Joe Rogan Experience #1866 - Protect Our Parks 5

Shane Gillis, Mark Normand, and Ari Shaffir are stand-up comics, writers, and podcasters. Shane is the co-host of "Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast" with Matt McCusker. His special "Shane Gillis: Live in Austin," is available via YouTube, and a new season of "Gilly and Keeves," his sketch comedy series with John McKeever, is set to be released to YouTube this month. Sign up to learn more at www.gillyandkeeves.tv. www.shanemgillis.com Mark is the co-host of "Tuesdays with Stories" along with Joe List and "We Might Be Drunk" with Sam Morril. His latest special, "Mark Normand: Out to Lunch," is available via YouTube. Try his signature whiskey, Bodega Cat Straight Rye, currently available for order online. www.marknormandcomedy.com Ari is the host of "The Skeptic Tank." His current special, "Ari Shaffir: Double Negative," is available via Netflix. Look for the premiere of his new travel podcast, "You Be Trippin'," on September 26, and his upcoming comedy special, "Ari Shaffir: Jew," to be released sometime in October. www.arishaffir.com

Joe RoganhostShane GillisguestMark NormandguestAri ShaffirguestGuestguest

Jun 27, 20243h 55mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

150 min read · 30,018 words

0:00 – 15:00
(drumming music) Joe Rogan podcast,…
1. NANarrator
  (drumming music) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.
2. The Joe Rogan Experience. (rock music)
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. (rock music) When you're on an IUD, you don't get periods?
4. SGShane Gillis
  No, that's one of the perks.
5. MNMark Normand
  Yeah.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  Really?
7. MNMark Normand
  I didn't know that.
8. NANarrator
  There's one of them, you get, like, one period a year.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  Are we up?
10. SGShane Gillis
  Oh, that's-
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Okay, we're rolling.
12. SGShane Gillis
  ... there's a patch, Joe.
13. ASAri Shaffir
  We're talking about menstruation.
14. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
15. MNMark Normand
  (laughs)
16. SGShane Gillis
  We're live.
17. ASAri Shaffir
  We're putting them in menstruation.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  So when you're on an IUD you don't get periods?
19. SGShane Gillis
  No, no, my lady does not-
20. JRJoe Rogan
  Where does it go?
21. SGShane Gillis
  It comes out of her ass.
22. MNMark Normand
  (laughs)
23. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  But I mean, I've read about a guy-
25. NANarrator
  Maybe I have an IUD. (laughs)
26. JRJoe Rogan
  I read about a guy who has, like, some weird fucking birth defect where he comes out of his ass.
27. SGShane Gillis
  Those are called gays. (laughs)
28. JRJoe Rogan
  No, no, no, no. It's other people's coming.
29. NANarrator
  It's right after sex.
30. SGShane Gillis
  I see.
15:00 – 30:00
(laughs) …
1. ASAri Shaffir
2. NANarrator
  (laughs)
3. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
4. ASAri Shaffir
  This is a guy who died like a hero.
5. NANarrator
  He's like, he's up in heaven going like, "Come on!"
6. JRJoe Rogan
  The odds?
7. ASAri Shaffir
  Yes, I've got to stay in the White House. (laughs)
8. NANarrator
  Oh, damn it.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  The odds of them telling us the truth in every situation are-
10. NANarrator
  Yeah.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  ... slim to none.
12. NANarrator
  How did he get-
13. ASAri Shaffir
  It's crud.
14. NANarrator
  ... reception up there?
15. JRJoe Rogan
  Exactly.
16. NANarrator
  Like, who reported that he said let's roll?
17. ASAri Shaffir
  Uh, well, they had the phones.
18. NANarrator
  No, they did, they did have the credit con- the credit card swipe phones-
19. ASAri Shaffir
  They did.
20. NANarrator
  ... on the backs of seats.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  So he called home and said, "I'm gonna go do something"?
22. ASAri Shaffir
  No, I forget the, the exact story. I've read- I've lo- I listened to the black box of it, or read the black box.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  Really?
24. ASAri Shaffir
  Read the black box transcript.
25. NANarrator
  That's just from the pilot?
26. ASAri Shaffir
  I've read it.
27. NANarrator
  That's just in the cockpit?
28. ASAri Shaffir
  Yeah, but this dude's up there. I be- I got a ... I think I might've talked about this last time. Oh, oh.
29. NANarrator
  Got into reading black boxes.
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Don't be scared. Don't be scared, weed.com.
30:00 – 45:00
(laughs) It's all right.…
1. GUGuest
  right. (laughs)
2. (laughs) It's all right.
3. SGShane Gillis
  I mean, have you tested it?
4. GUGuest
  Yeah, I, I take it, I feel it.
5. SGShane Gillis
  Oh, really?
6. GUGuest
  I'll see if it hurts.
7. SGShane Gillis
  Does it pulse? Does it push-
8. GUGuest
  No, I don't know.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  Can we get an expert to look at it?
10. SGShane Gillis
  (laughs)
11. GUGuest
  I don't know. My liver's all right.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. Well- I can imagine if they, for them an expert looked at Shane's liver, they'd call up other experts, "You gotta come and see me."
13. SGShane Gillis
  That would be fun. (laughs)
14. GUGuest
  (laughs)
15. JRJoe Rogan
  This thing is like the Hulk's dick.
16. GUGuest
  Something happened.
17. Yeah.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  It's the most powerful liver we've ever encountered, ever.
19. GUGuest
  (laughs) What the... We'll see, we'll see. It's early, it's early.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  Like we'll see, it's like five times normal liver levels.
21. GUGuest
  Really? Back to the future of everything. You wanna know what that liver will be talking about? Watch this. (laughs)
22. JRJoe Rogan
  Imagine if that's what we found out, that you have just like superior... You know how like Lance Armstrong has a big heart. Like he has like a really large heart.
23. SGShane Gillis
  Oh.
24. GUGuest
  Oh, yeah?
25. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
26. SGShane Gillis
  That's nice.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  He's a sweetie.
28. GUGuest
  (laughs)
29. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
30. JRJoe Rogan
  But it's like he has an, an unusually large heart.
45:00 – 55:56
Just BO and jizz…
1. GUGuest
  you have to...
2. Just BO and jizz from seventh graders.
3. (laughs)
4. (laughs)
5. SGShane Gillis
  All that Capri Sun and Cheeto jizz.
6. GUGuest
  And then... and then my buddy goes... All right. So as soon as we done... got done coming, everyone was like, "All right, let's keep fucking with this old guy." (laughs)
7. (laughs)
8. (laughs)
9. Dude, my buddy shoved his hand in his ass. (laughs)
10. (laughs)
11. (laughs)
12. What? What?
13. So he pulled his pants down.
14. (laughs)
15. No. No.
16. SGShane Gillis
  Oh.
17. GUGuest
  No, not like... Look, pillow... It was just a crease. It wasn't in the hole.
18. SGShane Gillis
  Sure.
19. GUGuest
  Just a crease.
20. SGShane Gillis
  I get that.
21. GUGuest
  He gave him a fucking credit card swipe.
22. I try to jump.
23. But that's what woke him up. Dude, he was like, "Oh, shit."
24. Ah.
25. SGShane Gillis
  I'm telling you, it's better than smelling salts, the ass, uh, puncture.
26. GUGuest
  Dude, he woke up. He woke up, he said, "You kids got fucking problems? What the fuck?"
27. (laughs)
28. So we all ran out.
29. He thought half of it, dude.
30. SGShane Gillis
  "I was awake the whole time. I saw everything."

Episode duration: 3:55:15

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(drumming music) Joe Rogan podcast,…

(laughs) …

(laughs) It's all right.…

Just BO and jizz…

Get more out of YouTube videos.