Joe Rogan Experience #1755 - Tony Woods

1. 0:00 – 0:13

   Intro

   1. NANarrator0:02

      (drumming music plays) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

   2. The Joe Rogan Experience.

   3. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. (rock music plays)

2. 0:13 – 1:36

   Bald heads, barbershops, and aging into it

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:13

      You gonna try to do the hat and the-

   2. TWTony Woods0:15

      Yeah.

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:15

      ... the earphones? How are you gonna work this?

   4. TWTony Woods0:17

      'Cause it's bad now. See, it's Christmas.

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:20

      (laughs)

   6. TWTony Woods0:20

      I can't go get a haircut. (laughs) Like, all of this, uh, I got the, uh, the shadow, the, the-

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:24

      All you need is a mirror when you're doing your hair. I cut my own hair.

   8. TWTony Woods0:28

      Yeah.

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:28

      You do... So, you go somewhere and get your head shaved?

   10. TWTony Woods0:30

       I go somewhere, yeah.

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:31

       Yeah.

   12. TWTony Woods0:31

       It's, it's just... I don't know. I guess it's just the walking in, "Hey, what's up, Tone? How you been, man?"

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:37

       Right.

   14. TWTony Woods0:37

       "Where your next show at? Hey, yeah, I'm coming around to see you."

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:39

       Social.

   16. TWTony Woods0:39

       Yeah, it's that, you know.

   17. JRJoe Rogan0:40

       It's a social thing.

   18. TWTony Woods0:41

       Yeah.

   19. JRJoe Rogan0:42

       Yeah, yeah. I'm antisocial in that way.

   20. TWTony Woods0:43

       Yeah.

   21. JRJoe Rogan0:43

       I'd just rather shave my own head.

   22. TWTony Woods0:45

       Yeah, so you walk in the show.

   23. JRJoe Rogan0:45

       (laughs)

   24. TWTony Woods0:46

       "So, you really know Joe Rogan?" "Man, what?"

   25. JRJoe Rogan0:48

       (laughs)

   26. TWTony Woods0:48

       I'm like... (laughs) You know? You do all of that, so...

   27. JRJoe Rogan0:52

       Well, that, that is the good thing about barbershops, the-

   28. TWTony Woods0:55

       Yeah.

   29. JRJoe Rogan0:55

       ... the male beauty salon.

   30. TWTony Woods0:56

       Yeah.
3. 1:36 – 6:15

   Comics avoiding each other’s sets: bombing, energy, and room dynamics

   1. TWTony Woods1:36

      And I remember the last show that we did.

   2. JRJoe Rogan1:39

      What? Where was it?

   3. TWTony Woods1:40

      It was in the Bronx. It was at a college, right? And whenever s-... somebody's ripping, I just, I d-... 'Cause I, I don't wanna watch and it get in my head, you know?

   4. JRJoe Rogan1:50

      Right.

   5. TWTony Woods1:51

      And some, some comedians think, "Oh, you didn't see my set." Like, "I, I don't wanna watch your set, dog." And you up there, you like, "Aah!"

   6. JRJoe Rogan2:01

      (laughs)

   7. TWTony Woods2:01

      "Aah!" (laughs) You were doing something about girls who sound like a cockatoo.

   8. JRJoe Rogan2:04

      Oh, I was... You know, it was girls with cr- crazy big hair.

   9. TWTony Woods2:07

      And you was like, "Aah!"

   10. JRJoe Rogan2:09

       (laughs)

   11. TWTony Woods2:09

       And they were screaming. I'm like, "I gotta go outside." (laughs)

   12. JRJoe Rogan2:12

       (laughs)

   13. TWTony Woods2:13

       "I don't know what he talking about, but I gotta go outside, man. I gotta go outside."

   14. JRJoe Rogan2:16

       The Bronx, huh?

   15. TWTony Woods2:17

       It w-

   16. JRJoe Rogan2:17

       A college in the Bronx?

   17. TWTony Woods2:19

       It was, yeah, it was...

   18. JRJoe Rogan2:20

       Man, I don't even remember that. If somebody asked me, "Did you ever do a college in the Bronx?" I'd be like, "Nah."

   19. TWTony Woods2:24

       Yeah, it was, it was right on the 1 and the 9.

   20. JRJoe Rogan2:26

       Yeah.

   21. TWTony Woods2:26

       Yeah, you... Yeah, it's me, you, um, (whistles) I can't remember, but I just remember you, you like, "Aah!"

   22. JRJoe Rogan2:36

       (laughs)

   23. TWTony Woods2:36

       And you going back and forth. I'm like, "I don't..." And they were screaming. I'm like, "Okay, I don't know what that joke is, but-"

   24. JRJoe Rogan2:41

       (laughs) Gotta get outta here.

   25. TWTony Woods2:43

       I gotta get outta here.

   26. JRJoe Rogan2:44

       I gotta get out of there if someone's bombing too.

   27. TWTony Woods2:45

       Yeah.

   28. JRJoe Rogan2:45

       I can't watch that.

   29. TWTony Woods2:46

       Yeah, tha-... Yeah, that is... Yeah.

   30. JRJoe Rogan2:48

       That fucks with my head because then I think nothing's funny.
4. 6:15 – 9:51

   Tony’s DIY podcasts: biking livestreams and why group shows fall apart

   1. TWTony Woods6:15

      And, and I'm, I'm gonna tell you something, man. For years, like randomly, people go, "Yo, they were talking about you on the Joe Rogan show."

   2. JRJoe Rogan6:22

      (laughs)

   3. TWTony Woods6:22

      And I'm like, "What's that?" (laughs)

   4. JRJoe Rogan6:24

      (laughs)

   5. TWTony Woods6:24

      'Cause, 'cause I'm just kinda not in the loop.

   6. JRJoe Rogan6:27

      Right.

   7. TWTony Woods6:28

      So I started my own podcast, it's called the Lonely Ass Bike Club, where I just ride my bike, I put my phone on there and I go on FaceTime and... I mean, Facebook Live, and I just talk.

   8. JRJoe Rogan6:39

      While you're riding your bike?

   9. TWTony Woods6:40

      While I'm riding my bike.

   10. JRJoe Rogan6:40

       Oh, all right.

   11. TWTony Woods6:41

       I just talk about stuff.

   12. JRJoe Rogan6:42

       That's a cool idea.

   13. TWTony Woods6:42

       You just... Oh, you s-... You see my face and whatever's on my mind just pops up.

   14. JRJoe Rogan6:45

       I like that.

   15. TWTony Woods6:46

       And, and I've been doing that, well, for about two or three years. But I also have a podcast. We had a group and it was called First Episode Again With Tony Woods. So it was like, if things ain't going right, don't worry, it's the first episode.

   16. JRJoe Rogan7:00

       (laughs)

   17. TWTony Woods7:00

       We got this, right?

   18. JRJoe Rogan7:01

       Right.

   19. TWTony Woods7:02

       And it had, it had a woman, Maya. It had a guy who was a lawyer. Another guy who's like... He... His name is Chevis, so he's like... It's as if we were on a bus, he's the guy in the back and, like, you're talking about something interesting and then he'll scream out, "Oh, that's 'cause of global warming, motherfucker."

   20. JRJoe Rogan7:18

       (laughs)

   21. TWTony Woods7:18

       Like that, and you go, "You know he may be right." You know what I'm saying? He just has a... Yeah. So, him and, uh... And, and we were doing... We was... It was going good. And, uh, I think the, the main guy got tired.

   22. JRJoe Rogan7:31

       Yeah, just got tired of doing it?

   23. TWTony Woods7:33

       Yeah, 'cause it became a job. Like, "Oh, remember, we gotta meet at this time." Like, "Ah."

   24. JRJoe Rogan7:38

       Yeah, but that's the thing that fucks comics up more than anything, is the consistency.

   25. TWTony Woods7:42

       Yeah.

   26. JRJoe Rogan7:43

       Consistency of, you know, doing shows and-

   27. TWTony Woods7:46

       No one-

   28. JRJoe Rogan7:46

       ... just showing up.

   29. TWTony Woods7:48

       No one ever complains at the Lonely Ass Bike Club Chronicles podcast.

   30. JRJoe Rogan7:52

       (laughs) 'Cause it's just you.
5. 9:51 – 10:01

   Why performers hate watching themselves—and the pressure of recording specials

   1. JRJoe Rogan9:51

      You got something coming out soon, right?

   2. TWTony Woods9:53

      I think. (laughs)

   3. JRJoe Rogan9:55

      (laughs)

   4. TWTony Woods9:55

      Yeah.

   5. JRJoe Rogan9:56

      Don't you? Don't you?

   6. TWTony Woods9:57

      I do, yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan9:58

      Don't you have a special coming out? When is it?

   8. TWTony Woods9:59

      I don't know yet.

   9. JRJoe Rogan10:00

      You don't know?

6. 10:01 – 12:35

   Picking a venue (and debunking casino oxygen myths)

   1. TWTony Woods10:01

      We're still looking for a venue. So, 'cause I, I, I don't wanna do it like in a blah blah, a big grandiose place.

   2. JRJoe Rogan10:07

      A big place? Do it at a comic club?

   3. TWTony Woods10:07

      I like doing it... Yeah, and I just did a, a comedy club in Wilmington, North Carolina. It's called The Dead Crow. Right, which, yeah, you wouldn't even think that's a comedy club. It's, it's... I just... They redid it. You ever been there before?

   4. JRJoe Rogan10:19

      No, but I mean, like, the Laughing Skull is a great place and that's got a fucked up name too.

   5. TWTony Woods10:23

      Yeah. And I like the one in Denver. The one-

   6. JRJoe Rogan10:26

      Comedy Works?

   7. TWTony Woods10:27

      Yeah, the one with the, with the oxygen pumped in.

   8. JRJoe Rogan10:30

      Really? There's oxygen pumped in?

   9. TWTony Woods10:31

      It feel like, feel like a casino when I'm in there.

   10. JRJoe Rogan10:33

       Which place is that? Is that Comedy Works?

   11. TWTony Woods10:35

       It's the one downtown.

   12. JRJoe Rogan10:36

       Yeah, that has oxygen pumped into it?

   13. TWTony Woods10:38

       It... Have, have you ever had a bad set there?

   14. JRJoe Rogan10:40

       It's a good place. I think it's just got good vibes.

   15. TWTony Woods10:42

       And everybody is having a ball.

   16. JRJoe Rogan10:44

       That's true.

   17. TWTony Woods10:44

       Yeah.

   18. JRJoe Rogan10:44

       But they're all accustomed to that air.

   19. TWTony Woods10:47

       I don't know, dog.

   20. JRJoe Rogan10:48

       (laughs) You think it's like a casino?

   21. TWTony Woods10:50

       (laughs) I don't know, 'cause I feel like, "Double down, let's keep it moving, man."

   22. JRJoe Rogan10:53

       (laughs)

   23. TWTony Woods10:54

       'Cause you know when you're in a casino, they say, "Oh, how long you been there?" "Oh, about, about 20 minutes." "What? It's 4:00 AM." "Woo, my bad." Like that. 'Cause the oxy-... You just... It just feels-

   24. JRJoe Rogan11:04

       I don't know if that's true.

   25. TWTony Woods11:05

       Yeah.

   26. JRJoe Rogan11:05

       Do you think they really do pump oxygen in the casinos?

   27. TWTony Woods11:07

       Okay, don't, like, say that I said it. Say that I heard somebody say it.

   28. JRJoe Rogan11:11

       No, but I've heard it. I've heard it. I've heard people say it.

   29. TWTony Woods11:13

       Well, then it's true.

   30. JRJoe Rogan11:13

       Let's find out. Do they pump oxygen into casinos?
7. 12:35 – 14:28

   Speech impediment, the power of pauses, and Tony’s signature delivery

   1. TWTony Woods12:35

      Yeah. And, and, and, and the real th- the real thing is I had a speech impediment as a child and they just said, you know, 'cause I'd get excited and whatnot-

   2. JRJoe Rogan12:49

      You would stammer?

   3. TWTony Woods12:50

      Not, yeah, nothing was coming out. They just said, "Just think about it and sing it out."

   4. JRJoe Rogan12:54

      Mm.

   5. TWTony Woods12:55

      Yeah, so I said, "Joe." (laughs)

   6. JRJoe Rogan13:01

      (laughs)

   7. TWTony Woods13:01

      But you get older and stuff and... And my, uh, my middle son, he had that too. He, he, he hated it because everybody, everybody loved the way he talked. He was like, "Can I go to McDonald's?" You know, but by then-

   8. JRJoe Rogan13:15

      So he'd just say it out.

   9. TWTony Woods13:16

      But by then, whoom, we passed McDonald's.

   10. JRJoe Rogan13:20

       (laughs)

   11. TWTony Woods13:20

       (laughs) So yeah, I'm like, man.

   12. JRJoe Rogan13:23

       So it wasn't a stutter, it was just like a pause?

   13. TWTony Woods13:25

       A pause. It's just-

   14. JRJoe Rogan13:26

       Yeah.

   15. TWTony Woods13:27

       ... your, your, your brain is working faster than your mouth.

   16. JRJoe Rogan13:30

       Isn't it funny that that actually helps in comedy?

   17. TWTony Woods13:32

       Yes.

   18. JRJoe Rogan13:33

       That pause, like, that sort of embodied your style.

   19. TWTony Woods13:37

       Yeah. As, as a matter of fact, I heard, I heard a comedian complain about it one time.

   20. JRJoe Rogan13:42

       He complained about your style?

   21. TWTony Woods13:44

       He said, "Look at him, he's killing and he only went, 'Eh.'" (laughs)

   22. JRJoe Rogan13:51

       (laughs)

   23. TWTony Woods13:51

       Because you know, sometimes we go, "Eh."

   24. JRJoe Rogan13:53

       Yeah.

   25. TWTony Woods13:54

       And he said, "He's killing and all he said was 'Eh.'"

   26. JRJoe Rogan13:57

       That's hilarious that someone would complain that you're doing so great-

   27. TWTony Woods14:01

       Yeah.

   28. JRJoe Rogan14:01

       ... with, with a slow style.

   29. TWTony Woods14:03

       Eh.

   30. JRJoe Rogan14:03

       A slow, easygoing style.
8. 14:28 – 17:50

   Boston Comedy Club memories, Desert Storm, and getting “activated” mid-tour

   1. TWTony Woods14:28

      You remember when you woke me up one time?

   2. JRJoe Rogan14:29

      I'm like, "God, he's so calm and casual up there." I was so relaxed.

   3. TWTony Woods14:29

      You remember when you woke me up one time?

   4. JRJoe Rogan14:29

      I woke you up? Why?

   5. TWTony Woods14:30

      Yeah. Remember I used to sleep in the back of the Boston Comedy Club?

   6. JRJoe Rogan14:32

      Okay. Yeah.

   7. TWTony Woods14:33

      And somebody would go, "Hey, tell Tony he's next."

   8. JRJoe Rogan14:35

      Right.

   9. TWTony Woods14:36

      And you was like, "Hey man, you next." I'm like, "Dude." (laughs)

   10. JRJoe Rogan14:41

       (laughs) You were sleeping.

   11. TWTony Woods14:42

       I'm sleeping. When they call my name, I'll wake up, man.

   12. JRJoe Rogan14:46

       They cut right before you go on stage. (laughs)

   13. TWTony Woods14:48

       What are you doing?

   14. JRJoe Rogan14:48

       That's hilarious.

   15. TWTony Woods14:49

       Yeah. See, it's just that little corner back there at the Boston Comedy Club.

   16. JRJoe Rogan14:53

       Yep.

   17. TWTony Woods14:53

       It's just I was always tired, man.

   18. JRJoe Rogan14:55

       (laughs)

   19. TWTony Woods14:57

       I think I had PS2. Something was going on.

   20. JRJoe Rogan15:00

       What's PS2?

   21. TWTony Woods15:02

       It's what you get when you go to the military.

   22. JRJoe Rogan15:04

       What is it?

   23. TWTony Woods15:05

       Hey, it's not PlayStation. It's more serious than that.

   24. JRJoe Rogan15:08

       Oh.

   25. TWTony Woods15:08

       'Cause when you guys met me, I was just getting back from the desert. So, and I don't know, I was just always tired. I don't... I, I thought I had narcolepsy, but I would, you know, if, if I was driving and the music wasn't on or the window wasn't down, I'd hit a gravel.

   26. JRJoe Rogan15:26

       So were you in, in Desert Storm?

   27. TWTony Woods15:27

       Yeah, the first one, the Gulf War.

   28. JRJoe Rogan15:29

       And so there are a lot of people in that war, they had that, um, Gulf War syndrome.

   29. TWTony Woods15:33

       Yeah.

   30. JRJoe Rogan15:34

       Did you-
9. 17:50 – 20:58

   Key West reality check: paradise drive, crowds, and sewage in the ocean

   1. JRJoe Rogan17:50

      I've never been to Key West, but I hear it's amazing down there.

   2. TWTony Woods17:52

      It is. It's nice. But it's like no beach.

   3. JRJoe Rogan17:55

      Really?

   4. TWTony Woods17:57

      I mean, it's, it's... They got like... If you stay at a hotel or something, they might have their own little private beach. Back in the day when I was stationed down there, it was, you know, beaches everywhere. But the place wasn't as full as it is now. It kind of smells kind of Newarkish.

   5. JRJoe Rogan18:11

      Newarkish?

   6. TWTony Woods18:12

      Yeah, because too many people.

   7. JRJoe Rogan18:14

      Oh, right.

   8. TWTony Woods18:14

      Like, with the sewage and stuff like that.

   9. JRJoe Rogan18:16

      So, sewage is going in the ocean?

   10. TWTony Woods18:18

       Yeah.

   11. JRJoe Rogan18:19

       Ugh.

   12. TWTony Woods18:19

       Al- on one side of the island, it's like, mm.

   13. JRJoe Rogan18:21

       Ugh. How weird is that, that we just dump our sewage right into-

   14. TWTony Woods18:24

       Man.

   15. JRJoe Rogan18:24

       ... the ocean?

   16. TWTony Woods18:25

       But the other little islands, the best thing is, is the drive. Like, you leave from Miami or Fort Lauderdale, something like that, get a car and just cruise down and just stop at little seafood shacks and stuff and have what would cost $200 at a regular restaurant, you, you hitting it ... You just hitting it and just... And this, uh, it's a three-hour drive, two-lane highway and you can stop, go fishing, go swimming, do whatever. It's just, it's dope.

   17. JRJoe Rogan18:53

       I've never been. I keep hearing great things about it and I hear the people down there, they're ba- it's basically not America.

   18. TWTony Woods19:00

       Yeah.

   19. JRJoe Rogan19:00

       It's like they're island living.

   20. TWTony Woods19:02

       Yeah. It's j- yeah, it's a-

   21. JRJoe Rogan19:03

       Relaxed.

   22. TWTony Woods19:04

       ... Bahama villages.

   23. JRJoe Rogan19:05

       Yeah.

   24. TWTony Woods19:06

       It's, uh, and they have a Caribbean accent and everything. And it's just, just, it's just, it's, it's like driving to the Caribbean, no lie. You have a good time you go down there. But whereas Key West would be, bang, New York City, but all the little sleepy ones on the way-

   25. JRJoe Rogan19:21

       Mm-hmm. Along the way.

   26. TWTony Woods19:22

       ... are, are, are dope, you know.

   27. JRJoe Rogan19:23

       So, is Key West crowded now?

   28. TWTony Woods19:25

       It's, yeah, it is kinda crowded. I was down there in the summer. I was, yeah.

   29. JRJoe Rogan19:28

       'Cause everybody knows about it?

   30. TWTony Woods19:30

       As, as a matter of fact-
10. 20:58 – 22:53

    Mike Tyson admiration and Tony’s life-on-a-bike (literally)

    1. JRJoe Rogan20:58

       When you see Mike Tyson in person, you don't even notice that tattoo. That's what's weird.

    2. TWTony Woods21:02

       No, I know, man. I-

    3. JRJoe Rogan21:03

       It's just, you don't, you have to, like, think about it.

    4. TWTony Woods21:06

       I s- I saw his, uh, his... That's, he's the first one I watched, man. A- and it was so good and, um, like, you know how people assume that he's not... But I'm like, that dude, the way he fights, he's, he's, he's gotta b- he's gotta be smart. And then when he did comedy, his comedy special was better than like a lot of comedians.

    5. JRJoe Rogan21:29

       Oh, you mean that, that one hour thing that he did where he talked about his life-

    6. TWTony Woods21:33

       Yeah.

    7. JRJoe Rogan21:34

       ... like a live show? Yeah.

    8. TWTony Woods21:35

       Yeah.

    9. JRJoe Rogan21:35

       No, he's, he's very smart.

    10. TWTony Woods21:37

        Yeah, man.

    11. JRJoe Rogan21:38

        Mike's very smart. He's just, you know-

    12. TWTony Woods21:40

        Yeah.

    13. JRJoe Rogan21:40

        ... he's a professional boxer-

    14. TWTony Woods21:41

        Mm-hmm.

    15. JRJoe Rogan21:41

        ... and he's had a crazy ass life. But you have to be intelligent to be able to perform under pressure the way he did.

    16. TWTony Woods21:47

        Yeah.

    17. JRJoe Rogan21:49

        You have to be able to manage that. People think that, you know, that that's not hard to do. That's insanely hard to do. You're, he's, and he's managing movement and speed and technique and he's doing it all against the best boxers in the world at this time.

    18. TWTony Woods22:01

        The, and, and everybody was way bigger than him.

    19. JRJoe Rogan22:03

        Way bigger. I mean, Mike is only like an inch taller than me. And-

    20. TWTony Woods22:07

        I saw him in there. Yeah.

    21. JRJoe Rogan22:08

        He's not that tall. Maybe two inches taller than me. He might be like 5'10" and he's as wide as a fucking building. But when he was in his prime, the beautiful thing about that was that he would bob and weave and duck under shit. Like, people would be throwing punches and he was nowhere near them.

    22. TWTony Woods22:25

        I, I like when-

    23. JRJoe Rogan22:26

        He was so good.

    24. TWTony Woods22:27

        I like when he said, uh, that was good comedy timing when you said, "Yo, man, I saw this amazing video. You did this, you did that, you did that." He said, "Yeah, man, I was fucked up for a week after that." (laughs)

    25. JRJoe Rogan22:38

        (laughs) Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

    26. TWTony Woods22:40

        I was like, "That's me." 'Cause people say, "Man, I saw you on Facebook riding your bike." He said, "You really did like 100 miles?" I'm like, "Yeah." (growls) But I was fucked up for the next week. I had sciatica and all this other...

11. 22:53 – 31:28

    Bike fitting, sciatica, old injuries returning—and the ‘cicadas’ analogy

    1. JRJoe Rogan22:53

       Well, you were talking to me about how you had your bike fitted to you.

    2. TWTony Woods22:56

       Yes.

    3. JRJoe Rogan22:56

       I didn't know that you get bikes fitted.

    4. TWTony Woods22:58

       Yeah, I, well, I've been, I used to be a bike messenger, all that stuff, I always got like crossbars and stuff like that and I just never thought about it. And because when you're a bike messenger, you stop and go and stop and go in all day long. But I was riding and I bought this bike in Dubai when I was over there in Dubai and, uh, the bikes are way cheaper 'cause America marked them up 300%. So I got this really nice road bike and-

    5. JRJoe Rogan23:22

       And did you have to ship it over here?

    6. TWTony Woods23:23

       Yeah, they shipped it over, but, you know-

    7. JRJoe Rogan23:24

       Mm-hmm.

    8. TWTony Woods23:25

       ... how, you know, it came like golf clubs or something you don't have to pay for, you know?

    9. JRJoe Rogan23:28

       Mm-hmm.

    10. TWTony Woods23:29

        So, so I'm riding and this other guy who's obviously a, a, a bicyclist he goes... 'Cause I'm doing like this, he goes, "Hey man, that's a nice bike. You need to get it fitted." Like, "What?" I'm like, "This is my height. I know what my..." He says, "No, you need to get it fitted." And then he was like showing me, he's like, "You go get it fitted." I'm like, "How much does that cost?" He said, "Ah, between 2 and 4 depends on where you go." I'm like, "2 and 400 for somebody to tell me to adjust..." But like she was saying out there, it's really intense. You're up on a machine and they're doing this and everything, the, the pedal stroke. Like, like if your, if your things on your pedals are not long enough, they'll either lengthen them or shorten them and then you, you're just ev- so it's like a, a nice suit to where it's not-

    11. JRJoe Rogan24:18

        Mm-hmm.

    12. TWTony Woods24:18

        'Cause you see them guys like...

    13. JRJoe Rogan24:20

        Right.

    14. TWTony Woods24:20

        Them guys who ride in the park and go, "On your left."... like-

    15. JRJoe Rogan24:24

        Yeah. (laughs)

    16. TWTony Woods24:25

        ... thank you, fuck you. You coulda went around me.

    17. JRJoe Rogan24:26

        Yeah.

    18. TWTony Woods24:26

        You just had to announce it, "He's right there, on your left." (whooshing sounds) Like that, so it does that.

    19. JRJoe Rogan24:33

        Professionals.

    20. TWTony Woods24:34

        Yeah.

    21. JRJoe Rogan24:35

        Dudes are really into it.

    22. TWTony Woods24:36

        Yeah. But 'cause I-

    23. JRJoe Rogan24:37

        So it made a big difference, though, when they fitted it for you?

    24. TWTony Woods24:39

        Oh, uh, but I was already, already hurting, and the guy who did the fitting, he says, "Bicycling is not supposed to hurt." (laughs)

    25. JRJoe Rogan24:48

        (laughs)

    26. TWTony Woods24:48

        "He sh- you should go to the doctor." And I was like, "I wanna go. I'm scared." But I didn't say that.

    27. JRJoe Rogan24:53

        So were you getting sciatica?

    28. TWTony Woods24:55

        Yeah, so come to find out, from the accident... Do you remember Angelo, uh, Lozada? Rest in peace.

    29. JRJoe Rogan25:01

        Yeah.

    30. TWTony Woods25:02

        Angelo Lozada, Eric Nieves, we w- we did a show in Jersey one night. It was, uh, like, 2001, something like that. And, you know, I'm in the back seat, and we're driving, and they're s- they're speaking Spanish in the front. They're not arguing, but they're just getting faster and faster and faster. (rapidly chattering)
12. 31:28 – 39:16

    DC and NYC comedy lineage: lost legends, documentaries, and Def Jam energy

    1. JRJoe Rogan31:28

       It was a, a great time. That time in the '90s in New York, such an interesting time, 'cause so many good comics were there. You know? It's where I first s- saw Chappelle. He was 19.

    2. TWTony Woods31:39

       When I first-

    3. JRJoe Rogan31:39

       I saw him at, uh, Catch A Rising Star.

    4. TWTony Woods31:42

       See that, that's when I was, I was gone. I was, uh, doing my duty or whatever. And like, uh, Warren Hutcherson and, um, and Dave, they all came up to New York. Everybody came up to n- As a matter of fact, there's ... Someone just did a documentary. They did, they did a documentary. It's a s- it's a sizzle. I'll let you see it. And, um-

    5. JRJoe Rogan32:02

       Send it to Jamie.

    6. TWTony Woods32:03

       Okay. And it's, uh-

    7. JRJoe Rogan32:04

       Can you, uh, Air Drop it?

    8. TWTony Woods32:05

       And, and they got the ... Yeah, they got the, uh, they got the love scene with me and Wanda.

    9. JRJoe Rogan32:10

       What is it?

    10. TWTony Woods32:11

        Yeah, yeah. You gotta see it now. It's just a whole bunch of little clips of, uh, of the c- of all the comedians back in the day, um, from DC. Here it is.

    11. JRJoe Rogan32:22

        Wanda came from DC too?

    12. TWTony Woods32:23

        Yeah.

    13. JRJoe Rogan32:24

        Oh, I didn't know that.

    14. TWTony Woods32:24

        Okay, how do I s- how do I send this to you?

    15. JRJoe Rogan32:26

        Do you got Air Drop?

    16. TWTony Woods32:27

        Yeah. I got that.

    17. JRJoe Rogan32:27

        Send it. You see Jamie Vernon. Yeah.

    18. NANarrator32:29

        Do you see that?

    19. JRJoe Rogan32:30

        Yeah. It'll say like, my Bo- my MacBook Pro or something like that.

    20. TWTony Woods32:33

        No, this is an iPhone.

    21. JRJoe Rogan32:34

        Yeah, yeah. Uh- Um, that might be me.

    22. TWTony Woods32:38

        And it's all ... It's, it's Dave, it's Tommy Davidson. It's, uh, The Fat Doctor, you know, Louis, uh, Lewis Black.

    23. JRJoe Rogan32:46

        Yeah.

    24. TWTony Woods32:46

        Uh, what's her name? What was the girl's name?

    25. JRJoe Rogan32:49

        Lewis Black came from DC?

    26. TWTony Woods32:51

        Yeah. Patton Oswalt. Um-

    27. JRJoe Rogan32:53

        Patton came from DC too?

    28. TWTony Woods32:55

        As a-

    29. JRJoe Rogan32:55

        Wow.

    30. TWTony Woods32:55

        As a matter of fact, the last sh- the last show I did before I went to the Gulf War was me, Patton Oswalt-
13. 39:16 – 47:03

    Viral fame vs. a real hour: TikTok stars, short clips, and crowd expectations

    1. JRJoe Rogan39:16

       They're doing a lot of that now. Some of these improvs where they have, like, a, a TikTok star will come, come on because they can get a bunch of people to come see 'em-

    2. TWTony Woods39:24

       Yeah.

    3. JRJoe Rogan39:24

       ... but they don't have an act.

    4. TWTony Woods39:26

       Yeah.

    5. JRJoe Rogan39:26

       But they'll fill out the place.

    6. TWTony Woods39:28

       Yeah.

    7. JRJoe Rogan39:28

       They'll sell out multiple nights in a row.

    8. TWTony Woods39:30

       'Cause my son says about some, uh, comedian like that. He goes, "I laugh by him, man. Me and my coworkers laugh by him all day at work, Dad. Do you know him?" And I go, "I don't, I don't know this guy." And then I see what he's talking about, and it is funny as I don't know what. It's fucking seven seconds long.

    9. JRJoe Rogan39:46

       Right. (laughs)

    10. TWTony Woods39:48

        (laughs) And so I'm like... And they just keep passing around, "Look." And, and then I'm like, "And, uh-"

    11. JRJoe Rogan39:52

        Yeah.

    12. TWTony Woods39:52

        "... and you're gonna pay $50 to go see that guy?" I'm like, "What other videos he got?" "He got some other stuff. He's got some other stuff, Dad." I'm like, "You know, all together, just about two minutes of funny." (laughs)

    13. JRJoe Rogan40:02

        Well, there's, there was comedians that, uh, would... The girl's name is Angela Johnson, was the w- girl that did that, uh, nail salon bit, right? Was it, was it Angela Johnson?

    14. TWTony Woods40:13

        Uh-huh.

    15. JRJoe Rogan40:13

        The Vietna- Vietnamese nail salon bit? When she was, uh, a middle act, she was so popular that people would come to see her and leave before the headliner.

    16. TWTony Woods40:23

        Wow.

    17. JRJoe Rogan40:24

        So they were coming to see her, but she, you know, only was doing comedy a short period of time, but her, this bit that she had where she was imitating a Vietnamese nail salon lady was so good that people would come to see her.

    18. TWTony Woods40:36

        Wow.

    19. JRJoe Rogan40:37

        You got a version of it? This has 32 million views on YouTube. 30 million? (laughs)

    20. TWTony Woods40:41

        32 million?

    21. JRJoe Rogan40:41

        Watch this. It's fucking great. It's a really good bit. But the point is, like, (upbeat music) when she was just a middle act she was doing this. This is her.

    22. AJAngela Johnson40:48

        My name is Angela Johnson. It's actually-

    23. JRJoe Rogan40:49

        Oh, it's at the Icehouse.

    24. AJAngela Johnson40:50

        ... Angela Nicole Johnson. It's very Latina, right?

    25. NANarrator40:54

        (laughs)

    26. AJAngela Johnson40:54

        Aye. No, it's not at all actually. Could you imagine introducing me to speak at the Mexican American Heritage Festival?

    27. NANarrator41:01

        (laughs)

    28. AJAngela Johnson41:03

        (Spanish) Angela Nicole Johnson.

    29. NANarrator41:09

        (laughs)

    30. AJAngela Johnson41:12

        Hi. Um, excuse me, it's Johnsones.
14. 47:03 – 1:00:19

    Tony’s origin story: first open mic fear, first killer set, and early TV breaks

    1. JRJoe Rogan47:03

       Yeah, for sure. For sure. You, uh... When... What year did you start?

    2. TWTony Woods47:10

       (sighs) Um, the third Thursday in May of '86.

    3. JRJoe Rogan47:15

       '86. That was the h- the height, right? That was like the... When comedy... Like the '80s boom.

    4. TWTony Woods47:20

       Mm-hmm. The '80s boom. I went in the first time in 1983.

    5. JRJoe Rogan47:24

       Hmm.

    6. TWTony Woods47:25

       I was in the Navy and, um, and one of my guys... He was like 30 years old and I was, I was like, I was like, uh, 18. So to me he was a grown, genius man. And he, (laughs) he told me how funny I was 'cause, uh, Eddie Murphy was on the cover of Time Magazine with a red baseball cap doing like this. And he said, "You could do that, Woods." I'm like, "I would never wear that cap." (laughs)

    7. JRJoe Rogan47:48

       (laughs)

    8. TWTony Woods47:49

       He's like, he's like, "No, man. You could, you, you could do that. You could..." I'm like, I'm like, "What are you talking about?" So he went as far as to call... The Comedy Cafe is where me and Dave and all of us started out in DC. He called them up, set it up. He said, "Go down there, man. You know, do..." Then he said, "Just talk about the same shit you talk about here at work, man. I'm telling you." I go down there and it was the first live comedy show. Kevin Lee, who juggles... You know him?

    9. JRJoe Rogan48:13

       No.

    10. TWTony Woods48:13

        He juggles. Anyway, he was, he was there. And you've seen jugglers on TV and they always go, "Oh my God, that's amazing. Oh my God, that's so amazing. He juggling this and that." And he'd juggle and bam! Motherfucker dropped the bowling ball. What? That was the funniest shit I ever seen (laughs) because I thought he did it on purpose. (laughs)

    11. JRJoe Rogan48:33

        Oh, man.

    12. TWTony Woods48:33

        'Cause he went bam. Everybody jumped and shit. And he just kind of picked it up real quick and kept juggling. And I was like... And then everybody else was going. Everybody was like... To me, everybody was fucking super funny. And then I remember, um, uh, uh, what's his name? He just passed away. Oh, William Stephens.

    13. JRJoe Rogan48:49

        Mm. Okay.

    14. TWTony Woods48:50

        ... William Stevenson was the emcee. And he said, uh, "Next we have another funny human being." Remember he used to always say that, funny-

    15. JRJoe Rogan48:58

        Yeah.

    16. TWTony Woods48:59

        ... human being? He says, "He's a new guy, Tony Woods." And everybody started clapping. (claps hands) And me too, I was clapping too, like a ... (laughs) where's Tony Woods? 'Cause I'm not going up there motherfuckin'-

    17. JRJoe Rogan49:10

        (laughs)

    18. NANarrator49:12

        (laughs)

    19. TWTony Woods49:12

        I'm like, "I'm not ready for this." So, I didn't go on stage again for three more years, man. And when I did go, me and my buddy Vance used to go to The Comedy Club and every week I put my name on the list, chickened out. But we'd sit and hear little, hear some jokes. So the next morning my wife would say, "How was it last night?" 'Cause m- m- me and Vance would hang out in The Comedy Club for maybe 30 minutes, 40, and then go to ladies night at this nightclub. And then, you know, so, um, in the morning she would go, "How was it last night?" I said, "It was good." She said, "What'd you talk about?" See I would say, "Oh, I did my thing about how girls look like a cockatoo."

    20. JRJoe Rogan49:47

        Blah.

    21. TWTony Woods49:47

        Right? And she'd go, "Oh, that's pretty good." You know what I mean? Uh, uh, whatever I heard that caught my ear that night, I would tell her. And I remember she was brushing her teeth one time and I said somebody else's joke and she go, "That was funny." And she didn't laugh, she go, "That was funny." Like, okay. She starts to tell everybody that I'm doing comedy. And everybody's like, "Yeah? We wanna come see you?" I'm like, "Ah man, well you know, you don't wanna come down there. It's, it's be so late at night, uh-uh." Fuckin' A. And then, then one day, it was the third Thursday in May and she said, "The executives are going outta town. We don't have to work tomorrow. So, your mom's gonna keep the baby and I'm going with you." Fucking heart was beating so fast like (imitates heartbeat) .

    22. JRJoe Rogan50:31

        (laughs)

    23. TWTony Woods50:32

        And I go, "Oh my God." (laughs) I'm like, "You know what?" I was thinking me and you could just, we need to spend time together. We'll just ha- and since my mom got the baby we'll just have like, you know, a little blockbuster night, you know, just ... "No. I'm going to the comedy, I wanna see you." (breathes deeply) Oh, oh, that was a long day Joe. 'Cause all day long I'm like, "What the fuck am I gonna do? What the fuck am I gonna do?" As I write, write down stuff I forget everything I wrote down. But I would go down there. While we're sitting there watching the other comedians she would nudge me. She'd go, "He's doing your joke." I'm like-

    24. JRJoe Rogan51:05

        Oh, no.

    25. TWTony Woods51:05

        (laughs)

    26. JRJoe Rogan51:06

        Oh, no.

    27. TWTony Woods51:06

        Like, other comedians. And I'm like, "No." I said, "No, the comedians, they get together and, and they, and they share jokes." (laughs)

    28. JRJoe Rogan51:14

        (laughs)

    29. TWTony Woods51:14

        And she said, but then they called me up. I forgot what I was gonna say. I said, uh, "You guys look good. You guys smell good." And then this guy in the front says, "His leg is shaking," 'cause my leg (laughs) was shaking. And I said, "Hey, your stomach's shaking." And I said, "Hey, but don't worry about it man. I used to be fat too." And then I said, "I was a whopping 70 pounds." And I said, "But I was only this tall, and the rest I guess God sent it to me." 'Cause I did this whole bit about setting my mom's bed on fire and all this other shit, and my cat talking to me. Ah, it was just bang, bang, bang. And I remember before I went on stage the Fat Doctor that night was the host, and the Fat Doctor said, "Where do you want your light?" And I said, like, "Right in the front." (laughs) 'Cause, you know, I didn't know what the fuck that meant.

    30. JRJoe Rogan52:01

        Right, right, right.
15. 1:00:19 – 1:12:38

    Why Tony has so few specials: accidental Australia fame, industry friction, and the Chappelle-produced plan

    1. JRJoe Rogan1:00:19

       D- one of the things that people have always asked me about you, they go, "Where is his specials? Like how come he doesn't have specials out?"

    2. TWTony Woods1:00:25

       Mm-hmm.

    3. JRJoe Rogan1:00:25

       'Cause peop- so many people will talk about how funny you are, but they go, "How do I see him?"

    4. TWTony Woods1:00:30

       Mm-hmm.

    5. JRJoe Rogan1:00:30

       How... Do you, do you have any specials? Have you put out any specials?

    6. TWTony Woods1:00:34

       I did, I did a s- I did a special, uh, in Australia some years ago by accident. It was fu-

    7. JRJoe Rogan1:00:40

       (laughs)

    8. TWTony Woods1:00:42

       It was on The Comedy Channel. They still talk about it in Australia. That's the first time... Me and Greer Barnes went over there the first time and I was the last one, right? You're supposed to do seven minutes, TV taping. I was the last one. I was smashing that shit, killing and boom-... the after, you hear the au- the, the announcer go, "Ladies and gentlemen, Tony Woods." 'Cause I had done 25 minutes.

    9. JRJoe Rogan1:01:08

       Oh. So he said it while you were on stage talking?

    10. TWTony Woods1:01:11

        Yeah. 'Cause I was killing it. (laughs)

    11. JRJoe Rogan1:01:12

        'Cause he thought you got offstage.

    12. TWTony Woods1:01:13

        I wasn't, I wasn't, I wasn't gonna stop. But it worked out. Like you ever see that movie O Brother, Where Art Thou?

    13. JRJoe Rogan1:01:17

        Yeah.

    14. TWTony Woods1:01:18

        So the rest of the festival, me, Greer Barnes, Renee Hicks, and this, uh, Sue, I think Sue Miller or Sue Murphy, we were there. And I was supposed to be the headliner. I just, it just wasn't hitting. It just, I just, I could do other people's show. I could go to Joe's show and rip, but in my show, it just, I was like, "Fuck." I just, I couldn't get it and everybody's like, "Is this the guy?" Then they said, "Do you wanna go on the road?" So we're gonna go on the road and they have A tour, B tour, C tour. So they put me on a tour and since my shows weren't all that good, they had me in the opening spot. Like they have an emcee, one, two, and a, a, a, what do you call it, intermission, and then, and then one or two more guys. And did you ever see O Brother, Where Art Thou? With George Clooney?

    15. JRJoe Rogan1:02:08

        Yeah. Yeah.

    16. TWTony Woods1:02:09

        And remember they had been on the run, they were doing all this other shit.

    17. JRJoe Rogan1:02:11

        Mm-hmm.

    18. TWTony Woods1:02:11

        And then they snuck on, they was gonna get a gig, and they walked out on stage and they said, "The Soggy Bottom Boys." They, everybody went, "Ah!" 'Cause the shit had aired on television the set that I had done-

    19. JRJoe Rogan1:02:23

        Oh.

    20. TWTony Woods1:02:23

        ... when I was talking about the, the nursery rhymes. Not nursery rhymes, but I was talking about like Little Red Riding Hood and all that, you know, like, uh, what's her name? The, the, the criminal girl. You know the, okay, the, the, the one where I say the girl has a, she, she walks into the gate, that's trespassing. She never knocks, she just twisted, that's unlawful entry. And it, it's, the bitch had got a lot of charges. Then she sit down to eat the food she goes, "Ooh, this food too hot." Bitch, this ain't your food.

    21. JRJoe Rogan1:02:51

        (laughs)

    22. TWTony Woods1:02:51

        Get the fuck outta here, you know. And so but it's a whole long story-

    23. JRJoe Rogan1:02:54

        Right. Right.

    24. TWTony Woods1:02:55

        ... that I do with that. And, um, dude, I had like a two to three-minute standing ovation applause break.

    25. JRJoe Rogan1:03:04

        Wow.

    26. TWTony Woods1:03:05

        'Cause everybody's like, "That's the guy! It's the Soggy Bottom Boys!" (laughs)

    27. JRJoe Rogan1:03:12

        (laughs)

    28. TWTony Woods1:03:12

        And, and then that, and then so boom, no one could follow that. So boom, the next night they go, "Well, we'll have you close the first half." Okay, boom. And then so, uh, I was closing the show and they had a group act. They had a guys who, a three men who juggled and do all the, all... I had to close the fucking show behind them, 'cause every little town we was going in Australia, they was going nu- I walk out there going, "Ah." Where's the, the road manager's going, "Okay, everybody get ready." Like that, 'cause I would walk out into small towns and they'd just go, "Ah." (laughs)

    29. JRJoe Rogan1:03:48

        From this one accidental comedy special?

    30. TWTony Woods1:03:50

        Yeah, only comedy...

Episode duration: 2:06:55