Joe Rogan Experience #1866 - Protect Our Parks 5

Narrator 0:00 (drumming music) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

0:04 The Joe Rogan Experience. (rock music)

Joe Rogan 0:06 Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. (rock music) When you're on an IUD, you don't get periods?

Shane Gillis 0:14 No, that's one of the perks.

Mark Normand 0:15 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 0:16 Really?

Mark Normand 0:16 I didn't know that.

Narrator 0:17 There's one of them, you get, like, one period a year.

Joe Rogan 0:19 Are we up?

Shane Gillis 0:20 Oh, that's-

Joe Rogan 0:20 Okay, we're rolling.

Shane Gillis 0:21 ... there's a patch, Joe.

Ari Shaffir 0:21 We're talking about menstruation.

Shane Gillis 0:22 Yeah.

Mark Normand 0:23 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 0:23 We're live.

Ari Shaffir 0:24 We're putting them in menstruation.

Joe Rogan 0:24 So when you're on an IUD you don't get periods?

Shane Gillis 0:26 No, no, my lady does not-

Joe Rogan 0:27 Where does it go?

Shane Gillis 0:29 It comes out of her ass.

Mark Normand 0:30 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 0:30 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 0:30 But I mean, I've read about a guy-

Narrator 0:31 Maybe I have an IUD. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 0:33 I read about a guy who has, like, some weird fucking birth defect where he comes out of his ass.

Shane Gillis 0:37 Those are called gays. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 0:39 No, no, no, no. It's other people's coming.

Narrator 0:40 It's right after sex.

Shane Gillis 0:41 I see.

Joe Rogan 0:41 See if you, uh, find that. There's a-

Shane Gillis 0:43 (laughs) That's right.

Joe Rogan 0:43 Find... Let's, let's start with this. Some guy had some weird, some weird issue where he was ejaculating out of his anus.

Mark Normand 0:51 Here we go everybody!

Shane Gillis 0:52 Yeah!

Joe Rogan 0:52 (laughs) Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 0:53 That's pretty nice.

Joe Rogan 0:54 Let's get started.

Shane Gillis 0:54 (clapping) That sounds pretty good, like must feel good, man.

Ari Shaffir 0:56 Yeah, taking a shit feels great.

Narrator 0:58 It must feel great.

Shane Gillis 0:58 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 0:58 Imagine if it was jizz.

Joe Rogan 0:59 I don't think so because then it would feel like you have jizz in your butt and it's not even yours.

Ari Shaffir 1:01 And you're gonna leak, you're gonna leak it down your lip.

Joe Rogan 1:02 Curious case of rectal ejaculation.

Shane Gillis 1:05 Woo!

Joe Rogan 1:05 Of course it's in Florida.

Shane Gillis 1:07 Ah!

Joe Rogan 1:07 Rectal prostate fistulas are uncommon anatomical c- connections between the prostatic, prostatic? Prostatic urethra and rectum that are typically... Say that word.

Shane Gillis 1:20 Typically.

Joe Rogan 1:21 Latro... (laughs) Latrogenic? Latrogenic?

Shane Gillis 1:25 Iatrogenic.

Joe Rogan 1:25 Iatrogenic. Oh, it's an I. Iatrogenic, but can also result from other underlying pathology. Here we present a unique case of a rectal prostate fistula causing the rectal passage of sperm.

Shane Gillis 1:39 Mm.

Joe Rogan 1:39 A 33-year-old male with a history of illicit drug use presented within five days of testicular pain and a substantial amount of sperm passage from his rectum with ejaculation for the past two years.

Mark Normand 1:51 What drugs?

Joe Rogan 1:51 Computed tomography-

Mark Normand 1:53 Drugs.

Joe Rogan 1:53 ... and voiding cystorethrogram-

Shane Gillis 1:58 (laughs) Ah-ha.

Joe Rogan 1:59 ... of the pelvis revealed evidence of a rectal prostate fistula. He was treated with...

Ari Shaffir 2:06 Pimafucilin, tazavactum. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 2:09 Thank you.

Narrator 2:09 Solid.

Shane Gillis 2:10 He nailed it.

Joe Rogan 2:10 And a surgical fistula repair was performed.

Shane Gillis 2:13 Oh, so he was fisted.

Joe Rogan 2:13 Further investigation default... Fistula. Further investigation divulged a three-week comatose state due to cocaine-

Shane Gillis 2:21 Yo.

Narrator 2:21 And fencil... Wow.

Shane Gillis 2:22 There it is.

Joe Rogan 2:22 What is that word? Fencildeen... Fencildine intoxication-

Narrator 2:27 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 2:27 ... two years prior with documentation suggesting a traumatic Foley catheter placement and strong suspicion for premature balloon dilation of the prostatic urethra.

Shane Gillis 2:37 What is that in English? I don't know what any of that means.

Narrator 2:39 Yeah, it sounds to me like someone shoved a balloon up his ass when he was high on coke.

Joe Rogan 2:41 Something happened that was really bad. That was a guy who went too hard.

Mark Normand 2:45 Too hard.

Shane Gillis 2:46 Yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 2:46 He went too hard.

Mark Normand 2:47 He went, yeah. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 2:47 He went too crazy.

Mark Normand 2:48 He enjoyed life.

Ari Shaffir 2:49 Damn, imagine going so hard you wake up jizzing out of your ass. (laughs)

Mark Normand 2:51 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 2:51 (laughs) That's a wild night.

Joe Rogan 2:53 People are like, "Oh, I lost my car keys."

Shane Gillis 2:56 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 2:56 "And, uh, my car... My fucking... I got kicked out of my house because I didn't pay rent." Oh yeah? I come out of my ass.

Shane Gillis 3:02 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 3:03 I partied so hard.

Ari Shaffir 3:04 I come out of my butt now, dude.

Shane Gillis 3:05 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:06 He's just leaking soap.

Shane Gillis 3:07 The gay guy who fucked him has got to feel good. Like, "Look what I did to you."

Ari Shaffir 3:09 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 3:09 "Farted so good."

Joe Rogan 3:11 Farts bubbles. Farts cum bubbles out of his ass.

Ari Shaffir 3:13 Oh man. (mouth popping)

Joe Rogan 3:14 How about that? Probably thought it was other guys' jizz just, like, stored away back there.

Ari Shaffir 3:17 Especially waking up.

Joe Rogan 3:18 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 3:19 Like, "Holy shit, I got fucking jizz."

Joe Rogan 3:20 How much jizz is up there?

Narrator 3:21 I, I wonder how many times he did that before he was like, "I got to go to the doctor." (laughs)

Shane Gillis 3:25 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 3:25 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 3:25 A long time.

Narrator 3:26 Yeah. Men will go like, "Ah, it'll work itself out."

Joe Rogan 3:28 Exactly.

Narrator 3:29 Dude.

Joe Rogan 3:29 No biggie.

Ari Shaffir 3:30 A long time.

Joe Rogan 3:30 No biggie, just a hole in the pipes.

Ari Shaffir 3:31 I did fuck a lot of dudes last night.

Joe Rogan 3:33 (laughs)

Narrator 3:33 This seems...

Joe Rogan 3:34 I think a lot of dudes fucked him.

Narrator 3:35 Could be. Right. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 3:36 I think, yeah, there's probably some damage going on in there.

Ari Shaffir 3:38 You hold off on that visit as long as you can.

Narrator 3:40 You hold off, yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:40 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 3:41 You're like, "This thing's got to sort itself out."

Joe Rogan 3:43 Yes. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 3:43 (laughs)

Narrator 3:43 Go to the fucking doctor. You got to clear the semen and be like, "Just take a look and tell me what you find."

Joe Rogan 3:47 That is not a vi- Why don't we have glasses and ice?

Shane Gillis 3:50 Oh. We got whiskey. We got whiskey.

Joe Rogan 3:52 We're in here?

Shane Gillis 3:53 Just saying.

Joe Rogan 3:54 Glasses and ice were in here? Someone took them away?

Shane Gillis 3:57 Mm.

Narrator 3:58 That doesn't seem logical. No dice on the ice?

Shane Gillis 3:59 Ice, it's on the border.

Joe Rogan 4:01 Yeah.

Narrator 4:03 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 4:03 What are we gonna do, be sober? Jesus Christ, boys.

Shane Gillis 4:05 Now how do the gay guys decide who does the top bottom?

Narrator 4:09 I think they have a preference.

Joe Rogan 4:09 I think some guys like it.

Narrator 4:10 They like it.

Joe Rogan 4:11 Yeah, some guys like bottom, some guys like top.

Shane Gillis 4:13 Wouldn't you want to mix and match?

Joe Rogan 4:15 Some guys don't want it.

Ari Shaffir 4:16 People want some guys do the old swaperoo.

Shane Gillis 4:16 Yeah.

Narrator 4:17 Switch it up, yeah.

Shane Gillis 4:18 Yeah. It feels weird that there's an assigned, you know-

Joe Rogan 4:21 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 4:21 ... one way.

Narrator 4:22 It's a weird, weird... You know, dating's weird.

Shane Gillis 4:25 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 4:25 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 4:26 Dating's weird, huh?

Narrator 4:28 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 4:28 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 4:29 Just saying if, if... Gay guys, call in.

Narrator 4:31 These, didn't they used to have the handkerchief signs? Wasn't that a thing?

Ari Shaffir 4:34 No, that was just what people would tell you if you had a handkerchief hanging out.

Shane Gillis 4:38 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 4:38 They'd be like, "You know what that means? You're gay."

Joe Rogan 4:40 But they were like-

Ari Shaffir 4:40 If you had an earring, they'd be like, "That means you're a bottom."

Narrator 4:42 Different s- different handkerchief colors meant different things.

Joe Rogan 4:44 Right. There was always a thing where you, like, had, uh... Like, if your pants were rolled up on one side.

Shane Gillis 4:49 Yes.

Joe Rogan 4:50 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 4:50 That means you liked this.

Shane Gillis 4:51 And then there was the, uh, the, the tap in the bathroom. That was big.

Ari Shaffir 4:54 I think that one's legit.

Shane Gillis 4:55 That's real?

Ari Shaffir 4:56 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:56 That's, like, some weird stuff with guys who are in the closet-

Ari Shaffir 4:59 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:59 ... who, like, go to restrooms at, at airports.

Ari Shaffir 5:01 That's, like, Senators.

Narrator 5:02 That's, like, Congressman gay.

Shane Gillis 5:03 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 5:03 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:04 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Shane Gillis 5:04 Yeah.

Narrator 5:04 That's another level of gay.

Ari Shaffir 5:05 I mean, that's exactly what happened to a Senator, a Congressman.

Shane Gillis 5:07 That's right, that's where I learned about it.

Joe Rogan 5:09 So this is yours?

Narrator 5:10 You wanna see how it's shaped?

Joe Rogan 5:10 Bodega Cat.

Shane Gillis 5:11 That's me and Sam Merrill's-

Joe Rogan 5:12 Is this legit?

Shane Gillis 5:13 ... new rye.

Joe Rogan 5:13 Let's try it.

Shane Gillis 5:14 Tastes great.

Joe Rogan 5:15 Let's try it.

Shane Gillis 5:15 Crack it open.

Ari Shaffir 5:16 All right.

Shane Gillis 5:16 It's for sale now online.

Joe Rogan 5:18 It's called Bodega Cat-

Shane Gillis 5:19 Oh yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:20 ... straight rye whiskey.

Ari Shaffir 5:21 Now, can-

Joe Rogan 5:21 How long is it aged for? A week.

Shane Gillis 5:23 A week.

Joe Rogan 5:24 Does it age at all?

Narrator 5:25 Great name.

Shane Gillis 5:26 Oh, sure.

Joe Rogan 5:27 Don't lie to me.

Shane Gillis 5:28 They age.

Joe Rogan 5:28 Don't lie to me.

Shane Gillis 5:29 I don't know anything about the aging.

Ari Shaffir 5:30 I thought it was aged.

Joe Rogan 5:31 How much do you know about whiskey?

Shane Gillis 5:33 Uh...

Narrator 5:33 He drinks a lot of it.

Joe Rogan 5:34 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 5:34 Just the taste.

Joe Rogan 5:36 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 5:36 I know rye- It tastes good? ... and, and whiskey are different.

Narrator 5:39 What got me into whiskey was-

Shane Gillis 5:40 Thank you.

Narrator 5:40 ... late night shows at The Cellar with you and Sam and Mackie drinking, uh, Bulleit Rye on the rocks.

Shane Gillis 5:45 Yeah. I love a good rye.

Joe Rogan 5:47 Gentlemen, to, uh, what is this, episode four or five?

Narrator 5:51 Five.

Shane Gillis 5:51 Five?

Joe Rogan 5:51 Five?

Shane Gillis 5:51 Is it five?

Ari Shaffir 5:52 I don't know. Five. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 5:52 We have protected, we have protected zero parks.

Narrator 5:54 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 5:54 Yeah. Fuck the parks.

Joe Rogan 5:57 Protect Our Parks is100% unsuccessful.

Shane Gillis 6:00 (laughs)

Narrator 6:00 I drove by it the other day. I'm like, "God damn it." (laughs) It's just all-

Joe Rogan 6:03 Pretty good.

Narrator 6:03 ... flattened.

Shane Gillis 6:04 Thank you.

Narrator 6:05 Pretty fucking good.

Shane Gillis 6:05 We tasted like 10 different ryes.

Joe Rogan 6:07 (laughs)

Narrator 6:07 Oh, come on!

Joe Rogan 6:09 ... one.

Guest 6:09 Oh, god. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 6:10 I'm trying to sell this here, Rogan.

Guest 6:12 (smacks lips) It's pretty good, yeah.

6:12 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 6:13 It's right next to Buffalo Trace. It's a h- a hard sell. Well, once arrived-

Guest 6:17 We gotta do blind, we gotta do a blind taste test.

6:18 No, Bu- uh, I'm more of a Bodega Cat guy.

Joe Rogan 6:20 Yeah, let's do blind with y- with your blind drunk. Thank you. You like it dark?

Guest 6:22 I, yeah, I usually don't like this shit. This is actually pretty good.

Joe Rogan 6:25 You like it with a little, little fucking kick to it? That's a kick.

Guest 6:28 Try also?

6:29 This is just, this is just bourbon.

Joe Rogan 6:30 No, this is my friend's whiskey. (laughs) This is, this is hoity-toity. Before sh- hoity-toity? The Buffalo Trace is too high end. American, what the fuck? This isn't even expensive. This is an American, uh... This is, you know, for the people. Buffalo Trace isn't even expensive.

Guest 6:39 Buffalo Trace is expensive.

Joe Rogan 6:40 Oh, yeah.

Guest 6:40 Buffalo Trace, kill yourself.

6:42 Buffalo Trace, kill yourself.

Joe Rogan 6:42 Listen, Bodega Cat I love the comedians involved, so I'll support it. All right, thank you. (claps) That's all I need. I like a fucking good harsh whiskey, like I like a shot of Jack before a show. Hell yeah. 'Cause, but, but I don't sip it and savor it like an old Scotch.

Guest 6:54 Jack's not, Jack's not a sipper.

Joe Rogan 6:55 Yeah, it's like... (retches) No way.

Guest 6:57 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:57 (whoops) It's good for a boilermaker. You take a shot and a beer. It's good right before a show, when you just- Yeah. ... down one and go, "Let's fucking go!"

Guest 7:04 Yeah, dude.

Joe Rogan 7:04 (whoops) Boys.

Guest 7:07 Paint thinner.

Joe Rogan 7:07 Good to see ya. Good to be back.

Guest 7:09 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 7:09 Always good to see you guys. Mm. Very exciting, very exciting. Ari, how long did it take you to recover from the last one?

Guest 7:15 Uh, a solid day.

Joe Rogan 7:17 Oh.

Guest 7:17 I think I was okay saying goodbye. Did I seem okay saying goodbye?

Joe Rogan 7:19 No. Yeah, you did good.

Guest 7:20 You didn't say goodbye, okay?

Joe Rogan 7:21 'Cause he slept a long time. He slept on the floor for at least a hour-

Guest 7:24 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 7:24 ... and then I stayed until he left. And it was several hours.

Guest 7:27 But I was like, "Okay, see you, man."

Joe Rogan 7:28 Yeah. Yeah, you were good. (laughs) Yeah, you recovered. You were pretty banged up. You had a big smile on your face. You had cum coming out of your ass.

Guest 7:33 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 7:34 (imitates sad trombone music)

Guest 7:35 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 7:36 (laughs)

Guest 7:36 I was pretty banged up, but-

7:37 It took me, that took me a week. A week. That was a tough... Well, 'cause then I went to kill Tony. And kept drinking.

Joe Rogan 7:42 Oh, it kept going.

Guest 7:42 How many did you have that day, in total?

7:44 I don't know. Probably had five or six at Kill Tony, at least.

Joe Rogan 7:48 Kill Tony's a blur.

Guest 7:48 In the twenties.

7:49 Probably around 30. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 7:50 I had to watch part of that on YouTube, to be like, "Oh, yeah."

Guest 7:53 I kinda watched... That show is so important.

7:54 I didn't watch any of that.

7:55 That's such a good show for comedy.

7:56 Kill Tony's a fun show.

7:57 Funny show.

Joe Rogan 7:57 It sets comics up, like the young people coming up, it sets them up, like, on the right path. Just be funny.

Guest 8:03 Would've been nice-

Joe Rogan 8:03 Yes.

Guest 8:03 ... if we had that when we were starting.

8:04 It would've been amazing.

8:05 A nice little, like, get some pr- like, press. Yeah.

8:07 Oh my God. And you, you're, you see these people that go on to have careers.

Joe Rogan 8:11 Oh, yeah.

Guest 8:11 Like, out of Kill Tony, and they legitimately have careers.

Joe Rogan 8:14 It's a credit. People use it as a credit.

Guest 8:15 Yeah.

8:15 Who was the biggest Kill Tony, like, picked out of the hat? Who's the b- biggest one?

Joe Rogan 8:20 Well, let me see. Mm. Preacher Lawson. Oh. Preacher Lawson, yep, he started at Kill Tony.

Guest 8:24 He's doing stand-up now?

Joe Rogan 8:24 Wow. He's killing it.

Guest 8:25 He's great.

Joe Rogan 8:26 Yeah. Um, uh...

Guest 8:28 Damn, really?

Joe Rogan 8:29 Yeah. Ali Macofsky's doing really well on the road now.

Guest 8:32 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 8:32 Um, Hans Kim is a fucking killer. I bring that guy with me everywhere.

Guest 8:37 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 8:38 He's so funny. He's so good. He is. That guy is fucking killing it. William Montgomery's killing it. Yeah. There's a lot of good people. David Lucas is killing it. Yeah. Him and Tony together... I wa- I was the guest last week. I was fucking in tears, like crying in tears- Yeah. ... at those two going after each other.

Guest 8:54 David Lucas?

Joe Rogan 8:54 Yeah.

Guest 8:55 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 8:55 Oh, yeah. Lucas and him, they're, those two together are like the best one-two combination in comedy.

Guest 9:00 He opened for me at The Creek when I was here, and he, he just vapes on stage. (laughs) He's so fucking chill.

Joe Rogan 9:04 Yeah.

Guest 9:04 He's just talking and he's like, "I don't know what else." (laughs) it's like, "What are you doing?"

Joe Rogan 9:08 (laughs) Yeah.

Guest 9:08 He's such a good guy.

Joe Rogan 9:09 I don't have that.

Guest 9:10 Such a good guy, so funny.

Joe Rogan 9:11 I love him.

Guest 9:12 But yeah, doing Kill Tony after this was, uh... Fuck, that hurt.

Joe Rogan 9:16 That was tough.

Guest 9:16 That was bad. That was pretty sad.

Joe Rogan 9:18 Well, you're doing it tonight.

Guest 9:19 Yeah.

9:19 Should've slept in.

9:20 But we're not drinking 30 beers today.

Joe Rogan 9:21 Well, you have a fucking-

Guest 9:23 One little bit of whiskey.

Joe Rogan 9:23 ... beer and a whiskey and a Nate Diaz shirt.

Guest 9:25 That's fine. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 9:26 The odds of you not going hard today... (laughs)

Guest 9:28 I'm... Look, I'm gonna get fucked up.

Joe Rogan 9:30 It just happens.

Guest 9:31 (laughs)

9:32 Yeah. It just happens. It just happens.

Joe Rogan 9:33 And it's fun.

Guest 9:34 On the way over, I was like, "I'm gonna take it easy." As soon as we walked in this room, I was like, "Fuck."

Joe Rogan 9:37 Yeah.

Guest 9:38 "I'm definitely getting fucked up."

Joe Rogan 9:39 (laughs) That evil in you.

Guest 9:40 There's so many instruments of death here.

9:41 Jamie was like, "Oh, I got a, I got a beer bong." I was like, "Dude."

Joe Rogan 9:43 We literally have a tomahawk on the fucking table. Yeah.

Guest 9:46 This isn't good. Is that for... That's a Jack Carr tomahawk.

Joe Rogan 9:49 Is that from, uh...

Guest 9:50 From The Terminal List? The, uh, the television show that he uses, uh... Chris Pratt uses to fucking split a guy's head open?

9:56 Dude, Chris Pratt's the fucking man.

9:57 He's the fucking man.

Joe Rogan 9:57 He really is.

Guest 9:58 He's the fucking man, dude.

Joe Rogan 9:58 I love that guy. He's religious.

Guest 10:00 Yeah, he's good.

Joe Rogan 10:00 Great dude in real life, like-

Guest 10:01 I bet.

Joe Rogan 10:01 ... great dude. I ran into him accidentally once in Hawaii. He was on, um, vacation. It was, uh... He was on his honeymoon with his wife. And I was there with my family and he just strolls up like a fucking normal person. Mm.

Guest 10:12 He's, like, a normal guy.

10:13 How long ago? Was this still chubby Chris Pratt?

10:15 A couple years ago?

10:16 Remember when he was a nerd?

Joe Rogan 10:17 Chubby, chubby.

Guest 10:17 He was, but...

10:18 I'm going the other way.

10:18 ... chubby Chris Pratt was the man.

10:19 He was already Guardians of the Galaxy Chris Pratt.

Joe Rogan 10:21 Oh.

Guest 10:21 So he was already kind of-

Joe Rogan 10:21 Oh. Yeah.

Guest 10:21 Dude, those... Yo, we were talking about crying during movies. I cried during Guardians of the Galaxy on an airplane. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 10:26 (laughs)

Guest 10:26 What? Two weeks ago, I cried, dude.

Joe Rogan 10:28 Oh, on an airplane. Why? (laughs)

Guest 10:29 I don't know. I love that shit, dude.

Joe Rogan 10:31 One or two? Number one or two?

Guest 10:32 Unfortunately two.

Joe Rogan 10:33 Ah.

Guest 10:35 Oh.

10:35 Dude, started playing fucking Fleetwood Mac and it was showing-

Joe Rogan 10:38 Yeah.

Guest 10:38 ... how much he loved his friends.

Joe Rogan 10:39 Oh.

Guest 10:40 And I was on an airplane by myself just like... (yawning)

Joe Rogan 10:42 It's brutal. You know what they say, uh, elevation it makes you-

Guest 10:45 It's the airplane.

10:45 It's the elevation, dude.

Joe Rogan 10:46 ... more emotional.

Guest 10:47 I cry on planes every time.

Joe Rogan 10:47 Well, you're also vulnerable. That's why I like to get high on planes. Like, when we would, uh, take edibles, Ari-

Guest 10:52 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 10:53 ... and get all... We would get blitzkrieged, like we would have been a neighboring dimension and we would be on a plane.

Guest 10:58 I could never do that.

Joe Rogan 10:58 We did it all the time.

Guest 10:59 So, dude, I was so high once that I thought-

11:00 That's fucking insane.

11:00 ... I have low blood pressure. I thought taking off would kick the blood into my feet.

11:04 (laughs)

11:04 And since I would keep kicking off, I would just die. And I was looking over, I'm like, "I think I want to get off this plane."

Joe Rogan 11:09 (imitates yawning)

Guest 11:09 But I can't tell Rogan.

11:10 (laughs)

11:11 I can't tell... He'll give me shit for it. And I was just like, "Well, I'm done."

Joe Rogan 11:14 I gave- Yeah. I gave Segura once an edible and he got on a plane with me and he goes, uh, "I, I almost didn't make it when we landed." He goes, "I was almost freaking out. I almost asked to, to land the plane."

Guest 11:24 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 11:24 (laughs) "I almost asked them to land the plane."

Guest 11:26 It's the worst place to do an edible. You're trapped.

11:27 You're trapped. I would never.

Joe Rogan 11:28 Oh, no.

Guest 11:28 It's the perfect place to do an edible because you're trapped.

Joe Rogan 11:30 I would never.

Guest 11:30 Once, never again.

11:31 But that's the reason why you do it-

11:32 Oh, yeah.

11:32 ... on a plane, you gotta let go. That's the whole idea.

11:35 And also if you get the spins, you just stay in your chair and just like, "Fuck." You just deal with it, just don't be a pussy. You're gonna live.

Joe Rogan 11:42 It's a nightmare.

Guest 11:43 You're gonna live.

11:43 It sucks. It does suck.

11:43 That's your, that's your new t-shirt. Just don't be a pussy.

Joe Rogan 11:46 Don't be a pussy. Have an edible.

Guest 11:46 You're gonna live.

Joe Rogan 11:48 I wonder if anybody lives-

Guest 11:49 Everybody lives.

Joe Rogan 11:49 ... on flight 93 was on an edible. Somebody must've been on an edible on that flight. Oh, one guy at least. Oh yeah, like right crew. One guy, like just going to the building like, "Whoa, this is pretty cool." They shot that fucking plane out of the sky.

Guest 11:59 Yeah, the DC one?

Joe Rogan 12:00 Almost no doubt. Yeah.

Guest 12:01 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 12:01 Almost no doubt they shot it out of the sky. What do you mean?

Guest 12:03 They were scattered for miles.

Joe Rogan 12:04 In Somerset.

Guest 12:05 They should've.

Joe Rogan 12:06 Huh?

Guest 12:06 Yeah, they should've.

Joe Rogan 12:06 They're supposed to. You say that 'cause I wanna say it. I'm saying that, uh, that w- we, "Let's roll," all that-... probably didn't happen.

Narrator 12:16 That was to give America a victory, like, we fought back against them and we got our, you know?

Ari Shaffir 12:19 Whoa, whoa, whoa. What- what the hell are you guys talking about?

Joe Rogan 12:20 Yeah, they crashed it into the ground-

Ari Shaffir 12:22 Yeah.

Narrator 12:22 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 12:22 ... to save the White House? The fuck outta here.

Narrator 12:24 They, they, they lay, they grounded all planes. One plane suddenly wasn't talking and it was headed off its course-

Joe Rogan 12:30 Yeah.

Narrator 12:30 ... towards the White House, and they were like, "D- hello, are you there?"

Ari Shaffir 12:33 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 12:33 They found the wreckage-

Ari Shaffir 12:34 What?

Joe Rogan 12:34 The wreckage was spread out over miles. Now, in a plane crash, the wreckage does not spread for miles. But when you blow something up in the air, I would imagine that it would spread out for miles.

Ari Shaffir 12:44 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 12:45 But, you know, when you're, you hit the ground, how is the wreckage spread for miles?

Ari Shaffir 12:49 I-

Joe Rogan 12:49 That doesn't even make sense.

Ari Shaffir 12:50 I-

Narrator 12:50 I think there was something ... I think it was Cheney, Cheney was like, "Do it."

Joe Rogan 12:55 I'm sure.

Narrator 12:55 And I believe, I believe-

Joe Rogan 12:56 That's the protocol.

Narrator 12:56 I don't know why I'm thinking this.

Joe Rogan 12:57 Listen, I am sure, if the, if-

Narrator 12:59 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 12:59 ... like, those people are dead anyway.

Narrator 13:00 Bush was out doing coke, and they were like, Cheney's like, "I got it, dude."

Ari Shaffir 13:03 (laughs)

Narrator 13:03 "Just go read to kids."

Joe Rogan 13:04 Let's say there's 200 people on a plane, and those 200 people are 100% hijacked, there's terrorists on the plane, and they're gonna crash into the White House. Now instead of 200 people dead, you have 2,000 people dead.

Narrator 13:15 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 13:15 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 13:15 You don't think they're gonna blow that thing outta the sky?

Narrator 13:17 Had to.

Joe Rogan 13:17 They have to.

Ari Shaffir 13:18 I haven't heard of it. This is the first time I'm hearing of it. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 13:19 It's the protocol.

Narrator 13:20 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 13:21 Yeah, it's not even-

Narrator 13:22 I know, even back then, I was like, "This seems fishy."

Joe Rogan 13:23 But-

Narrator 13:23 Right.

Joe Rogan 13:23 ... I've talked to military guys about it, and they were like, "Yeah."

Narrator 13:26 How do they get service on the plane?

Joe Rogan 13:28 Is that your fucking phone? That cheap-ass-

Ari Shaffir 13:28 Just dumb watch every time.

Joe Rogan 13:29 ... stupid watch.

Narrator 13:29 Timex, it's broken.

Joe Rogan 13:30 You have a Rolex-

Narrator 13:31 It is take insulin.

Ari Shaffir 13:32 I do have a Rolex.

Joe Rogan 13:32 ... that ECK gave you, and you don't even wear it.

Ari Shaffir 13:34 Well, I can't wear that out. I'll get mugged.

Joe Rogan 13:35 Fuck, Louie, you getting mugged?

Ari Shaffir 13:37 I'm gonna get costed. Ha, in New York? Oh, yeah.

Narrator 13:38 Yeah, walking by the homeless guys, throw something.

Ari Shaffir 13:40 Yeah, but don't wear it in New York. Just don't wear it in New York. You wear it here. I don't know. I just lost my sunglasses on the plane. I don't know if I-

Joe Rogan 13:45 You don't even know how to shut that off. That's what's-

Ari Shaffir 13:46 I don't know what the hell to do.

Narrator 13:48 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 13:48 It's not even at the right time.

Narrator 13:50 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 13:51 Why do you have it on though?

Ari Shaffir 13:52 I like to watch.

Narrator 13:55 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 13:56 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 13:56 (laughs)

Narrator 13:56 (laughs) It doesn't tell the time, for real?

Ari Shaffir 13:57 Well, it says it's Thursday at 4:00.

Joe Rogan 13:59 Tell the time somewhere (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 14:00 So yeah, it's right in Hawaii.

Joe Rogan 14:02 So it'll be right at Thursday on 4:00.

Ari Shaffir 14:04 (laughs) Yeah, but-

Narrator 14:05 Thursday at 4:00 somewhere.

Joe Rogan 14:06 It's right in Hawaii.

Ari Shaffir 14:07 It's 10 bucks. Can't beat it.

Joe Rogan 14:09 Yeah, well they, it's, you probably do calculations on it too, right? Is that one of those?

Ari Shaffir 14:12 No, I wish. No features. It, it lights up.

Joe Rogan 14:15 Remember when they had the calculator watches-

Narrator 14:16 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 14:16 ... and everybody thought you were the shit?

Narrator 14:18 Calcules.

Joe Rogan 14:18 If you had calculators on your watch, they wouldn't let you into college with them.

Ari Shaffir 14:20 That's right.

Joe Rogan 14:21 'Cause you could cheat. What are you doing? You gonna cheat with your stupid watch?

Narrator 14:23 I don't know. I don't remember this.

Ari Shaffir 14:24 Oh, yeah.

Narrator 14:24 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 14:24 You didn't go to college.

Narrator 14:25 Yeah, you were in, like, five colleges.

Ari Shaffir 14:28 I went to three. (laughs) I went to community college, so-

Narrator 14:31 I went to a bunch of colleges.

Joe Rogan 14:32 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 14:32 If I got this student loan debt, I'll be making money.

Joe Rogan 14:34 At a certain ... There was a time where that was the shit, to have a calculator on your watch.

Ari Shaffir 14:38 Oh, yeah.

Narrator 14:40 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 14:40 Yeah, I never, never had one-

Narrator 14:42 You didn't?

Joe Rogan 14:42 ... but yeah, it was the thing.

Narrator 14:43 It was cool.

Joe Rogan 14:44 Yeah, yeah.

Ari Shaffir 14:45 Oh, I remember these.

Narrator 14:45 And then they did throwbacks to it.

Joe Rogan 14:47 Yeah.

Narrator 14:47 Like, like decades later, they're like, "Hey, get those going."

Joe Rogan 14:50 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 14:51 Yeah.

Narrator 14:51 I would wear one of those now.

Joe Rogan 14:52 You'd wear a calculator watch?

Narrator 14:54 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 14:54 I hope they shot down Flight 93.

Narrator 14:56 Hope.

Joe Rogan 14:57 Well, you're probably-

Ari Shaffir 14:58 Otherwise, we're just trashing the let's roll, dude.

Narrator 15:01 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 15:01 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 15:01 This is a guy who died like a hero.

Narrator 15:03 He's like, he's up in heaven going like, "Come on!"

Joe Rogan 15:04 The odds?

Ari Shaffir 15:05 Yes, I've got to stay in the White House. (laughs)

Narrator 15:06 Oh, damn it.

Joe Rogan 15:06 The odds of them telling us the truth in every situation are-

Narrator 15:10 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:10 ... slim to none.

Narrator 15:10 How did he get-

Ari Shaffir 15:11 It's crud.

Narrator 15:12 ... reception up there?

Joe Rogan 15:13 Exactly.

Narrator 15:13 Like, who reported that he said let's roll?

Ari Shaffir 15:15 Uh, well, they had the phones.

Narrator 15:15 No, they did, they did have the credit con- the credit card swipe phones-

Ari Shaffir 15:18 They did.

Narrator 15:18 ... on the backs of seats.

Joe Rogan 15:19 So he called home and said, "I'm gonna go do something"?

Ari Shaffir 15:22 No, I forget the, the exact story. I've read- I've lo- I listened to the black box of it, or read the black box.

Joe Rogan 15:26 Really?

Ari Shaffir 15:27 Read the black box transcript.

Narrator 15:28 That's just from the pilot?

Ari Shaffir 15:29 I've read it.

Narrator 15:29 That's just in the cockpit?

Ari Shaffir 15:30 Yeah, but this dude's up there. I be- I got a ... I think I might've talked about this last time. Oh, oh.

Narrator 15:34 Got into reading black boxes.

Joe Rogan 15:36 Don't be scared. Don't be scared, weed.com.

Narrator 15:38 Last Words.

Ari Shaffir 15:38 Whoa, Black Box-

Narrator 15:39 Pretty wild stuff going on.

Ari Shaffir 15:39 ... Last Words.

Joe Rogan 15:41 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 15:41 Good name for a porn.

Joe Rogan 15:42 You're scared of weed, but you, you drink like a fish. It's very odd. What're you scared of?

Ari Shaffir 15:45 Drinking makes me, drinking makes me feel good.

Joe Rogan 15:47 What does weed do?

Ari Shaffir 15:49 Hug your knees.

Joe Rogan 15:49 Hug your knees.

Ari Shaffir 15:49 Makes me feel pretty bad.

Joe Rogan 15:51 Same.

Narrator 15:51 Really? How and when? Everybody's got their drug.

Ari Shaffir 15:53 Uh-

Joe Rogan 15:53 It's all personality based.

Ari Shaffir 15:54 Anxiety?

Narrator 15:54 Yep.

Ari Shaffir 15:55 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:55 I'm with you. In anxiety's your friend.

Ari Shaffir 15:57 I have it regularly.

Joe Rogan 15:59 It's here to tell you things.

Narrator 16:01 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 16:01 It's here to tell you things.

Ari Shaffir 16:01 Bad news.

Narrator 16:02 I'm with you, Shane.

Joe Rogan 16:03 All the things you're anxious about-

Ari Shaffir 16:04 Stop drinking, dude.

Narrator 16:04 (burps)

Joe Rogan 16:04 ... fix those. All those things you're anxious about, fix those.

Narrator 16:08 I'm with you, Shane. You gotta do what's right for you.

Ari Shaffir 16:10 Thanks, bro.

Joe Rogan 16:10 Oh, look at this fucking big brother coach.

Narrator 16:11 I love weed.

Ari Shaffir 16:11 Yeah.

Narrator 16:12 Louie Katz has a joke about it. He goes, "Weed, you know, marijuana means no worries. And then one day, it meant all the worries."

Ari Shaffir 16:19 Right.

Narrator 16:19 It just, like, I don't know, it turns on people.

Joe Rogan 16:21 It does turn on you, but it also turns on you if you've got something to turn on, you know? If-

Ari Shaffir 16:25 We all have something to turn on.

Joe Rogan 16:26 Yeah.

Narrator 16:27 It's fucking weed.

Joe Rogan 16:27 But it's like, those are the things you have to think about. Hot box, you fucks.

Narrator 16:31 Yeah, I mean, we'll ... I'm not gonna get high on here and be like, "Fuck, I gotta start working out." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 16:34 But you would. You have been working out.

Ari Shaffir 16:36 (laughs)

Narrator 16:36 Yeah, yeah, I'm working out.

Joe Rogan 16:36 You already know that.

Narrator 16:36 It's going slow.

Joe Rogan 16:37 Yeah? You look a little more jacked.

Ari Shaffir 16:38 Oh!

Narrator 16:39 Let's go.

Joe Rogan 16:40 You look a little more jacked.

Ari Shaffir 16:41 Man. Look at that, you look huge.

Narrator 16:42 Who made me work out today. It sucked.

Ari Shaffir 16:44 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 16:44 You guys worked out together?

Ari Shaffir 16:45 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 16:45 Nice. What'd you do? CrossFit?

Ari Shaffir 16:47 We did some, uh, little bit of cr- some dumb training shit.

Joe Rogan 16:50 Yeah?

Ari Shaffir 16:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 16:51 Nice. I like to see that.

Ari Shaffir 16:52 Embarrassing stuff. Well, started with some sumo squats.

Joe Rogan 16:54 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 16:55 Not a big deal.

Joe Rogan 16:56 Oh, wow.

Narrator 16:57 Sumo squats.

Ari Shaffir 16:57 Why didn't sumo ever make it to America?

Joe Rogan 17:00 Because we don't-

Ari Shaffir 17:01 We, we'd be real fat. We like to wrestle.

Joe Rogan 17:02 Yeah.

Narrator 17:02 Our fat people are lazy.

Joe Rogan 17:05 Yeah, but sumo's cool.

Narrator 17:06 Our fat people don't like to move.

Joe Rogan 17:07 Sumo's interesting.

Ari Shaffir 17:08 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:08 It's interesting.

Ari Shaffir 17:09 I think we could dominate.

Narrator 17:09 An American guy was-

Joe Rogan 17:10 It's Japanese tradition.

Narrator 17:10 ... and they, and they were all pissed about it.

Joe Rogan 17:12 Yeah.

Narrator 17:12 He became like the, the champion.

Joe Rogan 17:14 I think it was a Hawaiian guy.

Narrator 17:15 That makes sense.

Ari Shaffir 17:15 Mm, exactly right.

Joe Rogan 17:16 Big people. Giant big dude, big Polynesian fella.

Ari Shaffir 17:19 You seen the guy with the ukulele?

Joe Rogan 17:20 Yeah.

Narrator 17:20 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:21 One of them fellas. Yeah, he's fit.

Narrator 17:23 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:23 Big giant, big bones, big fucking frame.

Ari Shaffir 17:26 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:26 You gotta let ... You gotta be a big fuck. They eat so much. You watch those, uh, sumo wrestlers eat. It's crazy.

Ari Shaffir 17:31 Oh, really?

Joe Rogan 17:32 Oh my God, 'cause they ... That's the whole thing. You gotta have mass.

Ari Shaffir 17:35 I think they get laid, like, they're heroes.

Joe Rogan 17:37 Oh, yeah. It's a ... In Japan, it's a gigantic tradition. I mean, just the, the, the rich history of it. It's a big deal over there.

Ari Shaffir 17:44 Yeah, that's gotta be fun though, 'cause like, over here, you're trying to cut weight. It's always all about cutting weight.

Joe Rogan 17:48 Mm-hmm.

Ari Shaffir 17:48 And over there, you're probably trying to just keep gaining it.

Joe Rogan 17:50 Also, you're wearing, like, this rope diaper. It's weird.

Ari Shaffir 17:52 Yeah.

Narrator 17:52 I don't like the diaper. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:54 That people hang onto.

Ari Shaffir 17:54 I love the diaper.

Joe Rogan 17:55 Hang onto someone's underwear and throw them around by it.

Ari Shaffir 17:57 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:57 Very strange sport.

Narrator 17:58 It is a weird sport.

Joe Rogan 17:59 Yeah.

Narrator 17:59 It's just all wedgie.

Ari Shaffir 18:01 Right.

Joe Rogan 18:02 I wonder if they've ever had matches between like, really elite high level wrestlers-

Narrator 18:06 Reko.

Joe Rogan 18:06 ... that are big, giant guys and, uh, sumo guys. Like, I wonder who wins those, if they do sumo? I love those-

Ari Shaffir 18:12 I bet the sumo, sumo guys must dominate that, though.

Narrator 18:13 They know the-

Joe Rogan 18:14 I would imagine.

Narrator 18:14 They know how to, like ... It's just linebacker shit, right? Just going low and pushing people back.

Ari Shaffir 18:18 Oh, yeah, you just kinda go back.

Joe Rogan 18:18 Yeah, but I would imagine-

Narrator 18:19 Get, get leverage, get underneath.

Joe Rogan 18:19 ... that, like, a really good agile, like, 300-pound wrestler might be able to-

Ari Shaffir 18:24 They do have some of those ... They do have those matches, 'cause there are some-

Guest 18:27 ... uh, sumo guys that are, like, smaller. They, they look more like wrestlers.

Joe Rogan 18:31 Mm.

Guest 18:31 They're not big, fat guys.

18:32 Oh.

18:32 And they go up against the Yokozunos-

Joe Rogan 18:35 Yeah.

Guest 18:35 ... the fucking 1,000-pound boys.

18:35 'Cause they got agility?

Joe Rogan 18:36 What is that, what does Yokozuna mean?

Guest 18:38 I don't know. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 18:38 That's a great name, though.

Guest 18:39 Yeah. Yokozuna's like the champion, right?

Joe Rogan 18:42 Let's, uh, see, like, what is a-

Guest 18:43 That's like the mountain versus the guy from Joran.

Joe Rogan 18:45 Who's the best sumo wrestler today, alive? Do you know?

Guest 18:48 Here we go.

Joe Rogan 18:49 Who's like the fucking Jon Jones of sumo wrestling?

Guest 18:52 There's gotta be somebody.

18:53 'Cause Jon Jones is the best.

Joe Rogan 18:55 It's hard to argue. It's like, it's Mighty Mouse.

Guest 18:57 He never got taken down.

Joe Rogan 18:57 Mighty Mouse just won the ONE Championship-

Guest 19:00 I just saw that. That was sick.

Joe Rogan 19:00 ... uh, he won the rematch and-

Guest 19:01 Oh, really?

Joe Rogan 19:01 ... and got his title back. Yeah. Mighty Mouse is the fucking man.

Guest 19:04 He's good.

19:05 He, he also put it on the line more than Jon Jones.

Joe Rogan 19:07 Well, I wouldn't say that.

Guest 19:09 What does that mean?

19:09 No?

Joe Rogan 19:10 I would say Jon Jones put it on the line with everybody that was against him in his division.

Guest 19:14 And Jon Jones-

Joe Rogan 19:14 Including Daniel Cormier-

Guest 19:16 He's had less fights, I guess.

Joe Rogan 19:16 ... Gustafsson. Not-

Guest 19:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 19:17 Not that he has less fights. It's like-

Guest 19:19 Who does?

Joe Rogan 19:20 Jon Jones cleaned out his fucking division.

Guest 19:22 True.

Joe Rogan 19:22 Like, you, you can't say any ifs, ands, or buts about it. But Mighty Mouse was-

Guest 19:26 Both great.

Joe Rogan 19:26 ... less recognized because he was small.

Guest 19:28 Oh.

Joe Rogan 19:28 So he's the best guys right now?

Guest 19:30 These guys are thin.

Joe Rogan 19:30 Oh, shit.

Guest 19:31 This is thin in America.

19:32 Oh. Don't even have to help the guy up?

Joe Rogan 19:34 No. He's like, "Fuck you, bro."

Guest 19:37 Oh, they're bleeding.

Joe Rogan 19:38 Oh, he's bleeding.

Guest 19:38 You never see them bleeding.

Joe Rogan 19:39 Oh, wow. What happened?

Guest 19:40 Smash heads.

19:40 Wow.

Joe Rogan 19:41 Is that what it is?

Guest 19:42 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 19:43 Oh, yeah. Right. He went nose to forehead right there.

Guest 19:45 Oh, see? This is awesome.

19:46 Slap to the face.

19:47 We should do this here.

19:48 Oh, it's the slap.

Joe Rogan 19:48 Oh, this is crazy.

Guest 19:49 Oh, you're done, dude. You know you're done.

Joe Rogan 19:50 Oh, he caught you slipping. Boom.

Guest 19:52 Wow.

Joe Rogan 19:52 And you, you land on the ground. There's not even a cushion there.

Guest 19:55 Yeah. Why not make it all even?

Joe Rogan 19:56 And there's even they're supposed to throw you down. Like, that's part of the thing is like the indignity of falling.

Guest 20:01 I love it. I love the diaper. It's so traditional.

Joe Rogan 20:03 Oh, he just slapped him.

Guest 20:04 Oh, he slaps 'em.

20:04 This is awesome.

Joe Rogan 20:05 How hard can you slap?

Guest 20:06 I don't know. Ask Nate.

Joe Rogan 20:07 No, but this is what I'm saying.

Guest 20:08 Oh, how hard are you allowed? (laughs)

Joe Rogan 20:08 Like, otherwise... Yeah. Look at that. Because otherwise-

Guest 20:11 No, you threw him at a lady in the front. (laughs) He threw him right to a lady.

20:14 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 20:14 She shouldn't be there. She shouldn't be there. Get outta there with your phone.

Guest 20:16 (laughs)

20:17 (laughs)

20:17 Oh.

Joe Rogan 20:17 She was looking at her phone.

Guest 20:19 (laughs)

20:20 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 20:20 She... Her shoulder is probably fucked. Show that again.

Guest 20:23 Wow.

20:23 There's one of 'em.

Joe Rogan 20:23 Show it again. That lady sh- her shoulder must be fucked. Watch this. Boom. That's a man.

Guest 20:27 Oh.

Joe Rogan 20:27 That's a man.

Guest 20:28 That's a man. That's a man.

Joe Rogan 20:30 That's a man. That's a man. Watch.

Guest 20:30 He still knows it's coming. Move, dude.

Joe Rogan 20:31 Look, he's got a bald spot. Watch-

Guest 20:32 Yeah, you don't want to be him, bro.

Joe Rogan 20:34 ... his shoulder.

Guest 20:34 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 20:34 Watch what happens to his shoulder. No more mayonnaise jars.

Guest 20:37 Oh.

20:37 Oh.

20:37 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 20:37 You'll never open up a mayonnaise jar with that arm.

Guest 20:39 These guys are badass.

20:40 Yeah, these guys are huge.

Joe Rogan 20:41 Giant guys.

Guest 20:42 They're not just big, fat guys. They're like-

20:43 They're, they're beefy.

20:44 They're strong as fuck.

Joe Rogan 20:45 They're tanks.

Guest 20:46 Yeah.

20:46 They score seven tries to two bushes?

Joe Rogan 20:47 So these are the best guys, huh?

Guest 20:49 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 20:50 These are the best guys?

Guest 20:51 It says this is-

20:51 (laughs)

20:51 ... the best of all time, like this one guy.

Joe Rogan 20:51 They're not as big as I remember them as a kid.

Guest 20:54 No, there's big guys. There are big guys.

Joe Rogan 20:56 That guy's the best of all time here. The best sumo of all time.

Guest 20:58 Oh. Double... Whoa.

Joe Rogan 21:01 Whoa. That was slick.

Guest 21:02 That fat guy is slick.

Joe Rogan 21:04 That's pretty slick. Look at that.

Guest 21:04 It's a swim, it's what we call a swim technique.

21:06 I bet they're slippery, too, those Asian hairless queefs.

21:11 (sputtering) (blows raspberry)

21:11 Oh. Look at that. He's like a seal.

Joe Rogan 21:13 They probably have some very-

Guest 21:15 And then does he push him? He just lets him go?

Joe Rogan 21:16 ... specific rules. Like, you're probably not allowed to grease your body.

Guest 21:18 Oh.

21:18 Oh.

21:18 Sure.

Joe Rogan 21:19 Shoulder right to the face.

Guest 21:20 Oh. Man.

21:21 He knew he was dealing with a chump.

Joe Rogan 21:23 God, do we-

Guest 21:24 We gotta adopt this, although you can just see this as an eagle's game.

21:26 Yeah, this is just offensive-

Joe Rogan 21:27 He's dealing with a chump. Ari, that guy is like the number two in the world.

Guest 21:29 He's clowning him. What?

21:30 Two guys tailgating.

21:31 He was clowning him.

Joe Rogan 21:32 Well, he's definitely beating him with strategy.

Guest 21:35 Now, what do they make a year? 'Cause there gotta be some diabetes and stuff going.

Joe Rogan 21:39 It can't be good for you, right?

Guest 21:40 No.

Joe Rogan 21:40 To be that big?

Guest 21:42 It can't be great for you. I heard they eat once a day.

Joe Rogan 21:44 What?

Guest 21:45 Just puts a cr- crazy once a day to get their metabolism down.

21:47 10,000 calorie meal. Look at this guy.

Joe Rogan 21:49 10,000 calories.

Guest 21:50 This guy fucking rules. Has he got nip rings?

21:52 He's got some... What are we talking about here?

Joe Rogan 21:53 That dude looks like he could take a punch.

Guest 21:55 I want that outfit from the ref.

Joe Rogan 21:56 Look, look at his forehead.

Guest 21:57 He's got a sweet ass.

Joe Rogan 21:58 Oh.

Guest 21:59 Oh.

Joe Rogan 21:59 He KO'd that dude.

Guest 22:00 Wow.

22:00 Shit, that was incredible.

Joe Rogan 22:00 Look at that. Show that again.

Guest 22:01 Shoulder?

Joe Rogan 22:01 Show that again. Oh.

Guest 22:02 Oh.

Joe Rogan 22:02 He elbowed him in the face.

Guest 22:04 I didn't know you could do that.

Joe Rogan 22:06 Yo, he KO'd him. Do that again.

Guest 22:07 Wow.

Joe Rogan 22:07 One more time.

Guest 22:07 We gotta show it in slow-mo.

Joe Rogan 22:08 That is un...

Guest 22:09 I'm telling you, sumo-

Joe Rogan 22:10 Is, is that legal? 'Cause that's-

Guest 22:11 Sumo is underrated.

22:12 It has... Wow.

Joe Rogan 22:13 Oh, that wi- that forearm shot to the jaw, KO'd.

Guest 22:17 I love the referee too. Full guard.

Joe Rogan 22:19 Oh, my God. That dude is KO'd 100%. I didn't know this happened.

Guest 22:22 Wow.

22:23 Telling you, sumo.

Joe Rogan 22:24 Is he gonna try again?

Guest 22:25 We gotta bring it.

22:25 This is cooler than I remember.

Joe Rogan 22:26 Watch this.

Guest 22:26 Bring it here.

Joe Rogan 22:27 Here's slow-mo. Oh.

Guest 22:28 Oh.

22:28 That's f- like phys- his... Wow.

22:31 That should be illegal.

22:32 That should be illegal.

Joe Rogan 22:32 Why not? It should be legal.

Guest 22:33 Why? That's awesome.

22:33 I thought it was just pushing out.

Joe Rogan 22:35 That looks awesome.

Guest 22:35 I didn't know he could-

22:35 Yeah, I thought he could push us.

22:36 ... elbows and shit.

Joe Rogan 22:37 But it's your forearm. Maybe it's okay to push with your forearm.

Guest 22:39 Oh.

Joe Rogan 22:39 Oh, that is-

Guest 22:39 He caught him with it.

22:41 Ooh.

Joe Rogan 22:41 That is 100% strike.

Guest 22:42 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 22:42 That's like some Muay Thai shit.

Guest 22:44 Wow. What a fat fuck.

Joe Rogan 22:45 That's, that's some Leon Edwards shit right there.

Guest 22:47 Yeah.

22:47 (laughs) Fat fuck.

Joe Rogan 22:48 So fat.

Guest 22:50 That-

22:50 I love it.

Joe Rogan 22:50 ... that's elbows.

Guest 22:51 Look at these guys.

22:53 I like how their backstage is dingy.

Joe Rogan 22:55 That's a special skill to hit people with your elbows.

Guest 22:57 That guy moved.

Joe Rogan 22:59 (whistles) Ooh, a nice flip there. Have you ever seen Nate Marquardt versus Tyron Woodley in, uh, Strikeforce?

Guest 23:06 No.

Joe Rogan 23:06 It's one of the greatest elbow combinations ever, like a goddamn video game. This is when Nate Marquardt was one of the top fighters on Earth, but people didn't really get to know him. They didn't really... He didn't get famous in America-

Guest 23:18 Pull it up.

Joe Rogan 23:18 ... like he probably should've. Look at this.

Guest 23:20 Oh.

Joe Rogan 23:22 Boom. Watch this.

Guest 23:22 Whitey.

Joe Rogan 23:23 Boom.

Guest 23:26 Oh. Oh.

Joe Rogan 23:26 And again, watch this. Boom.

Guest 23:28 This is after UFC for Woodley, right?

Joe Rogan 23:30 Yeah. No, no, no. Before.

Guest 23:32 No, this is before.

Joe Rogan 23:32 This is before the UFC. This was Nate Marquardt when he was at the top of the world.

Guest 23:37 I've never heard of him.

Joe Rogan 23:37 You know, he was one of Georges St-Pierre sparring partners, he did a lot of sparring with Shane Carwin. He was one of those guys out of Colorado.

Guest 23:43 Ooh.

Joe Rogan 23:43 Bro, I'm telling you.

Guest 23:45 Ooh.

Joe Rogan 23:45 At this point in his career, Nate Marquardt was-

Guest 23:47 Oh.

Joe Rogan 23:47 ... a fucking beast.

Guest 23:49 Oh.

Joe Rogan 23:49 He was so talented.

Guest 23:51 Oh.

Joe Rogan 23:51 And, and he fought all over the world. Like, he fought in Japan when he was very young.

Guest 23:56 What happened to him?

Joe Rogan 23:57 Well, you know, all fighters, they run their course, man.

Guest 24:00 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 24:00 Your body's not designed for this.

Guest 24:01 He did well in the UFC. Didn't he have a title fight with Anderson?

Joe Rogan 24:04 He did very well. He did very well in the UFC. Yeah. I mean, he, uh, he knocked out, um-... Demian Maia with one punch in the UFC. (whistling) Like, he beat a lot of good guys in the UFC. And Chael Sonnen beat him when Chael was at his best and Nate was arguably close to his best. And Chael just rag dolled him.

Guest 24:21 Damn.

Joe Rogan 24:21 It was one of the g- that's why when ever s- someone say that Chael Sonnen wasn't a good fighter, I'm like, "You're out of your fucking mind." Chael Sonnen just fought Jon Jones. It doesn't mean that Chael Sonnen wasn't elite.

Guest 24:31 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:32 Chael Sonnen submitted Shogun.

Guest 24:34 Wow.

Joe Rogan 24:34 You know, if you watch Chael Sonnen fight, but f- watch the fight with Nate Marquardt because that was Nate Marquardt when he was a fucking assassin.

Guest 24:40 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:40 And Chael Sonnen just wrestle fucked him to death.

Guest 24:43 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 24:43 Just rag dolled him, throwing him around and you, you get to see, like, how good Chael was when he was at his best.

Guest 24:48 I've never lo- I've-

Joe Rogan 24:48 He almost beat Anderson Silva.

Guest 24:50 I've never lost one round of any fight in my life. I've never lost one minute of any- (laughs)

Joe Rogan 24:53 Congratulations.

Guest 24:54 ... fight of my life. (laughs)

24:55 You never gotten into a fist fight?

24:56 No, that's Ch- that's a Chael Sonnen quote.

24:57 Oh. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 24:57 Yeah, yeah, that's what he would say.

Guest 24:58 Yeah. (laughs)

24:59 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 24:59 He would say that. That's right, I forgot he said that.

Guest 25:00 Yeah.

25:00 He was- he was funny.

Joe Rogan 25:01 He would say that after he lost, like he didn't give a fuck.

Guest 25:03 Yeah.

25:04 (laughs)

25:04 When I come into the Octagon, it's thunderous.

25:06 Dude-

25:07 When, when Anderson Silva comes in-

25:08 (laughs)

25:08 ... you can hear a mouse pitnot pissing on cotton.

Joe Rogan 25:10 Yeah. (laughs)

Guest 25:12 Wow. He's got a few, a fu- a bunch of lines on him.

25:14 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 25:14 The guy came that close to being the middle weight champ of the world.

Guest 25:16 So close.

Joe Rogan 25:16 If he just, if he just defended that triangle, which he probably would eight out of 10 times.

Guest 25:22 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 25:22 If, eight out of 10 times, he just last round, exhausted, got stuck. "Oh, shit, I'm in a fucking triangle-"

Guest 25:29 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 25:29 "... and it's locked up."

Guest 25:30 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 25:30 You gotta realize, like, how long that is.

Guest 25:32 It was four, nothing.

Joe Rogan 25:33 Yes. Yeah, he was dominating him. He was taking him down left and right. But it's so long.

Guest 25:39 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 25:39 To fight that long, it's so long.

Guest 25:41 So not to make one mental mistake against a guy.

Joe Rogan 25:42 It's so long.

Guest 25:43 You can't make any.

Joe Rogan 25:43 You're so tired, you're, you're-

Guest 25:45 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 25:45 No one's body is designed for that.

Guest 25:47 No.

Joe Rogan 25:47 No one's body, so they have to pace themselves.

Guest 25:49 Oh, here we go.

Joe Rogan 25:50 Look he, he trapped him. Look at that.

Guest 25:52 Uh-oh.

Joe Rogan 25:52 Look how good that goddamn triangle is too, dude. That is just locked in. And Chael's trying to get out. And now he's got the arm too and he had to tap because he was doing his arm sideways. See how he's got his arm sideways? That's, that's terrifying.

Guest 26:02 Why won't he let go?

Joe Rogan 26:04 He's letting go. He's just making sure that he realizes he tapped.

Guest 26:07 Oh, okay.

26:09 I-

Joe Rogan 26:09 I think Chael was saying that he didn't tap.

Guest 26:11 ... I would say that he didn't tap.

26:11 Ah, he definitely tapped.

Joe Rogan 26:13 He definitely tapped. 100% he tapped. I think he might've been saying he didn't tap. Maybe he woke up. That's, sometimes that does happen.

Guest 26:19 I was like, "What happened?"

Joe Rogan 26:20 No, guys-

Guest 26:21 "Bring me the tape." Yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:22 ... go out, this is super common, and then they try to take down the referee. It's super common.

Guest 26:25 Oh, yeah. I've seen that.

Joe Rogan 26:26 It happens all the time. See, you, you can't think of it-

Guest 26:28 Like they are.

Joe Rogan 26:29 Like, you can't think, like, he was trying to cheat. You got to think he probably just woke up.

Guest 26:33 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 26:33 Because if you're watching this, he's fully locked in with a triangle and Anderson's squeezing and pulling down on the head. See how he's doing right there?

Guest 26:40 He's giving him the anaconda squeeze.

Joe Rogan 26:41 Bro, let me tell you something.

Guest 26:43 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 26:43 That shit is... He's so close to unconsciousness. I mean, he's moving around and flailing, but when he's tapping here-

Guest 26:50 Ah, there it is.

Joe Rogan 26:50 ... he's tapping.

Guest 26:51 That was it.

Joe Rogan 26:51 He, he went out.

Guest 26:52 That was it.

Joe Rogan 26:52 He prob- he went out, dude. He went out.

Guest 26:54 Think so?

Joe Rogan 26:54 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he went out. He might only went out for a half a second, but I think he went out. His eyes roll back, like when he's tapping and Anderson keeps his squeeze on him.

Guest 27:03 Ah, it blows to get one.

Joe Rogan 27:04 So when you win-

Guest 27:04 Yeah.

27:05 I mean, that's a clear tap, but it's still like-

Joe Rogan 27:06 No, no, no. That was a tap. That was a tap. He'll tell you that was a tap.

Guest 27:09 Oh, really?

Joe Rogan 27:10 But, but I think he just woke up. See, like, he's 100% tapping.

Guest 27:13 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 27:13 100% tapping. But here's the thing, it's like him waking up from that, like you wake up from that, you don't know what the fuck just happened.

Guest 27:19 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 27:19 You, you literally went black-

Guest 27:21 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 27:21 ... and then back to reality and you're like, "What is going on?" You think you're still in a fight.

Guest 27:25 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 27:25 Like, so guys do that som- like Kevin Lee did that too. That happened with him and, um, uh, was it, uh-

Guest 27:34 Ray Rice.

27:35 Yes, dude, fire it up. Go back to that one.

27:37 What's this?

27:38 Was that, was that the finger?

27:39 We can't put this out. We'll just got to watch this.

Joe Rogan 27:40 Kevin Lee did it with Charles Oliveira. No, he, he, Tony tapped him with a triangle, but Kevin Lee-

Guest 27:45 And the idea is-

Joe Rogan 27:45 ... did it with Charles Oliveira.

Guest 27:46 Was that the finger? I was there.

Joe Rogan 27:46 Charles Oliveira caught him, he caught him in, like, the guillotine or something. I forget what he caught him with, but he caught him, like, really tight. And Kevin Lee tapped and then he woke up and tried to keep going.

Guest 27:56 Yeah. I went out once.

Joe Rogan 27:58 Did you really, in class?

Guest 27:58 Yes, and then Eddie Bravo was just over me. I couldn't make sense of it.

28:01 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 28:02 (laughs)

Guest 28:02 I was like, "Did I fall asleep while you were talking?"

28:04 (laughs)

28:04 I didn't want to be rude and then I was like, "Wait, no, we were doing drills." It takes a second.

Joe Rogan 28:08 Yeah.

Guest 28:08 Oh, yeah. I got knocked out in college and then I pissed myself.

28:11 Whoa.

Joe Rogan 28:12 It's not-

Guest 28:12 (laughs)

28:12 That's what happened to Tyson, although-

Joe Rogan 28:13 ... the same thing.

Guest 28:14 ... we talked about this last time.

28:15 Oh.

28:15 And that's the most humiliating shit of all time.

28:16 That happened in a fight.

28:17 That's what happened to Tyson against Buster Douglas. They had to tell him, like-

28:19 That he's lost.

28:20 ... because he was in the corner, like, "What the fuck?"

28:22 Yeah.

28:22 They're like, "No, you've lost."

Joe Rogan 28:23 Yeah, it hap- but it's a little different. Like, uh, the choke out doesn't give you the same damage. Like with the knockout, they'll ask questions, like, for hours later. Sometimes guys get knocked out real bad and then, like, you'll talk to them five minutes later, they're like, "What happened?"

Guest 28:35 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 28:36 And then you tell them again and then five minutes later they're like, "What happened?" And then you tell them again. They don't remember.

Guest 28:41 That's scary.

28:41 Like, don't you lose, like, 10, 20 seconds back?

Joe Rogan 28:44 It's, it's not a standard thing. It's not, like, standardized. It happens depending upon how hard you got hit, where you got hit, who you are, what, what kind of genetics do you have.

Guest 28:52 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 28:52 Like, are you good at taking a shot or is your body more vulnerable? 'Cause everybody... it varies. Like, there's guys like Mark Hunt, you can kick him in the head and he, it just bounces off his head.

Guest 28:59 (laughs) Yeah.

28:59 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 29:00 In his prime, dude, he was a monster. Like, he, he was, like, known for n- being able to take a shot better than anyone alive.

Guest 29:05 He's Hawaiian, right?

Joe Rogan 29:07 Uh-

Guest 29:07 Australian. Well, Samoan.

29:08 Oh, Samoan.

29:09 Right?

29:09 Same shit.

Joe Rogan 29:10 Yeah, he's from Australia. He, he's the shit. Mark Hunt was an elite, elite kickboxer. He won the K-1 Grand Prix. That's like the most prestigious title in all of kickboxing. Auckland, New Zealand.

Guest 29:21 Oh, yeah.

29:21 Oh, wow.

29:21 I was just in Australia.

Joe Rogan 29:22 Did he, didn't he, but did he, uh, train also in Australia?

Guest 29:25 I love it.

29:25 Yeah, he lives in Australia, that he's from.

Joe Rogan 29:26 Did it say that he tr- Oh, yeah, he lived in Australia, but he's from New Zealand.

Guest 29:29 Yeah.

29:29 Oh, she's killing right now.

Joe Rogan 29:30 He's, he's the fucking man.

Guest 29:32 Oceania.

29:32 We're with them in the war.

29:33 What's that?

29:33 Tui Vasa, fucking-

Joe Rogan 29:35 Tui Vasa's the man.

Guest 29:35 ... Stylebender.

Joe Rogan 29:36 He's awesome.

Guest 29:37 Yeah.

29:37 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 29:37 Yeah, come on man. Stylebender.

Guest 29:38 What's his name, uh...

29:40 Volkanovski.

29:41 Yeah.

29:41 Oh, he's cool.

Joe Rogan 29:41 And that, that dude, Kai Kara-France is a bad motherfucker too. The guy who just-

Guest 29:45 They're killing him.

Joe Rogan 29:45 ... lost to Brandon Moreno.

Guest 29:46 Yes.

Joe Rogan 29:46 He got caught. He got kicked-

Guest 29:47 Oh.

Joe Rogan 29:47 He got kicked in the liver.

Guest 29:48 That did suck.

Joe Rogan 29:49 Did you see that? Mm-hmm.

Guest 29:50 Yeah, he hated the liver.

Joe Rogan 29:50 Good fight. It was a good fight.

Guest 29:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 29:51 Good fight and he got, he got caught.... I mean, but that's what happens. You're fighting the best guys in the world.

Shane Gillis 29:56 How's your liver doing? It can't be great. (laughs)

Guest 29:58 (laughs)

29:59 It's all right. (laughs)

30:00 (laughs) It's all right.

Shane Gillis 30:00 I mean, have you tested it?

Guest 30:01 Yeah, I, I take it, I feel it.

Shane Gillis 30:03 Oh, really?

Guest 30:03 I'll see if it hurts.

Shane Gillis 30:04 Does it pulse? Does it push-

Guest 30:05 No, I don't know.

Joe Rogan 30:05 Can we get an expert to look at it?

Shane Gillis 30:07 (laughs)

Guest 30:07 I don't know. My liver's all right.

Joe Rogan 30:09 Yeah. Well- I can imagine if they, for them an expert looked at Shane's liver, they'd call up other experts, "You gotta come and see me."

Shane Gillis 30:13 That would be fun. (laughs)

Guest 30:14 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 30:14 This thing is like the Hulk's dick.

Guest 30:16 Something happened.

30:18 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:18 It's the most powerful liver we've ever encountered, ever.

Guest 30:21 (laughs) What the... We'll see, we'll see. It's early, it's early.

Joe Rogan 30:23 Like we'll see, it's like five times normal liver levels.

Guest 30:25 Really? Back to the future of everything. You wanna know what that liver will be talking about? Watch this. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 30:29 Imagine if that's what we found out, that you have just like superior... You know how like Lance Armstrong has a big heart. Like he has like a really large heart.

Shane Gillis 30:35 Oh.

Guest 30:36 Oh, yeah?

Joe Rogan 30:36 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 30:36 That's nice.

Joe Rogan 30:37 He's a sweetie.

Guest 30:37 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 30:37 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:38 But it's like he has an, an unusually large heart.

Guest 30:41 Really?

Joe Rogan 30:41 Which like aids in his cardio.

Guest 30:42 I didn't know that.

Joe Rogan 30:42 Yeah. The, the question is, is that nature or nurture, you know?

Guest 30:45 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:45 Or, or is that... Is it from all the hard work of doing it, like-

Guest 30:48 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:48 ... hard cardio his whole life? And also...

Guest 30:51 (sighs) Some help.

Joe Rogan 30:52 Some help.

Guest 30:53 Sure.

Joe Rogan 30:53 There was some stuff going on.

Guest 30:54 Sure.

30:54 Sure. Yeah, dude.

Joe Rogan 30:54 Some other things that might make your heart grow a little larger.

Guest 30:55 I don't wanna trash him. I don't wanna trash him. He seems kinda like the man, but-

Joe Rogan 30:59 He's the man.

Guest 30:59 ... he, the audacity to put out that Nike commercial where he's like, "What am I on? I'm on my bike busting my ass." (whistles) What are you on? (laughs)

31:06 (laughs) What he knows, what he knows. (laughs) He was on steroids. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 31:09 Wow. I didn't know that commercial. I never saw that.

Guest 31:11 (laughs) He put out a commercial like, "Suck my dick." (laughs)

31:13 (laughs) He fucking sued and won for libel for the, for the newspaper article going.

Shane Gillis 31:17 Oh. Did he really?

Guest 31:18 Yeah, and he won. And then they're like-

Shane Gillis 31:19 Good for him.

Guest 31:19 "Hey, could we get that money back?"

Shane Gillis 31:20 Nah.

Guest 31:21 (laughs)

31:21 Yeah. Dude, he rules.

Shane Gillis 31:22 He made a lot of money on those bans. Everybody and their aunt had that ban.

Guest 31:25 Me too. Yeah, live strong.

Joe Rogan 31:25 It's one of those weird ones where if he was the only one-

Guest 31:29 Yeah.

31:29 Exactly. They were all doing it. They were all doing it.

Shane Gillis 31:31 ... that was on the drugs.

Guest 31:32 Yeah. They had to give, they had to give the title to the 17th racer.

Joe Rogan 31:35 We are such children. We're such children.

Guest 31:37 Dude, let them juice. Let them juice.

Joe Rogan 31:38 We want extreme athletic performance, but we don't wanna know that they're doing it with pharmaceutical help.

Shane Gillis 31:44 Yeah, why not?

Joe Rogan 31:44 We're fucking children. They say that the Tour de France is healthier for you if you're on those drugs.

Guest 31:50 Hmm.

Joe Rogan 31:50 They sell the Tour de France as so bad.

Guest 31:51 Yeah, it's probably devastating to do it.

Joe Rogan 31:52 It's so hard on your body.

Shane Gillis 31:53 Of course.

Joe Rogan 31:54 Like you have to be a, a crazy savage.

Guest 31:56 Also, it's not fighting. Fighting makes sense, 'cause then you're putting the other guy at risk.

Joe Rogan 32:00 Yeah, true.

Guest 32:00 You're cheating, you're getting fucking roided out.

Joe Rogan 32:01 But you're kinda putting the other guy at risk with this because if they do have complications from that stuff-

Guest 32:06 Oh.

Joe Rogan 32:06 ... and if it, if it's mandatory to compete.

Guest 32:08 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:08 So if you have a league and you don't check illegal drug use, this is the problem, then you're subject to liability. And in fact, Mark Hunt is suing the UFC-

Shane Gillis 32:17 Ooh.

Guest 32:17 I remember that about-

Joe Rogan 32:17 ... because Brock Lesnar-

Shane Gillis 32:18 Brock Lesnar fight. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:19 ... tested positive after his fight.

Shane Gillis 32:21 Ooh.

Guest 32:21 And they said like, "You put me in harm's way. You knew ahead of time."

Joe Rogan 32:24 Yes.

Shane Gillis 32:24 Yeah, that's bullshit.

Joe Rogan 32:24 So he's... I don't know if there's any merit to that case. I don't, I don't... I mean, he would have to prove that they knew it.

Guest 32:29 Hmm.

Joe Rogan 32:29 That they knew that Brock Lesnar was doing steroids. And I don't think they would ever... How would they know? They're not in his camp. Unless Brock Lesnar-

Guest 32:36 How about-

Joe Rogan 32:36 ... is calling them up, "Hey guys."

Guest 32:37 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 32:37 "We're thinking about hitting D-Ball every now and then."

Guest 32:40 "No matter what's gonna happen tonight, I'm not taking that title." Dude, how scary is that guy?

Joe Rogan 32:42 I don't-

Shane Gillis 32:42 He's like a cartoon bad guy.

Guest 32:43 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 32:43 I used to have a joke about Brock Lesnar. I said-

Shane Gillis 32:45 He's like He-Man.

Joe Rogan 32:46 ... "I'm not afraid that Brock, Brock Lesnar would fuck me. I'm afraid he would use me as a condom to fuck something way bigger." (laughs)

Guest 32:51 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 32:53 That's true.

Joe Rogan 32:53 He's terrifying.

Guest 32:53 He's so big. He's a fucking enormous human man.

Shane Gillis 32:56 The flat top, the sword on the chest.

Guest 32:58 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 32:58 I mean, it's wild.

Joe Rogan 32:59 And he was an elite wrestler in college.

Guest 33:01 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 33:02 Elite. Like he was an elite wrestler.

Guest 33:04 That sword on the chest.

Joe Rogan 33:04 He was a beast of a man.

Guest 33:05 (laughs)

33:05 That should be, that should be a tattoo you walk up to someone and like, "That's fucking... You look like a dumbass dude."

33:10 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 33:10 Yeah.

Guest 33:10 (laughs) That was one of the worst tattoos of all time.

Joe Rogan 33:12 (laughs)

Guest 33:12 And everyone's like, "Dude, that's so cool." Nobody want to say shit. (laughs) Yeah.

Joe Rogan 33:16 Yeah.

Guest 33:16 Too many yes men tell him that was a good idea.

Joe Rogan 33:18 You know what he should do? He should go to some dude who's like really good and get like a fucking Conan sword put in there.

Guest 33:24 Yeah. (laughs) Yeah.

Joe Rogan 33:25 Like take that bullshit-

Guest 33:26 Couldn't you make it look less like a penis?

Joe Rogan 33:27 ... sword. 'Cause think about all those like super elite tattoo artists out there.

Guest 33:31 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 33:32 You know?

Guest 33:32 They could fix that up.

Joe Rogan 33:33 Fuck yeah, they could fix that up.

Guest 33:35 (whistles) Got tattoos.

Joe Rogan 33:36 You know?

Guest 33:37 I would... Obviously Brock Lesnar is cool.

Joe Rogan 33:39 It's cool, dude. It's awesome.

Guest 33:40 You know, I love that guy and I don't wanna... Yeah, let's see it. You know what I mean?

Joe Rogan 33:40 I like the shit on his back. I like the, the demons on his back with the hooks.

Guest 33:43 Whoa, look at the hooks. The hooks? Think he works out?

Joe Rogan 33:46 Bro, lemme tell you something.

Guest 33:47 Kill them all.

Shane Gillis 33:48 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 33:48 That guy was such a freak.

Shane Gillis 33:49 Jim Hook.

Joe Rogan 33:49 That guy won the US heavyweight cha- the UFC heavyweight championship.

Guest 33:53 Look at that!

Joe Rogan 33:53 I think it was his fourth fight.

Guest 33:55 It's like an action figure. Jimmy Johns.

Shane Gillis 33:57 Yeah. (laughs)

Guest 33:57 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 33:57 That's, that's all he-

Guest 33:58 Oh yeah, that guy gets Jimmy Johns all the time.

Shane Gillis 34:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 34:00 That's like some 3D bullshit, but that's really what he looks like.

Guest 34:03 Yeah. Have you met him?

Joe Rogan 34:04 That's what like... Fuck yeah. I've called a bunch of his fights.

Guest 34:07 Oh my God. Wow.

Joe Rogan 34:08 He's a good guy. He's a real good guy.

Guest 34:09 Really? I love watching him fight. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 34:10 But let me tell you something, man. That motherfucker...

Guest 34:13 (Laughs) Wouldn't you like to see him bang a lady? Yeah.

Joe Rogan 34:15 That guy took the craziest chance that anybody ever took.

Guest 34:18 Let's hear it.

Joe Rogan 34:18 He was, he was a WWE superstar making millions of dollars, throwing people around, being the fucking man.

Guest 34:26 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 34:26 And he decided, "I wanna fight in the UFC."

Guest 34:28 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 34:28 Do you know the balls that takes?

Guest 34:30 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 34:30 And-

Guest 34:31 And to do it.

Joe Rogan 34:31 His second fight in MMA, I believe was, was his sec- who was his second fight in MMA?

Guest 34:38 The guy, the guy he tapped on.

Joe Rogan 34:39 Was it Frank Mir?

Guest 34:40 Frank Mir.

Joe Rogan 34:40 Was that his second fight in UF- in MMA?

Guest 34:43 Wow.

Joe Rogan 34:43 Was that his first fight in the UFC or did he have, uh, one other fight?

Guest 34:45 That was his first fight in the UFC, if I remember. Yes. I'm guessing yes.

Joe Rogan 34:48 Okay, so that's his first fight in the UFC, was with Frank Mir.

Guest 34:51 Wait, really?

Joe Rogan 34:51 So I was there for Min Woo Seo, or, or, uh, Min Soo Kim rather-

Guest 34:55 He was there?

Joe Rogan 34:55 ... which was in Dynamite. I was there, I was in the audience.

Guest 34:57 Oh.

Joe Rogan 34:58 Eddie Bravo and I went to see that. Um, uh, that's the night where, um-

Guest 35:01 Wow.

Joe Rogan 35:01 ... Hoyce Gracie fought too.

Guest 35:03 Oh, wow.

Joe Rogan 35:03 It was... They had it outside at the Coliseum.

Guest 35:05 Min Soo Kim. Yeah, that's why-

Joe Rogan 35:06 And so he fights Frank Mir. Frank Mir is the fucking former UFC heavyweight champion.

Guest 35:11 Wow.

Joe Rogan 35:11 And this is his first fight. You know how crazy that is? First fight-

Guest 35:15 He tapped to a-

Joe Rogan 35:15 ... in the UFC. Kinda-

Guest 35:15 Did he tap to something he didn't have to?

Joe Rogan 35:17 No, no, no, he had a tap.

Guest 35:18 Oh, really?

Joe Rogan 35:18 He got caught in a knee bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Guest 35:19 I thought it was just like- He's fucked. ... he had never seen it before.

Joe Rogan 35:21 So then he dominates Heath Herring, who was one of the toughest guys to ever fight in MMA period. Heath Herring was a fucking animal.

Guest 35:27 Tackled him.

Joe Rogan 35:28 And just ran him over and you got to see like-

Guest 35:30 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 35:30 ... what a freak athlete Brock Lesnar is. Then he beats Randy fucking Couture-

Guest 35:35 Wow.

Joe Rogan 35:35 ... in his fourth professional fight. And then he beats the fuck out of Frank Mir in the, in the rematch.

Guest 35:41 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 35:42 (laughs) And then he comes-

Shane Gillis 35:42 It's a joke.

Joe Rogan 35:43 And it was, it was ruthless.

Guest 35:44 Joe, you're fired. You're rock hard, baby.

Joe Rogan 35:46 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Guest 35:47 You have to watch that one.

35:49 Joe, get Joe, make Joe bong a beer. Joe, bong a beer real quick.

Joe Rogan 35:50 Dude, you need to watch that one. If you watch that one-

Shane Gillis 35:52 Take a puff.

Guest 35:52 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 35:53 ... he, he just beats his face to a bloody pulp.

Shane Gillis 35:56 Pull it up.

Joe Rogan 35:57 It's a rough one.

Shane Gillis 35:58 I prefer no pulp.

Joe Rogan 35:59 It's a rough one. Look at him.... I mean, it was- Doesn't seem friendly. ... it was a terrible, like, the, th- was a terrible scene. Oh, boy. Look at the blood already on the ground. I love UFC. (laughs) Sucks- Oh, yeah. This was a- Sucks to get knocked out in Echo shorts. Right? (laughs) See, he's gone for the knee bar again, but this time, Brock knows the defense. Great head of hair on Mir. Oh, yeah, handsome fuck. Really? Good-looking guy. And by the way, when he was young, one of the most fucking gifted fighters I've ever seen in my life. Really? Oh, shit. He has more submissions where he has arm breaks than anybody I've ever even heard of. Two fights in the UFC against world champions, and he broke their arms. Wow. Yeah. Hottest fighter, Carlos Condit. He's very hot. Th- the best looking. Very good. Well, Alain Jobin. I don't know. Alain Jobin, pretty fucking good-looking, so- Ryan Garcia? ... legitimate model. Mm. Ryan Garcia's a handsome fella. Ryan, Ryan Garcia's a stud. Luke Rockhold- He's a hunk. Luke Rockhold's a hunk too. (laughs) I famously said the only reason anybody gets lay is 'cause Ruke Hock- Rockhold didn't show up first. (laughs) There you go. (laughs) How about his fight, dude? That was- That was bad. ... (laughs) that was fucking crazy. That was amazing. That was the blood shit. (laughs) It was amazing. How about when he rub, yeah, the blood- (coughs) ... rubbed the blood all over his face? Yeah, he was rubbing it on his face. Dude, when... For him to come back like that- He mad dogged him. ... and fight Paulo Costa- Yeah. If Paulo Costa, like, fit and in shape? He's hot. He's hot too. He is hot. He was built like an action figure. Both those guys. That was like best body, best looks. Two hot guys. I jerk off to that. Two of the, two of the hottest guys ever. Fighting off... Two hot guys punched in the face. So hot. How many girls finger blasted themselves to that? Guilty. (laughs) I wonder if women do jerk off to the- If I was a girl, and I was alone, and I was at home, and these two fucking animals were beating the shit out of

Joe Rogan 37:29 each other- You would jack off? Fuck yeah. (laughs) What are women jerking off too? If I was a girl, I'd be like, "Yeah." What else would you, what else would you be waiting for? "Come get this pussy after you're done. Who's the conqueror? Who's gonna take me?" (laughs) Yeah. Is that how you would do it? Yeah, if I was a girl. (laughs) That's my personality in a girl's body. (laughs) If I was a girl, that's what I would be. Oh. How do you whack off as a guy? Just regular. Oh, I'm gonna conquer you. (laughs) No, I hold it in for a few days. Tastes bad. (laughs) I try not to jerk off, uh, more than twice a week. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What? 'Cause then it, then I appreciate it. I don't think that's- Whoa. ... that's not that- Twice a week? That's not that scary. I'm a two-a-day-er. What? Yeah, especially on the road. I do one in the bathroom before the show. On the road, it's hard. On the road, it's hard. On the road, it's great. It's a great stress reliever before a show. You bet that. It's honestly been shown to be that- Yeah. ... for performers- Really? ... that performers can jerk off before a show. It alleviates a certain level of anxiety. Don't you get tired though? Definitely. Don't you get like- Tired? ... lackadaisical on stage? I don't. Yeah. No, but you know what, you gotta w- warm your body up. Yeah. You know, one of the things that I always do is I pace around. I get moving. Same. I breathe a lot. Yeah. Like, I feel like if you just sit down- Yeah. ... and then get up and go on stage, you're not ready to, like, totally perform. Agreed. That's the worst. I always take... Fuck it, I, I keep saying I'm gonna stop doing it, and I take a nap before the fucking show. Big mistake. (laughs) That's a big- It's crazy. You're all foggy. And then you wake up, and you get there, and you're like, "Fuck this." Whoa. Yeah. Number one mistake, spaghetti. Oh, yeah. Don't do it. Wait for them. Eminem. Don't do it. Mom's spaghetti? (laughs) Spaghetti and meatballs, spaghetti and meatballs before a fucking show, you're done. Who did that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was me. (laughs) Me, I'm a guinea. Me, I'm a Mario. I'm a fucking idiot. (laughs) Bro, when I used to eat, like, pasta all the time, I would, I wa- I'm a gorger. I would eat a giant plate- Same. ... of lasagna. Yeah. And it'd just feel like I got hit with a tranquilizer dart, just- (wheezes) Yeah. ... on stage. (laughs) Like, "Do you guys wanna do this?" And when you're a broke comic, you get that free meal at the club. You can't stop eating. Oh, yeah. Gotta eat. You can't. Sit down and eat. Gotta eat. Buffalo chicken bites. Yes. Three Bud Lights, go on stage like... (burps) I used to book shows- (laughs) Maybe I'll sit down for this one. I used to book shows at Dangerfield's just so I'd get a free cheeseburger. Yes. They had killer cheeseburgers at Dangerfield's. That club was fucking perfect looking. That was a cool club. Oh, God. Good-looking room. Boy. That place is the best. I got there at the end. Mm-hmm. And that was one of the only clubs that would book me at first when I moved to New York City. Me too. So, I would go there, and it would just be me and three fucking dudes I never heard of. Super old guys. Old fucking dudes. Yeah, like Mario. Weird, weird guys that only worked there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was crazy. And then you get in there- Right. ... and there's four people in the room. Oh, yeah. Four people total. And the, and the piano takes up 98% of the stage. And it was still smoky. Dude, it was nuts. (laughs) And still, it was perfect. (laughs) Wow. It was so weird. Cool room. Dangerfield's was so weird. It's like, this shouldn't even be here. That room was perfect though. Time capsule. That was a cool room. I used to do prom shows there. Whoa. Did you ever do prom shows? No. I did those at Caroline's. Oh, prom shows are madness. This is how it works. Yeah. The show starts at like 4:00 PM, okay? (laughs) And you have shows all night long. You get out of there at like 4:00 AM. They just keep pumping kids in there. Wow. And they don't tell anybody to leave. Different schools. No. So they tell you w- they want you to do your same set over and over again so the kids get bored- That's still here. ... and they leave. But the kids get on stage. I watched a kid- Oh, yeah. ... go on stage and take the mic from a comic- (laughs) ... and, and blow cigar smoke, some big football player fuck. Some big 17-year-old kid from Long Island- Yeah. Yeah. ... who goes out there with a cigar- Oh. ... and takes the fucking microphone from the comic. That's chaos. Hilarious. The key is, just call one kid a virgin. Just call one kid- And it would murder. Yeah. That was my, my ace up my sleeve. Just destroy that kid's life? Yeah. (laughs) They're like, "He is. Ah." Survive. "He's a school shooter." It's like, "Look, I'm trying to do wells." They were little animals. "I'm trying to do well for 10 minutes. I'm gonna ruin your fucking high school." Exactly. (laughs) Oh my God. They were little fucking animals. Animals. They had those teen tour ones at the Improv where it was like summertime. Teen tours, yes. You'd be on a teen tour- Ooh. ... and they'd be like, "Hey, just so you know, it's a teen tour." That's hot. They didn't tell me that- 14-year-olds. ... until I got there. I was in the room. Hmm. I can't imagine. 14, 15-year-olds. And I'd go, "I'm not gonna change my act." Yeah. I go, "If you want these kids to go to a nightclub, I'm not gonna change my act." Like, this is- Abso- Yeah, right? I got extra dirty. Like, I'm not gonna, like, change my act. I'm not gonna do that. And they want it dirty. They do. Yeah, I got extra dirty. They definitely do. They love sex jokes. But if you went like a weird sex move, they'd be like, "This is... I don't understand this." Uh-huh. That's so irresponsible though. Right. Like, do... The parents, like, do they know? (laughs) What we're saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they know. You gotta take them to the Comedy Store or the Impro- The Comedy Store didn't do it, but the, The Improv did it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I mean, some parents- Man, that must've been so fun as a kid though. Oh my God, it'd be the best time. It must've been upper left. Our prom sucked compared to that. I mean, we just got like blacked out. Yeah, same. It would've been fun to get fucked up- Limo. ... and go to a con- I'd... Like, what was the best thing? That's being in high school and seeing a comedy show. Yeah. What was the best thing that ever happened in high school? You go to the museum, go to the woods. Right, a field trip. Go to the woods. (laughs) Go to the woods, get fucked up in the woods. That shit ruled. (laughs) Yeah, but that was like in school. That was the best. Oh, oh, yeah. (laughs) I mean, when you're in... I mean, they took them there for school. Yeah, yeah. It was like a part of this school project. Field trip, yeah. That was the best. We got a party bus. Remember those? Ooh, nice. Those were fun. That's awesome. I got, I got blown on the bus. It was the big highlight of my life. What? Congratulations. Yeah. In high school, you got blown on the bus? Wow. Yeah. That's fucking nice. And brought a date. Was everybody there? Uh, he was a good guy. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 42:16 No, you guys didn't do party buses? You get shit house?

Guest 42:18 How the fuck did you get blown on a party bus?

42:20 In high school, you guys got drunk on a bus?

Shane Gillis 42:21 It was fun. Everybody was getting blown, jerked off. It was good times.

Guest 42:24 Yeah, yeah. We used to do like group- ... jerk offs and-

Shane Gillis 42:27 Oh.

Guest 42:27 ... blows and fingers. All that.

Shane Gillis 42:29 Yeah.

Guest 42:29 We did all that stuff.

42:30 Spanish sword fight.

Shane Gillis 42:31 Yes. Did you guys bl- uh, jerk off with your friends?

Guest 42:33 Oh, yeah.

42:34 No.

Shane Gillis 42:34 What?

Guest 42:34 Sleepaway camp.

42:35 Never.

Shane Gillis 42:36 That's a bonding experience.

Guest 42:37 That's the way you justify what you're doing. It was never even brought up in conversation-

Shane Gillis 42:40 Oh.

Guest 42:40 ... or it was an option.

Shane Gillis 42:41 See, that's the '70s.

Guest 42:41 You need to tell everybody, like, "It's great." (laughs)

42:44 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 42:44 Those were different times.

Guest 42:45 They were different times.

Shane Gillis 42:46 They bottled everything in Boston.

Guest 42:47 When did people start jerking each other off?

42:49 Jerking each other off? (laughs)

42:51 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 42:51 No, no. No, not each other.

Guest 42:52 Come on, you can tell me one.

Shane Gillis 42:53 You get a corner of the room, you know.

Guest 42:54 Yeah, yeah. Each... I gotta-

42:55 Got take your side.

42:56 I got a pretty long-

42:56 Do you like look at each other eye to eye or never?

42:58 (laughs)

43:00 It'll happen. It'll happen.

43:00 I got a story about it. It's kinda long.

Shane Gillis 43:02 Oh, hit me baby.

Guest 43:03 All right. So every year, me and... me and my friends would go out to Notre Dame. My dad would take us to the Notre Dame spring game.

Shane Gillis 43:09 Okay.

Guest 43:09 But my dad, he drinks a little bit. So he would... Occasionally he'd get drunk and invite a guy from like the Knights of Columbus to be like, "You want to come to Notre Dame with me and my fri-" (laughs)

Shane Gillis 43:16 Sure.

Guest 43:16 But for real, we would rent a van and me and like 10 of my friends. So there's 10 of us. We're all in seventh grade.

Shane Gillis 43:22 Wow.

Guest 43:22 And then my dad-

43:24 Damn.

43:24 ... and like three other guys that are drunk dudes (laughs) just... So they take us to Notre Dame. Uh, anyway. Long story. We get in a hotel room, we're whacking off.

Shane Gillis 43:33 Sure.

Guest 43:34 But before we whack off, one of the guys my dad invited, he's this like old fucking dude-

Shane Gillis 43:38 Uh-oh.

Guest 43:39 ... blacked out at the bar and they had to take him home.

Shane Gillis 43:41 Oh, God.

Guest 43:41 Oh.

43:41 So they take him home, throw him on the bed in one of the rooms we have, and then they go back to the bar. And me and my friends are like, "Let's... Let's fuck with this guy a little bit." So we're slapping him, screaming in his face, shit like that.

Shane Gillis 43:53 Yeah.

Guest 43:53 (laughs)

43:53 He's not waking up. He's not waking up.

43:55 Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

43:55 Dude, we set an alarm clock next to his head and set it for a minute later and turn the lights off. (laughs) Everybody hid. It's one of my happiest memories.

Shane Gillis 44:02 That's great. I thought you were going to say you jerked off on him.

Guest 44:03 But then-

Shane Gillis 44:04 Oh, okay.

Guest 44:05 (laughs)

44:05 But then... No, we didn't jerk off on him.

Shane Gillis 44:06 Okay. (laughs)

Guest 44:07 But we jerked o-... everybody whacked off while he was asleep too.

44:11 Whoa.

Shane Gillis 44:11 (laughs)

Guest 44:11 This guy... This guy was passed out laying in bed.

44:13 When you say everybody, how many kids?

44:14 Eight dudes. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 44:17 (laughs)

Guest 44:17 Ah.

44:17 (laughs)

44:17 Eight eighth, eighth seventh graders.

44:20 Ah.

Shane Gillis 44:20 Oh, this guy missed out.

Guest 44:22 Whacked him. This guy's... This guy's-

44:23 What, like all around him like a fucking seance?

44:25 All a-... One-

44:25 Like a seance. (laughs)

44:28 (laughs)

44:28 It was. It was.

44:30 (laughs)

44:30 Dude, he was asleep. A dude was next to him in the bed and his body was shaking-

44:35 Oh, no. (laughs)

44:39 ... from the upkeep.

44:39 Was it hard to get off with that old guy there?

44:41 I... Dude, it was seventh grade.

Shane Gillis 44:42 I guess it's seventh grade.

Guest 44:43 Seventh grade.

44:43 Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was so keyed up.

44:45 We just redone it.

44:45 Oh, my God.

44:46 But... but then everybody comes. Everybody... Well, you know.

44:50 Yeah, we finished.

44:51 Some people might have faked it.

44:53 Yeah.

44:54 Uh, we get done. The room... By the way, the room stinks from jizz, dude.

44:59 (laughs)

44:59 That's the bleach you have to...

45:00 Just BO and jizz from seventh graders.

45:03 (laughs)

45:04 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 45:04 All that Capri Sun and Cheeto jizz.

Guest 45:07 And then... and then my buddy goes... All right. So as soon as we done... got done coming, everyone was like, "All right, let's keep fucking with this old guy." (laughs)

45:13 (laughs)

45:13 (laughs)

45:14 Dude, my buddy shoved his hand in his ass. (laughs)

45:18 (laughs)

45:18 (laughs)

45:18 What? What?

45:19 So he pulled his pants down.

45:20 (laughs)

45:21 No. No.

Shane Gillis 45:22 Oh.

Guest 45:22 No, not like... Look, pillow... It was just a crease. It wasn't in the hole.

Shane Gillis 45:26 Sure.

Guest 45:26 Just a crease.

Shane Gillis 45:27 I get that.

Guest 45:27 He gave him a fucking credit card swipe.

45:29 I try to jump.

45:29 But that's what woke him up. Dude, he was like, "Oh, shit."

45:31 Ah.

Shane Gillis 45:32 I'm telling you, it's better than smelling salts, the ass, uh, puncture.

Guest 45:35 Dude, he woke up. He woke up, he said, "You kids got fucking problems? What the fuck?"

45:38 (laughs)

45:38 So we all ran out.

45:39 He thought half of it, dude.

Shane Gillis 45:39 "I was awake the whole time. I saw everything."

Guest 45:42 (laughs) Dude, if he woke up like...

45:43 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 45:43 Oh, my God.

Guest 45:45 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 45:45 But he... he kicked us out and then locked the door.

Guest 45:48 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 45:48 He was blacked out. He was shit-faced.

Guest 45:50 Oh.

Shane Gillis 45:50 And then he went back to sleep, but his pants were still down at his ankles.

Guest 45:53 (laughs)

45:54 (laughs)

45:54 Porn still on the TV.

45:55 (laughs)

45:55 Cum everywhere.

45:56 We go down to the front desk. We're in... We're in Mishawaka, Indiana. We go down to the front desk and ask the dude, like, "Can you let us back in? Our uncle locked us out." And he was like, "All right."

46:07 Oh, nice.

46:07 There's nine boys.

Shane Gillis 46:08 Yeah.

Guest 46:08 There's seven boys like, "Can you let us back in?" So he's like, "All right." So he lets us in, opens the door, the smell.

46:13 (laughs)

46:16 He's like... (laughs) And then he opens the door and there's an old man with his pants down asleep. (laughs)

46:19 (laughs)

46:20 And he's like, "Uh, all right."

46:23 "Can you let us back in for more?"

46:23 "Yeah, go ahead."

46:24 (laughs)

46:24 He let us back in, yeah.

Shane Gillis 46:25 Wow.

Guest 46:26 Oh, my God. What a night?

Shane Gillis 46:27 See?

Guest 46:27 Did you guys have the same story? Like, you ever talk in the future like, "Hey, if this comes up, uh, maybe we, uh..."

46:33 Yeah, maybe we don't say it on the world's largest platform."

46:36 "Maybe we all agree that we didn't jerk off in front of each other."

Shane Gillis 46:38 (laughs)

Guest 46:38 And then-

46:38 Shane, you're gonna find an opportunity. One of us are gonna find an opportunity to get this word out there.

46:42 (laughs)

46:42 The BO and jizz smell.

Shane Gillis 46:44 See, this is pre-

Guest 46:46 I can smell it.

46:47 I can smell it.

Shane Gillis 46:47 This is pre-internet.

Guest 46:48 Oh.

Shane Gillis 46:48 You had to make your own fun.

Guest 46:49 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 46:49 That was fun stuff.

Guest 46:50 Dude, whacking off together was great.

46:52 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 46:52 It was great.

Guest 46:53 (laughs)

46:53 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 46:53 I still have fond memories. I remember I made a kid taste it. I was like, "I dare you to taste it."

Guest 46:56 Whoa.

46:56 Whoa.

46:56 Whoa.

Shane Gillis 46:57 And he tasted his jizz.

Guest 46:58 That's gay.

Shane Gillis 46:58 We still call him Jizzy.

Guest 47:00 (laughs)

47:00 Oh, my God, Jizzy.

Shane Gillis 47:02 Yeah.

Guest 47:02 I got caught.

47:02 I got Jizzy forever, right?

Shane Gillis 47:03 Jizzy Gillespie.

Guest 47:04 I mean, if you... if you sip cum, you're fucking... Yeah.

47:08 It's a little-

Shane Gillis 47:08 He didn't sip it. He just did one of these.

Guest 47:10 He tasted your-

47:11 Somebody else's? Taste your own.

Shane Gillis 47:12 He tasted his own.

Guest 47:14 But then he's like, "Let me make sure it's not-"

47:15 All right, all right. I thought he tasted your jizz.

Shane Gillis 47:16 Oh.

Guest 47:16 That's what I thought, too. That's what I thought, too.

Shane Gillis 47:18 No, no, no.

Guest 47:19 Oh, okay.

47:19 Oh, he tasted his own?

47:19 I've tasted my own.

47:20 Okay.

47:20 I'm sure you have.

47:21 You have too.

47:22 I have never.

47:22 Shut up.

Shane Gillis 47:23 Well, with that mustache.

Guest 47:25 (laughs) Just leave it there for later.

Shane Gillis 47:28 You've tasted a couple jizzies. (laughs) What is the stache? What's the, uh...

Guest 47:29 I shaved my beard and then left the stache. I like it.

47:32 It looks good.

Shane Gillis 47:32 It's a solid stache.

Guest 47:33 It looks good on you. I came in full. I didn't have to grow it in.

47:35 You look cool.

Shane Gillis 47:35 Pull up a picture of Richard Petty. I'm telling you, spitting image.

Guest 47:38 Ari had a...

47:38 Oh, yeah.

47:39 Ari had a Hitler mustache for a little bit.

47:40 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 47:41 Oh, that's fun.

Guest 47:42 I lost a bet I had to do it for a week in Myanmar. Hitler mustache.

Shane Gillis 47:45 Uh-huh.

Guest 47:45 In Myanmar?

47:45 In Myanmar, dude.

47:46 Somebody's team won the Super Bowl, like not mine. The bet was paid off and it was like- Usually in another country, you had to do it?

47:51 It was great. They didn't even know what the fuck Hitler was.

47:54 Yeah.

47:54 (laughs) It's the perfect place to do it.

Shane Gillis 47:55 As a J-... Look at that. Come on, that's better than his. You got a fucking broom up there.

Guest 48:00 It's a solid... It's a solid mustache, Ari. It's impressive.

48:02 Yeah, you look good.

Shane Gillis 48:03 Yeah.

Guest 48:03 It looks good. Look at that. (laughs)

48:04 You look like you got de-age.

Shane Gillis 48:05 That's like quite a clit broom. There it is.

Guest 48:08 There it is.

48:08 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 48:08 Come on.

Guest 48:11 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 48:11 (laughs)

Guest 48:11 His is much fuller. Ari's is much more impressive.

Shane Gillis 48:14 Way more full. You got a niche-y.

Guest 48:15 That's the thing about mustaches. If I can see your lips through the mustache-

48:19 Watch.

48:19 ... I think you're a creep.

48:20 Hey.

48:20 Sorry.

48:21 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 48:21 Uh, you got an Asian look.

Guest 48:22 Whoa.

48:22 Because like that's a mustache.

Shane Gillis 48:24 That's a stache.

Guest 48:24 The other thing is an attempt.

Shane Gillis 48:26 That's a young Ari.

Joe Rogan 48:27 ... when I can see too much face-

Guest 48:29 I'll take Richard Petty, for sure.

Joe Rogan 48:29 ... through the mustache, I get, I get concerned.

Guest 48:32 What are you doing? What are you doing?

Joe Rogan 48:33 Nothing.

Guest 48:33 Why are you doing this stuff?

48:34 (laughs)

48:35 Why are you doing that stuff?

48:36 It's not about you, Joe.

48:37 We're having a good time. Now all of a sudden there's personal attacks.

48:39 (laughs) It's a little wispy.

48:40 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 48:41 I think it looks good on you. I didn't even notice it.

Guest 48:43 Thank you, Joe.

Joe Rogan 48:44 And you.

Guest 48:44 Thank you.

Joe Rogan 48:45 'Cause I had a, a, a-

Guest 48:45 A lot of guys couldn't pull it off, but I-

Joe Rogan 48:47 I tried to do the goatee once.

Guest 48:49 Oh, boy.

48:49 Didn't work? You gotta connect.

Joe Rogan 48:50 For one day. I sh- I shaved it in my own house. I never even went out with it. I- I sh- I had a full beard.

Guest 48:54 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 48:54 And then I said, "Let me just see what it looks like. I'll walk around the house."

Guest 48:57 Yeah. Every guy's done that. You do the whole-

Joe Rogan 48:58 Yeah.

Guest 48:59 ... all the styles.

Joe Rogan 48:59 All the way down. You gotta.

Guest 49:00 If I could grow a beard, I'd have a beard.

49:02 Oh, you can't grow one?

49:03 No.

49:04 He can't. Is that Irish?

Joe Rogan 49:05 Oh.

Guest 49:05 Look at that.

49:06 I don't know what the fuck it is. It'll connect.

Joe Rogan 49:07 I can grow one that goes all the way up to my fucking cheeks.

Guest 49:09 Yeah, same.

Joe Rogan 49:11 Yeah.

Guest 49:11 Sicilian?

Joe Rogan 49:12 It's like, yeah. And as I, as I get older, I keep getting hairier.

Guest 49:15 Yeah. Mm.

Joe Rogan 49:15 It's like my ears are hairy now.

Guest 49:17 Yeah.

49:17 Yeah.

49:17 That happens.

49:18 It's the worst. The geezers with the fucking-

Joe Rogan 49:20 They pop around my ears. I have to shave the outside of my ears.

Guest 49:22 Oh.

49:22 Yeah. Yeah, me too. Can you transplant your ear hair to the top of your head? Yeah, man, where are you getting that from?

Joe Rogan 49:25 And my eyebrow hairs are longer than they've ever been before.

Guest 49:29 (laughs) That's how it's taken. (laughs) Get those follicles up there. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 49:30 My eyebrow hairs are oddly long.

Guest 49:33 Every day. Yeah, one or two grow long, right? Right.

Joe Rogan 49:34 Yeah.

Guest 49:35 Yeah, it's never happened to me.

Joe Rogan 49:35 Like, they, they're long. It's weird.

Guest 49:36 I let them go.

Joe Rogan 49:37 Do you?

Guest 49:37 I let them, yeah.

49:38 They look bad. Some people trim them. I see. They're good enough.

Joe Rogan 49:41 But I feel like that's too much work.

Guest 49:42 Gotta make a wish on the long ones. I just, I fold it up and then I hit it with the razor, with the electric-

49:46 Really?

49:46 Yeah, yeah.

49:46 I let them go. Fuck it.

49:47 Like, every barber I go to is like, "You want to do your eyebrows?" I'm like, "No."

49:50 Yeah, say no.

49:51 He's like, "You should." Okay.

Joe Rogan 49:51 You should do yours like Vanilla Ice.

Guest 49:53 What does he do?

Joe Rogan 49:54 You know, with the little shave marks. (singing)

Guest 49:55 Yeah. Oh, yeah. Cut two them underneath and just, like, trim them off.

49:57 Wait, Vanilla Ice was the first... No, he couldn't have been the first.

Joe Rogan 50:00 Oh, yeah. Well, he was-

Guest 50:01 Hispanics do it now.

Joe Rogan 50:02 ... he was very popular for doing it at a time where I think a lot of people were doing it. I don't think he was the first guy to do it.

Guest 50:06 He's probably the first white.

50:07 And Vanilla Ice-

50:07 He's probably the first white. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 50:08 Honky's hadn't seen it yet.

Guest 50:09 He brought it to the world.

Joe Rogan 50:10 Yeah, he had, like, little stuff shaved on the side of his head, like, you know, back when people-

Guest 50:14 I remember that. That was cool.

Joe Rogan 50:15 ... they started doing that.

Guest 50:16 Ah, it was tough. Tough times.

Joe Rogan 50:17 But it's that, the eyebrow thing is a weird move, right? The little swipes on the eyebrow.

Guest 50:21 Yeah. That's pretty sick.

Joe Rogan 50:21 Like, I don't even need my whole eyebrow.

Guest 50:23 What does that grow back too? (laughs)

50:24 That's pretty sick.

50:24 That's a funny way to think about it, yeah.

Joe Rogan 50:26 There it is.

Guest 50:26 Whoa.

50:27 That's good.

Joe Rogan 50:27 That's a look. That looks good.

Guest 50:29 Ah, but he's, like, uh, Armenian or something.

Joe Rogan 50:32 (laughs)

Guest 50:32 That helps.

50:32 What are you, Turkish?

Joe Rogan 50:33 So, too, even.

Guest 50:34 Yeah, if you're too honky, it's like, "Oh."

Joe Rogan 50:35 Right.

Guest 50:36 Oh my god.

Joe Rogan 50:36 It's a weird look. I like what she's doing there.

Guest 50:37 That's a-

50:37 That's an Asian boy.

50:38 That's a hot boy.

50:39 That's a hot boy.

Joe Rogan 50:39 I like what he's doing there.

Guest 50:40 That's one of the K-pop boys.

Joe Rogan 50:41 I like what they are doing there. Is that really a boy?

Guest 50:43 That's a they.

Joe Rogan 50:44 Don't bullshit me.

Guest 50:44 Well, those cape boys-

50:45 I think that was one of the K-pop boys.

Joe Rogan 50:46 What the fuck is happening here?

Guest 50:47 They have a very blurry-

50:47 Good one, by the way.

Joe Rogan 50:47 What is this lady up to?

Guest 50:49 Oh my god. I'm into it. Just do it.

Joe Rogan 50:51 This is trickery.

Guest 50:52 Oh, is that a boy too? (laughs) I can't tell anymore.

Joe Rogan 50:55 The one on the far right?

Guest 50:55 The line's are blurred.

Joe Rogan 50:56 Just, just say they. What are they doing?

Guest 50:59 Have you ever seen those Asian makeup removal videos?

Joe Rogan 51:01 So here's Vanilla Ice. Yeah.

Guest 51:02 Boy.

Joe Rogan 51:02 So here a little-

Guest 51:03 Really, yeah.

Joe Rogan 51:03 Yeah. Look at that.

Guest 51:04 Oh. Oh. 20 years have passed.

51:05 Vanilla Ice was a fucking man, dude. He was. It's crazy that he got huge.

Joe Rogan 51:08 'Cause that's, that's like 40% alopecia.

Guest 51:09 Was he? Yeah, he's pretty cool. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 51:10 That's what he's doing. He's showing 40% alopecia. He's like-

Guest 51:12 Here you go.

Joe Rogan 51:13 ... "If I had alopecia, I'd still be hot as fuck."

Guest 51:15 Oh.

51:15 His wife punched Tony Rock.

Joe Rogan 51:16 Was he the first person to make kissy face?

Guest 51:19 Ooh, duck face. Oh, no.

Joe Rogan 51:21 Look at him. Look at him duck facing.

Guest 51:22 Yeah.

51:22 No.

Joe Rogan 51:22 Was it all from the Vanilla Ice? Did we forget?

Guest 51:24 Marilyn Monroe.

Joe Rogan 51:26 But did she do it like that, like this?

Guest 51:28 No. I don't know.

51:29 Hmm.

Joe Rogan 51:30 Was Vanilla Ice the first kissy face?

Guest 51:31 Oh, he's pouty. He's fucking pouty.

51:32 He's pouty.

Joe Rogan 51:33 He, uh, does a, um-

Guest 51:34 Oh, every picture.

51:35 (laughs)

51:35 He had his pose down.

51:36 He's a handsome dude.

51:38 What a pout.

51:38 Handsome fella.

51:38 It's funny, it's funny too that he was just trying to be like, "This is what Black guys look like."

51:41 That's what I was thinking. You gotta get the lips up. (laughs) It was like, it was Sebastian as a rapper.

Joe Rogan 51:44 Did you ever see that, um... There was a book that they did. It was a photographic book with, uh, Madonna.

Guest 51:50 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 51:50 And Madonna and, um, him are in a lot of these photos. Really wild looking photos.

Guest 51:55 I'm sure they fucked.

Joe Rogan 51:56 Where Madonna was like... Oh, she, she's a wild lady.

Guest 51:58 Oh, yeah.

51:59 Yeah, you seen her lately?

Joe Rogan 52:00 She's an empowering, she's a wild lady.

Guest 52:00 You seen her lately?

52:01 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 52:01 I have.

Guest 52:02 She looks fucking nuts.

52:03 It's not, uh-

52:03 Pull her up.

52:04 It's not her best.

52:05 (laughs) She looks nuts.

52:06 Still got a body.

52:07 No, she's a... Dude.

Joe Rogan 52:08 Um, well she-

Guest 52:09 G- G- Enjoy it.

52:10 Haven't seen her.

Joe Rogan 52:10 She's hanging on as long as she can. And she's doing as good as a 65-year-old woman has ever done.

Guest 52:15 She's aging so gracefully.

Joe Rogan 52:16 How old is she now?

Guest 52:17 Heaven forbid.

52:18 I've seen 100 and 65... Regular 65-year-olds are beating her now.

Joe Rogan 52:22 (laughs)

Guest 52:22 Have you seen her lately?

52:23 No. I'm pulling up things. She's nice there.

52:25 I'm not saying she's not nice.

Joe Rogan 52:27 She seems to be, uh, she seems to be doing things.

Guest 52:29 Uh oh. Heroin?

52:30 She looks like... She filmed...

52:31 No.

52:31 She put out a video.

52:31 No, no, no, no, no.

52:32 She looked wet.

52:33 She made a deal with the devil. Uh...

Joe Rogan 52:34 Like, doing things.

Guest 52:34 Showing wet, like-

Joe Rogan 52:36 I'm doing things to enhance her appearance.

Guest 52:38 Let's see it.

Joe Rogan 52:38 You know? Like, I remember one time I was really, really, really high and I was in the green room of... I think it was Brea, where... And we're watching TV and Comedy Central's on. And, um, uh, there's this, uh, video... Wha- wha- Joan Rivers had a television show with her daughter for a bit.

Guest 52:58 Daughter. Yeah, uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 52:58 And I remember being super high and watching Joan Rivers on TV going, "Holy shit."

Guest 53:04 Yeah.

53:04 Oh.

Joe Rogan 53:04 Like the, the filler stuff, it just-

Guest 53:07 All right.

53:07 Wait, what?

Joe Rogan 53:07 It's, it's, uh, so tight as fuck.

Guest 53:08 All right. I take it... That's Madonna on the left? These are her Instagram. Yeah, that's Donna on the left.

Joe Rogan 53:10 So tight as fuck.

Guest 53:10 That's Madonna on the left?

Joe Rogan 53:11 That's what she looks like. Shut up.

Guest 53:14 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 53:14 I'm not listening, but-

Guest 53:15 She's truly better looking than me.

Joe Rogan 53:17 When ladies still-

Guest 53:18 She actually looks great.

Joe Rogan 53:21 She looks hot as fuck, dude.

Guest 53:21 I don't know.

53:21 She looks great.

Joe Rogan 53:21 She looks hot as fuck.

Guest 53:22 All certainly good at trends.

53:23 This is, this is ridiculous.

Joe Rogan 53:24 Okay. Ev- even if she looks 50% as good as...

Guest 53:27 Find the, find the wet video.

Joe Rogan 53:28 Hold on. Wait, look at that picture with her and Jimmy Fallon.

Guest 53:30 Ugh.

Joe Rogan 53:30 Click on that one. Click on that one. That's gotta be what she looks like.

Guest 53:34 Oh, yeah. Well, you can see there's a lot of work.

Joe Rogan 53:36 Bro, she doesn't look good.

Guest 53:37 Oh, it's...

Joe Rogan 53:37 I mean, she doesn't look bad at all.

Guest 53:38 That's not... Yeah, I take that back.

53:39 That's pretty good.

Joe Rogan 53:39 She doesn't look bad at all.

Guest 53:40 I take it back.

Joe Rogan 53:40 She looks hot.

Guest 53:41 For 65, but no one competes with J.Lo.

Joe Rogan 53:42 I believe she's 60... How old mu-

Guest 53:44 I take it back.

Joe Rogan 53:44 But m- m- that's another 10, 15 years though, dude.

Guest 53:47 Yeah, I guess you're right.

53:48 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 53:48 She looks hot as fuck.

Guest 53:49 Yeah.

53:49 You gotta take it back. She looks pretty good. I thought she was crazy.

53:50 I'm hanging in. For the record, take it back.

Joe Rogan 53:52 I think it's weird photos she takes.

Guest 53:53 I think it's filters. Takes a big man.

Joe Rogan 53:54 She takes a lot of weird photos.

Guest 53:55 Super heavy makeup.

Joe Rogan 53:56 You know, she's doing the sexy thing.

Guest 53:57 Jamie, you fucked me on...

Joe Rogan 53:58 64.

Guest 53:59 You fucked me, Jamie.

Joe Rogan 53:59 So she's doing the sexy th-

Guest 54:01 Show the crazy ones.

Joe Rogan 54:01 It's true, though. She's doing the sexy thing while she's older, and some people have a problem with that, but...

Guest 54:06 Yeah, it's gross.

Joe Rogan 54:07 But why? Who gives a fuck?

Guest 54:09 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:09 That's what she likes.

Guest 54:10 I mean, come on.

54:10 Give 'em what you got.

Joe Rogan 54:10 It's like a baseball player. No more baseball.

Guest 54:12 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:13 But I still like it.

Guest 54:14 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:14 That's what they do. She's, she was sexy for her whole life.

Guest 54:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:17 Why should she stop now?

Guest 54:19 My dad's-

Joe Rogan 54:19 That's as hot as you can get at 64.

Guest 54:20 Yeah, my dad's through.

54:21 That's true.

54:21 He's 65. He should start... (laughs)

Joe Rogan 54:24 Imagine.

Guest 54:24 Just like his mom.

54:24 If your dad brought her home-

54:26 (laughs)

54:26 ... you'd be like, "Fuck yeah, Dad."

Joe Rogan 54:27 (laughs)

Guest 54:27 Nice pull. Good point.

Joe Rogan 54:28 Wait a minute.

Guest 54:28 Nice, Dad.

54:29 We'd have a group whack-off. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:30 If that was your dad's new girlfriend, you know how fucking pumped you would be if it wasn't my mom?

Guest 54:34 God, I hate my mom. So fucking ugly, dude. What a great, what a great stepmom for him.

54:38 (laughs) Pull her up. Let's see her.

54:42 Dad, how come you don't have fucking Madonna right now? (laughs)

Joe Rogan 54:44 (laughs)

Guest 54:44 I think you want an ugly mom, though. My mom's no prize, either-

54:47 They're, they're better cooks.

54:48 ... and that's good.

54:48 No, my mom's not ugly.

54:49 That's not what I've seen.

54:51 (laughs)

54:51 But... (laughs) I've never seen your mom, but...

Joe Rogan 54:53 Put the sunglasses back on.

Guest 54:55 All right, but-

54:55 What is, what's wrong with you, dude?

Joe Rogan 54:57 (laughs) He's talking about his mom, he just said it-

Guest 54:59 (laughs)

54:59 I'm sorry, I assumed your mom is not a hot lady.

55:02 Why?

55:02 Well...

Joe Rogan 55:04 (laughs)

Guest 55:04 You know.

55:04 'Cause of me?

Joe Rogan 55:05 What the fuck?

Guest 55:05 Mechan- well, yeah. Mechanicsburg-

55:07 Oh.

55:08 ... you. I don't know. I'm not knocking her, but, uh, uh-oh-

Joe Rogan 55:12 You clearly are.

Guest 55:13 ... Ollie lost Ari already.

55:13 Ari's gotta pee.

55:14 Ari's mom's gotta be hideous.

55:15 Going to the bathroom, right?

55:16 Yeah.

55:16 Bathroom, thank you.

55:17 All right.

55:18 No, it was unfortunate because my mom just... It was funny, my mom, in the, in the group... In my family group text, sent a picture from her 50th. She looked hot.

55:27 Oh, can we see?

Joe Rogan 55:28 Imagine-

Guest 55:29 Not hot, but, like, she looked pretty. That's why she sent it. I look like a fucking blimp.

Joe Rogan 55:32 Imagine if you-

Guest 55:33 It was right after I quit football and was just dying.

55:36 Yeah.

55:37 (laughs)

55:37 (laughs) Yeah, I was fat, too-

55:38 I was like, "Delete these. What are you doing?"

55:39 ... in my, uh, college years. Plus, it's all booze. You're just a puffy-

55:42 Yeah.

55:42 ... dweeb.

55:42 I had quit football and still was eating like I was playing football-

55:46 Right.

Joe Rogan 55:46 Oh, that's common.

Guest 55:46 ... and then drinking. Dude, I was 320 pounds. I'm like-

55:50 Whoa.

55:52 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 55:52 (laughs)

Guest 55:52 Yeah, I was a fat kid.

55:52 And my mom looks pretty in