Joe Rogan Experience #1789 - Tom Papa

Comedian and writer Tom Papa is the host of the popular podcast "Breaking Bread with Tom Papa", and the co-host, along with Fortune Feimster, of the Netflix radio program "What a Joke with Papa and Fortune." It can be heard daily on Sirius XM.

Joe RoganhostTom PapaguestGuest (unidentified additional voice)guest

Jun 27, 20243h 9mWatch on YouTube ↗

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150 min read · 30,001 words

0:00 – 1:57
Tom Papa’s bread delivery and TSA smuggling jokes
1. NANarrator
  (drumming) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.
2. The Joe Rogan Experience.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. (rock music plays) And we're up. Oh, hi Tom Papa.
4. TPTom Papa
  Oh, good to see you, Joe.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  You are the man that brings the bags.
6. TPTom Papa
  Ah.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  You bring, you bring the brown paper bags, and-
8. TPTom Papa
  Joe, I was so happy to bring you bread that I was in Colorado doing shows, flew home, had my wife feed the starter. I shoulda come right here. But I w-
9. JRJoe Rogan
  Feed the starter?
10. TPTom Papa
  But I wouldn't have (laughs) been able to bring you bread. So I flew home... (laughs) This is so sick. I flew home just for 24 hours so I could bake the bread and then, uh, get back on a plane and bring it to you.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Wow.
12. TPTom Papa
  But I feel like you haven't had it in so long.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  You're the only one I'll eat bread from.
14. TPTom Papa
  I know.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  Uh, no, I'm not, I'm lying. I had a piece of bread-
16. TPTom Papa
  (laughs)
17. JRJoe Rogan
  ... this, uh, Saturday after the fights. I did have a piece of bread with butter.
18. TPTom Papa
  (laughs)
19. JRJoe Rogan
  It was pretty damn good.
20. TPTom Papa
  Well, I, uh, I'm happy to do it. And I've, I made a, I made one regular loaf, I'm not sure which is which. But one regular loaf and one olive loaf.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  Ooh.
22. TPTom Papa
  Which has green and kalamata olives, lemon zest, and herbs de Provence. And I hadn't made that in probably a year, and that, the house was just filled with the smell of the bread.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  Mm.
24. TPTom Papa
  It was so great. And then (laughs) flying here, the only thing in my carry-on was bread.
25. JRJoe Rogan
  Wow.
26. TPTom Papa
  I looked, 'cause it baked yesterday. Here, I'll let you open it with your hands.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh my goodness.
28. TPTom Papa
  And, uh, yeah, if-
29. JRJoe Rogan
  It's so dense.
30. TPTom Papa
  If Jamie, if Jamie could get a piece of it, he would probably be grateful.
1:57 – 6:08
Fentanyl border bust story and why desperation drives crime
1. JRJoe Rogan
  I was reading about a woman who got caught at the border. She had a, uh, she's a pregnant lady.
2. TPTom Papa
  (laughs) Yeah.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  And she had a, like a rubber container filled with fentanyl stuffed up her cooch.
4. TPTom Papa
  (laughs) What?
5. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
6. TPTom Papa
  Oh my god.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Which, you know, that stuff kills you if it's just a small amount.
8. TPTom Papa
  Geez.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  Like she had enough to kill everyone she's ever met.
10. TPTom Papa
  Oh my god.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
12. TPTom Papa
  What is fentanyl? That's, uh...
13. JRJoe Rogan
  It's an opioid. It's a, an opioid that is, um, highly, highly potent.
14. TPTom Papa
  Geez.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  It's like hundreds of times more potent than heroin, I believe.
16. TPTom Papa
  Geez.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  The amount of fentanyl that kills you is so small. There it is, "pregnant drug runner nabbed smuggling fentanyl in her vagina."
18. NANarrator
  It looks like an eggplant.
19. TPTom Papa
  Aye yi-yi.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  Like an eggplant? (laughs)
21. NANarrator
  (laughs)
22. TPTom Papa
  Oh.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  Look, it's-
24. TPTom Papa
  It's like in a condom.
25. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. It's, she wrapped it in a condom too.
26. TPTom Papa
  Oh.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  All it says, "Just say no to drugs," on the, uh, the ruler.
28. TPTom Papa
  How did they discover that?
29. JRJoe Rogan
  They fingered her.
30. TPTom Papa
  (laughs) . Well, that's pretty-
6:08 – 13:34
Airport behavior: drunk passengers, boarding-line chaos, and mask-era flying
1. TPTom Papa
  I had a guy yesterday getting... I'm waiting to board last night to come and, uh, a guy comes up and he just, you know, it's pulls his mask down.... just big beard and (laughs) he's just like, "How's it going? Why aren't we boarding?" I'm like, "Ca- uh, you know." I was just being friendly. I'm like, "You know, the pilot's waiting for the," whatever, and it just becomes clear he's drunk. He's-
2. JRJoe Rogan
  Mm.
3. TPTom Papa
  ... just hammered.
4. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
5. TPTom Papa
  Hammered, and he starts talking about comedy, and he's saying it so lou- and he just want, he just low key. Let's, it's a nice-
6. JRJoe Rogan
  Did he know who you were?
7. TPTom Papa
  Yeah.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, boy.
9. TPTom Papa
  And I'm just like, "Let's just get on the plane." "No, man. Tell me, like, who's your, like, who's your favorite comedian-"
10. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
11. TPTom Papa
  "... all time?" Dude. (laughs)
12. JRJoe Rogan
  Jerry Lewis. (laughs)
13. TPTom Papa
  (laughs) He wouldn't stop. And then he does it, and I'm f- being nice, and he's peppering me with questions, and at a point I was like, "Okay, I, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude. I'm just tired. Let's just, let's just get on." And he's like, "Oh, my bad. My bad. That's okay." I'm like, "It's okay. Are, are you, uh..." And I asked him something about himself. I didn't wanna think I'm just like-
14. JRJoe Rogan
  Right.
15. TPTom Papa
  ... ghosting him. And he had this very like kinda little sad story he was telling.
16. JRJoe Rogan
  Mm.
17. TPTom Papa
  And then he, he's like, they go, "Okay, (laughs) we're boarding group one." He's like, "Let's go." (laughs) And I'm like, "We're a team now."
18. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, boy.
19. TPTom Papa
  And I'm like, "Why are we a team?" And he goes, "I'm not number, I'm not group one, but I do this all the time." (laughs)
20. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, no.
21. TPTom Papa
  And he goes up and he gives the woman, uh, the gate agent th- his thing, and she gives it back, and then goes, "Uh, John. John." And he starts picking up speed to get into the gates. She goes, "No, no, no, no, no, no. You're group three. You have to go back." He's like, "Ah." (laughs)
22. JRJoe Rogan
  "Ah."
23. TPTom Papa
  And he goes back. He just totally knew-
24. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
25. TPTom Papa
  ... this is how he operates.
26. JRJoe Rogan
  A lot of people do that. They try to sneak in. I've seen it-
27. TPTom Papa
  It's so gross.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  ... multiple times.
29. TPTom Papa
  It's so gross.
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
13:34 – 17:32
Pandemic stress, perspective, and how people mentally ‘come back’
1. TPTom Papa
  And, you know, (clicks tongue) I can't believe ... Like, when I go to do shows and you see these people that are coming out and, (inhales deeply) you know, they've r- they've got families and they're, and they're out looking for laughs. Like, they're back wanting to do stuff again. It's like, I said to, uh, uh, a couple shows, I was like, "Your kids won't say it, but I'll say it, I'm proud of you. I don't know what you did, but you did it. You got through these two years of weirdness and keeping your family safe, and that you're out just getting a drink and trying to have some laughs. Good on you. That's not a small thing that we did. That was a big d- " Especially in the beginning when you're like, "Are we gonna die from this?"
2. JRJoe Rogan
  Right. "Is everyone gonna die?"
3. TPTom Papa
  "Are we all gonna, like i-"
4. JRJoe Rogan
  March of 2020, remember those days?
5. TPTom Papa
  Yeah. Yeah.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  You were like, "This could be way worse than they're telling us."
7. TPTom Papa
  This is, right, exactly. This could be totally-
8. JRJoe Rogan
  Remember those videos from China?
9. TPTom Papa
  ... scary. Yes.
10. JRJoe Rogan
  When they were bolting people in their houses and spraying, they were, uh, spraying disinfectant through the streets. You remember those days?
11. TPTom Papa
  Yes. And all of a sudden, the s- New York was just quiet.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
13. TPTom Papa
  I mean, that was not a ... We got through it. Like, human beings get through shit, but that, when you look back, it's like, "Whew, okay."
14. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
15. TPTom Papa
  "That was really a thing."
16. JRJoe Rogan
  It was really a thing.
17. TPTom Papa
  So, you know, that you were able to muddle through it, great. If you, if it sent you off, I totally get that too. I totally get it too. (clicks tongue) Yeah.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  I just don't know how when someone gets sent off, how do you bring 'em back? (clicks tongue) Like, how do you bring people back to-
19. TPTom Papa
  (clears throat)
20. JRJoe Rogan
  ... like, calm, normal-
21. TPTom Papa
  Yeah.
22. JRJoe Rogan
  ... after they went haywire?
23. TPTom Papa
  Yeah. You just kind of ... I don't know.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  I don't know.
25. TPTom Papa
  It depends the degree, right? It just depends. You just have the, have that thing of just, you just gotta keep on getting on, you know? I remember my grandparents, who, like, went through all of the original troubles. They just always had the mentality of like, "Yeah, big deal. I know, it's l- life is hard. So you want a tuna sandwich? What's going on?" (laughs)
26. JRJoe Rogan
  Mm-hmm. People that went through The Depression, yeah.
27. TPTom Papa
  The Depression and the First and the Second World War, and-
28. JRJoe Rogan
  Mm-hmm.
29. TPTom Papa
  ... you know, you, you just kinda muddle through. You just ... It all comes down to just doing your little task and going forward and k- trying to stay positive. It's like in the doing, uh, like, uh, the small, of the little doing keeps you focused rather than the big overwhelming.
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Well, being able to see, you know, big picture. There's a funny meme that I saw online that Sam Tripley posted on his Instagram. Find that. It's, uh, it shows the galaxy-
17:32 – 18:24
Ukraine war fears: nukes, Putin’s endgame, and information uncertainty
1. JRJoe Rogan
  I was reading an article today where they were talking about Putin's options. He has almost no options. He's-
2. TPTom Papa
  Which is terrifying.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Terrifying, because he could do something crazy.
4. TPTom Papa
  Exact... That's ... I know.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. If he decided-
6. TPTom Papa
  And when he-
7. JRJoe Rogan
  ... to do something crazy, like, what, are we gonna ... Like, if he decides to send one nuke into Ukraine-
8. TPTom Papa
  Right.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  ... and, uh, and kills 100,000 people, 200,000 people-
10. TPTom Papa
  Yeah.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  ... 300,000 people, what, what do we do? Are we supposed to nuke him now?
12. TPTom Papa
  That's the dangerous thing. It's like, so you choke him out and you t- you, you know, all the sanctions are taking effect. And okay, so you turn him back? And so, uh, uh, I mean ... All right, so he, you defeat him. Ultimately, what does he, like, what does that mean to a guy that has the largest nuclear arsenal on the planet? What does he go ... Like, how does he save face-
13. JRJoe Rogan
  I don't think he does.
14. TPTom Papa
  ... and pull out?
15. JRJoe Rogan
  What does it say?
16. TPTom Papa
  Or does he just take it and everybody lives with him having taken it?
18:24 – 39:20
Nuclear arsenals, command-and-control anxiety, and the ‘long table’ isolation
1. JRJoe Rogan
  The world's nuclear arms states possess a combined total of nearly 13,080 nuclear warheads. More than 90% belong to Russia and the United States.
2. TPTom Papa
  Yeah, but look, Russia has more.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Approximately 9,600 warheads are m- Is that true?... they have more than us?
4. TPTom Papa
  Russia has 6,257-
5. JRJoe Rogan
  Wow.
6. TPTom Papa
  ... and we have 5,550.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, my God. I thought we had more.
8. TPTom Papa
  No.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  I thought that we had, uh, more nuclear p- power. I thought like the, the power of our weapons was greater than the power of Russia's weapons.
10. NANarrator
  Uh, you know, when I was looking something up about that, uh... (clears throat) We were talking about the suitcase bomb the other day.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
12. NANarrator
  And I was digging through articles about that, trying to find out the accuracy. There's a lot of claims being made over certain time periods of like, "We heard through intelligence that they now have, you know, 200... They made 250 of these." So, you have to have proof of that. I don't think they're showing them, the- the boxes of them, you know.
13. TPTom Papa
  Hmm.
14. NANarrator
  They might be saying-
15. JRJoe Rogan
  It's just-
16. NANarrator
  ... they just got new ones.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  ... yeah. The nuclear football thing was... Or the nuclear, uh, briefcase thing was always a thing that got discussed.
18. TPTom Papa
  Mm-hmm.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  I thought that our... But I, I guess it doesn't matter, right?
20. TPTom Papa
  Right.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  Because whoever... If one nuclear-
22. TPTom Papa
  If one goes-
23. JRJoe Rogan
  ... bomb goes to Russia and they launch all their shit at us and... It kills the whole world multiple times o- over.
24. TPTom Papa
  Right.
25. JRJoe Rogan
  But I was under the impression, I believe I read something, that the power of the United States nuclear arsenal was, uh, larger than the power of the Russian arsenal. Maybe I confused that to numbers of bombs.
26. TPTom Papa
  (sighs) I don't know. It's all terrifying. It's so scary. And they... I just... I don't know like what his... Like, what's his endgame? Like if-
27. JRJoe Rogan
  How did he do it in the first place?
28. TPTom Papa
  There's 40 million people in, in-
29. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
30. TPTom Papa
  ... Ukraine. So like how do you just take like, uh...
39:20 – 50:54
Movies as relief: Batman, Christian Bale, and Tom Cruise stunt obsession
1. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
2. TPTom Papa
  He's not really running the show.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Did you see that movie?
4. TPTom Papa
  I did.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  How was it? I didn't see it still. I haven't seen it.
6. TPTom Papa
  It's ... it is so good, d-
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Is it?
8. TPTom Papa
  His performance is so ... Christian Bale-
9. JRJoe Rogan
  He's amazing.
10. TPTom Papa
  Oh my God, I couldn't-
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
12. TPTom Papa
  As I was watching it, I had just, not recently, but the last thing I saw him in was, uh, Ford v Ferrari.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  Mm-hmm. He was great in that, too.
14. TPTom Papa
  He won the Oscar for it, I think, right? He's all skinny-
15. JRJoe Rogan
  Skinny.
16. TPTom Papa
  ... with my buddy Matt.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
18. TPTom Papa
  And he's all, I mean, just skinny. And I remember talking to Matt, and he was, like, talking about being on set with him, and-
19. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
20. TPTom Papa
  He was so impressed. And I mean, he's been in acting since he was a little kid, but he's so ... I could not believe I was watching him as Cheney and that this guy was Ford v Ferrari.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. It is crazy. I mean, what he-
22. TPTom Papa
  He-
23. JRJoe Rogan
  ... what he's able to do with his body, the, the, the transformations he puts himself through.
24. TPTom Papa
  The eyes. I mean-
25. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
26. TPTom Papa
  ... he changes inside. That's the most prof- insane thing. (laughs) It's not just like they put prosthetics on him or he wears a collared shirt. There's something in his eyes, the way he talks, the way he moves.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
28. TPTom Papa
  I mean, he transforms.
29. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
30. TPTom Papa
  And then, what was the other one he did with M- Adam McKay with, uh, the money, the Big Short?
50:54 – 53:50
Injuries in real life: Tom’s fall, broken ribs, and brutal fight damage
1. TPTom Papa
  It's insane. I slipped on the ice in, uh, Fargo, North Dakota last week.
2. JRJoe Rogan
  Hit your head?
3. TPTom Papa
  A little bit.
4. JRJoe Rogan
  You all right?
5. TPTom Papa
  Huh?
6. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
7. TPTom Papa
  (laughs) But it was literally, like, a week after Saget.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, no.
9. TPTom Papa
  I was just go- I di- I didn't even know I was falling. It was- just happened so fast. I was just walking the- my show, but everything in Fargo right now is an ice block. It's-
10. JRJoe Rogan
  Right.
11. TPTom Papa
  ... literally covered in ice. So, I'm just walking. I wasn't even thinking about falling, I was just thinking about getting into the building (laughs) 'cause it was so damn cold. It was, like, minus 31 windchill.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh.
13. TPTom Papa
  And I'm just walking, and there was no part of me that was like, "Whoops," or, "Whoa," or, "I might be falling." I was just, "I fell!" (laughs)
14. JRJoe Rogan
  Bang.
15. TPTom Papa
  "I'm down. I'm on the sidewalk."
16. JRJoe Rogan
  Mm-hmm.
17. TPTom Papa
  And I- there was a building next to me, and I just kinda grazed it a little bit with my head, and I think I might've broke a rib 'cause I'm still in pain down here. Um-
18. JRJoe Rogan
  Broke a rib?
19. TPTom Papa
  I th- or bruised it. Yeah, something.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  If you broke a rib, you'd probably know.
21. TPTom Papa
  I can't sleep on it.
22. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah?
23. TPTom Papa
  Yeah. It's been a couple weeks.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  D- can you touch it and do you feel, like, an in- you- you know?
25. TPTom Papa
  I feel it. Just not, like-
26. JRJoe Rogan
  Hmm.
27. TPTom Papa
  ... it's not crazy pain, but-
28. JRJoe Rogan
  They don't do much for those unless it's really bad, then they put screws in place.
29. TPTom Papa
  Yeah. No, this isn't that bad. It- maybe I bruised it.
30. JRJoe Rogan
  There's a- there's a gentleman named Chance Rencounter. We brought him up a couple of times 'cause he fought in Bellator a couple weeks ago.
53:50 – 1:08:06
UFC live experience, Vegas food, elk cooking, and steak technique deep dive
1. JRJoe Rogan
  It was, uh, Colby Covington versus, uh, Jorge Masvidal. Have you been to a UFC live yet?
2. TPTom Papa
  I haven't.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Bro.
4. TPTom Papa
  I really wanna go.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  What are you waiting on, man?
6. TPTom Papa
  I'm waiting for the invite. I keep-
7. JRJoe Rogan
  You know a guy.
8. TPTom Papa
  I- h- h- I-
9. JRJoe Rogan
  You know a guy.
10. TPTom Papa
  Do I gotta give you three loaves? (laughs)
11. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs) Just tell me when you wanna go.
12. TPTom Papa
  I would love to.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, I'll-
14. TPTom Papa
  Are you gonna be in Vegas in May?
15. JRJoe Rogan
  Um, no. I don't think there's a May one. There's a July one.
16. TPTom Papa
  Okay.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  I think ... When is in ... Is there a Vegas May date? There may be a May one, but it probably is at the, uh, APEX Center.
18. TPTom Papa
  Uh-huh.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  'Cause, uh, there's an April one that's in Phoenix. That is, uh, April ... No, excuse me, that's in Florida. That's April 9th. And there's a May one.
20. TPTom Papa
  Mm-hmm.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  That's in Phoenix.
22. TPTom Papa
  Phoenix could be fun.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  Yes. Yeah, Phoenix is fun. And then, when-
24. TPTom Papa
  I'm- I have a show in Vegas in May. If you can make that happen, that'd be great.
25. JRJoe Rogan
  I- I'll call UFC-
26. TPTom Papa
  (laughs)
27. JRJoe Rogan
  ... and say, "Listen, Tom Pompa wants to see some scraps."
28. TPTom Papa
  (laughs) Where should I go?
29. JRJoe Rogan
  There's a- they'll-
30. TPTom Papa
  I would love to come, honestly.
1:08:06 – 1:27:42
Baseball lockout, sports as proxy war, and ‘phony fan’ spotting
1. JRJoe Rogan
  What's going on with baseball?
2. TPTom Papa
  They have a lockout. They're, they've, they've shut down-
3. JRJoe Rogan
  I saw you. You were getting pissed. I guess-
4. TPTom Papa
  I was getting pissed.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  ... which is rare. I'm like, "Tom Papa is hate tweeting."
6. TPTom Papa
  (laughs) I know. My one angry, my one angry post was about baseball. I just hate-
7. JRJoe Rogan
  And the price of hot dogs.
8. TPTom Papa
  I hate greed. I hate greed.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  Is that what it is?
10. TPTom Papa
  Yeah. Sons of... You know, we-... yeah, I love baseball so much, and it's-
11. JRJoe Rogan
  What is the, what's the, the dispute?
12. TPTom Papa
  Uh, it's between the owners and the, and the, and the players, and there's different... I don't know. I don't even know.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  You don't know?
14. TPTom Papa
  No. I don't know the ins and outs.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  But yet you're Tweeting about it.
16. TPTom Papa
  I just know get, I just know get your shit together-
17. JRJoe Rogan
  Wow.
18. TPTom Papa
  ... and, and (laughs) open up baseball. We stuck with you through this stupid-ass pandemic, through everything. These families have-
19. JRJoe Rogan
  Here it is-
20. TPTom Papa
  It's all greed.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  ... major matters such as the competitive balance tax thresholds, the minimum salary, and the size of the new pre-arbitration bonus pool leaves the sides with a significant distance between their proposals. Boy-
22. TPTom Papa
  Hmm.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  ... good luck getting America behind competitive balance tax thresholds-
24. TPTom Papa
  (laughs)
25. JRJoe Rogan
  ... a minimum salary, and a size of new pre-arbitration bonus pool.
26. TPTom Papa
  (laughs)
27. JRJoe Rogan
  People are gonna go, "What?"