Joe Rogan Experience #1952 - Michael Malice

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   (drumming music) Joe Rogan podcast,…

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:00

      (drumming music) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

   2. NANarrator0:04

      The Joe Rogan Experience.

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:06

      Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. (rock music) Bro, hey, Michael Malice. How are you, my friend?

   4. MMMichael Malice0:14

      I am doing outstanding.

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:16

      Always good to see you.

   6. MMMichael Malice0:17

      No one's ever said that to me before.

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:19

      I love you.

   8. MMMichael Malice0:20

      (laughs)

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:20

      Come on, man. That's not true.

   10. MMMichael Malice0:21

       No one's ever said the either.

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:22

       I think I've said it. I think I've said it. You know I love you. What's in the box, man? What's in the box?

   12. MMMichael Malice0:28

       So Alfred Hitchcock-

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:30

       Yeah.

   14. MMMichael Malice0:30

       ... great film director-

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:31

       Love Alfred Hitchcock. It's one of his-

   16. MMMichael Malice0:32

       ... made this comment about the difference between surprise and suspense, right?

   17. JRJoe Rogan0:37

       Yes.

   18. MMMichael Malice0:37

       So surprise is a bomb goes off, there's five seconds of surprise. People are like, "Okay, what happened?" Suspense is when the audience knows something that the characters don't. So you have Cary Grant drinking tea with his girlfriend, and there's a bomb under the table. And for 10 minutes, they're just perfectly calm, and there's a bomb. So you are a lot nicer to your audience than I am, which is probably why you're a lot more popular than I am. So can we wait, like, a five minutes before we show what's in the box?

   19. JRJoe Rogan1:04

       Sure. Sure. We can wait an hour. I don't give a fuck.

   20. MMMichael Malice1:06

       Okay. (laughs) We have a fun surprise in the box.

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:08

       We got all day.

   22. MMMichael Malice1:09

       Uh, th- this is from one of the many friends I've met here in Austin, and every opportunity I have to talk about how much I love Austin, I will absolutely fucking take. Um, I am so giddy to be here. I'll tell you this story. A couple of my friends just came to visit. I've known them since high school, uh, Andrea and Annette, and they reminded me of this story that they had done when they were in their 30s, old enough to know better. So there's a city in Ohio called Twinsburg. Have you heard of this?

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:39

       No.

   24. MMMichael Malice1:39

       So Twinsburg every year has twin parades, and you can go when you're twins and march in the parades and hang out with other twins. Andrea and Annette, who are unrelated, and, uh, don't look alike at all, decided, "You know what we're gonna do? We're gonna just go and pass off as (laughs) identical twins, even though you can go there as fraternal twins." There may have been some fake birth certificates involved. I can't say, uh, that for legal reasons.

   25. JRJoe Rogan2:05

       You have to show birth certificates to get in the parade?

   26. MMMichael Malice2:07

       Well, if you're gonna march as identical twins and register as them, you have to show birth certificates. Now, mind you, they could've gone for free, but they decided (laughs) to pay the money to go as identical twins. So they got the same haircuts, dressed the same.

   27. JRJoe Rogan2:21

       (laughs)

   28. MMMichael Malice2:21

       Uh, they took part in medical research. So if you still have cancer, it's 'cause of them. And they ended up marching in the identical twin parade with all the, uh, Black people for some reason.

   29. JRJoe Rogan2:32

       Okay.

   30. MMMichael Malice2:33

       So it's just-
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   100%. …

   1. JRJoe Rogan15:00

      comic book, you would most likely be on the right.

   2. MMMichael Malice15:03

      100%.

   3. JRJoe Rogan15:04

      If you had, like, anything remotely as satirical and as fucked up as some of those R. Crumb comics... Have you ever read those?

   4. MMMichael Malice15:11

      Did you know R. Crumb was gonna draw my graphic novel?

   5. JRJoe Rogan15:14

      No!

   6. MMMichael Malice15:15

      You didn't know this?

   7. JRJoe Rogan15:15

      No!

   8. MMMichael Malice15:15

      Do you know who... You know who heard of Heka wrote a book about me, right?

   9. JRJoe Rogan15:18

      Who did?

   10. MMMichael Malice15:18

       Harvey Pekar?

   11. JRJoe Rogan15:19

       I did not. I did not know that.

   12. MMMichael Malice15:20

       He- Harvey Pekar from American Splendor, who was R. Crumb's, like, bestie, right? He had a graphic novel about me, came out in 2006, and R. Crumb was originally going to be the artist-

   13. JRJoe Rogan15:31

       Oh my God.

   14. MMMichael Malice15:31

       ... which would've been absolutely insane.

   15. JRJoe Rogan15:34

       Did you ever watch that documentary on that?

   16. MMMichael Malice15:35

       Of course, where his brother's eating the rope?

   17. JRJoe Rogan15:37

       Insane. His brother is just out to lunch, just reading books all day and living in the house.

   18. MMMichael Malice15:42

       They're all in- uh, like insane.

   19. JRJoe Rogan15:44

       And the mom, and him.

   20. MMMichael Malice15:44

       But that, that was such a... I mean, talking about earlier, we were talking about Austin. Like, the, the Midwest in that time when America was kind of this, like, dark and lost place-

   21. JRJoe Rogan15:52

       Yeah.

   22. MMMichael Malice15:52

       ... there was so much creativity in that, um, alt comic scene, especially all the way through the '90s. Like, a lot of really amazing creative people. Dan Clowes is another one who's just amazing. Uh, really just great stuff. Yeah, so Harvey, uh, uh, uh, did a book about me. It's, it goes for like 200 bucks now too.

   23. JRJoe Rogan16:09

       That's amazing.

   24. MMMichael Malice16:10

       Yeah.

   25. JRJoe Rogan16:10

       So R... But R. Crumb's comics are pretty fucking wild. Like, today, if you-

   26. MMMichael Malice16:15

       Even then.

   27. JRJoe Rogan16:15

       ... even try... Even then.

   28. MMMichael Malice16:16

       Yeah.

   29. JRJoe Rogan16:16

       Even then. Um, you know, when I was... Like, this is how h- much hippies my parents were. We had that R. Crumb How To Wipe Your Ass thing framed in the bathroom. Do you know that, uh...

   30. MMMichael Malice16:28

       No, I don't know that one.
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   How did it- …

   1. JRJoe Rogan30:00

      it with love. Look how good it is.

   2. MMMichael Malice30:01

      How did it-

   3. JRJoe Rogan30:02

      I mean, come on, that's a beautiful place.

   4. MMMichael Malice30:03

      How did it go south?

   5. JRJoe Rogan30:05

      I can't really talk about it. It wasn't-

   6. MMMichael Malice30:07

      Not the deal.

   7. JRJoe Rogan30:07

      ... the giant issue.

   8. MMMichael Malice30:08

      The club, the cult.

   9. JRJoe Rogan30:09

      Oh, the cult.

   10. MMMichael Malice30:09

       Yeah. (laughs)

   11. JRJoe Rogan30:10

       Oh, um, the cult, uh, I think it just all fell a- well, he- he's fucking all these guys in these ch- allegedly. I should say allegedly.

   12. MMMichael Malice30:18

       They're not all getting STDs?

   13. JRJoe Rogan30:19

       They're all saying that he's fucking them.

   14. MMMichael Malice30:20

       They're not all getting AIDS?

   15. JRJoe Rogan30:21

       I, I mean, they're, I guess he's only fucking them.

   16. MMMichael Malice30:23

       Okay.

   17. JRJoe Rogan30:23

       I guess they're all, like, only interacting with each other. I don't know what's going on.

   18. MMMichael Malice30:27

       Okay.

   19. JRJoe Rogan30:27

       I don't know why they're not. Maybe they did get STDs or they left that part out.

   20. MMMichael Malice30:30

       Right.

   21. JRJoe Rogan30:30

       I don't know. But I do know that, like, the whole thing, it's like ... S- he started getting weird plastic surgery, and ... allegedly. And, you know, the whole thing is wild. Y- you should watch the documentary.

   22. MMMichael Malice30:41

       Okay. I'll watch it.

   23. JRJoe Rogan30:41

       It's on Amazon Prime.

   24. MMMichael Malice30:42

       Okay.

   25. JRJoe Rogan30:42

       It's called Holy Hell. You're gonna watch it, you're gonna go, "Oh my god." (laughs)

   26. MMMichael Malice30:46

       Jesus Christ.

   27. JRJoe Rogan30:46

       "What?" It's so sad because some of these people at the end of the documentary, like this one lady's now, she's like a 50-year-old dog walker. She's like, "What the fuck? Like, I just blew 20 years of my life with these people." Like, that was, like, the saddest part about this documentary.

   28. MMMichael Malice30:59

       Oh, when they wake up? 'Cause that's-

   29. JRJoe Rogan31:00

       Yeah, they wake u- 'cause that's what ... People are ... This is ... I- I'm t- ... It's so important to say over and over again if someone is stuck in that sort of a situation, y- it's all of us. We're a- that ... You can catch the flu, right? You can also catch a mind virus. In a cult, being in a cult is like a mind virus. If you grow up believing that, you know, a, a Catholic priest who has been molesting children would never do it because he's a man of God-

   30. MMMichael Malice31:25

       Right.
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   I, I'm gonna play…

   1. JRJoe Rogan45:00

      the authoritarian right. And now those things are being embraced by the left. And I just think it's a... I think it's just an ideology thing, and I think we get confused, and we think, "We're on the right side. We're on the right side. And if it's our side that's saying this, for sure that's the right thing to do." And no one's critically thinking about this.

   2. MMMichael Malice45:17

      I, I'm gonna play devil-

   3. JRJoe Rogan45:19

      Why not no one?

   4. MMMichael Malice45:19

      I'm gonna play devil's advocate-

   5. JRJoe Rogan45:21

      Please do.

   6. MMMichael Malice45:21

      ... because sometimes I feel like we need more of that. Because have you heard this show called MILF Manor?

   7. JRJoe Rogan45:27

      Uh, I have. We played a preview, and I'm hoping it is what we thought it was.

   8. MMMichael Malice45:31

      Oh, I've been watching it. Um-

   9. JRJoe Rogan45:32

      Is it the sons of the ladies?

   10. MMMichael Malice45:34

       Oh, yeah.

   11. JRJoe Rogan45:35

       Okay. Of course it is.

   12. MMMichael Malice45:35

       So you have a group of young dudes. The youngest is 20.

   13. JRJoe Rogan45:40

       (sighs)

   14. MMMichael Malice45:41

       And they're in a house with their own moms.

   15. JRJoe Rogan45:44

       Yeah.

   16. MMMichael Malice45:44

       And it's like a dating pool. That's the dating pool.

   17. JRJoe Rogan45:46

       Right.

   18. MMMichael Malice45:47

       And the first episode, they had to feel their son's... Blindfolded, they had to feel the son's torsos to guess who their son was. And you're watching this, and these are not... By the way, the women seem kind of classy. They, they have jobs. They're professionals. They don't look like complete gutter rats. And you're watching, and you're like, "This is why we need an atom bomb to, like, destroy, destroy the w-" Because I'm like, I... And I can't not watch. I can't not watch. And you're wondering, like, who's gonna end up with which. And the thing is-

   19. JRJoe Rogan46:16

       But come on, isn't it fun that that's a real thing? Isn't it fun? If you went back to, like, Wheel of Fortune, and you go like, "You know what the new game show is gonna be like?"

   20. MMMichael Malice46:26

       (laughs)

   21. JRJoe Rogan46:27

       (laughs) But you, you're talking to me, right? I hosted fucking Fear Factor. When I-

   22. MMMichael Malice46:31

       That's right, yeah. (laughs)

   23. JRJoe Rogan46:31

       When I, when I used to... I hosted Fear Factor for six years, dude.

   24. MMMichael Malice46:33

       Right. That's right. That was the worst thing, yeah.

   25. JRJoe Rogan46:35

       I did, like, I don't know how many episodes we did.

   26. MMMichael Malice46:38

       Yeah.

   27. JRJoe Rogan46:38

       It was, like, 148 episodes or something crazy.

   28. MMMichael Malice46:41

       Like, yeah. The worst thing is like, "Oh, no, people are nude and walking down a runway."

   29. JRJoe Rogan46:44

       Yeah.

   30. MMMichael Malice46:44

       And now it's like, "Yeah, I'm just dating my... I'm just... My mom's trying to date my bro."
5. 1:00:00 – 1:04:42

   Well, I mean, a…

   1. JRJoe Rogan1:00:00

   2. MMMichael Malice1:00:00

      Well, I mean, a lot of them are just mentally ill, right?

   3. JRJoe Rogan1:00:02

      A lot of them are mentally ill.

   4. MMMichael Malice1:00:02

      And- and they're gonna s- and a lot of them are gonna be self-medicating.

   5. JRJoe Rogan1:00:04

      Some of them are not... They don't seem that mentally ill. What it seems like is they're-

   6. MMMichael Malice1:00:08

      Oh, my gosh.

   7. JRJoe Rogan1:00:08

      ... they're products of horrible abuse. So, this is, um, Los Angeles in 2023. If you drive down the street, it is a fucking dystopian nightmare that you couldn't imagine. The entire sidewalk on both sides is filled with tents.

   8. MMMichael Malice1:00:24

      Just sidewalk. Intense. Yeah.

   9. JRJoe Rogan1:00:25

      And it's just so- it's so insane, the sheer numbers of homeless-

   10. MMMichael Malice1:00:32

       Oh, my god.

   11. JRJoe Rogan1:00:32

       ... that if this was zombies, if this was zombies instead of homeless people, like, people- w- we would be overwhelmed with zombies.

   12. MMMichael Malice1:00:41

       But-

   13. JRJoe Rogan1:00:41

       It would be like a zombie- you would have to leave.

   14. MMMichael Malice1:00:43

       But Joe Austin was like this.

   15. JRJoe Rogan1:00:45

       Not that bad.

   16. MMMichael Malice1:00:46

       It wasn't- but it was certainly in that direction.

   17. JRJoe Rogan1:00:47

       It was on that direction.

   18. MMMichael Malice1:00:48

       I remember, I-

   19. JRJoe Rogan1:00:48

       But they- they cleaned a lot of it up, but I've been informed that they didn't clean it up by the lake. I've been informed that if you go by the lake, there's a lot of homeless people.

   20. MMMichael Malice1:00:56

       But I remember walking down Cesar Chavez-

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:00:58

       About 10:00 pm.

   22. MMMichael Malice1:00:58

       It was tent after tent after tent.

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:00:59

       Mm-hmm.

   24. MMMichael Malice1:01:00

       Uh, I was with a friend, and it was- it was very disturbing. So, it-

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:01:02

       Something happened during-

   26. MMMichael Malice1:01:03

       I don't understand this-

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:01:04

       ... the pandemic where it really accelerated. You know, the- because of the economic stress that people went under, and I think the- the mental health stress that a lot of people went under. And, you know, so many people just lost it. And, um, you know, so many people got fired. I mean, you think about the unprecedented loss of jobs during the- the lockdown, and what kind of an increase that must have had in homelessness. Must be off the charts.

   28. MMMichael Malice1:01:28

       Well, I- I just don't understand the argument for people who think this is something that's-... like, ideal or good or acceptable. It's not-

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:01:35

       Or n- You don't have to fix that?

   30. MMMichael Malice1:01:36

       Right.

Episode duration: 3:28:25