Joe Rogan Experience #1812 - Doug Stanhope

1. 0:00 – 1:38

   Stanhope’s surprise COVID antibodies, cigarettes, and morning booze

   1. NANarrator0:00

      (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

   2. The Joe Rogan Experience.

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:06

      Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. (instrumental music) Doug, it is me, boy.

   4. DSDoug Stanhope0:15

      Good morning.

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:16

      It's good to see you, pal. Good morning. First sip of the hooch of the day.

   6. DSDoug Stanhope0:19

      (laughs)

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:20

      First- and that's not your first cigarette. How many cigarettes you got so far?

   8. DSDoug Stanhope0:23

      Uh, f- y- to the point where I go, "Maybe I should have brought two packs."

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:27

      By the way, ladies and gentlemen, Doug Stanhope just found out today that he has had COVID.

   10. DSDoug Stanhope0:31

       Just moments ago-

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:32

       (laughs) You didn't even know you had it.

   12. DSDoug Stanhope0:33

       ... (laughs) I do the regular COVID test before you do the show.

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:36

       Yeah.

   14. DSDoug Stanhope0:36

       And she goes, "Have you had the antibody one?" And I said, "No, I... 'Cause I, I always feel like I have COVID."

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:45

       (laughs)

   16. DSDoug Stanhope0:46

       Uh, like I-

   17. JRJoe Rogan0:46

       They do say, and I read this-

   18. DSDoug Stanhope0:47

       I wake up coughing.

   19. JRJoe Rogan0:48

       ... that people who smoke cigarettes for some reason were, like, getting it less.

   20. DSDoug Stanhope0:52

       Yeah, I, I, I read a lot of those and then I, I saw a lot that disputed that.

   21. JRJoe Rogan0:58

       Yeah.

   22. DSDoug Stanhope0:58

       So I didn't read the ones. I didn't wanna hear that news.

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:01

       (laughs)

   24. DSDoug Stanhope1:01

       And I read the ones that say, yeah.

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:03

       Yeah, that sounds like how I digest news.

   26. DSDoug Stanhope1:05

       But, uh, I... They also say, if you do get it, you're more likely to wind up on a fucking respirator, which I'm gonna wind up on a respirator at this rate regardless.

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:16

       (coughs)

   28. DSDoug Stanhope1:16

       I don't mind if I fast-forward the process. (laughs)

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:19

       We gotta fill you up with stem cells, get you in a hyperbaric chamber, reverse the process.

   30. DSDoug Stanhope1:25

       (coughs)
2. 1:38 – 5:16

   Edibles gone wrong: Kill Tony night, 50mg THC, and the munchies problem

   1. DSDoug Stanhope1:38

      Ugh. I, I did, uh... Oh, so I go to kill Tony last night and I, I'm up on the, you know, the judge's stand, whatever you call it, and I'm pretty pickled by then 'cause-

   2. JRJoe Rogan1:49

      (laughs)

   3. DSDoug Stanhope1:49

      ... we started with margaritas at 1:30 and now it's-

   4. JRJoe Rogan1:52

      (laughs)

   5. DSDoug Stanhope1:52

      ... I think 9:00. And, uh, s- after the show some guy tries to give him a bag o- of edibles and he goes, "No, no, thanks though." And I go, "No, you always take the drugs, even if you don't want 'em, and then you give 'em to someone else at the thing and go, 'Hey, I can't fly with this.'"

   6. JRJoe Rogan2:10

      Right.

   7. DSDoug Stanhope2:10

      "And then you made two people really happy. One guy's happy that you took his drugs and the other guy's really happy." So I go, "What do they f-," uh, and he said, "50 milligrams." And I split it. I go,... I took half, 'cause I'm a 10 milligram guy. I'm tripping my balls off on 10.

   8. JRJoe Rogan2:25

      Really?

   9. DSDoug Stanhope2:26

      Yeah. And then Tony, I gave Tony the other half and he goes, "No, I don't, I don't do weed." And I go, "Ah, fuck it." (laughs)

   10. JRJoe Rogan2:33

       (laughs)

   11. DSDoug Stanhope2:33

       So I took 50 milligrams and I was drinking enough, I had drunk enough that I kept forgetting that I was super fucking high.

   12. JRJoe Rogan2:40

       (laughs)

   13. DSDoug Stanhope2:41

       I got- I thought I was just too drunk to be in a bar. And then, and then I get back to the room and I'm digging through my bag trying to find any leftover bag of fucking airplane peanuts I might have left behind-

   14. JRJoe Rogan2:52

       (laughs)

   15. DSDoug Stanhope2:52

       ... 'cause I'm too high to be in public and go buy something to eat, and there's nothing in the hotel open and I'm just eating fucking gummy bears and salty snack fucking mix and...

   16. JRJoe Rogan3:03

       That's one thing I don't get, for whatever real- weird reason. I don't get munchies when I'm high.

   17. DSDoug Stanhope3:08

       All right.

   18. JRJoe Rogan3:08

       I don't know why. It's never been a thing.

   19. DSDoug Stanhope3:11

       I, uh, sometimes I will only eat if I take edibles now.

   20. JRJoe Rogan3:15

       Really?

   21. DSDoug Stanhope3:15

       I think I get 85% of my calories from liquid-

   22. JRJoe Rogan3:19

       (laughs)

   23. DSDoug Stanhope3:19

       ... booze.

   24. JRJoe Rogan3:20

       How much edibles are you taking these days? 'Cause you were always like a non-weed guy.

   25. DSDoug Stanhope3:25

       Yeah, but they made edibles delicious.

   26. JRJoe Rogan3:27

       (laughs)

   27. DSDoug Stanhope3:28

       I always hated, I always hated like just the taste of smoking. It would make me cough. Like I was one of those guys-

   28. JRJoe Rogan3:33

       Right.

   29. DSDoug Stanhope3:33

       ... that coughs on the first puff and then I'm coughing for an hour and then the yuck mouth I got would ruin the taste of cigarettes.

   30. JRJoe Rogan3:40

       Right, right, right.
3. 5:16 – 9:12

   Roe v. Wade leak and the messy reality of abortion “lines”

   1. JRJoe Rogan5:16

      Blah. So apparently, uh, abortion's illegal again, right? What happened?

   2. DSDoug Stanhope5:20

      What, here?

   3. JRJoe Rogan5:21

      Did you hear what happened? Not just here.

   4. DSDoug Stanhope5:23

      No.

   5. JRJoe Rogan5:23

      No, there's a, um, a leaked memo apparently. Some- someone leaked something that says that they're gonna overturn Roe v. Wade. Uh, I don't know if it's real. Everyone's already commenting on it as if it is real. I don't know if it is real. But apparently what that means is that it's gonna be up to the states. So people who live in states where, uh, abortion is already... you know, like blue states, I don't think they have a worry. But, uh, other states probably do. You know it's kinda... (sighs)

   6. DSDoug Stanhope5:51

      Hey, medical tourism.

   7. JRJoe Rogan5:52

      Yeah, that's what's gonna happen.

   8. DSDoug Stanhope5:54

      Yeah.

   9. JRJoe Rogan5:54

      It's gonna happen. It's, it's, it's fucking weird, man. It's, it's weird people telling other people what they can and can't do with their body. It's weird because y- like Texas has a weird law. No, I shouldn't say weird law. A terrible law, where it's six weeks-... who the fuck knows they're pregnant at six weeks? You just missed your period. Like, people miss their-

   10. DSDoug Stanhope6:11

       I just found out I had COVID.

   11. JRJoe Rogan6:13

       Yeah, exactly.

   12. DSDoug Stanhope6:13

       It could have been-

   13. JRJoe Rogan6:14

       Exactly.

   14. DSDoug Stanhope6:14

       ... it could have been a baby ago.

   15. JRJoe Rogan6:16

       And girls who have irregular periods, that happens all the time, I think. I mean, I don't know. I don't have a vagina. But, uh, that's what I hear. I hear it happens all the time. And so, for the longest time, you know, people have dealt with that and just sort of lived their life and take a pregnancy test and now you find out that you're pregnant and you literally have like a fucking week to find a place, get an abortion if you wanna get an abortion, make a decision. You have to make a decision, you know. Like, but, the, um, the thing that I'm thinking of is, people that have, like... If something happens to you, like what if you get raped? What if, uh, what if, you know... Anything like that. Or what if, uh, you know, some, uh, like a family member molests someone or...

   16. DSDoug Stanhope6:58

       Ye- I used to, I used to have a bit about it, but it's a, it's a-

   17. JRJoe Rogan7:00

       Yeah.

   18. DSDoug Stanhope7:01

       ... talking point. Like, h- how is it... How should it be, uh, uh, okay in cases of rape? That's like saying-

   19. JRJoe Rogan7:08

       Yeah.

   20. DSDoug Stanhope7:08

       ... a fetus is a living thing unless his dad was an asshole.

   21. JRJoe Rogan7:11

       Right, right, right, right, right, right.

   22. DSDoug Stanhope7:12

       How is it the baby's fault his dad was a rapist?

   23. JRJoe Rogan7:14

       Exactly, right. How is it the baby's fault that... But what if it's your father or something fucking crazy sick?

   24. DSDoug Stanhope7:20

       Yeah.

   25. JRJoe Rogan7:21

       You know, it's just... (sighs) I just don't li-... You know, I don't like people telling other people what they can and can't do, but it gets weird when the baby gets, like, six months old. You know, it gets weird when they're really, really pregnant because in some states, for the longest... I don't, and I don't know what the rules are now, but I know that some states have late-term abortions. And sometimes you need one for medical reasons, right? Like, the woman could die if she gives birth. Like, it's a decision that people have to make.

   26. DSDoug Stanhope7:45

       Well, if you look back, what was your favorite part of being a fetus?

   27. JRJoe Rogan7:50

       Ah. Well, what was your favorite part of being three? You know, should I be able to shoot you at three because, uh, I don't wanna take care of you anymore?

   28. DSDoug Stanhope7:57

       (laughs)

   29. JRJoe Rogan7:57

       It's one of those things. It's like, I am 100% for a woman's right to choose. But as a human being, just as a, just a person observing things, there's a big difference between a little clump of cells and a fetus with an eyeball and a beating heart. And for anybody to pretend there's not is, it's... You're not doing any argument-

   30. DSDoug Stanhope8:16

       B- but where do you draw the line?
4. 9:12 – 10:14

   Taboos, legal ages, and why prohibition makes people crazier

   1. DSDoug Stanhope9:12

      But it's like, uh, 18 to be an adult is a very arbitrary, random-

   2. JRJoe Rogan9:15

      Very arbitrary.

   3. DSDoug Stanhope9:16

      ... random... Y- y- nature t- told you you were an adult when you're ready to procreate.

   4. JRJoe Rogan9:21

      Right, but you can't even drink.

   5. DSDoug Stanhope9:22

      I know.

   6. JRJoe Rogan9:22

      But, like, you, you can have a child, you can get married, you could do all, you could fight in a war, but you're not ready for drinking yet. What the fuck is that?

   7. DSDoug Stanhope9:30

      I know. Makes no sense.

   8. JRJoe Rogan9:31

      When I was a kid-

   9. DSDoug Stanhope9:32

      And it makes worse drunks 'cause-

   10. JRJoe Rogan9:34

       Yes.

   11. DSDoug Stanhope9:34

       ... they always talk about in Europe where kids have wine with dinner.

   12. JRJoe Rogan9:38

       Yeah.

   13. DSDoug Stanhope9:39

       Yeah, they're not fucking raging assholes at spring break.

   14. JRJoe Rogan9:42

       Yeah, they're different over there.

   15. DSDoug Stanhope9:42

       They're normalized.

   16. JRJoe Rogan9:44

       When you take Catholic schoolgirls, for example, and you tell them, "You can't fuck guys. Stay away. Boys are the devil. The penis is gonna take you straight to hell," those girls can't wait to fuck guys. They're the horniest girls.

   17. DSDoug Stanhope9:56

       (laughs)

   18. JRJoe Rogan9:56

       'Cause-

   19. DSDoug Stanhope9:56

       Well, anything that's taboo. Wh- what-

   20. JRJoe Rogan9:58

       When they're in high school and their only, with girls-

   21. DSDoug Stanhope9:59

       When you drove a car before you had a license, your brother had let you drive his car and it was completely illegal-

   22. JRJoe Rogan10:05

       Yeah.

   23. DSDoug Stanhope10:05

       ... you loved being stuck in traffic.

   24. JRJoe Rogan10:07

       Right.

   25. DSDoug Stanhope10:07

       Yeah, it was, "Whee!"

   26. JRJoe Rogan10:09

       Yeah, "Whee." Yeah, it's a new thing.

   27. DSDoug Stanhope10:09

       'Cause this is, I'm doing something wrong.

   28. JRJoe Rogan10:11

       Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

   29. DSDoug Stanhope10:11

       And now you fucking hate driving across town. (laughs)

5. 10:14 – 13:39

   Old cars, vintage newspapers, and reading history in real time

   1. JRJoe Rogan10:14

      That's true. Yeah, a car used to be... Well, s- t- th- some of 'em are still a ride. If I drive an old car it still feels like a ride. When I drive, like, one of my old muscle cars, it feels like I'm on a ride. It doesn't feel like I'm driving. It feels like I'm on, I'm at Disneyland. Disneyland for adults, that's what it's like.

   2. DSDoug Stanhope10:28

      What do you got? What, what, what's in your, uh, your Jay Leno garage now?

   3. JRJoe Rogan10:32

      I don't have that many. Not, like, j- Jay Leno has, like, 11 warehouses. I just have a few, a couple of muscle cars. That's my thing is, like, old, like, 1960s, 1970s cars. Those are the ones I love.

   4. DSDoug Stanhope10:42

      Yeah.

   5. JRJoe Rogan10:42

      I just, I stare at 'em and I think about 'em. I think, when I look at 'em, and I don't just think, "Oh, that's a cool car." I think, "Damn, well, what was life like back then to be a person who's driving this car? (smacks lips) What did I believe? What access to information did I have?" Like, b- my, my entire world view is based upon experiences that I had at college or something I heard from a friend in books and... It's hard for us to remember what that kind of life must've been like. 'Cause we kinda grew up, and when we were adults the internet started emerging and then cable news started emerging and there's, uh, there was enough alternative p- perspectives and viewpoints. We were getting more information w- with every year. And then all of a sudden, with the internet, it's like now (clears throat) you have this, like, uh, d- tsunami of information that's g- almost maybe too much, too much-

   6. DSDoug Stanhope11:25

      Too much, yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan11:25

      ... to decipher sometimes. But I just always wondered, like, what was life like in 1969 for these people, grown adults driving a Camaro?

   8. DSDoug Stanhope11:34

      I bought, uh, I buy all this weird vintage Delta stuff 'cause I'm a huge Delta guy and-

   9. JRJoe Rogan11:38

      Delta, the airlines?

   10. DSDoug Stanhope11:39

       Yeah.

   11. JRJoe Rogan11:40

       (laughs)

   12. DSDoug Stanhope11:40

       And so on, on eBay I found, uh, uh, some old Sky magazines that was the in-flight magazine from the '70s and I, it's j- and I'll leave them in the, the seat-back pocket when I fly. (laughs) Like, a 1974... But you're just reading the ads from back then and j- like, seeing things about all those old cars. Ford Granada coming out now.

   13. JRJoe Rogan12:03

       Yeah, yeah.

   14. DSDoug Stanhope12:03

       Uh, it's, it's just, uh, takes you way back and, uh-

   15. JRJoe Rogan12:07

       Yeah.

   16. DSDoug Stanhope12:08

       ... I get-

   17. JRJoe Rogan12:08

       The flight attendants.

   18. DSDoug Stanhope12:09

       ... old USA Todays. I-

   19. JRJoe Rogan12:10

       Ooh.

   20. DSDoug Stanhope12:11

       Like, from the '80s and '90s.

   21. JRJoe Rogan12:13

       Where do you get them?

   22. DSDoug Stanhope12:14

       eBay.

   23. JRJoe Rogan12:14

       Oh, wow.

   24. DSDoug Stanhope12:15

       And, uh, and I'll, I'll read them on the plane. (laughs) And it, just reading old stories is way more fun than reading stories th- from yesterday.

   25. JRJoe Rogan12:23

       Yeah, it is. I mean, i- it's a version of history. It's like you're getting a version of history books. You're getting it-

   26. DSDoug Stanhope12:29

       I-

   27. JRJoe Rogan12:29

       ... from the actual source of the news that was distributed to the population while this shit-

   28. DSDoug Stanhope12:33

       That you read.

   29. JRJoe Rogan12:34

       ... was going down. Yeah.

   30. DSDoug Stanhope12:35

       I mean, ev- I think every standup comic had to read-
6. 13:39 – 18:01

   Airplane rules, TSA body scanners, and the ‘world’s biggest’ dick story

   1. JRJoe Rogan13:39

      (laughs) But I w- I had one, uh, the headline was where, uh, the s- the smoking ban on airlines is going to the House for a vote. Ah, I remember those days.

   2. DSDoug Stanhope13:48

      And, and, uh, and, uh, uh, reading that while they're doing the non-smoking announcement, like, do you really still have to keep saying that?

   3. JRJoe Rogan13:54

      Right. Isn't that crazy?

   4. DSDoug Stanhope13:55

      Like, this is, uh, this is from 1989, this newspaper. That's how long it's been.

   5. JRJoe Rogan14:00

      It is crazy when they tell you you can't smoke on a plane. Like, who doesn't know that?

   6. DSDoug Stanhope14:03

      Yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan14:04

      (laughs)

   8. DSDoug Stanhope14:04

      I used to, I used to have a bit where y- I... (laughs) it just makes me crazy when they... and you... "Yeah, we haven't been able to smoke for..." I said, "That's like if you get on a city bus today and they said, 'Remember, according to federal reg- regulations, colored people can now sit wherever they like.'"

   9. JRJoe Rogan14:19

      (laughs)

   10. DSDoug Stanhope14:19

       I know that. Everybody knows that. Why do you keep saying it?

   11. JRJoe Rogan14:22

       Yeah, stop saying colored too. You can-

   12. DSDoug Stanhope14:25

       Well, that would-

   13. JRJoe Rogan14:25

       You can say colored people, but you-

   14. DSDoug Stanhope14:26

       ... that would be the nomenclature of the day for an announcement.

   15. JRJoe Rogan14:29

       Oh, no, I know that. But I'm saying-

   16. DSDoug Stanhope14:30

       Yes.

   17. JRJoe Rogan14:30

       ... how weird is it that you can't say colored people, but you can say people of color?

   18. DSDoug Stanhope14:33

       People of color. Meh.

   19. JRJoe Rogan14:36

       Yeah. I mean-

   20. DSDoug Stanhope14:36

       It's p- it's... most of fucking life doesn't make sense.

   21. JRJoe Rogan14:39

       Right, exactly. Exactly.

   22. DSDoug Stanhope14:40

       Like, everyone who's screaming about, fucking, "Masks don't do anything. I'm not wearing it on a plane," well, neither does putting your fucking seat in the upright lo- locked position. That doesn't do anything.

   23. JRJoe Rogan14:51

       Right.

   24. DSDoug Stanhope14:51

       All their bullshit announcement, th- they don't do anything.

   25. JRJoe Rogan14:53

       I think people are... they don't like additional new ones. Like, you can have all the ones that make no sense, like the seat up and down thing, and then there's an additional new one, like, "That's it, that's the line."

   26. DSDoug Stanhope15:05

       (laughs) Exactly.

   27. JRJoe Rogan15:05

       "I'm not fucking crossed. This is where I'm gonna die on this hill."

   28. DSDoug Stanhope15:09

       Yeah, you can, y- y- you'll gladly walk through the scanner so fucking some minimum wage security hack can look at your w- wife's IUD-

   29. JRJoe Rogan15:17

       (laughs)

   30. DSDoug Stanhope15:19

       ... close up and clear, but no.
7. 18:01 – 27:39

   Fentanyl era: overdose deaths, testing kits, and legalization arguments

   1. JRJoe Rogan18:01

      You got it, sir. He's got a, a rubber dick with, uh, some cocaine inside of it. You see that lady that got arrested at the border and she had a whole, like, uh, rubber bag filled with fentanyl?

   2. DSDoug Stanhope18:12

      ... no.

   3. JRJoe Rogan18:12

      Enough fentanyl to fucking light the whole country on fire. I mean, all of it in her pussy. Like, fentanyl, you need the tiniest amount to fuck people up.

   4. DSDoug Stanhope18:19

      Yeah.

   5. JRJoe Rogan18:20

      This lady had, like, a fucking, like a, a baby fist-

   6. DSDoug Stanhope18:23

      The, the word on the street-

   7. JRJoe Rogan18:25

      ... in her pussy.

   8. DSDoug Stanhope18:25

      ... based on nothing, but I've heard, is junkies actually want the stuff with fentanyl 'cause it works better-

   9. JRJoe Rogan18:31

      (laughs)

   10. DSDoug Stanhope18:31

       ... is what I've heard.

   11. JRJoe Rogan18:32

       Well, I believe that because it's very strong. I mean, the amount that can kill you is so tiny. That's a big part of the problem. I think the most amount of overdose deaths ever was last year. If I, if I'm... See if that's true. It's 18 to 49, and I think the high... The number of overdose deaths was over 100,000.

   12. DSDoug Stanhope18:54

       Wow.

   13. JRJoe Rogan18:55

       Which is crazy.

   14. DSDoug Stanhope18:56

       (clears throat)

   15. JRJoe Rogan18:56

       That's got to fuck with people, man.

   16. DSDoug Stanhope18:58

       Yeah, that, uh, that Kate Quigley thing.

   17. JRJoe Rogan18:59

       That was horrible.

   18. DSDoug Stanhope19:00

       Yeah.

   19. JRJoe Rogan19:01

       That's horrible. They thought they were getting coke, and they got coke laced with fentanyl, and two or three guys died? How many guys died? And she barely got through. She had to go to the hospital and...

   20. DSDoug Stanhope19:13

       Yeah. That, that, uh...

   21. JRJoe Rogan19:15

       100 and... 100, 300... 100,306 drug overdoses deaths in the United States during the 12-month period between April 21st, an increase of 28.5% from the 78,056 deaths during the same period a year before. That's crazy.

   22. DSDoug Stanhope19:34

       Yeah. The Chalais and the Brechels just threw a big desert party, and, uh, they brought a drug testing kit.

   23. JRJoe Rogan19:41

       Yeah. It's like, I think that's what we need now. You know? It's like, you know, businesses have COVID tests, like mine does.

   24. DSDoug Stanhope19:46

       Yeah.

   25. JRJoe Rogan19:46

       You know?

   26. DSDoug Stanhope19:47

       It's where you go, "Hey, well if the government legalized it then-"

   27. JRJoe Rogan19:50

       Yes.

   28. DSDoug Stanhope19:51

       ... then we would ha- it would be tested. It would be under federal regulation. But at the same time, if you can do it yourself, fuck it. Yeah, get your own drug testing kit.

   29. JRJoe Rogan19:59

       In the meantime, if you do it yourself, you, you put this up on Twitter, and we talked about it on the podcast, you're 100% right. If this is all a product of drugs being illegal, this... I bet, I bet if drugs were legal, I bet the same amount of people ultimately would do drugs or maybe even less. I think it would take time, and it would be a real, a real problem when it was settling in because people would have got used to the fact that you could just do whatever you wanted when you got to be a certain age. And we haven't prepared people for that. But realistically, almost everyone we know, if they wanted to do coke, they could get coke. Most adults know someone, if you go to bars, if you hang out with people who like to go out at night, if you hang out with people who, uh, you know, every now and then like to go off the rails, they can get you some fucking coke. Most adults know how to get some coke, I would imagine.

   30. DSDoug Stanhope20:49

       Yeah.
8. 27:39 – 31:44

   Stress, nocebo, and why some people ‘skate’ through unhealthy lives

   1. JRJoe Rogan27:39

      I always wonder about, like, w-... If you see someone like you that smokes every day and is always drinking, but lives a relatively stressfr- stress-free life for an entertainer and is always laughing. You're laughing constantly. You're always laughing. Every time I talk to you, you laugh.

   2. DSDoug Stanhope27:59

      A little... Sometimes I get a little cunty.

   3. JRJoe Rogan28:02

      Yeah.

   4. DSDoug Stanhope28:02

      Usually at ina- inanimate objects that I hit with another-

   5. JRJoe Rogan28:05

      (clears throat)

   6. DSDoug Stanhope28:05

      ... inanimate object because it wasn't cooperating.

   7. JRJoe Rogan28:08

      Perhaps, but you don't with me. I've, you n- I've known you for 30 years, you've never been cunty with me.

   8. DSDoug Stanhope28:12

      Yeah.

   9. JRJoe Rogan28:12

      You've always been cool. But my point is, when you look at that and then you compare w- a lot of people who had lived a lifestyle like yours but they're angry all the time and they're working all the time and they're, you know, doing something that they hate for money and they wind up h- with all these diseases.

   10. DSDoug Stanhope28:31

       Yeah.

   11. JRJoe Rogan28:32

       You fucking skate through life. (laughs)

   12. DSDoug Stanhope28:34

       (laughs)

   13. JRJoe Rogan28:34

       You sk- (laughs) you're like the dude I know-

   14. DSDoug Stanhope28:36

       Ev-

   15. JRJoe Rogan28:36

       ... who spen-

   16. DSDoug Stanhope28:37

       E- every comic that dies, I get a fucking, uh, hundred tweets. "Wh- wha- a- and you're still alive?"

   17. JRJoe Rogan28:42

       You-

   18. DSDoug Stanhope28:42

       "What the fuck is going on? How are you still alive?"

   19. JRJoe Rogan28:44

       Meanwhile, Stanhope, like, openly talks about how he won't go to a doctor because he just, like, doesn't wanna know. (laughs)

   20. DSDoug Stanhope28:49

       Yeah. I don't want them putting the, "Oh, that, it could be that." Well, it could also not be that, and I don't wanna go through a s- battery of tests.

   21. JRJoe Rogan28:57

       Do you know what a nocebo effect is?

   22. DSDoug Stanhope28:59

       Uh, no.

   23. JRJoe Rogan29:00

       Nocebo effect is the opposite of a placebo effect, and it's real. It's a physical reaction that your body has if it thinks it's got something inside of it that's bad for it.

   24. DSDoug Stanhope29:10

       Is that like when med students, they read too much about different diseases and then they think they have them all?

   25. JRJoe Rogan29:15

       No, that's b- that's maybe a little bit of hypochondria. But tha- that's not what this is. What this is is like, h- there's an example. There, there was a guy who, um, was on a study for SSRIs. (clears throat) And through somehow or another, he fucked up and he took the whole bottle of pills and he freaked out. And he went to the emergency room. His heart rate was sky-high, blood press- blood pressure was fucked. I mean, they're like, "Oh my God, this guy is like minutes away from dying. What's going on? What did you take?" And he says, "I don't know. I'm a part of this study." And they show him the bottle, and there's a physician on the bottle. They call the physician. The physician shows up at the hospital and says, "You're in the placebo group. You didn't take anything."

   26. DSDoug Stanhope29:54

       Wow.

   27. JRJoe Rogan29:54

       And so within minutes, heart rate down to normal, blood pressure normal, the guy's completely fine, and he leaves. He freaked himself the fuck out because he knew...... that he was gonna die in his mind because he had taken all these pills, and there's no way that's good.

   28. DSDoug Stanhope30:09

       I know a lo- lot of comics where you go, "I, I, I ... It's, it's stress." Or non-comics, friends of mine.

   29. JRJoe Rogan30:15

       That's ... Anybody. Human beings. I think that's a real factor that we don't ... You know, we, we add that factor at the end. You add it at the end. Stress is, like, at the end of, like, the alcohol and the cocaine, and the fucking bad relationship and the divorce, and the getting fired, and all that other stuff. And then we put, you know, stress, bad diet, cigarettes. We put all that ... I think stress might be the number one thing. I think that's-

   30. DSDoug Stanhope30:42

       And I, I, I hate to ... uh, it's ... I, I, I avoid the ... It's all in your head 'cause ... It's all because of your head.
9. 31:44 – 34:24

   Combat camaraderie vs comedy hell gigs: why intensity becomes addictive

   1. DSDoug Stanhope31:44

      Military guys, th- y- ... And you know they exist, and you've met the military guys who are kind of bummed out they didn't get to go to combat, or they're-

   2. JRJoe Rogan31:52

      Oh, yeah.

   3. DSDoug Stanhope31:52

      Now it's, now it's boring. I wanna (stutters) I wanna go back there. I wanna fucking ... Yeah.

   4. JRJoe Rogan31:57

      Hurt Locker.

   5. DSDoug Stanhope31:59

      Okay. Yeah.

   6. JRJoe Rogan31:59

      See that movie, Hurt Locker? Did you see it?

   7. DSDoug Stanhope32:00

      Not everyone has ... Yep. Uh, uh-

   8. JRJoe Rogan32:02

      Yeah.

   9. DSDoug Stanhope32:03

      I only remember the first scene with the guy's fucking head exploding and the mask. But I rem- ... I love that guy. Jeremy Renner, I think is his name?

   10. JRJoe Rogan32:09

       Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's awesome.

   11. DSDoug Stanhope32:10

       Yeah.

   12. JRJoe Rogan32:10

       He's awesome. I met him at a UFC.

   13. DSDoug Stanhope32:12

       Oh, yeah?

   14. JRJoe Rogan32:12

       Funny guy. Um, d- ... You know, there's ... Like, that kind of thing, where people, like, long for the comradery that exists in combat. Did you ever read Sebastian Junger? You ever read any of his stuff?

   15. DSDoug Stanhope32:26

       No.

   16. JRJoe Rogan32:27

       He ... Fucking amazing guy. Like, really interesting guy. Like, super earnest and he's, he's so intelligent and he's so ... Like, there's no bullshit in, in his words, and he-

   17. DSDoug Stanhope32:36

       Fiction or non-fiction?

   18. JRJoe Rogan32:37

       Non-fic- ... Well, he's d- ... I'm, I'm sure he does fiction too but, uh, I'm f- a big fan of his non-fiction. He wrote-

   19. DSDoug Stanhope32:42

       Oh, yeah. I s- ... I know the name.

   20. JRJoe Rogan32:43

       ... this book called Tribe. He was also a part of, um, that documentary-

   21. DSDoug Stanhope32:48

       Restrepo.

   22. JRJoe Rogan32:49

       Thank you.

   23. DSDoug Stanhope32:50

       All right.

   24. JRJoe Rogan32:50

       Restrepo. He was a part of Restrepo. Um, but his, um, his book, Tribe, talks about that. It talks about the comradery that men, uh, face in combat and that they go back to regular life and it's so, it's so dull and, and pale in comparison. And the guys that I know that have served, there's a g- a good percentage of them who have, uh, experienced combat who, they say, it was some of their happiest moments of their life. Is, and it- and as crazy as that sounds, like, 'cause they got through it. But when they look back at it, they talk about it, they're like, "The comradery that we had, like, as, as a team and some of the, the stuff they went through, and the fact they thought they were doing it for a really good cause and that it was, you know ... They were being heroes." And so there was, like, this heightened sense of existence-

   25. DSDoug Stanhope33:34

       This, this is a weak example and I'm not trying to liken one to the other-

   26. JRJoe Rogan33:37

       (laughs)

   27. DSDoug Stanhope33:37

       ... but when you look back at your comedy days where no one knew you and it was as- y- ... just fucking hell gigs-

   28. JRJoe Rogan33:43

       Mm.

   29. DSDoug Stanhope33:44

       ... the, those are the most prominent memories you have of early comedy.

   30. JRJoe Rogan33:49

       Except, you don't ever wanna go back to those hell gigs. Those guys ... A lot of them wanna go back to combat. A lot of guys wanna go back down there.
10. 34:24 – 45:22

    Comedy craft and career scars: bombing, building sets, and fan ‘capture’

    1. JRJoe Rogan34:24

       (laughs) I remember when you had that beautiful hair. You had beautiful, long hair.

    2. DSDoug Stanhope34:27

       Oh, this, well this was, this was before it, like, it was almost poofy on top with the mullet.

    3. JRJoe Rogan34:31

       (laughs)

    4. DSDoug Stanhope34:32

       It was, uh, uh, it was an extraordinary mane.

    5. JRJoe Rogan34:35

       Those days, when you're trying to find your identity. I wore a suit jacket on stage with rolled up sleeves 'cause I saw a guy wear it on evening improv.

    6. DSDoug Stanhope34:42

       Saw everyone wearing it. (laughs)

    7. JRJoe Rogan34:43

       Yeah.

    8. DSDoug Stanhope34:44

       It was the comedy uniform.

    9. JRJoe Rogan34:45

       (laughs) Like a wacky T-shirt-

    10. DSDoug Stanhope34:48

        It was basically-

    11. JRJoe Rogan34:48

        ... and a, a suit jacket with the sleeves rolled up. God, it was so corny.

    12. DSDoug Stanhope34:52

        He had pegged pants.

    13. JRJoe Rogan34:53

        Ugh. I had Cavariccis. You know those-

    14. DSDoug Stanhope34:55

        Z' Cavariccis.

    15. JRJoe Rogan34:56

        Do you remember those stupid things?

    16. DSDoug Stanhope34:57

        I don't ... I remember 'cause-

    17. JRJoe Rogan34:59

        (laughs)

    18. DSDoug Stanhope34:59

        ... like, my first comedy competition was some nothing Las, Las Vegas thing but the winner got to actually work at a club on the Strip which no one, no local comic ... When I sta- ... I started in Vegas, for the listener, would ever touch. And I bu- ... My buddy gave me his Z Cavaricci, like ... Not a leisure suit but, like, a Don Johnson suit-

    19. JRJoe Rogan35:19

        (laughs) Yes.

    20. DSDoug Stanhope35:19

        And it was white, white jacket, white pants-

    21. JRJoe Rogan35:21

        Nice.

    22. DSDoug Stanhope35:21

        ... and God knows what I wore for a shirt, and I failed miserably.

    23. JRJoe Rogan35:25

        The Cavaricci pants, the last time I wore them onstage I had one of the worst bombings of my life. I had one of those bombings that was, like, life changing. Like, I had to make big decisions. I had just moved to New Jersey. I was living with my grandmother and my grandfather. My grandmother had an aneurysm. They gave her 48 hours to live. She lived for 12 years. For 12 years. And my grandfather had to take care of her. And she would moan in agony and she couldn't move. It was, it was crazy, man. And I lived in this house with them. And, uh, I went on st- ... And I also, I also broken up with my girlfriend and torn my ACL. So I had a fucked up knee-

    24. DSDoug Stanhope36:02

        Banner year.

    25. JRJoe Rogan36:03

        And my manager had convinced me that I should dress nice on stage.... I'm like, "Yeah, I should probably dress nicer." And he was like, "You should, like... L- you know, you're, you're a good-looking guy. Wear some nice clothes." Which is the worst advice ever for a comedian. So you're on stage like, like you're gonna go to a club, like, "Hey, how's everybody doing?" You know, I'm wearing, like, a fucking nice button-up shirt. I looked like a douchebag, you know?

    26. DSDoug Stanhope36:22

        I took every, all the advice-

    27. JRJoe Rogan36:23

        Yes.

    28. DSDoug Stanhope36:23

        ... from anyone I thought had a position of power, even if it's just 'cause they booked the Tuesday mic-

    29. JRJoe Rogan36:29

        Yes.

    30. DSDoug Stanhope36:29

        ... at whatever, you know, V-
11. 45:22 – 1:00:11

    Deaths, mental health, and the gap between stage persona and private life

    1. JRJoe Rogan45:22

       Did you hear... Did you hear about Brian Hersey?

    2. DSDoug Stanhope45:24

       Fuck, just found that out yesterday.

    3. JRJoe Rogan45:26

       Yeah.

    4. DSDoug Stanhope45:27

       And he was not a guy that... I mean, suicide-

    5. JRJoe Rogan45:31

       (sighs) .

    6. DSDoug Stanhope45:31

       You can't guess whose-

    7. JRJoe Rogan45:33

       Nobody. Nobody knows.

    8. DSDoug Stanhope45:34

       But there's some that you're not as surprised as others. And Hersey was the sweetest kid, and he had that laugh. (laughs) And it was his real laugh.

    9. JRJoe Rogan45:42

       He was a funny dude, man.

    10. DSDoug Stanhope45:43

        Yeah.

    11. JRJoe Rogan45:44

        You know what happened, you know, with a lot of those guys? They were like so invested in the Houston scene, you know, and then... What was his name that was running the Laugh Stop?

    12. DSDoug Stanhope45:55

        Mark Babbit.

    13. JRJoe Rogan45:56

        That's right, Mark. And when they get rid of him, like everything kinda changed. And then when they closed down-

    14. DSDoug Stanhope46:02

        Well, he was the, uh, uh-

    15. JRJoe Rogan46:03

        He was... Yeah. He was glue. And yeah, he was crazy. Yeah. He was-

    16. DSDoug Stanhope46:08

        He... Yeah.

    17. JRJoe Rogan46:08

        Not... Yeah.

    18. DSDoug Stanhope46:09

        There was some-

    19. JRJoe Rogan46:09

        Yeah.

    20. DSDoug Stanhope46:09

        There was some-

    21. JRJoe Rogan46:10

        Yeah, some improprieties, perhaps.

    22. DSDoug Stanhope46:11

        Some theories that have floated around on the rumor mill.

    23. JRJoe Rogan46:14

        Yeah, just fucking allegations, probably unfounded.

    24. DSDoug Stanhope46:17

        (laughs)

    25. JRJoe Rogan46:17

        But the point is, the guy... Like, you need a fucking crazy person to run a comedy club. I've always said this to these comics. I'm like, "You know, don't think of yourself as having this animosity towards club owners, because you need club owners." There's this thing that comics have in the beginning where they don't feel like they're getting paid what they deserve, or they don't feel like they're getting booked as much as they should, or... And they, you know, they can't get into place. And then when they finally do get into place, and then they finally stu- dar- start doing well, they never forgive club owners for the w- the way club owners used to make them feel in the early days of their career.

    26. DSDoug Stanhope46:48

        Yeah, projections.

    27. JRJoe Rogan46:48

        It's basically how ugly guys feel about hot women. They're just mad at the women 'cause the women don't like them.

    28. DSDoug Stanhope46:53

        Yeah, they-

    29. JRJoe Rogan46:54

        But it's had nothing to do with the women. The women aren't doing anything wrong. You're just gross.

    30. DSDoug Stanhope46:57

        (laughs)
12. 1:00:11 – 1:08:23

    Ukraine emails, Johnny Depp trial stories, and being a ‘conduit’ for attention

    1. DSDoug Stanhope1:00:11

       I've got, I've got great bits out of both of those.

    2. JRJoe Rogan1:00:15

       Yeah. Like, here's-

    3. DSDoug Stanhope1:00:16

       Like, fucking Ukraine. Oh (laughs) , this is funny. Uh, the Ukraine. Okay, I know that's the war that took the COVID outta the top slot in the news after so many weeks on the Billboard fucking top 100. (laughs) Uh, and I'm like, I don't... I can... I got an email. I have a fan in the Ukraine. You have the same thing where you have fucking fans-

    4. JRJoe Rogan1:00:36

       Right, right.

    5. DSDoug Stanhope1:00:36

       ... at every weird place. And a guy emailed me, very broken English but very sweet, "Doug, you are our... I'm probably your only Ukraine fan. Pardon my English. It is... I try to do translate. I've seen all your-"

    6. JRJoe Rogan1:00:49

       Can I stop you right here?

    7. DSDoug Stanhope1:00:50

       Yeah.

    8. JRJoe Rogan1:00:51

       That was me.I was fucking with you. (laughs)

    9. DSDoug Stanhope1:00:53

       Oh, no-

    10. JRJoe Rogan1:00:53

        (laughs)

    11. DSDoug Stanhope1:00:54

        ... it was, it was- and I knew it was gonna happen 'cause he says, uh, "I'm your biggest comedy fan. I watch- "

    12. JRJoe Rogan1:01:01

        Please send panties.

    13. DSDoug Stanhope1:01:01

        "... all your Translate YouTube-

    14. JRJoe Rogan1:01:04

        (laughs)

    15. DSDoug Stanhope1:01:04

        ... uh, videos. You are best comedy. God, you must tell people what Russia is doing to my people. People need to know in your country." And I'm like, "I think you're o- "

    16. JRJoe Rogan1:01:13

        Guys, I've read it.

    17. DSDoug Stanhope1:01:14

        "... I think you're over- "

    18. JRJoe Rogan1:01:15

        Yeah, he went too far, buddy. I'm not buying it.

    19. DSDoug Stanhope1:01:17

        Yeah, I don't... I think he thinks I have a way bigger voice than I do to tell America about the news of what's happening in the Ukraine. And I... He sent me all these links, "This is stuff you will not find on mainstream media." And I go, "Listen, I don't have time to fucking watch the news, it makes me crazy, but I'll have you be my personal Ukraine war correspondent, just you and me. I'm only gonna get my Ukraine news from you." So then he just blows-

    20. JRJoe Rogan1:01:44

        (laughs)

    21. DSDoug Stanhope1:01:44

        ... me up all the time. His name is Dima, and he's very sweet. He's 27. "We will crush- "

    22. JRJoe Rogan1:01:49

        How do you know he's 27?

    23. DSDoug Stanhope1:01:50

        "... these Russian or- " He tells me.

    24. JRJoe Rogan1:01:51

        How do you know he doesn't work for the government?

    25. DSDoug Stanhope1:01:53

        I don't, uh...

    26. JRJoe Rogan1:01:53

        He might be a 14-year-old kid in his parents' basement in Cleveland.

    27. DSDoug Stanhope1:01:55

        But I don't care, I just... He thinks that now he's talking to his fucking idol and being... "We will crush these orcs, they have no passion to fight. We will wait for the spring in the tall grass and remove their heads from their necks, and we'll watch their bodies burn in delight." And I don't know, but then he'll-

    28. JRJoe Rogan1:02:14

        Oh, Jesus Christ.

    29. DSDoug Stanhope1:02:14

        ... but then he'll always follow it up with, "How are you?" (laughs)

    30. JRJoe Rogan1:02:17

        (laughs) This, this Ukraine thing is freaky, dude.
13. 1:08:23 – 1:43:54

    Stanhope’s missing Instagram, quitting cigarettes, and drug ‘name redactions’

    1. DSDoug Stanhope1:08:23

       Let me stop you right there. I do a bit about how I might be canceled and not know it, 'cause if you're not famous, how would you know? But, like, all my stuff's been taken off of Netflix and I don't know how long the shelf life is supposed to be or-

Episode duration: 3:24:05