Joe Rogan Experience #1991 - Protect Our Parks 8

Shane Gillis, Mark Normand, and Ari Shaffir are stand-up comics, writers, and podcasters. Shane is the co-host of "Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast" with Matt McCusker. His special, "Shane Gillis: Live in Austin," is available via YouTube, and season two of "Gilly and Keeves," his sketch comedy series with John McKeever, is available now at www.gillyandkeeves.tv.www.shanemgillis.comMark is the co-host of the podcasts "Tuesdays with Stories" with Joe List and "We Might Be Drunk" with Sam Morril. His latest special, "Mark Normand: Out to Lunch," is available via YouTube. Buy tickets for Mark's new tour ‘Ya Don’t Say’ on his website.www.marknormandcomedy.comAri is the host of "The Skeptic Tank" and "You Be Trippin'" podcasts. His latest special, "Ari Shaffir: Jew," is available now via YouTube.www.arishaffir.com

Joe RoganhostShane GillisguestMark NormandguestGuestguestAri Shaffirguest

Jun 27, 20242h 32mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

150 min read · 30,008 words

0:00 – 15:00
(drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast,…
1. JRJoe Rogan
  (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.
2. NANarrator
  The Joe Rogan Experience. (rock music)
3. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. Burp, I have to burp.
4. SGShane Gillis
  Whoa.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  ... last one. You blanched in that boys' boys.
6. SGShane Gillis
  Damn, that stank.
7. NANarrator
  That's thick.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  That's thick.
9. NANarrator
  That's a lizzo.
10. JRJoe Rogan
  We just passed it.
11. MNMark Normand
  You're not taking it?
12. NANarrator
  That's Joey Diaz, laughing gas weed.
13. MNMark Normand
  Oh my God, dude. (laughs)
14. SGShane Gillis
  (coughs)
15. NANarrator
  You both pussied out. You, like you called him a pussy and then you passed it.
16. MNMark Normand
  Yeah, I was joking. I was never gonna smoke that.
17. SGShane Gillis
  (laughs)
18. NANarrator
  Yeah, if I smoked it, I'd be under the table.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  You scared.
20. MNMark Normand
  You smoke it, you coward. I was already smoking it. You can't, you can't push me.
21. NANarrator
  He's... I didn't bully you into smoking it, dude. (laughs)
22. MNMark Normand
  You can't bully me when I'm already doing it. I'm an actor.
23. NANarrator
  He's bullying and he's not doing it.
24. MNMark Normand
  (laughs)
25. NANarrator
  He bullied him and he didn't do it.
26. MNMark Normand
  That's what funny. The funny... (laughs)
27. JRJoe Rogan
  Shane is the king of that.
28. SGShane Gillis
  Mmm.
29. JRJoe Rogan
  Here's my only impression of Shane: You won't.
30. MNMark Normand
  Yeah, you won't do that.
15:00 – 30:00
Yeah. …
1. MNMark Normand
  everybody and score 70 goals. (laughs)
2. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
3. NANarrator
  Yeah. (laughs)
4. SGShane Gillis
  The ... Those are the religions of the cults-
5. MNMark Normand
  Jordan Priest fucked a lot of boys.
6. NANarrator
  But that's why they didn't last.
7. SGShane Gillis
  But the religions of the ball-
8. NANarrator
  They went too hard.
9. SGShane Gillis
  Tell that to the Catholics.
10. MNMark Normand
  Yeah.
11. NANarrator
  That's what I'm saying, that's a good cult.
12. MNMark Normand
  They fucked a lot of guys.
13. NANarrator
  They figured it out. Good marketing.
14. SGShane Gillis
  Well, they figured out how to make the Vatican a country.
15. NANarrator
  Yeah and they-
16. SGShane Gillis
  It's just the wildest shit ever.
17. MNMark Normand
  Oh, yeah.
18. NANarrator
  Fucking kids.
19. SGShane Gillis
  You know, 100 acre-
20. MNMark Normand
  It got bigger.
21. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
22. NANarrator
  ... and getting away with it.
23. MNMark Normand
  It's like Disney.
24. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah, you got 100 acre country in the middle-
25. MNMark Normand
  Yeah.
26. SGShane Gillis
  ... of your city.
27. NANarrator
  It's very nice.
28. MNMark Normand
  Yeah, the difference between a cult and religions-
29. SGShane Gillis
  Rules.
30. MNMark Normand
  ... is the simp- same difference between a town and a city.
30:00 – 45:00
You think she was…
1. GUGuest
  along the way? You think she fucked Tulsi Gabbard?
2. SGShane Gillis
  You think she was on a mission? I don't think so. I hope so. I think if you're gonna-
3. GUGuest
  Uh, think about everything you told her.
4. SGShane Gillis
  But my wife does not know though. Here it is. Suspected Chinese po- spy reportedly slept with courted US officials to gain intel. Enter the US through California as a college student in 2011. Spent the next four years wooing everyone from local politicals to US congressmen. Go by Fang Fang. I'm telling you. It's a prostitute. Among the polls, Fang got close to was California Democrat Eric Swalwell, uh, and she once also once helped raise funds for Tulsi Gabbard. Uh-oh.
5. GUGuest
  She was helpful along the way? You think she fucked Tulsi Gabbard?
6. SGShane Gillis
  You think she was on a mission? I don't think so. I hope so. I think if you're gonna-
7. GUGuest
  Uh, think about everything you told her.
8. SGShane Gillis
  But my wife does not know though. Here it is. Suspected Chinese po- spy reportedly slept with courted US officials to gain intel. Enter the US through California as a college student in 2011. Spent the next four years wooing everyone from local politicals to US congressmen. Go by Fang Fang. I'm telling you. It's a prostitute. Among the polls, Fang got close to was California Democrat Eric Swalwell, uh, and she once also once helped raise funds for Tulsi Gabbard. Uh-oh.
9. GUGuest
  She was helpful along the way? You think she fucked Tulsi Gabbard?
10. SGShane Gillis
  You think she was on a mission? I don't think so. I hope so. I think if you're gonna-
11. GUGuest
  Uh, think about everything you told her.
12. SGShane Gillis
  But my wife does not know though. Here it is. Suspected Chinese po- spy reportedly slept with courted US officials to gain intel. Enter the US through California as a college student in 2011. Spent the next four years wooing everyone from local politicals to US congressmen. Go by Fang Fang. I'm telling you. It's a prostitute. Among the polls, Fang got close to was California Democrat Eric Swalwell, uh, and she once also once helped raise funds for Tulsi Gabbard. Uh-oh.
13. GUGuest
  She was helpful along the way? You think she fucked Tulsi Gabbard?
14. SGShane Gillis
  You think she was on a mission? I don't think so. I hope so. I think if you're gonna-
15. GUGuest
  Uh, think about everything you told her.
16. SGShane Gillis
  But my wife does not know though. Here it is. Suspected Chinese po- spy reportedly slept with courted US officials to gain intel. Enter the US through California as a college student in 2011. Spent the next four years wooing everyone from local politicals to US congressmen. Go by Fang Fang. I'm telling you. It's a prostitute. Among the polls, Fang got close to was California Democrat Eric Swalwell, uh, and she once also once helped raise funds for Tulsi Gabbard. Uh-oh.
17. GUGuest
  She was helpful along the way? You think she fucked Tulsi Gabbard?
18. SGShane Gillis
  You think she was on a mission? I don't think so. I hope so. I think if you're gonna-
19. GUGuest
  Uh, think about everything you told her.
20. SGShane Gillis
  But my wife does not know though. Here it is. Suspected Chinese po- spy reportedly slept with courted US officials to gain intel. Enter the US through California as a college student in 2011. Spent the next four years wooing everyone from local politicals to US congressman. Go by Fang Fang. I'm telling you. It's a prostitute. Among the polls, Fang got close to was California Democrat Eric Swalwell, uh, and she once also once helped raise funds for Tulsi Gabbard. Uh-oh.
21. GUGuest
  She was helpful along the way? You think she fucked Tulsi Gabbard?
22. SGShane Gillis
  You think she was on a mission? I don't think so. I hope so. I think if you're gonna-
23. GUGuest
  Uh, think about everything you told her.
24. SGShane Gillis
  But my wife does not know though. Here it is. Suspected Chinese po- spy reportedly slept with courted US officials to gain intel. Enter the US through California as a college student in 2011. Spent the next four years wooing everyone from local politicals to US congressman. Go by Fang Fang. I'm telling you. It's a prostitute. Among the polls, Fang got close to was California Democrat Eric Swalwell, uh, and she once also once helped raise funds for Tulsi Gabbard. Uh-oh.
25. GUGuest
  She was helpful along the way? You think she fucked Tulsi Gabbard?
26. SGShane Gillis
  You think she was on a mission? I don't think so. I hope so. I think if you're gonna-
27. GUGuest
  Uh, think about everything you told her.
28. SGShane Gillis
  But my wife does not know though. Here it is. Suspected Chinese po- spy reportedly slept with courted US officials to gain intel. Enter the US through California as a college student in 2011. Spent the next four years wooing everyone from local politicals to US congressman. Go by Fang Fang. I'm telling you. It's a prostitute. Among the polls, Fang got close to was California Democrat Eric Swalwell, uh, and she once also once helped raise funds for Tulsi Gabbard. Uh-oh.
29. GUGuest
  She was helpful along the way? You think she fucked Tulsi Gabbard?
30. SGShane Gillis
  You think she was on a mission? I don't think so. I hope so. I think if you're gonna-
45:00 – 54:52
Wow. …
1. NANarrator
  hilarious.
2. SGShane Gillis
  Wow.
3. NANarrator
  That, why would they just use this kid? (laughs)
4. GUGuest
  Is he white?
5. SGShane Gillis
  Wow. Sexual organs of a grown man due to rare hormonal condition. I bet that means he's jacked too.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
7. MNMark Normand
  Hmm.
8. SGShane Gillis
  I bet he came out of the womb fucking jacked with a giant hog.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  I bet he fucks great.
10. SGShane Gillis
  Well.
11. GUGuest
  Fucks all the babies.
12. MNMark Normand
  Well, the dad said he was o- on it.
13. SGShane Gillis
  Imagine walked in, in, in a, in a nursery and you saw one baby with a giant dick trying to fuck the other babies.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
15. SGShane Gillis
  And there was one freak nurse who was like, "Uh."
16. GUGuest
  (laughs)
17. SGShane Gillis
  "Hey, I know you're only one. You can't do that."
18. MNMark Normand
  "Keep your diaper on."
19. SGShane Gillis
  "Don't put that in your mouth."
20. GUGuest
  (laughs)
21. SGShane Gillis
  "Don't fuck the kids."
22. JRJoe Rogan
  He's just, like, looking at you scolding him while he's stroking it like-
23. GUGuest
  Yeah. Nothing comes out.
24. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah, knuckles up.
25. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. "Oh."
26. SGShane Gillis
  "Looking at you."
27. MNMark Normand
  Imagine the ultrasound lady being like-
28. GUGuest
  I kinda wanna ...
29. MNMark Normand
  "What? This can't be."
30. JRJoe Rogan
  "No way."

Episode duration: 2:32:52

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(drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast,…

Yeah. …

You think she was…

Wow. …

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