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The Joe Rogan ExperienceThe Joe Rogan Experience

Joe Rogan Experience #1879 - Sober October 4

Ari Shaffir, Tom Segura, and Bert Kreischer are stand-up comics and podcast hosts. Ari is the host of "The Skeptic Tank" podcast. His most recent special, "Ari Shaffir: Double Negative," is available via Netflix. Together, Tom and Bert are the co-hosts of the "2 Bears, 1 Cave" podcast. Tom also co-hosts a podcast with his wife and fellow comedian Christina Pazsitzky, "Your Mom's House," as well as his own Spanish language podcast: "Tom Segura en Español." His new book, "I'd Like to Play Alone, Please: Essays," is available now. Bert hosts his own podcast, "The Bertcast," and can be seen starring on TBS's "The Go-Big Show," and the YouTube cooking program "Somethings Burning." www.arishaffir.com www.tomsegura.com www.bertbertbert.com

Joe RoganhostAri ShaffirguestTom SeguraguestBert KreischerguestGuest (unclear which)guest
Jun 27, 20243h 15mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:00 – 1:53

    Sober October cravings: cigars, weed, and chasing a buzz

    1. NA

      (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

    2. NA

      The Joe Rogan Experience.

    3. JR

      Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. (instrumental music plays)

    4. AS

      You got some stogies, Bert?

    5. TS

      I bought cigars.

    6. AS

      Sick.

    7. TS

      There's nothing better that, we already know we're talking about this, than a cigar and coffee in the morning.

    8. BK

      In the morning, yeah.

    9. AS

      It's nice.

    10. JR

      You know what's better? A joint.

    11. TS

      Uh, we should address that.

    12. JR

      Yeah, it's a real issue. (laughs)

    13. TS

      (laughs) Not with me, Tom.

    14. AS

      No, of course not.

    15. TS

      Dude, I'm, I don't have the cravings that Joe has.

    16. BK

      (laughs)

    17. JR

      I have got cravings, yeah. (laughs)

    18. TS

      You gotta see Stanhope. You gotta see Stanhope in the green room these days.

    19. JR

      Stanhope? (laughs)

    20. TS

      Are we re- are we recording? I'm-

    21. AS

      Wait, wait, are you-

    22. TS

      Fucking Stanhope over here. (laughs)

    23. AS

      ... are, you're not having any drinking cravings?

    24. JR

      Why are you saying Stanhope? 'Cause I smoked a cigarette?

    25. AS

      Uh.

    26. BK

      Chugging it.

    27. JR

      I smoked one yesterday.

    28. BK

      You s- you breathed it down in one gulp.

    29. JR

      No, no, no. I didn't even smoke the whole thing.

    30. TS

      If Camel cigarettes could do an ad of you sucking down a cigarette.

  2. 1:53 – 7:01

    Dating, jealousy, and the “relationship stock market” analogy

    1. TS

      I took, you take, I, I took one chance that a couple to the far right, older dude, and I, I didn't see his chick, she was against the wall, and I was making a joke about Liam being old, and I looked over and I saw his chick and she was his age, and I went, "Oh shit, your chick's old."

    2. BK

      (gasps)

    3. TS

      And everyone, and he, but I go, but then I said, "Age appropriate," and then she was like, "Yeah." Like, 'cause you know-

    4. BK

      Oh, right.

    5. TS

      Yeah, 'cause like Liam-

    6. JR

      Right.

    7. TS

      ... the biggest thing is when you upgrade.

    8. JR

      Oh, yeah.

    9. BK

      You upgrade, you downage.

    10. TS

      When you downage. We had a buddy, we had a buddy upgrade, it was his buddy's chick, and she's fucking-

    11. JR

      Women get angry at that.

    12. TS

      ... very angry.

    13. BK

      They get angry at anyone else doing it.

    14. JR

      Oh. But isn't it interesting that guys don't give a fuck? Like, if a woman is getting divorced and then she starts fucking her personal trainer-

    15. TS

      Yeah.

    16. JR

      ... and he's like 32-

    17. AS

      Yeah.

    18. TS

      Yeah.

    19. JR

      ... no one cares.

    20. TS

      No one cares.

    21. BK

      Yeah, like-

    22. JR

      46-year-old woman, 30-year-old personal trainer, no one cares.

    23. TS

      No.

    24. JR

      No, no one cares at all.

    25. BK

      Yeah, if she's single and doing it.

    26. JR

      Yeah, good for her. Look it, she's got a hot young guy.

    27. AS

      Women are constantly threatened by youth, though.

    28. TS

      Yeah.

    29. JR

      Yeah.

    30. BK

      Yeah.

  3. 7:01 – 7:48

    Tinder/Grindr bits and comedy-store trolling

    1. TS

      That's the, you know, you're kinda curious what you c-... I would love to get a Tinder profile just to be, like, I just wanna see-

    2. JR

      See what's up.

    3. TS

      Yeah, see what I can do.

    4. JR

      Yeah.

    5. BK

      Dude.

    6. JR

      You'd, you'd get some hits, man.

    7. BK

      Can we operate your Tinder profile for a while?

    8. TS

      Take the hits. (laughs)

    9. BK

      (laughs)

    10. JR

      (laughs)

    11. BK

      Do you remember-

    12. JR

      I would go right to Grindr, I'd port that bitch right over.

    13. TS

      (laughs)

    14. BK

      (laughs)

    15. JR

      That's where you're gonna get big numbers.

    16. BK

      Grindr.

    17. JR

      If you went over to Grindr-

    18. BK

      Oh, yeah.

    19. JR

      Oh my God, the bears.

    20. TS

      I had a Grindr, I had a Grindr account for him.

    21. JR

      Yeah.

    22. BK

      Really?

    23. TS

      Back when we started fucking with each other-

    24. JR

      Yeah. (laughs)

    25. TS

      ... I opened a Grindr account for him-

    26. BK

      Oh, you were clean up.

    27. TS

      ... and it, and it was Tom Sturrup.

    28. JR

      (laughs)

    29. TS

      And people would hit me up, and I'd be like, I'd be like, "Oh, that's so cool, I can't make it today, but why don't you come see me perform at The Comedy Store?"

    30. JR

      (screams)

  4. 7:48 – 17:00

    Cigar nerd talk, wine apps, and “man stuff” (meat aging and Liver King)

    1. BK

      I should have some nicotine while we do this.

    2. JR

      Like, the, about, yeah, let's fire up them stogies.

    3. TS

      Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

    4. JR

      Um, um, you were talking about-

    5. TS

      How many Garcias are the best, in my opinion?

    6. JR

      Whatever you want. We got a bunch here too if you want those.

    7. TS

      These Jaime Garcias are fucking-

    8. BK

      Try one of those.

    9. JR

      Jaime Garcias? Jaime.

    10. TS

      It's by the guys who do my father's cigar.

    11. JR

      Yeah.

    12. TS

      This is... I like a big ring gauge, I like a strong smoke.

    13. BK

      Damn, this is big.

    14. JR

      My boy, uh, Nick from Foundation Cigars was telling me that there might be, like, some sort of an embargo in Nicaragua. He's fucking terrified.

    15. BK

      No, really?

    16. JR

      Yeah, I mean, there's some shit going down apparently.

    17. BK

      Oh, I gotta talk to... I went to the plantation.

    18. JR

      Oh, did you?

    19. BK

      Me and Bobby were down there.

    20. JR

      The one in, uh, Connecticut?

    21. BK

      Yeah.

    22. JR

      How was it?

    23. BK

      It was so cool.

    24. JR

      It's a great cigar.

    25. BK

      We saw them curing the stuff.

    26. JR

      Oh, nice.

    27. BK

      I'll talk to you about it later.

    28. TS

      There's a difference when you, when you, when you hang out with dudes that know cigars, like, Bobby Kelly knows cigars.

    29. JR

      Sure.

    30. BK

      Knows cigars.

  5. 17:00 – 27:25

    Tom’s health wake-up: blood pressure, inflammation, reflux, and early Sober October changes

    1. JR

      Let's go. I wanna go back. I wanna go back, 'cause we, we glossed over, then we came back. When we were in the green room, you were talking about, uh, your blood pressure. You were talking about, uh, your inflammation and how good you feel just five days off of booze, what a difference it's made.

    2. TS

      Yeah. I feel phe- phenomenal. My blood pressure dropped immediately into perfect blood pressure. Like, it- it's 140/90 if I'm partying hard. And then two days after drinking, it's 120/70.

    3. BK

      Two days?

    4. TS

      Yeah. And my blood pressure drops. I mean, my stomach, my stomach starts making noises, like, really aggressive, like-

    5. NA

      Didn't it inflame at first?

    6. TS

      Yeah, it, it super inflamed, and then it just goes, starts going... (stomach gurgling)

    7. NA

      (laughs)

    8. TS

      Like, there's-

    9. BK

      That's, that's- dude, that's pretty fucking good.

    10. TS

      It's, it's that-

    11. BK

      That's a good impression of whatever the fuck was happening.

    12. NA

      (laughs)

    13. TS

      (laughs)

    14. BK

      I mean, that's another level.

    15. JR

      (laughs)

    16. TS

      I was farting so aggressively the first day not drinking.

    17. NA

      Oh.

    18. TS

      I was at the store, and I was trying to have a conversation with someone about disc golf. And I was- had my ass in the main room towards the bathroom. And I was ripping farts that were, like, just coming- like, all this- I think my inflammation's so bad, it kind of blocks up my stomach. And I was gassy as fucking shit.

    19. NA

      But I don't think you account for how much you, like, when you drink, normal Bert drinking, which is a lot-

    20. TS

      Yeah.

    21. NA

      ... you also eat crazy.

    22. BK

      Oh.

    23. NA

      You eat crazy.

    24. TS

      I eat wild. I don't eat bad. Last night, I grabbed those tacos and the bell pepper-

    25. BK

      Uh-huh.

    26. TS

      ... brought it home, and I went, "I don't want this."

    27. BK

      Bullshit.

    28. TS

      ... call it, I gave it to him. Brought John Mans and my assistant, Peter, the whole thing.

    29. JR

      That was an aggressive bullshit, Ari. (laughs)

    30. TS

      You wanna, you wanna call, call him right now?

  6. 27:25 – 33:31

    Sauna + cold plunge protocols: temps, costs, and Whoop data

    1. JR

      Yeah, but see, that's the problem. The, the problem is, like, the reason why it's uncomfortable when you're going really hot is, like, that's what you need, 'cause that's how your body builds the heat-shock proteins. There's not the same kinda studies that are done on infrared sauna- saunas.

    2. NA

      (laughs)

    3. JR

      Like, the 20-year Finland study? There's a Finland study that showed a 40% decrease in all-cause mortality for people who use the sauna four times a week, 20 minutes at a time, and I think it's 170, 175 degrees. But they showed a 40% decrease in strokes, heart attacks, like, everything.

    4. NA

      Well, it's-

    5. JR

      Cancer.

    6. NA

      ... it's non-impact cardiovascular, correct?

    7. JR

      It is.

    8. NA

      I'm, I'm-

    9. JR

      It is.

    10. NA

      ... parroting you, I think.

    11. JR

      Yes. You're sitting there and your heart is gel- ... like, I wore the heart strap the other day. Yeah, it's like-

    12. NA

      At, at Schvitz.

    13. JR

      ... 134, 135, so your heart is, like, a slow, steady heart.

    14. NA

      Yeah.

    15. JR

      'Cause I'm hot as balls in there.

    16. NA

      That's, like, working your-

    17. JR

      Yeah.

    18. NA

      ... 400 calories, I got just sitting in there.

    19. JR

      Yeah, so this is it. What is it called?

    20. GW

      Oh, that's fucking great.

    21. JR

      What's the company called? I don't know. Uh, Lux Sauna.

    22. NA

      Lux Sauna?

    23. JR

      Sauna. Schwitz Bum? So there's ...

    24. NA

      Wait, is that speed bags in a sauna?

    25. JR

      They m- ... Yeah, yeah, speed bags in a sauna, they have chin-up bars. There, there's certain saunas that I know, I know a bunch of MMA fighters were using them. But, like, the thing is, like, this is definitely-

    26. GW

      Oh, shit.

    27. JR

      ... better than no sauna. But the thing about the hot sauna, like, this is what Laird Hamilton told me, like, he, he had a problem-

    28. GW

      Laird Hamilton does it with oven mitts.

    29. JR

      Well, he gets on an Airdyne bike.

    30. GW

      Yeah. (laughs)

  7. 33:31 – 44:02

    Giving kids cash to do hard stuff: cold plunge bets and party dares

    1. JR

      My daughter's friends were over the house-

    2. AS

      Yeah.

    3. JR

      ... and I told them I'd give them $1,000 if they could do a minute in it.

    4. AS

      Yeah? (laughs)

    5. JR

      I gave three kids a thousand bucks.

    6. AS

      Really?

    7. JR

      12-year-olds.

    8. TS

      (laughs)

    9. NA

      What?

    10. JR

      The parents were like, "What the fuck?"

    11. AS

      It's a tip.

    12. JR

      I'm like, "They earned it."

    13. AS

      Yeah, yeah.

    14. JR

      "They earned it." I just want them to show, I just wanted-

    15. NA

      Dude's ears.

    16. JR

      ... to show them that they could do it. (laughs)

    17. AS

      Were they fucking losing their minds or they were pretty confused?

    18. JR

      They were just (panting) , and they got out, "Whoo!" And they're fucking flexing.

    19. AS

      (laughs)

    20. JR

      Slay. It's hilarious.

    21. AS

      Dude, I had a, I had a, I had met a guy at the Schvitz who's a, who's a fan of yours.

    22. NA

      (laughs)

    23. JR

      It was fun.

    24. TS

      That's great.

    25. AS

      It was fun.

    26. TS

      Dude, I took, I took $300 in a plastic bag and put a rock in it at a party, and I threw it in the pool.

    27. JR

      (laughs)

    28. AS

      (laughs)

    29. TS

      And I go, "Who was it?" And one of Georgia's friends, fully clothed, dives in the pool. (laughs)

    30. JR

      (laughs)

  8. 44:02 – 49:16

    Ocean obsession, surfing goals, and why the sea feels different than a lake

    1. JR

      What the fuck is it about the ocean? There is something about-

    2. GW

      It's so different. We spent the summer at the ocean.

    3. JR

      (sighs)

    4. GW

      And you know, here we live on a lake. Is, there's no comparison. Lakes are rad, but they're-

    5. JR

      No, lakes are nice, but ocean is the motherfucker.

    6. GW

      It is totally different thing.

    7. JR

      That's the motherfu- I, I got a house once for, uh, three months when I was in Malibu.

    8. GW

      How- yeah.

    9. JR

      Yeah.

    10. GW

      Wow.

    11. JR

      We were getting our kitchen remodeled and I said, "Let's just rent a house." We rented a house on the water.

    12. GW

      Wow.

    13. JR

      It's fucking amazing. You're eating breakfast and the water's right there. I was like, "Fu-"

    14. GW

      You just stare out at it.

    15. JR

      Those rich people aren't stupid.

    16. NA

      Mm-mm.

    17. JR

      There's a reason why they're paying fucking $100 million for a house-

    18. GW

      In Malibu.

    19. JR

      ... that's like, on a quarter of an acre.

    20. GW

      The ultimate was, you know, we'd, we'd always talked about surfing. And I've always wanted to surf. So, I set a goal for myself. I had two months off, no touring. I said, "I'm gonna go to Hawaii at the end of two months. I'm gonna lose weight, get into the 240s and I'm gonna get..." Because my hardest part is standing up on a board when you're fat. So, I lost the weight, flew my daughter right before she went to college, my sister, my cameraman and my assistant down. We all went to Hawaii, stayed at Turtle Bay, did Jamie O'Brien's surf experience. And I surfed, like I surfed fucking solid two days, caught probably 25 waves. And there is a genuine, surreal connection with the earth when you're on a board sliding down a wave.

    21. JR

      Yeah.

    22. GW

      And you're moving over on the wave and you're just watching it. It's the coolest fucking thing that I've ever done. And then you look at these guys like, like Nathan Florence and Kai Lenny and, and, and, uh, and Koa Rothman who do... They're like fucking savages and they're going into jaws, towed in, and you're just like, or that, that- Those guys are wild.

    23. JR

      That's a different thing, though.

    24. GW

      That's, that's, that's true.

    25. JR

      That's a different thing. Those guys are adrenaline junkies to the extreme.

    26. GW

      But the connection those guys have with the ocean- ... is so primal. And I, I mean, there, you're right. There's- Dude, you know what would happen every day, like when we... 'Cause we did the same thing, we rented a house in Malibu, is that we would... Because the tide changes every day, right? Yeah. And when at low tide... Sometimes low tide would be, let's say, at 8:00 AM. So, you'd look out and the, the water would be so far out that there would be rocks that you normally don't see, right? And you're like, "Oh, wow." Like you can, you can walk into the ocean because the tide's so low. Dude, high tide made me respect and fear the ocean so much. Why, what do you mean? Because it would come up and hit the house with such violence on some days that you would go... If I, an adult who can swim, were down here right now, like most likely you would drown. Smashed. And, and you would get pulled out and die.

    27. JR

      Oh, yeah. Yeah, that happens all the time.

    28. GW

      I know, but like when you're living there, when you're living there, you're like, "Holy shit."

    29. JR

      Yeah.

    30. GW

      Because you're seeing it every day. You look down and you're like-

  9. 49:16 – 57:44

    Animals, pests, and bizarre rodents: retrievers, rat terriers, rat kings, and “banana rats”

    1. JR

      ... I had a dog, my Mastiff, he never learned how to swim. He just was not interested in swimming.

    2. BK

      Yeah, mine too.

    3. JR

      I'd pick him up, I'd take him in the water and he would just swim right back to the stairs. I'm like-

    4. BK

      Yeah.

    5. JR

      ... "Come on, Johnny, let's go."

    6. BK

      Yep, let's try it, yeah.

    7. JR

      But Marshall, my d- the, the golden retriever-

    8. BK

      Yeah.

    9. JR

      ... it's like in his DNA. (snaps fingers)

    10. BK

      Yeah.

    11. GW

      Oh, yeah.

    12. JR

      When he was a puppy, when he was a puppy-

    13. BK

      Gotta get him in there early.

    14. JR

      ... we would go to the pool and he's like, "Fuck yeah! Woo!"

    15. GW

      Some kids take to it quick.

    16. JR

      Just jumps in the water.

    17. GW

      My oldest took to it real quick.

    18. JR

      Yeah?

    19. GW

      Yeah, he swims like a fucking lunatic now.

    20. JR

      I think if they just do it early, it's fun.

    21. BK

      You gotta do it early, you gotta get your-

    22. GW

      Yeah.

    23. BK

      ... dog in the pool right away.

    24. JR

      Yeah.

    25. GW

      Does Marshall dive down?

    26. BK

      Keep them doing it, yeah.

    27. JR

      Oh, yeah, he does every-

    28. BK

      Dives under water?

    29. GW

      Dives?

    30. JR

      He would. I mean if you, if the ball's under water, he'll go under water.

  10. 57:44 – 1:32:22

    Spending money: watches, cars, lab diamonds, and treating yourself

    1. TS

      That's ingrained in, I think, guys ... Me and you. Maybe not Tom as much, but I've always had a problem spending money 'cause I go, "It goes to waste."

    2. AS

      You say that and you just keep buying houses.

    3. JR

      The fuck are you talking about?

    4. TS

      What are you talking about? You have like five-

    5. JR

      I don't, I don't buy them. Liam buys them. I don't buy them. Oh, LeeAnn buys them.

    6. TS

      I don't buy ... I don't fucking buy anything. I had a hard time buying this watch. You remember me?

    7. JR

      Yeah.

    8. TS

      Well, here ... One of my favorite stories. I, I, I go to this great watch dealer in Vegas. You, you know her, I think. You think you bought a watch from her. Chappelle buys watches from her. This is how you get the green light, is that you know the person, and then they go, "All right. Bring out the inventory."

    9. JR

      Right.

    10. TS

      So, I look at it, this watch, and she tells me-

    11. JR

      Is that a Rolex?

    12. TS

      Rolex. It's a Submariner, 10 grand. Heard of that brand. And she goes ... And I can't ... And I just can't pull myself to pull the trigger.

    13. JR

      (laughs) Ari's never had a watch, either. He doesn't wear nice watches.

    14. TS

      Russell tried to give me a $10,000 watch.

    15. JR

      I thought about ...

    16. TS

      I was like, "Don't." And he's like, "No, you need a watch." Like, dude, stop. I'm just gonna own it.

    17. JR

      You wouldn't wear, like, a nice watch? Like, a good-

    18. TS

      I don't want it on my ...

    19. JR

      No?

    20. TS

      It's just like ...

    21. AS

      Put yours on his wrist and let him, let him enjoy it.

    22. JR

      Well, okay. Here. It's a Rolex.

    23. TS

      So, I, I ... So, I'm sitting there, Ari. My arms are sore. I'm gonna (laughs) ... I gotta get off the fucking pick up.

    24. JR

      This is, uh, this is ... This is one that's comfortable too because it's on a silicone strap. That's my everyday walk around watch.

    25. TS

      Show this way. Show this way.

    26. JR

      I like it.

    27. TS

      So, I'm sitting at the lady. I'm having a hard time doing it. I text Tom a picture of the watch.

    28. JR

      He could barely o- ... Even use his arms. Look at this guy.

Episode duration: 3:15:41

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