Joe Rogan Experience #1755 - Tony Woods

Tony Woods is a veteran standup comedian and comedy writer. An original member of Russell Simmons' Def Comedy Jam, Woods was cited as a major influence by Dave Chappelle.

Joe RoganhostTony WoodsguestAngela Johnsonguest

Jun 27, 20242h 6mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

150 min read · 30,134 words

0:00 – 15:00
(drumming music plays) Joe Rogan podcast,…
1. NANarrator
  (drumming music plays) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.
2. The Joe Rogan Experience.
3. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. (rock music plays)
4. JRJoe Rogan
  You gonna try to do the hat and the-
5. TWTony Woods
  Yeah.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  ... the earphones? How are you gonna work this?
7. TWTony Woods
  'Cause it's bad now. See, it's Christmas.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
9. TWTony Woods
  I can't go get a haircut. (laughs) Like, all of this, uh, I got the, uh, the shadow, the, the-
10. JRJoe Rogan
  All you need is a mirror when you're doing your hair. I cut my own hair.
11. TWTony Woods
  Yeah.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  You do... So, you go somewhere and get your head shaved?
13. TWTony Woods
  I go somewhere, yeah.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
15. TWTony Woods
  It's, it's just... I don't know. I guess it's just the walking in, "Hey, what's up, Tone? How you been, man?"
16. JRJoe Rogan
  Right.
17. TWTony Woods
  "Where your next show at? Hey, yeah, I'm coming around to see you."
18. JRJoe Rogan
  Social.
19. TWTony Woods
  Yeah, it's that, you know.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  It's a social thing.
21. TWTony Woods
  Yeah.
22. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, yeah. I'm antisocial in that way.
23. TWTony Woods
  Yeah.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  I'd just rather shave my own head.
25. TWTony Woods
  Yeah, so you walk in the show.
26. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
27. TWTony Woods
  "So, you really know Joe Rogan?" "Man, what?"
28. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
29. TWTony Woods
  I'm like... (laughs) You know? You do all of that, so...
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Well, that, that is the good thing about barbershops, the-
15:00 – 30:00
What's PS2? …
1. TWTony Woods
  Something was going on.
2. JRJoe Rogan
  What's PS2?
3. TWTony Woods
  It's what you get when you go to the military.
4. JRJoe Rogan
  What is it?
5. TWTony Woods
  Hey, it's not PlayStation. It's more serious than that.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh.
7. TWTony Woods
  'Cause when you guys met me, I was just getting back from the desert. So, and I don't know, I was just always tired. I don't... I, I thought I had narcolepsy, but I would, you know, if, if I was driving and the music wasn't on or the window wasn't down, I'd hit a gravel.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  So were you in, in Desert Storm?
9. TWTony Woods
  Yeah, the first one, the Gulf War.
10. JRJoe Rogan
  And so there are a lot of people in that war, they had that, um, Gulf War syndrome.
11. TWTony Woods
  Yeah.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  Did you-
13. TWTony Woods
  And they all go... No, I ain't gone.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  No.
15. TWTony Woods
  I, I, I don't know what I got. I just, you know.
16. JRJoe Rogan
  But you came back and you were more tired?
17. TWTony Woods
  Yeah.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  Like, more sleepy?
19. TWTony Woods
  But I've, I've, uh, I used to be like super energetic.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  Mm-hmm.
21. TWTony Woods
  Like, if you watch my old... I used to... But I slept more too and stuff. I, I don't know.
22. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs) "I don't know." (laughs)
23. TWTony Woods
  But you, you remember, uh, what's his name? Uh, Jeff...
24. JRJoe Rogan
  Jeff Ross?
25. TWTony Woods
  No. No, he passed away. "Hey, Tony. How you doing? Hey, man. Hey, good to see you again, Tony."
26. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, I know who you're talking about.
27. TWTony Woods
  Vic Henley. Vic.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  Vic Henley.
29. TWTony Woods
  Vic Henley.
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Right, right, right.
30:00 – 45:00
You had to see…
1. TWTony Woods
  He, he, he... Reggie's killing me.
2. JRJoe Rogan
  You had to see it live, right?
3. TWTony Woods
  Yeah, yeah. And I liked his other... What's the other one where he would drop the girl off in a rough neighborhood, but he go, he going, "All right, baby, you be cool. All right? Hey, hey, hey y'all leave her..." (imitates car revving) (laughs)
4. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
5. TWTony Woods
  He drive her home. Hey, come back. "Stop it." "Leave her, she's not..." (imitates car revving) (laughs)
6. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs) Remember the bit he did about the pretty girl always has a ugly friend to try to break into the house-
7. TWTony Woods
  Yeah.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  ... and stop you from making out with her?
9. TWTony Woods
  ... (laughs) "What are you doing?"
10. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs) But he would do the whole thing where he comes crashing through the window.
11. TWTony Woods
  (laughs)
12. JRJoe Rogan
  He would leap through the stage. He was so physical on-
13. TWTony Woods
  Yes.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  ... stage.
15. TWTony Woods
  And, and ... Yeah, Reggie's, Reggie's-
16. JRJoe Rogan
  Big dude.
17. TWTony Woods
  ... a big dude, man.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  Big dude.
19. TWTony Woods
  He used to surf.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  This dude's funny as fuck. I saw him at the Champagne Comedy Club in Mount Vernon. Mt. Vernon-
21. TWTony Woods
  Mm.
22. JRJoe Rogan
  ... New York. And, uh, it was a club that I couldn't work at 'cause you had to be squeaky clean.
23. TWTony Woods
  Uh-huh.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  So I was with my friend, John Tobin. John Tobin opened for Reggie and I remember watching Reggie and thinking like, "This motherfucker's gonna be the biggest-
25. TWTony Woods
  Yeah.
26. JRJoe Rogan
  ... star in the world." He was getting murdered. I mean, thunderous, thunderous laughter.
27. TWTony Woods
  Mm. Hey there, remember he was on the Dr Pepper commercial?
28. JRJoe Rogan
  (clicks tongue) I don't remember that.
29. TWTony Woods
  That was, that was way back. That was like, for a comedian to get something like that, you say-
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Right.
45:00 – 1:00:00
Yeah. (laughs) …
1. TWTony Woods
  He says... Because he says, "You snort cocaine and go (sniffs) I want to talk to somebody who's not here." (laughs)
2. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. (laughs)
3. TWTony Woods
  And that's the guy-
4. JRJoe Rogan
  It's a great bit.
5. TWTony Woods
  ... who invented the... Yeah.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, that's a great bit.
7. TWTony Woods
  Invented the telephone, yeah.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. "I want to talk to somebody who's not even here." (laughs)
9. TWTony Woods
  Who's not... Yeah, so that's good. Yeah. And I was there the day that Bernie did his thing and, um, that was like a matinee show, like 2:00 in the afternoon. So the crowd just wasn't like, "Uh." And Angela Means went on. A friend of mine, Butch Burns, who's also from DC, he went on. Eh, didn't... 'Cause I think... I wouldn't say Butch bombed, but Butch stood there as if he was in a club, like as if he was at The Cellar.
10. JRJoe Rogan
  Right.
11. TWTony Woods
  He just had his hand on the mic stand. You know, just, "Hey." They say, "What's up?" Like, "No, son. This ain't the spot for that, man." (laughs)
12. JRJoe Rogan
  Right.
13. TWTony Woods
  You got to come out on... Yeah.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
15. TWTony Woods
  You got to come out on some Joe Rogan. (screeching)
16. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
17. TWTony Woods
  So... (laughs) I'm... Even I'm laid back, but when you see me on Def Jam, no. (screeching) That's how I came out.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  When Bernie came out and, um, and goes, "I'm not afraid of none of you motherfuckers."
19. TWTony Woods
  Yeah, "I ain't afraid to kick it."
20. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
21. TWTony Woods
  Boom. It's just like that shit was-
22. JRJoe Rogan
  Boom. He just took it off. When-
23. TWTony Woods
  'Cause, 'cause they were-
24. JRJoe Rogan
  Bernie had power.
25. TWTony Woods
  I know, but they were like... You know, 'cause there was blood in the water.
26. JRJoe Rogan
  Yes.
27. TWTony Woods
  And they was like, (slurping) .
28. JRJoe Rogan
  They were ready.
29. TWTony Woods
  They goes... They was like, "Ooh, we gonna boo him too." (laughs)
30. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
1:00:00 – 1:12:38
They thought it was…
1. TWTony Woods
  on the thing, so they're like, "Ah, this is a motherfucker."
2. JRJoe Rogan
  They thought it was a setup.
3. TWTony Woods
  Thought it was a setup. They th-
4. JRJoe Rogan
  So they thought you were just a longtime pro-
5. TWTony Woods
  Yeah.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  ... and it was all bullshit.
7. TWTony Woods
  And, yeah, I was bullshitting them.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  And you were, uh, a rigged guy.
9. TWTony Woods
  Yeah.
10. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
11. TWTony Woods
  They, like I was, like I was a s- a shoe-in. I was just in there. Yeah, but I, I wasn't. I was, I was actually a new dude.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  D- one of the things that people have always asked me about you, they go, "Where is his specials? Like how come he doesn't have specials out?"
13. TWTony Woods
  Mm-hmm.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  'Cause peop- so many people will talk about how funny you are, but they go, "How do I see him?"
15. TWTony Woods
  Mm-hmm.
16. JRJoe Rogan
  How... Do you, do you have any specials? Have you put out any specials?
17. TWTony Woods
  I did, I did a s- I did a special, uh, in Australia some years ago by accident. It was fu-
18. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
19. TWTony Woods
  It was on The Comedy Channel. They still talk about it in Australia. That's the first time... Me and Greer Barnes went over there the first time and I was the last one, right? You're supposed to do seven minutes, TV taping. I was the last one. I was smashing that shit, killing and boom-... the after, you hear the au- the, the announcer go, "Ladies and gentlemen, Tony Woods." 'Cause I had done 25 minutes.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh. So he said it while you were on stage talking?
21. TWTony Woods
  Yeah. 'Cause I was killing it. (laughs)
22. JRJoe Rogan
  'Cause he thought you got offstage.
23. TWTony Woods
  I wasn't, I wasn't, I wasn't gonna stop. But it worked out. Like you ever see that movie O Brother, Where Art Thou?
24. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
25. TWTony Woods
  So the rest of the festival, me, Greer Barnes, Renee Hicks, and this, uh, Sue, I think Sue Miller or Sue Murphy, we were there. And I was supposed to be the headliner. I just, it just wasn't hitting. It just, I just, I could do other people's show. I could go to Joe's show and rip, but in my show, it just, I was like, "Fuck." I just, I couldn't get it and everybody's like, "Is this the guy?" Then they said, "Do you wanna go on the road?" So we're gonna go on the road and they have A tour, B tour, C tour. So they put me on a tour and since my shows weren't all that good, they had me in the opening spot. Like they have an emcee, one, two, and a, a, a, what do you call it, intermission, and then, and then one or two more guys. And did you ever see O Brother, Where Art Thou? With George Clooney?
26. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. Yeah.
27. TWTony Woods
  And remember they had been on the run, they were doing all this other shit.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  Mm-hmm.
29. TWTony Woods
  And then they snuck on, they was gonna get a gig, and they walked out on stage and they said, "The Soggy Bottom Boys." They, everybody went, "Ah!" 'Cause the shit had aired on television the set that I had done-
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh.

Episode duration: 2:06:55

Install uListen for AI-powered chat & search across the full episode — Get Full Transcript

Transcript of episode BOOhFVEQhZY

Get more out of YouTube videos.

High quality summaries for YouTube videos. Accurate transcripts to search & find moments. Powered by ChatGPT & Claude AI.

Add to Chrome

(drumming music plays) Joe Rogan podcast,…

What's PS2? …

You had to see…

Yeah. (laughs) …

They thought it was…

Get more out of YouTube videos.