Joe Rogan Experience #2011 - Tony Woods

Narrator 0:00 (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience. (energetic music) Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

Joe Rogan 0:12 Tony Woods, what's happening, baby?

Tony Woods 0:14 What's happening with you, Joe?

Joe Rogan 0:15 Good to see you, my friend.

Tony Woods 0:16 Man, I'm glad you have me back, dog.

Joe Rogan 0:18 I'm glad you came back.

Tony Woods 0:19 (laughs) You know-

Joe Rogan 0:20 It was good seeing you last night.

Tony Woods 0:21 ... 'cause I was like, uh... 'Cause somebody said, "Hey, Joe got a new club." I was like, "You do?" And just... I, I just sent you a text like, "Hey, man, let me do your club."

Joe Rogan 0:30 (laughs)

Tony Woods 0:30 And you hit me back, "Okay." I'm like, "Well, all right. Well, what's up?" (laughs)

Joe Rogan 0:33 Yeah. Oh, I'm excited. This weekend.

Tony Woods 0:35 Yes.

Joe Rogan 0:35 That's gonna be fun.

Tony Woods 0:36 It is, man.

Joe Rogan 0:37 You're gonna love it.

Tony Woods 0:38 Yeah, well, th- you got... You done put the village right down here in Texas, man.

Joe Rogan 0:43 Yeah.

Tony Woods 0:43 Like, like, back in the day when they had the comedy club here-

Joe Rogan 0:45 Mm-hmm.

Tony Woods 0:45 ... come... We'd go to the Boston Comedy Club, go to Celtic, go to, duh, duh, duh, duh. All of that. That's how it is. It's just bouncing around. So...

Joe Rogan 0:52 (sighs) Yeah, we got five clubs on one street.

Tony Woods 0:54 Bang. But you got the-

Joe Rogan 0:56 Yeah, the Mothership.

Tony Woods 0:57 ... you got the Madison Square Garden.

Joe Rogan 0:58 We got the Mothership.

Tony Woods 0:59 Yeah, you got the Mothership. I said (laughs) ... I said to somebody... I said, "I'm going to Austin to do the Mothership." He says, "Wow, that's gonna be a long flight. You flying through Boston to go to Africa?" I'm like, "No."

Joe Rogan 1:12 What? (laughs)

Tony Woods 1:15 Yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:17 (laughs)

Tony Woods 1:17 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:17 To Africa?

Tony Woods 1:17 I said, "Africa is the mother country."

Joe Rogan 1:21 (laughs)

Tony Woods 1:21 The Mothership. And then I broke it down. I'm like, "Yeah, Mothership, you know, like George Clinton, the moth- You know."

Joe Rogan 1:26 Yeah.

Tony Woods 1:26 "And Parliament and all that." And he was like, "I've never heard that."

Joe Rogan 1:30 Hmm. Well, it's new.

Tony Woods 1:31 Yeah. It's dope, though, man.

Joe Rogan 1:33 Thank you. Yeah, we've been open four months now.

Tony Woods 1:35 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:35 It's been wild.

Tony Woods 1:36 Yeah. And I... It's just, like, uh... It... I see it's a line all the time. Other comedians have sent me pictures of people lined up like they're going to see-

Joe Rogan 1:43 Yeah.

Tony Woods 1:43 ... Star Wars the first time.

Joe Rogan 1:44 (laughs)

Tony Woods 1:46 You know? Wow. Well, it's hard to get tickets, so people get amped up about it. It's, it's, it's really nice. Yeah. I like it. The green room is dope too.

Joe Rogan 1:53 Yeah, we set it up. I mean, we, we basically set up everything to make it perfect for standup.

Tony Woods 1:58 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:58 You know, just perfect for the comics, perfect for the staff.

Tony Woods 2:02 'Cause I've been in clubs, and they go, "Yeah, we put our heart and soul into this." I'm like, "You guys do comedy?" "No, we don't do comedy, but, uh, this is our new club." I'm like, "This... This club's..." You know (laughs) you don't wanna say.

Joe Rogan 2:12 You don't know what you're doing.

Tony Woods 2:13 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 2:13 Yeah.

Tony Woods 2:13 The... I went to this one club, and they had th- this is the stage. The, the, the ceiling is like that, so it sounds like you're in a gymnasium. It's like that. And the bar is right there, and just, uh...

Joe Rogan 2:26 People ordering drinks while the show's going on.

Tony Woods 2:28 People ordering drinks, then they got, like, a-

Joe Rogan 2:29 Yeah.

Tony Woods 2:29 ... tier up here. And it... It's, it's more like a- a dance club. It looks like, uh-

Joe Rogan 2:34 Yeah.

Tony Woods 2:34 Yeah, like Bandstand, American Bandstand or something, you know? It'd be dope as a, a club.

Joe Rogan 2:39 Well, there's not a lot of clubs that are designed by comedians-

Tony Woods 2:42 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 2:43 ... where the comic comes in and says, you know, "We need to fix this. We need to do that." We had Louie come in too. That helped a lot, 'cause Louie gave me some real good advice.

Tony Woods 2:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 2:51 Real good tips. I j- I listened to everything he said. I said, "Let's do this." "Okay, I'll do that." "Let's..." He's like, "T- make the stage and the small room smaller." "Okay, how much smaller?" "Four feet on each side." Chopped it up. It was, like, right before we poured the concrete too, so they had to change the rebar and all that jazz, but it's perfect.

Tony Woods 3:07 All right. Um, when you, uh... Like, from the stage, I give advice on... Like, I'm might... You know, you poke fun at the club. You talk shit, and, and, like, th- the owner's always like, "You know how much money I put into this club?" I'm like, "Yeah."

Joe Rogan 3:21 Yeah. (laughs)

Tony Woods 3:21 But you don't do standup, man. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 3:23 You don't know what you're doing.

Tony Woods 3:23 You don't know what you're doing.

Joe Rogan 3:25 (laughs)

Tony Woods 3:25 And when I said it, it... People laughed, and so... But then sometimes you rip on a club 'cause it's comfortable, and you rip on it, and then they'll go and fix it. Like, "Dude, what you doing?"

Joe Rogan 3:34 Right.

Tony Woods 3:35 "Don't, don't clean it up, man. What are you doing?"

Joe Rogan 3:36 (laughs)

Tony Woods 3:37 That was-

Joe Rogan 3:37 Like, the Punch Line Atlanta.

Tony Woods 3:39 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:40 Did you ever do that?

Tony Woods 3:40 I did that one. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:41 Yeah.

Tony Woods 3:42 They cleaned it up.

Joe Rogan 3:43 Yeah, it's an... It's... They moved, but it was like one of those clubs, like the Icehouse in Pasadena. They, they fixed that up too. Apparently, it's real nice. But you would go to those places, and it's just like they had a feel. They had that-

Tony Woods 3:55 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:55 ... those, like, the Wall & Zanies, where you see those head shots from 1983.

Tony Woods 4:00 Uh-huh. Like, uh, uh, there's a club in Baltimore. It's, uh, Comedy Factory. My first five minutes was on how dusty the velvet curtain was.

Joe Rogan 4:08 (laughs)

Tony Woods 4:09 But that was dope. You come in, it's like, "Puh, puh." It's like, "Ah, ah," like that. Yeah. That, and then they cleaned it up. New, new thing, new this. I'm like, "Aw."

Joe Rogan 4:18 Aw. I think I'm tired of the jokes.

Tony Woods 4:20 Comedy is dirty, son.

Joe Rogan 4:22 Yeah, some comedy's dirty.

Tony Woods 4:24 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:24 It's good.

Tony Woods 4:25 Well, it's, it's a painful thing. I tell people. I say, uh, the periodic chart. The symbol for comedy is a banana peel. That means something like that get hurt, man. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 4:34 (laughs)

Tony Woods 4:35 So... (laughs) The crowd might laugh, but somebody's gonna go, "Fuck you."

Joe Rogan 4:39 How many... How many people have gotten fucked up over banana peels-

Tony Woods 4:42 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:43 ... to the point where banana peels became a thing? Like, you just know.

Tony Woods 4:47 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:47 If you leave a banana peel on the ground, people are getting fucked up. It's, like, literally the only item where if it's on the gr- You could describe it, and there was a banana peel on the ground-

Tony Woods 4:55 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:55 ... you're like, "Oh, shit."

Tony Woods 4:55 Boom. That's it.

Joe Rogan 4:56 Someone's getting fucked up by a banana peel.

Tony Woods 4:58 So, yeah. Here we go, man. It's-

Joe Rogan 4:59 100% of the time.

Tony Woods 5:01 And then next thing you know, the ambulance guy is telling you you got STD. Well, that's what it sound like when I hurt my back that time. He says, "You got a sciatica." I'm like, "How... How? Oh, I knew she was dirty."

Joe Rogan 5:13 Dude.

Tony Woods 5:14 (laughs) But sciatica sounds like something else. I just threw that in there.

Joe Rogan 5:20 I see what you just did.

Tony Woods 5:21 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:22 Worked a little comedy there.

Tony Woods 5:22 I can't hear myself at all.

Joe Rogan 5:24 You don't like it?

Tony Woods 5:24 (laughs) No, th- like, yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:26 Is it too much?

Tony Woods 5:27 When I do that. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:27 We don't have to wear these. You can take 'em off.

Tony Woods 5:29 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:29 If you feel more comfortable taking them off, we can-

Tony Woods 5:30 I'm good. I'ma do it like that, man.

Joe Rogan 5:33 ... we can do it like that. (laughs)

Tony Woods 5:34 Yeah, I'ma do it like that, man.

Joe Rogan 5:34 Uh.

Tony Woods 5:35 But I'm... 'Cause I'm always the first one to feel something, like right now. And you guys don't have it here, but we got the smoke and stuff, and they says the smoke-

Joe Rogan 5:43 How bad is it?

Tony Woods 5:44 It's, it's real bad, man. It's, uh, it's, like, this bad.

Joe Rogan 5:47 Why is it, why is it orange? Has anybody tried-

Tony Woods 5:50 Do you know-

Joe Rogan 5:50 ... to figure that out? Is it... 'Cause you know all the conspiracy theories, Jimmy.

Tony Woods 5:53 I know a guy.

Joe Rogan 5:54 Do you know the conspiracy theories? Because apparently there was a bunch of chemicals that went missing.

Tony Woods 5:59 I know a guy.I know a guy who used to be the NBC doc. You know what NBC is? So at Camp Lejeune, the Marines have to go through a gas chamber.

Joe Rogan 6:08 Right.

Tony Woods 6:09 Right? A- and you... I'm a corpsman. So, you can only do it once a quarter. But the good thing is, you get a three-day weekend. So, (laughs) so, so I would volunteer to do it. So I'd take it... I did it a couple, too many times. Not l- not a lot. But I would... uh, okay, maybe once a month. But I... (laughs) You know what I'm saying? Them three-day weekends are good. And I didn't care b- 'cause after a while, you kinda get used to it. But when I, (laughs) , when I smell that smoke, I'm like, "I know what trees and leaves smell like, man, when they're burning." Just that's not how... It doesn't smell like that.

Joe Rogan 6:42 What does it smell like? Chemicals?

Tony Woods 6:45 NBC. It's called nuclear biological chemical wef- warfare. And Marines, everybody in the military, you have to go... then you go in and you, you, uh, you, you put your mask on, you have to babababa. You say, "I'm Joe Rogan." Babababababa. 'Cause it... You, you have to be able like, when the gas comes, you don't already have your mask on. You gotta-

Joe Rogan 7:03 Right.

Tony Woods 7:04 ... how to think fast, put it on. And, and so as a corpsman, you... but you already got your mask on as a corpsman. But it's still... Getting in there, so for health reasons, you should do it once a quarter. But I-

Joe Rogan 7:15 You were doing 'em once a month?

Tony Woods 7:17 I... like, like once every other month, something like that, you know? So-

Joe Rogan 7:20 (laughs)

Tony Woods 7:20 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 7:20 Just, just for the three-day weekends?

Tony Woods 7:23 Just for the three-day weekend, man.

Joe Rogan 7:25 Wow.

Tony Woods 7:25 You don't understand. I, uh, I volunteered 'cause I had allergies real bad. I volunteered to go up to Norfolk, uh, uh, for these... They would... We have... Be up there for like a week, and they, they give you shots and do this and do that and do this. Yeah. And, um, and I was, I was talking to this guy one time who was in my unit. I said, "Yeah, man, I went from 5'10" to 6'1" in like a year." He says, "Yeah, Woods, you let him shoot you up with all that shit?" (laughs)

Joe Rogan 7:52 What did (laughs) ? What were they giving him?

Tony Woods 7:55 I got five days off.

Joe Rogan 7:57 He's a grown man.

Tony Woods 7:58 I got five days off.

Joe Rogan 7:58 He's a grown man. He great...

Tony Woods 7:58 They were just trying shit out on him. I had five days off, dawg.

Joe Rogan 8:02 I always thought they were doing that kind of stuff.

Tony Woods 8:05 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 8:05 Like I, I don't know what they give people. But, uh, haven't you ever heard... There's always been stories about people giving people, like, crazy experimental drugs and ..........................

Tony Woods 8:14 Well, in the military, you just... You got your gear in your hand.

Joe Rogan 8:17 Yeah.

Tony Woods 8:17 You just walk through and there's a corpsman on both sides. Pchik, pchik. They just pop you.

Joe Rogan 8:23 Yeah. Well, if I had a bunch of soldiers, especially like special operators, like Navy SEALS, I would want them to be juiced up.

Tony Woods 8:30 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 8:30 I would want that.

Tony Woods 8:32 Everybody's juiced up.

Joe Rogan 8:32 I would... I'd want them to be on amphetamines. I would want them to be on steroids.

Tony Woods 8:37 We don't re-... I didn't really know what we was on. We just said, "Sh- taking shots today." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 8:44 (laughs) Okay. Does my voice sound fucked up? Does it sound like I'm lisping a little bit? It does, right?

Guest 8:50 I don't know.

Joe Rogan 8:51 I have Invisalign in. I'm getting my, my teeth straightened out.

Tony Woods 8:54 Let me see.

Joe Rogan 8:55 Just like that.

Tony Woods 8:56 That is dope, man.

Joe Rogan 8:56 You can't really see 'cause it's... But, but this is the first day I've had it on.

Guest 9:01 Now that you said it, I can tell.

Joe Rogan 9:03 So, my question is, do I try to work through this? 'Cause they say that eventually your tongue figures out how to talk.

Guest 9:08 I don't think you sound that different.

Joe Rogan 9:09 And it doesn't sound weird.

Tony Woods 9:10 Yeah, you're getting it.

Joe Rogan 9:11 But I'm getting better at it.

Guest 9:12 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 9:12 But when I first started talking 'cause see? You could hear it right there.

Guest 9:14 First you can't... Yeah.

Joe Rogan 9:17 It's like your tongue has to... Even though it's the tiniest little amount of plastic, your tongue has to figure out where that is.

Guest 9:23 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 9:24 And then it has to kind of like pull back a little bit.

Tony Woods 9:26 It's gonna change your, your-

Joe Rogan 9:28 I'm not gonna wear it on stage. That'd be fucked. Impossible.

Tony Woods 9:32 Because there'll be certain things that you say-

Joe Rogan 9:33 Yeah.

Tony Woods 9:34 ... and a certain way you say them and then when... Just come at you, just like that. And it's gonna be good.

Joe Rogan 9:38 Yeah. See, my lower teeth have always been crooked and shit gets stuck in them. It's really hard to floss them. And then the dentist was like, "Listen, you can... You don't have to wear braces. You can just do this thing," and takes a long time. Takes like over a year.

Guest 9:51 I don't think you sound that different.

Joe Rogan 9:52 I do a little. If you're a, a person who's easily annoyed, I apologize. I'm gonna figure this out.

Tony Woods 9:58 You good.

Joe Rogan 9:59 I'm gonna figure this out. Tony, I got fucked up by ants.

Guest 10:01 So here's the fire. Next to where...

Joe Rogan 10:02 Okay. There's the fire.

Guest 10:04 This is the last snap of the last day or so. Or maybe it's in the forecast for the next day.

Joe Rogan 10:09 Now, the conspiracy theory is that there's a shit ton of toxic waste, toxic chemicals rather, that went missing. Remember those?

Guest 10:20 Yes. Sort of. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 10:22 And the conspiracy theory is they burned them and that's why the smoke is orange.

Guest 10:26 Where did they burn them? Where did they burn them?

Joe Rogan 10:27 Up in Canada. (laughs)

Tony Woods 10:28 But it's definitely not trees burning.

Joe Rogan 10:30 (laughs)

Tony Woods 10:30 It's not trees burning, man.

Joe Rogan 10:32 Well, the thing is-

Tony Woods 10:33 And how's it going and coming?

Joe Rogan 10:34 But i- the winds.

Tony Woods 10:36 All right.

Joe Rogan 10:36 But the thing is, if you have a fire that's that big-

Tony Woods 10:40 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 10:40 ... for sure there's some stuff around the fire other than just trees.

Tony Woods 10:44 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 10:44 For sure they're burning down buildings.

Guest 10:45 There's not a lot in Canada up there.

Joe Rogan 10:47 Is that true?

Guest 10:48 I believe... I mean, I remember he- hearing that like most of the population lives near the border.

Joe Rogan 10:52 Hmm.

Guest 10:53 I, I'd say it's somewhere that's a high pop-

Joe Rogan 10:54 That makes sense.

Tony Woods 10:55 Where's Winnipeg at?

Guest 10:56 ... high percentage of it.

Tony Woods 10:57 It's dead in the... It's supposed to be dead in the center somewhere.

Joe Rogan 11:00 Bro, those fucking Alberta people-

Guest 11:03 That's why I figure-

Joe Rogan 11:03 Those people that can live up in that cold weather, those, those are different people.

Tony Woods 11:06 Yeah. They like it.

Joe Rogan 11:08 They laugh at Detroit.

Tony Woods 11:10 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 11:10 They're like, "This isn't cold. You think Michigan is cold?"

Tony Woods 11:13 (laughs) Yeah.

Joe Rogan 11:14 "Come on up to Alberta."

Tony Woods 11:14 And everybody's just walking around with Levi's jacket.

Joe Rogan 11:17 Yeah. But they make... You get used to it.

Tony Woods 11:20 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 11:20 Wear the right clothes. You make the most of it.

Guest 11:23 It was very weird, that video, where they all started at the same time.

Joe Rogan 11:26 What's that?

Guest 11:26 Where all the fires started like the exact same time it looked like.

Joe Rogan 11:29 Little weird.

Guest 11:30 Pretty weird.

Joe Rogan 11:30 Yeah.

Tony Woods 11:31 And it was right after the balloon.

Joe Rogan 11:32 But I've, I've heard the explanations of that was like lightning storms, which does happen.

Tony Woods 11:36 What about the balloon that got shot down or something like that?

Guest 11:38 Again, that sounds weirder to me as an explanation.

Joe Rogan 11:41 What, what are they saying started this fire?

Tony Woods 11:44 They're not.

Joe Rogan 11:45 They're not saying at all?

Tony Woods 11:46 I haven't heard anybody say what started it. They just say it's, uh, it's fire in Canada.

Joe Rogan 11:51 True.

Tony Woods 11:51 Wear a mask.

Guest 11:51 Dry hot weather breeds more lightning.

Joe Rogan 11:54 Yeah.

Guest 11:54 Half the wildfires are started by lightning, but those-

Joe Rogan 11:56 Yeah.

Guest 11:56 ... fires account for more than 85% of the wildfire destruction. Other half are human caused.

Joe Rogan 12:01 Hmm.

Tony Woods 12:02 So how many animals are dead?

Joe Rogan 12:04 Oh, they're pretty good at getting the fuck away. If it's just woods, I bet you'd be surprised-

Tony Woods 12:09 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 12:09 ... at how few die.

Tony Woods 12:10 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 12:11 They're really good at getting away.

Guest 12:12 This article right here just said this, in April, it only displaced 30,000 people. So it's like there's not a lot of people up there.

Joe Rogan 12:18 Okay. But it's fucking huge, right?

Tony Woods 12:21 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 12:21 It's been going on for how many months now?

Guest 12:22 This is on, as of Fri... I mean this was...

Joe Rogan 12:25 427 active wildfires?

Guest 12:27 427 active fires. I mean, it says this was today.

Joe Rogan 12:29 232 of them are out of control. 232 fires in Canada are out of control.

Tony Woods 12:35 So they-

Joe Rogan 12:35 They're trying to burn down Canada.

Tony Woods 12:36 They just burn until there's... Until they run into water or just-

Joe Rogan 12:39 Yeah. Well, I think when things get this big, there's not much they can do. I mean, they can do their best to try to contain it.

Guest 12:49 Shutting down production of oil and gas.

Tony Woods 12:54 I mean, it's, it's... You got, you haven't been back east? You haven't seen it in-

Joe Rogan 12:57 I heard it's horrible.

Tony Woods 12:58 It's, it's really bad.

Joe Rogan 12:59 Yeah.

Tony Woods 12:59 It's really bad and, uh-

Joe Rogan 13:01 It's gonna last for a long time too. Uh, uh, this fire-

Tony Woods 13:04 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 13:05 ... like, this fire is fucking huge.

Tony Woods 13:07 (laughs) I, I see.

Joe Rogan 13:08 It's like multiple Los Angeles is on fire.

Tony Woods 13:12 And that's how it looks sometimes.

Joe Rogan 13:13 Yeah.

Tony Woods 13:13 It looks like, like LA. Like it's just... It's like that.

Joe Rogan 13:17 Bro, the wors- worst ever experience was Mexico City. We flew into Mexico City and I took photos out my window. I was like, "This is crazy."

Tony Woods 13:24 Hmm.

Joe Rogan 13:24 The amount of smoke those people live in, on a, on a regular basis, the, the amount of pollution there is horrible. It says, "I've never seen a vertical wall of smoke like this one need, near Fox Creek, Alberta on Sunday. And the strangest thing about this moment was I couldn't smell any smoke."

Guest 13:41 What?

Tony Woods 13:42 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 13:42 Well, I guess the wind hadn't got to them. If the wind's not going in that direction you wouldn't smell it.

Tony Woods 13:46 Well, he could smell smoke. It's just he couldn't smell trees burning 'cause I don't smell trees burning when I-

Joe Rogan 13:52 Is that what he's saying though? Because also you, you-

Tony Woods 13:56 Look at the smoke. Look how it looks. It doesn't-

Joe Rogan 13:58 But that for sure is smoke too. Those trees are burning.

Tony Woods 14:01 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 14:02 What is that?

Tony Woods 14:03 Trees look pretty good. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 14:05 Can you imagine if really, if it really is how they got rid of those chemicals?

Tony Woods 14:08 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 14:09 They decided to light the forest on fire?

Guest 14:11 I-

Joe Rogan 14:11 That would be the dumbest way to get the, rid of those chemicals, isn't it?

Guest 14:13 I don't even like... Uh, uh, uh, uh how, in what way? Like, did they spray them and then someone started a fire?

Joe Rogan 14:18 But like why would you do that? Like, what would be... I can understand why someone would think it's a conspiracy, right? The chemicals go missing and then, you know, there's this fire and the, the smoke looks orange. I get how people would put those two together. But my question would be like, why would anybody do that? Why would anybody light all those chemicals on fire in the woods?

Tony Woods 14:38 (laughs)

Guest 14:39 Here's what it made N- New York City look like. Yeah, I mean-

Joe Rogan 14:41 Imagine like that's how they start-

Tony Woods 14:42 Somebody else might have done it.

Joe Rogan 14:43 Right. Maybe. Look, that, that's bonkers. But the, imagine that is how you choose to get rid of chemicals? Like it's not... You know what I mean?

Guest 14:54 Yeah, that's why I, like didn't-

Joe Rogan 14:55 It doesn't make any sense.

Guest 14:56 It would mess... It fucked up everybody.

Joe Rogan 14:57 Fucked up everybody and you're lighting... You, you have to be the craziest psychopath of all time. You're lighting the woods on fire-

Tony Woods 15:05 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 15:06 ... to get rid of some chemicals.

Tony Woods 15:08 I'm think, I'm thinking maybe it wasn't their woods that they set on fire.

Joe Rogan 15:12 Somebody else's woods.

Tony Woods 15:13 Someon- no. Someone else from somewhere else.

Joe Rogan 15:16 Someone set someone-

Tony Woods 15:17 Some... Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:17 Yeah, maybe.

Tony Woods 15:18 We'll get those motherfuckers. Yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 15:19 Right. But why the chemicals? That's the question. Like, if it is the chemicals, what kind of, uh, conspiracy is that? Go to 4Chan.

Guest 15:28 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 15:29 They know.

Tony Woods 15:29 Wasn't, wasn't it near where the balloon was?

Guest 15:31 I think, yeah.

Tony Woods 15:31 Remember the balloon?

Joe Rogan 15:32 The balloon was like-

Tony Woods 15:33 It w- it was right in that area.

Joe Rogan 15:35 Where was the balloon flying over?

Guest 15:36 There was a few places.

Tony Woods 15:37 Yeah.

Guest 15:37 There's nor-... It started in the northwest and started making it across the country I think, right?

Joe Rogan 15:41 They said they had a bunch of those while, while Trump was in office and they didn't tell him about it-

Guest 15:45 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:46 ... 'cause they were worried he was gonna shoot them down. (laughs)

Tony Woods 15:47 (laughs)

Guest 15:47 Well, they also showed that laser, that footage of that laser shooting down on like the Hawaiian coastline.

Joe Rogan 15:51 Yeah, what was that?

Guest 15:52 That makes me think of the fires, just like if whatever that is-

Joe Rogan 15:54 Oh, God.

Guest 15:56 ... is like-

Joe Rogan 15:56 Imagine if they could just light the fucking woods on fire-

Guest 15:58 They did this. Lightning.

Joe Rogan 15:58 ... to make us comply.

Guest 15:59 Yeah, I don't know.

Joe Rogan 16:00 "Stay in your homes."

Guest 16:02 That makes no sense too.

Joe Rogan 16:02 "Download this app."

Guest 16:03 Why?

Joe Rogan 16:03 "The woods are on fire."

Tony Woods 16:05 (laughs)

Guest 16:05 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 16:05 "You must now download this app. Put in your fingerprints."

Guest 16:08 I don't know.

Joe Rogan 16:09 "We gotta make sure that we track all your matches purchases." That's the next thing they're gonna do.

Guest 16:13 Oh. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 16:14 It's kinda crazy that you can just buy a lighter, like anybody.

Tony Woods 16:16 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 16:17 Could go buy a lighter and start lighting shit on fire.

Tony Woods 16:19 But you just can't take it through TSA.

Joe Rogan 16:22 You can't take a lighter through TSA?

Tony Woods 16:24 No.

Joe Rogan 16:24 Really?

Tony Woods 16:25 Really. They take it.

Joe Rogan 16:26 Is that new?

Tony Woods 16:27 No.

Joe Rogan 16:27 Matches though, right?

Tony Woods 16:29 Yeah, matches. I mean, but it, if it's in your carry-on, they take light- you ever see the little bucket-

Joe Rogan 16:34 Yeah.

Tony Woods 16:34 ... that holds lighters?

Guest 16:35 You can take disposables with, without fuel. And disposables also.

Joe Rogan 16:37 Yeah. Disposable and Zippo lighters without fuel. Oh, without fuel.

Tony Woods 16:41 Oh.

Joe Rogan 16:42 Oh, you have to take-

Tony Woods 16:43 Well, I know they took my razor and my Zippo-

Joe Rogan 16:44 But disposables is this. This is a disposable.

Guest 16:46 "Lighters with fuel are prohibited in checked bag," checked bags. I don't know.

Joe Rogan 16:50 Okay. Disposable and Zippo... So, Zippos without fuel are allowed in checked bags.

Tony Woods 16:55 How do you know they don't have fuel?

Joe Rogan 16:56 And disposables are allowed in checked bags. So that's checked bags though.

Tony Woods 16:59 The one they took from me was a gift.

Joe Rogan 17:01 Right.

Tony Woods 17:01 I didn't put the stuff in it yet. It was like-

Joe Rogan 17:03 Oh.

Tony Woods 17:03 ... in a gift box. You know, with the little...

Joe Rogan 17:05 Oh, really?

Tony Woods 17:06 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:06 They took that?

Tony Woods 17:07 They took that.

Joe Rogan 17:07 Oh, that's dirty.

Tony Woods 17:09 Yeah. Yeah, fuck, uh-

Joe Rogan 17:09 I don't think they're supposed to take it if it doesn't have any fuel in it.

Tony Woods 17:11 (laughs) Had noth- it was brand new. It was in the box.

Joe Rogan 17:13 Yeah, I don't think they're allowed to take that. I think they fucking robbed you.

Guest 17:16 Yeah. Yeah, it's disgusting.

Tony Woods 17:17 Yeah, they like, "Look what I got."

Guest 17:19 Yeah.

Tony Woods 17:19 "I came up."

Guest 17:20 And they take-

Joe Rogan 17:20 "Final decision rests with the TSA officer on whether the item is allowed through the checkpoint."

Tony Woods 17:25 Exactly.

Guest 17:26 They take it through.

Joe Rogan 17:26 Yeah, some of them are cool-

Tony Woods 17:27 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:27 ... and some of them are not. I remember when they made pool cues illegal. You couldn't take a pool cue on board, but you could take a skateboard. I'm like, "Dude, I can fuck you up with a skateboard-

Tony Woods 17:36 (laughs) Way better-

Joe Rogan 17:37 ... way better than I can fuck you up with a pool cue."

Tony Woods 17:38 Way better. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 17:39 You know?

Tony Woods 17:40 But how about-

Joe Rogan 17:40 And a pool cue get a little more speed to it.

Tony Woods 17:42 What about umbrella? Can you take a umbrella?

Joe Rogan 17:44 You can take an umbrella. You could take a fucking cane.

Tony Woods 17:47 Yeah. Both of them. I just... Yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:48 A cane, like you could fuck somebody up with a cane.

Tony Woods 17:51 My mother-

Joe Rogan 17:51 And there's a lot of canes that have swords in them now.

Tony Woods 17:52 Yeah, my mom-

Joe Rogan 17:53 Shh.

Tony Woods 17:53 ... got that one.

Joe Rogan 17:54 That one's crazy.

Tony Woods 17:55 Yeah. But she-

Joe Rogan 17:56 Some dude with a limp and a cane.

Tony Woods 17:57 No, somebody gave it to her but they, y- you didn't know that it was-

Joe Rogan 18:00 She didn't know?

Tony Woods 18:01 No. (laughs) Just happened to twist it and I'm like, "Whoa."

Joe Rogan 18:04 Shing.

Tony Woods 18:05 Yes.

Joe Rogan 18:05 Oh, no.

Tony Woods 18:06 She's got it at the house right now.

Joe Rogan 18:08 That's nice.

Tony Woods 18:08 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 18:08 You see your mom on the porch sharpening.

Tony Woods 18:10 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 18:11 Zing. Zing. Zing.

Tony Woods 18:13 You don't know who you fucking with.

Joe Rogan 18:15 Yeah, carrying a sword, that's some next level shit.... an undercover sword in a cane.

Tony Woods 18:20 Mm-hmm. What's the, what's the name of the place, uh... The book, the place you used to go get, like, ear, ears pierced and they, they were in the mall?

Joe Rogan 18:28 Oh, right, right, right. Spencer Gifts?

Tony Woods 18:30 Spencer's, yeah.

Joe Rogan 18:31 Yeah.

Tony Woods 18:31 Yeah, somebody gave her a cane from Spencer's.

Joe Rogan 18:34 Wow.

Tony Woods 18:34 And, and-

Joe Rogan 18:35 Spencer Gifts cane had a sword in it?

Tony Woods 18:37 They had the swords.

Joe Rogan 18:38 They're selling weapons?

Tony Woods 18:39 Well, this was-

Joe Rogan 18:41 Back in the '80s, you could do shit like that?

Tony Woods 18:43 No, not the '80s. I've seen, seen a cane in the '80s. This was a... It, it, it had to be the 2000s. It had to be 2000s.

Joe Rogan 18:49 I remember you used to be able to go to Chinatown and buy throwing stars.

Tony Woods 18:53 The little grid things?

Joe Rogan 18:53 Yeah, remember those?

Tony Woods 18:55 Yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 18:55 We still have throwing stars. (laughs)

Tony Woods 18:57 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 18:58 That go out to the woods and fuck trees up.

Tony Woods 18:59 There's a comedian who used to have those stars.

Joe Rogan 19:02 Really?

Tony Woods 19:02 His name was Willy Robocop. He's a comedian from DC, but he lives in London.

Joe Rogan 19:07 And did he do something with them on stage?

Tony Woods 19:09 Mm-mm.

Joe Rogan 19:09 No, off stage you had the stars.

Tony Woods 19:11 (laughs) He, he... Him and another comedian got into it one time and hit those things out.

Joe Rogan 19:15 Oh, Jesus.

Tony Woods 19:16 They didn't throw it though, they would just, you know...

Joe Rogan 19:18 That's a scary proposition though.

Tony Woods 19:20 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 19:20 A dude who's, uh, really good at throwing stars.

Tony Woods 19:23 (laughs) Yeah. I mean, (laughs) yeah, it's like they roll out like a little belt or something, and then they're in there.

Joe Rogan 19:31 Jesus.

Tony Woods 19:33 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 19:33 You've got them all around your waist. (whoosh sound)

Tony Woods 19:33 Big shout-out Willy.

Joe Rogan 19:35 (whoosh sound) Shh.

Tony Woods 19:35 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 19:36 He's got them all around his waist.

Tony Woods 19:37 Yeah. But he's, but he's, I think he's a martial artist guy too. You, you ain't seen him before. He makes noises and stuff, like, "Reer." Like-

Joe Rogan 19:43 Oh, okay.

Tony Woods 19:44 Yeah, he's-

Joe Rogan 19:44 Yeah, I haven't seen that guy in forever.

Tony Woods 19:46 Yeah. He's, he lives in London. Willy Robocop.

Joe Rogan 19:48 Oh.

Tony Woods 19:48 He goes, "I am Robocop."

Joe Rogan 19:49 Yeah.

Tony Woods 19:50 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 19:50 Is he still doing standup in London?

Tony Woods 19:52 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 19:53 Interesting.

Tony Woods 19:54 Uh, oh, he's all over the UK. You ever do over there in the UK?

Joe Rogan 19:57 Yeah, I just did the 02.

Tony Woods 19:58 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 19:58 I did the arena up there. It was fun.

Tony Woods 19:59 Boom shaka.

Joe Rogan 20:00 It was fun.

Tony Woods 20:01 I did the Old Pub, when I was over... (laughs)

Joe Rogan 20:04 Yeah? (laughs)

Tony Woods 20:06 I've seen more of England than most English people. Just on the train going here and there, little small towns.

Joe Rogan 20:12 Yeah.

Tony Woods 20:13 And so I've had a good time though, man. That was the, uh, that's wh-... I guess that was in like the 2000s.

Joe Rogan 20:19 Did you do comedy in those small towns?

Tony Woods 20:21 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 20:22 How was that?

Tony Woods 20:22 'Cause they, they had these thing, they had jongleurs back then.

Joe Rogan 20:26 Jongleurs?

Tony Woods 20:27 Jongleurs. There was a chain of them and then they have The Comedy Store, there's a chain of those. And then they have this Slug and Lettuce. We have Slug and Lettuce here. It's like a little, like a, a restaurant.

Joe Rogan 20:37 Okay.

Tony Woods 20:38 And, and so, boom. At that time, they were having comedy six nights a week all over the country. Just at some pub somewhere, somehow.

Joe Rogan 20:46 Wow.

Tony Woods 20:47 Me-

Joe Rogan 20:47 So just hop around?

Tony Woods 20:48 Yeah. Me, Will Sillvance, uh, all those guys from over there. We used to go... Uh-

Joe Rogan 20:52 Wow.

Tony Woods 20:53 ... uh, Modi. Uh, who else? Y- you know a lot of those guys. Uh, uh, Patrice. Everybody. We always go 'cause they-

Joe Rogan 21:01 The UK tours.

Tony Woods 21:02 The UK tours. It sounds good, but it was (laughs) it was the same as doing North Carolina and Georgia, the Holiday Inns. That's what... (laughs) We just running around from spot to spot. Everybody just talked different.

Joe Rogan 21:16 How did they receive the comedy?

Tony Woods 21:18 They loved it.

Joe Rogan 21:19 Yeah?

Tony Woods 21:19 'Cause the first time they saw us, it was me, Red, Johnny and the Round Guy, Dave.

Joe Rogan 21:23 I remember those guys.

Tony Woods 21:24 Yeah. Dave, and, uh, uh, uh, what's his name? Uh, Ian...

Joe Rogan 21:29 Edwards?

Tony Woods 21:30 Ian Edwards, uh, Renee Hicks and Suli McCullough.

Joe Rogan 21:33 Oh.

Tony Woods 21:33 And we all went up to Edinburgh to do the Edinburgh Festival. So that was, that was a, that was the... You do that before?

Joe Rogan 21:39 No. Never did that.

Tony Woods 21:40 You got... Yeah, it's wild. It's like 30 days of just, "Ah."

Joe Rogan 21:44 Really?

Tony Woods 21:45 Every kinda show you can imagine.

Joe Rogan 21:47 Hmm.

Tony Woods 21:47 Yeah, but it's fun.

Joe Rogan 21:48 Ari loves it.

Tony Woods 21:49 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 21:50 Ari goes like every year.

Tony Woods 21:52 Uh, uh, who else? Uh, what's the other guy? Uh, Metzger, Kurt Metzger.

Joe Rogan 21:56 Yeah.

Tony Woods 21:56 He goes a lot, yeah.

Joe Rogan 21:58 Yeah, he's perfect for that too.

Tony Woods 22:00 Yeah. 'Cause it's, phew, it's August but it's rainy, it's cold. "Oh." You're like, "I'm ready to get the out of here."

Joe Rogan 22:08 (laughs) That's a-

Tony Woods 22:08 As a matter of fact, me and Greer had a show across from the president when we were there. Um, uh, this is back in the day. Uh, the president of UK- of Ukraine.

Joe Rogan 22:19 Zelensky?

Tony Woods 22:19 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 22:20 He had a-

Tony Woods 22:20 He, he had a show up there. He had... Me and Greer's show was here, his show was here and then the sh-

Joe Rogan 22:24 That was when he was a comedian?

Tony Woods 22:25 Yeah, and the show upstairs was the Puppetry of the Penis.

Joe Rogan 22:29 Oh, that's right.

Tony Woods 22:29 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 22:29 They would play piano with their dicks.

Tony Woods 22:31 Yeah, they'd do that, and then after that, all the women come down. Come down so-

Joe Rogan 22:33 Isn't that wild that that guy's the president of Ukraine and they're at war with Russia?

Tony Woods 22:38 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 22:38 That guy, you did a show with him.

Tony Woods 22:40 Yeah. Well, I didn't do a show with him. His show was there.

Joe Rogan 22:42 But I mean his, you know, right over there.

Tony Woods 22:43 We all hung out there. We all hung out together, yeah.

Joe Rogan 22:44 How crazy is that?

Tony Woods 22:45 It is.

Joe Rogan 22:46 You were hanging out with the president of Ukraine.

Tony Woods 22:47 The future president of Ukraine.

Joe Rogan 22:49 Yeah.

Tony Woods 22:49 Imag- imagine all the people who said, "Man, I used to smoke Newports with that dude. Now he's the president."

Joe Rogan 22:53 (laughs)

Tony Woods 22:54 Or talk about Obama. "Man, man, man, that dude, we smoked Newports behind." (laughs) So, it's a destiny.

Joe Rogan 23:00 Uh, the president of Ukraine is a fucking comedian.

Tony Woods 23:04 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 23:04 Wild.

Tony Woods 23:06 And w- w- yeah, never mind. I'm not saying that. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 23:11 (laughs) Weirdly.

Tony Woods 23:12 'Cause I was, I was thinking about the spaceship up there.

Joe Rogan 23:15 Uh-huh.

Tony Woods 23:15 I remember one of the presidents that we had here, and he was doing like a tour at a, at Air Force Base and the guy says, "This is Stealth Fighter." He goes, "It's, it's invisible like Wonder Woman's plane." You don't remember he said that?

Joe Rogan 23:29 No.

Tony Woods 23:29 He said that.

Joe Rogan 23:30 Well, he's incorrect.

Tony Woods 23:32 Yeah. Well... (laughs)

Joe Rogan 23:33 (laughs)

Tony Woods 23:35 He, he says this, uh, they call it the Stealth Fighter because it gets invisible like Wonder Woman's plane.

Joe Rogan 23:40 Yeah, you just can't see it on radar. But you can look at it. It's right there.

Tony Woods 23:43 I wasn't there, but they say-

Joe Rogan 23:43 The Wonder Woman plane would like go transparent, so you could see the clouds.

Tony Woods 23:47 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 23:47 That's next level shit.

Tony Woods 23:50 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 23:50 They're gonna do that for sure, 'cause they already have clothes that can do that. They have like a cloak that you can wear, and the cloak will like, uh, transmit an image of what's behind you.

Tony Woods 23:59 Oh.

Joe Rogan 23:59 Have you seen that?

Tony Woods 24:00 Yeah. So like a, a silk sc- like a...

Joe Rogan 24:02 Yeah, like a LCD or LED screen.

Tony Woods 24:05 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:05 It's really interesting. Like, they, they figured out how to do some weird stuff that makes it look like someone's invisible and things are invisible.

Tony Woods 24:14 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:14 And it seems like a matter of time before they're gonna apply that at a higher level. Like look at that, that lady's like standing-

Tony Woods 24:21 They used to do that-

Joe Rogan 24:22 Right in front of something.

Tony Woods 24:23 Did you ever do Bruce Harris Club before it was the Stardome?

Joe Rogan 24:26 No.

Tony Woods 24:27 He's w- before it was the Stardome, he had a, he had a, um, he had a, a, what do you, whatever, uh, whatever the screen is.

Joe Rogan 24:34 Can you keep that up? Uh, what is- Yeah. ... what is that object she's using to do that?

Narrator 24:39 I don't... I was trying to catch up with it.

Joe Rogan 24:40 Is that a thing she's holding in front of her?

Narrator 24:43 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:43 It seems like a, like she's holding a screen.

Narrator 24:45 Like she or something.

Joe Rogan 24:46 Yeah.

Tony Woods 24:47 She has-

Joe Rogan 24:47 And it looks like she has-

Tony Woods 24:48 ... like little, little crystals on it or something?

Joe Rogan 24:49 It looks like she has camo pants on.

Tony Woods 24:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:51 So that's a little misleading. Um, so she's got camo pants on, standing in front of that tree, and then the, the thing is showing the image of the tree behind her. Wow. Yeah, they could apply that to a plane, for sure. And then you, you know, with the stealth technology-

Tony Woods 25:07 The Predator did that.

Joe Rogan 25:08 ... can't see it.

Tony Woods 25:08 Remember The Predator?

Joe Rogan 25:09 The Predator, exactly.

Tony Woods 25:10 Yeah. That's what he did, yeah.

Joe Rogan 25:11 That's exactly, had the thing all like, "Ah," thing on his wrist. (laughs)

Tony Woods 25:15 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 25:15 (laughs) The language. The alien language. Boy, if that's what the aliens are like, we're fucked.

Tony Woods 25:20 Yeah. But he was just on a hunting trip.

Joe Rogan 25:22 Yeah.

Tony Woods 25:23 He, he was no different than you. He was just going to kill some animals, man.

Joe Rogan 25:26 Yeah, but he's just taking their heads. He's just rude. "I eat 'em."

Tony Woods 25:29 (laughs) He-

Joe Rogan 25:30 Doesn't even eat 'em. Kills all those nice people, doesn't even eat 'em.

Tony Woods 25:34 Ah. What's, what, um, what do you, what do you think about, um, like big game hunters? Like the people who go to Africa?

Joe Rogan 25:42 Africa's a very complicated situation-

Tony Woods 25:44 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 25:45 ... because Africa has more wild game right now than any time over the last few decades.

Tony Woods 25:54 Okay.

Joe Rogan 25:54 And the reason why they have that is 'cause they made it very valuable. So these people set up these large wild game camps-

Tony Woods 26:00 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 26:00 ... and they, people from all over the world come there, and they pay a lot of money, and they hunt. And they can hunt anything, wildebeests, giraffes.

Tony Woods 26:08 They can't take it with 'em, right?

Joe Rogan 26:09 They can't bring it back with them. And they can, they can eat the meat while they're there, and they'll donate the meat to the villages, which they very much appreciate. My friends who've been over there said it is actually a very nice feeling.

Tony Woods 26:21 But what about like lions? They don't do that, do them?

Joe Rogan 26:23 Nope, they don't eat the lions.

Tony Woods 26:24 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:24 No. Lions is just ... (sighs) It's just likes to, to say you hunted a lion, the, the thrill of hunting a lion, you know?

Tony Woods 26:33 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:33 And then there's the conservation aspect of it. They do have to kill a certain amount of lions.

Tony Woods 26:37 So-

Joe Rogan 26:37 They have a population control that they do.

Tony Woods 26:40 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:40 So like, when they... Remember when Cecil the lion got killed and everybody freaked out?

Tony Woods 26:44 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:44 They shut down lion hunting, and then they had a surplus of lions. And then lions were killing too much antelope and ungulates, so then they had to send in hunters, like professional killers to kill the lions.

Tony Woods 26:55 Well, do you remember this movie that Kirk Douglas was in?

Joe Rogan 26:58 Yeah.

Tony Woods 26:59 I g- uh, yes.

Joe Rogan 26:59 The Ghost and the Darkness.

Tony Woods 27:01 So come to find out, that's a true story.

Joe Rogan 27:03 Yes.

Tony Woods 27:03 And they did the thing on the lions, and one of the lions, uh, uh, he had um, he had, he had an injury. He had hurt his jaw, his tooth or something, like a real bad-

Joe Rogan 27:13 Like a bullet hole?

Tony Woods 27:14 No, he just, like-

Joe Rogan 27:15 Oh.

Tony Woods 27:16 Like biting something big (laughs) and broke a tooth. And so that's why he was hunting humans, because it's easier.

Joe Rogan 27:23 It's easier.

Tony Woods 27:23 Yeah, easier. It's like-

Joe Rogan 27:24 Yeah.

Tony Woods 27:24 It's like eating cotton candy, as opposed to that.

Joe Rogan 27:27 (sighs) Yeah. Right, eating a rhino.

Tony Woods 27:28 But the other one, the other one was fine, but I guess that was like, "All right, man. You're on this special diet, I'm on it with you, son."

Joe Rogan 27:33 (laughs)

Tony Woods 27:33 (laughs) You know what I'm saying? Let's go get these motherfuckers. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 27:37 Well, uh, once you eat us, it's probably so easy.

Tony Woods 27:40 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 27:40 If we don't taste absolutely terrible.

Tony Woods 27:42 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 27:43 The lion pair was said to have killed 135 people.

Tony Woods 27:47 Boom.

Joe Rogan 27:47 Holy shit. 1898.

Tony Woods 27:50 And, and tell them why his, uh, 'cause one of 'em had-

Joe Rogan 27:53 Yeah, right there.

Tony Woods 27:54 So his, his little lion breath probably stunk like shit.

Joe Rogan 27:57 Stunk. It said the, uh-

Tony Woods 27:58 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 27:58 ... Tsavo maneaters are the most widely studied man-eating pantherine cats, given their behavior of hunting humans as a pair, as well as dental injuries reported in one of the lions.

Tony Woods 28:09 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 28:09 A cause commonly attributed to big, big cats turning to humans as prey.

Tony Woods 28:14 And these dudes was weird too, 'cause they didn't have mane. They were both males.

Joe Rogan 28:20 Oh, like that?

Tony Woods 28:21 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 28:21 Is that what they looked like?

Tony Woods 28:22 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 28:22 Wow. How come they didn't have manes?

Tony Woods 28:25 Yeah, so they were equivalent of a, of a guy with a big butt.

Joe Rogan 28:29 Duh. (laughs)

Tony Woods 28:30 You know what I'm saying? (laughs)

Joe Rogan 28:32 But why didn't they have manes?

Tony Woods 28:34 I don't know.

Joe Rogan 28:34 That's so strange.

Tony Woods 28:36 Yeah, the- these two dudes was the poster boys for strange.

Joe Rogan 28:39 Does it say anything about why they didn't have manes? That's so fascinating.

Tony Woods 28:44 Yeah, no manes, and, and his breath.

Joe Rogan 28:46 I thought they all, all the males had manes.

Tony Woods 28:49 And these two dudes, so they were already outcasts, no manes, bad breath.

Joe Rogan 28:55 Yeah. They got nothing. Stanky teeth.

Tony Woods 28:56 They're just gonna have to hit the railroad track and eat some dudes. (laughs) That's what they were doing, yeah.

Joe Rogan 28:59 Imagine, uh, you know, you're spending your whole life trying to kill a zebra.

Tony Woods 29:03 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 29:03 They're fast as fuck. You gotta, you gotta sneak up on 'em.

Tony Woods 29:06 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 29:06 You gotta get 'em. And then you find these people, like, "Oh, Jesus."

Tony Woods 29:09 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 29:09 They can't even run.

Tony Woods 29:10 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 29:11 All stumbling over their own feet.

Tony Woods 29:12 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 29:12 They're wearing shoes.

Tony Woods 29:13 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 29:14 You just take 'em out.

Tony Woods 29:14 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 29:14 And like, "Oh my god, this is so much easier. We can get fat."

Tony Woods 29:17 Yeah, uh, and no work. Didn't have to run.

Joe Rogan 29:20 No work.

Tony Woods 29:20 No water.

Joe Rogan 29:20 No work.

Tony Woods 29:20 Wow, just like...

Joe Rogan 29:21 They can't even see at night.

Tony Woods 29:23 Yes.

Joe Rogan 29:23 These morons.

Tony Woods 29:25 And they, they were all rode- railroad workers or something like that, and shit.

Joe Rogan 29:28 Yeah. You just wait until someone has to piss.

Tony Woods 29:30 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 29:32 Tsavo males look different as well. The most vigorous Serengeti males sport large manes, while the Tsavo, they have short, thin manes or none at all. "It's all about water," Patterson says. Tsavo is hotter and drier than the Serengeti, and a male with a heavy mane would squander his daily water allowance by simply panting under a bush with none to spare for patrolling his territory, hunting, or finding mates. Oh, wow.

Tony Woods 29:55 That's why they was rocking ball heads.

Joe Rogan 29:57 That's wild. I did not know that. So are there lions like that right now that are there? See if you can find like male lions out there with no manes. Wow.

Tony Woods 30:08 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:09 That's interesting.

Tony Woods 30:10 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:10 I didn't know that existed.

Tony Woods 30:12 Why, have you guys been watching, uh, Chimp Empire?

Joe Rogan 30:15 Yes.

Tony Woods 30:15 Man, that is the-

Joe Rogan 30:16 I have the guy in it who directed it.

Tony Woods 30:17 Yeah, that is, well, how did it, how many years did that take?

Joe Rogan 30:20 Oh, look at them. Oh, well here's the deal. They had set up, uh, scientists had set up research there 30 years ago.

Tony Woods 30:27 Wow.

Joe Rogan 30:28 So they had been continually studying these chimps, and they had like very specific rules of engagement. You can't ever eat in front of them. You can't be closer than 20 feet.... or was it 20 yards? 20 yards. You keep them closer-

Tony Woods 30:39 Well, they were actually-

Joe Rogan 30:39 ... than 20 yards.

Tony Woods 30:40 They were cam-

Joe Rogan 30:40 They were right there with them. So they're right there with these chimps-

Tony Woods 30:44 Oh.

Joe Rogan 30:44 ... man. And so they're, like, filming everything and the chimps get accustomed to the people being there because the people never interact with the chimps.

Tony Woods 30:52 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:52 And if the chimps walk towards the people, the people just back away. And, again, you can never eat in front of them.

Tony Woods 30:58 No.

Joe Rogan 30:58 Ever.

Tony Woods 30:59 I tell you-

Joe Rogan 31:00 'Cause they just steal your food and fuck you up.

Tony Woods 31:01 What blew me away was when they ate monkeys.

Joe Rogan 31:04 Oh, yeah.

Tony Woods 31:04 I was like, "Dude, that's... Okay." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 31:06 They eat a lot of monkeys.

Tony Woods 31:07 (laughs) It was like... Yeah. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:09 David Attenborough, I think, was the first guy that captured that on film in, on the BBC, and I remember watching that. And it's-

Tony Woods 31:16 I-

Joe Rogan 31:16 You see this little monkey-

Tony Woods 31:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:18 ... and he's still alive.

Tony Woods 31:19 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:19 And the chimp is eating him from, like, the asshole first.

Tony Woods 31:22 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:22 Like, "Er."

Tony Woods 31:23 And I always thought that they were like vegetarians. I thought they were like gorillas. Gorillas don't eat meat.

Joe Rogan 31:28 No, they don't eat meat. No.

Tony Woods 31:29 Oh. Uh, just, I thought it was just a ran... Oh, no.

Joe Rogan 31:32 No.

Tony Woods 31:32 No, the baboons. I thought they were the only one who ate monkeys.

Joe Rogan 31:35 Yeah, I didn't know either until I watched that documentary. But they eat a lot of monkeys.

Tony Woods 31:39 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:39 And he, that's one of the things that he was kind of, like, reluctant to talk about, the director. I'm like, "How often do they eat monkeys?" He's like... (laughs)

Tony Woods 31:47 (laughs) All of the time.

Joe Rogan 31:48 All of the-

Tony Woods 31:48 All the time.

Joe Rogan 31:49 Every time they can.

Tony Woods 31:50 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 31:50 Every time they can.

Tony Woods 31:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:51 It's like, with us, it's like fast food.

Tony Woods 31:54 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:54 Like literal fast food. There you go.

Tony Woods 31:56 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 31:56 There you go.

Tony Woods 31:57 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 31:58 It's just-

Tony Woods 31:59 I was thinking they ate them 'cause they had tails. So they don't consider them apes, so just-

Joe Rogan 32:04 Hm, I don't think they have morals.

Tony Woods 32:06 ... maybe. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:07 I think that's just survival of the fittest.

Tony Woods 32:08 (laughs) Like you don't want to eat somebody from the ass backwards there, yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:11 It's, and the way the monkey was screaming-

Tony Woods 32:13 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 32:13 While the chimp was just... It's like, it's, they're so close to us.

Tony Woods 32:19 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:19 So when we see them getting eaten, even though we're getting eaten by something that's even closer to us-

Tony Woods 32:23 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:24 ... it still is like, "What?"

Tony Woods 32:25 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:26 But people eat monkeys.

Tony Woods 32:28 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:28 That's, uh, a lot of the tribes people.

Tony Woods 32:30 It's like a pigeon eating chicken.

Joe Rogan 32:32 Right. Right. Or, uh, chickens eating birds. They eat birds.

Tony Woods 32:37 Yeah. Well, I guess birds of prey eat other birds too, right? Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:40 Oh, yeah. All the time. Yeah, I mean, there's crazy videos of seagulls. Seagulls are, uh, they're, they're just swallowing whole pigeons.

Tony Woods 32:50 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:50 You ever seen them do that? They swallow ducks.

Tony Woods 32:52 Yeah, they just (gagging noise)

Joe Rogan 32:54 Just (gagging noise) pelicans. Pelicans swallow ducks.

Tony Woods 32:57 Yeah. I know pelicans aren't that big.

Joe Rogan 32:57 They swallow, pelicans swallow seagulls. (laughs)

Tony Woods 32:59 Yeah. Pelicans are big as shit. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 33:01 They're so big. When they swallow shit, it's crazy, because the thing realizes that it got caught.

Tony Woods 33:07 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 33:07 You can see it moving around-

Tony Woods 33:09 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 33:09 ... inside of its mouth and it can't do shit about it. See what you... See if you can find, like, pelican eats pigeon. (laughs)

Tony Woods 33:17 (laughs) What, what, what about on that Chimp Empire when, uh, they got the leader? They got him-

Joe Rogan 33:23 Yeah.

Tony Woods 33:23 ... and all his boys ran. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 33:25 Yeah.

Tony Woods 33:26 I tell you.

Joe Rogan 33:26 Look at this.

Tony Woods 33:27 Look at that.

Joe Rogan 33:29 Jesus Christ. Look at him throwing that thing back.

Tony Woods 33:32 Well, he's still scratching.

Joe Rogan 33:33 Yeah. Well, it's still in there.

Tony Woods 33:35 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 33:37 Oh, God.

Tony Woods 33:38 Oh, he's in Central Park somewhere?

Joe Rogan 33:40 I don't know where that is.

Guest 33:41 It looks like it-

Tony Woods 33:42 Yeah, it looks like people just walking by.

Joe Rogan 33:44 Look at that. Oh, look at him forcing it down. That's crazy. Get in there, bitch. That bird's moving around inside of his neck.

Tony Woods 33:53 Oh.

Joe Rogan 33:55 Have you ever seen a seagull eat a rat?

Guest 33:57 Mm-mm.

Joe Rogan 33:59 You ever see a seagull eat a rat?

Guest 34:01 No.

Joe Rogan 34:01 That's more impressive. Seagulls eating rats are, it's wild. They just throw them all back.

Tony Woods 34:05 Well, I mean-

Guest 34:05 They get, do seagulls-

Joe Rogan 34:06 Old, seagull's gotta know-

Guest 34:07 ... seagulls eat a rabbit, rat, pigeon, squirrel?

Joe Rogan 34:09 Let's go with rat.

Guest 34:10 Okay.

Joe Rogan 34:10 That's the most disturbing. My voice now does, does sound a little fucked up.

Tony Woods 34:14 You're good.

Guest 34:15 I think I'm gonna, I think I'm gonna have to take these out.

Tony Woods 34:17 Oh, is that cat gonna eat that bird? (laughs)

Joe Rogan 34:19 No, this is a seagull who's gonna eat a rat. Look at him throwing this bitch back.

Tony Woods 34:24 Ah.

Joe Rogan 34:24 Look at it just throwing it back.

Tony Woods 34:27 Ah, come on.

Joe Rogan 34:28 Yeah. He, it probably tastes nasty too and he's like, "Jesus Christ, I can't believe I'm doing this."

Guest 34:33 (laughs)

Tony Woods 34:35 Ugh.

Joe Rogan 34:36 Yeah. How long do you think you can eat swallowing rats whole and live?

Tony Woods 34:40 Ah.

Joe Rogan 34:42 I mean, how many, how many of those can you eat before this-

Tony Woods 34:44 Before you gotta need help somebody's car?

Joe Rogan 34:45 ... your whole body's just filled with toxins.

Tony Woods 34:48 And it, that, that rat was dead.

Joe Rogan 34:49 Oh, yeah. Probably for a long time. And probably dead with poison.

Tony Woods 34:52 Poison, yeah.

Joe Rogan 34:53 Yeah.

Tony Woods 34:53 Ugh.

Joe Rogan 34:54 Yeah. That's, um, one of the things that happens at the Hollywood Hills. They kill a lot of owls inadvertently 'cause they're poisoning the rats and the, the rats are running around-

Tony Woods 35:04 Oh.

Joe Rogan 35:04 ... the owls eat the rats, the owls get poisoned.

Tony Woods 35:07 Yeah. They had to put a, we, we have an overrun of rats in DC, just, and the rats behave like squirrels. They just pop out. They don't give a... Yeah, and but people are training their dogs.

Joe Rogan 35:22 To go after rats?

Tony Woods 35:23 To go after rats. It, I, I know you guys seen that video.

Joe Rogan 35:26 Yeah, but your dog could get rabies. Your dog can get-

Tony Woods 35:28 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 35:28 ... all kinds of shit. I mean, most likely won't, most likely your dog will fuck up a rat.

Tony Woods 35:32 Yeah. And they're saying for people to please curb your dog because the dogs eat dog food, which is high in protein, and the rats eat that.

Joe Rogan 35:41 Oh, whoa, this hawk got that rat.

Guest 35:44 It's still a fucking rat. His legs are still on the ground.

Joe Rogan 35:45 Hawks are fucking awesome.

Tony Woods 35:47 Yes.

Joe Rogan 35:48 They're so awesome.

Guest 35:51 He just starts ripping it apart.

Tony Woods 35:54 He's avoiding from-

Joe Rogan 35:54 There's a ton of videos of eagles killing birds.

Tony Woods 35:57 Oh.

Joe Rogan 35:58 Yeah. Oh, boy.

Tony Woods 35:59 (laughs)

Guest 35:59 Son.

Joe Rogan 36:00 Whoa, play that again. Play that part again.

Tony Woods 36:03 Oh.

Joe Rogan 36:04 Let me see it again. Just-

Tony Woods 36:04 Mama.

Joe Rogan 36:05 ... off, off with his head.

Tony Woods 36:06 Oh.

Joe Rogan 36:06 Give me that.

Tony Woods 36:06 Look at this.

Guest 36:08 Jesus Christ.

Tony Woods 36:09 He's going yummity-yum.

Joe Rogan 36:11 There's no morals involved in this. There's no thinking, no nerves, no, no remorse, no-

Tony Woods 36:18 That's gotta be a hard way to go too.

Joe Rogan 36:20 That's a hard way to go.

Tony Woods 36:21 'Cause you're in shock.

Joe Rogan 36:22 All of a sudden these giant hands-

Tony Woods 36:24 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 36:25 ... with claws that dig into your ribcage-

Tony Woods 36:27 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 36:27 ... and you already know you're dead.

Tony Woods 36:29 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 36:29 Like, if that thing's grabbing you and you, it's flying off with you, you already know you're dead.

Tony Woods 36:32 And you, you're suffocating-

Guest 36:33 Yeah.

Tony Woods 36:33 ... 'cause he's way up there, you can't breathe, yeah.

Joe Rogan 36:34 Well, you're breathing now from your ribs too. You got holes in your ribs now.

Tony Woods 36:37 Ah.

Joe Rogan 36:37 You probably got a punctured lung.

Tony Woods 36:39 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 36:39 They're crushing you.

Tony Woods 36:39 (laughs) Just go ahead and eat me already, motherfucker.

Joe Rogan 36:41 Jesus Christ.

Tony Woods 36:43 (laughs)

Guest 36:43 I'm, on my way here today a, a bird dropped out of the sky when I was at a red light and I was like, "What the fuck was that?" Oh, Tesla recording me, find out later.

Joe Rogan 36:51 Oh, wow.

Guest 36:53 I think-

Joe Rogan 36:54 ... uh, I think a bigger bird got a bird and its friends were trying to, like, get it back-

Tony Woods 37:00 And they dropped them.

Joe Rogan 37:00 ... when the hawk, the bigger one just dropped it.

Tony Woods 37:02 Oh. Whoa.

Joe Rogan 37:02 'Cause I could see other birds flying around as I went by, but-

Tony Woods 37:05 Yeah, bird on bird warfare is going on all the time. Yeah, they do that on... Uh, like if you just throw out stuff for the seagulls, and you give it to one of them, and then they go, "No, bitch, give me that."

Joe Rogan 37:13 Yeah.

Tony Woods 37:13 And they just, like, they all fight and stuff. It's- I was watching, uh, a bunch of crows chase off a hawk. There was all these crows that were like, uh, uh, d- d- just swarming in on this hawk, trying to get the fucking hawk out of there. 'Cause the hawk will eat their babies. Get outta here, bitch. But, but h- hawks, they, th- w- as far as flying manue- they can... Or is it, the falcon is the one who can maneuver real good.

Joe Rogan 37:34 They're really fast.

Tony Woods 37:34 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 37:35 Falcons are really fast.

Tony Woods 37:36 Yeah. Whereas a hawk is-

Joe Rogan 37:36 They come in dive bombing-

Tony Woods 37:38 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 37:38 ... like, 200 miles an hour. Like-

Tony Woods 37:39 A hawk's more like a vet.

Joe Rogan 37:41 Right.

Tony Woods 37:42 Just-

Joe Rogan 37:43 Yeah.

Tony Woods 37:43 Yeah, but he can't.

Joe Rogan 37:44 Yeah.

Tony Woods 37:45 Old, turning, going-

Joe Rogan 37:45 Well, they just swarm on him. J- just fuck with him until he quits. Until he's burning off so much energy and he's so wore out. He's like, "I'll go find something else to eat."

Tony Woods 37:54 Have you (laughs) , have you (laughs) , have you ever done, uh, the, the, the comedy festivals in Australia?

Joe Rogan 38:00 No.

Tony Woods 38:01 Man, so it was me and Al Lebel. You know Al Lebel?

Joe Rogan 38:04 Yeah.

Tony Woods 38:05 We walk (laughs) , and it looks like when... On Batman, you know when they do the bat symbol?

Joe Rogan 38:11 Uh-huh.

Tony Woods 38:11 'Cause you're just looking down at the ground. We had no idea about the fruit bats in Australia. You know, they're like, they're like this big, right? So you walking, and, and it's just like, you like, you see that light from... Must be a nightclub or something. And then you see a whole bunch of them. And I look up, I'm like, "Al, look at that." And (laughs) , and me, Al Lebel, ........................... It's cold over here. (laughs) And it was just sw- swarming by. Look how big they are. They like chihuahuas. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 38:41 (laughs)

Tony Woods 38:41 Are they really that size? They are big. Look at this big motherf-

Joe Rogan 38:44 Oh my God. Is that person holding one?

Tony Woods 38:46 And they right, and they right in the city. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:47 Sc- scroll down a little, Jamie.

Narrator 38:48 Sorry.

Joe Rogan 38:49 No worries.

Tony Woods 38:49 And they right in... See, they right in the city. They not-

Joe Rogan 38:51 Look at the size of that thing.

Tony Woods 38:52 You don't have to go to the woods to see these motherfuckers.

Joe Rogan 38:54 Look at that guy holding one of... The lady holding one of the top. Look at the size of these things.

Tony Woods 38:59 Yeah, look at that. Th- th- look, and that's right at her h... That's not in the wilderness. That's right downtown Sydney.

Joe Rogan 39:03 Wow. Oh my God.

Tony Woods 39:06 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 39:06 What do those things eat?

Tony Woods 39:07 Mm-hmm. Fruit. Look at them.

Joe Rogan 39:09 Jesus. Literally like flying chihuahuas.

Tony Woods 39:13 Yes.

Joe Rogan 39:14 Australia is a wild place.

Tony Woods 39:16 This, uh... So we were, we were there, and they have a big, they have a big, uh, gala for the comedians. So (clears throat) , and it's right in Chinatown, and they said, "Hey, you know, be careful 'cause the, the triad is over there. The, the little gang members."

Joe Rogan 39:30 Mm.

Tony Woods 39:30 Right? And they (laughs) and they... But they dressed like they in a video. They don't, you know, they don't, they don't look like they should fight with what they got on. They got, like, little suits and shit like that.

Joe Rogan 39:38 Okay.

Tony Woods 39:39 And so, so me being the, the big tough American, I'm like, "Yo, I'll walk you to the car." Right? 'Cause she has a train on her dress and everything. It's a black tie thing.

Joe Rogan 39:48 Right.

Tony Woods 39:48 And we're walking to the car, and I saw the biggest rat ever coming down the alley. He's just galloping right towards me. I'm like, "Yo, look at the rat. Yo, look at the rat." And she goes, she looks over and she goes, "Aw," but by then Tony was gone.

Joe Rogan 40:03 (laughs)

Tony Woods 40:03 So (laughs) and she's just... I can't believe you ran. I can't believe you didn't run.

Joe Rogan 40:09 (laughs)

Tony Woods 40:09 What the fuck? I didn't know it was an opossum, the-dead possum-

Joe Rogan 40:13 Oh.

Tony Woods 40:14 ... with the big... So he's like a m-

Joe Rogan 40:16 Right, right.

Tony Woods 40:16 ... giant monkey rat.

Joe Rogan 40:17 Yeah.

Tony Woods 40:17 He's b- and he's, he's coming down the alley, you know, and, and I'm trying to tell her like, "Come on, come on, come on." And she's more worried about her shoes and shit, and then, you know, man.

Joe Rogan 40:28 My dog got one of those in the yard the other day and it played dead and he just left it there. Yeah.

Tony Woods 40:31 A real opossum? American possum?

Joe Rogan 40:33 Yeah. They, they, they have the creepiest faces, like...

Tony Woods 40:36 (laughs) But they do, they do play possum.

Joe Rogan 40:39 Yeah, they play possum, and it works.

Tony Woods 40:41 They work (laughs) you think, you know-

Joe Rogan 40:42 I watched a video the other day of one getting attacked, Australian possum.

Tony Woods 40:46 Yes, that's him.

Joe Rogan 40:47 Aw.

Tony Woods 40:47 Yeah, that's what she said.

Joe Rogan 40:48 Ain't that cute?

Tony Woods 40:48 She said, "Aw."

Joe Rogan 40:50 That's a cute little guy.

Tony Woods 40:51 Fuck that dude, man.

Joe Rogan 40:52 Look at his little pink little nose.

Tony Woods 40:53 He was coming down the alley. He was coming-

Joe Rogan 40:56 Running at you.

Tony Woods 40:56 Yeah, yes.

Joe Rogan 40:57 Oh, that's pretty big.

Tony Woods 40:58 Look how big- Yeah.

Joe Rogan 40:58 That's pretty big.

Tony Woods 40:59 So-

Joe Rogan 40:59 Oh, yeah. And it's dark.

Tony Woods 41:00 In the alley, it's dark.

Joe Rogan 41:01 It's dark.

Tony Woods 41:02 Rat.

Joe Rogan 41:02 A giant rat.

Tony Woods 41:03 That's, yeah, giant rat with-

Joe Rogan 41:04 Jesus Christ.

Tony Woods 41:04 Look at his eyes.

Joe Rogan 41:05 Red eyes.

Tony Woods 41:05 Look at his eyes. Look at his eyes.

Joe Rogan 41:06 Rabies.

Narrator 41:07 The headphones.

Joe Rogan 41:07 I'm gonna get rabies in London.

Tony Woods 41:09 So-

Joe Rogan 41:09 Fuck this.

Tony Woods 41:10 Uh, you know-

Joe Rogan 41:10 If you hear it.

Tony Woods 41:10 ... I, I told her, I said, "I'll fight them dudes." I said it out loud (laughs) . Like, "I'll, I'll fight them dudes." But this (laughs) 'cause sh- sh- wha- she waited right until the last moment and looked over and go, "Aw."

Joe Rogan 41:22 Aw.

Tony Woods 41:23 Tony was gone.

Joe Rogan 41:24 (laughs)

Tony Woods 41:25 (laughs) Peace, bitch.

Joe Rogan 41:26 (laughs)

Tony Woods 41:28 Oh.

Joe Rogan 41:28 I saw a video of a coyote, he gets a possum. The possum plays possum, and while the possum's laying there, the coyote pisses on it and then walks away. Like, he left it there.

Tony Woods 41:39 Why he do that?

Joe Rogan 41:40 I don't know.

Tony Woods 41:42 Just p- (laughs) .

Joe Rogan 41:42 I guess he's just like wanted it, like, he killed it. He's like, "Good, I got it. I'm gonna just leave it there. I'll eat it later. Let it rot out a little bit."

Tony Woods 41:49 What? Wait.

Joe Rogan 41:50 So he snatches it and it just plays dead. It stops moving. So he's like, "Oh, all right, I guess it's dead." So he moves it around a little bit. It's playing dead, so he thinks it's really dead, so he pisses on it.

Tony Woods 42:04 Just to mark it, like he's-

Joe Rogan 42:05 Yeah, watch. Gets over it. He's like, "Okay, this is mine, bitch. If somebody comes by, I'm gonna let these motherfuckers know. Should I piss on my food? Yeah, I probably should. Let me piss on it real quick." He's just pissing on his food.

Tony Woods 42:19 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 42:19 He's just killed it-

Tony Woods 42:19 He's labeling his lunch.

Joe Rogan 42:20 He's pissing on his lunch.

Tony Woods 42:22 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 42:22 Maybe that helps the, the, the f-

Tony Woods 42:24 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 42:24 ... the food break down. Maybe it's a marinade or some sort.

Tony Woods 42:28 Does he pick it up? Does he, does he leave after that?

Joe Rogan 42:29 He just left it there.

Tony Woods 42:30 Nah, I think-

Joe Rogan 42:30 'Cause that's what they do a lot of times with cats. They'll kill them and then they'll come back later and eat them when they're stiff.

Tony Woods 42:35 Uh.

Joe Rogan 42:36 I think they like them a little maggoty.

Tony Woods 42:38 When the stink is kicked in.

Joe Rogan 42:39 Yeah.

Tony Woods 42:40 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 42:40 I think... Well, a lot of animals do that. They bury-

Tony Woods 42:42 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 42:42 ... their food after they kill it.

Tony Woods 42:44 'Cause, it, uh, I, I guess it's like curing meat or something.

Joe Rogan 42:48 Well, if... I would imagine it gets a lot more moist.

Tony Woods 42:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 42:51 Or a lot more, uh, tender for all the meat is breaking down.

Tony Woods 42:54 It's not as gamey.

Joe Rogan 42:56 Ugh.

Tony Woods 42:57 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 42:58 (laughs) I think they're probably just-... used... Well, I mean, maybe they develop a taste for it.

Tony Woods 43:03 Well, who is this... It's an animal I saw on the internet the other day. It was this... He's, like, just the baddest little dude. A honey badger.

Joe Rogan 43:10 Uh-huh.

Tony Woods 43:10 You ever see one of them?

Joe Rogan 43:11 Oh, yeah. Yeah, I saw a honey badger.

Tony Woods 43:12 I never... He, he fights li... He's just an asshole. He's just a bad-

Joe Rogan 43:16 Yeah.

Tony Woods 43:16 ... little dude.

Joe Rogan 43:17 Ferocious little animal.

Tony Woods 43:19 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 43:20 Yeah.

Tony Woods 43:21 This is... This is good, man, 'cause I... 'cause I have problems with animals all the time.

Joe Rogan 43:25 You have problems with animals?

Tony Woods 43:26 They just... I don't know, man. I got... I got attacked by, like, uh, what's it called? Pygmy goats.

Joe Rogan 43:33 Uh, really? Goats are mean sometimes.

Tony Woods 43:35 This was like at a children's thing.

Joe Rogan 43:37 Yeah.

Tony Woods 43:37 And we're in London, and it was kinda embarrassing. As a matter of fact, uh, it was me, Red Johnny, the round guy, and Stu Cammans. And we're in the Children's Zoo of London, and we walk by. I'm the only Virgo, and this (laughs) little monkey jumped on the thing. He just started screaming right at me. Like, I'm like, "Really, dude? You gonna do that?"

Joe Rogan 43:59 (laughs)

Tony Woods 43:59 "You gonna fucking do that right..." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 44:02 (laughs)

Tony Woods 44:02 "You gonna fucking do that, you bastard?" And then we go to feed the little goats their little pebbles, and I had these red Nikes. And every little goat and that motherfucker just started going crazy. Then again, I was the asshole again because I kicked one. I was like, "Yo." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 44:18 Oh. And then they knew you kicked them, and so then they came-

Tony Woods 44:21 But the kids were like-

Joe Rogan 44:22 ... after you?

Tony Woods 44:23 The little kids... 'Cause the goats were just making a beeline for my sneakers.

Joe Rogan 44:28 Trying to eat them?

Tony Woods 44:29 Just... Just-

Joe Rogan 44:30 Fucking with them?

Tony Woods 44:30 Yeah, just chewing on them and just fucking with them. Yeah. Red Johnny was crying.

Joe Rogan 44:35 (groans) (laughs)

Tony Woods 44:36 'Cause you know how he... He does this when he laughs.

Joe Rogan 44:38 Ah.

Tony Woods 44:39 I saw him the other day, he looks like, uh, Miami Vice. You see him.

Joe Rogan 44:43 What, what's he doing these days?

Tony Woods 44:45 Well, he's Bender.

Joe Rogan 44:48 What do you mean?

Tony Woods 44:49 He's Bender.

Joe Rogan 44:50 What does that mean?

Tony Woods 44:51 Uh, Futurama.

Joe Rogan 44:53 Oh.

Tony Woods 44:54 He's been... He's been Bender the whole time.

Joe Rogan 44:56 I don't even... What's Futurama?

Tony Woods 44:57 It's a cartoon.

Guest 44:59 Oh.

Joe Rogan 44:59 The cartoon, right?

Guest 44:59 Yeah, yeah.

Tony Woods 45:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 45:00 I never watched that show. I heard it's really good.

Tony Woods 45:02 Yeah. When, when you hear his voice, you gonna go, "Oh, shit." See, look at Johnny.

Joe Rogan 45:05 Oh, look at that.

Tony Woods 45:08 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 45:08 They were funny together, man.

Tony Woods 45:09 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 45:09 Red Johnny, the round guy, was... It was a funny combination too.

Tony Woods 45:12 Yeah. "If I knew it was gonna be this type of party."

Joe Rogan 45:14 (groans)

Tony Woods 45:15 Remember they used to say that?

Joe Rogan 45:15 Yeah. It's funny when you, uh, know guys as long as we have.

Tony Woods 45:21 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 45:22 You know?

Tony Woods 45:23 Yeah, look at them.

Joe Rogan 45:24 Look at them. Kids. I mean, Tony, I've known you for, like, 30 years.

Tony Woods 45:29 Yeah, but I was-

Joe Rogan 45:29 Isn't that wild?

Tony Woods 45:30 Uh, what was... When I first came to New York, what was it? Uh, '91. I just... '91, I had just come... I just-

Joe Rogan 45:37 Yeah.

Tony Woods 45:37 ... got released from the military. And I... And that one week I did Caroline's Comedy Hour and Def Jam.

Joe Rogan 45:43 Wow.

Tony Woods 45:44 And I was like, "Boy, this Caroline's is gonna work out for me." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 45:47 (laughs)

Tony Woods 45:48 I had no idea Def Jam was gonna blow like that, man.

Joe Rogan 45:52 Yeah.

Tony Woods 45:53 Uh, so... And I... Well, yeah, speaking of animals, I had done something on Showtime. It's called the Leslie Nielsen National Lampoon Comedy Playoffs. Right? And it was... They pick a comedian from all over the country, go out to Vegas. We stayed in the Sahara Hotel. Because my last name is Woods, I had a suite. So, the, the other guys had a regular room, but I had... I had a suite. And, um... But on that show I tell a joke about Bigfoot. And I never saw Bigfoot, but I was... We would tr- We were on training. You do these training where you go make maps and all this shit. And we heard him.

Joe Rogan 46:30 You heard Bigfoot?

Tony Woods 46:31 Heard Bigfoot. I heard him.

Joe Rogan 46:32 What does it sound like?

Tony Woods 46:33 (imitates bigfoot call) (laughs) I could still do that. He does that. But he... Everything you see on them stupid TV shows, that happened. He threw a rock, all the animals started running, and a marine... 'Cause, you know, he's the guy who knows where the markers are, but we didn't know where the markers were. He's the one who says, "Hey, we... We're out of the perimeter. Have you guys ever heard of Bigfoot?" Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He tells... He was Native American. But he... He just said that, and we-

Joe Rogan 47:00 W- Where were you guys? What state?

Tony Woods 47:02 Uh, like, Nova Scotia.

Joe Rogan 47:04 Nova Scotia.

Tony Woods 47:04 Where they do cold weather training.

Joe Rogan 47:06 Hmm.

Tony Woods 47:07 Yeah. And you have to make your own map-

Joe Rogan 47:09 You sure they weren't fucking with you?

Tony Woods 47:11 I'm pretty sure. Who did... Who threw that rock?

Joe Rogan 47:13 Somebody that was fucking with you?

Tony Woods 47:14 No. I don't-

Joe Rogan 47:15 No?

Tony Woods 47:16 ... know why you're fucking with the animals too. All the animals ran too.

Joe Rogan 47:18 Yeah.

Tony Woods 47:18 Remember how you said, "They know how to get away"? (laughs) They... All these fuckers just... They just did a little mass exodus. And it's a... It's an old-

Joe Rogan 47:25 I'm very skeptical of Bigfoot.

Tony Woods 47:29 I've never seen him, but I never heard nothing like that either.

Joe Rogan 47:32 Well, so what... If you had a... Did it sound like, uh-

Tony Woods 47:34 It just sounded... It, it, it was a-

Joe Rogan 47:37 What was it similar to?

Tony Woods 47:39 You ever hear Luther Vandross sing live?

Joe Rogan 47:40 (laughs)

Tony Woods 47:41 (laughs) That motherfucker.

Joe Rogan 47:44 Ah.

Tony Woods 47:45 Like, when you hear him on a record, it's one thing, but when you hear him live he's like (imitates bigfoot call) like that. He didn't sound like that, but it was the same-

Joe Rogan 47:54 Power.

Tony Woods 47:55 ... power. Like hair on the back of your neck kinda.

Joe Rogan 47:57 Yeah.

Tony Woods 47:57 What the fuck?

Joe Rogan 47:59 Well, you know bears do that sometimes.

Tony Woods 48:01 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 48:01 Bears, uh-

Tony Woods 48:02 That's-

Joe Rogan 48:02 ... especially when... What year... What time of the year was it?

Tony Woods 48:05 It was... It was winter.

Joe Rogan 48:07 Winter.

Tony Woods 48:07 Because, you listen to the wind, it's like... It sounds like a train coming.

Joe Rogan 48:12 Mm-hmm.

Tony Woods 48:12 You gotta determine where the wind is coming from, and, like, get, like, on a tree or something, because a lot of the, um, icicles are coming like darts and shit.

Joe Rogan 48:20 Oh, wow.

Tony Woods 48:21 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 48:21 Jesus.

Tony Woods 48:22 And that night we were joking about... I was joking around about it and everything. And, and one of the officers says, "You know, this is a facility and, you know, we don't... Heard you're a comedian. We don't make..." Basically, you can't... You can't go on stage and go, "Hey, guess where I was at?" So, I just... I was just... In the joke I'm just camping, and we, um-

Joe Rogan 48:43 Oh, I see.

Tony Woods 48:45 Yeah. But there's nobody who's in the military. But we... And, and in the joke, I actually do see Bigfoot. It's... It's funny.

Joe Rogan 48:52 (laughs) So, tell me... So, how did it happen? What was going on? What were the circumstances?

Tony Woods 48:59 We were, uh-

Joe Rogan 48:59 Lay it out for me.

Tony Woods 49:00 Okay. You... You have, uh...... you get... 'cause it's cold and it's raining, so we're, like, in a little circle. It was... And it's kinda raining, kinda sleeting. And we're talking about w- you know, we're gonna do this and do that 'cause we were comparing shit and everybody's fucking up. We found our third marker first. Like, and it's supposed to be, like, a two or three-day thing, right? And the good teams, like, y- you do it in the classroom for a couple days and then a team goes out, a team come back, team goes out. And some of the guys who weren't as good as us in the classroom were coming right back in two days. They just spent the night, spent one night and came back. Shit, man, we was on our third day, dog (laughs) -

Joe Rogan 49:40 Mm-hmm.

Tony Woods 49:40 ... and we're like, "What is..." And then our first marker was the third marker. But he couldn't help us, but then after we heard that, he's like, "Look, you guys fucked up." So we just... 'Cause we were all-

Joe Rogan 49:52 So how long did it take in total?

Tony Woods 49:54 We left right after that, dog. He told us where we... (laughs) We just... We... Yeah, he didn't wanna be there in the morning, we wanted to be there.

Joe Rogan 50:01 Ah.

Tony Woods 50:02 Yeah. So yeah, it's a lot of fudging going on, so yeah.

Joe Rogan 50:05 Oh, okay. So he said, "Yeah, good enough."

Tony Woods 50:07 It was good enough, yeah.

Joe Rogan 50:08 So you guys were out there and, like, explain to me what happened and, and who was telling you that it's Bigfoot?

Tony Woods 50:14 The... Well, we all heard it-

Joe Rogan 50:15 Right.

Tony Woods 50:15 Like, everybody's like, "What the fuck?" And then everything's running, deer, everything's just, like, just scurrying, but we heard the... You know how you throw a stick through the, through the branches?

Joe Rogan 50:26 Uh-huh.

Tony Woods 50:26 You just throw it through... Like, it's just, like, a big something just flew through the trees and then that's when he s-... He, he's kind of... You know, and of course, we're like, "Fuck outta here."

Joe Rogan 50:37 Right.

Tony Woods 50:37 But, but it was, it was just, it was just too weird to... And then it... And then he was like, "Yeah, you guys missed your other markers. I might know where they are." (laughs) So we just kinda went and got all our markers and went back to the base 'cause we, we're out, dude. We're out, like, 20 miles out. You have to make it-

Joe Rogan 50:56 Out there with Bigfoot.

Tony Woods 50:57 Well, I wasn't really worried about Bigfoot 'cause from according to that dude, Bigfoot don't bother you. I was worried about the other animals.

Joe Rogan 51:05 So that dude's seen Bigfoot before?

Tony Woods 51:07 I don't know if he's seen him before. But he just said he don't bo-... He, he just lets you know when you've gone too far in the woods.

Joe Rogan 51:14 For real?

Tony Woods 51:15 Like, d-... Nobody ever says-

Joe Rogan 51:16 I wanna believe this.

Tony Woods 51:16 Nobody ever says that they, he grabs you and, and do that. He just does warning things, just like on those stupid TV sh-... You ever watch those shows?

Joe Rogan 51:24 Oh, yeah.

Tony Woods 51:25 Where they go, "Oh, we hear..."

Joe Rogan 51:25 Yeah.

Tony Woods 51:25 "We think we heard the Sasquatch."

Joe Rogan 51:27 Yeah.

Tony Woods 51:28 And you see-

Joe Rogan 51:28 That's been the least successful successful show ever.

Tony Woods 51:30 Yes, but-

Joe Rogan 51:31 They've been trying to find Bigfoot for, like, eight seasons.

Tony Woods 51:34 I've spent-

Joe Rogan 51:34 Still on.

Tony Woods 51:34 ... a whole day on the road.

Joe Rogan 51:36 (laughs)

Tony Woods 51:36 Like, if I'm running to my hotel, I spent the whole day, "Oh, shit, they about to get us."

Joe Rogan 51:40 (laughs)

Tony Woods 51:41 Oh, shit. (laughs) I'm like, "Oh, my God."

Joe Rogan 51:43 Yeah, me too.

Tony Woods 51:44 And then I'm like, "It's 5:00."

Joe Rogan 51:45 They got me again.

Tony Woods 51:46 Yeah, you're like, "Fuck-"

Joe Rogan 51:47 Yeah.

Tony Woods 51:47 "... man, I gotta go get something to eat." I, you know...

Joe Rogan 51:49 Yeah, that's not... Those aren't so successful.

Tony Woods 51:52 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 51:53 I mean, the best they get is, like, a sound.

Tony Woods 51:56 Do I... Yeah, that's it-

Joe Rogan 51:56 And, but those people s-

Tony Woods 51:57 That's all I got.

Joe Rogan 51:58 Reality shows, man, they're not really reality. They, they fuck around.

Tony Woods 52:03 Mm.

Joe Rogan 52:03 They fuck around with editing, you know. I was on one of those.

Tony Woods 52:07 What, what... Do you do the naked one?

Joe Rogan 52:09 A naked one? Like, on Naked and Confused?

Tony Woods 52:11 The naked one. Naked. Yeah, no.

Joe Rogan 52:11 What is it called?

Tony Woods 52:11 Naked in a, what's it called?

Joe Rogan 52:12 Afraid. Naked and Afraid. Naked and Afraid. (laughs)

Tony Woods 52:14 Naked... (laughs) Yeah, I did with you, man. Man, but you know how much... I had a uniform on and we all got bugs.

Joe Rogan 52:20 Yeah, naked. Oh, boy.

Tony Woods 52:20 So I know, yeah. Oh, my God.

Joe Rogan 52:23 The suffering.

Tony Woods 52:24 Yeah, it's-

Joe Rogan 52:24 Also-

Tony Woods 52:24 Mm.

Joe Rogan 52:24 ... I don't know if they... What could... How, how bad can you get fucked up and how quickly can they get you to a hospital?

Tony Woods 52:31 Yeah. And like, like you say-

Joe Rogan 52:33 (laughs)

Tony Woods 52:33 ... where, where are the, the watchers? Where are the people-

Joe Rogan 52:35 Right.

Tony Woods 52:35 Yeah, 'cause, I mean-

Joe Rogan 52:37 This is not safe.

Tony Woods 52:38 People get... The, the one time, the lady, her snatch was all swollen.

Joe Rogan 52:42 Oh.

Tony Woods 52:43 (laughs) 'Cause he said... They had bit her all up and everything 'cause her cycle came and yeah.

Joe Rogan 52:48 Well, how about that show Alone?

Tony Woods 52:51 Oh, dat-

Joe Rogan 52:51 You see that show, Alone?

Tony Woods 52:52 Yeah, dat, yeah.

Joe Rogan 52:53 The dude I had on the show, he shot a moose with a bow and arrow and then he had to kill a wolverine that was trying to steal his moose.

Tony Woods 53:01 Woo. And he was naked through all of that?

Joe Rogan 53:03 He... No, no. (laughs)

Tony Woods 53:04 Oh, shit. (laughs) Fucking A.

Joe Rogan 53:09 No, he wouldn't have made it.

Tony Woods 53:10 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 53:10 Yeah, no, it's a... Alone is a show where you're allowed to have a certain amount of things, right? We had Jordan Jonas on the podcast. He's the guy who won. I think he won season six. Is that what he won? Do you remember?

Guest 53:21 Uh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 53:23 Tony, your phone's ringing.

Tony Woods 53:24 Yeah, I know.

Joe Rogan 53:25 Kill that shit.

Tony Woods 53:26 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 53:27 Um, but-

Tony Woods 53:28 How'd it... What's this thing?

Joe Rogan 53:29 ... that dude shot a moose with a bow and arrow.

Guest 53:33 How'd you... I don't know how to do that.

Joe Rogan 53:34 Do you not know how to do that? There's, like, a little switch. You wanna give it to me?

Tony Woods 53:36 Which one? I ended up taking a picture.

Joe Rogan 53:38 Oh, huh? I'll show you how to make it vibrate. You just hit this little thing down at the bottom.

Tony Woods 53:42 I thought it was a... It, it, it vibrated all the other times.

Joe Rogan 53:45 Oh, it has to pop up. That's what it is. You have a phone case that has, like, a cover over your buttons.

Tony Woods 53:50 'Cause I drop my phone a lot.

Joe Rogan 53:52 How much do you drop it? All right, now it's on.

Tony Woods 53:54 But I... You know, I always do this. Like, I drop it, but I always catch it or kick it so that it never-

Joe Rogan 54:00 (laughs)

Tony Woods 54:00 ... it never hits the screen. It's like uh, uh, uh, uh, and then bam, and then hit that part, bang.

Joe Rogan 54:04 Jamie's one of those risk-takers.

Tony Woods 54:07 You know what? Just got a naked phone.

Joe Rogan 54:08 Naked phone.

Tony Woods 54:09 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:09 You got it in a case now. Oh.

Guest 54:11 I got this little thing. It's got, like, it's got coverage on the corners and stuff.

Joe Rogan 54:14 Oh, right. That's the latest thing. And that's been-

Tony Woods 54:17 And that's good enough for you?

Guest 54:17 Yeah, I dropped it just the other day and, like, screen was like... Oh, there, there's the one. Screen fucked up.

Joe Rogan 54:22 Mm-hmm.

Tony Woods 54:22 I didn't, I didn't know that-

Guest 54:22 Like, the perfect, it's fine.

Tony Woods 54:23 ... putting it on your waist was a old man thing.

Joe Rogan 54:25 That's an old man move.

Tony Woods 54:26 Yeah, I know, 'cause I do that and my son's like, "What you doing, man?"

Joe Rogan 54:28 You never see a hot girl with a phone on her hip.

Tony Woods 54:31 But it's so convenient though.

Joe Rogan 54:32 Like a clip. People... If you saw a girl-

Tony Woods 54:34 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 54:35 ... like, a hot girl with, like, an iPhone Max-

Tony Woods 54:38 I hear you.

Joe Rogan 54:38 ... on her hip, you're like, "What the fuck is wrong with her?"

Tony Woods 54:40 God.

Joe Rogan 54:41 It's weird, right? You're like, "She's weird."

Tony Woods 54:43 I would go, "That is so convenient, isn't it?"

Joe Rogan 54:45 It's very convenient.

Tony Woods 54:46 Yes. Yeah, right, 'cause you, you can do this and you, you turn it that way.

Joe Rogan 54:49 But you know what ladies have now? They have, like, a thing that goes around their neck-

Tony Woods 54:53 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:53 ... it's almost like a purse and they keep their phone-

Tony Woods 54:55 Phone.

Joe Rogan 54:55 ... like, on hanging and, you know, a couple credit cards in there.

Tony Woods 54:58 Yes. How-

Joe Rogan 54:58 Bam.

Tony Woods 54:59 And, and, and-

Joe Rogan 54:59 That's a good move.

Tony Woods 55:00 ... and ask, and I say, "Mrs. Woods, your son told you that's dangerous." I'm like, "Ma, somebody could just take the whole..."... and everything is gone. My mother has that.

Joe Rogan 55:09 Oh.

Tony Woods 55:09 That's what you're talking about with the-

Joe Rogan 55:10 Someone could snatch it.

Tony Woods 55:11 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:12 Yeah, that's, that's true, too.

Tony Woods 55:13 Yeah. I don't, uh, it's 'cause it's all your baskets in one egg or something like that.

Joe Rogan 55:19 Something like that.

Tony Woods 55:19 (laughs) You know what I meant to say, but-

Joe Rogan 55:22 Yes, sir. All your eggs in one basket.

Tony Woods 55:24 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:25 Yeah, you always gotta be thinking about that, I guess, convenience and thievery.

Tony Woods 55:29 And-

Joe Rogan 55:29 That's why fanny pack is the best move.

Tony Woods 55:31 And, and wait, hold up, w- uh, w- well, you know Aruba Ray, right? Ray Allen?

Joe Rogan 55:36 Okay.

Tony Woods 55:36 You remember Ray? He does a show down in Aruba. And I was down there, and, um, what, what is this thing? It's a sea urchin?

Joe Rogan 55:44 Yeah.

Tony Woods 55:44 Yeah, that got me down there. I didn't step on it-

Joe Rogan 55:47 Oh, yeah.

Tony Woods 55:47 ...'cause that's fucked up, but I just kinda...

Joe Rogan 55:50 I stepped on one of those. Um, I stepped on a, a fire ant hill on Saturday.

Tony Woods 55:56 W- w- I mean-

Joe Rogan 55:57 Not on Saturday, on Tuesday.

Tony Woods 55:58 ... those are the-

Joe Rogan 55:58 On the 4th of July.

Tony Woods 55:59 Are those the big ones that bite?

Joe Rogan 56:00 No, they're little ones, but they fuck me up.

Tony Woods 56:02 Where they bi- where they get you at?

Joe Rogan 56:03 All over my foot. Look at what my foot looks like, all swollen to this.

Tony Woods 56:06 Fuck, man.

Joe Rogan 56:07 Yeah. That was just yesterday.

Tony Woods 56:10 Is... How's your foot now?

Joe Rogan 56:11 It's fine. Now it's normal.

Tony Woods 56:13 Oh.

Joe Rogan 56:14 But I, I got stung, like, 15 times.

Tony Woods 56:17 My toes look like that anyway.

Joe Rogan 56:19 Yeah. Look at that, Jamie.

Guest 56:21 Joe.

Joe Rogan 56:22 Yeah.

Guest 56:22 Wow.

Tony Woods 56:23 Ooh. My, my, as a matter of fact-

Joe Rogan 56:25 My foot.

Tony Woods 56:25 ... I got the thing in my baby toe to, to... 'cause my baby toe tries to leave, so you get the little rubber thing.

Joe Rogan 56:32 Mm-hmm.

Tony Woods 56:32 Put it up, bring it back up there, man.

Joe Rogan 56:34 Like yoga toes?

Tony Woods 56:35 Yeah. You see my toenails, you gonna say, "Thank you for your service." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 56:40 (laughs)

Tony Woods 56:40 These fuckers just, these fuckers just... It's gone, shorty. But they... my toenails got messed up when I was like, uh, I think I was, like, 12. You remember mini bikes?

Joe Rogan 56:52 Mm-hmm.

Tony Woods 56:53 And the little, with the little fat wheels?

Joe Rogan 56:55 Yep.

Tony Woods 56:56 And I had on sandals.

Joe Rogan 56:57 Oh, Jesus.

Tony Woods 56:57 You remember the sandals back in the day with the tire treads on the bottom?

Joe Rogan 57:01 Oh, yes.

Tony Woods 57:01 I'm going down the hill and, you know, I had the little brake with the... it's like a plate that stops on the back wheel. And I heard something go cling, cling, cling, cling, cling, cling. (laughs) Motherfucker was not slowing down. Cling, cling, cling, cling, cling, cling. Yeah, and I had to put my feet down and, you know, of course, the sandals come up. My...

Joe Rogan 57:20 Ow, Jesus Christ.

Tony Woods 57:22 It's all healed. It looks painful right now, but it's, it's good.

Joe Rogan 57:25 Ooh. How long did it take to heal from that?

Tony Woods 57:27 I don't think they've healed.

Joe Rogan 57:29 Ooh.

Tony Woods 57:30 Yeah. You know... (laughs)

Joe Rogan 57:31 It's just, it is what it is now.

Tony Woods 57:32 You know T-Rex? You know him?

Joe Rogan 57:34 No.

Tony Woods 57:34 It's Hyrax. He tours with Bill Burr. He says, he said, "So, you going too far with this woods thing?" 'Cause he seen my toenails look wooden. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 57:43 (laughs) Well, you have an excuse.

Tony Woods 57:48 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 57:48 You don't realize how helpless you are if you, uh, you, if you just hurt your big toe-

Tony Woods 57:52 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 57:52 ... or one of your feet. You're like, "What the fuck?"

Tony Woods 57:54 This.

Joe Rogan 57:54 It's hard to move around.

Tony Woods 57:56 This right here.

Joe Rogan 57:58 Your pinky.

Tony Woods 57:58 Pinky.

Joe Rogan 57:59 Yeah.

Tony Woods 57:59 Yeah. Pinky 'cause your big toe 'cause you turn... that's-

Joe Rogan 58:04 Mm-hmm.

Tony Woods 58:04 ... that's your, um, signal. That's-

Joe Rogan 58:06 Yeah.

Tony Woods 58:06 I don't know, that's how you pivot on. And so the big toe and, and, and, and it... pinky doesn't look like he's that important.

Joe Rogan 58:14 It's true. Your little ring finger and ring finger can reduce your grip strength by 67% if you lose them. Wow.

Tony Woods 58:23 Man, you need to follow me around 'cause everything-

Joe Rogan 58:24 Your pinky holds as much as 50% of your hand strength.

Tony Woods 58:27 Like, everything-

Joe Rogan 58:28 'Cause pinky along with the ring feel, it form- forms the power bottom of your, of your hand with your th- while the thumb, index finger, and middle finger provide dexterity.

Tony Woods 58:38 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 58:39 That's interesting. I don't-

Tony Woods 58:41 Hey-

Joe Rogan 58:41 ... know if I-

Tony Woods 58:42 ... thanks, man.

Joe Rogan 58:42 ... totally agree with that, though.

Tony Woods 58:44 But it's, it's, it's right there?

Joe Rogan 58:46 Yeah, but I don't know if that's universal.

Tony Woods 58:49 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 58:49 It might be depending on what you do.

Tony Woods 58:51 Yeah. Do-

Joe Rogan 58:52 'Cause if you grip a lot of stuff or you carry a lot of stuff-

Tony Woods 58:54 (laughs) Remember the-

Joe Rogan 58:55 ... I would imagine it would change.

Guest 58:57 It definitely can have compensation-

Tony Woods 58:59 Yeah.

Guest 58:59 ... 'cause I fucked up my pinky, and my whole hand was fucked up for a while.

Tony Woods 59:02 Yeah, but-

Joe Rogan 59:02 Well, I got my pinky slammed in a car door. I told you about that.

Tony Woods 59:05 Fuck.

Joe Rogan 59:05 It was numb forever. It was numb-

Tony Woods 59:06 With the black, with the black finger?

Joe Rogan 59:07 ... for like a month and a half.

Tony Woods 59:09 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:09 Um, yeah, but I still did chin-ups.

Tony Woods 59:11 Oh.

Joe Rogan 59:11 I could still do chin-ups. I just-

Tony Woods 59:13 Huh.

Joe Rogan 59:13 This, this didn't do anything with this pinky.

Tony Woods 59:15 Wow.

Joe Rogan 59:15 It didn't seem to, like, reduce my strength by that much.

Guest 59:18 Oh, here's a, there's a test of six different grip methods, one without the middle finger and one without the ring and little fingers, and they were both, that was the lowest for.

Joe Rogan 59:25 Right, but is it-

Guest 59:26 You still can do it.

Joe Rogan 59:26 Is that also a function of mechanics, though? Because if you're removing the middle finger-

Guest 59:31 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:31 ... do you have the same leverage on those other fingers 'cause it, they're all connected-

Tony Woods 59:36 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:36 ... you know? And a, a lot of times things... But this just looks thicker.

Tony Woods 59:40 You just... everybody else don't realize how important the pinky is until it, it gets fucked up.

Joe Rogan 59:46 Well, that's als- also now that I'm thinking about it, though, maybe it is true because maybe I should be thinking about what muscles of the forearm are pulling down.

Tony Woods 59:53 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:53 And maybe these ones are stronger.

Guest 59:55 I was gonna bring up the pinky toe, too. It, if you cut off your pinky toe, you lose not all of your balance, but you're gonna have to figure out how to balance again 'cause it makes up a point of balance for you.

Tony Woods 1:00:04 Whoa.

Joe Rogan 1:00:06 Wow.

Tony Woods 1:00:06 Remember the Pope of Greenwich Village?

Joe Rogan 1:00:09 Yeah, I do.

Tony Woods 1:00:09 He said, "May- (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:00:10 "I cut my thumbs off, Charlie."

Tony Woods 1:00:13 ... fuck you!" (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:00:13 "Charlie."

Tony Woods 1:00:15 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:00:15 "They cut my thumbs, Charlie."

Tony Woods 1:00:19 (laughs) That was-

Joe Rogan 1:00:21 Yeah.

Tony Woods 1:00:22 ... good acting right there.

Joe Rogan 1:00:23 Oh, my God, that movie was amazing.

Tony Woods 1:00:24 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:00:25 Yeah. Jon Jones fucked his, his, uh, big toe up in a fight with Chael Sonnen. He beat the shit outta Chael Sonnen, and then got up and was doing the post-fight interview and looked down and saw that his toe was, like, flipped upside down.

Tony Woods 1:00:39 Oh.

Joe Rogan 1:00:39 His big toe was. And-

Tony Woods 1:00:41 Well, did he faint?

Joe Rogan 1:00:42 No, no, he... we got him, we sat him down. He's like, "Oh, boy." And I continued to interview him.

Tony Woods 1:00:47 Wait, hold up, like, like this.

Joe Rogan 1:00:48 His toe had flipped around.

Tony Woods 1:00:49 This?

Joe Rogan 1:00:50 His toe had flipped around because that's how much pressure he was putting into trying to beat-

Tony Woods 1:00:57 Motherfucker.

Joe Rogan 1:00:57 ... Chael Sonnen up. Like, uh, yeah, his toe was fucked up.

Tony Woods 1:01:01 Ah.

Joe Rogan 1:01:04 So we got him to sit down.

Tony Woods 1:01:04 You can see, ooh, ooh, mama.

Joe Rogan 1:01:08 So- (laughs)

Tony Woods 1:01:09 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:01:09 ... that dude fucked up his own toe. And to this day, he... And he fucked up his own toe 'cause he was pushing off so hard when-

Tony Woods 1:01:16 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:01:16 ... he was beating down Chael Sonnen. But to this day, he has to fight with that toe taped up.

Tony Woods 1:01:21 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:01:21 To this day. Imagine, like, how much he lost-

Tony Woods 1:01:25 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:01:25 ... from having an injured toe like that, and he's still the greatest.

Tony Woods 1:01:28 That shit hurts looking at it.

Joe Rogan 1:01:29 Hurts looking at it. Yeah, that's crazy.

Tony Woods 1:01:32 You guys, uh, you guys seen this new movie with Woody Harrelson?

Joe Rogan 1:01:36 No, I haven't seen it.

Tony Woods 1:01:36 It's called The Champions. Well, he has to... He gets a DUI, so he has to go and, uh, he has to go coach some guys with, uh, uh, uh, with, with mental dis... Uh, uh, not... What they say? Disabilities? No, not disabilities. Challenges.

Joe Rogan 1:01:53 Hmm.

Tony Woods 1:01:53 And that's one of the funniest parts of the movie 'cause one kid who, who had soft bones, he goes, "Hey, are we gonna..." He said, "Everybody get on, get on your knees." He said, "I can't. I ain't wearing my knee pads." He says, "Okay, don't worry about it." So in the big game, he goes, "I think I'm gonna come out of the game because I think I sprained my finger." He goes, "No, you're good. You're gonna be okay, I'm telling you." And then he showed me his finger. (laughs) That shit, it looked like his toe.

Joe Rogan 1:02:14 All twisted around?

Tony Woods 1:02:15 It's, it's like... It's... Yeah. Can you bring that up, The Champions?

Joe Rogan 1:02:20 Uh, maybe.

Tony Woods 1:02:20 That is a, that is a funny movie, but I saw-

Joe Rogan 1:02:23 What's it, what's i-

Tony Woods 1:02:24 It's called The Champions. But I saw it on the plane, and it's about a, a lot of people with, with challenges. So I'm laughing out loud and the people look over to see what's so funny and they go, "Really? Asshole." I'm like, "No, no!" 'Cause they can't hear what I'm, I'm hearing.

Joe Rogan 1:02:41 Right, right, right.

Tony Woods 1:02:41 They just think I'm... 'Cause there's, there's one kid in the movie.

Joe Rogan 1:02:45 Right.

Tony Woods 1:02:45 And he always... He grabs the ball and shoots backwards, and then he does a Steph Curry. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:02:52 (laughs)

Tony Woods 1:02:52 And they said, he said, he said, "He's the only one in the league who does that." And they go, "Does he ever make it?" They say, "No, he don't ever make it, but he's the only one in the league who does it."

Joe Rogan 1:03:02 (laughs)

Tony Woods 1:03:03 And he... (laughs) And he, he's, he does this backwards. He goes... Like that.

Joe Rogan 1:03:10 (laughs)

Tony Woods 1:03:10 And, and, and Woody Harrelson goes, "Does he ever make it?" They go, "No, he don't ever make it. But listen, he's the only one in the league who does it." Like... (fists pounding)

Joe Rogan 1:03:18 Wow.

Tony Woods 1:03:18 (laughs) Yeah, he's like, "What the fuck?" He's... If you see the one with the finger, that, that finger is... They got that on the trailer. That finger is... Because they gotta come out, man. My coach here. I think that's a... See, you see that, how he'd fix it. This is, this is the best podcast I've ever been on, man.

Joe Rogan 1:03:38 (laughs)

Tony Woods 1:03:39 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:03:40 Get up. So rambling.

Tony Woods 1:03:42 Yeah, 'cause everybody else is so... They... Watch. You watch this?

Joe Rogan 1:03:46 Okay. It was just saying... Give me some volume.

Narrator 1:03:48 No, Coach. This doesn't feel right. (upbeat music)

Guest 1:03:51 G-A-T-E.

Tony Woods 1:03:51 Oh. Oh, geez. (laughs)

Narrator 1:03:52 You're gonna need to see a trainer. But I wanna play. The team needs me. Not like that they don't. They have- Wait. (bone cracks) Good as new. (upbeat music) Woo. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:04:07 (laughs)

Tony Woods 1:04:08 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:04:08 You guys have done that in fights before.

Tony Woods 1:04:10 Huh? What? Just...

Joe Rogan 1:04:11 Yeah, just to like pop their finger back in place.

Tony Woods 1:04:14 Mm.

Joe Rogan 1:04:15 Sometimes your, your joints get dislocated. Guys have blown... Pop their shoulders out and popped them back in, in the in between rounds.

Tony Woods 1:04:22 Uh, well, you, you weren't in Vegas. No. Yeah, in Vegas, that happened. Do you know, for, uh, Skank Fest?

Joe Rogan 1:04:28 What happened?

Tony Woods 1:04:29 They have, uh... It was like karaoke for fighters. You just put your name on a list and get up and fight.

Joe Rogan 1:04:34 Oh, jeez.

Tony Woods 1:04:34 And they had a ring. (laughs) Yeah. And they had a ring, and so they, they played musical chairs. (singing) And so, boom, whoever of them can get a chair, he sits over here in this corner. And then... (singing) And the next guy goes over there. And then, boom, them two guys fight and whoever beats that guy... (laughs) Whoever wins out of that two-minute round, then they do it again. And so this guy who just won this will have to fight the next guy who loses musical chairs. It was, it was dope. And then he... Pop. And you heard it go, and his ch- his shoulder went like that.

Joe Rogan 1:05:07 Ugh.

Tony Woods 1:05:07 It just went down like that. And he says, "Ho- hold up, hold up." And he goes... He goes, "I'm okay." And the guy goes, "No, no, man." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:05:18 (laughs)

Tony Woods 1:05:18 "No, man. Go sit the fuck down." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:05:20 Oh my god.

Tony Woods 1:05:21 It's, it's an Australian guy who he, he's like a... Like, he's like you. He, he, he's in... At the fights and stuff like that. He's at..." And that's his thing.

Joe Rogan 1:05:29 Jason Ellis?

Tony Woods 1:05:30 I guess.

Joe Rogan 1:05:31 Yeah.

Tony Woods 1:05:31 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:05:31 He's crazy.

Tony Woods 1:05:32 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:05:32 Jason's crazy.

Tony Woods 1:05:33 Yeah, 'cause he... The, the dude's shoulder go...

Joe Rogan 1:05:35 So Jason threw his shoulder out?

Tony Woods 1:05:37 No, the other guy who was fighting.

Joe Rogan 1:05:38 The other guy who was fighting.

Tony Woods 1:05:39 And then he goes... He puts it back up and he goes... He goes, "I'll be okay." He goes, "No, mate, come on. No, mate. Get up." (laughs) "You've had enough."

Joe Rogan 1:05:46 Yeah.

Tony Woods 1:05:46 "Give him a big hand." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:05:48 Yeah, Jesus Christ.

Tony Woods 1:05:49 He said, "We got a doctor now." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:05:52 Oh, my god.

Tony Woods 1:05:52 Did you... It's like it wouldn't... It kept doing that.

Joe Rogan 1:05:55 Maybe it's a recurring injury. Maybe that's why he wasn't so calm about it.

Tony Woods 1:05:59 Yeah, maybe. But he was-

Joe Rogan 1:06:00 Yeah.

Tony Woods 1:06:00 He was worked up 'cause the s- the crowd was cheering, man. It was...

Joe Rogan 1:06:03 We had a dude on Fear Factor once that was a bull rider, and his shoulder was destroyed. Like, he had so many s- he had eight surgeries in one shoulder.

Tony Woods 1:06:11 Oof.

Joe Rogan 1:06:11 And he said, like, "If anything happens, it just pops out." Like, anything very... Anything abrupt, it just pops out. It's gonna, like, pop it back in.

Tony Woods 1:06:21 (laughs) But I guess I'm just... I forgot about Fear Factor. So now I... You... 'Cause you're not... Dude.

Joe Rogan 1:06:28 Uh.

Tony Woods 1:06:29 I have run out of the room. Like, you, you, you just might be on instead of cutting it off and just like, "What the fuck?" And then like, like, the, the, the, the worm thing.

Joe Rogan 1:06:38 Eating stuff.

Tony Woods 1:06:39 The rat things.

Joe Rogan 1:06:39 Yeah.

Tony Woods 1:06:40 They eating stuff. I'm like-

Joe Rogan 1:06:41 Yeah.

Tony Woods 1:06:41 ... "What the fuck?"

Joe Rogan 1:06:43 You should've been there and smelled it. The smell made it all horrific. They should've had smell vision for Fear Factor. They should've been able to give you a, a dose of what that was.

Tony Woods 1:06:53 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:06:53 'Cause it was, it was so... Some of that stuff was so nasty.

Tony Woods 1:06:57 And it... But it... I...

Joe Rogan 1:06:59 You know, one of the ways they made it smell nasty-

Tony Woods 1:07:01 It fucking hurt.

Joe Rogan 1:07:02 ... was they would buy expensive French cheese.

Tony Woods 1:07:05 Oh, and make it nasty.

Joe Rogan 1:07:06 Yeah, there's some... Apparently, there was a place in Beverly Hills that had, like, this funky fucking cheese.

Tony Woods 1:07:11 Funky. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:07:11 Like they-

Tony Woods 1:07:12 Folks.

Joe Rogan 1:07:13 Yeah, I guess some, some of those folks that are, like, real cheeseheads-

Tony Woods 1:07:16 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:07:16 They like, they like wild shit. And this stuff stunk.... and people would, you know, just vomit, opening up the fucking case to smell it. (laughs) And they would add that cheese. And people pay big money for that stuff.

Tony Woods 1:07:30 Do you, do you ever go to Jim Road Sideshow?

Joe Rogan 1:07:33 No.

Tony Woods 1:07:34 Ah!

Joe Rogan 1:07:34 Yeah?

Tony Woods 1:07:35 Ah! This, as a matter of fact, we went to Edinburgh the first time. That's the first time I ever seen something like that. 'Cause the guy, he does something, uh, he swallows all of this stuff, it's, it's... I don't know if it's, it's vomit or it's, it's abis- and it's beer, it's a whole bunch of nasty shit. And, um, and then s- we were in a big tent and somebody went, "Blah!" And they threw up and then, "Blah! Blah! Blah!" It's like everyone's just barfing. (fingers snapping) Just like that, just... Yeah, I had never seen that before. And the whole-

Joe Rogan 1:08:05 Wow.

Tony Woods 1:08:05 ... tent smelled like that cheese you're talking about.

Joe Rogan 1:08:09 Wow.

Tony Woods 1:08:10 Yeah. Edinburgh Festival is grunge, is, is skank festival to the hundredth power.

Joe Rogan 1:08:17 (laughs)

Tony Woods 1:08:19 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:08:19 Really?

Tony Woods 1:08:19 It's serious. Yeah, it is.

Joe Rogan 1:08:20 Really? Is that wild?

Tony Woods 1:08:21 It's that wild.

Joe Rogan 1:08:21 And it's a month too, right?

Tony Woods 1:08:23 A month, in the rain with kilts on, no drawers.

Joe Rogan 1:08:26 (sighs)

Tony Woods 1:08:27 Just getting it (laughs) . That's the first time I took E by accident.

Joe Rogan 1:08:31 By accident?

Tony Woods 1:08:32 Yeah. 'Cause this guy, um, he goes, he, I said, he said, j- he said, "How'd you boys get along last night?" He's talking to me and Greer. I says, "It was, it was good, man." I'm like, "I got a headache, though, today." He goes, "Would you fancy a pill?" Like, all right. You know, I told him I had aspirin. And he, he pulls out some pills on a napkin. He turned to do s- get a beer or something like that. And I went, well, you know, 'cause they're so small, I'm like, ah, these are like obviously children's aspirin, I need all three. Ka-boom. (taps chest)

Joe Rogan 1:09:00 Oh, wow.

Tony Woods 1:09:00 Yeah, and then wash it down with Red Bull. And, um ...

Joe Rogan 1:09:03 (exhales)

Tony Woods 1:09:04 And then Greer was like, "Woody, what's up?" Like, "What?" He said, "That," he said, "That was for all of us, man." I go...

Joe Rogan 1:09:11 (yawns)

Tony Woods 1:09:11 "You got a headache too?" (laughs) He said... Yeah. But it was, yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:09:15 Oh my god.

Tony Woods 1:09:16 It was fun. I mean, I, not, nothing but... Okay, I, the, the next morning I woke up and I pooed it and it