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The Joe Rogan ExperienceThe Joe Rogan Experience

Joe Rogan Experience #1686 - Ari Shaffir

Ari Shaffir is a stand-up comedian and host of "The Skeptic Tank" podcast available on Spotify.

Joe RoganhostAri Shaffirguest
Jun 27, 20243h 30mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:00 – 2:11

    Baldness, hair-loss “cures,” and the genetics debate

    1. NA

      (drumming) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience.

    2. JR

      Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night. All day. (rock music) You decided to shave your head now, huh?

    3. AS

      Yeah. I like it.

    4. JR

      Enough.

    5. AS

      What?

    6. JR

      It's better, right? Enough.

    7. AS

      It's smoother and it's easier.

    8. JR

      Yes.

    9. AS

      Yeah.

    10. JR

      So much better.

    11. AS

      Yeah.

    12. JR

      Imagine going to a barber shop now.

    13. AS

      God took care of a lot of it.

    14. JR

      God took care of it.

    15. AS

      (sighs) Yeah.

    16. JR

      God cursed you. Too much scalp.

    17. AS

      I want it back.

    18. JR

      Do you?

    19. AS

      I want ... I, uh, I really wanna do a mohawk correctly.

    20. JR

      Oh.

    21. AS

      And I want it for a little bit. Remember how much fun I'd have with my hair?

    22. JR

      Well, you could do stuff with your hair to get it back that's not as dangerous as, uh, the, the, uh-

    23. AS

      Staples?

    24. JR

      No. No, no, no, no, no. There's, uh, ways ... There's f- ... There's a guy name, uh, Derek, he's got a website called More Plates, More Dates, and he, uh, he talks a lot about, uh, hormone optimization, all kinds of stuff, but also recovering hair loss. And w- ... There's a bunch of different things you can do. There's topical shampoos that remove DHT from the scalp that help bring your hair back.

    25. AS

      But it'll get back?

    26. JR

      I don't know, man. You're pretty far gone.

    27. AS

      That's ... I ... There's this, um, Amazonian, like, treatment for it.

    28. JR

      Amazonian?

    29. AS

      Yeah, An- ... Eng- ... Ungurahua.

    30. JR

      Ooh.

  2. 2:11 – 5:56

    Smallpox, “Lost City of Z,” and the scale of Indigenous depopulation

    1. JR

      Well, you do have to realize that 95% of them died from the plague.

    2. AS

      Yeah. And then there's the litter also.

    3. JR

      Mm.

    4. AS

      Which they never liked.

    5. JR

      Litter?

    6. AS

      You know.

    7. JR

      Oh, the Indian that cried?

    8. AS

      Yeah. (laughs)

    9. JR

      Yeah, the, the pollution.

    10. AS

      That's (laughs) ... That's the last 5% was like-

    11. JR

      Yeah.

    12. AS

      ... "Come on, guys. There's 5% of us left and you're chucking shit in our yard?"

    13. JR

      Yeah, I was, uh, listening to this thing, uh, where these, uh, these settlers, uh, post smallpox were going, like, arriving in towns and there would be no one in the town, it would be ghosts, and they thought that people had abandoned the town, they hadn't figured it out yet, but it would lit- ... Literally, like, the entire town was wiped out.

    14. AS

      From plague?

    15. JR

      From the plague, yeah.

    16. AS

      Damn.

    17. JR

      That was a really common thing. They think that's what happened to South America. They think that's what happened to the Amazon. They think that the Lost City of Z, or Lost City of Zed, however you wanna say it-

    18. AS

      Yeah.

    19. JR

      ... they think that that was an i- ... A massive civilization that existed in the Amazon and then the European settlers came down and just like they did with the Mayans, just like they did with the Native Americans, just like they did with ... They brought horrible fucking diseases and everybody died.

    20. AS

      Wow.

    21. JR

      That's the number one theory. 'Cause, like, people are thinking about what's going on right now, right? Um, you know, like, w- ... See how, uh, even a disease that doesn't kill, you know, a, a high percentage of people can spread throughout this entire country and-

    22. AS

      Yeah.

    23. JR

      ... hundreds of ... I mean, I don't know how many people have been infected by COVID now. It's gotta be in the millions, right? Of, of-

    24. AS

      Oh, yeah.

    25. JR

      ... got it and recovered. Now imagine if that was smallpox.

    26. AS

      Then they're all dead.

    27. JR

      They're all dead.

    28. AS

      Wow, yeah.

    29. JR

      Yeah. Most of them are dead. Like, it's a l- ... A high percentage.

    30. AS

      Especially back then.

  3. 5:56 – 9:16

    Old TVs, retro tech nostalgia, and iMac design evolution

    1. AS

      Is that a flat screen? That's really nice.

    2. JR

      Of course it's flat screen. What, are you living in the past?

    3. AS

      Damn, bro.

    4. JR

      What are you saying, man?

    5. AS

      (laughs) Every once in a while you'll see, like, one of those-

    6. JR

      Can you swear on TV?

    7. AS

      ... the, the big boxes still out there.

    8. JR

      People still have those?

    9. AS

      You see it and you realize, "That somebody old just died." (laughs)

    10. JR

      Oh.

    11. AS

      For sure.

    12. JR

      Yeah.

    13. AS

      Or got put in a home. Where, like, who would still have it?

    14. JR

      My grandpa had one of them cabinet ones.... where you open up the cabinet-

    15. AS

      And it's, it's a part of it?

    16. JR

      ... and the TV was like a part of the furniture.

    17. AS

      Jeez, yeah.

    18. JR

      It was so classy.

    19. AS

      And then underneath was where all the VHS tapes went.

    20. JR

      There was no VHS tapes when he had it.

    21. AS

      Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

    22. JR

      No, there was none of that. And then-

    23. AS

      Yeah.

    24. JR

      ... a lot of times what would happen, the TV would die and they would put a new TV on top of the cabinet.

    25. AS

      That's right.

    26. JR

      That would be the move.

    27. AS

      That's right, 'cause you can't throw away the cabinet.

    28. JR

      It's a nice cabinet.

    29. AS

      Damn.

    30. JR

      It's a b- it's a beautiful piece of furniture, like it was like ornately designed and-

  4. 9:16 – 11:32

    Extreme heat stories: Vegas, melting sneakers, and “paint the roads white”

    1. JR

      I'm thinking 34. I was in, uh, Vegas, uh, last weekend and it was 117 degrees. 117, dude. It was so hot. We got off the plane, it was like holy shit. It was like a hair dryer just blowing in your face.

    2. AS

      It's dry, but it's like, it beats down on you sometimes there.

    3. JR

      Yeah.

    4. AS

      There and Phoenix would get you like-

    5. JR

      Yeah.

    6. AS

      ... "Fuck."

    7. JR

      Exactly. Exactly. There and Phoenix.

    8. AS

      I was walking on the Strip in Vegas a long time ago and my Chuck Taylors on the cement, so walking like 30, 40 minutes, started to melt.

    9. JR

      (gasps)

    10. AS

      It started to feel like I stepped in gum on both shoes.

    11. JR

      Whoa.

    12. AS

      Yeah.

    13. JR

      Really?

    14. AS

      Yeah. Too hot.

    15. JR

      Holy shit.

    16. AS

      Yeah. It's not made for that.

    17. JR

      You can melt your sneakers? It can get that hot? What, what temperature do sneakers melt at? (laughs)

    18. AS

      (laughs) Rename this podcast Let's Look It Up with Joe Rogan.

    19. JR

      Yeah, you would need work shoes.

    20. AS

      (laughs)

    21. JR

      You would need like fucking heavy duty work boots to walk.

    22. AS

      Yeah, yeah. Exactly.

    23. JR

      Like something fucking really thick.

    24. AS

      You couldn't have steel-toed because they'll burn your toes.

    25. JR

      Yeah, I got some dress shoes.

    26. AS

      Yeah.

    27. JR

      From uh, David August.

    28. AS

      Good for you.

    29. JR

      That are uh, they have leather on the bottom of them. I've never owned a pair of shoes that have leather soles.

    30. AS

      Interesting.

  5. 11:32 – 14:31

    Ari’s six months in South America: Spanish, Ecuador, and finding weed

    1. JR

      So, um, you're in what year ... Did you go back to New York? You were in New York are you...

    2. AS

      Back to New York.

    3. JR

      Yeah.

    4. AS

      Got a new place.

    5. JR

      You were in South America for how many months?

    6. AS

      Seis meses. Six months.

    7. JR

      How do you say that?

    8. AS

      Seis.

    9. JR

      Seis meses?

    10. AS

      Meses.

    11. JR

      Is meses-

    12. AS

      Six.

    13. JR

      ... is a w- a month?

    14. AS

      Yeah.

    15. JR

      Hmm.

    16. AS

      It's plural.

    17. JR

      How good are you at, at speaking Spanish?

    18. AS

      It got a lot better for sure, for sure.

    19. JR

      'Cause you can have conversations with people?

    20. AS

      Yeah. Uh, n- I mean, okay. So if you put me in like l- legal situation, I'm like, "Oh, I don't, I don't come across these words much."

    21. JR

      Right.

    22. AS

      Or like, or like the, the dentist, I'm like this is all, these are all new.

    23. JR

      What if you say, "How do I buy marijuana?"

    24. AS

      Uh, que es ... Uh, fuck. Where's buy? It's already dropped a little bit. Um ...

    25. JR

      Really?

    26. AS

      To purchase. Fuck, I forgot that word.

    27. JR

      You lived with a family for-

    28. AS

      Mota. Mota.

    29. JR

      Mota.

    30. AS

      Yeah.

  6. 14:31 – 19:20

    Psychedelic weed, lacing fears, and the PCP/ketamine tangent

    1. AS

      Even if it's terrible. And it's so strong.

    2. JR

      Really?

    3. AS

      So strong.

    4. JR

      Like California weed?

    5. AS

      No. Different.

    6. JR

      Stronger?

    7. AS

      D- uh, okay. Not as strong. More psychedelic.

    8. JR

      Whoa.

    9. AS

      I was sitting, smoking in the Amazon, and I started seeing lines. Like, lines in the horizon. Like, you know when you're, like, tripping a little?

    10. JR

      Yeah.

    11. AS

      It was like that. It wasn't that it would obliterate me the way, like, heavy, like, I don't know, Blue Dream would do. But, like, yeah, you would get these psychedelic waves.

    12. JR

      Do you think it was laced?

    13. AS

      Yeah.

    14. JR

      Really? With-

    15. AS

      For sure.

    16. JR

      With what?

    17. AS

      I don't know. People said they put acid on it, but I don't think you can, like, smoke acid.

    18. JR

      Let's find out.

    19. AS

      So (laughs) , Jamie-

    20. JR

      You smoke acid?

    21. AS

      Next on Looking It Up with Joe Rogan.

    22. JR

      'Cause I'm thinking about the lines. Like, whoa.

    23. AS

      Yeah, it was cr- it was weird. And, and, and we were like, "Oh, maybe I just haven't smoked in a while." And then both of us were like, "No, we're potheads, so there's no, like-"

    24. JR

      Yeah.

    25. AS

      "We know what this is."

    26. JR

      Something different.

    27. AS

      Yeah.

    28. JR

      Huh.

    29. AS

      It was wild. And then we went back and we're like, "Do you have anything not so strong?" And he goes, "I can get, like, some fluffier flower." Uh, and it was 30 bucks for one gram.

    30. JR

      Oh.

  7. 19:20 – 24:37

    Dark calls, defund-the-police debate, and why domestic violence is high risk

    1. JR

      Oh. Bro, have you ever talked to cops about some of the things they've seen?

    2. AS

      Uh, like dark stuff?

    3. JR

      (sighs)

    4. AS

      I should now from now on.

    5. JR

      I had a conversation recently with a cop, um, who's telling me some horrible shit that he f- a guy in the m- he caught a guy as he murdered his, his wife in front of their kids.

    6. AS

      Oh.

    7. JR

      He was there as he murdered her.

    8. AS

      Like -

    9. JR

      On top of her, strangling her.

    10. AS

      Wow.

    11. JR

      Yeah. They got there, she was already dead. They tried to revive her, but the kids were screaming at the guy. He got out of jail and was telling everybody when he-

    12. AS

      Got out of jail?

    13. JR

      ... telling everybody when he gets out of jail, he's gonna kill her. So, he got out of jail.

    14. AS

      And then killed her?

    15. JR

      And then killed her. But he was... They got there right as-

    16. AS

      Her last breath.

    17. JR

      ... she, I mean, he was on top of her. He had been choking her for who knows how many minutes and the kids had been screaming for who knows how long.

    18. AS

      What do they... Do they shoot him? They push him off? Like-

    19. JR

      I don't know.

    20. AS

      And then-

    21. JR

      I didn't ask. I didn't ask.

    22. AS

      There's that moment too, where you bust in and you have to see it and analyze the situation.

    23. JR

      Yeah.

    24. AS

      And then like, and like run and pu-... I mean, it's like-

    25. JR

      But it... I guess they'd known of the guy and they knew the situation, you know, people in the neighborhood.

    26. AS

      Damn.

    27. JR

      Yeah. That's why when pe- people say defund the police and use, um, use like cl- social workers to deal with domestic violence cases, I'm like, "You're out of your fucking mind. You're out of your fucking mind." First of all, they're the most dangerous cases for cops.

    28. AS

      Oh, yeah.

    29. JR

      And they would just be as dangerous for a social worker, but they wouldn't be equipped to handle that in terms of like-

    30. AS

      Yeah. The ones in Oz were always getting fucked up.

  8. 24:37 – 26:57

    COVID fatigue, vaccination, and arguing less to reclaim your life

    1. JR

      Is it, isn't it wild how much the world's changed in a year and a half? It's wild.... I don't think everybody's totally realized how much the world's changed.

    2. AS

      It happens in little increments.

    3. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    4. AS

      And so, y- you sort of keep accepting the small increments.

    5. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    6. AS

      A- a- and you've already forgotten the go outside with, with ski gloves and a ski mask on.

    7. JR

      Right.

    8. AS

      The, like, March 15th of-

    9. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    10. AS

      ... the year before where you're like, "Fuck! Fuck! Get it away from me! You're too close!"

    11. JR

      Right.

    12. AS

      That seems like, no. But that was a real thing, buying canned kale-

    13. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    14. AS

      ... because you're like, "I don't, are they gonna fucking... Are the trucks gonna stop coming in?"

    15. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    16. AS

      We need calories in the house.

    17. JR

      Yeah. And people didn't know how long it stayed on surfaces.

    18. AS

      Uh-huh.

    19. JR

      You remember-

    20. AS

      Wiping it down.

    21. JR

      You remember there was that, um, there was that one cruise ship. On the cruise ship-

    22. AS

      Yeah.

    23. JR

      ... a bunch of people got it and they got stuck on the boat.

    24. AS

      You scared the shit out of me on that.

    25. JR

      Mm.

    26. AS

      'Cause it was like, you were like, "Dude, 17 days after every-" (laughs)

    27. JR

      Yeah, they still test it.

    28. AS

      I can see your impression, yeah.

    29. JR

      Yeah, me?

    30. AS

      "Seventeen days after e- e- everyone is off-"

  9. 26:57 – 41:24

    Hangover science: vitamins, Berocca, Liquid IV, and hydration strategy

    1. JR

      Are you taking vitamins?

    2. AS

      Nah.

    3. JR

      Wow.

    4. AS

      I mean, w- you know, occasionally I take Berocas.

    5. JR

      Are you worried at all?

    6. AS

      No, I'm done with it.

    7. JR

      What's a Beroca? Berocas?

    8. AS

      It's like a multi, uh...

    9. JR

      Oh.

    10. AS

      ... when it's got all the shit in it.

    11. JR

      You just... But you should take vitamins just for your health.

    12. AS

      Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

    13. JR

      (laughs)

    14. AS

      Good advice, good advice.

    15. JR

      (laughs)

    16. AS

      Yeah, yeah, yeah.

    17. JR

      You done?

    18. AS

      I mean, what are you talking about? I don't have it in here.

    19. JR

      You done? You don't give a fuck?

    20. AS

      I'm not, I don't give a fuck.

    21. JR

      Wow.

    22. AS

      Um, it's just like, I'm not gonna think about it. Whatever.

    23. JR

      Okay.

    24. AS

      It's so, it's so, it's like, it's holding my life back to be thinking about it.

    25. JR

      That's true.

    26. AS

      To be arguing with people all the time.

    27. JR

      That is true.

    28. AS

      And it's like, I'm not changing anything, so when it shuts down, let me know.

    29. JR

      That's true. It is, uh, it does hold your life back.

    30. AS

      Yeah. And, and I, it's like I can't have an effect on it.

  10. 41:24 – 47:55

    Concert volume, hearing damage, and why ear protection matters

    1. JR

      That's why I've always wondered like when hunting dogs, when they take dogs out like hunting birds and shit, and the dogs are out in the field and they're just shooting shotguns off, like, "What is that dog doing?"

    2. AS

      It's like, "Fuck, dude."

    3. JR

      Yeah. 'Cause, uh-

    4. AS

      Muffle that shit.

    5. JR

      ... when I went with Bourdain, we went pigeon hunt- or not pigeon hunting, uh, pheasant hunting, and-

    6. AS

      Yeah.

    7. JR

      ... he shot at one too close to my head, like I was right here and he shot at one like right there. Bang! And I didn't know he was doing that, and it was like, "Oh, fuck!"

    8. AS

      Yeah.

    9. JR

      It was like, "Eeh!"

    10. AS

      Damage. Damn. (laughs)

    11. JR

      (laughs) Like, it's loud.

    12. AS

      Yeah, like ... You know, like ...

    13. JR

      A 12-gauge shotgun or whatever it was. I think it was a 12-gauge. Boom! Like, "Fuck!" Like, I didn't know he was gonna do that. I should've had ears on. I should've had like, you know, like, um ...

    14. AS

      Plugs?

    15. JR

      No, well they have these, um, these things that allow you to hear everything outside, but when it hits a certain decibel, it- it- it cuts off.

    16. AS

      Whoa, really?

    17. JR

      So y- yeah, you take them to the gun range, like I wear 'em at the gun range. They, they look like these, but they have like a switch on 'em. And, uh, I turn the switch, I can turn the volume up or down. I can actually-

    18. AS

      Damn.

    19. JR

      ... make it so that I can hear better.

    20. AS

      Interesting.

    21. JR

      Yeah, I can hear better. I can hear things that I could never hear without them. And then when the gun goes off, you won't, it hear, you hear it very low. It cuts it off to a very low amount of decibels, so it's-

    22. AS

      Damn.

    23. JR

      ... totally tolerable.

    24. AS

      Whenever I'm at concerts now and I- th- lo- they'll have places like Webster Hall will have like, just go to the bar for two bucks, you can get earplugs.

    25. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    26. AS

      And they ki- I think they might all have 'em now, but you forget you have 'em in, you really shove 'em in there, and then when you come outside afterwards, you're still talking normal and then you pull it out and you're just like ...... fuck, so many more levels.

    27. JR

      Is it crazy that concerts are so loud you have to have earplugs? Like, why are they doing that?

    28. AS

      You can just sit up there. Sit up there with a guitar. You ever go to Ireland? And they're just like, a guy playing, you can barely hear it two tables over. (laughs)

    29. JR

      (laughs)

    30. AS

      And you're like, "This is lovely." It's great.

  11. 47:55 – 1:02:47

    Comedy after lockdown: outdoor shows, staff shortages, and unemployment incentives

    1. JR

      They're ... Sound better. Same thing with comedy too. The worst thing is when you go to a comedy place and the volume's not loud enough, oof.

    2. AS

      The outdoor stuff was so shitty.

    3. JR

      Oh, outdoor stuff sucked.

    4. AS

      And we all got used to it because it, it got taken away from us completely, right? So then we were like, "Fuck, there's no comedy."

    5. JR

      Right.

    6. AS

      And then it's like, hey, there's ... I didn't do the Zoom shows. I, I'm assuming you didn't either.

    7. JR

      No.

    8. AS

      But then it's like, hey, there's some comedy. There's a front patio there.

    9. JR

      Right.

    10. AS

      Even though we all agreed outdoor sucks, but we're like, "Hey, this is so much better than no comedy."

    11. JR

      They're still doing outdoor at The Improv on Melrose, huh?

    12. AS

      I don't know.

    13. JR

      Yeah, they were showing on their Instagram. They had, uh, outdoor comedy shows in that little parking lot area.

    14. AS

      So a lot of them, I think, the stand is doing the same thing in New York where they're like, "Well, we built this thing. We can go back inside, but why don't we run two shows?"

    15. JR

      Right.

    16. AS

      "If we're sold out, why don't we run..." Oh, just real quick.

    17. JR

      Okay.

    18. AS

      Uh, audience, every comedy club in the country is searching for help. They are having trouble opening. The Denver Comedy Works specifically, but Magoo, b- all of them, they cannot find help because of unemployment, because of whatever, part-time work. If you've ever wanted to work at a comedy club, now is your time. Just go in there and get an application. They are massively searching for work.

    19. JR

      I know Denver is.

    20. AS

      Yeah.

    21. JR

      That's a big one.

    22. AS

      So many.

    23. JR

      Right? Yeah.

    24. AS

      I've talked to all of them. I share information. I'm like, "You guys are all in the same boat."

    25. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    26. AS

      Cooks especially, wait staff, uh, door guys. If you hear us talking about how fun it is to work at a comedy club, it is fun. Uh, not just the Comedy Store. Across the country. Go in, get an application and be part of some fun shit.

    27. JR

      Does The Store have a problem too?

    28. AS

      The pay is pretty good.

    29. JR

      ... does the store have a problem getting-

    30. AS

      I-

  12. 59:47 – 1:18:56

    Beer, whiskey ‘health’ claims, IPA hate, marriage jokes—and the Ecuador fanny pack gift

    1. JR

      Who the fuck was telling us that whiskey-

    2. AS

      What good foods can we eat?

    3. JR

      ... is actually pretty good for you? Who was saying that? Someone was saying that whiskey has, uh ... It was some sort of-

    4. AS

      Whisk- whiskey promoter?

    5. JR

      ... what, what, um ... No, no, no. It was what, uh-

    6. AS

      Jimmy LeFroig? (blows raspberry)

    7. JR

      Not resveratrol. I think maybe it was r- not resveratrol, but another kind of antioxidant that-

    8. NA

      Polyphenols.

    9. AS

      Shh.

    10. JR

      That's right, polyphenols.

    11. NA

      Plant-based antioxidants.

    12. AS

      Remember they were saying weed might s- stop COVID-

    13. JR

      Yeah.

    14. AS

      ... for a little bit?

    15. JR

      Yeah.

    16. AS

      And people were like, "Smoke all day." (laughs) They're like... They were like, "No, no. It said some types of CBDs might help." (laughs) And they're like, "Smoke all weed."

    17. JR

      Whiskey has high levels of polyphenols, plant-based antioxidants linked to lowering your risk of heart disease. The polyphenols in whiskey have been shown to decrease bad cholesterol, LDL, and increase good cholesterol, HDL, levels, and reduce triglycerides or fat in your blood.

    18. AS

      That's what I'm talking about, Joe. This is how you stay accessible and do your fucking-

    19. JR

      Mm.

    20. AS

      ... advice shit.

    21. JR

      There you go.

    22. AS

      You gotta do it into our normal lives.

    23. JR

      Health benefits of whiskey. Normal lives.

    24. AS

      What foods can we eat? We're already gluttonous.

    25. JR

      Mm.

    26. AS

      You gotta say, like, "This is our experience."

    27. JR

      Right.

    28. AS

      "What can we... How can we guide that?"

    29. JR

      Right.

    30. AS

      I gained a lot of weight in Thailand. My first, like, trip to Myanmar, Thailand, all that shit.

Episode duration: 3:30:21

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