Joe Rogan Experience #1688 - Greg Fitzsimmons

Narrator 0:00 (drumming) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

0:04 The Joe Rogan Experience.

Joe Rogan 0:06 Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. (rock music plays) Headphones? No headphones? What do you wanna do?

Greg Fitzsimmons 0:16 What do I want headphones for?

Joe Rogan 0:16 Wanna get crazy?

Greg Fitzsimmons 0:17 And you're fucking three feet from me.

Joe Rogan 0:18 I like to listen to both sounds in my ears at the same time.

Greg Fitzsimmons 0:22 I have, like, I think I got a lot of wax built up in my ears and I got fucking tinnitus now.

Joe Rogan 0:27 Oh, no.

Greg Fitzsimmons 0:27 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 0:28 How'd you get that?

Greg Fitzsimmons 0:29 Um, I think I went to too many concerts in my life.

Joe Rogan 0:33 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 0:34 Went to a lot of loud concerts as a teenager.

Joe Rogan 0:36 Lead singer of AC/DC, what's his name again?

Greg Fitzsimmons 0:38 B- Barr, what's his-

Narrator 0:40 Brian Johnson.

Joe Rogan 0:40 Brian Johnson.

Greg Fitzsimmons 0:41 Brian, yeah.

Joe Rogan 0:41 He can't, uh, he can't hear. His, his hearing's fucked. He can't perform anymore.

Greg Fitzsimmons 0:45 Yeah, I think, uh, Pete Townshend also.

Joe Rogan 0:48 Well, back in, you know, you gotta think in the '70s, like, no one knew anything.

Greg Fitzsimmons 0:53 Right.

Joe Rogan 0:53 They didn't know what tinnitus, football players didn't know about CTE.

Greg Fitzsimmons 0:56 Right.

Joe Rogan 0:56 No, no one knew about anything.

Greg Fitzsimmons 0:58 Right, right.

Joe Rogan 0:59 And those poor guys would just fucking stand right there, bare ears.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:04 But, uh, yeah, I mean, I think AC/DC still has the world record for the loudest concert.

Joe Rogan 1:09 Of course they do.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:09 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:10 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:10 You ever been to an AC/DC concert?

Joe Rogan 1:12 No.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:13 I went to one in, uh-

Joe Rogan 1:14 No.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:14 ... in, uh, Madison Square Garden one time. It was fucking crazy.

Joe Rogan 1:19 I haven't been to a concert concert, like see a band in, like, an arena in forever.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:24 What's the last concert you went to?

Joe Rogan 1:26 I'm trying to remember. I've seen, like, small shows. Like I saw Gary Clark Jr. out here. I saw-

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:31 Oh, really?

Joe Rogan 1:32 Oh man.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:33 Oh, wow.

Joe Rogan 1:33 I saw him at his club, Antone's.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:36 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 1:36 It was amazing.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:37 Wow.

Joe Rogan 1:37 It was amazing. 'Cause we were, like, right there, like, second row.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:42 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 1:43 That was dope.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:44 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:44 But I mean, (sighs) I don't ... You know. It's ins- it's inspiring to go see musicians, though, especially, like, I don't have any un- Do you d- play an instrument or anything?

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:55 I play guitar and harmonica.

Joe Rogan 1:57 You, you play guitar?

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:57 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:58 Really?

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:58 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:58 You good?

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:59 No, I'm just like a chord guy. I don't, I don't d- jam.

Joe Rogan 2:03 You just like it for fun?

Greg Fitzsimmons 2:05 I've- It was very therapeutic. When I first moved to LA, I started taking lessons at this place down the street, and I just found that it was, like, one of these zen things that got me out of my head.

Joe Rogan 2:13 Mm.

Greg Fitzsimmons 2:14 You sit there and-

Joe Rogan 2:15 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 2:15 ... just play fucking, you know, simple Stones songs and, you know-

Joe Rogan 2:20 Mm-hmm.

Greg Fitzsimmons 2:20 ... Tom Petty, shit was just simple three-chord structures.

Joe Rogan 2:25 Yeah, I would imagine it's like a lot of other difficult things where it requires all of your concentration, so it becomes a- like a m- bit of a meditation, right?

Greg Fitzsimmons 2:33 Yeah, it really is. And then my son started, uh, playing. He started taking lessons when he was, like, 11. And so I play with him and he jams, and I just play the, I play the chords, and he-

Joe Rogan 2:44 Mm-hmm.

Greg Fitzsimmons 2:44 ... and he shreds. He's really good.

Joe Rogan 2:46 Wow.

Greg Fitzsimmons 2:47 It's weird 'cause he's a lefty in everything he does except for guitar, he plays righty.

Joe Rogan 2:51 Huh.

Greg Fitzsimmons 2:52 So he can really, like, so his, his l- yeah, so his left hand really moves fast.

Joe Rogan 2:59 Huh.

Greg Fitzsimmons 3:00 Yeah. We haven't gotten high and played together. That's the next step. He's, he's, he'll be 21 soon. I think when he turns 21.

Joe Rogan 3:06 Is that when you're gonna get high with him, when he's 21?

Greg Fitzsimmons 3:08 Yeah, why not?

Joe Rogan 3:09 Does he know you get high?

Greg Fitzsimmons 3:10 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:11 And he- you know he gets high?

Greg Fitzsimmons 3:13 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:14 And you never decided to do it together?

Greg Fitzsimmons 3:17 We took an edible before a movie one night, but then-

Joe Rogan 3:19 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 3:19 ... we didn't really hang out. He gave me too much. Yeah, I was just talking to Jaime about this. My tolerance for edibles is very low, and-

Joe Rogan 3:26 Everybody's is.

Greg Fitzsimmons 3:27 So, so he gave me, like, 10 milligrams, and I'm like a five-milligram guy. And we watched a movie and then afterwards we both just went, "All right, goodnight." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 3:37 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 3:37 I pictured, like, the first time I get high with my son would be, like, kicking back, talking about, "You know, son, I got- Let me tell you what it's like to produce something from your loins and it turns into something as beautiful as you."

Joe Rogan 3:48 Ah, something deep and meaningful.

Greg Fitzsimmons 3:48 And, you know, I thought it would be, like, this existential, and it was like, "Goodnight." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 3:53 Are you still living in Venice?

Greg Fitzsimmons 3:54 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:55 I'd be really weird if I got high in Venice. I was thinking about how many people are camped out in front of my house with tents just waiting for me to go to sleep.

Greg Fitzsimmons 4:03 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:04 I have a friend who was in Venice and someone broke into his house and called the cops and they said, "There's nothing we could do about it."

Greg Fitzsimmons 4:11 Dude, it's 45 minutes to get a cop to respond to your house in Venice. It's fucking crazy.

Joe Rogan 4:17 They said, "Did he steal anything?"

Greg Fitzsimmons 4:18 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 4:19 He has to steal something worth more than, like, $950 or something, there's, like, a number attached to it. But if someone just breaks into your house and you, you come in your house and there's a guy r- rummaging through your drawers, if he hasn't stolen anything yet, the cops won't even arrest him.

Greg Fitzsimmons 4:33 So you gotta pull out a calculator and find your receipts?

Joe Rogan 4:35 Like, if he steals-

Greg Fitzsimmons 4:36 And just trail him?

Joe Rogan 4:37 If he steals a stereo.

Greg Fitzsimmons 4:38 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:38 And it's like, uh, "Okay, well that's a $2,000 stereo."

Greg Fitzsimmons 4:41 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:41 Now we can bring him in and then immediately release him.

Greg Fitzsimmons 4:43 No shit.

Joe Rogan 4:45 That's, it's a joke.

Greg Fitzsimmons 4:46 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:46 Do you see what's going on in San Francisco where guys are going into stores and just filling garbage bags up with stuff and then just walking right out?

Greg Fitzsimmons 4:51 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:51 And cops don't do anything, security guards aren't allowed to do anything.

Greg Fitzsimmons 4:54 Yeah. Like, can you imagine being a security guard and you're getting paid fucking $12 an hour and you're expected to take on people that, they're living on the street and what they're stealing-

Joe Rogan 5:04 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 5:04 ... is literally what they're living off of. You're gonna, you're gonna go toe-to-toe with them? They might have a fucking shank on them or something.

Joe Rogan 5:10 They might have hepatitis.

Greg Fitzsimmons 5:11 Right?

Joe Rogan 5:12 They might bite you.

Greg Fitzsimmons 5:13 Right?

Joe Rogan 5:13 Yeah. Ugh.

Greg Fitzsimmons 5:14 Dude, last night I was walking over (laughs) to, uh, Kill Tony and, uh-

Joe Rogan 5:18 Oh boy, that neighborhood.

Greg Fitzsimmons 5:20 ... holy shit, 6th Street is fucking nuts. I come around the corner, I've already seen somebody smoking crack, I saw two guys rolling joints just out in the open, and then I see these three homeless guys throwing garbage at a cop who's facing them off. And I'm just standing there watching like, "All right, this is esc- This is on its way up." And so the cop looked scared and he pulled, finally pulled out his taser and he goes, "I'm gonna tase you." And then the guy threw a fucking Coke can at his chest and he goes, "You're not gonna tase all three of us." And they kept walking at him, and the dude fucking holstered his taser and he called for backup and he waited in the car.

Joe Rogan 6:03 ... the good old days before cell phones, there'd be three bodies right there.

Greg Fitzsimmons 6:07 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 6:07 Good old days.

Greg Fitzsimmons 6:12 (laughs) The Old West, man. The way Texas used to be.

Joe Rogan 6:15 Well, it's probably still that way if you go to, like, Waco or some shit.

Greg Fitzsimmons 6:18 Yeah. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:18 Some wild... Uh, actually, Waco is supposed to be... Did, Waco's apparently been transformed by this, uh, one couple that, uh, has, like, a fix 'em up show. One of them home fix-up shows, right?

Greg Fitzsimmons 6:29 Yeah.

Narrator 6:29 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:30 Is it, is it true? 'Cause my wife and one of her lady friends was having this discussion. They were saying, "Waco's amazing now because of..." (babbles)

Greg Fitzsimmons 6:37 Yeah, LA.

Joe Rogan 6:37 And they've got this thing, and they, they build houses. And everybody goes there, and it's really super cute.

Narrator 6:41 I mean, they've been doing the show long enough, they probably fixed every house in the city, but-

Joe Rogan 6:45 Th- (laughs)

Narrator 6:45 ... I don't know.

Joe Rogan 6:46 Well, apparently, like, they've had a, a, a real impact-

Greg Fitzsimmons 6:50 That's amazing.

Joe Rogan 6:50 ... on, on that area. Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 6:51 So that's what every urban sprawl needs is just-

Joe Rogan 6:54 One fix 'em up show.

Greg Fitzsimmons 6:55 ... fix 'em up shows?

Joe Rogan 6:56 Those people love those shows.

Greg Fitzsimmons 6:58 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:58 You see a shitbag house, and someone buys it for, like, you know, 80 grand. And they come in and start tearing walls down and putting this up.

Greg Fitzsimmons 7:04 Right.

Joe Rogan 7:04 And, and then the end, it's done. Yay.

Greg Fitzsimmons 7:06 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 7:06 They love those shows.

Greg Fitzsimmons 7:07 Well, 'cause those shows are time-lapsed. You don't see the-

Joe Rogan 7:10 Right.

Greg Fitzsimmons 7:10 ... fucking contractor who doesn't show up 'cause his aunt died for three weeks.

Joe Rogan 7:14 Right.

Greg Fitzsimmons 7:14 And then the fir- and s- the tile you wanted is backordered, and so you gotta wait another three weeks.

Joe Rogan 7:18 Yep.

Greg Fitzsimmons 7:19 I mean, I, I have avoided ren-... We did one renovation in my house, and I was like, "That's it. Be happy with what we got, honey, 'cause I'm not going through that shit again. Life's too short."

Joe Rogan 7:29 Yeah, they're rough. Renovations are rough. They take a long time.

Greg Fitzsimmons 7:31 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 7:32 But some people love it. They love doing it.

Greg Fitzsimmons 7:35 People enjoy flipping houses.

Joe Rogan 7:36 Yes.

Greg Fitzsimmons 7:36 They buy a house, and they live in chaos for-

Joe Rogan 7:39 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 7:39 ... a year, and then they sell it, and they go do it again. I'm like, "What is your life about? Are you fucking crazy?"

Joe Rogan 7:45 They like it. It's like that's their little hobby thing.

Greg Fitzsimmons 7:49 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 7:49 You know? That's the, that's their little thing. They don't have, you know, they don't have other... Jamie, is the fan on in here?

Narrator 7:56 It should be.

Joe Rogan 7:56 Seems like it's not.

Greg Fitzsimmons 7:57 Those are the same people that get divorced every three years. They're constantly upgrading their life.

Joe Rogan 8:02 Is it on, buddy? Yeah?

Narrator 8:04 It's on.

Greg Fitzsimmons 8:04 Those are the people that get-

Joe Rogan 8:05 Right.

Greg Fitzsimmons 8:05 ... Botox and divorce-

Joe Rogan 8:06 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 8:06 ... every three years.

Joe Rogan 8:07 There's a thing about dudes with Botox. I can't... I j-... If I see your forehead frozen, I ca- I can't talk to you, bro.

Greg Fitzsimmons 8:14 No.

Joe Rogan 8:15 You and I just don't, we, we're not gonna see eye to eye on stuff.

Greg Fitzsimmons 8:19 No, I am the-

Joe Rogan 8:20 If I see this.

Greg Fitzsimmons 8:21 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 8:22 Ha, ha, you're smiling, and this shit doesn't move at all.

Greg Fitzsimmons 8:24 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 8:25 Are you worried about lines? What, are y- are you worried about these? These things right here? What are you worried about?

Greg Fitzsimmons 8:30 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 8:30 What are you... Why are you Botoxing your fucking forehead, man?

Greg Fitzsimmons 8:33 Right.

Joe Rogan 8:34 It's-

Greg Fitzsimmons 8:34 Especially if you're a comedian.

Joe Rogan 8:35 (exhales)

Greg Fitzsimmons 8:37 I, I mean, I, I have laughed... You look at my face.

Joe Rogan 8:39 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 8:39 I've laughed a lot in my-

Joe Rogan 8:41 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 8:41 ... fucking life.

Joe Rogan 8:41 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 8:42 This shit, these shits, they're deep around my eyes.

Joe Rogan 8:44 How many male comedians do you know with Botox?

Greg Fitzsimmons 8:46 Uh, I met a famous one recently. I'm not gonna say his name, but he, he... I was, I was shocked. Um, you know, I could see if you're, if you're an actress, I guess it really is, like, life or death in terms of your career of getting, getting your eyes touched up.

Joe Rogan 9:03 Yeah, it's... Your whole face, your f- your face can't have lines if you're an actress.

Greg Fitzsimmons 9:07 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 9:07 It's weird. Like, a guy can have that fucking Josh Brolin, like, manly-

Greg Fitzsimmons 9:13 Right.

Joe Rogan 9:13 ... fucking aged-

Greg Fitzsimmons 9:14 Yep.

Joe Rogan 9:15 ... like a, like a, like a nice-

Greg Fitzsimmons 9:17 Robert Redford.

Joe Rogan 9:18 ... leather jacket.

Greg Fitzsimmons 9:19 Yep.

Joe Rogan 9:19 Like, it looks better that way.

Greg Fitzsimmons 9:21 Hell yeah.

Joe Rogan 9:22 And, yeah. It's, a lot of those guys, they lo- they actually look better when they're weathered.

Greg Fitzsimmons 9:24 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 9:25 You know? They look manly.

Greg Fitzsimmons 9:26 You don't have any lines, really. Oh, you got some forehead lines.

Joe Rogan 9:28 I got forehead lines. This is my, uh, Fear Factor line 'cause I couldn't wear sunglasses, so I was outside-

Greg Fitzsimmons 9:33 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 9:35 ... every day for fucking six years squinting. (laughs) It's literally where it came from. If you watch-

Greg Fitzsimmons 9:43 And also looking at guys going like, "Why are you doing this?"

Joe Rogan 9:45 What the fuck is, what the fuck am I doing with my life?

Greg Fitzsimmons 9:47 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 9:47 Plus, I was high every show, so, uh, uh, you know, very puzzled.

Greg Fitzsimmons 9:53 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 9:53 (laughs) And puzzled by my whole life.

Greg Fitzsimmons 9:54 Dude, I remember when we were working on The Man Show together. What year was that?

Joe Rogan 9:58 2003.

Greg Fitzsimmons 9:59 2003. I, that's right 'cause my daughter was just born. I remember that. She got born, like, a month before I started working on that.

Joe Rogan 10:04 Bro, that was 18 years ago.

Greg Fitzsimmons 10:06 Damn. Yeah, my daughter just turned 18.

Joe Rogan 10:08 Isn't that nuts?

Greg Fitzsimmons 10:09 Yeah. Crazy. But I remember you coming from Fear Factor tapings fucking high, and then we would-

Joe Rogan 10:16 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 10:16 ... we would roll fatties. And then, like, it was midnight before we started, quote-unquote, "writing the jokes"-

Joe Rogan 10:23 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 10:23 ... for the monologue.

Joe Rogan 10:25 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 10:25 And then Doug Stanhope was living in the fucking studios-

Joe Rogan 10:28 Yep.

Greg Fitzsimmons 10:28 ... because he was divorced from his, quote-unquote, "wife" that he'd married in some mystical Indian ceremony in the desert.

Joe Rogan 10:35 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 10:35 So they got divorced. And he had a clothesline-

Joe Rogan 10:37 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 10:37 ... he had a clothesline 'cause he used to wash his clothes in the sink-

Joe Rogan 10:40 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 10:40 ... and hang 'em up. He bought a fucking Porta Potty into, I don't know why, there was a bathroom, but he-

Joe Rogan 10:47 They had a bucket they were pissing in.

Greg Fitzsimmons 10:48 Oh, that's right. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 10:49 In... Remember? Doug is such a nasty bastard.

Greg Fitzsimmons 10:54 But he loved it. He was-

Joe Rogan 10:55 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 10:55 ... uh, he was never happier.

Joe Rogan 10:57 Oh, he loves it. Well, you know, he loves where he's at now in Bisbee.

Greg Fitzsimmons 10:59 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 11:00 He, he loves living in that little small, weird, hippie artist community.

Greg Fitzsimmons 11:05 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 11:06 You know, just being out-

Greg Fitzsimmons 11:07 I know Morgan Murphy goes out there all the time.

Joe Rogan 11:09 She loves it.

Greg Fitzsimmons 11:10 She loves it.

Joe Rogan 11:10 She loves it.

Greg Fitzsimmons 11:10 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 11:10 Just being around those weirdos. Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 11:12 I'd do fuck shit about there.

Joe Rogan 11:13 Kreischer loved it too.

Greg Fitzsimmons 11:15 Kreischer went out there?

Joe Rogan 11:15 Kreischer went down there. Yeah, so did, um, uh, Shane Gillis. He went out there too.

Greg Fitzsimmons 11:19 Wow.

Joe Rogan 11:19 He spent, like, a month out there.

Greg Fitzsimmons 11:20 No shit.

Joe Rogan 11:21 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 11:22 Damn.

Joe Rogan 11:22 Beginning of COVID, you know, you're not gonna get it there.

Greg Fitzsimmons 11:25 Right, right.

Joe Rogan 11:26 Fucking no one's going anywhere.

Greg Fitzsimmons 11:27 (laughs) I just picture there being a great local bar. They must, there must be some watering holes in a town like that.

Joe Rogan 11:32 There is, but there's also weird shit too. Like, he's got some guy who bought a small piece of land right next to him so he could try to sell it to him. And then the guy's just doing, like, loud construction on it all the time.

Greg Fitzsimmons 11:46 Oh, Jesus.

Joe Rogan 11:46 ... and trying to, like, muscle him into buying this piece of land.

Greg Fitzsimmons 11:49 Mm.

Joe Rogan 11:50 Yeah. It's not good.

Greg Fitzsimmons 11:51 Well-

Joe Rogan 11:51 And then he's gonna, like, have this house, if he builds it, that faces right into Doug's living room-

Greg Fitzsimmons 11:56 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 11:56 ... staring at him.

Greg Fitzsimmons 11:57 Uh. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 12:01 Doug used to give out his fucking home address.

Greg Fitzsimmons 12:03 He used to give out his address. I know.

Joe Rogan 12:04 On the podcast.

Greg Fitzsimmons 12:05 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 12:05 I go, "Doug, there's a million people listening."

Greg Fitzsimmons 12:07 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 12:08 You, you're gonna have at least 4,000 psychopaths show up at your house." And he would have crowds of people that would make the trek, they'd make the pilgrimage-

Greg Fitzsimmons 12:16 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 12:16 ... out to Bisbee to watch football games at his house.

Greg Fitzsimmons 12:18 And he just let them in?

Joe Rogan 12:19 Let them in.... people just wandering out. After a while, he realized that was a terrible idea and he stopped doing it.

Greg Fitzsimmons 12:26 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 12:26 So now he doesn't do it anymore.

Greg Fitzsimmons 12:27 And is he still with that, uh, girlfriend?

Joe Rogan 12:29 Bingo. Yeah, yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 12:30 She's great.

Joe Rogan 12:31 Yeah. She's, she's a lovely-

Greg Fitzsimmons 12:33 Mm.

Joe Rogan 12:33 ... lovely lady.

Greg Fitzsimmons 12:34 Mm.

Joe Rogan 12:34 He's got a good thing going on there. He, he's g- it's his vibe, you know? Like, he's got his vibe locked in. And Doug's never been a big city guy, and he's like a ... He likes to think about shit. He likes to have cocktails and sit around, smoke cigarettes, and think about stuff-

Greg Fitzsimmons 12:47 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 12:47 ... and riff.

Greg Fitzsimmons 12:48 Right.

Joe Rogan 12:48 And because he doesn't go to open mic nights, like, his open mic night is kinda like riffing-

Greg Fitzsimmons 12:53 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 12:54 ... just talking shit. And like, now he does a podcast, so he does that podcast on a regular basis, and that's what he does. Sits there with a cocktail and he just, "What the fuck is this?"

Greg Fitzsimmons 13:04 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 13:04 And he just starts talking about stuff, and that's where he gets a lot of his material.

Greg Fitzsimmons 13:07 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 13:07 Puts together enough ideas and then, you know, he writes a lot too.

Greg Fitzsimmons 13:12 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 13:12 You know?

Greg Fitzsimmons 13:12 He's a writer.

Joe Rogan 13:13 A real writer, yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 13:14 Yeah. He's probably put out as many comedy specials as anybody.

Joe Rogan 13:18 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 13:18 I mean, I've ... He's probably got 20 at this point.

Joe Rogan 13:20 And they're all rock solid.

Greg Fitzsimmons 13:22 Yeah. They're all well thought out and they all ra- ... They r- ... I mean, his structure of his rants are really, like, classic structure. He gives you the idea-

Joe Rogan 13:30 Mm-hmm.

Greg Fitzsimmons 13:30 ... and then he goes in different directions with it, and then he fucking la- ... He sticks the landing on all of them.

Joe Rogan 13:36 You know what he told me? Really great piece of advice. He said he looks at his own material as if he's, like, a prosecuting attorney.

Greg Fitzsimmons 13:44 Mm.

Joe Rogan 13:44 Like, he's prosecuting his material.

Greg Fitzsimmons 13:46 Mm.

Joe Rogan 13:46 Like, looking for flaws in it.

Greg Fitzsimmons 13:48 Right.

Joe Rogan 13:49 I'm like, "That's a great idea." I, I look at it like a hater, which is kind of a similar thing.

Greg Fitzsimmons 13:53 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 13:53 I'm like, "How would a hater look at this bit?"

Greg Fitzsimmons 13:55 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 13:55 Like, if someone really wanted to, like ... 'Cause you know how you can get sloppy with a bit?

Greg Fitzsimmons 13:59 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 13:59 Like, we've all had bits before, you're like, "Ugh, that one wasn't that good."

Greg Fitzsimmons 14:02 Mm.

Joe Rogan 14:02 It's like there's ... It's too ... You know, I've had bits where I was like, I'm too d- ... Uh, Tom calls 'em dance moves, like I used to call it English, too much English on the cue ball-

Greg Fitzsimmons 14:11 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 14:11 ... spinning around for no reason.

Greg Fitzsimmons 14:12 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 14:12 It's like, a lot of, like, you're acting up, but it's like, you really should just rewrite it.

Greg Fitzsimmons 14:17 Right.

Joe Rogan 14:17 You, like, got a good premise there, but maybe you had, like, one initial approach and you stuck with that initial approach-

Greg Fitzsimmons 14:22 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 14:22 ... and you never really revised it, and-

Greg Fitzsimmons 14:24 Right.

Joe Rogan 14:25 Sometimes you just gotta, like, redo a bit, like, like a teardown of a house.

Greg Fitzsimmons 14:29 I feel like that happened with the pandemic, is I had a sheet full of new jokes that I was doing, and there is something that's sticky about the first idea you have on a premise, that, you know, it's like, if it, if you did it the first time, there's something in you goes, "Oh, then that's the way it goes." But with the pandemic, I came back to some of these bits and I didn't even remember how they went. And then I started doing 'em a different way, and I was like, "Oh no, this is a better way than that. I'm glad I forgot the first version of this bit."

Joe Rogan 14:58 Mm. Yeah. That is good. Sometimes you can have a ... If you forget how to do it, you'll do it better.

Greg Fitzsimmons 15:03 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:04 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 15:04 It's great to go back.

Joe Rogan 15:05 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 15:05 I have g- ... my comedy notebooks going back to when we started. I mean, I have a, I have a j- ... two giant fucking crates in my office with old comedy notebooks, and once in a while, I go back and I look at some old shit and I go, "Wow, that was a good fucking premise. Bad joke-"

Joe Rogan 15:20 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 15:20 "... but I got some good premises in here."

Joe Rogan 15:21 But, but some there. Yeah. Because in the beginning, like, you're not good enough to handle a good premise.

Greg Fitzsimmons 15:25 Right.

Joe Rogan 15:25 Did you ever do Owen Smith's show? Do you know Owen Smith had a notebook show?

Greg Fitzsimmons 15:30 Oh, no shit. Really?

Joe Rogan 15:31 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I did it. It was hilarious. I pulled out a notebook from, like, '91. It was terrible.

Greg Fitzsimmons 15:37 Wow.

Joe Rogan 15:38 Oh my God. I had written in, like, uh, ad libs, like, to the audience.

Greg Fitzsimmons 15:43 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 15:44 Ugh. It was so embarrassing. I was-

Greg Fitzsimmons 15:47 "This is my nice shirt page." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 15:50 (laughs) No, it's like, I had written in, "So is that you, buddy? You know what I'm talking about."

Greg Fitzsimmons 15:55 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 15:55 Like, that kinda shit. Like, ugh. It was so awful.

Greg Fitzsimmons 15:58 Right. R- or, or a note, uh, "Look at one person and go, 'The ... ' An explained joke." That was the classic thing.

Joe Rogan 16:06 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 16:06 All the old-time comics used to do that. They-

Joe Rogan 16:09 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 16:09 They would do a joke and then explain it slowly to one person-

Joe Rogan 16:12 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 16:13 ... and it killed every time.

Joe Rogan 16:14 What was that one guy? There was a guy, Mike ...

Greg Fitzsimmons 16:17 Moto? "Take my rice, please."

Joe Rogan 16:19 Yes. Mike Moto, yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 16:19 "Take my rice, please."

Joe Rogan 16:21 I went and I saw Mike Moto, and, uh, he did, like, an ad l- ... I was sitting in the front row. This is before I'd even done standup, 'cause I wa- I was, like, thinking about doing it. And, uh, we went to ... played at Sam's. Remember Playing at Sam's?

Greg Fitzsimmons 16:34 Oh, yeah. Yeah. On Conant Ave.

Joe Rogan 16:34 And I was ... Yeah. I was with my girlfriend and we were sitting in the front row, and he, uh, said something about me having an erection, like he had this, like, this p- ... you know, this ad lib. It wasn't really an ad lib, but he would work the crowd-

Greg Fitzsimmons 16:44 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 16:45 ... with this thing, like, "And this guy, look at him over here, he's got an erection." I was like ...

Greg Fitzsimmons 16:48 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 16:49 ... "What is he saying?"

Greg Fitzsimmons 16:50 Yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 16:50 And then I realized, oh my God, comics lie.

Greg Fitzsimmons 16:52 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 16:53 I'm like, "This is crazy."

Greg Fitzsimmons 16:54 Right, right.

Joe Rogan 16:55 So they just, they just find a person and that becomes the person they lie about.

Greg Fitzsimmons 16:58 Yep, yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:00 Oh, oh. And I was like, was trying to piece it toge- ... You know one of the first comics I ever saw live?

Greg Fitzsimmons 17:03 Who?

Joe Rogan 17:03 Tom Cotter.

Greg Fitzsimmons 17:04 No shit.

Joe Rogan 17:05 Saw Tom Cotter at, um, uh, what was the ... Paradise, next to Stitches? It was the Paradise.

Greg Fitzsimmons 17:11 Stitches. Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:12 Yeah. I saw him at the Paradise. It was, uh, the, the contest, the Boston Comedy Riot.

Greg Fitzsimmons 17:18 Oh, the Comedy Riot.

Joe Rogan 17:18 Yeah. He was in the Comedy Riot.

Greg Fitzsimmons 17:19 Wow.

Joe Rogan 17:20 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 17:21 Yeah, c-

Joe Rogan 17:22 And I saw him there.

Greg Fitzsimmons 17:23 Tom Cotter was a fucking rock-solid joke writer, performer. I mean, he was a guy you definitely gotta learn from, you know, early on. He's the guy that, like, you know, had a rhythm, had a cadence, you know.

Joe Rogan 17:36 And remember he used to do the sack walk?

Greg Fitzsimmons 17:37 (laughs) Yes.

Joe Rogan 17:39 We would go to parties-

Greg Fitzsimmons 17:40 Yep.

Joe Rogan 17:40 ... and Tom would pull his sack out and just have his balls, uh, only his balls, hanging out of his pants-

Greg Fitzsimmons 17:46 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:46 ... and just act completely casual, and go walking around and talking to people.

Greg Fitzsimmons 17:50 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:50 And then you'd be having a conversation with him, and you'd just go, "E- what the fuck is going on, man?"

Greg Fitzsimmons 17:54 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 17:55 "Why are your ... Why are your balls out?"

Greg Fitzsimmons 17:56 Dude, we used to do it as a contest of who could leave theirs out the longest at these parties.

Joe Rogan 18:01 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 18:01 And, like, and, and it was, uh ... And then there was also ... Do you remember a guy, Mike McDonald?

Joe Rogan 18:07 Yeah. Sure. Long hair.

Greg Fitzsimmons 18:09 Mike McDonald was fucking great. Me, him, and Rich Seissler used to hang out, and we would come up with these crazy bets. And me and Seissler played pool one time and, uh, we would sh- ... we would shoot these long fucking tournaments and then we would have these bets. And the bet was, there was gonna be a party that night at Rita, at Rita Choice's house, and Shannon was ... Remember Shannon?

Joe Rogan 18:28 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 18:29 She passed away.

Joe Rogan 18:30 No.

Greg Fitzsimmons 18:30 Yeah. She just passed away.

Joe Rogan 18:33 What?

Greg Fitzsimmons 18:34 Yeah.... anyway, so we, we go to their-

Joe Rogan 18:37 How did she... She's not old. I was-

Greg Fitzsimmons 18:39 No, she was, you know, 53 years old or something.

Joe Rogan 18:41 What happened?

Greg Fitzsimmons 18:42 Why am I forgetting her last name? I think she had a brain thing.

Joe Rogan 18:44 Oh.

Greg Fitzsimmons 18:44 It was a freaky, freaky thing. Um, so the bet was ... It was a party at Rita's, Rita and Shannon's place. And, uh, whoever lost was not allowed to talk at the party.

Joe Rogan 18:56 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 18:56 And you could not explain why you were not talking. You couldn't mime it, you couldn't write it down. You had to just stand there and not talk.

Joe Rogan 19:03 Oh, no.

Greg Fitzsimmons 19:03 So I fucking whooped his ass.

Joe Rogan 19:05 Oh, no. (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 19:06 And then we went there-

Joe Rogan 19:07 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 19:07 ... and then he just kept standing there smiling. And people would be like, "Hey, what's up, Rich?" And he would just nod and they'd go-

Joe Rogan 19:12 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 19:12 ... "What's going on?" (laughs) And he would just nod. And he would, and he would ... And you had to stay for at least a half an hour. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 19:20 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 19:20 And we're standing there doing that. Cotter's got his ball sack out. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 19:27 Mike McDonald was a funny guy.

Greg Fitzsimmons 19:28 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 19:29 He was a really funny guy, good writer.

Greg Fitzsimmons 19:31 Fucking great, yeah.

Joe Rogan 19:31 He had a good cadence, too.

Greg Fitzsimmons 19:32 Yeah, he did.

Joe Rogan 19:33 Real good cadence, you know.

Greg Fitzsimmons 19:34 Yeah. And he had, like, uh, a local cable access show way before, way before people were doing stand-up com... Before Evening at the Improv and all those strip shows-

Joe Rogan 19:43 Mm-hmm.

Greg Fitzsimmons 19:43 ... that they were doing with standup comics. He had one that w- I think it was called Mike's Playhouse or Tree House or something.

Joe Rogan 19:50 I remember that.

Greg Fitzsimmons 19:51 And he would do a monologue every week. It was on, like, WGBH, the local cable access show. He would do a monologue. He would have on, like, Don Gavin or Steve Sweeney, they would do their five minutes, and then he would do, like, a sketch. It was fucking great.

Joe Rogan 20:05 Wow.

Greg Fitzsimmons 20:06 He's one of those guys that if he had left Boston, he could've, he could've done big things, I think.

Joe Rogan 20:11 There's a lot of those guys.

Greg Fitzsimmons 20:12 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 20:13 A lot of those guys, they just got locked in. I think Gavin could've been one of the greatest comics of all time.

Greg Fitzsimmons 20:18 Of all time.

Joe Rogan 20:19 Of all time.

Greg Fitzsimmons 20:19 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 20:20 When we saw him when we were both 21, when we were at Stitches, I remember there's many times that I saw him, like, I'm like, "Why am I doing comedy? Why don't I just quit? I'll never be that good." That guy's so good.

Greg Fitzsimmons 20:30 And so good that, um-

Joe Rogan 20:31 Throwaway lines.

Greg Fitzsimmons 20:32 Throwaway lines and a, and a guy who you can't not start sounding like if you watch him too much.

Joe Rogan 20:38 Right.

Greg Fitzsimmons 20:38 Just like David Tell in New York.

Joe Rogan 20:39 Right, right, right.

Greg Fitzsimmons 20:40 It's like so many people started sounding like Don Gavin. You know, Wendy Liebman, Tom Cotter, a lot of people had that throwaway style. You couldn't not look at it and go, "Oh, this is the way you have to do standup comedy."

Joe Rogan 20:50 Right. He was so dominant in that way. It was sad. That was one of the more interesting things, is like watching guys reclaim the stage, because you'd have specific styles that were so effective, it was hard for the audience to get out of that person's head and into another person's head.

Greg Fitzsimmons 21:06 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 21:07 You know, like Sweeney was a great example.

Greg Fitzsimmons 21:09 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 21:09 'Cause Sweeney was s- it w- uh, he's like ... Oh, man. One of the most ... He was one of the most hilarious comedians, but also one of the most local.

Greg Fitzsimmons 21:19 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 21:19 It was almost like he had a magic trick-

Greg Fitzsimmons 21:21 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 21:21 ... that wouldn't work when you went to New Hampshire.

Greg Fitzsimmons 21:24 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 21:24 Like, as soon as you went to Connecticut, it would drop off, like, 50%. If you went to New York, it was ineffective.

Greg Fitzsimmons 21:30 And if you came to LA, it was nothing.

Joe Rogan 21:31 Nothing.

Greg Fitzsimmons 21:32 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 21:32 It just didn't work.

Greg Fitzsimmons 21:33 Right.

Joe Rogan 21:33 Tho- those Boston jokes.

Greg Fitzsimmons 21:34 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 21:34 Jokes about being in Boston. But if he was in Saugus-

Greg Fitzsimmons 21:38 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 21:38 ... Jesus Christ.

Greg Fitzsimmons 21:39 Forget it.

Joe Rogan 21:39 The fucking walls would be rattling.

Greg Fitzsimmons 21:41 Forget it.

Joe Rogan 21:41 Like, you'd see the chandeliers shaking.

Greg Fitzsimmons 21:43 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 21:43 Like, he was a monster.

Greg Fitzsimmons 21:45 Yeah. That's why when the guy came out, the guy from The Tonight Show came out, he'd heard ... This is when, when, you know, Johnny was starting to have comics blow up and he'd heard about all these guys. This was probably in the early '80s.

Joe Rogan 21:59 The Ding Ho days, right?

Greg Fitzsimmons 22:00 The Ding Ho, exactly.

Joe Rogan 22:02 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 22:02 And, and the guy who was ... God, I'm forgetting the guy's name that used to run The Tonight Show, but he said, "All right, I gotta go see these guys." So he flies, flies back to Bo- he was actually from Boston, so he came home and he went to The Ding Ho and h- and these killers show up. And they're all in the back and they're doing lines and they're fucking drinking jack. And they go up one after the other, and they're doing jokes about, "Yeah, so you go to Revere and accents like..." And, and the guy's sitting there going like ... Oh, Jim McCauley was his name. And he goes, "H- how the fuck am I gonna put these guys on The Tonight Show?"

Joe Rogan 22:31 Right.

Greg Fitzsimmons 22:31 And then up walks Steven Wright-

Joe Rogan 22:33 Mm-hmm.

Greg Fitzsimmons 22:33 ... who was like the redheaded stepchild in the Boston comedy scene, because he was not aggressive. He was not, like, killing the way these guys would kill. But he went up and he was doing his deadpan Steven Wright. And Jim McCauley lit up and he goes, "What are you doing next week?" Flies him out. He does The Tonight Show, annihilates. Johnny's head is on the desk and he's pounding it with his fist.

Joe Rogan 22:57 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 22:57 And he invited him back the next week to do another spot.

Joe Rogan 23:00 Wow.

Greg Fitzsimmons 23:00 And in that first year, he did, like, six Tonight Shows and he became legendary.

Joe Rogan 23:05 He was the man, yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 23:05 You know, got the HBO ... And all these guys are back and I was going, "Fucking that kid, I told ..." Fucking Sweeney told him to stop doing standup. He goes, "Pal, you're a friend. I gotta do you a favor and just tell you, it's not gonna work out, guy." Yeah.

Joe Rogan 23:21 Wow. That's all documented in that, uh, When Stand-Up Stood Out film.

Greg Fitzsimmons 23:27 Right.

Joe Rogan 23:27 Frank Solomita's movie.

Greg Fitzsimmons 23:28 Frank Solomita's movie, yeah.

Joe Rogan 23:29 Which is a great movie.

Greg Fitzsimmons 23:30 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 23:30 A great movie for comics to all- I mean, even from any place, to see-

Greg Fitzsimmons 23:33 I think it's on Netflix, yeah.

Joe Rogan 23:34 Is it?

Greg Fitzsimmons 23:35 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 23:36 It's a great movie for comics to see what happens to a community when it gets sort of co-opted, too. 'Cause it got co-opted by the idea of success. Like, they all got kind of, like, weird with each other.

Greg Fitzsimmons 23:48 Right.

Joe Rogan 23:48 'Cause, like, when Steven Wright made it, a lot of guys were like, "When's my turn?"

Greg Fitzsimmons 23:52 Right.

Joe Rogan 23:52 Like, "What the fuck?"

Greg Fitzsimmons 23:53 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 23:53 You know, that's the thing with, like, certain comics. When another comic blows up, like, you see the fucking resentment.

Greg Fitzsimmons 24:02 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:02 You know, you see the weirdness, you know.

Greg Fitzsimmons 24:04 Yeah. Right. Well, with some, and with others, there's, like, real excitement that the brand of Boston is, is going big.

Joe Rogan 24:12 Right.

Greg Fitzsimmons 24:12 You know, there's definitely, like ... I r- I mean, I think in our class of guys that came up, I felt, I felt nothing but support. I don't remember there being-

Joe Rogan 24:20 We had a good class.

Greg Fitzsimmons 24:22 Yeah, we did.

Joe Rogan 24:23 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 24:23 We had, you know, Mike, Mike McCarthy.

Joe Rogan 24:25 Mike McCarthy-

Greg Fitzsimmons 24:26 He-

Joe Rogan 24:26 ... the Comedy Barbarian.

Greg Fitzsimmons 24:27 He's, he's doing it. I just saw-

Joe Rogan 24:28 Where's he at?

Greg Fitzsimmons 24:28 ... his picture. He's in Boston.

Joe Rogan 24:30 He is?

Greg Fitzsimmons 24:30 Yeah, I just saw, I just saw his picture on an ad for one of the Boston clubs. I think Laugh Boston maybe.

Joe Rogan 24:36 Wow.

Greg Fitzsimmons 24:37 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:37 Laugh Boston. That's a good spot.

Greg Fitzsimmons 24:39 It is a good spot. And, uh ...

Joe Rogan 24:41 What's the scene like now? What else they got?

Greg Fitzsimmons 24:43 Well, it's ... Laugh Boston's at the heart of it. Jon Tobin's got rooms in Boston. He's got one in Worcester, Springfield. I think he d- ... I think he does the, the comedy tent down there in, uh, in the Cape.... so it's strong. There's good, strong local comics. There's a lot of guys that, uh ... Oh, I'm forgetting this one guy. There's, there's guys that are really fucking killers, like the new generation of killers-

Joe Rogan 25:06 That's good to hear.

Greg Fitzsimmons 25:06 ... that are there. And you know, guys like Robbie Prince that are still there, and, um, you know, they're, they're, they're the big new guys. Not the new guys. They're the, they're the legends now.

Joe Rogan 25:15 Right.

Greg Fitzsimmons 25:15 They're the ones that the young guys are looking up to.

Joe Rogan 25:17 Is Robbie in Boston or is he living in New Hampshire? Wasn't he living in New Hampshire for a while?

Greg Fitzsimmons 25:20 Oh, I'm not sure. Oh, is he? Yeah.

Joe Rogan 25:22 I think so. Yeah, that's good to hear though, that there's a new up and coming crop.

Greg Fitzsimmons 25:28 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 25:28 You know?

Greg Fitzsimmons 25:29 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 25:29 'Cause there was this ... A pause for a while where there wasn't a lot of guys.

Greg Fitzsimmons 25:32 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 25:33 There was like Burr and Patrice and a few other guys, and then there was a bit of a, a lull, where people weren't coming out of there.

Greg Fitzsimmons 25:42 Yeah. Yeah. I think it, um, I think it really dried up and, and, and then Tobin opened up that club and it, it kind of brought things back again.

Joe Rogan 25:50 Hmm. Ah, that's good to hear.

Greg Fitzsimmons 25:51 And also like ... Yeah, and then social media, I think it just allowed ... It, it allowed comics to s- to make a name for themselves in Boston, you know. Um, just basing this one guy who I follow who's really funny. Um, I'm so fucking bad with names now.

Joe Rogan 26:07 It's too many names in your head.

Greg Fitzsimmons 26:08 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:08 Dunbar's Number, you know that, right?

Greg Fitzsimmons 26:10 What's that?

Joe Rogan 26:11 150 people, keep 150 people in your head.

Greg Fitzsimmons 26:13 Oh, that's the Rolodex?

Joe Rogan 26:15 Yeah, it goes back to like when we lived in tribes.

Greg Fitzsimmons 26:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:18 Like, you have room in your head for intimate friendships or r- relationships with 150 people.

Greg Fitzsimmons 26:22 Okay.

Joe Rogan 26:23 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 26:24 Wow.

Joe Rogan 26:24 It's controversial. Some people think you can get up to 200.

Greg Fitzsimmons 26:27 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:28 But there's a number-

Greg Fitzsimmons 26:29 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 26:29 ... where it just ... You blur out. And you know, you and I have way passed those numbers.

Greg Fitzsimmons 26:33 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:34 Our, our fucking heads are clogged up. I mean, we know (clears throat) 200-plus comedians easy, and then regular people that you know.

Greg Fitzsimmons 26:41 Yeah, and you have to remember that when you expect people to remember you. You know?

Joe Rogan 26:44 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 26:44 It's like, it's very ... I really go out of my way to never walk up to somebody and go like, uh, "Hey, man, you don't remember me?" I'm always like, "Hey, man, Greg Fitzsimmons. We met ... Yeah."

Joe Rogan 26:53 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 26:53 And then they go, "Yeah, yeah. I know, I know." I, I just wanna make sure.

Joe Rogan 26:56 Right, right.

Greg Fitzsimmons 26:56 I don't wanna be that guy 'cause that is the worst fucking feeling, when you don't remember somebody.

Joe Rogan 27:00 Some people get upset, yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 27:01 Yeah, they get upset and, and they have no right to be upset because you don't know. I ... Th- this world is fucked up because there's people like you that have photographic memories. I mean, your, your recall of facts and like s- scientific terms and shit like that is uncanny. And that's not fair to people like me who have just sieves. Everything goes right through my fucking head. And you know what? I'm smart too, Joe.

Joe Rogan 27:25 I believe it.

Greg Fitzsimmons 27:26 But I don't remember shit.

Joe Rogan 27:27 I remember things that I care about. I don't remember everything.

Greg Fitzsimmons 27:29 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 27:30 The s- but things that are important to me, I remember.

Greg Fitzsimmons 27:33 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 27:33 Like, important facts and information and ... But there's a lot of shit that slips through too.

Greg Fitzsimmons 27:38 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 27:38 I'm just ... I'm worried that as I get older, I'm gonna get dumber.

Greg Fitzsimmons 27:42 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 27:42 You know? I'm not sure if that's happening, but I'm always paranoid. I'm always paranoid that I'm gonna get dumber. And I have moments-

Greg Fitzsimmons 27:48 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 27:48 ... where I feel like, "Oh, everything's firing great."

Greg Fitzsimmons 27:51 Right.

Joe Rogan 27:51 And then I have other days ... It, it's r- completely dependent upon sleep.

Greg Fitzsimmons 27:55 Sleep is huge.

Joe Rogan 27:56 Goddamn.

Greg Fitzsimmons 27:56 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 27:56 If I sleep three or four hours and then I go out and I do stuff, I'm, I'm 50 IQ points lighter.

Greg Fitzsimmons 28:01 Right.

Joe Rogan 28:02 I'm a dingbat. I, I can't remember shit.

Greg Fitzsimmons 28:04 Yeah, they say diet is really important too. Like, there's certain things that are great for your brain, like avocados are great for your brain.

Joe Rogan 28:11 Oils.

Greg Fitzsimmons 28:12 Um, yeah, oils.

Joe Rogan 28:12 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 28:13 Sand-

Joe Rogan 28:13 Essential fatty acids.

Greg Fitzsimmons 28:14 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 28:14 Yeah. Right. Yeah, a lot of stuff is brain food.

Greg Fitzsimmons 28:17 Right.

Joe Rogan 28:18 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 28:19 Fats.

Joe Rogan 28:19 And then, and then-

Greg Fitzsimmons 28:20 Your brain works on ketones too. Ke- where do you get ketones from?

Joe Rogan 28:23 You can get them, exogenous ketones, but ketones are essentially when your body's burning fat. That's what a ketogenic diet is.

Greg Fitzsimmons 28:30 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 28:30 There's a ... A lot of people feel like they have, uh, better, um, cognitive response. Like, their brain works better when they're on a ketogenic diet. Have you ever done that? When you-

Greg Fitzsimmons 28:40 Keto?

Joe Rogan 28:41 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 28:41 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 28:41 It's annoying.

Greg Fitzsimmons 28:42 I did it for two weeks and I was like, "I can't do this."

Joe Rogan 28:45 Yeah, I- yeah. No, can't do it, so long.

Greg Fitzsimmons 28:45 Well, you can't do it if you go on the road.

Joe Rogan 28:47 You can, but it's annoying.

Greg Fitzsimmons 28:48 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 28:49 It's just like, you know ... I like other stuff.

Greg Fitzsimmons 28:52 Right.

Joe Rogan 28:53 That's the problem. I like food.

Greg Fitzsimmons 28:54 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 28:55 You know, if you ... It's like one of the things I enjoy.

Greg Fitzsimmons 28:57 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 28:57 Like, and so now all I'm eating is, like, fats.

Greg Fitzsimmons 29:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 29:01 Just here, just fucking ... I, I have a friend who was, uh ... He was drinking, uh, half-and-half or, uh, like cream, like heavy cream.

Greg Fitzsimmons 29:08 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 29:08 Like, he sat here on the podcast, my friend Kyle.

Greg Fitzsimmons 29:11 (laughs) Really?

Joe Rogan 29:11 Kyle Kingsbury. Yeah, he had a fucking ... A pint of heavy cream he brought on the podcast.

Greg Fitzsimmons 29:16 Jesus.

Joe Rogan 29:16 And I'm like, "What are you doing? You drink that?" And he's like, "Yeah, it's a good source of fats."

Greg Fitzsimmons 29:20 Damn.

Joe Rogan 29:21 "For ketogenic diet." I'm like ... (gulps)

Greg Fitzsimmons 29:23 Wow.

Joe Rogan 29:23 He's chugging down heavy fucking cream. (gulping)

Greg Fitzsimmons 29:27 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 29:28 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 29:30 And then you just fart and shit all day.

Joe Rogan 29:32 I got into drinking ketones for a while. I was taking exogenous ketones. Like, I'd have them shipped to me, and you have to refrigerate them and they're these little containers. You open it up and it, it tastes like, like Satan's ball sweat, like you're-

Greg Fitzsimmons 29:45 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 29:45 ... downing this stuff, like ... (gulps)

Greg Fitzsimmons 29:47 Right.

Joe Rogan 29:48 But it's good for the brain. It's actually-

Greg Fitzsimmons 29:50 Yeah. The other thing that's good for the brain is, like, crosswords and, like, uh-

Joe Rogan 29:54 Oh, yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 29:55 Yeah, like every day I do, I do, uh, sudoku on my computer, speed sudoku.

Joe Rogan 30:00 Oh, yeah?

Greg Fitzsimmons 30:00 I do it as fast as I can. Like, uh, I can d- I've ... I did one in a minute and 40 seconds one time.

Joe Rogan 30:05 Whoa.

Greg Fitzsimmons 30:06 And that's how I get my b- Like, before I do anything in the morning, I just, like, rip through, like, 15 minutes of those.

Joe Rogan 30:12 It makes sense that your brain is basically like everything else. If you use it, it gets better.

Greg Fitzsimmons 30:16 Right.

Joe Rogan 30:16 Or at least you maintain it.

Greg Fitzsimmons 30:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:18 And if you don't, it atrophies, like everything else.

Greg Fitzsimmons 30:19 And trying new things is really important.

Joe Rogan 30:22 Mm-hmm.

Greg Fitzsimmons 30:22 Learn- learning a new language, like dur- during-

Joe Rogan 30:24 Mm-hmm.

Greg Fitzsimmons 30:24 ... the pandemic, I went back and I started, uh, learning French again, 'cause I studied it in high school and college and, you know, I'm low functioning. And so I was like, "Fuck it. I'm not gonna learn a new language. Let me go back with, like, an adult brain and try to tackle French." Dude, I don't remember shit. Like, uh, this stuff does not stick with me the way it used to.

Joe Rogan 30:45 Hmm.

Greg Fitzsimmons 30:45 It's hard. But it's ... But you gotta do it.

Joe Rogan 30:48 Do you ever take any nootropics?

Greg Fitzsimmons 30:49 No.

Joe Rogan 30:50 N- nutrients for the brain? No?

Greg Fitzsimmons 30:52 Oh, no. That's not true. Well, I take, um ... You recommend it and I take it every day, is the- these mushrooms. Um-... what are they called? Um-

Joe Rogan 31:01 Lion's mane?

Greg Fitzsimmons 31:02 Yeah, lion's mane.

Joe Rogan 31:03 Yeah, lion's mane, good for your brain.

Greg Fitzsimmons 31:04 Take it every day.

Joe Rogan 31:05 Yeah, that stuff's good. It's got some neuroregenerative properties. Um, another one that's good is that gum that we have over there, that, uh, NeuroGum. I like that stuff.

Greg Fitzsimmons 31:14 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 31:14 That's what I was chewing when I got in here. The good thing about that, it's like, it's real easy. Just pop a couple of sticks of gum. It actually tastes good. Freshens your breath a little bit.

Greg Fitzsimmons 31:21 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:21 And it's got theanine in it and a little bit of caffeine and a couple other nootropics in it.

Greg Fitzsimmons 31:27 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:28 Yeah. We have some new shit. I'll give you a jug of our new, uh, Alpha Brain. We got a new Alpha Brain Black Label.

Greg Fitzsimmons 31:34 Oh, yeah?

Joe Rogan 31:34 It's fucking potent.

Greg Fitzsimmons 31:36 Oh?

Joe Rogan 31:36 It's good shit.

Greg Fitzsimmons 31:37 All right.

Joe Rogan 31:37 I like that a lot.

Greg Fitzsimmons 31:38 Nice.

Joe Rogan 31:38 Yeah, that's, that's something that I take before every UFC, every... 'Cause UFC's big for, like, memory, and I have to remember fights from fucking decades ago.

Greg Fitzsimmons 31:48 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:48 I have to remember positions and moves.

Greg Fitzsimmons 31:49 Right.

Joe Rogan 31:50 And then when it gets to weird scrambles, I have to be able to explain things, like what's in jeopardy while dudes are strangling each other.

Greg Fitzsimmons 31:57 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 31:57 And like what's... The, the right arm, he's gotta get the right arm through there-

Greg Fitzsimmons 32:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:00 ... and grab this. And I, you know-

Greg Fitzsimmons 32:02 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:02 ... sometimes I haven't been in that position in, like, a, a long time, and I have to go, "Okay, how does that work? Like, what, w- which, which arm does he have to cinch it up with?" And-

Greg Fitzsimmons 32:10 I actually think about-

Joe Rogan 32:11 ... I forget.

Greg Fitzsimmons 32:11 ... that sometimes when I see you calling a match. It's like, "How the fuck do you stay sharp when you're not doing it every week?" 'Cause if you got a... You know, you got guys that, that call baseball games, or even football games are once a week. They're regularly fucking juicing their mind with these facts.

Joe Rogan 32:27 Well, the thing is, I watch it every day.

Greg Fitzsimmons 32:29 Oh, okay.

Joe Rogan 32:30 When I go to the gym, like, I'm working out of my house, I either watch John Wick or I watch fights. (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 32:34 Oh, no shit. Really?

Joe Rogan 32:36 I watch Keanu Reeves kill-

Greg Fitzsimmons 32:37 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 32:37 ... a bunch of people, or I, I watch fights.

Greg Fitzsimmons 32:40 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 32:40 Like, there's something about, like, even, like, if it's just on in the background.

Greg Fitzsimmons 32:44 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:44 You know, just like, the, the... But watching fights is big-

Greg Fitzsimmons 32:48 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:48 ... because, uh, I'll watch different scenarios, and it's all, a lot of it is pattern recognition. Like, you see certain things that people are doing. You see how the other person's responding to it.

Greg Fitzsimmons 32:58 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:59 You, you see things that work and don't work.

Greg Fitzsimmons 33:01 Right, right.

Joe Rogan 33:01 And then martial arts is so weird because, like, especially mixed martial arts, 'cause there's so many different styles that are involved.

Greg Fitzsimmons 33:07 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 33:07 It's like one style will work on one person but will be completely ineffective on another person.

Greg Fitzsimmons 33:13 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 33:13 It's weird.

Greg Fitzsimmons 33:14 But you see it like a chess match. Like, I see you call a fight before it fucking happens. You'll be like, "He's gonna get a, he's got, he's got the arm bar," or I don't know the moves, but like-

Joe Rogan 33:23 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 33:24 ... you, you can tell when a guy is about to line up a move on somebody else.

Joe Rogan 33:28 Yeah, you see how... But that is a specific thing that I don't think you can do. I don't think you can call jujitsu unless you do jujitsu.

Greg Fitzsimmons 33:37 Right.

Joe Rogan 33:37 It's too complex.

Greg Fitzsimmons 33:38 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 33:39 It's like, I don't play chess. And I, I know how the pieces move.

Greg Fitzsimmons 33:42 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 33:43 But I don't play it.

Greg Fitzsimmons 33:44 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 33:44 So I can't, like, if I see someone moving, I go, "Where are they going with that? Oh!"

Greg Fitzsimmons 33:49 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 33:49 "I didn't see that."

Greg Fitzsimmons 33:50 Right, right, right.

Joe Rogan 33:50 Right? So it's the same thing with jujitsu. Like you-

Greg Fitzsimmons 33:52 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 33:52 ... have to know the actual sport, I think. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's someone could prove me wrong, but I've never seen a commentator that can call jujitsu that doesn't practice jujitsu. Striking is a little different. Like, there's some good boxing commentators that don't box.

Greg Fitzsimmons 34:08 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 34:08 But you basically have two weapons, two weapons that work in different ways, but it's a left and a right. So, you know, you have different variations, like some guys have, like, stutter moves, and some guys have, like, a pitty pat style, and some guys just throw bombs. There's all sorts of different ways to use those two weapons. But you have a left hand and a right hand, and that's it.

Greg Fitzsimmons 34:29 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 34:29 But with jujitsu, you got leg locks and arm bars and-

Greg Fitzsimmons 34:34 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 34:34 ... shoulder locks and spine locks and twisters-

Greg Fitzsimmons 34:37 Right.

Joe Rogan 34:37 ... and fucking knee bars and footholds, and-

Greg Fitzsimmons 34:40 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 34:40 ... it's like you're, it's a tangle of limbs-

Greg Fitzsimmons 34:42 Right.

Joe Rogan 34:42 ... when people go to the ground.

Greg Fitzsimmons 34:43 Right.

Joe Rogan 34:43 You know? And still there's a lot of shit that I don't, uh, I don't re-... I like, my leg lock game is pretty weak. So when I see guys on the ground and they're, they're going after the legs, that's one that I have to really think hard about, like, what's, what's in danger and what's not in danger.

Greg Fitzsimmons 34:57 'Cause you can't put yourself in their position as much.

Joe Rogan 34:59 I kind of can, but not like I can with, like, upper body techniques.

Greg Fitzsimmons 35:03 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 35:04 'Cause the leg lock game kinda came around, really got really strong in, like, the 2013, '14, '15, like around then, up until '21. When I really stopped rolling every day was around that time.

Greg Fitzsimmons 35:19 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 35:19 So that's, like, right around when the leg lock game became big in competition jujitsu.

Greg Fitzsimmons 35:25 Right, right.

Joe Rogan 35:26 That's a comp- that's super complex. Like, you see guys, like, attacking and counterattacking, going back and forth and scrambling. You're like, "Jesus," and trying to call those.

Greg Fitzsimmons 35:38 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 35:38 That's where there's, like, next level commentary, like, you know, you watch, like, jujitsu commentators. They're completely next level than me-

Greg Fitzsimmons 35:45 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 35:45 ... when it comes to that.

Greg Fitzsimmons 35:47 Yeah. That's interesting about, uh, not having pl- I was trying to think of a commentator that wasn't an athlete, and that guy, Joe Buck. His father was a big sports commentator growing up, and he never played... As far as I know, I don't think he played sports, but he grew up watching them and watching his father call them, and he's the best in the business.

Joe Rogan 36:08 What does he commentate on?

Greg Fitzsimmons 36:09 He does everything, uh, football. I'm sure he does baseball. Um, what else does Joe Buck do? He, he's, he's the guy. But his f- he, he's supposed to have a talk show career, but it got derailed by Artie Lange. HBO gave him his own talk show, and Artie came on in the first episode and just fucking co-opted the show. And-

Joe Rogan 36:30 What'd he do?

Greg Fitzsimmons 36:30 ... he just shit on Joe Buck on his own show, and Joe couldn't handle it.

Joe Rogan 36:34 Oh, that's right.

Greg Fitzsimmons 36:35 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 36:36 I remember that.

Greg Fitzsimmons 36:37 And the show got canceled, like, a week later. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 36:43 That was heroin-using Artie Lange.

Greg Fitzsimmons 36:44 Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 36:45 Ar- Artie was wild.

Greg Fitzsimmons 36:46 Yeah, that was, that was Artie showing up with no shoelaces in his high tops and a jean jacket that was misbuttoned.

Joe Rogan 36:52 And if he didn't have respect for you, he's just gonna fucking steamroll you.

Greg Fitzsimmons 36:55 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 36:56 Has anybody heard from him?

Greg Fitzsimmons 36:58 Yeah, I think he's doing good. I checked on him a couple weeks ago.

Joe Rogan 37:00 Not doing any standup?

Greg Fitzsimmons 37:02 I don't think he's doing standup, no. He's, he... If you wanna talk to Artie, you gotta call another guy, because-

Joe Rogan 37:07 Who's the guy?

Greg Fitzsimmons 37:08 Um, I forget the guy's name, but, uh, he's trying to weed out people that'll be a bad influence.

Joe Rogan 37:14 Wow! (sighs) So fragile.

Greg Fitzsimmons 37:15 And I get through because I'm, uh, sober. You know?

Joe Rogan 37:17 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 37:17 Or I'm not, I, I don't drink anyway.

Joe Rogan 37:20 I, um, did a podcast with Artie in New York. I used the Legion of Skanks, uh, podcast studio-

Greg Fitzsimmons 37:26 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 37:26 ... in New York. It was fucking amazing.

Greg Fitzsimmons 37:28 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 37:28 It was one of the best podcasts I've ever done.

Greg Fitzsimmons 37:30 Really?

Joe Rogan 37:30 His st- he was completely sober. His stories were-

Greg Fitzsimmons 37:33 Dude-

Joe Rogan 37:33 ... amazing.

Greg Fitzsimmons 37:34 ... there's nobody better at-

Joe Rogan 37:35 He's so funny.

Greg Fitzsimmons 37:36 ... telling stories.

Joe Rogan 37:36 He's so funny.

Greg Fitzsimmons 37:37 He's incredible.

Joe Rogan 37:38 And he's got little hand gestures he does-

Greg Fitzsimmons 37:40 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 37:40 ... when he's telling the stories.

Greg Fitzsimmons 37:41 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 37:41 You're just riveted.

Greg Fitzsimmons 37:42 Yeah. He's got a great, gives you a fucking great laugh.

Joe Rogan 37:45 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 37:45 Generous laugher.

Joe Rogan 37:47 Oh, oh, such a good guy.

Greg Fitzsimmons 37:47 He's the best. Yeah. He's, uh, I did, I, I wrote on Crashing for a couple seasons, and he was o- he was on it. And, uh, he was just like, he would show up on set and you would think, "All right, this guy's a fucking mess. His hair is-"

Joe Rogan 37:58 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 37:58 He looked like fucking Jim from Taxi, he'd show his hair all over the place, late. But man, he fucking knew his lines. And then when ... and then, you know, they would always ask for improv. That was kind of like the way we shot the show is like, "All right. Let's, let's get what's in the script, and then after we get that, then we'll let the actors play with it." And he would always take it to another level. He was just like, just fucking cr- just great comedic mind.

Joe Rogan 38:23 Did you ever do Curb Your Enthusiasm?

Greg Fitzsimmons 38:24 No.

Joe Rogan 38:25 That, I would love to be a fly on the wall of that show.

Greg Fitzsimmons 38:29 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:29 'Cause apparently what Larry David does is like, there's a direct ... "This is where we have to get to. We have to get to, like for instance, the air conditioning's broken. It's hot in here."

Greg Fitzsimmons 38:37 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:37 "We gotta call the guy that fixes the air conditioning."

Greg Fitzsimmons 38:40 Right.

Joe Rogan 38:40 "I don't wanna call him, you call him."

Greg Fitzsimmons 38:41 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:41 That's the thing. And yet y- and then they work it through.

Greg Fitzsimmons 38:44 Yep.

Joe Rogan 38:45 And like, so he's got like, a f- rough framework-

Greg Fitzsimmons 38:49 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:49 ... but he just ... and so it seems so real-

Greg Fitzsimmons 38:52 Yep.

Joe Rogan 38:52 ... when he's doing it.

Greg Fitzsimmons 38:54 And it's in the casting, he brings people in like, you know, um, uh, Richard Lewis.

Joe Rogan 39:00 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 39:00 Who, who would've thought Richard Lewis? But like, he's perfect.

Joe Rogan 39:04 Perfect. Perfect.

Greg Fitzsimmons 39:04 He's just so in, he's so, like has captured his own voice, and his relationship with Larry is so perfect. And, uh, what's, what's the name of the guy who died? Dave, Dave Osborne.

Joe Rogan 39:17 Oh, Super Dave.

Greg Fitzsimmons 39:17 Super Dave was fucking great.

Joe Rogan 39:19 Yeah, he was great. He was great. You know who was great that, uh, I don't know what happened to him, was Crazy Eyes Killa.

Greg Fitzsimmons 39:25 Who's that?

Joe Rogan 39:26 You never saw that episode?

Greg Fitzsimmons 39:27 No.

Joe Rogan 39:28 It was one of the best episodes ever. Like a, a tear-inducing, can't breathe episode, where there was this rapper. His name was Crazy Eye Killer.

Greg Fitzsimmons 39:36 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 39:37 And he ... Do you remember that episode?

Narrator 39:39 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 39:39 What happened to that guy?

Narrator 39:41 He was just an actor, I think. Looking a little-

Joe Rogan 39:42 Was he?

Narrator 39:43 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 39:43 Goddamn, he's good.

Greg Fitzsimmons 39:44 Yeah. He g-

Joe Rogan 39:45 He was so good.

Greg Fitzsimmons 39:45 And J.B. Smoove.

Joe Rogan 39:46 Oh, my God, J.B. Smoove.

Greg Fitzsimmons 39:48 I mean, I, I think that, that little run he did about, "You gotta get-"

Joe Rogan 39:51 Yeah, his ... (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 39:53 (laughs) "... Crazy Eye Killer."

Joe Rogan 39:56 He was a rapper, and, and, and, you know, and Larry and him had some un- unusual relationship.

Greg Fitzsimmons 40:01 Uh-huh.

Narrator 40:01 Season three. But yeah, that was 2002 maybe.

Joe Rogan 40:05 Was it?

Narrator 40:05 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 40:06 Goddamn.

Narrator 40:06 They won an award like 1999 for best-

Joe Rogan 40:08 Goddamn.

Narrator 40:09 ... something.

Joe Rogan 40:10 And are, are they still doing Curb Your Enthusiasm?

Narrator 40:11 Yeah, yeah. They just, they're f- uh, they had just announced that Richard Lewis wasn't gonna be available, but he now is, so they're starting to film soon or something.

Joe Rogan 40:19 That's the thing when you have as much money as Larry David, is you could just do whatever you want to do, like creatively.

Greg Fitzsimmons 40:24 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 40:24 Doesn't he still drive a fucking Prius too?

Greg Fitzsimmons 40:26 Drives a ... probably he's, he moved to that little BMW, you know, those tiny BMWs.

Joe Rogan 40:30 Oh, little electric ones?

Greg Fitzsimmons 40:31 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 40:32 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 40:32 He's driving one of those now. But I see him, sometimes I play in these golf tournaments in LA, that he, he comes out, he fucking loves to play golf, drives his car. He's the kind of guy if you bump into him at an airport and people talk to him, he's like, in it, like connects, talks to people.

Joe Rogan 40:47 Ah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 40:48 Um, but, uh, yeah. And then what I like about the show is he doesn't hide that he's a billionaire. It's a sitcom. Usually sitcoms, it's like the whole mandate from the network is, you gotta be broke, you gotta be struggling to follow your dream. You gotta be blue collar, otherwise people aren't gonna connect. How about this? How about we give you a billionaire who's famous, who doesn't need anything-

Joe Rogan 41:08 There's his little car.

Greg Fitzsimmons 41:09 ... who doesn't need any-

Joe Rogan 41:10 And then J.B. Smoove.

Greg Fitzsimmons 41:10 ... of his needs met. And then, and then you, uh, and then you just see what, what would happen if you're just neurotic for no reason.

Joe Rogan 41:19 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 41:19 Uh, just fucking great.

Joe Rogan 41:21 (clears throat)

Greg Fitzsimmons 41:21 And you see that like, I think it was very vindicating that you realize looking back that Seinfeld was all him.

Joe Rogan 41:28 It was a lot of him, that's for damn sure.

Greg Fitzsimmons 41:30 I, I shouldn't say all him. It was obviously Seinfeld a lot too-

Joe Rogan 41:31 It was a lot of him.

Greg Fitzsimmons 41:32 ... but like-

Joe Rogan 41:32 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 41:33 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 41:33 Well, yeah. He's just got this absurd sense of humor.

Greg Fitzsimmons 41:36 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 41:37 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 41:37 Jesus. But J.B. Smoove's speech about, "You gotta get in that ass, Larry."

Joe Rogan 41:42 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 41:42 "You gotta get in that a-" I mean, that's probably the most famous scene from the history of that show.

Joe Rogan 41:48 (gasps) Oh.

Greg Fitzsimmons 41:50 So you ever had him on, J.B.?

Joe Rogan 41:51 No.

Greg Fitzsimmons 41:52 He's a great guest.

Joe Rogan 41:52 Last time I ran into him was at the UPS store. I have a great J.B. Smoove story, but unfortunately I told it many times. Uh, I, we were late going to a gig. Both of us got lost, some weird gig in New Jersey.

Greg Fitzsimmons 42:03 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 42:03 And I was supposed to headline and he was supposed to open, but he was really late. And I sat in the green room and I watched this horrible documentary about, uh, the Malibu fires.

Greg Fitzsimmons 42:12 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 42:12 All these people crying, this kid's calling out for her dog. It was awful, awful.

Greg Fitzsimmons 42:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 42:17 Just cinders of burning buildings and shit. And then they came in and said, "Look, J.B.'s not here, so we're just gonna open up with you." And I'm like ... and I went on stage and just ate shit.

Greg Fitzsimmons 42:27 Oh.

Joe Rogan 42:28 Ate shit.

Greg Fitzsimmons 42:29 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 42:29 So sad. I went on stage sad, watching people calling out for their dog, "Rusty. Where are you, Rusty?"

Greg Fitzsimmons 42:35 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 42:37 It was so-

Greg Fitzsimmons 42:37 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 42:37 It was so awful. And I, I recognized then, I mean, I didn't know any better.

Greg Fitzsimmons 42:40 You should've stopped 10 minutes into your set and gone, "It's Rusty."

Joe Rogan 42:44 Ah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 42:44 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 42:44 Dude, I was so green. I was like three years into comedy.

Greg Fitzsimmons 42:48 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 42:48 I was terrible.

Greg Fitzsimmons 42:49 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 42:49 And I, I couldn't ... There was no chance, like if things went bad, they just went bad.

Greg Fitzsimmons 42:54 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 42:55 There's no pulling out.

Greg Fitzsimmons 42:56 Right.

Joe Rogan 42:56 There's no like ... (imitates plane crashing) "We almost hit the mountain." No, I'm going right into that fucking mountain-

Greg Fitzsimmons 43:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 43:00 ... and I'm gonna die a fiery death.

Greg Fitzsimmons 43:02 Yeah. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 43:03 Those days were rough, man.

Greg Fitzsimmons 43:05 Dude, I did a college show n- when I was not that far in, and it was, uh, no, I guess I'd been doing it for a while. But it was the day of the Columbine shooting, and I was in a hotel in Ohio doing some fucking small school.

Joe Rogan 43:18 (gasps)

Greg Fitzsimmons 43:18 And I'm sitting there on the edge of my bed, like my bag is half unpacked and I'm sitting on the edge of the bed watching CNN going, "This is fucking brutal." And I'm, and I'm waiting for a phone call about canceling the show, like, "There's no way we're doing this fucking show. This is at a school where, you know." And they go, "No, we're gonna do the show." And so I get there and I'm like, "All right, this is fucking crazy." And, and they had about-... you know, 15 people showed up.

Joe Rogan 43:42 Mm-hmm.

Greg Fitzsimmons 43:42 And then the student activities director goes up on stage before me and she goes, "Before we start the show, I think we all are aware of what happened today and I thought we should have a moment of silence for all the students-

Joe Rogan 43:52 No!

Greg Fitzsimmons 43:52 ... that died in Columbine." And everybody puts their heads down, people are fucking crying. "And now here's Greg Fitzsimmons." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 44:00 (laughs) Oh my God.

Greg Fitzsimmons 44:01 And, you know, those college shows, man, if you don't do your 60 minutes, they don't give you the check. And I just went up there-

Joe Rogan 44:08 Oh.

Greg Fitzsimmons 44:08 ... and I just remember, oh, it was nothing. There was no doing an act. We just, I just started talking out my act and just watching that clock tick-

Joe Rogan 44:17 Wow.

Greg Fitzsimmons 44:17 ... on that back wall minute by minute, waiting to get that fucking $1,200. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 44:22 (laughs) Was it one of them that you had to send the check in and then they sent you a check back-

Greg Fitzsimmons 44:28 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 44:28 ... like an agency?

Greg Fitzsimmons 44:29 Yeah. It goes to the agency first.

Joe Rogan 44:31 Yeah, yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 44:31 And they-

Joe Rogan 44:31 And then you have to wait.

Greg Fitzsimmons 44:32 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 44:32 And hopefully they pay you.

Greg Fitzsimmons 44:34 Yup, yup. And then the, uh, I had an, an agent in Chicago, uh, Bass Schuler, it's now, what, yeah, Bass Schuler's the agency, and they got a letter sent to them one time, I did a high school prom show in Iowa and it was, uh-

Joe Rogan 44:51 Oh, Jesus.

Greg Fitzsimmons 44:52 Well, I was doing a bunch of colleges and then they called me up and they go, "Well, there's a high school prom. You got a night off on Tuesday and there's a high school prom that's on your route. Do you wanna do it?" And I was like, "What the fuck do I care? Yeah, I'll do a high school prom show." So I show up and it's, like, in, in one of these, like, cornfed Midwestern small towns where, like, they all went to church on a bus before the prom started. And so-

Joe Rogan 45:14 Oh my God.

Greg Fitzsimmons 45:15 ... and now I just show up and they, uh, you know, they're all on the dance floor and they stop it and they go, "All right, now we're gonna have a comedian," and I go up and it was like, what was the movie where they weren't allowed to dance and then all of a sudden, like, they're dancing?

Joe Rogan 45:27 Footloose.

Greg Fitzsimmons 45:27 It was like Footloose with comedy. I get up there and they fucking loved it, but I was dirt... They told me to be clean, but you know-

Joe Rogan 45:36 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 45:36 ... I was relatively clean, I thought.

Joe Rogan 45:38 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 45:38 And so I do the show and then I get a letter sent to me, uh, sent to my agent, to, to, uh, Scott Bass, and it was, uh, from the principal, Dr. Dave Nixon, and he said that I had corrupted the values of the town.

Joe Rogan 45:53 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 45:55 'Cause I talked about doing cocaine and I invited them to my motel for a keg after the show.

Joe Rogan 46:01 Oh, no. (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 46:03 (laughs) And I talked about having sex with my grandmother, which were all taken out of context.

Joe Rogan 46:07 Right.

Greg Fitzsimmons 46:08 It was all... They were jokes.

Joe Rogan 46:08 So you were probably, like, 23?

Greg Fitzsimmons 46:10 Yeah. And so-

Joe Rogan 46:12 And they were like 19, 20, so they're basically your peers.

Greg Fitzsimmons 46:15 Yes, yes. And so then I... So I get the letter and I start reading it on stage.

Joe Rogan 46:21 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 46:21 And I, and I ended up doing, uh, a Comedy Central special where I read the letter on stage.

Joe Rogan 46:27 Ah!

Greg Fitzsimmons 46:27 And I sent a videotape of it to the guy at the school. It was Emmetsburg Senior High School in Emmetsburg, Iowa.

Joe Rogan 46:34 Well, you wrote a book, Letter to Mrs. Fitzsimmons.

Greg Fitzsimmons 46:37 Yes.

Joe Rogan 46:37 Yes.

Greg Fitzsimmons 46:37 That was in it.

Joe Rogan 46:38 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 46:38 I put that letter in the book. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 46:41 Greg wrote a whole book on letters that his, his mom got from him being an asshole. (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 46:49 Arrest, uh, you know, arrest, uh, you know, receipts from the police station, um-

Joe Rogan 46:55 Oh.

Greg Fitzsimmons 46:55 ... letters from principals, bad behavior reports, and then it went through high s... And the beauty of it is, the letter ends with my, my asshole kids getting letters sent home, and so the last chapter of the book is me printing letters I'd gotten about them.

Joe Rogan 47:08 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 47:09 And they would, like, mirror the exact shit that I was doing when I was a kid.

Joe Rogan 47:12 I remember there was a story, um, I, I'd heard secondhand from a gig that you did in New Hampshire where it was one of those gigs where they told you don't drive at night 'cause there's so many moose on the road that you might die.

Greg Fitzsimmons 47:24 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 47:24 And you get there and you fucking... They said, "This is a clean show. You can't swear." Like, the first word out of your mouth is fuck.

Greg Fitzsimmons 47:31 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 47:32 And they, they sent you home immediately.

Greg Fitzsimmons 47:34 Yup.

Joe Rogan 47:34 And you, you had to drive home on this fucking moose-infected highway.

Greg Fitzsimmons 47:40 Moose. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 47:40 Where there's, like, a real chance that you could die.

Greg Fitzsimmons 47:45 Right. (laughs) And the worst part is, Mike McDonald, that comedian, set me up with the gig, and it was a, it was called the Bal- Balsams Hotel and it's this famous... It's like The Shining, it's one of those old-

Joe Rogan 47:54 Mm.

Greg Fitzsimmons 47:54 ... beautiful hotels. And they had a go- and I'm a big golfer and they have a golf course that's world-class. And, like, gourmet dinner, big room, the whole thing. And I, I got my fucking golf clubs, I've already unpacked them. When I got offstage, I, they said, "Don't, don't use the F-word." So I walked on and I go, "So they said I can't say fuck." At that point, they sent someone to my room, packed my shit, and had it waiting for me when I got offstage.

Joe Rogan 48:21 (gasps)

Greg Fitzsimmons 48:21 And they're like, "You're done."

Joe Rogan 48:23 How many days were you supposed to be there?

Greg Fitzsimmons 48:25 Just overnight, but then I was supposed to play golf the next day, they set me up with a day.

Joe Rogan 48:29 Oh.

Greg Fitzsimmons 48:29 And Mike McDonald was so fucking pissed at me, he's like-

Joe Rogan 48:31 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 48:31 ... "Man, I put my neck out for you. You do this to me?"

Joe Rogan 48:36 Ah. (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 48:37 (laughs) You ever have to fight for not getting paid on a gig?

Joe Rogan 48:41 Uh, well, there was one time where I didn't get all the money and the, the guy, it was a mob-run room in New Haven, Connecticut.

Greg Fitzsimmons 48:50 Oh, I remember that.

Joe Rogan 48:51 Remember that room?

Greg Fitzsimmons 48:51 Jokers Wild.

Joe Rogan 48:52 Yeah, yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 48:52 Yep.

Joe Rogan 48:52 And he goes, "Hey, you're lucky you're getting anything."

Greg Fitzsimmons 48:55 Yep.

Joe Rogan 48:55 And I was like, "Jesus Christ." Uh, this, that guy, the guy who ran it, John, I saw him beat a guy with his shoe. He pulled his shoe off and, you know, the wooden heel of his shoe, like a dress shoe, was beating the guy in the face like fucking-

Greg Fitzsimmons 49:09 No shit.

Joe Rogan 49:09 ... Joe Pesci from Goodfellas. Beating him in the face with his shoe.

Greg Fitzsimmons 49:12 Really?

Joe Rogan 49:12 Blood everywhere. I mean, a- a shoe, like the bottom of a shoe, you could fuck somebody up with it.

Greg Fitzsimmons 49:18 Damn.

Joe Rogan 49:19 And apparently he knew this, it was... 'Cause it wasn't, like, the first time he beat somebody with a shoe, I don't think.

Greg Fitzsimmons 49:24 Wow.

Joe Rogan 49:24 I don't think he just... So he had his shoe off in his hand and he's beating this guy in the face with his shoe and blood splattered, just, he had blood splatter all over his shirt.

Greg Fitzsimmons 49:32 Wow.

Joe Rogan 49:33 He was a dangerous guy.

Greg Fitzsimmons 49:34 Dude, but you know who went after him? He, he started saying shit about Bill Blumenreich.You know Bill Blumreich in Boston?

Joe Rogan 49:42 Of course I know Bill. Bill's a good friend.

Greg Fitzsimmons 49:43 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 49:43 I love Bill.

Greg Fitzsimmons 49:44 And Bill went down there and straightened him out with a fucking-

Joe Rogan 49:46 Bill's the wrong guy to fuck with.

Greg Fitzsimmons 49:48 He brought a baseball bat down-

Joe Rogan 49:49 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 49:49 ... to fucking straighten this guy out 'cause he said shit about Bill's family or something.

Joe Rogan 49:53 Yeah. Bill's not to be fucked with.

Greg Fitzsimmons 49:54 No.

Joe Rogan 49:55 No. He's a big guy too.

Greg Fitzsimmons 49:57 He's a big fucking tough guy.

Joe Rogan 49:58 And he's a really great guy, until he's not.

Greg Fitzsimmons 50:01 Yeah. Right.

Joe Rogan 50:02 He's a great guy.

Greg Fitzsimmons 50:03 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 50:04 Until you fuck with him.

Greg Fitzsimmons 50:05 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 50:05 And then the switch turns-

Greg Fitzsimmons 50:06 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 50:06 ... and you see the darkness behind his eyes.

Greg Fitzsimmons 50:08 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 50:09 Wasn't he a stockbroker?

Greg Fitzsimmons 50:10 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 50:10 Wasn't he, like-

Greg Fitzsimmons 50:11 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 50:11 Those guys are all psychos.

Greg Fitzsimmons 50:12 He had a whole career before ... Yeah, and then he started the Faneuil Hall Comedy Connection.

Joe Rogan 50:16 And runs The Wiltern now or The Wilbur.

Greg Fitzsimmons 50:18 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 50:18 The Wilbur.

Greg Fitzsimmons 50:19 The Wilbur Theatre.

Joe Rogan 50:19 And he has another theater there, too, apparently.

Greg Fitzsimmons 50:21 Uh, he might be the one that does The Comedy Tent in Cape Cod. I can't remember if it's him or John Tobin.

Joe Rogan 50:26 I love Bill. I've been working for Bill for, what, fucking 30 years or some shit?

Greg Fitzsimmons 50:30 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 50:31 Whenever I'm back in town. When I do The Garden, I'm doing it with him.

Greg Fitzsimmons 50:34 No shit?

Joe Rogan 50:35 Yeah, I do everything with him.

Greg Fitzsimmons 50:36 Wow.

Joe Rogan 50:37 If I'm in Boston-

Greg Fitzsimmons 50:37 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 50:38 ... I love that guy.

Greg Fitzsimmons 50:38 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 50:38 He's awesome.

Greg Fitzsimmons 50:39 Takes good care of you.

Joe Rogan 50:40 He's just fucking great. He's a great guy.

Greg Fitzsimmons 50:42 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 50:43 I remember one time we were in Aspen. He showed up at the Aspen Comedy Festival with a, a full length, all the way down to the floor, mink coat.

Greg Fitzsimmons 50:50 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 50:51 Like, this fucking ... I've never seen a grown man with a mink coat. He goes, "It's wonderful. Look how ... Feel it. Put it on, how warm it is." I put it on, I was like, "Oh, this is so warm."

Greg Fitzsimmons 51:01 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 51:01 I just never seen a, a grown man with a full-length mink coat, like fucking Morris Day from the time.

Greg Fitzsimmons 51:09 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 51:09 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 51:11 Does the coat come with four runaways?

Joe Rogan 51:13 (laughs) Four runaways?

Greg Fitzsimmons 51:15 That you're pimping.

Joe Rogan 51:16 Oh, no.

Greg Fitzsimmons 51:16 They're just four runaway teenage girls.

Joe Rogan 51:18 That's hilarious. No.

Greg Fitzsimmons 51:19 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 51:20 It was, like, a brown mink coat, and I remember seeing him. You know, Bill's a big guy anyway, he's walking down the street in this snow out and he's got this giant mink coat.

Greg Fitzsimmons 51:30 Ah. That's great. I wonder what the wear- ... I wonder if Aspen is, like, too politically correct to wear fur anymore.

Joe Rogan 51:39 I would doubt it. There's so many rich people there.

Greg Fitzsimmons 51:42 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 51:42 That's like one of those-

Greg Fitzsimmons 51:42 They must make an exception.

Joe Rogan 51:44 Maybe. That's a, that's a weird thing, right? Like, the, the fur thing. Like, 'cause i- it is a kind of a fucked up thing that you just kill animals just for their fur.

Greg Fitzsimmons 51:56 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 51:59 But on the other hand, people have been doing that to stay warm forever.

Greg Fitzsimmons 52:04 Well-

Joe Rogan 52:04 And then it just became a thing when p- ... You know what it was? I think when people started seeing videos of how animals were treated.

Greg Fitzsimmons 52:10 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 52:12 Some people don't even like when you have fake fur. I've had people give me shit for it. I had a hoodie that had fake fur around the edge, and this girl came up to me and she goes, "I don't like your f-" I go, "It's fake." She goes, "Well, I don't like what it represents." I was like, "Fake animals? What the fuck are you talking about? Feel it."

Greg Fitzsimmons 52:29 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 52:29 "It's, uh, synthetic."

Greg Fitzsimmons 52:31 Right.

Joe Rogan 52:31 She didn't like the f- ... She was looking for something to be mad at.

Greg Fitzsimmons 52:33 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 52:34 But, like, the synthetic a- ... Like, it's a weird thing, like, synthetic fur.

Greg Fitzsimmons 52:37 'Cause it represented that-

Joe Rogan 52:38 Yeah, represents ... It's like if you have, like, fake shrunken heads in your house.

Greg Fitzsimmons 52:43 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 52:44 You know?

Greg Fitzsimmons 52:47 My dad, when my dad started making some money, 'cause m- my parents grew up broke in the Bronx, and then my dad made some money in radio and then he bought my mom a fur coat. And it was, like, a full-length fucking ... I can't remember what kind of fur it was. But she worked at The New York Times. She was a secretary at The New York Times, and so she used to walk from, uh, Grand C- she would take the train into Grand Central Station and she would walk into Times Square, and this is in the fucking '80s, you know? She would walk with a mink coat through the fucking-

Joe Rogan 53:16 That's a sketchy-

Greg Fitzsimmons 53:16 You talk about 6th Street in Austin, it was, like-

Joe Rogan 53:19 Sketchy area.

Greg Fitzsimmons 53:20 Sketchy.

Joe Rogan 53:20 And a mink coat is thousands of dollars.

Greg Fitzsimmons 53:22 I know, and, uh, somehow she never got fucking ... She, she had attitude. She walked right through there every fucking day. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 53:29 What's weird about fur (clears throat) is that, uh, leather is everywhere.

Greg Fitzsimmons 53:34 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 53:34 Which is fur without the hair.

Greg Fitzsimmons 53:36 Right.

Joe Rogan 53:36 Like, people are cool with fur as long as it doesn't have the hair.

Greg Fitzsimmons 53:40 Well, 'cause I think it's a byproduct of an animal you're killing for the meat, whereas with the mink, you're not eating the meat.

Joe Rogan 53:46 Right. I guess. Are we sure?

Greg Fitzsimmons 53:50 Not at all. I'm talking out of my ass as always.

Joe Rogan 53:52 I mean, when we think about leather, I would imagine that if you're working for some- ... I mean, if you're making sustainable leather, you would use it from a cow that they're butchering for food. But is there specific cows they make, they just take leather off of? That would be horrible.

Greg Fitzsimmons 54:07 Yeah, or do they have to be younger? Is the older animal not good leather?

Joe Rogan 54:12 Well, I know Spanish bull leather, like, Spanish bull leather is, like, th- uh, something that people like for, like, uh, briefcases and shit.

Greg Fitzsimmons 54:21 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:21 It's, like, a thing.

Greg Fitzsimmons 54:22 Ostrich leather?

Joe Rogan 54:23 Ostrich. They're, they're cunts.

Greg Fitzsimmons 54:25 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:25 They're f- ... Those fucking rotten birds.

Greg Fitzsimmons 54:27 Really?

Joe Rogan 54:27 Oh, they're mean.

Greg Fitzsimmons 54:28 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:28 Birds are fucking mean, man.

Greg Fitzsimmons 54:29 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:30 Birds don't have ... Like, if you have a dog, like, dogs are furry, people have connections with dogs, we love dogs.

Greg Fitzsimmons 54:36 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 54:36 They love you back.

Greg Fitzsimmons 54:37 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 54:37 Everybody loves dogs. If you had a dog skin jacket, people would beat the fuck out of you.

Greg Fitzsimmons 54:41 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:41 But an ostrich, people are like, "Yeah, good."

Greg Fitzsimmons 54:44 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 54:44 "Fuck that cunty bird."

Greg Fitzsimmons 54:45 Yeah, or an alligator. Fuck yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:47 Oh, fuck yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 54:47 Alligator shoes.

Joe Rogan 54:48 Oh my God, I love killing alligators.

Greg Fitzsimmons 54:50 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:50 I me- I don't ... I've never killed one, but, I mean, I love buying alli- ... Like, I have a ... I have a crocodile belt on right now.

Greg Fitzsimmons 54:56 Oh, yeah?

Joe Rogan 54:57 Yeah. I fucking-

Greg Fitzsimmons 54:58 Nice.

Joe Rogan 54:58 Most belts and stuff, I b- I try to buy, like, my pool cue case, it's made out of alligator.

Greg Fitzsimmons 55:03 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 55:03 I buy leather that's made out of alligators, I think-

Greg Fitzsimmons 55:05 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:05 I hate those fucking things.

Greg Fitzsimmons 55:06 Yeah. They're-

Joe Rogan 55:06 I think they're disgusting.

Greg Fitzsimmons 55:08 And there's too many of them. It's amazing they're still alive, isn't it?

Joe Rogan 55:10 There's so many of them.

Greg Fitzsimmons 55:11 When you see one, how fucking ancient they look.

Joe Rogan 55:13 Yeah. They're dinosaurs. They're legit dinosaurs.

Greg Fitzsimmons 55:16 Yeah. Right.

Joe Rogan 55:16 Yeah. And they're all over the place. We were talking the other day about, uh, Disneyland in Florida, that over the last few years, they've pulled hundreds of alligators out of Disney World.

Greg Fitzsimmons 55:25 Well, dude, that girl got eaten.

Joe Rogan 55:27 Yeah, a little kid.

Greg Fitzsimmons 55:27 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:28 Yeah. Imagine? Your two-year-old. You mem-

Greg Fitzsimmons 55:31 (sighs)

Joe Rogan 55:31 You remember what it was like when your, your kids were two?

Greg Fitzsimmons 55:33 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:33 Like, you love them so much-

Greg Fitzsimmons 55:34 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 55:34 ... you're so protective of them.

Greg Fitzsimmons 55:36 Mm-hmm. Yeah, they're so vulnerable, and then-

Joe Rogan 55:41 And to think seeing them getting killed-

Greg Fitzsimmons 55:42 ... the guilt that you would feel.

Joe Rogan 55:42 ... by an alligator.

Greg Fitzsimmons 55:43 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:44 (sighs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 55:44 There's a fucking lawsuit.

Joe Rogan 55:46 Oh, God, I'm sure. But they probably just paid them off. I mean, Disneyland's just printing money.

Greg Fitzsimmons 55:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:51 Or Disney World.

Greg Fitzsimmons 55:52 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:52 Disneyland's been shut down for a fucking year.

Greg Fitzsimmons 55:56 Is that the one in California?

Joe Rogan 55:57 Yeah. They're open again now, but they were trying to sue to try to get open again. You know, they had the- the strictest laws in California when it came to COVID, but it didn't have an impact on, like, the number of cases. It didn't have an impact on the number of deaths.

Greg Fitzsimmons 56:12 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 56:12 Like, in comparison to Florida, where they just went buck wild and wide open.

Greg Fitzsimmons 56:16 Right.

Joe Rogan 56:16 It's like Florida did better.

Greg Fitzsimmons 56:18 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 56:19 With their fucking country alligators wandering around.

Greg Fitzsimmons 56:23 Now they got... The Everglades are filled with fucking anacondas.

Joe Rogan 56:27 Pythons.

Greg Fitzsimmons 56:28 Py- oh, pythons, yeah.

Joe Rogan 56:29 They've killed all the mammals. They did this study on mammals in the Ever- Everglades.

Greg Fitzsimmons 56:34 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 56:34 They used to have raccoons and marsh hares and all these different deer. Nothing.

Greg Fitzsimmons 56:40 Wow.

Joe Rogan 56:40 Nothing. Everything's gone.

Greg Fitzsimmons 56:42 No shit.

Joe Rogan 56:42 It's all pythons. It's pythons and alligators. It's so bad now that-

Greg Fitzsimmons 56:46 Damn.

Joe Rogan 56:46 ... pythons are eating alligators.

Greg Fitzsimmons 56:47 Oh, I saw a video of that.

Joe Rogan 56:50 It's crazy.

Greg Fitzsimmons 56:50 Fuck.

Joe Rogan 56:51 There's a, there's a photo, a famous photo. Look at this. "Florida python challenge gets underway with a new $10,000 prize." Yeah, they're trying to... What they really should do is, uh... First of all, California, which is so fucking dumb, you can't buy python goods.

Greg Fitzsimmons 57:08 Why?

Joe Rogan 57:08 'Cause they're assholes. They've just decided, "That's an exotic and we don't want to..." It's just political.

Greg Fitzsimmons 57:13 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 57:13 It's completely... It's- it's- it's all about optics.

Greg Fitzsimmons 57:16 Right.

Joe Rogan 57:16 Like the idea that you're gonna have these exotics. Like, why is okay to have, like, lamb skin or sheep skin? Why is that okay?

Greg Fitzsimmons 57:26 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 57:27 Why is it okay to have UGGs with sheepskin inside of them? That's okay? It's okay to have a leather jacket. It's not okay to have a country python?

Greg Fitzsimmons 57:33 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 57:34 Like, what the fuck is-

Greg Fitzsimmons 57:35 That's crazy.

Joe Rogan 57:35 It doesn't make any sense.

Greg Fitzsimmons 57:36 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 57:37 There's no logic to it at all.

Greg Fitzsimmons 57:38 Mm.

Joe Rogan 57:38 You can't have pythons. And meanwhile, what they should do is make it a- available everywhere and- and make it so that it's commercially fishable, that you can go... Or huntable. You can go out there and collect these fucking pythons if it's very valuable. They'll- they'll at least be able to put a dent. The problem is, it's all swamps, so they can't even find them.

Greg Fitzsimmons 57:58 They're never gonna put a dent. That sh- that shit is... That ship has sailed.

Joe Rogan 58:02 Ah! Look at this. "185-pound Burmese python captured in Naples might be the heaviest in Florida history." How big?

Narrator 58:09 Uh, it's at, I think it might have been 16 feet.

Greg Fitzsimmons 58:12 Damn.

Narrator 58:12 And they, they also got a- this was a female, they got a male that was 140 with it.

Joe Rogan 58:16 I saw one, there's one somewhere that- that... How big do those fucking things get? Like, what's the biggest python? I was looking at something m- on the, uh, internet, and I was like, "Is this real?" 'Cause it was said that they found a 30-foot python and it was eating dogs.

Greg Fitzsimmons 58:32 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 58:33 They get that big?

Greg Fitzsimmons 58:34 Well, it ate a fucking alligator.

Narrator 58:36 Longest-

Greg Fitzsimmons 58:36 Alligator.

Narrator 58:37 Long- according to this, longest in Florida, uh, 18.9 feet.

Joe Rogan 58:42 What about longest in, like, uh, I think this was in, um, some-

Narrator 58:46 Indonesia.

Joe Rogan 58:46 ... South Pacific, somewhere in the As- in Asia.

Greg Fitzsimmons 58:50 Well, that's-

Joe Rogan 58:50 And it's all pets too, that's crazy.

Greg Fitzsimmons 58:51 185 pounds is big enough to eat a 150-pound man.

Joe Rogan 58:55 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they'll swallow you whole.

Greg Fitzsimmons 58:57 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 58:58 Yeah. Another thing they have in Florida that's everywhere is iguanas.

Greg Fitzsimmons 59:02 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 59:02 Everywhere.

Greg Fitzsimmons 59:03 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:03 There's... I've been... I went down a YouTube rabbit hole the other day where people hunt and cook iguanas in their backyard.

Greg Fitzsimmons 59:09 Wow.

Joe Rogan 59:09 Yeah. 'Cause people who live on canals, they live near canals, they, uh, they get, like, a bow fishing setup. And they're out there shooting and killing iguanas and they turn them into chicken wings.

Greg Fitzsimmons 59:19 Wow.

Joe Rogan 59:20 Yeah. They whack their legs off and they fry them, they fry them up and they batter them and they make, like, these... It looks delicious. Like, these Asian dishes.

Narrator 59:28 This might be the long-

Joe Rogan 59:29 That's it. That's the one.

Narrator 59:30 So 33 feet?

Joe Rogan 59:31 33 feet.

Greg Fitzsimmons 59:32 Holy shit.

Joe Rogan 59:33 That's exactly the one. Where was that?

Narrator 59:35 It says it was (clears throat) , excuse me, in Brazil.

Joe Rogan 59:38 Brazil.

Narrator 59:38 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:38 Jesus Christ.

Greg Fitzsimmons 59:40 Damn!

Joe Rogan 59:40 Oh, my God. (laughs) Oh, my God. Look at the size of that thing.

Greg Fitzsimmons 59:44 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 59:44 Holy shit. All right, you can't fake that, right?

Greg Fitzsimmons 59:46 What does that thing eat?

Joe Rogan 59:48 Dogs. That's what they were saying. "Giant snake found in Brazil, 10 meters."

Greg Fitzsimmons 59:54 Wow.

Joe Rogan 59:54 Oh, my God. Look how fat that thing is. That is so crazy that that's a real creature that lives alongside us. A thir-... Imagine if you're just fucking hiking and you see a 30-foot snake staring you down. I mean, that is so big.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:00:10 Wait, that's an anaconda. Is a python and anaconda the same thing?

Joe Rogan 1:00:14 No, different. 33-foot anaconda.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:00:16 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:00:16 Well, that was that fucking movie with Jennifer Lopez, remember?

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:00:19 Mm.

Joe Rogan 1:00:20 Anaconda?

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:00:21 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 1:00:21 Where they were even bigger, because they- they think that there used to be giant anacondas in the Amazon that were even bigger than that. Like, what is the biggest... Like, the myth of the giant anaconda is something that's apparently, it's in dispute whether or not they're real things.

Narrator 1:00:37 That, I- I was trying to find the biggest python, which I did see it does- does say, "Reticulated python can grow up to 30 feet." Which-

Joe Rogan 1:00:44 But anacondas, I believe are bigger.

Narrator 1:00:45 But that's... So I typed in "biggest snake" and that's how I got that-

Joe Rogan 1:00:48 Oh.

Narrator 1:00:48 ... which was anaconda.

Joe Rogan 1:00:49 I think they think that at one point in time, anacondas would get to 100 feet long. Like, there's... Uh, it's all myth. It's hard to tell what's horse shit or not, but there's, like, photos of ones that people took from planes where you see this thing that looks like a telephone pole, but 100-foot-long telephone pole-

Narrator 1:01:08 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:01:08 ... making its way through the water. Like that big.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:01:10 Wow. Shit.

Joe Rogan 1:01:13 I don't know if it's real though.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:01:14 Dude, the alligators get fucking big in Florida too. My, uh, my mom lives down there and she plays golf. And there's a, a, a, a pond that has fucking alligators in it. Like-

Joe Rogan 1:01:25 On the golf course?

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:01:26 On the golf course. They just wander around. (laughs) And so she was standing on the edge of the pond one day, her ball is near the edge, and for some reason she decides to play it. Not kick it out in the fairway. She plays it from the edge, she takes the club back, and she loses her balance and she fucking falls in the water over her head, goes under.... and then goes to get out of the water. And she's, she's, like, pulling herself up, but it's a muddy slope and she can't get out. She's, like, fucking flailing on the side.

Joe Rogan 1:01:55 Oh, my God.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:01:55 And somebody helps her out, and she got out of the water. And, I mean, she, she was so scared that when she got out, she started laughing, and she was laying on the side of the pond fucking laughing for, like, two minutes. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:02:09 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:02:09 My mom's, like, 5'2".

Joe Rogan 1:02:11 Oh, my God.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:02:12 She's 78 years old.

Joe Rogan 1:02:13 Oh, my God.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:02:14 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:02:15 Imagine if that's how she went out.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:02:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:02:17 Golfing near a pond.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:02:19 Getting spun around in circles by an alligator-

Joe Rogan 1:02:21 Ugh.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:02:21 ... in the middle of the water. What's the worst animal to die at the hands of, if you had to choose?

Joe Rogan 1:02:29 Probably hyenas. Wolves, hyenas, 'cause they eat your guts first.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:02:34 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:02:35 Yeah. If you, if you see hyena videos, they're, they're pulling ... Like, gazelles, they pull their guts out.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:02:40 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 1:02:40 They're eating them guts first.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:02:42 Right.

Joe Rogan 1:02:42 Coyotes do that, too. They eat your asshole first.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:02:44 Oh, wow. The asshole.

Joe Rogan 1:02:47 (clears throat) Yeah. Um, a friend of mine who is a wildlife biologist was telling me about, um, g- There, there was a girl who got killed in Canada a few years back by coyotes. And the particular area where she was in, (clears throat) she was a really, um, a petite girl. And she apparently was a very talented singer. She was a talented, like, folk singer. Or a ... Yeah, I think that's what it was. I think she was a folk singer. And, uh, she was going for a walk.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:03:13 So, the screams were beautiful.

Joe Rogan 1:03:13 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:03:13 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:03:14 Ooh. Ooh.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:03:16 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:03:16 And, uh, she got killed by coyotes, which is super, super rare.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:03:19 (gasps) Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:03:19 But he was saying that is one of the worst ways to go, 'cause they, they try to kill you asshole first. (clears throat) Her death is the only known fatal coyote attack on an adult as well as the only known fatal kayak, coyote attack on a human ever confirmed in Canada.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:03:32 Mm.

Joe Rogan 1:03:33 Wow. She was 19 years old in Nova Scotia. It's fucking crazy.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:03:38 Wow.

Joe Rogan 1:03:38 They're creeps, man.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:03:40 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:03:40 Coyotes are creeps.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:03:41 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:03:41 Creepy little fuckers.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:03:42 Right. I'm sure they'd grab a fucking baby if they had a chance.

Joe Rogan 1:03:46 Oh, 100%.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:03:47 A toddler, yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:03:47 Yeah. Oh, yeah. 100%. Yeah, you leave a baby in the yard, coyotes will grab them.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:03:50 Right.

Joe Rogan 1:03:51 They're fucking assholes, man. But, you know-

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:03:53 Didn't you have a run-in when you lived in Colorado with, uh-

Joe Rogan 1:03:56 Mountain lion ate my dog.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:03:57 Yeah, that's right.

Joe Rogan 1:03:59 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:04:00 Right.

Joe Rogan 1:04:00 Yeah. That's normal. I mean, that's what they prey on. That's one thing they found in San Francisco. You know, 'cause California does not allow people ... Oh, this is, oh, that's a guy who got his dog from the mouth of an alligator.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:04:11 Oh, shit.

Joe Rogan 1:04:11 That guy's a savage. Look at that.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:04:13 And he's got a fucking cigar in his mouth the whole time.

Joe Rogan 1:04:16 Look at him. He didn't even drop the cigar.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:04:21 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:04:21 (laughs) Look, he got his hands in there.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:04:22 Ah.

Joe Rogan 1:04:22 Look at that guy.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:04:23 He's old.

Joe Rogan 1:04:24 Look at his, look at his beautiful mustache, too. Look. He's opening the jaw. Now he's got his finger stuck in there.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:04:29 Damn.

Joe Rogan 1:04:29 I wonder if he killed it with, like, that ... Like fucking Kong, when Kong killed the T-Rex.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:04:33 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:04:33 Aw, look at the little puppy. Look at the little sweetie.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:04:36 Yeah, and he's got the dog on his hat.

Joe Rogan 1:04:39 Fuck.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:04:39 That's great.

Joe Rogan 1:04:42 He got lucky that was a little, little alligator. There's cunts. They're everywhere. They're fucking everywhere in Florida now.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:04:48 Yeah, they're everywhere.

Joe Rogan 1:04:49 They're infested. But at least those are, like, native. Those are native creatures. The thing that freaks me out is the pythons, 'cause there were some dickheads pets.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:04:57 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:04:58 See if you can find-

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:04:59 I know.

Joe Rogan 1:05:00 ... any of those videos on people hunting iguanas in their backyard, 'cause it's wild. Like, these iguanas are five feet long. They're, like, fucking this big. They're huge.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:05:09 Wow.

Joe Rogan 1:05:09 Like, this chick was holding this up that sh- It was one that she shot.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:05:12 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:05:12 And I'm like, "I had no idea." Look at the size of that thing.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:05:14 Fuck, they are ugly.

Joe Rogan 1:05:15 I had no idea.

Narrator 1:05:16 They're right there.

Joe Rogan 1:05:17 Oh, that's, uh, that's Outdoors Ally. I met her before. She used to be a, she used to work with, um, uh, First Lite. She's, like, a, a famous, uh, outdoor influencer. And she, uh ... Look at all, oh, God, that's all-

Narrator 1:05:33 That is crazy.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:05:33 Damn.

Joe Rogan 1:05:33 ... iguanas that they killed? Yeah, dude, they're everywhere down there.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:05:36 Shit.

Joe Rogan 1:05:36 They are literally everywhere. And so, they, they hunt them, and then they cook them. Look at that one that fucking guy's got. He's holding up. Look at the size of that goddamn thing.

Narrator 1:05:45 Oh, yeah. Last time we talked about this, I stumbled across a video of guys eating them.

Joe Rogan 1:05:48 Yeah, they eat them.

Narrator 1:05:49 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:05:49 Apparently they taste delicious.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:05:50 Mm.

Joe Rogan 1:05:52 This guy had them, and he, like, uh, like, made sort of, like, a, an Asian recipe with, like, soy sauce and scallions and had stir-fried and put it in a batter.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:06:01 Mm.

Joe Rogan 1:06:01 I'm like, "That looks pretty fucking good."

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:06:02 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:06:03 And they were, they were eating it, and they're like, "God, this is delicious."

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:06:06 We went to, we went to, on a safari one time in, in South Africa.

Joe Rogan 1:06:10 Ugh. That looks primal.

Narrator 1:06:11 (laughs)

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:06:11 And they had a, they had a restaurant. It was called Carnivore, and it was right on the, right in the Kruger, uh, State Park. And, uh, they'd come around with skewers to the table, and it would be like, "Hey, you want some fucking bison? You want some crocodile? You want some, uh ..."

Joe Rogan 1:06:25 Ugh.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:06:26 They had zebra. 'Cause they had to thin out the herd, you know?

Joe Rogan 1:06:29 Mm-hmm.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:06:29 They basically ... Whatever, whatever they were thinning out that day, that's what was on the menu.

Joe Rogan 1:06:33 Did you eat zebra?

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:06:34 I ate zebra.

Joe Rogan 1:06:35 What'd that taste like?

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:06:36 It all tasted the same.

Joe Rogan 1:06:37 Really?

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:06:38 Well, you know, there was shades of ... The- There were different shades of stuff, and, and they cooked it all on the same, like ... It was, like, a wood-burning, uh, sp- spit that they had it on, and I don't know. It was more of just the, uh, the novelty of eating it. But, uh, they had, uh ... Was there elephant? Did we see the elephant or hippo? There was one of those.

Joe Rogan 1:06:57 I have a friend who ate elephant once.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:06:59 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:07:00 He said it was delicious.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:07:01 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:07:02 I was like, "I don't ... That's, like, that's in the dog category for me." You know what I mean?

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:07:07 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:07:07 Like, elephants are kinda ... They're really ... I was in Thailand, and I rode an elephant.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:07:11 Really?

Joe Rogan 1:07:12 Yeah, you, i- It's like this whole experience. And they're not, they're not, like, uh, encaged. They're, they're essentially free-roam, free-ranging elephants in Thailand they've rescued from circuses and all kinds of different shit like that.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:07:25 Okay.

Joe Rogan 1:07:25 And they've rehabilitated them. And they're real kind. Like, you feed them.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:07:30 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:07:30 Like, you, you ... Like, they give them sh- They love sugar cane, so you're holding up sugar cane for them. And before you ride them, which I didn't enjoy. I don't need to ride them again.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:07:37 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:07:37 But my family wanted to do it, so I was like, "Okay, we'll ride them."

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:07:40 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 1:07:40 But they don't give a fuck. It's like a kitten on your back.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:07:42 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:07:42 Li- They don't feel you. Like-

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:07:44 Did you put your daughters on it?

Joe Rogan 1:07:45 Yeah.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:07:45 Really?

Joe Rogan 1:07:45 Yeah, one of them fell off, too.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:07:46 No shit?

Joe Rogan 1:07:47 Got right back up.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:07:49 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:07:49 Yeah.... the elephants will wait for you. It's, it's weird, man.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:07:52 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:07:52 Like, they're not trying to shake you off.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:07:54 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:07:54 Like, they don't mind. But you have to develop a relationship with them first.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:07:57 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 1:07:57 So you, the first thing you do is you feed them.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:07:59 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:07:59 So you're feeding them sugarcane. Then you wash them. So you're washing them.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:08:03 Okay.

Joe Rogan 1:08:03 And you're petting them. And, like, when you're doing it, like, they'll just hang with you, man.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:08:07 Yeah?

Joe Rogan 1:08:07 They hang with you.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:08:08 Wow.

Joe Rogan 1:08:08 Like, they're cool. And, like, when you go to ride them, they put their leg up like that so you could stand on it.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:08:14 Wow.

Joe Rogan 1:08:14 Yeah. Like, they, they don't have a problem with you riding them.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:08:17 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 1:08:17 Like, they know what to do. So they go like that, and you step on their leg and pull yourself up.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:08:21 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:08:21 But you're so tiny in comparison to an elephant, it's not like ... Like, riding a horse is a little odd, right? Like, sometimes horses don't want you riding them.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:08:29 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:08:29 Like, "Come on, get the fuck off me."

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:08:30 Right.

Joe Rogan 1:08:31 Elephants don't give a shit. Like, these elephants don't give a shit. And they know that you're gonna go down to this ... There's a trail you go through the jungle down to this, like, pond, or this, like, lake. There's a waterfall. And you bathe them there and you hang out with them.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:08:44 Wow.

Joe Rogan 1:08:44 So you have, like, a little friendship with them.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:08:47 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 1:08:47 And it's cool. But they're free range. If they wanted to, they could just go left and wander off into the jungle and you never see them again.

Greg Fitzsimmons 1:08:54 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:08:54 And they've had multiple elephants that they, uh, took care of and rehabilitated in this place that now live in the wild. So, like, while you're riding them, they'll just decide, "Well, I'm gonna stop here and eat for a minute."