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Joe Rogan Experience #1642 - Andrew Santino

Andrew Santino is a standup comedian and actor. He's the host of the "Whiskey Ginger" podcast and co-host of the "Bad Friends" podcast with Bobby Lee.

Joe RoganhostAndrew Santinoguest
Jun 27, 20243h 20mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:00 – 2:03

    Jamie’s man bun roast and the pandemic hair excuse

    1. NA

      (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

    2. The Joe Rogan Experience.

    3. JR

      Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night. All day. (energetic music)

    4. AS

      Big boss, huh?

    5. JR

      Got one in the other room.

    6. AS

      You like his man bun?

    7. JR

      No. I've been trying to shave his head for-

    8. AS

      (laughs) It's-

    9. JR

      ... six months.

    10. NA

      I don't like it either.

    11. JR

      (laughs) Why don't you get a pair of trimmers?

    12. AS

      You look like one of the guys from Mortal Kombat, that movie I just fucking watched. You look like one of those, uh-

    13. JR

      Just buzz that motherfucker and wear cool hats. (laughs)

    14. AS

      What's the deal? Why are you growing it out so much?

    15. JR

      (laughs) Roll the- roll the film on this.

    16. NA

      Yeah, we're going.

    17. JR

      Roll it. Are we rolling?

    18. AS

      Why? Why?

    19. NA

      Yeah. Yeah.

    20. JR

      Yeah.

    21. AS

      When I walked in and I- I didn't even recognize him. I was like-

    22. NA

      Well-

    23. AS

      ... "Who's the- who's that cutie? Who's that cute girl over there?"

    24. NA

      That's how I actually started working for Joe. I had hair this long. It was actually longer when I started working for him.

    25. JR

      There's something about when it gets all gray, though, that you're supposed to cut it real short. You can't have gray long hair. Then you're, you know, you're either a drug dealer or you're running a cult.

    26. AS

      You do look like you sell coke. Is there not a moment-

    27. NA

      Well, like Pat Riley, though.

    28. AS

      Is there not a moment in the morning where you're embarrassed that you have to put a little, like, tie up?

    29. JR

      You do. (laughs)

    30. NA

      Every time, every time.

  2. 2:03 – 5:49

    Mullet “ownership,” Foxworthy’s era, and Seinfeld’s sneaker-suit style

    1. NA

      I'm- I thought- I have a pretty cool mullet if I cut it right now too.

    2. JR

      (laughs)

    3. AS

      (laughs)

    4. NA

      But that's, uh, taken by some people.

    5. AS

      Yeah, you don't want- you don't want to step on Theo's toes. "Hey, man, Jamie, I saw that mullet, man."

    6. JR

      Well, he can't claim a mullet. He don't own a mullet.

    7. AS

      See- see- Theo owns the mullet right now.

    8. JR

      But he doesn't.

    9. AS

      He's like the mullet king of the comedy world.

    10. JR

      Yeah.

    11. AS

      In our comedy world, who can com- who has a mullet that can compete? Foxworthy was the original.

    12. JR

      Yeah, he had a mullet, right?

    13. AS

      Yeah, Foxworthy was the original mullet god.

    14. JR

      Who else has one?

    15. AS

      Um...

    16. JR

      Any lesbian ladies? As opposed to what? Lesbian men?

    17. AS

      The old sch- the old- yeah, lesbian dudes.

    18. JR

      (laughs)

    19. AS

      There's a couple lesbian dude comics. What is the old- well, the old- who had- who had a mullet back in the day? I'm trying to think.

    20. NA

      Did Larry the Cable Guy have one?

    21. AS

      No.

    22. JR

      No, no. No, he always had a baseball hat on.

    23. AS

      Yeah. No, Foxworthy was the original mullet king. And man, for some reason he pulled it off. He always- he still looked cool anyway. It didn't matter for some reason.

    24. JR

      But he's got great jokes.

    25. AS

      That's what it was. See? If the jokes-

    26. JR

      Great jokes.

    27. AS

      If the jokes are good, it doesn't- nobody cares about all the other stuff.

    28. JR

      If your family tree does not fork-

    29. AS

      (laughs)

    30. JR

      ... you might be a redneck.

  3. 5:49 – 8:54

    Big feet, thick ankles, and the “sturdy base” bar fight video

    1. AS

      (laughs) I got to tell you, I'm not gonna lie. I love- when girls have big feet, there's some-

    2. JR

      You like that?

    3. AS

      ... something so hot about it.

    4. JR

      Really?

    5. AS

      Big feet is crazy hot to me. (laughs) I don't know why. (laughs) I've always ... Like, when I ...

    6. JR

      (laughs)

    7. AS

      Especially when I was young, I liked big girls with big feet.

    8. JR

      Wow.

    9. AS

      Yeah, I was into it. I liked thick chicks with big feet.

    10. JR

      I had a thing for thick ankles for a while.

    11. AS

      Oh, yeah? You liked ankles?

    12. JR

      Yeah. I dated a girl in high school that had thick ankles, and she was pretty hot.

    13. AS

      Where it looks like her calf just goes into her shoe?

    14. JR

      She just had large ankles-

    15. AS

      Right.

    16. JR

      ... for some reason. She was sturdy.

    17. AS

      (laughs) Yeah, she was grounded.

    18. JR

      She was pretty. Bea- beautiful girl.

    19. AS

      Right.

    20. JR

      But she had sturdy ankles.

    21. AS

      Was she a ball ... Did she play softball? Did she play-

    22. JR

      No-

    23. AS

      ... volleyball?

    24. JR

      She did gymnastics. And she ... I think-

    25. AS

      Oh, yeah.

    26. JR

      ... it was just the way she was built.

    27. AS

      Right.

    28. JR

      She was just ... You know, some girls are just sturdier.

    29. AS

      She looked like she might be able to put up a good fist fight against you.

    30. JR

      Yeah. She'd probably fuck you up if-

  4. 8:54 – 11:10

    Internet absurdity: Freddie Gibbs posts and the crack/plaster twist

    1. JR

      No, it's not the first. There's a great one right now on Josh the Pump- Punk Thompson. You know, Josh Thompson? The former MMA fighter, commentator for Bellator now.

    2. NA

      Mm-hmm.

    3. JR

      He's got one on his page now where they're in- interviewing this lady, and she's talking about how, uh, this woman was suppos- th- the- the cops are talking to this lady. She's saying this lady sold her some crack, but it wasn't crack. It was actually plaster, and she wants her $20 back.

    4. AS

      (laughs)

    5. JR

      She's very upset.

    6. AS

      (laughs)

    7. JR

      It gets better.

    8. AS

      She's telling the cops-

    9. JR

      Yeah, yeah.

    10. AS

      ... she was gonna buy crack?

    11. JR

      Watch this. But watch this, 'cause it gets better. It gets better.

    12. NA

      Okay, it keeps ... Hold on, let me just restart it-

    13. AS

      Oh, okay.

    14. NA

      ... 'cause it went too far.

    15. NA

      ... for bail. For what? For anything. I don't care. Whatever it's for, but she can give me my money back if she ain't gonna do nothing with it. Okay, were you planning to buy some drugs or something? Yes, I was.

    16. AS

      (laughs)

    17. NA

      What kind of drugs were you wanting to buy? Rock. Rock? Yes, I was. You gave her your $20 back. I gave her $20, she gave me some plaster. And now you want your $20 back- Yes, I do. ... because she didn't supply you with crack cocaine. Well, she- if she shouldn't give me nothing, no plaster or nothing-

    18. NA

      This is from 2019.

    19. NA

      What's going on?

    20. She come around here a while ago. There used to be some people that right over there that used to sell.

    21. Yeah.

    22. We was sitting out here on the porch in some chairs, so she said, "Y'all have anything to buy?" I said, "Nah, baby, we don't have nothing to sell," so she left and went around the corner.

    23. Mm-hmm.

    24. Then she come back 10 minutes later hollering, "Give me my money back." I was like, "No, you ain't bought nothing from here, and don't disrespect my child." This is my child.

    25. Mm-hmm.

    26. "I don't sell crack. I'm a prostitute."

    27. I paid her $20.

    28. AS

      (laughs)

    29. NA

      (laughs)

    30. NA

      For what?

  5. 11:10 – 15:22

    Jake Paul vs DC: hype economics, PPV claims, and Triller’s origin story

    1. AS

      Let me- let me ask you a real question-

    2. JR

      Okay.

    3. AS

      ... 'cause I haven't- I haven't asked you. I saw that Jake Paul kid chirping at your boy DC.

    4. JR

      Yes.

    5. AS

      It ... What's the deal?

    6. JR

      Well, he wants to make some money.

    7. AS

      No, no. He's a good Sh-

    8. JR

      He's- he's a very clever-

    9. AS

      ... he's a good showman.

    10. JR

      ... fellow.

    11. AS

      But what did DC say to him?

    12. JR

      DC said, "Take my fucking name out of your mouth."

    13. AS

      Backed.

    14. JR

      "I'm not a kid."

    15. AS

      Yeah, right.

    16. JR

      "I will fuck you up." And he was like, "Yikes." You know? (laughs)

    17. AS

      (laughs)

    18. JR

      Lookit, fucking former UFC heavyweight champion of the world.

    19. AS

      Yeah.

    20. JR

      That- that's not what you want, you know?

    21. AS

      But shoutout ... I will say, this fucking kid knows-

    22. JR

      He's making money.

    23. AS

      ... how to piss everybody off. He's so good at it.

    24. JR

      Let me tell you something, dude. We were in Florida, in Jacksonville, sold-out arena.

    25. AS

      Mm-hmm.

    26. JR

      And they were all chanting, "Fuck Jake Paul."

    27. AS

      Wow.

    28. JR

      "Fuck Jake Paul." He's filming it.

    29. NA

      Mm-hmm.

    30. AS

      Oh, he's loving it.

  6. 15:22 – 22:30

    Privacy paranoia, Patriot Act power, and Rogan’s vaccine controversy context

    1. AS

      You know how people-

    2. JR

      S-

    3. AS

      ... cover up their cameras on their laptops? You know, do you do that up there on that laptop? Do you have like a-

    4. NA

      My phone?

    5. AS

      I-

    6. JR

      I do, but I open it up when I jerk off.

    7. AS

      Me too. I have to.

    8. JR

      Come watch.

    9. AS

      And I stare right into it.

    10. JR

      Come watch.

    11. AS

      And I go, "Joe."

    12. JR

      Whoa.

    13. AS

      "Joey Biden."

    14. JR

      Whoa.

    15. AS

      (laughs)

    16. JR

      Imagine.

    17. AS

      I never understood that. Like how e-... This... They're record-... They're... This is recording all t-... At all times.

    18. JR

      Yes.

    19. AS

      So what's the diff- what's the difference? You gonna cover up your camera? They're all listening to you the whole time.

    20. JR

      There's a lot of things that could record you at all times.

    21. AS

      Fine.

    22. JR

      Yeah.

    23. AS

      What are you gonna do?

    24. JR

      Just, uh, don't be a piece of shit. (laughs)

    25. AS

      Accep-... Just accept it. Just accept that they're gonna get you.

    26. JR

      Well, I mean, who is they? And if they do get you, then they have to admit that they've been doing this the whole time-

    27. AS

      Yeah.

    28. JR

      ... with no warrant.

    29. AS

      We've been recording.

    30. JR

      But that's the thing about w-... The Patriot Act and the Patriot Act 2 and all that jazz, they can just sort of randomly decide that you're a threat to the republic.

  7. 22:30 – 26:07

    Needles, dental “block” horror stories, and why older generations feel tougher

    1. AS

      Do it again. Meanwhile, I get freaked out when I have too much of a block. I had tooth work done and they blocked my face, you know, and they give you-

    2. JR

      Oh, you get numb?

    3. AS

      Bro, but they... It's, you know, it's called the block. And, and the block is where they, they have to numb one half of your face 'cause they did so much work.

    4. JR

      So you can't smile?

    5. AS

      Oh, dude, you-

    6. JR

      So you're like Stallone.

    7. AS

      Uh, uh, uh, ugh, oh, oh, whoa, whoa.

    8. JR

      Hey-o! Hey-o!

    9. AS

      But I, it creeped up to my eye. And at one point, I told her, I was like... And I pushed her away, I was like, "Hey, this is like... I can f- it's like up to my eyeball now, like this-"

    10. JR

      Yeah.

    11. AS

      "... part of my whole face." She's like, "Yeah, I gave you the full block." I was like, "Uh, okay."

    12. NA

      Why'd you do that, lady?

    13. AS

      Yeah, I go, "That was too much, man." (laughs)

    14. NA

      (laughs)

    15. JR

      (laughs)

    16. AS

      My fucking eye was, like, twitching. And even, like, that I was such a bitch about that I was like, "Uh..." And by-, and I learned, by the way, when they block you, they can only do one half of your mouth at a time because apparently they used to block both sides if they were doing a lot of dental work and people would bite off their tongue.

    17. JR

      Oh.

    18. AS

      They would sever their t- they'd go home and eat within an hour-

    19. JR

      And not know you were chewing right through your tongue? Wow.

    20. AS

      And I was like, "How often that happen?" And she's like, "Thousands of times."

    21. JR

      Oh.

    22. AS

      People would bite off their whole fucking tongue. (laughs)

    23. NA

      (laughs)

    24. AS

      I was like, "No way."

    25. NA

      Wow.

    26. JR

      Oh my god, I feel terrible.

    27. AS

      So they had to... So apparently, uh, you know, whoever regulates the American Dental Association, they- you're only allowed to block half your face. But I'm telling you, dude, I've never felt that way. It was like, uh, my whole n- I mean, she gave me a huge one 'cause she had got, she had to get my, um, my wisdom teeth and fuck, my whole side of my face, and even my, my eye was numb. And I was a pussy about that. With my parents, they've already lived through so much, that's why they don't get bothered by stuff.

    28. JR

      Yeah.

    29. AS

      Like your mom didn't flinch 'cause she's like, "I've lived through shit."

    30. JR

      But her parents came over on a boat.

  8. 26:07 – 38:32

    Microdosing shrooms, Oregon decriminalization, and Portland/ANTIFA backlash

    1. NA

      And a micro dose.

    2. AS

      (laughs)

    3. JR

      Oh, and a micro dose today too?

    4. NA

      Yeah, yeah.

    5. JR

      Oh, how is it? You liking it?

    6. NA

      Yeah. I don't know. I can't really feel it so I don't know.

    7. JR

      But it gives you, like, a nice, like, ah.

    8. NA

      Yeah.

    9. AS

      What are you dosing right now?

    10. JR

      Shrooms.

    11. NA

      Yes. Uh-

    12. AS

      Yeah, but what, like, what l- what, what, what dosage?

    13. NA

      It's, uh, I took three point... It says .14, so, like, the whole package was about an eighth-

    14. AS

      Right.

    15. NA

      ... and it was broken up into 30 pieces. So it's, like, very small.

    16. JR

      This is all just information for the DEA.

    17. AS

      100%.

    18. NA

      Yeah. Yeah.

    19. JR

      When are they gonna legalize that?

    20. AS

      Get it.

    21. JR

      Jesus Christ, people.

    22. AS

      Well, didn't they... Wait, wait. Didn't they in the Pacific Northwest? Isn't it legal?

    23. JR

      It is in Portland-

    24. AS

      Right.

    25. JR

      ... in, in Oregon. Oregon made, uh, mushrooms and everything else legal. In Oregon you can get steroids, you can get-

    26. AS

      Wow.

    27. JR

      ... you can get, uh, heroin, whatever.

    28. AS

      Okay.

    29. JR

      Everything is decriminalized. Yeah.

    30. AS

      What's the, what, what do you-

  9. 38:32 – 43:46

    Police culture, ACAB framing, and fixing the roots: neighborhoods and opportunity

    1. AS

      That was the same problem with, uh, what is it called? What? You know, kneeling during the anthem that they had a big fucking deal with.

    2. JR

      Damn.

    3. AS

      It was just such a crock of shit.

    4. JR

      Well-

    5. AS

      They don't really fucking care.

    6. JR

      My take on that was, like, isn't knee-

    7. AS

      Cheers. (slurps)

    8. JR

      Cheers, my brother. My take on that when I was talking to Ben Shapiro... (slurps)

    9. AS

      I'm super supportive of taking a fucking knee.

    10. JR

      Yeah, this is what I said. I said, "Isn't that more respectful than standing there?"

    11. AS

      It's the most American thing. The, the, one of the-

    12. JR

      Taking a knee is, like, it's more respectful.

    13. AS

      One of the rights of the fucking flag, you can look it up, is the right to protest the flag. So they fight for the right to protest our flag.

    14. JR

      Yeah.

    15. AS

      That's our greatest thing about this country, is you can disagree with your fucking government. You can say, "I don't believe in certain things. I need to have my voice heard." Right? So they take a fucking knee to have their voice heard to go-

    16. JR

      But here's my-

    17. AS

      ... "I'm against something."

    18. JR

      But here's... My take is it's not disrespectful.

    19. AS

      No.

    20. JR

      Because you, you are literally doing something more respectful to put attention on police brutality.

    21. AS

      Sure.

    22. JR

      So instead of, like, going, d- doing this-

    23. AS

      Right, like this.

    24. JR

      ... like a double Nate Diaz-

    25. AS

      (laughs) Right. Right.

    26. JR

      ... in the middle of, like, the, the flag.

    27. AS

      (laughs) Right.

    28. JR

      Instead of that, they get to take a knee.

    29. AS

      Right.

    30. JR

      I think it's more respectful.

  10. 43:46 – 52:31

    Parents, fame “undertow,” and mindset tools: The Four Agreements + performance psychology

    1. AS

      When you transitioned into standup, did that become a more palatable thing for them?

    2. JR

      No, they thought it was gonna be terrible. My mother didn't think I was funny at all. (laughs)

    3. AS

      Really? (laughs) Did your mom ever say that you were funny?

    4. JR

      No.

    5. AS

      Has she ever said you're funny?

    6. JR

      Well, she knows I'm funny now.

    7. AS

      No, no, no.

    8. JR

      Yeah.

    9. AS

      She knows ... People think you're funny.

    10. JR

      Oh, yeah. She's coming to my shows.

    11. AS

      Does she think you're funny?

    12. JR

      Yes. She's coming to my shows.

    13. AS

      'Cause that's a big moment.

    14. JR

      "That was really funny." Yeah.

    15. AS

      But you know, the, the moment that, like, changed my life emotionally was my mom, uh, said to me one day, she goes ... Like, my first album that I ever made. And she was like, she repeated a joke back to me out of the blue. And I was like, "What is, what is that?" She's like, "That's from your album. Your first album. I listen to it in the car sometimes." And I'm like-

    16. JR

      That's hilarious.

    17. AS

      "Oh, fuck." It, like, changed my life, 'cause I was like, it-

    18. JR

      Yeah.

    19. AS

      Y- you know, look, I, I never cared if my parents liked my standup. That was never why I ... I, I was never like, "What if they don't like it? What if ... Uh, what if my family thinks I'm..."

    20. JR

      Right.

    21. AS

      I didn't care. But just to hear my mom go, "I like listening to it sometimes. I think it's really funny."

    22. JR

      Aw.

    23. AS

      It's a fu- ... It's, like, a moment in your life where you're like, "Well, fuck."

    24. JR

      Imagine too, if, like, you made a person, and that person is making you laugh while you're driving down the road.

    25. AS

      That's fucking weird.

    26. JR

      That's weird.

    27. AS

      Yeah, that's wild.

    28. JR

      It's wild.

    29. AS

      So, any time... Any, any parent of someone who's ... Has any sort of impressive public skillset, that has to feel surreal. I mean, my, my parents kind of sometimes don't get it that I'm doing this too. It doesn't really ... They know it. They understand it, but even still, you know, it doesn't really register. Do you know what I mean?

    30. JR

      Yeah.

  11. 52:31 – 1:10:21

    Bombing as a skill, writing new jokes, arena nerves, and Rogan’s Austin club vision

    1. JR

      It's why bombing is so important.

    2. AS

      Yeah.

    3. JR

      So crucial.

    4. AS

      And it's so hard. (laughs) It's just... (laughs) It's so hard.

    5. JR

      (laughs) But it's so good for you.

    6. AS

      Yeah.

    7. JR

      It's so good for you, because when you do bomb, you learn like, "Oh my God, what did I do wrong? I don't ever want to feel that fucking terrible pain again."

    8. AS

      The first time I followed Diaz. The first time I followed Diaz in the OR, I was... You know, it was like the best spot I had gotten in, in years, you know, because I got, I got, I got regular status in '010 or '10... '09 or 2010.

    9. JR

      You want a cigar?

    10. AS

      No, I don't smoke cigars. You know that, man.

    11. JR

      Really? You do?

    12. AS

      I can't. It just looks like a penis to me. I can't do the-

    13. JR

      It doesn't look like a penis. It looks like a cigar.

    14. AS

      I know. To me. To me. 'Cause I... Because of my past.

    15. JR

      Got to let that go.

    16. AS

      Because of my past.

    17. JR

      (laughs)

    18. AS

      (laughs) When I followed Diaz, bro, I bombed so bad in the OR. And Joey was pumping me up afterwards and was so fucking nice to me, 'cause he knew. Like he knew that I was bummed about it, and he was like, "Oh, fuck these cocksuckers. This room was whack tonight." And I was like, "Fuck you." He lit the room on fire. You know what I mean? But he was so nice about it that it just kind of like... It helped. It helped get over the pain of how hard I fucking ate shit in the OR. I mean, it was just so tough to follow him at the time. And then you learn. Then I learned. Then I followed Diaz a few times, and it was no big deal.

    19. JR

      You're gonna eat shit if you keep trying new jokes.

    20. AS

      Oh, yeah.

    21. JR

      It's just... It's just-

    22. AS

      That's what... That... What you said at the end matters.

    23. JR

      Yeah.

    24. AS

      If you're trying new shit.

    25. JR

      Yeah.

    26. AS

      People... There are some people who never try new shit.

    27. JR

      I was talking to a buddy of mine who takes, uh, this guy on the road with him, or was taking this guy on the road with him for a while. And I said, "Hey, how's that guy doing?" He goes, "I had to stop using him. Kept doing the same fucking jokes."

    28. AS

      Yeah.

    29. JR

      But some guys, when you take them on the road with you, one of the things that happens is they stop doing other sets. So like say they go on the road with you and they're doing, you know, fucking Zanies in Nashville.

    30. AS

      Mm-hmm.

Episode duration: 3:20:54

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