Joe Rogan Experience #2075 - Protect Our Parks 10 (Part 2)

Shane Gillis, Mark Normand, and Ari Shaffir are stand-up comics, writers, and podcasters. Shane is the co-host of "Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast" with Matt McCusker and one half of the sketch comedy duo "Gilly and Keeves" with John McKeever. Watch his stand-up special "Beautiful Dogs" on Netflix, and catch him as "Gilly" on Peacock's "Bupkis." www.shanemgillis.comMark is the co-host of the podcasts "Tuesdays with Stories" with Joe List and "We Might Be Drunk" with Sam Morril. Watch his stand-up special "Soup to Nuts" on Netflix.www.marknormandcomedy.comAri is the host of "The Skeptic Tank" and "You Be Trippin'" podcasts. Watch his comedy special "Ari Shaffir: Jew" is available now via YouTube. www.arishaffir.com

Shane GillisguestJoe RoganhostMark NormandguestAri Shaffirguest

Jun 27, 20242h 15mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

150 min read · 30,009 words

0:00 – 1:22
Cold open riffing: cats, women, and a Lizzo book gift
1. SGShane Gillis
  (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.
2. JRJoe Rogan
  The Joe Rogan Experience. (energetic rock music plays)
3. MNMark Normand
  Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.
4. ASAri Shaffir
  Fights are nuts 'cause all cats will fight each other. Like, if they find-
5. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
6. ASAri Shaffir
  ... each other out in the wild, they're never really cool with each other.
7. SGShane Gillis
  No.
8. MNMark Normand
  Oh, sometimes they are.
9. ASAri Shaffir
  Sometimes if they're in the neighborhood.
10. MNMark Normand
  They get buddies, yeah.
11. ASAri Shaffir
  But they have to ... Don't they have to grow up together?
12. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah, it's like women. They hate each other. (person laughing)
13. MNMark Normand
  (laughs) Yep. You ever ... You ever notice how women don't have friends? (laughs)
14. SGShane Gillis
  (laughs)
15. So, you know who hates women the most? Women.
16. MNMark Normand
  (laughs) Yeah.
17. SGShane Gillis
  Girl power.
18. MNMark Normand
  Who runs the world? Girls. Who runs the world? Jews. (laughs)
19. ASAri Shaffir
  (laughs) I bought you that book, by the way.
20. SGShane Gillis
  What about all those britches?
21. MNMark Normand
  Who Runs the World: Jews? (laughs)
22. ASAri Shaffir
  No, the Lizzo book that I sent you the picture of.
23. MNMark Normand
  Oh, I thought you were joking.
24. SGShane Gillis
  (laughs) Lizzo's got a book? Is it a cookbook?
25. MNMark Normand
  I'm gonna read it. (laughs)
26. ASAri Shaffir
  (laughs)
27. SGShane Gillis
  (laughs)
28. ASAri Shaffir
  What was the book? What did it say?
29. MNMark Normand
  I ... I don't ... (drum roll) I don't want any part of this. (laughs)
30. SGShane Gillis
  Chicken Soup for the Soul?
1:22 – 2:01
The Lizzo controversy: accusations, diva behavior, and “Free Lizzo”
1. SGShane Gillis
  I thought when she got in trouble, it would just, just blow a hole through everything.
2. ASAri Shaffir
  Ah, come on.
3. SGShane Gillis
  I thought when she ... they were coming after her for body shaming-
4. MNMark Normand
  You think you're gonna get a ...
5. ASAri Shaffir
  For what? For being a diva? Like, what was the worst thing she did?
6. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
7. I thought it was like ... it would put an end, like, DC, someone says-
8. MNMark Normand
  Using the word spaz.
9. SGShane Gillis
  ... sex stuff.
10. ... Can we just enjoy-
11. MNMark Normand
  She didn't do anything.
12. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
13. MNMark Normand
  She's innocent. Also, for real, I know it's like ... Free Lizzo.
14. SGShane Gillis
  Yes.
15. Free Lizzo. Free Lizzo.
16. MNMark Normand
  What'd she do?
17. SGShane Gillis
  She didn't do shit.
18. She's queen.
19. MNMark Normand
  What was her accusations? Like, she made a performer show banana up her pussy or something.
20. SGShane Gillis
  She was mean or something. Yeah, like, come on.
21. MNMark Normand
  Normal shit. Fucking baller shit, dude. Lizzo rules.
22. SGShane Gillis
  I stand behind her.
23. I've seen her. Puts on a good concert.
24. She's good.
2:01 – 7:20
James Madison’s flute & culture-war symbolism
1. MNMark Normand
  I've seen ... I, though ... Although I will say I was actually pissed when they made her twerk with ... think it was James Madison's flute. (imitates flute) (laughs)
2. SGShane Gillis
  Why?
3. ASAri Shaffir
  Why?
4. SGShane Gillis
  Pissed me off.
5. ASAri Shaffir
  Why?
6. SGShane Gillis
  He can't help it. He's gonna get pissed at-
7. MNMark Normand
  It's just such bullshit.
8. ASAri Shaffir
  I kinda like it. I think it symbolizes the time we're living in.
9. SGShane Gillis
  (gasps)
10. MNMark Normand
  I think it does too.
11. SGShane Gillis
  I think the time sucks. (laughs)
12. MNMark Normand
  With Lizzo can twerk with a f- ... P- it's maybe, but maybe not. It depends on your perspective.
13. SGShane Gillis
  I'm with you. It's just an artifact.
14. ASAri Shaffir
  It's the most fun time to be alive.
15. MNMark Normand
  All right. Here's the ... here's the ... Genuinely, it's like, I get it. I genuinely don't care about that guy's fucking flute. Fuck him.
16. SGShane Gillis
  I don't like it.
17. There's something about Joe. It's like, "These guys are history."
18. MNMark Normand
  But I know-
19. SGShane Gillis
  Let's get married.
20. MNMark Normand
  But I know why they're celebrating it.
21. SGShane Gillis
  Right.
22. MNMark Normand
  They're like, "Yeah. Yeah. In your fucking face." And it's like, come on, dude. The guy founded America. (laughs)
23. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah. Yeah, what did he do wrong?
24. MNMark Normand
  Like, that's the ... I know they don't give a fuck about history.
25. SGShane Gillis
  It was the time.
26. ASAri Shaffir
  Right.
27. MNMark Normand
  And by they, I mean white liberals.
28. ASAri Shaffir
  She played a 200-year-old flute.
29. MNMark Normand
  Jesus.
30. ASAri Shaffir
  Man.
7:20 – 11:47
Playing Lizzo’s music and the ‘back-up dancer’ power dynamic
1. JRJoe Rogan
  (hip hop music) They got a big brain.
2. ASAri Shaffir
  Yes, Joe.
3. MNMark Normand
  This is a good tune.
4. JRJoe Rogan
  Whoo.
5. MNMark Normand
  How many views?
6. Ow! Oh my God, you missed (laughs) , you missed a ... You almost broke my DB, fucking idiot.
7. How many views on this song?
8. There you go, perfect.
9. Five million.
10. That's incredible.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Bling bling and I solve them. That's the goddess in you.
12. MNMark Normand
  You're surprised this lady makes money eating bananas?
13. ASAri Shaffir
  This song slaps. Yeah, it does.
14. MNMark Normand
  There you go. Joe's fucking connected.
15. ASAri Shaffir
  This is a good song.
16. MNMark Normand
  Crazy that her backup dancers are mad at her. She's fun, but-
17. SGShane Gillis
  No, they're mad at everybody.
18. ASAri Shaffir
  You know, that's always how it works though, man. That's always how it works. The backup dancers always get upset.
19. MNMark Normand
  That's sad.
20. ASAri Shaffir
  But also, it's like, how do you run the thing if you dare your backup dancers? How do you run the thing? Do you run the thing like someone, you know, who's a tyrant? Or do you run the thing like ... Are you a benevolent dictator? Like, how, how do you run that camp?
21. MNMark Normand
  (laughs)
22. Yeah, I know, man. (laughs)
23. SGShane Gillis
  You gotta keep in control of these ladies when they get, um, ou- out of line.
24. ASAri Shaffir
  Fat ladies.
25. MNMark Normand
  Wasn't she, wasn't she saying they were losing weight?
26. ASAri Shaffir
  Also, who is she, who is she bringing with ... But there was also that show that she had where she's-
27. SGShane Gillis
  You're a fat dancer. Be lucky to be alive.
28. ASAri Shaffir
  ... put those ladies on tour and they were ... their ankles couldn't sustain it. Like, you're a doorknob.
29. MNMark Normand
  She had a show?
30. ASAri Shaffir
  Yeah, they were on tour. These ladies were dancing on tour. Wasn't there, like, some kinda crazy thing?
11:47 – 14:31
The infamous ‘piss bottle’ escalation on-air
1. MNMark Normand
  If you drink that, I'm gonna punch you in the stomach.
2. ASAri Shaffir
  Water? You don't like h- that he drinks water?
3. MNMark Normand
  No.
4. ASAri Shaffir
  Oh, Ari.
5. What are you doing, man?
6. MNMark Normand
  Oh, that's his studio.
7. ASAri Shaffir
  Ari, that's like, that's stolen from a stream somewhere.
8. What are you doing, pouring that out for the Hamas people?
9. That's... Don't, don't do that.
10. MNMark Normand
  What are you doing now?
11. ASAri Shaffir
  Ari, don't piss in that. Go to the bathroom, man.
12. MNMark Normand
  I will.
13. ASAri Shaffir
  Go to the bathroom.
14. Go to the bathroom.
15. What is he doing?
16. MNMark Normand
  I don't know.
17. ASAri Shaffir
  Ari, come on.
18. Oh.
19. MNMark Normand
  Oh.
20. ASAri Shaffir
  Jesus Christ, dude.
21. Man, what the fuck? This is really-
22. MNMark Normand
  What happened? You bugged one... Ew, your piss is so yellow. (laughs)
23. ASAri Shaffir
  It's really leveled up.
24. This is so unnecessary.
25. MNMark Normand
  Ew, yeah.
26. ASAri Shaffir
  Oh, man.
27. You're so unhydrated. I know that's not vitamins, but-
28. MNMark Normand
  This is way worse than Lizzo.
29. ASAri Shaffir
  Okay, squeeze it.
30. Oh.
14:31 – 21:55
Stanhope check-in and celebrating comics who stayed authentic
1. MNMark Normand
  You know who has it good, is, uh, Stanhope has a urinal right outside of his bar at his house.
2. SGShane Gillis
  Really?
3. MNMark Normand
  Outside.
4. ASAri Shaffir
  Oh, his house?
5. MNMark Normand
  It's just his... It's, uh, literally a urinal attached. There's no piping, it's just to the fence.
6. SGShane Gillis
  (laughs)
7. MNMark Normand
  That goes outside.
8. SGShane Gillis
  That's hilarious. Yeah, that's hilarious.
9. MNMark Normand
  Yeah, it's a good one.
10. ASAri Shaffir
  I hope he's all right, though. I, I know-
11. SGShane Gillis
  He's great.
12. MNMark Normand
  I think he's doing, I think he's doing good.
13. SGShane Gillis
  He's great.
14. ASAri Shaffir
  Is he, is he cutting back a little?
15. MNMark Normand
  I think he cut back.
16. SGShane Gillis
  Hey.
17. MNMark Normand
  No, that's not him. That's not him. Stay on it.
18. ASAri Shaffir
  He's had your good days and he had your better days.
19. MNMark Normand
  I think he chilled on s- smoking cigs, right?
20. ASAri Shaffir
  Yes, he did. Yeah.
21. MNMark Normand
  And then somebody just told me he killed.
22. ASAri Shaffir
  Yes.
23. Oh, good.
24. He opened up for Burt in, uh-
25. MNMark Normand
  Yes.
26. ASAri Shaffir
  ... Worcester.
27. Oh.
28. MNMark Normand
  Yes.
29. ASAri Shaffir
  He went out there as the mayor of Worcester.
30. Ah, it's his hometown, I believe.
21:55 – 26:10
STDs, syphilis horror images, and pre-antibiotic history
1. ASAri Shaffir
  How weird is it that there's diseases that can only be transmitted through sex?
2. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  AIDS?
4. SGShane Gillis
  That's God.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  No, that's other ones.
6. SGShane Gillis
  No, AIDS. AIDS, chlamydia, herpes-
7. ASAri Shaffir
  AIDS is definitely one.
8. SGShane Gillis
  ... herpes.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  But no, that's needles too.
10. SGShane Gillis
  Eh.
11. ASAri Shaffir
  Yeah. Well, that's any ...
12. SGShane Gillis
  I'll quote Sam Kinison. Name one. (laughs)
13. ASAri Shaffir
  Yeah.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  Well, you got chlamydia, gonorrhea-
15. ASAri Shaffir
  Sam, they say it's, they say it's an infectious disease.
16. SGShane Gillis
  Chlamydia, gonorrhea-
17. JRJoe Rogan
  HPV.
18. SGShane Gillis
  ... HPV, herpes, AIDS.
19. ASAri Shaffir
  Are we getting today at STDs?
20. SGShane Gillis
  Yep, only transmitted, yeah.
21. ASAri Shaffir
  But the wild ones are the ones that kill you, like syphilis kills you.
22. SGShane Gillis
  Syphilis.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  Slowly.
24. ASAri Shaffir
  It makes you have holes in your face and you see your fucking jawbone and shit.
25. JRJoe Rogan
  Is that right?
26. SGShane Gillis
  What? That sounds gross, though.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  That's what I heard, or Roger Ebert has that.
28. SGShane Gillis
  For real.
29. ASAri Shaffir
  Bro, syphilis is-
30. JRJoe Rogan
  I bet it was worth it, though. I bet it was worth it.
26:10 – 28:44
Asteroids, civilization fragility, and ‘crows evolve thumbs’
1. SGShane Gillis
  Yikes. We're lucky to be alive now and in this country.
2. ASAri Shaffir
  Dude, we're also, we, like what the COVID thing should-
3. SGShane Gillis
  Be in a fucking year mark.
4. ASAri Shaffir
  ... wake people the fuck up too is that this whole thing is super fragile. And you think it's not because it's not right now. 'Cause right now, Ari can cough and I could fucking unzip my, or pull my fucking cord, and adjust my seat and everything's fine. But if right while all this is going on, we got hit by an asteroid (laughs) -
5. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
6. Yes.
7. ASAri Shaffir
  Like, right now.
8. SGShane Gillis
  Oh, yeah. Yeah, exactly. All your safety ... Oh, I just did 10 push-ups. That ain't gonna help you now.
9. ASAri Shaffir
  Yeah. We could just be chilling, and you could just hear a subtle boom in the distance, like boom. And that's a five-mile-wide chunk of iron hitting China. (laughs)
10. SGShane Gillis
  (laughs)
11. (laughs)
12. ASAri Shaffir
  And then the whole world is fucked. The whole world is fucked for a million years.
13. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
14. ASAri Shaffir
  And we probably don't survive. And what probably survives is crows. Crow, crows probably evolve and crows- I hope it's just crows and cats. Crows grow thumbs and their wings start having hands on them-
15. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
16. ASAri Shaffir
  ... and they start making buildings.
17. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
18. ASAri Shaffir
  Just like humans came out of shrews.
19. SGShane Gillis
  I was just in Yucatan. They said the whole Gulf of Mexico is just the comet.
20. ASAri Shaffir
  You didn't know that?
21. SGShane Gillis
  Uh-huh.
22. ASAri Shaffir
  You stupid idiot.
23. SGShane Gillis
  And then all the cenotes-
24. Yep.
25. ASAri Shaffir
  (laughs) You didn't know that you stupid idiot?
26. SGShane Gillis
  (laughs)
27. Get the fuck away from me. You didn't know that already?
28. I didn't know that at all.
29. ASAri Shaffir
  You fucking dumbass.
30. SGShane Gillis
  Fucking shit, Seamus.
28:44 – 32:09
Saudi-buyout jokes, Protect Our Parks gas stations, and rapid-change anxiety
1. ASAri Shaffir
  Like, if shit goes, shit goes sideways, what if Saudi Arabia steps in and buys Protect Our Parks?
2. SGShane Gillis
  Woman vice president.
3. I'm in, dude.
4. (laughs)
5. ASAri Shaffir
  The same people that put on the Francis Ngannou, Tyson Fury fight, they step in and go, "Listen, guys."
6. SGShane Gillis
  We need this.
7. ASAri Shaffir
  "America has fallen."
8. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
9. ASAri Shaffir
  "You can either accept that-"
10. SGShane Gillis
  I would support it.
11. Yeah.
12. ASAri Shaffir
  "You can either accept that-"
13. SGShane Gillis
  "Hey, Saudi Arabia, make an offer, but make an offer."
14. ASAri Shaffir
  "... and move to a place where we have zero crime."
15. SGShane Gillis
  "Let's go to Dubai."
16. "Give me those glasses back."
17. ASAri Shaffir
  Yeah. "You accept that and move to a place-"
18. SGShane Gillis
  "You wanna switch?"
19. ASAri Shaffir
  "... where we have zero crime."
20. SGShane Gillis
  I know you ... Did you switch already?
21. ASAri Shaffir
  Are you guys switching glasses like little Gaylords?
22. SGShane Gillis
  Have I been wearing them the whole time?
23. Yeah.
24. What are you talking about?
25. You didn't switch.
26. Am I retarded?
27. Yes.
28. What do you mean?
29. ASAri Shaffir
  What happened?
30. SGShane Gillis
  I think I'm just retarded.
32:09 – 35:11
Kali Yuga, Gaza/Israel talk, and ‘Shroomfest solves world conflict’
1. ASAri Shaffir
  Well, let's, let's forget about this idea of generations.
2. JRJoe Rogan
  Our group had, our group had a good run.
3. ASAri Shaffir
  But just a collective group of, the collective group of human beings is only pushed to action when they have to be. And if everything collapses, and if the corruption and the chaos is so bad that you don't feel safe ever-
4. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
5. ASAri Shaffir
  ... then we'll do something.
6. SGShane Gillis
  Then it'll be like, "Let's see what you-"
7. ASAri Shaffir
  But every step before that, you get more and more cowards that figure out a way to just- Yeah, hard, hard guys make soft dicks.
8. SGShane Gillis
  (laughing)
9. JRJoe Rogan
  Wait a minute. Hard guys make soft dicks? (laughs)
10. SGShane Gillis
  What? Soft dicks, soft dicks make hard guys.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughing)
12. ASAri Shaffir
  Ah, that's it.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
14. ASAri Shaffir
  You know, this is like a fucking cycle of nature. They, they, they talked about this in the ancient Hindu texts, in, in the Vedas. This is like, this is the Kali Yuga.
15. SGShane Gillis
  This is the Kali Yuga. I totally forgot about this.
16. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh.
17. ASAri Shaffir
  This is the Kali Yuga.
18. SGShane Gillis
  Oh, yeah, Kali Yuga.
19. ASAri Shaffir
  The Age of Confusion.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh.
21. ASAri Shaffir
  It's like, they figured it out a long time ago. These are like these, m- these, these are these times where people are working towards something, and then they achieve it, and they get too successful, and things get weird, and then this stuff.
22. SGShane Gillis
  They'll strive.
23. ASAri Shaffir
  And then they start creating their own bullshit, and not appreciating thing, and not, not practicing gratitude, and it all fucking comes tumbling down with greed and deception and-
24. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah, they're like, "We've accepted this already. Now what's wrong?"
25. ASAri Shaffir
  Yeah.
26. SGShane Gillis
  Instead of going, "Hey, it's pretty great, huh?"
27. JRJoe Rogan
  But at least we get to talk about it.
28. ASAri Shaffir
  Yeah.
29. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. We get to talk about the hard times.
30. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
35:11 – 38:44
Holiday segment: beer bonging, Christmas songs, and music/ads chaos
1. ASAri Shaffir
  Jamie, play cool music.
2. JRJoe Rogan
  Okay, hold on one second.
3. ASAri Shaffir
  You should keep that folder always open.
4. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, I have it.
5. SGShane Gillis
  Ooh.
6. ASAri Shaffir
  When this party's gone.
7. SGShane Gillis
  What's that folder?
8. ASAri Shaffir
  Actually, play Christmas music.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  (clears throat)
10. ASAri Shaffir
  Lo-
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, America: Fuck Yeah.
12. ASAri Shaffir
  I know, America: Fuck Yeah, but also, this is the holiday edition.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  (singing) America the Christmas. It is a Christmas episode. Be something good.
14. ASAri Shaffir
  So maybe we should start bonging beers for America also.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  Okay. Yes.
16. ASAri Shaffir
  Christmas, what song?
17. JRJoe Rogan
  We got a poinsettia here, for Christ's sake. This is jolly, jolly Christmas.
18. ASAri Shaffir
  Uh, whoever, whoever's bonging gets to pick the wonderful Christmas song.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  Um...
20. ASAri Shaffir
  Doesn't Mariah Carey have a Christmas song?
21. SGShane Gillis
  Oh, yeah, sure.
22. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, that's a, that's a... You're gonna have to pay for that one.
23. SGShane Gillis
  No, let's go.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  She made a...
25. ASAri Shaffir
  No, play, uh...
26. JRJoe Rogan
  You think so? Should be Matt? Yeah. That's yours?
27. ASAri Shaffir
  Just blow her up. Okay, who else? (singing) No, that's it.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, okay.
29. ASAri Shaffir
  Uh, I was singing.
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, Hall & Oates?
38:44 – 43:18
Comedy craft talk: Sandler praise, critics vs. audiences, and staying ‘on the side of funny’
1. MNMark Normand
  Ooh, Han... The best song is-
2. ASAri Shaffir
  Hanukkah songs?
3. MNMark Normand
  ... Sandler.
4. Adam Sandler's Hanukkah or the Waitress' Christmas rapper.
5. No, you gotta go Sandler.
6. ASAri Shaffir
  Oh, Sandler for Hanukkah.
7. That's a classic.
8. Sandler is... Sandler is the fucking man.
9. MNMark Normand
  Guys, listen, I-
10. ASAri Shaffir
  I love Sandler.
11. MNMark Normand
  We never discuss him.
12. ASAri Shaffir
  Love Sandler.
13. MNMark Normand
  What?
14. ASAri Shaffir
  I think Sandler might be the GOAT.
15. MNMark Normand
  He might be the GOAT.
16. ASAri Shaffir
  Bro, I just ran into him.
17. MNMark Normand
  Always happy.
18. ASAri Shaffir
  I just ran into him.
19. MNMark Normand
  I think he might be the GOAT.
20. Never put on pants-
21. ASAri Shaffir
  I just ran into him when I went to New York-
22. MNMark Normand
  Yeah.
23. ASAri Shaffir
  ... for, uh, the UFC. We... I'd landed at the airport right when he was about to leave and I ran into him. That guy's the fucking man.
24. MNMark Normand
  He might be the coolest person on Earth.
25. ASAri Shaffir
  He's so genuinely nice. Sandler is so genuinely nice.
26. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
27. MNMark Normand
  He needs to come to Schwartz and Party's and just hang out, just be chill.
28. ASAri Shaffir
  Dude, I've known that guy for... Fuck, I don't even know now. Like-
29. MNMark Normand
  Really?
30. ASAri Shaffir
  ... more than 20 years.
43:18 – 48:12
Viral ‘I’m not gay no more’ clip, gay comics, and YouTube censorship weirdness
1. NANarrator
  I do not put on makeup-
2. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, shit.
3. ASAri Shaffir
  "I will not put on makeup!"
4. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh. (laughs)
5. ASAri Shaffir
  He wants to put on makeup so bad.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
7. NANarrator
  ... or women.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs) Oh, yeah.
9. MNMark Normand
  People are always talking about this too.
10. JRJoe Rogan
  Now watch the dancing.
11. NANarrator
  Now lis- listen. What? Y'all praise God with him. Hold on, wait a minute. Does somebody believe God with him? (upbeat music)
12. JRJoe Rogan
  I'm not gay no more.
13. NANarrator
  Hey!
14. ASAri Shaffir
  (laughs) Let's kill Tony. (laughs)
15. NANarrator
  You better go read the scripture make sure.
16. JRJoe Rogan
  Ah! Ah! (laughs)
17. NANarrator
  You will regret that decision.
18. MNMark Normand
  This is just Tony in red band every day.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
20. NANarrator
  (laughs)
21. JRJoe Rogan
  "I'm not gay." Neither am I.
22. NANarrator
  Hallelujah.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
24. MNMark Normand
  Man, Jordan Peele is cooking.
25. NANarrator
  Oh, help us, help us, Lord.
26. ASAri Shaffir
  (laughs) He really does look exactly like Daniel Jones.
27. NANarrator
  I have some shown-up believers that have come down here-
28. ASAri Shaffir
  Yeah, I'll- I'll-
29. MNMark Normand
  Dude, I'm a shown-up believer.
30. ASAri Shaffir
  I'll get one of this.
48:12 – 1:20:11
Mind-reading tech paranoia, relationships, and ‘hot women are powerful’
1. ASAri Shaffir
  I can't wait for mind reading. Bring it on. Bring it on.
2. JRJoe Rogan
  No, no, no, no, no.
3. ASAri Shaffir
  Expose everyone.
4. JRJoe Rogan
  We might read that.
5. MNMark Normand
  Mind reading.
6. ASAri Shaffir
  Let's go. Joe, we cannot have mind reading. Plus legal acid, we can fix this.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Bro? Mind reading is bad.
8. ASAri Shaffir
  Mind reading is gonna result in ... Your woman is in a ... Women are gonna be segregated.
9. MNMark Normand
  Why?
10. JRJoe Rogan
  Why?
11. ASAri Shaffir
  If you brought ...... dude, what would happen-
12. MNMark Normand
  (laughs) Dude.
13. ASAri Shaffir
  ... if you meet your fr- your best friend's wife-
14. JRJoe Rogan
  Right.
15. ASAri Shaffir
  ... and in your head it's like, "Yeah, I'd like to fuck her from behind." (laughs) Like...
16. JRJoe Rogan
  And then they know about it at home.
17. SGShane Gillis
  That's true.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  It's gonna be disastrous for you.
19. Well-
20. MNMark Normand
  It's just someone who was thinking.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  ... you're gonna have to learn how to curb those thoughts, homeboy. (laughs)
22. Never gonna happen.
23. ASAri Shaffir
  It's impossible, it's a blink. It's a blink.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  You can't.
25. SGShane Gillis
  It's never gonna happen, actually.
26. ASAri Shaffir
  What are you talking about?
27. JRJoe Rogan
  It's, it'll blink.
28. Yeah, whatever happens.
29. ASAri Shaffir
  Th- this is what it'll be, this is what it'll be. There'll be like many layers of what a thought is.
30. JRJoe Rogan
  It's brilliant.