Joe Rogan Experience #1809 - Jessica Kirson

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   (drumming music) Joe Rogan podcast,…

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:02

      (drumming music) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

   2. JKJessica Kirson0:04

      The Joe Rogan Experience.

   3. NANarrator0:06

      Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night. All day. (heavy guitar music)

   4. JKJessica Kirson0:12

      I look at all the women and I just said that.

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:15

      (laughs) Well, it's- he- way easier for you to say that than me.

   6. JKJessica Kirson0:19

      I'm part woman.

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:20

      I'm watching this fucking Johnny Depp-

   8. JKJessica Kirson0:23

      I've haven't-

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:23

      ... trial.

   10. JKJessica Kirson0:23

       ... but I'm dying to know about it.

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:25

       (sighs) I'm watching this trial like it's a cautionary tale. It's a cautionary tale about believing in bullshit, c- like forming a narrative in your head like, "We're rebels together. We're gonna-"

   12. JKJessica Kirson0:36

       Yeah.

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:37

       You know? It's- that's what I felt like about Anthony Bourdain and his relationship too, that crazy woman.

   14. JKJessica Kirson0:42

       Mm-hmm.

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:42

       But i- and then you're seeing it all play out in court. Like you're seeing all the crazy come out. You know? Do you know the fact, like he- he talked about her shitting in his bed?

   16. JKJessica Kirson0:54

       Yeah.

   17. JRJoe Rogan0:55

       Yeah, it was great.

   18. JKJessica Kirson0:56

       So hot.

   19. JRJoe Rogan0:57

       It's- do you think?

   20. JKJessica Kirson0:58

       No. (laughs)

   21. JRJoe Rogan0:58

       No. No, right? It's a real- a real problem. (laughs)

   22. JKJessica Kirson1:01

       Don't-

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:02

       Hard to forget.

   24. JKJessica Kirson1:03

       It's a real problem.

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:04

       (laughs) That's hard to forget. But-

   26. JKJessica Kirson1:07

       (snorts)

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:07

       ... she said that she used this specific makeup to cover all of her bruises that Johnny gave her, which is not true. And, uh-

   28. JKJessica Kirson1:14

       Specific makeup.

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:15

       And that speci- well, the problem is it was a specific makeup and it turns out that the company didn't even make that makeup at the time that she was claiming she was using it.

   30. JKJessica Kirson1:24

       Oh, wow. That's cra- really?
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   Like, because he got…

   1. JKJessica Kirson15:00

   2. JRJoe Rogan15:00

      Like, because he got money coming in constantly from all the, the Yeezys.

   3. JKJessica Kirson15:03

      Yeah.

   4. JRJoe Rogan15:04

      Like, the Yeezys sell off, they fucking fly off the shelves. And a- all of his other businesses and then his music, and then he's got that brilliant music player. Have you seen that music player?

   5. JKJessica Kirson15:15

      No.

   6. JRJoe Rogan15:15

      It's fucking incredible. It looks like a UFO. What's it called again? Stem, Stem Player, right? It's called a Stem Player. And you can mix music on the fly with it.

   7. JKJessica Kirson15:26

      Holy shit.

   8. JRJoe Rogan15:26

      And he released his new album only available on this music player.

   9. JKJessica Kirson15:30

      What a brilliant idea.

   10. JRJoe Rogan15:32

       Brilliant. And he sold, like, two million copies of it i- immediately. So it's like, what, what he's doing with this is, first of all, he's cutting everybody out, all, all the parasites that suck money out of him, cut them out. And he creates his own platform for the music. His own, not... He doesn't just create his own music.

   11. JKJessica Kirson15:51

       Mm-hmm.

   12. JRJoe Rogan15:51

       He creates his own platform for the music to be delivered to people. And he's so big that people are like, "We're in." (fists pounding table) "I'll buy, I'll buy your Stem Player."

   13. JKJessica Kirson15:58

       That's, that is a brilliant idea.

   14. JRJoe Rogan16:00

       Brilliant. He's a brilliant guy. Like, there, there's no doubt about it. He's crazy as fuck, but in the best way possible, like, in the most creative way possible. Like, he makes fucking... I'll show you something, but we can't show it on the podcast-

   15. JKJessica Kirson16:12

       Okay.

   16. JRJoe Rogan16:12

       ... 'cause we'll get in trouble, 'cause people will get mad at us. But, um, this is, uh, something that he posted on Instagram, and they took it down when he was (laughs) when he was, um, uh, going back and forth with, uh-

   17. JKJessica Kirson16:29

       The Pete thing?

   18. JRJoe Rogan16:29

       Pete Davidson, 'cause Pete Davidson is banging his, his lady.

   19. JKJessica Kirson16:32

       Which is so crazy.

   20. JRJoe Rogan16:34

       It's kinda funny.

   21. JKJessica Kirson16:35

       I love it.

   22. JRJoe Rogan16:36

       It is, it is kinda funny.

   23. JKJessica Kirson16:36

       I love it so much.

   24. JRJoe Rogan16:38

       Where is it? Goddammit. (smacks lips) I hate, like, lulls while I search. But unfor- unfortunately, that's unavoidable right now. But this, um... (clears throat) That thing is crazy too, right? Like, y- here you got...

   25. JKJessica Kirson16:52

       I mean, Pete has got, uh, the hottest... I, it's crazy.

   26. JRJoe Rogan16:58

       Is it? This is it? (laughs) So he, he posts that about T- Pete Davidson. But here's the best part. Underneath it, "Last one for tonight maybe." (laughs)

   27. JKJessica Kirson17:16

       Maybe?

   28. JRJoe Rogan17:18

       You see, see, he says, he says maybe. "Last one for tonight maybe." (laughs)

   29. JKJessica Kirson17:21

       Meanwhile, that's, that's the biggest lie on Earth-

   30. JRJoe Rogan17:24

       Yes.
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   (laughs) …

   1. JRJoe Rogan30:00

   2. JKJessica Kirson30:00

      (laughs)

   3. JRJoe Rogan30:01

      ... dude, let me tell you something. If you do this over and over and over again, you're gonna get hurt. There's no doubt about it.

   4. JKJessica Kirson30:08

      You know, you're right.

   5. JRJoe Rogan30:09

      And he's not, like, an athlete, right? So he's falling. He's just trying to make it the most spectacular fall. Look, look how he's falling. Look how he fell off the fucking stairs like that. Watch this. That is bad.And dude, this happened fucking hundreds of times. He did this on stage, on television, in movies. I mean, th- you're not, he's not faking these falls. I mean, he's trying to protect himself a little bit from falling down, but he's fucking falling and he's falling a lot. And so, when you do this, and you do this dozens of times, 100 times, who knows?

   6. JKJessica Kirson30:47

      (laughs)

   7. JRJoe Rogan30:47

      I guarantee you he got injured. I guarantee you his back's fucked up and most likely his head's fucked up.

   8. JKJessica Kirson30:53

      You know, you're not lying at all because you... When you're like that, like me, you're gonna do whatever you have to do to get a laugh-

   9. JRJoe Rogan31:00

      And it's gonna go hard.

   10. JKJessica Kirson31:01

       ... and to get attention.

   11. JRJoe Rogan31:02

       Yeah.

   12. JKJessica Kirson31:02

       Because I'm filled with self-hatred, and I need everyone to like me. (laughs)

   13. JRJoe Rogan31:05

       I'm sure he is too.

   14. JKJessica Kirson31:06

       Right.

   15. JRJoe Rogan31:07

       Yeah.

   16. JKJessica Kirson31:07

       So you're gonna do whatever you have to... I mean, like, I don't care if I get hurt. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna go full force on it to get a laugh.

   17. JRJoe Rogan31:16

       Well, the thing is, if you fake fall and you... It looks fake, no one laughs.

   18. JKJessica Kirson31:22

       Of course.

   19. JRJoe Rogan31:22

       You gotta go hard.

   20. JKJessica Kirson31:23

       Yeah.

   21. JRJoe Rogan31:24

       It's, you gotta-

   22. JKJessica Kirson31:24

       You have to slam your head into the ground if you have to get the laugh.

   23. JRJoe Rogan31:27

       He's going face first off the side of stairs just to, because it's gonna be funnier that way.

   24. JKJessica Kirson31:31

       Yeah. Did you know Chris Farley?

   25. JRJoe Rogan31:33

       I did not, no.

   26. JKJessica Kirson31:34

       Uh-

   27. JRJoe Rogan31:34

       I met him once. I met him on... He came to a set, uh, of NewsRadio when we were filming, and he looked gray like cardboard.

   28. JKJessica Kirson31:41

       Really?

   29. JRJoe Rogan31:41

       I'll never forget it. I'll never forget, he has sweat, like a thin, oily sheen of sweat on his face, and his skin was gray. And I was like, "Holy fuck." He was partying with Andy.

   30. JKJessica Kirson31:53

       Oh my God.
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   ... yeah, me too.…

   1. JRJoe Rogan45:00

   2. JKJessica Kirson45:00

      ... yeah, me too. Yeah.

   3. JRJoe Rogan45:00

      Like, "I'm gonna lose weight."

   4. JKJessica Kirson45:01

      Yeah.

   5. JRJoe Rogan45:01

      And so she got super dedicated, but she's so brave. Like, she posts photos of herself, like, before and after and puts it on Instagram. Like, sh-

   6. JKJessica Kirson45:09

      Mm-hmm.

   7. JRJoe Rogan45:09

      ... shows, like, her at her worst and shows how she looks now, you know?

   8. JKJessica Kirson45:14

      Yeah.

   9. JRJoe Rogan45:14

      And she, she fucking, she just wants to let everybody know, "Hey, I did it. You can do it too."

   10. JKJessica Kirson45:18

       Mm-hmm.

   11. JRJoe Rogan45:18

       "It's totally possible. I never thought like that. I never thought I was ever gonna be lean."

   12. JKJessica Kirson45:22

       Mm-hmm.

   13. JRJoe Rogan45:23

       And now she looks fucking great.

   14. JKJessica Kirson45:24

       Yeah.

   15. JRJoe Rogan45:24

       She's lost so much weight.

   16. JKJessica Kirson45:25

       Yeah.

   17. JRJoe Rogan45:25

       She's super dedicated too. She goes on the road with me sometimes and, uh, w- she's always in the fucking gym. Like, I get down to the gym, she's already in there. Already fucking hoofing on the treadmill.

   18. JKJessica Kirson45:34

       Yeah.

   19. JRJoe Rogan45:35

       Like, she puts in her time.

   20. JKJessica Kirson45:37

       It's, uh, I mean, I think, uh, I don't think, a big part of it was because of my kids. Like, I'm an older mom and I'm like, "I have t- I have to be okay." I mean, I'm not gonna live long-

   21. JRJoe Rogan45:45

       Right.

   22. JKJessica Kirson45:45

       ... if I don't get healthy.

   23. JRJoe Rogan45:47

       But then who takes care of 'em?

   24. JKJessica Kirson45:47

       It's not fair to them.

   25. JRJoe Rogan45:48

       Right, and then you have that, that thought, like, "Oh, my God. Who takes care of my kids?"

   26. JKJessica Kirson45:51

       Exactly. And p- they're gonna lose their mother.

   27. JRJoe Rogan45:53

       Exactly. Fuck.

   28. JKJessica Kirson45:53

       It's real.

   29. JRJoe Rogan45:54

       Yeah, it's real. Yeah.

   30. JKJessica Kirson45:55

       Like, Tim Dillon and I just did the podcast and it was all, we... (laughs) It was really funny. Did you see clips of it?
5. 1:00:00 – 1:12:22

   (laughs) …

   1. JRJoe Rogan1:00:00

      ... L- look at that kid. It says right there, it sa- ... That one kid-

   2. NANarrator1:00:03

      (laughs)

   3. JRJoe Rogan1:00:03

      ... was 75 years old. Look at that guy who wrote that. It's true. He l- does look like he's almost 75 years old. He l- y- you could see, uh, right away, "Yeah, that kid's got a baby, I think." So he's carrying-

   4. JKJessica Kirson1:00:13

      And we're all ... And, um, people complain so much now.

   5. JRJoe Rogan1:00:16

      People barely-

   6. JKJessica Kirson1:00:16

      These kids had nothing.

   7. JRJoe Rogan1:00:18

      They barely survived then. Nobody had enough food. There was ... No one was fat then. No one.

   8. JKJessica Kirson1:00:22

      No one.

   9. JRJoe Rogan1:00:23

      No one.

   10. JKJessica Kirson1:00:23

       They're all sharing one potato.

   11. JRJoe Rogan1:00:25

       Yeah, you couldn't-

   12. JKJessica Kirson1:00:26

       All four of those people, the kids in the front.

   13. JRJoe Rogan1:00:27

       You couldn't get fat then.

   14. JKJessica Kirson1:00:29

       No.

   15. JRJoe Rogan1:00:29

       There was no fucking food. Do you know the average size of a man i- in the Civil War was, like, 130 pounds?

   16. JKJessica Kirson1:00:36

       Really?

   17. JRJoe Rogan1:00:36

       Yeah.

   18. JKJessica Kirson1:00:37

       Well yeah, th- of course. That makes sense.

   19. JRJoe Rogan1:00:38

       No food. Nobody had any food.

   20. JKJessica Kirson1:00:41

       God, I wish we had no food.

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:00:42

       Lemme see if that's true.

   22. JKJessica Kirson1:00:43

       I'm joking.

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:00:44

       What's the average size, average weight of a man during the Civil War? I think ... 'Cause I have information that's in my head. I don't know if-

   24. JKJessica Kirson1:00:51

       (laughs)

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:00:51

       ... all of it's good.

   26. JKJessica Kirson1:00:53

       (laughs) You're like, "I better check this out before ..." (laughs)

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:00:55

       Some of it's pretty good. Some of it's pretty good.

   28. JKJessica Kirson1:00:56

       No, you're much more educated than I am.

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:00:59

       I wouldn't say that.

   30. JKJessica Kirson1:01:00

       I'd be like, "The average man."

Episode duration: 2:51:31