Joe Rogan Experience #1778 - Joey Diaz

Narrator 0:00 (drumming music) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience.

Joey Diaz 0:06 Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. (rock music) What's happening, you bad motherfuckers?

Joe Rogan 0:14 Hey. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 0:14 Uncle Joey live in Austin, cocksuckers.

Joe Rogan 0:17 (laughs) So good to see you, man.

Joey Diaz 0:20 Great to see you. You look great, man.

Joe Rogan 0:21 You look great too.

Joey Diaz 0:22 Great fucking studio down here. I like the lights. I like the whole cosmic effect.

Joe Rogan 0:27 I wish we had more time in town. I wanna take you around. I gotta take you to the... Uh, I wa- I wanna show you some things. I wanna show you some things. I wanna show you the club.

Joey Diaz 0:35 Okay. Yeah, I'd like to see the club.

Joe Rogan 0:36 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 0:36 You got a lighter open?

Joe Rogan 0:37 Yeah. Yeah.

Joey Diaz 0:37 Let's get this party started. I haven't smoked since this fucking... I didn't even smoke this morning.

Joe Rogan 0:41 Well, that's crazy. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 0:42 That plane took off at... I left the house at 5:00. I was up at 4:00. I took some edibles last night with some CBD, so I woke up feeling like a fucking doctor.

Joe Rogan 0:51 New Jersey's all wide open now, right?

Joey Diaz 0:54 Wide open.

Joe Rogan 0:54 It's legal, like, recreational, right?

Joey Diaz 0:56 And... Yeah. And let me tell you something, like, they're waiting on stores. Not really.

Joe Rogan 1:01 No?

Joey Diaz 1:01 People just opening those motherfuckers.

Joe Rogan 1:03 Really?

Joey Diaz 1:04 Delivery services that are tremendous.

Joe Rogan 1:06 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:06 They come to your house, deliver it whatever time.

Joe Rogan 1:09 When I was in New Orleans, I bought weed on a food truck.

Joey Diaz 1:12 Yeah, they have those in New York.

Joe Rogan 1:12 They had a food truck. This lady pulled up in a food truck. She was just selling weed. You figure it out? Pop the top.

Joey Diaz 1:18 Any good? Any good?

Joe Rogan 1:19 Yes. It was very good. Oh, it's upside down. You're upside down, that one. It's a cigar lighter. There you go.

Joey Diaz 1:26 Oh, shit.

Joe Rogan 1:26 There you go. (farting sound) Hey. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:28 There you go. We gotta open up the fucking podcast with a little fart.

Joe Rogan 1:34 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:36 It's great to see you, man.

Joe Rogan 1:37 It's great to see you, too.

Joey Diaz 1:38 Fucking long time from LA, huh?

Joe Rogan 1:40 I know. I know. You know, the one time that I visited you in New Jersey and we had dinner at Il Nido, that fantastic, uh, Italian restaurant near your house, I wouldn't move either.

Joey Diaz 1:51 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:52 I get it. Look,

Joe Rogan 1:53 I love New Jersey. New Jersey's like, you're close enough to New York, but you're kind of, like, in the rest of the world. You know? Y- They're regular people, just normal people living their lives.

Joey Diaz 2:05 They go to the city. They come back. They commute.

Joe Rogan 2:08 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 2:08 You, you look at them and you go, "How the fuck do you do that every day?" Get on a goddamn bus-

Joe Rogan 2:12 I know.

Joey Diaz 2:12 ... an hour, an hour back, walk through Times Square.

Joe Rogan 2:15 It's a different life.

Joey Diaz 2:16 It's a different fucking life. Me, when I moved down there, I knew that my New York days were over with.

Joe Rogan 2:21 Yeah?

Joey Diaz 2:22 'Cause it's an hour to and fro, you know?

Joe Rogan 2:24 Right.

Joey Diaz 2:25 And, uh, I used to go down there 20 years ago with my buddy, Chris Fish, still lives down there, and that's how I got introduced to that area. When I was gonna move to Jersey, I was gonna move to Bergen County, so I'd be close to the city, Fort Lee, my old hometown.

Joe Rogan 2:39 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 2:39 But after the pandemic, you couldn't find shit. That Bergen County's where the, the guy went skiing, and he came back from Italy, and everybody got fucking, uh... Well, that was, like, somewhere in Westchester. But Bergen field-

Joe Rogan 2:50 Oh, 'cause someone brought it?

Joey Diaz 2:51 Back. Remember, I w- complained to you that the guy went skiing in Italy?

Joe Rogan 2:54 Oh.

Joey Diaz 2:55 And he came back. That fucking guy, he must've been the, the joy of his fucking neighborhood-

Joe Rogan 2:59 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 3:00 ... 'cause the whole neighborhood got it after that. He's alive still, the dude, but doesn't matter. That... When everything went down, I just wanted to get out of LA.

Joe Rogan 3:07 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 3:07 When I saw Burbank and what was going on in Burbank, and I was like, "You know what? I don't wanna raise my daughter here anymore." I, I wasn't safe.

Joe Rogan 3:16 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 3:17 All the parades were being held around the corner from my house, all the fucking violent parades and shit, so I had people walking through my neighborhood breaking into cars, and I was like... We were dying to get the fuck out anyway. Like, I went to New York in 2016. At the airport, my wife asked me, "Why are we even going back?" She's like, "Why are we going back?"

Joe Rogan 3:38 (sighs)

Joey Diaz 3:38 "I can see that you like it here. You're having a good time with your friends." And I miss one thing, The Comedy Store.

Joe Rogan 3:45 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 3:45 That's it. But The Comedy Store, what we were doing there on Tuesday nights and Wednesday nights, that's never gonna happen again.

Joe Rogan 3:52 Well, if it happens, it'll be happening with a different crew of people.

Joey Diaz 3:55 With a different crew of people. Absolutely.

Joe Rogan 3:56 It can most certainly... I mean, you know, it happened again with us, and it happened before us with the other guys and girls that have, uh, come through. There's some comics there that are really funny.

Joey Diaz 4:07 Oh, tremendous comics.

Joe Rogan 4:07 And it's gonna... It's still gonna be a great place to go see standup. It's just, uh, you know, we had a very fun thing going on. We really did. And there was a... The camaraderie that we experienced there was fucking amazing. It was really... It was very unique. It was not just unique in my life as, uh, you know, a friend being g- that close to people, but unique in comedy. 'Cause like comedy is, there's so many bitter comedians. There's so many comedians that get upset when other people are doing well. They get upset when that guy got a movie. "Why is he getting his fucking movie?" You know, there's... This attitude has always been a part of that community because it's so insecure. Such a hard thing to do for a living. You know, you're, you're telling jokes, and you're writing them, and you're trying to like... Who am I on stage? Am I this? Am I bigger? Am I smaller? Am I, am I louder than I really am? Am I more chill than I really am? Like, what do I d- how do I do this right? And everybody is confused, and everyone's trying to figure it out. And along the way, some people figure it out faster than you, and they take off. You know, some people, they, they fucking... They never make it. There's guys that we've known forever that are funny guys that, for whatever reason, they, they never really pieced it together. It's fucking a hard way to make a living. It's a weird way to make a living. You said it best one time. You said, "It's the hardest easiest thing you'll ever do, 'cause when you're doing it and it's killing, it's easy. But it's fucking hard to get there."

Joey Diaz 5:34 And it never stops. You never stop working.

Joe Rogan 5:37 No.

Joey Diaz 5:38 You're always thinking of new material. Your whee- your gears are always fucking turning.

Joe Rogan 5:42 Yep.

Joey Diaz 5:42 You're always looking for knowledge. Not looking for knowledge, but you're looking for data.

Joe Rogan 5:47 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 5:47 You know, to goof on, you know? Like they-

Joe Rogan 5:48 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 5:49 ... they said Marlon Brando used to sit on, in, uh, phone booths in New York and look at people walking by to observe. That's what we have to do.

Joe Rogan 5:57 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 5:57 We have to become... So we could go up later on and be fucking conduits of what we observed. So it's, it's an interesting-It's a great fucking struggle. I would do it all over again. I don't give a fuck about the bus rides, sleeping on trailways, sleeping in my car. I fucking had a great time.

Joe Rogan 6:16 We got through that, you know? That's why it's so great. If you're still doing that at 50 years old, if you're still, you know, sleeping in your car, that's rough, you know? If you're not ... if there's no success at the end, it's like everybody loves a struggle. Yeah, but they like the struggle and then succeed. That's what they really want. And for some of us, it's just, you know, just too hard. It's just a weird ... it's just a fucking weird way to make a living. Ron White's still out there killing it. Ron White went up last night, the Vulcan. Destroyed. Destroyed.

Joey Diaz 6:51 (coughs) He is the last of the real fucking Mohicans.

Joe Rogan 6:54 He's the real deal.

Joey Diaz 6:55 He's the real deal. I see him with his white hair-

Joe Rogan 6:58 He's a bad motherfucker.

Joey Diaz 6:59 ... and his musta- and he's not drinking now.

Joe Rogan 7:01 Nope.

Joey Diaz 7:01 So he's gotta be lethal on fucking stage.

Joe Rogan 7:03 Oh my God, he's lethal.

Joey Diaz 7:04 Lethal.

Joe Rogan 7:04 He's lethal.

Joey Diaz 7:04 If he's not drinking, 'cause he was lethal when he was drinking, that's what-

Joe Rogan 7:07 He's micro-dosing mushrooms and smoking weed all day. He's an animal. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 7:11 (laughs) If he's ... if it makes you happy, it can't be that bad.

Joe Rogan 7:15 He's playing golf.

Joey Diaz 7:16 I see that. He's eating.

Joe Rogan 7:18 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 7:18 He eats good.

Joe Rogan 7:19 He looks good, like he looks healthy when you see him. And he's just such a sweet person. He's just such a sweet guy. He loves everybody. He's just such a good guy.

Joey Diaz 7:29 And got good fucking tequila, too.

Joe Rogan 7:30 Oh, yeah.

Joey Diaz 7:31 That's good motherfucking tequila.

Joe Rogan 7:32 That's real shit.

Joey Diaz 7:32 That's ... it must be torture on him.

Joe Rogan 7:34 David

Joe Rogan 7:35 Lucas is into the tequila. Is- is that him right now?

Narrator 7:40 That was him a couple days ago.

Joey Diaz 7:41 Yeah, it was me.

Narrator 7:41 Playing golf with Katt Williams.

Joe Rogan 7:42 No shit.

Joey Diaz 7:43 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 7:43 That is Katt Williams. Wow, I wonder where they played?

Narrator 7:47 Uh, I think here? Vegas.

Joe Rogan 7:51 Oh, Vegas. That makes sense. Yeah, he plays in Vegas all the time. He does like, um, The Mirage. And he'll stay there for a week, and he just plays golf all the time. He's an animal. He lives a life- life of leisure, you know?

Joey Diaz 8:06 That you're supposed to.

Joe Rogan 8:07 Yeah, he went to Maui for a couple weeks, just hangs out.

Joey Diaz 8:09 That's what he's supposed to do. He works hard.

Joe Rogan 8:11 Yep.

Joey Diaz 8:12 He's that age.

Joe Rogan 8:13 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 8:13 He can't hit it like he used to.

Joe Rogan 8:14 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 8:14 But he still hits it.

Joe Rogan 8:16 Well, I think it's probably a lot easier now that he's not drinking, you know? It's probably a lot easier.

Joey Diaz 8:22 The drinking weighs on you, bro.

Joe Rogan 8:24 Oh, yeah. It's fun though. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 8:26 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 8:29 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 8:29 I had- I've had maybe ... since I last saw you, I had the whiskey with you in the studio, and then I had a couple of fucking maybe two, uh, Sangrias at Anthony's. And then one night I got really crazy and I go, "Let me get an Italian fucking martini." That was my biggest downfall.

Joe Rogan 8:47 What's an Italian martini?

Joey Diaz 8:47 Oh my God. Whiskey, whiskey, and more whiskey.

Joe Rogan 8:50 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 8:50 And a little bit of fucking Anisette, you know?

Joe Rogan 8:53 Really?

Joey Diaz 8:53 I drank it and my eyes got red, like I could feel the heat around my eyes. I- I couldn't even drink and that was it. I never drank again, dog. That was it.

Joe Rogan 9:01 (laughs) Well, you were never much of a drinker.

Joey Diaz 9:03 No, but that whiskey fucking killed me that night. Gave me heartburn, my bones hurt, it fucked me up, that Italian. What about ... is it an Italian martini or an o- ... oh, an Italian old-fashioned.

Joe Rogan 9:14 Oh, Italian old-fashioned.

Joey Diaz 9:15 Which old-fashions already turn- taste like shoe polish.

Joe Rogan 9:18 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 9:18 Like you're already taking yourself into the murky waters with a fucking ... you ever drink the martini for the first time, like a dirty martini, y- your whole body, like, "What the fuck is that?"

Joe Rogan 9:26 I like dirty martinis.

Joey Diaz 9:27 I like all that shit, with the olives, you eat like 15 olives afterwards.

Joe Rogan 9:30 The thing about old-fashioned is I don't like putting things in whiskey other than jack, or, uh, other than Coke. Like, jack and Coke is okay.

Joey Diaz 9:37 Perfect.

Joe Rogan 9:37 I'll have a jack and Coke. But, like, other than that, I'm not like a big fan of, like, whiskey with ... I like whiskey by itself.

Joey Diaz 9:43 By itself is good.

Joe Rogan 9:43 I like it. I like that- that (inhales) ooh, that taste, you know, when it hits you and you're like, ooh, ah.

Joey Diaz 9:50 (inhales)

Joe Rogan 9:50 I love that. I love that. I like a drink that lets you know you're drinking, you know? Like, I don't mind a piña colada. I'm not like a m- ... uh, you know, I'm not stuck on my ideas. I like a piña colada. They're delicious, you know? Some kinda coconut drink, something fancy. But I like a whiskey.

Joey Diaz 10:08 See, but when you drink, it's the sugar that hangs you over.

Joe Rogan 10:12 Mm-hmm. Is that real?

Joey Diaz 10:13 Yeah, yeah, like when you drink, like if you go to a fucking, one of those freezy joints where they make the freeze and they give you a lot of alcohol content, the next day you- you get hungover more on the sugar. It's like when you eat an edible.

Joe Rogan 10:24 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 10:24 If you eat like a gel cap, you're fine. But once you start eating brownies, the next day you wake up, you're like, "I feel kinda weird." It's that sugar.

Joe Rogan 10:31 Well, I do know that, you know, I don't normally eat this way. Um, I normally, uh, eat pretty clean. But every now and then I'll go off the rails. And one time (clears throat) I had this bacon cheeseburger and a giant milkshake, and it w- ... I know it was the milkshake 'cause after I ate the milkshake, I had a headache, I had to sit down, I felt like shit. Like, and I'm like, "Is this just 'cause I'm old? Or is this just w- when, when I was younger ... " With that, your f- your shirt's gonna catch on fire. When I was younger I- I'd used to have a milkshake and it never affected me, or maybe I wasn't aware, maybe I didn't pay attention to my body as much, maybe I wasn't as tuned in, 'cause now if I have a ... if I drink a milkshake now I'm like, "Oh, what did I do?" Like, I- I just feel like I've been defleet- uh, like, uh, depleted by 20%, 30%. Like all my thinking energy, my physical energy, like if I had to go run, like if I'm fucking doomed, I can't run, I'm so tired, I'm just exhausted, and that's my body just trying to process the sugar. So if alcohol does that to you too, you know, 'cause alcohol, it- your body does process it like sugar, right?

Joey Diaz 11:42 So sugar ... yeah, when you see ... when people tell you they're hungover, ask them what they were drinking.

Joe Rogan 11:47 Right.

Joey Diaz 11:47 And if they've been drinking like that sweet stuff, that's the worst hang. I think the worst hangover I ever had honestly is red wine.

Joe Rogan 11:54 Red wine?

Joey Diaz 11:55 Red wine. Fuck me, I drank a gallon of that Julio, the Gallo brothers.

Joe Rogan 12:00 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 12:00 When I was like stolen from Albertson's, took that motherfucker in the Hudson County Park and I drank it throwing bottles at pigeons and shit.... I went home that afternoon, I couldn't lift my head off the pillow.

Joe Rogan 12:10 Really?

Joey Diaz 12:10 For like two days. It was a horrible hangover. I'm not good with alcohol, I never have been. I tried but no, I gave up this year, that was it. I did have a, a ci- an ale two Saturdays ago-

Joe Rogan 12:23 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 12:23 ... at Anthony's, a little fucking cider, whatever you call it. Hard knock, whatever the fuck they are.

Joe Rogan 12:29 Oh, hard cider?

Joey Diaz 12:30 Yeah. Not bad. Not bad.

Joe Rogan 12:31 Those are good. I used to have those at the store sometimes,

Joe Rogan 12:36 hard ciders. I think that's a British thing, right? Aren't they into that? Or Irish?

Joey Diaz 12:40 I think so.

Joe Rogan 12:40 Who's into hard cider? Is that Irish folks?

Narrator 12:45 Uh...

Joe Rogan 12:45 What is that? Like it's like, there's certain cultures. It's a Europe thing, right? Somewhere in Europe they're really into ciders.

Joey Diaz 12:53 I just drink it 'cause it's the easiest.

Joe Rogan 12:55 Tastes good.

Joey Diaz 12:56 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 12:56 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 12:56 It's the easiest, one, just not to be a fucking asshole.

Joe Rogan 12:59 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 12:59 When you're sitting at a table with a bunch of people drinking fucking old-fashioned and mimosas and ...

Joe Rogan 13:04 There's times when drinks are like almost necessary, like, like a cold beer sometimes. A cold beer sometimes is just, feels like it's necessary.

Joey Diaz 13:12 A Heineken.

Joe Rogan 13:13 Oh.

Joey Diaz 13:13 A fucking cold Heineken.

Joe Rogan 13:15 Oh yeah.

Joey Diaz 13:16 A cold, cold, cold Budweiser in a can.

Joe Rogan 13:18 With some stone crabs?

Joey Diaz 13:20 Oh. Oh, fucking I used to-

Joe Rogan 13:24 You know?

Joey Diaz 13:24 We used to go to this place, Chan's Dragon Inn, we used to get fucking zombies with steak on a stick-

Joe Rogan 13:29 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 13:29 ... and egg rolls and fucking, oh my God, shrimp toast. I love all that stuff. That's the whole thing. You wanna eat, drink beer-

Joe Rogan 13:36 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 13:37 ... with some, a nice pork sandwich.

Joe Rogan 13:39 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 13:39 An Italian pork sandwich with sausage and peppers, and fucking a nice cold, cold Budweiser in a can.

Joe Rogan 13:46 That's a place I haven't been to in forever is Little Italy during the feast.

Joey Diaz 13:50 Oh. I didn't go last year, I'm not gonna lie to you, I didn't go.

Joe Rogan 13:54 I f- I haven't been in decades.

Joey Diaz 13:55 1984 with this guy.

Joe Rogan 13:58 Yeah?

Joey Diaz 13:58 That's the l- my buddy who came in today, James.

Joe Rogan 14:01 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 14:01 That's the last feast I went in '84.

Joe Rogan 14:03 The, for people who don't know what it's like, you go to Little Italy in New York and you walk down the street and there's these like carts set up. And they got like sausage sandwiches, sausage, sausage and peppers. You know, some of them is sausage with marinara sauce. It's fucking insane. It's all sausage.

Joey Diaz 14:22 Zeppoles.

Joe Rogan 14:23 Yes, zeppoles.

Joey Diaz 14:24 Zeppoles, which are fucking probably the worst thing in the world that you could eat. It's bread-

Joe Rogan 14:28 Fried dough. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 14:29 ... and sugar. Fried dough, but fucking delicious.

Joe Rogan 14:32 So it's, it's deep fried dough covered in powdered sugar. And you eat it and you're like, "Whoa." (laughs)

Joey Diaz 14:39 Dough. When I was a kid there was an Italian deli on 22nd and Central Avenue in Union City, New Jersey. And I would walk there and get the loaf of bread that was really skinny, the Italian bread that was really skinny.

Joe Rogan 14:52 Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Joey Diaz 14:52 I'd get a stick of Hotel Barbada, a bag of fucking zeppoles, and a Coke, 32 ounce. That was my breakfast in the seventh and eighth grade.

Joe Rogan 15:00 Wow.

Joey Diaz 15:01 I love all that shit. Zeppoles for breakfast, buttered toast.

Joe Rogan 15:04 Buttered toast. I used to get buttered bagels. That was a thing in the East Coast. Buttered bagels.

Joey Diaz 15:09 Butter rolls.

Joe Rogan 15:09 Yeah, buttered rolls.

Joey Diaz 15:10 Buttered rolls everywhere.

Joe Rogan 15:10 That's not a thing out here. Like that's very-

Joey Diaz 15:12 No, it's not a thing anywhere.

Joe Rogan 15:13 Like you go to get a coffee and they'd s- they'll sell you a buttered roll.

Joey Diaz 15:16 Right at the gas stations-

Joe Rogan 15:17 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 15:17 ... in Jersey.

Joe Rogan 15:18 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 15:18 Like when you're getting-

Joe Rogan 15:19 Yep.

Joey Diaz 15:19 ... right there at the gas station they got buttered rolls. Another big thing that I haven't seen this time is, not peanut butter, jelly with cream cheese.

Joe Rogan 15:28 Oh yeah?

Joey Diaz 15:28 On a Kaiser roll or something like that. When I was a kid people used to eat that a lot. Ugh, I don't like that shit.

Joe Rogan 15:34 Remember you go to the diners and they'd have the little stacks of jelly sitting there?

Joey Diaz 15:38 Tremendous.

Joe Rogan 15:39 Right next to a little-

Joey Diaz 15:39 Those little grape ones.

Joe Rogan 15:40 ... little jukebox machine where you could put, put money in and you press the

Joe Rogan 15:45 buttons to get it to go. And you would see the, the record move over and drop in. They had those. Like they had those at your little spot, like when you would sit down for a, for y- when you sit down at a diner they had y- Remember you had your own little like jukebox there?

Joey Diaz 16:00 Remember when, at the last episode of The Sopranos when he's playing with the-

Joe Rogan 16:03 Oh, that's right.

Joey Diaz 16:03 ... fucking jukebox and the thing.

Joe Rogan 16:04 That's right.

Joey Diaz 16:05 And he puts on Don't Stop Believing.

Joe Rogan 16:07 That's a real thing in, in the whole New Jersey/New York area.

Joey Diaz 16:12 (sighs) The diner-

Joe Rogan 16:13 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 16:13 ... experience-

Joe Rogan 16:14 Diners experience.

Joey Diaz 16:14 ... has not changed except that they close at 11:00.

Joe Rogan 16:18 They do?

Joey Diaz 16:18 Yeah, now because of COVID I guess-

Joe Rogan 16:20 Ah.

Joey Diaz 16:20 ... they close at 11:00 in Jersey. But when we went, like when we got here in August it took like two weeks to get settled, then we moved into a house. And like the second week we went out with a bunch of kids to the Manalapan Diner, and I had the fucking disco fries and the kids went fucking nuts. With the french fries, with the mozzarella cheese and the gravy, they went fucking nuts. I was high as fuck. I just started ordering and my, my wife's like, "What are you doing? These kids don't know what that is." I go, "Watch." They started handling those things. Bro, within... We moved in September 2nd. September 3rd I had to go north, and when I came back there were two moms in front of my house with four fucking kids. That's the neighborhood I'm from.

Joe Rogan 17:03 Wow.

Joey Diaz 17:03 Talking to my wife, talking about shit. I pulled up they're like, "How the fuck are you doing?" I'm like, "COVID."

Joe Rogan 17:08 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 17:08 I re- ran in the fucking house. I don't want those people around me. And now they're like our fucking best friends on the block. I got a great... It's, uh... Listen, I remember you calling me going, "Do you wanna go to Austin?" I go, "Listen, bro, I gotta be around family. I gotta go back and be around family. I, I have been too far, it's too many years that I've been without my peeps."

Joe Rogan 17:27 It suits you. It suits you. Soon as we got there I was like, "Oh, I see where..." He's the king of New Jersey. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 17:33 How we went to eat that night.

Joe Rogan 17:34 Like he's not going anywhere. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 17:36 No, it took time. The first six months were kind of rough, then I had the knee surgery.

Joe Rogan 17:42 How is the knee now?

Joey Diaz 17:43 It sucks dick.

Joe Rogan 17:44 Really?

Joey Diaz 17:45 It, it, listen, uh, you know, I didn't do the research before the surgery because, I'll tell you why. If I would've done the research I would've chickened out.

Joe Rogan 17:53 Yeah?

Joey Diaz 17:53 I would've read too much into it and gone on YouTube and seen the tools they used and shit.The knee is good. It's been, uh, 13 months. You know, I'm doing great treadmill work, all that shit, but it's tough to fucking try to do jujitsu with it.

Joe Rogan 18:06 Really?

Joey Diaz 18:07 Like, the other day, somebody hit me with one of those hisokodachis, whatever the fucking throw-

Joe Rogan 18:11 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 18:11 ... when they hit your leg, you know, like when they-

Joe Rogan 18:12 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 18:13 ... fucking go to sweep you.

Joe Rogan 18:14 And it hurts your knee out?

Joey Diaz 18:14 And I could feel, it just knocked it off the track. And this guy's a brown belt that's older, you know.

Joe Rogan 18:19 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 18:20 He didn't mean anything. He just knocked it off the track, so...

Joe Rogan 18:23 And what do you do, you pop it back in?

Joey Diaz 18:25 I just started walking, you know. I walked on it, put some ice on it, and then, uh, when I woke up Tuesday morning, it was scary because the scar came back. The scar had disappeared, and Tuesday morning, the scar came back.

Joe Rogan 18:37 Wait, it was red again?

Joey Diaz 18:38 Yeah. As I was going into the shower, I'm like, "Goddammit."

Joe Rogan 18:40 We should tell everybody what you got. You got a, a knee replacement.

Joey Diaz 18:42 A knee replacement.

Joe Rogan 18:43 Yeah. So is that when they, uh, resurface it, they change the surface and they put, like, a ball and cap thing?

Joey Diaz 18:49 They put everything, fucking... When you get to the surgery and you look at the table and you see a mallet.

Joe Rogan 18:54 Ooh.

Joey Diaz 18:55 A fucking mallet.

Joe Rogan 18:56 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 18:57 Why did, why is there a mallet here, you know?

Joe Rogan 18:59 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 18:59 Like, I couldn't even understand it.

Joe Rogan 19:01 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 19:02 If I would have done the research, I don't think I, I would've, I would've done, I woulda tried the, the needle first. That's what I'm gonna do on my left one with the blood.

Joe Rogan 19:10 Oh, PRP?

Joey Diaz 19:11 PRP.

Joe Rogan 19:12 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 19:12 'Cause it's, uh, that's the way to go.

Joe Rogan 19:14 Yeah, there's a

Joe Rogan 19:15 lot of things they can do for you now.

Joey Diaz 19:16 Yeah. S-

Joe Rogan 19:16 You know, between stem cells and PRP and, you know, you can, you can most certainly make your knees feel better, you know. There, you can, you can eliminate most of the pain. I got on this program that this guy, Knees Over Toes Guy, I had him on the podcast, his name is Ben Patrick, great guy. I had him on the podcast and, um, he has this program that he puts up online, he puts a lot of it on, just on Instagram, and it's all in how to strengthen your knees and he does it over, like, this very progressive way where you're not really, uh, overworking your knee, you're never getting to the point where you're, like, in pain, you're not push... You're not working through pain, and you build it over a long period of time and it's all about strengthening the areas around the knees with these various exercises that are pretty easy to do.

Joey Diaz 20:01 Pretty easy to do.

Joe Rogan 20:02 And, man, within, I don't know how many months I've been doing it now, Jamie. What are we, like eight months or something? Probably. But I've completely d- changed the way my knees feel. Like I, I was thinking I was gonna have to stop, like, hitting the bag. Like, doing workouts, kicking the bag, I was like, "Look, I'm, I'm, maybe I'm 54." Like, maybe at 54, you can't kick the bag anymore. Not true. No. I, I strengthened-

Joey Diaz 20:23 (coughs)

Joe Rogan 20:23 ... everything up and whatever little pain that I was worried about went away. And now, now I'm good to go. Doesn't bother me at all. Like, normal shit, you know, n- normal little aches and pains. But it's not like they don't feel like they work anymore. Like, I strengthened all the area around it and constant blood flow from all these exercises, like pulling a sled backwards, that's a big one. That's a big exercise in his program. And then-

Joey Diaz 20:46 So pull it this way?

Joe Rogan 20:47 Yeah, pulling it backwards.

Joey Diaz 20:48 Okay. I did that last week. That's-

Joe Rogan 20:49 'Cause when you pull

Joe Rogan 20:50 backwards, you strengthen your legs in a very different way than you do if you were pushing something forward. And most of the stuff we do, we l- you know, like with walking, you're going forward. Almost always going forward. And he's like, "It really strengthens the knees and the legs in a unique way going backwards." And I've, I've found that to be probably the best thing for my knees. And so I do it with e- uh, now, 'cause he told me he did it with every workout. So I'm trying to do it, like, basically three or four days a week now at least.

Joey Diaz 21:17 I d- I walk backwards on the treadmill slowly.

Joe Rogan 21:18 That's good.

Joey Diaz 21:20 And then we go outside, we do the pull and then I just do, like, uh, knee bends to, with my heel-

Joe Rogan 21:26 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 21:26 ... to touch the floor and we kept raising the stuff. And then I go see my buddy, Dave Biton, and he hits it, like, once a week with the laser. So my left knee, the arthritis I had, I gotta be honest with you, I don't feel it anymore.

Joe Rogan 21:40 Really?

Joey Diaz 21:40 I'm still gonna do the thing.

Joe Rogan 21:42 PRP?

Joey Diaz 21:43 The PRP. I took-

Joe Rogan 21:44 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 21:44 ... my initial consultation, I think, uh, I go back in two weeks and then we'll just, we'll take the blood out and we'll do all that stuff and we'll take it from there.

Joe Rogan 21:52 I know people that have had knee replacements and it's been a game changer for them. It's really been amazing for them. And I know other guys who have had problems. You know, it's, I g- I guess it probably depends on which kind you get, which doctor you, you go to, and there's probably a lot of variables.

Joey Diaz 22:06 It was fucking brutal.

Joe Rogan 22:07 I can imagine.

Joey Diaz 22:09 You know, I went to the-

Joe Rogan 22:10 (clears throat)

Joey Diaz 22:10 ... I went to see him and he goes, "Oh yeah, you need it on the right one." You know, because before, the pandemic started on the 16th they shut everything down, in March. I went to the doctor on the 9th and he shot me with the gel and he goes, "This'll last for a year." But the house I moved into in Jersey has stairs so it accelerated the fucking, uh-

Joe Rogan 22:30 Deterioration.

Joey Diaz 22:30 ... deterioration quickly.

Joe Rogan 22:32 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 22:32 You know, unloading the truck and all that shit. So I went to get it, but I remember I went, he, I went on, like, on a Thursday and he goes, "You're having surgery in two weeks."

Joe Rogan 22:41 For real?

Joey Diaz 22:41 Like, that's how fast it was. So he goes, "Saturday you gotta go to Brick and do the, the pre-whatever the fuck." And I remember going down there and I'm like, "I'm not gonna do this shit." Everybody had their mask on, you know, there was, the fucking place was packed. I already did the lung X-ray and the EKG. All I needed was a blood test. And dog, I was ready to walk out of there. And some dude walked in there, 20 years younger than me, with a fucking...

Joe Rogan 23:10 With a walker?

Joey Diaz 23:11 With a walker. And this motherfucker, it didn't end there. This motherfucker walked up to the nurse and he goes, "How you doing? My name is Charlie Brown." Whatever. And she goes, "Hold on one second, I'm on the phone." He turned this stroller around, it was a fucking cooler. He took a beer out and he sat on the cooler-

Joe Rogan 23:28 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 23:28 ... (laughs) and he started drinking all the beer while the receptionist was fucking on the ph- and I'm like, "I don't wanna be that dude."

Joe Rogan 23:35 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 23:35 Like, he can't walk. Like, you could see-

Joe Rogan 23:36 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 23:36 ... when he got down, he couldn't even bend to sit down. So I just went in, got it done, and I went in the morning of, like maybe two weeks later, and it was quick. Like, I was in there. And I was all in till they said they were gonna hit me with that fucking thing in the back of your spine.

Joe Rogan 23:52 Epidural.

Joey Diaz 23:53 Jesus Christ!

Joe Rogan 23:54 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 23:54 And I was naked as shit and my dick-

Joe Rogan 23:56 (clears throat)

Joey Diaz 23:56 ... shrunk up.

Joe Rogan 23:57 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 23:57 'Cause that's the worst when you're drik- sh- you... 'Cause they giving you all that shit free, inside, like, a-

Joe Rogan 24:03 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 24:03 ... little bit of this, little bit of that. They, they give you the IV. And I'll never forget, I'm on the fucking table. They go, "Listen, wait two minutes, we're gonna give you the, uh..."... the, uh, intramural block, whatever the fuck it is.

Joe Rogan 24:15 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 24:15 And I'm like, "Listen, before you give me the block, I gotta take a piss 'cause when I stress out, I gotta pee."

Joe Rogan 24:19 Right.

Joey Diaz 24:20 And I remember, like, I just glazed my dick under the robe and it was nonexistent.

Joe Rogan 24:23 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 24:24 It was just a pair of balls.

Joe Rogan 24:25 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 24:25 All that was, was the flap from the turtleneck, the uncircumcised. I kept even double checking it.

Joe Rogan 24:31 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 24:31 And the, and the guy said, "Come on, hurry up. Get him he, he needs to pee." And a beautiful girl came over, dog, with the thing. And she says, "I'm gonna help you. Just put it in here." And I'm like, "You're not gonna do this."

Joe Rogan 24:42 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 24:42 Y- you know, what are the chances you show up and my dick is as small as it's ever been?

Joe Rogan 24:46 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 24:47 And I remember, like, I had to maneuver the fucking thing onto my dick to pee.

Joe Rogan 24:51 (sighs)

Joey Diaz 24:51 And then I took it out, they hit me with the epidural block, I passed out, and I woke up fucking four hours later.

Joe Rogan 24:58 How long before you could walk?

Joey Diaz 25:01 (sighs) I walked around that night.

Joe Rogan 25:03 Really?

Joey Diaz 25:04 They had me walk and then they-

Joe Rogan 25:05 What'd that feel like?

Joey Diaz 25:07 I, I was so fucked up on whatever they ga- you know?

Joe Rogan 25:10 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 25:10 You don't really, you can't really get a read on anything.

Joe Rogan 25:12 What do you do

Joe Rogan 25:13 if you're, uh, an addict? Like, if you're a person in recovery and you're not supposed to get high and you're going to get surgery? I mean, what the fuck do you do?

Joey Diaz 25:22 I had a friend that did that.

Joe Rogan 25:23 Really? What did he do, just take it?

Joey Diaz 25:25 He had to do something completely different, like...

Joe Rogan 25:27 What did he do?

Joey Diaz 25:28 They have all these herbal alternatives and shit. (puffing sound)

Joe Rogan 25:31 Get the fuck outta here.

Joey Diaz 25:31 You know. Yeah, it ain't gonna work, you know, but you could try 'em. You know, you gotta remember, I lived in Boulder where all those motherfucking granola people-

Joe Rogan 25:39 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 25:40 ... are like, you know-

Joe Rogan 25:40 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 25:41 ... "No, I'm gonna have..." And dog, the, the, the birthing center in Boulder was across the street from the hospital for a reason, 'cause those bitches would fold weekly. Those women would go in there, "Yes, you know, I go to yoga. I'm spiritual. I just wanna have the kid fucking naturally and within..." It was right across the street from the hospital for a reason. If you go to Boulder right now the hospital is like 10, two minutes from the birthing center because they tap out.

Joe Rogan 26:07 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 26:08 They get there with their sandals, the long hair under their armpits.

Joe Rogan 26:11 Ugh.

Joey Diaz 26:11 "I'm tough." No, you're not tough. That's fucking pain, okay?

Joe Rogan 26:14 You imagine

Joe Rogan 26:15 that women did that for all of human history until they figured out-

Joey Diaz 26:19 It's, it's brutal.

Joe Rogan 26:19 Like, I mean, what did they do when they were back in the day? Do you think they got them drunk? Do they give 'em booze when they were d... I mean, what did they do when they're screaming in agony? Just nothing? Just let them just handle it?

Joey Diaz 26:30 Well, what about when somebody has a kid in the car, like a taxi-

Joe Rogan 26:33 Oh.

Joey Diaz 26:33 ... or a cop has to deliver it.

Joe Rogan 26:34 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 26:34 There's no drugs or alcohol then.

Joe Rogan 26:35 There's no drugs. No, you just have to have the kid.

Joey Diaz 26:38 It was just a kid.

Joe Rogan 26:40 That's so crazy. People still to this day, like, wanna do it in the tub. There's, like, a lot of people that choose to do it. They get a doula, they get a, like, a midwife who helps 'em and they have a baby in the tub. It's wild shit.

Joey Diaz 26:52 It's wild.

Joe Rogan 26:55 (laughs) That's a tough woman, man. To, to be able to go through that, like, I know I've had some painful surgeries, knee surgeries and stuff, but, uh, that is nothing compared to a baby coming out of your vagina. I mean, get the fuck (laughs) outta here. A baby's so big. A baby is so big. You know, a baby coming out of your vagina is just s- what a crazy design that nature figured out. Like, it's the... And, you know, the thing about people as opposed to all the other primates is that when we come out, we come out and we're v- helpless. Like, monkeys are not that helpless. Like, chimps are not that helpless when they come out. They're more developed. But our heads are too big so when we come out, like, we, we need

Joe Rogan 27:35 to be taken care of for way longer. It's like, our period of development inside the womb is, like, nine months, but then you're not mobile for, like, another year or so. You know, in terms of, like, being able to walk. It takes a long ass time for you to get a little kid to walk. Chimps come out and they're pretty fucking good to go. I mean, they're, you know, they're moving around pretty quickly. We also come out with a lot of fat on us. They come out, like, ripped. They come out right out of the box, like, low fat, real strong. We're helpless when we're babies. It's just a crazy design. Thank God we don't have to give birth. Could you imagine how few people there would be if babies had to come out of guy's dicks?

Joey Diaz 28:16 We wouldn't do it.

Joe Rogan 28:18 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 28:18 We wouldn't do it.

Guest (secondary, unnamed) 28:20 Do you know what year they first had anesthesia for that?

Joe Rogan 28:22 (exhales) I'd say 1920.

Guest (secondary, unnamed) 28:26 Way older than that. Not way older, but a lot, a lot longer than that. 1846.

Joey Diaz 28:30 Oh. Oh, wow. And what were they using?

Guest (secondary, unnamed) 28:32 Ether.

Joe Rogan 28:33 Ether. The ether.

Guest (secondary, unnamed) 28:33 And then chloroform.

Joe Rogan 28:36 Oh, so they put 'em out.

Guest (secondary, unnamed) 28:37 And then it said in the 1920s they had a mix of-

Joey Diaz 28:40 (exhales)

Guest (secondary, unnamed) 28:40 ... scopolamine and morphine to make them just forget it all together. They would forget the entire

Guest (secondary, unnamed) 28:45 childbirth.

Joe Rogan 28:45 Doesn't chloroform put you out though?

Guest (secondary, unnamed) 28:47 I think that's what... I mean, yeah.

Joe Rogan 28:48 Mm-hmm. So what do they do with... If you're having a kid you wanna be awake 'cause you gotta push.

Guest (secondary, unnamed) 28:52 Here's, uh, "It's hard to believe-

Joe Rogan 28:55 Wow.

Guest (secondary, unnamed) 28:55 ... before 1846 there was nothing."

Joe Rogan 28:58 "Y- y- uh, so it's hard to imagine as a person living in the 21st century agreeing to surgery without the hope of anesthesia, and yet prior to the discovery of ether anesthesia in 1846, all surgeries, from minor to major or absolutely radical were performed on people who were wide awake, oftentimes head down on the operating table, b- held down by men whose only job was to ignore the patient's pleas, screams and sobs so that the surgeon could do his job." Oh my god. There's some fucking horrific film scenes of surgeries where they do on people where they have to saw through bone and the guy's, like, biting down on a leather strap and screaming. And they're, they have to saw his arm off 'cause he's got gangrene. Like, yikes.

Joey Diaz 29:40 Don't you just pass out from the pain? Yeah.

Joe Rogan 29:42 Some people. It depends. Some people can stay awake. You know? And, like, passing out's a weird thing. It's like some people pass out at the sight of a thing in a movie. I used to date a girl, and we were in the movies and the guy in the movie shot heroin, and then she saw the guy shoot heroin. She was like this... boom.

Joey Diaz 30:01 Dog, I fainted when Travolta put the needle in Uma Thurman's

Joey Diaz 30:05 heart.

Joe Rogan 30:06 (laughs) In Pulp Fiction.

Joey Diaz 30:06 Fuck yeah. And I was with a friend of mine and boldy put a Raisinet in my mouth. That's how-

Joe Rogan 30:11 Oh.

Joey Diaz 30:11 ... I woke up. He was goofing on me. He thought I was fucking around. I passed the fuck out.

Joe Rogan 30:15 Oh, that's hilarious.

Joey Diaz 30:15 I passed the fuck out-... at UFC.

Joe Rogan 30:18 Did you?

Joey Diaz 30:19 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:19 Which one?

Joey Diaz 30:20 At the Palm.

Joe Rogan 30:21 Which one?

Joey Diaz 30:22 One of the early ones you took me to.

Joe Rogan 30:23 The one that was really bloody?

Joey Diaz 30:24 The towel.

Joe Rogan 30:25 The towel?

Joey Diaz 30:25 He wiped him down. Yeah, the guy just threw the towel. I'm sitting there. The towel hit the fucking... At the end, you know, at, in between rounds they wiped him down and they threw the towel and it hit right there by the, where they walk up the stairs-

Joe Rogan 30:38 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 30:38 ... and the coaches were walking out and the coach picked it up and I saw it was dripping with blood.

Joe Rogan 30:43 With blood.

Joey Diaz 30:43 And I was, and I was sitting next to Ralphie May and a chick with, that was like 20 with big tits next to, like, a doctor.

Joe Rogan 30:49 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 30:50 I didn't know this before I passed out. When I passed out, obviously I went to her tits.

Joe Rogan 30:55 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 30:56 The doctor put a towel on my head and we started talking afterward and that was it. He goes, "Oh, I got a son that that happens to also."

Joe Rogan 31:02 Oh, wow.

Joey Diaz 31:03 So-

Joe Rogan 31:03 So he wasn't worried about you?

Joey Diaz 31:04 No, he was like, "That just happens."

Joe Rogan 31:05 That's good. That way he didn't have to miss fights.

Joey Diaz 31:08 No.

Joe Rogan 31:08 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 31:10 And one time I was at home and it was BJ Penn against Daddy Stevenson-

Joe Rogan 31:15 Joe Stevenson.

Joey Diaz 31:15 And he split his fucking head open.

Joe Rogan 31:16 Oh, yeah. In his-

Joey Diaz 31:17 And I was on the couch watching it at home, eating like fucking a sandwich.

Joe Rogan 31:21 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 31:21 And next thing you know, it's four in the morning and there's a show about Christ on. I fell asleep for like three hours.

Joe Rogan 31:27 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 31:27 That was the bloodiest UFC ever.

Joe Rogan 31:29 That was a bloody one.

Joey Diaz 31:30 That was fucking bloody.

Joe Rogan 31:31 BJ cut him and

Joe Rogan 31:33 then he got his back and choked him. And while he was choking him-

Joey Diaz 31:36 The blood-

Joe Rogan 31:36 ... the blood was pouring-

Joey Diaz 31:37 Oh, my God.

Joe Rogan 31:38 ... out of Joe's head.

Joey Diaz 31:39 When I heard it go boom-

Joe Rogan 31:39 See if you can find that.

Joey Diaz 31:40 When his head-

Joe Rogan 31:40 'Cause it's one of the most shocking, like, rear naked choke finishes ever. And this was prime BJ Penn, when BJ Penn was the motherfucker of all motherfuckers.

Joey Diaz 31:51 2003, maybe? Nah, a little later.

Joe Rogan 31:53 I think it was a little later. I'm trying to think of what year it was. Maybe four or five?

Joey Diaz 31:57 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:58 But that was when BJ was the top of the fucking food chain. That was when Anderson Silva, when they asked him, "Who's your be- who's the best pound for pound fighter alive?" Who's the best pound for pound fighter alive? And he said, "BJ Penn." A lot of people said

Joe Rogan 32:12 BJ Penn. BJ Penn went all the way up to heavyweight and fought Lyoto Machida at fucking heavyweight, Joey. He was a gangster. Like, BJ Penn fought everybody. He didn't give a fuck. He fought everybody. He didn't give a shit what weight you were in, two division world champion.

Joey Diaz 32:29 Is that it?

Joe Rogan 32:30 Yeah, this is it. His jiu-jitsu is off the charts. Like here it is. Like he's got his back and look, it gets hard to see because it's low res-

Joey Diaz 32:37 And he just hit his elbow.

Joe Rogan 32:38 But the blood is squirting out Joe Daddy's head onto BJ's elbow. And that's when, that's prime BJ Penn, man. I'm telling you. The BJ Penn of, of that era, I put him up against anybody. I would've loved to see the BJ Penn that fought Joe Stevenson against Khabib. That would've been amazing.

Joey Diaz 32:55 Watch his, watch his right elbow when the blood drips-

Joe Rogan 32:56 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 32:57 ... when he chokes him.

Joe Rogan 32:58 Yep.

Joey Diaz 32:59 When he puts the elbow down, you see the blood squirt-

Joe Rogan 33:02 Oh, crazy.

Joey Diaz 33:02 ... right on BJ's elbow.

Joe Rogan 33:04 Crazy. That BJ Penn was, uh, he was a bad motherfucker. And, you know, it's, it's interesting when you look at a, a fighter's career,

Joe Rogan 33:13 sometimes people forget about the high points. They only look at the low points. They look at a fighter when they're not as good anymore or when they're not as committed anymore or maybe they have health problems. They don't look at the time when they were at their highest RPMs. That's what you gotta look at it. To me that's like Mike Tyson. Like, everybody wants to, like, look at who's the greatest heavyweight of all time. I don't think there's a greatest heavyweight of all time. I think the greatest, like, culturally significant heavyweight of all time is Muhammad Ali 'cause he was more than just a heavyweight champion. He was a guy who they denied him his ability to fight for three years 'cause he wouldn't fight in Vietnam. He stood up for a lot of people that did not want the Vietnam War. And he's also one of the greatest fighters of all time. So it's got, he's got both things going on. But Mike Tyson, in his prime, in those years from like, what was it? Like '86, '87 to '89, '90, whatever those years were where he was just storming the gates, I, I put that Mike Tyson up against anybody who ever lived. That guy was a special fighter. The Mike Tyson that beat Marvis Frazier was a-

Joey Diaz 34:19 Beast.

Joe Rogan 34:20 He was a, just a juggernaut. Just you couldn't stop him. He was coming at you and he had everything. He had knowledge, he had this deep library of, of films that he would watch because his, his manager was Jim Jacobs who was this boxing historian. So Tyson would sit and watch all these great fighters. This is Mar- this is the Marvis Frazier fight. This, to me, is prime Tyson, other than winning the title at 20, which was prime too. But this is Mike Tyson when he was just at his fucking most destructive best. He just stalked people down and smashed them. And he moved so well. That was part of the thing about Tyson that people forget. It wasn't just the knockout punching. It was, he was so hard to hit, man. He was bobbing and weaving, he would... He was already short for a heavyweight but he would get low and he would come at you and look at those shots, look at how he put, puts him away. He's throwing things from his toes all the way up. He's got everything going for him. He's got deep knowledge of boxing. He's got Cus D'Amato hypnotizing him from the time... That's Jim Jacobs right there, the guy with the glasses. That's the guy who was his manager and also had this incredible boxing archive. So he had everything. He had the need because he wasn't getting any love in his life until he's 13 years old, had this horrible life. Then all of a sudden he gets adopted by one of the greatest boxing minds of all time who's also a hypnotist and takes him when he's at his most vulnerable and his mo- his mo- like, he has most, the most need, right? He's ab- like, he's on his own. And this fucking guy turns him into one of the greatest fighters the world's ever seen. The Tyson of that year, tho- those years when he was like, the Marvis Frazier years and the Larry Holmes years, he was a different, different guy. It's like a d- a different model of fighter than we had ever seen in the heavyweight division before. A fucking destroyer, man, where every fight was an execution.... and, you know, people would look at, like, later on in his life, like, look at ... This is, this is him taking Marvis out. I mean, just ferocious, destructive, accurate, precise. Everything is perfect.

Joey Diaz 36:36 Perfect and strong.

Joe Rogan 36:37 The technique is perfect. So strong.

Joey Diaz 36:39 Strong.

Joe Rogan 36:39 So he had everything going for him. He had incredible coaching. Teddy Atlas is one of his coaches. Kevin Rooney. Working with Cus D'Amato and, and then desire. He had everything. He had heart and he had just destructive power. That for those years, man, there's very few people that were ever like him.

Joey Diaz 36:59 There're just some people in every, you know, sports-

Joe Rogan 37:03 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 37:03 ... music, boxing. They come along every couple of years and they just blow you away.

Joe Rogan 37:08 They blow you away.

Joey Diaz 37:08 And he was one of 'em. He was one of 'em.

Joe Rogan 37:10 Julio Cesar Chavez is another one for me.

Joey Diaz 37:13 He was one of 'em.

Joe Rogan 37:13 Julio Cesar Chavez-

Joey Diaz 37:14 Bernard Hopkins had something that-

Joe Rogan 37:15 Oh, yeah.

Joey Diaz 37:16 ... was very impressive.

Joe Rogan 37:16 But

Joe Rogan 37:17 Bernard Hopkins had a special thing because they took away a lot of his prime years when he went to prison. You know, Bernard Hopkins-

Joey Diaz 37:24 For sure.

Joe Rogan 37:25 ... is, for sure, the guy who, in our modern era, fought the latest in his life as, as ... The oldest at a world-class level. I mean, he's in his ... Deep in his 40s in a world-class level. And he ... And I think his last fight at a world-class level, I think he beat a former world champion at 50 years old, which is crazy.

Joey Diaz 37:45 Where is he today, Bernard Hopkins?

Joe Rogan 37:46 Bernard's working. He's doing Golden Boy Boxing. He works with Oscar De La Hoya. They promote fights. You know, so he's always got a suit and a tie on at the fights and promoting fights. And, and because he was such a craftsman and such a great defensive fighter, he did ... He's got full control of his faculties, doesn't have problems with his words, you know. That's the saddest thing ever. It's like when Ali was older and you had to see him g- have those conversations and, you know, they said, "Oh, he's got Parkinson's." Well, yeah, but he's got trauma-induced Parkinson's. You know, most likely it's ... Like, the, the idea that that's not a thing, like, that's what Freddie, um, um, Freddie Roach. Can't f- ... Why ... How can I not remember Freddie Roach's last name? Freddie Roach has that. Same thing. It's, it's Parkinson's from his long career as a boxer. And he talks about it.

Joey Diaz 38:34 I wanted to ask you something 'cause I know you went and I ... We didn't discuss it. Tell me about The Stones. What did you think?

Joe Rogan 38:40 Oh, my God, it was incredible.

Joey Diaz 38:41 I could tell that you were a little blown away and I wanted to talk to you about it.

Joe Rogan 38:44 Joey, I was blown away.

Joe Rogan 38:46 Like, I could ... When I got there I couldn't ... Like, I was a weirdo. W- I couldn't talk to anybody. I just couldn't believe that it was ... I was just watching them. It's like, "Is this real?" Like, people would try to talk to me and I was just like, "Hold on." Like, "Is this real? Is that really Mick Jagger?" That's when you realize what cultural icons they are, when you see them live. First of all, we saw them live in Austin. They have this amazing racetrack, Circuit of the Americas. It's incredible. It's an incredible place to see a concert because the stage is massive. I think they told me they had 16 trucks, 15 or 16 trucks all for The Stones, and one of them was Mick Jagger's gym. The whole truck is his gym. The fucking guy works out twice a day every day. He's doing his choreographed dance routines, he's working out, he's doing cardio and lifting weights. Constantly exercises and the fucking guy is Biden's age. Biden's age. And he's, like, moving around on stage, "Button your lip, baby." I mean, he's fucking doing it. They played for an hour and a half solid, killed it. It was amazing, man. Gimme Shelter came on. There was goosebumps. Goosebumps on top of-

Joey Diaz 39:57 It's crazy.

Joe Rogan 39:57 ... goosebumps.

Joey Diaz 39:57 It's really fucking crazy.

Joe Rogan 39:58 When you see Keith Richards out there jamming and then Mick Jagger's dancing, and they got a badass band with them. I mean, they have a bunch of ... Like, they had this lady singing with Mick Jagger, who was amazing. I wish I remembered her name, but there was a bunch of other people in the band as well. Oh, my God.

Joey Diaz 40:14 50 fucking years. Let's just talk about that.

Joe Rogan 40:16 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 40:16 50 years-

Joe Rogan 40:17 More.

Joey Diaz 40:17 ... of being next to somebody on stage and-

Joe Rogan 40:20 More.

Joey Diaz 40:20 ... two of them passed, whatever. More.

Joe Rogan 40:22 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 40:22 Whatever. Fifty fucking years. Mick Jagger is ... You know, everybody complains Mick Jagger's greedy. Well, he's the ultimate fucking professional. Whenever ... If you ever have a night that you want to watch something, just watch the Rolling Stones. Ole, ole, ole.

Joe Rogan 40:37 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 40:38 That's when they do the South American tour and they end up in Cuba.

Joe Rogan 40:41 Look at him.

Joey Diaz 40:42 And, and he fucking ... Through South America-

Joe Rogan 40:45 This is him?

Joey Diaz 40:45 Yeah. No, this is him.

Joe Rogan 40:46 But this is at ... This is the one that I saw.

Joey Diaz 40:48 Oh, this was in-

Joe Rogan 40:49 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 40:49 ... the same night?

Joe Rogan 40:49 This is in Austin. So is this someone's cellphone footage?

Guest (secondary, unnamed) 40:53 Uh, that's a really good cellphone. It's something, I don't know.

Joe Rogan 40:55 I think-

Guest (secondary, unnamed) 40:56 There's a few videos online about ... Of it.

Joe Rogan 40:57 It looks so good. May- ... But, you know, cellphones are pretty fucking good right now.

Narrator 41:01 (rock music plays) Yeah, it's probably a cellphone.

Joe Rogan 41:04 Dude, it was so good. But it wasn't just good, it was, like, a moment. Like, I knew I'm not gonna get to see this.

Joey Diaz 41:13 Ever again.

Joe Rogan 41:13 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 41:13 No, that's ...

Joe Rogan 41:14 I don't think they're gonna tour. I mean, I d- ... I don't know if they're gonna keep going, but look how fit that guy is. He's, he's thin but he's got muscle. He's super fucking healthy.

Joey Diaz 41:25 So they'd ... They don't ... They never play back to back. You do know that, right? They never play back to back.

Joe Rogan 41:31 So they take nights off.

Joey Diaz 41:32 They take a night off in between. They do three shows a week.

Joe Rogan 41:34 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 41:35 They plan it out perfect. Nobody could get sore. They're probably on some type of testosterone for the shows, like Alex Rodriguez. I'm not putting them-

Joe Rogan 41:41 Oh, yeah.

Joey Diaz 41:42 I'm not putting anybody down, I'm just telling you what I heard from a friend of mine that-

Joe Rogan 41:45 You're talking to Captain Testosterone over there.

Joey Diaz 41:47 Right, right, Captain Testosterone.

Joe Rogan 41:48 I love that. I'm a fan of it. It's good stuff.

Joey Diaz 41:50 So ... But they, they don't ... You know, they use it to recover so they can perform.

Joe Rogan 41:52 Well, I think they probably use it just to-

Joey Diaz 41:54 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 41:54 ... stay alive, Joey. I mean, it's, it's, it's-

Joey Diaz 41:56 (laughs) To stay alive?

Joe Rogan 41:56 Yeah, yeah.

Joey Diaz 41:57 How does Keith Richards look?

Joe Rogan 41:58 There's a lot of older ... I mean, he's alive. Keith Richards has done more drugs than-

Joey Diaz 42:04 Fuck.

Joe Rogan 42:04 ... most of the bands combined.

Joey Diaz 42:05 Fuck.

Joe Rogan 42:06 And was partying, like, like, years ago. I mean, I don't know what he's doing now but I knew people that partied with him 10 years ago. Like, he parties still. He's a fucking animal. And he's a real artist. I mean, he's a real fucking art- ... He played new music. He played new music in front of a gigantic racetrack amphitheater. I mean, this huge amphitheater at Circuit of the Americas. It's fucking massive. It was amazing, dude. It was am- ... It was amazing but it was also, like, surreal.... like a- even, like, coming home, I was like scr- Like, "God, did I see that?" Like, I know I saw it. I know I saw it, but it just felt surreal.

Joey Diaz 42:46 Now, you saw them in 2021, correct?

Joe Rogan 42:48 Yeah, yeah.

Joey Diaz 42:48 I saw them in '78. (exhales) I'm in the eighth grade, and I went to see that shit.

Joe Rogan 42:54 Wow.

Joey Diaz 42:54 And they came out with an American flag on. You know, fucking-

Joe Rogan 42:58 (exhales)

Joey Diaz 42:58 ... down in Philadelphia. 40

Joey Diaz 43:01 fucking years.

Joe Rogan 43:02 One of the nice things about living in Austin is we see a lot of music.

Joey Diaz 43:04 Oh, I know you get great music now.

Joe Rogan 43:06 We go see music, and I'm- I'm meeting all these new bands. There's a lot of bands out here that are fucking badass, that are just young- young guys who are just out here hustling. Suzanne Santos is out here now.

Joey Diaz 43:17 Suzanne Santos? Oh, my-

Joe Rogan 43:18 Yeah, Honey Hunny.

Joey Diaz 43:20 Oh, she is?

Joe Rogan 43:20 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 43:20 Are they still together?

Joe Rogan 43:22 No, they're not.

Joey Diaz 43:22 Oh, okay. That's-

Joe Rogan 43:22 No, she's solo now. She's solo now. He's doing his thing, she's doing her thing. But, um, she's out here now. Um, and, um, Gary Clark Jr.'s out here. So I've- I've seen them perform live a couple of times. It's amazing. It's- it's- it does- it does something for you that's different than, like, seeing comedy. Like, it's good to see comedy. It's good to see someone kill. Like, it feels good. Like, it's like gets you excited about comedy again. But there's something about music that's different 'cause, like, I don't know, I- I've n- it's magic to me. I don't know anything about playing music. I don't know anything about singing. I have no idea how to do that, but they do that. And the way they're doing it, it's like, "This is incredible." It's like they're expressing themselves in a way that is just... It's not in my wheelhouse, so I get to watch it just pure. Like, I don't even know. I'm... When their fingers are moving, I know that's what makes the noise. I don't know what the fuck's happening. I don't know shit about guitars. But I- I get to watch Gary Clark and he's like, "Goddam." Like, he just... You feel it, you feel it when he's playing the guitar. And when she's singing, she hits these fucking high notes and you're like, "God." That's a- it- that's a beautiful thing, seeing things live. It's so... Like, I always say about someone's comedy special, and they say, "Yeah, I th- I saw 'em. They're- they're special on Comedy Central. It was pretty funny." I go, "Listen, see 'em live." A special is basically just an advertisement to come see a live, because a special is, at best-

Joey Diaz 44:48 (coughs)

Joe Rogan 44:48 ... 60 or 70% of what seeing somebody live is. You're missing everything. It's like the difference between having sex and jerking off. It's not the same. It's, you know... Seeing someone live is, it's a feeling, like you're in the moo- you're in the room with all the other people that are experiencing it together. It's not just you're seeing someone, that they're there, but it's also there's a vibe where everybody is there enjoying it. That's part of what live entertainment is. That's a thing that I really missed during COVID. I didn't realize how much I missed it until we started doing it again. I was like, "Oh, it's like now I got my vitamins again." Like you're taking your vitamin, like the vitamin of killing, the vitamin of, like, making this whole audience of people have a good time. Like, you're responsible for their- their moment, this hour and a half block of time. You're responsible for that. You gotta go out there and have a good fucking time with them. And they leave there, and they go, "That was fun. That was great." They feel good. They go to work the next day, "We had a great fucking time. Oh my God, we laughed so hard." You know, and that's how I felt.

Joey Diaz 45:58 The best is when you go, "What did he say?" And they go, "We don't remember."

Joe Rogan 46:02 (laughs) Right.

Joey Diaz 46:02 "It don't fucking matter."

Joe Rogan 46:03 Right, right.

Joey Diaz 46:04 "It don't mat-" And that's why for years, and we discussed this ten episodes ago, I wouldn't send a tape. I refused. "We need to see a tape." "No tape."

Joe Rogan 46:13 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 46:13 "No tape, no tape, no tape, no tape." And in my mind, I always knew that, that for me, I always felt better when you came to see me.

Joe Rogan 46:21 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 46:21 I didn't like shooting the special. It was too-

Joe Rogan 46:24 Stress.

Joey Diaz 46:24 ... free, whatever. It wasn't for me. But live, I could always get you. You come see me live, something might happen.

Joe Rogan 46:30 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 46:31 In the middle, a waitress drops a bun. Some drunk chick gets up and-

Joe Rogan 46:35 If we ever

Joe Rogan 46:36 do a special with you, what we're gonna do is you're gonna do a whole week. I'm gonna film every show. That's the move. We'll do it out here when we open up. We'll film every show so that, like, you don't feel like it's a filming. Once you g- That's why I always do four. I film four shows. Like, if I can't... Like, I'll- I would never do a special at a giant place, because you can't sell enough tickets to do four shows. I wanna do it in a place where, like, a club or a- a small theater where I could do four shows, because that way you- you know it's just a show. Like, you do the first one, you feel loose, and you go, "All right, we got it in the can." And then just have a good time. And then it's just having a good time, and then decide which one you wanna be- you know, represent your special.

Joey Diaz 47:20 I j-

Joe Rogan 47:20 That's what we gotta do with you.

Joey Diaz 47:21 It's just weird how when you do standup, for me, I always felt better when you came to see me.

Joe Rogan 47:29 Oh, yeah.

Joey Diaz 47:29 I always felt that I gave you everything I got. If you didn't like me then, okay, we'll shake hands and part friends and I'll never... But-

Joe Rogan 47:37 But a tape-

Joey Diaz 47:37 ... that's what happened. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 47:37 A

Joe Rogan 47:38 tape's just... It's... And also-

Joey Diaz 47:39 I want you to give me a chance.

Joe Rogan 47:39 ... a tape when you know you're being filmed. That's the thing. It's a tape when you know you're being filmed. It's like... I always point to Bill Hicks Revelations 'cause, uh, Bill Hicks did this, uh, special in, um, in the UK, and he did it at... It was... Uh, I think they did one... They just filmed one, and it was... It just felt a little tense. Just felt like a little tense. Like, I'd seen him live, and it was amazing, but I saw that material in the special, and I was like, "It's just a little tense." Because I think, you know, you're realizing, "Okay, here it is. This is it. Go." And you have one hour to film your HBO special. I'm pretty sure that's the case. I don't think they filmed two. I might be wrong. But it just felt tense, you know. And I've done them before where I did one, just one hour, just filmed one. "Ready, go." And it's just, uh, not that good. The best way is doing, like, four. That... 'Cause then it's like a show.... you know? But live is the way. Live is the, for comedy, it's not, not, not even close. For music, it's not even close. When you go to see a band live, you know, you feel it. You know, you feel the music. You feel, you, you literally feel it in your skin. You know?

Joey Diaz 48:55 The smells.

Joe Rogan 48:56 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 48:56 The odors, the fucking ... You know, I went to great concerts growing up, and I think that's what ... Because I never went to a comedy show before I got on stage.

Joe Rogan 49:05 Really? Never? Did you get on stage at just a regular open mic night, first time? Which club?

Joey Diaz 49:11 Comedy Works in Denver.

Joe Rogan 49:13 Oh. Well, that's right.

Joey Diaz 49:14 But I had ... This was my thing. All right. Let, let's just get it out on the table. Whenever I saw Pryor, uh, David ... What was the guy, comic when we were kids? David, he had like a nose. David something.

Joe Rogan 49:27 David Brenner?

Joey Diaz 49:28 David Brenner.

Joe Rogan 49:29 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 49:29 You know, those were my guys. Freddie Prinze.

Joe Rogan 49:31 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 49:31 This is what I thought. I always thought that you just called the Comedy Works one night and go, "Hi, I'm Joe Diaz," I'm Joe Rogan, whatever. "Are you guys busy on Tuesday nights? Do you think I could come down and shoot a special?" And they're like, "Yeah, we'll have the camera ready for you." I really thought that you just walked into a comedy club and talked for an hour then you went home. That was my first introduction to comedy.

Joe Rogan 49:53 So you didn't think they w- they wrote anything down?

Joey Diaz 49:55 No.

Joe Rogan 49:56 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 49:56 I thought that they just fucking went in there and said, "Let's go."

Joe Rogan 49:59 Well, you know why? Because you were used to being around a bunch of people that were great at telling stories.

Joey Diaz 50:03 No. We're talking about the fourth grade. I'm hanging out with a friend of mine. I know nothing. I know about the guy named David Brenner that I see on NBC from time to time. And all of a sudden, I'm at my friend's house and we're trying to listen to The Beatles' White Album.

Joe Rogan 50:18 Oh.

Joey Diaz 50:19 All right? I wanted to listen to The Beatles-

Joe Rogan 50:19 In the fourth grade?

Joey Diaz 50:20 ... bo- White Album. Yeah. We were excited about listening to The Beatles' White Album. We go up to his house, we put the fucking first song on. His mom gives us like Kool-Aid and she goes, "I gotta go." And 10 minutes later, his brother comes out and he's a fucking junkie. And I'm not talking about a boozer, I'm talking about a heroin junkie. And he comes out of the room like, "What the fuck is going on out here?"

Joe Rogan 50:41 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 50:42 "What are you assholes listening to?" And we're like, "The Beatles." You know, we're all excited, like, wanna be cool. And he's like, "The Beatles? What the fuck is that shit? Take that off." And he put on a Richard Pryor album, and that's all I needed to hear. My head fucking exploded.

Joe Rogan 50:58 Wow.

Joey Diaz 50:58 So I knew David Brenner and I maybe knew one other guy that I can't remember what his name was. And all of a sudden, I remember I, I ... The first two Richard albums I got was the Something I Said, the, and the two with the, you know ... What's Going On Here. And the two-

Joe Rogan 51:14 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 51:15 And two of them after that-

Joe Rogan 51:16 Jamie's got background music for us.

Joey Diaz 51:18 So it had to be like '75 and '76, and that's all I knew.

Joe Rogan 51:22 Wow.

Joey Diaz 51:22 So I brought those albums to my friend's house in North Bergen when I first moved there, like, the Canellas. To this day, whenever I talk to Ray he's like, "You know my mother is still mad at you about you bringing that album to my house-

Joe Rogan 51:32 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 51:32 ... in the eighth grade." 'Cause it was fucking crazy. Like, I was-

Joe Rogan 51:35 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 51:36 But that's what I thought. I thought that you just walked into a place and did comedy. Before I got locked up, my buddy won a ticket, two tickets to see the guy from Boston with the drypan comedy.

Joe Rogan 51:50 Steven Wright?

Joey Diaz 51:51 Steven Wright. And I met him there.

Joe Rogan 51:53 Really?

Joey Diaz 51:53 And I was late, so I walked in, I caught the last 35 minutes maybe. That was my first standup comedy show.

Joe Rogan 52:00 What year was that?

Joey Diaz 52:03 (sighs) '87.

Joe Rogan 52:06 Wow.

Joey Diaz 52:08 Then I got arrested in '87. All right? And I came out, and I'll never forget that he took me again. He goes, "Do you wanna go see this guy again?" I go, "Yeah." And this time, I sat for 15 minutes and I walked out because he said the same jokes when I saw him the first time. And I like Steven Wright, I got nothing against him. I just thought he did the same material. And I remember I wasn't even doing comedy, comedy wasn't even on my radar. And I said to myself, "If I ever do comedy, I'm never doing the same material."

Joe Rogan 52:40 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 52:42 Like, I fucking knew that then.

Joe Rogan 52:44 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 52:44 Like, "Fuck this." And I wasn't even thinking about doing comedy at that point. And it wasn't till the arrest, after the arrest, when I got out, that comedy was in the horizon, then I still put it off for two years. But I thought you basically called the club and just went down there and did an hour.

Joe Rogan 53:01 So you thought that Steven Wright doing the same material was crazy?

Joey Diaz 53:04 And I like Steven Wright.

Joe Rogan 53:05 Well, listen. Uh, I mean, when you see comics, like, that's one of the things that, uh, a lot of the kids that worked at the door at the store told me. They go, "It's crazy. Like, you see comics, like great comics coming over and over and over again. You see them do the same act over and over again. It kinda takes the magic away, but it shows you how it's done." Like, you get to s- you get a, an education in it. That's one thing about that thing, that gig for up and coming comics. Mitzi was very smart in that she hired comics to work the door, and hired comics to do the ticket booth and, and, and work inside the club so you could see great comics over and over again. And you would have your spots, your little spots that you would do after the show was over or on potluck night, but you got a chance to be there. Maybe you weren't getting paid as a comic yet, maybe you're just a door guy, but you're still working at the fucking Comedy Store and you're getting a chance to see great comedians work out their material. It's like, you never would get that opportunity to see them go up in front of 30 people. Like, you get a chance to see Chris Rock walk on stage in front of 30 people at 1:00 AM on a Tuesday. He will just show up and he'll pull into the parking lot and he will go, "Hey, um, can I go on stage?" And they're like, "Y- yeah. Go ahead." (laughs) Chris Rock would just go up to 30 fucking people and work out his shit, fuck around. And if you're a comic and you're a door guy and you, you've been doing comedy like two years and you're just trying to survive, you're eating ramen every day. And, and meanwhile you're 13 feet away from one of the greatest comics of all time, who just popped in at 1:00 AM on a Tuesday to do a set, and you get to just sit there and watch like, "Wow."... this is crazy. Like, I remember the first time I saw someone famous on stage at The Store. It was Damon Wayans. Damon Wayans is the first guy I ever saw that was, like, a real ... Like, I'd seen guys who were at The Store when I first moved there that were, you know, decent comics, road comics, club comics, you know, guys who had been around for a while. But I hadn't seen anybody that was, like, really good that had been, you know, on HBO or anything like that. Other than Dom Irrera. I'd seen Dom Irrera live a bunch of times. But to see him at The Comedy Store like that was like, "Wow." To see him working out material, it was like, "Whoa, this is crazy." Like, you're getting a chance to see these guys craft what you know is gonna be a great HBO Comedy Hour someday and you get to watch it. And when I was t- fucking 26 or 27, whatever I was, just a young dummy standing there watching all this go down like, "Wow. This is crazy." It's a beautiful opportunity for people. For young comics, like, that opportunity that The Store provided was different than any other environment because we were all ... Like, everybody there was treated as a comic. The door people, the guys who parked the cars, everybody who worked the bar. W- like, l- how about Punkie? She's on Saturday Night Live now. She used to work the bar forever. She was always our friend Punkie and now all of a sudden she's on Saturday Night Live. I mean, that, that happened with so many comics-

Joey Diaz 56:10 (coughs)

Joe Rogan 56:10 ... who were there as employees and made their way through and became very successful, you know? It's one of the beautiful things about that place and one of the incredible ... Like, m- Mitzi's understanding of maniacs and her, her ability to manage all these fucking loonies and get 'em together and figure out how to extract the best comedy out of them, it was amazing, that lady. She's ... I mean, I think all the time, like, "Where the fuck would I be if I'd never met that lady?"

Joey Diaz 56:41 Can you believe this? Can you believe that? Like, I'm ... I feel the same fucking way. Like, I ... Ever since I left LA, I have no desire to do standup.

Joe Rogan 56:50 That's crazy, man.

Joey Diaz 56:50 And it's because of The Comedy Store because I don't have it in my life anymore. She had the recipe. I, I, I fucking think about it.

Joe Rogan 56:59 It was the perfect recipe.

Joey Diaz 57:00 I put a c- ... I, I light a candle for her every Monday.

Joe Rogan 57:02 Do you really?

Joey Diaz 57:02 I put a glass of water for her. Yeah, I took it into, I took it into my Cuban act. She's in my fucking Santeria life now. I light a candle for her every Monday. I got a picture of her. I, I fucking put a glass of water for her and I realized how important it was for me to walk in there. At the end of the day, the reason why I have you as a brother, my wife as my wife, my daughter, and my comedy career is 'cause of the fucking Comedy Store.

Joe Rogan 57:27 It's a big factor.

Joey Diaz 57:29 It's a big factor in my life. So when I went ... Dog, I went and said goodbye to The Comedy Store. I want you to know that. The building was closed. I went down there. I sat on the stairs. I smoked a joint by myself. There was nobody there, not a soul there. Everything was still closed. I walked over, I rubbed my name on the building, and I said, "I'll see you when I see you, but ..."

Joe Rogan 57:51 Wow.

Joey Diaz 57:52 "It's never gonna be and it's never gonna be the way it was when Dice and Kennison were there."

Joe Rogan 57:58 No.

Joey Diaz 57:58 The guys that got us there.

Joe Rogan 58:00 Yeah?

Joey Diaz 58:00 'Cause they got me there. You know, I went to ... I took a standup comedy course in January of '91 that consisted of three weeks at the University of Colorado. The teacher's name was Jeff Harms. Good guy. And after the three weeks he said to me, "Listen, out of the 15 people, maybe you and the one girl showed a little promise. What are you gonna do?" And I go, "I don't know. I think I'm gonna get on stage." He goes, "Well, why don't you go ... There's a new comedy club opening. Go work for them. I'll call the guy right now and you can go work for him." It was in Westminster, Colorado and, uh ... What the fuck was it called again? I forget. Wits End.

Joe Rogan 58:37 Wits End?

Joey Diaz 58:37 Wits End. And it was, uh, a B-room, you know, but I went in there. I started as a doorman. Then the sound guy quit, so I became the doorman and the sound guy. Then the bar back quit and I became the bar back, the sound guy, and the fucking door guy. And then I went to Wendy and I said, "I wanna get on stage," and Wendy put me up on a Tuesday. The owner from Wits End found out and fired me.

Joe Rogan 59:00 Wow.

Joey Diaz 59:01 'Cause he didn't want no comics working there. So he goes, "You have to put your two weeks in. I can't have a comedian working here." But, again, that, those four months working at-

Joe Rogan 59:12 Wait a minute.

Joey Diaz 59:12 ... Wits End-

Joe Rogan 59:12 ... he fired you 'cause you were a comedian?

Joey Diaz 59:14 Yeah, he didn't like it. He didn't want, he didn't want that in his club. He wanted normal people to work the club.

Joe Rogan 59:19 Oh, I thought he fired you because you did a set at a rival club.

Joey Diaz 59:22 N- no, no. And then he was-

Joe Rogan 59:23 Oh.

Joey Diaz 59:24 One of the partners in that club-

Joe Rogan 59:26 Wait a min- ... That's so silly.

Joey Diaz 59:26 Yeah, but one of the partners on that club was a guy named McKelvey and McKelvey had been in a comedy troupe with Steve Martin. He was also fucking ... always on The Tonight Show. And, uh, he owned that club and a club in Denver called McKelvey's and he took a liking to me. And he us- take me on the road with him in the beginning. He's the one that brought me to stage when I met Judy Brown at Colorado Springs.

Joe Rogan 59:50 Judy Brown was the lady that had that book, right? No, that's Judy Carter.

Joey Diaz 59:54 Judy Carter.

Joe Rogan 59:54 That's right.

Joey Diaz 59:55 Judy Carter.

Joe Rogan 59:56 Judy Brown's Judy Marmel.

Joey Diaz 59:57 Yes.

Joe Rogan 59:58 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 59:58 Judy Marmel.

Joe Rogan 59:58 Okay. That's Burt's manager.

Joey Diaz 1:00:00 Burt, yeah. So I-

Joe Rogan 1:00:00 And Sebastian's.

Joey Diaz 1:00:01 Sebastian's.

Joe Rogan 1:00:02 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:00:02 And I think Whitney too, but it's funny how it was full circle. Like, I started watching and it was a great education because I came from a society of comedy that you listened.

Joe Rogan 1:00:13 Right.

Joey Diaz 1:00:14 You didn't watch. I listened to... And then I got the one, uh ... So I got the first three Richard Pryor albums. I don't know if they're the first three. And then I got a George Carlin one.

Joe Rogan 1:00:24 Mm.

Joey Diaz 1:00:24 And then I had to go for fucking the man, uh, Redd Foxx.

Joe Rogan 1:00:29 Oh, yeah, man.

Joey Diaz 1:00:30 So honest to God, like, I've never stolen a joke, but when I was 12 and 11, I did Redd Foxx at every party.

Joe Rogan 1:00:39 Oh, yeah, I did that too.

Joey Diaz 1:00:40 You know, Wash Your Ass.

Joe Rogan 1:00:40 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:00:41 That whole thing. And then I did ...... Delirious.

Joe Rogan 1:00:45 Oh, yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:00:45 But my all-time favorite was the Winos Meet Dracula-

Joe Rogan 1:00:49 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:00:49 ... by Richard Pryor. I can say that head to fucking toe, backwards and frontwards.

Joe Rogan 1:00:54 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:00:54 You know, but that was my A game. When I met a girl, "Well, do you, do you ever hear about winos and Dracula?"

Joe Rogan 1:00:59 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:00:59 And I would drop into, "Man, what the fuck are you talking about?"

Joe Rogan 1:01:02 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:01:02 And I would go into the fucks and the whole thing. Richard Pryor, to me, was such a... Because he cursed.

Joe Rogan 1:01:07 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:01:07 He talked about drugs. He talked about all this shit that I was like, "You don't talk about this."

Joe Rogan 1:01:12 He was vulnerable too. Yeah. Talk, talk or else.

Joey Diaz 1:01:13 Yeah. You don't talk about this. Who talks about this shit?

Joe Rogan 1:01:15 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:01:16 I, I always watch it when it's on. I give it, like, 10 minutes, Live on the Sunset Strip.

Joe Rogan 1:01:20 It's amazing.

Joey Diaz 1:01:21 It's been on a lot lately. It was on a lot during the pandemic, so I'll watch it here and there, you know?

Joe Rogan 1:01:25 You know, that was when I realized what comedy was. I went to see it when I was in high school. My parents took me. I was probably 15 and we were in the theater. And while we were there, maybe it was 14, something like that, uh, uh, uh, we were in the theater. I think I was a freshman year of high school, maybe sophomore. We were in the theater and he was just on stage talking. That's all he was doing, was talking. And people were falling out of their chair, just falling out of their chair. Couldn't breathe. I couldn't believe how hard I was laughing. And I'll remember the moment. I'll never forget. I remember turning in my chair, looking around at all these people laugh and I was like, "This is crazy. This guy's just talking."

Joey Diaz 1:02:05 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:02:05 I'm like, "How is he doing this? How is he doing this by just talking? This is the craziest thing I've ever seen." And he just changed the way I thought about comedy. I'd only seen comedy on television before that, like, you know, The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. You know, Richard Jeni would go up and do a set and I would see that and be like, "Wow." But to see this, to see l- his special on a giant screen was almost as good as being there, because you had a whole audience with you. So the audience was laughing along. It was the same kinda feel as like... That's a thing that comics should really fucking do, is put their specials and make a movie again. Like, I know a few guys have done it, like Kevin Hart has released his stuff like that. I think Gabriel released his stuff in the movie theater. But that's really a good way to see comedy. A good way to see comedy is in a fucking movie theater, because then you're laughing with all the people. Like, when you're at home, you're, it's okay. It's fun with your wife or, you know, with a friend to watch a special, but I think the best way is live, the second-best is in a movie theater. And when I saw Richard Pryor, Live at the Sunset Strip, completely changed what I thought about comedy. I couldn't believe how powerful it was. I couldn't believe this guy... I had seen all these funny movies. I remember thinking about, like, all the different comedy movies that I saw that I loved, you know, Blazing Saddles and all these different films. There were just great, hilarious comedies. Nothing was this funny. Nothing was this funny. It was all funny the whole time. There was no setup, there was no, like, they gotta go through this scene and then funny shit happens. It was just funny. No Saturday Night Live was that funny, nothing I'd ever seen was that funny.

Joey Diaz 1:03:41 Nothing, no, nothing.

Joe Rogan 1:03:42 It was incredible. It was incredible.

Joey Diaz 1:03:44 It did, it did come across really. I went to see that at the Loews in Jersey City.

Joe Rogan 1:03:49 Wow.

Joey Diaz 1:03:50 Me and a bunch of buddies took a bus, the number one bus went down there, fucking just tremendous. And it stuck with me.

Joe Rogan 1:03:56 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:03:56 It stuck with me so much, I had to try it.

Joe Rogan 1:03:58 Well, that was also... We all knew that Richard Pryor had just survived getting lit on fire.

Joey Diaz 1:04:03 Yes, yes.

Joe Rogan 1:04:03 So that was all over the news, that Richard Pryor was lit on fire, like, what happened? And, you know, it's... And then he had that movie, Jo Jo Dancer, and in that movie-

Joey Diaz 1:04:14 Tremendous.

Joe Rogan 1:04:14 ... he lit himself on fire. Like, so it was always like a weird... We never, didn't know, like, did he accidentally get caught on fire or did he light himself on fire in the movie? I believe... Isn't that what happened in the movie? I believe he lit himself on fire.

Joey Diaz 1:04:28 He lit himself on fire. But, that was, I think when you said he was very vulnerable, I think that was the line in the movie that just made me cry. When he was walking, he took a sip of something and he goes, "You motherfuckers don't know, you don't (laughs) know what, that I know that you motherfuckers been saying about me."

Joe Rogan 1:04:44 Yeah. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:04:45 And right there, you fucking lost it, because that was the new joke. And he goes, "Yeah," getting a lighter. "What's this?" Richard Pryor running down the street, "I fucked..."

Joe Rogan 1:04:53 Yeah. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:04:53 I fucking lost it. When he goes, "I know what you motherfuckers been talking about me," right there, I was like, "Oh, no."

Joe Rogan 1:05:00 Ugh.

Joey Diaz 1:05:00 And he took that lighter out and I'm like, "That's fucking funny. That's real."

Joe Rogan 1:05:06 Do you ever see the one that he did in Long Beach? He filmed that one at, I think it's just Richard Pryor Live. He films in Long Beach, and some dude at the beginning of the show, like, the audience isn't even fully sat when he goes on stage at the beginning of the film. And this dude gets up with a f- fucking camera and gets, like, right up to the stage. And Richard Pryor's fucking with this guy while he's taking a picture of him, while the show is going on, in that... Do you know, you ever do that place with me? That one, uh, theater in Long Beach? It's a beautiful theater.

Joey Diaz 1:05:35 Across from the, uh...

Joe Rogan 1:05:37 It's in that whole nice area of Long Beach-

Joey Diaz 1:05:40 Yes, yes.

Joe Rogan 1:05:40 ... with the restaurants and bits of...

Joey Diaz 1:05:41 Yes.

Joe Rogan 1:05:41 So this is the beginning of this. So he's going on stage, he's saying hi to everybody, but people are still kinda sitting down, see? They're moving in to s- to take their seats when he goes on stage, at the beginning of his film. Give me some volume, Jamie. Look at this. So look at this.

Narrator 1:05:59 What's happening, bloods?

Joe Rogan 1:06:02 He's fucking with people at the beginning of his special.

Narrator 1:06:06 Jesus Christ.

Joe Rogan 1:06:07 People are sitting down.

Narrator 1:06:08 White people rushing back. White people don't care, Jack. Just come out anyways. Say, "Fuck it. We're going. I don't give a shit."

Joe Rogan 1:06:22 So look at... Who films a special where the audience is lit up and people-

Narrator 1:06:26 You niggas taking a chance being in Long Beach though, Jack.

Joe Rogan 1:06:27 ... are sitting down.

Narrator 1:06:29 I saw the police had some brother jacked up when we was coming in here. Nigga's hand's way up here, talking about, "Huh? What?" They're searching this shit. Bet they take him away to jail. Go to jail in Long Beach as a motherfucker, dog. It's just... Where you at? I'm in Long Beach. Shit. We ain't coming down there to get your ass out.

Joe Rogan 1:06:52 ... like, who does a special like this where people are still being seated? It's weird, right?

Joey Diaz 1:06:59 I don't think they knew.

Joe Rogan 1:07:00 Did they have a opening act for him, you think? He might not have had a opening act.

Joey Diaz 1:07:05 Maybe Mooney.

Joe Rogan 1:07:06 This concert was recorded live at the Terrace Theater in Long Beach, California. I don't know if he had an opening act. I mean, I don't know how they did it back then. It might have just been Richard Pryor, you know?

Joey Diaz 1:07:19 And she's doing really well.

Joe Rogan 1:07:22 The ex-wife?

Joey Diaz 1:07:23 Yes.

Joe Rogan 1:07:24 Yeah? That's good. Um, is, she was always at the store with him towards the end.

Joey Diaz 1:07:28 She's good people. She's good people.

Joe Rogan 1:07:28 Yeah. When he was, um, you know, when he would go up and, um, Meryl, Marilyn Martinez's husband, David and Chuy used to get him to the stage. Remember? She was always with him.

Joey Diaz 1:07:39 He's, uh, she's a good lady. She sends me stuff still.

Joe Rogan 1:07:43 Really?

Joey Diaz 1:07:43 Yeah. All the, they're doing a lot of stuff with Richard Pryor now.

Joe Rogan 1:07:46 Well, I know his, uh, company sent me a bunch of T-shirts and shit-

Joey Diaz 1:07:48 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:07:49 ... and sweatshirts. I wear those all the time.

Joey Diaz 1:07:50 And then, uh, Morby Alvarado.

Joe Rogan 1:07:51 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:07:51 They sent me The Wanted shirt and shit.

Joe Rogan 1:07:53 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:07:54 I, I love all that stuff.

Joe Rogan 1:07:55 The one with him with the, doing this-

Joey Diaz 1:07:57 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:07:57 ... with the horns over his ears?

Joey Diaz 1:07:58 Yeah. No, l- listen, man. When it came to comedy, I loved Pryor, I loved everything that went with it. Pryor gave me the fucking, Pryor gave me the passport to snort coke-

Joe Rogan 1:08:08 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:08:08 ... and jump up and down, and you know, that was it.

Joe Rogan 1:08:10 (laughs) Right.

Joey Diaz 1:08:11 That, you know, he's my dog. That's it. It's Pryor. I like Colin, I fucking love Bill Hicks, I adore Rodney Dangerfield, you know. That's my other fucking, that's, that's plan B. But the guy that brought me to the dance when I saw him was Andrew Dice Clay.

Joe Rogan 1:08:27 Oh, for sure.

Joey Diaz 1:08:28 That motherfucker still makes me laugh on Instagram with his craziness. He still makes me laugh.

Joe Rogan 1:08:33 Whenever I get a text from him, I can't believe Dice Clay is my friend.

Joey Diaz 1:08:36 Yeah, no, I'm the same way.

Joe Rogan 1:08:37 I mean, I get a text from him, I'm like, this... When I was 19, I was dating this girl and we were sitting in front of my house, we were sitting in my car and, uh, I had a cassette player and we were playing, I think it was just called Dice, the first one, the first cassette. We were crying laughing in my car. I'll never forget that moment, just sitting in, in front of my house with this girl and we're just cackling, playing this cassette. It's Dice Clay. And every now and then I get a text from him and it's all caps. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:09:06 Don't ever forget who you are!

Joe Rogan 1:09:08 Oh! (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:09:11 (laughs) He called me as I was getting off the plane in Teterboro Airport when I moved here. So we were just getting off the plane, loading everything into the, into the car. Alex, the driver-

Joe Rogan 1:09:23 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 1:09:24 Alex.

Joe Rogan 1:09:24 Yeah, yeah, that guy.

Joey Diaz 1:09:25 And all of a sudden fucking my, my phone's ringing. I'm like, "Who the fuck could this be?" And it was Andrew. He's like, "I think you're doing a good move for your family," all that, because he was in the city.

Joe Rogan 1:09:33 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:09:34 I think he's still in the city.

Joe Rogan 1:09:36 Is he in Manhattan?

Joey Diaz 1:09:36 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:09:37 Really?

Joey Diaz 1:09:37 He's been staying there the whole fucking time.

Joe Rogan 1:09:40 Does he still have the, um, the Bell's palsy with his face, or has it come back?

Joey Diaz 1:09:43 I don't know. He looks good. He looks good in the Instagram pictures he's been putting up lately. I haven't spoken to him.

Joe Rogan 1:09:49 He'll-

Joey Diaz 1:09:49 Yeah, he looks good. Look at him.

Joe Rogan 1:09:50 Oh, he's smiling, so-

Joey Diaz 1:09:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:09:51 ... he doesn't have it anymore?

Joey Diaz 1:09:52 No.

Joe Rogan 1:09:52 Good. Beautiful. Yeah, they say that... Dom had that for a while and it goes away, like, whatever makes your face fucking go numb for a little bit. He said he was sleeping on his hand and that did it. How crazy is that? Like, he was, he fell asleep, like, on his fist and he woke up and his fucking face wouldn't work. Like, how crazy is that?

Joey Diaz 1:10:16 That's crazy. Dom or Andrew?

Joe Rogan 1:10:17 Andrew. Pretty sure. That's what Eleanor told me. But Dom got it in a different way. Dom got it years ago. He just, for some reason, his face, like, started drooping on one side and they said, "There's nothing we could do." So he'd go on stage with that and make fun of himself. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:10:34 You know what's fucking crazy when I think about this? That I actually talked a fucking state corrections institution, like, went in there by myself, no attorney, and said, "Can I rent out... What are you doing for the fucking inmates on New Year's Eve?" And they're like, "Nothing." They,