Skip to content
The Joe Rogan ExperienceThe Joe Rogan Experience

Joe Rogan Experience #1796 - Ali Siddiq

Ali Siddiq is a stand-up comedian, writer, and community advocate. His most recent special is "Ali Siddiq: It's Bigger Than These Bars," filmed live at Bell County Jail in Texas.

Ali SiddiqguestJoe Roganhost
Jun 27, 20243h 34mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:00 – 1:06

    On-set COVID protocols: masks as theater vs real protection

    1. AS

      (drumming music) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

    2. NA

      The Joe Rogan Experience. (energetic music)

    3. JR

      Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. What's happening?

    4. AS

      What's happening?

    5. JR

      How are you? Good to see you.

    6. AS

      Man, good to be seen, man.

    7. JR

      (laughs)

    8. AS

      Glad you here.

    9. JR

      You were telling me about the gauntlet you've been running with masks. (laughs)

    10. AS

      Oh, man. (laughs) They, they want a mask on you as soon as you finish delivering your lines, they want you to put that mask back on. Before you go to makeup, they want you to... Man, it's, it's insane.

    11. JR

      Is it standard though? Is that, like, every production?

    12. AS

      That's every production.

    13. JR

      Really?

    14. AS

      They are masked up.

    15. JR

      But it doesn't have to be a good mask.

    16. AS

      No, it don't have to be a good mask.

    17. JR

      So it's just a gesture.

    18. AS

      You could use your sleeve, just cover your face.

    19. JR

      (laughs)

    20. AS

      Just long, (laughs) long as something's over your face, they don't-

    21. JR

      Then you have a bandana, like a bandit. (laughs)

    22. AS

      Yeah, like, you could just pull up, just pull, you don't need... Your shirt, just pull your shirt over your face.

    23. JR

      (sighs) Oh, it's so stupid.

  2. 1:06 – 2:54

    Ali’s 32-day COVID run and why newer variants feel ‘soft’

    1. AS

      Th- they, they need you to have the mask, and, and I understand, people catching. I don't know if people believe as much as they did. Like, I'm willing to cross a line a lot now, since I've...

    2. JR

      (laughs)

    3. AS

      I, once I had, like, once I knew how COVID was, it's like, it's like, I had COVID in the beginning, like full-fledged.

    4. JR

      You had it longer than anybody I've ever known. I've never known anybody who l- tested positive as long as you did. It was like-

    5. AS

      Every.

    6. JR

      ... 30, how many days?

    7. AS

      32 straight days.

    8. JR

      That's crazy.

    9. AS

      (laughs) When I, when I heard negative, I was like, I was so elated, like, "What? Negative?" And I, I think once I've had it and I had the full blast, like, the shotgun to the face when it was new. You, they didn't, they didn't have a vaccination. You didn't no- they, didn't nobody know what to do.

    10. JR

      No medicine.

    11. AS

      No medicine. No, no tricks. Th- they, you can't even listen to people who didn't even know what they was talking They didn't even know what to say. Like, "Man, I don't know what to do." (laughs)

    12. JR

      (laughs)

    13. AS

      Like, "I can make up something, but I, I can't even really... I don't know." Uh, the bleach, when he said the bleach, it was like, "Eh, possible."

    14. JR

      (laughs) Right.

    15. AS

      Like, (laughs) and I, I was in that room long enough to be like, "Yo, if this lady leave this cleaning supply bucket by me-

    16. JR

      (laughs)

    17. AS

      ... I'm going for the bleach. I'm taking it." (laughs)

    18. JR

      You never know.

    19. AS

      You never know, shit could work. So now, any variant I hear about now, I feel like it's weak. Like, okay, come on. Come on, come on, new COVID. Like-

    20. JR

      Well, they are weak now.

    21. AS

      Yeah.

    22. JR

      I got the new one.

    23. AS

      (laughs)

    24. JR

      The new one was nothing. It was nothing. I couldn't believe it was COVID. I came in here, I had a snuffly nose and I was saying to the nurse, just joking around, "Maybe I got it. Maybe I got it." She's like, "You're not gonna fucking believe this. You're positive." I'm like, "What?" I go, "This is COVID?" (laughs)

    25. AS

      (laughs) Yeah.

    26. JR

      "This is the new COVID?" It's so weak.

  3. 2:54 – 4:51

    “New NBA” energy: traveling, softer play, and rule enforcement changing

    1. AS

      The new COVID is like the new NBA.

    2. JR

      (laughs)

    3. AS

      It's like the new NFL. It's like so soft, like...

    4. JR

      Ugh.

    5. AS

      Yeah. It's like, okay, Lebron. Hey, I'm not gonna say he's not gonna end up being the greatest player, but it's still gonna be there if you didn't play against the Bad Boys or the Knicks, I'm, I'm still doubting your toughness. Like, (laughs) I'm still gonna doubt it 'cause it's, it's, basketball is soft now. You can travel. I, I watched most people-

    6. JR

      You can travel?

    7. AS

      Oh my ... Have you watched basketball lately?

    8. JR

      Not lately.

    9. AS

      Yeah, oh, watched basket-

    10. JR

      What's going on?

    11. AS

      Everybody takes... 'Cause, you know, standard basketball-

    12. JR

      Right.

    13. AS

      ... how it was invented is, (laughs) like, once you catch the ball, you have two steps and you supposed to be in the air. Oh, no. Oh, no, let, let's give, just for showmanship alone, oh, we'll give you, we'll give you at least six.

    14. JR

      Come on.

    15. AS

      Oh, man. They-

    16. JR

      Really?

    17. AS

      Um, the Joker, yesterday he got a bounce pass, it was like step, step, step and then jump. Like, that's travel, sir. But it was an open dunk, give it to him. LeBron travels all the time.

    18. JR

      Really?

    19. AS

      Uh, all the... Everybody who you think is great, if the referees... That's why I don't even... If, if somebody complains to the referee, I'll be like, "Really? He's let you get away with, like, 19 bank robberies and he called you for one."

    20. JR

      (laughs)

    21. AS

      And then all of a sudden you like... Man, are you insane? But if it was old refs, remember the old, the old white guy that everybody used to get mad at, but he was, but he was a real ref. Like, "Psst, hey, that's a foul. You can't, you can't do that, sir. Psst, that's a foul. Can't... Hey, so you took 24 steps, what you want from me?" But now it's like, oh, flagrant. You out here cursing, sir. Do the, "Ah-la-la-la," but you are. I let you travel, I let you push that man down, I let you DDT a man. I let you DDT a actual human being and I never called anything. Sir, you hang on the rim, you went in the stands, ate popcorn, came back, I never called anything. This is a flagrant.

  4. 4:51 – 7:33

    Backboards don’t shatter anymore—plus Shaq’s fitness comeback

    1. JR

      I don't follow basketball, but why, why, how come rims stopped breaking? How come the backboard stopped breaking?

    2. AS

      You-

    3. JR

      'Cause remember Darryl Dawkins?

    4. AS

      Oh, that was a, he-

    5. JR

      Just jump up and-

    6. AS

      Chocolate thunder.

    7. JR

      ... smash those things.

    8. AS

      Th- it was glass.

    9. JR

      And the game was over.

    10. AS

      It was glass.

    11. JR

      Right. They're not glass anymore?

    12. AS

      No, they-

    13. JR

      They're plastic?

    14. AS

      They're plex, it's plexiglass and then they had these... You know, remember when Shaq, that Shaq pulled a whole like... Darryl Dawkins broke the glass and it, you know, he's a big man coming up. But Shaq, he brought down the whole entire rim, like the shock system.

    15. JR

      (laughs)

    16. AS

      Like it came down. And then they reinforced all that they (laughs) they got better. They like, "No." No.

    17. JR

      Have you seen Shaq lately?

    18. AS

      I haven't seen Shaq-

    19. JR

      He looks great.

    20. AS

      ... in person in probably about five or six years in person.

    21. JR

      I, last time I saw him in person was probably eight months ago but I saw him on the internet yesterday and he looks fucking great. He looks like he's getting a six-pack. Shaq's lost a shitload of weight.

    22. AS

      Shaq's getting a six-pack?

    23. JR

      He looks great. He's got a six-pack.

    24. AS

      How old is Shaq?

    25. JR

      50.

    26. AS

      Oh yeah, I gotta do it now. I gotta do it. I'm 48, I know I done trimmed all the way down. Six-pack gotta be next 'cause I can't let Shaq-

    27. JR

      (laughs)

    28. AS

      ... have a six-pack ever in his life and me not have one right now. And that's 50.

    29. JR

      You should see it. See if, find the pictures of Shaq lately. Like, he changed his diet. Stopped eating bullshit, works out every day. His shrim- he's like, tr- trimmed his body down. He looks good.

    30. AS

      I hurt my hand, so it is stopped. You see how that knuckle is like-

  5. 7:33 – 16:56

    Ali’s boxing training and the Katt Williams dispute (and possible payday fight)

    1. JR

      Dude, I was watching you work out. You can box.

    2. AS

      I got a little something.

    3. JR

      You can box. I was watching you throw your hands. I was like, "He knows what he's doing."

    4. AS

      I got a good, I got a good trainer.

    5. JR

      How long you been doing it?

    6. AS

      Uh, from... I don't count little, because that's where old men go back, "You know, when I was younger."

    7. JR

      Right.

    8. AS

      Um, so we're gonna say a year, just back in the... in, in the gym, trimming down, getting back in it, and start... 'cause I wanted to fight Katt Williams so bad, like I want-

    9. JR

      Really?

    10. AS

      Yeah, man. I just really wanted to just... and I, and I don't-

    11. JR

      (laughs) Why'd you want to fight Katt Williams?

    12. AS

      'Cause he did some shit, and, and then when he said that he was a person that, um, started celebrity boxing, and I said, "Cool. Since you started celebrity boxing, we- nobody's ever seen you fight." So since you started, why don't you fight somebody who wants to fight you? Like he said, he called out Kevin. I think Kevin will win too, but why don't you fight somebody who wanna actually fight you? And that's the difference. Like I- I would fight anybody who actually wanted to fight me. No problem, let's fight. If I- especially if I want to fight you too. But Katt, I got a problem with Katt. I just do. But I, and I'm try-

    13. JR

      What is the problem?

    14. AS

      Some shit that he did, man, like I don't like people not being a man. When you got something to say to me, just say it to me.

    15. JR

      Right.

    16. AS

      Don't do no shit like telling people I can't come in the arena, and I just performed, and you holding me out the arena?

    17. JR

      What?

    18. AS

      And they paid me outside, like-

    19. JR

      What?

    20. AS

      ... and then you never talk to me about it. But the problem I have with that is when somebody... when we was in Shreveport and somebody was about to fuck you up, I intervened. I didn't let you sit out there like that. I'm- I intervened.

    21. JR

      How did this all get started? Like, what was-

    22. AS

      So what happened, I'm performing with Katt in, um, Houston at the NRG Arena. We do two shows, it's two different days, and then I'm- the second day, I'm- I go outside to see one of my friends named Ghetto. He outside. I'm talking to him so I get ready to come back in the arena. The people, the security at the arena, they all locked arms and I'm walking in. They like, "Ollie, we can't let you back in the arena." I'm like, "What?" (sniffs) I'm in my hometown, like y'all know me, like it's people who know me. They're like... "Can't let you back in the arena." But my stuff's still in the green room, like first of all, I don't know what's happening. Like what happened? Let's, let's, let's, let's go to that part.

    23. JR

      (laughs)

    24. AS

      Like why can't I come back in the place that I just walked off- like what- what's going on? So Carl, this guy works for Katt, comes in and said, comes and he's talking over the people, like he's talking over their shoulders like, "Katt say he don't want you back in the arena." And now I'm like, "Who the fuck is Katt to tell me I can't come in the arena?"

    25. JR

      That you just worked then?

    26. AS

      Yeah. Like but I- but the thing is, I don't know what the fuck is going on.

    27. JR

      Right.

    28. AS

      And you could come and say, "Hey man, I got this type of problem X, Y, and Z. Man, if you don't mind..." I- I ain't got no problem with that. But you don't- you can't direct somebody in my city to put me out. Like man, do you know who the fuck I am, like for real?

    29. JR

      (laughs)

    30. AS

      Like for- like this all- like f- all the rest of that other shit out the way, like do you know who the fuck I am, like for real, for real, like in these streets? Like that's the fucking problem with me, like and then you- it's-

  6. 16:56 – 20:40

    Celebrities who can’t throw: 50 Cent, Fauci, and other public-sports disasters

    1. JR

      Do you remember they had that thing Battle of the Superstars?

    2. AS

      Yes.

    3. JR

      The like ... it was like ABC, Wide World of Sports or some shit like that.

    4. AS

      Yes.

    5. JR

      They would have actors.

    6. AS

      (laughs) Why they don't do it no more?

    7. JR

      'Cause it's terrible. (laughs)

    8. AS

      (laughs) 'Cause the, 'cause the goddamn athletes are all worse than that. Like, this the thing, did you see 50 Cent throw a pitch?

    9. JR

      No.

    10. AS

      Oh, my good- ... it made the national news.

    11. JR

      Oh, my God.

    12. AS

      The shit was so bad.

    13. JR

      (laughs)

    14. AS

      I'm like-

    15. JR

      I feel like that's a setup. Any time you go to throw a pitch, almost nobody looks good throwing a pitch.

    16. AS

      Is this shit-

    17. JR

      Here it goes.

    18. AS

      ... like-

    19. JR

      Here it goes.

    20. AS

      Yowza! (laughs)

    21. JR

      Oh, Jesus Christ. (laughs) Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

    22. AS

      Ah, Goddamn! You talk about not having a father.

    23. JR

      (laughs)

    24. AS

      (laughs) Like, how the fuck do you ... like, not even in the streets, like, I played pitch with you.

    25. JR

      (laughs) Uh-huh.

    26. AS

      I fucking love 50, but when he did that shit I was like, "You know something?"

    27. JR

      Uh.

    28. AS

      "I got my son up right then. 'Get your ass up. We going outside.'" (laughs)

    29. JR

      (laughs) "We gonna play catch."

    30. AS

      "We even ... (laughs) you gonna be ... (laughs) you, damn. 'I know you six months. Get your ass up. We going outside.'"

  7. 20:40 – 26:04

    Kim Jong Il: mythmaking, golf ‘records,’ and the burrito claim—plus forced mourning

    1. AS

      But if you go on the internet... Oh, what's the, um, what the, the new dictator of North Korea? You gon' like this.

    2. JR

      Kim Jong Un?

    3. AS

      Yeah. What's his daddy name?

    4. JR

      Kim Jong Il.

    5. AS

      Kim Jong, Kim Jong Il. Okay, um, Kim Jong Il. I was having a discussion about Kim Jong Il. You gon' like this, whoever plays golf. Apparently he was just, he was such an amazing man. And this, this is, like, Kim Jong Il, this is, like, in his official documents. Like, this is the things that he done in his official-

    6. NA

      Mm-hmm.

    7. AS

      ... documents. That, apparently when Kim Jong Il was born, all the birds in North Korea started singing in Korean, apparently.

    8. JR

      (laughs)

    9. AS

      I wasn't there. I can't, I can't verify it or deny it.

    10. JR

      (laughs)

    11. AS

      I wasn't there. Apparently, apparently birds in-

    12. JR

      (clears throat)

    13. AS

      ... in North Korea, they can speak a dialect. Maybe Brooklyn birds rap, I don't know. But this is what I know that people gon' understand. Kim Jong Il apparently...

    14. JR

      Ugh.

    15. AS

      Yeah.

    16. JR

      Eleven hole in ones.

    17. AS

      Eleven hole in ones. First time ever playing golf.

    18. JR

      (laughs)

    19. AS

      First time ever. Ele- I was reading this. I know white men have lost they mind if they ever read this shit. Eleven hole in one, first time ever playing golf.

    20. JR

      He shot 38 under, eleven holes in one at the 7,700 yard championship course at Pyongyang in the very first golf round of his life, according to North Korea state media.

    21. AS

      (laughs)

    22. JR

      This was in 1994 when Kim was 52 years old. Even more impressive, Kim stood just 5'3", yet he was able-

    23. AS

      (laughs)

    24. JR

      ... to overpower a course as long as any ever played in major championship history. Who knows how good Kim could've been if he had taken up the sport earlier.

    25. AS

      (laughs)

    26. JR

      God.

    27. AS

      Oh, oh. Can you find-

    28. NA

      (clears throat)

    29. AS

      Can you go down and find in 2000 and... This man is amazing.

    30. JR

      (laughs)

  8. 26:04 – 28:19

    Seeing the DMZ up close: Ali’s South Korea troop shows and the reality of borders

    1. AS

      Being in South Korea and going to perform for the troops when they were, they were still in a active... Considered a active zone. And the bus, the bus we were on, the street was right... You could see North Korea. You could see how their fences and all they military stuff. And the guns were following our little van 'cause it's like this street, you going up into this... to these mountains. And the dude was like, "Yeah, they, they keep an eye on us, and then we keep an eye on them." It's like, this is the line. And when we went to perform, it was like all these dudes were just bald-headed dudes just, like, in the zone. Like, "Yeah, we in the field." I'm like... So... And in the middle of my performance, they... it got cut short 'cause they had to go back out or something. It was like... But you see the people who's in a, quote-unquote, going into a active zone-

    2. JR

      Yeah.

    3. AS

      ... and you're performing. And this Black lieutenant, she was like, "Thank you for coming," and she re- she was like... This... She was over this squad. She was like a real tough lady. She gave me this coin. This is a combat coin. "This is our crew thing. Thank you, but we have to go. We appreciate it." And that's how she was talking, just like that. I wasn't... Like, I'm not making fun of her voice. (laughs)

    4. JR

      (laughs)

    5. AS

      She's just... "Appreciate you," and... And they was gone. I'm like, "Damn." And as we was riding back, they were like, "Yo, man, this shit for real." And you see... It's like you see it on the... on the movies, but you don't ever see the actual rows of razor wire laid on the ground-

    6. JR

      Yeah.

    7. AS

      ... and on the top, and these spikes that's up, and the big-ass guns in a tower, and then you can see 'em. Like, "Damn!" And you... And somebody escape, they gotta go through that type of shit.

    8. JR

      Imagine if you were on, like, the Del Rio border, and you see guns. Like, the Mexicans had guns pointed at America. We got guns pointed at them.

    9. AS

      Mm.

    10. JR

      How fucking strange is that area? North Korea and South Korea is nuts.

    11. AS

      Nuts.

    12. JR

      That's nuts. And one side is thriving, making great electronics. Everyone's getting plastic surgery.

    13. AS

      (laughs)

    14. JR

      (laughs) You've seen that, right? They all get their eyes done.

    15. AS

      Man-

    16. JR

      They all have eyes like this.

  9. 28:19 – 32:56

    Plastic surgery and filters: when faces look ‘rubber’ in motion

    1. AS

      It's... The problem is, it's too much plastic surgery. It's too, it's, it's too accepted.

    2. JR

      It's everywhere. They do their chins. They do all kinds of shit over there. It's like... I think it's the number one place for plastic surgery in the world.

    3. AS

      Have you... Is it good, though?

    4. JR

      Some of it.

    5. AS

      Like, have you ever seen a great facelift? Like, you ever seen somebody that had a facelift and you were like, "You know what, uh, you know something?"

    6. JR

      I not-

    7. AS

      "That shit is good."

    8. JR

      In person is where it's a problem because there's so many filters on Instagram, you don't know what the fuck is going on. You don't know. I mean, there's a Jennifer Love-Hewitt. That's her name, right?

    9. AS

      Mm-hmm.

    10. JR

      She had a video that she put up today where she was using a filter, and the filter made her lips look fat and thick.

    11. AS

      Mm-hmm.

    12. JR

      And she was just... She's like, "This is crazy." Like, "This is not what I look like." And she's like... She's... In the video, she's talking. You know what she looks like 'cause there's a lot of pictures of her.

    13. AS

      Yeah.

    14. JR

      But then, you see this video, and she's saying, "This is not what I look like." But these filters are available for basically anyone to use. So if you've seen a plastic surgeon... Like, look at that. See the filter giving her-

    15. AS

      Yeah.

    16. JR

      ... big, big, fat lips? And her face is nice and smooth. That's what these filters do now. They're like... It's AI. They recognize where your lips are, and they thicken 'em up. They change your eyes and shit. So if you see someone who has a really good facelift and it's on Instagram. Like, who... Like, see the picture on the... The middle picture. That's what she actually look... She's a beautiful lady, but that's what she actually looks like. If you see some plastic surgery photos online, like, you don't know. The thing about them is when they move. Like, when people get a lot of fillers in their face, what's weird is when they start moving, when they start talking and this shit all looks like rubber.

    17. AS

      Yeah.

    18. JR

      I remember one time I was in the Brea Improv green room, high as fuck. Like, way too high. Like, thinking, "Man, I mightbe, I might be too high to go on stage." Like, "This is crazy."

    19. AS

      (laughs)

    20. JR

      I went way too far 'cause I was with Joey Diaz.

    21. AS

      That, that ha- that happens.

    22. JR

      That just happens. It happens. And I'm, I'm looking up, and there's a Joan Rivers TV show on. And, uh, Joan Rivers used to have, like, a reality show.

    23. AS

      Yes.

    24. JR

      And this was... At the time-I mean, I don't know how, like, how far she went with plastic surgery, but at the t- I, I mean, I think she went back and forth with, like, with fillers and a bunch of different shit. But she had so much filler in her face that it looked like she was wearing, like, a rubber mask, and you could see when she's moving around and talking, it was, it was f- freaking me out. It was just ... 'Cause I was like, "Oh, no," like, "What have you done?"

    25. AS

      (laughs)

    26. JR

      Like, "What are you do- that's not good."

    27. AS

      (sniffs)

    28. JR

      "Don't do that." There's a thing about when you see them, their faces move. Like, in person, when you see someone who's got, like, fillers and shit in their face, it's like, it doesn't move right. It- it's frozen.

    29. AS

      'Cause it's not natural. It's like some shit, like some cemented putty shit in your face, and you-

    30. JR

      (laughs)

  10. 32:56 – 42:33

    Beard and hair transplants (Turkey), plus the organ-transplant analogy

    1. JR

      You see a lot of dudes who get, uh, beard transplants now?

    2. AS

      It ... So, I don't trust no person, if you would paint some shit on ... Have you seen James Brown that, that covers the sports on s- He has ... Like, the shit is not even natural, James. Like, it's like black paint on your goddamn skin-

    3. JR

      Oh.

    4. AS

      ... that you edged up. (laughs)

    5. JR

      Yeah, a lot of people are doing that now.

    6. AS

      Like, and then that's the, that's the beard.

    7. JR

      The beard thing is weird, though.

    8. AS

      Man-

    9. JR

      The pa- painting your face like that.

    10. AS

      No, tattooing your head-

    11. JR

      That's weird, too.

    12. AS

      ... is weird. Like, tattooing-

    13. JR

      Hair.

    14. AS

      ... where it just look like a hair follicle-

    15. JR

      Yeah.

    16. AS

      ... in your head, it, like-

    17. JR

      That's a n-, that's a thing that a lot of people are doing now.

    18. AS

      (clears throat) But why? Like, it's like women's plastic surgery.

    19. JR

      I saw one where it was old, where it, like, he had been in the sun too long and it had, uh, d- you know, it sort of, like, faded and spread out, so instead of being tiny little dots-

    20. AS

      (laughs) Yeah, looking like a leopard.

    21. JR

      ... they, they, they spread out. 'Cause like my, look at my tattoos, like, they get, the lines get thicker.

    22. AS

      Yeah.

    23. JR

      'Cause they get exposed to the sun and the ink sort of spreads out. That's what happens to the dots on your head. So it was like his whole head was like a blur. Instead of, like, being crisp little dots, everything was, like, blurry, faded, and it was, it looked like madness.

    24. AS

      So he has-

    25. JR

      Like, "What have you done to your head?"

    26. AS

      So, he has a bad Mexican prison tattoo on his head? (laughs)

    27. JR

      (laughs)

    28. AS

      (clears throat) There he is.

    29. JR

      Oh, oh my god. That's real?

    30. AS

      James Brown need to cut it off (laughs) , and that mustache. Like, cut the shit, James.

  11. 42:33 – 49:13

    Ali the gardener: pests, beneficial insects, compost, and why ‘bullshit’ is called that

    1. JR

      ... are you a gardener?

    2. AS

      Yes.

    3. JR

      Really? What kind of stuff do you grow?

    4. AS

      Everything. I tried-

    5. JR

      Really?

    6. AS

      ... I've tried to grow everything. I've, I'm great with okra, um, tomatoes, me and tomatoes have a... But, and it's not me and the tomatoes, it's the environment. In Texas, in certain areas, I didn't know... Once you garden, you, you learn more about bugs, because you have to, because bugs destroy your goddamn garden. Like a caterpillar, a r-... Well, in my house, where my house was... So I'm building... I got this garden that is... It's like 60 feet of just straight, just vegetables. Onions, carrots. Carrots are in a bucket, trying to do them underground. I have okra, squash, celery, got a lot of stuff out there. Onions, everything. It's a migration of these, these worms that come through and they, they trying to nest, turn into whatever moths or whatever they gonna turn into.

    7. JR

      Caterpillars?

    8. AS

      So they come through in, like, a wave.

    9. JR

      (clears throat)

    10. AS

      In like where I stay at, like, every... They hanging from the houses, everywhere, and they eat your whole goddamn garden up. They eat everything in its, in their path, besides grass. It's insane. So you go out there one day, you have a perfectly functioning garden, then you go out in the middle of the night and your shit is nothing.

    11. JR

      Really?

    12. AS

      And you like, "What the fuck just happened?" Then it's these, it's these little worms that... It's a, a larva that this certain moth lays on the back of your leaf, and that shit eats all your leaves up outta nowhere. Then it's these s- then it's snails. You think snails, like, "Eh." But snails are off... Snails are the worst thing to have in the garden because they're going to destroy this shit. They eat holes through... Like, you just start fucking hating insects because you're trying to grow something and you're trying not to use pesticides to put chemicals on your food, so you have to get things like ladybugs. Ladybugs kick other insects' ass if you don't know that.

    13. JR

      Really? (laughs)

    14. AS

      Like they gangsters of the... They, like, ladybugs are gangsters and you get them, and it's these particular little hornet wasps that eat the wor... Eat these worms. And you want drag... You want, um, dragonflies and you want, um, you want birds. You need birds to eat mosquitoes and flies to keep from around your garden. But then you got... Then they're gonna eat some of the ladybugs. They-

    15. JR

      Mm.

    16. AS

      It's just a balance... This shit is a whole balance of nature, and then you gotta learn how things grow. Like, corn is a freaky, is a freaky vegetable. It's a freaky starch. Corn, you have to plant it close because it likes bumping up against... That's how it fertilizes, bump up against each other. Okra, not so much. You can plant okra separate because of the... how it grows. Cucumbers and squash, they, they bud, and then you gotta know, you can eat the flowers of... It's all type of shit with gardening, man.

    17. JR

      How long you been doing this?

    18. AS

      Probably... I don't count as a kid because that was my grandmother's garden. So I've been gardening on my own for about, mm, we gonna say about eight years.

    19. JR

      So is this a trial and error? Like you started off slow?

    20. AS

      Everything is trial and error when you garden, because you got to call people. See, this is another thing about, um, community. If everybody in your community is growing something, you're gonna talk to each other. You're going, you're going to talk to each other about growing. Like I, I can go to a place... Like, if I go to a nursery, I'm going to ask somebody what they're going to do with that. "Like what you, what you playing with that? Like how you grow that?" I'm, I'm gonna ask and they going, "Well, what you got going on?" I've seen people make relationships out of just trading vegetables. "Hey, you grow, you got enough room to grow sweet potatoes. I can grow purple hull peas. Let's, let's, let's switch that out. Let's, let's trade that and then we all can grow cucumbers and all these other things." But for some reason you the only one having success with the sweet potatoes. So I invest in you growing sweet potatoes. Like I grew watermelon one year and I thought I was doing pretty good. I had one good watermelon and like six bad ones that... Because I didn't know that you had to put hay up under them once they start growing or they, they can rot at the bottom.

    21. JR

      Oh.

    22. AS

      How I find that out? I called my boy Raphael, he lives in Shreveport, Louisiana. I call him, I say, "Man, I'm having a hard time with these watermelons." "What you doing? Talk to me." And then-

    23. JR

      (laughs)

    24. AS

      ... (laughs) and then we on FaceTime and he has a grocery store in the back of his, uh, like he's been growing for years. So his tomatoes are huge, like, he got a lot of stuff going. It's like... It's crazy.

    25. JR

      Tomatoes taste way better from a garden.

    26. AS

      Oh my god.

    27. JR

      They, they're not even the same thing.

    28. AS

      I, I guarantee you, if one day you had time and say, "Hey, let's go to, let's go to Shreveport and go to Raphael's backyard." You would just sit back there and just eat shit just out, just like, just, just-

    29. JR

      Right off the vine.

    30. AS

      Just let me wash it off.

  12. 49:13 – 53:55

    Smells, hygiene standards, and Ali’s ‘strip club should have showers’ business plan

    1. JR

      'Cause if a woman shits and you walk in the bathroom and it blows out the bathroom where a dude shits, like I can tell if a dude shit or woman shit, pretty much.

    2. AS

      Yeah.

    3. JR

      You know? Uh, not normal... Like, some shits are not that bad. Some shits are like medium, like regular. Even my own. But sometimes I take a shit and I don't realize how bad it is because I'm in there with it-

    4. AS

      (laughs)

    5. JR

      ... and then I go... (laughs)

    6. AS

      (laughs)

    7. JR

      I go outside and then I have to come back in the bathroom like, "What the fuck?" (laughs)

    8. AS

      (laughs) I don't reali- 'Cause I'm in here with it and-

    9. JR

      Right? (laughs) But you're in there.

    10. AS

      ... it's up my no- I've been nose blind.

    11. JR

      Yeah.

    12. AS

      And, and, and-

    13. JR

      But that's the thing about smelling things, like you get accustomed to smells. Your olfactory senses detect changes in smells. That's what it, it's good for.

    14. AS

      (laughs)

    15. JR

      That's why people that live in areas that stink don't realize that the area stinks. Like people who live near a factory or something like that.

    16. AS

      They have no idea.

    17. JR

      They have no idea.

    18. AS

      Then you get in, then you be like, "What the... Are y'all, are y'all living around this shit?"

    19. JR

      (laughs)

    20. AS

      Like, in Amarillo, Texas, when I was in prison, they, they had this dis- distinct smell. If anybody lives in Amarillo, they know this goddamn... It's a slaughterhouse.

    21. JR

      Oh, that's the worst.

    22. AS

      And it's a... It, it just-

    23. JR

      Oh.

    24. AS

      It just... We- it's, it-

    25. JR

      Death.

    26. AS

      It is the-

    27. JR

      It's nasty.

    28. AS

      ... stinkiest shit in the w- Like, God.

    29. JR

      My parents used to live in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, and I used to have to drive to visit them. I'd come from New York to visit them and I'd go through this area of Pennsylvania that's all slaughterhouses. It's all, like, cattle and slaughterhouses and it's just this, this, this, like a thick smell of death. It's like a ripe, just... It just... It's a stench. It's a s- It is the best word for it. It's a stench of death. Like, oh, it just doesn't smell good. And these fucking poor people live there. There's a lot of, you know, a lot of houses around this slaughterhouse. Folks that work at the slaughterhouse-

    30. AS

      That shit got-

  13. 53:55 – 1:14:34

    Changing tastes: gothic girls, generosity, and the sugar-mama fantasy

    1. AS

      You, you know as you, as you grow older, you, or, or you see things, your tastes change.

    2. JR

      Yeah.

    3. AS

      Like, for y- Like, I've never... I only been with black women. And I, so I don't have any other experiences to go on. Like, I don't know how it's re- you know, like, you know how some people are like, "Oh, white women are better in relationship," or a- Asian women are all just... I don't, I don't know that to be true, because I've only been i- with black women. I've only been in, whether a good situation or indifferent situation or a very difficult situation (laughs) with-

    4. JR

      (laughs)

    5. AS

      ... with, with, with only with only my kind. So, which I just, I'm a human beings. I just love human beings, period. But I never looked at gothic girls before-... I fucking love them when I see 'em. Like, I like, I just, I, I see a-

    6. JR

      The white makeup, the whole deal?

    7. AS

      The fucking, the, all the-

    8. JR

      Black mascara?

    9. AS

      ... tattoos and all that shit, it's like-

    10. JR

      You like that?

    11. AS

      ... I don't know why.

    12. JR

      (laughs)

    13. AS

      But I am fucking intr- if I see a gothic girl, I'll be like, I'll be fucking... If you got a te- a exposed tattoo and you fucking look gothic, my, my eyebrow goes up like, "Hmm." And, and I know, I know I done got bad, bad with this shit now because I was in... and they probably, these girls probably have never even known that this happened. Um, they probably never even told their friends. So, I'm in, I'm doing a stress factory in-

    14. JR

      New Jersey?

    15. AS

      ... in New Jersey.

    16. JR

      New Brunswick?

    17. AS

      New Brunswick. It's a, it's a little, um, restaurant, little Hispanic restaurant, Latino restaurant right on that, on that street, a canteen, and they got pretty good margaritas, and they got good shrimp tacos. So I go in there, I'm sitting at the bar by myself getting ready to go to my hotel, and, you know, it's, somebody do some birthday shots. I turn around and it's like six white girls at a table. It's somebody's birthday. And I just glance, I'm like, "Oh, they're j- having a birthday." And then I glance back. It's six gothic white girls.

    18. JR

      (laughs)

    19. AS

      Oh, my God. I can't... I was like, "Okay, let me compose myself." And I just kept looking, just kept looking. I'm like... and I was looking at the different levels of the gothicness to them. I was like, "Damn." And then this one blonde one got up to go to the restroom, and she was so goth with the big shoes and shit and everything. And I said to myself, "I could, I could send a round of drinks to them," because that's what, that's what a man would do with a... if it was a bunch of, bunch of gorgeous chicks at the thing, "Oh, let me send 'em around just to be impressive." That's not what I did. I got ready to go. I ate my food, contained myself. I ate my food, because all these goth girls, because they gothic, I was just thinking they were the best. And I just walked over. I don't know what their bill was. And I just put some money down and said, "Happy birthday," and walked out. And I went and walked to my room and they, and they were very appreciative all at the same time. They said, "Oh, thank you," because, you know, one saw the money, pretty... it was enough to pay for what, what they had. But I know that I'm, I'm shifting towards gothic girls.

    20. JR

      (laughs) You're shifting?

    21. AS

      Yeah, be-

    22. JR

      What started this?

    23. AS

      I have no idea. It-

    24. JR

      Out of nowhere?

    25. AS

      ... it, it probably started with, um, the chubby, not, not overweight, but the, the chubby white cheerleader, like the third... like when you watch softball, when you watch softball, it's the third baseman, like whatever she... third baseman always kind of stout, little heavy, heavy one.

    26. JR

      Yeah?

    27. AS

      (laughs) It's, I think it started with, with that and they're like, "Hmm."

    28. JR

      (laughs)

    29. AS

      Interesting, you know? So-

    30. JR

      You just developed a taste?

  14. 1:14:34 – 1:26:42

    Makeup through history, men wearing makeup, glam rock… and Little Richard’s original lyrics

    1. AS

      I think it starts with makeup.

    2. JR

      Hm.

    3. AS

      I think it starts with you hiding who you are from the beginning.

    4. JR

      And most people do it. Most women wear makeup. Most, right? Wouldn't you say?

    5. AS

      Hopefully not.

    6. JR

      But if you had to guess.

    7. AS

      In America.

    8. JR

      The average.

    9. AS

      I, I, I, I average. I put everything to America 'cause I just... (laughs)

    10. JR

      Yeah.

    11. AS

      'Cause I think everybody else... I was in Korea and never seen a nail shop.

    12. JR

      Really? They don't do their nails over there?

    13. AS

      They don't go to the shop and do them. It's like, I grew up... But I understand it 'cause I grew up. My mother never went to the nail shop when I was growing up. She always did her own nails. That was something that women... That was a woman taking time to pamper themselves 'cause you, you... And this is, this was the thing that we heard growing up, and I still wanna hear it, and I've never heard this shit in my life outside of my mother saying it, my aunt saying it, and seeing this shit on a sitcom. "I cannot go out tonight because I'm washing my hair." Washing my hair. "I'm washing my hair. I'm getting ready to do it myself." Women don't do that shit no more.

    14. JR

      They don't?

    15. AS

      Mm-mm.

    16. JR

      They all go somewhere?

    17. AS

      They all go somewhere.

    18. JR

      Imagine if women could no longer wear makeup, no women.

    19. AS

      Oh, my goodness. I would, I would have... It would be the best for me.

    20. JR

      You like that?

    21. AS

      Because now, it's the, it's... Now, it takes away the tricks.

    22. JR

      Yeah, no more trickery.

Episode duration: 3:34:46

Install uListen for AI-powered chat & search across the full episode — Get Full Transcript

Transcript of episode NL1MV3OlAkI

Get more out of YouTube videos.

High quality summaries for YouTube videos. Accurate transcripts to search & find moments. Powered by ChatGPT & Claude AI.

iOSAndroidClaudeChrome