Joe Rogan Experience #1654 - Whitney Cummings

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   (drumbeats) Joe Rogan podcast,…

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:00

      (drumbeats) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

   2. NANarrator0:04

      The Joe Rogan Experience.

   3. WCWhitney Cummings0:06

      Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. (rock music plays) It's-

   4. JRJoe Rogan0:14

      Let's start.

   5. WCWhitney Cummings0:15

      ... it's 1:00, Joe.

   6. JRJoe Rogan0:16

      Yeah, sure.

   7. WCWhitney Cummings0:17

      This is such a bad idea. (laughs)

   8. JRJoe Rogan0:18

      Mm.

   9. WCWhitney Cummings0:19

      I'm gonna end up on-

   10. JRJoe Rogan0:19

       It's a great idea.

   11. WCWhitney Cummings0:20

       ... 8chan.

   12. JRJoe Rogan0:20

       We live in Texas. We can do whatever the fuck we want. We're comedians. We're professional comedians, Whitney Cummings.

   13. WCWhitney Cummings0:24

       You know what's so w- correct. And you know what's so wild to me, is you've always been Texas to me.

   14. JRJoe Rogan0:29

       (laughs)

   15. WCWhitney Cummings0:30

       Is that weird? But like, I half grew up in Texas. My mom's family's from Sherman, Texas. I don't know if you know Sherman. It's north of, uh, Fort Worth. My uncle made the TI, uh, uh, Texas Instruments calculators.

   16. JRJoe Rogan0:41

       Really?

   17. WCWhitney Cummings0:42

       Yeah, he was in the factory who built those.

   18. JRJoe Rogan0:43

       I used to have one of those.

   19. WCWhitney Cummings0:43

       Do you remember those?

   20. JRJoe Rogan0:44

       Yeah.

   21. WCWhitney Cummings0:45

       I used to run around, uh, uh, my school when I was a kid and be like, "My uncle makes the Texas Instruments calculators."

   22. JRJoe Rogan0:50

       (laughs)

   23. WCWhitney Cummings0:50

       They thought I was the coolest person on the planet. I was like, bragging about him all the time. And then we got to the grade where you actually had to order the fucking calculators, and I was all of a sudden the most unpopular person in school. They're like, "Fuck you. Fuck your uncle." (laughs)

   24. JRJoe Rogan1:04

       Oh.

   25. WCWhitney Cummings1:04

       'Cause remember they were like this? I mean, they were a giant brick.

   26. JRJoe Rogan1:06

       Yeah.

   27. WCWhitney Cummings1:07

       And like, most of the buttons were hieroglyphics. Remember the-

   28. JRJoe Rogan1:10

       Hieroglyphics?

   29. WCWhitney Cummings1:10

       Remember, it was like one through ten, and then it was just like all these other crazy buttons?

   30. JRJoe Rogan1:14

       Oh, right.
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   Yeah, and I'm okay…

   1. JRJoe Rogan15:00

   2. WCWhitney Cummings15:00

      Yeah, and I'm okay with that.

   3. JRJoe Rogan15:01

      Yeah, you should be. So, play that real quick.

   4. WCWhitney Cummings15:03

      Oh, wow.

   5. NANarrator15:04

      I got my second shot of Moderna today, and I feel really sick, and it's only been four hours, and I'm deaf in one ear. Does anyone, did anyone else... I thought I was gonna get sick tomorrow.

   6. WCWhitney Cummings15:15

      But she-

   7. NANarrator15:15

      But I feel sick. Did this happen to other people? Please tell me.

   8. JRJoe Rogan15:21

      Well, first of all-

   9. NANarrator15:22

      Okay, so I-

   10. JRJoe Rogan15:22

       ... we hope she's okay.

   11. WCWhitney Cummings15:23

       Jesus.

   12. JRJoe Rogan15:23

       You know, all, all joking aside, we hope she's okay. Um, but I hope she didn't, you know... I hope that was it.

   13. WCWhitney Cummings15:32

       I mean, yeah, I don't, I, I do not fucking-

   14. JRJoe Rogan15:34

       The people that I know that got, had COVID-

   15. WCWhitney Cummings15:37

       Yeah.

   16. JRJoe Rogan15:37

       ... and then took the vaccine after they had COVID had the, they had some pretty rough reactions, most of them that I know.

   17. WCWhitney Cummings15:43

       Yeah, I did the, I (laughs) did the Johnson & Johnson the day before all that shit came out about the blood clots.

   18. JRJoe Rogan15:46

       So you did it aft- I was supposed to do the Johnson & Johnson. I was supposed to, I was flying to the UFC, and they had allocated a certain amount-

   19. WCWhitney Cummings15:52

       That's right.

   20. JRJoe Rogan15:53

       ... for their employees. But then when I got there, they go, "You have to wait till Monday and do it in the hospital because of whatever, you know, whatever regulations there are." I was like, "I can't stay till Monday."

   21. WCWhitney Cummings16:02

       I just wanted to get the fucking thing over with. To me, it just was not-

   22. JRJoe Rogan16:05

       Mm.

   23. WCWhitney Cummings16:05

       I could not spend any more of my mental energy perseverating about it. And I was like, "I just wanna get on the fucking road-"

   24. JRJoe Rogan16:11

       Right.

   25. WCWhitney Cummings16:11

       "... and do what I do and be able to say I'm vaccinated." But what-

   26. JRJoe Rogan16:14

       Right. If you say you're vaccinated, it, it alleviates so much concern, and people are like, "Oh, you're on the good guy side."

   27. WCWhitney Cummings16:20

       Yeah, it's just something-

   28. JRJoe Rogan16:21

       Yeah.

   29. WCWhitney Cummings16:21

       ... that it's like, it's, whether it's symbolic, whether it's, you know, um-

   30. JRJoe Rogan16:24

       Yeah, that makes sense.
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   Dude, this is what…

   1. JRJoe Rogan30:00

      as it comes spraying down all these people and it's always down, da, down, down.

   2. WCWhitney Cummings30:04

      Dude, this is what I, this is-

   3. JRJoe Rogan30:06

      Down, down. (laughs)

   4. WCWhitney Cummings30:06

      ... this is what I do with baby blood-

   5. JRJoe Rogan30:08

      Yeah.

   6. WCWhitney Cummings30:08

      ... for my skin.

   7. JRJoe Rogan30:09

      You hear the music? You do that? You doing that baby blood?

   8. WCWhitney Cummings30:12

      Yeah, the Adrenochrome. I just, I have a sprinkler and spray it all over my face.

   9. JRJoe Rogan30:15

      That's that, that's that Northern California tech money shit.

   10. WCWhitney Cummings30:17

       (laughs)

   11. JRJoe Rogan30:17

       So they're all, they're all dancing. So watch this. It's like, "Ah." And then he realizes, like, "Oh, my God, they're fucking vampires." So they all turn, their fangs are out and he's freaking out. And Traci Lord screams in his face.

   12. WCWhitney Cummings30:29

       Oh, this isn't good for him.

   13. JRJoe Rogan30:31

       Oh, it's not good.

   14. WCWhitney Cummings30:31

       Not good for him.

   15. JRJoe Rogan30:32

       He knows the end is near.

   16. WCWhitney Cummings30:32

       He's in a jam. He's up against the ropes.

   17. JRJoe Rogan30:35

       The fucking end is near.

   18. WCWhitney Cummings30:36

       Oh. Oh.

   19. JRJoe Rogan30:36

       Like, oh, my God. Yeah.

   20. WCWhitney Cummings30:38

       Okay, so, uh, okay.

   21. JRJoe Rogan30:40

       So they start beating his ass. They start-

   22. WCWhitney Cummings30:41

       He's gonna lose this.

   23. JRJoe Rogan30:42

       Oh, it's not good. It's not good.

   24. WCWhitney Cummings30:43

       He, this is, he's-

   25. JRJoe Rogan30:43

       Everything's going bore. Poorly, poorly.

   26. WCWhitney Cummings30:45

       Oh, oh.

   27. JRJoe Rogan30:45

       Boom, he gets hit. They throw him down, they start beating-

   28. WCWhitney Cummings30:48

       Oh, shit.

   29. JRJoe Rogan30:48

       ... the fuck out of him.... but then watch, right when he thinks it's over, he's trying to crawl to safety and, oh, shit.

   30. WCWhitney Cummings30:54

       Eee.
4. 45:00 – 59:21

   That is wild, and…

   1. JRJoe Rogan45:00

      owe 292,169 on average. That's so insane.

   2. WCWhitney Cummings45:04

      That is wild, and it also-

   3. JRJoe Rogan45:06

      Ugh.

   4. WCWhitney Cummings45:06

      ... deters people from wanting to get educated. It deters-

   5. JRJoe Rogan45:08

      Fuck yeah.

   6. WCWhitney Cummings45:08

      ... the very people that need to get educated 'cause a lot of people that can't afford to go to these schools probably already have a job waiting for 'em at fucking, um, uh, Goldman Sachs or whatever. My boyfriend is a critical care veterinarian, and he has ... He doesn't have as much debt. He paid a lot of it down. But most people that are in their late 30s that are in the highest specialty of, uh, veterinary school have $400,000 of debt. And they just wanna fucking save dogs.

   7. JRJoe Rogan45:35

      Wow.

   8. WCWhitney Cummings45:35

      Crazy.

   9. JRJoe Rogan45:36

      $400,000 in debt. Here's the wacky part about it. You can't get out of that.

   10. WCWhitney Cummings45:40

       Mm-hmm.

   11. JRJoe Rogan45:41

       You can't get out of that through bankruptcy. It's one of the only kind of debts that you can't get out of. So say if you have a business. You open up a fucking hat business with matches coming out of it.

   12. WCWhitney Cummings45:49

       With matches (laughs) I'd be a-

   13. JRJoe Rogan45:49

       You'd be-

   14. WCWhitney Cummings45:50

       ... fucking billionaire.

   15. JRJoe Rogan45:51

       You'd be rolling in that cheddar.

   16. WCWhitney Cummings45:52

       You'd go ... (laughs) If I go to LA and make them think-

   17. JRJoe Rogan45:54

       Yeah.

   18. WCWhitney Cummings45:55

       ... that they're, like, part of Texas culture even though they hate Texas ... They all dress like they're-

   19. JRJoe Rogan45:59

       Yes.

   20. WCWhitney Cummings45:59

       They live here now, but they loathe it.

   21. JRJoe Rogan46:01

       Yes.

   22. WCWhitney Cummings46:02

       They wear cowboy boots up and down Los Feliz Boulevard, (upbeat music) but they're like, "Fuck Texas." Like, you... Okay.

   23. JRJoe Rogan46:06

       They don't know ... They're just not here. Wherever you're at, you're like ... I- if you're in D- Detroit, you know, you're like, "Fuck Florida."

   24. WCWhitney Cummings46:12

       Yeah, yeah, yeah.

   25. JRJoe Rogan46:13

       You know? It's just how it is.

   26. WCWhitney Cummings46:14

       Florida has some of the most beautiful beaches on the-

   27. JRJoe Rogan46:15

       Florida's amazing.

   28. WCWhitney Cummings46:16

       ... fucking planet. I lo-

   29. JRJoe Rogan46:17

       Florida's amazing.

   30. WCWhitney Cummings46:17

       I love Florida there.

Episode duration: 3:05:59