Joe Rogan Experience #1994 - Theo Von

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast,…

   1. NANarrator0:00

      (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

   2. The Joe Rogan Experience.

   3. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. (rock music plays)

   4. JRJoe Rogan0:13

      ... (rock music plays) Theo Von, Austin, Texas. What- what a pop you got last night. That was a lot of pressure.

   5. TVTheo Von0:19

      It was a lot of pressure.

   6. JRJoe Rogan0:20

      They went crazy. One of the nice things about these shows that we do is that no one knows who's gonna be on them, these Joe Rogan and Friends shows, so, like, it could be a surprise. You were surprised last night.

   7. TVTheo Von0:31

      Yeah.

   8. JRJoe Rogan0:31

      And, uh, we got a, we got video of it. Is it, uh, on the, uh, Mothergram- Mothership Instagram?

   9. NANarrator0:37

      That's actually a better name. It should be the Mothergram.

   10. JRJoe Rogan0:39

       Yeah, right? (laughs)

   11. TVTheo Von0:40

       Oh, yeah.

   12. JRJoe Rogan0:43

       Look at this. Do they have a pop? All right, here we go.

   13. NANarrator0:49

       Oh, yeah. I love that. Keep it moving and going. For the social media, all the way from Nashville, Tennessee, Theo Von! (cheering)

   14. JRJoe Rogan1:01

       Bro, you got a standing O. What's up? (laughs)

   15. TVTheo Von1:04

       That's crazy, dude.

   16. JRJoe Rogan1:05

       You spent the first 30 seconds of your set high-fiving people. Come on, son. Look at this, look at this.

   17. TVTheo Von1:14

       It was crazy. Some dude threw some semen up at me, I think.

   18. JRJoe Rogan1:18

       Real semen?

   19. TVTheo Von1:18

       Like in that movie, um, Silence of the Lambs. Yeah, I don't know if it was real or not.

   20. JRJoe Rogan1:22

       Miggs.

   21. TVTheo Von1:23

       Yeah. (laughs) Yeah.

   22. JRJoe Rogan1:23

       Yeah, Miggs is a guy locked in the cell.

   23. TVTheo Von1:25

       I mean, yeah, I batted it down. I respected it.

   24. JRJoe Rogan1:27

       (blows raspberries)

   25. TVTheo Von1:29

       But yeah, people... Dude, that was awesome, man. Thank you. Congrats.

   26. JRJoe Rogan1:32

       For sure. My pleasure.

   27. TVTheo Von1:33

       Congrats 'cause I remember last time I was here, you just... We went and, you know, you were walk- you walked me through, and you're like, "This is where the light's gonna go when you go on." Like, you had everything to a T.

   28. JRJoe Rogan1:41

       Yeah. How long ago was that?

   29. TVTheo Von1:43

       That was last July.

   30. JRJoe Rogan1:45

       Okay. So last July, there was... Uh, that... We hadn't even raised the floors yet, right?
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   Hmm. Like a Maltese.…

   1. JRJoe Rogan15:00

      the top of roofs and like (screeches) fucking chuck them off the roofs.

   2. TVTheo Von15:03

      Hmm. Like a Maltese.

   3. JRJoe Rogan15:05

      Yeah. Monkeys blamed for hundreds of puppy deaths-

   4. TVTheo Von15:08

      Hmm.

   5. JRJoe Rogan15:09

      ... captured in India. So they'd bring them up to the top of a fucking m- building and throw them.

   6. TVTheo Von15:14

      Like a Maltese, though.

   7. JRJoe Rogan15:14

      Villagers claim animals were carrying out revenge killings after dogs killed an infant monkey.

   8. TVTheo Von15:19

      (gasps)

   9. JRJoe Rogan15:20

      Speaking of which, have you seen what's going on with orcas?

   10. TVTheo Von15:23

       Uh-uh.

   11. JRJoe Rogan15:24

       So a female orca, the matriarch, the, the head of this f- female orca pack-

   12. TVTheo Von15:29

       Uh-huh.

   13. JRJoe Rogan15:30

       ... the, the head of this orca pack-

   14. TVTheo Von15:30

       When you say orcas, what are you talking about?

   15. JRJoe Rogan15:33

       Killer whales.

   16. TVTheo Von15:34

       Oh, damn. All right.

   17. JRJoe Rogan15:34

       That's a orca.

   18. TVTheo Von15:35

       My God.

   19. JRJoe Rogan15:36

       So, um, they started sinking boats, and they're teaching each other how to sink boats. Apparently, this boat fucked up one of these oarc... 'Cause sometimes what happens is something will go wrong and a propeller will hit. They, th- they've happened all the time with sharks. It's happened with whales. Propellers will fuck up a dolphin or an orca.

   20. TVTheo Von15:56

       Oh, yeah. My friend Dave got pushed off a boat in his... and he got hit by it. When we went, we went over him. He got pushed off the front-

   21. JRJoe Rogan16:03

       Oh, geez. You got hit by the propeller?

   22. TVTheo Von16:03

       ... and it fucking hit him.

   23. JRJoe Rogan16:04

       Where did it hit him?

   24. TVTheo Von16:05

       Mm, I'm not sure. He wasn't that great to start off with, but he-

   25. JRJoe Rogan16:08

       (laughs)

   26. TVTheo Von16:08

       It didn't help him. But I don't think it harmed him much, you know? (laughs) It was like... (laughs)

   27. JRJoe Rogan16:12

       It helps some people. Some people get whacked and it helps them.

   28. TVTheo Von16:14

       (laughs) It helps them.

   29. JRJoe Rogan16:14

       You know? The... Kenison and Roseanne are my two favorite examples.

   30. TVTheo Von16:18

       Oh, that's true.
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   Oh, dude. …

   1. JRJoe Rogan30:00

      muscles, dude.

   2. TVTheo Von30:00

      Oh, dude.

   3. JRJoe Rogan30:00

      You gonna squeeze that dick, squeeze that dick, squeeze that dick.

   4. TVTheo Von30:03

      That thing's gonna gleak by the time you get done with it, dude.

   5. JRJoe Rogan30:06

      S- see if you can find the, the ad for the ThighMaster. A lot of ladies bought that too 'cause they wanted to look like Suzanne Somers. Look, it's just a spring. She's still looking good and she's, like, a thousand years old.

   6. TVTheo Von30:18

      Oh yeah, she's still looks really good in my head.

   7. JRJoe Rogan30:21

      One of the biggest blunders in all of television, though, her and Three's Company.

   8. TVTheo Von30:25

      Three's Company too. That was a great show. What happened to it?

   9. JRJoe Rogan30:27

      Well, uh, she... Crazy negotiations. She wanted more money. She was demanding more money because she had become a giant star, and so they basically relegated her to... She wasn't even on the show anymore. Like, o- there was one episode where she made a phone call and she called them, like she was on vacation, and that was her in the episode. Her in some totally different location, calling them on the phone.

   10. TVTheo Von30:50

       Wow.

   11. JRJoe Rogan30:51

       And then they eventually replaced her.

   12. TVTheo Von30:53

       Yeah, I remember they got a new woman.

   13. JRJoe Rogan30:54

       I think it was, like, you know, she got an aggressive agent. It might have been a husband. One of those deals.

   14. TVTheo Von30:59

       Yeah.

   15. JRJoe Rogan31:00

       And he was like, "I got this. I'm gonna fucking... You deserve more money."

   16. TVTheo Von31:04

       Yeah.

   17. JRJoe Rogan31:04

       It's just like what happened with, um, Call Her Daddy. That's a similar situation. You know the Call Her Daddy podcast?

   18. TVTheo Von31:10

       Oh, yeah, yeah. Alex... Um, what's her name? Coli- no, uh...

   19. NANarrator31:15

       Cooper.

   20. TVTheo Von31:15

       Alex Cooper, yeah. Her name was a staple in the name.

   21. JRJoe Rogan31:16

       Well, she had a co-host.

   22. TVTheo Von31:18

       Right.

   23. JRJoe Rogan31:19

       And the co-host had a boyfriend who was an agent.

   24. TVTheo Von31:21

       Something Franklin. Sofia Franklin?

   25. JRJoe Rogan31:24

       Is that it?

   26. NANarrator31:24

       You got it.

   27. JRJoe Rogan31:25

       And then Portnoy told us the whole story.

   28. TVTheo Von31:27

       Oh, he did?

   29. JRJoe Rogan31:27

       Yeah. It was like, the dude thought that, like, "She's gonna be this... She's a fucking star. You need to pay her more." And like, you know, they had a deal. A deal's a deal. She wanted more, and then-

   30. NANarrator31:38

       Uh...
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   (sniffs) …

   1. TVTheo Von45:00

   2. JRJoe Rogan45:00

      (sniffs)

   3. TVTheo Von45:00

      Yeah, I think there's something about that, uh, people having an extra wiener that makes me angry.

   4. JRJoe Rogan45:04

      (laughs)

   5. TVTheo Von45:04

      You go back to that (laughs) .

   6. JRJoe Rogan45:06

      Makes you angry? Like the world's not fair.

   7. TVTheo Von45:08

      Well, it's just-

   8. JRJoe Rogan45:08

      That's how flat-chested girls feel when, when other girls walk by with giant tits.

   9. TVTheo Von45:12

      Yeah.

   10. JRJoe Rogan45:13

       That's a big one, right? Because if you're just born with giant tits, you just hit the genetic lottery. And every guy loves big tits. They all love 'em. They have no use for 'em. They just wanna squeeze 'em, just wanna suck on 'em.

   11. TVTheo Von45:25

       Some of 'em are so big, though.

   12. JRJoe Rogan45:27

       Yeah, you can get too big, just like a dick.

   13. TVTheo Von45:29

       And you're just like, "God, get it all-"

   14. JRJoe Rogan45:30

       Or you could be like that Canadian teacher. Teaches wood shop class-

   15. TVTheo Von45:34

       Oh, yeah. (laughs)

   16. JRJoe Rogan45:34

       ... with giant rubber tits on.

   17. TVTheo Von45:37

       (laughs)

   18. JRJoe Rogan45:39

       That shit is where woke-

   19. TVTheo Von45:40

       (laughs)

   20. JRJoe Rogan45:40

       ... where woke hits its final destination.

   21. TVTheo Von45:43

       Dude, the bad, the crazy part is, that guy looks like Tim Dillon, if you just put a regular picture of him up.

   22. JRJoe Rogan45:48

       Oh, yeah. Because he's, like, not really trans.

   23. TVTheo Von45:50

       (laughs)

   24. JRJoe Rogan45:50

       It's a scam. So, let's see what the operation is on this, uh, this guy's saccarooney. What, go... Oh, boy. That's an improvement. Look at the improvement. The improvement is what's on the right.

   25. TVTheo Von46:01

       Oh, he had nut in his legs.

   26. NANarrator46:03

       It's a blockage. It's a blockage of lymph nodes, obviously, but, um...

   27. JRJoe Rogan46:05

       Oh.

   28. TVTheo Von46:05

       I guess your nut'll back up into your legs. Damn.

   29. JRJoe Rogan46:09

       Uh. So, it goes to his legs?

   30. TVTheo Von46:11

       Oh.
5. 1:00:00 – 1:10:34

   Yes. …

   1. TVTheo Von1:00:00

   2. JRJoe Rogan1:00:00

      Yes.

   3. TVTheo Von1:00:00

      ... then you wanna ask them more things, like about that they know about that you don't know about.

   4. JRJoe Rogan1:00:04

      Oh yeah, for sure. Like, if I'm talking to Michio Kaku or, you know, a quantum physicist or someone like that, I, I ask questions.

   5. TVTheo Von1:00:11

      Yeah.

   6. JRJoe Rogan1:00:11

      I'm es- essentially interviewing them and ... Well, if it's especially it's something that I really have no understanding of.

   7. TVTheo Von1:00:17

      Yeah.

   8. JRJoe Rogan1:00:17

      Yeah. But for the most part, I'm just talking to people.

   9. TVTheo Von1:00:20

      Yeah.

   10. JRJoe Rogan1:00:20

       Which is like ... It takes a lot of pressure off too, 'cause they're like, "What subject do you wanna cover?" I'm like, "I don't know. Let's just talk."

   11. TVTheo Von1:00:26

       Yeah.

   12. JRJoe Rogan1:00:26

       Some people are weirded out by that, you know. Like, you and I, it's like s- we've known each other so long, we don't have to talk about what we're gonna talk about. We just get in here and start rolling.

   13. TVTheo Von1:00:34

       Yeah, it's a little easier too. I think it gets easier too when you've been in here before.

   14. JRJoe Rogan1:00:38

       Yeah. It's weird when you see people for the first time and you see them lock up and they're nervous and I'm ... And I'm always just like, "I'm gonna hold your hand and we- we're gonna get through this. I'm gonna get you 20 minutes in and you're gonna not even know you're here."

   15. TVTheo Von1:00:51

       Have you had people that really locked up?

   16. JRJoe Rogan1:00:53

       Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I've had people get real nervous and you see them breathing funny and they, they can't talk that good because they can't get breath, you know? And ... But it's, it's okay. I always just like, "Let's just, let's just calm this thing down."

   17. TVTheo Von1:01:05

       Yeah.

   18. JRJoe Rogan1:01:06

       "We're gonna be all right."

   19. TVTheo Von1:01:07

       It's pretty normal, I think, some people trying something new.

   20. JRJoe Rogan1:01:10

       But it's just weird, the, the numbers. That's what weirds people out, the numbers of humans. That, that freaks people out. Like, you, you can't ... It's hard to just be yourself in front of millions of people.

   21. TVTheo Von1:01:22

       Yeah.

   22. JRJoe Rogan1:01:23

       ... but you can. And you do it, I do it, we do it.

   23. TVTheo Von1:01:25

       Yeah.

   24. JRJoe Rogan1:01:25

       You can just be yourself. You are the same fucking dude if you and I are going, having dinner somewhere or if we're at a comedy club or if we're here.

   25. TVTheo Von1:01:32

       Yeah.

   26. JRJoe Rogan1:01:32

       The same dude. Some people can't do that. They, they, they have to like put on a, a persona when they're, they're talking. You know, they get weirded out.

   27. TVTheo Von1:01:42

       Yeah, I think sometimes that's interesting, like, um ...

   28. JRJoe Rogan1:01:46

       Do you find that when you're doing podcasts?

   29. TVTheo Von1:01:48

       I find, uh, I think sometimes I'm like which me is kind of showing up more today and tha- that might sound a little fucking-

   30. JRJoe Rogan1:01:56

       Oh, no, I know what you mean by that.

Episode duration: 2:52:41