Joe Rogan Experience #1991 - Protect Our Parks 8

Joe Rogan 0:00 (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

Narrator 0:04 The Joe Rogan Experience. (rock music)

0:06 Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. Burp, I have to burp.

Shane Gillis 0:14 Whoa.

Joe Rogan 0:14 ... last one. You blanched in that boys' boys.

Shane Gillis 0:16 Damn, that stank.

Narrator 0:17 That's thick.

Joe Rogan 0:18 That's thick.

Narrator 0:18 That's a lizzo.

Joe Rogan 0:19 We just passed it.

Mark Normand 0:19 You're not taking it?

Narrator 0:20 That's Joey Diaz, laughing gas weed.

Mark Normand 0:21 Oh my God, dude. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 0:22 (coughs)

Narrator 0:22 You both pussied out. You, like you called him a pussy and then you passed it.

Mark Normand 0:25 Yeah, I was joking. I was never gonna smoke that.

Shane Gillis 0:27 (laughs)

Narrator 0:27 Yeah, if I smoked it, I'd be under the table.

Joe Rogan 0:28 You scared.

Mark Normand 0:28 You smoke it, you coward. I was already smoking it. You can't, you can't push me.

Narrator 0:32 He's... I didn't bully you into smoking it, dude. (laughs)

Mark Normand 0:33 You can't bully me when I'm already doing it. I'm an actor.

Narrator 0:34 He's bullying and he's not doing it.

Mark Normand 0:36 (laughs)

Narrator 0:36 He bullied him and he didn't do it.

Mark Normand 0:38 That's what funny. The funny... (laughs)

Joe Rogan 0:38 Shane is the king of that.

Shane Gillis 0:41 Mmm.

Joe Rogan 0:42 Here's my only impression of Shane: You won't.

Mark Normand 0:44 Yeah, you won't do that.

Joe Rogan 0:46 Whatever- whatever's brought up, you won't.

Shane Gillis 0:48 You have my favorite childish humor.

Joe Rogan 0:50 It's so fun.

Narrator 0:51 And it works too, like grab your childish.

Joe Rogan 0:52 It's very funny to be childish.

Mark Normand 0:52 Have your friends, you go-

Narrator 0:54 Yeah. (coughs)

Mark Normand 0:54 ... "You don't do that, dude."

Narrator 0:55 (laughs) It's very funny to be childish.

Mark Normand 0:57 "You're not gonna do that." And then he'll... He's dumb.

Narrator 1:00 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 1:00 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:00 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 1:00 And he's like, "Oh, shit."

Mark Normand 1:00 "Give me that shit."

Narrator 1:01 "Whoa."

Mark Normand 1:01 "I'll do it right now."

Narrator 1:02 "Whoa."

Mark Normand 1:02 "I'll cut myself."

Narrator 1:03 Well, he's jet-lagged. He came from another country.

Mark Normand 1:04 Oh.

Narrator 1:05 He had a day-

Shane Gillis 1:05 I can't believe you're doing this.

Narrator 1:06 ... he had a day to rest.

Joe Rogan 1:07 Yeah, I had a, uh, Athens, uh, fucking five hours jet-lagged and-

Narrator 1:10 Did you go see the Acropolis?

Joe Rogan 1:12 I did.

Narrator 1:12 Hmm.

Shane Gillis 1:13 Wow, shit.

Mark Normand 1:14 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:14 Oh?

Shane Gillis 1:14 It's so cool.

Narrator 1:15 What's Acropolis?

Mark Normand 1:17 It's like a bunch of fucking rubble.

Narrator 1:19 Oh.

Joe Rogan 1:20 (laughs) Yeah, it's just, just they built on top of-

Shane Gillis 1:21 The P... Which, wait well the Acropolis is the base, the Parthenon is the building, correct?

Joe Rogan 1:24 Yes.

Shane Gillis 1:25 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:25 Dude, did I tell you I looked up that a bunch of times when I was there and I still don't know.

Shane Gillis 1:29 Nobody knows.

Joe Rogan 1:30 Yeah.

Narrator 1:31 No idea.

Shane Gillis 1:32 Yeah, the Acropolis is the building, the Parthenon is what it's built on.

Joe Rogan 1:36 Oh.

Narrator 1:36 Oh.

Shane Gillis 1:36 Interesting.

Narrator 1:37 The Greeks were gay.

Joe Rogan 1:38 Greeks were gay.

Shane Gillis 1:41 Okay, the Acropolis of Athens is an ancient cult- ancient citadel located on a rocky outcrop. Wait a minute, which one's the Apocalyp- which one is the Acropolis and which one's the Parthenon?

Mark Normand 1:50 I think the... Oh yeah, I don't know.

Shane Gillis 1:53 I think the Acropolis is the building and the Parthenon is what it's built on.

Mark Normand 1:57 (whistles) The most famous thing the Parth-

Joe Rogan 1:58 No, the Acropolis is, I think, the entire thing and the Parthenon's one of the buildings-

Mark Normand 2:01 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 2:02 ... as a part of it.

Shane Gillis 2:02 But what's the, what's the structure that it sits on? What's the Parthenon?

Mark Normand 2:05 Yeah, good, Google that.

Narrator 2:06 Hmm.

Shane Gillis 2:06 I'm pretty sure the Parth- one of them-

Mark Normand 2:08 That's that one.

Shane Gillis 2:09 Okay.

Mark Normand 2:10 It's under construction now.

Shane Gillis 2:10 So the Parthenon is the building-

Mark Normand 2:12 It's under construction, yeah.

Shane Gillis 2:13 ... the Acropolis-

Mark Normand 2:13 They built it back up.

Narrator 2:14 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 2:14 (laughs)

Mark Normand 2:14 They realized it wasn't finished. There's, there's scaffolding everywhere.

Shane Gillis 2:17 Wow, the roof fell off.

Mark Normand 2:19 (laughs)

Narrator 2:19 How about that Stamos?

Shane Gillis 2:20 The centerpiece.

Mark Normand 2:20 It's a fixer-upper for sure.

Narrator 2:22 He dunk.

Shane Gillis 2:23 So-

Mark Normand 2:24 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 2:24 ... okay, the Parthenon is a former temple of the Athenian Acropolis Greece that was dedicated to the goddess Athena during the 5th century BC.

Narrator 2:31 Ah-ha.

Shane Gillis 2:32 All those people were tripping balls, you know?

Narrator 2:33 Goddess of beauty.

Mark Normand 2:34 Really?

Shane Gillis 2:34 Yeah, there's a great book on it. Um, uh, The Immortality Key by this guy Brian Muraresku. It actually opened up a field of study at Harvard. This guy wrote a book about how they, they did... They always suspected that their wine was laced with something-

Mark Normand 2:49 Wow.

Shane Gillis 2:49 ... but then they got definitive proof because they found old vessels and they tested these vessels and they found ergot in them, which is a, a, a fungus that has LSD-like effects.

Mark Normand 2:59 Wow.

Shane Gillis 3:00 Yeah, so they, they were all tripping.

Joe Rogan 3:01 So they made up that they were gods?

Mark Normand 3:02 Dude, that must have fucked them up.

Shane Gillis 3:04 Well, that's, that's where they came up with everything. That's where they came up with democracy. They came up with so much from tripping balls. They had those, uh, Eleusinian Mysteries.

Joe Rogan 3:09 That makes sense, like he hit this rock-

Shane Gillis 3:11 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:11 ... and it became a spring and then-

Shane Gillis 3:12 Tripping balls.

Joe Rogan 3:13 ... to fight him, he hit a rock-

Shane Gillis 3:14 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:14 ... it became a tree.

Shane Gillis 3:15 Bro, all those old people were tripping balls and what they were doing was hiding it from the Romans and they had to move away. Like, they, they started going into other countries when they got kicked out of Greece.

Mark Normand 3:24 Hmm.

Shane Gillis 3:25 They, they moved the Eleusinian Mysteries all over the world.

Narrator 3:29 Yikes.

Joe Rogan 3:29 The what mysteries?

Shane Gillis 3:31 Eleusis, Eleusinian Mysteries.

Joe Rogan 3:33 All the Zeus stuff?

Shane Gillis 3:34 All the fucking, all the, the, the trip ball stuff.

Mark Normand 3:38 Uh-huh.

Shane Gillis 3:39 Where they would, where people, like scholars from all over the world would go there and participate in these, uh, these rituals.

Mark Normand 3:44 Hmm.

Shane Gillis 3:45 And they would just trip their fucking brains out and figure things out.

Narrator 3:48 How about those grape leaves?

Shane Gillis 3:51 I don't think that had anything to do with it.

Narrator 3:52 Ah.

Joe Rogan 3:52 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 3:52 I think that was just-

Narrator 3:53 That's Greek.

Shane Gillis 3:53 ... that was just leaves.

Mark Normand 3:54 Yeah.

Narrator 3:55 They're not great.

Joe Rogan 3:56 They're not great.

Narrator 3:56 Overrated.

Joe Rogan 3:57 Over, way overrated.

Shane Gillis 3:58 Really?

Joe Rogan 3:59 You gotta dip them in tzatziki to make it even edible. They're pretty bland.

Narrator 4:02 Yeah, they got the same food as, uh, Middle Eastern.

Joe Rogan 4:05 Yeah, they had kebabs.

Narrator 4:05 A lot of pita, kebab, hummus.

Shane Gillis 4:09 Delicious.

Mark Normand 4:09 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 4:09 Fucking delicious.

Narrator 4:10 Or as David Tell calls it, terrorist peanut butter.

Shane Gillis 4:12 (laughs)

Mark Normand 4:14 (laughs)

Narrator 4:14 His joke.

Shane Gillis 4:16 Yeah, so did you have fun?

Joe Rogan 4:18 Oh, it was a blast.

Mark Normand 4:18 Did you have a good time?

Joe Rogan 4:20 Yeah, yeah, yeah, but Athens is a cool city. You get away from the tourists there.

Shane Gillis 4:23 Did you get to walk, get to hike?

Joe Rogan 4:24 I did get to walk and hike. Yeah, it's a big national park in the middle.

Narrator 4:27 Ah.

Joe Rogan 4:27 It's like Central Park. You walk through it at night.

Narrator 4:29 Yeah, park's a park though.

Joe Rogan 4:30 Looking for rapists, what?

Mark Normand 4:31 You like to hike? (laughs)

Joe Rogan 4:34 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 4:34 Like what?

Mark Normand 4:34 There's nothing wrong with that.

Shane Gillis 4:34 I don't know why you don't like hikes.

Narrator 4:35 Did you protect those parks in Athens?

Joe Rogan 4:37 Um, people have asked me about the parks. Like-

Narrator 4:40 Yeah, everyone you try to protect goes away.

Joe Rogan 4:42 I saw one somewhere, like, "Have you protected any parks lately?" And I was like, "No, I've only failed in protecting any parks."

Narrator 4:47 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 4:47 Well, you only tried one.

Joe Rogan 4:48 Yeah, utter failure.

Shane Gillis 4:49 But you know, but sometimes it's your first time trying to protect the park.

Joe Rogan 4:52 True.

Mark Normand 4:52 Why do you like parks?

Joe Rogan 4:54 (laughs)

Mark Normand 4:55 Your third joyous place?

Shane Gillis 4:55 Because he's one of those... He's a city dork. It's the only nature he gets.

Mark Normand 4:59 Bored as it gets. They stink.

Shane Gillis 5:00 (laughs)

Mark Normand 5:00 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 5:01 It's the only nature that's around.

Mark Normand 5:02 I took my nephew to a park, I just looked like a fucking pedophile the whole time.

Joe Rogan 5:05 He was looking for the little tiny park-

Mark Normand 5:06 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:07 ... with a swing set.

Mark Normand 5:08 Yeah, I just-

Joe Rogan 5:08 Oh yeah, yeah.

Mark Normand 5:08 I took him to a park, I was just yelling at him.

Narrator 5:10 You're not allowed to go without a kid.

Mark Normand 5:12 I tried.

Joe Rogan 5:12 Yeah, a lot of these places.

Shane Gillis 5:13 Right, yeah, that's weird.

Narrator 5:15 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 5:15 Going to a park and just watching kids. Boy, I love watching kids interact.

Joe Rogan 5:19 (laughs)

Narrator 5:20 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 5:20 You can't, you can't.

Joe Rogan 5:21 It's so innocent.

Shane Gillis 5:22 You have to go with your own kid-

Narrator 5:23 Dog parks are fun too.

Shane Gillis 5:24 ... other wise you can't enjoy.

Joe Rogan 5:24 Dog parks, you can't go in without a dog.

Narrator 5:26 Is that right?

Shane Gillis 5:26 You probably can.

Narrator 5:27 No.

Joe Rogan 5:27 You can't... They won't stop you, but the rule is you can't go in without a dog.

Shane Gillis 5:30 Oh really?

Narrator 5:31 Huh.

Shane Gillis 5:31 Is that the rule?

Joe Rogan 5:31 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 5:32 Is it written?

Joe Rogan 5:33 Yeah.

Narrator 5:35 (laughs)

Mark Normand 5:35 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 5:35 So it is written, so it's told. (laughs)

Mark Normand 5:37 It is written.

Joe Rogan 5:37 That's the only way is I know it. It is written.

Mark Normand 5:39 My, uh, my niece, my nieces and nephews are black and my-

Shane Gillis 5:42 Uh oh.

Mark Normand 5:43 ... dad took them to the park by himself.

Joe Rogan 5:45 Yeah.

Mark Normand 5:45 And his... My nieces was on the swings and she was like, "Slap me, pappy. Slap it." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 5:49 (laughs)

Mark Normand 5:49 He was down there, like, pushing her ass.

Narrator 5:51 Oh.

Mark Normand 5:52 Pretty funny, right? People were looking at it like, "What the fuck is going on here?"

Joe Rogan 5:55 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 5:55 Slap me pappy. I, I-

Mark Normand 5:57 She's like, "Slap it, pappy." He's like, "Jesus Christ."

Shane Gillis 5:59 Ah.

Narrator 5:59 I can see how, there's a playground outside my apartment and a li- that mom was on her phone the whole time pushing this kid on a swing.

Shane Gillis 6:06 Oh.

Narrator 6:06 It killed me.

Joe Rogan 6:07 You could so easily steal a kid.

Narrator 6:08 I know.

Joe Rogan 6:09 They're, they're all so distracted. Now's the time.

Narrator 6:11 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 6:13 My friend almost got his kid stolen from a park.

Narrator 6:15 What?

Joe Rogan 6:15 What?

Shane Gillis 6:15 Yeah, yeah. He, um, noticed at the last minute that someone was calling his kid towards a, a truck.

Narrator 6:22 Brian Laundrie. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 6:23 And he, he stopped it. He ran out and stopped it. But I think he was just not paying attention for a brief period of time-

Narrator 6:29 What?

Joe Rogan 6:29 Whoa.

Shane Gillis 6:29 ... and somebody tried to steal his kid.

Narrator 6:31 I got a hit on by a pedophile as a, as a youth.

Shane Gillis 6:34 The thing is, it does ha- I mean, it sounds-

Joe Rogan 6:36 It does happen.

Shane Gillis 6:36 ... so insane.

Joe Rogan 6:37 Yeah.

Narrator 6:37 What next?

Shane Gillis 6:37 But it actually does happen. People steal children.

Joe Rogan 6:40 'Cause that kid'll forget. Just might be crazy enough to work. (laughs)

Narrator 6:43 Exactly.

Shane Gillis 6:44 That kid'll forget. Jesus Christ, what a horrible thought.

Narrator 6:46 Remember milk carton kids?

Joe Rogan 6:47 Yeah.

Narrator 6:47 See, that was a big thing.

Shane Gillis 6:48 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:48 Big thing.

Shane Gillis 6:49 I think a lot of them are stolen by the parent, right?

Joe Rogan 6:51 Uh-huh.

Narrator 6:51 What?

Shane Gillis 6:51 Like one parent they get.

Joe Rogan 6:52 That's almost all the stats of, like, abducted kids are just the dad where it's like-

Narrator 6:55 Amber Alerts.

Joe Rogan 6:55 ... "I want some, I want some visitation rights."

Shane Gillis 6:57 Well, it's like people use their kids as, like, leverage to get back at the spouse.

Narrator 7:01 Yikes.

Shane Gillis 7:01 You know, like the husband and the wife get divorced, and the wife won't let the husband see the kid.

Joe Rogan 7:05 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 7:05 And he yells at her, "I want my fucking kids." And, "You won't let that whore in the house with her." Oh, boy.

Joe Rogan 7:11 That would be nice, getting so, like, hammered and just going to your fucking ex-wife's house, like screaming up to-

Shane Gillis 7:15 "Yeah, I wanna see my fucking son, you bitch."

Joe Rogan 7:17 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 7:17 Tell him to get shot.

Narrator 7:19 "Daddy, no."

Joe Rogan 7:20 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 7:20 There's a horrible video of a guy getting shot doing that.

Joe Rogan 7:22 Oh, really?

Narrator 7:23 What?

Shane Gillis 7:24 He goes to the, to the house where his kid lives, and there's a guy there, and the guy and the wife are there, and he's yelling, and the guy's going, "Get off my fucking property." And the guy wo- and the guy's a big guy, and he gets in his face. And the guy goes and gets an AR, and they struggle with the AR.

Joe Rogan 7:38 (laughs)

Narrator 7:38 No.

Joe Rogan 7:39 Wait, they fought-

Shane Gillis 7:40 Yeah, they struggle with the gun briefly, and then the guy lights him up.

Narrator 7:42 That's a good dad.

Joe Rogan 7:43 Why get that close?

Shane Gillis 7:44 And he lights, he lights him up in front of the, the guy's mom-

Narrator 7:47 Oh.

Shane Gillis 7:47 ... who was also there.

Joe Rogan 7:48 Wait, who shot who?

Shane Gillis 7:50 The, the biological father got shot by the stepdad.

Narrator 7:53 Yes, yes, the stepdad.

Joe Rogan 7:53 Ooh, that's it. He got fucked.

Shane Gillis 7:54 The stepdad, who's a smaller guy, 'cause the biological dad's a big guy.

Joe Rogan 7:59 Why would you get close enough with an AR for some other guy to grab it?

Shane Gillis 8:02 I think he was just trying to threaten him, like if he pulled out a gun, the guy would be like, "That's it."

Joe Rogan 8:07 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 8:07 "Okay, you got a gun. I'm gonna leave now." But this guy was an idiot. I- I've seen quite a few of those people just... People get nutty and they don't understand risk, and they don't understand danger, even just with fights when they get in people's face. "Yeah, man, fuck you." Well, fuck you.

Joe Rogan 8:22 Yeah, do something then.

Shane Gillis 8:22 Like you don't, you literally don't know how to fight, and you're, you're about to engage in one of the most dangerous things that people can do other size... Other than using weapons.

Narrator 8:30 Yep.

Shane Gillis 8:31 Happens all the time. But I've s- I saw a video the other day. This guy, they're, they're in front of like a, a truck, and this guy's yelling at this guy, "Come on, pussy, fight like a man."

Joe Rogan 8:38 I saw that one, I saw that one.

Shane Gillis 8:39 He takes his shirt off and the guy just shoots him.

Narrator 8:41 What?

Joe Rogan 8:41 Oh, I didn't see that one.

Narrator 8:42 Holy shit. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 8:43 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 8:43 I didn't see that one at all.

Shane Gillis 8:44 Guy just shoots him. The guy's got a gun out. The guy's got a gun out and he's like, "Stop." And the guy's like, "Come on, pussy." He takes his shirt off while the guy has a gun out.

Joe Rogan 8:50 'Cause the machine.

Shane Gillis 8:50 And he comes towards him and he just, boom.

Joe Rogan 8:52 Nope.

Narrator 8:53 Wow.

Shane Gillis 8:53 The guy goes down screaming.

Joe Rogan 8:54 Indiana Jonesed him.

Shane Gillis 8:54 Guy died.

Narrator 8:55 That's right.

Joe Rogan 8:56 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 8:56 What happened?

Joe Rogan 8:57 Indiana Jones, he was looking up.

Shane Gillis 8:58 Oh, Indiana Jones. (laughs)

Narrator 9:00 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 9:00 What'd he have, a whip or something? No, he had like a sword.

Narrator 9:03 Yeah, he spun it around.

Joe Rogan 9:04 Yeah, yeah.

Shane Gillis 9:04 You know, that was like a supposedly, like, uh, no, it wasn't supposed to happen.

Joe Rogan 9:08 Ad lib.

Shane Gillis 9:08 It was like an ad lib.

Narrator 9:10 Really?

Shane Gillis 9:10 Yeah.

Narrator 9:10 Oh.

Joe Rogan 9:11 He was high all the time. Harrison Ford, he gets high all the time.

Narrator 9:13 Was he?

Shane Gillis 9:13 No.

Joe Rogan 9:14 He rips it. I don't know about then, but now he's just high all day.

Narrator 9:16 He seems depressed.

Shane Gillis 9:17 I think when you get older, that's the move.

Joe Rogan 9:19 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 9:19 Uh, it's because-

Joe Rogan 9:20 He still nails it.

Shane Gillis 9:20 ... you can't control this boy.

Joe Rogan 9:21 He knows what he does.

Shane Gillis 9:22 It's so out of control and it's so not what you grew up with. And you're like, "What? What's the kids these days? What is happening? You're changing genders." Just get high.

Narrator 9:29 Right. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 9:30 Just get high and just go through life spaced out. Indiana stoned.

Narrator 9:33 Oh, there we go.

Shane Gillis 9:34 His alternative pastime.

Narrator 9:35 His wife is hideous.

Joe Rogan 9:37 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 9:37 Hey, how dare you.

Narrator 9:39 Yikes.

Shane Gillis 9:39 That's not his wife, that's Chewbacca, you son of a bitch.

Narrator 9:41 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 9:42 Jesus Christ.

Narrator 9:42 Got it. He's got that gay earring too, still. And he can fly a plane.

Shane Gillis 9:47 So he's a lifelong stoner?

Joe Rogan 9:48 That's right.

Shane Gillis 9:48 Is that what it says?

Narrator 9:49 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 9:49 You ever see Scrape take that kid, steal that kid?

Shane Gillis 9:52 Scrape?

Joe Rogan 9:53 That's the guy, Scrape. They shot a video. They just, like, distracted someone and grabbed their kid, and they go-

Shane Gillis 9:56 No.

Joe Rogan 9:56 ... "No, no, I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding." (laughs) Oh, God. Gave the kid back. It was great. It was so funny.

Shane Gillis 10:00 Jesus Christ. What was funny?

Joe Rogan 10:02 What?

Shane Gillis 10:03 What was funny?

Joe Rogan 10:03 That they stole the kid, and the, the parents are freaking out-

Shane Gillis 10:06 Did he?

Joe Rogan 10:06 ... and they're like, "No, I'm kidding."

Shane Gillis 10:07 Ari's a- Ari always wanted to be stolen when he was a child.

Joe Rogan 10:09 Yeah, I did.

Shane Gillis 10:09 It just never happened. Oh, definitely. Weren't you in like a shitty cult? Went to a Christian family.

Narrator 10:13 Called Jewish.

Shane Gillis 10:14 Ugh.

Joe Rogan 10:14 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 10:14 You ever heard Metzger talk about his cult life?

Joe Rogan 10:16 Yeah.

Narrator 10:17 Yeah, Jehovah.

Shane Gillis 10:17 Wild shit.

Joe Rogan 10:18 Yeah.

Narrator 10:19 Explains a lot.

Shane Gillis 10:20 Wild shit. It's so str- Well, it explains a lot how he won't tolerate any bullshit.

Narrator 10:24 Right.

Joe Rogan 10:24 That, he hates religion.

Shane Gillis 10:26 He's the, he's the best.

Joe Rogan 10:26 He'll call me sometimes like, "What about the k- Abel? What about Abel?"

Shane Gillis 10:29 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 10:29 I'm like, "All right, let's go."

Narrator 10:31 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 10:31 He knows I know enough.

Shane Gillis 10:32 He will rant. You send a text to Metzger, be prepared for a-

Joe Rogan 10:35 17 straight.

Shane Gillis 10:37 ... fucking scroll.

Narrator 10:38 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 10:38 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 10:38 Yeah. He, but like, anytime there's some fucking fuckery, some shenanigans with words-

Joe Rogan 10:44 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 10:44 ... some weird thing they're trying to pull on you, Metzger gets furious, because he grew up in a cult. So he's like, "Oh, I know what the fuck this is."

Joe Rogan 10:51 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 10:51 "I know you don't. Oh, y- I can't notice this? I can't pay attention to this? If I talk about this, I'm a bad guy?"

Joe Rogan 10:56 That's his joke. He goes, uh, "They told you you can't masturbate. Do you know what would happen to you if you don't masturbate? No, no one does, because everyone masturbates, including the people who told us you can't masturbate."

Narrator 11:04 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 11:05 (laughs)

Narrator 11:05 Funny guy.

Shane Gillis 11:05 I just watched a cult documentary. That, uh, Korean guy, you see that one?

Joe Rogan 11:09 No.

Narrator 11:09 No.

Shane Gillis 11:09 Jamie, you see that one? It's like In the Name of the Holy Father or something.

Narrator 11:13 Pull it up.

Shane Gillis 11:13 It's pretty great, dude.

Joe Rogan 11:14 Korean cult?

Narrator 11:14 Bro, my-

Shane Gillis 11:15 Korean dude just started a cult, but one of his things was-

Narrator 11:16 North or south?

Shane Gillis 11:17 He made everybody south. Watch him... He would play soccer in the cult, and he would score like 70 goals.

Joe Rogan 11:23 (laughs)

Narrator 11:23 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 11:24 He said he was God and he would fight, fucked everybody.

Joe Rogan 11:26 Oh, God. Of course he fucked everybody.

Shane Gillis 11:28 Yeah, he was fucking everybody.

Joe Rogan 11:28 It always goes to fuck him.

Narrator 11:30 And they always fall for it, every time.

Shane Gillis 11:31 No, I'm talking about everybody. Dude, my favorite cult movie is the movie about the building I bought.

Joe Rogan 11:35 That's great.

Shane Gillis 11:35 Holy hell.

Joe Rogan 11:36 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 11:36 It's a fucking amazing cult documentary.

Narrator 11:39 What?

Shane Gillis 11:39 It's so crazy.

Joe Rogan 11:40 Yeah.

Narrator 11:40 Hoohuh, hoohah?

Shane Gillis 11:41 Do you know the story?

Narrator 11:42 No.

Shane Gillis 11:42 The building that I bought originally for the mothership was a place called the One World Theater. And that One World Theater was built by a cult so that their leader could dance in front of them.

Joe Rogan 11:51 Wow.

Shane Gillis 11:51 Literally.

Joe Rogan 11:52 Wow.

Shane Gillis 11:52 Like, they put on these performances. They documented it all. This guy filmed everything.

Narrator 11:56 Wow.

Shane Gillis 11:57 And this, this crazy dude who was a gay porn star-

Joe Rogan 12:00 He looks so gay.

Shane Gillis 12:01 He's so gay.

Narrator 12:02 Oh, he's cute.

Shane Gillis 12:02 But it's ir- It was, it was, but that's his older self. You can see when he was young.

Joe Rogan 12:07 Yeah.

Narrator 12:07 Whoa.

Shane Gillis 12:07 That's, he's, he's already getting old then. Because you see the videos of him-

Joe Rogan 12:10 He has a terrifying face.

Shane Gillis 12:10 ... when he was young, he was a beautiful man.

Narrator 12:12 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 12:12 He was this really gorgeous, like, ripped yoga instructor.

Narrator 12:17 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 12:17 And he started this cult in West Hollywood called the Buddha Field.

Narrator 12:20 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 12:20 And then they moved it out to Austin.

Joe Rogan 12:23 They're all praying at this point.

Shane Gillis 12:24 "Jamie, get me... Let me see the penises."

Narrator 12:25 Whoa.

Shane Gillis 12:25 He started... (laughs)

Joe Rogan 12:27 The pouches, the pouches. Let me see those. Come on. Come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa. Look, they wouldn't let the lady get close. Like, "You be lower."

Shane Gillis 12:33 It's like a fucking Bud Light commercial.

Joe Rogan 12:34 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 12:35 He had all these boys with him, and he fucked all of them.

Narrator 12:38 He's not gay?

Shane Gillis 12:39 He, oh, he's gay.

Joe Rogan 12:40 He is gay.

Narrator 12:40 So who brought...

Shane Gillis 12:41 He was a gay porn star.

Joe Rogan 12:42 She's trying, she's shooting a shot.

Shane Gillis 12:42 But he had girls in there too. I think girls is how he got straight guys to come to the cult.

Joe Rogan 12:48 Smart.

Narrator 12:48 Oh.

Shane Gillis 12:48 Because he fucked all the straight guys.

Joe Rogan 12:50 Ladies night. And he convinced them?

Shane Gillis 12:52 No, he would just... (laughs)

Joe Rogan 12:53 Nipples. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 12:55 You should watch the documentary. He gave them th- He was a hypnotist. He was a hypnotist.

Joe Rogan 12:59 So he-

Shane Gillis 13:00 So he gave them therapy and then he'd fuck them, and he charged them for the therapy.

Narrator 13:03 Whoa.

Shane Gillis 13:03 Charged them 50 bucks.

Joe Rogan 13:04 Oh, wow.

Narrator 13:04 And he owned the mothership?

Shane Gillis 13:06 No, he owned the One World Theater. It wasn't-

Narrator 13:08 I see.

Shane Gillis 13:08 It was like, the, the people that were, I was buying it from were people that used to be in the cult.

Narrator 13:12 Got it.

Shane Gillis 13:13 And now, now they owned it. But that, that was the original location for it.

Narrator 13:17 ... yeah.

Mark Normand 13:18 That's nuts.

Narrator 13:18 I kinda support these dudes.

Mark Normand 13:19 That's wild.

Shane Gillis 13:19 I love it.

Mark Normand 13:20 I was watching that Korean guy, and I was like, this guy fucking... He had 900 women as cheerleaders. The stadium would be packed and he'd score 80 goals.

Shane Gillis 13:27 (yawning)

Narrator 13:27 That's funny.

Mark Normand 13:28 And people were like, "We gotta arrest this son of a bitch."

Shane Gillis 13:30 Soccer overflow.

Mark Normand 13:30 I was like, dude, this guy is dominating.

Shane Gillis 13:32 He rules. (laughs)

Mark Normand 13:32 He rules, dude.

Narrator 13:33 Did they kill him?

Shane Gillis 13:34 Did you see the guy in Australia?

Mark Normand 13:35 No, they... Hold on. They get, capture him at the end. He's in a tent with two girls, and they, like live camera, they're like, "What are you doing back here?" And he's got a boner. And he's like, "Stay out." (laughs) "Get out of here."

Narrator 13:43 Ah.

Shane Gillis 13:43 (laughs)

Mark Normand 13:43 (Laughs) Yeah.

Narrator 13:44 That's how they got him?

Mark Normand 13:44 Yeah. (laughs) They caught him with a boner.

Shane Gillis 13:45 Boy goes from 90 goals scoring to being in a tent with two girls, the last stragglers.

Mark Normand 13:50 Tent.

Shane Gillis 13:50 The last ones.

Mark Normand 13:51 Yeah, it was tough.

Shane Gillis 13:52 (Blows air) Still, still had a fucking-

Narrator 13:54 Sweaty.

Mark Normand 13:54 ... three-way in a tent.

Narrator 13:55 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 13:55 Sweaty.

Mark Normand 13:56 It's pretty awesome.

Narrator 13:56 After a game.

Shane Gillis 13:56 Good point.

Mark Normand 13:57 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 13:57 He... Which he dominated. That's an MVP performance.

Mark Normand 13:59 Dude, you gotta see his soccer kicks. (laughs) .

Shane Gillis 14:02 (laughs)

Mark Normand 14:02 They would line up-

Narrator 14:03 They were falling?

Mark Normand 14:03 They would line up like 15 people in the goal, he'd be like, "I can still score 'em." They would all like, get out of the way.

Narrator 14:07 Ah.

Shane Gillis 14:08 Isn't it wild that everybody knows about cults, but yet people can still form cults-

Narrator 14:12 They still work.

Shane Gillis 14:13 ... and get people to join 'em?

Mark Normand 14:14 Yeah. I wanna go in for a week, just see if they'd get me. Knowing, to any cu-... Just knowing, I'm like, "I know what this is, but like, let me like, see if they get me."

Shane Gillis 14:21 You escaped Judaism.

Mark Normand 14:22 Yeah. (laughs)

Narrator 14:22 Cut to you getting fucked in the ass every night. (laughs)

Mark Normand 14:24 (laughs) Yeah. Dude, like two days later in a tent. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 14:26 Yeah.

Mark Normand 14:26 "It happened quick, man. They made some good points."

Shane Gillis 14:28 (sighs) Yeah. All right you, you were like a serious Orthodox Jew.

Mark Normand 14:31 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 14:31 If you got out of that-

Narrator 14:33 That's a cult.

Shane Gillis 14:33 ... which is like a respected cult.

Mark Normand 14:35 It's a respected one, yeah.

Narrator 14:36 Cult 45.

Shane Gillis 14:38 (sighs)

Mark Normand 14:38 I got up... But I was in for a while.

Shane Gillis 14:40 Mm.

Mark Normand 14:40 I might get out of this too. Indianapolis Cults? They hit you (laughs) with the low protein, low protein diet.

Shane Gillis 14:47 Well, you know, the, this, the, that's the question, of like when does it become a cult?

Mark Normand 14:50 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 14:51 Like what ... Is Christianity a cult? Is Catholicism a cult?

Narrator 14:53 Oh, they're all cults.

Shane Gillis 14:55 Yeah. If you wanna look at it in technical terms.

Mark Normand 14:55 No. What makes a cult? What makes a cult versus religion?

Shane Gillis 14:58 No.

Mark Normand 14:58 You're not watching some Korean guy fuck everybody and score 70 goals. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 15:01 Yeah.

Narrator 15:01 Yeah. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 15:01 The ... Those are the religions of the cults-

Mark Normand 15:03 Jordan Priest fucked a lot of boys.

Narrator 15:04 But that's why they didn't last.

Shane Gillis 15:05 But the religions of the ball-

Narrator 15:05 They went too hard.

Shane Gillis 15:06 Tell that to the Catholics.

Mark Normand 15:07 Yeah.

Narrator 15:08 That's what I'm saying, that's a good cult.

Mark Normand 15:09 They fucked a lot of guys.

Narrator 15:10 They figured it out. Good marketing.

Shane Gillis 15:11 Well, they figured out how to make the Vatican a country.

Narrator 15:14 Yeah and they-

Shane Gillis 15:15 It's just the wildest shit ever.

Mark Normand 15:16 Oh, yeah.

Narrator 15:16 Fucking kids.

Shane Gillis 15:16 You know, 100 acre-

Mark Normand 15:17 It got bigger.

Shane Gillis 15:17 Yeah.

Narrator 15:18 ... and getting away with it.

Mark Normand 15:18 It's like Disney.

Shane Gillis 15:19 Yeah, you got 100 acre country in the middle-

Mark Normand 15:20 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 15:20 ... of your city.

Narrator 15:21 It's very nice.

Mark Normand 15:22 Yeah, the difference between a cult and religions-

Shane Gillis 15:24 Rules.

Mark Normand 15:24 ... is the simp- same difference between a town and a city.

Shane Gillis 15:26 Mm.

Narrator 15:26 Well, the cult is the people that can't keep it together, and the guy fucks everyone's wife.

Shane Gillis 15:30 Yes.

Narrator 15:30 The religions, they just like do a little-

Mark Normand 15:31 Too early. Fuck your kids, yeah.

Narrator 15:32 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 15:33 Well, the ... How many preachers are banging people's wives?

Narrator 15:35 Oh.

Mark Normand 15:36 So many.

Narrator 15:36 Forget about it.

Shane Gillis 15:37 A lot.

Mark Normand 15:38 We had a guy in a community who took ... The girls had to do a ritual bath to get clean. He fucking peeped a hole-

Shane Gillis 15:42 What?

Mark Normand 15:43 ... and fucking videotaped 'em.

Narrator 15:43 Damn.

Mark Normand 15:43 There's a ritual bath? Yeah, there's a ritual bath. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 15:46 Get clean?

Narrator 15:46 Oh, my God.

Shane Gillis 15:47 Get cleansed.

Narrator 15:48 Yikes.

Mark Normand 15:48 Of course he does.

Shane Gillis 15:49 That was the part I was skipping over. (laughs)

Mark Normand 15:50 Those New York Jews gotta take a couple more ritual baths, dude. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 15:53 (laughs)

Narrator 15:53 (laughs)

Mark Normand 15:53 That's true.

Shane Gillis 15:53 A little soap in those baths.

Mark Normand 15:55 They're slacking, dude. Dude, they sta-

Narrator 15:57 (laughs)

Mark Normand 15:57 They don't wash that clothes.

Narrator 15:59 Do you think Joel Osteen has fucking moms?

Shane Gillis 16:02 Mm. Oh, good question.

Narrator 16:03 I bet he is.

Shane Gillis 16:04 I think. 'Cause you know he could.

Mark Normand 16:06 Yes.

Shane Gillis 16:06 So knowing he could, and knowing what you know about men.

Narrator 16:08 But he might be gay.

Shane Gillis 16:10 Yeah. But the amount of women that must throw themselves at him-

Narrator 16:12 Oh.

Shane Gillis 16:12 ... 'cause he's a superstar and he's a man of God.

Mark Normand 16:14 Is there any hotter sex than religious sex?

Shane Gillis 16:16 (sighs) just like, "Father, help me." Really hot believer.

Mark Normand 16:20 Ooh. Yeah.

Narrator 16:20 But if you can't get her off, that's pretty ... It's like, well, a letdown.

Mark Normand 16:23 No, it's like a lie. You sinned.

Shane Gillis 16:24 You gotta go, "God, You seen."

Mark Normand 16:25 You sinned. That's why you didn't get off.

Narrator 16:27 Ah.

Shane Gillis 16:27 (smacks lips) Fuck.

Mark Normand 16:27 God will let you.

Shane Gillis 16:28 He puts it on you.

Mark Normand 16:29 Yeah.

Narrator 16:29 Yeah. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 16:31 (laughs)

Mark Normand 16:31 What have you done wrong this week?

Shane Gillis 16:32 Todd doesn't let me eat pussy.

Mark Normand 16:33 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 16:34 (laughs)

Narrator 16:36 (laughs)

Mark Normand 16:36 I'm on a strict diet this week.

Shane Gillis 16:37 (laughs)

Mark Normand 16:37 And you stink.

Shane Gillis 16:40 (laughs)

Narrator 16:40 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 16:41 There's tr- there's something about a crazy hot believer. Like, you both believe in the same nonsense. You're just ... She's crazy hot-

Mark Normand 16:47 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 16:47 ... and she's like, "Jesus wants me to suck your cock."

Mark Normand 16:49 So hot.

Shane Gillis 16:50 Whoo.

Mark Normand 16:50 I agree with Jesus.

Shane Gillis 16:51 (laughs)

Mark Normand 16:51 (laughs) Yeah.

Shane Gillis 16:51 This is ... Jesus told you that?

Mark Normand 16:53 I can't ... Yeah. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 16:54 Well, I can't argue with Jesus.

Narrator 16:55 God.

Mark Normand 16:55 You talk to God?

Shane Gillis 16:56 Yeah.

Mark Normand 16:56 The Lord says.

Shane Gillis 16:57 God's given me an exception.

Mark Normand 16:58 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 16:58 Imagine God, God just tests you with an exception.

Mark Normand 17:01 Wow.

Narrator 17:01 Well, gonna put it in God's hole.

Shane Gillis 17:03 Yeah.

Narrator 17:03 That's what we used to do in Catholic school. The old anal.

Shane Gillis 17:05 Butt sex.

Mark Normand 17:05 In God's hole. Yeah.

Shane Gillis 17:06 Jesus.

Mark Normand 17:06 Doesn't count.

Narrator 17:07 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 17:08 Hmm.

Narrator 17:08 Just like Catholic girls.

Shane Gillis 17:09 That is so wild that someone found that fucking work around.

Mark Normand 17:12 The wildest was the Mormons.

Narrator 17:14 (laughs)

Mark Normand 17:14 It was just guys trying to fuck Catholic chicks. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 17:16 Yeah.

Narrator 17:16 It worked, yeah. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 17:17 Well, and Catholic chicks trying to get fucked. And they're like-

Mark Normand 17:19 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 17:19 ... "This has gotta be something we can work out here." Yeah, anal. Anal.

Mark Normand 17:21 The Mormons and the docking. You know about the docking?

Shane Gillis 17:23 That's the best one.

Narrator 17:23 Oh, the soaking.

Mark Normand 17:23 Stick it in, lea- ... Soaking.

Narrator 17:24 Soak, soak.

Mark Normand 17:25 Then leave it in. Yeah.

Shane Gillis 17:25 Docking with two guys. (laughs)

Mark Normand 17:27 Docking is way better. (laughs)

Narrator 17:28 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 17:28 Docking is foreskin. They lock foreskin.

Mark Normand 17:30 Oh, my God.

Shane Gillis 17:30 I wonder who gets to choose who's the top foreskin?

Mark Normand 17:32 The ... Uh, it's a good question.

Shane Gillis 17:34 'Cause that's like the alpha.

Mark Normand 17:34 You should ... Rock, paper, scissors for that.

Shane Gillis 17:36 Yeah. (laughs)

Narrator 17:40 (laughs)

Mark Normand 17:40 (laughs)

Narrator 17:40 Sword fight.

Shane Gillis 17:40 I feel like I'd rather do the little bits.

Narrator 17:40 You mean sword fight?

Mark Normand 17:40 I'd rather do the small spoon.

Shane Gillis 17:42 Yeah.

Narrator 17:42 You'd rather be inside?

Mark Normand 17:43 It probably feels better.

Shane Gillis 17:43 Oh, you wanna be inside.

Mark Normand 17:45 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 17:46 Yeah, it would feel better.

Narrator 17:47 It's more dominant to have your-

Shane Gillis 17:48 Why would you want...

Mark Normand 17:49 It's more dominant to have your skin around a dick.

Shane Gillis 17:51 It is more dominant.

Narrator 17:52 It is dominant.

Shane Gillis 17:52 I'm talking strictly the feel.

Narrator 17:53 Sure.

Mark Normand 17:53 The feel. You wanna be-

Shane Gillis 17:53 But it's also so ridiculous, like, "Go ahead, do that, you fucking weirdo." Uh, and then you just stand and stare at each other?

Mark Normand 17:58 Jake, bring that up please? (laughs)

Shane Gillis 17:59 What are you doing, bro?

Mark Normand 18:00 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 18:00 I'm fucking ... No, no, no. I'm fucking your dick.

Mark Normand 18:03 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 18:03 You're not wrapping your dick around my dick.

Mark Normand 18:04 No, I'm in f- ... I'm sucking in your dick.

Shane Gillis 18:07 No, no, no, no. I'm fucking your dick.

Mark Normand 18:08 Oh, I don't know, man. Bro.

Shane Gillis 18:10 (laughs)

Mark Normand 18:10 I think I'm, I think I'm sucking in your dick.

Shane Gillis 18:11 You might be sucking my dick.

Mark Normand 18:13 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 18:13 But I'm fucking your dick.

Mark Normand 18:14 Oh, I'm definitely sucking your dick.

Shane Gillis 18:16 Well, it's like when you ... I fuck your mouth.

Mark Normand 18:18 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 18:18 You might be sucking my dick, but I'm fucking your mouth.

Mark Normand 18:21 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 18:21 Jesus Christ.

Mark Normand 18:22 Okay.

Narrator 18:22 Cut that clip. (laughs)

Mark Normand 18:25 (laughs)

Narrator 18:26 The worst part about docking though is you gotta be face to face.

Shane Gillis 18:29 Yeah, face to face is crazy.

Narrator 18:29 You're like an inch away from each other.

Shane Gillis 18:30 You mean the best part-

Mark Normand 18:32 Yeah. You go like this.

Shane Gillis 18:33 Dan, Dan Henderson? You know Dan Henderson, fucking, one of the elite MMA fighters of all time? He was at my show in New York City once.

Narrator 18:39 He likes docking?

Shane Gillis 18:40 And th- this, this hacker was talking. I said to the hacker, "Hey, if you don't shut the fuck up, I'm gonna have Dan Henderson hold you down-"

Narrator 18:46 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 18:47 "... and fuck your girl right in front of you."

Narrator 18:48 Oh.

Shane Gillis 18:48 And Dan Henderson goes, "Why would I hold him down when I could just stare him down?" (laughs)

Narrator 18:52 Damn.

Mark Normand 18:54 (laughs) I remember that.

Shane Gillis 18:55 It was nuts.

Mark Normand 18:55 You remember that? It was nuts. And we were just like-

Shane Gillis 18:57 People-

Mark Normand 18:57 Oh, Jesus. ... there was like a chill in the room. Like, "Oh, you could."

Narrator 19:00 Damn.

Shane Gillis 19:00 It was so real. (laughs)

Mark Normand 19:02 Wow.

Shane Gillis 19:03 (laughs)

Mark Normand 19:03 If the guy had like took one step forward-

Shane Gillis 19:04 Wow.

Mark Normand 19:04 ... and was like, "Hey, stop fucking my wife." He's like, "Uh." Okay.

Shane Gillis 19:07 Fucker.

Mark Normand 19:07 Dan Henderson's a fucking animal. Just the fact that he could come up with that on the fly.

Shane Gillis 19:12 Nasty.

Narrator 19:13 Yeah.

Mark Normand 19:13 Like, and he thinks like that.

Narrator 19:15 He's said that before.

Mark Normand 19:16 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 19:16 "Why would I hold him down when I could just stare him down?" (laughs)

Narrator 19:18 That's terrifying.

Guest 19:19 ... the wife was like-

Joe Rogan 19:21 (laughs)

Guest 19:21 ... "All right-"

Joe Rogan 19:21 Oh, no.

Guest 19:21 ... "let's do this."

Shane Gillis 19:22 It's like, yeah, it was a joke, but I think I'm gonna go with them.

Joe Rogan 19:24 Ugh, ugh.

Guest 19:24 Was the heckling been that bad? 'Cause that was in-

Shane Gillis 19:25 Oh, yeah. It was out of control.

Guest 19:27 All right, all right.

Shane Gillis 19:27 He was out of control. The guy was out of control, his wife was out of control, they were both out of control.

Joe Rogan 19:29 Caroline's, right?

Shane Gillis 19:30 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 19:30 All right, rest in peace.

Guest 19:31 Wow, Caroline's.

Shane Gillis 19:32 Yeah, rest in peace.

Guest 19:33 Crazy.

Joe Rogan 19:33 You get some rough hecklers in there.

Guest 19:34 Think a brawl broke out that night, or maybe the next day. They were throwing chairs.

Shane Gillis 19:37 I think it was... Yeah, I think it was the next day. Yeah.

Guest 19:39 Throwing chairs?

Shane Gillis 19:40 Yeah. (laughs) Like, a full brawl.

Joe Rogan 19:41 All right, fucking waffle house?

Shane Gillis 19:42 Bro, how many shows have we done together?

Guest 19:44 A bunch. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 19:44 Fucking thousands.

Joe Rogan 19:45 Hundreds. Yeah, thousands.

Shane Gillis 19:47 We've done so many shows together, all over the fucking country. All over the world.

Guest 19:51 Wow.

Joe Rogan 19:51 That was, those shows were right after, uh, Baby Bird.

Shane Gillis 19:54 That's right.

Joe Rogan 19:54 And then he went there.

Shane Gillis 19:55 Baby Bird.

Guest 19:55 Stern's complained. Stern complained, got it taken down, off, off YouTube. What?

Joe Rogan 19:59 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 19:59 Stern complained?

Joe Rogan 20:00 And then I remember, like, one of those... Uh, uh-

Guest 20:02 Wait a minute. Howard?

Joe Rogan 20:03 One of the... Not Stern, but, like, their group was like-

Shane Gillis 20:05 Why?

Joe Rogan 20:05 ... "Take that shit down." 'Cause they didn't want them succeeding. And then they were like, "This happens all the time. We'll just have to file a thing and it'll get put back up."

Shane Gillis 20:11 Why? So they were saying that it was offensive? That's how they get it taken down?

Joe Rogan 20:14 It sucked. It sucked.

Guest 20:14 A method.

Shane Gillis 20:15 Maybe they were the ones-

Joe Rogan 20:16 Now I'm crazy about this.

Shane Gillis 20:16 ... they were like, "No, we're the edgy." We should say that it was so we know that's true.

Guest 20:19 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 20:19 We need to find out. 'Cause that's, like, such a fucking egregious, evil thing to do, if you're in that business.

Joe Rogan 20:25 Yeah.

Guest 20:25 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 20:25 Like, say something's offensive? Like, you can-

Joe Rogan 20:27 Or, like, saying "Don Imus went too far?"

Shane Gillis 20:28 Yeah. Like, "Oh."

Guest 20:29 He got fucked.

Joe Rogan 20:30 Like, "I sucked."

Shane Gillis 20:30 Oh, boy.

Guest 20:31 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 20:32 He was, he would, he'd be like, "I'm the offensive one, no one else."

Guest 20:34 Ugh.

Shane Gillis 20:35 Yeah. Well, when he silenced Opie and Anthony, he wouldn't let them talk shit about him-

Joe Rogan 20:39 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 20:39 ... while he was talking shit about them.

Joe Rogan 20:40 Wild.

Guest 20:41 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 20:42 (sighs) Yeah.

Shane Gillis 20:42 And he was like, "I'll use any tool against my enemies." Like, "Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah."

Joe Rogan 20:45 (laughs) Don't you stand for anything, though?

Shane Gillis 20:47 Yeah, you're-

Guest 20:47 You a fucking radio guy?

Shane Gillis 20:49 (laughs) Yeah.

Guest 20:49 Aren't you a radio guy?

Joe Rogan 20:50 He's talking like a, talking like a general.

Shane Gillis 20:51 I think that guy was alone. I think that guy was alone on the front line for so long. Imagine if you're... It's World War II, and it's just you against the Japanese. And you're on this fucking island-

Guest 21:00 Think about it every day.

Shane Gillis 21:01 ... just killing, just killing people every day for, like, a decade and a half.

Guest 21:06 Mm.

Shane Gillis 21:06 And then new people come up and they're like, "Oh, it should be you have my back." Like, "Fuck you."

Joe Rogan 21:09 Where were you? I needed you.

Shane Gillis 21:11 "This is my fight."

Guest 21:12 True.

Joe Rogan 21:13 I heard people had to avert their eyes when he came in.

Shane Gillis 21:15 I don't think that's probably true, not true.

Guest 21:16 Like Don?

Shane Gillis 21:17 See, I think that's-

Joe Rogan 21:18 Yeah, like, got in the elevator, coming in.

Shane Gillis 21:19 ... I, I think that is people that work for him-

Joe Rogan 21:21 Handlers are saying that.

Shane Gillis 21:22 ... tell him, "Don't look at him, don't talk to him."

Joe Rogan 21:24 Yeah.

Guest 21:24 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 21:24 Maybe it's that.

Guest 21:25 Yeah, right.

Shane Gillis 21:25 And so he probably doesn't even know that they're doing that. I know that happens with some stars.

Guest 21:29 That's true. That's true.

Shane Gillis 21:29 I know that happens.

Guest 21:30 Yeah. Damn.

Shane Gillis 21:31 Yeah.

Guest 21:32 J.Lo, no eye contact.

Joe Rogan 21:32 It's weird. We did a commercial, me and Benaziz, a commercial with Tiger Woods. They're like, "Don't curse around him." This was before the scandals. Like, "Don't curse around him. Don't swear." And I was like, "Okay." And he comes in, he goes, "You guys ready to do this shit?" And we're like, "Wait. What did you just tell us? Not to be dirty?" (laughs)

Guest 21:44 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 21:44 He was like, "Just handlers."

Shane Gillis 21:45 They're just handlers.

Joe Rogan 21:46 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 21:46 Just weird people. There's, there's weird people that get a kick out of having power over the star.

Guest 21:51 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 21:51 Like, they have power to access. Like, you can't ac-, have access to the star.

Guest 21:55 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 21:55 You can't get close to them. Weird people at clubs do that.

Guest 21:59 Yes.

Shane Gillis 21:59 It's just, it's weird.

Guest 22:00 That happened to me. I did a club in Erie, Pennsylvania.

Shane Gillis 22:02 Yes.

Joe Rogan 22:03 Up there?

Guest 22:03 And the guy goes, "You better be clean, you better be squeaky clean, TV clean." I was like, "Oh, shit." I was three years in. And then the host goes up, who told me that, and he's like, "So, I was fucking my wife in the ass. I jizzed in her daughter's hair." And I'm like, "What the hell?"

Joe Rogan 22:15 (laughs)

Guest 22:15 Then I went up-

Joe Rogan 22:16 That's a fuckery, too.

Guest 22:17 ... and I was like, "So, uh, cereal's weird." And they're like, "Boo! Boo!"

Joe Rogan 22:22 (laughs)

Guest 22:22 "Get the host back up."

Shane Gillis 22:26 Cereal's weird. (laughs)

Guest 22:26 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 22:26 Trying to run a new hour on the fly.

Shane Gillis 22:28 (laughs)

Guest 22:28 Yeah, I did.

Joe Rogan 22:29 Oh, my God.

Guest 22:29 Just taking all the fucks out and the jizz out.

Shane Gillis 22:31 Those were the worst gigs, when you had to work clean.

Guest 22:33 Ugh.

Shane Gillis 22:33 They're like, "You got 20 minutes to work clean, so you're stretching out your pits."

Joe Rogan 22:36 It sucks, though-

Guest 22:37 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 22:37 ... you're like, "Oh, I, this is a clean bed," and then halfway in, you're like, "Oh, it does go to anal."

Guest 22:40 In the end.

Joe Rogan 22:41 Damn. Fuck. It does go to anal.

Guest 22:42 It does go to anal. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 22:42 And you're like, "How can I re-, how can I re-, uh, aim this?"

Shane Gillis 22:45 Ugh.

Joe Rogan 22:46 I never had to do one.

Guest 22:48 Clean?

Joe Rogan 22:48 A clean show? Almost... I don't think ever.

Shane Gillis 22:50 No.

Guest 22:50 It's tough 'cause-

Joe Rogan 22:51 They said no every single time.

Guest 22:52 You-

Joe Rogan 22:52 They were-

Guest 22:53 We just don't talk clean.

Joe Rogan 22:53 They just don't exist anymore. They don't exist. They're stupid guys.

Shane Gillis 22:55 Well, there was just-

Joe Rogan 22:56 I never had to do, like, a late night or anything, obviously.

Shane Gillis 22:58 It was, when I was-

Guest 22:58 Right.

Shane Gillis 22:58 ... when I was coming up, it was like, "Do you want money or not?"

Joe Rogan 23:01 Yeah. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 23:02 Do you want food or not?

Guest 23:03 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 23:03 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 23:03 It's like, "If you wanna get that 100 bucks, you gotta go do that clean show."

Guest 23:07 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 23:08 Yeah.

Guest 23:08 That's a good exercise. Weird.

Shane Gillis 23:09 Yeah, it is.

Joe Rogan 23:09 But to think about the language for the first time in your life, or in, in a decade, of like, "Wait-"

Guest 23:14 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 23:14 "... is this dirty?"

Guest 23:15 Right.

Shane Gillis 23:15 Well, it wasn't a decade for me but it was, you know, early days of standup, like, when I was 20. And the thing is, back then, they really wanted standup to be clean. Like, everybody wanted you to work clean because that's how you got on The Tonight Show.

Joe Rogan 23:26 Yeah.

Guest 23:27 Right.

Shane Gillis 23:27 You know, once, once Steven Wright got on The Tonight Show out of Boston, it kinda, like, changed how everybody thought about comedy. Everybody was like, "You're gonna get on The Tonight Show now." Like, "You gotta, you gotta work clean. If you wanna make it, you gotta work clean." I remember there was a bunch of guys who were just in town who were telling them, "If you wanna work, you gotta work clean." Like, you were just here.

Joe Rogan 23:44 Yeah. We were talking about it last night. There still, that still exists.

Guest 23:47 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 23:47 There's still exists. There's still people that are like, "I gotta get my stuff together for a late night spot."

Shane Gillis 23:51 Why?

Joe Rogan 23:51 It's like, dude, what?

Guest 23:53 Late night's over.

Joe Rogan 23:54 Who watches that?

Shane Gillis 23:54 It's kind of a fun thing to do, if you can do it.

Guest 23:56 Like... Right.

Joe Rogan 23:56 No, don't get me wrong, it would be cool to do, but I'm saying there's guys that are like, "Here's my way out."

Guest 24:00 Right, right.

Shane Gillis 24:01 Oh.

Joe Rogan 24:02 Right, right. Like-

Guest 24:02 You can't do that.

Joe Rogan 24:02 Right, right. It doesn't, it doesn't launch anybody anymore.

Shane Gillis 24:04 No.

Guest 24:04 Isn't that crazy? Like, it's worthless. Like, if you have a set on The Tonight Show, how many more tickets are you gonna sell?

Shane Gillis 24:09 I think it was six.

Joe Rogan 24:10 Yeah, nothing.

Guest 24:11 Late night spot.

Shane Gillis 24:11 It was cool. Seinfeld-

Joe Rogan 24:12 Yeah. It was cool. Seinfeld, Seinfeld did one, like, six, seven years ago, and it was cool to see him put together a late night set.

Guest 24:16 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:16 Norm's, Norm's at the end of Letterman was-

Shane Gillis 24:18 Unreal.

Joe Rogan 24:18 ... at the end. That was great. That was a great speech.

Shane Gillis 24:20 One of the best.

Guest 24:20 Yeah. What did he go over? Mars?

Shane Gillis 24:22 Norm was a master. He was a master. He was so pure.

Joe Rogan 24:25 Oh, I teared up at the end of that. That gets me.

Guest 24:27 Oh.

Joe Rogan 24:27 That gets me every time.

Shane Gillis 24:28 Come on. Brutal.

Joe Rogan 24:30 Yeah.

Guest 24:30 Whatever happened to that guy?

Shane Gillis 24:31 Pshh.

Joe Rogan 24:31 Oh, fuck, I forgot he vanished.

Shane Gillis 24:33 Ah.

Guest 24:35 Pff.

Shane Gillis 24:35 Bummer.

Guest 24:35 What a gangster way to go out.

Joe Rogan 24:36 I didn't even know he was sick.

Shane Gillis 24:37 Gangster way to go out.

Guest 24:38 Can you, can you watch-

Joe Rogan 24:38 Not telling anybody. Blame it all on Adam Egan.

Shane Gillis 24:41 Can you tell on anybody?

Guest 24:41 I know, none of his best friends do.

Joe Rogan 24:42 (laughs)

Guest 24:42 Yeah. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 24:43 Dude, his biography, his biography, the book he wrote just trashes Adam Egan-

Guest 24:47 It's great.

Shane Gillis 24:48 ... for 200 pages.

Joe Rogan 24:49 He calls him a Holocaust-

Shane Gillis 24:50 The whole thing.

Joe Rogan 24:50 He calls him a Holocaust denier.

Shane Gillis 24:52 (laughs)

Guest 24:52 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:52 'Cause he's not Jewish.

Shane Gillis 24:53 Doesn't mean you can't be a denier.

Guest 24:54 He said they're an overpass, blowing people up.

Joe Rogan 24:55 Makes it worse. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 24:57 That's hilarious.

Joe Rogan 24:57 That's what Adam's, like, known for. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 25:00 Isn't that-

Joe Rogan 25:00 People see him and are like, "Aren't you blowing guys under the bridge?"

Shane Gillis 25:02 Yeah. (laughs) That's a fucked up aspect of people. You will have some white people-

Joe Rogan 25:08 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 25:09 ... who hate white people. You will have some Jews who hate Jews. You will have some Jews-

Joe Rogan 25:12 Ireland.

Shane Gillis 25:12 ... who wanna join the Nazi party.

Joe Rogan 25:14 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Shane Gillis 25:16 You, you will have some Black people who hate Black people.

Joe Rogan 25:19 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 25:19 You will have people that will go against their people to be in with the other... You will have Jews that will join the Nazis.

Joe Rogan 25:25 Are you excusing Egan's behavior?

Shane Gillis 25:27 No.

Guest 25:27 He's a Jew.

Joe Rogan 25:28 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 25:29 It's just-

Guest 25:30 We're not gonna stand for that.

Shane Gillis 25:30 It's a strange thing.

Joe Rogan 25:31 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 25:31 It's a, like, to, to be a traitor like that-

Joe Rogan 25:33 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 25:33 ... is a v- there's a compelling desire to join the enemy. It's very weird.

Guest 25:37 What if you hate yourself?

Shane Gillis 25:39 I think that has a lot to do with it.

Guest 25:40 That's probably a lot of it.

Shane Gillis 25:41 Ah, that's me. But there, there's like, there's always been people that have joined the enemy during, like, times of war. Yeah.

Guest 25:46 Really?

Shane Gillis 25:46 Benedict Arnold.

Guest 25:47 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 25:48 Although I heard Benedict Arnold got set up.

Guest 25:51 Really?

Shane Gillis 25:51 Oh. Yeah. I heard Benedict Arnold, like it was really like another guy who was like the-

Guest 25:55 Shane knows about this.

Shane Gillis 25:55 I don't know if that's true.

Guest 25:56 I know.

Shane Gillis 25:57 What happened with Benedict Arnold?

Guest 25:58 Shane, Shane should know.

Shane Gillis 25:59 I just know he- He's a traitor. ... he rushed out of West Point while George was there. Traitor George. George... Hamilton may have been chased out. I thought, I heard he got railroaded.

Guest 26:06 I'm sure he... I'm sure there's something there.

Shane Gillis 26:07 But it may be his family that wrote that, you know?

Guest 26:09 It was like him and his wife escaped.

Shane Gillis 26:11 Traitor, yeah.

Guest 26:11 Went to... Yeah. He go to the British?

Shane Gillis 26:14 He was a hero though. Yeah. He was a hero.

Guest 26:16 He was the captain of the fort at West Point.

Shane Gillis 26:18 Hmm. And, uh, yeah, slipped out. Free college. They said that was the only time they saw George Washington crying. Whoa. When, when-

Guest 26:27 When he left?

Shane Gillis 26:27 Yeah. Maybe it was because of pussy. Maybe it's really hot, hot redhead. He, he, he was with his wife. Yeah.

Guest 26:32 Wouldn't she?

Shane Gillis 26:32 She was, yeah. She's like, "I gotta get outta here, baby."

Guest 26:34 Snuck out in the middle of the night?

Shane Gillis 26:36 Yeah.

Guest 26:36 Wow.

Shane Gillis 26:36 Like a bitch, dude.

Guest 26:37 And then where did he go? Just straight to the Brits?

Shane Gillis 26:39 He went... There was ships out in the harbor. He just went out, joined the British.

Guest 26:43 He snowed them-

Shane Gillis 26:44 Oh. He said, "Here's how you take the fort or whatever."

Guest 26:46 Whoa. He told him everything.

Shane Gillis 26:47 Yeah.

Guest 26:47 He had to get in. That's the way to get in. So he gave all the info.

Shane Gillis 26:49 Was his wife British? I'm not sure. Probably dirty bitch. Bitch, probably. Disgusting bitch. Those hot Russian broads come over here and trick CIA guys. Trick our fucking beautiful president? Donald Trump? (laughs) They trick them all. They trick everybody. They trick them. Dude. (Laughs) Those hot Russian broads- Who's that, who's that- That was the spy wave. If you're a- If you're hot- If you're a fucking guy in the government and you meet a hot Russian lady, like goddamn it- I'm fucked. It's like meeting a shark when you're in the ocean. Right. Yeah. Oh my God.

Guest 27:14 There's nothing you can do.

Shane Gillis 27:15 No, I just, I just look good. And I can believe it. Oh, she's just a ballerina. Nothing, nothing weird about this. She just plays violin. And she likes me. Nothing strange about how she likes me and I'm disgusting.

Guest 27:23 Who's the, uh... Who was the politician that was fucking the Chinese spy?

Shane Gillis 27:26 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Guest 27:28 That's so funny.

Shane Gillis 27:28 It's the worst thing. It's so funny. (laughs)

Guest 27:30 Yeah. "Hey, you know that chick you're fucking?" "Oh, please don't tell me my wife found out." It's like, no, way worse.

Shane Gillis 27:35 Worse.

Guest 27:35 Because she's a Chinese spy.

Shane Gillis 27:37 A Chinese spy. (laughs)

Guest 27:37 And you opened up.

Shane Gillis 27:38 (laughs) Damn.

Guest 27:39 Dude, just thinking about being like, "Oh, fuck."

Shane Gillis 27:42 Uh-

Guest 27:42 Imagine that job.

Shane Gillis 27:43 ... thinking about everything you told her.

Guest 27:44 But my wife does not know though. Here it is. Suspected Chinese po- spy reportedly slept with courted US officials to gain intel.

Shane Gillis 27:52 Wow.

Guest 27:52 How many officials? More than one? She's banging a bunch of guys.

Shane Gillis 27:55 So she's really just a glorified prostitute. Go by Fang Fang.

Guest 28:00 Yeah. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 28:00 A helpful prostitute. What was her name?

Guest 28:01 Her name's Fang Fang.

Shane Gillis 28:03 No way. Gangbang.

Guest 28:03 There's nothing funny about that.

Shane Gillis 28:04 Her name was Fang? Oh, it is Fang Fang. Wow. AKA Christina Fang. Entered the US through California as a college student in 2011.

Guest 28:12 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 28:12 Spent the next four years wooing everyone from local politicals to US congressmen. I'm telling you. It's a prostitute. Wow. Who travels. Among the polls, Fang got close to his California Democrat Eric Swalwell. Uh, and she once... also once helped raise funds for Tulsi Gabbard. Uh-oh.

Guest 28:29 She was helpful along the way? You think she fucked Tulsi Gabbard?

Shane Gillis 28:31 You think she was on a mission? I don't think so. Oh, uh- She probably was doing- I hope so. That's a hot scissor if she's also-

Guest 28:33 Uh, think about everything you told her.

Shane Gillis 28:33 But my wife does not know though. Here it is. Suspected Chinese po- spy reportedly slept with courted US officials to gain intel. Enter the US through California as a college student in 2011. Spent the next four years wooing everyone from local politicals to US congressmen. Go by Fang Fang. I'm telling you. It's a prostitute. Wow. Who travels. Among the polls, Fang got close to his California Democrat Eric Swalwell. Uh, and she once also once helped raise funds for Tulsi Gabbard. Uh-oh.

Guest 28:35 She was helpful along the way? You think she fucked Tulsi Gabbard?

Shane Gillis 28:35 You think she was on a mission? I don't think so. I hope so. I think if you're gonna-

Guest 28:35 Uh, think about everything you told her.

Shane Gillis 28:35 But my wife does not know though. Here it is. Suspected Chinese po- spy reportedly slept with courted US officials to gain intel. Enter the US through California as a college student in 2011. Spent the next four years wooing everyone from local politicals to US congressmen. Go by Fang Fang. I'm telling you. It's a prostitute. Wow. Who travels. Among the polls, Fang got close to was California Democrat Eric Swalwell. Uh, and she once also once helped raise funds for Tulsi Gabbard. Uh-oh.

Guest 28:43 She was helpful along the way? You think she fucked Tulsi Gabbard?

Shane Gillis 28:43 You think she was on a mission? I don't think so. I hope so. I think if you're gonna-

Guest 29:15 Uh, think about everything you told her.

Shane Gillis 29:25 But my wife does not know though. Here it is. Suspected Chinese po- spy reportedly slept with courted US officials to gain intel. Enter the US through California as a college student in 2011. Spent the next four years wooing everyone from local politicals to US congressmen. Go by Fang Fang. I'm telling you. It's a prostitute. Among the polls, Fang got close to was California Democrat Eric Swalwell, uh, and she once also once helped raise funds for Tulsi Gabbard. Uh-oh.

Guest 29:54 She was helpful along the way? You think she fucked Tulsi Gabbard?

Shane Gillis 30:04 You think she was on a mission? I don't think so. I hope so. I think if you're gonna-

Guest 30:04 Uh, think about everything you told her.

Shane Gillis 30:08 But my wife does not know though. Here it is. Suspected Chinese po- spy reportedly slept with courted US officials to gain intel. Enter the US through California as a college student in 2011. Spent the next four years wooing everyone from local politicals to US congressmen. Go by Fang Fang. I'm telling you. It's a prostitute. Among the polls, Fang got close to was California Democrat Eric Swalwell, uh, and she once also once helped raise funds for Tulsi Gabbard. Uh-oh.

Guest 30:48 She was helpful along the way? You think she fucked Tulsi Gabbard?

Shane Gillis 30:59 You think she was on a mission? I don't think so. I hope so. I think if you're gonna-

Guest 31:20 Uh, think about everything you told her.

Shane Gillis 31:21 But my wife does not know though. Here it is. Suspected Chinese po- spy reportedly slept with courted US officials to gain intel. Enter the US through California as a college student in 2011. Spent the next four years wooing everyone from local politicals to US congressmen. Go by Fang Fang. I'm telling you. It's a prostitute. Among the polls, Fang got close to was California Democrat Eric Swalwell, uh, and she once also once helped raise funds for Tulsi Gabbard. Uh-oh.

Guest 31:48 She was helpful along the way? You think she fucked Tulsi Gabbard?

Shane Gillis 31:57 You think she was on a mission? I don't think so. I hope so. I think if you're gonna-

Guest 32:06 Uh, think about everything you told her.

Shane Gillis 32:06 But my wife does not know though. Here it is. Suspected Chinese po- spy reportedly slept with courted US officials to gain intel. Enter the US through California as a college student in 2011. Spent the next four years wooing everyone from local politicals to US congressmen. Go by Fang Fang. I'm telling you. It's a prostitute. Among the polls, Fang got close to was California Democrat Eric Swalwell, uh, and she once also once helped raise funds for Tulsi Gabbard. Uh-oh.

Guest 32:14 She was helpful along the way? You think she fucked Tulsi Gabbard?

Shane Gillis 32:14 You think she was on a mission? I don't think so. I hope so. I think if you're gonna-

Guest 32:14 Uh, think about everything you told her.

Shane Gillis 32:14 But my wife does not know though. Here it is. Suspected Chinese po- spy reportedly slept with courted US officials to gain intel. Enter the US through California as a college student in 2011. Spent the next four years wooing everyone from local politicals to US congressmen. Go by Fang Fang. I'm telling you. It's a prostitute. Among the polls, Fang got close to was California Democrat Eric Swalwell, uh, and she once also once helped raise funds for Tulsi Gabbard. Uh-oh.

Guest 32:14 She was helpful along the way? You think she fucked Tulsi Gabbard?

Shane Gillis 32:14 You think she was on a mission? I don't think so. I hope so. I think if you're gonna-

Guest 32:14 Uh, think about everything you told her.

Shane Gillis 32:14 But my wife does not know though. Here it is. Suspected Chinese po- spy reportedly slept with courted US officials to gain intel. Enter the US through California as a college student in 2011. Spent the next four years wooing everyone from local politicals to US congressman. Go by Fang Fang. I'm telling you. It's a prostitute. Among the polls, Fang got close to was California Democrat Eric Swalwell, uh, and she once also once helped raise funds for Tulsi Gabbard. Uh-oh.

Guest 32:14 She was helpful along the way? You think she fucked Tulsi Gabbard?

Shane Gillis 32:14 You think she was on a mission? I don't think so. I hope so. I think if you're gonna-

Guest 32:14 Uh, think about everything you told her.

Shane Gillis 32:14 But my wife does not know though. Here it is. Suspected Chinese po- spy reportedly slept with courted US officials to gain intel. Enter the US through California as a college student in 2011. Spent the next four years wooing everyone from local politicals to US congressman. Go by Fang Fang. I'm telling you. It's a prostitute. Among the polls, Fang got close to was California Democrat Eric Swalwell, uh, and she once also once helped raise funds for Tulsi Gabbard. Uh-oh.

Guest 32:14 She was helpful along the way? You think she fucked Tulsi Gabbard?

Shane Gillis 32:14 You think she was on a mission? I don't think so. I hope so. I think if you're gonna-

Guest 32:14 Uh, think about everything you told her.

Shane Gillis 32:14 But my wife does not know though. Here it is. Suspected Chinese po- spy reportedly slept with courted US officials to gain intel. Enter the US through California as a college student in 2011. Spent the next four years wooing everyone from local politicals to US congressman. Go by Fang Fang. I'm telling you. It's a prostitute. Among the polls, Fang got close to was California Democrat Eric Swalwell, uh, and she once also once helped raise funds for Tulsi Gabbard. Uh-oh.

Guest 32:14 She was helpful along the way? You think she fucked Tulsi Gabbard?

Shane Gillis 32:14 You think she was on a mission? I don't think so. I hope so. I think if you're gonna-

Guest 32:14 Uh, think about everything you told her.

Shane Gillis 32:14 But my wife does not know though. Here it is. Suspected Chinese po- spy reportedly slept with courted US officials to gain intel. Enter the US through California as a college student in 2011. Spent the next four years wooing everyone from local politicals to US congressman. Go by Fang Fang. I'm telling you. It's a prostitute. Among the polls, Fang got close to was California Democrat Eric Swalwell, uh, and she once also once helped raise funds for Tulsi Gabbard. Uh-oh.

Guest 32:14 She was helpful along the way? You think she fucked Tulsi Gabbard?

Shane Gillis 32:14 You think she was on a mission? I don't think so. I hope so. I think if you're gonna-

Guest 32:14 Uh, think about everything you told her.

Shane Gillis 32:14 But my wife does not know though. Here it is. Suspected Chinese po- spy reportedly slept with courted US officials to gain intel. Enter the US through California as a college student in 2011. Spent the next four years wooing everyone from local politicals to US congressman. Go by Fang Fang. I'm telling you. It's a prostitute. Among the polls, Fang got close to was California Democrat Eric Swalwell, uh, and she once also once helped raise funds for Tulsi Gabbard. Uh-oh.

Guest 32:14 She was helpful along the way? You think she fucked Tulsi Gabbard?

Shane Gillis 32:14 You think she was on a mission? I don't think so. I hope so. I think if you're gonna-

Guest 32:14 Uh, think about everything you told her.

Shane Gillis 32:14 But my wife does not know though. Here it is. Suspected Chinese po- spy reportedly slept with courted US officials to gain intel. Enter the US through California as a college student in 2011. Spent the next four years wooing everyone from local politicals to US congressman. Go by Fang Fang. I'm telling you. It's a prostitute. Among the polls, Fang got close to was California Democrat Eric Swalwell, uh, and she once also once helped raise funds for Tulsi Gabbard. Uh-oh.

Guest 32:14 She was helpful along the way? You think she

Joe Rogan 32:14 ... I know, uh-

Shane Gillis 32:14 ... tried that out.

Guest 32:15 Yeah, they would be dunking.

Joe Rogan 32:16 They'd be nuts not to. Who, what idiot has not tried?

Shane Gillis 32:20 All you'd have to do is be a mediocre male basketball player.

Joe Rogan 32:23 Dude, I was a practice player for the women's basketball team at Maryland. We figured it out. I would've been a sixth man.

Shane Gillis 32:28 Hmm.

Joe Rogan 32:28 I would have been first off the bench.

Shane Gillis 32:29 Jesus Christ.

Guest 32:29 That's pretty good. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:30 Yeah. Without working out hard.

Shane Gillis 32:32 But imagine if you were, like, a mediocre professional basketball player-

Guest 32:35 I don't think this is a good idea.

Shane Gillis 32:35 ... who couldn't cut it in the NBA anymore, and you just transitioned.

Guest 32:38 I don't think this...

Joe Rogan 32:38 Easy.

Shane Gillis 32:38 I'll show it to you, I'm sorry.

Joe Rogan 32:38 Go for it.

Guest 32:39 Sorry.

Shane Gillis 32:39 You'd be-

Joe Rogan 32:40 And they can't stop you.

Shane Gillis 32:41 ... a savage. Yeah. Y- no one could stop you anymore. You don't even have to do anything. You don't have to take drugs or self-identify.

Joe Rogan 32:45 You could be retired, well-retired.

Shane Gillis 32:48 It's so... The whole thing is-

Joe Rogan 32:48 Mid to late 40s.

Shane Gillis 32:49 ... it's so strange.

Joe Rogan 32:50 But I mean, do it. Who's listening?

Guest 32:53 Yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 32:53 Do it.

Guest 32:54 Well, the weird thing is they just won the poker tournament. That's not even physical.

Joe Rogan 32:57 Who did?

Guest 32:57 A guy. He identified as a lady and won the poker tournament.

Shane Gillis 33:00 Well, that could easily because, be because men play more poker-

Guest 33:04 Well...

Joe Rogan 33:05 Oh, here it is.

Shane Gillis 33:05 ... and there's more men playing poker.

Joe Rogan 33:06 Look at this. Look at this fake, look at this fake.

Shane Gillis 33:07 (laughs)

Guest 33:08 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 33:08 What? (laughs)

Mark Normand 33:09 Wow. That was bad.

Joe Rogan 33:09 Slow motion that.

Guest 33:10 That was bad.

Joe Rogan 33:11 Okay, that's the nutsie- that's the nuttiest one.

Guest 33:13 There it is. Look at this pass from Matt. (laughs) We suck. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 33:17 (laughs)

Guest 33:17 It kinda worked.

Joe Rogan 33:18 (laughs) He turned all the way around.

Guest 33:20 Bro, that's wow.

Shane Gillis 33:20 Full CTE.

Guest 33:22 That was bad.

Shane Gillis 33:22 It's all that boxing training he's been doing.

Joe Rogan 33:24 He turned all the way around and was like, "Where did that pass go? I don't see the ball." (laughs)

Guest 33:28 Wow.

Joe Rogan 33:29 What? (laughs) What? He's wearing Jordan's number. "Fuck off."

Mark Normand 33:33 (laughs) Look at that little finish, dude. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 33:35 Wow.

Guest 33:35 He's gonna get a layup.

Joe Rogan 33:36 Until he... Until you dribble, until he hears the dribble, he doesn't know.

Mark Normand 33:39 Oh, that was the fun... They fought the entire time, dude. That was-

Joe Rogan 33:42 (laughs)

Mark Normand 33:43 That was insane.

Guest 33:45 Did they take it seriously?

Mark Normand 33:46 They challenged us-

Joe Rogan 33:47 So seriously. Way too seriously.

Mark Normand 33:50 Me and Matt were on their podcast. They were like, "We can beat you in basketball." We were like... I, I was like, "I've seen you play basketball." They played each other once.

Shane Gillis 33:56 Mm-hmm.

Mark Normand 33:57 And they can't play. They dribble with their head down. I was like, "You guys ca-... We suck. Me and Matt suck, but we can beat you." And then they were like, "Fine, $1,000." And we were like, "All right, let's play." We beat them e- 11, 12-0. (laughs) And then they fought.

Joe Rogan 34:09 They stepped back for a 2 at the end.

Guest 34:11 Damn.

Shane Gillis 34:11 They fought.

Mark Normand 34:11 We got in a fight. (laughs) We got in a fight for a while over that.

Joe Rogan 34:13 They took it so seriously.

Guest 34:15 Did they pay you?

Mark Normand 34:15 They just paid. It's been-

Guest 34:16 Wow.

Mark Normand 34:16 It was like, it was like a year and a half.

Shane Gillis 34:18 What?

Mark Normand 34:18 Louis kept ask- Louis kept asking me to do the podcast and I was like, "I'm not doing it until you pay me." He was like, "I'll fucking pay you right now, I don't give a fuck."

Shane Gillis 34:24 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 34:24 Yeah, that's how it works.

Mark Normand 34:25 I'm paid here.

Shane Gillis 34:26 How could he not pay? How come he didn't pay you immediately?

Guest 34:29 Well, he's Louis.

Mark Normand 34:30 You're supposed to get paid by-

Shane Gillis 34:31 I think-

Mark Normand 34:32 ... at the game.

Joe Rogan 34:33 Yeah, exactly.

Mark Normand 34:33 Well, after the game it was... It got heated.

Shane Gillis 34:36 About what?

Mark Normand 34:37 Everything. Everybody was fighting.

Joe Rogan 34:38 "You took me seriously, you went too hard. We should've had Dave, Dave wasn't here."

Mark Normand 34:41 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 34:42 Dave never agreed to go.

Mark Normand 34:43 Me and Louis got in a fight. I was a little out of line, he was a little out of line.

Shane Gillis 34:46 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 34:47 Louis is great at blowing-

Guest 34:48 Were you guys drinking?

Mark Normand 34:49 No. It looked like it. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 34:50 Louis is great at flying off the handle, then forgiving you the next day.

Shane Gillis 34:54 Oh.

Guest 34:54 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 34:55 That's his thing?

Joe Rogan 34:56 Yeah. And then he's like, "Oh whatever."

Mark Normand 34:57 Me and him, me and him fight a lot.

Shane Gillis 34:58 Girls like that are a lot of fun, aren't they?

Joe Rogan 35:00 Girls like that are fun. (laughs)

Mark Normand 35:01 (laughs) Yeah. Actually, I forgive them.

Shane Gillis 35:03 Uh, sometimes you do.

Mark Normand 35:04 They freak out, I go, "Eh, fucking you're dumb."

Shane Gillis 35:06 Yeah. Well-

Mark Normand 35:07 "You didn't know what you were doing."

Shane Gillis 35:08 ... you know, the, what makes them fun sometimes makes them problematic.

Mark Normand 35:11 Mm-hmm.

Guest 35:11 You got that right.

Joe Rogan 35:12 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 35:12 You know?

Joe Rogan 35:13 Yeah.

Guest 35:13 Jay Mo, can I get another, uh, Fang thing?

Joe Rogan 35:15 It's the whole package.

Shane Gillis 35:15 My friend Tony always said that psychotic and erotic are next door neighbors.

Mark Normand 35:18 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 35:18 That's not bad.

Shane Gillis 35:19 They were right next door to each other.

Guest 35:21 Oh yeah, so were the butthole and the vagina.

Shane Gillis 35:23 Hey.

Mark Normand 35:24 (laughs)

Guest 35:24 Thank you. Hold on.

Shane Gillis 35:26 Don't tell that to Jesus. Damn it.

Mark Normand 35:30 What are you doing? (bell dinging)

Shane Gillis 35:31 There it is.

Joe Rogan 35:31 What?

Shane Gillis 35:32 You gotta ring the bell.

Guest 35:33 Takes a second.

Joe Rogan 35:33 Jay was so mad that you beat him so bad.

Shane Gillis 35:36 Why was he so mad?

Joe Rogan 35:37 I forgot about that.

Mark Normand 35:38 Well, Jay-

Joe Rogan 35:39 Sometimes he can't... He just can't take it.

Mark Normand 35:40 He's competitive.

Guest 35:42 Yeah.

Mark Normand 35:42 But-

Guest 35:43 Don't play a video game with him.

Mark Normand 35:44 Oh, is Jay a big video gamer?

Shane Gillis 35:47 Woo.

Joe Rogan 35:47 He's competitive, he's competitive.

Guest 35:48 He'll knock your controller out of your hand.

Shane Gillis 35:49 Yeah? Oh, he gets crazy?

Mark Normand 35:50 Yeah. (laughs)

Guest 35:50 Yeah. I tried to-

Joe Rogan 35:51 Rarely, but when he is-

Shane Gillis 35:52 What game you playing?

Guest 35:53 Uh, NBA Jam.

Shane Gillis 35:54 (laughs)

Mark Normand 35:54 Nice.

Shane Gillis 35:55 More basketball.

Guest 35:56 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 35:57 He plays basketball video games.

Mark Normand 35:58 He plays NBA 2K. He loves basketball.

Shane Gillis 35:59 Yeah.

Mark Normand 35:59 So that was what started the argument, is he was like, "I'm getting pretty good." And I was like-

Shane Gillis 36:02 Does he actually play basketball?

Mark Normand 36:04 Yeah, he does.

Joe Rogan 36:04 Yeah, he does. They have a court in his, in his little apartment.

Mark Normand 36:06 They were playing and it was... That was in his, that was in his apartment building.

Shane Gillis 36:08 Oh.

Mark Normand 36:08 It's a weekly game.

Shane Gillis 36:09 Yeah.

Guest 36:10 I wore a chain wallet once, he tackled me. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 36:14 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 36:14 Why?

Guest 36:15 That's his thing.

Joe Rogan 36:16 He wears a chain wallet.

Guest 36:17 That's a joke.

Mark Normand 36:18 Boo.

Joe Rogan 36:18 It's his fucking... Yeah.

Mark Normand 36:19 The j-... But it got, yeah.

Shane Gillis 36:21 I forgot he wore a cha-... I used to wear a chain wallet.

Guest 36:22 Yeah, I did too.

Shane Gillis 36:23 It's a great way to not lose your wallet.

Guest 36:25 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 36:25 I lost my wallet once in New York City. I left it in the back of a cab. It was such a fucking pain in the ass.

Guest 36:30 It's devastating.

Mark Normand 36:31 I'd rather lose, I'd rather lose my wallet.

Shane Gillis 36:32 Sorry, sorry.

Joe Rogan 36:32 What if you get caught-

Mark Normand 36:33 Than wear a chain, uh-

Joe Rogan 36:34 ... with the wallet inside, chain out there.

Mark Normand 36:36 Ugh. Bro, the vest thing is-

Shane Gillis 36:37 It's so corny.

Guest 36:37 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 36:37 So corny. It's so corny.

Joe Rogan 36:39 Not Jay, not Jay.

Shane Gillis 36:39 These are the best.

Joe Rogan 36:40 For the record, not Jay. He doesn't wear it anymore.

Shane Gillis 36:41 This is... These are the best.

Mark Normand 36:42 What are those?

Shane Gillis 36:42 It's a, like a little front zip-up wallet for credit cards.

Mark Normand 36:46 That's what I got.

Guest 36:47 Mm.

Shane Gillis 36:47 That's all you need. Credit cards, driver's license, all that shit.

Guest 36:49 But now you got multiple things here.

Shane Gillis 36:50 What are you talking about? I got this thing.

Guest 36:50 I want one thing.

Joe Rogan 36:51 So I got the same shit.

Shane Gillis 36:52 I got a fanny pack on.

Joe Rogan 36:53 Bills, folder of bills.

Guest 36:54 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 36:55 That's a fanny pack.

Guest 36:56 I'm aware.

Mark Normand 36:57 Bluck me.

Shane Gillis 36:57 Yeah. Don't you bluck me, motherfucker.

Guest 36:59 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 36:59 I wear that.

Guest 37:00 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 37:00 I got the same one Dice has.

Guest 37:02 Oh.

Shane Gillis 37:02 That's where I, that's where I learned about this model.

Mark Normand 37:06 Dicey.

Shane Gillis 37:07 Dice had a fanny pack on, I was like-

Mark Normand 37:08 Don't fuck with him, dude. Don't fuck with him with that fanny pack.

Shane Gillis 37:08 ... "Look at that fanny pack." I'm like, "That's a fucking beautiful fanny pack." He said, "Nice, right?" I go, "Where'd you get it?" He's like, "Roots of Canada." I'm like, "Oh, shit. We sell these on, uh, higherprimate.com."

Guest 37:17 Ah.

Shane Gillis 37:18 They're legit from Roots.

Guest 37:21 Good band.

Shane Gillis 37:21 You scared of fanny packs? I don't know why.

Joe Rogan 37:23 I don't care for them.

Shane Gillis 37:24 They're very convenient.

Joe Rogan 37:25 You gotta wear them over the shoulder. That's what people do now, the hip- the hip- the hipsters.

Shane Gillis 37:28 That's cowards. It's a coward's way.

Mark Normand 37:29 Ye- yeah.

Shane Gillis 37:29 You're scared.

Mark Normand 37:30 The hip- the young men.

Shane Gillis 37:31 You want the, you want the convenience of a fanny pack-

Mark Normand 37:33 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 37:33 ... but you want it to be a little more awkward to wear-

Joe Rogan 37:35 Yep.

Shane Gillis 37:36 ... just so that you don't look like-

Joe Rogan 37:37 Sure, I'll give you that. I'll give you that.

Shane Gillis 37:38 ... you wear a fanny pack.

Joe Rogan 37:38 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 37:39 'Cause you're a coward.

Joe Rogan 37:39 Go for it or don't go for it?

Shane Gillis 37:40 Don't be a coward, wear a fanny pack.

Guest 37:42 Mm.

Shane Gillis 37:42 Wear it right over your dick.

Guest 37:44 There you go.

Shane Gillis 37:44 Just sit right there.

Joe Rogan 37:45 Right in front of you?

Shane Gillis 37:46 Keys.

Mark Normand 37:46 It might be nice.

Joe Rogan 37:46 Aren't you supposed to put it on your fanny though?

Mark Normand 37:48 Come right?

Shane Gillis 37:49 No. I don't know why they call it a fanny pack because... Do you know fanny in English is pussy?

Joe Rogan 37:54 Yeah.

Mark Normand 37:54 No.

Guest 37:54 Australian too.

Joe Rogan 37:55 That's why they call it a fanny pack.

Shane Gillis 37:56 I found that out because I had a fanny pack.

Joe Rogan 37:57 It's a pussy pack.

Shane Gillis 37:58 And they were making fun of me. "What do you call it?" (laughs)

Mark Normand 38:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:00 Oh, no. It's a fanny pack.

Guest 38:01 I'm doing Australia next week. I got... It's called the Fanny Guy Tour.

Joe Rogan 38:04 Nice.

Shane Gillis 38:04 They were like, "Mate, mate, that's a vagina." (laughs)

Guest 38:08 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 38:08 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 38:08 That's so funny.

Shane Gillis 38:09 Don't call it a fucking cunt, mate.

Mark Normand 38:09 Talk about it over here, they call it a bum bag over there.

Joe Rogan 38:12 A bum bag?

Guest 38:13 Bum bag.

Shane Gillis 38:13 Like bum, like your butt. Like fanny pack.

Guest 38:15 Oh.

Shane Gillis 38:16 That's... They call it a bum bag.

Joe Rogan 38:17 I was working the door at the Comedy Store and somebody... You know, they always make jokes when they come in, and it's like, they're like, "Do you allow fags in here?" And I'm like, "Ugh, yes. Whatever."

Mark Normand 38:23 (laughs)

Guest 38:24 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 38:24 And then, like, I turned back around and they were just smoking-

Shane Gillis 38:26 Ah.

Joe Rogan 38:26 ... and I was like, "Oh, no. 100% no."

Mark Normand 38:29 Do you allow fags in here? We shouldn't, but get in there.

Guest 38:32 (laughs) Not on my watch.

Joe Rogan 38:33 If I gotta vote, it'd be different.

Mark Normand 38:34 (laughs)

Guest 38:36 Tony was there? "Uh, dude."

Shane Gillis 38:42 (laughs) All right.

Guest 38:42 That- that one-

Shane Gillis 38:44 That one cooking. That one cooking a little. Yeah, that- someone saying that, though, that's, like, willful ignorance. They gotta know that that has a different meaning in the United States.

Guest 38:50 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 38:51 They have to know.

Guest 38:51 It's... 'Cause it's such a different meaning.

Shane Gillis 38:53 Such a different meaning.

Guest 38:53 (laughs) It's not even close.

Shane Gillis 38:54 Not only that, like, everybody knows about that different meaning. Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 38:57 Yeah, that's a big one.

Guest 38:58 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 38:59 That and the loo.

Guest 39:00 The loo, yeah.

Shane Gillis 39:01 The bathroom.

Ari Shaffir 39:01 And the boot.

Shane Gillis 39:03 (laughs)

Guest 39:03 Yeah. Yeah.

Shane Gillis 39:04 (laughs) Hell yeah, dude.

Ari Shaffir 39:05 That's all I got (laughs) on British speak.

Shane Gillis 39:07 Lift, trunk.

Guest 39:09 Boot, trunk, trunk of your car.

Ari Shaffir 39:09 Is that an elevator?

Shane Gillis 39:10 A lorry, I think, is a truck.

Guest 39:11 Yeah, lift.

Shane Gillis 39:12 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 39:12 Oh, lift is elevator.

Guest 39:13 Lift is an elevator.

Ari Shaffir 39:14 Right? And then a cookie is a cracker.

Shane Gillis 39:15 The boot is a weird one, isn't it?

Guest 39:17 Biscuit.

Shane Gillis 39:17 Biscuit.

Guest 39:17 What do they call the front hood? The bonnet.

Shane Gillis 39:20 The bonnet of a car?

Ari Shaffir 39:21 Yeah, the bonnet and the boot. Whoa.

Shane Gillis 39:22 Yeah, the boot is the trunk. That's why they lost-

Guest 39:24 I suck, dude. I fucking lost.

Shane Gillis 39:25 ... that's why they lost.

Ari Shaffir 39:25 Bonnet?

Shane Gillis 39:26 Well, a- also, we invented the car, so why are you changing the names?

Guest 39:30 Yeah, true.

Ari Shaffir 39:31 Oh, good point.

Shane Gillis 39:31 Why the fuck are you spelling tire with a Y?

Ari Shaffir 39:34 Ugh.

Guest 39:34 Yeah. Drive on the right side, dudes.

Ari Shaffir 39:36 Why you gotta Y in a... Why you got a U in color?

Shane Gillis 39:39 Yeah, U in color? Weird.

Guest 39:39 Color and flavor.

Shane Gillis 39:41 Yeah, maybe they invented the fucking language.

Ari Shaffir 39:43 It's cool though. Cool though. (laughs)

Guest 39:44 Maybe they did invent it, yeah.

Shane Gillis 39:44 No, no, no. Not tires.

Guest 39:46 No, fuck that.

Shane Gillis 39:46 There were no tires.

Guest 39:47 I say we perfected it. They invented it, we're like, "Not bad, not bad," and then we ran with it.

Shane Gillis 39:51 They had to go on the other side of the road too, those dorks. Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 39:54 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 39:54 They put the steering wheel on the other side of the road.

Ari Shaffir 39:56 That'll fuck you up. I drove one there, when you're drinking.

Shane Gillis 39:58 Oh, duh.

Ari Shaffir 39:58 It's hard.

Shane Gillis 39:59 Yeah. Didn't Matthew Broderick get in a car accident because of that?

Narrator 40:02 I don't know.

Ari Shaffir 40:02 Ran over a kid.

Shane Gillis 40:04 (gasps) Holy shit.

Guest 40:04 No!

Ari Shaffir 40:04 Fucked him up. He's different now.

Shane Gillis 40:07 What?

Guest 40:07 Who is?

Narrator 40:07 Broderick.

Guest 40:08 He'd be a better actor.

Ari Shaffir 40:09 He was getting hit by Jennifer Grey, that's the rumor.

Shane Gillis 40:11 Is that funny?

Guest 40:12 No way.

Ari Shaffir 40:12 Pull it up.

Shane Gillis 40:13 Bow, bow. (laughs)

Guest 40:14 That's the rumor?

Ari Shaffir 40:14 Yeah. They were dating and now they're done.

Shane Gillis 40:17 And so there was a kid-

Guest 40:18 Jennifer Grey?

Shane Gillis 40:19 I think there were.

Ari Shaffir 40:20 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 40:20 So there was-

Guest 40:21 Nose job Jennifer Grey?

Ari Shaffir 40:21 Oh, yeah.

Shane Gillis 40:22 Wow. Blowjob Jennifer Grey. ♪ Blowjob. ♪

Ari Shaffir 40:26 She was giving him a little, little bonnet.

Shane Gillis 40:28 (laughs) That's a... What a horrible story.

Ari Shaffir 40:30 Lorena Bonnet.

Shane Gillis 40:32 Jesus, son.

Ari Shaffir 40:33 Remember that story? That was big news in the '90s.

Guest 40:35 What story?

Shane Gillis 40:35 That was the biggest story of all time.

Ari Shaffir 40:37 Lorena Bonnet.

Shane Gillis 40:37 Which story?

Ari Shaffir 40:38 Threw the dick in the wo- in the field.

Shane Gillis 40:39 She cut off this guy's dick and threw it out the window.

Guest 40:40 Oh, yeah. That was a giant story.

Ari Shaffir 40:42 That was huge.

Shane Gillis 40:42 Of course it was.

Guest 40:43 What was his name?

Ari Shaffir 40:45 Bonnet?

Guest 40:45 No, no, no. He was named after a well-known actor.

Shane Gillis 40:47 Bobbit. John Bobbit.

Guest 40:48 John Wayne Bobbit, yeah.

Ari Shaffir 40:49 John Wayne Bobbit!

Shane Gillis 40:49 That's right, that's right.

Ari Shaffir 40:50 Whoa!

Guest 40:51 He was a running late night joke for years.

Ari Shaffir 40:54 Years.

Shane Gillis 40:54 Forever. Every comic had a joke about him.

Guest 40:55 We might, we have to have talked about this.

Ari Shaffir 40:57 I don't think we talked about Bobbit.

Shane Gillis 40:58 I don't think we have.

Guest 40:58 I was... Oh, I'm talking about it, just the idea-

Shane Gillis 41:00 Bobbit.

Guest 41:00 ... of just like, you'd never find my dick in that field.

Shane Gillis 41:03 No way!

Ari Shaffir 41:03 That's what I was thinking.

Shane Gillis 41:04 No way.

Guest 41:04 Good for that guy.

Shane Gillis 41:05 I don't think it was like... I think she just threw it out the window.

Guest 41:08 I know, but mine's gone.

Ari Shaffir 41:09 Same.

Shane Gillis 41:09 I mean, I think she probably threw it in a very specific area.

Guest 41:12 While they're driving?

Narrator 41:12 If you were to, if you were to earbud while you were biking and still had it on.

Shane Gillis 41:16 Oh no, if she was driving... (laughs)

Guest 41:16 Yeah, yeah. Find a dick, find an AirPod or whatever.

Narrator 41:17 I don't know where to find a dick.

Shane Gillis 41:20 Airplane seat. Airba- "Well, my dick's gone." (laughs)

Narrator 41:23 That's right.

Shane Gillis 41:23 "We're never getting that."

Guest 41:24 They sewed it back up.

Ari Shaffir 41:25 You got your phone light out, under the seat.

Shane Gillis 41:27 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 41:27 Look through that little, little dick.

Shane Gillis 41:28 You know, they, they did the first, uh... I think recently, they did the first phen- penis transplant.

Guest 41:34 Penis transplant? Really?

Shane Gillis 41:34 Let's get it going. Let's get it going.

Narrator 41:36 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 41:36 But they can't transplant your balls.

Ari Shaffir 41:39 Good. Who needs 'em?

Guest 41:40 What happened? She left with it and drove away and threw it out the window.

Shane Gillis 41:43 Yeah. Left the apartment with a severed appendage and drove away in her car.

Narrator 41:46 They found it on the roadside after a length of time driving-

Ari Shaffir 41:48 It's a pretty good dick if you can find it.

Shane Gillis 41:49 ... and struggling to steer with one hand. Struggling to steer with one hand? Who's that-

Ari Shaffir 41:53 She's a lady.

Shane Gillis 41:54 ... she threw the penis out a window at a roadside field.

Ari Shaffir 41:58 It's struggling. (laughs) Why would they have that in there, struggling to drive-

Shane Gillis 41:59 She eventually stopped and called 911, telling them what had happened.

Ari Shaffir 42:02 Wow.

Guest 42:02 And where it was.

Shane Gillis 42:03 It was found after an exhaustive search, and after being washed with antiseptic and packed in saline ice. It was reattached in the hospital.

Ari Shaffir 42:10 And he did two pornos.

Shane Gillis 42:12 Yeah.

Guest 42:12 I remember the pornos.

Ari Shaffir 42:13 Really?

Shane Gillis 42:14 Yeah, yeah. They, uh, produced.

Guest 42:16 Yeah, Franken-penis, I think they called them.

Narrator 42:17 No. Franken-penis?

Guest 42:17 Yeah.

Narrator 42:17 Franken-penis.

Ari Shaffir 42:18 That's pretty good. (laughs)

Guest 42:19 It's one of the funniest-

Shane Gillis 42:20 What, what was I just talking about?

Ari Shaffir 42:21 ... milk names about to come out. (laughs)

Guest 42:21 Why'd you pull that up? What were we just talking about while you, while you pulled that up?

Ari Shaffir 42:24 Franken-penis. Should've gone with Frankenweenie, you know?

Shane Gillis 42:28 What was I just talking about right when we pulled that up?

Guest 42:30 What were you talking about?

Shane Gillis 42:31 We were talking about something different.

Ari Shaffir 42:32 Docking.

Shane Gillis 42:33 No. In between there.

Ari Shaffir 42:36 Greeks. Uh, Brittney Griner.

Shane Gillis 42:36 God dammit.

Ari Shaffir 42:37 Her dick got cut off.

Shane Gillis 42:38 Bobbit, Bobbit. Dick cut off.

Guest 42:40 Find any dick in the field? You think they'd find yours?

Shane Gillis 42:42 Oh, penis transplant.

Ari Shaffir 42:43 Transplant!

Guest 42:43 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 42:44 That's right, that's right. So they've done the first penis transplant, so this dude... But they can't transplant balls.

Ari Shaffir 42:50 Ah.

Shane Gillis 42:50 Because the balls carry your loads forever. If you do transplants on someone else-

Ari Shaffir 42:54 No!

Shane Gillis 42:54 ... your balls carry your DNA.

Ari Shaffir 42:56 Whoa.

Shane Gillis 42:57 Yeah, so-

Guest 42:58 Wait.

Shane Gillis 42:58 ... if the balls... Like, if you transplanted balls, you... There's an ethical problem because that guy's obviously dead.

Guest 43:04 And he's still having kids.

Shane Gillis 43:05 He's still having... Yeah.

Guest 43:06 Whoa.

Shane Gillis 43:06 You're, you're having his kids.

Guest 43:08 Also, if you get a dick transplant, you're going black though.

Ari Shaffir 43:10 No.

Guest 43:11 Just by request.

Shane Gillis 43:12 Oh.

Ari Shaffir 43:12 It's a penis size scrotum. Why would you go black?

Guest 43:13 I want... What do you mean?

Ari Shaffir 43:15 Well, you'd want it to look like yours.

Shane Gillis 43:16 (laughs)

Guest 43:16 Yeah, but you also want the girth.

Shane Gillis 43:18 Imagine if that was... Imagine if that was a question.

Ari Shaffir 43:21 Same, I got a two-tone.

Shane Gillis 43:22 What color do you want?

Guest 43:22 Imagine if that was a question, like, "What do you want?"

Ari Shaffir 43:24 "What do you want?"

Narrator 43:24 You have to wait 'til everyone's out of the room?

Shane Gillis 43:25 "What do you mean, what do I want? Do you care? We could bleach it."

Narrator 43:27 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 43:27 "Doctors choose not to give the patient testicles after consulting with the bioethicals." They determined the sperm-

Guest 43:33 Bioethicists. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 43:33 Yeah.

Guest 43:34 Good job.

Shane Gillis 43:34 "The sperm generating tissue would confer the potential for having children with genetic material from the donor."

Ari Shaffir 43:40 Wow.

Guest 43:40 And it would keep going.

Ari Shaffir 43:41 Pretty good.

Shane Gillis 43:41 Yeah. Keep the guy around.

Guest 43:42 Dick Reddit. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 43:43 (laughs) Dick Reddit.

Guest 43:44 His name is Dick Reddit.

Narrator 43:46 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 43:47 (laughs) His name is Dick Reddit. So was this the first one?

Ari Shaffir 43:51 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 43:52 The patient, who also lo- lost both legs in the blast... Scroll down a little bit so we can see it.

Guest 43:56 I don't wanna... I don't wanna make a... Do it, do it, do it.

Shane Gillis 43:58 Um, let's get to the doctor. (laughs)

Guest 44:00 You guys notice the doctor who did the most on this?

Narrator 44:03 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 44:03 Well, I don't want him making my dick.

Guest 44:05 WP Andrew.

Narrator 44:05 I'm just saying, he had some reasons to, to do some research. (laughs)

Guest 44:07 To go like, "We can go bigger. We can't let, we can't let nature hold us back."

Ari Shaffir 44:11 (laughs) Did you hear about the kid who was born with a giant dong? So they had to get surgery.

Shane Gillis 44:17 (gasps)

Ari Shaffir 44:17 And the da- the dad was like, "Go eight inches." So they went him down to eight. He had a football shaped dick.

Shane Gillis 44:22 Whoa.

Ari Shaffir 44:22 And they surgery-ed it down to an eight-er.

Narrator 44:24 Oh, that's a good dad though.

Guest 44:25 On the kid.

Ari Shaffir 44:25 Good dad.

Guest 44:25 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Give him girth, give him length.

Shane Gillis 44:28 Yeah, but what if you wanted nine?

Ari Shaffir 44:30 Ah!

Guest 44:30 It's pretty good.

Ari Shaffir 44:31 Eight's good.

Shane Gillis 44:31 What if his friend's like, "Yeah, my dick's an inch bigger." Like, "Motherfucker, I had a football."

Guest 44:36 Nobody's got a nine...

Ari Shaffir 44:36 Yeah, I bet that's true.

Shane Gillis 44:37 "I had a giant football cock when I was a baby."

Ari Shaffir 44:39 Oh, yeah, with the laces.

Guest 44:40 It's like the opposite... Keeping a, keeping a kid with a giant dick is like the opposite of A Boy Named Sue.

Shane Gillis 44:44 ... easy life.

Joe Rogan 44:46 Remasculating him. Yeah.

Guest 44:47 Jesus, this kid was one.

Shane Gillis 44:48 He was one with a nine-inch dick. (laughs)

Guest 44:50 Oh, he was one?

Mark Normand 44:50 That's hard.

Shane Gillis 44:51 Taller than him.

Joe Rogan 44:52 He learned to walk at nine years old. (laughs)

Guest 44:53 Pull it up, J-Mo.

Shane Gillis 44:54 Ah.

Guest 44:55 There he is. Oh, that's the dick. Oh, that's his head.

Mark Normand 44:57 I don't think that's the kid. That's just a kid. That's just a random kid.

Narrator 44:59 It's hilarious.

Shane Gillis 45:00 Wow.

Narrator 45:00 That, why would they just use this kid? (laughs)

Guest 45:02 Is he white?

Shane Gillis 45:03 Wow. Sexual organs of a grown man due to rare hormonal condition. I bet that means he's jacked too.

Joe Rogan 45:08 Yeah.

Mark Normand 45:09 Hmm.

Shane Gillis 45:09 I bet he came out of the womb fucking jacked with a giant hog.

Joe Rogan 45:12 I bet he fucks great.

Shane Gillis 45:13 Well.

Guest 45:13 Fucks all the babies.

Mark Normand 45:14 Well, the dad said he was o- on it.

Shane Gillis 45:15 Imagine walked in, in, in a, in a nursery and you saw one baby with a giant dick trying to fuck the other babies.

Joe Rogan 45:21 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 45:21 And there was one freak nurse who was like, "Uh."

Guest 45:23 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 45:23 "Hey, I know you're only one. You can't do that."

Mark Normand 45:25 "Keep your diaper on."

Shane Gillis 45:26 "Don't put that in your mouth."

Guest 45:27 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 45:27 "Don't fuck the kids."

Joe Rogan 45:28 He's just, like, looking at you scolding him while he's stroking it like-

Guest 45:31 Yeah. Nothing comes out.

Shane Gillis 45:33 Yeah, knuckles up.

Joe Rogan 45:34 Yeah. "Oh."

Shane Gillis 45:34 "Looking at you."

Mark Normand 45:35 Imagine the ultrasound lady being like-

Guest 45:38 I kinda wanna ...

Mark Normand 45:38 "What? This can't be."

Joe Rogan 45:39 "No way."

Shane Gillis 45:39 "What the fuck?"

Mark Normand 45:39 "This can't be. Twins?"

Joe Rogan 45:40 Right. (laughs)

Guest 45:41 There he is!

Shane Gillis 45:41 "I think you have a dick stuck in there."

Mark Normand 45:42 Oh my God.

Guest 45:43 They can't show the dick 'cause it'll get-

Mark Normand 45:44 It'll get turned on.

Shane Gillis 45:44 "Baby born with three penises makes medical history."

Guest 45:47 What?

Joe Rogan 45:48 Oh, wow.

Shane Gillis 45:48 That's gotta be a record that stands for a while.

Mark Normand 45:49 So what do they do then? You gotta keep the middle one.

Shane Gillis 45:51 Imagine if the mom was like, "I don't want him to have the big one."

Joe Rogan 45:54 No, let him keep all three. It could be a freak show.

Shane Gillis 45:56 Give him a normal sized-

Joe Rogan 45:57 Give him the hydra.

Shane Gillis 45:58 What if it's a ... Give him the hydra.

Joe Rogan 45:59 Three dicks?

Mark Normand 46:00 Imagine.

Guest 46:00 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 46:02 Hydra.

Shane Gillis 46:02 No girls are gonna want that.

Joe Rogan 46:02 Is that a total recall?

Shane Gillis 46:03 They're gonna get mad at you.

Guest 46:04 But you could put one in the vag, one in the b-hole, and one can just hang out.

Joe Rogan 46:08 Sell two off with these organ transplants.

Mark Normand 46:10 That's not bad.

Guest 46:11 Oh, wow.

Joe Rogan 46:11 Mutual ... They could make college education.

Shane Gillis 46:13 You saw it?

Guest 46:13 No, no. (sighs) There's no picture but it describes what it is.

Mark Normand 46:16 What is it?

Guest 46:17 Let's hear it, daddy.

Joe Rogan 46:17 Is it like a third nip?

Guest 46:18 One was under the primary ... Uh, the root under his primary penis.

Mark Normand 46:23 The root. (laughs) Okay.

Joe Rogan 46:23 Like this.

Guest 46:23 And the other one was under the sac.

Joe Rogan 46:25 Oh.

Guest 46:25 Whoa.

Mark Normand 46:26 Under the sac!

Shane Gillis 46:26 Two down and one, like, in the taint.

Guest 46:28 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 46:29 He had a taint cock.

Guest 46:29 A centimeter long schlong situated under the sacus there.

Joe Rogan 46:31 Wait, did we all picture it side-to-side?

Guest 46:33 I did.

Mark Normand 46:33 Yeah, I did too.

Shane Gillis 46:34 Wow.

Guest 46:34 Now, if he jizzes, do they all jizz?

Joe Rogan 46:36 Oh, good question.

Guest 46:37 Or is it one jizz at a time?

Joe Rogan 46:38 Immediately go again. Immediately go again.

Guest 46:40 Yeah. Like, do you, do you jizz the one you work?

Shane Gillis 46:43 Hydra.

Guest 46:43 (laughs)

Mark Normand 46:44 Hydra.

Shane Gillis 46:44 Hydra. Hydra-esque. Hydra-esque, anomaly.

Guest 46:46 Hydra-esque.

Shane Gillis 46:46 "Particularly mysterious. The child hadn't been exposed to drugs in the womb and didn't have a family history of genetic aberrations."

Joe Rogan 46:52 Whoa.

Shane Gillis 46:52 Yeah, right.

Mark Normand 46:53 Hmm.

Shane Gillis 46:53 Interesting.

Joe Rogan 46:54 Old parents.

Guest 46:56 A lot of weird dicks out there.

Mark Normand 46:57 So, the language used here is a little interesting.

Shane Gillis 46:59 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 47:00 Since Three Willy's a digital phallus, does it mean he had to get rebirths?

Guest 47:03 (laughs)

Mark Normand 47:04 Three Willy Willy.

Guest 47:04 Horrible whale movie.

Shane Gillis 47:05 Yeah, it's, well, that's the New York Post.

Mark Normand 47:06 Yeah.

Guest 47:07 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 47:07 Oh, they didn't have-

Shane Gillis 47:08 Three Willy's?

Joe Rogan 47:08 It's a great name.

Shane Gillis 47:08 The New York Post is always fucking around.

Joe Rogan 47:10 It's the best back page. Go right to sports.

Guest 47:12 I love the Post.

Shane Gillis 47:12 Always some-

Guest 47:13 Page six.

Joe Rogan 47:14 Yeah.

Guest 47:15 Three Willy's.

Shane Gillis 47:16 Three Willy is ... That writer must've been a fucking sixth grade bully, dude. What a beast.

Joe Rogan 47:20 Yeah.

Guest 47:20 Three Willy's.

Shane Gillis 47:21 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 47:22 That's a crazy nickname, dude. If you found out someone had three dicks, you called them Three Willy's?

Shane Gillis 47:26 (laughs)

Guest 47:26 That's pretty good.

Joe Rogan 47:27 (laughs)

Guest 47:27 Better than One-Eyed Willie.

Joe Rogan 47:28 (laughs)

Guest 47:30 Now, remember they had Chink in the Armor. That was them.

Joe Rogan 47:32 Who are those?

Guest 47:33 That was Jeremy Lin.

Joe Rogan 47:33 Are you still saying that?

Shane Gillis 47:34 No, that was ESPN.

Guest 47:35 No. I think it was the Post.

Shane Gillis 47:37 That was ESPN. ESPN.

Guest 47:38 Damn.

Joe Rogan 47:39 Yeah. What was it?

Shane Gillis 47:40 Jeremy Lin was a Asian basketball player and he was dominating and said (laughs) Chink in the Armor was the ESPN headline.

Guest 47:46 Really?

Shane Gillis 47:47 Yeah.

Guest 47:48 I'm just quoting the headline.

Shane Gillis 47:49 That's crazy.

Joe Rogan 47:50 He was quoting me that one time.

Shane Gillis 47:51 ESPN Fires Employee After Offensive Lin Headline. Wow.

Guest 47:55 He said, "I didn't know ... I have no idea. It was not on purpose."

Shane Gillis 47:58 But that is a thing that you would say.

Guest 47:59 Exactly. That's what he said.

Shane Gillis 48:00 Like, if there was a player-

Mark Normand 48:01 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 48:02 ... that found a hole in the defense, he found a chink in the armor.

Joe Rogan 48:05 I would like to hear the phrasing. What do you mean-

Guest 48:07 It's a phrase.

Joe Rogan 48:08 Oh, in the Hornets defense. He found a chink in the Hornets defense.

Guest 48:11 That's a, it's an expression.

Shane Gillis 48:13 It is a common expression.

Guest 48:14 Yeah.

Mark Normand 48:15 Tough one on this one, though. Tough one.

Shane Gillis 48:16 It is a tough one on that one, but you could make that mistake. And if you made that mistake, like-

Mark Normand 48:20 Should I-

Shane Gillis 48:20 You say it all the time.

Joe Rogan 48:21 You said A's announcer?

Shane Gillis 48:22 I'll be honest, I don't forgive him.

Guest 48:23 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 48:23 He tried to say the Negro Baseball Hall of Fame.

Mark Normand 48:26 Needed more Michaels.

Guest 48:26 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 48:26 But he said it fast with an accent. It came out the worst way possible.

Guest 48:31 Say it again?

Joe Rogan 48:31 I will not.

Guest 48:32 (laughs)

Mark Normand 48:32 He goes-

Shane Gillis 48:33 Oh, okay.

Mark Normand 48:33 He's like, "We've had a great time here. We went to the Baseball League Hall of Fame." Oh, full-

Joe Rogan 48:39 If you have an accent that, that, uh, yeah.

Shane Gillis 48:41 Oh.

Guest 48:41 Oh.

Mark Normand 48:41 But he didn't have an accent with anything else.

Joe Rogan 48:43 No accent. There's no accent, gruh. No, gruh. Uh, I, I, I've already gone too far.

Shane Gillis 48:46 No, dude.

Joe Rogan 48:46 Yeah. He said it wrong.

Mark Normand 48:47 He accidentally said it.

Joe Rogan 48:48 He said it.

Guest 48:49 The N-word.

Joe Rogan 48:50 Yeah.

Guest 48:50 Not full N-word.

Shane Gillis 48:50 I don't know.

Mark Normand 48:51 Oh, damn.

Shane Gillis 48:52 Did you see the one-

Guest 48:53 I've been there.

Shane Gillis 48:53 There was a newscaster-

Joe Rogan 48:54 The guy next to him kind of looks like him.

Shane Gillis 48:55 Oh. There was a newscaster talking about this guy who had done something like on this long height, hike. But the amazing thing is that he's gay.

Mark Normand 49:02 (laughs) Yeah.

Shane Gillis 49:03 No, he's blind. I mean he's blind. (laughs)

Mark Normand 49:04 I saw that. (laughs)

Guest 49:05 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 49:05 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 49:07 She says ... And she says it like that. "He's gay."

Joe Rogan 49:11 But, you know, he climbed the-

Shane Gillis 49:12 The, right, he climbed something.

Joe Rogan 49:13 Mount Everest, but he's gay. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 49:14 The horror in her face-

Guest 49:16 (laughs) Climbed a guy's cock.

Joe Rogan 49:16 As she realized what she said.

Shane Gillis 49:17 ... when she realized that she said gay instead of blind. Like, "Oh, my God."

Joe Rogan 49:21 She's like, "Fuck."

Guest 49:21 How do you get to gay from blind though?

Shane Gillis 49:23 Panic.

Joe Rogan 49:23 It's just-

Shane Gillis 49:24 You know how many people panic-

Joe Rogan 49:24 ... shorts out.

Shane Gillis 49:25 ... when the camera's on them? They just panic. They don't know what they're saying.

Joe Rogan 49:27 If you misspeak, it's bad enough. You go, "The amazing thing is that he's house." You're like, "Oh, that didn't make it ... Sorry about that."

Shane Gillis 49:32 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 49:33 But when you say that, you're like, "Fuck!"

Shane Gillis 49:35 Right.

Guest 49:35 Fuck, it makes sense.

Mark Normand 49:36 Like, "No!"

Shane Gillis 49:36 If you misspeak, if you say something and as you're saying, you're like, "This doesn't make sense," but it's chink in the armor, you're like, "Oh, Jesus Christ."

Mark Normand 49:43 Yeah. Think about that fucking, the Base- the Hall of Fame, the Baseball Hall of Fame guy must've been like, "Holy sh- " Soon as they fucking went like, "All right, we're done with that segment." Just like, "Whoa."

Shane Gillis 49:53 Yeah.

Mark Normand 49:54 Geez.

Guest 49:54 Yikes.

Joe Rogan 49:55 Ooh.

Mark Normand 49:55 They had a great day.

Shane Gillis 49:56 The best one ever is, uh, the live, they, they had a live feed before the game.

Joe Rogan 50:00 Fag capital of the world.

Shane Gillis 50:00 Fag capital of the world.

Mark Normand 50:01 This guy's a baseball announcer on and he just goes, "Kansas City, fag capital of the world." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 50:06 Cincinnati. Cincinnati.

Shane Gillis 50:07 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 50:07 Doesn't matter.

Shane Gillis 50:08 And then it-

Joe Rogan 50:08 Five minutes later.

Mark Normand 50:09 He said that?

Joe Rogan 50:09 He's warming up his mouth. He's warming up his mouth. He's, like, getting ready to start the broadcast, "Fag capital of the world."

Shane Gillis 50:13 And he doesn't know that the broadcast is already live?

Mark Normand 50:16 No, he's not doing that.

Narrator 50:16 Hi, everybody.

Mark Normand 50:17 He's talking. He's talking to the guy with him up in the booth. He didn't know it was hot mic. And they were like-

Guest 50:21 Oh.

Mark Normand 50:21 It was like B-roll of the stadium before the game and you just hear the announcer go, "Fag capital of the world."

Shane Gillis 50:26 (laughs)

Mark Normand 50:27 And then he gets fired in, like, the fifth inning.

Joe Rogan 50:29 Oh, bitch.

Mark Normand 50:29 And he has an apology. He's like, "I'll ... I'm so sorry if you never wanna work with me again." All this.

Joe Rogan 50:34 I shouldn't have said it.

Mark Normand 50:34 Castellanos hits a home run in the middle of his apology. He's going, "To my wife and my kids, I love you." Deep drive, that thing's outie. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 50:41 (laughs) Yeah.

Mark Normand 50:41 He fucking calls a home run. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 50:42 He did his job.

Mark Normand 50:44 Oh, man.

Narrator 50:44 Wow.

Joe Rogan 50:44 He went down, he went down doing his job.

Shane Gillis 50:46 Oh, damn.

Mark Normand 50:46 What do you think, what do you think happens to a guy like that?

Joe Rogan 50:48 Uh, he's doing a TV show with Joe List.

Narrator 50:53 Oh, that's right.

50:54 ... made a comment earlier tonight-

50:55 (laughs)

50:55 ... that, uh, I guess, uh, went out over the year, that I am deeply ashamed of. Uh, if I have hurt anyone out there-

51:06 (laughs)

51:06 That blows, dude.

Ari Shaffir 51:07 Now he's working at Gas Digital.

Narrator 51:09 ... get this point out of my heart, I'm so very, very sorry.

51:10 He's the best.

51:12 I pride myself and think of myself as a, a man of faith-

51:16 (laughs) Castellanos, let's go.

51:18 ... and this will drive in a deep left field by Castellanos and will be a home run.

Mark Normand 51:22 (laughs)

Narrator 51:24 (laughs)

51:24 So that'll make it a 4-0-

Ari Shaffir 51:26 Ah, he's on autopilot.

Narrator 51:27 He's gotta do it.

Ari Shaffir 51:28 Fuck.

Narrator 51:28 He's gotta do it. He's been doing this for 30 years.

Ari Shaffir 51:30 Good for him. Yeah, he goes back into it, but-

Shane Gillis 51:32 Did he... What ever happened to that guy?

Ari Shaffir 51:33 Uh-

Narrator 51:33 He's probably... He's doing a show with Joe List.

Shane Gillis 51:35 Does...

Narrator 51:37 Oh, God.

51:37 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 51:37 For real?

Narrator 51:37 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 51:37 Legitimate.

Narrator 51:38 On, like, a minor league-

Mark Normand 51:39 Radio, yes, he is.

Narrator 51:40 Yes, he is. He's going to minor league stadiums. Joe's taking batting practice at minor league stadiums. He got a jersey for, like, the Montana-

Ari Shaffir 51:46 That's right, the Whitefish.

Narrator 51:47 Yeah, they put him in.

Shane Gillis 51:48 Was... Joe List has, like, some baseball fantasy?

Ari Shaffir 51:51 He's a hell of an announcer.

Narrator 51:52 Yeah.

Mark Normand 51:53 Yeah, he's got a great voice.

Narrator 51:53 And a good dancer, and a singer.

Ari Shaffir 51:55 Yeah.

Mark Normand 51:55 (laughs)

Narrator 51:55 But, yeah. But he's like, "I'm... This is my co-host. That guy."

Shane Gillis 51:58 No kidding.

Narrator 51:59 I was like, "Where do I know that name?" He was like, "Ugh, think about it."

Ari Shaffir 52:01 Yeah.

Narrator 52:02 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 52:02 Oh, man.

Narrator 52:03 Starting over.

Shane Gillis 52:04 Fag capital world.

Narrator 52:05 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 52:05 The thing is, the thing is, there's so many people out there-

Mark Normand 52:08 Some bullshit there.

Ari Shaffir 52:09 ... there's so many people out there that can do that job. Eh, some are better than others, but-

Narrator 52:14 Some are better than others.

Mark Normand 52:14 Oh, yeah, for sure.

Narrator 52:14 John Miller's the best ever.

Mark Normand 52:15 Baseball's tough too, 'cause you gotta... It's basically like a podcast, 'cause it's such a boring fucking game.

Narrator 52:20 Oh, right.

Mark Normand 52:20 You guys just talk.

Ari Shaffir 52:21 You gotta talk, you gotta be on, funny, captivating.

Mark Normand 52:25 Right, right, yeah.

Shane Gillis 52:27 Yeah. That's interesting.

Mark Normand 52:28 Baseball's slow. Hockey-

Shane Gillis 52:29 Fighting is easy.

Mark Normand 52:30 Hockey's hard.

Shane Gillis 52:31 Fighting is easy because it's all happening.

Ari Shaffir 52:33 Right.

Shane Gillis 52:33 It's like the excitement is not what you talk about.

Mark Normand 52:35 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 52:36 It's, it's all happening, so you just have to describe what's going on.

Ari Shaffir 52:39 But what if they're just kind of circling?

Shane Gillis 52:41 All right, but they wanna put it on the ground.

Ari Shaffir 52:42 Do you guys have to go, "Uh, he's circling. Uh, so..." Uh, blue chip.

Shane Gillis 52:47 No, you just talk about what he's trying to do, like, "Oh, he's trying to set something up. Like, what, what do you see in the movement? What do you see in the way they're, they're interacting with each other? Like, what, what patterns do you see?" You see thousands of fights. You see patterns. You see s- when someone's starting to set things up, you see someone who's pressing, someone who's biting on feints. You see things.

Ari Shaffir 53:03 But I also see some announcers be like... So they talk... start talking about his past and how he came up-

Mark Normand 53:08 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 53:08 ... and how he trains.

Shane Gillis 53:09 Yeah, sometimes you do that, and it's all free flow, you know?

Mark Normand 53:11 Saying that.

Shane Gillis 53:11 You don't know what you're gonna say.

Ari Shaffir 53:13 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 53:13 Like, that's why Anik is the best. He's the best. That guy, John Anik-

Mark Normand 53:16 He's, he's crazy.

Narrator 53:16 That's crazy.

Ari Shaffir 53:17 He's good.

Mark Normand 53:17 Fucking goat. When you take me to those fights and I see that guy work, it's fucking crazy.

Shane Gillis 53:21 It's so much harder than what I've seen before.

Narrator 53:22 Why? Why is he so good?

Ari Shaffir 53:23 Really?

Shane Gillis 53:23 He's the goat. He's the best.

Narrator 53:24 What's he do?

Shane Gillis 53:24 He's the, first of all, the s- the smoothest. He's the, the most knowledgeable. He's the best at recall. He's the best at... He never flubs any of his lines.

Mark Normand 53:32 Mm.

Shane Gillis 53:33 Everything is smooth as fuck. He knows when to get in, he knows when to get out, he knows when to set you up.

Mark Normand 53:38 Cool.

Shane Gillis 53:38 He's so aware of, like, if something goes to the ground, like, DC's explaining wrestling positions, he never gets in the way.

Mark Normand 53:45 Cool.

Shane Gillis 53:45 He, he's just the fucking man. And he loves-

Mark Normand 53:48 My favorite-

Shane Gillis 53:48 ... the sport.

Mark Normand 53:49 My favorite about him is watching him, uh... When you guys start the main event broadcast-

Shane Gillis 53:53 Yeah.

Mark Normand 53:53 ... you see him, like... 'Cause it's so loud.

Ari Shaffir 53:55 Mm-hmm.

Mark Normand 53:56 You guys can't hear each other. He's got a earpiece in, and they're like... He's just like, "We are live from fucking London."

Narrator 54:01 He's excited, yeah.

Ari Shaffir 54:01 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 54:01 We all, we all have earpieces in.

Ari Shaffir 54:03 Yeah.

Mark Normand 54:03 You see him turn it on.

Shane Gillis 54:04 We have to have earpieces in.

Mark Normand 54:04 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 54:04 When people say, like, "Why are you, why are you yelling during the broadcasts?" Because I can't even fucking hear myself sometimes.

Mark Normand 54:08 You're in the middle of it, right?

Ari Shaffir 54:09 Right.

Shane Gillis 54:09 In the beginning, when the UFC's about to go live on pay-per-view, especially, like, a big show-

Mark Normand 54:14 They still do that who song?

Shane Gillis 54:14 ... they still do that massive Square Garden music, it's fucking nuts.

Mark Normand 54:15 They're playing the who song? They still do that?

Ari Shaffir 54:16 Oh, yeah.

Shane Gillis 54:17 It does. Oh, yeah.

Mark Normand 54:17 It's like, "We're starting now."

Ari Shaffir 54:19 Oh, my God.

Shane Gillis 54:19 It's such a good intro.

Mark Normand 54:20 The who song is the sickest shit, dude.

Ari Shaffir 54:22 Shit. Which one?

Narrator 54:22 Which song is it?

Shane Gillis 54:23 That's Bob O'Reilly.

Ari Shaffir 54:24 Oh, get fucked.

Narrator 54:25 Oh, that's a great one.

Shane Gillis 54:25 And it has all the highlights of, like, 30 years of crazy fights.

Mark Normand 54:29 And they line it up to about like, dun, dun, dun.

Ari Shaffir 54:32 Wow. Yeah.

Narrator 54:32 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 54:32 It's incredible.

Mark Normand 54:33 Joe's Conor.

Shane Gillis 54:34 It's incredible.

Mark Normand 54:34 Ronda Rousey.

Ari Shaffir 54:35 Oh, I love it.

Shane Gillis 54:36 If you're ever working out, you could put that on a loop and just-

Ari Shaffir 54:38 Ugh.

Shane Gillis 54:38 ... fucking go for hours.

Mark Normand 54:39 They change out the video all the time.

Shane Gillis 54:40 Mm-hmm. Yeah, they're always adding new highlights.

Mark Normand 54:43 But it's great.

Shane Gillis 54:43 New things. It's the shit. That's... Out of all the jobs that I have, like, that one, the... Like, it's... I fucking never get tired of that. It's the cool shit.