Joe Rogan Experience #1973 - Joey Diaz

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast,…

   1. NANarrator0:01

      (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

   2. NANarrator0:04

      The Joe Rogan Experience.

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:06

      Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. (instrumental music plays)

   4. JDJoey Diaz0:12

      Look at Jamie looking yoked, like a motherfucker. Hitting balls across the fucking desert.

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:19

      Yeah, he's addicted to that golf. You should see him out there with the simulator, just whap!

   6. JDJoey Diaz0:22

      He told me he was out in the backyard.

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:24

      Whap!

   8. JDJoey Diaz0:24

      Good for him, man.

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:25

      Whap! Whap!

   10. JDJoey Diaz0:26

       You still won't hit a golf ball?

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:28

       I've hit a couple golf balls, I'm just not gonna play golf.

   12. JDJoey Diaz0:30

       Okay.

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:31

       I'm scared.

   14. JDJoey Diaz0:32

       Of what?

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:33

       Get addicted to it. They're all addicted. Ron White, Tony Hinchcliffe, him, all these guys. They just ... They're addicted. Look at them. He's over there Jonesing.

   16. NANarrator0:41

       Got, got the bug.

   17. JDJoey Diaz0:42

       They go every day?

   18. JRJoe Rogan0:43

       (laughs)

   19. JDJoey Diaz0:43

       You guys go every day?

   20. JRJoe Rogan0:44

       He does. He's-

   21. NANarrator0:45

       Nah, I mean, as much as I can.

   22. JRJoe Rogan0:45

       He's on the simulator every day. Look, the motherfucker can whack a golf ball.

   23. NANarrator0:50

       It's like shooting jump shots though. You gotta practice the jump shots to keep it-

   24. JDJoey Diaz0:52

       Yeah, you gotta practice the jump shot. Yeah.

   25. NANarrator0:53

       ... keep it wet.

   26. JRJoe Rogan0:53

       Yeah. Tremendous.

   27. JDJoey Diaz0:56

       Tremendous.

   28. JRJoe Rogan0:57

       How long this take you to do?

   29. JDJoey Diaz0:59

       22 fucking years.

   30. JRJoe Rogan1:00

       Jesus.
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   Oh, isn't that weird…

   1. JRJoe Rogan15:00

      fractured, which is also like a ligature strangulation.

   2. JDJoey Diaz15:05

      Oh, isn't that weird how that just went down?

   3. JRJoe Rogan15:08

      It's still going down. Like, they, they-

   4. JDJoey Diaz15:09

      Like it disappeared, like it just-

   5. JRJoe Rogan15:10

      Ghislaine, they put Ghislaine in jail and they never released a client list. That, that is insane. The fact that that's okay with people and, you know, everybody's freaking out about Bud Light. You sh- okay, you care about Bud Light?

   6. JDJoey Diaz15:23

      (laughs)

   7. JRJoe Rogan15:23

      You care about Bud Light. You should really care about that 'cause it's showing that the people that are in power can probably have people killed and probably hide evidence that they did something that people would find atrocious.

   8. JDJoey Diaz15:34

      Like, and we just never questioned it.

   9. JRJoe Rogan15:36

      Yeah.

   10. JDJoey Diaz15:36

       He died, we knew it was, we knew, we knew it was a fucking mystery man.

   11. JRJoe Rogan15:40

       I think it's good there's more of that.

   12. JDJoey Diaz15:42

       (coughs)

   13. JRJoe Rogan15:42

       The more of that shit that's out there, the more people realize how fucking ridiculous it is to think that these people that are in positions of power give a fuck about you.

   14. JDJoey Diaz15:51

       They don't. That's why I don't fuck with politics.

   15. JRJoe Rogan15:54

       Don't fuck with politics.

   16. JDJoey Diaz15:55

       I don't.

   17. JRJoe Rogan15:55

       It's not necessary.

   18. JDJoey Diaz15:56

       I don't. I don't because at the end of the day, it don't matter. They don't give two fucks about you. I just went out for the restaurant on Sunday. Some lady, I don't know why people do this. Some couple asked me if I was a fucking Republican.

   19. JRJoe Rogan16:10

       A couple asked you that?

   20. JDJoey Diaz16:10

       Yeah, I was at a restaurant. You know, you're at a bar and you're eating and there's a couple next to you and you're talking, you're watching a game. And she goes, uh, "Are you a Republican or a Democrat?" And I looked at her, I go, "I'm a felon."

   21. JRJoe Rogan16:21

       Brr.

   22. JDJoey Diaz16:21

       And she just shit. She goes, "What are you talking about?"

   23. JRJoe Rogan16:24

       (laughs)

   24. JDJoey Diaz16:25

       I go, "Listen, I don't play that shit, okay lady?" I go, "All you motherfuckers have gotten too political the last 10 years." Everybody's a political analyst. I go, I got hit in '66 and I always paid attention to elections and what people said. I always did. And after, by the time I was 18, I realized, you know what? These people come along every four years with the same fucking story and nothing gets done.

   25. JRJoe Rogan16:45

       Yeah.

   26. JDJoey Diaz16:45

       So, I chose a different path for my life instead of focusing on that. Call me when the president who says, "Listen, you don't have to go to work and you're gonna get your balls licked all day." That's who I'm voting for. Until that fucking time, I could care less because I still gotta get up and be a thief every fucking day. I still gotta get up and hustle every fucking day. So, what, what good is it? Every day they're gonna lower taxes, they're gonna do this, they're gonna do that. And I'm still getting up busting my fucking hump every fucking day. What, who gives a fuck?

   27. JRJoe Rogan17:14

       I think a bad president is very bad. But I think a good president, you just take for granted and you don't think anything, you just go about life.

   28. JDJoey Diaz17:21

       Obama was very good. There was a lot of great presidents that we had.

   29. JRJoe Rogan17:24

       Yeah, yeah.

   30. JDJoey Diaz17:24

       You know, but...
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   That turnpike parkway is…

   1. JRJoe Rogan30:00

      That traffic is insane.

   2. JDJoey Diaz30:01

      That turnpike parkway is a motherfucker.

   3. JRJoe Rogan30:03

      The, the tr- traffic in and out of New York City is probably the worst traffic I've ever experienced.

   4. JDJoey Diaz30:08

      No. That shit that we left in LA had its moments too.

   5. JRJoe Rogan30:12

      Yeah, that's bad too.

   6. JDJoey Diaz30:13

      When the 10 goes through the 405 at 4:30, that was the worst that I ever experienced.

   7. JRJoe Rogan30:17

      There's some ways into the city though where it feels like there's only one way. Whereas, if you're going down to, like...... Orange County. There's a few different ways you can kinda skirt around it up until you get deep in. Once you get near San Diego, you're kinda fucked.

   8. JDJoey Diaz30:31

      You're kinda fucked.

   9. JRJoe Rogan30:32

      Those were the rough days. Driving from LA to... Remember we would do, like, the La Jolla Comedy Store? We'd have to leave at, like, 1:00 PM.

   10. JDJoey Diaz30:39

       You would leave at 1:00. I would leave at 6:00-

   11. JRJoe Rogan30:42

       (laughs)

   12. JDJoey Diaz30:42

       ... and do 90 on the shoulder the whole way.

   13. JRJoe Rogan30:44

       (laughs)

   14. JDJoey Diaz30:44

       Because if you left at 1:00, it was still four hours.

   15. JRJoe Rogan30:48

       Yeah.

   16. JDJoey Diaz30:48

       So either you had to leave at 6:00, or you had to leave at, at like 6:00 in the morning, or you had to leave at, like, 6:00 at night, which would give you a two-hour window.

   17. JRJoe Rogan30:58

       Barely make it.

   18. JDJoey Diaz30:58

       And I was featuring.

   19. JRJoe Rogan30:59

       Oh, god.

   20. JDJoey Diaz31:00

       And I would fucking make it all the time. Go to tell them to go long-

   21. JRJoe Rogan31:04

       (laughs)

   22. JDJoey Diaz31:04

       ... and you get down there, and then I'd... Do you remember, I used to make it back from San Diego in, I think, like, an hour?

   23. JRJoe Rogan31:12

       It had to be more than that. What was it, 117 miles, I think.

   24. JDJoey Diaz31:16

       I would make it... I would leave San Diego La Jolla at a quarter to 12:00 and I would make it to my coke dealer's house by 1:00 AM.

   25. JRJoe Rogan31:25

       What is that?

   26. JDJoey Diaz31:26

       'Cause he-

   27. JRJoe Rogan31:26

       What is, uh... You were going 100 miles an hour, Joey. (laughs) What is, uh, the distance between Los Angeles and, uh, San Diego?

   28. JDJoey Diaz31:32

       101 miles.

   29. JRJoe Rogan31:33

       I think it's more.

   30. JDJoey Diaz31:34

       So I would get on the 5.
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   Why? …

   1. JDJoey Diaz45:00

      midnight? Think.

   2. JRJoe Rogan45:03

      Why?

   3. JDJoey Diaz45:04

      'Cause Starbucks is open till midnight in Studio City. And God forbid I didn't catch my flat white before midnight.

   4. JRJoe Rogan45:10

      (laughs)

   5. JDJoey Diaz45:11

      God forbid I didn't catch my grande flat white before midnight. And then I'll call you tomorrow and tell you how I didn't sleep last night.

   6. JRJoe Rogan45:18

      So you were drinking coffee late into the... We would always have espresso after dinner.

   7. JDJoey Diaz45:21

      Yeah. No, we... Now, I have an espresso at 5:00 and I'm not sleeping.

   8. JRJoe Rogan45:25

      That's so weird. I could sleep right after having one.

   9. JDJoey Diaz45:28

      Oh, I loved it. Because e- in my world, it takes you up.

   10. JRJoe Rogan45:31

       Yeah.

   11. JDJoey Diaz45:31

       So you catch it on the way down. I eat a chocolate something, I can't fucking sleep that night now.

   12. JRJoe Rogan45:38

       Really? Goddamn.

   13. JDJoey Diaz45:39

       I've really focused on my sleep the last couple years. You know, especially since I got this Whoop about 16, 17 months ago. That's what's really improved in my life, is the sleep. And I've been taking naps too.

   14. JRJoe Rogan45:51

       Mm-hmm.

   15. JDJoey Diaz45:51

       If I go to jujitsu, I do the blue belt class, I need a nap, Jack. I need a little nap from 5:00 to 6:00, you know? That's where I'm at.

   16. JRJoe Rogan46:00

       Mm-hmm.

   17. JDJoey Diaz46:01

       But when I started popping the Xanax, the, the high point was maybe May of, during the pandemic. Like, I couldn't leave the house without popping a Xanax, and then when I get in the car, I'd pop another one. And they would stay in your system. Thank God I wasn't drinking.

   18. JRJoe Rogan46:18

       And what was that doing for you though? Like, what's the feeling like?

   19. JDJoey Diaz46:21

       Calming me down. I can't take sleeping pills and I can't take the strong Xanax, so I have to take the little footballs. But I was taking eight to 10 of those motherfuckers a day.

   20. JRJoe Rogan46:31

       (laughs) Jesus.

   21. JDJoey Diaz46:33

       And then when I landed in Jersey, what had happened was, you know how you and Tom had that conversation about my tolerance?

   22. JRJoe Rogan46:39

       Yeah.

   23. JDJoey Diaz46:40

       Okay. That tolerance, y- dawg, I think a l- as you can tell, I think a lot about this shit.

   24. JRJoe Rogan46:46

       Yeah.

   25. JDJoey Diaz46:46

       You had a conversation with me a couple years ago about Yoel Romero getting punched in the face, in his eye socket, and when he got into the green room, into the dr- uh, when he went in, the doctor saw him after the fight, his eye socket was healed.

   26. JRJoe Rogan46:58

       It was healing.

   27. JDJoey Diaz46:59

       Healing. Okay.

   28. JRJoe Rogan47:00

       Yeah.

   29. JDJoey Diaz47:01

       I think about when you were talking about my tolerance, with the edibles and stuff. Now let's get back to early Joe Diaz. When I was a child, the doctor would have to come to my house two days in a row, for years. They'd have to shoot me with penicillin on Monday, and then come back on Tuesday and shoot me again, because I would never take the penicillin. You know, I had a lot of problems with my throat as a kid, and, uh, whatever, fucking tonsils and shit. So I was always in the hospital as, as a kid. I was a sickly kid till I was about eight. All those years, Joe, they would always have to shoot me two or three times with penicillin, the same penicillin they would give you one shot of, they'd have to shoot me. So I don't know if it was-

   30. JRJoe Rogan47:42

       So you've always had a high tolerance?
5. 1:00:00 – 1:10:47

   (clears throat) …

   1. JRJoe Rogan1:00:00

      uncommon. Not that uncommon. Hold on. Scroll up.

   2. JDJoey Diaz1:00:02

      (clears throat)

   3. JRJoe Rogan1:00:02

      Scroll, scroll. (laughs) Look at this. Regardless of the video's legitimacy, (laughs) urinating on casino floors isn't as uncommon as one might think. 2000 ... Oh, m- many p- people probably did it. Though they had adult diapers. This guy said that, uh, Annie, uh, Arnie Wexler, rather, a recovered problem gambler who operated New Jersey-based gambling hotline and counseling service at the time told the Louisville Currialj- Courier Journal that many heavy gamblers don adult diapers to avoid having to leave a slot machine or gaming table. "If they don't come prepared," he said, "they just pee in the seat."... oh my God, you dirty fucks. Imagine walking into a casino, you just smell piss. You just know how, so many people have been pissing on the floor you could smell it. Ugh.

   4. JDJoey Diaz1:00:50

      I don't know if, I don't know if I'm ready for m- diapers.

   5. JRJoe Rogan1:00:54

      (singing)

   6. JDJoey Diaz1:00:56

      I don't know. I don't know, dog.

   7. JRJoe Rogan1:00:57

      Well-

   8. JDJoey Diaz1:00:57

      If you pee in your pants, you gotta leave that shit on?

   9. JRJoe Rogan1:00:59

      What would you rather have, diapers or be paralyzed? I'll take diapers. You gotta just deal with it. It is what it is. You know? You can only control what you can control.

   10. JDJoey Diaz1:01:10

       But you, you gonna tell me you're gonna shit in a diaper and sit in it for two hours-

   11. JRJoe Rogan1:01:13

       Uh-

   12. JDJoey Diaz1:01:13

       ... until somebody changes you?

   13. JRJoe Rogan1:01:13

       ... I don't think the shit thing is as big of an issue. I think mostly it's a piss thing.

   14. JDJoey Diaz1:01:18

       (laughs)

   15. JRJoe Rogan1:01:18

       Incontinence. Uh, you might, you might be shitting your pants a little bit. (laughs)

   16. JDJoey Diaz1:01:24

       (laughs)

   17. JRJoe Rogan1:01:24

       It depends, it depends on your digestive system and your diet. I mean, some people have-

   18. JDJoey Diaz1:01:28

       That's the worst.

   19. JRJoe Rogan1:01:28

       ... gastrointestinal problems. It's horrible.

   20. JDJoey Diaz1:01:30

       That's, that's the worst. The worst.

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:01:32

       There's a lot of problems out there in the world though. Little babies die of leukemia. You know, there's a lot of problems. We're lucky as shit. We're, we're alive and kicking in 2023, one of the most interesting times to be alive. And you and I grew up in a time where there was no internet. We got to experience this whole wave of change over the world. The erosion of faith in politicians and, and media is at an all-time high. People are j- just starting to wake up to how fucking insane this world is organized and run. And we're starting to realize that, hey, you know, this is almost over for whoever is listening to this. If you're listening to this and you're in your 40s, you're halfway there, kid.

   22. JDJoey Diaz1:02:12

       (laughs)

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:02:12

       All right? If you're listening in your 20s, if nothing terrible happens to you and you don't accidentally overdose on fentanyl, you got a solid 60 years left if everything goes great. If you're taking care of yourself, maybe you'll make it to 90. Maybe. So I'm 55. So, how much time do I have left? I'm pretty robust.

   24. JDJoey Diaz1:02:30

       20.

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:02:31

       I work out a lot.

   26. JDJoey Diaz1:02:32

       20.

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:02:32

       20 years? That's it? Damn. I was hoping for like 100.

   28. JDJoey Diaz1:02:36

       After that, what are you gonna do?

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:02:37

       I think I'd do 150.

   30. JDJoey Diaz1:02:37

       You really wanna be alive to be 100?

Episode duration: 2:29:24