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The Joe Rogan ExperienceThe Joe Rogan Experience

Joe Rogan Experience #1822 - Chris DiStefano

Chris DiStefano is a stand-up comedian, on-air personality, host of the "Chrissy Chaos" podcast, and co-host of "Hey Babe!" podcast with Sal Vulcano. His new Netflix comedy special "Speshy Weshy" is now streaming. https://chrisdcomedy.com/

Chris DiStefanoguestJoe RoganhostGuest’s friend (caller/clip)guest
Jun 27, 20243h 35mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:00 – 3:40

    Patterned shirts, body image, and the ‘good wolf/bad wolf’ self-talk

    1. CD

      (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

    2. NA

      The Joe Rogan Experience.

    3. NA

      Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night. All day. (instrumental music plays) And we're up.

    4. JR

      Chrissy D in the place to be. What's happening, baby?

    5. CD

      Thank you for having me, my friend.

    6. JR

      My pleasure. I'm glad you wore that shirt.

    7. CD

      Oh, yeah. I know.

    8. JR

      'Cause I was gonna wear one just like it.

    9. CD

      Like this? Like-

    10. JR

      No.

    11. CD

      ... Miami vibes?

    12. JR

      (laughs)

    13. CD

      I, um-

    14. JR

      Where'd you get that?

    15. CD

      This is from a company called RSVLTS, um, R-S-V-L-T-S, and, um, they sent me a bunch of shirts. And I got that kinda body where I'm like ... Somebody said once that I had leading man face, best friend body, a casting director, which was crushing, but-

    16. JR

      Casting director said that to you?

    17. CD

      ... but an accurate description. Yeah, and I was like, "Oh, that's nice." So-

    18. JR

      Here's the thing though.

    19. CD

      Yeah.

    20. JR

      You can change your body. You can't change your face.

    21. CD

      Yes. That's the truth.

    22. JR

      'Cause you have ... Leading man face is a great thing to have.

    23. CD

      Yeah, I-

    24. JR

      The rest of it is, like, workable.

    25. CD

      I have these, like, like ... No matter ... Since I been a little kid, I've just had, like, these, like, puffy nipples. Even when I was, like, skinny and ripped, I just always had just nice nipple fat.

    26. JR

      Hmm.

    27. CD

      And this shirt, what I've learned is wearing shirts with a lot of patterns like this distracts from the nipple fat. I actually was flying out here yesterday, and I was wearing this green shirt, and I, when I went to the b- And I was wearing a book bag. And when I went to the bathroom, my tits were, like, pointed out like this. I was like, "I gotta change my shirt."

    28. JR

      Hmm.

    29. CD

      And then I just changed my shirt in the public bathroom at JFK, and then I just threw that shirt out in the garbage.

    30. JR

      Wow, it was that bad?

  2. 3:40 – 7:19

    Dating, bedroom anxiety, and trying to ‘learn’ sex from porn

    1. CD

      Yeah, it's been, it's been one of those things. And you know what it is with me? You know why I think what happens? Is because I look like I could potentially be in shape, I'd rather just be all-the-way fat, because what happens with me is when ... It's a usually a letdown for women, 'cause they'll ... I ... Multiple times in my life, I've been hooking up with a girl and they've thought this or that about my body, and then I'll take my shirt off with the lights on and they'll go, "Oof." Something like that.

    2. JR

      Wow.

    3. CD

      Or, or a couple of girls have been like-

    4. JR

      They make that noise?

    5. CD

      One girl, she was like ... I'm ... I swear, one time I was, I was hooking up with this girl and I took my shirt off and she went, "Oh." And then-

    6. JR

      (laughs)

    7. CD

      (laughs)

    8. JR

      (fist pounding) Ahh!

    9. CD

      And I just stood-

    10. JR

      Fuck!

    11. CD

      And I just stood there, like, kinda, like, looking down. And then she ... You know, we turned the lights off. And we had, I guess, relatively good sex. Maybe not. Uh, actually, no. I will say no.

    12. JR

      (laughs)

    13. CD

      We didn't, because I've noticed, I ... when I was single, I would hook up with, you know, a relatively good amount, healthy amount of women, but almost exclusively never hook up with the woman a second time. So, I think that my performance in the bedroom isn't really that great.

    14. JR

      Well, were you, were you trying to follow up to date these ladies again?

    15. CD

      (smacks lips) Y- Uh, yeah. Yeah, I would. I-

    16. JR

      And they would just ghost you?

    17. CD

      Yeah, you ... I w- I was the guy who pretty consistently got ghosted. It got so bad, I ... There's this porn star, Owen Gray. You know Owen Gray?

    18. JR

      No.

    19. CD

      He's the only guy porn star I watch. Shout out Owen Gray, PornHub.

    20. JR

      (laughs)

    21. CD

      Um, he's the only guy ... Like, if you looked at my search history, like, my girl Jasmine, mother of my children, my girlfriend, she's m- multiple times, like, sat me down and been like, "If you're gay, tell me you're gay."

    22. JR

      (laughs)

    23. CD

      And I'm like, "Why do-"

    24. JR

      (laughs)

    25. CD

      And I've been like, "Why do you think I'm gay?" And then she's like, "'Cause when I look at your search history," 'cause we share a computer, she's like, "all I see is this man Owen Gray." And I'm like, "If you can believe this, I'm watching him-

    26. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    27. CD

      ... to try to learn from him to have sex with you better." And then she's like, "I don't believe you."

    28. JR

      (laughs)

    29. CD

      (laughs) Because he does ... He's just a pretty f- you know, well-physiqued guy, tatted up, but the way he has sex with these women and goes down on them and kinda passionately makes love to them-

    30. JR

      Oh.

  3. 7:19 – 12:00

    John Travolta backstage: a bizarrely sincere pep talk before Letterman

    1. CD

      I met John Travolta once. You guys ever meet him?

    2. G(

      Yeah, I met him.

    3. CD

      Yeah. Great.

    4. G(

      Yeah, I met him at Fear Factor. His wife, uh, uh, Kelly Preston, uh, who's since passed, uh, she was on the show.

    5. CD

      Oh, wow.

    6. G(

      Yeah.

    7. CD

      Yeah, I did, um, David Letterman in 2013. And it was first time on television, doing anything, and it was a big deal. For me, not only to get standup on, on Letterman, but John Travolta was the other guest. So, I remember like that week, like my mother was just telling all her friends. She was like, "I'm g- I'm gonna go see John Travolta on Letterman." And I was like, "Also, like your son is doing standup."

    8. G(

      (laughs)

    9. CD

      But she never... She just cared about Travolta. She was like, "I can't bel-" Like, she was kept picking out different dresses. She was like, "What do I wear?" And so, I did. And my mom and dad, who are divorced, it was one of the first times 'Cause before I had my kid, my first child. So, before I had my first child, my mom and dad never talked. They had like a divorce and they just... You know, especially as I got over 18, they were just like, "We don't talk anymore." So, it was one of these things where like it was the first time where like my mom and dad were gonna be in the same room. (laughs) And, and I'm... So, it's like all nerve-wracking and I'm about to go do the show. I bought a suit the night before from this place, Joseph A. Bank. It was in like a strip mall in Syosset, Long Island, and it was like three sizes too big. So, I just had this over-sized suit on. I was like really nervous. And I go down and John Travolta's on the couch, you know, um, crushing it. He's John Travolta. And then I'm about to go up next to do standup and he, um, the, you know, the commercial break happens and he's walking out. And I'm standing there like nervous with my 3X suit, and he stops and he looks at me and he goes, "You have on a beautiful suit." I was like, "Thank you." I was like, "I feel like it's too big." And he was like, "No, it's beautiful." I was like, "Oh, yeah." And my mom's standing right there, fucking dying that Travolta's like looking at me. She's like trying to smell his breath. (laughs) And so-

    10. G(

      (laughs)

    11. CD

      ... Travolta says to me, he goes, "What do you, what do you do? What's your talent?" I'll never forget. He goes, "What's your talent?" I was like, "Oh, uh, I'm a standup comic." And he was like, "Ooh, very nice." And then he was like, "You seem a little nervous." And I was like, "Yeah, yeah."

    12. G(

      (laughs)

    13. CD

      And then he puts his... (laughs) And then he puts his hand on my chest. Like, uh, just puts his hand right on my chest, like right in the-

    14. G(

      Like Jesus.

    15. CD

      Right in the... Right, right in the middle.

    16. G(

      Right on the heart.

    17. CD

      Right on the hea... No, seriously, like right in the middle. And, and, and I was in my head 'cause I was like, "You know, I got fat nipples." So, I was like, "I hope he doesn't think like, you know, I'm not jacked." And then, and then he, and then he goes, um, "Why is your heart beating so fast?" And I was like, "Because you're, you're John Travolta and you're massaging my nipple." (laughs)

    18. G(

      (laughs)

    19. CD

      And he goes, "Don't..." It, it was... He goes, "Don't be nervous about what you're about to do." And he goes, "You've done it already." And I said, "No, I'm actually going on after you. I haven't done it yet." He goes, "No, you've done it already. It's over." And I was like, "Are you stupid a- I... No."

    20. G(

      (laughs)

    21. CD

      "Are you dumb fuck?" I was like... (laughs)

    22. G(

      (laughs)

    23. CD

      I was like, "I'm going on next." And he was like, "The work is done." And then I, I was just like, "What, what do you mean?" And then w-... The whole time, his hand is on my chest, he goes, "I'm sure that Mr. Letterman had to vet you personally. I'm sure that you've had to practice this set a thousand times before you got to this moment. So, the work is over. So, now you just have to go be in the present. That's your only job, is to be in the present, because the, the set that you're about to do is done. You've completed the work already. Now it's just living the moment, which is the fun part of the hard part of the journey. But the hard part is over." All these words. And, uh, uh, my heart is like slowly going down. Like, I swear I was getting like very, very calm.

    24. G(

      Wow.

    25. CD

      And he goes, "I'm going to stand right here and I want to watch you live this moment." He goes, "This is rare that I get to see this at the level I'm at in my career, to see someone get to begin their journey in entertainment." He goes, "I'm gonna see you, and I wanna watch every second of this. I'm gonna be here for you." And I... And with that, the Letterman people are like, "Chris, you're on next." And give me that little push.

    26. G(

      Wow. (laughs)

    27. CD

      David Letterman, this whole time, I hadn't even listened. David Letterman was already being like, "And our next guest, you know, standup comic, you know, making his, uh, uh, uh, appearance, making his national television debut on the David Letterman Show." I didn't even hear any of that part. I just hear, "Please welcome Chris Distefano. And with that, I'm going out." Yeah, look at how big my fucking suit is. This isn't-

    28. G(

      Hold on, play it out. Play it out.

    29. (upbeat music) Chris Distefano.

    30. Oh, go, go from the beginning.

  4. 12:00 – 15:41

    Cringing at viewing parties + how his Netflix special happened (with zero notes)

    1. CD

      And, um, it's the worst thing ever.

    2. JR

      (laughs)

    3. CD

      I know, anybody who wants to have, like, a viewing party with their special-

    4. JR

      Ugh.

    5. CD

      I'm like-

    6. JR

      What the fuck is that?

    7. CD

      I don't want to-

    8. JR

      Explain that to me. I've been invited to those before.

    9. CD

      I don't ever, I just had a, uh, Netflix special come out, Specially Weshie on Netflix and they were like, "Do you want to do a viewing?"

    10. JR

      Congratulations, by the way.

    11. CD

      Thank you. And I was like, "Do you want to do a viewing party?" They were like, "Do you want to do a viewing party?" I said, "Absolutely not." I said, "As a matter of fact, I don't even want you to tell me what date it's being released. I don't want to know anything about it." I literally, I still, I won't watch it at all. I'll watch it for myself to, you know, try to get better. But have other people make them do that? Never in a million years.

    12. JR

      Not in a million years.

    13. CD

      Just like I don't want you to come to my birthday party. Like, I don't need that-

    14. JR

      Yeah.

    15. CD

      ... at all. You don't need to celebrate me.

    16. JR

      Well, a bir- birthday party is not the worst thing in the world. But there's something about a spe- a birthday party's for everybody.

    17. CD

      Right.

    18. JR

      You know, you sing Happy Birthday, it takes five seconds.

    19. CD

      Yeah.

    20. JR

      You know? But the, the party's for everybody.

    21. CD

      Right.

    22. JR

      But a special thing is like, "Look at me."

    23. CD

      No, zero.

    24. JR

      "Come watch me."

    25. CD

      Yeah.

    26. JR

      "It's me, everybody. By the way, how did you like me?"

    27. CD

      No.

    28. JR

      "Here I am."

    29. CD

      It's not, I don't wanna do it at all.

    30. JR

      I don't even like watching the edits.

  5. 15:41 – 18:59

    Imposter syndrome and the roots of Chris’s anxiety

    1. JR

      But I've, I was fascinated by that 'cause you're this good-looking guy. You're a very good-looking guy and I-

    2. CD

      Thank you.

    3. JR

      ... I pay attention to your stuff and you, you have all this anxiety talk, anxiety talk.

    4. CD

      Yeah.

    5. JR

      And I'm like, you know how many fucking ugly people would be so pumped to look like you?

    6. CD

      I (sighs) I-

    7. JR

      Do you know how many people, like, like, your successful comedy career, you know, you've got a family, you've got a lot going on.

    8. CD

      Yeah.

    9. JR

      You, you've got all this positivity, but you have some sort of weird thing.

    10. CD

      I think that there's a, a thing in me where I- I always feel, um, I always feel like, um, like th- like a, like an impersonator. You know, like, I'm- I'm- I'm sorry, an imposter where I'm like-

    11. JR

      Yeah.

    12. CD

      But I've felt that way since I've been a little kid.

    13. JR

      Yeah, but everybody feels that way.

    14. CD

      Yeah, so I think what happens with me, what, everything... Well, hold on. Let, uh, do you want me to finish the Travolta story?

    15. JR

      Oh.

    16. CD

      Or it's all-

    17. JR

      Sure, sure.

    18. CD

      Well, 'cause there's-

    19. JR

      I didn't know there was more to it.

    20. CD

      Well, yeah. Well, the reason why there's more to it is because Travolta, I told you, he goes-

    21. JR

      (laughs)

    22. CD

      ... he kept telling me, "You know, I'm gonna watch this moment." And all that. And it was the most s- um, calm I ever was, still to this day, doing TV. Like, I was more calm the first time doing that five-minute Letterman set than I was doing a whole Netflix special or whatever. I was so calm because of his words.

    23. JR

      And then when you came backstage, was he naked?

    24. CD

      When I came backstage, I was looking to see him and he was gone. And I said to my mom, I was like, "Mom, where is John Travolta?" She goes, "He left immediately. As soon as you said, 'Hi, my name's Chris,' he walked away, left, went on a..." He, so he just did that-

    25. JR

      For you.

    26. CD

      ... for me. Which I, at first I was angry. I was like, "Where's John?" And then as time went on, I was like, "Oh, that's the nicest thing anyone could've ever done for me." And it, and what I learned in that experience was, yeah, actually, I like, I liked John Travolta and, um, you know, um, he was cool. And also, you know, getting up to that moment, he was right because what I for- had forgotten is I had been practicing that Letterman set for, you know, however many months and then, you know, you- you have to get, um-... the, the bookers have to come and watch you. And they kept watching me do the set for... I'd do it 10 times, 20 times, and every time, it would be good, and they wouldn't book me. This went on for months. And then finally, one night, I did it, and I bombed with the same five-minute set. Like, really, like a full zero from start to finish. Just eating it, sweat down my back on the top of my ass crack, like a full bomb, where you're like, "Oh, God." And I go, get home, and I have a missed call from my manager, and I'm like, and I'm like, "I blew Letterman. Like it's, it's not gonna happen." He goes, "No, they booked you for next Tuesday." And I was like, "What?" So then, I go do the show, the Travolta thing happens, and when I'm leaving, I say to the booker, I said, "I w- I thought I wasn't gonna get this because I f- bombed like so hard with it. I thought you guys were like, 'That's it.'" He goes, "No, that's why we booked you, because you had never been on television before. We needed to know that you could fail gracefully, and that you weren't gonna bomb on national television and then implode. So we saw how, how gracefully you bombed-"

    27. G(

      (laughs)

    28. CD

      "... and just made fun of it." So it was kinda one of those things, even though it's... And that's, that's just, it's not even, it's more than comedy. It's like I've learned now, like, oh, you fail, you're just gonna fail.

    29. G(

      Yeah.

    30. CD

      So, and it's the way you fail. So but I think, reason I bring that up is 'cause I think that only now in my life is my anxiety going down to a place that's like, I don't wanna say nonexistent, but it's so much lower.

  6. 18:59 – 24:17

    9/11 in Queens: panic, rage, and the chair incident at school

    1. CD

      It's so much more manageable. I, two things happened. One, the an- my anxiety, my Pandora's box of anxiety got opened on 9/11. Because on 9/11, my mother worked in the second tower that was hit. She survived, but at that moment, I went to an all-boy Catholic high school, and at that moment, I, they, the teachers just came in and said, "Boys, the towers have went, the towers have went down." We didn't even know about the planes that... He just said, "The towers have collapsed. The Twin Towers have collapsed." And we could see it out my window from where my high school was in Queens. You could, the face is downtown. So we could see it, see the smoke, you know? And I knew my mother worked on like the 50th floor of the, of one of those towers. So I just said, "She's dead." And trying to call her, phone line's busy, phone line's busy. Nothing is, you know, I can't get through to her, and I just started to like hysterical cry. Like this emotion, like it was literally like a box opened up in a part of my brain that was like, "All your fears, out, that you've been trying to suppress since you were a little kid, out." Because I was like, "She's dead." So I, I just started like crying, and I got like so angry. And this kid Frank started to laugh at me. So I broke a chair right over his head, like in the middle of all this at like 9:55 in the morning.

    2. G(

      He was laughing at you 'cause your mother was dead?

    3. CD

      Well, but I, he didn't know. He, he thought, he was like, you know, we're an all-boy Catholic high school. He didn't know anything about it. I'm just crying in history class. So he's like, "Look at DeStefano, he's a fucking idiot." You know, you would laugh at... On September 10th, I would laugh at him if he was crying, because it was like, "What d- what are you doing, you lunatic?" And nobody knew the significance of it just then. And I hadn't said, "Oh, I think my mom said..." I just was thinking about it. I was like, "Oh my God," like, "she's dead." And so I just got mad and I broke the chair over his head. And you, in all-boy Catholic high school, is very, very strict. I mean, you would get detention if you showed up, i- i- i- if you had a top button unbuttoned. Uh, you know, you had to have the buttons buttoned to the top with a tie. You would get detention for that. So now I just put somebody in a coma. So now it's like-

    4. G(

      Was he really in a coma?

    5. CD

      Uh, he looked like he was. I mean, that kid was on the floor not moving, 'cause I fucking, you know. And I'll be honest, I, at that point, I was on, I was doing d-balls. I was doing a little steroids, which could be contributing to the, uh, tit fat I have now.

    6. G(

      (laughs)

    7. CD

      But, (laughs) but I w-

    8. G(

      You were doing steroids in high school?

    9. CD

      I was 17. Yeah, I was trying, I just wanted to be that, you know... Uh, we were idiots. I'm from like deep in Brooklyn, Queens, like r- you know, New York idiots. So (laughs) we all, we had, everybody was doing d-balls, Winstrol.

    10. G(

      Jesus.

    11. CD

      Yeah, like crazy. So, and so I just was mad, broke the chair over his head. And you know, my mother is a very intellectual woman, very smart, very sophisticated. And my father is like a, a criminal. He was like in and out of jail before I was born and when I was a little kid for my whole life, just in and out of prison always. You know, guy from the Bronx, Italian guy, k- kind of one of those guys, never knew what he did for a living ne-

    12. G(

      Hmm.

    13. CD

      That's how I know like growing up, when I would grow up and be like, "You know who..." You know, I would hear somebody say, "You know who my father is? You know who my uncle is?" I'd be like, "They're probably not anybody," because I feel like I'm, have this life a little bit and I would never share that with anybody. I don't think that's cool. As a matter of fact, it's like sad when you have to like think about like, "What is, what are my dad and his friends up to? Did they hurt somebody?" Like, "What-"

    14. G(

      Right.

    15. CD

      "... what's going on?" So any time I would hear that growing up, it'd be like, "You're a pussy. You're, you're a, you're a wannabe." But the wannabes are the guys you gotta watch out for, 'cause those are the guys... A real Italian Mafia guy would never probably hurt you unless you hurt them. But these wannabes will like try to prove something. So I, my father was, I guess, a real guy, and he, uh, and you know, I got thr- I, I, the principal on Tuesday, September 11th, 'cause again, I just hit somebody over the head with a chair, was like, "You're outta here, DeStefano. Get the fuck out." And then I'm like, "Wow, okay." So I go home, I get home, and I'm trying to call my mother, trying to call my mother. And dude, outside, a, a lot... See, the thing is like living in 9/11, like actually being in New York City there, it's like there was a lotta things that like didn't make the news. Like right away, like again, all-boy Catholic high school, mostly cops and fire in my school. Like the immediate like (laughs) racism that was completely displaced. I saw it, like when we left the school, there was a, a grocery store, uh, like where everyone would get their bagels and coffees and stuff in the morning. Indian, like Sikh Indian, you know, turbans.

    16. G(

      Mm-hmm.

    17. CD

      They th- uh, this kid threw a fucking garbage can right through their window, and was like yelling at them like, "You fucking did this. You're gonna pay for this." I was like, "Shut up, dude." This kid John, I was like, "You weigh 110 pounds, you have fucking psoriasis. Shut up, what are you gonna do?" You know? So but he th- I remember that, and I was like, "Wow, this, this is crazy, like what's happening." And then going home, trying to call my mother, trying to call my mother. Can't get in touch with her, can't get in touch with her. And then I'm just preparing. I called my aunt who lived, who worked in Brooklyn, and she's like every... My mom has four sisters.She's like, "Every one of your aunts, eh, everybody checked in with me, besides your mother. We don't know where she is." And I was like, "Oh, my God." So I get home, this is like 3:00 in the afternoon. I get home, I run up the stairs 'cause all I wanted to do was, like, go lay in my mom's bed and, like, smell her scent or just some... Like, I, I was, like, panicking and that's what I wanted to do. I was like, "If I can smell my mom, then she's there." Like, my senses... If, if I get the senses of her, she's here and I'll calm down. She'll calm me down. Even though in my- my brain's telling you she's dead, but just smell her. So I open

  7. 24:17 – 33:34

    His mother survives—then his father ‘handles’ the expulsion (the kneecap threat)

    1. CD

      the- my apartment door and she's standing there, right there, and I was like... And I thought it was a ghost, like I genuinely and my brain was like, "She's a ghost." I'm having, like, a vision and I went to go hug her thinking my- I was gonna hug through her, and then it was her. And I was like... And then she had blood all down her knees.

    2. NA

      (inhales deeply)

    3. CD

      And I was like, "Oh, my God," like, "What happened?" What... She was like, "I got out of the building, and then we walked across the Brooklyn Bridge, and then I got on a bus," she's like, "and I fell off the bus in Brooklyn." (laughs) I was like, "You escaped 9/11 and then you fall off the bus in Brooklyn?" She was like, "There was a pothole there." So she fall- she has blood- and I'm like... And then right away, I turned into that kid Jon. I was like, "I'm gonna fucking... I'm going to war for you, Mom." You know, like that-

    4. NA

      (inhales deeply)

    5. CD

      ... anger shit, you know? The winstrol anger, the D-ball anger. And so I didn't tell my mom though that I just crun- you know, that k- Frank might be dead, too. I didn't say that. And then Wednesday, all of school is closed, so, you know, I'm just thinking about, "Shit, what, h- what's gonna happen on Thursday if school opens?" All schools closed and, um, all New York City schools were closed, and then Thursday morning, I got a decision to make 'cause the principal had said I was kicked out. So I was like, "You know what? I'm just gonna walk, I'm just gonna go to school." So I go back to school and I try to walk in like nothing happened. I was like, "Maybe they forgot about that. It's a national tragedy." And then brother Rob is right there. He goes, "DeStefano, get the fuck outta here. You're still expelled." I was like, "All right. I mean, the country's at war now. I mean, my mother fell off the bus in Brooklyn, you're still gonna expel me?" And he was like, "You're expelled." I was like, "How's Frank?" He was like, "You're expelled." I was like, "Okay." So I'm like, "Shit." My mother's all upset, of course. She's still shaking from 9/11, uh, as many people were. I'm like, "I gotta call my dad." And again, my dad, great guy, my father, really great guy. But, you know, a street guy. Like, a Bronx real street guy. So I call my father from a pay phone and I'm like, "Dad, um, you know, I'm, I'm sorry, like, I let you down, but I... you know, on Tuesday, I was just worried about my mom and this kid started laughing at me. I was crying and I, I broke a chair over this kid Frank's head, and, and now they, they threw me out. They threw me out of school." And he goes, uh, he goes, "Did anybody see you do it?" I was like, "Yeah, I did it in front of the whole class." He was like, "Okay." He was like, um, "I'll be down there in about 30 minutes." I was like, "You live on..." He lives in Staten Island. You know, traffic to Queens at 9:30 in the morning would take, like, two hours to get there. Somehow he shows up in, like, 45 minutes w- I'll never forget, wearing, like, a New York Yankees batting practice jacket, like a s- like a Dunkin' Donuts coffee, huge, chain on, just ready to go. And he goes, um, "You do everything I tell you to do." I was like, "Okay."

    6. NA

      (inhales deeply)

    7. CD

      So we... You need a meeting with the principal, you know, of a school, especially any school. But we walk into the principal's office to the secretary, and the secretary, uh, is like, "Can I help you?" And my dad's like, "Yeah, I got a meeting with the principal." And she's like, "You're not on the list, sir." He goes, "I'm going in." And then he just opens his door, and the principal's on the phone and my dad goes, "Can I speak to you? Can we speak to you? I'm Chris's dad." And the principal's like, um, "You need a meeting, sir." And he goes, "And your son's expelled." And he goes, uh, "Okay." And then he hangs up the principal's phone. He just puts his fingers on the receiver and he goes, "You're not on the phone anymore, so we can have a conversation." And I was like, "Oh, my God." (laughs) So so true. So I'm just sitting there like, "Okay, this is bad." So my dad goes... Very calmly, my dad goes, "Listen." He goes, "My son allegedly hit somebody in the head with a chair." And brother's like, "It's not alleged. We saw it." He goes, "It's allegedly. You don't have cameras in here, do you?" And he was like, "What?" (laughs) He was like, "No, but there's witnesses and the kid's in the hospital." He goes, "I'll take care of the kid in the hospital. Don't worry about the kid in the hospital." He goes, "You can't throw my son out of school. You just can't do it." And then my brother Rob is like, "Uh, we have to throw your son out of school. He just hits- put somebody in a coma." And he goes, "No." He goes, "Listen, you're not gonna throw him out of school. It was a national tragedy. He got emotional. Don't worry about it." And he goes, "Don't throw him out of school." And brother sa- brother Rob says, "I'm throwing him out of school and there's nothing you can do." And then my dad rolls, like, a wad of hundreds at brother Rob and he goes, "Don't throw him out of school." And br- m- brother Rob goes, "You're gonna bribe a man of God?" And my dad goes, "I lost God September 21st, 1979." That's like a date that's, like, burned in my head. I'm like, "What the fuck? What does that date mean?" And then look back, he was in prison at that time, so I'm like, "I don't know what happened." Maybe there was a shower situation.

    8. NA

      (laughs)

    9. CD

      Maybe something went down. (laughs) I was like, "I'm not gonna ask my dad," but I was like, "September 21st, 1979." Wow, like he said that shit quick and with full eye contact, no blinks. I was like, "All right, Dad, you got... You should go to therapy." But whatever.

    10. NA

      (laughs)

    11. CD

      We're here now. (laughs) And, and so, so my dad says to brother Rob, he goes, "Listen." He goes, "Don't throw my son out of school, okay? There has to be another way. Let's talk like gentlemen. There has to be another way." And then he says to my father, he goes, "Sir, are you stupid or something? He's expelled from school." And then my dad looks at me and he looks at brother Rob and he goes, "Chris, did he, did he just call me stupid?" And I was like, "You know, uh, it- it sounded like it, Dad, but, you know, he's- he's a man of God, and I'm sorry." I was like, "No, no hablo, no hablo Ingles." And he goes, um, "Do me a favor, Chris. Lock the door." And I was like, "What?" He goes, "Just lock the door." And so I got up and locked the door. I didn't know, like, what else to do. I was like, "I'll..." I was like... I felt like, "I'm fucking gonna get hit here, too." Like my d- I've never seen my dad like this, just angry. So I get up, I lock the door and he goes-... "You really offended me with the words you've chose to callin- to call me," he goes, "it really hurt my feelings, actually." He goes, "So now you have two options." He goes, "The second option really sucks for you. I would choose the first." He goes, "The first option, just put my son back in school, okay? Easy-breezy, no problems asked, I'll sign whatever forms you want, he goes back to school." He goes, "The second option, and again, this one sucks for you..." He goes, "I'm gonna come over there and I'm gonna break both your kneecaps." And he goes, "You may think I heard that line in a movie." He goes, "I'm one of the guys they write the movies about." He goes, "I will..." (laughs) And this is funny. He goes, "I will call 911 right now." He goes, "I will give them my address, my Social Security number, whatever." He goes, "Because I'd rather go to prison for the rest of my life and be back with my friends, than you throw him out and me have to listen to his mother's fucking mouth for the rest of my life, that he got expelled from school." He goes, "So either way, I'm in jail. I'd rather be with my buddies. So the choice is yours." And then white as a ghost, brother Rob was like, (sighs) "Okay. Well, let's, let's put him back in school." And he goes, "Simple. Easy-breezy." He just kept saying easy-breezy to my dad. I was like, "Stop saying easy-breezy." (laughs) So he kept saying easy-breezy, and my dad... And he goes, uh, he goes, "What we'll do is, he gets detention before and after school, and he's thrown off the basketball team. Does that work for you?" And brother Rob was like, "That works for me." And I was like, "That doesn't fucking work for me. I wanna play ball, I don't wanna go to detention." And my dad's like, "No, you hit somebody, it's not good." He goes, "Who, I, I didn't raise you to be that way." I was like, "You just threatened to fucking kill somebody in front of me."

    12. JR

      (laughs)

    13. CD

      "What are you talking about?" (laughs) . And he goes, "I didn't raise you to be that way." And then that's what I did my senior year. Before and after school, every day, um, no basketball. And my father and brother Rob actually became like r- uh, friends at th- at graduation, they were shaking hands, friends, everything was all good. And it was one of those things where like, my dad, he's not that way anymore, but growing up, like, my dad was just that guy. He was like right intention, wrong move, is the best way I could describe my father. And now that I'm a father, I wanna take some stuff from him, but, you know, be more of the right intention, right move. 'Cause my dad, he genuinely was coming from a place of love when he was like, "I'm gonna hurt this principal 'cause they're hurting you." But obviously the wrong moves. But he just grew up in a time when it's like, you wanted to get something, you got violent. I'm very not violent. I'm like a very big pussy. Grew up around my mother, kind of anti that. Um, but, you know, the anxiety I think comes from that. The, the, the pan- the Pandora's box was, you know, my mother's a very nervous woman to begin with, the 9/11 thing happened, I thought she was dead, it opened up all these emotions to like, what, how will I navigate life if she is dead? And then my not being as tough as my father was like, well, how do I protect her? How do I protect any woman in my life? That was a thing that I started to, like, grasp with. And it wasn't until I had children, my first daughter, who's now seven, did I start to realize the narcissism in anxiety. And I, and, and I know that, you know, that might not be the same for everybody, but to me, I started attaching narcissism to anxiety. And I used to be proud of the, hey, I'm the anxiety guy.

    14. JR

      Hmm.

    15. CD

      I look like I don't have anxiety, but I have anxiety. But now when people bring up, "Oh, you have, you have a lot of anxiety," I almost hate that version of me. I, I'm almost like, that guy was very, very weak. And I'm still, you know, have a lot of work to do, but I did ata- I'm like, I can't have, uh, all this mental energy be eaten up by my self-serving narcissistic anxiety. If I'm gonna die, if that's gonna happen, I need to be like a present good dad, and I need to figure... I, I wanna have questions answered for my daughters, when and if they ask me to them, I wanna give them my full attention. So little by little, my anxiety's been going, been going down. I think it still will always be there, 'cause that Pandora's box thing was open. And I think a ce- uh, some-

  8. 33:34 – 37:26

    Anxiety patterns: attachment triggers, college basketball, and why stand-up feels safe

    1. JR

      Wait a minute, hold on. So there was no anxiety prior to September 11th?

    2. CD

      No.

    3. JR

      And then all of it came after that, and you've never let it go?

    4. CD

      Yeah. I ne- it got to the point where every woman that I was with, every girlfriend I ever had, if they, if I texted them and they said... You know, and th- and if I texted them and they didn't write back to me in 10 minutes, all that anxiety of September 11th would rush onto me and I couldn't get out of it. I- I played college basketball. It got so bad, to the point where I used to bring my phone out onto the bench. Like in my warmups, I would, like if the coach subbed me out of the game, I would run, make believe I'm going to get water, and I would rummage through the warmups and have my phone there to make sure my girlfriend at the time texted me she was home. And if she didn't, I couldn't function. I had a free throw average before when, when I didn't have a girlfriend, I almost had no anxiety, but when I did have girlfriends, insane anxiety. I'm the all-time or second all-time leading scorer now in my college's history. Division III, so it's like bullshit, doesn't really count, but still, it was like, I guess something. But, uh, I, the years when I had a girlfriend, my free throw percentage would be like 52%. The years when I didn't have a girlfriend, it was like 90%. So it com- And at that point mental health wasn't understood. My coach used to yell at me, be like, "Get, get your fucking phone off the bench," or they would fuck with me on the bus. They, 'cause they, my teammates started to figure out like, "Oh shit, Chris gets really nervous about his girlfriends." So they would text me sometimes, like from these random numbers or call me, like press the *67 to like block the number, and be like, "Hey," you know, it's, it's your girl... My girlfriend's Maria. They're like, "Hey Maria, uh, uh, I, uh, I'm, uh, I'm, I just saw your girlfriend Maria, I think she got hit by a car, I think she's dead, man." And like, they didn't understand at that point, they were just like trying to fuck with me, as we're 18, 19 year old guys.

    5. JR

      Yeah.

    6. CD

      But I was paralyzed, like on the floor, just got suicidal at times. Couldn't-

    7. JR

      Jesus Christ, dude.

    8. CD

      I couldn't talk to anybody about it, 'cause it just wasn't understood.

    9. JR

      So how did you work your way out of that?

    10. CD

      I think nature did, when I had my kids. Before I had my... I was 29 years old. I was, yeah, 20, uh, 30 when I, uh, no, 29 when I had my daughter. But at-... 28, I had the anxiety like of, that I had at 19. I couldn't get out of that.

    11. JR

      But, so how'd you get into stand-up comedy then? 'Cause I would imagine that that would give you a high level of anxiety too.

    12. CD

      Doing stand-up comedy is the only place, still to this day, where I feel almost zero anxiety.

    13. JR

      Really?

    14. CD

      No matter how good or bad the shows go, I almost feel zero.

    15. JR

      No matter how bad the shows go?

    16. CD

      Even if I'm bombing. Dude, you have to see. I did the Netflix Comedy Festival two weeks ago. I did a show for, um, with Amy Schumer. She was like, Amy Schumer And Friends, and I had to go out and do a seven-minute set. I fucking bombed. Like a full zero. Like, just an ab- at the end of the set, I was like, "I'm gonna kill myself." That's what I, and I just walked off. And I was like, "You know what?" Like (laughs) in the middle of it, I was like, "I don't, I, I just still feel like no anx-" Like, I knew I was bombing, you know, I feel the sweat and all that and, and I was like, "This is gonna-"

    17. JR

      So why are you saying that you wanted to kill yourself?

    18. CD

      Um, because I think that, you know, I didn't give the people a good show, so that's what it was k-

    19. JR

      That's not anxiety?

    20. CD

      I guess it is. I guess it is in some ways. Um, but it's not, like, for me, like, I wasn't like... My body, I'm saying, the symptoms of it, my heart wasn't beating any faster.

    21. JR

      I think you're right about it being narcissistic.

    22. CD

      Yeah.

    23. JR

      Yeah. I think you're thinking, I think that you nailed something when you said that. That there's something about anxiety that's narcissistic.

    24. CD

      Yeah.

    25. JR

      Like, you're thinking entirely about yourself. You're thinking entirely about your feelings.

    26. CD

      (smacks lips) Right. Yeah, I, um-

    27. JR

      There's a part of that, for sure, right?

    28. CD

      Yeah, and I didn't, I don't like the way that feels because m- and it's that and I think it's mental energy. I kinda feel like now, you know, I have s- I have a stepchild and then two daughters, stepson and two daughters, and I'm like, "I gotta give them almost... I, I only have a finite amount of energy each day now."

    29. JR

      Yeah.

    30. CD

      And I'm like, "I can't spend this thinking if I have, I'm gonna have a heart attack or if I'm-"

  9. 37:26 – 40:51

    Practical coping: meditation, consistency, lists, and ‘drill sergeant’ discipline

    1. JR

      Do, do you meditate? Do you do anything like that?

    2. CD

      I was meditating a lot. I was doing that transcendental meditation.

    3. JR

      Yeah.

    4. CD

      And then, like many things in my life, the consistency. I, I stopped. And then, and now, like, I tried to meditate today. And I just, not that I couldn't do it, but I'm like, I almost feel like I'm so, um, jittery at times. Like, you know, like, um, about like, not jittery, angry at myself about my lack of consistency.

    5. JR

      Yeah.

    6. CD

      That it takes me out of... I get angry at myself now more than anxious about things. I'm getting mad at myself for not-

    7. JR

      This sounds like more narcissism. Uh, yeah. Just write a list, man. If you wanna do something, like d- this is, sounds very simple, and I know it's not that simple. But do one thing, just one thing.

    8. CD

      Okay.

    9. JR

      Write a list of what you have to do and then do what's on that list.

    10. CD

      You mean like each day?

    11. JR

      Yeah, you have to. You have to.

    12. CD

      You write a list every day?

    13. JR

      I don't have to.

    14. CD

      Right.

    15. JR

      'Cause I just do it.

    16. CD

      Right.

    17. JR

      But if I needed to, I'd write a list.

    18. CD

      Right.

    19. JR

      If I ever feel like I'm inconsistent, I'll write a list.

    20. CD

      Okay. That's a good idea.

    21. JR

      But I just, I know what I have to do and I just do it. But I used to write a list.

    22. CD

      Okay.

    23. JR

      I used to write a list. Like, I used to write, like write down, go to the gym for 90 minutes, write for two hours, do this, do that.

    24. CD

      Mm-hmm.

    25. JR

      You know, uh, do two sets a night, do this, do that. Whatever I was gonna do that I needed to do, go to jujitsu at 8:00 PM. Whatever the fuck it was that I had to do, I would write it down and I would do it. And once I started just doing it automatically and then there's that feeling of being inconsistent, of like, I don't wanna do this.

    26. CD

      Mm-hmm.

    27. JR

      Just fucking do it. I have two voices in my head. I have me and then I have like, the drill sergeant.

    28. CD

      Okay.

    29. JR

      And I listen to the drill sergeant.

    30. CD

      Okay.

  10. 40:51 – 48:36

    Psychedelics curiosity, weed-edible disaster, and Rogan’s caution on psychotic breaks

    1. CD

      Yeah, and, and, and at times the, the change is, is difficult for me. But I'm, and I don't know if, if this is gonna, I don't wanna say fix it, but help, but for I, a g- very conservative Irish Catholic mother, listens to the government. What the priest says is the thing we do. What the president says is the thing we do. Alcohol is okay 'cause it's legal. Weed is not okay because it's illegal. Like, that's how I was raised for a very long time. So for, you know, in, uh, psychedelics and all those things, I'm very, very late to the game with even thinking I could do that. I wa- 'cause I was always told, "If you try any drug, it's gonna mess with your heart. You're gonna..." Uh, this is how I was raised. I wasn't raised with free-thinking parents, so, so to speak. So, but now, I've, I watched, um-... explained about, uh, on Netflix about psilocybin, and they talked about how it can rewire y- like, you know, if your brain is like a, you know, snow that is being skied on. It has the tracks-

    2. JR

      Yeah.

    3. CD

      ... that go a certain way, and then psilocybin's like the new snow. I was like, "I think I need that at this point to be a better..." Everything in my life tries to revolve around being a father now.

    4. JR

      Have you done it?

    5. CD

      No, I've never done any psychedelics, but I'm-

    6. JR

      Damn, I wish that we had some right now.

    7. CD

      Yeah. I would do it right now-

    8. JR

      Give me some right now.

    9. CD

      ... because I've never tried it.

    10. JR

      Do we have any in here?

    11. NA

      My gosh.

    12. JR

      What's that?

    13. NA

      I can get it to you pretty quickly.

    14. JR

      Yeah.

    15. NA

      I don't know if there's anything here, but... (knocking on table)

    16. JR

      Do you smoke weed?

    17. CD

      Very little, but I'm open to it all now.

    18. JR

      Open to it all.

    19. CD

      I was.

    20. JR

      Very little.

    21. CD

      I wasn't a- I wasn't... Uh, uh, o- only very little-

    22. JR

      You kn-

    23. CD

      ... 'cause I don't even know where to get it. I don't kn-

    24. JR

      I can get it.

    25. CD

      Yeah.

    26. JR

      What happens when you smoke weed?

    27. CD

      Um, (sighs) I did take an edible once, and then I went to a New York Islanders game, and that was probably stupid because... Well-

    28. JR

      Yeah.

    29. CD

      ... what happened was is I was with Opie from the Opie & Anthony Show, and, and, and Sharrod Small. Shout out Sharrod Smalls. He gave me a, um, a, uh, a chocolate bar with weed, but didn't tell me the instructions that you just need-

    30. JR

      Mm.

  11. 48:36 – 51:46

    Masculinity, ‘are you gay?’ jokes, and how environment polices curiosity

    1. CD

      ... just thinks I'm gay.

    2. JR

      Does he?

    3. CD

      She.

    4. JR

      She?

    5. CD

      He.

    6. JR

      Guy or girl?

    7. CD

      Yeah.

    8. JR

      He thinks you're gay?

    9. CD

      Well, I had one therapist be like, "I think you might be gay."

    10. JR

      Really?

    11. CD

      I was like, "Really?" And I was like... But then every gay guy I speak to and every woman's like, "No, you're not gay. You just, you're just int-"

    12. JR

      Well, it's really simple. Are you attracted to men?

    13. CD

      I would say I fall in love with men, I have sex with women. That's how I describe myself. (snaps fingers)

    14. JR

      And that... How does that work?

    15. CD

      Like, we can have a really good conversation. I'm not physically attracted to you guys, but we can have a really good conversation and then I would wanna go have sex with a woman.

    16. JR

      Hmm. So, you just... Well, I bet it's probably has to do with not being around a man when you were growing up.

    17. CD

      Yeah.

    18. JR

      You know, that's a... (sighs) Unfortunately, it's a problem with women too. Like, uh, you know, we need balance in our lives, right? And men that grow up without moms oftentimes are very cruel and don't understand women, you know? And women that grow up without men in their lives oftentimes long for male companionship.

    19. CD

      Right.

    20. JR

      And men who grow up without men in their lives, it's the same thing. It's like we need... I mean, obviously these are gross generalizations, and sometimes people grow up with a single parent and they're fine, but oftentimes, this imbalance by only having one, you know, gender in your life that's, you know, running the show, dependent upon their own personal personalities and anxieties and all their other things, can, uh, set you off on a course of, like, you need something that's not addressed when you're young.

    21. CD

      Right. I also grew up in a neighborhood where it's like if you were into learning, or pretty much if you were into anything other than sports or cars, you were gay.

    22. JR

      Yeah.

    23. CD

      Like, that's... You know, like, I rememb- I know every state capital. When my mother would get mad at me and I'd get punished, she would lock me in my room from the outside, which is kinda crazy now that, now that I think back. But she would make me just recite the state capitals or read about history or read from an encyclopedia and, I mean, sometimes it'd be like two hours and I would, you know, like, stop reading the encyclopedia, 'cause I'm like, "There's no way this lady's still listening," and then like two seconds go by and she would be like, (imitates someone else) "Continue, Christopher." And I would have to, like, just keep reading. So, I know all these state capitals and all these facts and it's like... You know, uh, I got a friend, Antonio Parise, who, like, did, like, 15 years in prison for my neighborhood, it's like I couldn't tell him, like, "Oh, I, I know that the brown signs in the neighborhood are designated for historical blocks and you can't mess with the facades 'cause they were built by German architects," and he'd fucking be like, "What are you?" They would be like, "What are you, gay?"

    24. JR

      Mm.

    25. CD

      "Did you learn that from the guy you were fucking?" It's like, pfft, "No, I didn't."

    26. JR

      That's- So, it's... It is so weird how stupidity-

    27. CD

      Yeah.

    28. JR

      ... can be regional. Like-

    29. CD

      Yeah. Regional stupidity, that's good, good.

    30. JR

      Yeah.

  12. 51:46 – 1:04:01

    Staten Island, mob ‘safety,’ true-crime prisons stories, and society’s violence under stress

    1. CD

      Yeah, I think, um, I think, uh, you know, gr- uh, environment too, like, I'm on Staten Island now. It's an interesting thing that's happening is, like, the prevalence of the Italian mafia is starting to come back-

    2. JR

      Really?

    3. CD

      ... a little bit. Yeah, because-

    4. JR

      'Cause there's no more cops.

    5. CD

      Exactly. And, and because of COVID, the jail's overcrowding, they're starting to let people out. Like, I've seen more mafia guys, like getting, like coming home from prison, like, being like, "Oh, you know, Vinnie's fucking back. Nails is back." You know, like balloons and stuff, and just like full holding court, smoking cigars, like, like what you would see like in the '80s, like mobsters coming back, which in a weird way kind of makes me feel safer. Like, it makes me feel a little bit like, like somebody was robbing cars on the block that I live on, or trying to rob cars. And a guy, I don't really know him, uh, I guess just got outta jail, and, you know, there was like a group text that I just became a, a part of. But the numbers I didn't even know. And one of... They were talking about as parents, like, you know, the cops don't get up here. I live on top of a hill now and they're like, "The cops don't get up here so quickly," and with the NYPD being like, you know, having some manpower issues, like, gonna have to police this area ourselves a little bit. And one guy wrote back, he was like, "I just feel bad for these kids 'cause if they break into my house or my neighbor's house, I'm gonna shoot them and kill them, and I, I feel no remorse."... and he was, like, on the group chat being like, "That makes me sad I don't feel bad for them," and I was like, "Well, who the fuck is this guy?" And then I asked one of my neighbors, he's like, "I think that's the guy that just got (laughs) outta jail for 20 years, who was, like, some ex-mobster." 'Cause the p- the Italian mafia guys, th- the ones that do still exist, they mostly live on Staten Island-

    6. JR

      Hmm.

    7. CD

      ... where I live. So, you see 'em, you feel 'em a little bit, and it's, it's this interesting, like, safety... Like, I don't want anyone to get hurt. I feel like, you know, the, 18, 19-year-old kids stealing cars. I mean, y- you know, yeah, you go to jail for that, but I don't want somebody to lose their life. But, uh, I don't think these kids understand if they break into one of those houses around me, these guys, they all have guns. They all have probably killed somebody before in their life. They don't care.

    8. JR

      Yeah.

    9. CD

      And I think about that, too, as my kids... I'm like, "Do you know how many near-death situations I was in, I'm sure you were in, Jami was in, when we were children, that we just somehow survived?" As a father now, sometimes I think about that, where I'm like, "Fuck, all these, all these near-death situations my kids may or may not be in." But then, I have to tell myself again, "That's bad, Wolf, stuff. Stay in the present. Your kids are fine now. They're little. Everything's good. Don't worry about stuff that hasn't happened yet." But I struggle with it in my head.

    10. JR

      Yeah, do you, um, do you have anything that you do that makes you feel better? Is there any activity that you do that, that sort of calms that down?

    11. CD

      Uh, walking. I like to go-

    12. JR

      Walking.

    13. CD

      ... walking and-

    14. JR

      So, exercise?

    15. CD

      Uh, yeah. Well, interesting, uh, if I go extremely hard in the gym, it actually doesn't make me feel better 'cause I'm always like, "Oh, you should be stronger." Like, "Your squat should be better." Like, that, it's, it's counterintuitive at times. Just walk-

    16. JR

      What about cardio?

    17. CD

      Cardio helps. S- specifically, cardio. I, I like to go... I'll go and drive. I love history, especially American Revolutionary history. I love the Revolutionary War and the Civil War. But in... I really love Colonial, the idea of Colonial America. I almost feel like... I know this is weird to say, but I almost feel like I live there. Like, I almost feel like my soul s- it's, like, r- weirdly connected to it, like, very strange, where I'm like, "I feel like I had a past life." If that exists, like, I feel like I was in that part of the world, but, um... part of history. But when I go search for history stuff and start reading about history stuff and going for walks... Like, there's a place in Staten Island called Fort Wadsworth, which is where the British troops first made l- landfall in... when they were gonna, you know, go take over, try to take, you know, America back. That's where they landed. So, it's, like, so much history there, and I feel, like, this insane sense of calmness when I'm there. Like, all that stuff that's like, you know, when the therapist tells you, "Oh, if it starts with a what if, that's anxiety. Get it outta your head. If it's not gonna matter in five months, don't give it more than five minutes." All these things that I try to remember daily, that sometimes escape my brain, I have so much clarity when I'm sitting around Colonial history sites, which is s-... Like, I... There's been times where I've drove to, like, Colonial Williamsburg, which is nine hours away from my house, just to calm down, you know? Um, t-

    18. JR

      Calm. Th- that's interesting that it would make you calm. So, do you have family that lived here back then?

    19. CD

      No.

    20. JR

      Is there anyone in your ancestry, th- if you could trace it back to, like... What, when, what year did your family get to America?

    21. CD

      No. So this whole li- my whole life, I thought that... You know, my name's Chris Distefano. I thought I was an Italian guy, you know, like, mostly Italian American. I knew my mother was Irish. She has red hair. And I thought my dad was, you know, hardcore Italian, and then I did the Ancestry.com, and I found out I'm 95% German. So, like, almost all German. And I was like, "Wow." That's weird too, because first of all, when I went to Germany, I went there, uh, to, to Munich, to Oktoberfest. People were just talking to me in German, and I had to be like, "I don't speak any German." And then, they'd say in English, "You're not German?" And they w- uh, and one guy was like, "I usually know when they're not... you know, when, when someone's an American." He's like, "You look really German." And I never knew.

    22. JR

      Wait, your dad thought he was Italian?

    23. CD

      Yeah, he thought, and then he was like, "I don't know."

    24. JR

      Did he get his shit done?

    25. CD

      No, he won't do any of that stuff. He's like, "No." And then, my aunt is all about it, and my aunt is like, um, my dad's sister, she's like, "Yeah, w- we, we're kinda..." She was like, "I'm starting to piece together pieces of, you know, my father's life, my mother's life," and it's a lot of German ancestry, which is, which is wild because... So, I don't think I've... anybody in my family was here for Colonial America.

    26. JR

      So, do you... But what year did your grandparent... Did your grandparents immigrate here? Like, who i- who immigrated here?

    27. CD

      My cr- um, yeah, my mother's, uh, my, my mother's side came, um, in, I think, the early 1900s. And then, my father's side, I think they came, like, in the '40s.

    28. JR

      Hmm.

    29. CD

      So, but my-

    30. JR

      So, it's all third generation?

Episode duration: 3:35:23

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