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The Joe Rogan ExperienceThe Joe Rogan Experience

Joe Rogan Experience #1686 - Ari Shaffir

Ari Shaffir is a stand-up comedian and host of "The Skeptic Tank" podcast available on Spotify.

Joe RoganhostAri Shaffirguest
Jun 27, 20243h 30mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:00 – 0:06

    Intro

    1. NA

      (drumming) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience.

  2. 0:06 – 2:11

    Ari shaves his head: hair loss fixes, DHT shampoos, and Amazon remedies

    1. JR

      Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night. All day. (rock music) You decided to shave your head now, huh?

    2. AS

      Yeah. I like it.

    3. JR

      Enough.

    4. AS

      What?

    5. JR

      It's better, right? Enough.

    6. AS

      It's smoother and it's easier.

    7. JR

      Yes.

    8. AS

      Yeah.

    9. JR

      So much better.

    10. AS

      Yeah.

    11. JR

      Imagine going to a barber shop now.

    12. AS

      God took care of a lot of it.

    13. JR

      God took care of it.

    14. AS

      (sighs) Yeah.

    15. JR

      God cursed you. Too much scalp.

    16. AS

      I want it back.

    17. JR

      Do you?

    18. AS

      I want ... I, uh, I really wanna do a mohawk correctly.

    19. JR

      Oh.

    20. AS

      And I want it for a little bit. Remember how much fun I'd have with my hair?

    21. JR

      Well, you could do stuff with your hair to get it back that's not as dangerous as, uh, the, the, uh-

    22. AS

      Staples?

    23. JR

      No. No, no, no, no, no. There's, uh, ways ... There's f- ... There's a guy name, uh, Derek, he's got a website called More Plates, More Dates, and he, uh, he talks a lot about, uh, hormone optimization, all kinds of stuff, but also recovering hair loss. And w- ... There's a bunch of different things you can do. There's topical shampoos that remove DHT from the scalp that help bring your hair back.

    24. AS

      But it'll get back?

    25. JR

      I don't know, man. You're pretty far gone.

    26. AS

      That's ... I ... There's this, um, Amazonian, like, treatment for it.

    27. JR

      Amazonian?

    28. AS

      Yeah, An- ... Eng- ... Ungurahua.

    29. JR

      Ooh.

    30. AS

      And, um ... And then I found this lady who was like, "Uh, there's a lot of fake shit on the market there." Ooh, s- can I curse on this? And, uh ... (laughs)

  3. 2:11 – 5:56

    Smallpox, first contact, and the scale of Indigenous population collapse

    1. JR

      Well, you do have to realize that 95% of them died from the plague.

    2. AS

      Yeah. And then there's the litter also.

    3. JR

      Mm.

    4. AS

      Which they never liked.

    5. JR

      Litter?

    6. AS

      You know.

    7. JR

      Oh, the Indian that cried?

    8. AS

      Yeah. (laughs)

    9. JR

      Yeah, the, the pollution.

    10. AS

      That's (laughs) ... That's the last 5% was like-

    11. JR

      Yeah.

    12. AS

      ... "Come on, guys. There's 5% of us left and you're chucking shit in our yard?"

    13. JR

      Yeah, I was, uh, listening to this thing, uh, where these, uh, these settlers, uh, post smallpox were going, like, arriving in towns and there would be no one in the town, it would be ghosts, and they thought that people had abandoned the town, they hadn't figured it out yet, but it would lit- ... Literally, like, the entire town was wiped out.

    14. AS

      From plague?

    15. JR

      From the plague, yeah.

    16. AS

      Damn.

    17. JR

      That was a really common thing. They think that's what happened to South America. They think that's what happened to the Amazon. They think that the Lost City of Z, or Lost City of Zed, however you wanna say it-

    18. AS

      Yeah.

    19. JR

      ... they think that that was an i- ... A massive civilization that existed in the Amazon and then the European settlers came down and just like they did with the Mayans, just like they did with the Native Americans, just like they did with ... They brought horrible fucking diseases and everybody died.

    20. AS

      Wow.

    21. JR

      That's the number one theory. 'Cause, like, people are thinking about what's going on right now, right? Um, you know, like, w- ... See how, uh, even a disease that doesn't kill, you know, a, a high percentage of people can spread throughout this entire country and-

    22. AS

      Yeah.

    23. JR

      ... hundreds of ... I mean, I don't know how many people have been infected by COVID now. It's gotta be in the millions, right? Of, of-

    24. AS

      Oh, yeah.

    25. JR

      ... got it and recovered. Now imagine if that was smallpox.

    26. AS

      Then they're all dead.

    27. JR

      They're all dead.

    28. AS

      Wow, yeah.

    29. JR

      Yeah. Most of them are dead. Like, it's a l- ... A high percentage.

    30. AS

      Especially back then.

  4. 5:56 – 9:16

    Old TVs, retro tech nostalgia, and modern iMac thinness

    1. AS

      Is that a flat screen? That's really nice.

    2. JR

      Of course it's flat screen. What, are you living in the past?

    3. AS

      Damn, bro.

    4. JR

      What are you saying, man?

    5. AS

      (laughs) Every once in a while you'll see, like, one of those-

    6. JR

      Can you swear on TV?

    7. AS

      ... the, the big boxes still out there.

    8. JR

      People still have those?

    9. AS

      You see it and you realize, "That somebody old just died." (laughs)

    10. JR

      Oh.

    11. AS

      For sure.

    12. JR

      Yeah.

    13. AS

      Or got put in a home. Where, like, who would still have it?

    14. JR

      My grandpa had one of them cabinet ones.... where you open up the cabinet-

    15. AS

      And it's, it's a part of it?

    16. JR

      ... and the TV was like a part of the furniture.

    17. AS

      Jeez, yeah.

    18. JR

      It was so classy.

    19. AS

      And then underneath was where all the VHS tapes went.

    20. JR

      There was no VHS tapes when he had it.

    21. AS

      Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

    22. JR

      No, there was none of that. And then-

    23. AS

      Yeah.

    24. JR

      ... a lot of times what would happen, the TV would die and they would put a new TV on top of the cabinet.

    25. AS

      That's right.

    26. JR

      That would be the move.

    27. AS

      That's right, 'cause you can't throw away the cabinet.

    28. JR

      It's a nice cabinet.

    29. AS

      Damn.

    30. JR

      It's a b- it's a beautiful piece of furniture, like it was like ornately designed and-

  5. 9:16 – 11:32

    Heat, Celsius confusion, and sneakers melting on hot pavement

    1. JR

      I'm thinking 34. I was in, uh, Vegas, uh, last weekend and it was 117 degrees. 117, dude. It was so hot. We got off the plane, it was like holy shit. It was like a hair dryer just blowing in your face.

    2. AS

      It's dry, but it's like, it beats down on you sometimes there.

    3. JR

      Yeah.

    4. AS

      There and Phoenix would get you like-

    5. JR

      Yeah.

    6. AS

      ... "Fuck."

    7. JR

      Exactly. Exactly. There and Phoenix.

    8. AS

      I was walking on the Strip in Vegas a long time ago and my Chuck Taylors on the cement, so walking like 30, 40 minutes, started to melt.

    9. JR

      (gasps)

    10. AS

      It started to feel like I stepped in gum on both shoes.

    11. JR

      Whoa.

    12. AS

      Yeah.

    13. JR

      Really?

    14. AS

      Yeah. Too hot.

    15. JR

      Holy shit.

    16. AS

      Yeah. It's not made for that.

    17. JR

      You can melt your sneakers? It can get that hot? What, what temperature do sneakers melt at? (laughs)

    18. AS

      (laughs) Rename this podcast Let's Look It Up with Joe Rogan.

    19. JR

      Yeah, you would need work shoes.

    20. AS

      (laughs)

    21. JR

      You would need like fucking heavy duty work boots to walk.

    22. AS

      Yeah, yeah. Exactly.

    23. JR

      Like something fucking really thick.

    24. AS

      You couldn't have steel-toed because they'll burn your toes.

    25. JR

      Yeah, I got some dress shoes.

    26. AS

      Yeah.

    27. JR

      From uh, David August.

    28. AS

      Good for you.

    29. JR

      That are uh, they have leather on the bottom of them. I've never owned a pair of shoes that have leather soles.

    30. AS

      Interesting.

  6. 11:32 – 13:14

    Six months in South America: Spanish growth, Ecuador, and finding weed

    1. JR

      So, um, you're in what year ... Did you go back to New York? You were in New York are you...

    2. AS

      Back to New York.

    3. JR

      Yeah.

    4. AS

      Got a new place.

    5. JR

      You were in South America for how many months?

    6. AS

      Seis meses. Six months.

    7. JR

      How do you say that?

    8. AS

      Seis.

    9. JR

      Seis meses?

    10. AS

      Meses.

    11. JR

      Is meses-

    12. AS

      Six.

    13. JR

      ... is a w- a month?

    14. AS

      Yeah.

    15. JR

      Hmm.

    16. AS

      It's plural.

    17. JR

      How good are you at, at speaking Spanish?

    18. AS

      It got a lot better for sure, for sure.

    19. JR

      'Cause you can have conversations with people?

    20. AS

      Yeah. Uh, n- I mean, okay. So if you put me in like l- legal situation, I'm like, "Oh, I don't, I don't come across these words much."

    21. JR

      Right.

    22. AS

      Or like, or like the, the dentist, I'm like this is all, these are all new.

    23. JR

      What if you say, "How do I buy marijuana?"

    24. AS

      Uh, que es ... Uh, fuck. Where's buy? It's already dropped a little bit. Um ...

    25. JR

      Really?

    26. AS

      To purchase. Fuck, I forgot that word.

    27. JR

      You lived with a family for-

    28. AS

      Mota. Mota.

    29. JR

      Mota.

    30. AS

      Yeah.

  7. 13:14 – 19:20

    Psychedelic weed in the Amazon: lacing theories, edibles visions, PCP vs ketamine

    1. AS

      You could find it there, but it was like, it was difficult. I don't know if it was, um, COVID stuff.

    2. JR

      Oh, yeah?

    3. AS

      Because, like, the nightclubs weren't open, and that's where people, like, go to the nightclubs, but that's where I'd get it, but they're not really open right now.

    4. JR

      Interesting.

    5. AS

      Yeah. So when we found some (laughs) , we found some, and we were like... It took, like, a week and a half, two weeks, and I'm like, "Fuck, we might not get some." We kept looking at people that were smoking, like, "Can we go up to them and say, can I buy some off you?" But that's so weird. Like, if you were smoking with me and someone was like-

    6. JR

      Right.

    7. AS

      ... "Can I buy some weed?" You'd be like, "No." Even if it was legal, you'd be like, "This is mine."

    8. JR

      Well, not only that, do you n- you have to worry about organized crime, right? You might, you have to worry about getting wrapped up with the wrong humans.

    9. AS

      Uh, yeah, it wasn't a worry there.

    10. JR

      You weren't in a bad spot?

    11. AS

      That's just Guayaquil. The rest was all pretty cool. But, like-

    12. JR

      That's where?

    13. AS

      G- Guayaquil. Guayaquil. That's where the, the gangs are.

    14. JR

      Oh, okay.

    15. AS

      It's the biggest city.

    16. JR

      This is in Ecuador?

    17. AS

      Mm-hmm. But, like, uh, then when we found some, we were like, "Do you have?" And he was like, "Yeah, I can get some tomorrow. I can..." Like, my buddy to a head shop. He's like, "I'll bring it back tomorrow." So, he did and he was like, "How much do you want?" And we're like, "I don't know if-"

    18. JR

      A pound.

    19. AS

      Well, yeah. So I go, "How much is it?" He goes, "It's, uh, it's, uh, like, uh, dollar a gram. So, like, you can get 30 grams for 30 bucks." And I was like, "Oh, well, I don't know if we want, like, an ounce. Maybe just, like, a quarter ounce." And my partner was like, (laughs) "No, we're gonna take an ounce. It's $30."

    20. JR

      Yeah.

    21. AS

      Even if it's terrible. And it's so strong.

    22. JR

      Really?

    23. AS

      So strong.

    24. JR

      Like California weed?

    25. AS

      No. Different.

    26. JR

      Stronger?

    27. AS

      D- uh, okay. Not as strong. More psychedelic.

    28. JR

      Whoa.

    29. AS

      I was sitting, smoking in the Amazon, and I started seeing lines. Like, lines in the horizon. Like, you know when you're, like, tripping a little?

    30. JR

      Yeah.

  8. 19:20 – 24:37

    Defund the police debate: domestic calls, trauma, and traffic-stop ambush videos

    1. JR

      Oh. Bro, have you ever talked to cops about some of the things they've seen?

    2. AS

      Uh, like dark stuff?

    3. JR

      (sighs)

    4. AS

      I should now from now on.

    5. JR

      I had a conversation recently with a cop, um, who's telling me some horrible shit that he f- a guy in the m- he caught a guy as he murdered his, his wife in front of their kids.

    6. AS

      Oh.

    7. JR

      He was there as he murdered her.

    8. AS

      Like -

    9. JR

      On top of her, strangling her.

    10. AS

      Wow.

    11. JR

      Yeah. They got there, she was already dead. They tried to revive her, but the kids were screaming at the guy. He got out of jail and was telling everybody when he-

    12. AS

      Got out of jail?

    13. JR

      ... telling everybody when he gets out of jail, he's gonna kill her. So, he got out of jail.

    14. AS

      And then killed her?

    15. JR

      And then killed her. But he was... They got there right as-

    16. AS

      Her last breath.

    17. JR

      ... she, I mean, he was on top of her. He had been choking her for who knows how many minutes and the kids had been screaming for who knows how long.

    18. AS

      What do they... Do they shoot him? They push him off? Like-

    19. JR

      I don't know.

    20. AS

      And then-

    21. JR

      I didn't ask. I didn't ask.

    22. AS

      There's that moment too, where you bust in and you have to see it and analyze the situation.

    23. JR

      Yeah.

    24. AS

      And then like, and like run and pu-... I mean, it's like-

    25. JR

      But it... I guess they'd known of the guy and they knew the situation, you know, people in the neighborhood.

    26. AS

      Damn.

    27. JR

      Yeah. That's why when pe- people say defund the police and use, um, use like cl- social workers to deal with domestic violence cases, I'm like, "You're out of your fucking mind. You're out of your fucking mind." First of all, they're the most dangerous cases for cops.

    28. AS

      Oh, yeah.

    29. JR

      And they would just be as dangerous for a social worker, but they wouldn't be equipped to handle that in terms of like-

    30. AS

      Yeah. The ones in Oz were always getting fucked up.

  9. 24:37 – 29:33

    Pandemic whiplash: masks, vaccines, Delta fatigue, and Ari’s ‘mask ceremony’

    1. JR

      Is it, isn't it wild how much the world's changed in a year and a half? It's wild.... I don't think everybody's totally realized how much the world's changed.

    2. AS

      It happens in little increments.

    3. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    4. AS

      And so, y- you sort of keep accepting the small increments.

    5. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    6. AS

      A- a- and you've already forgotten the go outside with, with ski gloves and a ski mask on.

    7. JR

      Right.

    8. AS

      The, like, March 15th of-

    9. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    10. AS

      ... the year before where you're like, "Fuck! Fuck! Get it away from me! You're too close!"

    11. JR

      Right.

    12. AS

      That seems like, no. But that was a real thing, buying canned kale-

    13. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    14. AS

      ... because you're like, "I don't, are they gonna fucking... Are the trucks gonna stop coming in?"

    15. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    16. AS

      We need calories in the house.

    17. JR

      Yeah. And people didn't know how long it stayed on surfaces.

    18. AS

      Uh-huh.

    19. JR

      You remember-

    20. AS

      Wiping it down.

    21. JR

      You remember there was that, um, there was that one cruise ship. On the cruise ship-

    22. AS

      Yeah.

    23. JR

      ... a bunch of people got it and they got stuck on the boat.

    24. AS

      You scared the shit out of me on that.

    25. JR

      Mm.

    26. AS

      'Cause it was like, you were like, "Dude, 17 days after every-" (laughs)

    27. JR

      Yeah, they still test it.

    28. AS

      I can see your impression, yeah.

    29. JR

      Yeah, me?

    30. AS

      "Seventeen days after e- e- everyone is off-"

  10. 29:33 – 34:17

    Hangover engineering: Berocca, Liquid IV, Pedialyte, and pro-level hydration

    1. AS

      Anyway, you're not hungover if you take that before and after.

    2. JR

      Really?

    3. AS

      Yeah.

    4. JR

      Works?

    5. AS

      Pops, pops you right back up.

    6. JR

      Have you tried, like, w- is that better than, like, Emergen-C, or one of those things?

    7. AS

      Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Way better than Emergen-C. Not quite as good as that liquid IV stuff.

    8. JR

      Liquid IV's the shit.

    9. AS

      Liquid IV's great.

    10. JR

      That's the shit.

    11. AS

      But those Berocas are like... And it's not really available here in pharmacies, but all over Europe and Thailand too and, like, other places, you can just get 'em.

    12. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    13. AS

      Um, and it's just like one before you drink, one the next morning.

    14. JR

      Yeah. Well, there's this, uh, stuff called Athletic Greens that's a good way to go too, because it's so easy and it tastes good. You just pour it into a glass of water and sh- sh- mix it up, or put a bottle of water-

    15. AS

      Yeah.

    16. JR

      ... shake it up. That's easy.

    17. AS

      You ever drink that baby stuff?

    18. JR

      Oh, um...

    19. NA

      Pedialyte?

    20. JR

      Pedialyte.

    21. AS

      Pedialyte.

    22. JR

      Yeah.

    23. AS

      And it's like, ugh, ugh.

    24. JR

      Yeah. Yeah.

    25. AS

      But choke it down. You're gonna get fucking fucked up tonight. Choke that shit down and feel better.

    26. JR

      (laughs) To, just to hydrate your body?

    27. AS

      It's a party, dude.

    28. JR

      Well, it's definitely good if people are, like, really dehydrated.

    29. AS

      Yeah.

    30. JR

      But you should, I think you're supposed to take that in water. I don't think you're supposed to take it pure.

  11. 34:17 – 37:21

    Perspective checks: ‘we live in great times,’ Amazon subsistence life, and hunting stories

    1. AS

      We live in great times.

    2. JR

      We live in amazing times.

    3. AS

      I love how angry everybody gets, and you're like, "Guys, it's a fucking ... kill it here."

    4. JR

      Yeah.

    5. AS

      It's so fucking fun. Everything's great.

    6. JR

      Well, I've said this before, I'll say it again.

    7. AS

      Yeah.

    8. JR

      Someone told me this, and it's a, a brilliant thing. The worst thing that's ever happened to you is the worst thing that's ever happened to you, even if it's not that bad. And that's the problem with everybody today.

    9. AS

      Oh, you're ... Y- well, yeah. You're pointing it at, "I have this much anger, this much happiness."

    10. JR

      Yeah.

    11. AS

      So, you point it to whatever it is.

    12. JR

      Exactly.

    13. AS

      And even also, the opposite happens, where if you're like ... I mean, we'd see these houses in the Amazon, and it was like, "Fuck. This is dank." But they're like, "Hey, we got a new ..." Uh, what ... you know, chicken.

    14. JR

      Right.

    15. AS

      But everyone's, like, still partying on the same level as you party when you get a Miata.

    16. JR

      Yeah. Yeah.

    17. AS

      Uh-

    18. JR

      That's their life.

    19. AS

      Yeah.

    20. JR

      Yeah. They shoot a monkey, and they cook it, and they're all happy.

    21. AS

      They're like, "We're sweet." (laughs)

    22. JR

      Yeah.

    23. AS

      (laughs)

    24. JR

      Yeah. My friend, Steve Rinella went to, uh ... I th- I guess it was Guyana.

    25. AS

      Yeah.

    26. JR

      And, uh, they hunted monkeys.

    27. AS

      Damn.

    28. JR

      And they, they were eating monkeys, and he tried it. He ate a ... He ate monkey. He said it s- it tasted like smoked turkey the way they ate it. But that was like their favorite meal. They would k- ... They would kill all kinds of animals-

    29. AS

      Wow.

    30. JR

      ... to stay alive. I mean, they're a complete subsistence hunting-

  12. 37:21 – 39:57

    Social media power: cross-platform bans, ‘misinformation,’ pharma incentives, and lab-leak talk

    1. JR

      Do, did you hear Jen Psaki, the White House Press Secretary, said today that if you're banned from one social media platform, you should be banned from all of them?

    2. AS

      You should be banned from all of them.

    3. JR

      Yes. And everybody's like, "What the fuck?" Like, she's encouraging people to be banned from social media platforms?

    4. AS

      Also, what if you're just banned for like posting a dick or something?

    5. JR

      She's talking about it as disinformation, if you're, if you're banned for disinformation or misinformation.

    6. AS

      Cut you out of the world.

    7. JR

      (sighs)

    8. AS

      Cut your ability-

    9. JR

      All this talk scares the fuck outta me.

    10. AS

      It is, because then when they-

    11. JR

      Because these people are just using it to their benefit politically-

    12. AS

      Uh-huh.

    13. JR

      ... and they don't understand the slippery slope, because if a Republican gets in power and then they start doing that to liberals, you, you just don't understand, like you can't give anybody that kinda power.

    14. AS

      And what happens when the disinformation turns out to be true? S-

    15. JR

      Like this whole lab leak theory. The lab leak theory, you would get banned from Facebook just 10 months ago.

    16. AS

      The fucking, what's it called medication? The, um ...

    17. JR

      Ivermectin?

    18. AS

      Nah, the one Trump was saying.

    19. JR

      Hydroxychloroquine?

    20. AS

      Yeah.

    21. JR

      Yeah.

    22. AS

      And people are like, "How d- You're an idiot." And then people are like, "Actually, I think it's starting to work," right? Or am I wrong on that?

    23. JR

      I think there's some evidence that there's some benefit to hydroxychloroquine.

    24. AS

      Yeah, and j- because he said it, you couldn't even-

    25. JR

      It's so hard to tell with these things, because things like hydroxychloroquine and particularly ivermectin, they are generic items.

    26. AS

      Yeah.

    27. JR

      That means they've been around so long that anybody can make 'em. So if you owned a pharmaceutical company, you could, you could compound ivermectin and sell it, which is crazy.

    28. AS

      I do, and I will.

    29. JR

      You should. And if you do that, you don't make much money, 'cause it's not that expensive, 'cause everybody can make it. So this is like a problem when-

    30. AS

      For, for Pfizer.

  13. 39:57 – 42:58

    Algorithms, puppy-video ‘retraining,’ fireworks anxiety for dogs, and protecting your hearing

    1. AS

      ... th- social media gets you into an algorithm that gets you into looking at, let's just say it's false information. It pushes you to seek out more and more of that false stuff-

    2. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    3. AS

      ... or like that side or this side or the right side or the left side or the up side.

    4. JR

      Is that what Facebook does? 'Cause I-

    5. AS

      Yeah.

    6. JR

      Different ones do different things, right? They say it but-

    7. AS

      Yeah, but they all like, once you start searching something, it pushes you fur- it sees you're interested, pushes you further and further to that, or-

    8. JR

      I always use your example-

    9. AS

      ... what makes you angry.

    10. JR

      ... of when you did that thing with puppies.

    11. AS

      The puppies?

    12. JR

      Yeah. That really worked.

    13. AS

      Yeah. Spend a week, click on nothing but puppy videos. Search some puppy videos to start with, then it'll give you whatever. My, uh, my, um, someone who uploads for, to YouTube for me, to my YouTube account, um, she uses my account. She's putting it in there. And she's like, "Why are there so many like dog relaxation (laughs) videos?" I'm like, "Oh, that's from a fucking bandit, man." But like now she's watching 'em, so now it's gone over to her YouTube.

    14. JR

      Oh, that's fire.

    15. AS

      It's just popping up my suggestions, like, "Do you want 15 hours of dog relaxation?" (laughs)

    16. JR

      Dog relaxation?

    17. AS

      It's when they have like fireworks, you gotta drown it out.

    18. JR

      Oh, yeah?

    19. AS

      Like, ugh, the fireworks.

    20. JR

      Oh, for dogs?

    21. AS

      (sighs)

    22. JR

      Yeah, they, they freak out.

    23. AS

      So they're having a great time, a great time, and then one M80 or whatever goes off. Arf. 10 blocks away, their tail goes down, they start shivering.

    24. JR

      You imagine what that must sound like to them, their giant ass ears?

    25. AS

      They don't know what it is. Yeah, they don't know what it is.

    26. JR

      Right.

    27. AS

      Uh-

    28. JR

      But it also must hurt.

    29. AS

      Oh right, good point.

    30. JR

      They have giant ears.

  14. 42:58 – 47:55

    Concert volume, iconic band signatures, and why sound systems changed touring

    1. JR

      Is it crazy that concerts are so loud you have to have earplugs? Like, why are they doing that?

    2. AS

      You can just sit up there. Sit up there with a guitar. You ever go to Ireland? And they're just like, a guy playing, you can barely hear it two tables over. (laughs)

    3. JR

      (laughs)

    4. AS

      And you're like, "This is lovely." It's great.

    5. JR

      But those guys all go deaf.

    6. AS

      They'll plug it in.

    7. JR

      Like the lead singer from AC/DC, he can't even fucking perform anymore.

    8. AS

      Really?

    9. JR

      His ears are so fucked, his head's so fucked. Like, they ... It blows their ears apart. You know, you know how you get in someone's car and they got shitty old speakers, it's like, "Krsh."

    10. AS

      Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

    11. JR

      That's this guy's head.

    12. AS

      (laughs)

    13. JR

      His speakers are blown. Like his internal ears-

    14. AS

      Damn.

    15. JR

      ... are blown. Yeah. It happens-

    16. AS

      Damn.

    17. JR

      ... to all of them.

    18. AS

      And for what? Some jock rock?

    19. JR

      AC/DC, how dare you?

    20. AS

      I'll stay with it.

    21. JR

      How dare you?

    22. AS

      I'll stick with it. Fucking jock rock. (laughs)

    23. JR

      It's a long way to the top if you wanna rock and roll.

    24. AS

      You say that with your new head nerd.

    25. JR

      Bro, they got some good fucking songs.

    26. AS

      No, I know. Right. (laughs)

    27. JR

      They got some good fucking songs. It's interesting that their, their music is so distinct. Like if you hear a song-

    28. AS

      It's his voice.

    29. JR

      It's not just a-

    30. AS

      And the guitar.

  15. 47:55 – 52:18

    Comedy after lockdown: outdoor shows, club staffing shortages, and culture-war ‘rage’

    1. JR

      They're ... Sound better. Same thing with comedy too. The worst thing is when you go to a comedy place and the volume's not loud enough, oof.

    2. AS

      The outdoor stuff was so shitty.

    3. JR

      Oh, outdoor stuff sucked.

    4. AS

      And we all got used to it because it, it got taken away from us completely, right? So then we were like, "Fuck, there's no comedy."

    5. JR

      Right.

    6. AS

      And then it's like, hey, there's ... I didn't do the Zoom shows. I, I'm assuming you didn't either.

    7. JR

      No.

    8. AS

      But then it's like, hey, there's some comedy. There's a front patio there.

    9. JR

      Right.

    10. AS

      Even though we all agreed outdoor sucks, but we're like, "Hey, this is so much better than no comedy."

    11. JR

      They're still doing outdoor at The Improv on Melrose, huh?

    12. AS

      I don't know.

    13. JR

      Yeah, they were showing on their Instagram. They had, uh, outdoor comedy shows in that little parking lot area.

    14. AS

      So a lot of them, I think, the stand is doing the same thing in New York where they're like, "Well, we built this thing. We can go back inside, but why don't we run two shows?"

    15. JR

      Right.

    16. AS

      "If we're sold out, why don't we run..." Oh, just real quick.

    17. JR

      Okay.

    18. AS

      Uh, audience, every comedy club in the country is searching for help. They are having trouble opening. The Denver Comedy Works specifically, but Magoo, b- all of them, they cannot find help because of unemployment, because of whatever, part-time work. If you've ever wanted to work at a comedy club, now is your time. Just go in there and get an application. They are massively searching for work.

    19. JR

      I know Denver is.

    20. AS

      Yeah.

    21. JR

      That's a big one.

    22. AS

      So many.

    23. JR

      Right? Yeah.

    24. AS

      I've talked to all of them. I share information. I'm like, "You guys are all in the same boat."

    25. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    26. AS

      Cooks especially, wait staff, uh, door guys. If you hear us talking about how fun it is to work at a comedy club, it is fun. Uh, not just the Comedy Store. Across the country. Go in, get an application and be part of some fun shit.

    27. JR

      Does The Store have a problem too?

    28. AS

      The pay is pretty good.

    29. JR

      ... does the store have a problem getting-

    30. AS

      I-

  16. 52:18 – 59:37

    Stimulus politics, vaccine timing suspicions, gain-of-function details, and breakthrough cases

    1. JR

      I wonder if he'd figured out a way to give people 2,000 and really did that on a regular basis if he would've got reelected.

    2. AS

      Yeah. You know how they always, like gas prices come down before an election so that you'll, you'll have, like, better feelings about the president?

    3. JR

      Not before Obama got into office. Do you remember that?

    4. AS

      It stayed high?

    5. JR

      We were... No. They raised the fuck out of it right before, and people were like, "This is so goddamn transparent." It was, like, the last few weeks of the Bush administration, they fucking jacked the price of gas up.

    6. AS

      Wait, before the election or after?

    7. JR

      B- f- after the election was over.

    8. AS

      Oh, right.

    9. JR

      Bush, Bush was out and they knew they were out, so Obama was coming in and they just jacked the fucking price of gas up.

    10. AS

      Yeah.

    11. JR

      And they're like, "Well, you know, the negotiations and the pipeline and this and that."

    12. AS

      Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They always blame it on something.

    13. JR

      Okay, okay, sure.

    14. AS

      That happened with the vaccine too. Like, it was like four days after the election, like, "Hey, we got the vaccine." And you're like... (laughs) And everyone's like, "There's no way they'd hold back the vaccine." I'm like, "Mm, yeah, but you might hold back announcing it."

    15. JR

      Yeah.

    16. AS

      Very fishy. At least own up to the fact that it's fishy as fuck.

    17. JR

      It seems fishy.

    18. AS

      I, it was like f-

    19. JR

      More fishy...

    20. AS

      ... the election on Tuesday, and by Saturday they were like, (laughs) "Hey, it's over."

    21. JR

      Way more fishy was they waited a few months and then they go, "You know, this lab leak theory actually has some legs. This actually could be real. It really probably did come from a lab in China."

    22. AS

      What's the difference? What, does it matter about research?

    23. JR

      It's a big difference.

    24. AS

      Is that the difference?

    25. JR

      Yes.

    26. AS

      Like how you decide to fight it?

    27. JR

      Gain-of-function research, which, uh, Fauci funded. They, the World Health Organization, uh, sort of, they were all giving out bad information in the beginning about this.

    28. AS

      What does that mean, gain of function?

    29. JR

      And they were getting... Gain of function is they take a virus and they try to make the virus more deadly to understand it.

    30. AS

      Viruscer.

  17. 59:37 – 1:02:47

    ‘Normal person’ health advice, booze debates, fame weirdness, tour posters, Ecuador gifts, and cancellation blowback

    1. AS

      Joe, you have all these tips. You need to talk to a normal person. Forget the IV drips. I, like I told you yesterday-

    2. JR

      Normal person?

    3. AS

      Yes, what alcohols can we drink to get-

    4. JR

      (laughs)

    5. AS

      ... to get the most vaccines possible?

    6. JR

      Who the fuck was telling us that whiskey-

    7. AS

      What good foods can we eat?

    8. JR

      ... is actually pretty good for you? Who was saying that? Someone was saying that whiskey has, uh ... It was some sort of-

    9. AS

      Whisk- whiskey promoter?

    10. JR

      ... what, what, um ... No, no, no. It was what, uh-

    11. AS

      Jimmy LeFroig? (blows raspberry)

    12. JR

      Not resveratrol. I think maybe it was r- not resveratrol, but another kind of antioxidant that-

    13. NA

      Polyphenols.

    14. AS

      Shh.

    15. JR

      That's right, polyphenols.

    16. NA

      Plant-based antioxidants.

    17. AS

      Remember they were saying weed might s- stop COVID-

    18. JR

      Yeah.

    19. AS

      ... for a little bit?

    20. JR

      Yeah.

    21. AS

      And people were like, "Smoke all day." (laughs) They're like... They were like, "No, no. It said some types of CBDs might help." (laughs) And they're like, "Smoke all weed."

    22. JR

      Whiskey has high levels of polyphenols, plant-based antioxidants linked to lowering your risk of heart disease. The polyphenols in whiskey have been shown to decrease bad cholesterol, LDL, and increase good cholesterol, HDL, levels, and reduce triglycerides or fat in your blood.

    23. AS

      That's what I'm talking about, Joe. This is how you stay accessible and do your fucking-

    24. JR

      Mm.

    25. AS

      ... advice shit.

    26. JR

      There you go.

    27. AS

      You gotta do it into our normal lives.

    28. JR

      Health benefits of whiskey. Normal lives.

    29. AS

      What foods can we eat? We're already gluttonous.

    30. JR

      Mm.

Episode duration: 3:30:21

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