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Joe Rogan Experience #2005 - Tom Segura

Tom Segura is a stand-up comic, actor, podcaster, and author. He co-hosts two podcasts, "Your Mom's House," with his wife, comic Christina Pazsitsky, and "Two Bears, One Cave," with comic Bert Kreischer. He's also the host of his own podcast, "Tom Segura en Español," and is the author of "I'd Like to Play Alone, Please: Essays." His new comedy special, "Tom Segura: Sledgehammer," premieres July 4 on Netflix. www.tomsegura.com

Joe RoganhostTom SeguraguestGuest (unidentified, short interjection)guest
Jun 27, 20242h 50mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:00 – 15:00

    (drumming music) Joe Rogan podcast,…

    1. NA

      (drumming music) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience.

    2. JR

      Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. (rock music) Yeehaw, what's up, Tommy Fun?

    3. TS

      What's up, my man?

    4. JR

      How are you, my brother? What's cracking?

    5. TS

      I'm doing well. I'm super stoked, man. Thanks for having me.

    6. JR

      Lookin' good, lookin' lean.

    7. TS

      Grrr.

    8. JR

      You've- you've fucking stuck with it, man. You fuckin' stuck with it.

    9. TS

      Try to. Yeah, I've- I've been working hard at it, actually.

    10. JR

      It's crazy. I mean, you're so- you've been so consistent, it's amazing.

    11. TS

      Isn't that weird how that works? (laughs)

    12. JR

      (laughs)

    13. TS

      That's what, uh- that's what I- I've said that to a few people, and they're like, "Yeah, that's- that's what happ-" I mean, I don't know. I just keep- I think I had this, um- I- I don't know if I told you, like this mentality before, where I would go- if I got to a- a number on the scale, I thought of it as, like, a finish line.

    14. JR

      Right.

    15. TS

      I didn't realize I was doing it, but I was. I was going, "Oh, I got there."

    16. JR

      Right.

    17. TS

      And then you just kinda go, "Well, if you're done, you're done."

    18. JR

      Yeah.

    19. TS

      And then you just kind of ... regress.

    20. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    21. TS

      So I just realize now that it's just- it is- it is every day.

    22. JR

      It is life.

    23. TS

      It's life, it's part of life, yeah.

    24. JR

      Yeah, if you can think about it that way. Y- also, you gotta think about it like d- delayed gratitude. Delayed gratitude's a very important concept if you wanna-

    25. TS

      Yes.

    26. JR

      ... have a happy life. You can't just have gratitude in front of your face all the time.

    27. TS

      No.

    28. JR

      Y- you'll- you'll just be a mess. You want delayed gratitude, and sp- specifically for your physical health, 'cause you don't feel good in- in the end of the day, like unless you've y- y- when I don't work out, if I have a day that I blow it off-

    29. TS

      Mm-hmm.

    30. JR

      ... which is rare, but it does happen-

  2. 15:00 – 30:00

    Yeah. …

    1. JR

      and someone else is... I remember when I was on Fear Factor. So I was, uh, you know, doing standup when I could, but goddamn it, I was working a lot. I was working a lot. I was just... It was a lot of hours. And I remember I'd go to the store, and I'd, uh, run into someone who was a full-time comic, and they're on the road. "Yeah, I just did, uh, West Palm. I was there Thursday, Friday, Saturday." I was like, "Oh."

    2. TS

      Yeah.

    3. JR

      "That sounds so much better."

    4. TS

      And-

    5. JR

      "Sounds like so much more fun-

    6. TS

      Yeah, then doing taping these-

    7. JR

      ... telling jokes."

    8. TS

      ... shows, yeah.

    9. JR

      Yeah. It's just like, to me, it was like doing standup seemed so much better. It seem-... It just seemed like a better life. Like, that's w-... That's what I'm... Uh, it's more interesting.

    10. TS

      But you also have to have a... Like, when I look back at the choices I made early on (glass clinking) in standup, you know, you actually are in a, a bit of denial, um, about-

    11. JR

      How bad you are?

    12. TS

      How... Well, not just how bad you are. How bad your life is.

    13. JR

      (laughs)

    14. TS

      Like, like, I mean, I w-... I'm not living in a... Like, m-... All my friends with regular jobs have a much better quality of life. But here's the thing. It didn't even bother me, really.

    15. JR

      Yeah, because you wanted it so bad.

    16. TS

      Yeah. I, I just wanted it so bad that you, y-... I'm saying you, you have a bit of... You have a delusion almost, right? Like, people see where you live.

    17. JR

      Right.

    18. TS

      And they, and they're like, "How much money are you making?"

    19. JR

      But you're used to it.

    20. TS

      You're so used to it, yeah. You're like-

    21. JR

      As long as you're used to it, it's fine. If you... Now, one thing would be, like, say if you had some white-collar job, and you were making s- six figures a year, and then you decided to go b- to standup, and then you were living in the place, like-

    22. TS

      Yeah.

    23. JR

      ... you were living in when I met you. Then it would suck a fat dick.

    24. TS

      Yeah.

    25. JR

      'Cause you'd be like, "Fuck."

    26. TS

      Yeah.

    27. JR

      "Now I'm falling apart." It's very difficult for people to downsize with the intention of upsizing eventually.

    28. TS

      It's, it's almost impossible.

    29. JR

      It's hard.

    30. TS

      Yeah.

  3. 30:00 – 45:00

    How good were they?…

    1. TS

      of these croissants.

    2. JR

      How good were they?

    3. TS

      They were unbelievable.

    4. JR

      They looked pretty damn good.

    5. TS

      Yeah. They were so unbelievable.

    6. JR

      Look at you. You've written- you know how to say them?

    7. TS

      N- well... (laughs) No, I stammered through it.

    8. JR

      Par de chocolat.

    9. TS

      Yeah. I think they told me that in, in, in Paris, they say ch- chocolatine for a chocolate croissant. They don't say-

    10. JR

      Oh.

    11. TS

      They don't say- we don't say, "un croissant au chocolat." We say, "un chocolatine." And I said, "Okay."

    12. JR

      Chocolatine.

    13. TS

      Yeah, but we were definitely-

    14. JR

      Yeah.

    15. TS

      ... tearing them up in Paris.

    16. JR

      France is falling apart right now. Isn't that wild?

    17. TS

      ... is it? The per- the France is on-

    18. JR

      Have you seen what's going on?

    19. TS

      I mean, when I was there-

    20. JR

      The riots?

    21. TS

      Oh, when I was there, there was big riots. Big ones.

    22. JR

      Did you see the riots from the- they- the police killed a guy?

    23. TS

      No.

    24. JR

      You didn't see those?

    25. TS

      When I was there, it was about the retirement age.

    26. JR

      Oh, this is way worse. This is way, way worse.

    27. TS

      What's the issue? What's-

    28. JR

      This is the last few days.

    29. TS

      What is the issue?

    30. JR

      Somebody got murdered. There's been f- fucking gunfire in the streets, lighting buil- businesses on fire. For, like, five days. It's been like The Purge. Some of the videos are insane.

  4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

    Wonder what it is.…

    1. TS

      loans, I mean, that amount has to be in, like, the trillions.

    2. JR

      Wonder what it is. Let's find out. What's the collective student loan debt in the United States as of 20-

    3. GI

      I think, you know, there is a differentiation in this conversation, that it's federal student loan debt, not private student loan debt-

    4. TS

      Hmm.

    5. GI

      ... which is a big difference.

    6. TS

      Hmm.

    7. JR

      Okay.

    8. GI

      That, that's companies that do on that debt, versus, like, the government that granted-

    9. TS

      So, this is just federal-

    10. GI

      ... stuff like that.

    11. TS

      ... federal-

    12. GI

      Um.

    13. TS

      ... student loans.

    14. GI

      Pretty sure of that.

    15. JR

      Hmm. Okay, so there's two different types of loan debt. Uh, so I would, I wanna know what it is compared to the military industrial complex budget. (laughs)

    16. TS

      Oh, yeah. Right. That budget is astronomical.

    17. JR

      That's a budget, boy.

    18. GI

      Uh-

    19. JR

      They accidentally paid an extra six billion-

    20. GI

      There it is.

    21. JR

      ... to Ukraine. They're like, "Whoops."

    22. TS

      Whoopsie.

    23. GI

      See, this-

    24. TS

      Typo.

    25. GI

      ... with this statement, I don't know if this is differentiating that either. It says it's 1.78 trillion in student loan debt.

    26. JR

      Whoa.

    27. TS

      It's a lot, dude.

    28. JR

      Whoa.

    29. GI

      To the US.

    30. JR

      That's more than people owe on any other type of debt in the US, except for mortgages, though the Biden adminis- administration is trying to forgive hundreds of billions of dollars in student loan balances. That's more than people owe on any other type of debt in the US. Well, except for mortgages.

  5. 1:00:00 – 1:08:12

    A few. Not many.…

    1. TS

      A few. Not many.

    2. JR

      Not now.

    3. TS

      And I go, "No, no, no." And I go, uh, I go... All right. Here's the thing.

    4. JR

      Yeah.

    5. TS

      The reason I've even brought this up is that the guy, this was years ago, had like the best website I'd ever seen at the time.

    6. JR

      No way.

    7. TS

      I was like, "This website's fucking amazing." And like all his marketing tools were incredible.

    8. JR

      Yeah.

    9. TS

      You know? Like, he had like cool business card, and like you went to his site and you were like, "Shit, it looks like-"

    10. JR

      The geo-locate?

    11. TS

      Yeah, dude. Like his-

    12. JR

      Yeah.

    13. TS

      ... site looked like fucking Nike built it, you know? I was like, "This thing is fucking rad," you know? And he goes up on the second, the- for his second set. Not only does he eat shit, but he does the same set as, like, as the first.

    14. JR

      (laughs)

    15. TS

      Right? And I go, "Dude, you did the same shit." And he was just like, "Ah, yeah." And I could see he was in the... And I actually left there, I go, "All your shit is cool."... your website." And... I go, "You gotta work more on what you're doing on stage, so..."

    16. JR

      Yeah.

    17. TS

      Like, that's your priority.

    18. JR

      Don't you think, though, that that's, like, a distraction-

    19. TS

      Yes.

    20. JR

      ... because they're not working on that other stuff?

    21. TS

      1000%.

    22. JR

      So they, they concentrate on the promotion because they're distracting themselves from the fact they're not working on the difficult stuff.

    23. TS

      And not only is that 100% true, but there are so many parallels in life to that.

    24. JR

      Sure.

    25. TS

      We can all go, like, "I'm working on this thing-

    26. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    27. TS

      ... to avoid this thing."

    28. JR

      Yes.

    29. TS

      And then you can... And especially if you get good at the side thing-

    30. JR

      Mm-hmm.

Episode duration: 2:50:46

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