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The Joe Rogan ExperienceThe Joe Rogan Experience

Joe Rogan Experience #1825 - Ali Siddiq

Ali Siddiq is a stand-up comedian, writer, and community advocate. His new comedy special, "The Domino Effect," is now available on YouTube. https://www.alisiddiq.com/

Ali SiddiqguestJoe Roganhost
Jun 27, 20243h 5mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:00 – 1:11

    Cigars, Cuban mystique, and tasting what you actually like

    1. NA

      (drumming music plays) Joe Rogan podcast. Check it out.

    2. The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night. All day. (rock music plays)

    3. AS

      Uh, Padrons are the cigar of choice on A Short Storie. (swallows) And smoking cigars with DL so much, I know a good cigar. Oliver-

    4. JR

      Mm.

    5. AS

      ... is a good cigar.

    6. JR

      Yeah, this is solid. I've had Cuban cigars and I know they're supposed to be better, and I believe they're good, but I do not know if they're better. I can't tell. You could lie to me and give me a-

    7. AS

      (laughs)

    8. JR

      ... you know, you could give me a good Dominican cigar-

    9. AS

      Yeah.

    10. JR

      ... and I'd be like, "Damn, Cuban, nice." I don't know.

    11. AS

      You know what you like when you like it, you know?

    12. JR

      Yeah.

    13. AS

      Like, I like ... I drink Cabernet and you know how they come to the table and they tell you, "This valley and this and this is from this."

    14. JR

      Yeah.

    15. AS

      And I just say, "Eh, nine ounce." And then- (laughs)

    16. JR

      (laughs)

    17. AS

      And if I like it, I like it, you know?

    18. JR

      Yeah.

    19. AS

      But, you know, other than that...

  2. 1:11 – 3:19

    The 'Sour Grapes' wine con: fake labels, blended bottles, real money

    1. JR

      Uh, there was a documentary of ... Talked about this before, but there's a documentary called Sour Grapes and, uh, it's all about wine connoisseurs getting hustled by this dude who figured out how to mix wine to make it taste like old wine, and he put fake labels on them and he sold them for hundreds of thousands of dollars. Millions of dollars worth of wine, this guy sold. Like bottles for a couple $100,000. And, uh, unfortunately he sold a fake bottle to the Koch brothers.

    2. AS

      Oh.

    3. JR

      And one of the Koch brothers ... Someone was, like, going through their collection going, "What the fuck is this?" And he's like, "Oh, that's a ruh ruh ruh." And like, they're like, "No it's not," and then the next thing you know it, he gets his, uh, uh, wine examined and they're like, "Bro, you're, you, you have a bunch of fake wine in here." And then they find out this one dude had been making these fake labels and, and blending these cheaper wines together to try to create a taste that's similar-

    4. AS

      Mm.

    5. JR

      ... to real expensive wine.

    6. AS

      That's ridiculous that, that ... Everything that he went through, he could've just made a wine.

    7. JR

      You'd think so, but he made millions. Millions and millions and millions of dollars.

    8. AS

      To hustle people.

    9. JR

      But he's, he come from a criminal family.

    10. AS

      Mm.

    11. JR

      Like, when they, they went into the whole family of it, like, the family ... One of the brothers had, uh, stolen a bunch of money out of a bank and like, uh, like hundreds of millions of dollars, right? Wasn't it like some insane amount of money? Do you remember that part? And, you know, he's on the run. He's hiding somewhere and like, the ... So it's like the whole family's been con artists their whole life.

    12. AS

      (laughs)

    13. JR

      And this guy just figured out a way to get in with these wine people, 'cause the way he did it was pretty genius. First he went and started going to auctions and buying up really expensive wine. So he became known in the wine community as this guy, like, "Oh, he knows, he knows the wines. He knows." And then he said, "I'm gonna get rid of some of my wines, you know. I don't need ... I have too much wine, nowhere to store it. So I'm gonna sell some of my choice wines to, like, Sotheby's." So they would auction off some of his choice wines and then the winery found out and the winery's like, "We never made that label on that year."

    14. AS

      (laughs)

    15. JR

      Like, "This is all fake." It's wild though, dude.

  3. 3:19 – 8:40

    Exclusivity culture: fake sneakers, chain-of-custody, and first-class illusions

    1. AS

      Yeah.

    2. JR

      'Cause the thing, it's like people want exclusive shit. "Ah, Cuban cigars. Ah."

    3. AS

      With, with sneakers, they find out some people are selling fake sneakers.

    4. JR

      That makes sense.

    5. AS

      It's like-

    6. JR

      Yeah.

    7. AS

      ... I don't know. You can, you can make a sneaker, so...

    8. JR

      Yeah, it's leather. I mean, once you get past the printing of the soles, everything else seems like you could kind of do.

    9. AS

      The only way that you can make a shoe exclusive, and this, and this would be just utterly ridiculous, if your shoe was tried ... Was, was put on the foot of the person that's buying it. Like-

    10. JR

      Right, formed.

    11. AS

      Yeah. Like Ken Griffith Jr stepped in your shoe, or at least tried to put it on, held it in his hand, and then they sold it to you, and that's exclusive. 'Cause he, he, he dealt with the shoe. Like, "All these Ken Griffiths over here are regular Ken Griffiths, but these are handheld-

    12. JR

      Right.

    13. AS

      ... Ken Griffith Jr sneakers."

    14. JR

      And you would have to have, like, chain of custody.

    15. AS

      Where he-

    16. JR

      From Ken to you.

    17. AS

      Where you see him. Where you see-

    18. JR

      Yeah.

    19. AS

      Where it's a photo of him with your ... A video of him-

    20. JR

      Yeah, video.

    21. AS

      ... touching your shoe, putting it in the box, and then it's coming to you.

    22. JR

      And maybe, like, signing his name on the inside lip. Right? On the tongue, just a little bit.

    23. AS

      N- Not ... I wouldn't e- I wouldn't even tell them what it was. It would be something like they know when your shoe is authentic w- that you don't even know that it has. Like, "But you know this is an authentic shoe, you got paperwork on it," "But what makes it authentic?" "I don't know. Let me see your shoe." And then they turn around-

    24. JR

      (laughs)

    25. AS

      ... and they put some light on it and they're like, "Nope. Nope. Don't have it." (laughs)

    26. JR

      Oh.

    27. AS

      Like, then yes. 'Cause people ... I don't- I don't know. I don't know. It's like, what is exclus- what is exclusive? Like, if you're sitting first class on a plane, are you really getting anything other than-

    28. JR

      Getting a bigger seat.

    29. AS

      Eh.

    30. JR

      But you're paying sometimes, like, way more. Like, what is it? A coach seat can be 400, a first class might be 2,000.

  4. 8:40 – 10:27

    Pay-to-play status symbols: Walk of Fame stars, fake Rolexes, and 3D-printed perfection

    1. JR

      It's like Hollywood Walk of Fame, like the star, you could get a star. You just have to pay for it and have someone set it up. Like, there's a lot of people that have stars that are just, you never heard of them before. They just paid for it.

    2. AS

      (laughs) Like, the dude is walking by.

    3. JR

      Yeah.

    4. AS

      "Who is Rudy Jackson?" (laughs)

    5. JR

      Exactly. Exactly. It's not a joke.

    6. AS

      Like, "Who the, but what did he do?" And he, and he like right by the Starbucks. You just... (laughs)

    7. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    8. AS

      And he's like... Yeah, walk, walk down Hollywood Boulevard.

    9. JR

      And then you find out that the homeless person down the way is Rudy Jackson. You're like... (laughs)

    10. AS

      (laughs) "I used to be great, man." And then back. (laughs) The fuck you doing? Back in the day I was Samuel L. Jackson's stunt double.

    11. JR

      Exclusivity is a thing, man. It's like, people pay for fake exclusivity. There was this, uh, bust. They, they busted, uh, they said it was $10 million worth of fake Rolexes. And I'm like, "Well, if they're fake, w- how... Uh, well, they should be worth nothing."

    12. AS

      (laughs)

    13. JR

      Right?

    14. AS

      Like, "What you, are you busting me for trying?"

    15. JR

      Right? (laughs)

    16. AS

      (laughs)

    17. JR

      That's it. That's-

    18. AS

      I'm the real loser here, sir.

    19. JR

      The thing about a fake Rolex is, though, they can make a fake Rolex exactly like a real Rolex. Exactly. 'Cause they use 3D printing. So what they do is they'll take a model, like a, they'll do a computer model of every single part in a Rolex. They'll take it apart and then they make an, a duplicate version of it. Every part. Everything. Every screw, every little wheel, every little mechanical piece inside that moves. And then they put it all together. "Yeah, this is it right here." "U.S. Customs and Border Protection said it seized 460 counterfeit Rolexes shipped to the U.S. from Hong Kong." You won't even be able to tell the difference, man. First of all, my eyesight sucks anyway. 'Cause I'm, I can't like, I have to put reading glasses on.

  5. 10:27 – 12:25

    Wish lists, double standards, and the OnlyFans economy

    1. AS

      So there's a Rolex that I'm looking for that they say that's, um, that people, is hard to find. It's the silver one with the green face. It's a Oyster 41. If anybody in Hong Kong make one-

    2. JR

      (laughs)

    3. AS

      ... making one of them, just so, you know? And shit and talk until I get the, the one I want. I'm like, you know, I be hearing, I be hearing about, um, women getting gifted things that's on their wish list.

    4. JR

      Oh, yeah.

    5. AS

      I'm like, "That shit never..." If I put a wish list together-

    6. JR

      (laughs)

    7. AS

      ... they would be like, "You fucking bum."

    8. JR

      (laughs)

    9. AS

      "You're a fucking beggar, Ali." Like, like-

    10. JR

      Women can do it.

    11. AS

      It's w- it's, and they always complaining about instant. Not always, but sometimes they complain about, "I'm, we, it's just, it's a double standard." It fucking is.

    12. JR

      Of course it is.

    13. AS

      If, if I go on the internet and put on a halter top and, with a, and, and, and put a wet T-shirt, a wet halter top on, and then, and, and, and put it right up underneath my, my, my chest, I get no money. I matter fact-

    14. JR

      (laughs)

    15. AS

      ... I get complaints of people, "Hey, I need $10 for the, for the shit you put on the internet." (laughs)

    16. JR

      (laughs)

    17. AS

      I fucking got people requesting money from me. But you do it. Let a woman put on a wet halter top right beneath her breasts, I g- and just put on there, "Donate," I guarantee you could be a millionaire.

    18. JR

      For sure.

    19. AS

      Easily.

    20. JR

      There was a woman who was working for a friend of mine. She was just, uh, in production of his podcast, and she would take photos of her feet and put her feet on OnlyFans and she was making $100,000 a month showing her feet.

    21. AS

      The, the, the lady who does my feet-... has taken videos of my feet, and I've seen 'em on her vi- on her page of other Korean ladies laughing.

    22. JR

      (laughs)

    23. AS

      (laughs) "Look at the toe, look at that baby toe, I think it's work." (laughs)

    24. JR

      (laughs)

    25. AS

      Like-

  6. 12:25 – 16:02

    Converting tough guys to self-care: Hokas, plantar fasciitis, and the ‘deluxe’ pedicure

    1. JR

      You get your toes done? You get, like, pedicure?

    2. AS

      Hell yeah, I go get a pedicure.

    3. JR

      Ah. (laughs)

    4. AS

      Like, yo, I, um, I took, I took one of the toughest dudes... Like, I always take some hood dude to something that they deem as some non-manly shit. And I'm like, "Yo, listen, my man." My man, Papa Doc, he said his feet has been hurting. I said, "Yo, listen, you gotta get you a pair of Hokas." You know what I'm saying? He, so he went and got them. Talking about, "Yo, I feel like I'm walking on fucking pillows." I'm like, "Hokas is the shit."

    5. JR

      Hoka, like running shoes?

    6. AS

      Yeah.

    7. JR

      Yeah, they're great.

    8. AS

      Oh, my goodness, great.

    9. JR

      Yeah.

    10. AS

      The best shoe ever made. So I said, "Man..." He got plantar fasciitis. And I said, "Man, you gotta get your feet done. That's a part of mental health, healthcare, you know, doing, getting your feet..." He's like, "Man, I ain't fucking with it. I'm scared. I'm not doing it. I don't know why. And I'm ticklish. I don't want nobody touching my goddamn feet." (laughs) I'm like, "I'ma go with you." And he's like, "I don't give a shit who go. I'm not fucking with it." I'm like, "Listen, I got you. I'm gonna go with you. I'ma take you to my place." And he said, "Aight." And I said, "Listen, before we get in here, I'm, we getting the deluxe. We getting the highest package. The lady gonna put all type of shit on your feet. Mayonnaise, cucumbers." (laughs) "All type of buttermilk. She gonna boil the motherfuckers in acid. She gonna do everything to your feet. Trust me." Tough, one of the toughest dudes. I'm like, I've had situations I've called him and he showed up with no problem. Like, "Yo, what's up? I'm killing everybody." (laughs) But (laughs) but the, the... You would think that I was taking him to the electric chair. (laughs) I'm like, "Yo, man, are you gonna come in the place or not?" "Nah, I ain't fucking with it." He look, he looking in there like it's a setup, like it's a mob hit. Like, "Who all in there?" Man, listen. Elderly people come in here, women come in here. Women feet be fucked up, you know what I'm saying? El- listen. So he sits down, takes his shoes off, and as soon as he put his feet in the water, I'm talking to him the whole time, just trying to get his mind off of it. And he's like, "Man, fucking water on." The water bubbling. He's like... I see him easing up. Then she comes out with this tray of all sorts of fruit and oranges, put them on his legs. He's like, "Man, what type of fucking fruit salad shit is this?" (laughs) Right when he getting the cucumber rub between his toes and all that, he look over at me as he's drinking, 'cause they bring you drinks. I'm having a mimosa, he having an orange juice, because he talking about, "I gotta stay on my toes. I don't give a fuck." Going, "You can't stay on your toes in here, man. Your toes in the water." (laughs) Man, this, this-

    11. JR

      He's on high alert.

    12. AS

      This whole experience is not... You, you're supposed to be relaxing. The lady come in and she, she, um, put his ma- his massage chair on, and he... (laughs) You can see it, you can see him easing up on it. Before I know it, he in there asleep. (laughs) Lady doing everything to his feet, just got... She sawing them, she taking off his toes, she doing everything. She... I'm talking about, the lady took his feet off and just took him to the back with her. She was like, "Yo, it was a lot of shit going on." (laughs) She went... He walked out. He walking out, he, and he turns to me and said, "Man, goddamn. Oh, that shit was amazing, man. Got me some new feet." (laughs) That's, that's when he-

    13. JR

      You converted him.

    14. AS

      (laughs) Yeah. I'm like, "He'll be back without me. He will, he'll be back in there without me."

    15. JR

      Yeah.

    16. AS

      He know where to go.

  7. 16:02 – 17:33

    Solo movies, snack overload, and always having an exit plan

    1. JR

      Yeah, but maybe. Sometimes it's hard. It's like going to the movies by yourself. It's a big leap.

    2. AS

      Is it?

    3. JR

      Some people.

    4. AS

      Man, I can go to the movies by myself in a heartbeat.

    5. JR

      But you're a comic and you go on the road. When you go on the road, especially if you got an annoying opening act.

    6. AS

      Oh.

    7. JR

      You know? If you go... (laughs) Like, if you go on the road and you're going to Cincinnati and you've never been to Cincinnati before, and they got a local guy opening for you and he's annoying, you know, and you wake up and it's 11:00 AM. You're like, "Fuck, what am I gonna do today? I'll go to the gym. No one's playing in the movies. Fuck it, I'm gonna go to the movies by myself."

    8. AS

      And I, and I commandeer both seats on the side of me with, with vittles. (laughs) I'm eating... Because I, if I'm going to the movies, this is not a healthy experience. (laughs) No. I'm eating all the bullshit- Yeah. ... that's in there. I want- Sour Patch Kids. I, Sour Patch Kids. I want the Twizzlers. I want a, a... And this is the only time I eat a box of fucking Thin Mints, the, them Junior Mints. Mm. I eat a box of them shits in (laughs) in the course of the movie, with nachos. I need my nachos with jalapenos. I need my popcorn with jalapenos. I put jalapenos in my popcorn. Ah, man, I just... I'm just gonna have so much bad shit. And I need it in both chairs. And I'ma sit back and I'ma watch. And, and I, and I be on high alert too in the movies sometimes, but most of the time I'm just in there relaxing. And I already have an exit plan though. Somebody coming in with some bullshit, I got a, I got a exit plan.

  8. 17:33 – 22:56

    Uvalde and failures of response: prevention, funding priorities, and deterrence limits

    1. JR

      This fucking kid shooting yesterday-

    2. AS

      Mm.

    3. JR

      ... is just... That's when you, when you think about exit plan. Like, people always want to think, you know, "What would I do? What would I do if something happened like that?" Like this, uh, elementary school shooting.

    4. AS

      Mm-hmm.

    5. JR

      This elementary school, it's, the more I'm reading about it, the more fucked it is. They saw him go in. The cops didn't stop them. They didn't go in after him. He was in there for 40 minutes. For 40 minutes, the parents are outside. There's video of the parents screaming at the cops, trying to get the cops to go in. Finally, border patrol gets there. Border patrol goes in and they kill them.

    6. AS

      ... I talked about it the day of, because it, it was, um, I'm on the radio in, in Houston, and it said, comes across shooting on Uvalde, is what it said. So immediately, we start trying to correct people because in Houston, we have a street, Uvalde. And that's what people heard, so we went in correcting it, and it's in Uvalde, Texas. And w- I- I'm, the first thing, I'm like, the s- who, who, who went to the school? Like, and why? And why are we still in this same position over and over again when we... The level of concern that we have for children is really lackluster in this country, because why does this continue to happen? And why is it no security? Why is it... why was he able to even get in the school if you looking at him and you know he doesn't go in? You d- you don't want to stop him to even ask a question? I, I'm confused of why people with these issues go to the most, like what... and it's like, why this place? Why-

    7. JR

      'Cause it's horrific.

    8. AS

      Like-

    9. JR

      They do it because it's the worst thing you can do. They're shooting little kids. They're going to an elementary school kid. The, you're getting like eight-year-olds, 10-year-olds.

    10. AS

      And-

    11. JR

      It's the most horrific thing. The most innocent.

    12. AS

      And we know that this, this, we know that this is a possibility, right? And we know that this has happened, so why don't law makers make the law allow it to be if you commit this horrific crime, if you, i- if you go any... The consequence is so dire that we, that this is the kind, this is a, like you get beheaded. This is the, once again, this is back off to like a, a-

    13. JR

      Yeah, but these guys wanna die.

    14. AS

      Like-

    15. JR

      That's a death sentence. They know, like if that guy's in there for 40 minutes, he's not trying to live. He's waiting for someone to come in and kill him. That's a lot of these guys, it's a suicide ru- m- run.

    16. AS

      I think some of, I think some of them feel like they gonna live and somebody gonna make a movie about 'em. I think that, that you, you, you-

    17. JR

      Maybe. Yeah.

    18. AS

      ... because if... I would kill you pro- before you even got in. You, you walking up is gonna be a problem 'cause you, you, soon as you walking up to the school, it's gonna be s- it's gonna be some resistance because they know that you're not... there's no resistance to these, to these places.

    19. JR

      Yeah.

    20. AS

      So, you... we have to put up some walls of safety when we know that these things happen in this country and people's mental health, and peop- I'm not even blaming it on mental health, a lot of these things. It's, it's, it's this desire of sensationalism that these, that a lot of these people have.

    21. JR

      Yeah.

    22. AS

      And, and, and, and you should combat it at all angles of it prior to it hap- protection is preventive.

    23. JR

      Yeah. Well, somebody pointed out, and it's a good point, how do we have $40 billion to send to Ukraine and we don't have $40 billion to protect the schools?

    24. AS

      Ok- exactly.

    25. JR

      How do we... wh- where's the money getting allocated? But I've, uh, I've said this about every single problem they have in this country. Every time there's like a report on the shootings in Chicago, I'm like, "How do we have money to send to other countries when we don't have enough money to fix whatever's going on in the south side of Chicago or Baltimore or"

    26. AS

      How's it po-

    27. JR

      "parts of Detroit?"

    28. AS

      If we have f- if we have this money, how does it, how is it poverty-

    29. JR

      Right.

    30. AS

      ... and this, uh-

  9. 22:56 – 29:16

    Fixing society at home: homelessness plan, healthcare, and investing in people

    1. AS

      How do I have a p- I have a plan to eradicate homelessness, but the smartest people in this, in this world don't have a plan?

    2. JR

      What's your plan?

    3. AS

      Simple. So you ha- in most, in most cities, you have these abandoned buildings. You have a lot of abandoned buildings. You go in, you refurbish this building, and you start people right at the top. And it's a tier system that as you, you tier out the door. So whatever your situation is, whether it's mental health, you get that fixed there. Whether it's financial literacy, you get that fixed there. Whatever your situation is, you get fixed in this building, that this is what this ro- this recovery center is for. Then you put, you put them in jobs in, within the, within the building because it's f- it's gra- it's ran by grants. Within the building to, to heighten the skills that they already have and you, and you ask these people what are their interests? What do they want to be? What were you before this happened to you? How did this happen? You get all that back information and as, as, as they are tiering out, the money that's allocated for each particular client through this grant, half of that money is being put to the side for when they get ready to come out that they're... you're not let, you're not letting them out of this program just naked with just the skills that they acquired in this program. You're giving them-... a lease on, a new lease on life. This is the money that you acquired by being, by being to this program. Let's help you start your, let's help you start your life from this point. And you invest in the businesses that they're, that they're starting. You invest in their life, whether it's a trade center, you invest in these people. And with the, with the notion of they gonna reinvest a percentage back into the building to help more people. And you keep recycling people back into the world in that, in that, in that manner. So when you see somebody homeless, they're like, "I'm homeless, I can't help myself." Then they're like, "You bullshit." It's a building right there that helps every single person that even falls on hard time, and then you give people free healthcare.

    4. JR

      I bet if you did that for several generations, you could put a massive dent in it. (clears throat) I don't think you'd ever f- totally fix it, 'cause you're never gonna fix abusive parents, sexual abuse, drug abuse when you're young.

    5. AS

      You get people, you get people out of there.

    6. JR

      Yeah.

    7. AS

      You get people out that situ... Because the, I was in a, I, I had an abusive stepfather. The only way to remedy this is to get out of this, 'cause you can't fix him. You got to, you got to focus on me.

    8. JR

      Yeah.

    9. AS

      And, and get me to safety. But if you cripple somebody thinking that somebody... You put a person in a position where they feel like they need that person, and so you make excuses for their behavior. When I see this all the time in people, like, why, why did this person stay? Why did this person do this? Because e- they were handicapped, they was crippled, and when you feel like you have no other place to go, you stay in positions that, that, that's abusing you. That's what people do.

    10. JR

      That's definitely true, but the amount of resources you would have to have to take care of every family where every person is being abused.

    11. AS

      Th- we have it, because we can give it a, we can give it, we, we wa- we throw away more food in this country than more country- than most countries produce in a year. Our waste, our waste ratio, if our waste ratio change, then our condition change.

    12. JR

      Yeah.

    13. AS

      Because if you allocate fu- if you allocate funds to the right thing instead of wasting funds, like even, even with, even with this, it's a, it's, it's, uh, people say it's a, it's a misinformation in, in certain things. Yes, it is, when you, when the federal government doesn't allocate funds to certain people to eradicate the misinformation, in me- in media. In media, it's federal funds that go, that go out to media companies. Why you don't give that to some, to some of the Black media outlets that you say that don't know what's going on? 'Cause you not helping, you not helping the situation either. You hurting the situation. You saying that people's num- if you know that the number one thing that cripples people in this country is health, and then you don't make it where they can have quality, free healthcare in this country, then you don't feel like the consumer that you're, you're, you're... The human being is the most important commodity on this planet. If you invest in the human being, and the human being does the good works that he's supposed to do with that investment, and they invest in more human beings, you create this utopia-

    14. JR

      Yeah.

    15. AS

      ... of helping, and learning, and not being, and not having a phobia of, "Hey, Joe, I need your help." That doesn't make me less than a man 'cause I need your help with something. You d- you s- you supposed to give your fellow man a, a leg up. That's what-

    16. JR

      Yes.

    17. AS

      ... you're supposed to do.

    18. JR

      Yes.

    19. AS

      But we, we live in the what I'm not supposed to do.

    20. JR

      Yeah, and helping people feels good. It's good for you, too. That, that, that's one thing we have to get into people's heads.

    21. AS

      Yeah.

    22. JR

      Helping people feels good. It's good for you, too. It's like people are selfish. They, they only wanna help themselves. They feel like, "If I'm helping someone else, it's taking away from me." But that's not the case. When-

    23. AS

      Wh- where does that mindset come from?

    24. JR

      (clears throat) They just, they just need a better sh- well, it's, it's a, it's a famine mindset. The famine mindset is there's not enough to go around. But there's enough to go around. There's enough for everybody, you know? Uh, this is one thing that I always try to instill in comedians. (clears throat) 'Cause comedians are like notoriously selfish. They think about themselves, wanna get ahead, narcissists. "I wanna get ahead, I wanna get ahead. Why is he doing that? And why am I not doing that? I wanna get it. I wanna get it." If you could help the people around you, you develop a community. When you develop a community, everybody wants everybody to do good. In our community, if one of us is killing it, everybody's happy. (clears throat) If one of us has a special and that special's killing it, like your special, which is out on YouTube right now, when that happens, people get excited. Like, "Goddamn, look at him. Look at this guy. Look at her. Everybody's killing it." That's good for everybody, and it gives the people coming up hope. Like, "I'm entering into a community, if I work hard, and if I continue to, like, honor the craft of standup comedy, I'm a part of this very small and tight-knit community of people." There's not that many of us. And if we do that and we help each other, it's good for everybody.

  10. 29:16 – 35:24

    Comedy as a community: mentorship, peer respect, and chasing ‘the yellow jacket’

    1. AS

      That's the g- I think that's why Rodney Dangerfield was one of the ones for me. Like-

    2. JR

      Yes.

    3. AS

      ... when, when people say, "Who your influences?" I'm influenced-

    4. JR

      (clears throat)

    5. AS

      ... by more than just what you did on stage, you know? It's how y- your character, uh, how you were a- as a person.

    6. JR

      Yes.

    7. AS

      And when he was not selfish, like, "Hey, man, I got a platform. Everybody is welcome to this platform if you funny. Let's do it."

    8. JR

      Think about the people that he blew up.

    9. AS

      Oh, man.

    10. JR

      Sam Kinison, Dice Clay, Bill Hicks, Dom Irrera.

    11. AS

      Roseanne Barr.

    12. JR

      Lenny Clark, Roseanne Barr. Down-

    13. AS

      Bob, Bob Sanders.

    14. JR

      ... the line. Seinfeld.

    15. AS

      Si- oh, Sein- man.

    16. JR

      Dude.

    17. AS

      It's, it's-

    18. JR

      So many people.

    19. AS

      It's... And, and why not, why not wanna be that-

    20. JR

      Yeah.

    21. AS

      ... in comedy? Or why leave that to another entity-... oh, the, I'm on, I'm on the all-stars of this, I'm on the, I'm on th- the, the actors of that. Like, why leave it to other people in other crafts to heighten your craft?

    22. JR

      Yeah.

    23. AS

      Why leave it to other people from other cities to say... But my, my, my biggest thing is to get the recognition from my peers. Like, when a comic calls me and says, "Man, your special, classic. Like, I'm putting it in this space."

    24. JR

      Yeah.

    25. AS

      This is because they know the craft. There's not a... You're not a, you're not a spectator. Because to sp- to sp- (laughs) to spectators... Everybody looks good to spectators. But when the people who know the craft are looking like, "Nah, you don't know what you're looking at." Like-

    26. JR

      Yeah.

    27. AS

      ... "You don't know how special this is."

    28. JR

      Yeah.

    29. AS

      'Cause a special is supposed to be special. It's supposed to be a piece of the person. Like, and when s- uh, the, the people that call and say, "Hey, man, this is timeless," it's like, "Yo, you really put a piece of w-" Like, man.

    30. JR

      You did it.

  11. 35:24 – 48:51

    Storytelling craft and ‘bad comedy is contagious’: bombing stories and green-room chaos

    1. AS

      This is the first piece of work that actually changed my mind on something.

    2. JR

      How so?

    3. AS

      People will ask me, "Hey man, when it comes to storytelling, who is your top people? Who, who the best storytellers in comedy to you?" I used to say, "Just like this." I said, "It would be Cosby, Carlin, Joey Diaz, Eddie Murphy, me." I, and I say, "Me, Joey and Eddie, all threes." Meaning we third, and then other people. I looked... When I put this special together and I looked at it, and I looked at the craft of the s- the ability to bring people into the story, this is the first time somebody asked me after that, and I said-... me, Cosby, then everybody else after that can sort their shit out. But I can't deny myself no more, to put myself behind somebody. When it comes to a story, to like bringing you into a story.

    4. JR

      It's a different kinda art.

    5. AS

      Yeah, it's a different art. And I've gotten pretty goddamn good.

    6. JR

      That's a thing where Ari, when he put together that Storytellers show-

    7. AS

      Yeah.

    8. JR

      ... that was his idea. He was like, "These stories are too hard to develop when you're doing a 15-minute set." On a, like a stacked Comedy Store lineup.

    9. AS

      Yeah.

    10. JR

      You know, you got 10 fucking killers, and you wanna kill two. And if you're trying to develop a story, and it's a story about going to the park with your dad, it's a long-ass story. Like people are like, "Where are you going with this?" But if you could do it on a show that's just people telling stories, then you could develop it and tighten it, and then get to the point where it might be your closing bit.

    11. AS

      Y- Man, we used to, me and Ari talked yesterday about, "This is not happening."

    12. JR

      Yeah.

    13. AS

      And he was like, "Out of all them stories, all the shows I've done, 'Mexican Guy Don Boots' is still my favorite goddamn story."

    14. JR

      (laughs)

    15. AS

      He said, "I didn't know you. We was gonna put you on the digital side of it. And we was looking at the story," and he was like, "Goddammit, it's like..." And he was like, "I didn't even know what you were talking about, and I was hanging on every goddamn word." And then he was like, "Oh shit, he's... This shit's crazy." Like, and I'm like, "Nah, I appreciate it." Then he said, "The next one was even more in..." Like Mitchell, it's like then I started thinking like, "He... His goddamn ability to tell his story, he's seeing it through a different len-" Like, whatever lens he's seeing it through, he's making me see it through that same lens.

    16. JR

      Yeah.

    17. AS

      And I have no goddamn idea what he's even talking about.

    18. JR

      That's the beautiful thing about someone when they're really locked in on stage. I've always said this, that I feel like I'm thinking through their mind, like I'm allowing them to take over my mind, take me on a journey. That's why when someone's shitty or hacky-

    19. AS

      (laughs)

    20. JR

      ... or it's like, "Ah, why are you using my mind? Why are you bothering, why are you borrowing my mind?"

    21. AS

      Yeah.

    22. JR

      You know, like, "I gotta get the fuck outta here. I can't watch this."

    23. AS

      Yeah.

    24. JR

      I'm super sensitive to bad comedy.

    25. AS

      I, what? Like-

    26. JR

      I can't, I can't watch it.

    27. AS

      Like, I'm not-

    28. JR

      It's contagious. (laughs)

    29. AS

      I'm, it, it's like, it's like if I see you, and, and I, and I never, I never thought this before until somebody said it, "Hey man, I, this dude did a bad set and then he tried to shake my hand." I didn't, I didn't want him to touch me, like I didn't-

    30. JR

      (laughs)

  12. 48:51 – 59:10

    Learning to follow killers: Martin Lawrence, Joey Diaz, and pressure-cooker lineups

    1. JR

      But for that person that did that set and bombed, if they can figure out how to follow you when you're crushing, if they can figure out how to ride that wave, that is so important for... That lady, Mitzi Shore, that's what she did every fucking time. If you were a good comic, so she thought you had some potential and you were young, she would throw you on after a killer. "Who's on? Who's on the lineup?" For me, it was Martin Lawrence in the '90s. Dude, you never saw anybody eat it like seeing me going on after Martin Lawrence when he was in the leather jumpsuit days.

    2. AS

      Mm.

    3. JR

      People don't remember.

    4. AS

      Mm.

    5. JR

      They don't remember.

    6. AS

      He was the fucking sex.

    7. JR

      '95 Martin Lawrence, 1995, my God, my God. His timing, his facial expressions, the power. Chris Rock, to this day, talks about a time where he bombed going on after Martin Lawrence, and it changed his career, 'cause he had been doing too many easy shows. He'd been too many, doing too many of those New York City, like cellar spots, like, you know, everybody's so happy to see you, you can kinda be casual. And he's headlining, and Martin Lawrence is throwing lightning bolts. Just... The whole room just... He was so good. He was so dynamic. He would pace the stage. He had so much energy. When he would hit his punchlines and, holy, his facial expressions, you'd be like, "God, I can't even watch this. I'm gonna, I'm going to my death, I'm going to my death." I went to my death. I followed Martin Lawrence dozens of times, dozens.

    8. AS

      You, you know what I... Let me tell you what I, what I love about a honest comic. You know how many comics wouldn't say that they went behind somebody that was just fucking a absolute monster? Like, "Yo, man, this shit is a problem." Like, "How am I gonna match this shit?" Like, I, I can imagine going up after Martin. He, uh, Martin's still hungry. He out there fucking getting it.

    9. JR

      He was in his 30s.

    10. AS

      Ugh.

    11. JR

      Martin Lawrence in his 30s with a leather jumpsuit on, you're fucked.

    12. AS

      (laughs)

    13. JR

      You are fucked. People don't remember, man. If you go back to You So Crazy, th- goddamn, he was good. In my mind, he's like, you know, when you, you talk about the greats, 'cause, you know, he went and done, did the TV show, and he didn't tour as much, and he didn't put out as much comedy material. So, a lot of people that weren't around in the '90s forget how good he was.

    14. AS

      Yeah.

    15. JR

      Dude, I ate dick going after that guy. But it taught me. It taught me how to ride the wave. It taught me how to start strong. It taught me how to cut all the bullshit out. All the... And to look at your act with like... Scrutinize it. Look at it with a microscope.

    16. AS

      Yeah.

    17. JR

      Get, get rid of some of that shit that's not that good. Fix, fix the setup. You, you better do it right. You better sound like a fucking professional. You're going on after one of the best comedians walking the face of the planet. And back then, he might've been number one. He might've been number one in '95. He might've been number one.

    18. AS

      Mm-hmm.

    19. JR

      He was murdering. I mean, I would be in the back room terrified just hearing the roars.

    20. AS

      I, I remember times, being places and you going up behind people that are fucking assassins. Tony Roberts, I don't know if you know Tony Roberts, but he is so quick. Just rapid fire shit. And I used to... And people used to be like, "Man, you can't, can't nobody follow Tony. There's no, nobody can play, follow Tony." And I remember being at a spot and then people was like, "Yo, Tony's up right now. You going up next." I'm like, "Cool." I'd already been able to ride the wave of... Like, I'm not going up to compete with Tony, I'm going up to do my shit. And I remember being offended during this show that a person thought that I couldn't follow Tony, and they switched up the lineup.

    21. JR

      Mm.

    22. AS

      And I was fucking pissed. And I said, "Okay." And I went out and I got a standing ovation. And Tony Roberts was the person that said he was... He said he was right there when the production person said, "So, the first comic got a standing ovation. What the fuck do we do now?" It was like... 'Cause you thought that I was... Like, they, they had played me like I was some fucking throw on on the show.

    23. JR

      Right.

    24. AS

      And th- they was like, "Yo, Ali just got a standing ovation." And DL opened the door of his green room and said, "What did y'all think he was gonna do? You fucking disrespected him."

    25. JR

      (laughs)

    26. AS

      'Cause he's like, "Yo, he don't... It doesn't matter where I go, because I know what I'm going to do when I get there." And I learned very early on, because I was going up behind people that... Benjy Brown at the Coconut Grove Improv, some... He was... He had motherfuckers laughing so hard that a dude came in the green room and sat down and it was laughing.

    27. JR

      (laughs)

    28. AS

      He was on his way from the bathroom. He just busted the green room, and he said, "Man, this motherfucker killing me." Like... (laughs)

    29. JR

      He sat down in the green room? (laughs)

    30. AS

      'Cause it was on the way up like... And you could hear it, you could hear it, 'cause the green room was like right behind the stage. And you could hear it, like Benjy Brown is fucking destroying this room. And he's doing this, this character Kiki, and he was like, "Yo..." And it's this loud pitch ghetto girl, and he's fucking destroying this room.And then he stops, and says, "Let me bring up the next comic." You like, "Goddamn!"

  13. 59:10 – 1:10:41

    Where to film a special: great comedy clubs, strange markets, and audience chemistry

    1. JR

      It's about life. It's good. It is very good. And it's, it's very intimate, which is, I like. I like a special in a comedy club. I really do. I think there's something better about a s- well, if I'm watching at home, I'm in my living room, I wanna watch it in an intimate environment. I wanna be in an intimate environment in the audience. If I'm watching someone on stage and they're in a fuck- Like, Kevin Hart did his shit in like 50,000 people. It's like, "Jesus Christ, how the, how do I even pretend I'm there?"

    2. AS

      Yeah.

    3. JR

      But, but when I'm watching you, and I'm watching you on stage at a comedy club, there's a, a normal-sized stage, intimate with the audience. You're seeing the people in the front row, you're smiling, you're having fun. I'm like, "I'm there. I'm there."

    4. AS

      You locked in the moment.

    5. JR

      You're locked in. Where'd you do it?

    6. AS

      Houston Improv.

    7. JR

      Ah.

    8. AS

      And we-

    9. JR

      Can't tell because of the curtain in the background.

    10. AS

      Yeah, we re- we pipe draped it-

    11. JR

      That's a great fucking room.

    12. AS

      Yeah, it is.

    13. JR

      That's a great fucking room.

    14. AS

      400 people and me.

    15. JR

      That's nice.

    16. AS

      And we just went on a... And, and the, the crazy thing is when people know that they coming to see you do the journey.

    17. JR

      Yeah.

    18. AS

      And it, it's weird 'cause the people who came... 'Cause I did th- I did it during the weekend that I was there, so the people who saw me, saw the show on Thursday and Friday is like, "That shit didn't happen." (laughs)

    19. JR

      (laughs)

    20. AS

      So, so then the two, the people who saw it on Saturday got the whole Hollywood-

    21. JR

      Right.

    22. AS

      ... thing, 'cause, you know, Eric Abrams, the same person who shot my stuff for, um, Comedy Central and, um, This Is Not Happening with, um, Ari, I got, I, I got them. I, I wanted that look. And Eric is a fucking great director, like...... it, it, it's really not about him. It's about what you want, and he just suggests shit, like, "Uh, what do you, what do you think about, what do you think about this?" And like, I wasn't thinking about it, but now, now I am. You know? (laughs) And so, and then he just suggests, like, "Do you really need that?" And you're like, "I don't." And it comes together. Him and, him and Jordan, Jordan did the, the lights and, it, it looks like... That was one of the things, and then especially when somebody notices it, when my guy called me and said, "Man, let me tell you the most amazing shit. It looks like a class- it looks like 1985." I'm like-

    23. JR

      Pull it up, Jamey. Lemme see-

    24. AS

      I will.

    25. JR

      Lemme see the video. 'Cause there, there's something about, get a, get a, get a look at it. Like, look at, man, that's classic. Classic comedy club. It's perfect. Perfect size stage, perfect intimacy with the crowd. I was thinking that, man, 'cause I just did Stand-Up Live with, uh, Tony. I did a guest set. I was not-

    26. AS

      It-

    27. JR

      ... even supposed to be there.

    28. AS

      In, in, in Phoenix?

    29. JR

      Phoenix, yeah.

    30. AS

      I fucking love that club.

  14. 1:10:41 – 1:20:06

    Country music worlds, NASCAR pits, and the Kentucky Derby as decadent chaos

    1. JR

      There's also a next door honky-tonk bar that was my first experience with country western music, like live, like not even live, but just like in a place where people listen to it. We went over there, it was me and Duncan and I think Joey, and we went next door and they're playing music that I've never heard before, but everybody knows the words and they're all singing along, << down by the river >>. You know, like they're all singing along to these songs and like fucking hooting and hollering and like this is like I stepped into another dimension. I'm like, "What is this?"

    2. AS

      It is, (clears throat) man, it's weird that I can go into this same dimension. Alan Jackson, like, like I, I grew up, I didn't listen to country music, but I, I knew about country music because your, my granddad would watch Westerns and, you know, you listen to Hank Aaron and, and, uh, what, not Hank Aaron at all, what's his name?

    3. JR

      Hank Williams.

    4. AS

      Hank Williams. And then this guy, Alan Jackson. I'm just flipping through the stations one time and I heard, you know, like when you go to another city, you put on scan and going through the radio stations-

    5. JR

      Yeah.

    6. AS

      ... trying to find a radio station. And way downtown on the Chattahoochee, this is the thing they call me, A Whole Bunch of Loving in an Oochie Coochie. And I had to find out who the fuck sung this song.

    7. JR

      (laughs)

    8. AS

      I was like any...

    9. JR

      Here, look at him. Look at... (laughs)

    10. AS

      (laughs)

    11. JR

      Look at that outfit. What, when did that fucking song come out? That must be like 1985 or something like that. Like look at the way he's dressed.

    12. AS

      No, this is the '90s.

    13. JR

      No.

    14. AS

      Yeah.

    15. JR

      It can't be.

    16. AS

      Got to be. (laughs)

    17. JR

      (laughs) It seems like it's from another time.

    18. AS

      Chattahoochee.

    19. JR

      << Way down yonder on the Chattahoochee >> Way down yonder.

    20. AS

      (laughs)

    21. JR

      I just was stunned by the fact that there was like the whole, a whole nother world that I didn't know about, this country western world, and all these people were into it. And then I would do local radio and they'd want to talk to me about NASCAR. "Did you see NASCAR? Did you see what Dale did?" And you're like, "What are you talking about?" Like they were, everybody knew. They knew about NASCAR the way most people know about the Super Bowl.

    22. AS

      Yeah. I, I've been to NASCAR.

    23. JR

      ... was it like?

    24. AS

      One- one time.

    25. JR

      One time?

    26. AS

      And Dana was the, this was the first time that she was the lead car. So, we get there. It's an amazing experience. Like, you, like, we went into the pit, we went into the, the trailers. Like, they have enough stuff in a trailer to build another car. Like they, they, like, they tell you how many cars they carry with them, just in case this, something happens to ca- And they have ano- they have enough stuff in that trailer to rebuild a car. And they ... Some of the pit crews are ex-football players that, that got in this just for competition. Like, they, I didn't know they had pit crew competitions to see who can change everything the fastest, and a lot of these people are ex-football players that still need the competition, and they (buzzing sounds) get- getting it on. And so we get there and I, I never forget about how when the race started, all these cars take off and it's so loud (imitates engines revving) , and how I was rooting for the last car. So all these cars went (imitates engines revving) , then this one car come (imitates fast music) . I'm like, "Go!" (laughs) He, he, he like la- they lapped him. He's like, he's fucking last last. But the incredible thing was Ray Lewis did the startup, did the s- the start. Walt Frazier was there, and all the attorneys. All the attorneys for NASCAR were young Black women that, that graduated from law school, and, uh, they were all the attorneys. Like, they did all the legal stuff. I was like ... But the audience is all white people, just everywhere. It's food, everywhere. It's just like they campers that ... And some of the littlest shorts you'd ever wanna see on a, on a human being. Like, "Goddamn." Like, all this shit was exciting to me. I'm like, "Yo, why does she have on boots with these shorts?" Like, this shit is fucking ...

    27. NA

      (laughs)

    28. AS

      (laughs) But it (laughs) like-

    29. JR

      Y- you know what I wanna go to that I haven't been to? The Kentucky Derby.

    30. AS

      I was in town one time when the Kentucky Derby was happening.

  15. 1:20:06 – 1:27:41

    Rio Carnival: neighborhood rivalry, million-person energy, and ‘Live from Rio’ memories

    1. JR

      Have you been in Rio?

    2. AS

      Yes.

    3. JR

      Really?

    4. AS

      Yes.

    5. JR

      That's wild.

    6. AS

      Oh, man. The ... Oh.

    7. JR

      (laughs)

    8. AS

      (laughs) It- it-

    9. JR

      It's like you're famous-

    10. AS

      It-

    11. JR

      ... for people g- it's like New Year's Eve on steroids.

    12. AS

      It's- I went to this club called HELP!Discotheque, and you need it.

    13. JR

      (laughs)

    14. AS

      Like, HEL- HELP!Discotheque, I rem- I went on Adam and Eve night, where they give you a leaf. You put your clothes off and they give you a leaf, and you in the club, just a leaf on and-

    15. JR

      That's it?

    16. AS

      And this club holds like 4 or 5,000 people.

    17. JR

      All with leaves on?

    18. AS

      And it's so crazy that the- that you- they know that you cannot get to the bar. They know that you can't get to the bar. They have bartenders with coolers strapped to them where they- they in the- like on the floor in different places and they flip the cooler up and they make your drink right there, 'cause they know you're not gonna be able to get to the bar. It's insane in this spot. It's a live band. It's like twelve-piece live band co- and it's fucking insane. And you- if it's 5,000 people, it's 1,000 men and 4,000 women. If it's 4,000 people, it's 3,000 women and 1,000 men. And I know when we went in, it was, meh, maybe about 12. I know I came out of there, it was 8:30 in the morning.

Episode duration: 3:05:38

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