Joe Rogan Experience #1866 - Protect Our Parks 5

Shane Gillis, Mark Normand, and Ari Shaffir are stand-up comics, writers, and podcasters. Shane is the co-host of "Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast" with Matt McCusker. His special "Shane Gillis: Live in Austin," is available via YouTube, and a new season of "Gilly and Keeves," his sketch comedy series with John McKeever, is set to be released to YouTube this month. Sign up to learn more at www.gillyandkeeves.tv. www.shanemgillis.com Mark is the co-host of "Tuesdays with Stories" along with Joe List and "We Might Be Drunk" with Sam Morril. His latest special, "Mark Normand: Out to Lunch," is available via YouTube. Try his signature whiskey, Bodega Cat Straight Rye, currently available for order online. www.marknormandcomedy.com Ari is the host of "The Skeptic Tank." His current special, "Ari Shaffir: Double Negative," is available via Netflix. Look for the premiere of his new travel podcast, "You Be Trippin'," on September 26, and his upcoming comedy special, "Ari Shaffir: Jew," to be released sometime in October. www.arishaffir.com

Joe RoganhostShane GillisguestMark NormandguestAri ShaffirguestGuestguest

Jun 27, 20243h 55mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

150 min read · 30,018 words

0:00 – 4:05
IUD talk to bizarre medical story: “rectal ejaculation” case study
1. NANarrator
  (drumming music) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.
2. The Joe Rogan Experience. (rock music)
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. (rock music) When you're on an IUD, you don't get periods?
4. SGShane Gillis
  No, that's one of the perks.
5. MNMark Normand
  Yeah.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  Really?
7. MNMark Normand
  I didn't know that.
8. NANarrator
  There's one of them, you get, like, one period a year.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  Are we up?
10. SGShane Gillis
  Oh, that's-
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Okay, we're rolling.
12. SGShane Gillis
  ... there's a patch, Joe.
13. ASAri Shaffir
  We're talking about menstruation.
14. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
15. MNMark Normand
  (laughs)
16. SGShane Gillis
  We're live.
17. ASAri Shaffir
  We're putting them in menstruation.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  So when you're on an IUD you don't get periods?
19. SGShane Gillis
  No, no, my lady does not-
20. JRJoe Rogan
  Where does it go?
21. SGShane Gillis
  It comes out of her ass.
22. MNMark Normand
  (laughs)
23. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  But I mean, I've read about a guy-
25. NANarrator
  Maybe I have an IUD. (laughs)
26. JRJoe Rogan
  I read about a guy who has, like, some weird fucking birth defect where he comes out of his ass.
27. SGShane Gillis
  Those are called gays. (laughs)
28. JRJoe Rogan
  No, no, no, no. It's other people's coming.
29. NANarrator
  It's right after sex.
30. SGShane Gillis
  I see.
4:05 – 5:09
Sexual roles, gay “signals,” and old-school cruising folklore
1. SGShane Gillis
  Now how do the gay guys decide who does the top bottom?
2. NANarrator
  I think they have a preference.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  I think some guys like it.
4. NANarrator
  They like it.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, some guys like bottom, some guys like top.
6. SGShane Gillis
  Wouldn't you want to mix and match?
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Some guys don't want it.
8. ASAri Shaffir
  People want some guys do the old swaperoo.
9. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
10. NANarrator
  Switch it up, yeah.
11. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah. It feels weird that there's an assigned, you know-
12. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
13. SGShane Gillis
  ... one way.
14. NANarrator
  It's a weird, weird... You know, dating's weird.
15. SGShane Gillis
  (laughs)
16. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
17. SGShane Gillis
  Dating's weird, huh?
18. NANarrator
  (laughs)
19. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
20. SGShane Gillis
  Just saying if, if... Gay guys, call in.
21. NANarrator
  These, didn't they used to have the handkerchief signs? Wasn't that a thing?
22. ASAri Shaffir
  No, that was just what people would tell you if you had a handkerchief hanging out.
23. SGShane Gillis
  (laughs)
24. ASAri Shaffir
  They'd be like, "You know what that means? You're gay."
25. JRJoe Rogan
  But they were like-
26. ASAri Shaffir
  If you had an earring, they'd be like, "That means you're a bottom."
27. NANarrator
  Different s- different handkerchief colors meant different things.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  Right. There was always a thing where you, like, had, uh... Like, if your pants were rolled up on one side.
29. SGShane Gillis
  Yes.
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
5:09 – 7:42
Bodega Cat whiskey tasting and ‘Protect Our Parks’ running joke
1. JRJoe Rogan
  So this is yours?
2. NANarrator
  You wanna see how it's shaped?
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Bodega Cat.
4. SGShane Gillis
  That's me and Sam Merrill's-
5. JRJoe Rogan
  Is this legit?
6. SGShane Gillis
  ... new rye.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Let's try it.
8. SGShane Gillis
  Tastes great.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  Let's try it.
10. SGShane Gillis
  Crack it open.
11. ASAri Shaffir
  All right.
12. SGShane Gillis
  It's for sale now online.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  It's called Bodega Cat-
14. SGShane Gillis
  Oh yeah.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  ... straight rye whiskey.
16. ASAri Shaffir
  Now, can-
17. JRJoe Rogan
  How long is it aged for? A week.
18. SGShane Gillis
  A week.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  Does it age at all?
20. NANarrator
  Great name.
21. SGShane Gillis
  Oh, sure.
22. JRJoe Rogan
  Don't lie to me.
23. SGShane Gillis
  They age.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  Don't lie to me.
25. SGShane Gillis
  I don't know anything about the aging.
26. ASAri Shaffir
  I thought it was aged.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  How much do you know about whiskey?
28. SGShane Gillis
  Uh...
29. NANarrator
  He drinks a lot of it.
30. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
7:42 – 10:21
Kill Tony as a comedy pipeline (and surviving the hangover)
1. GUGuest
  How many did you have that day, in total?
2. I don't know. Probably had five or six at Kill Tony, at least.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Kill Tony's a blur.
4. GUGuest
  In the twenties.
5. Probably around 30. Yeah.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  I had to watch part of that on YouTube, to be like, "Oh, yeah."
7. GUGuest
  I kinda watched... That show is so important.
8. I didn't watch any of that.
9. That's such a good show for comedy.
10. Kill Tony's a fun show.
11. Funny show.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  It sets comics up, like the young people coming up, it sets them up, like, on the right path. Just be funny.
13. GUGuest
  Would've been nice-
14. JRJoe Rogan
  Yes.
15. GUGuest
  ... if we had that when we were starting.
16. It would've been amazing.
17. A nice little, like, get some pr- like, press. Yeah.
18. Oh my God. And you, you're, you see these people that go on to have careers.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, yeah.
20. GUGuest
  Like, out of Kill Tony, and they legitimately have careers.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  It's a credit. People use it as a credit.
22. GUGuest
  Yeah.
23. Who was the biggest Kill Tony, like, picked out of the hat? Who's the b- biggest one?
24. JRJoe Rogan
  Well, let me see. Mm. Preacher Lawson. Oh. Preacher Lawson, yep, he started at Kill Tony.
25. GUGuest
  He's doing stand-up now?
26. JRJoe Rogan
  Wow. He's killing it.
27. GUGuest
  He's great.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. Um, uh...
29. GUGuest
  Damn, really?
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. Ali Macofsky's doing really well on the road now.
10:21 – 13:28
Crying on airplanes, edibles-in-flight panic, and Flight 93 skepticism
1. GUGuest
  Dude, those... Yo, we were talking about crying during movies. I cried during Guardians of the Galaxy on an airplane. (laughs)
2. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
3. GUGuest
  What? Two weeks ago, I cried, dude.
4. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, on an airplane. Why? (laughs)
5. GUGuest
  I don't know. I love that shit, dude.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  One or two? Number one or two?
7. GUGuest
  Unfortunately two.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  Ah.
9. GUGuest
  Oh.
10. Dude, started playing fucking Fleetwood Mac and it was showing-
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
12. GUGuest
  ... how much he loved his friends.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh.
14. GUGuest
  And I was on an airplane by myself just like... (yawning)
15. JRJoe Rogan
  It's brutal. You know what they say, uh, elevation it makes you-
16. GUGuest
  It's the airplane.
17. It's the elevation, dude.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  ... more emotional.
19. GUGuest
  I cry on planes every time.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  Well, you're also vulnerable. That's why I like to get high on planes. Like, when we would, uh, take edibles, Ari-
21. GUGuest
  Oh, yeah.
22. JRJoe Rogan
  ... and get all... We would get blitzkrieged, like we would have been a neighboring dimension and we would be on a plane.
23. GUGuest
  I could never do that.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  We did it all the time.
25. GUGuest
  So, dude, I was so high once that I thought-
26. That's fucking insane.
27. ... I have low blood pressure. I thought taking off would kick the blood into my feet.
28. (laughs)
29. And since I would keep kicking off, I would just die. And I was looking over, I'm like, "I think I want to get off this plane."
30. JRJoe Rogan
  (imitates yawning)
13:28 – 15:42
Ari’s loud watch and nostalgia for calculator watches
1. JRJoe Rogan
  Is that your fucking phone? That cheap-ass-
2. ASAri Shaffir
  Just dumb watch every time.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  ... stupid watch.
4. NANarrator
  Timex, it's broken.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  You have a Rolex-
6. NANarrator
  It is take insulin.
7. ASAri Shaffir
  I do have a Rolex.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  ... that ECK gave you, and you don't even wear it.
9. ASAri Shaffir
  Well, I can't wear that out. I'll get mugged.
10. JRJoe Rogan
  Fuck, Louie, you getting mugged?
11. ASAri Shaffir
  I'm gonna get costed. Ha, in New York? Oh, yeah.
12. NANarrator
  Yeah, walking by the homeless guys, throw something.
13. ASAri Shaffir
  Yeah, but don't wear it in New York. Just don't wear it in New York. You wear it here. I don't know. I just lost my sunglasses on the plane. I don't know if I-
14. JRJoe Rogan
  You don't even know how to shut that off. That's what's-
15. ASAri Shaffir
  I don't know what the hell to do.
16. NANarrator
  (laughs)
17. ASAri Shaffir
  It's not even at the right time.
18. NANarrator
  (laughs)
19. JRJoe Rogan
  Why do you have it on though?
20. ASAri Shaffir
  I like to watch.
21. NANarrator
  (laughs)
22. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
23. ASAri Shaffir
  (laughs)
24. NANarrator
  (laughs) It doesn't tell the time, for real?
25. ASAri Shaffir
  Well, it says it's Thursday at 4:00.
26. JRJoe Rogan
  Tell the time somewhere (laughs)
27. ASAri Shaffir
  So yeah, it's right in Hawaii.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  So it'll be right at Thursday on 4:00.
29. ASAri Shaffir
  (laughs) Yeah, but-
30. NANarrator
  Thursday at 4:00 somewhere.
15:42 – 16:57
Weed anxiety, drinking comfort, and working out together
1. JRJoe Rogan
  You're scared of weed, but you, you drink like a fish. It's very odd. What're you scared of?
2. ASAri Shaffir
  Drinking makes me, drinking makes me feel good.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  What does weed do?
4. ASAri Shaffir
  Hug your knees.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  Hug your knees.
6. ASAri Shaffir
  Makes me feel pretty bad.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Same.
8. NANarrator
  Really? How and when? Everybody's got their drug.
9. ASAri Shaffir
  Uh-
10. JRJoe Rogan
  It's all personality based.
11. ASAri Shaffir
  Anxiety?
12. NANarrator
  Yep.
13. ASAri Shaffir
  Yeah.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  I'm with you. In anxiety's your friend.
15. ASAri Shaffir
  I have it regularly.
16. JRJoe Rogan
  It's here to tell you things.
17. NANarrator
  (laughs)
18. JRJoe Rogan
  It's here to tell you things.
19. ASAri Shaffir
  Bad news.
20. NANarrator
  I'm with you, Shane.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  All the things you're anxious about-
22. ASAri Shaffir
  Stop drinking, dude.
23. NANarrator
  (burps)
24. JRJoe Rogan
  ... fix those. All those things you're anxious about, fix those.
25. NANarrator
  I'm with you, Shane. You gotta do what's right for you.
26. ASAri Shaffir
  Thanks, bro.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, look at this fucking big brother coach.
28. NANarrator
  I love weed.
29. ASAri Shaffir
  Yeah.
30. NANarrator
  Louie Katz has a joke about it. He goes, "Weed, you know, marijuana means no worries. And then one day, it meant all the worries."
16:57 – 18:49
Sumo wrestling deep dive: tradition, brutality, and surprising KOs
1. ASAri Shaffir
  Why didn't sumo ever make it to America?
2. JRJoe Rogan
  Because we don't-
3. ASAri Shaffir
  We, we'd be real fat. We like to wrestle.
4. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
5. NANarrator
  Our fat people are lazy.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, but sumo's cool.
7. NANarrator
  Our fat people don't like to move.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  Sumo's interesting.
9. ASAri Shaffir
  Yeah.
10. JRJoe Rogan
  It's interesting.
11. ASAri Shaffir
  I think we could dominate.
12. NANarrator
  An American guy was-
13. JRJoe Rogan
  It's Japanese tradition.
14. NANarrator
  ... and they, and they were all pissed about it.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
16. NANarrator
  He became like the, the champion.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  I think it was a Hawaiian guy.
18. NANarrator
  That makes sense.
19. ASAri Shaffir
  Mm, exactly right.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  Big people. Giant big dude, big Polynesian fella.
21. ASAri Shaffir
  You seen the guy with the ukulele?
22. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
23. NANarrator
  Yeah.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  One of them fellas. Yeah, he's fit.
25. NANarrator
  Yeah.
26. JRJoe Rogan
  Big giant, big bones, big fucking frame.
27. ASAri Shaffir
  Yeah.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  You gotta let ... You gotta be a big fuck. They eat so much. You watch those, uh, sumo wrestlers eat. It's crazy.
29. ASAri Shaffir
  Oh, really?
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh my God, 'cause they ... That's the whole thing. You gotta have mass.
18:49 – 37:29
MMA tangent: Jon Jones vs Mighty Mouse, elbows, and choke-outs
1. JRJoe Rogan
  Who's like the fucking Jon Jones of sumo wrestling?
2. GUGuest
  There's gotta be somebody.
3. 'Cause Jon Jones is the best.
4. JRJoe Rogan
  It's hard to argue. It's like, it's Mighty Mouse.
5. GUGuest
  He never got taken down.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  Mighty Mouse just won the ONE Championship-
7. GUGuest
  I just saw that. That was sick.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  ... uh, he won the rematch and-
9. GUGuest
  Oh, really?
10. JRJoe Rogan
  ... and got his title back. Yeah. Mighty Mouse is the fucking man.
11. GUGuest
  He's good.
12. He, he also put it on the line more than Jon Jones.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  Well, I wouldn't say that.
14. GUGuest
  What does that mean?
15. No?
16. JRJoe Rogan
  I would say Jon Jones put it on the line with everybody that was against him in his division.
17. GUGuest
  And Jon Jones-
18. JRJoe Rogan
  Including Daniel Cormier-
19. GUGuest
  He's had less fights, I guess.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  ... Gustafsson. Not-
21. GUGuest
  Yeah.
22. JRJoe Rogan
  Not that he has less fights. It's like-
23. GUGuest
  Who does?
24. JRJoe Rogan
  Jon Jones cleaned out his fucking division.
25. GUGuest
  True.
26. JRJoe Rogan
  Like, you, you can't say any ifs, ands, or buts about it. But Mighty Mouse was-
27. GUGuest
  Both great.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  ... less recognized because he was small.
29. GUGuest
  Oh.
30. JRJoe Rogan
  So he's the best guys right now?
37:29 – 47:28
Comedy road life: pre-show routines, club food mistakes, and ‘prom show’ chaos
1. JRJoe Rogan
  each other- You would jack off? Fuck yeah. (laughs) What are women jerking off too? If I was a girl, I'd be like, "Yeah." What else would you, what else would you be waiting for? "Come get this pussy after you're done. Who's the conqueror? Who's gonna take me?" (laughs) Yeah. Is that how you would do it? Yeah, if I was a girl. (laughs) That's my personality in a girl's body. (laughs) If I was a girl, that's what I would be. Oh. How do you whack off as a guy? Just regular. Oh, I'm gonna conquer you. (laughs) No, I hold it in for a few days. Tastes bad. (laughs) I try not to jerk off, uh, more than twice a week. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What? 'Cause then it, then I appreciate it. I don't think that's- Whoa. ... that's not that- Twice a week? That's not that scary. I'm a two-a-day-er. What? Yeah, especially on the road. I do one in the bathroom before the show. On the road, it's hard. On the road, it's hard. On the road, it's great. It's a great stress reliever before a show. You bet that. It's honestly been shown to be that- Yeah. ... for performers- Really? ... that performers can jerk off before a show. It alleviates a certain level of anxiety. Don't you get tired though? Definitely. Don't you get like- Tired? ... lackadaisical on stage? I don't. Yeah. No, but you know what, you gotta w- warm your body up. Yeah. You know, one of the things that I always do is I pace around. I get moving. Same. I breathe a lot. Yeah. Like, I feel like if you just sit down- Yeah. ... and then get up and go on stage, you're not ready to, like, totally perform. Agreed. That's the worst. I always take... Fuck it, I, I keep saying I'm gonna stop doing it, and I take a nap before the fucking show. Big mistake. (laughs) That's a big- It's crazy. You're all foggy. And then you wake up, and you get there, and you're like, "Fuck this." Whoa. Yeah. Number one mistake, spaghetti. Oh, yeah. Don't do it. Wait for them. Eminem. Don't do it. Mom's spaghetti? (laughs) Spaghetti and meatballs, spaghetti and meatballs before a fucking show, you're done. Who did that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was me. (laughs) Me, I'm a guinea. Me, I'm a Mario. I'm a fucking idiot. (laughs) Bro, when I used to eat, like, pasta all the time, I would, I wa- I'm a gorger. I would eat a giant plate- Same. ... of lasagna. Yeah. And it'd just feel like I got hit with a tranquilizer dart, just- (wheezes) Yeah. ... on stage. (laughs) Like, "Do you guys wanna do this?" And when you're a broke comic, you get that free meal at the club. You can't stop eating. Oh, yeah. Gotta eat. You can't. Sit down and eat. Gotta eat. Buffalo chicken bites. Yes. Three Bud Lights, go on stage like... (burps) I used to book shows- (laughs) Maybe I'll sit down for this one. I used to book shows at Dangerfield's just so I'd get a free cheeseburger. Yes. They had killer cheeseburgers at Dangerfield's. That club was fucking perfect looking. That was a cool club. Oh, God. Good-looking room. Boy. That place is the best. I got there at the end. Mm-hmm. And that was one of the only clubs that would book me at first when I moved to New York City. Me too. So, I would go there, and it would just be me and three fucking dudes I never heard of. Super old guys. Old fucking dudes. Yeah, like Mario. Weird, weird guys that only worked there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was crazy. And then you get in there- Right. ... and there's four people in the room. Oh, yeah. Four people total. And the, and the piano takes up 98% of the stage. And it was still smoky. Dude, it was nuts. (laughs) And still, it was perfect. (laughs) Wow. It was so weird. Cool room. Dangerfield's was so weird. It's like, this shouldn't even be here. That room was perfect though. Time capsule. That was a cool room. I used to do prom shows there. Whoa. Did you ever do prom shows? No. I did those at Caroline's. Oh, prom shows are madness. This is how it works. Yeah. The show starts at like 4:00 PM, okay? (laughs) And you have shows all night long. You get out of there at like 4:00 AM. They just keep pumping kids in there. Wow. And they don't tell anybody to leave. Different schools. No. So they tell you w- they want you to do your same set over and over again so the kids get bored- That's still here. ... and they leave. But the kids get on stage. I watched a kid- Oh, yeah. ... go on stage and take the mic from a comic- (laughs) ... and, and blow cigar smoke, some big football player fuck. Some big 17-year-old kid from Long Island- Yeah. Yeah. ... who goes out there with a cigar- Oh. ... and takes the fucking microphone from the comic. That's chaos. Hilarious. The key is, just call one kid a virgin. Just call one kid- And it would murder. Yeah. That was my, my ace up my sleeve. Just destroy that kid's life? Yeah. (laughs) They're like, "He is. Ah." Survive. "He's a school shooter." It's like, "Look, I'm trying to do wells." They were little animals. "I'm trying to do well for 10 minutes. I'm gonna ruin your fucking high school." Exactly. (laughs) Oh my God. They were little fucking animals. Animals. They had those teen tour ones at the Improv where it was like summertime. Teen tours, yes. You'd be on a teen tour- Ooh. ... and they'd be like, "Hey, just so you know, it's a teen tour." That's hot. They didn't tell me that- 14-year-olds. ... until I got there. I was in the room. Hmm. I can't imagine. 14, 15-year-olds. And I'd go, "I'm not gonna change my act." Yeah. I go, "If you want these kids to go to a nightclub, I'm not gonna change my act." Like, this is- Abso- Yeah, right? I got extra dirty. Like, I'm not gonna, like, change my act. I'm not gonna do that. And they want it dirty. They do. Yeah, I got extra dirty. They definitely do. They love sex jokes. But if you went like a weird sex move, they'd be like, "This is... I don't understand this." Uh-huh. That's so irresponsible though. Right. Like, do... The parents, like, do they know? (laughs) What we're saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they know. You gotta take them to the Comedy Store or the Impro- The Comedy Store didn't do it, but the, The Improv did it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I mean, some parents- Man, that must've been so fun as a kid though. Oh my God, it'd be the best time. It must've been upper left. Our prom sucked compared to that. I mean, we just got like blacked out. Yeah, same. It would've been fun to get fucked up- Limo. ... and go to a con- I'd... Like, what was the best thing? That's being in high school and seeing a comedy show. Yeah. What was the best thing that ever happened in high school? You go to the museum, go to the woods. Right, a field trip. Go to the woods. (laughs) Go to the woods, get fucked up in the woods. That shit ruled. (laughs) Yeah, but that was like in school. That was the best. Oh, oh, yeah. (laughs) I mean, when you're in... I mean, they took them there for school. Yeah, yeah. It was like a part of this school project. Field trip, yeah. That was the best. We got a party bus. Remember those? Ooh, nice. Those were fun. That's awesome. I got, I got blown on the bus. It was the big highlight of my life. What? Congratulations. Yeah. In high school, you got blown on the bus? Wow. Yeah. That's fucking nice. And brought a date. Was everybody there? Uh, he was a good guy. (laughs)
2. SGShane Gillis
  No, you guys didn't do party buses? You get shit house?
3. GUGuest
  How the fuck did you get blown on a party bus?
4. In high school, you guys got drunk on a bus?
5. SGShane Gillis
  It was fun. Everybody was getting blown, jerked off. It was good times.
6. GUGuest
  Yeah, yeah. We used to do like group- ... jerk offs and-
7. SGShane Gillis
  Oh.
8. GUGuest
  ... blows and fingers. All that.
9. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
10. GUGuest
  We did all that stuff.
11. Spanish sword fight.
12. SGShane Gillis
  Yes. Did you guys bl- uh, jerk off with your friends?
13. GUGuest
  Oh, yeah.
14. No.
15. SGShane Gillis
  What?
16. GUGuest
  Sleepaway camp.
17. Never.
18. SGShane Gillis
  That's a bonding experience.
19. GUGuest
  That's the way you justify what you're doing. It was never even brought up in conversation-
20. SGShane Gillis
  Oh.
21. GUGuest
  ... or it was an option.
22. SGShane Gillis
  See, that's the '70s.
23. GUGuest
  You need to tell everybody, like, "It's great." (laughs)
24. (laughs)
25. SGShane Gillis
  Those were different times.
26. GUGuest
  They were different times.
27. SGShane Gillis
  They bottled everything in Boston.
28. GUGuest
  When did people start jerking each other off?
29. Jerking each other off? (laughs)
30. (laughs)
47:28 – 51:44
Mustache & grooming detour: aging hair, eyebrow trimming, and style trends
1. SGShane Gillis
  You've tasted a couple jizzies. (laughs) What is the stache? What's the, uh...
2. GUGuest
  I shaved my beard and then left the stache. I like it.
3. It looks good.
4. SGShane Gillis
  It's a solid stache.
5. GUGuest
  It looks good on you. I came in full. I didn't have to grow it in.
6. You look cool.
7. SGShane Gillis
  Pull up a picture of Richard Petty. I'm telling you, spitting image.
8. GUGuest
  Ari had a...
9. Oh, yeah.
10. Ari had a Hitler mustache for a little bit.
11. Yeah.
12. SGShane Gillis
  Oh, that's fun.
13. GUGuest
  I lost a bet I had to do it for a week in Myanmar. Hitler mustache.
14. SGShane Gillis
  Uh-huh.
15. GUGuest
  In Myanmar?
16. In Myanmar, dude.
17. Somebody's team won the Super Bowl, like not mine. The bet was paid off and it was like- Usually in another country, you had to do it?
18. It was great. They didn't even know what the fuck Hitler was.
19. Yeah.
20. (laughs) It's the perfect place to do it.
21. SGShane Gillis
  As a J-... Look at that. Come on, that's better than his. You got a fucking broom up there.
22. GUGuest
  It's a solid... It's a solid mustache, Ari. It's impressive.
23. Yeah, you look good.
24. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
25. GUGuest
  It looks good. Look at that. (laughs)
26. You look like you got de-age.
27. SGShane Gillis
  That's like quite a clit broom. There it is.
28. GUGuest
  There it is.
29. (laughs)
30. SGShane Gillis
  Come on.
51:44 – 1:01:29
Celebrity looks & movies: Madonna discourse, Hollywood economics, and authenticity
1. JRJoe Rogan
  Did you ever see that, um... There was a book that they did. It was a photographic book with, uh, Madonna.
2. GUGuest
  Yeah.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  And Madonna and, um, him are in a lot of these photos. Really wild looking photos.
4. GUGuest
  I'm sure they fucked.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  Where Madonna was like... Oh, she, she's a wild lady.
6. GUGuest
  Oh, yeah.
7. Yeah, you seen her lately?
8. JRJoe Rogan
  She's an empowering, she's a wild lady.
9. GUGuest
  You seen her lately?
10. Yeah.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  I have.
12. GUGuest
  She looks fucking nuts.
13. It's not, uh-
14. Pull her up.
15. It's not her best.
16. (laughs) She looks nuts.
17. Still got a body.
18. No, she's a... Dude.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  Um, well she-
20. GUGuest
  G- G- Enjoy it.
21. Haven't seen her.
22. JRJoe Rogan
  She's hanging on as long as she can. And she's doing as good as a 65-year-old woman has ever done.
23. GUGuest
  She's aging so gracefully.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  How old is she now?
25. GUGuest
  Heaven forbid.
26. I've seen 100 and 65... Regular 65-year-olds are beating her now.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
28. GUGuest
  Have you seen her lately?
29. No. I'm pulling up things. She's nice there.
30. I'm not saying she's not nice.