Joe Rogan Experience #1688 - Greg Fitzsimmons

1. 0:00 – 1:44

   Concert damage, tinnitus, and the case for ear protection

   1. NANarrator0:00

      (drumming) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

   2. The Joe Rogan Experience.

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:06

      Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. (rock music plays) Headphones? No headphones? What do you wanna do?

   4. GFGreg Fitzsimmons0:16

      What do I want headphones for?

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:16

      Wanna get crazy?

   6. GFGreg Fitzsimmons0:17

      And you're fucking three feet from me.

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:18

      I like to listen to both sounds in my ears at the same time.

   8. GFGreg Fitzsimmons0:22

      I have, like, I think I got a lot of wax built up in my ears and I got fucking tinnitus now.

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:27

      Oh, no.

   10. GFGreg Fitzsimmons0:27

       Yeah.

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:28

       How'd you get that?

   12. GFGreg Fitzsimmons0:29

       Um, I think I went to too many concerts in my life.

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:33

       (laughs)

   14. GFGreg Fitzsimmons0:34

       Went to a lot of loud concerts as a teenager.

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:36

       Lead singer of AC/DC, what's his name again?

   16. GFGreg Fitzsimmons0:38

       B- Barr, what's his-

   17. NANarrator0:40

       Brian Johnson.

   18. JRJoe Rogan0:40

       Brian Johnson.

   19. GFGreg Fitzsimmons0:41

       Brian, yeah.

   20. JRJoe Rogan0:41

       He can't, uh, he can't hear. His, his hearing's fucked. He can't perform anymore.

   21. GFGreg Fitzsimmons0:45

       Yeah, I think, uh, Pete Townshend also.

   22. JRJoe Rogan0:48

       Well, back in, you know, you gotta think in the '70s, like, no one knew anything.

   23. GFGreg Fitzsimmons0:53

       Right.

   24. JRJoe Rogan0:53

       They didn't know what tinnitus, football players didn't know about CTE.

   25. GFGreg Fitzsimmons0:56

       Right.

   26. JRJoe Rogan0:56

       No, no one knew about anything.

   27. GFGreg Fitzsimmons0:58

       Right, right.

   28. JRJoe Rogan0:59

       And those poor guys would just fucking stand right there, bare ears.

   29. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:04

       But, uh, yeah, I mean, I think AC/DC still has the world record for the loudest concert.

   30. JRJoe Rogan1:09

       Of course they do.
2. 1:44 – 3:53

   Guitar as therapy, parenting, and getting high with your adult kids

   1. JRJoe Rogan1:44

      But I mean, (sighs) I don't ... You know. It's ins- it's inspiring to go see musicians, though, especially, like, I don't have any un- Do you d- play an instrument or anything?

   2. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:55

      I play guitar and harmonica.

   3. JRJoe Rogan1:57

      You, you play guitar?

   4. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:57

      Yeah.

   5. JRJoe Rogan1:58

      Really?

   6. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:58

      Yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan1:58

      You good?

   8. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:59

      No, I'm just like a chord guy. I don't, I don't d- jam.

   9. JRJoe Rogan2:03

      You just like it for fun?

   10. GFGreg Fitzsimmons2:05

       I've- It was very therapeutic. When I first moved to LA, I started taking lessons at this place down the street, and I just found that it was, like, one of these zen things that got me out of my head.

   11. JRJoe Rogan2:13

       Mm.

   12. GFGreg Fitzsimmons2:14

       You sit there and-

   13. JRJoe Rogan2:15

       Yeah.

   14. GFGreg Fitzsimmons2:15

       ... just play fucking, you know, simple Stones songs and, you know-

   15. JRJoe Rogan2:20

       Mm-hmm.

   16. GFGreg Fitzsimmons2:20

       ... Tom Petty, shit was just simple three-chord structures.

   17. JRJoe Rogan2:25

       Yeah, I would imagine it's like a lot of other difficult things where it requires all of your concentration, so it becomes a- like a m- bit of a meditation, right?

   18. GFGreg Fitzsimmons2:33

       Yeah, it really is. And then my son started, uh, playing. He started taking lessons when he was, like, 11. And so I play with him and he jams, and I just play the, I play the chords, and he-

   19. JRJoe Rogan2:44

       Mm-hmm.

   20. GFGreg Fitzsimmons2:44

       ... and he shreds. He's really good.

   21. JRJoe Rogan2:46

       Wow.

   22. GFGreg Fitzsimmons2:47

       It's weird 'cause he's a lefty in everything he does except for guitar, he plays righty.

   23. JRJoe Rogan2:51

       Huh.

   24. GFGreg Fitzsimmons2:52

       So he can really, like, so his, his l- yeah, so his left hand really moves fast.

   25. JRJoe Rogan2:59

       Huh.

   26. GFGreg Fitzsimmons3:00

       Yeah. We haven't gotten high and played together. That's the next step. He's, he's, he'll be 21 soon. I think when he turns 21.

   27. JRJoe Rogan3:06

       Is that when you're gonna get high with him, when he's 21?

   28. GFGreg Fitzsimmons3:08

       Yeah, why not?

   29. JRJoe Rogan3:09

       Does he know you get high?

   30. GFGreg Fitzsimmons3:10

       Yeah.
3. 3:53 – 8:07

   Venice vs. Austin street chaos, policing limits, and the HGTV effect on towns

   1. JRJoe Rogan3:53

      Are you still living in Venice?

   2. GFGreg Fitzsimmons3:54

      Yeah.

   3. JRJoe Rogan3:55

      I'd be really weird if I got high in Venice. I was thinking about how many people are camped out in front of my house with tents just waiting for me to go to sleep.

   4. GFGreg Fitzsimmons4:03

      Yeah, yeah.

   5. JRJoe Rogan4:04

      I have a friend who was in Venice and someone broke into his house and called the cops and they said, "There's nothing we could do about it."

   6. GFGreg Fitzsimmons4:11

      Dude, it's 45 minutes to get a cop to respond to your house in Venice. It's fucking crazy.

   7. JRJoe Rogan4:17

      They said, "Did he steal anything?"

   8. GFGreg Fitzsimmons4:18

      Mm-hmm.

   9. JRJoe Rogan4:19

      He has to steal something worth more than, like, $950 or something, there's, like, a number attached to it. But if someone just breaks into your house and you, you come in your house and there's a guy r- rummaging through your drawers, if he hasn't stolen anything yet, the cops won't even arrest him.

   10. GFGreg Fitzsimmons4:33

       So you gotta pull out a calculator and find your receipts?

   11. JRJoe Rogan4:35

       Like, if he steals-

   12. GFGreg Fitzsimmons4:36

       And just trail him?

   13. JRJoe Rogan4:37

       If he steals a stereo.

   14. GFGreg Fitzsimmons4:38

       Yeah.

   15. JRJoe Rogan4:38

       And it's like, uh, "Okay, well that's a $2,000 stereo."

   16. GFGreg Fitzsimmons4:41

       Yeah.

   17. JRJoe Rogan4:41

       Now we can bring him in and then immediately release him.

   18. GFGreg Fitzsimmons4:43

       No shit.

   19. JRJoe Rogan4:45

       That's, it's a joke.

   20. GFGreg Fitzsimmons4:46

       Yeah.

   21. JRJoe Rogan4:46

       Do you see what's going on in San Francisco where guys are going into stores and just filling garbage bags up with stuff and then just walking right out?

   22. GFGreg Fitzsimmons4:51

       Yeah, yeah.

   23. JRJoe Rogan4:51

       And cops don't do anything, security guards aren't allowed to do anything.

   24. GFGreg Fitzsimmons4:54

       Yeah. Like, can you imagine being a security guard and you're getting paid fucking $12 an hour and you're expected to take on people that, they're living on the street and what they're stealing-

   25. JRJoe Rogan5:04

       Yeah.

   26. GFGreg Fitzsimmons5:04

       ... is literally what they're living off of. You're gonna, you're gonna go toe-to-toe with them? They might have a fucking shank on them or something.

   27. JRJoe Rogan5:10

       They might have hepatitis.

   28. GFGreg Fitzsimmons5:11

       Right?

   29. JRJoe Rogan5:12

       They might bite you.

   30. GFGreg Fitzsimmons5:13

       Right?
4. 8:07 – 9:54

   Botox, aging on camera, and Fear Factor forehead lines

   1. JRJoe Rogan8:07

      There's a thing about dudes with Botox. I can't... I j-... If I see your forehead frozen, I ca- I can't talk to you, bro.

   2. GFGreg Fitzsimmons8:14

      No.

   3. JRJoe Rogan8:15

      You and I just don't, we, we're not gonna see eye to eye on stuff.

   4. GFGreg Fitzsimmons8:19

      No, I am the-

   5. JRJoe Rogan8:20

      If I see this.

   6. GFGreg Fitzsimmons8:21

      Yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan8:22

      Ha, ha, you're smiling, and this shit doesn't move at all.

   8. GFGreg Fitzsimmons8:24

      Yeah.

   9. JRJoe Rogan8:25

      Are you worried about lines? What, are y- are you worried about these? These things right here? What are you worried about?

   10. GFGreg Fitzsimmons8:30

       Yeah.

   11. JRJoe Rogan8:30

       What are you... Why are you Botoxing your fucking forehead, man?

   12. GFGreg Fitzsimmons8:33

       Right.

   13. JRJoe Rogan8:34

       It's-

   14. GFGreg Fitzsimmons8:34

       Especially if you're a comedian.

   15. JRJoe Rogan8:35

       (exhales)

   16. GFGreg Fitzsimmons8:37

       I, I mean, I, I have laughed... You look at my face.

   17. JRJoe Rogan8:39

       Yeah.

   18. GFGreg Fitzsimmons8:39

       I've laughed a lot in my-

   19. JRJoe Rogan8:41

       Yeah.

   20. GFGreg Fitzsimmons8:41

       ... fucking life.

   21. JRJoe Rogan8:41

       Yeah.

   22. GFGreg Fitzsimmons8:42

       This shit, these shits, they're deep around my eyes.

   23. JRJoe Rogan8:44

       How many male comedians do you know with Botox?

   24. GFGreg Fitzsimmons8:46

       Uh, I met a famous one recently. I'm not gonna say his name, but he, he... I was, I was shocked. Um, you know, I could see if you're, if you're an actress, I guess it really is, like, life or death in terms of your career of getting, getting your eyes touched up.

   25. JRJoe Rogan9:03

       Yeah, it's... Your whole face, your f- your face can't have lines if you're an actress.

   26. GFGreg Fitzsimmons9:07

       Yeah.

   27. JRJoe Rogan9:07

       It's weird. Like, a guy can have that fucking Josh Brolin, like, manly-

   28. GFGreg Fitzsimmons9:13

       Right.

   29. JRJoe Rogan9:13

       ... fucking aged-

   30. GFGreg Fitzsimmons9:14

       Yep.
5. 9:54 – 25:51

   Boston comedy memories: The Man Show nights, Stanhope chaos, and local legends

   1. GFGreg Fitzsimmons9:54

      Dude, I remember when we were working on The Man Show together. What year was that?

   2. JRJoe Rogan9:58

      2003.

   3. GFGreg Fitzsimmons9:59

      2003. I, that's right 'cause my daughter was just born. I remember that. She got born, like, a month before I started working on that.

   4. JRJoe Rogan10:04

      Bro, that was 18 years ago.

   5. GFGreg Fitzsimmons10:06

      Damn. Yeah, my daughter just turned 18.

   6. JRJoe Rogan10:08

      Isn't that nuts?

   7. GFGreg Fitzsimmons10:09

      Yeah. Crazy. But I remember you coming from Fear Factor tapings fucking high, and then we would-

   8. JRJoe Rogan10:16

      (laughs)

   9. GFGreg Fitzsimmons10:16

      ... we would roll fatties. And then, like, it was midnight before we started, quote-unquote, "writing the jokes"-

   10. JRJoe Rogan10:23

       Yeah.

   11. GFGreg Fitzsimmons10:23

       ... for the monologue.

   12. JRJoe Rogan10:25

       (laughs)

   13. GFGreg Fitzsimmons10:25

       And then Doug Stanhope was living in the fucking studios-

   14. JRJoe Rogan10:28

       Yep.

   15. GFGreg Fitzsimmons10:28

       ... because he was divorced from his, quote-unquote, "wife" that he'd married in some mystical Indian ceremony in the desert.

   16. JRJoe Rogan10:35

       (laughs)

   17. GFGreg Fitzsimmons10:35

       So they got divorced. And he had a clothesline-

   18. JRJoe Rogan10:37

       (laughs)

   19. GFGreg Fitzsimmons10:37

       ... he had a clothesline 'cause he used to wash his clothes in the sink-

   20. JRJoe Rogan10:40

       Yeah.

   21. GFGreg Fitzsimmons10:40

       ... and hang 'em up. He bought a fucking Porta Potty into, I don't know why, there was a bathroom, but he-

   22. JRJoe Rogan10:47

       They had a bucket they were pissing in.

   23. GFGreg Fitzsimmons10:48

       Oh, that's right. (laughs)

   24. JRJoe Rogan10:49

       In... Remember? Doug is such a nasty bastard.

   25. GFGreg Fitzsimmons10:54

       But he loved it. He was-

   26. JRJoe Rogan10:55

       Yeah.

   27. GFGreg Fitzsimmons10:55

       ... uh, he was never happier.

   28. JRJoe Rogan10:57

       Oh, he loves it. Well, you know, he loves where he's at now in Bisbee.

   29. GFGreg Fitzsimmons10:59

       Yeah.

   30. JRJoe Rogan11:00

       He, he loves living in that little small, weird, hippie artist community.
6. 25:51 – 31:38

   Memory limits, sleep, brain food, keto annoyances, and nootropics

   1. GFGreg Fitzsimmons25:51

      And also like ... Yeah, and then social media, I think it just allowed ... It, it allowed comics to s- to make a name for themselves in Boston, you know. Um, just basing this one guy who I follow who's really funny. Um, I'm so fucking bad with names now.

   2. JRJoe Rogan26:07

      It's too many names in your head.

   3. GFGreg Fitzsimmons26:08

      Yeah.

   4. JRJoe Rogan26:08

      Dunbar's Number, you know that, right?

   5. GFGreg Fitzsimmons26:10

      What's that?

   6. JRJoe Rogan26:11

      150 people, keep 150 people in your head.

   7. GFGreg Fitzsimmons26:13

      Oh, that's the Rolodex?

   8. JRJoe Rogan26:15

      Yeah, it goes back to like when we lived in tribes.

   9. GFGreg Fitzsimmons26:17

      Yeah.

   10. JRJoe Rogan26:18

       Like, you have room in your head for intimate friendships or r- relationships with 150 people.

   11. GFGreg Fitzsimmons26:22

       Okay.

   12. JRJoe Rogan26:23

       Yeah.

   13. GFGreg Fitzsimmons26:24

       Wow.

   14. JRJoe Rogan26:24

       It's controversial. Some people think you can get up to 200.

   15. GFGreg Fitzsimmons26:27

       Yeah.

   16. JRJoe Rogan26:28

       But there's a number-

   17. GFGreg Fitzsimmons26:29

       Mm-hmm.

   18. JRJoe Rogan26:29

       ... where it just ... You blur out. And you know, you and I have way passed those numbers.

   19. GFGreg Fitzsimmons26:33

       Yeah.

   20. JRJoe Rogan26:34

       Our, our fucking heads are clogged up. I mean, we know (clears throat) 200-plus comedians easy, and then regular people that you know.

   21. GFGreg Fitzsimmons26:41

       Yeah, and you have to remember that when you expect people to remember you. You know?

   22. JRJoe Rogan26:44

       Yeah.

   23. GFGreg Fitzsimmons26:44

       It's like, it's very ... I really go out of my way to never walk up to somebody and go like, uh, "Hey, man, you don't remember me?" I'm always like, "Hey, man, Greg Fitzsimmons. We met ... Yeah."

   24. JRJoe Rogan26:53

       Yeah.

   25. GFGreg Fitzsimmons26:53

       And then they go, "Yeah, yeah. I know, I know." I, I just wanna make sure.

   26. JRJoe Rogan26:56

       Right, right.

   27. GFGreg Fitzsimmons26:56

       I don't wanna be that guy 'cause that is the worst fucking feeling, when you don't remember somebody.

   28. JRJoe Rogan27:00

       Some people get upset, yeah.

   29. GFGreg Fitzsimmons27:01

       Yeah, they get upset and, and they have no right to be upset because you don't know. I ... Th- this world is fucked up because there's people like you that have photographic memories. I mean, your, your recall of facts and like s- scientific terms and shit like that is uncanny. And that's not fair to people like me who have just sieves. Everything goes right through my fucking head. And you know what? I'm smart too, Joe.

   30. JRJoe Rogan27:25

       I believe it.
7. 31:38 – 35:47

   Calling UFC fights: pattern recognition, jiu-jitsu complexity, and staying sharp

   1. JRJoe Rogan31:38

      Yeah, that's, that's something that I take before every UFC, every... 'Cause UFC's big for, like, memory, and I have to remember fights from fucking decades ago.

   2. GFGreg Fitzsimmons31:48

      Yeah.

   3. JRJoe Rogan31:48

      I have to remember positions and moves.

   4. GFGreg Fitzsimmons31:49

      Right.

   5. JRJoe Rogan31:50

      And then when it gets to weird scrambles, I have to be able to explain things, like what's in jeopardy while dudes are strangling each other.

   6. GFGreg Fitzsimmons31:57

      (laughs)

   7. JRJoe Rogan31:57

      And like what's... The, the right arm, he's gotta get the right arm through there-

   8. GFGreg Fitzsimmons32:00

      Yeah.

   9. JRJoe Rogan32:00

      ... and grab this. And I, you know-

   10. GFGreg Fitzsimmons32:02

       Yeah.

   11. JRJoe Rogan32:02

       ... sometimes I haven't been in that position in, like, a, a long time, and I have to go, "Okay, how does that work? Like, what, w- which, which arm does he have to cinch it up with?" And-

   12. GFGreg Fitzsimmons32:10

       I actually think about-

   13. JRJoe Rogan32:11

       ... I forget.

   14. GFGreg Fitzsimmons32:11

       ... that sometimes when I see you calling a match. It's like, "How the fuck do you stay sharp when you're not doing it every week?" 'Cause if you got a... You know, you got guys that, that call baseball games, or even football games are once a week. They're regularly fucking juicing their mind with these facts.

   15. JRJoe Rogan32:27

       Well, the thing is, I watch it every day.

   16. GFGreg Fitzsimmons32:29

       Oh, okay.

   17. JRJoe Rogan32:30

       When I go to the gym, like, I'm working out of my house, I either watch John Wick or I watch fights. (laughs)

   18. GFGreg Fitzsimmons32:34

       Oh, no shit. Really?

   19. JRJoe Rogan32:36

       I watch Keanu Reeves kill-

   20. GFGreg Fitzsimmons32:37

       (laughs)

   21. JRJoe Rogan32:37

       ... a bunch of people, or I, I watch fights.

   22. GFGreg Fitzsimmons32:40

       (laughs)

   23. JRJoe Rogan32:40

       Like, there's something about, like, even, like, if it's just on in the background.

   24. GFGreg Fitzsimmons32:44

       Yeah.

   25. JRJoe Rogan32:44

       You know, just like, the, the... But watching fights is big-

   26. GFGreg Fitzsimmons32:48

       Yeah.

   27. JRJoe Rogan32:48

       ... because, uh, I'll watch different scenarios, and it's all, a lot of it is pattern recognition. Like, you see certain things that people are doing. You see how the other person's responding to it.

   28. GFGreg Fitzsimmons32:58

       Yeah.

   29. JRJoe Rogan32:59

       You, you see things that work and don't work.

   30. GFGreg Fitzsimmons33:01

       Right, right.
8. 35:47 – 43:05

   Artie Lange stories, Curb’s improv framework, and bombing in real time

   1. GFGreg Fitzsimmons35:47

      Yeah. That's interesting about, uh, not having pl- I was trying to think of a commentator that wasn't an athlete, and that guy, Joe Buck. His father was a big sports commentator growing up, and he never played... As far as I know, I don't think he played sports, but he grew up watching them and watching his father call them, and he's the best in the business.

   2. JRJoe Rogan36:08

      What does he commentate on?

   3. GFGreg Fitzsimmons36:09

      He does everything, uh, football. I'm sure he does baseball. Um, what else does Joe Buck do? He, he's, he's the guy. But his f- he, he's supposed to have a talk show career, but it got derailed by Artie Lange. HBO gave him his own talk show, and Artie came on in the first episode and just fucking co-opted the show. And-

   4. JRJoe Rogan36:30

      What'd he do?

   5. GFGreg Fitzsimmons36:30

      ... he just shit on Joe Buck on his own show, and Joe couldn't handle it.

   6. JRJoe Rogan36:34

      Oh, that's right.

   7. GFGreg Fitzsimmons36:35

      Yeah.

   8. JRJoe Rogan36:36

      I remember that.

   9. GFGreg Fitzsimmons36:37

      And the show got canceled, like, a week later. (laughs)

   10. JRJoe Rogan36:43

       That was heroin-using Artie Lange.

   11. GFGreg Fitzsimmons36:44

       Yeah. Oh, yeah.

   12. JRJoe Rogan36:45

       Ar- Artie was wild.

   13. GFGreg Fitzsimmons36:46

       Yeah, that was, that was Artie showing up with no shoelaces in his high tops and a jean jacket that was misbuttoned.

   14. JRJoe Rogan36:52

       And if he didn't have respect for you, he's just gonna fucking steamroll you.

   15. GFGreg Fitzsimmons36:55

       Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. (laughs)

   16. JRJoe Rogan36:56

       Has anybody heard from him?

   17. GFGreg Fitzsimmons36:58

       Yeah, I think he's doing good. I checked on him a couple weeks ago.

   18. JRJoe Rogan37:00

       Not doing any standup?

   19. GFGreg Fitzsimmons37:02

       I don't think he's doing standup, no. He's, he... If you wanna talk to Artie, you gotta call another guy, because-

   20. JRJoe Rogan37:07

       Who's the guy?

   21. GFGreg Fitzsimmons37:08

       Um, I forget the guy's name, but, uh, he's trying to weed out people that'll be a bad influence.

   22. JRJoe Rogan37:14

       Wow! (sighs) So fragile.

   23. GFGreg Fitzsimmons37:15

       And I get through because I'm, uh, sober. You know?

   24. JRJoe Rogan37:17

       Yeah.

   25. GFGreg Fitzsimmons37:17

       Or I'm not, I, I don't drink anyway.

   26. JRJoe Rogan37:20

       I, um, did a podcast with Artie in New York. I used the Legion of Skanks, uh, podcast studio-

   27. GFGreg Fitzsimmons37:26

       Uh-huh.

   28. JRJoe Rogan37:26

       ... in New York. It was fucking amazing.

   29. GFGreg Fitzsimmons37:28

       Yeah.

   30. JRJoe Rogan37:28

       It was one of the best podcasts I've ever done.
9. 43:05 – 51:30

   Road gigs from hell: Columbine show, prom scandal letters, and mob-run comedy rooms

   1. GFGreg Fitzsimmons43:05

      Dude, I did a college show n- when I was not that far in, and it was, uh, no, I guess I'd been doing it for a while. But it was the day of the Columbine shooting, and I was in a hotel in Ohio doing some fucking small school.

   2. JRJoe Rogan43:18

      (gasps)

   3. GFGreg Fitzsimmons43:18

      And I'm sitting there on the edge of my bed, like my bag is half unpacked and I'm sitting on the edge of the bed watching CNN going, "This is fucking brutal." And I'm, and I'm waiting for a phone call about canceling the show, like, "There's no way we're doing this fucking show. This is at a school where, you know." And they go, "No, we're gonna do the show." And so I get there and I'm like, "All right, this is fucking crazy." And, and they had about-... you know, 15 people showed up.

   4. JRJoe Rogan43:42

      Mm-hmm.

   5. GFGreg Fitzsimmons43:42

      And then the student activities director goes up on stage before me and she goes, "Before we start the show, I think we all are aware of what happened today and I thought we should have a moment of silence for all the students-

   6. JRJoe Rogan43:52

      No!

   7. GFGreg Fitzsimmons43:52

      ... that died in Columbine." And everybody puts their heads down, people are fucking crying. "And now here's Greg Fitzsimmons." (laughs)

   8. JRJoe Rogan44:00

      (laughs) Oh my God.

   9. GFGreg Fitzsimmons44:01

      And, you know, those college shows, man, if you don't do your 60 minutes, they don't give you the check. And I just went up there-

   10. JRJoe Rogan44:08

       Oh.

   11. GFGreg Fitzsimmons44:08

       ... and I just remember, oh, it was nothing. There was no doing an act. We just, I just started talking out my act and just watching that clock tick-

   12. JRJoe Rogan44:17

       Wow.

   13. GFGreg Fitzsimmons44:17

       ... on that back wall minute by minute, waiting to get that fucking $1,200. (laughs)

   14. JRJoe Rogan44:22

       (laughs) Was it one of them that you had to send the check in and then they sent you a check back-

   15. GFGreg Fitzsimmons44:28

       Oh, yeah.

   16. JRJoe Rogan44:28

       ... like an agency?

   17. GFGreg Fitzsimmons44:29

       Yeah. It goes to the agency first.

   18. JRJoe Rogan44:31

       Yeah, yeah.

   19. GFGreg Fitzsimmons44:31

       And they-

   20. JRJoe Rogan44:31

       And then you have to wait.

   21. GFGreg Fitzsimmons44:32

       Yeah.

   22. JRJoe Rogan44:32

       And hopefully they pay you.

   23. GFGreg Fitzsimmons44:34

       Yup, yup. And then the, uh, I had an, an agent in Chicago, uh, Bass Schuler, it's now, what, yeah, Bass Schuler's the agency, and they got a letter sent to them one time, I did a high school prom show in Iowa and it was, uh-

   24. JRJoe Rogan44:51

       Oh, Jesus.

   25. GFGreg Fitzsimmons44:52

       Well, I was doing a bunch of colleges and then they called me up and they go, "Well, there's a high school prom. You got a night off on Tuesday and there's a high school prom that's on your route. Do you wanna do it?" And I was like, "What the fuck do I care? Yeah, I'll do a high school prom show." So I show up and it's, like, in, in one of these, like, cornfed Midwestern small towns where, like, they all went to church on a bus before the prom started. And so-

   26. JRJoe Rogan45:14

       Oh my God.

   27. GFGreg Fitzsimmons45:15

       ... and now I just show up and they, uh, you know, they're all on the dance floor and they stop it and they go, "All right, now we're gonna have a comedian," and I go up and it was like, what was the movie where they weren't allowed to dance and then all of a sudden, like, they're dancing?

   28. JRJoe Rogan45:27

       Footloose.

   29. GFGreg Fitzsimmons45:27

       It was like Footloose with comedy. I get up there and they fucking loved it, but I was dirt... They told me to be clean, but you know-

   30. JRJoe Rogan45:36

       Yeah.
10. 51:30 – 1:06:06

    Fur vs. leather ethics and Florida’s invasive-animal nightmare

    1. GFGreg Fitzsimmons51:30

       Ah. That's great. I wonder what the wear- ... I wonder if Aspen is, like, too politically correct to wear fur anymore.

    2. JRJoe Rogan51:39

       I would doubt it. There's so many rich people there.

    3. GFGreg Fitzsimmons51:42

       Yeah.

    4. JRJoe Rogan51:42

       That's like one of those-

    5. GFGreg Fitzsimmons51:42

       They must make an exception.

    6. JRJoe Rogan51:44

       Maybe. That's a, that's a weird thing, right? Like, the, the fur thing. Like, 'cause i- it is a kind of a fucked up thing that you just kill animals just for their fur.

    7. GFGreg Fitzsimmons51:56

       Yeah.

    8. JRJoe Rogan51:59

       But on the other hand, people have been doing that to stay warm forever.

    9. GFGreg Fitzsimmons52:04

       Well-

    10. JRJoe Rogan52:04

        And then it just became a thing when p- ... You know what it was? I think when people started seeing videos of how animals were treated.

    11. GFGreg Fitzsimmons52:10

        Mm-hmm.

    12. JRJoe Rogan52:12

        Some people don't even like when you have fake fur. I've had people give me shit for it. I had a hoodie that had fake fur around the edge, and this girl came up to me and she goes, "I don't like your f-" I go, "It's fake." She goes, "Well, I don't like what it represents." I was like, "Fake animals? What the fuck are you talking about? Feel it."

    13. GFGreg Fitzsimmons52:29

        Yeah.

    14. JRJoe Rogan52:29

        "It's, uh, synthetic."

    15. GFGreg Fitzsimmons52:31

        Right.

    16. JRJoe Rogan52:31

        She didn't like the f- ... She was looking for something to be mad at.

    17. GFGreg Fitzsimmons52:33

        Mm-hmm.

    18. JRJoe Rogan52:34

        But, like, the synthetic a- ... Like, it's a weird thing, like, synthetic fur.

    19. GFGreg Fitzsimmons52:37

        'Cause it represented that-

    20. JRJoe Rogan52:38

        Yeah, represents ... It's like if you have, like, fake shrunken heads in your house.

    21. GFGreg Fitzsimmons52:43

        (laughs)

    22. JRJoe Rogan52:44

        You know?

    23. GFGreg Fitzsimmons52:47

        My dad, when my dad started making some money, 'cause m- my parents grew up broke in the Bronx, and then my dad made some money in radio and then he bought my mom a fur coat. And it was, like, a full-length fucking ... I can't remember what kind of fur it was. But she worked at The New York Times. She was a secretary at The New York Times, and so she used to walk from, uh, Grand C- she would take the train into Grand Central Station and she would walk into Times Square, and this is in the fucking '80s, you know? She would walk with a mink coat through the fucking-

    24. JRJoe Rogan53:16

        That's a sketchy-

    25. GFGreg Fitzsimmons53:16

        You talk about 6th Street in Austin, it was, like-

    26. JRJoe Rogan53:19

        Sketchy area.

    27. GFGreg Fitzsimmons53:20

        Sketchy.

    28. JRJoe Rogan53:20

        And a mink coat is thousands of dollars.

    29. GFGreg Fitzsimmons53:22

        I know, and, uh, somehow she never got fucking ... She, she had attitude. She walked right through there every fucking day. (laughs)

    30. JRJoe Rogan53:29

        What's weird about fur (clears throat) is that, uh, leather is everywhere.
11. 1:06:06 – 1:17:23

    Exotic meat, elephant sanctuaries, and the shock of animal-made art

    1. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:06:06

       We went to, we went to, on a safari one time in, in South Africa.

    2. JRJoe Rogan1:06:10

       Ugh. That looks primal.

    3. NANarrator1:06:11

       (laughs)

    4. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:06:11

       And they had a, they had a restaurant. It was called Carnivore, and it was right on the, right in the Kruger, uh, State Park. And, uh, they'd come around with skewers to the table, and it would be like, "Hey, you want some fucking bison? You want some crocodile? You want some, uh ..."

    5. JRJoe Rogan1:06:25

       Ugh.

    6. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:06:26

       They had zebra. 'Cause they had to thin out the herd, you know?

    7. JRJoe Rogan1:06:29

       Mm-hmm.

    8. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:06:29

       They basically ... Whatever, whatever they were thinning out that day, that's what was on the menu.

    9. JRJoe Rogan1:06:33

       Did you eat zebra?

    10. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:06:34

        I ate zebra.

    11. JRJoe Rogan1:06:35

        What'd that taste like?

    12. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:06:36

        It all tasted the same.

    13. JRJoe Rogan1:06:37

        Really?

    14. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:06:38

        Well, you know, there was shades of ... The- There were different shades of stuff, and, and they cooked it all on the same, like ... It was, like, a wood-burning, uh, sp- spit that they had it on, and I don't know. It was more of just the, uh, the novelty of eating it. But, uh, they had, uh ... Was there elephant? Did we see the elephant or hippo? There was one of those.

    15. JRJoe Rogan1:06:57

        I have a friend who ate elephant once.

    16. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:06:59

        Yeah.

    17. JRJoe Rogan1:07:00

        He said it was delicious.

    18. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:07:01

        Yeah, yeah.

    19. JRJoe Rogan1:07:02

        I was like, "I don't ... That's, like, that's in the dog category for me." You know what I mean?

    20. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:07:07

        Yeah.

    21. JRJoe Rogan1:07:07

        Like, elephants are kinda ... They're really ... I was in Thailand, and I rode an elephant.

    22. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:07:11

        Really?

    23. JRJoe Rogan1:07:12

        Yeah, you, i- It's like this whole experience. And they're not, they're not, like, uh, encaged. They're, they're essentially free-roam, free-ranging elephants in Thailand they've rescued from circuses and all kinds of different shit like that.

    24. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:07:25

        Okay.

    25. JRJoe Rogan1:07:25

        And they've rehabilitated them. And they're real kind. Like, you feed them.

    26. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:07:30

        Yeah.

    27. JRJoe Rogan1:07:30

        Like, you, you ... Like, they give them sh- They love sugar cane, so you're holding up sugar cane for them. And before you ride them, which I didn't enjoy. I don't need to ride them again.

    28. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:07:37

        Yeah.

    29. JRJoe Rogan1:07:37

        But my family wanted to do it, so I was like, "Okay, we'll ride them."

    30. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:07:40

        Uh-huh.

Episode duration: 2:50:22