Joe Rogan Experience #1847 - Theo Von

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast,…

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:00

      (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

   2. NANarrator0:04

      The Joe Rogan Experience. (energetic music) Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night. All day. How many times have you smoked a cigar?

   3. TVTheo Von0:14

      I don't know if I've smoked one before.

   4. JRJoe Rogan0:16

      (laughs)

   5. TVTheo Von0:16

      Can we open that again one more time? Sorry about ...

   6. JRJoe Rogan0:18

      How ... Just, just pull it down. Yeah, lift, flip the top.

   7. TVTheo Von0:23

      Oh, okay, yeah.

   8. JRJoe Rogan0:23

      There you go. And then pull that do- ... There you go.

   9. TVTheo Von0:25

      Yeah. (cigarette hisses) (lighter clicks)

   10. JRJoe Rogan0:29

       How would you not know whether or not you've smoked a cigar.

   11. TVTheo Von0:32

       Well, I used to work at this business company, I worked at this insurance company. I did paperwor- ... Uh, not paperwork, but I, like, mailed papers for them. And, um, like, mailings, I guess. I guess that's paperwork.

   12. JRJoe Rogan0:45

       Yeah.

   13. TVTheo Von0:46

       And the man had a lot of nice cigars in there.

   14. JRJoe Rogan0:48

       And you may or may not have smoked one?

   15. TVTheo Von0:51

       I feel like he tried to teach me one time. Oh, I feel my heart shuttin'. (laughs)

   16. JRJoe Rogan0:55

       (laughs)

   17. TVTheo Von0:55

       Is that always like it is?

   18. JRJoe Rogan0:57

       I ... Don't ... No. No, your heart doesn't shut. (laughs)

   19. TVTheo Von1:01

       Oh, shit, fuck it. (laughs)

   20. JRJoe Rogan1:02

       I think it's the smelling salts. We just tried a new batch of the smelling salts.

   21. TVTheo Von1:07

       Oh, yeah.

   22. JRJoe Rogan1:07

       Last time I did smelling salts, first time was with you, right?

   23. TVTheo Von1:11

       Mm-hmm.

   24. JRJoe Rogan1:11

       And we just got a new batch and it was way stronger 'cause we did one with Red Band and it was old.

   25. TVTheo Von1:18

       Yeah.

   26. JRJoe Rogan1:18

       It was the old ones, and they get weak after a while. But that one was a freshie. Like, we pulled the tab off the top and took a hit of it, and (sniffs) whoo, it just burned all my nostril hairs off.

   27. TVTheo Von1:30

       Oh, man. It felt like somebody was fucking playing Legend of Zelda in my lungs, bro.

   28. JRJoe Rogan1:34

       (laughs)

   29. TVTheo Von1:34

       This shit was fucking really ... It goes al- ... It goes ... It doesn't even hit your lungs. I feel like it goes through, just into everything else almo- ... It, like ... (sniffs)

   30. JRJoe Rogan1:42

       It does a lot.
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   That's all real? …

   1. TVTheo Von15:00

      it, move it, move it. Watch out, come on, come on. (gun firing) Okay, make it- Oh, shit.

   2. That's all real?

   3. JRJoe Rogan15:05

      Yeah. That's all real.

   4. NANarrator15:05

      I thought that was an off-duty cop that was getting his hair cut.

   5. JRJoe Rogan15:08

      Is that what it is?

   6. NANarrator15:08

      That's what the article I founded it says.

   7. JRJoe Rogan15:10

      Well, he's got perfect technique. Crazy.

   8. NANarrator15:14

      Speaking of that, that shooting that happened at the mall?

   9. JRJoe Rogan15:16

      Yes.

   10. NANarrator15:16

       Did you hear about that?

   11. TVTheo Von15:17

       Oh.

   12. JRJoe Rogan15:17

       Yes, the shooting that happened at the mall, uh, h- what's, what's ... This is one of those crazy situations where an armed good guy stopped a bad guy from killing a bunch of people. This guy shows up at the mall. Kills ... Sh- pulls out a gun, kills two people, and within seconds this happens. This guy reaches into his, uh, pushes his girlfriend aside, reaches into his waist, pulls out his gun, and shoots at this guy from 40 yards away.

   13. TVTheo Von15:45

       No.

   14. JRJoe Rogan15:46

       10 shots, hits him eight times.

   15. TVTheo Von15:48

       Is that pretty far?

   16. JRJoe Rogan15:49

       It's pretty far. For a pistol, that's far. That's far. That's like a, that's like a good shot with a arrow.

   17. TVTheo Von15:56

       Wow.

   18. JRJoe Rogan15:56

       Like a bow and arrow is 40 yards is a ... That's a fucking poke. And for you to do this under pressure and to take a life, and he hit him eight times. Uh, he could shoot. That's ... He's a 22-year-old man. And of course, the NRA has jumped all over this and they've said, uh, you know, "Hey, this is one of those examples where a good guy with a gun kills a bad guy." That, right, what you just saw is another one of those examples.

   19. TVTheo Von16:19

       Yeah.

   20. JRJoe Rogan16:19

       It does happen. And the problem is people don't want to admit that that happens 'cause it doesn't fit with their narrative. This is one of the things that always happens when there's a hot topic, whether it's, uh, gun control or what- whatever it is, where y- you have a very specific idea of what you think the problem is and what you think the solution is. And a lot of people think the problem is guns. The solution is take all the guns. And, you know, some people say, "No, the solution is you should be armed and be prepared to take care of things-"

   21. TVTheo Von16:49

       Mm-hmm.

   22. JRJoe Rogan16:49

       "... if something goes wrong, you should be trained and you should be prepared to use your gun." And in this case, that is the correct answer, uh, in this case.

   23. NANarrator16:56

       I think that's the right angle-

   24. TVTheo Von16:58

       (clears throat)

   25. NANarrator16:58

       ... he had in that video.

   26. TVTheo Von16:59

       Oh, is that a Jason's Deli?

   27. JRJoe Rogan17:01

       Yeah. So-

   28. NANarrator17:01

       Where the shooting was, was right there. The guy who got shot.

   29. JRJoe Rogan17:03

       Yeah, so now-

   30. TVTheo Von17:04

       Wow.
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   Oh. …

   1. JRJoe Rogan30:00

      it, but he's got to.

   2. Oh.

   3. God, dammit. But he won't, not yet. "I won't. I won't."

   4. Ah, the wolf left him.

   5. He's got willpower.

   6. That wolf just bit some thot outside, you heard it?

   7. (laughs)

   8. NANarrator30:22

      Just the end where he turns into the vampire. Wanna see that?

   9. JRJoe Rogan30:26

      Sure. Oh, wait a minute.

   10. NANarrator30:29

       It's bad.

   11. JRJoe Rogan30:29

       Back it up a little bit. Back it up a little bit.So, they come in. So, he's hugging her, he loves her.

   12. TVTheo Von30:37

       Oh.

   13. JRJoe Rogan30:37

       He's so sad. Oh, he was biting her and then they come in.

   14. NANarrator30:45

       Mina.

   15. JRJoe Rogan30:50

       She's been bit.

   16. NANarrator30:54

       You think you can destroy me? Your heart will not hide.

   17. TVTheo Von31:03

       Damn. Satan was the biggest enemy back then.

   18. JRJoe Rogan31:07

       Yeah, the fucking crucifix didn't even work on him. Look at that.

   19. NANarrator31:11

       I who commanded nations hundreds of years before you. Your armies were defeated.

   20. TVTheo Von31:19

       That's Anthony Hopkins.

   21. JRJoe Rogan31:20

       So, he must have, uh... What has he got in that glass he's holding up?

   22. TVTheo Von31:23

       I don't know.

   23. JRJoe Rogan31:23

       Is that holy water?

   24. TVTheo Von31:25

       I guess.

   25. NANarrator31:26

       Look what your god has done to me.

   26. JRJoe Rogan31:32

       I forgot about this scene.

   27. NANarrator31:33

       No, your war with God is over. You must make peace.

   28. TVTheo Von31:34

       Lookit, that guy is holding up a fucking gin and tonic towards him. Oh, he threw the, he threw the water at him. The holy water. Keanu Reeves already has white hair because he's been freaking out. It's the same defense for an exorcism, it seems like, right?

   29. JRJoe Rogan31:48

       Holy water?

   30. TVTheo Von31:49

       I mean, if just-
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   A mild veterinary thing.…

   1. TVTheo Von45:00

      on the way home, they would dump the animals. And they dumped them in our neighborhood.

   2. JRJoe Rogan45:04

      A mild veterinary thing. That's-

   3. TVTheo Von45:05

      Well, you know.

   4. JRJoe Rogan45:06

      ... a serial killer.

   5. TVTheo Von45:07

      Like a (laughs) in between type of deal.

   6. JRJoe Rogan45:08

      Yeah.

   7. TVTheo Von45:08

      You know, some guy who's not sanctioned, but he's fucking, you know.

   8. JRJoe Rogan45:11

      Not quite committed to, like, migrant workers-

   9. TVTheo Von45:14

      (laughs)

   10. JRJoe Rogan45:14

       ... killing migrant workers yet.

   11. TVTheo Von45:15

       Yeah, yeah, yeah.

   12. JRJoe Rogan45:16

       He's just working his way up to human beings.

   13. TVTheo Von45:18

       Yeah, I mean, however you wanna look at it, man. But I think this, uh ... But they kept throwing anyway, so we'd call the government and be like, "Come get these fucking bones outta here." 'Cause you know, there'd be kids out there fucking playing with them, you know. You got kids out there beating each other with damn tibias and fucking humming cocyxes at each other-

   14. JRJoe Rogan45:33

       Oh.

   15. TVTheo Von45:33

       ... and stuff. And you know, 'cause it's in the ditch.

   16. JRJoe Rogan45:35

       Right.

   17. TVTheo Von45:36

       And so, anyway, I- I was never a big fan of government after that, right?

   18. JRJoe Rogan45:40

       (laughs) What the fuck-

   19. TVTheo Von45:41

       And, uh-

   20. JRJoe Rogan45:41

       ... did the government ever do with that, with the ditch?

   21. TVTheo Von45:43

       What'd you ask me about?

   22. JRJoe Rogan45:46

       (laughs)

   23. TVTheo Von45:46

       (laughs) I'm not even joking, man. What would you ask me about?

   24. JRJoe Rogan45:50

       I said, what ... We were talking about animal, you were saying, "Animals got left in the ditch." And then you said, "I wasn't a big fan of the government-

   25. TVTheo Von45:56

       (laughs)

   26. JRJoe Rogan45:56

       ... after that." I'm like, how did the government b- 'cause they didn't clean up the animals in the ditch? Is that what it is?

   27. TVTheo Von46:00

       Yeah.

   28. JRJoe Rogan46:01

       Oh, okay.

   29. TVTheo Von46:01

       And if we'd have been in, living in a fancy neighborhood, they would've come and gotten it.

   30. JRJoe Rogan46:04

       Right, they would've taken care of it.
5. 1:00:00 – 1:07:46

   Well, if you're starving,…

   1. TVTheo Von1:00:00

   2. JRJoe Rogan1:00:00

      Well, if you're starving, that's free food.

   3. TVTheo Von1:00:02

      Yeah.

   4. JRJoe Rogan1:00:02

      And birds? Birds are some of the meanest fucking animals. Have you seen that video that's going around of the bird-

   5. TVTheo Von1:00:09

      No.

   6. JRJoe Rogan1:00:09

      ... that's eating an antelope alive? Have you seen that?

   7. TVTheo Von1:00:12

      You think they're mean?

   8. JRJoe Rogan1:00:13

      Oh, they're vicious. They're so horri- they're so fucking horrible.

   9. TVTheo Von1:00:17

      Why, do you think 'cause they can't be on the ground as much as other animals, easily?

   10. JRJoe Rogan1:00:21

       I just think they're reptiles. They're flying reptiles.

   11. TVTheo Von1:00:24

       Are they more reptile?

   12. JRJoe Rogan1:00:25

       Yeah. I mean, what a bird is, is a dinosaur. They're flying dinosaurs.

   13. NANarrator1:00:30

       This?

   14. JRJoe Rogan1:00:30

       Yeah. Look at this. This eagle is riding this antelope's back and just ... It's got its claws dug into its back-

   15. TVTheo Von1:00:37

       Wow.

   16. JRJoe Rogan1:00:37

       ... so you see all the blood pouring off the back.

   17. TVTheo Von1:00:39

       No, it's bleeding.

   18. JRJoe Rogan1:00:39

       And it's just digging into its body, 'cause those claws, the talons that an eagle has, are so powerful.... so it's just riding this thing and then eating out of its ribcage-

   19. TVTheo Von1:00:50

       (gasps)

   20. JRJoe Rogan1:00:50

       ... while it's just slowly dying. And that, that antelope can't do a goddamn thing to get away. There's nothing it could do.

   21. TVTheo Von1:00:56

       It's like one of those moving buffets that you're at. You ever been to one of those? One of those-

   22. JRJoe Rogan1:01:00

       Oh, God, that's

   23. NANarrator1:01:00

       Oh.

   24. TVTheo Von1:01:00

       ... where the food moves by as you're eating it?

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:01:02

       I got another video. I'll send you this, Jamie. Of this, uh, there's a, a hawk that's eating a crow. It holds the crow down and the th- the crazy thing is it's not much smaller than the crow. Which is, or not much larger, rather, than the crow, which is wild 'cause it's just, it's just chewing this fucking thing apart.

   26. TVTheo Von1:01:21

       Oh, I saw a bear climb into a tree yesterday. I put it on my IG story and it was a bear.

   27. NANarrator1:01:27

       Did you see it?

   28. JRJoe Rogan1:01:27

       Joe, is that it?

   29. TVTheo Von1:01:30

       No, no, that's not it. I'm gonna sh- send it to you. Oh, I saved it. Here, hold on a second. I actually have the whole video.

   30. NANarrator1:01:37

       The, uh, bear?

Episode duration: 3:00:50