think of like people getting corrupted, it's usually for the worse. But they get corrupted and they get watered down. They become politically correct and woke and a part of the system. We've seen it with talk show hosts and even comics that are good that start working in Hollywood. They start quoting things. Like, uh, fucking Sacha Baron Cohen, uh, he m- made a Facebook message to Mark Zuckerberg asking him why a post from... There's a legendary, uh, portrait artist from Australia. It's, it's... Is it Lushux? How do you say it? L-U-S-H-U-X? I've never said his name out loud. He's brilliant. This... He's a brilliant portrait artist who does parody. And Sacha Baron Cohen was saying to Mark D- Zuckerberg, "Why do you still have this up?" It's a parody of Bill Gates with a needle, like a vaccine needle saying, "When are you... Are, are, are you ready for your upgrade?" Or something along those lines. It's just funny.

Doug Stanhope 1:05:06 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:05:06 He did one of Elon Musk after Elon Wusk- Musk was on my show smoking a joint. He did that.

Doug Stanhope 1:05:12 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:05:12 He's done like... He does, he does these massive murals of... And he's a brilliant artist. Sacha Baron Cohen, Ali G, the fucking man. I love him. I love his work. He's calling for parody to be taken down off of Facebook. They get corrupted. They get in. They get in with this crowd of weird people who want to comply. They all want everybody to be on the same page, and, "We're, we're working for social justice and inclusiveness." And it's like, "Jesus, man." Like, "Your, your work is parody. This is parody." How did you get caught in this trap where you think that parody should be taken down? This is so crazy. Pull it, pull it up so we can see what it is 'cause it's, it's... Anybody that would think that this was real and this isn't kind of funny. Look at this. "Time to install your update."

Doug Stanhope 1:06:03 S- so you're saying Zuckerberg is taking this down?

Joe Rogan 1:06:05 No, no, no.

Doug Stanhope 1:06:05 Like, who's fucking corrupting here?

Joe Rogan 1:06:06 No, no, you're not listening.

Doug Stanhope 1:06:07 I... Well, no, you said a lot of words.

Joe Rogan 1:06:08 Sacha Baron Cohen says, "Mark Zuckerberg, how do you sleep at night?"

Doug Stanhope 1:06:11 Oh, shit. Sacha Baron Cohen.

Joe Rogan 1:06:12 Yes.

Doug Stanhope 1:06:13 Oh, I thought you were saying like...

Joe Rogan 1:06:14 No, look at this. This is on Facebook, Instagram, Facebook and Instagram right now. "Your algorithm is still recommending lies about COVID and vaccines. How many people have to die before you act? Stop death for profit." He's being serious.

Doug Stanhope 1:06:27 Ugh.

Joe Rogan 1:06:27 And this is, this is a... This guy... G- pull up some of Lushux's other stuff.

Doug Stanhope 1:06:31 Do you have any idea why that bolsters my opinion of a fucking place out in the middle of the fucking desert is...

Joe Rogan 1:06:41 ... here's another one.

Narrator 1:06:41 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 1:06:42 Sorry, but he made it afterwards, so.

Joe Rogan 1:06:43 He did, he did, uh, that's I guess his version of Ali G. But pull up the one of, uh-

Doug Stanhope 1:06:47 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:06:48 ... Elon Musk. He did a brilliant Elon Mi-... He's really good. But the point is, he does brilliant stuff. It's cool to see. But Sacha Baron Cohen-

Narrator 1:06:55 I am an Elon Musk-

Joe Rogan 1:06:55 ... you go onto Ali G and, and Bruno and all his different sh-... it's all parody. But he got caught up in thinking somehow or another that this parody piece, which is making fun of, like, QAnon people who think they're getting a fucking, a microchip installed with the, with the vaccine. He's making fun of them.

Doug Stanhope 1:07:12 Yes.

Joe Rogan 1:07:13 And Sacha Baron Cohen gets caught up in it.

Doug Stanhope 1:07:15 They've, they've bifurcated comedians into these camps (laughs) .

Joe Rogan 1:07:18 (laughs) Look at... He's going all, he's going all out.

Narrator 1:07:19 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:07:19 Now he's making fun of Ali G. Ah. Look, he's a genius, man. His stuff is really good. What is his... Is that his Instagram?

Narrator 1:07:26 Yeah, Lush Sucks-

Joe Rogan 1:07:27 What's his Instagram?

Narrator 1:07:27 ... I think is what it is.

Joe Rogan 1:07:28 Let's, uh, let's-

Narrator 1:07:29 Unless he says it a different way.

Joe Rogan 1:07:30 ... make, make sure we know what it is so we can tell everybody.

Doug Stanhope 1:07:32 I, I-

Joe Rogan 1:07:32 Oh, he keeps going after him. It's like he-

Doug Stanhope 1:07:34 There's absolutely the, uh, no one in the comedic field that I think has more balls than fucking Sacha Baron Cohen.

Joe Rogan 1:07:42 No one. No one.

Doug Stanhope 1:07:43 Nobody.

Joe Rogan 1:07:43 He just got caught up in the thing. He got caught up in the thing, where, you know, he's probably not... He's probably so successful now and he's probably hanging out with other successful people and other Hollywood people, that he's just... He's out of the loop. He w-... He should know who that guy is. Like, everybody should know who that guy is. That guy is really good. I mean, he does these massive fucking murals too. He's Australian, correct?

Narrator 1:08:04 I think so.

Joe Rogan 1:08:05 Yeah. He does these massive... He's a really fucking talented artist. So for him to be making fun of this QAnon meme of, like, installing a microchip in-

Narrator 1:08:16 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:08:16 ... a vaccine, and for Sacha Baron Cohen, "Stop death for profit." Man. No. No. I get you didn't get it, but no, man.

Narrator 1:08:25 (sighs) .

Joe Rogan 1:08:25 No. I mean, Ali G Indahouse, have you seen that? It's one of my all time favorite comedy movies. It's Ali G in a movie, like a whole movie.

Doug Stanhope 1:08:32 Oh, yeah, yeah, where-

Joe Rogan 1:08:33 It's fucking genius.

Doug Stanhope 1:08:34 ... where he starts fu- fucking the guy thinking they're gonna die.

Joe Rogan 1:08:37 Oh, it's... (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 1:08:38 It was just one of the best things ever.

Joe Rogan 1:08:40 Was that in that, was that in that movie?

Doug Stanhope 1:08:41 I don't know.

Joe Rogan 1:08:41 He does so much stuff that I've seen.

Doug Stanhope 1:08:42 It's the only, only movie I remember him in other than the-

Joe Rogan 1:08:45 Dude. He, um... I bought a special VHS player just so I could play his old show from the UK, because y- y-... there used to be-

Doug Stanhope 1:08:55 It's, it's that old, it's VHS?

Joe Rogan 1:08:56 Well, back in the day it was. See, here was the deal. You could only u-... Like, there was, uh, different regions-

Doug Stanhope 1:09:02 I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm sorry. There's two parts of my brain working here and one of them is I have to piss.

Joe Rogan 1:09:08 Oh, go piss. Go piss.

Doug Stanhope 1:09:08 And that's one of the reasons I said-

Joe Rogan 1:09:10 Go piss.

Doug Stanhope 1:09:10 ... "Hey, why isn't Tim Dillon here so you can focus on him while I go piss?"

Joe Rogan 1:09:14 And you can piss. Oh, just tell me when you have to pee.

Doug Stanhope 1:09:16 I do. I do.

Joe Rogan 1:09:16 Don't worry about it, man. But yeah.

Doug Stanhope 1:09:17 Go pee. Go pee. I'll wait.

Joe Rogan 1:09:18 All right.

Doug Stanhope 1:09:19 I'll wait.

Joe Rogan 1:09:19 Wait.

Doug Stanhope 1:09:19 It's all good.

Joe Rogan 1:09:20 Talk to Jamie.

Narrator 1:09:21 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:09:21 I'm gonna talk to Jamie.

Doug Stanhope 1:09:21 Yeah, have a, have a discourse-

Joe Rogan 1:09:23 Okay.

Doug Stanhope 1:09:23 ... behind my back about me that I can listen to.

Joe Rogan 1:09:25 Okay. I will, I will, I will. There we go. Nice pants. Look at them.

Doug Stanhope 1:09:30 They're PJs.

Joe Rogan 1:09:31 (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 1:09:33 They're here.

Joe Rogan 1:09:35 Uh, when I haven't seen Doug in a while, we have to get into a rhythm together, right? This is like what I feel like with him. Like, I love him to death. Like, I love him like a, like, family member. But I don't see him enough, you know? And so we have to get in a rhythm when we start talking. But, uh, I just hope Sacha Baron Cohen doesn't think I don't like him. I love that guy. I'm a giant fan. I think he's amazing. I just think he got... He just didn't understand what was happening. I th-... I just thought it was silly. But, uh, my point was... And I'll explain it to... I don't have to explain it to Doug, he's not gonna remember. I'll explain it... You know the regions thing on VHS recorders? Do you know the old VHS? There was a v-... There was a region for VHS players in the UK and it was like a different c-... type of VHS tape. Do you remember that?

Narrator 1:10:25 Vaguely. I don't know how it worked though. I was, um... I know when this came out. I remember watching it, you know, but that was still on the internet.

Joe Rogan 1:10:31 I might be fucking this up. Now that I'm thinking about it. I'm, I might be fucking it up and confusing it with DVD players. Is it a DVD player thing? It may be. Either way, it's some sort of a recording thing that you could only, uh... You can only play stuff from the United States if you bought one from the United States. So if you tried to buy one of the w-... Whether it's VHS or DVD, I can't remember, 'cause it's so long ago, um, if you tried to buy them-

Narrator 1:10:57 No, that's correct. There is a... So, uh, the US uses NTSC standards while UK uses PAL, P-A-L standard, and it says they will not play on VHS.

Joe Rogan 1:11:07 Okay. So it was VHS.

Narrator 1:11:08 Yes, you would have a weird thing.

Joe Rogan 1:11:09 Okay. So the VH-... What was interesting is, like, you would have to give a non-region VHS tape or VHS player. And the VHS players, uh, that were really cheap for some reason would work on everything. Like, the ones that were more expensive would only work on US VHS tapes. So I bought a special VHS player-

Doug Stanhope 1:11:29 Very smooth.

Joe Rogan 1:11:29 ... just to watch the Ali G stuff, 'cause I loved him. Uh, his interviews, like... By the way, Trump is one of the few guys that he didn't get. Have you ever watched his interview with Trump? Like he sits down with Trump and he's doing his Ali G thing-

Narrator 1:11:42 Oh.

Joe Rogan 1:11:42 ... where he does this character and he just acts like a moron. And a lot of people got, like, really upset with him. They, like, they didn't think it was funny at all. But you could see Trump right away was like, "What? Th- This is nonsense. I'm just getting the fuck out of here." But there were some legendary, uh, interviews where people, like, genuinely got upset with him.

Doug Stanhope 1:11:59 Uh, one of the books I listened to on the way out, a guy lives in Austin, uh, Xia Jing or Xia Zhang, uh, wrote a book called, uh, Rejection Proof, where he was, uh, born in Beijing and he lives in Austin. And he was trying to be an entrepreneur but he found himself afraid of rejection. So for 100 days he went out every day and did something where he had to face rejection and he would film it for a video blog back then. And, uh, he wrote a book about how he over... But the things he was doing is like, "I asked a man for $100 uh, and then I learned something from that." "I asked a man if I could tie his shoes." (laughs) And I'm like, "Hmm." I mean, it was inspirational because it's very sweet and heartfelt and he was facing his own fears, but the pranks were so, like, base level and, like, if you had four gin and tonics, this would be a four-page book. Like, "Fuck it, I'll just-" (laughs) ... asked. And when you look at, uh, you know, Sacha Baron Cohen or even the Impractical Jokers-

Joe Rogan 1:12:59 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 1:13:00 ... who I love.

Joe Rogan 1:13:00 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 1:13:00 Like, it, it was nonsense things, but it was still inspirational, but the fucking balls on that guy.

Joe Rogan 1:13:09 It's a good move, right? If you're, if you're having a real hard time with people rejecting you, just go get rejected a lot and-

Doug Stanhope 1:13:15 That's what he did.

Joe Rogan 1:13:16 That's, that's really bold.

Doug Stanhope 1:13:17 Yeah. And he was facing his own fears, but he al- also had a lot of insight that, you know, went back to evolutionary psychology.

Joe Rogan 1:13:26 Oh.

Doug Stanhope 1:13:26 And the hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I go, "I just listened to that in a smart fuck book about, oh, that's why the hairs on your fucking back of your neck stand up is 'cause your animal instinct is to look bigger."

Joe Rogan 1:13:38 Mm-hmm.

Doug Stanhope 1:13:39 You go, "Oh, wow." It's-

Joe Rogan 1:13:40 Like dogs. Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 1:13:41 Yeah. Like cats.

Joe Rogan 1:13:42 Cats too. Yeah, cats arch their back too.

Doug Stanhope 1:13:44 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:13:44 Try to get bigger. Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 1:13:46 Uh, anyway, I'm sorry I had to piss and fucking ruin the entire flow of this.

Joe Rogan 1:13:49 No, you didn't ruin it at all. It's, um, it's th- the... It's weird because, like, you could s- if you were a reductionist, you could look at someone get rejected and go, "Oh, get over it. It's nothing. They didn't hurt you. They just said no." But it's not real. We know that's not real.

Doug Stanhope 1:14:03 But that's what he gets into-

Joe Rogan 1:14:04 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 1:14:04 ... is exactly, uh, you know, Darwinian theory about there's a reason that you don't, like, that you are afraid of rejection because-

Joe Rogan 1:14:15 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 1:14:15 ... a- in your ancestral place, yeah, rejection would make you not, you know, be a, a, an available mate or a, a... You, you know what I'm saying?

Joe Rogan 1:14:24 Yes. I know what you're saying. Yeah. It, it would wreck your confidence, and your confidence, I think it, it probably has-

Doug Stanhope 1:14:30 And then, and then chicks wouldn't fuck you and you wouldn't spread your seed.

Joe Rogan 1:14:33 Right, but don't you think that has something to do, like, the confidence thing must have something to do with either fighting off enemies or predators?

Doug Stanhope 1:14:39 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:14:40 Like, you know, someone who could-

Doug Stanhope 1:14:40 I, I learned the pecking order is-

Joe Rogan 1:14:42 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 1:14:42 ... as uh, there's a reason they call it the pecking order is because some naturalist realized, oh, chickens-

Joe Rogan 1:14:48 Mm-hmm.

Doug Stanhope 1:14:48 ... chicken A will ch- peck at chicken B, where-

Joe Rogan 1:14:52 Yeah.

Doug Stanhope 1:14:52 ... chicken C will peck at D, but they don't do that. D doesn't fight A 'cause they know it would disrupt, they would lose, and then they wouldn't spread seed and...

Joe Rogan 1:15:01 Yeah, I've seen it happen. It's, it's, uh, with chickens rather.

Doug Stanhope 1:15:05 Yeah. Oh, I thought open mic night.

Joe Rogan 1:15:06 That too. (laughs)

Doug Stanhope 1:15:09 (laughs) It's, uh, it's... I, I had to stop our- ourselves from getting into, oh yeah, we know shit about fucking evolutionary psychology-

Joe Rogan 1:15:17 A little bit.

Doug Stanhope 1:15:17 ... just 'cause I read a fucking long book while I was-

Joe Rogan 1:15:20 You know a touch.

Doug Stanhope 1:15:20 ... scared of Alpine Texas.

Joe Rogan 1:15:21 You know a touch. You know, I think that that's one of the reasons why, uh, people are