Joe Rogan Experience #1750 - Ari Shaffir & Tony Hinchcliffe

Ari Shaffir 0:00 (drumming music) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

Narrator 0:04 The Joe Rogan Experience. (metal music) Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

Joe Rogan 0:12 That is a digital art of an NFT. Um, what it is, is this guy Beeple. Do you know who Beeple is?

Tony Hinchcliffe 0:18 No.

Joe Rogan 0:19 Beeple's the king of the NFTs. He's a, he does, uh, he's a digital artist and he was on the podcast and he does a piece of digital art every single day and he has for 12 years. You never seen his stuff?

Tony Hinchcliffe 0:29 Mm-mm.

Joe Rogan 0:29 Oh my God, it's incredible. But it's that kinda absurdist stuff. Like, that's, uh, Elon, a giant Elon Musk with, uh, Dogecoin.

Tony Hinchcliffe 0:38 Is that the guy that does, like, the cool thing that had, like, Hillary Clinton's head on, like, a moving robot?

Joe Rogan 0:42 Yes.

Tony Hinchcliffe 0:42 Oh yeah.

Joe Rogan 0:43 That's him.

Tony Hinchcliffe 0:43 I love that stuff.

Joe Rogan 0:44 Yes, that's him. All of his stuff is real absurd and-

Tony Hinchcliffe 0:48 Love it.

Joe Rogan 0:48 ... wild.

Tony Hinchcliffe 0:48 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 0:49 It's awesome stuff. And he... That's Beeple. That's all of his stuff.

Ari Shaffir 0:52 Oh, that's cool.

Joe Rogan 0:52 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 0:52 Is that a Burning Man thing? The bottom right? Oh, that's digital art? Yeah.

Joe Rogan 0:56 Yes.

Ari Shaffir 0:57 Oh, it's not Burning Man. Damn, interesting.

Joe Rogan 0:58 Yeah, he does all these, like, very strange... But it's really funny, people, like, try to find the hidden meaning. "Well, what he's trying to say is..." He goes, "I don't know what the fuck I'm saying."

Ari Shaffir 1:06 Dude, I love when an artist-

Joe Rogan 1:07 Because it's just art.

Ari Shaffir 1:07 ... has to try to sell their work and they try to make it up. It's like, "The reality is I like flowers."

Joe Rogan 1:11 Well, he's, he's not interested. Look at that one, (laughs) the missile with a big cock.

Tony Hinchcliffe 1:15 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 1:15 Love it.

Joe Rogan 1:15 He, he doesn't, none of his stuff... He's not... He's, he's the most unpretentious guy ever. He's not pretentious at all.

Ari Shaffir 1:21 This is the first weed I smoked in over a week.

Joe Rogan 1:22 This is c- tobacco, we're in Texas, you son of a bitch.

Ari Shaffir 1:25 Oh.

Joe Rogan 1:28 (coughs)

Tony Hinchcliffe 1:29 (laughs) Really strong tobacco.

Joe Rogan 1:31 How come you're not, uh, smoking weed?

Ari Shaffir 1:33 I was in Santa Domingo, I was in Dominican Republic. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:35 Oh, that's right. We good?

Ari Shaffir 1:37 (coughs)

Joe Rogan 1:37 You want more? Good. Um.

Ari Shaffir 1:39 (Coughs) Rud.

Joe Rogan 1:40 Cheers, gentlemen.

Tony Hinchcliffe 1:41 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:42 We got-

Ari Shaffir 1:42 Cheers, to long life-

Joe Rogan 1:43 To life.

Tony Hinchcliffe 1:43 And fortitude. Boners.

Joe Rogan 1:45 To good times. Mm. Ah, that's good shit, right?

Ari Shaffir 1:50 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:51 That's old stuff. Ooh.

Ari Shaffir 1:52 Good Scotch.

Joe Rogan 1:53 It's interesting. I, I think I prefer, like, uh, American whiskey. I prefer, like, like Buffalo Trace style whiskey. But that's still good. It's interesting.

Ari Shaffir 2:00 Not bad, yeah.

Joe Rogan 2:00 It's different, different flavor.

Ari Shaffir 2:02 Is this Speyside?

Joe Rogan 2:04 I don't know.

Ari Shaffir 2:04 Highland, interesting.

Joe Rogan 2:05 I just had, um-

Ari Shaffir 2:06 I like that peaty kind.

Joe Rogan 2:06 ... Jeff go out and get some mo-... I like the peaty kind too.

Ari Shaffir 2:09 Really?

Joe Rogan 2:09 Yeah, that's my favorite.

Ari Shaffir 2:10 Next time I'm here, I'm bringing some.

Joe Rogan 2:11 What's the best stuff? What's the best peaty kind?

Ari Shaffir 2:13 My favorite?

Joe Rogan 2:14 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 2:15 Caol Ila.

Joe Rogan 2:16 Caul... Ooh.

Ari Shaffir 2:17 Um-

Joe Rogan 2:17 Some Scottish shit?

Ari Shaffir 2:18 Yeah. It's like Caol Ila. But yeah, um, Caol I-... It's my favorite, I love it. It, you don't get, find, find it everywhere. Um.

Joe Rogan 2:24 Mm.

Ari Shaffir 2:25 The 10 or the 12? I forget. Oh, 12. I'll bring you some next time.

Joe Rogan 2:28 You know who makes a damn good whiskey? Josh Barnett.

Ari Shaffir 2:32 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 2:32 Josh Barnett has his own War Master whiskey.

Ari Shaffir 2:34 Really? (laughs)

Joe Rogan 2:34 It's fucking good. Josh Barnett is a genius.

Tony Hinchcliffe 2:37 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 2:37 He's a very intelligent guy and he's a connoisseur of great things. Like, he's, he's really into things. And if he does something-

Ari Shaffir 2:44 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 2:44 ... he's gonna do it the right way, like 100%. He never does it, do a bullshit thing. And he's got this War Master whiskey. I think it's like-

Ari Shaffir 2:51 Is it good?

Joe Rogan 2:51 I forget the brand he's working with.

Tony Hinchcliffe 2:53 Warbringer.

Joe Rogan 2:54 Warbringer, and his is called The War Master. And I'm telling you, it's fucking good. I wish I had, uh, the bottle here. I mean, he gave it to me and I tried it out. I was like, "Whoa." I go, "Dude, this is some fucking great whiskey."

Ari Shaffir 3:06 I love his promos.

Joe Rogan 3:07 And smoking-

Ari Shaffir 3:07 Like he's, like he's in there in the factory fucking lugging bags every day. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 3:09 No, no, no, no, no. You don't know. He does.

Tony Hinchcliffe 3:12 No way.

Joe Rogan 3:12 He goes down there.

Ari Shaffir 3:12 Really?

Joe Rogan 3:13 Yeah, he goes down there. Look, he's involved in every step of the way.

Ari Shaffir 3:16 Why did he stab that barrel?

Joe Rogan 3:17 Because he's an animal.

Ari Shaffir 3:18 (laughs)

Tony Hinchcliffe 3:19 He tasted it, I think.

Joe Rogan 3:19 It's Josh Barnett.

Ari Shaffir 3:20 Yeah, what? (laughs)

Tony Hinchcliffe 3:21 Oh yeah, he tasted it? (laughs)

Joe Rogan 3:22 See, that's how you taste it. He's the youngest ever UFC heavyweight champion. The youngest ever. No one has beat his record. He won the UFC heavyweight title, I think he was 24 years old.

Tony Hinchcliffe 3:31 Wow.

Joe Rogan 3:31 Josh Barnett is-

Ari Shaffir 3:32 And then he left, right?

Joe Rogan 3:33 Well, he went on to do, uh, a bunch of other organizations.

Ari Shaffir 3:37 And then he came back eventually?

Joe Rogan 3:38 And he came back to the UFC eventually. He's, uh, Josh Barnett's a fucking renaissance man.

Tony Hinchcliffe 3:43 He made a special appearance on the pro wrestling event that we did at the Comedy Store, and uh-

Ari Shaffir 3:47 Oh, really?

Tony Hinchcliffe 3:47 ... he smacked the hell out of Johnny Scortis' chest.

Ari Shaffir 3:51 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 3:51 Oh, no.

Tony Hinchcliffe 3:51 Chopped.

Ari Shaffir 3:51 How nice.

Joe Rogan 3:52 That is not what you want.

Ari Shaffir 3:53 (laughs)

Tony Hinchcliffe 3:53 You could've heard it from fucking La Cienega.

Ari Shaffir 3:57 Did Scortis sell it? (laughs)

Joe Rogan 3:58 Yeah.

Tony Hinchcliffe 3:58 Oh, he sold it so good. He did a few steps like he was fine and then he just, like, died. (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 4:05 (laughs)

Tony Hinchcliffe 4:05 So good.

Joe Rogan 4:06 I, I love Josh Barnett. He's so interesting. And he's a great example of, like, someone that I could say, like, if someone had these, uh, preconceived notions about what a cage fighter's like.

Ari Shaffir 4:15 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:16 You know, and you, you think, like, they're all brutes and they're all, you know, dumb people. Like, sit down with Josh Barnett. He's a world-class cage fighter, has been for many, many years. He's, uh, a elite, high-level grappler and he's a brilliant guy. Like, brilliant-

Tony Hinchcliffe 4:30 Class act, gets it, doesn't seem like he's brain damaged, you know?

Joe Rogan 4:33 Sensitive.

Ari Shaffir 4:33 It's amazing when someone surprises you. Like, there's plenty of meatheads but there's also, like, some interesting ones-

Joe Rogan 4:38 Oh, there's a lot of them.

Ari Shaffir 4:39 ... that you're like, "Oh."

Joe Rogan 4:40 There's a lot of them. It's a hard thing to do, man.

Tony Hinchcliffe 4:42 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:42 You know, it's a hard thing to do, to, to be able to do that for a living. And the guys who do it-

Ari Shaffir 4:47 I talked to Keith Jardine. First time I talked to Keith Jardine, he looked like, he looks scary.

Joe Rogan 4:50 Totally scary.

Ari Shaffir 4:50 Like one wonk eye, this weird, like, fucking-

Joe Rogan 4:52 Fucked up ears.

Ari Shaffir 4:52 Yeah. And it, and it was like, "Excuse me." It was new to the UFC, like first or second or third one. And so, I was, like, thought I was in the way constantly. "Excuse me," and then I, like, moved. He's like, "No, excuse me." And he was looking at me, he was like, "Uh, uh, what?" He goes, "I heard you like J.D. Salinger." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 5:05 (laughs)

Tony Hinchcliffe 5:05 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 5:05 I'm like, "Oh, yeah." Like, "I'm just reading this now. It's quite good." (laughs) And I'm like, "What?"

Joe Rogan 5:10 Oh, that's awesome. Yeah. He's one of the owners of Caveman Coffee.

Ari Shaffir 5:14 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:15 Yeah. Him and, uh, Tate, and there's another woman as well. Oh God, I forgot her name.

Ari Shaffir 5:20 Oh, so you're breaking bad.

Tony Hinchcliffe 5:20 Lacey Mackey.

Joe Rogan 5:21 What's that?

Tony Hinchcliffe 5:22 Lacey?

Joe Rogan 5:22 That's right, Lacey.

Tony Hinchcliffe 5:24 Yep.

Joe Rogan 5:24 And they, uh, they have the best cold brew. Their cold brew is the shit. You ever have their cold brew?

Ari Shaffir 5:29 I'm a hot guy only.

Tony Hinchcliffe 5:29 Nitro.

Joe Rogan 5:29 Yeah. It's good stuff.

Tony Hinchcliffe 5:31 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 5:32 But, uh, Keith's super smart. There's a lot of those guys, man. Lot of fucking smart people in the UFC. It's, it's shocking, you know, because it's such a crazy thing. I mean, you're putting your brain in, in danger. But a, a lot of the people that excel at it. Carlos Condit, very smart guy. Very smart guy.

Ari Shaffir 5:48 Did he run for governor or mayor?

Joe Rogan 5:49 No, his, his, his dad was a governor or something like that.

Ari Shaffir 5:51 Ah, maybe that's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:52 That was a mayor or governor. It was some politician. What was he?

Ari Shaffir 5:55 He wasn't the one who had-

Joe Rogan 5:56 Wasn't it, wasn't it-

Ari Shaffir 5:56 ... who had the, who had the-

Joe Rogan 5:57 Governor.

Ari Shaffir 5:57 ... chick disappear and then got-

Joe Rogan 5:59 I don't think so.... let's not even spread that rumor. (laughs) It sounded, like, a bitch.

Ari Shaffir 6:02 (laughs) No. Who was that, though?

Joe Rogan 6:03 Which one is that?

Ari Shaffir 6:04 There was some chick disappeared in his, like, staff, just disappeared, and they were all sort of investigating it until some other story came up and just buried it.

Joe Rogan 6:10 Oh.

Ari Shaffir 6:10 Any memory of this?

Joe Rogan 6:10 I know what you're talking about. This is 9/11. This was, uh-

Ari Shaffir 6:13 9/11, let this guy go.

Joe Rogan 6:15 ... Gary ... The guy's name was, uh-

Ari Shaffir 6:16 Gary Condit.

Joe Rogan 6:17 That's right.

Ari Shaffir 6:17 Ah.

Joe Rogan 6:18 Gary Condit. And there was a girl that he was apparently having an affair with, or supposedly having an affair with.

Ari Shaffir 6:24 Living his life.

Joe Rogan 6:25 And she, and she got murdered.

Ari Shaffir 6:27 Oh.

Joe Rogan 6:27 In a park.

Ari Shaffir 6:28 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:28 Like, right after the affair was exposed. And then 9/11 happened. And so because 9/11 happened, everybody sort of forgot about it.

Tony Hinchcliffe 6:37 Chandra Levy.

Joe Rogan 6:37 'Cause it was so crazy. That's right.

Ari Shaffir 6:39 Chandra Levy? Oh, Chandra-

Joe Rogan 6:40 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 6:40 ... Levy.

Tony Hinchcliffe 6:41 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 6:41 She would have been like the next Lewinsky.

Joe Rogan 6:44 It's those things like ... The thing is about Washington, DC you have to think, there are, there are real murderers there. Like, that is an absolutely, uh, dangerous city.

Ari Shaffir 6:55 Would you not? Oh, oh, you're talking about actual murders.

Joe Rogan 6:57 But I'm saying, the ... Imagine though, if, if it wasn't the case, if, like, he didn't have her whacked-

Ari Shaffir 7:02 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 7:02 ... if he just had an affair with her, and the f- affair got exposed, and then she just randomly got murdered. He's like, "Oh, no."

Ari Shaffir 7:09 They're gonna think that's me.

Joe Rogan 7:10 100%. I'm not saying that that's the case. I'm just saying, could you imagine if that did happen?

Ari Shaffir 7:15 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 7:15 Because, like, that's always the wonder. Like, when something-

Ari Shaffir 7:18 You have to run.

Joe Rogan 7:18 ... coincidentally happens, that's always the wonder. Like-

Ari Shaffir 7:20 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 7:21 ... is that ... Was it a coincidence? Was it a murder?

Ari Shaffir 7:26 Hillary Clinton says, "Coincidence." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 7:28 We were just, we were just watching this, uh ... We were rather reading this-

Tony Hinchcliffe 7:31 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 7:32 ... statistic the other day about how many women listen to those true crime shows. They're like 73% women or something.

Ari Shaffir 7:39 Yeah, they love it. They love it.

Joe Rogan 7:41 Crazy.

Tony Hinchcliffe 7:42 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 7:42 I heard something that it's making women a little bit, um, like, fearful of doing things in the world 'cause they're constantly ... Anyone who's f- walking behind them now because of those, they're like, "Shit, shit, that guy's up to something."

Joe Rogan 7:52 Right.

Ari Shaffir 7:52 And they can't just, like, be anymore.

Joe Rogan 7:54 Right.

Ari Shaffir 7:55 You gotta get off those chicks.

Joe Rogan 7:58 Well, I think that people are getting, uh, influenced by anything that gives them anxiety, whether it's anxiety about serial killers or an- anxiety about diseases, or war with Russia, or war with China, or like, whoo, we're just, we're all ramped up on all sides. Everyone is freaking out.

Ari Shaffir 8:14 And for what? For shit you can't control-

Joe Rogan 8:17 Well-

Ari Shaffir 8:17 ... almost always. Doesn't concern you.

Joe Rogan 8:19 'Cause-

Ari Shaffir 8:19 And you're just feeling fear over nothing.

Joe Rogan 8:22 It's interesting, right? Because it's always been the way people have operated. They always get t- together on a patch of land and they choose a leader and then they fuck, "Fuck everybody else. This is it. This is us."

Tony Hinchcliffe 8:32 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 8:32 This patch.

Joe Rogan 8:33 "We are the fucking shit."

Ari Shaffir 8:34 Patch 72.

Joe Rogan 8:35 It's kind of funny, man. It's like, th- what they're really everyone would really be afraid of is if all of the people woke up and said, "Hey, y- we don't even really need a government. If we just stop invading each other and we equally distribute all of the natural resources." (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 8:53 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 8:53 "If we just ... If we ..."

Tony Hinchcliffe 8:55 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 8:55 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 8:55 "Instead of hoarding it, we treat it as, as one community, one community, the community this planet Earth. So, if people need food in Africa, that's our community. If people need gas in Argentina, that's our community, and we all work together."

Ari Shaffir 9:08 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 9:08 "And there's no, there's no presidents."

Ari Shaffir 9:11 Why won't that happen?

Joe Rogan 9:12 Well, because people always wanna take over.

Ari Shaffir 9:14 Dude, even if the poor people here, if you're like, "Yeah, we should ... everyone split it up evenly," like, that means with the whole world. Even the poor people here would be like, "Oh, no, let's not do that."

Joe Rogan 9:21 It's so f- We're so funny the way we, like, have narratives from movies and from fiction and we try to, like, f- shoehorn them into real life. And one of them is, like, politicians aren't corrupt, and politicians are looking out for your best interests. (laughs)

Tony Hinchcliffe 9:35 Yeah. Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 9:35 No way.

Joe Rogan 9:35 It's like when ... If you see that in a movie, you're like, "Oh, that makes sense." So, in real life if I say to you, "Do you think that some politicians are corrupt?" And you're like, "Yeah, definitely." "Do you think that politics in general is kind of tainted by influence and money?" You'd be like, "Oh, yeah, yeah. Fuck yeah, for sure." And you go, "Okay, well, is that happening right now?" "No, I think right now-"

Tony Hinchcliffe 9:53 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 9:53 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 9:53 "... it's doing a real good job."

Tony Hinchcliffe 9:54 It's every other five-year period. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 9:56 (laughs)

Tony Hinchcliffe 9:56 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 9:56 "I think this ... I don't think this guy's ties to the pharmaceutical companies are a big problem at all." And-

Ari Shaffir 10:00 They've been talking about it for 200 years.

Joe Rogan 10:02 Bro, jeez.

Ari Shaffir 10:02 The fucking government's always ripping people off. And suddenly now, you're right, they were like, "No, not these people." Like, why?

Joe Rogan 10:06 Did you see Nancy Pelosi defend, uh-

Tony Hinchcliffe 10:09 She's-

Ari Shaffir 10:10 What?

Joe Rogan 10:10 ... just-

Ari Shaffir 10:10 She's-

Joe Rogan 10:10 ... uh ...

Ari Shaffir 10:10 What'd she say?

Tony Hinchcliffe 10:11 ... out of that.

Ari Shaffir 10:11 I'm making ... I don't know, guys. I'm doing great at it. You guys should try it. (laughs)

Tony Hinchcliffe 10:14 (laughs) Yeah.

Joe Rogan 10:14 A bunch of people were freaking out about it.

Tony Hinchcliffe 10:16 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 10:16 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 10:16 I think it was Kristel and Sauger were, were doing ... I didn't watch it, but I did see the headline, that she apparently is somehow-

Tony Hinchcliffe 10:23 Oh, it's incredible. You have to watch it.

Joe Rogan 10:24 Can we play it?

Tony Hinchcliffe 10:24 It's like when-

Ari Shaffir 10:25 She's just bypassing all the laws to make hella cash.

Tony Hinchcliffe 10:27 She looks so guilty. It's like when, uh, they, they tell Robert Durst that they know that he did it, and he, like, starts burping and shit. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 10:35 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 10:35 (laughs)

Tony Hinchcliffe 10:35 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 10:35 Just deflects.

Joe Rogan 10:36 You think about how much money she's worth. She, she makes, like, how much a year? How much does she make a year?

Ari Shaffir 10:42 She just funnels it to her husband, and like, "No, he made the money."

Joe Rogan 10:44 Yeah.

Tony Hinchcliffe 10:44 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 10:45 "Not me, technically."

Joe Rogan 10:46 Well, c-

Ari Shaffir 10:46 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 10:46 How much money does she make a year?

Tony Hinchcliffe 10:48 From being a congresswoman?

Joe Rogan 10:49 Yeah.

Tony Hinchcliffe 10:49 Or overall?

Joe Rogan 10:49 From being a con-

Ari Shaffir 10:50 Okay.

Tony Hinchcliffe 10:50 Con-

Ari Shaffir 10:50 Stuff she's getting now or stuff she's putting away somewhere where no one can see it?

Joe Rogan 10:53 She's the Speaker-

Ari Shaffir 10:54 Everything.

Joe Rogan 10:54 ... of the House, right?

Ari Shaffir 10:55 Oh, you mean salary?

Tony Hinchcliffe 10:56 Probably like a $200,000 job, right?

Joe Rogan 10:59 She's a big wig.

Ari Shaffir 10:59 $600,000. Just on-

Tony Hinchcliffe 11:01 No.

Ari Shaffir 11:01 ... Speaker of the House money you're saying?

Tony Hinchcliffe 11:02 No, it can't be $600,000.

Joe Rogan 11:02 No, I don't think it's that money. Fauci is the highest paid government employee.

Tony Hinchcliffe 11:05 223.

Joe Rogan 11:05 And he's slight-

Ari Shaffir 11:06 223.

Joe Rogan 11:07 223.

Tony Hinchcliffe 11:07 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 11:07 And Fauci is slightly less than a half a million dollars.

Ari Shaffir 11:11 Wow.

Tony Hinchcliffe 11:12 Jesus.

Ari Shaffir 11:12 Yeah, they gotta-

Joe Rogan 11:13 Because Fauci-

Ari Shaffir 11:13 ... make their money on the side.

Joe Rogan 11:14 But Fauci is like the highest paid government employee.

Ari Shaffir 11:16 Sure.

Joe Rogan 11:16 I think Fauci might even be a-

Ari Shaffir 11:18 The highest?

Joe Rogan 11:18 ... I think-

Ari Shaffir 11:19 More than the president?

Joe Rogan 11:20 No, I think the president makes a little more than that.

Ari Shaffir 11:22 Presidents make 400 grand. They gotta start paying them more. They get better people.

Joe Rogan 11:26 Yeah.

Tony Hinchcliffe 11:26 (laughs) Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 11:26 Bah. Make it like a $10 million job.

Joe Rogan 11:28 But wh- ... They make their money when they get out.

Ari Shaffir 11:30 Rubin might do it.

Tony Hinchcliffe 11:30 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 11:31 What it is, it's like an investment. If you get out, you will have money for speaking engagements-

Ari Shaffir 11:36 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 11:36 ... with all the companies that you helped.

Tony Hinchcliffe 11:38 Okay.

Joe Rogan 11:38 All the companies that you like, "Hey, I like you." "I like you."

Ari Shaffir 11:41 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 11:41 "Let's hang out. Let's party."

Tony Hinchcliffe 11:43 Uh-huh. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 11:43 They, they're like, "Hey, Mike, uh, Mike the former president, we'd love to have you come speak at our conference and we're willing to pay you a half a million dollars." So, there's these, like, weird bribes.

Ari Shaffir 11:54 Yeah. "When? But I'm in office right now." It's like, "Right after you get out." It's not that.

Joe Rogan 11:57 It's, it's kinda genius. It's a genius con game. What it is is like a virus finds its way through the system.

Ari Shaffir 12:03 And they never tell on each other.

Joe Rogan 12:04 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 12:05 The left and the right side, just like, "No, no, we're all in that game."

Joe Rogan 12:07 Yeah, that's the game of making big money after you quit. And then you can also sell books. If you're a president and you write a book, that book-

Ari Shaffir 12:14 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 12:14 ... is selling.

Ari Shaffir 12:15 For sure. Do you remember when the UFC paid eight and eight?They paid $8,000 to lose a fight, another eight to win.

Joe Rogan 12:21 I think there's still times, like, what is, what is the, I don't, what is the entry level fight pay?

Ari Shaffir 12:27 Can't still be eight and eight.

Joe Rogan 12:28 Might be 10 and 10? But it-

Ari Shaffir 12:30 Regardless-

Joe Rogan 12:31 ... these are, like, beginning fighters.

Ari Shaffir 12:32 ... do you remember, do you remember when that happened?

Joe Rogan 12:33 For sure.

Ari Shaffir 12:33 What did the fighters then do? So they accept just that salary-

Joe Rogan 12:37 Right.

Ari Shaffir 12:37 ... or they went out and got it another way. That's what the fucking Congress is doing. They're just, they're getting paid.

Joe Rogan 12:43 Well, sort of, except the Congress people in doing that, they're, they're playing a game that's illegal to play-

Ari Shaffir 12:48 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 12:48 ... if you're not, like, if, if you know spec-... Like, that's, that's how they put Martha Stewart away, isn't it?

Ari Shaffir 12:54 What?

Joe Rogan 12:54 Wasn't it insider trading?

Ari Shaffir 12:55 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 12:56 Yeah. So who does insider trading? It's like, you know something, and because you know something, you can't make a move on the market because you have inside information. Is that exactly what it is?

Ari Shaffir 13:06 Dude, I s-... I told everybody... Yes, that's exactly right, 'cause you wanna know so y- of course you would buy all the stocks and rig the system, I think.

Joe Rogan 13:12 Is that the most tempting, like, illegal thing to do ever?

Tony Hinchcliffe 13:17 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 13:18 Yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 13:18 If you fucking know-

Ari Shaffir 13:19 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 13:20 ... something's about to happen?

Ari Shaffir 13:21 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 13:21 Let's hear what she says.

Narrator 13:24 An insider just came out with a-

Ari Shaffir 13:25 She looks like a vampire.

Narrator 13:27 ... lot of this investigation.

Tony Hinchcliffe 13:27 Yeah, she's always looked that way too.

Narrator 13:29 ... 149 members of Congress and 182-

Ari Shaffir 13:29 (laughs) That's her at 30.

Joe Rogan 13:30 What is the que-... Hold on, I can't hear the question.

Ari Shaffir 13:32 Yeah, back up, back, sorry.

Narrator 13:33 ... Stock Act, um, the insider trading law.

Ari Shaffir 13:35 (laughs)

Narrator 13:36 Uh, Congress is now in the middle of a five-month investigation, finding that 49 members of Congress and 182 senior Congressional staffers have violated the Stock Act, um, the insider trading law. I'm wondering if you have any reaction to that. And secondly, should members of Congress and their spouses be banned from trading individual stocks while-

Ari Shaffir 13:53 (laughs)

Narrator 13:54 No, I don't know to the s- second one.

Ari Shaffir 13:56 Pause, pause, pause, pause. Hold on. You can tell when she goes for her drink, she's like, "Oh, I'm gonna be talking for a while."

Tony Hinchcliffe 14:01 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 14:02 (laughs) Right now, I knew this was gonna come up, "I'm gonna talk for quite a while on this."

Tony Hinchcliffe 14:04 Let's sip of water from a professional speaker who's definitely hydrated enough for the day.

Ari Shaffir 14:08 She starts shaking. It's like right there like, "Oh, boy."

Tony Hinchcliffe 14:10 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 14:10 Let me hear this. Give me some volume.

Narrator 14:12 I can't. That's as loud as I can get it.

Joe Rogan 14:13 Okay, go ahead.

Ari Shaffir 14:14 And the teeth flick.

Narrator 14:15 And secondly, should members of Congress and their spouses be banned from trading individual stocks while serving in Congress?

14:22 No, I don't know to the s- second one. Um-

Ari Shaffir 14:25 What?

Tony Hinchcliffe 14:26 Wow, yeah.

Narrator 14:26 ... any, uh, we have a responsibility to report in the stock, uh, on the stock, but I don't, I'm not familiar with that five-month review, but if, uh, people aren't reporting, they should be.

14:38 Why does she shake her head, though?

14:40 Because it, this is a free market and people, uh, n- ... We have a free market economy. They should be able to participate in that.

Ari Shaffir 14:48 She's telling why her husband should be able to invest in stuff that she knows about.

Joe Rogan 14:52 Have you ever seen a person look more nervous?

Tony Hinchcliffe 14:54 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 14:55 It was the long sip, the gulp-

Tony Hinchcliffe 14:57 Right.

Ari Shaffir 14:57 ... afterwards, and the immediate shake. Go back to, like, minute, like, second ten. You, the e- as soon as he starts.

Tony Hinchcliffe 15:03 She also licks her teeth-

Joe Rogan 15:05 Mm-hmm.

Tony Hinchcliffe 15:05 ... before taking a sip.

Joe Rogan 15:09 Okay, let me see this.

Narrator 15:10 I'm wondering if you have any reaction to that. And secondly, should members of Congress and their spouses be banned from trading individual stocks while serving in Congress?

15:19 No, I don't know to the s- second one. Um, any, uh, we have a responsibility to report in the stock, uh, on the stock, but I don't, I'm not familiar with that five-month review, but if, uh, people aren't reporting, they should be.

Ari Shaffir 15:36 Look at her eyes.

Narrator 15:37 Because it, this is a free market and people, uh, n- ... We have a free market economy. They should be able to participate in that.

Ari Shaffir 15:44 She, she already thinks what she's doing is completely right. She's like, "No, we're making, this is how we make cash. Fuck off."

Joe Rogan 15:49 I don't, I don't think so.

Ari Shaffir 15:49 "No way. We're doing it."

Joe Rogan 15:50 I don't think that... I think that's why she gave such a simplistic answer. She's giving this, like, very simplistic, almost vague answer. Because should, should you be allowed to participate in the stock market when you're influencing the direction of the stock, or when you know which direction something's gonna go in, or when you're gonna pass a law-

Ari Shaffir 16:09 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 16:09 ... that's no, gonna, uh, to benefit these businesses that's gonna force the stock to go up? And you know that, so you invest a shit ton of money before it happens. That seems-

Ari Shaffir 16:19 Yeah, but no one else is allowed to do that.

Joe Rogan 16:21 ... like it's a problem.

Ari Shaffir 16:22 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 16:22 That seems like... Now, why is that not a problem? Because we're fucking co-opted.

Ari Shaffir 16:26 Here's why it's a problem, because, because I would also abuse it.

Tony Hinchcliffe 16:28 It's like the coach of a team-

Ari Shaffir 16:29 So they're not... You know? Of course they would.

Joe Rogan 16:31 But what I was saying earlier, it's like the most tempting thing to do illegally.

Ari Shaffir 16:34 It would, it would, it would. You wouldn't do it. The rest of us would do it.

Tony Hinchcliffe 16:36 Like, we found out Pete Rose was betting on and against his teams when he was playing for the team. That's-

Ari Shaffir 16:41 Yeah.

Tony Hinchcliffe 16:41 ... sort of the same thing.

Joe Rogan 16:42 Well, the against for sure is.

Ari Shaffir 16:44 The against is a problem.

Joe Rogan 16:45 The against is the problem. If you're betting on your team, I don't give a fuck. I'm like, "Good. You should bet on your team."

Tony Hinchcliffe 16:50 Right.

Joe Rogan 16:50 When I hear, like, a fighter bets like a million dollars in, like, some sort of a side bet on himself-

Ari Shaffir 16:54 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 16:54 ... I'm like, "Fucking yeah. Why not, man?" If he really thinks he can win that much, who gives a shit? Makes it more exciting.

Ari Shaffir 17:00 The only problem with Pete Rose betting on his team, somebody finally made it, was, like, uh, he would throw in closers for no reason, wasting them for the next game. So, like-

Joe Rogan 17:09 Oh.

Ari Shaffir 17:09 ... he'd finish off a six-round lead, he was like, "Let-

Joe Rogan 17:11 Oh.

Ari Shaffir 17:11 "... fucking Mariano finish it out anyway." People were like, "Oh, that's weird."

Joe Rogan 17:14 Interesting.

Ari Shaffir 17:14 Like, you know?

Joe Rogan 17:15 So he made decisions that weren't wise-

Ari Shaffir 17:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:18 ... if he were to just-

Ari Shaffir 17:18 ... to ensure one win over the others.

Joe Rogan 17:20 Right, if he were just being a manager, but-

Ari Shaffir 17:22 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:22 ... I don't know. That's fucking... Is that Monday morning quarterbacking, though?

Ari Shaffir 17:25 Borderline. Yeah, you're right.

Joe Rogan 17:27 Whew. It's like, I, I'm, I'm all down for people betting on themselves, but when you bet against yourself, that means you're gonna not play hard because you wanna win money. You're gonna do things on accident that are on purpose.

Ari Shaffir 17:38 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:38 You're gonna, you're gonna fuck up on purpose.

Ari Shaffir 17:41 Yeah, for sure.

Joe Rogan 17:41 You can't do that. That's illegal.

Ari Shaffir 17:43 Oh, sure.

Joe Rogan 17:43 That should be illegal. But that's so different. That's like, y- you know, you've gotta think of all the other people that are gambling too. You know, you're fucking over a lot of people.

Ari Shaffir 17:52 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 17:52 Like, if all the people think that you're gonna win and you're, you're like, "For sure I'm not gonna win."

Ari Shaffir 17:57 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 17:57 "I'm sure we don't win."

Ari Shaffir 17:58 "Hey, guys, everyone I know."

Joe Rogan 17:59 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 17:59 Be like, "Don't think I'm gonna win because for sure I'm not."

Joe Rogan 18:01 But how much can a baseball player or a c- a coach really influence how a game goes? They can, they can definitely have a big impact on it.

Ari Shaffir 18:08 Percentages.

Joe Rogan 18:10 Percentage.

Ari Shaffir 18:10 Baseball less than most, right?

Joe Rogan 18:12 I don't know, man. I don't know enough about it, but I would imagine if you were a coach and you have, uh, a roster of someone who's in the Yankees, pretty much they're all superstars, right?

Ari Shaffir 18:21 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 18:21 I mean, if you get that far with the athletes of today, if you have-... whatever you have, 10, 15 players, I gotta think those guys are all animals. I mean, that's the... (laughs) you don't get to be, like, a major league player unless you're, like, a top flight athlete.

Ari Shaffir 18:36 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 18:36 It's just, it's too lucrative a job. Too many guys want it. So, like, how much influence can a m- a manager have of telling... I mean, how much do you think?

Ari Shaffir 18:46 Ba- ba-

Joe Rogan 18:46 50%, 40%?

Ari Shaffir 18:47 Basketball, more.

Joe Rogan 18:47 30%?

Ari Shaffir 18:48 Football, the most, would you say?

Tony Hinchcliffe 18:51 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 18:51 Baseball some. You're setting, setting up a lineup, but if one guy's like, "Hey, I feel a little tight," instead of going like, "All right, we'll monitor it." He's like, "Let Joe out today."

Tony Hinchcliffe 18:58 You can also... You, they signal to the third base coach straight to the player to take a pitch. Fucking, you know.

Ari Shaffir 19:04 So you do that a little more.

Tony Hinchcliffe 19:05 Yeah, they, yeah, definitely.

Ari Shaffir 19:06 It's not the only game you're gambling on.

Tony Hinchcliffe 19:08 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 19:08 So over a season you'll help them win a lot.

Tony Hinchcliffe 19:10 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 19:10 You know what's interesting is, like, fighting has always been thought of as, uh, a sport where people throw fights.

Ari Shaffir 19:15 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 19:16 It's always been an issue. You know, that was always the thing that haunted Sonny Liston in the second fight he had with Muhammad Ali, because Muhammad Ali dropped him with this, like, real short right hand, and a lot of people, they call it the phantom punch, but it definitely was a punch. Like, you see Liston's head sink in like a guy will sometimes when they get KO'd. You definitely see it. There's a thing that happens when a guy gets hit on the jaw where you see the way his head sort of sinks in, and Liston's head definitely sinks in, which means that Ali connected. But the acting after he went down was so ridiculous, like, you could tell he wasn't really trying to get up. He was, like, pretending he was trying to get up. It was acting.

Ari Shaffir 19:55 Ah.

Joe Rogan 19:55 So it's like he definitely got hit with a punch, but in my opinion, he stayed down.

Ari Shaffir 19:59 Let's see it.

Joe Rogan 20:00 And I think there was probably a bet, because Liston was v- you know, like, v- deep ties to the mob, wound up being a doorman at mob-owned casinos, like, and then he died on drugs. It's a really sad story. But at one point in time, Sonny Liston was, like, the scariest guy on the fucking planet until Ali beat him. And then Ali, when he was fighting him a second time, he hit him with this one punch. Watch it. Let's play it. So he's moving, and, you know, he had just lit- Liston up in the first fight. Look at this right here. Bam. See that? That's a real punch. Back that up again. People say that's a phantom punch. No fucking way. That's a real punch. You can see it. Watch. He, look at this, right hand over the top. Boom. See that?

Ari Shaffir 20:41 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 20:42 Perfect. Perfect punch on the jaw. But now here's where it gets weird. Watch it again one more time.

Tony Hinchcliffe 20:47 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 20:47 So if you see Ali moving, I mean, Ali was a master. Look at that timing. Who the fuck else could do that in the heavyweight division before him?

Tony Hinchcliffe 20:55 He's got his opponent coming in, and he's, uh, counterpunching.

Joe Rogan 20:58 Watch this for some- But that, the way-

Tony Hinchcliffe 20:59 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 20:59 ... he did this is fucking beautiful, man. If you, like, can appreciate how hard it is to do that, the way he did that to Sonny, no, no, play it back. Hold on. I thought that was just showing the punch that wasn't shown afterwards. Oh, I, we need to see afterwards. That's what I'm trying to get at. Because afterwards is when he's laying down- Okay. ... and he's pretending he can't get up. Maybe he couldn't get up, but for me, I'm like, "I don't know about this." Like, I'm looking at him, like, see.

Tony Hinchcliffe 21:23 Oh.

Joe Rogan 21:24 You see that? Like, that seemed like acting. Like, for sure he got hit, but that f- that fu- uh, there's just something about it just doesn't sit right with me. It didn't seem like a guy normally would-

Ari Shaffir 21:38 Wait, they didn't do the count? They did-

Joe Rogan 21:40 No, the, the referee was trying to figure out what the fuck's happening, whether or not he stopped it.

Ari Shaffir 21:43 He said that, he said, uh, he said the corner said it was 10 seconds, but he didn't count them.

Joe Rogan 21:46 Uh-huh.

Ari Shaffir 21:47 They just doing it from the corner back then?

Joe Rogan 21:48 I don't know. It was, this is very confusing.

Tony Hinchcliffe 21:50 Well, when the fighter-

Joe Rogan 21:51 I'm, I forgot that that whole thing had happened after that, that Ali-

Ari Shaffir 21:54 He did get up.

Joe Rogan 21:55 ... went after him again, and Ali went after him again.

Tony Hinchcliffe 21:57 When the fighter goes down, and the ref has trouble getting the guy to the neutral corner, the timekeeper is supposed to count.

Joe Rogan 22:02 Yeah, but they were, they're not supposed to go resume fighting again, so that's why it's confusing. You're not-

Tony Hinchcliffe 22:07 Yeah, I think he goes-

Ari Shaffir 22:07 Yeah, the ref didn't know.

Tony Hinchcliffe 22:08 ... over, he's going over to literally-

Ari Shaffir 22:09 They called him over.

Tony Hinchcliffe 22:10 ... hear from the timekeeper-

Ari Shaffir 22:11 What you're saying.

Tony Hinchcliffe 22:11 ... that it was 10 seconds. Right, because like-

Ari Shaffir 22:13 I thought you kinda count it out loud to give the guy a chance to get up if he wants to get up at eight.

Joe Rogan 22:16 It's like, what? But look, Liston starts moving towards Ali, and Ali wrecks him, and Liston doesn't fire at Ali at all.

Ari Shaffir 22:24 Hoo, yeah.

Joe Rogan 22:25 There's something about it, man. But the thing about it, the, the, the, the thing that makes me feel weird is watching him get up. Watch, d- do the part where you're watching him get up again. See, I know this is a real punch. Bam. Look at it. It's a beautiful punch.

Ari Shaffir 22:38 And he's like, "This is the chance of-"

Joe Rogan 22:39 But now wa- watch this, but now watch this. There's something about him laying there with his arms over his head, and he's rolling around. Now watch this. Falls back down. That part right there, I'm not buying that part right there.

Tony Hinchcliffe 22:52 Yeah, your hands don't naturally go that way above your head.

Joe Rogan 22:55 You don't, that's where I'm not buying it, where he goes all the way do his back again. But it could be. It could be, because y- he did get punched, and he did get punched by-

Tony Hinchcliffe 23:04 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 23:04 ... one of the greatest fighters in the history of fighting. H- it could be, but it's something about it, it feels fishy. And then the, the rumor was that he took a dive, and so all the people that had bet on Liston, oh, my God, it became chaos.

Ari Shaffir 23:18 That's like the only reason they lost, they say.

Joe Rogan 23:20 And he was, and he also, they, he developed a reputation as a guy who threw a fight, because they called it the phantom punch.

Ari Shaffir 23:28 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 23:28 And then, but it wasn't a phantom punch. It's a good fucking punch. But it's like there's something funky going on, and people know when something funky's going on. Like, if you watch when George Foreman fought, uh, Floyd Patterson, watch that fight. There's not a question in the h- in the world what the fuck happened. George Foreman went out and destroyed Floyd Patterson. Nobody thought, "Floyd Patterson took a fucking dive," 'cause you can tell the difference.

Ari Shaffir 23:52 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 23:52 You could see the difference. The thing is you don't always see the difference.

Ari Shaffir 23:56 If they're good?

Joe Rogan 23:57 Well, no, it's just, like, there's, there's moments where a guy cracks a guy, and it doesn't even make sense. And maybe the guy has, like, a previous injury, like, maybe he got knocked-

Ari Shaffir 24:04 Oh, right.

Joe Rogan 24:04 ... down in training, and he got hit a- and knocked out way too easy. But you see things that don't seem real sometimes, but they definitely are.

Ari Shaffir 24:12 It's like-

Tony Hinchcliffe 24:12 Like, dehydrated.

Joe Rogan 24:13 There was a guy named Marvin Eastman. Marvin Eastman was a tank. Oh, my God, just a-

Ari Shaffir 24:18 Yeah, I remember him.

Joe Rogan 24:18 ... fucking specimen, and he fought Travis Luter, and he fought Travis Luter, and Travis Luter knocked him out with a punch. But when you watch the knockout, it almost kinda doesn't make sense. Like, he hit him-... he hit him for sure. He hit him clean, but d- it's the way he hit him, he just went completely unconscious, like instantly. And it turned out, the word was, that he had gotten knocked down in training, which happens all the time.

Ari Shaffir 24:41 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:41 I think it was, I think it was sparring Tito Ortiz was the rumor. I'm sorry if t- I got this wrong. But if you, uh, you watch the fight and you watch the KO, you're like, "Wow, that's weird." It's- it's not that Travis can't punch. He definitely can punch. It's just the way it happened. It looks... Like, show that fight. There's things that look odd and you go, "Well, what is that?" Is that odd because it's just some weird, uh, moment where like a guy had been injured already?

Ari Shaffir 25:06 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 25:06 And they go-

Ari Shaffir 25:06 I never thought, I never thought that Conor punching out Aldo seemed like it was that vicious a punch.

Joe Rogan 25:11 Oh my God. That was perfect.

Ari Shaffir 25:12 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 25:12 That's, that's-

Ari Shaffir 25:12 But it didn't seem bru- like brutal strength.

Narrator 25:15 Well-

Tony Hinchcliffe 25:15 When someone's coming in you can't-

Narrator 25:17 Yeah.

Tony Hinchcliffe 25:17 ... you can't... Yeah, I mean, it just doesn't get any better than that.

Ari Shaffir 25:20 Yeah.

Tony Hinchcliffe 25:20 Which is what's interesting about that. Muhammad Ali takes two big steps back-

Ari Shaffir 25:23 Mm-hmm.

Tony Hinchcliffe 25:23 ... and he's bringing him in, and then he counterpunches. So he's bringing him in sort of double.

Ari Shaffir 25:27 As he gets hit on the chest too.

Joe Rogan 25:28 Not only that, he's bringing him in like this. He's got his hand like this, and he goes around his hand, and he punches him in the chin. He's moving around, and as Liston comes at him, he- he brings his hand up and around Liston's hand before Liston can even withdraw his hand and cover, and cracks him on the chin. It was a beautiful punch.

Tony Hinchcliffe 25:47 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 25:47 The-

Tony Hinchcliffe 25:47 And then Conor-Aldo, same thing, like it's like right to left, just straight across while he's coming forward-

Ari Shaffir 25:54 Yeah.

Tony Hinchcliffe 25:54 ... and makes his head spin.

Joe Rogan 25:55 The fact that Aldo was so hell-bent on destroying Conor. He just was-

Ari Shaffir 26:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:00 ... hell-bent and, and Conor took advantage of that with the timing.

Ari Shaffir 26:02 It was hard immediately. Remember that? It was like, "Here we go, big fight." And then it was like, "One."

Joe Rogan 26:05 It's over immediately?

Tony Hinchcliffe 26:07 Smart.

Narrator 26:07 Yeah.

Tony Hinchcliffe 26:07 It's like when Jane slaps somebody and then...

Joe Rogan 26:09 It was genius. But this was a powerful punch when you first... Look- look at that. Boom, bang, bang. But first of all, you gotta realize, it's perfectly placed.

Ari Shaffir 26:17 Yeah, the placement.

Joe Rogan 26:18 The accuracy. Accuracy's impeccable. Second of all, some people can just crack. And if you look at Conor's build, there's a lot of guys built like that that can fucking crack.

Ari Shaffir 26:29 I wanna see it in slow motion still.

Joe Rogan 26:30 He's got, uh, he's got real wide shoulders. He's real fast. And he's got big hands.

Tony Hinchcliffe 26:35 That's it.

Joe Rogan 26:35 Like all those things together.

Ari Shaffir 26:37 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:37 He's just got that freakish punch. There's- there's just people that just have that kind of punch, man.

Narrator 26:44 Oh.

Joe Rogan 26:44 I mean, that's just genius.

Ari Shaffir 26:46 (laughs) Left right gets hit afterwards too. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 26:47 Yeah, he had a little bit of a cut over his right eyebrow.

Ari Shaffir 26:50 From that punch?

Joe Rogan 26:50 Mm-hmm.

Ari Shaffir 26:51 Wow.

Joe Rogan 26:51 From Aldo's, uh, one hook that he let-

Ari Shaffir 26:53 Fall down punch.

Joe Rogan 26:53 Look how genius this is. Look at this. Bam. That's so genius. And you know what's even more genius?

Ari Shaffir 26:57 Aldo wanted to knock him out with one punch.

Joe Rogan 26:58 Exactly.

Ari Shaffir 26:58 He was like, "Let me fake and punch."

Joe Rogan 27:00 You know what's even more genius? He worked on the exact same thi- and he mimicked what he was going to do in the green room. There's video of him.

Ari Shaffir 27:07 Of who?

Joe Rogan 27:08 Conor.

Ari Shaffir 27:09 Conor.

Joe Rogan 27:09 Conor pretending to be Aldo, and then him showing what he's gonna do in counter. He d- does the exact move in the green room-

Tony Hinchcliffe 27:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 27:18 ... knowing in the dressing room, knowing that that's gonna be the fight.

Tony Hinchcliffe 27:21 Reminds me of Masvidal-Askren.

Joe Rogan 27:23 Right, exactly.

Ari Shaffir 27:23 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 27:25 Same thing. He- he practiced that step off to the side.

Ari Shaffir 27:29 (laughs) Jesus.

Narrator 27:29 That's a great one.

Ari Shaffir 27:30 Yeah, but that's trash.

Tony Hinchcliffe 27:31 I mean, it really is when you factor in that it, like, it gave his career a total-

Joe Rogan 27:34 Look on the left.

Ari Shaffir 27:35 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 27:35 That's Conor pretending to be Aldo, and this is him. Bam. Look, see? He's literally saying how it's gonna go down. He's walking how Aldo does and boom.

Ari Shaffir 27:43 Oh, wait. Hang on. I wanna see both sides now. Wait, let me see. Okay.

Joe Rogan 27:46 Look at this. I mean, it's literally what he did. He practiced it. He- he predicted it was happening. He knew Aldo's movements, he had it timed down, and he's like much more light on the foot. And as Aldo moves forward, he times it perfectly. Bam. Look at that.

Ari Shaffir 28:04 Yeah, with the right.

Joe Rogan 28:05 Dude, that left hand-

Ari Shaffir 28:07 Left, left.

Joe Rogan 28:07 ... that left hand is a missile too.

Ari Shaffir 28:09 Damn.

Joe Rogan 28:10 That left hand's a missile.

Ari Shaffir 28:11 Damn. That is like Askren, isn't it?

Joe Rogan 28:12 That- that guy is s- ... He's- he's one of the most spectacular punchers in the history of the sport. He has some punch KO victories.

Ari Shaffir 28:19 Who?

Joe Rogan 28:19 Conor.

Ari Shaffir 28:20 Conor, yeah. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 28:20 His one when he beat Eddie Alvarez. Show that. You wanna see fucking genius striking with the hands? It's genius shit. Like you could see Eddie Alvarez just got bewildered by it. I mean, the- the combinations he hit him with, wow, just subtly avoiding Alvarez's punches. Genius shit. Genius.

Ari Shaffir 28:42 Dude, he was... I used to love rooting against him.

Narrator 28:45 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 28:45 He was such a good heel too.

Joe Rogan 28:47 Yeah, totally.

Narrator 28:47 Totally.

Ari Shaffir 28:47 Used to cheer for Diaz and be like, "Fuck that guy."

Joe Rogan 28:48 Oh, totally. He's the best heel ever.

Narrator 28:50 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 28:50 Oh, it got everybody into it.

Joe Rogan 28:53 Yeah, he's the best heel ever.

Ari Shaffir 28:54 Fu- (laughs) What a... We were like, "Fuck, I hope you j- get your comeuppance." (laughs) He just never would.

Joe Rogan 29:02 Dude, I'm telling you, when you watch this combination, it's fuck it, watch this. It's, look at this, side kick to the body. I mean, he's hitting him with all kinds of shit and he's so light on his feet. Like, this is prime Conor, in my opinion, just so light on his feet. Conor definitely has a ton of different tools to- Look at these combinations. Watch this. ... just like he utilizes. He's like just- just getting just out of the way, like he- On his feet. Eddie can't touch him. He hit him there, though. Now Alvarez is pushing forward. Conor is on the attack right now. But it's Conor just looking for the opening. But not enough to hurt him. Now they're seeing-

Ari Shaffir 29:28 Alves...

Joe Rogan 29:28 Boom, clips him.

Narrator 29:29 That was it. That was it.

Joe Rogan 29:30 Now they're seeing how Conor is able to take down. That's one. Clips him. Now, Conor taking down sounds that might be the first- Knees to the body. ... nonetheless, he's doing a lot of great response from Alvarez. You know, people get all wrapped up in all the personality and the flash and the money and the Rolls-Royces- We'll see in the count here. ... and everything. That motherfucker could fight. We'll see Alvarez has or hasn't noticed yet. He could fight. And guys have beat him, but you gotta be like an elite of the elite. You gotta be like a Khabib or a Poirier. You gotta be top of the food chain to beat him. Here's fighting Irish. Go towards the end of this.

Tony Hinchcliffe 30:02 Okay. Okay.

Ari Shaffir 30:02 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 30:02 Yeah, I just wanna see the... I want...

Narrator 30:04 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 30:04 That's priceless. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 30:04 I just want the final combo because... ... total strikes thus far. This is what I wanted. And McGregor will in control. Because the- the finish of this fight is legendary. Alvarez taking these... It's like in highlight reels all over the place. ... combating skills to that level. Look at this. Uh, uh, uh. And until then he's done... Look at that combo. Wow. Look at that combo. Show me that again. Watch this. McGregor will in control. Look at this. He just slides in on him. Alvarez getting loose, getting better here in this round. Boom, boom, boom. He's done- I mean, come on, man. He's done. Just slides just out of the way of the punch. It's all over. Lands- History in the making.... four, five ruthless-

Ari Shaffir 30:33 Four, right in a row.

Joe Rogan 30:34 ... punches perfectly placed. Let me see it one more time.

Ari Shaffir 30:37 Oh, here's the slo-mo.

Joe Rogan 30:37 Okay, this... Look at this. Look at it, he, it actually-

Ari Shaffir 30:40 One.

Joe Rogan 30:40 ... touches his chin. He doesn't even flinch.

Ari Shaffir 30:42 Two.

Joe Rogan 30:42 One, two, three.

Ari Shaffir 30:45 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 30:45 The accuracy.

Tony Hinchcliffe 30:46 Full punches.

Joe Rogan 30:47 Four. And just swarms on him. And perfect placement, right? There's no extra wind-up that would've, would've made him miss. Look at this. Bing, bing, bing, bang.

Ari Shaffir 30:58 Oh.

Joe Rogan 30:58 Look at, I mean, that's fucking... (laughs) That's amazing.

Ari Shaffir 31:01 In his face. (laughs) Oh my God. He goes from fine to cut up... (laughs) during that.

Joe Rogan 31:02 It's... Bro, that's an amazing combination. That's an amazing combination.

Ari Shaffir 31:07 What happened to him?

Joe Rogan 31:08 God, fucking, fights, man. Fights happened to him.

Tony Hinchcliffe 31:12 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:12 And then also, a shit ton of money, and then also-

Ari Shaffir 31:15 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:15 ... some time out of the game, while he was doing the Floyd Mayweather thing. You know, he-

Tony Hinchcliffe 31:18 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 31:18 ... trained for quite a while for Floyd Mayweather, which he was, I'm sure, just doing boxing. If you're gonna play f- you know, if you're gonna train for a giant $100 million fight, you're most likely not going to do any, you know-

Ari Shaffir 31:29 Right, right.

Joe Rogan 31:29 ... MMA sparring or anything. He probably just did that for a while, and then you get that money. And what's that Marvin Hagler quote about, "It's hard to get up at 5:00 in the morning and go running when you're sleeping in silk sheets"?

Tony Hinchcliffe 31:41 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 31:42 I think that's the f- and that's him now.

Tony Hinchcliffe 31:43 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 31:43 He's super jacked.

Ari Shaffir 31:46 Ugh. Whoa.

Joe Rogan 31:46 USADA's gotta take a-

Tony Hinchcliffe 31:48 Wait.

Joe Rogan 31:48 ... take a visit to him real soon.

Tony Hinchcliffe 31:49 That's Conor?

Ari Shaffir 31:50 Yeah.

Tony Hinchcliffe 31:50 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 31:51 (laughs)

Tony Hinchcliffe 31:51 Right now?

Joe Rogan 31:52 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 31:52 (laughs)

Tony Hinchcliffe 31:52 Oh, dude, he looks like he's about to go WWF.

Joe Rogan 31:55 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 31:55 He looks like a bodybuilder, from like the '70s.

Joe Rogan 31:57 Well that's a... It's a weird picture, honestly. I mean, he's definitely jacked, but it looks to me like he's in the middle of lifting. And if you, uh, if you see a guy's body in the middle of lifting, it's a little deceptive, 'cause everything... See, that's what he looks like now. He's still jacked. He l- still looks great, but when you're, um, when you lift weights, like, as you do it, like those bodybuilders that go on stage before those, uh, big Mr. Olympia things?

Ari Shaffir 32:24 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:24 They all get pumped.

Ari Shaffir 32:25 Olympioid. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 32:27 Right.

Tony Hinchcliffe 32:28 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 32:28 That's a great term for it.

Joe Rogan 32:28 Olympioid. Look at him. He looks good though.

Tony Hinchcliffe 32:30 Whoa.

Ari Shaffir 32:31 He looks so old now.

Tony Hinchcliffe 32:32 He looks different.

Ari Shaffir 32:33 Yeah.

Tony Hinchcliffe 32:33 A lot. He's got that crazy beard.

Joe Rogan 32:34 He has a beard.

Ari Shaffir 32:34 Beard.

Joe Rogan 32:34 That beard's crazy. But he looks fit, and-

Ari Shaffir 32:37 Is he tucking up his shorts to let his dick come out?

Joe Rogan 32:38 He's got to hog, I bet. (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 32:40 I bet. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 32:40 I bet he's got a hog.

Ari Shaffir 32:41 Why the hell is he tucking up his shorts?

Joe Rogan 32:42 Um, he's, uh, looks like he's walking around on that shin. I wonder, uh, like what percentage healed it is. You gotta feel like if a bone breaks in half like that, and then you get like a metal plate to hold it in place, and all these screws and shit-

Tony Hinchcliffe 32:54 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:55 ... that's gotta take a while.

Tony Hinchcliffe 32:56 Mm-hmm. Tiger Woods is back h- hitting golf balls again. He just posted on Instagram his-

Joe Rogan 33:00 Heard.

Tony Hinchcliffe 33:00 ... smashing a ball.

Ari Shaffir 33:01 Yeah?

Tony Hinchcliffe 33:01 And, uh, he talked about how h- his leg almost got amputated.

Ari Shaffir 33:06 Amputated. From what happened to him?

Tony Hinchcliffe 33:07 Can you imagine?

Ari Shaffir 33:07 What happened to him?

Tony Hinchcliffe 33:08 A car accident.

Joe Rogan 33:09 Car acc-

Tony Hinchcliffe 33:09 A massive car accident. And, uh-

Joe Rogan 33:12 Yeah, was he, didn't he, like, go off a cliff or some shit?

Tony Hinchcliffe 33:14 Uh, yes, but-

Joe Rogan 33:15 What?

Tony Hinchcliffe 33:15 ... not really like a cliff-cliff, but like a, yeah, like a, like a, uh...

Joe Rogan 33:18 What?

Tony Hinchcliffe 33:18 Yeah. Like a, uh, what's that called?

Joe Rogan 33:21 Or like a ravine.

Tony Hinchcliffe 33:22 Ditch. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 33:22 A ditch. Like a serious accident.

Ari Shaffir 33:23 When was this? How long ago was this?

Tony Hinchcliffe 33:25 February? Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 33:26 Oh.

Joe Rogan 33:27 Serious accident.

Ari Shaffir 33:28 Whoa.

Joe Rogan 33:29 Yeah. Like, there's his car at the bottom of this ditch.

Tony Hinchcliffe 33:31 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 33:32 Damn.

Joe Rogan 33:33 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 33:34 And he almost lost his legs?

Joe Rogan 33:35 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 33:36 And the bottom left one was for the ch- for the cheating?

Tony Hinchcliffe 33:38 Yeah, the bottom left one's the cheating one.

Joe Rogan 33:40 That was different. That was different.

Ari Shaffir 33:42 Yeah, right.

Tony Hinchcliffe 33:42 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 33:42 That was different. Different kind of accident.

Ari Shaffir 33:42 Yeah. Different kind of accident. (laughs)

Tony Hinchcliffe 33:44 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 33:44 Which one cost him more?

Joe Rogan 33:45 This, this, this, uh, accident, they think-

Ari Shaffir 33:48 Whoa.

Joe Rogan 33:48 ... was a result of him actually just losing control of the vehicle. Like, e- maybe he was going too fast, or... Is that what they think? Is that what the...

Ari Shaffir 33:55 Was he with anybody?

Joe Rogan 33:56 No, I don't think so.

Tony Hinchcliffe 33:56 It seems like he lost consciousness, is the overall report that I think I read-

Joe Rogan 34:00 Oh, no.

Ari Shaffir 34:01 The pills again.

Tony Hinchcliffe 34:01 ... because there was no, there was no skid marks. He could've been tired.

Joe Rogan 34:04 Oh.

Tony Hinchcliffe 34:04 He could've been, had low blood sugar. He'd just golfed in Florida. It was hot.

Joe Rogan 34:07 Oh, no.

Ari Shaffir 34:09 Damn.

Joe Rogan 34:09 Oh, no.

Ari Shaffir 34:10 What does he say? I heard after a concussion you can lose, like, a minute or two of your memory. Or like right before something happens. You don't have it anymore.

Joe Rogan 34:17 Huh. Well, if it's, i- if he's f- if he actually fell asleep-

Ari Shaffir 34:21 So he has no idea what happened.

Joe Rogan 34:22 ... at the wheel, it... Oh, fuck. That can happen to people, man, though. That's unfortunate. Like, fainting's a real thing.

Ari Shaffir 34:29 Do you think he was trying to commit suicide? Not high enough.

Joe Rogan 34:31 No, no.

Tony Hinchcliffe 34:32 No, not high enough.

Joe Rogan 34:33 No. Guys like that don't try to kill themselves.

Ari Shaffir 34:36 Yeah, I think you're right.

Joe Rogan 34:36 They just do better. They come back and say, "Fuck you." Th- they show you.

Ari Shaffir 34:39 I think you're right.

Joe Rogan 34:39 They win everything.

Tony Hinchcliffe 34:40 And I think that's what he's gonna do.

Ari Shaffir 34:42 He's not gonna do it.

Tony Hinchcliffe 34:42 And it's gonna be crazy.

Ari Shaffir 34:42 He's already said, "I'm not."

Tony Hinchcliffe 34:44 Yeah, that's what he says. He also said that after the, the, the everything. He's been through everything, and this freak keeps coming back.

Joe Rogan 34:50 My buddy Kyle Kulinski is a, uh, serious, uh, Tiger Woods fan, and he sent me these stats. He goes, "Look at this. Like, loo- look at the, the winning sta- have you seen the winning stats?" Like...

Tony Hinchcliffe 35:01 I mean, it depends on which stat you wanna look at, but yeah, there's, uh... (laughs)

Joe Rogan 35:03 I'll show you... I'll send you the thing.

Ari Shaffir 35:03 Compared to-

Tony Hinchcliffe 35:04 There's a lot of interesting Tiger stats.

Joe Rogan 35:04 I'll show you the thing that he sent me, because it's just so crazy.

Ari Shaffir 35:07 He was unstoppable. I used to have a bet, him against the field, in every major. And it was like...

Tony Hinchcliffe 35:11 Right.

Ari Shaffir 35:12 I was behind at some point, and then I was ahead, but like it was anybody's game.

Tony Hinchcliffe 35:15 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 35:15 Him or everybody else combined.

Tony Hinchcliffe 35:17 On any given day.

Joe Rogan 35:18 Pshew.

Ari Shaffir 35:19 Remember when you thought there was no way he wouldn't break Nicklaus's record?

Tony Hinchcliffe 35:22 And there's also times...

Ari Shaffir 35:23 Like, he was done.

Tony Hinchcliffe 35:24 Not only was he beating people, but the way he was... The way that golf scores, he was beating people, it would be the equivalent if a basketball team won like, 500 to 45.

Ari Shaffir 35:34 Yeah. He fucking, yeah. He could br- like, fucking moonwalk the entire, like, back nine, he was so far ahead.

Tony Hinchcliffe 35:39 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 35:39 All right, here it is. I found it, Jamie. I'm gonna send it to you right now.

Tony Hinchcliffe 35:41 Okay. You watch that crazy documentary HBO made about him?

Ari Shaffir 35:45 No.

Tony Hinchcliffe 35:45 Well, jeez Louise. First, there's... It's a two-part documentary. The first part, they just talk about what a freak he is and how great he is and how much better than everybody that's ever done it he is and how he changed the game forever. And the second one just talks about how he loves pussy.

Ari Shaffir 35:59 (laughs)

Tony Hinchcliffe 35:59 I mean, he just can't get enough.

Joe Rogan 36:02 Look at that win. Look at that win percentage.

Ari Shaffir 36:05 What? Of what? Highest percentage.

Joe Rogan 36:07 Isn't that insane?

Ari Shaffir 36:08 Wait, he won twen- uh, every five...

Joe Rogan 36:11 Look how much better he is than everybody. (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 36:13 God damn.

Joe Rogan 36:14 He's so much better than everybody.

Tony Hinchcliffe 36:16 Wow.

Ari Shaffir 36:16 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 36:16 Like, that is proof, right? If there's ever a proof of like who's the best.

Ari Shaffir 36:21 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 36:22 That's proof.

Tony Hinchcliffe 36:23 (exhales sharply) Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 36:24 Where's the-

Joe Rogan 36:24 That's the be- that's the best proof you're ever gonna see.

Ari Shaffir 36:26 Oh, 1983 to 2021.

Joe Rogan 36:27 How wild is that?

Ari Shaffir 36:28 What was Nicklaus's winning record in Palmers?

Joe Rogan 36:31 I don't know.

Tony Hinchcliffe 36:31 Oh, let me check.

Ari Shaffir 36:33 ... interesting.

Joe Rogan 36:34 You could be, you could be fairly out of shape and win at that.

Ari Shaffir 36:38 He made people care about golf. Nobody cared about it besides golfers before.

Joe Rogan 36:42 But he was never out of shape. He was always like... He was, like, the first guy that I remember seeing, where I looked at him, I go, "That guy could probably do any sport."

Tony Hinchcliffe 36:51 Well...

Joe Rogan 36:52 Are there other guys like that?

Ari Shaffir 36:53 He wasn't big-big.

Joe Rogan 36:53 I don't follow the game.

Tony Hinchcliffe 36:55 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 36:55 So, like, if someone makes it onto TV, it's usually, like, Jack Nicklaus-

Tony Hinchcliffe 36:58 It's extremely mental.

Ari Shaffir 37:00 It's extremely-

Tony Hinchcliffe 37:00 It's a ridiculously mental game.

Ari Shaffir 37:02 Yeah.

Tony Hinchcliffe 37:02 Like, John Daly is, you know, a big guy, drinks, has fun, smokes cigarettes, drinks Coke- Diet Coke while playing. And he, you know...

Joe Rogan 37:12 So, Tiger has the most wins-

Tony Hinchcliffe 37:14 It's great.

Ari Shaffir 37:15 Ben Hogan.

Joe Rogan 37:15 ... by far.

Ari Shaffir 37:16 Wow.

Joe Rogan 37:16 By almost 20. But Ben Hogan has 64.

Tony Hinchcliffe 37:20 He's tied with Sam Snead. There's... The wins aren't in order. It's number of percentage in order.

Ari Shaffir 37:23 Number of starts.

Joe Rogan 37:24 Oh, okay. Um-

Ari Shaffir 37:25 'Cause Nicklaus still has more majors.

Joe Rogan 37:27 But Hogan's still pretty good, man. Look at that. Hogan won 21% of the time.

Tony Hinchcliffe 37:31 Mm-hmm.

Ari Shaffir 37:31 Damn. But th- these are all-time greats, ever.

Joe Rogan 37:33 Oh, the all-time, all-time greats. I, you know, obviously have never played golf, but all my friends-

Ari Shaffir 37:38 Can't Jack Nicklaus get by a lot?

Joe Rogan 37:39 All my friends who play golf and pool all say golf is harder.

Ari Shaffir 37:42 Really?

Joe Rogan 37:43 They all say golf is hard. Yeah, golf just was way harder.

Tony Hinchcliffe 37:45 Oh, it's crazy.

Ari Shaffir 37:46 You're playing against so many other people.

Tony Hinchcliffe 37:49 And summing it yourself. And so many different things.

Ari Shaffir 37:50 Yeah.

Tony Hinchcliffe 37:50 The elements, sand, wind, grass.

Ari Shaffir 37:53 Yes.

Joe Rogan 37:53 So much to fact- you have to factor in. It's this feel thing. I see when these guys are making these shots, and they're, like, sitting there on their knees and trying to figure out which way the ground rolls.

Tony Hinchcliffe 38:02 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 38:02 And they have to kind of figure that out and time it perfectly.

Ari Shaffir 38:06 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:06 What do you think that... Why is that so satisfying? Like, someone was trying to bring that up, like, whether that was a hunting thing. Who brought that up?

Tony Hinchcliffe 38:12 Uh, I can-

Ari Shaffir 38:13 Mm-hmm.

Tony Hinchcliffe 38:13 I can tell you. It's like... 'Cause it's like a-

Ari Shaffir 38:14 I like that.

Tony Hinchcliffe 38:15 It's like a hike, but you have something to do. Like if-

Joe Rogan 38:17 Yeah, but someone was saying there's something about-

Ari Shaffir 38:19 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:19 ... the accuracy, like getting... We- we are obsessed with accuracy, and that we're obsessed with, like, getting a ball into a net or a ball into a hole-

Tony Hinchcliffe 38:27 Right, yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:27 ... or an arrow into the center of the target. We're obsessed with accuracy, and they think it has something to do with hunting.

Ari Shaffir 38:32 I like it.

Tony Hinchcliffe 38:33 That makes sense.

Ari Shaffir 38:34 It does, yeah.

Tony Hinchcliffe 38:34 Envisioning hitting a target and then-

Ari Shaffir 38:36 Yeah.

Tony Hinchcliffe 38:37 ... hitting it, and then you feed your family. That makes sense.

Joe Rogan 38:39 Totally makes sense.

Tony Hinchcliffe 38:40 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 38:40 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:40 We're- we're so... Why else would we s- be so invested in someone who could throw a ball over a plate, like, perfectly?

Ari Shaffir 38:46 Knock down some pins.

Tony Hinchcliffe 38:47 Yeah, oh, yeah.

Ari Shaffir 38:47 Knock down some presents-

Joe Rogan 38:48 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ari Shaffir 38:48 ... or whatever.

Tony Hinchcliffe 38:49 Wow, I never thought of it that way. That makes total sense.

Ari Shaffir 38:52 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:52 They think that's one of the factors that led to us becoming people, from lower hominids to people. They think the throwing arm was one of the major factors. They're always trying to, like, pin it on one thing. Like, the mushroom people wanna think it's one thing, and the meat people want- think it's, like, cooking meat over fire. But I have a feeling it was all those things. I think it was a bunch of shit together that turned us into people. But one of them, they think for sure, was we figured out our ability to throw things.

Tony Hinchcliffe 39:16 Do you ever throw things? I never, never, no- can't even picture you... I can picture you kicking, but I can't picture you throwing anything.

Joe Rogan 39:22 No, I mean, I never was, like, a pitcher or anything.

Tony Hinchcliffe 39:23 You never even, like... You shoot, like, paper balls into trash cans sometimes?

Joe Rogan 39:27 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 39:27 Kobe?

Joe Rogan 39:28 Yeah, but I'm not good.

Ari Shaffir 39:30 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 39:30 Like, I- I lose at horse to my kids.

Tony Hinchcliffe 39:32 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 39:33 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 39:33 I play basketball. I lose at horse to my kids.

Ari Shaffir 39:36 That's a good... That's a good girl.

Joe Rogan 39:36 My fucking 11-year-old sticks it in my face, like, "Ha ha." I'm like, "Shit."

Tony Hinchcliffe 39:41 Wow.

Joe Rogan 39:41 It's fun, though.

Tony Hinchcliffe 39:42 That's hilarious.

Joe Rogan 39:43 I'm terrible at basketball. Yeah. But I don't practice it. If I play basketball three times a year. But the thing is, like, they don't like to play with me after, like, an hour and a half, 'cause then I start to get a feel for it.

Ari Shaffir 39:53 (laughs) They take it back.

Joe Rogan 39:54 I'm like, "Okay, I need to... Now I know where that ball is."

Tony Hinchcliffe 39:56 (laughs) Adjustments have been made.

Joe Rogan 39:58 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 39:58 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 39:58 And then I start finding out where that hole is. Oh.

Ari Shaffir 40:00 They're like, "All right, second half. We'll see. We'll see what happens."

Tony Hinchcliffe 40:02 I see, I see how this works. I do that with my wrist. It seems to be more accurate.

Joe Rogan 40:06 But I'm like, imagine doing that and then moving, and someone's trying to block you, and then you're shooting at the same time. Like, Jesus Christ.

Ari Shaffir 40:13 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 40:14 But we're obsessed with that. We're obsessed with-

Ari Shaffir 40:16 Golf seems impossible. When you break it down, like, there's a small ball there. I'm gonna take a stick and hit... No. Zero chance two ever make that.

Joe Rogan 40:24 Crazy. Crazy. Like, what a wacky game.

Tony Hinchcliffe 40:26 And you also, you know... The- the more you find out about it, the crazier it gets, 'cause you have to... You do your backswing, and then the- everything falls into motion. It's not even like you're hitting the ball with a stick. Your hips are turning first.

Ari Shaffir 40:38 Yeah.

Tony Hinchcliffe 40:39 Your arms are coming second.

Ari Shaffir 40:40 Coming down with it.

Tony Hinchcliffe 40:40 Your wrists are coming third. You have to remember to follow through. You have to keep your head exactly where it was when you started, or else you're gonna hit below the ball or above the ball, which is a freaking embarrassing nightmare.

Ari Shaffir 40:51 Mm-hmm.

Tony Hinchcliffe 40:52 Um, yeah.

Joe Rogan 40:54 It's like when you mess up a break shot on pool, right?

Tony Hinchcliffe 40:57 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 40:57 That can happen.

Tony Hinchcliffe 40:57 Yeah, and it can be completely embarrassing. There's like-

Joe Rogan 40:59 Hmm.

Tony Hinchcliffe 40:59 ... there's so many funny golf, uh, Instagram pages and stuff.

Joe Rogan 41:03 Yeah, they're the best.

Tony Hinchcliffe 41:04 And, like (laughs) ... They really are. And you can almost guarantee that everyone's a hit. Um...

Joe Rogan 41:09 What is this?

Narrator 41:10 Michael Jordan talking about competitive.

41:11 Well, you know, a competitive person like me, this is what keeps me sane, you know. Because when I walk away from the game of basketball, you know, that was enough to keep my competitive juices working.

41:22 Absolutely.

41:22 Now, when I'm- I'm- I don't have that game, this game... And it even drives me crazy then. Now I go fishing in between my golf-

41:30 (laughs)

41:31 ... because I gotta show patience in fishing that's gonna be rela- relative to- to golf.

Joe Rogan 41:36 So, he just plays golf, like, as a... Like, that's his life now.

Ari Shaffir 41:41 That's what he loves.

Joe Rogan 41:41 That's his competitive life. Are you texting people while the show's going on?

Ari Shaffir 41:44 I'm sending this to Dan- uh, Jamie.

Joe Rogan 41:45 You son of a bitch.

Tony Hinchcliffe 41:46 He plays Tex-Mex.

Ari Shaffir 41:46 Sending it to Jamie.

Joe Rogan 41:47 Been on that phone for five minutes.

Ari Shaffir 41:48 Sending it to my golf story.

Joe Rogan 41:48 Checking his Instagram likes.

Tony Hinchcliffe 41:50 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 41:50 Oh, did Instagram ban you?

Ari Shaffir 41:52 Instagram did ban me.

Joe Rogan 41:53 For... What the fuck, man?

Ari Shaffir 41:54 (laughs) Hate speech. Too much hate speech, they said. They referenced the Hitler-

Joe Rogan 41:58 And they're changing it. They're changing what hate speech is. Tell everybody what happened.

Ari Shaffir 42:01 W- uh, one of them was, um, um, my tour posters I let my fans do, rename my tour-

Joe Rogan 42:07 Yes.

Ari Shaffir 42:07 ... it makes me laugh.

Tony Hinchcliffe 42:09 Genius, by the way.

Joe Rogan 42:11 Yeah, it's really-

Ari Shaffir 42:11 Rules are rules, bet's a bet.

Joe Rogan 42:12 It's a great idea.

Ari Shaffir 42:13 Thanks.

Joe Rogan 42:14 You post them and they're funny.

Tony Hinchcliffe 42:15 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 42:15 And you allow people to get their name out there, like people who do graphic art.

Ari Shaffir 42:19 Mm-hmm. One, one of them was, uh, The Wrong Side of History Tour. Great, okay-

Joe Rogan 42:22 Yeah, I saw that.

Ari Shaffir 42:22 ... I can name... That's a good, solid tour name. Uh, the next one was, uh, The Hitler Gave Me Gonorrhea Tour.

Joe Rogan 42:27 (laughs)

Tony Hinchcliffe 42:28 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 42:28 And it's just a picture of Hitler with his hand over me.

Joe Rogan 42:30 Was that a problem? They had a problem with that one?

Ari Shaffir 42:32 Hate speech.

Joe Rogan 42:33 ... wait a minute, they're both hate speech?

Ari Shaffir 42:34 That was hate speech.

Joe Rogan 42:35 The first one was too?

Ari Shaffir 42:36 The first one was not hate speech.

Joe Rogan 42:37 Okay.

Ari Shaffir 42:37 The first one was okay.

Joe Rogan 42:37 But that one was hate speech?

Ari Shaffir 42:39 Hate speech. They don't like Hitler. They don't like mentions of Hitler.

Joe Rogan 42:42 But if-

Ari Shaffir 42:42 Another one, my dog-

Joe Rogan 42:42 ... but if you were a Jew, shouldn't you get a pass?

Ari Shaffir 42:45 Joe, you're asking a great question.

Tony Hinchcliffe 42:47 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 42:47 I think you should.

Tony Hinchcliffe 42:48 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 42:48 I think you should get a pass.

Tony Hinchcliffe 42:49 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 42:49 It's like if I make Guinea jokes.

Tony Hinchcliffe 42:51 Right.

Joe Rogan 42:51 If I make jokes about Italian people, like, I get a pass on that.

Ari Shaffir 42:54 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 42:55 Those are my people.

Ari Shaffir 42:55 I think also, even if you're not, if you said, "Hitler gave me gonorrhea," you're clearly the, the shit on person in that-

Joe Rogan 43:01 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 43:01 ... in that joke.

Joe Rogan 43:01 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ari Shaffir 43:03 E- e- e-

Tony Hinchcliffe 43:03 No matter what you are.

Joe Rogan 43:04 Hitler fucked you. Yeah, it's funny.

Ari Shaffir 43:04 You could be a German and it would still apply.

Joe Rogan 43:06 Yeah, "Hitler gave me gonorrhea," is a funny thing to say, yeah.

Ari Shaffir 43:08 I- I'm not saying the Holocaust was good. There's no- no big read to it that way.

Joe Rogan 43:11 No, exactly, of course.

Tony Hinchcliffe 43:11 And you're not saying that you gave Hitler gonorrhea. You're not saying that you performed a sexual act on him.

Joe Rogan 43:15 Guess what?

Ari Shaffir 43:16 I am the one who got gonorrhea.

Joe Rogan 43:17 I'll do you one better.

Ari Shaffir 43:18 Yeah?

Joe Rogan 43:18 He's not even saying Hitler gave me gonorrhea. He's saying it's funny to say Hitler gave me gonorrhea.

Ari Shaffir 43:24 Right. It, that's the second level of it-

Joe Rogan 43:25 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 43:25 ... is that I'm forced to say this bad thing.

Joe Rogan 43:28 Don't you understand that this is just fun and this is not a real thing?

Tony Hinchcliffe 43:33 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 43:33 Like, you can't say this is hate speech. This is a, a silly nonsense thing to say. It has nothing to do with hate.

Tony Hinchcliffe 43:38 Right.

Ari Shaffir 43:38 It's not true.

Joe Rogan 43:39 Completely unrelated.

Ari Shaffir 43:39 It's funny to name your tour after this ridiculous thing.

Joe Rogan 43:42 Exactly.

Ari Shaffir 43:42 Now I have to.

Joe Rogan 43:43 Exactly.

Ari Shaffir 43:43 So the idea that everyone would think, "Oh, that's your tour name now?"

Joe Rogan 43:46 The, calling that hate speech is so uncreative.

Ari Shaffir 43:48 Ugh.

Joe Rogan 43:49 And it's, it's so-

Ari Shaffir 43:49 I don't even know what the rules are anymore.

Tony Hinchcliffe 43:51 I'm writing on the line.

Joe Rogan 43:52 That no one else-

Tony Hinchcliffe 43:52 I'm, like, right about to be there. I have, like, a bunch of-

Ari Shaffir 43:54 You feel it. You got some warnings. (exhales) Yeah.

Tony Hinchcliffe 43:55 Oh, big, big warnings. They're literally like, "This is your last..." But not my main account, but the Kill Tony account-

Ari Shaffir 44:01 Yeah.

Tony Hinchcliffe 44:01 ... because it, literally only because of the word kill, 'cause it says Kill Tony-

Ari Shaffir 44:05 Wow.

Tony Hinchcliffe 44:05 ... otherwise, like, you can't-

Ari Shaffir 44:05 And you can't reach anybody to be like, "Hey-"

Joe Rogan 44:07 Oh my God.

Ari Shaffir 44:07 ... "Just mark this as safe please because obviously I'm not-"

Tony Hinchcliffe 44:09 But how rude. The name of the show, of a comedy show.

Ari Shaffir 44:12 Oh.

Joe Rogan 44:12 My God.

Tony Hinchcliffe 44:13 Because, uh, there might be a Tony out there that feels like they're threatened.

Ari Shaffir 44:17 Wow. I know... uh, yeah. Wow.

Joe Rogan 44:20 Someone's saying that, uh, doctors are leaving cards. Um, there was, like, some example of a card on the desk saying that you can opt out if you don't want to be weighed.

Ari Shaffir 44:30 Weight? What do you mean?

Tony Hinchcliffe 44:31 Mm.

Joe Rogan 44:31 Like, if you have to get weighed at the, at the doctor's office, they weigh you.

Tony Hinchcliffe 44:35 Oh my God.

Ari Shaffir 44:35 And you can opt out if you're embarrassed about it?

Joe Rogan 44:37 You can opt out. Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 44:38 (laughs)

Tony Hinchcliffe 44:39 Oh my God.

Ari Shaffir 44:41 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 44:41 Can you imagine, like, a doctor is gonna do an exam on you and one of the most important things-

Ari Shaffir 44:44 Your weight?

Joe Rogan 44:45 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 44:46 I-

Joe Rogan 44:46 Whether or not you're obese.

Tony Hinchcliffe 44:47 I mean, they should tell you. (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 44:49 Is it pr- is it privileged-

Tony Hinchcliffe 44:50 They're in charge of your health.

Ari Shaffir 44:51 They really should. Is it privileged that you get to go in there and, like, that's your moment? Like, "Now I get to see exactly what I weigh." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 44:56 Right.

Ari Shaffir 44:56 I'm always like, "Sweet."

Joe Rogan 44:57 Right.

Ari Shaffir 44:57 Now all, for the next-

Tony Hinchcliffe 44:58 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 44:58 ... like, few weeks, I can tell people precisely.

Joe Rogan 45:00 Yeah, you move that little scale.

Ari Shaffir 45:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 45:00 You can get it right on there.

Ari Shaffir 45:01 The real one.

Joe Rogan 45:01 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 45:01 There's no, like, "This might be off."

Joe Rogan 45:03 Yeah, it's like you're in wrestling class.

Ari Shaffir 45:05 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 45:06 Yeah, there's, uh, there's no fucking reason why that, you would, you would ever stop doing that.

Ari Shaffir 45:10 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 45:10 You have to weigh people.

Ari Shaffir 45:12 Yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 45:12 Fuck are you talking about?

Ari Shaffir 45:13 I don't know.

Joe Rogan 45:13 That's how you know progress.

Ari Shaffir 45:15 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 45:15 Like, if someone's on a diet and they're cleaning up their life and they're getting good and healthy, what's one of the best indicators? You can weigh em. D- I mean, you shouldn't be obsessed on any one thing. Yeah, you should just try to be healthy. But if you used to be 500 pounds and now you're 400 pounds, that's a good thing.

Ari Shaffir 45:28 That's a good thing. And vice versa-

Joe Rogan 45:29 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 45:29 ... it means it's something you should concentrate on.

Joe Rogan 45:31 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 45:31 Wait, kill.

Joe Rogan 45:32 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 45:32 Every time, kill.

Joe Rogan 45:34 Yeah, Kill Tony, just calling it the name is a problem.

Ari Shaffir 45:36 And they're gonna de- they're gonna ban the thing. You're gonna have to call it KT, K-Tony, K-chuch-chuch-

Tony Hinchcliffe 45:39 Basically, yeah, those are the adjustments that we have to make to the posts.

Joe Rogan 45:42 The KT Show. (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 45:44 Ugh, that sounds so much lamer. (laughs)

Tony Hinchcliffe 45:46 That sucks.

Ari Shaffir 45:46 Oh my God, that sounds like morning radio. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 45:48 We're so, we're so lost.

Tony Hinchcliffe 45:50 One thing we've realized is that if you just turn the i into an exclamation point or, like-

Ari Shaffir 45:55 That bypasses it.

Tony Hinchcliffe 45:55 ... little dumb things that is just, you have to show some effort, I guess.

Ari Shaffir 46:00 Yeah.

Tony Hinchcliffe 46:00 It's weird and creepy.

Ari Shaffir 46:03 (sighs) It's an effort to be like, "No one who follows you or sees this is gonna get, get it wrong."

Tony Hinchcliffe 46:08 Right.

Ari Shaffir 46:08 Y- y- it's, it's not gonna do anything to anyone.

Tony Hinchcliffe 46:09 And that's another thing is these people are following you.

Ari Shaffir 46:11 Yeah.

Tony Hinchcliffe 46:11 So it's like, you should be entrusted with whatever... You could lose followers. That should be the punishment.

Ari Shaffir 46:19 Right. That's what I always thought when I posted my d- first time I got banned, I posted a dump and they were like, "You're gone."

Tony Hinchcliffe 46:23 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 46:24 (laughs)

Tony Hinchcliffe 46:24 Oh, geez.

Ari Shaffir 46:25 And I'm like, "Let them unfollow me." They're doing it in droves, let them do it. (laughs) It's disgusting.

Tony Hinchcliffe 46:29 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 46:29 But don't take me away for the people who are like, "Ah, I don't mind."

Joe Rogan 46:32 Well, the problem is you could f- show up in their algorithm and then you get suggested-

Ari Shaffir 46:36 Ah, it's still, it's just a dump.

Joe Rogan 46:36 No, no, no, no, no, no.

Ari Shaffir 46:36 I know you love dumps. (laughs)

Tony Hinchcliffe 46:38 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 46:38 You gotta look-

Ari Shaffir 46:38 Now you're just getting dump pictures.

Joe Rogan 46:39 You don't look... do you ever look into the, like, the, the, like, when you're searching-

Ari Shaffir 46:43 Uh-oh.

Joe Rogan 46:44 ... and you just find things? Did you ever do that?

Ari Shaffir 46:45 There should be a way to mark... yeah. There should be a way to mark, it's like, "This is only for people on my feed. This one's not, this one's sensitive."

Joe Rogan 46:51 That's good.

Ari Shaffir 46:52 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 46:52 Yeah, that would be a good way.

Ari Shaffir 46:53 Guys, don't let it out.

Joe Rogan 46:54 That would be a good way to do it.

Ari Shaffir 46:55 You ever see one of those, like, bomb videos going off and it's always, like, blurry and you're like, "Hey, careful." And so you click on it.

Joe Rogan 47:01 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 47:01 And they'll, "Have those. Have... let me set it."

Joe Rogan 47:03 Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, or animal attack videos or some shit.

Ari Shaffir 47:06 With my new fucking account. How do you promote anything without a fucking thing?

Joe Rogan 47:09 It's hard.

Ari Shaffir 47:10 Ugh.

Joe Rogan 47:10 It's hard. You gotta stop showing your shit, son.

Ari Shaffir 47:13 Wh- I, that wasn't this time.

Tony Hinchcliffe 47:16 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 47:16 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 47:18 (laughs)

Tony Hinchcliffe 47:18 (sighs)

Ari Shaffir 47:18 And then there was a Jesus fucking Christ door and it was a picture of me fucking me-

Tony Hinchcliffe 47:21 Ah.

Ari Shaffir 47:22 ... and they were like... Yeah.

Joe Rogan 47:23 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 47:25 But no nudity.

Joe Rogan 47:27 It's just, you know, don't put them in the suggestion column.

Ari Shaffir 47:31 Yeah, yeah. Help us out.

Joe Rogan 47:32 You know, like-

Tony Hinchcliffe 47:32 Right.

Joe Rogan 47:32 ... suggested for you or whatever it is. Do you know what I'm talking about? Where you just-

Tony Hinchcliffe 47:35 But then again, if the people are into that type of thing, let it s- yeah, right.

Ari Shaffir 47:38 Yeah, then why can't they get it? Why can't they get... it's not hurting anybody. Why can't they get that?

Tony Hinchcliffe 47:40 Why is one sense of humor better or different than another?

Ari Shaffir 47:43 It's not even a right wing, left wing thing.

Joe Rogan 47:44 I...

Ari Shaffir 47:44 I'm like, I'm just... let- ugh, let me, ugh.

Joe Rogan 47:46 I think there's certain people where if they had to look at your shit, it would not be a pleasant experience.

Ari Shaffir 47:51 That's fair. Let's move on past the shit-

Tony Hinchcliffe 47:52 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 47:52 ... 'cause I admit some fault in that one. It wasn't particularly bloody shit.

Tony Hinchcliffe 47:55 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 47:55 It wasn't just a normal shit.

Tony Hinchcliffe 47:56 Oh.

Joe Rogan 47:57 Oh, it was?

Ari Shaffir 47:57 Oh yeah, it was like gummy-like-

Joe Rogan 47:59 Ari has bloody shits.

Tony Hinchcliffe 48:00 Oh, shit.

Ari Shaffir 48:00 Yeah, it was bad. I'll find it for you later.

Joe Rogan 48:02 Ugh.

Ari Shaffir 48:02 It was bad. Like, it doesn't make sense.

Joe Rogan 48:05 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 48:06 Um...

Joe Rogan 48:07 Yeah, they should-

Ari Shaffir 48:08 (sighs)

Joe Rogan 48:08 There should be a w- I, I don't know why they don't, right? Is it a financial decision? Is it a social engineering decision?

Ari Shaffir 48:15 They want everyone to be the same. They want one fucking... everyone the same so they can market the same to everyone with the least amount of effort. Let us... we're all different.

Joe Rogan 48:21 Right, but here-

Ari Shaffir 48:22 Let us have our different experiences.

Joe Rogan 48:23 But here's another thing that we have to m- uh, make a, a concession about or at least talk about is like, who's responsible for... when, when you hear about, uh, kids getting fucked up from social media, like particularly girls-

Ari Shaffir 48:38 They should be on there.

Joe Rogan 48:39 ... how it fucks up their sel- but they're gonna be. Everybody's on there.

Ari Shaffir 48:41 Oh.

Joe Rogan 48:42 ... they're all gonna be on it. Like, who's responsible, and what do they do to stop things that could possibly bite them in the ass? Like, are they making decisions that are financial decisions? Like, are they looking at p- people putting up fucked up things like that and going, "Hey, we could get sued or we can get taken down, or people could write articles about how we-"

Ari Shaffir 49:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 49:00 ... "we, we won't-"

Ari Shaffir 49:01 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 49:01 "... and then our stock could drop," and are they... I mean, is that what they're doing?

Ari Shaffir 49:05 Some of it, because it's not one person. It's like a-

Joe Rogan 49:07 Right.

Ari Shaffir 49:07 ... conglomerate of people who just want dividends.

Joe Rogan 49:09 Right.

Ari Shaffir 49:09 That's why there's always forest fires here, 'cause they're like, PG&E is like, "Eh, we gotta give shareholders dividends." So, same thing here. They won't do it. And, but the reality is, is that they know they're making loo- leading to people suicide, like, shut the whole thing down until you figure out how to do it without that.

Joe Rogan 49:22 I have a- a friend who works for a big media company, and we were having this conversation, and she was saying that a lot of the people that work there also consider themselves activists. They don't-

Ari Shaffir 49:31 'Cause they're s- doing social change.

Joe Rogan 49:32 That's what they think. They're-

Ari Shaffir 49:33 They're concentrating on their own good.

Joe Rogan 49:34 ... they're, they're not... Yeah. They're not just thinking about, um, their job. They're thinking about the fact that they could, like, enact change in the world.

Ari Shaffir 49:42 Oh, they're making people-

Joe Rogan 49:43 And I go, "Wow."

Ari Shaffir 49:43 ... upset about things all over the country and the world for, for to do nothing.

Joe Rogan 49:47 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 49:47 You're just filling us all with anxiety and fear.

Joe Rogan 49:49 You're right.

Ari Shaffir 49:50 For nothing.

Joe Rogan 49:50 But you understand-

Ari Shaffir 49:50 You're not an activist. You're ruining everybody's life.

Joe Rogan 49:53 You don't understand why if everybody accepts that definition, they actually think they are because they get involved in social issues, and they spread emails, and they, you know, have meetings-

Ari Shaffir 50:02 I get it, but you're doing it wrong.

Joe Rogan 50:03 ... or whatever the fuck their responsibility is to do.

Ari Shaffir 50:04 You're doing it wrong. We're all... Well, everyone's less happy. Everybody out there is less happy, and everybody feels it. They're doing it wrong. Make them do it right, so we're not all fucking hating our brothers. It's dumb. It's clearly fucking us all up.

Joe Rogan 50:17 It is, but it, it's, it's interesting.

Ari Shaffir 50:18 Everybody's at each other's throats. It's terrible, and they're doing it. Stop it. You can't do that shit. We, none of us signed up for that. It's bullshit. We all feel less happy, all of us. Tell me I'm wrong, from 10 years ago to now.

Joe Rogan 50:31 But what do you, what do you suggest should be done?

Ari Shaffir 50:32 I'm saying they're hurting all of us, and we didn't give them permission to do that.

Joe Rogan 50:35 In what way?

Ari Shaffir 50:36 We're, we're d- in there hating each other. The way we turn against our neighbors now, that's all new, the way we're like, "I don't talk to my mom anymore 'cause she voted this way." That's crazy.

Joe Rogan 50:44 Right.

Ari Shaffir 50:44 That was never a thing. They're doing that to us.

Joe Rogan 50:47 And when-

Ari Shaffir 50:47 And we signed up under the idea that we're sharing pictures of our fucking food, and then they turned each other on each other.

Joe Rogan 50:52 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Ari Shaffir 50:53 It's awful.

Joe Rogan 50:53 You eat your bloody shit? (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 50:56 (laughs) We never signed up for this. And now you can't exist without Facebook-

Joe Rogan 50:59 But wait, but what do you think they're doing-

Ari Shaffir 50:59 You can't be a mom without-

Joe Rogan 51:01 ... that we're not doing to ourselves? What do you think they're doing, um...

Ari Shaffir 51:03 We're unable to stop. We're unable to stop. So if you just put all chemicals in all food without labeling it and, like, well, they keep eating it, and it's like, yeah, you're putting addictives in there. You have to warn us on things like that. They're making, they're testing us. They're putting us i- forth the stuff that makes us angry on purpose. Everybody knows that. They make you see the stuff that makes you angry.

Joe Rogan 51:20 But hold on a second.

Ari Shaffir 51:20 So then you're living in a world-

Joe Rogan 51:21 You, but hold on a second.

Ari Shaffir 51:22 ... where you're constantly angry.

Joe Rogan 51:23 You, by your own admission-

Ari Shaffir 51:24 I just got yelled- Yeah.

Joe Rogan 51:25 ... changed your algorithm by looking at puppies.

Ari Shaffir 51:27 For a moment because they also tell you, "Hey, just so you know, two years ago, you also looked at this thing, so we're gonna send you a few reminders there until you get sucked back in on it." You listen to what-

Joe Rogan 51:36 So you get sucked back in on hate?

Ari Shaffir 51:37 Whatever it is that gets you in there all the time, and mostly, it's fucking anxiety and fear. Am I... I mean, tell me if I'm wrong. Tell me you don't feel the same way over how you were a while ago.

Joe Rogan 51:47 'Cause-

Tony Hinchcliffe 51:47 You're 100% right.

Ari Shaffir 51:48 We're all doing better.

Joe Rogan 51:49 You're, you're 100% right, but here's my question. Is it us? Are we doing it to ourselves? Is this a natural function of being a person with too much access to information, and you only concentrate on the bad stuff? Because you get all the news.

Ari Shaffir 52:01 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 52:01 You get the whole planet's news.

Ari Shaffir 52:02 But, but do you ever like somebody's picture and then suddenly you start seeing all their pictures way, way more? They're like, "Oh, he shows interest in this."

Joe Rogan 52:09 Mm-hmm.

Ari Shaffir 52:09 "Let's put it forth to him more." It's the stuff that you're against, it's the stuff that you're like, "Oh, I hate that guy. He got his," they're gonna put that more towards us.

Joe Rogan 52:17 Well, it's, that's-

Ari Shaffir 52:18 So that's your world.

Joe Rogan 52:18 But it's also because that's what we concentrate on.

Ari Shaffir 52:21 People in New York are fucking hating each other on it.

Tony Hinchcliffe 52:22 Yeah, I was gonna say. Maybe they can measure if you're lingering on something.

Joe Rogan 52:24 That's the problem. I know, I know. What the fuck? That was humans, and they're ex- they're using that to make us all less happy. Right, but it's our own will.

Ari Shaffir 52:30 (sighs) Yeah.

Joe Rogan 52:30 Like, if, if we have will, then-

Ari Shaffir 52:32 It's, it's, okay-

Joe Rogan 52:32 ... the will is we have to, like, collectively agree to stop communicating like that.

Ari Shaffir 52:35 Sure, I think they should. But in the meantime, they're making sure you see way... Remember when Fox News and MSNBC would show one-third anti-news and one-third, two-thirds pro-news-

Joe Rogan 52:44 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 52:44 ... and then, uh, pro-war, and then the other way for the other network?

Joe Rogan 52:46 Mm-hmm.

Ari Shaffir 52:46 Just to push people slightly into thinking the war is good or bad.

Joe Rogan 52:50 Right.

Ari Shaffir 52:50 Right? That's, they're showing us mor- They're not showing us everything all at once. Like, it used to be you would just see your feed. If you post it, I saw your thing. If you posted 10 times, I see your 10 things in a row. Now they don't show everybody everything.

Joe Rogan 53:01 Right.

Ari Shaffir 53:02 And they're mostly showing you the stuff they know is gonna make you mad, jealousy-

Joe Rogan 53:07 But wait a minute, wait, wait, wait.

Ari Shaffir 53:07 ... about your friends doing shit-

Joe Rogan 53:08 But wait a minute, wait a minute.

Ari Shaffir 53:09 ... o- other people looking better than you. So when these girls are looking online, they're seeing these girls that look hotter than them. There's more showing them that than the normal pictures which is just them sitting down with their brother.

Joe Rogan 53:19 Right, but Ari, it's because that's what people engage with. It's not that they're trying-

Ari Shaffir 53:21 I know. We're fucked up and they're-

Joe Rogan 53:23 ... to get you mad.

Ari Shaffir 53:23 ... and they're taking advantage of it.

Joe Rogan 53:24 I, I, I agree.

Ari Shaffir 53:25 They know they're doing it now. Before, before Ph- Philip Morris knew about the cancer, they weren't doing anything wrong. Once they knew about the cancer and then they covered it up, at that point, you're killing people. You're doing terrible things. You're taking away our happiness.

Joe Rogan 53:38 Okay, so do you suggest-

Ari Shaffir 53:40 It's nuts. In New York, they're looking... They were all on the same liberal side, and everyone's looking for an enemy all the time. It's like what you said about those-

Joe Rogan 53:45 Right.

Ari Shaffir 53:45 ... girls who watch the fucking crime shows. They, they think crime is all around them, and they're only showing us the fucking horrible things, way more percentage.

Tony Hinchcliffe 53:53 This is the CEO of Instagram and what they said in a Senate sub committee-

Ari Shaffir 53:56 About my banning?

Tony Hinchcliffe 53:57 ... a week or two ago.

Joe Rogan 53:57 Okay. It says, "We want people to have meaningful control over their experience. We've been experimenting with favorites, a way for you to decide whose posts you want to see higher up, and we're working on another option to see posts from people you follow in chronological order" that don't take photos of their shit.

Ari Shaffir 54:16 (laughs) No.

Tony Hinchcliffe 54:18 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 54:18 No, they left that part out.

Ari Shaffir 54:19 And we're working on another option to see post-

Joe Rogan 54:20 "I had a chance to talk about this briefly today. It's important to me that people have meaningful control over their experience, and I believe a place where you can see everything from the accounts you follow in chronological order is an important thing."

Ari Shaffir 54:33 Yeah, that's good.

Tony Hinchcliffe 54:34 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:34 Yeah.

Tony Hinchcliffe 54:34 And that's how it used to be.

Ari Shaffir 54:35 That's how it used to be.

Tony Hinchcliffe 54:36 Now they'll put something-

Ari Shaffir 54:37 'Cause they want you on there longer.

Tony Hinchcliffe 54:39 ... two days ago. You know what I mean? Two days ago-

Ari Shaffir 54:41 Mm-hmm.

Tony Hinchcliffe 54:41 ... is something that will pop up, and I'm like, "Oh, that's, oh, oh-"

Ari Shaffir 54:44 Right.

Tony Hinchcliffe 54:44 "... they..."

Joe Rogan 54:45 All they're trying to do is encourage engagement, right? Is it bad 'cause it makes you more addicted? Like, what is, what's bad about it?

Ari Shaffir 54:50 Yeah, but if it... Listen, if their engagement is like, "Hey, this is a great service. Come on all you want." You know, it, it's Netflix, or if it's like Spotify even or, or something like that. It's like, "Do you like this service? We'll, we'll... Here. It's here for you. Use it as much as you want. Use it more." Fine. But if they're pushing you to do stuff that's, like, damaging to you in order to get that, then it's like, "No, no. Now it's not fine." Now it's not just a better product that we're going for.

Joe Rogan 55:10 Right.

Ari Shaffir 55:10 Now it's you're, you're fucking ex- experiment on me. It's, it's to sell ads.

Joe Rogan 55:13 It's also... It's like it's a... It's... There's one thing if you, like, you could trick somebody eating food that's not healthy for them by a good commercial, but i- it's another thing...

Ari Shaffir 55:22 They're addicted. You can't be a mother now without going on a mommy blog, without going on a mommy group to help raise your kid right.

Joe Rogan 55:29 I bet Duncan's wife doesn't.

Ari Shaffir 55:31 If you're, if you're not, like-

Joe Rogan 55:32 Right?

Ari Shaffir 55:32 ... talking to your friends now online... Like, you have to be to keep up as a parent. Maybe that's true.

Joe Rogan 55:36 I bet Duncan's mom keeps it together, or Duncan's wife.

Ari Shaffir 55:38 I bet she's on there. And then you're... It's not-

Joe Rogan 55:40 I bet she's on there. (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 55:40 ... just, like, good stuff. I bet she is.

Joe Rogan 55:42 Bet she's mommy blogging.

Ari Shaffir 55:43 The mommy blogging part's good. They still do good stuff.

55:47 I have a question, though. Like if they-

Joe Rogan 55:48 What?

Ari Shaffir 55:48 If they put out an Instagram Two and said, like, "We're gonna make some new changes to this new app-"

55:53 Uh-huh.

55:53 ... do you think people would all migrate to the new app or just stay on the thing they've been using the whole time?

55:57 They have to make it, like, not, not there anymore.

56:00 Delete it.

56:01 Yeah, yeah.

56:02 That's how they go about it.

56:02 Yeah, yeah. You have a year to switch over or whatever. Six months.

56:03 That's what I'm saying 'cause, like, uh, like, uh, a video game could put out a new... Like, people are addicted to games.

56:07 Uh-huh.

56:07 And... But the game dies until they put out a new version of it. But you have to go buy the new version. Everybody has to buy it again and then to get re-addicted. They can't really put out new versions of these apps that everybody's addicted to. They kinda just have to keep changing it-

56:20 Yeah. Right, right, right.

56:21 ... while it's there. While people are still using it.

56:24 Yeah.

56:24 And that's... Or the business dies.

Tony Hinchcliffe 56:26 That idea could be smart though, having a Two, and if you sign up for Two, everybody that signs up for Instagram Two that already followed you on Instagram One-

Ari Shaffir 56:35 Yeah, it switches over.

Tony Hinchcliffe 56:36 ... will just follow you on Instagram Two.

Ari Shaffir 56:36 Just switch everything over for sure. That'd be good.

Tony Hinchcliffe 56:38 Or you could select just starting from scratch perhaps. They could get... Maybe they could give you an option.

Ari Shaffir 56:44 Yeah.

Tony Hinchcliffe 56:45 'Cause...

Ari Shaffir 56:46 It just... Like, the likes ended up... That's what makes everybody commit suicide is they're not getting enough, comparing yourself to other people.

Tony Hinchcliffe 56:51 I also have a little bit of a conspiracy-

Joe Rogan 56:52 But let me ask you this. Let's say I give Ari the reins to take over a social media platform. What do you do different? Do you get rid of all the algorithms?

Ari Shaffir 57:01 Get rid of the algorithms. I hate being treated like a fucking wallet. I hate... We all sorta hate saying something out loud, "Nice cigar," and then I know I'm gonna get ads now-

Joe Rogan 57:09 Mm-hmm.

Ari Shaffir 57:10 ... for cigars. Right? That's all fine, I guess. It's just for advertising, but you're not changing my mood to do it.

Joe Rogan 57:17 Yeah. There's... Y- you wanna hear something even weirder? Blair White told me that she had, uh, an app on her phone. A f-... Was it TikTok?

Ari Shaffir 57:27 I don't... Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 57:28 I think it was TikTok. So she met this girl at the gym. They were talking at the gym. They didn't exchange phone numbers. They didn't exchange texts. Then all of a sudden, that girl showed up in her feed.

Ari Shaffir 57:40 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 57:41 And e- and she said that girl had, like, you know, like, 200 followers or something. I forget... I forget what that-

Ari Shaffir 57:44 Th- they know you probably have proximity.

Joe Rogan 57:46 2000 followers.

Tony Hinchcliffe 57:46 Oh, yeah. They know that.

Ari Shaffir 57:46 That doesn't surprise me at all 'cause the first time-

Tony Hinchcliffe 57:47 If your location's on, they know.

Ari Shaffir 57:49 I read something wild about how this works. They-

57:51 Yeah.

57:51 'Cause they... Your, uh, phone is like a... It's like a number. Your... It doesn't know it's who you are, but it knows this number you're attached to. They can, uh, get the data from where your phone is at certain times, so they assume where you're at from 1:00 to 4:00 AM is probably at home. So they find when you're at a place the most at 1:00 to 4:00 AM, they can find out exactly where you live.

58:10 Right.

58:10 So then they know who you are based on other data.

58:12 And they know how to send you ads there for a Sleep Number mattress then.

58:15 Mm-hmm.

58:15 Which is, like-

Joe Rogan 58:15 Wow.

Ari Shaffir 58:15 ... bad but not terrible 'cause it's not doing anything to you. It's just treating you like a wallet that you didn't sign up for.

Joe Rogan 58:20 But that's another level when it introduces you to someone that your phone was near.

Ari Shaffir 58:23 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 58:24 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 58:24 For sure.

Joe Rogan 58:24 (laughs) That's so creepy.

Ari Shaffir 58:26 You get... You, you go to someone's profile, and then within a day, you're getting a text, "Hey, how you been, man? Just thought about you."

Joe Rogan 58:31 Yeah, bro. Our, our phones are talking to each other.

Ari Shaffir 58:33 Oh, yeah.

58:34 Yes.

Joe Rogan 58:34 I mean, this is what's happening.

Ari Shaffir 58:35 Yeah. They need-

Joe Rogan 58:36 And there's artificial intelligence involved, for sure. But my... I wanna go back to this question. Like-

Ari Shaffir 58:40 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 58:41 ... what, what, what else would you do differently? So you would get rid of the algorithms.

Ari Shaffir 58:44 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 58:44 And I, I do think... As much as I like to think that the algorithms can be, uh... You could have willpower and just only look at interesting things, and you get only interesting things in your feed. I also know that there's a lot of-

Ari Shaffir 58:57 That's unrealistic.

Joe Rogan 58:57 It's uns-... P- lot of... There's a lot of people that are susceptible to a lot of weird shit in life-

Ari Shaffir 59:04 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 59:04 ... like that.

Ari Shaffir 59:05 Remember when they, when they said you couldn't market cigarettes to minors anymore? They stopped Joe Camel-

Joe Rogan 59:10 Mm-hmm.

Ari Shaffir 59:10 ... who I know I resemble.

Joe Rogan 59:11 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ari Shaffir 59:11 And, like-

Joe Rogan 59:12 You, because I know I resemble. (laughs) Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 59:14 (laughs) But, like, they were like, "Hey, that's not fair. Then the defense isn't up, and you're gonna addict them forever. That's not fair."

Joe Rogan 59:18 But here's the thing. If you, like... Here's some issues. Like, teenage girls-

Ari Shaffir 59:23 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:23 ... uh, the, uh, they, they have a lot of body image issues that come off of, uh, these Instagram pages and think... So what would be the solution to that? You can't stop them from posting their pictures.

Ari Shaffir 59:35 Right.

Joe Rogan 59:35 Right? And then girls are always gonna compare. And that's the thing about, like, body types and especially, like, with young girls. Like, a lot of it is just a wild genetic roll of the dice.

Ari Shaffir 59:46 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:46 Like, you got lucky, and you got this amazing body. Like that, that does happen. And for some girls, it's, like, infuriating, and it makes them so jealous, and it fills them with anxiety and also gives them, like, weird feelings about their own body, like, "What do I do about this?" And-

Ari Shaffir 59:57 And you're supposed to leave that at school and then not think about it while you're at home after that for the next 16 hours.

Joe Rogan 1:00:01 Right. But they never do.

Ari Shaffir 1:00:02 No, now it's constantly.

Joe Rogan 1:00:03 Well, they... That's even... Then there's the bullying. They bully each other. So, like, they'll, they'll pile onto one girl or another girl, and they'll go after each other, and they'll, you know, shame each other.

Ari Shaffir 1:00:11 Girls are exceptional bullying, way better than us.

Tony Hinchcliffe 1:00:14 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 1:00:15 So, like, if that, if that doesn't stop, the, the emotional bullying stopping. You got at least a guy is like, "I can't beat you up online." But, like, the girls can do exactly what they do online for 16 hours a day.

Joe Rogan 1:00:24 But this is the problem with social media and children. It's like children are not designed for that. You're designed to learn how to communicate and make friends with the group of people-

Ari Shaffir 1:00:32 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:00:32 ... that are around you. But then when you're sniping at each other late at night with, like, these evil text messages-

Ari Shaffir 1:00:39 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:00:39 ... and, and text messages.

Ari Shaffir 1:00:39 Group chats about what someone said about you.

Joe Rogan 1:00:41 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 1:00:41 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 1:00:42 Mm-hmm.

Ari Shaffir 1:00:42 Do you let your kids have them?

Joe Rogan 1:00:44 Yeah. It's a conversation we should have privately.

Ari Shaffir 1:00:47 I honestly... I'm not a parent.

Joe Rogan 1:00:48 I'll, uh... I'll tell you, like, how I regulate it.

Ari Shaffir 1:00:50 Okay.

Joe Rogan 1:00:50 But I, I do. Right. But I-

Ari Shaffir 1:00:51 I talk to my siblings. I talk to cousins. I think... I, I don't have kids. I think you're crazy if you let anyone under 18 have one of those. I think it's nuts to let them have access to that. What... Knowing what we know-

Joe Rogan 1:01:00 There's, there's two arguments. There's two arguments. Yes, it's definitely-

Ari Shaffir 1:01:04 Get-

Joe Rogan 1:01:04 ... dangerous-... and two, if they don't do it and all their friends do it, they feel like a fucking outcast and a weirdo.

Ari Shaffir 1:01:10 Yeah. I guess so. Or-

Joe Rogan 1:01:11 And, and it's gonna, they're g- it's gonna get into their lives anyway. So, what, what do you think you should suggest?

Ari Shaffir 1:01:16 T- start talking-

Joe Rogan 1:01:17 We do it.

Ari Shaffir 1:01:17 Start talking to each other.

Joe Rogan 1:01:18 Okay.

Ari Shaffir 1:01:18 Get all the parents in a class, and be like, "Guys, we gotta get them off this." You, you've all seen it. So, like-

Joe Rogan 1:01:22 But, you also gotta talk to the kids too.

Ari Shaffir 1:01:24 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:01:24 You gotta ... You can't keep them in the dark. You gotta talk ... Can you light her? You gotta talk to them-

Ari Shaffir 1:01:28 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:01:28 ... about what's happening. Like why-

Ari Shaffir 1:01:29 Tell them, show them there's studies and stuff.

Joe Rogan 1:01:31 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ari Shaffir 1:01:31 Kids are smart now.

Joe Rogan 1:01:32 No, I wa- I, I-

Ari Shaffir 1:01:32 Way smarter than we were.

Joe Rogan 1:01:34 ... I played a documentary for them. I played that, um, uh, Social Dilemma documentary.

Ari Shaffir 1:01:39 For who? For your kids?

Joe Rogan 1:01:40 For my kids.

Ari Shaffir 1:01:40 It's pr-

Joe Rogan 1:01:41 They got to-

Ari Shaffir 1:01:41 I mean, it's pretty obvious after you see it.

Joe Rogan 1:01:42 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 1:01:42 They put it in real terms.

Joe Rogan 1:01:43 Yeah. It shows you what's going on. And it makes you think, like, wh- what the negative aspects of this are.

Ari Shaffir 1:01:50 You, you delete an app, and then it's like, it's back on, and, and suddenly, like, "I don't know when it got