Joe Rogan Experience #1886 - Robert Kelly

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   (drumbeats) Joe Rogan podcast,…

   1. NANarrator0:00

      (drumbeats) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience.

   2. JRJoe Rogan0:06

      Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night. All day. (rock music) Are you gonna do the glasses or no glasses?

   3. RKRobert Kelly0:14

      I just can't see up there.

   4. JRJoe Rogan0:16

      I like them.

   5. RKRobert Kelly0:17

      You like them?

   6. JRJoe Rogan0:17

      They look good.

   7. RKRobert Kelly0:18

      Yeah?

   8. JRJoe Rogan0:18

      Yeah.

   9. RKRobert Kelly0:18

      You like them?

   10. JRJoe Rogan0:19

       Yeah. (laughs) They look fucking great.

   11. RKRobert Kelly0:19

       You want to try them on? Try them on. Let me show you what they look like. Dude, those look fucking tough. Those are tough, dude. These fucking look good, dude. (laughs) You gotta get a pair of glasses, dude.

   12. NANarrator0:32

       Yeah.

   13. RKRobert Kelly0:32

       You, do you need glasses?

   14. JRJoe Rogan0:33

       Uh, I do for reading.

   15. RKRobert Kelly0:34

       Those are, those are what I, I can't see my phone without them.

   16. JRJoe Rogan0:37

       Really?

   17. RKRobert Kelly0:37

       Yeah, I can't fucking see my phone without these.

   18. JRJoe Rogan0:39

       H- what power are those?

   19. RKRobert Kelly0:40

       It's, uh, I believe it's one eye is different than the other. It's a prescription. Um-

   20. JRJoe Rogan0:45

       One eye's different than the other, really?

   21. RKRobert Kelly0:46

       Yeah, like, one can see better or something like that.

   22. JRJoe Rogan0:48

       Did you get injured, or is it just natural?

   23. RKRobert Kelly0:50

       No, just around 40. I think they call reading glasses in England, uh, 45s, because around 45 is when your-

   24. JRJoe Rogan0:57

       (laughs)

   25. RKRobert Kelly0:58

       ... eyes start going.

   26. JRJoe Rogan0:58

       That's what happened to me.

   27. RKRobert Kelly0:59

       Yeah.

   28. JRJoe Rogan0:59

       That's probably exactly when it happened to me. I remember doing the podcast-

   29. RKRobert Kelly1:03

       Yeah.

   30. JRJoe Rogan1:03

       ... and I, I couldn't read off a laptop. I was actually doing a podcast with Neil deGrasse Tyson, and, uh, I wanted to ask him about something, and I pulled out the laptop, and I was like, "I can't fucking read this."
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   Dude, look at you.…

   1. RKRobert Kelly15:00

      pilaf. We had this sick meal.

   2. JRJoe Rogan15:01

      Dude, look at you. You guys have rain gear and everything?

   3. RKRobert Kelly15:05

      Oh, everything. We had a-

   4. JRJoe Rogan15:06

      Wow.

   5. RKRobert Kelly15:07

      We had food, we, we had cigars, we had the fire.

   6. JRJoe Rogan15:10

      How many days you guys stay up there?

   7. RKRobert Kelly15:11

      We did one day. We went up for one night, packed up.

   8. JRJoe Rogan15:14

      That's fucking beautiful.

   9. RKRobert Kelly15:15

      So we get into the... I went early because I'm old, so I get into my tent around 11:30. Around 1:30, I hear them zipping up that tent.

   10. JRJoe Rogan15:22

       Mm-hmm.

   11. RKRobert Kelly15:23

       And, uh, they get in and then as soon as they got in their tent, a pack of coyotes (laughs) . And I don't know if you ever heard a pack of coyotes.

   12. JRJoe Rogan15:31

       Oh yeah, sure.

   13. RKRobert Kelly15:32

       I've never heard them. I didn't understand the noise. It doesn't sound-

   14. JRJoe Rogan15:36

       Oh, wow.

   15. RKRobert Kelly15:36

       It sounds like something's being murdered.

   16. JRJoe Rogan15:37

       Yeah.

   17. RKRobert Kelly15:38

       I, I thought (imitates coyote howl) or something like that. It's like (imitates coyote howl) .

   18. JRJoe Rogan15:42

       Yeah.

   19. RKRobert Kelly15:43

       It's the scariest fucking sound. The-

   20. JRJoe Rogan15:46

       You know what they're doing when they do that?

   21. RKRobert Kelly15:47

       I-

   22. JRJoe Rogan15:47

       They do roll call.

   23. RKRobert Kelly15:49

       Is that what they're doing?

   24. JRJoe Rogan15:49

       Yeah, they're making sure... Either they kill something and they want to let everybody know that they killed something so they let all the other coyotes know, or they're doing roll call. And here's what's interesting. When they do roll call, if one of the coyotes doesn't respond, that means the coyote probably got killed. And when a coyote gets killed, the female coyotes in the pack produce more litter. It's one of the reasons why coyotes are everywhere. They're one of the most unusual animals in North America, in that when their populations decrease, the female litters increase. Like they make more babies-

   25. RKRobert Kelly16:21

       Right.

   26. JRJoe Rogan16:21

       ... and they spread their territory out.

   27. RKRobert Kelly16:23

       Right.

   28. JRJoe Rogan16:23

       'Cause they used to be limited to the west, but then when... In the, the 1800s and the 1900s when people started shooting them and running them off, like when, when they, um, extirpated the wolves. Like wolves are... Basically they were, uh-

   29. RKRobert Kelly16:37

       Did you just use the word extirpated?

   30. JRJoe Rogan16:38

       Yeah.
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   Oh my God, that's…

   1. RKRobert Kelly30:00

      tent and it just goes... And just-

   2. JRJoe Rogan30:01

      Oh my God, that's amazing.

   3. RKRobert Kelly30:03

      ... just attacks. Yeah, look at the, look at the car.

   4. JRJoe Rogan30:04

      That's amazing. Look at it. (screams) (laughs)

   5. RKRobert Kelly30:05

      That's a... Nice truck. Was that a-

   6. JRJoe Rogan30:09

      Look at that bear.

   7. RKRobert Kelly30:09

      ... was that a Defender? That's a, an old Jeep maybe? That's a fucking... That's hilarious. Um, yeah, they're... You, you think you would have like, "Oh, this is the movie." (laughs)

   8. JRJoe Rogan30:23

      (laughs) Cool old cars.

   9. RKRobert Kelly30:25

      Oh, look who's in it?

   10. JRJoe Rogan30:26

       Oh my God, what's her face from Rocky.

   11. RKRobert Kelly30:28

       Doesn't that suck that she's what's her face from Rocky?

   12. JRJoe Rogan30:30

       That's what she is.

   13. RKRobert Kelly30:30

       (laughs) I know, but it's-

   14. JRJoe Rogan30:31

       That's what's her face from Rocky.

   15. RKRobert Kelly30:32

       That's Adrian.

   16. JRJoe Rogan30:33

       Talia Shire?

   17. RKRobert Kelly30:33

       Talia, that's what's his name's sister. (laughs)

   18. JRJoe Rogan30:36

       Who?

   19. RKRobert Kelly30:36

       (laughs)

   20. JRJoe Rogan30:37

       (laughs) Paulie, Paulie's sister.

   21. RKRobert Kelly30:40

       No, no.

   22. JRJoe Rogan30:40

       Yeah, she was hot.

   23. RKRobert Kelly30:41

       Uh, the guy who directed the g- the Godfather.

   24. JRJoe Rogan30:43

       Oh, oh, really?

   25. RKRobert Kelly30:46

       Francis Ford Coppola. What am I, an ass?

   26. JRJoe Rogan30:47

       That's his sister?

   27. RKRobert Kelly30:48

       That's his sister.

   28. JRJoe Rogan30:49

       No, she was hot in Rocky.

   29. RKRobert Kelly30:50

       Smoking.

   30. JRJoe Rogan30:51

       When he took the glasses off of her-
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   Mm-hmm. …

   1. RKRobert Kelly45:00

      he just does it. It's like crazy. Like, he's really intelligent. When you mix intelligence with humor-

   2. JRJoe Rogan45:08

      Mm-hmm.

   3. RKRobert Kelly45:08

      ... it's so powerful.

   4. JRJoe Rogan45:10

      Yeah.

   5. RKRobert Kelly45:10

      You, you have the same thing, dude. I mean, I remember when I was coming... I don't know if you know this, but when I was coming up in Boston, I got a lot of shit for my comedy because that's when Evening at the Improv and-

   6. JRJoe Rogan45:22

      Yeah.

   7. RKRobert Kelly45:23

      ... Comedy Ca- Car-, you know, Half Hour, all that stuff. And I remember people telling me, "You have to clean it up. You need seven minutes of clean material. You need seven minutes of clean ma- If you, dude, you're too dirty, you talk about stuff." And I'm like, "Dude, I just got out of rehab. I was in jail at 13. My life is about bullshit, and, and, and banging, and I don't, I don't understand. I, I don't, I can't fucking read a newspaper. I barely can read. I don't... What do you want me to read? You want me to write topical shit? I don't have that." I'm, uh, you know? And I remember I saw you on, uh, MTV's Comedy Half Hour, and you were talking about getting a, like how much pressure you apply (laughs) to, you know, be, you don't wanna, you know, hurt... You know, how much do you pr- how much b- to, to push a girl's... I mean, is there a thing? You know what I mean? It was just-

   8. JRJoe Rogan46:13

      Oh, it was when, when a girl's like, I go, "She's like kissing your lips and kissing your neck-"

   9. RKRobert Kelly46:18

      (laughs) Yeah.

   10. JRJoe Rogan46:18

       "... kissing your ne- But she's spending way"-

   11. RKRobert Kelly46:20

       Too much. (laughs)

   12. JRJoe Rogan46:20

       "... too much time in this particular area."

   13. RKRobert Kelly46:24

       (laughs)

   14. JRJoe Rogan46:24

       "You're trying to encourage this downward trajectory of her affection."

   15. RKRobert Kelly46:28

       (laughs)

   16. JRJoe Rogan46:28

       "So you're like arching your back and you're putting your hand on her head, but you don't know how hard you can push her head before she gets mad." (laughs)

   17. RKRobert Kelly46:35

       It was fucking genius to me because every guy has been through that-

   18. JRJoe Rogan46:40

       Yeah.

   19. RKRobert Kelly46:40

       ... 'cause you don't wanna be a fucking asshole.

   20. JRJoe Rogan46:42

       Right, right, right.

   21. RKRobert Kelly46:42

       But it's like, "Dude, this is doing nothing."

   22. JRJoe Rogan46:44

       Right.

   23. RKRobert Kelly46:45

       "Th- Th- My nipples?"

   24. JRJoe Rogan46:46

       Yeah.

   25. RKRobert Kelly46:46

       "I don't like it. What are you doing?" And I was like, "That's it." I go, "That's what I wanna do. That's the fucking comedy. That exists."

   26. JRJoe Rogan46:54

       Well, we were stuck in a time where there was a transis- transitionary period between, like, doing sets for The Tonight Show, which made careers.

   27. RKRobert Kelly47:02

       Right.

   28. JRJoe Rogan47:02

       Like, back then, Steven Wright got on The Tonight Show, Richard Jeni, these guys got on The Tonight Show and it made their careers.

   29. RKRobert Kelly47:09

       Yeah.

   30. JRJoe Rogan47:09

       Everybody knew them from The Tonight Show.
5. 1:00:00 – 1:07:57

   That's awesome. …

   1. RKRobert Kelly1:00:00

      my friends, my family. And all of a sudden, I smile. Every day, I start to smile.

   2. JRJoe Rogan1:00:05

      That's awesome.

   3. RKRobert Kelly1:00:07

      And then I go about my day. 'Cause if I wake up and I just go and I grab the wheel and I just start dr- I fucking smash into shit.

   4. JRJoe Rogan1:00:16

      Right. You get... You're on momentum then.

   5. RKRobert Kelly1:00:18

      If I wake up-

   6. JRJoe Rogan1:00:19

      Yeah.

   7. RKRobert Kelly1:00:19

      ... and just take that five or 10 minutes to just think about all the great shit that I'm h- I'm grateful for. And it's not any fame, it's not any... It never goes there.

   8. JRJoe Rogan1:00:30

      Right.

   9. RKRobert Kelly1:00:30

      It, it's always starts with my son. And then it goes to my wife and I r-... And things around, like us, things we're gonna do. And I'm like, "Ugh." And I just start to smile, and then I'm good. I'm good. If I don't do that, I'm yelling at somebody or I'm fucking angry and the f- the anxiety sets in, the fear sets in. 'Cause anxiety and fear turn into anger.... for me. And then all of a sudden, I'm like, "This fucking guy." And this, and then I'm like... But I'm at the point now where I can be like (inhales deeply) , "Chill. Go sit down. Think about what you got. You're... It's great. It's fantastic." You know? Yeah. And, and now, it, it's, it's, it's why, that's why I bought the tiny house. Like, in the middle of the pandemic. I'm not rich, dude. I don't, I don't have a lot of money, you know? I mean, after this appearance, my special will sell millions of things and I'll be rich-

   10. JRJoe Rogan1:01:19

       (laughs)

   11. RKRobert Kelly1:01:19

       ... and we'll get cars together and I'll move to fucking Austin and I'll fucking play your club.

   12. JRJoe Rogan1:01:23

       Get yourself a Chevelle.

   13. RKRobert Kelly1:01:24

       I'll g- I'd love a Chevelle.

   14. JRJoe Rogan1:01:26

       (laughs)

   15. RKRobert Kelly1:01:26

       It's my fucking favorite car, such a badass car. Um, but, you know, in the middle of it, I'm sitting there t- I told my wife, I'm like, "Okay, everything was taken away. All the fame, all the m- shows, money." I'm figuring out how to make money. I, well, I got us, don't worry about it. But we got each other. I go, "I'm waiting to buy land in the country and I'm waiting to get the lake house and be... I'm waiting to become famous, to become a millionaire, to be happy." No.

   16. JRJoe Rogan1:01:56

       Hm.

   17. RKRobert Kelly1:01:57

       Let's just do it now. Let's-

   18. JRJoe Rogan1:01:59

       Just be happy. Yeah.

   19. RKRobert Kelly1:01:59

       Let's go be happy right now.

   20. JRJoe Rogan1:02:01

       Yeah.

   21. RKRobert Kelly1:02:01

       I went and bought a tiny house from, like, the Tiny Homes of Maine, this ins- awesome couple in the fucking woods of Maine. They build these amazing houses.

   22. JRJoe Rogan1:02:10

       Is it like a pre-fab? Where they're like put together... Do you get to design it online or-

   23. RKRobert Kelly1:02:13

       You design it. You can go up, go... I, we drove up there. I met them. They live on a 60-

   24. JRJoe Rogan1:02:17

       Is there, do they have a website?

   25. RKRobert Kelly1:02:18

       They have, yeah, Tiny Homes of Maine.

   26. JRJoe Rogan1:02:19

       What is it? Go to Tiny Homes.

   27. RKRobert Kelly1:02:20

       They have, uh, 68 acres. They live on a, a old Christmas tree farm.

   28. JRJoe Rogan1:02:25

       Oh, wow.

   29. RKRobert Kelly1:02:25

       Dude, me and my wife and my son and my dog drove up there. It was like eight hours. We had to stop in Bangor for the night and we went up there. They let us into their home.

   30. JRJoe Rogan1:02:34

       They're past Bangor?

Episode duration: 3:05:54