Joe Rogan Experience #1818 - Christina P

Christina P is a stand-up comic and co-host of the "Your Mom's House" podcast with her husband and fellow comedian Tom Segura. Her new Netflix comedy special, "Mom Genes," is available now. http://www.christinaponline.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Joe RoganhostChristina Pguest

Jun 27, 20243h 37mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

150 min read · 30,005 words

0:00 – 3:32
Intro
1. JRJoe Rogan
  (drumming) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.
2. NANarrator
  The Joe Rogan Experience.
3. NANarrator
  Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night. All day. (rock music) Good now? Okay. Good.
4. CPChristina P
  So my, my mom and my stepdad were super fat when I was in high school, and their favorite spot was Claim Jumpers-
5. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
6. CPChristina P
  ... because of the port-... You can get a lot of food! You can get a lot! And, like, do you, uh, did you ever eat there?
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, yeah.
8. CPChristina P
  Oh my God. They give you a piece of-
9. JRJoe Rogan
  Piles.
10. CPChristina P
  ... chocolate p- (laughs)
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Piles of food.
12. CPChristina P
  It should be the slogan, "Piles."
13. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
14. CPChristina P
  You could eat by the pound. And yeah, it was like a slice of chocolate cake that was this big. It was like five pounds of cake.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, enormous.
16. CPChristina P
  And they loved it.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
18. CPChristina P
  They lo- But I think they stopped banging. You know in the marriage, when you stop having sex, you just eat, I think, is what happens.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  Ugh.
20. CPChristina P
  Right?
21. JRJoe Rogan
  That's rough.
22. CPChristina P
  I know.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  That's a... It gets to that weird place where it's like, "What are we doing?"
24. CPChristina P
  (laughs)
25. JRJoe Rogan
  "Are we just, like, friends? Can I tell you I jerk off to porn?" Like, you know what I mean? It's like, if you get to that spot-
26. CPChristina P
  (laughs)
27. JRJoe Rogan
  ... where you're not having sex anymore, like, ugh.
28. CPChristina P
  Ugh. That's the worst.
29. JRJoe Rogan
  It's common though.
30. CPChristina P
  In marriage?
3:32 – 5:35
Men vs Women
1. JRJoe Rogan
2. CPChristina P
  I know, but here's my, here's the deal, man, is that, like during Me Too, uh, it was like, "Believe all women. Believe all..." And I remember being like, "Yeah, yeah. Okay, let's start." Absolutely there's a need for that in society. But all of them?
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. No.
4. CPChristina P
  All of them? 'Cause there's some crazy bitches out there.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  What's that lady who killed her kid in Florida?
6. CPChristina P
  Well, how many? I mean, there's always some lady that-
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, the main one.
8. CPChristina P
  Oh, I don't need...
9. JRJoe Rogan
  Casey Anthony. Thank you. How about Casey Anthony?
10. CPChristina P
  So fat... Yeah.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  She out there kicking ass?
12. CPChristina P
  (laughs)
13. JRJoe Rogan
  What's going on? Believe her? You know what I mean?
14. CPChristina P
  I know.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  It's like there's quite a few that are insane, you know.
16. CPChristina P
  I know. So-
17. JRJoe Rogan
  And you, you, y- with this whole, like, male versus woman thing-
18. CPChristina P
  I know.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  ... like, oh, it's so crazy. And the, the ones who propagate that, the women who prop that up, are the most insane.
20. CPChristina P
  (laughs)
21. JRJoe Rogan
  They're the most insane, and the ones who hate women the most.
22. CPChristina P
  (laughs) Oh, that's interesting.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  Like the female comedians that I know, that are like, that go and attack men whenever anything happens and-
24. CPChristina P
  Yeah.
25. JRJoe Rogan
  ... you know, and try to support women. Those girls hate women. They hate other successful women.
26. CPChristina P
  Yeah.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  They hate women doing better than them.
28. CPChristina P
  They're haters in general.
29. JRJoe Rogan
  They're haters in general. But they, they can find support in attacking a, like a piece of shit man.
30. CPChristina P
  Yeah. Yeah. It's an easy, it's an easy thing to rally around and get support. No one's gonna be-
5:35 – 7:24
The Secret Sauce
1. JRJoe Rogan
2. CPChristina P
  See, that's the essence of it, 'cause I'm, as I'm raising my kids, I'm like, "What is the secret sauce here?" It's not getting good grades. We all know some of the most successful motherfuckers got bad grades, right? It's not about doing what you're told, it's about thinking clearly.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
4. CPChristina P
  And the ability to think, and go, "Ah, that's not true. That's not right. No, I'm not gonna do that. Yes, I'm gonna do that." And, and to do what your peers aren't doing, you know?
5. JRJoe Rogan
  Mm-hmm.
6. CPChristina P
  ... to think clearly.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
8. CPChristina P
  How do you teach that?
9. JRJoe Rogan
  You gotta give them tests. Like, they have to do things that are difficult. Like, sports are really good for boys 'cause it forces you to work hard and it, you r- you understand that effort actually equals reward.
10. CPChristina P
  That's everything.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, that's big. Sports are big for kids.
12. CPChristina P
  Yeah.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  You know, people don't like sports 'cause they think of sports as, like, being connected to jocks and assholes and bullies, but the reality is, like, the- those-
14. CPChristina P
  Yeah.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  ... difficult social interactions and the th- and the physical struggle of athletics, especially one-versus-one athletics, there's so many life lessons in that.
16. CPChristina P
  Like tennis?
17. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, anything wh- where it's one versus one.
18. CPChristina P
  I think so too, 'cause-
19. JRJoe Rogan
  'Cause if that guy fucking whacks that ball by you, he got you, period, end of discussion.
20. CPChristina P
  Yeah.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  That ball goes flying by, you're like, "Fuck."
22. CPChristina P
  Yeah.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  He got you. Maybe if you were in a little better shape, you would have-
24. CPChristina P
  (laughs)
25. JRJoe Rogan
  ... knocked it back at him.
26. CPChristina P
  Yeah.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  Maybe if you practiced a little more, you had a little more strategy, you had-
28. CPChristina P
  Yeah.
29. JRJoe Rogan
  ... you know, a little more training.
30. CPChristina P
  Yeah, you go, "If I wasn't such a loser."
7:24 – 8:41
Fat Shaming
1. JRJoe Rogan
2. CPChristina P
  It's- there's haters and there's winners, and you learn that, I learned that through stand-up comedy. Failure is the best teacher.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  It's a great motivator, that's for sure. Oof.
4. CPChristina P
  To avoid the shame of failure, absolutely. All these negative feelings that we're trying to protect children from-
5. JRJoe Rogan
  Right.
6. CPChristina P
  ... it's the secret sauce. It's like-
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, it feels bad, but that's also what gets you outta bed and gets you going. That's like fat shaming. Like, it works.
8. CPChristina P
  Ah, it's the best. Oh my God, so I'm-
9. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
10. CPChristina P
  ... I'm obsessed... Okay, I'm obsessed with French culture right now because I want to age gracefully. I don't wanna be just, like, a fat American wife, dude. Like, I wanna-
11. JRJoe Rogan
  What about someone with, like, fillers and-
12. CPChristina P
  Uh, I do a little.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  ... like your waist done?
14. CPChristina P
  I do a little bit, but I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna go crazy.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  Get a cat lady face?
16. CPChristina P
  (laughs)
17. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
18. CPChristina P
  I can't wait. Tommy wants me to get bigger tits.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  Really?
20. CPChristina P
  He's like, "Your tits are so small." They're huge.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  Whoa, is he talking shit?
22. CPChristina P
  No, no, he's just joking, joking.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
24. CPChristina P
  But I saw you look at them. You were like, "All right."
25. JRJoe Rogan
  I do. I had to check.
26. CPChristina P
  No, they're- they're big. They're enormous.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  I do. I've seen them a lot.
28. CPChristina P
  You've seen them a lot?
29. JRJoe Rogan
  I've known you for, like, fucking-
30. CPChristina P
  I know.
8:41 – 13:08
French Culture
1. CPChristina P
  So I was reading about French culture, and do you know that in France, they don't even sell, like, size 10 or 12 clothing? Like, the culture fat shames you so hard, th- especially women. Like, after you have a baby, your mother, your friends will be like, "Are you gonna..."
2. JRJoe Rogan
  Time to get it off.
3. CPChristina P
  "Time- time to tighten it up, bitch."
4. JRJoe Rogan
  But they're not known for being into, like, physical fitness though.
5. CPChristina P
  No, they're very, um, gelatinous. Like, the men, you can tell they're kinda... Uh, they have that body-
6. JRJoe Rogan
  Skinny fat? (laughs)
7. CPChristina P
  Yeah. Yeah.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  Right. So they just don't eat?
9. CPChristina P
  Yeah, yeah.
10. JRJoe Rogan
  Is that what it is?
11. CPChristina P
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You just have-
12. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
13. CPChristina P
  ... to be anorexic and then you... I l- I like to walk or maybe swim.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
15. CPChristina P
  I do a little bit of swimming, whatever gives me pleasure. It's always about pleasure.
16. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, yeah.
17. CPChristina P
  Yeah, but I don't... The Americans, you push it too hard. They like to go to gym.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  Look at their food though.
19. CPChristina P
  So good.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  That's- that's the side of that, like, r- only wanting pleasure, is, like, you get amazing food.
21. CPChristina P
  (sighs) I know, dude.
22. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
23. CPChristina P
  What's your jam?
24. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, God, well, I'm mostly a meat eater.
25. CPChristina P
  Oh, that's right.
26. JRJoe Rogan
  But I like foie gras.
27. CPChristina P
  Fucking A, dude.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  You know? Yeah.
29. CPChristina P
  And-
30. JRJoe Rogan
  I mean, it's a French word.
13:08 – 15:47
Chaos Boyfriends
1. CPChristina P
  she's drama. Th- it's funny 'cause I, I, I, I had a few chaos boyfriends before I met my husband. And you know the guy that's like, oh, he doesn't call you for four days.
2. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
3. CPChristina P
  And then you're like, "Where, where have you been?" And then you go over there, and he's like, "I rearranged all my furniture," 'cause he was high on meth for like-
4. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
5. CPChristina P
  ... four days. "I made some collages. I wrote you a song." And you're like, "This guy is wild."
6. JRJoe Rogan
  Mm-hmm.
7. CPChristina P
  And the sex is exciting 'cause they're out of their fucking minds.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
9. CPChristina P
  And then it's this push-pull, and I think that's what so alluring about-
10. JRJoe Rogan
  Yes.
11. CPChristina P
  ... these psychos. It's like, it's ... This is a familiar feeling. Maybe I had it with mommy and daddy, push-pull, abandonment, whatever.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  Right.
13. CPChristina P
  And I'm gonna recreate this drama, the drama, "Does she love me? Can I consume her? Can we consume each other?"
14. JRJoe Rogan
  Right.
15. CPChristina P
  It's like, um, it's an infantile love. And then real love, when you get married, (laughs) is about, you know, your husband peeing on you in the shower and laughing or like-
16. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
17. CPChristina P
  ... trimming his beard in the sink.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  I think you're only talking about real love with Tommy.
19. CPChristina P
  Oh, sorry. (laughs)
20. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
21. CPChristina P
  You're right.
22. JRJoe Rogan
  Peeing on you in the shower, like, I've never done that.
23. CPChristina P
  Uh, you're like, "That's on my wife."
24. JRJoe Rogan
  If I peed on my wife in the shower-
25. CPChristina P
  (laughs)
26. JRJoe Rogan
  ... she'd smack me in the face. We'd have a real problem.
27. CPChristina P
  Yeah, like Tommy-
28. JRJoe Rogan
  She'd be like, "Excuse me, bitch?"
29. CPChristina P
  (laughs) No, she would not. She's a lady.
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. She-
15:47 – 16:30
Familiarity breeds contempt
1. JRJoe Rogan
2. CPChristina P
  'Cause you see those couples that are like, "You're supposed to make a right turn here. You didn't make a right turn."
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
4. CPChristina P
  "Supposed to make a l- and now we gotta go all the way," and it's like, "What are you doing?"
5. JRJoe Rogan
  Right.
6. CPChristina P
  Why are you ... You're gonna, you're gonna hang your-
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Fucking idiot.
8. CPChristina P
  Yeah. (laughs)
9. JRJoe Rogan
  "Fucking idiot. You didn't put your blinkers on, you fucking idiot."
10. CPChristina P
  (laughs) Yeah.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  People get-
12. CPChristina P
  Yeah.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  ... hostile. But it's also that thing, familiarity breeds contempt.
14. CPChristina P
  Oh.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  That's the thing with some people. And, and part of it is because they're not comfortable-
16. CPChristina P
  Ugh.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  ... in their own skin, and so they start seeing all the things that are annoying about you-
18. CPChristina P
  Oh, my friend.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  ... and, and you lose that fun of the beginning part of the relationship where you talk to each other about stuff.
20. CPChristina P
  Yeah.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  You know? And instead, you just get annoyed.
16:30 – 18:46
You take it out on them
1. JRJoe Rogan
2. CPChristina P
  Well, y- I think you're absolutely right. You take it out on them.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
4. CPChristina P
  And the problem is you.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  You.
6. CPChristina P
  It's this guy.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Most of the time, it's you, yeah.
8. CPChristina P
  You know, I, I think that's the huge beauty of being, like, middle-aged now-
9. JRJoe Rogan
  Mm-hmm.
10. CPChristina P
  ... is you go like, "Oh, dude, this whole thing, no one's giving a fuck about you."
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Right.
12. CPChristina P
  You understand? Like, everyone-
13. JRJoe Rogan
  And this whole thing could've been avoided if I was a better person. (laughs)
14. CPChristina P
  Yeah. (laughs)
15. JRJoe Rogan
  If I was better at being a human, I could've-
16. CPChristina P
  Yeah.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  ... like avoided most of my conflicts.
18. CPChristina P
  Your drama-
19. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
20. CPChristina P
  ... 'cause you are ... You've got your lenses on-
21. JRJoe Rogan
  Mm-hmm.
22. CPChristina P
  ... and then you're like, "This guy's f- this guy's fucking with me." And you're like, "No, he's not. This is Jamie. He's just chewing his gum, and he's looking at the monitor." "He's fucking ignoring me right now."
23. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, that's schizo, right?
24. CPChristina P
  Blah, blah, blah.
25. JRJoe Rogan
  The crazier people get-
26. CPChristina P
  Yeah.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  ... the more they think that people are plotting against them. People that don't even know. They don't even know who you are, and th- y- they think you're plotting against them. Like, that's the wor- that shit taken to the worst level of mental illness. But even like-
28. CPChristina P
  (sighs)
29. JRJoe Rogan
  ... minor level of mental illness, like, "Oh, she's doing that to annoy me."
30. CPChristina P
  Yeah.
18:46 – 21:52
They test you in ways
1. CPChristina P
2. JRJoe Rogan
  ... you know?
3. CPChristina P
  And, and you know what's interesting is that I think... And I fell into this trap too. I bought into feminism hardcore when I was in college. I was the angry feminist, and I was like, "I can't have kids, can't have kids, they're gonna hinder my success."
4. JRJoe Rogan
  Your freedom.
5. CPChristina P
  My freedom. If I have a kid, then I'm gonna focus on them and my career is gonna die and d- And then I was like, I've had two boys, and since then (mimics air whooshing)
6. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
7. CPChristina P
  It's just it's been a rocket ship, because they make you better. They test you in ways you were never tested. The suffering of par- of motherhood, it, I mean, it is, it is sublime suffering. Like last night, I was up with my younger. He was puking on me (laughs) oh, twice last night. And, um, it's horrible. It's fucking horrible. But then you love them so much. I mean, who would, who would you let in your life lay on you and vomit on you all night?
8. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, not a lot of people. Jamie, I would tell him to go in the other room.
9. CPChristina P
  (laughs)
10. JRJoe Rogan
  I'm like, "You can't proo- puke on me, bro." (laughs)
11. CPChristina P
  Yeah, but like, uh-
12. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, there's ... It's a different kind of love. It's hard for people to understand. Like I remember having a conversation with a buddy of mine. It's like, it's one of those normal conversations, and he was, um, trying for a baby with his wife. And, uh, he goes, "Well, you know, I have a dog and I really love my dog."
13. CPChristina P
  (laughs)
14. JRJoe Rogan
  I go, "Shut the fuck up."
15. CPChristina P
  (laughs)
16. JRJoe Rogan
  Just shut the fuck up.
17. CPChristina P
  (laughs)
18. JRJoe Rogan
  I love my dog too. My dog is the best. I would shoot him and cook him-
19. CPChristina P
  (laughs)
20. JRJoe Rogan
  ... if, if my children were hungry. I hate to say it actually.
21. CPChristina P
  It's in the air, Marshall.
22. JRJoe Rogan
  I love that dog. But, you know-
23. CPChristina P
  Yeah.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  ... Manny Pacquiao, when he was a boy, his, uh, parents didn't have any food and they killed their dog.
25. CPChristina P
  (gasps)
26. JRJoe Rogan
  They killed the dog and cooked it.
27. CPChristina P
  How did they prepare it? Did he mention-
28. JRJoe Rogan
  Well, it's just meat.
29. CPChristina P
  How do you season it?
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Any kind of meat and salt.
21:52 – 24:45
Hardcore hungarians
1. JRJoe Rogan
2. CPChristina P
  Yeah, dog. I remember my ... So my parents escaped from communist Hungary, right?
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
4. CPChristina P
  And so I grew up around hardcore Hungarian dudes, like dudes missing knuckles, who were like carpenters. And like real blue collary old school. And I, I'll never forget this, this guy. (laughs) One of my dad's friends was like, "Listen, Christika, in America, this is the easiest place to live, okay? Everything is cheap. You'll g- uh, rent some car. Your clothing is cheap. Eating is cheap compared to other country. This is easy living. This is easy living. People make a..." I'm like, "Yeah, I kind of ... I get that." And then you travel and you're like, "Dude, this is kinda good."
5. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
6. CPChristina P
  We got a decent system here, bro.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  This is expression that I say all the time, but I'm gonna say it again. The hardest thing that's ever happened to you is the hardest thing that's ever happened to you. It doesn't matter-
8. CPChristina P
  Ooh, I like that.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  ... if it's easy, if it's a very small thing, like you can't get a table in a restaurant, you throw a hissy fit. That's ... 'Cause that's the hardest thing that's happened to you today, because your life is easy as fuck. But if you're coming from a communist country, and that's one of the things that I always liked about you, is 'cause your family did come from that hard ... Like, you aren't, you don't buy into any bullshit. That's why, 'cause you see where bullshit gets you.
10. CPChristina P
  Yeah.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Where all this fucking Marxism and socialism in colleges, you know where that gets you? That gets you to a communist fucking ruling dictatorship where you're doomed.
12. CPChristina P
  Of course.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  And the government decides how many potatoes you get in a week.
14. CPChristina P
  Of course. And look at all these assholes that wanna tell you what you can and cannot say.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
16. CPChristina P
  Go fuck your mother.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
18. CPChristina P
  Don't tell me what I can and cannot say. I think one of the greatest things is Elon Musk buying Twitter. (laughs)
19. JRJoe Rogan
  It's amazing.
20. CPChristina P
  Uh, wha- I love it. Great.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, it's amazing.
22. CPChristina P
  Great. Good. Enough.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  That's what we need.
24. CPChristina P
  Enough. I mean, a- are we done being offended? Are we done?
25. JRJoe Rogan
  No.
26. CPChristina P
  There's nothing more to be offended by.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  No, they're gonna keep going. It's, they're gonna keep pushing the boundary-
28. CPChristina P
  (sighs)
29. JRJoe Rogan
  ... because that's what the culture war is. The culture war is just like we were talking about, you know, people that just decide to be upset at something rather than focusing on themselves. That's a lot of what the culture war is.
30. CPChristina P
  That's, that's what it ... It's an externalization of the inside. This is ... It ... They're mental patients, and they're externalizing their shit onto the world. It's like, "What? What is this?" And we're giving this a voice? (deep breath) Look at you.
24:45 – 25:48
I love men
1. JRJoe Rogan
2. CPChristina P
  That's right.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
4. CPChristina P
  And, and, and half this world is populated by male-
5. JRJoe Rogan
  Mm-hmm.
6. CPChristina P
  ... so I better learn to, to love-
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
8. CPChristina P
  ... my bros and, and see what... And I love men.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
10. CPChristina P
  I love you guys, you psychos. Look at everything men have built. Look at society, penicillin, all this great stuff.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  I think that was by accident.
12. CPChristina P
  That was by accident-
13. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
14. CPChristina P
  ... but you did it.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs) I don't think you can say-
16. CPChristina P
  I love it.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  I don't think you can say all men, though. It's just like-
18. CPChristina P
  Not all men.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  It's that f- that energy, that-
20. CPChristina P
  Yes, creative energy.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  ... the m- the male energy. It's a weird energy 'cause it's the energy that's responsible for the vast majority of inventions.
22. CPChristina P
  That's true. But then also-
23. JRJoe Rogan
  It's a weird energy.
24. CPChristina P
  ... but then the, the other side of that is, as I've become mother and blah, blah, blah, is to realize the power in that. And I think the mistake in my thinking in the past is that that didn't have merit-
25. JRJoe Rogan
  Right.
26. CPChristina P
  ... because it's not out in the world.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  Right.
28. CPChristina P
  And that was my failure, is, uh, in my, in my thinking.
29. JRJoe Rogan
  I think that's culture's failure because it's not put in a category of like, uh, you know, you could mark it on a ledger. Like-
30. CPChristina P
  (laughs)
25:48 – 28:00
Money but the woman
1. JRJoe Rogan
2. CPChristina P
  Because it's not calculated by a, quote, "male standard-
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
4. CPChristina P
  ... of achievement." But, but-
5. JRJoe Rogan
  It's just money.
6. CPChristina P
  But the woman... Yeah, it's just money.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
8. CPChristina P
  Everything is money. Follow the dollars and you'll see where the bullshit goes. Uh, but the woman is the center of the home.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
10. CPChristina P
  The woman is the center of the fucking universe.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Well, you literally create all the human beings that have ever existed, all of them.
12. CPChristina P
  All of 'em.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  But in a, in this stupid world where everybody's just concentrating on material possessions and advancing and keeping up with the Joneses-
14. CPChristina P
  Yeah.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  ... tha- that doesn't seem like... For a lot of men, "Oh, my wife doesn't spend money." You know, like, they get into this sort of mindset where they don't respect that-
16. CPChristina P
  (laughs)
17. JRJoe Rogan
  ... this is a completely different relationship with human beings. She's making 'em in her pussy.
18. CPChristina P
  Yeah, dawg.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  Okay? She's making 'em in there.
20. CPChristina P
  Well, she squeezes 'em out of there.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  Well, they come... That's the door.
22. CPChristina P
  They... That's the door, she-
23. JRJoe Rogan
  Go through the door. It's in the mountain.
24. CPChristina P
  She-
25. JRJoe Rogan
  If there's a fucking door in the mountain, they're-
26. CPChristina P
  (laughs)
27. JRJoe Rogan
  ... making 'em in the mountain.
28. CPChristina P
  (laughs) She makes 'em in her, in her-
29. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, she's-
30. CPChristina P
  ... in her mouth. I don't know, yeah. I swallow. (laughs)
28:00 – 29:29
Pay now or pay later
1. CPChristina P
  someone told me this great saying, "Pay now or pay later-
2. JRJoe Rogan
  Mm-hmm.
3. CPChristina P
  ... with children." You got... You know, there's this great viral clip that Jordan Peterson has where he's like, "You have little kids for four years."
4. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
5. CPChristina P
  "For four years and then it's gone." And I'm like, "Yeah, dawg. He's on it. That's right. Four years." And I'm there. Like, I'm fucking... I'm there. And I like it. And it changed me and it transformed me and it made me a better human being. And, uh, let Tom go out and make the money, and I'll stay home. (laughs)
6. JRJoe Rogan
  Well, you're making money too.
7. CPChristina P
  I am, but-
8. JRJoe Rogan
  But, but you have a great-
9. CPChristina P
  ... but on a smaller-
10. JRJoe Rogan
  You guys have a great relationship in that-
11. CPChristina P
  ... scale.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  ... in that you, you don't, you, you don't have any career conflicts and you also have one career, very successful thing that you sell, that you do together, Your Mom's House.
13. CPChristina P
  Yeah.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  So because of that, it's such a cool gig. It's such a great thing. It's so-
15. CPChristina P
  Well-
16. JRJoe Rogan
  ... amazing that you guys have that together, and it's so fun. And then you also have your other stuff, like you have your touring and he has his touring. And then-
17. CPChristina P
  Yeah.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  ... you're raising children together. And it's fucking great.
19. CPChristina P
  It's a great life.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  You've got a great balance.
21. CPChristina P
  I'm so, so lucky. And I wonder who suggested we do a podcast? (laughs)
22. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
23. CPChristina P
  Look at that smile.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  I'm, uh-
25. CPChristina P
  You know, we owe you. You're, you're the hero. I think you're... What you do is so important to so many people. And I'm, I'm so, so lucky that you were in our lives and are in our lives. Like-
26. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, it's my pleasure. But-
27. CPChristina P
  I mean-
28. JRJoe Rogan
  ... when I saw you gu-... I was like, "You guys 100% should be doing a podcast together." This doesn't make any sense. Like, uh, you're hilarious together. You're both hilarious comedians. Like, why aren't you doing a podcast together?
29. CPChristina P
  And I remember
29:29 – 32:47
adopter
1. CPChristina P
  Tom came home from sa- from that discussion. He goes, "Joe says we should have a podcast." And I go, "What's a podcast?" (laughs) And he-
2. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs) You really didn't know?
3. CPChristina P
  I fucking... What do I know? I mean, you... But here's what's... And I tell people about... I tell people this about you. The brilliance of you, amongst many things, you're a very diligent worker. You're a great comedian. You, you're fucking in it, like you're doing, but that you've also been an early adapter. Is that the fucking term?
4. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. Adopter.
5. CPChristina P
  Adopter.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
7. CPChristina P
  Yes. Where you go, "Oh, there's a phone? What's a phone?" And, you know, Joe Rogan buys the first cell phone that's like the brick.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
9. CPChristina P
  And I heard this great story about you on the road where the guy goes, "Well, yeah, um, I needed a comic to fill in last minute." And, um, like, "Oh, well, Joe Rogan has a phone."... a cell phone that he carries around. So I call Joe, and then Joe can do the week. You know what I mean? Like that kind of-
10. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. That's Bill Blumenright from the Comedy Works or from a-
11. CPChristina P
  Oh.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  ... Comedy Connection in Boston.
13. CPChristina P
  There you go.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
15. CPChristina P
  And-
16. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. I had a c- I had a cell phone in 1989. (laughs)
17. CPChristina P
  How big was it? How heavy?
18. JRJoe Rogan
  It was attached to my s- my car.
19. CPChristina P
  (laughs)
20. JRJoe Rogan
  It was in the middle of, between the two seats of my car.
21. CPChristina P
  Y- did you have to take it out every time you left?
22. JRJoe Rogan
  No, no. It stayed in the car. I just had to lift it up.
23. CPChristina P
  God.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  And, but it was cool. I could, like, make a phone call while I was driving.
25. CPChristina P
  That's rad.
26. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
27. CPChristina P
  Do you remember the fucking stereos that you had to, like, pull out?
28. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, yeah. I had one of those.
29. CPChristina P
  (laughs)
30. JRJoe Rogan
  A Blaupunkt. Yeah.
32:47 – 34:33
forklift mechanic
1. CPChristina P
  I, I, but I wanted to learn it. My dad was a forklift mechanic and I would beg him, "Ch- I wanna learn how to fix a forklift." And he's like, "No. G- women don't do this. You don't want to do this. It's disgusting." I'm like, "Ah, I wish I could..." Like, to change the oil on your car-
2. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
3. CPChristina P
  ... I, I just, I would like to know how these things work. I think it's fascinating.
4. JRJoe Rogan
  I used to do all that shit.
5. CPChristina P
  You could change the oil on your own car?
6. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, yeah. Yeah. For sure. Yeah.
7. CPChristina P
  Such a man.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  That's, that's one of the things that I really like about muscle cars, is they're a t- well, not anymore, honestly, 'cause now the muscle cars that I get, they're all what's called a resto-mod. So they'll take, uh, an old car, but they'll put new brakes in it-
9. CPChristina P
  Mm.
10. JRJoe Rogan
  ... new suspension, new engines. They handle better, you know, new steering components. And so they're, they're much more safe and much more, um, manageable in terms of, like, day-to-day use. But they look and feel and sound just like an old car, which is what I love.
11. CPChristina P
  You're so funny. You and my husband.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh.
13. CPChristina P
  My husband loves the vroom-vrooms.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  I love that he loves-
15. CPChristina P
  (laughs)
16. JRJoe Rogan
  ... the vroom-vrooms 'cause he and I are, like, the ones, like, uh, uh, like, if I buy something-
17. CPChristina P
  (laughs)
18. JRJoe Rogan
  ... I s- I send it to him. I'm like, "Look what I got."
19. CPChristina P
  You guys with your-
20. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
21. CPChristina P
  ... you got your schmeckles hard looking at-
22. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
23. CPChristina P
  ... pictures of... That's what I sound like. Tom can't get a new wife, but he can get a new car.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  Mm-mm.
25. CPChristina P
  And he lo- like, I, uh, he doesn't scroll, like, chicks. He scrolls cars.
26. JRJoe Rogan
  No. He loves cars.
27. CPChristina P
  Loves.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
29. CPChristina P
  And the louder, he's like, "Oh, listen to this. It goes so loud." He's like, "Put it on this mode when you drive it." I'm like, "All right, dude."
30. JRJoe Rogan
  I love that when I-
34:33 – 36:30
my husband
1. CPChristina P
2. JRJoe Rogan
  He's balling.
3. CPChristina P
  Let me tell you about my husband though. He's so, um, he's brilliant with business and he's a brilliant comedian. And it's, I think you are-
4. JRJoe Rogan
  It's a rare combination.
5. CPChristina P
  Yes. And I, I think, and like, his memory is amazing. Like, we were watching this awful show about John Gacy. I don't like s- uh, murder things, but he's like, "Babe, it's great. Watch it." And I fell asleep and he goes, "Well, let me catch you up on what happened." And his ability to re- to recall facts, like, "And then he dressed up as a clown and then they sat on his lap," and I was like, "Who are you?" Like, his mind is so able to r- you can ask Tommy, "Hey, what was it like, uh, 2015? We did this thing." And he goes, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you sat here and then th-" Like, his recall ability.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  Mm.
7. CPChristina P
  It's amazing. I don't have that. I don't, I don't re- I don't even know what I fucking ate this morning.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  But d- don't you have mommy brain though a little bit?
9. CPChristina P
  Oh, I'm fucking done. I'm cooked.
10. JRJoe Rogan
  Mommy, but mommy brain is just a lack of sleep-
11. CPChristina P
  Yeah.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  ... and, and a lot going on. And you have these two humans that you have to take care of more than anything.
13. CPChristina P
  I know.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  That's mommy brain.
15. CPChristina P
  It's, it's, they're my priority. So I don't-
16. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
17. CPChristina P
  ... I don't have this. And he's always like, "You don't remember I told you that?" I'm like, "Dude, I don't know."
18. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
19. CPChristina P
  Like I gotta remember that fucking Friday is snack day at school and we had to pack... You know, I, I'm not there.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
21. CPChristina P
  Um-
22. JRJoe Rogan
  I have a good memory instead e- but only on things that I'm interested in. Like-
23. CPChristina P
  (laughs)
24. JRJoe Rogan
  ... my wife will tell me stuff and I'm like, "I don't remember talking about that." She's like, "I told you yesterday." I'm like, "You must have been boring the shit out of me. I don't remember what the fuck..." (laughs) I have the ability to go into, like, background mode. I just, like sh-
25. CPChristina P
  Me too. (laughs)
26. JRJoe Rogan
  You just become static.
27. CPChristina P
  Yeah.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  Sh-
29. CPChristina P
  Do you, can you, can you talk like that with her? Like could you get-
30. JRJoe Rogan
  What way?
36:30 – 37:51
the right person
1. JRJoe Rogan
  like that.
2. CPChristina P
  I know. I'm so thankful I can just say-
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
4. CPChristina P
  ... crazy shit to Tommy, and he just laughs.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  Well, because of, you know, they haven't found the right person. Instead they found a person, and they've got the person to act like the right person. And that's not good.
6. CPChristina P
  Ugh.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  That's not good for anybody.
8. CPChristina P
  That's terrifying.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  No, because that you're always, like, trying to meld that person and, and f- conform that person to your idea of what a person should be, and they're always trying to conform to your idea and pretend. As soon as they get away from you, they can't wait to hit the pipe.
10. CPChristina P
  Yeah. (laughs)
11. JRJoe Rogan
  They're, they're smoking crack and going crazy.
12. CPChristina P
  They're smoking crack. Um, like, uh, I mean-
13. JRJoe Rogan
  They're out there wildin'.
14. CPChristina P
  They're wildin', bro.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
16. CPChristina P
  Smoking rocks! I heard that crack is not as fun as you think it is. Have you tried it?
17. JRJoe Rogan
  I have not tried coke or crack.
18. CPChristina P
  Uh, yeah, I'm not into stimulants.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
20. CPChristina P
  I'm into downers. I like to get low.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  I'm afraid I'd like it.
22. CPChristina P
  Me too.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
24. CPChristina P
  But let me tell you, so I, we knew this guy that smoked a lot of crack, and he's like, "Yeah, I get..."
25. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
26. CPChristina P
  I go, I go, "What do you do when you smoke crack?" And he's like, "I look through the peephole."
27. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
28. CPChristina P
  "I look through the peep-" And I'm like, "That sounds fucking terrible, bro."
29. JRJoe Rogan
  Imagine if that's, like, the favorite thing of the day.
30. CPChristina P
  (laughs)
37:51 – 38:54
talk about me
1. CPChristina P
  Wait, but speaking about ... I mean, I don't know if we should talk about this.
2. JRJoe Rogan
  Talk about it.
3. CPChristina P
  You may want to edit it out.
4. JRJoe Rogan
  Okay.
5. CPChristina P
  But, like, the whole Jada/Will thing?
6. JRJoe Rogan
  Uh-huh.
7. CPChristina P
  Like, Tom and I were obsessed about that.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  I'm obsessed.
9. CPChristina P
  Right?
10. JRJoe Rogan
  Mm-hmm.
11. CPChristina P
  Like, oh, she straight humiliates him on that Red ... I, I watch Red Table Talk. I live for it. I love it. It's bizarre. It's like you're not famous enough. You need to get ... You need to, like, talk about your family stuff.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  I think at this point in her life, that is all she's got in terms of, like, her connection to a lot of attention.
13. CPChristina P
  Mm.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  She's not in big projects, you know? I mean, uh, was she in The Matrix? She was in The Matrix, right? Did she have a big role? Yeah.
15. CPChristina P
  Oh, yeah, I saw that. Did you see that last one?
16. JRJoe Rogan
  No.
17. CPChristina P
  I'm a huge fan of the series.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  The Matrixes? Yeah.
19. CPChristina P
  Love the Matrixes.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  I didn't see the new one. I heard too many bad things about it, except for Jamie.
21. CPChristina P
  Yeah.
22. JRJoe Rogan
  Jamie liked it.
23. CPChristina P
  Uh, it was okay.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  But he even admits his own opinion's suspect 'cause he loves The Matrix?
25. CPChristina P
  (laughs)
26. JRJoe Rogan
  He admitted that. I love that about Jamie. I go, "Was it good?" He goes, "Yeah, but you know what? I wanted it to be good, 'cause I really like The Matrix, so."
27. CPChristina P
  Sames. Sames.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  Okay.
38:54 – 40:31
reality shows
1. JRJoe Rogan
2. CPChristina P
  Sames. But sorry, what were you gonna say on that? It's like it's an a- ... Yeah, it's an attention thing, right?
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Yes. It's, uh, it's, it's also you used to have a pretty decent career, and you really don't anymore, you know? And then, you gotta fill that lack of engagement with something else. So you do this thing where you start talking about your family, or you do a reality show. Like, one of the things that people do, it's like the last gasp of the dying celebrity-
4. CPChristina P
  Yeah.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  ... you know, presence.
6. CPChristina P
  Or Dan- Dancing with the Stars.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. You do one of those. But the reality show is the scary one, 'cause you, like, let people into your family. And then, you, like-
8. CPChristina P
  Nah.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  ... playacting around your wife and your kids, and your friend who comes over to play fucking pickleball with you-
10. CPChristina P
  (laughs)
11. JRJoe Rogan
  ... and is, like, trying to make a thing out of a gamble that you have in pickleball.
12. CPChristina P
  Stupid. (laughs)
13. JRJoe Rogan
  And if you've ever been a part of one of those reality shows-
14. CPChristina P
  I have.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  They did one at the store for a while.
16. CPChristina P
  Yeah, yeah.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  Keeping Up with the Store.
18. CPChristina P
  Mining ...
19. JRJoe Rogan
  Minding the Store, that's it.
20. CPChristina P
  Yeah. Mm-hmm.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  Keeping Up with the Kardashians.
22. CPChristina P
  Keeping Up with the Stardashians.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
24. CPChristina P
  Yeah.
25. JRJoe Rogan
  But they had, like, these scenarios all planned out.
26. CPChristina P
  That's so terrible.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  Like, "We're gonna go to get something to lunch. We're gonna going to get Mexican food, but the wait's too long."
28. CPChristina P
  Yeah.
29. JRJoe Rogan
  "We're gonna go to here, and then we're gonna eventually settle on Chinese."
30. CPChristina P
  Ugh.
40:31 – 43:48
road rolls
1. JRJoe Rogan
2. CPChristina P
  (laughs) But, but yeah, and I, I'm ... I was on Road Rules in the '90s.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Right.
4. CPChristina P
  Back when it was like-
5. JRJoe Rogan
  Back with Theo Von.
6. CPChristina P
  Whoop, whoop! Look, he-
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Back in the day.
8. CPChristina P
  He was ... Yeah, he was a seasoned-
9. JRJoe Rogan
  I'm gonna get a cigar.
10. CPChristina P
  Yeah, yeah. Let's get fucking faded, bro. Let's party.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Okay.
12. CPChristina P
  Um, I'm just happy to be out of my house. Let's, let's drink.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
14. CPChristina P
  But, uh ...
15. JRJoe Rogan
  You want a cigar?
16. CPChristina P
  I don't do that. I don't even know how.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  Just try it. It'd be fun.
18. CPChristina P
  Okay, I'll put it in my mouth. It's just y- you like the flavors, right?
19. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
20. CPChristina P
  Do you want some more of this, Mommy?
21. JRJoe Rogan
  Sure. Thank you. I love how everyone's Mommy with you.
22. CPChristina P
  (laughs) I know.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  Mommy and Jeans.
24. CPChristina P
  What kind of-
25. JRJoe Rogan
  People who don't know that, they're like, "What the fuck is she saying?"
26. CPChristina P
  (laughs) Well, here's the best part is that I call waiters Mommy Jeans. I call everybody Mommy.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  What has happened-
28. CPChristina P
  Nobody's pushed back, nobody, and I've done it for five years.
29. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
30. CPChristina P
  I'll be like, uh, "Yeah, I'll take the appetizer. Thanks, Mommy."
43:48 – 45:07
the outliers
1. JRJoe Rogan
  man?"
2. CPChristina P
  Yeah. But that's what I love. I've always loved the outliers, and it, it started with GG Allin.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Mm-hmm.
4. CPChristina P
  I don't know if you've ever seen that documentary that Todd Phillips did on GG Allin?
5. JRJoe Rogan
  I did not see the documentary, but I'm aware of him.
6. CPChristina P
  Yeah, I love freakos.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
8. CPChristina P
  I love that whole thing, and it just makes me excited. It gives me joy. And I'm so blessed that we have podcasting now, that I can do a whole show on that. I don't have to take notes from a fucking executive. I don't have to sell General Electric advertisements.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  They would never let you guys be what you are.
10. CPChristina P
  Never.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  There is not a chance in hell, if you guys had bosses and you were on some sort of a network that controlled what was aired-
12. CPChristina P
  Oh.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  ... and, and then you, you told them the story about the idea for the pay-per-view shows.
14. CPChristina P
  (laughs)
15. JRJoe Rogan
  "We're gonna do something that's, like, literally illegal."
16. CPChristina P
  (laughs) "There's a guy's gonna staple his balls. There's gonna be a nail in his cock." I know.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  I mean, it's everything awful.
18. CPChristina P
  I know.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  There's so many awful videos, and it's like watching them with you guys is so much fun. And it's super popular.
20. CPChristina P
  (laughs)
21. JRJoe Rogan
  Like, when you guys put those up, and Tommy was telling me how many people download them, I'm like, "Whoa."
22. CPChristina P
  Oh.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  And he's like, "But yeah, but, like, we have a whole organization. We hired producers."
24. CPChristina P
  Oh, yeah.
25. JRJoe Rogan
  "And we have..." It's, like, a real production.
26. CPChristina P
  (laughs) "We put so much money into it."
27. JRJoe Rogan
  When I go to... When I went to the live one I did with you guys, I'm like, "Holy shit. This is so impressive."
45:07 – 47:35
being a degenerate
1. JRJoe Rogan
2. CPChristina P
  Hmm. You should see the new studio. It cost us, like, $10 million. It's crazy.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
4. CPChristina P
  Still not done, but it's still fun. And you know what? When I did reality shows in the '90s, after I did Road Rules, I was like, "Gosh, wouldn't it be great to just make a living being myself?" And then I got into acting after, and I hated it. I hated going on these auditions, and I had to say stupid things.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
6. CPChristina P
  And then came podcasting, and I was like, "Oh, I get rewarded for being a degenerate? This is great!"
7. JRJoe Rogan
  So you're not even just-
8. CPChristina P
  Great!
9. JRJoe Rogan
  ... being a degenerate, you're just being fun.
10. CPChristina P
  Yeah, just having fun-
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
12. CPChristina P
  ... 'cause life should be fun.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  Degenerate is a person who loses all their, their income to a craps game.
14. CPChristina P
  (laughs)
15. JRJoe Rogan
  You know, you can't help but-
16. CPChristina P
  That's true. (laughs)
17. JRJoe Rogan
  ... like, bet on the horses. I knew a lot of degenerates.
18. CPChristina P
  Oh, yeah. You come from a hardcore, like, background. Yeah? Like, Boston and...
19. JRJoe Rogan
  Well, I grew up in, um, all over the place, but when I l- went to high school, I was in this, uh, nice area in Boston. I was in a really shit area in Boston when I was 13. I l- we lived in Jamaica Plains. It was very sketchy, but thankfully my parents realized it was sketchy. They had come there from Florida like, "This neighborhood's dangerous," and they got us outta there, and they moved us to this place called Newton. And Newton is a nice suburb of Boston, and we lived in the blue-collar section of Newton. It's like Newton Upper Falls. We had, like, the shittiest house in the neighborhood, and we were poor as fuck, but it was a nice, it was a nice place to grow up. It was nice families. It was like... It was good. But then I was always involved in either fighting, I was either involved in martial arts or standup comedy. So-
20. CPChristina P
  Hmm.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  ... my... From 15 on, it was all either martial arts, which is a bunch of psychos, or standup comedy, which is a bunch of psychos-
22. CPChristina P
  Psychos.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  ... on drugs. (laughs)
24. CPChristina P
  Love it.
25. JRJoe Rogan
  So it's like I've never had a... There was never a time where I was, like, in some normal path to, you know, having a white picket fence and living in the suburbs and getting to work every morning same time as everybody else and-
26. CPChristina P
  No.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  ... you know, having office meetings. Like, no, it was always weirdos.
28. CPChristina P
  But don't you-
29. JRJoe Rogan
  I was, I was around weirdos. Thank God.
30. CPChristina P
  I love weirdos. Thank God. And, like, um, I love comedians.
47:35 – 50:08
comedians getting bold
1. JRJoe Rogan
2. CPChristina P
  And you know what I love right now? Is that comedians are starting to get bold. We are now starting to be like, "Fuck you!" Like, "Let's do... We're doing jokes again." And I'm seeing a lot of dudes doing, like, "Oh..." Like, even this special tonight just released, uh, uh, Mom Jeans. Shameless plug, yes. Um, so the LA Times did an article on it, and she was like, "Whoa, you went hard." And I was like, "Yeah." And she's like, "Is there anything that didn't make it?" And I was like, "Yeah. I cut... I had to cut stuff out, and it's going in the next hour." (laughs)
3. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
4. CPChristina P
  Because I don't... I'm done. Like, I think, I think we're done.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  With, you know, with censorship-
6. CPChristina P
  Yes.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  ... and that kinda stuff? Well, there's a lotta complaining people that wouldn't have liked you in the first place-
8. CPChristina P
  No shit.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  ... and you can't let them decide what you're gonna do and not do on stage.
10. CPChristina P
  Look at me smoking my cigar at night.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, look at you. You're smoking like... You're a rebel.
12. CPChristina P
  Yeah-
13. JRJoe Rogan
  God damn it.
14. CPChristina P
  ... you fucking bitch. Yeah. Yeah, rebel.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  There's a lotta people that...... fall into patterns of thinking and they wanna control other people's patterns of thinking as well.
16. CPChristina P
  Yeah.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  They fall into patterns of thinking and they'd like you all to align with their pattern of thinking.
18. CPChristina P
  And if you don't, then what?
19. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, whether it's-
20. CPChristina P
  Then I'm gonna force you.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  ... conservative or whether it's liberal and progressive, it's like y- people- there's a lot of people out there that have good intentions. But then there's also a lot of people out there that just are- they're just a predictable pattern of human behavior. And that pattern of human behavior is they like to tell other people what to do. And part of their fun is getting other people to comply and getting other people in trouble.
22. CPChristina P
  Hmm. (laughs)
23. JRJoe Rogan
  Getting other people fired. It's-
24. CPChristina P
  Fucking tattletales, bro.
25. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. But there's a whole... It's a natural pattern of, like, weak-minded human behavior-
26. CPChristina P
  Mm-hmm.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  ... from people that are generally not good at things.
28. CPChristina P
  (laughs)
29. JRJoe Rogan
  That's what it is.
30. CPChristina P
  I know. (laughs)
50:08 – 52:53
San Francisco
1. JRJoe Rogan
  are you doing?
2. CPChristina P
  Bro, that was wild. So, like, I w- I went to San Francisco and there's still people wearing N95s in the street, like, walking-
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, yeah.
4. CPChristina P
  ... out in the fresh air. Like, what are you doing?
5. JRJoe Rogan
  They're broken.
6. CPChristina P
  Yeah. It's okay. You're not gonna... And also too, the signs of, like, stop hate, only love or whatever, and you're like, you're gonna... San Francisco doesn't need this sign. Put the sign (laughs) in, like, Shreveport, Louisiana or Birmingham. What are you... What is this?
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Right.
8. CPChristina P
  Do you know what I'm saying? This is the city where it- the most accepting.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, this, right.
10. CPChristina P
  What are- what is this propaganda? We get it.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
12. CPChristina P
  We're here.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  It's just virtue signaling, right?
14. CPChristina P
  It is. It's bullshit. I'm over it.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  There's no- you need, need some more light?
16. CPChristina P
  Yeah, hold on. I gotta smoke. (lighter clicks)
17. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, get in there. That's your first cigar, right?
18. CPChristina P
  Oh.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  This is your first legitimate cigar.
20. CPChristina P
  (laughs) Wow. That's like-
21. JRJoe Rogan
  That's the other thing men like. A real lighter.
22. CPChristina P
  (laughs) A real lighter, a crack torch.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  A real fucking lighter, like a goddamn man. But, you know, you, you can only spend so much time thinking about that. Instead, spend time thinking about what people like. And what people like is comedy. They like-
24. CPChristina P
  100%.
25. JRJoe Rogan
  They like regular standup comedy. They like going for the jokes-
26. CPChristina P
  Going for it.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  ... getting big laughs.
28. CPChristina P
  Going for it.
29. JRJoe Rogan
  You're not gonna pretend that everything you say is what you actually fucking mean. That's not what comedy is, stupid.
30. CPChristina P
  Yeah, you dummy.
52:53 – 58:23
New York City
1. JRJoe Rogan
2. CPChristina P
  Well, this, so this hour that's out now, I, I was like, "Fuck it. I'm having fun." And I did it in New York City and it was, like, the height of COVID. And anyway, everybody... It felt sad. The city felt sad.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Did the people have to wear masks in the audience?
4. CPChristina P
  Yeah. It was so loud.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  (sighs) Oh, that's so crazy.
6. CPChristina P
  And they all got fucking tested and then they tested me every two minutes before... I was like, "Bro, it's fine." Like, even if I am positive, I'm still gonna shoot this thing. This is a m- so much money going into this and people. Like, you think I'm gonna fucking not do this? Anyway, I bought the audience shots before I performed on both shows and, um... Anyway, I also, I bought this outfit. (laughs)
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Shots of booze?
8. CPChristina P
  Yeah. Tequila. I was gonna-
9. JRJoe Rogan
  How many-
10. CPChristina P
  ... get fucking faded, bro.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  How many- (laughs)
12. CPChristina P
  (laughs) Because-
13. JRJoe Rogan
  How many people are in the audience?
14. CPChristina P
  That was the Gramercy Theater. I bought the entire theater shots for the first and second-
15. JRJoe Rogan
  That's like thousands of shots.
16. CPChristina P
  I don't give a shit.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
18. CPChristina P
  Wait until you see the next part I did. So-
19. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
20. CPChristina P
  'Cause everybody was all bummed out on the night before. And I was like, "I'm not gonna have you guys all bummed out." 'Cause I think New York City-
21. JRJoe Rogan
  Why were they bummed out?
22. CPChristina P
  Because it's two years of repression.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
24. CPChristina P
  And, and everyone had Omicron. Everybody was sick or depressed. Uh, so I bought them all shots and then, um, my stylist invoiced Netflix for the outfit that I wore and they go, "We've never spent this much money on an outfit." (laughs) And I was like, "What? Hey, how do you like me now, bitch?" So that's a Dolce & Gabbana suit and then I had crystals put on it.
25. JRJoe Rogan
  Dude, if I saw that picture, I would not know that's you.
26. CPChristina P
  I know. Isn't that great?
27. JRJoe Rogan
  What did they do?
28. CPChristina P
  Hair and makeup. Uh, I have a team of five Latin gay guys that made me look amazing.
29. JRJoe Rogan
  That's so crazy.
30. CPChristina P
  Isn't that fun?
58:23 – 1:05:54
Family
1. CPChristina P
  So I don't, I don't know. Uh, I grew up with Roseanne's daughter. We met-
2. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, you told me.
3. CPChristina P
  ... in sixth grade.
4. JRJoe Rogan
  That's crazy.
5. CPChristina P
  And it was so cool because I got to watch that family. Like, I think she just had her special come out when I met Jenny, her daughter. And then, um, I didn't know that people could be fun like that. Like, I would go over to their house and they would have, like, a, a fake spaghetti dish that, like, you know, the fork was suspended in the air. And I was like, (gasps) "You can do that? Like, you can just have something silly on your coffee table?" And-
6. JRJoe Rogan
  Right.
7. CPChristina P
  ... they were so fun. And I would al- I would just go there and just watch them talk and banter, and the whole family's so brilliant. And I was like, "Oh, this is what life can be like."
8. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, you could have fun.
9. CPChristina P
  Yeah.
10. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, well-
11. CPChristina P
  It was cool.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  ... if you're lucky, you know, that's your family.
13. CPChristina P
  Yeah.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  Some people have families where people are just constantly in agony.
15. CPChristina P
  Yeah. (laughs)
16. JRJoe Rogan
  You know?
17. CPChristina P
  Yeah. But, uh-
18. JRJoe Rogan
  That's a fucking bummer when you have a friend and you go to visit them at the house-
19. CPChristina P
  Oh, it's the dog. The fucking worst.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  ... and people are yelling at each other and you gotta, like, get them out the door. "Come on, let's get outta here."
21. CPChristina P
  (laughs)
22. JRJoe Rogan
  I'm like, "Shit." And your kids. You know, I remember those feelings-
23. CPChristina P
  (laughs)
24. JRJoe Rogan
  ... when I was a kid of not understanding. First of all, there was no real clear understanding that I was ever going to be an adult.
25. CPChristina P
  Oh, that's interesting. What does that mean?
26. JRJoe Rogan
  I never really thought I was an adult. I never... Like, used to think... I used to... I had a bit about this at one point in time. Like, remember when you used to think there, that there were real grown-ups?
27. CPChristina P
  Yeah.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  That one day you'd be like, "Now I'm a grown-up."
29. CPChristina P
  Yeah.
30. JRJoe Rogan
  And everything makes sense.

Episode duration: 3:37:34

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Intro

Men vs Women

The Secret Sauce

Fat Shaming

French Culture

Chaos Boyfriends

Familiarity breeds contempt

You take it out on them

They test you in ways

Hardcore hungarians

I love men

Money but the woman

Pay now or pay later

adopter

forklift mechanic

my husband

the right person

talk about me

reality shows

road rolls

the outliers

being a degenerate

comedians getting bold

San Francisco

New York City

Family

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