Joe Rogan Experience #1686 - Ari Shaffir

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   (drumming) Joe Rogan podcast,…

   1. NANarrator0:00

      (drumming) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience.

   2. JRJoe Rogan0:06

      Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night. All day. (rock music) You decided to shave your head now, huh?

   3. ASAri Shaffir0:16

      Yeah. I like it.

   4. JRJoe Rogan0:17

      Enough.

   5. ASAri Shaffir0:17

      What?

   6. JRJoe Rogan0:18

      It's better, right? Enough.

   7. ASAri Shaffir0:18

      It's smoother and it's easier.

   8. JRJoe Rogan0:20

      Yes.

   9. ASAri Shaffir0:20

      Yeah.

   10. JRJoe Rogan0:21

       So much better.

   11. ASAri Shaffir0:21

       Yeah.

   12. JRJoe Rogan0:22

       Imagine going to a barber shop now.

   13. ASAri Shaffir0:24

       God took care of a lot of it.

   14. JRJoe Rogan0:26

       God took care of it.

   15. ASAri Shaffir0:27

       (sighs) Yeah.

   16. JRJoe Rogan0:27

       God cursed you. Too much scalp.

   17. ASAri Shaffir0:30

       I want it back.

   18. JRJoe Rogan0:31

       Do you?

   19. ASAri Shaffir0:31

       I want ... I, uh, I really wanna do a mohawk correctly.

   20. JRJoe Rogan0:34

       Oh.

   21. ASAri Shaffir0:35

       And I want it for a little bit. Remember how much fun I'd have with my hair?

   22. JRJoe Rogan0:38

       Well, you could do stuff with your hair to get it back that's not as dangerous as, uh, the, the, uh-

   23. ASAri Shaffir0:45

       Staples?

   24. JRJoe Rogan0:46

       No. No, no, no, no, no. There's, uh, ways ... There's f- ... There's a guy name, uh, Derek, he's got a website called More Plates, More Dates, and he, uh, he talks a lot about, uh, hormone optimization, all kinds of stuff, but also recovering hair loss. And w- ... There's a bunch of different things you can do. There's topical shampoos that remove DHT from the scalp that help bring your hair back.

   25. ASAri Shaffir1:10

       But it'll get back?

   26. JRJoe Rogan1:12

       I don't know, man. You're pretty far gone.

   27. ASAri Shaffir1:13

       That's ... I ... There's this, um, Amazonian, like, treatment for it.

   28. JRJoe Rogan1:17

       Amazonian?

   29. ASAri Shaffir1:17

       Yeah, An- ... Eng- ... Ungurahua.

   30. JRJoe Rogan1:20

       Ooh.
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   Really? With- …

   1. ASAri Shaffir15:00

   2. JRJoe Rogan15:00

      Really? With-

   3. ASAri Shaffir15:00

      For sure.

   4. JRJoe Rogan15:01

      With what?

   5. ASAri Shaffir15:01

      I don't know. People said they put acid on it, but I don't think you can, like, smoke acid.

   6. JRJoe Rogan15:05

      Let's find out.

   7. ASAri Shaffir15:06

      So (laughs) , Jamie-

   8. JRJoe Rogan15:07

      You smoke acid?

   9. ASAri Shaffir15:08

      Next on Looking It Up with Joe Rogan.

   10. JRJoe Rogan15:09

       'Cause I'm thinking about the lines. Like, whoa.

   11. ASAri Shaffir15:11

       Yeah, it was cr- it was weird. And, and, and we were like, "Oh, maybe I just haven't smoked in a while." And then both of us were like, "No, we're potheads, so there's no, like-"

   12. JRJoe Rogan15:18

       Yeah.

   13. ASAri Shaffir15:18

       "We know what this is."

   14. JRJoe Rogan15:20

       Something different.

   15. ASAri Shaffir15:20

       Yeah.

   16. JRJoe Rogan15:21

       Huh.

   17. ASAri Shaffir15:22

       It was wild. And then we went back and we're like, "Do you have anything not so strong?" And he goes, "I can get, like, some fluffier flower." Uh, and it was 30 bucks for one gram.

   18. JRJoe Rogan15:31

       Oh.

   19. ASAri Shaffir15:32

       And it wasn't as strong. I, I, their whole system was fucked.

   20. JRJoe Rogan15:35

       Wasn't as strong, but it's more pure. So, they're giving you some shit that's-

   21. ASAri Shaffir15:40

       I, I, I don't know. And it was all mushed down. Like, you know, when it's wet and, like, smooshed.

   22. JRJoe Rogan15:43

       I bet it had a little acid in it.

   23. ASAri Shaffir15:44

       It had to have something in it. It had to. We thought about-

   24. JRJoe Rogan15:47

       You've done-

   25. ASAri Shaffir15:48

       ... it over and over again.

   26. JRJoe Rogan15:48

       You've done acid many times. You know what acid-

   27. ASAri Shaffir15:50

       S-

   28. JRJoe Rogan15:50

       ... smells like.

   29. ASAri Shaffir15:50

       Yeah.

   30. JRJoe Rogan15:50

       Did it feel like acid?
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   Yeah. Well, there's this,…

   1. ASAri Shaffir30:00

      morning.

   2. JRJoe Rogan30:00

      Yeah. Well, there's this, uh, stuff called Athletic Greens that's a good way to go too, because it's so easy and it tastes good. You just pour it into a glass of water and sh- sh- mix it up, or put a bottle of water-

   3. ASAri Shaffir30:09

      Yeah.

   4. JRJoe Rogan30:09

      ... shake it up. That's easy.

   5. ASAri Shaffir30:10

      You ever drink that baby stuff?

   6. JRJoe Rogan30:12

      Oh, um...

   7. NANarrator30:14

      Pedialyte?

   8. JRJoe Rogan30:14

      Pedialyte.

   9. ASAri Shaffir30:15

      Pedialyte.

   10. JRJoe Rogan30:15

       Yeah.

   11. ASAri Shaffir30:15

       And it's like, ugh, ugh.

   12. JRJoe Rogan30:16

       Yeah. Yeah.

   13. ASAri Shaffir30:16

       But choke it down. You're gonna get fucking fucked up tonight. Choke that shit down and feel better.

   14. JRJoe Rogan30:22

       (laughs) To, just to hydrate your body?

   15. ASAri Shaffir30:24

       It's a party, dude.

   16. JRJoe Rogan30:25

       Well, it's definitely good if people are, like, really dehydrated.

   17. ASAri Shaffir30:28

       Yeah.

   18. JRJoe Rogan30:28

       But you should, I think you're supposed to take that in water. I don't think you're supposed to take it pure.

   19. ASAri Shaffir30:33

       No, in Pedialyte?

   20. JRJoe Rogan30:34

       I think you mix it.

   21. ASAri Shaffir30:35

       Oh, yeah. Or it comes-

   22. JRJoe Rogan30:36

       Do you mix it?

   23. ASAri Shaffir30:36

       ... bottled already.

   24. JRJoe Rogan30:37

       Oh.

   25. ASAri Shaffir30:37

       It comes in a bottle.

   26. JRJoe Rogan30:38

       So in the bottle one, you just drink that pure?

   27. ASAri Shaffir30:40

       Mm-hmm. But like, you're supposed to choke it all down. Before you do, like-... a lot of drugs or, like, music festivals.

   28. JRJoe Rogan30:46

       Mm.

   29. ASAri Shaffir30:46

       That's when you're like-

   30. JRJoe Rogan30:47

       So, you super hydrate up before you do it.
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   Oh, Jesus Christ. …

   1. ASAri Shaffir45:00

      I think it had destroyed a, a tent the day before somewhere. And we kept looking at them and like one of the big clamps swung free and was just this massive, like, like, a, an S hook this big, just swinging.

   2. JRJoe Rogan45:11

      Oh, Jesus Christ.

   3. ASAri Shaffir45:12

      They had to get it. Yeah, and we were in the artist area. I didn't know it. This is like my, one of my first festivals, Ottawa Blues Fest, but Jay went on the road with like, on the Korn tour and stuff, so he knows where we ... We can go to the sound booth and I'm like, "That's just for artists." He goes, "We're artists." I'm like, "But they'll know we're not." He goes, "It's not that we're not. We are." (laughs) "Just because we were doing comedy, we're artists in this festival." I'm like, "Tha- that doesn't make sense." We went on stage. He fucking had ... He had it right.

   4. JRJoe Rogan45:34

      (laughs)

   5. ASAri Shaffir45:34

      But I saw them, um, at the craft food and stuff and I was like, "Are you guys gonna go on or ..." It was like 20 minutes later after they were supposed to and they just kinda like looked and then like ... (laughs) They didn't know me, but I was like-

   6. JRJoe Rogan45:45

      Right.

   7. ASAri Shaffir45:45

      ... "You can just say you don't know yet."

   8. JRJoe Rogan45:47

      Right, right.

   9. ASAri Shaffir45:47

      But like, uh, eventually they did and he got us, like, in between, like, where the guys have to throw the mosh pitters back.

   10. JRJoe Rogan45:54

       Yeah.

   11. ASAri Shaffir45:54

       He got us in that area, Jay.

   12. JRJoe Rogan45:55

       Oh, Jesus.

   13. ASAri Shaffir45:56

       Yeah, we're just watching them from like eight feet away.

   14. JRJoe Rogan45:58

       Whoa.

   15. ASAri Shaffir45:58

       As close as that fucking mushroom is.

   16. JRJoe Rogan46:00

       Whoa.

   17. ASAri Shaffir46:00

       Yeah, and we're just like, "This is fucking cool." (laughs)

   18. JRJoe Rogan46:03

       Wow.

   19. ASAri Shaffir46:03

       It's just the two of them. Or it was then anyway.

   20. JRJoe Rogan46:06

       Wow.

   21. ASAri Shaffir46:07

       Yeah.

   22. JRJoe Rogan46:08

       Yeah, those guys are dope. I've had them in too. They're cool people.

   23. ASAri Shaffir46:11

       You've had them in?

   24. JRJoe Rogan46:12

       A couple times, yeah.

   25. ASAri Shaffir46:12

       Their musi- music videos are cool too.

   26. JRJoe Rogan46:14

       Yeah. They're cool as fuck. Yeah, there's, there's some, some music like that.

   27. ASAri Shaffir46:19

       What, Jamie?

   28. NANarrator46:19

       I was gonna say, the reason why it sound n- this, that, not that loud, I kinda knew the answer to this, so I was trying to sh- pull up the answer. When the Beatles played Shea Stadium in the '60s-

   29. ASAri Shaffir46:28

       Yeah.

   30. NANarrator46:29

       ... their PA systems at that time weren't even loud enough to, uh, get louder than the crowd.
5. 1:00:00 – 1:02:47

   Jimmy LeFroig? (blows raspberry) …

   1. JRJoe Rogan1:00:00

      no, no. It was what, uh-

   2. ASAri Shaffir1:00:01

      Jimmy LeFroig? (blows raspberry)

   3. JRJoe Rogan1:00:03

      Not resveratrol. I think maybe it was r- not resveratrol, but another kind of antioxidant that-

   4. NANarrator1:00:08

      Polyphenols.

   5. ASAri Shaffir1:00:09

      Shh.

   6. JRJoe Rogan1:00:09

      That's right, polyphenols.

   7. NANarrator1:00:11

      Plant-based antioxidants.

   8. ASAri Shaffir1:00:12

      Remember they were saying weed might s- stop COVID-

   9. JRJoe Rogan1:00:14

      Yeah.

   10. ASAri Shaffir1:00:14

       ... for a little bit?

   11. JRJoe Rogan1:00:15

       Yeah.

   12. ASAri Shaffir1:00:15

       And people were like, "Smoke all day." (laughs) They're like... They were like, "No, no. It said some types of CBDs might help." (laughs) And they're like, "Smoke all weed."

   13. JRJoe Rogan1:00:20

       Whiskey has high levels of polyphenols, plant-based antioxidants linked to lowering your risk of heart disease. The polyphenols in whiskey have been shown to decrease bad cholesterol, LDL, and increase good cholesterol, HDL, levels, and reduce triglycerides or fat in your blood.

   14. ASAri Shaffir1:00:38

       That's what I'm talking about, Joe. This is how you stay accessible and do your fucking-

   15. JRJoe Rogan1:00:42

       Mm.

   16. ASAri Shaffir1:00:42

       ... advice shit.

   17. JRJoe Rogan1:00:43

       There you go.

   18. ASAri Shaffir1:00:43

       You gotta do it into our normal lives.

   19. JRJoe Rogan1:00:45

       Health benefits of whiskey. Normal lives.

   20. ASAri Shaffir1:00:47

       What foods can we eat? We're already gluttonous.

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:00:49

       Mm.

   22. ASAri Shaffir1:00:49

       You gotta say, like, "This is our experience."

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:00:51

       Right.

   24. ASAri Shaffir1:00:51

       "What can we... How can we guide that?"

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:00:53

       Right.

   26. ASAri Shaffir1:00:54

       I gained a lot of weight in Thailand. My first, like, trip to Myanmar, Thailand, all that shit.

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:01:00

       Mm-hmm.

   28. ASAri Shaffir1:01:00

       And then I was gaining weight and I'm like, "Fuck, I'm, I'm, I'm more active," or whatever. My friend was like, "Chang weight. It's beer weight." And I was like, "Ah, I gotta quit drinking?" And she's like, "Hold it right there. Absolutely not. You gotta switch to gin and tonics."

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:01:11

       Oh.

   30. ASAri Shaffir1:01:11

       You know what I mean?

Episode duration: 3:30:21