Joe Rogan Experience #1633 - Ali Macofsky

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   (drumming) Joe Rogan podcast,…

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:00

      (drumming) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

   2. NANarrator0:04

      The Joe Rogan Experience.

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:06

      Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. (rock music plays) And hello, Ali.

   4. AMAli Macofsky0:17

      Hi, Joe.

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:17

      What's going on, kid? How you living?

   6. AMAli Macofsky0:19

      Not much. I'm still-

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:20

      I can call you kid for five more years.

   8. AMAli Macofsky0:21

      Do I really get it that long?

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:23

      Yeah, you get it to 30, 'cause I'm 53. I'm an old man.

   10. AMAli Macofsky0:26

       I think-

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:26

       I can call you kid, I can call you kid into your late, late 30s.

   12. AMAli Macofsky0:29

       Yeah, 'cause you'll always be older than me.

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:30

       Yes, always. You'll always be a kid.

   14. AMAli Macofsky0:32

       I think kid should stop when I'm off my parent insurance in September.

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:36

       (laughs)

   16. AMAli Macofsky0:38

       And then you'll call me an adult and I'll break my arm, and I'll be like, "Joe, can you help?"

   17. JRJoe Rogan0:43

       (laughs) I remember, um, when I was a kid I would hear... when I was a kid, when I was in my 20s I would hear men that were in their late 30s and 40s calling their significant other, their girlfriend. And I was like, "That's a 39-year-old woman. That's not a girl." What the fuck?

   18. AMAli Macofsky0:56

       Well, now everyone's doing the partner thing.

   19. JRJoe Rogan0:59

       Oh, that's-

   20. AMAli Macofsky1:00

       I used to talk shit about it, 'cause I, I would have like straight friends who were like, "This is my partner." And I'm like, "It's your boyfriend."

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:06

       Yeah.

   22. AMAli Macofsky1:07

       But now I kind of like it because girlfriend/boyfriend, it sounds so corny. I actually got booed up, Joe.

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:12

       You got booed up?

   24. AMAli Macofsky1:13

       Yeah, I'm booed up.

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:14

       What does that mean?

   26. AMAli Macofsky1:14

       I got a boyfriend.

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:14

       Oh, you got a boyfriend.

   28. AMAli Macofsky1:16

       I have a boyfriend.

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:16

       That's what booed up means?

   30. AMAli Macofsky1:17

       Yeah, you're booed up.
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   Yeah. …

   1. JRJoe Rogan15:00

      the true meritocracies. Because if, if you don't do well, if the people don't laugh, it stops. There's a few people that are exceptions to that rule, that have figured out a way to carve their way deep into the pores like some sort of a strange parasite.

   2. AMAli Macofsky15:14

      Yeah.

   3. JRJoe Rogan15:14

      But for the most part, for the most part.

   4. AMAli Macofsky15:18

      Yeah. Everyone's coming out here.

   5. JRJoe Rogan15:20

      Hmm, not everyone.

   6. AMAli Macofsky15:21

      Some people.

   7. JRJoe Rogan15:22

      Some people went to Nashville.

   8. AMAli Macofsky15:24

      Yeah? That's a ni-

   9. JRJoe Rogan15:25

      You know, Theo-

   10. AMAli Macofsky15:25

       I've never been.

   11. JRJoe Rogan15:25

       ... C Byrne, they went to Nashville. Nashville's great. And, you know, they got that Zanies club, which is one of the best clubs in the country. It's a great place to work out of.

   12. AMAli Macofsky15:33

       Yeah, there's so many places I haven't been.

   13. JRJoe Rogan15:35

       You've never been to Nashville?

   14. AMAli Macofsky15:36

       Never been to Nashville.

   15. JRJoe Rogan15:38

       Bitch, I gotta take you to Nashville.

   16. AMAli Macofsky15:39

       Take me to Nashville. When are you doing a show out there?

   17. JRJoe Rogan15:41

       Um, well, I had a show booked with Chappelle.

   18. AMAli Macofsky15:44

       Oh, how have those been?

   19. JRJoe Rogan15:46

       Fun. Real fun.

   20. AMAli Macofsky15:47

       I have so much FOMO.

   21. JRJoe Rogan15:49

       Yeah, sorry about that.

   22. AMAli Macofsky15:50

       Watching everyone's Stories out here-

   23. JRJoe Rogan15:51

       (laughs)

   24. AMAli Macofsky15:51

       ... I'm just in bed eating Hot Cheetos.

   25. JRJoe Rogan15:54

       Hot Cheetos are fucking surprisingly good.

   26. AMAli Macofsky15:56

       Oh, have you tried Takis?

   27. JRJoe Rogan15:58

       No.

   28. AMAli Macofsky15:58

       Oh, it's like... I was, like, a loyal Hot Cheetos gal. Hot Cheetos were the best, and then I tried Takis, and I was like-

   29. JRJoe Rogan16:04

       What is a Taki? How do you spell it?

   30. AMAli Macofsky16:06

       T-A-K-I-apostrophe-S.
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   They want your bush…

   1. AMAli Macofsky30:00

      you know? And, like-

   2. JRJoe Rogan30:00

      They want your bush trimmed.

   3. AMAli Macofsky30:02

      Yeah. They want it... They want it bald.

   4. JRJoe Rogan30:04

      That's how-

   5. AMAli Macofsky30:04

      They want a bald eagle.

   6. JRJoe Rogan30:06

      Okay.

   7. AMAli Macofsky30:06

      But then they have the nastiest balls, and girls are like-

   8. JRJoe Rogan30:09

      (laughs)

   9. AMAli Macofsky30:09

      ... "Oh, it'd be an honor to give you a blowjob." That shit's disgusting. It's different hair than your regular hair. It's thick. Your... I didn't even know that balls changed texture in different weather. It's-

   10. JRJoe Rogan30:20

       What?

   11. AMAli Macofsky30:21

       Yeah, like... Like the-

   12. JRJoe Rogan30:22

       What?

   13. AMAli Macofsky30:22

       Like the skin.

   14. JRJoe Rogan30:23

       Changes texture?

   15. AMAli Macofsky30:24

       Kind of. It's like... It just like... It- it looks like an alien. It's so... Jamie knows what I'm talking about. Jamie's giving me a little-

   16. JRJoe Rogan30:30

       Jamie, do your balls change texture in different weather?

   17. GUGuest30:32

       Nah, not really. I don't think so.

   18. JRJoe Rogan30:33

       I don't see how.

   19. AMAli Macofsky30:33

       Jamie. Jamie, stay on my side.

   20. GUGuest30:34

       You ever did that guy we saw with Tom Segura's had a little different texture, but-

   21. JRJoe Rogan30:38

       Oh, yeah. That was rough.

   22. GUGuest30:39

       ... it's a unique situation.

   23. JRJoe Rogan30:40

       The guy with the giant balls? Yeah.

   24. AMAli Macofsky30:41

       I haven't seen this.

   25. JRJoe Rogan30:42

       Just some sad thing, but the guys have... Some guy had-

   26. AMAli Macofsky30:45

       Like elephantitis?

   27. JRJoe Rogan30:46

       Yeah. He had... It's a... It's p- not common, but common enough where there's multiple examples of it, where guys have enormous, like-... beach ball-sized testicles, and they can barely get around.

   28. AMAli Macofsky30:58

       Ugh.

   29. JRJoe Rogan30:59

       Yeah.

   30. AMAli Macofsky30:59

       It's a shame that there's no, you know, like, um, like when girls have giant tits, it's like, "Hell yes." There needs to be, like, a movement for men-
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   35. …

   1. JRJoe Rogan45:00

      Marine and a soldier and who had, you know, d- been to war and had realized later in his life that he had risked his life for bankers and to make industry available in certain countries and that he had been lied to. And then he wrote a book called War Is Just a Racket, and it's an amazing book because if you look at what he wrote in 19 ... I wanna say it's '37. When, when did that come out?

   2. GUGuest45:27

      35.

   3. JRJoe Rogan45:27

      35. If you look at what he wrote in 1935, it's applicable today all around the world, like, what this guy was trying to expose about the real motivations, why politicians lead s- soldiers into war. Very little of it is about your safety and your health. I mean, occasionally it is.

   4. AMAli Macofsky45:47

      Yeah.

   5. JRJoe Rogan45:47

      Like World War II, which is kind of ironic 'cause World War II is right after he wrote this where it was a war, well, we actually really did need to stop Hitler. But this, this guy wrote this book and it just shows how many military actions are n- not just unnecessary, but deceptive.

   6. AMAli Macofsky46:04

      Yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan46:04

      And this guy realized it, like, later in his life. He's a fucking ... Wasn't he a three-star general or something like that?

   8. GUGuest46:10

      Mm, retired Marine, two-time Medal of Honor recipient.

   9. JRJoe Rogan46:14

      Yeah. H- so he was a decorated soldier. And as he was an old man, he was like, "Jesus Christ, what have I done?"

   10. AMAli Macofsky46:23

       That's crazy-

   11. JRJoe Rogan46:24

       Yeah.

   12. AMAli Macofsky46:24

       ... to do something thinking that ...

   13. JRJoe Rogan46:26

       What was really crazy is that no one else did it, and that he was really, like, the first person to publish something that became, you know, a, a popular piece of work where the, the average person like myself or you who doesn't really know that much about war-

   14. AMAli Macofsky46:41

       Mm-hmm.

   15. JRJoe Rogan46:41

       ... can read about it and go, "Holy shit. Like, this is what was really going on, that they were just making things safe for bankers, or they're clearing, you know, a way to get to national, natural resources."

   16. AMAli Macofsky46:52

       I think that's why there's so much, like, distrust in government and stuff now, because there's so many things that we realize later on, like, "Why was that so necessary?"

   17. JRJoe Rogan47:02

       Oh, for sure. Well, not only that. (sighs) I mean, you're seeing it with this administration where they're, they're doing the same things that Trump was doing. They're just pretending they're not. Like-

   18. AMAli Macofsky47:11

       They're just wearing cute jackets.

   19. JRJoe Rogan47:13

       Well, it's just the same fucking thing. Like, what they're doing ... Like, they're all ... The whole thing was like, the kids at the border. We gotta stop the, you know, these families at the border. These detentions at the border, putting people in cages. They're doing the same fucking thing. And then Ted Cruz went down to j- there to try to film it and they were asking him to stop filming, like, this Biden employee's like, "Stop filming. Stop filming, sir. Please sh- have some respect." He's like, this is ... Like, you can't just make rules like, that we can't film now-

   20. AMAli Macofsky47:39

       Yeah.

   21. JRJoe Rogan47:39

       ... and that's how you're gonna stop people from talking about this. That nothing's changed. 'Cause they were pretending that Trump was doing this and that it was all Trump's fault. Well, no, it's ... The border is crazy and porous, and now that Trump's not in office, they think it's more friendly 'cause Biden's there, so more people are coming through. And they have ... A lot of them have Biden T-shirts on. Have you seen that?

   22. AMAli Macofsky48:01

       No. (laughs)

   23. JRJoe Rogan48:01

       Where they get detained? Yeah. Like, dozens and dozens-

   24. AMAli Macofsky48:04

       Like they're going to a Biden concert?

   25. JRJoe Rogan48:05

       ... of 'em. Like, they're going to a Biden rally.

   26. AMAli Macofsky48:06

       Like, "We bought the merch."

   27. JRJoe Rogan48:07

       Yeah.

   28. AMAli Macofsky48:07

       "We love you."

   29. JRJoe Rogan48:08

       Yes, exactly.

   30. AMAli Macofsky48:08

       "Help us."
5. 1:00:00 – 1:08:30

   Yeah, but I feel…

   1. JRJoe Rogan1:00:00

      a, a young sort of like a Dragnet style heartthrob.

   2. AMAli Macofsky1:00:04

      Yeah, but I feel like-

   3. JRJoe Rogan1:00:05

      Back in the day.

   4. AMAli Macofsky1:00:06

      I feel like nowadays people would vote for Bonzo to be president, you know?

   5. JRJoe Rogan1:00:10

      Probably for fun.

   6. AMAli Macofsky1:00:11

      100%.

   7. JRJoe Rogan1:00:12

      Just let's see. Let's see how the chimp does.

   8. AMAli Macofsky1:00:13

      I think after that harambe ... Didn't people vote him for harambe the year that there was that-

   9. JRJoe Rogan1:00:19

      See how little that chimp is?

   10. GUGuest1:00:20

       Mm-hmm.

   11. AMAli Macofsky1:00:20

       ... incident?

   12. JRJoe Rogan1:00:20

       That's 'cause it's a baby.

   13. AMAli Macofsky1:00:20

       Chimps are so cute. Have you ever held one?

   14. JRJoe Rogan1:00:22

       Yeah.

   15. AMAli Macofsky1:00:23

       (gasps)

   16. JRJoe Rogan1:00:23

       But you have to ... The, the only way they'll work with someone like that, they have to be babies. You can't have a grown chimp. The grown chimps will just beat the shit out of you. We were on the set of News Radio and, uh, they had a baby chimp like that and it was a baby. It was like it had a diaper on and everything and the b- ... It, it climbed on me, like I was holding it and it climbed on my back and went ... Just beat me in the back and I was like, "Holy shit." Like a tiny little thing. You know, like probably 30, 40 pounds. I couldn't believe how hard it was hitting me. I was like, "Fuck."

   17. AMAli Macofsky1:00:54

       That's crazy.

   18. JRJoe Rogan1:00:55

       And they feel different. They feel like they're made out of this table. Like their muscles-

   19. AMAli Macofsky1:00:59

       Mm-hmm.

   20. JRJoe Rogan1:00:59

       Like if ... It's like you, you ... When you touch them, you go like, "Oh. I'm like a fucking water balloon compared to that." Like your body is so mushy and soft compared to a chimp.

   21. AMAli Macofsky1:01:11

       Yeah.

   22. JRJoe Rogan1:01:12

       It's a real weird feeling.

   23. AMAli Macofsky1:01:13

       I like, I like chimps and stuff.

   24. GUGuest1:01:15

       There's this viral video of a chimp-

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:01:16

       Oh, it's cute.

   26. GUGuest1:01:17

       ... helping this guy up on a rope but-

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:01:18

       Yeah, it's adorable.

   28. AMAli Macofsky1:01:19

       Oh.

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:01:19

       Look at this.

   30. AMAli Macofsky1:01:19

       Look at its eyes.

Episode duration: 3:11:34