Joe Rogan Experience #2093 - Sober October Crew

Joe Rogan 0:00 (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

Narrator 0:04 The Joe Rogan Experience. (rock music plays) Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. Are you looking for me?

Tom Segura 0:12 No, this is perfect.

Joe Rogan 0:13 (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 0:14 What? Is that-

Joe Rogan 0:14 "You wanted a picture?" "You wanted a picture?"

Tom Segura 0:17 Isn't this New York too where no one wants to talk to anybody? (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 0:19 (laughs) Yeah.

Tom Segura 0:19 Is that the one?

Joe Rogan 0:20 His, Dice Clay's, uh, his Instagram is performance art.

Bert Kreischer 0:24 That is.

Tom Segura 0:24 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 0:24 And people, they don't appreciate it because performance art is snobby and you think, like, you have to be left-leaning, you know-

Tom Segura 0:31 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 0:31 ... liberal, super fucking progressive, like, that, that's the only way you can have performance art. But no, what Andrew Dice Clay is doing, some of the best-

Tom Segura 0:41 That's the funniest thing on Instagram.

Joe Rogan 0:42 ... wild performance art.

Bert Kreischer 0:44 You give away the hat, the king's hat.

Tom Segura 0:44 (laughs) I saw this one. The king's hat.

Bert Kreischer 0:46 The hat?

Ari Shaffir 0:48 What about the hat?

Bert Kreischer 0:48 My hat, the king's hat?

Ari Shaffir 0:50 It's good.

Bert Kreischer 0:51 No, what I'm saying, I can see that you're a fan-

Ari Shaffir 0:54 No, we're talking about my coworker.

Bert Kreischer 0:56 Oh, no, if you wanted a picture, you know-

Tom Segura 1:00 (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 1:01 ... I, I would take.

Ari Shaffir 1:01 I see that.

Bert Kreischer 1:03 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 1:03 A picture?

Bert Kreischer 1:03 No, you wanted a picture with me.

Ari Shaffir 1:06 No.

Bert Kreischer 1:07 Yes, no?

Ari Shaffir 1:08 You want, you want me to take you a picture?

Bert Kreischer 1:10 No, I thought-

Tom Segura 1:11 (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 1:11 ... you were a fan that wanted...

Ari Shaffir 1:13 No, I'm just a simple person.

Bert Kreischer 1:15 All right.

Ari Shaffir 1:16 All right?

Bert Kreischer 1:17 I just, uh, it's the king's hat and I haven't even worn it in four years.

Tom Segura 1:21 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:21 (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 1:22 All right, take care.

Joe Rogan 1:23 (laughs)

Tom Segura 1:23 (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 1:24 (laughs)

Tom Segura 1:24 He does this to so many unsuspecting people.

Joe Rogan 1:27 Dude, this is-

Tom Segura 1:27 It's fucking hilarious.

Joe Rogan 1:27 ... first of all, is this even legal?

Bert Kreischer 1:29 Wait, did you see the one with Matt Damon?

Joe Rogan 1:30 Is this even legal?

Guest 1:31 You should watch it.

Shane Gillis 1:31 Did you see the one with Matt Damon?

Tom Segura 1:32 No.

Bert Kreischer 1:33 No.

Tom Segura 1:33 He just got Matt Damon?

Joe Rogan 1:34 He got Matt Damon?

Shane Gillis 1:35 Get Matt Damon.

Joe Rogan 1:36 No.

Tom Segura 1:37 Matt Damon.

Joe Rogan 1:37 No he didn't.

Shane Gillis 1:38 Matt Damon's at the fucking airport-

Tom Segura 1:40 Oh.

Joe Rogan 1:40 No.

Tom Segura 1:40 Oh.

Shane Gillis 1:40 ... having a beer-

Joe Rogan 1:41 No.

Shane Gillis 1:41 ... and a burger.

Joe Rogan 1:42 No.

Tom Segura 1:42 Oh.

Shane Gillis 1:42 And he goes-

Joe Rogan 1:43 I'm getting anxiety just talking about it. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 1:44 You just gotta see it. It's so fucking good.

Tom Segura 1:46 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:46 It does, it fills you with anxiety. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 1:47 It's so fucking good. It's so... And Matt Damon is the sweetest animal alive. He just looks at him like, "Huh? Huh?"

Tom Segura 1:55 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 1:55 And by, by the way, Matt Damon's at fucking LAX in the d- in, in Delta just having a burger and a beer like a regular fucking dude.

Tom Segura 2:01 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 2:02 Like he is just hanging out. You gotta, you gotta find the video.

Joe Rogan 2:04 He seems like a very norm- normal guy.

Tom Segura 2:06 But he's like, "This is why I don't do this."

Bert Kreischer 2:08 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 2:08 This is it. This is it.

Joe Rogan 2:08 I've only had a cou- couple interactions with him.

Shane Gillis 2:10 I think that's fucking Southwest.

Tom Segura 2:11 This isn't even the lounge.

Shane Gillis 2:13 No, it's not lounge.

Tom Segura 2:14 Right.

Joe Rogan 2:15 (laughs)

Tom Segura 2:15 (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 2:15 (laughs)

Tom Segura 2:15 And the face he makes.

Joe Rogan 2:16 (laughs) His face with the glasses.

Bert Kreischer 2:18 The picture?

Ari Shaffir 2:19 What's that?

Bert Kreischer 2:20 The picture with the face?

Ari Shaffir 2:23 No, no.

Bert Kreischer 2:24 Who does he think he is?

Tom Segura 2:25 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 2:25 (laughs) Matt Damon has no fucking idea.

Tom Segura 2:28 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 2:28 He has no idea. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 2:29 He has no fucking idea.

Joe Rogan 2:30 Now here's the question, is that legal?

Tom Segura 2:32 Sort of, but it should not be.

Bert Kreischer 2:33 Sure, yeah.

Shane Gillis 2:33 I think-

Joe Rogan 2:34 I mean, is that legal you can just take some guy who's working in an upholstery shop-

Tom Segura 2:37 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 2:37 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 2:37 ... and Andrew Dice Clay is like, "You wanted a picture?"

Tom Segura 2:40 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 2:40 (laughs) "A picture?"

Tom Segura 2:41 He does it-

Joe Rogan 2:42 And this fucking guy-

Tom Segura 2:42 Well, here's the thing, he does it on street corners a lot.

Shane Gillis 2:44 Yeah.

Tom Segura 2:44 So, like, you're in public, right? And if you're in public you can be filmed.

Joe Rogan 2:47 Mm.

Bert Kreischer 2:48 Which is also wild.

Tom Segura 2:49 Which is wild.

Shane Gillis 2:49 Which is insane.

Tom Segura 2:50 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 2:50 It's kind of wild.

Tom Segura 2:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 2:51 And you can be filmed against your knowledge.

Tom Segura 2:54 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 2:54 It's kind of wild.

Shane Gillis 2:54 I love... My, my favorite is when, uh, those young white kids do it to just Black dudes and then they're like, "Hey, did you want me to kiss me on the lips?" And the guy goes, "No, you're talking to the wrong motherfucker."

Tom Segura 3:04 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:04 Yeah.

Tom Segura 3:04 And he's like, "In a second." And then he just jaws the dude and knocks him unconscious.

Joe Rogan 3:08 Ooh.

Shane Gillis 3:08 Ooh.

Tom Segura 3:08 And you're like, "That's even-" There's a bunch of those that go sideways that are stupid.

Joe Rogan 3:11 Oh.

Shane Gillis 3:11 ... a bunch.

Bert Kreischer 3:11 It's like, "At least you got it."

Tom Segura 3:12 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:12 Oh, yeah.

Tom Segura 3:12 They're not really thought out. Or there's the fart prank.

Shane Gillis 3:15 What?

Tom Segura 3:15 You know, like, there's people that do-

Bert Kreischer 3:17 Fart in elevators?

Tom Segura 3:17 No, they'll fart, like, in public but they'll go to, like, the hood and then, like, walk up where people are hanging out and then just fart and you see Black people be like, "Nah."

Bert Kreischer 3:26 (laughs)

Tom Segura 3:26 And, like get up and, like-

Bert Kreischer 3:27 Disrespect.

Tom Segura 3:27 ... like, chase you. It, like, it's-

Bert Kreischer 3:29 (laughs)

Tom Segura 3:29 It's 'cause it's like a, it's you're trying to elicit this reaction that's-

Bert Kreischer 3:32 Do you remember Kentucky Fried Movie?

Joe Rogan 3:33 Yeah.

Tom Segura 3:34 No.

Joe Rogan 3:34 It's very dangerous.

Bert Kreischer 3:35 You know Kentucky Fried Movie? That, that-

Tom Segura 3:35 It's super dangerous to do that. It is super dangerous.

Joe Rogan 3:38 Yeah, it's very, very dangerous to just... 'Cause they don't know that you're doing a prank.

Tom Segura 3:42 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 3:42 No.

Joe Rogan 3:42 Like, the, the, they think you're a crazy person.

Shane Gillis 3:44 Yeah.

Tom Segura 3:44 And they think you came over-

Joe Rogan 3:45 They think they could get stabbed, they could... If someone's that nuts they just get right in your face outta nowhere with some goofy thing to say, like, uh-

Tom Segura 3:52 And if you're doing the fart one they think you're c- like, you're coming over-

Joe Rogan 3:55 Right.

Tom Segura 3:55 ... to where people are just to fart on someone.

Bert Kreischer 3:58 To deface them.

Joe Rogan 3:58 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 3:58 Yeah.

Tom Segura 3:58 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:58 Yeah.

Tom Segura 3:58 It doesn't go well.

Joe Rogan 3:59 No.

Bert Kreischer 3:59 And they're like, "No, it's for a prank for my YouTube."

Tom Segura 4:01 They're like, "Huh?"

Bert Kreischer 4:01 And they're like, "Who's... What are you talking about?"

Joe Rogan 4:03 Yeah. Y- you just picked the wrong people and they just instantly go into violence.

Tom Segura 4:07 Did you see the fucking guy... Oh my God, this is in Europe, where his prank was he pours liquified dog shit on people.

Bert Kreischer 4:17 What?

Shane Gillis 4:17 Oh my God.

Tom Segura 4:18 Yeah, yeah, yeah. He just got arrested.

Bert Kreischer 4:20 Oh my God.

Tom Segura 4:20 So you're like, you're on the subway-

Shane Gillis 4:22 Oh fuck.

Tom Segura 4:22 ... and he has a bucket-

Bert Kreischer 4:23 Oh no.

Tom Segura 4:24 ... of dog shit that he's put in the bucket and put water in.

Joe Rogan 4:27 Oh my gosh.

Shane Gillis 4:28 He got, he gotta get arrested.

Tom Segura 4:29 And then he dumps it on people. Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 4:29 He dumps it on their heads?

Shane Gillis 4:30 Just kill him.

Tom Segura 4:31 Yeah, dude.

Shane Gillis 4:31 We have to get this guy.

Bert Kreischer 4:31 "YouTuber arrested for throwing bucket of poo on train passengers."

Tom Segura 4:35 He's done it many times, like several times.

Joe Rogan 4:37 What?

Bert Kreischer 4:37 And he's filming... He's got just a-

Joe Rogan 4:38 Oh my God.

Narrator 4:38 A prankster was arrested.

Shane Gillis 4:40 Oh, fuck this guy.

Tom Segura 4:40 It's super insane.

Joe Rogan 4:41 Oh my God.

Tom Segura 4:42 That's a bucket of shit.

Joe Rogan 4:43 What a psychopath.

Tom Segura 4:44 Yeah, and then he's just like-

Joe Rogan 4:45 What a psychopath. He just dumps a bucket of shit on this guy's back.

Shane Gillis 4:49 Belgium. I've heard of nothing that's crap. Not... Well played.

Tom Segura 4:51 And that's a easy way to be dead.

Bert Kreischer 4:53 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:54 Oh my God.

Tom Segura 4:54 Right? You do that to the wrong person.

Bert Kreischer 4:55 They'll throw you in front of the train truck.

Shane Gillis 4:56 Any person.

Joe Rogan 4:57 That is so crazy.

Tom Segura 4:57 But especially, like-

Shane Gillis 4:58 Yeah, there's a lot of people that-

Joe Rogan 4:59 That is so crazy.

Tom Segura 5:01 It's totally insane.

Joe Rogan 5:01 He just dumped it on that guy's neck.

Tom Segura 5:03 Yeah. Down his back, dude.

Bert Kreischer 5:04 It feels like water for a second-

Joe Rogan 5:05 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 5:05 ... then you gotta realize-

Joe Rogan 5:06 Oh, just shit all over you. You're hours from home.

Tom Segura 5:10 Shit all over you.

Bert Kreischer 5:10 Look at that little Black chick going, "What?"

Tom Segura 5:12 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 5:12 (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 5:12 She's like, "Now I'm gonna be a prankster."

Tom Segura 5:15 (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 5:16 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 5:16 (laughs)

Tom Segura 5:16 That's the- It's insane. This is the most insane thing I've seen.

Joe Rogan 5:19 What? (laughs)

Tom Segura 5:19 But that is, like he's now being charged with assault, battery-

Shane Gillis 5:22 Yeah.

Tom Segura 5:22 ... like, you know.

Joe Rogan 5:23 Well, I think it's, like, bioterrorism too. There's something weird-

Shane Gillis 5:26 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:27 Like sh- human shit falls into a weird category that's super- Yeah, super toxic.

Bert Kreischer 5:30 Yeah, spitting on someone is like, is almost like hitting them.

Tom Segura 5:33 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 5:33 It's like they have to do something. There was a guy in New York who was rubbing shit in people's faces in the subways.

Tom Segura 5:38 Really?

Bert Kreischer 5:38 Yeah, just coming behind them with the... Pick up dog shit and then just rub it on people and-

Joe Rogan 5:41 Dude, Native Americans used to dip their arrow heads in shit just to insure that you'd be infected.

Bert Kreischer 5:46 Yeah.

Tom Segura 5:46 Wow.

Shane Gillis 5:46 We gotta take care of that.

Joe Rogan 5:47 Yeah, to poison people when you get hit.

Tom Segura 5:50 Right 'cause it immediately infection would start.

Shane Gillis 5:51 Ugh.

Joe Rogan 5:51 Yeah, you're getting, yeah, you're getting infected. They, they knew about that.

Bert Kreischer 5:54 Ew, but then your whole face smells like-

Joe Rogan 5:55 Like, shit is what caused all the plagues.

Tom Segura 5:58 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:58 So it caused all the plagues.

Tom Segura 5:59 We saw that guy that would shit in his hand.

Shane Gillis 6:01 Tom and I have an offer out to Mark Cuban to rub shit on our faces for $1.75 million.

Joe Rogan 6:07 ... his shit? (laughs)

Guest 6:08 (laughs)

Tom Segura 6:08 Our shit.

Joe Rogan 6:08 No, no, your shit.

Guest 6:08 We will- hold on, Tom.

Joe Rogan 6:09 You shit, he rubs it on your face bare-handed?

Guest 6:12 You want a picture of you- No, no. He's... No. Now, listen, we're hoping that Elon hears this and then ups the ante- (laughs)

Tom Segura 6:16 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 6:16 ... and says, "Mark, if you shit on your face, I'll give another 1.75." But yeah-

Tom Segura 6:21 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 6:21 ... Tom and I... Tom's fans of this guy that shits on his face. (laughs)

Tom Segura 6:24 Wait a minute. There's a guy that you're a fan of that shits on his face?

Guest 6:27 No, Tom loves it. Tom loves it.

Joe Rogan 6:28 Tom loves him. Yeah.

Tom Segura 6:29 Wait a minute. There's this guy who-

Joe Rogan 6:31 (laughs)

Tom Segura 6:31 Jesus Christ.

Guest 6:32 Hold on, let Tom explain.

Tom Segura 6:33 There's this guy that will, like... Well, he'll do, like, a birthday wish naked. He just stands there naked, and then he flops his dick around. But if you pay him more, he'll shit in his hand- (laughs)

Guest 6:42 You're not gonna believe this. It's actually worse when you see it. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 6:45 (laughs)

Tom Segura 6:45 It's pretty bad. It's pretty bad. (laughs) That's, that's naked Martin. (laughs)

Guest 6:51 (laughs)

Tom Segura 6:51 Oh, my God, it's worse when you see it? It's pretty bad.

Guest 6:54 It's so bad. Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, you haven't even heard the worst.

Tom Segura 6:57 (laughs)

Guest 6:57 Oh, Joe, you got a surprise coming your way.

Tom Segura 7:00 Yeah, you got a surprise. (laughs)

Guest 7:00 You got a surprise coming your way.

Joe Rogan 7:01 What? What happens?

Tom Segura 7:02 Don't worry, Joe. You'll get it.

Joe Rogan 7:03 Am I gonna have to watch this?

Tom Segura 7:04 Oh, no, no, no.

Guest 7:05 Don't... You'll get it.

Tom Segura 7:05 That's it. There he is.

Joe Rogan 7:07 Oh, are you gonna make me watch this?

Tom Segura 7:08 What? He looks just like you.

Guest 7:09 Do the one with the oranges, Tom, please.

Joe Rogan 7:11 When I blew your mom's house, dude, I ha- I, I had a really hard time not throwing up.

Tom Segura 7:15 (laughs)

Guest 7:15 It's terrible.

Joe Rogan 7:16 There was multiple times I had to look, I'm like, "Oh, Jesus."

Tom Segura 7:18 This guy looks like Old Joe. If you go to his, uh, his Twitter-

Joe Rogan 7:21 Naked Martin. (laughs)

Tom Segura 7:22 ... you might be able to find it, Jamie.

Joe Rogan 7:24 Nakedmartin.co.uk. Is that what it is? Just for the folks at home.

Tom Segura 7:28 This is if you wanna book a video.

Guest 7:30 Oh, my God. Why is his torso so small?

Joe Rogan 7:31 Folks, if you wanna get yourself a video-

Tom Segura 7:33 But usually, this stuff-

Joe Rogan 7:34 ... the gentleman is, uh, Naked Mark.

Tom Segura 7:37 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 7:37 Martin. Naked Martin.

Tom Segura 7:39 He's got a nice, he's got a nice piece on.

Joe Rogan 7:39 And Nak- Naked Martin is just... It's all about showing his hog, which, by the way, is-

Tom Segura 7:44 No, no, stop, stop. (laughs)

Guest 7:46 How did he do that?

Joe Rogan 7:47 Hold on. (laughs)

Guest 7:47 The guy's magic? He's magic?

Tom Segura 7:49 (laughs)

Guest 7:51 That's a reverse video.

Tom Segura 7:52 Yeah, it's a reverse video.

Joe Rogan 7:53 (laughs)

Guest 7:53 By the way, that's a, that's a promo video I would have done in a fucking heartbeat.

Tom Segura 7:57 Yeah. (laughs)

Guest 7:58 Sell some fucking tickets.

Joe Rogan 7:58 Can I just, can I just pause to point something out here? How wild is Twitter?

Tom Segura 8:02 Tw- Twitter lets everything happen.

Joe Rogan 8:03 You can, you can have full porn on Twitter.

Tom Segura 8:04 Twitter goes full porn. But how-

Joe Rogan 8:06 But, but for some reason, that is, like, outside of the conversation when it comes to advertiser boycotts.

Tom Segura 8:12 That's totally true.

Joe Rogan 8:13 Isn't that interesting?

Guest 8:14 Yeah, yeah.

Tom Segura 8:14 Yes.

Joe Rogan 8:14 Because, like, they're saying if you allow certain kinds of conversations, we won't advertise.

Tom Segura 8:19 Is he gonna come in his glasses?

Guest 8:20 Yeah, go back to the glasses.

Tom Segura 8:21 Is he coming in his glasses? Is he coming in his own glasses?

Guest 8:23 Go back to the... Oh, God.

Tom Segura 8:24 Oh, my God.

Joe Rogan 8:24 What the fuck are you making me watch?

Tom Segura 8:27 (laughs)

Guest 8:29 Look, his stomach's pulsating.

Joe Rogan 8:30 Oh, put 'em on, put 'em on, put 'em on.

Tom Segura 8:34 Oh, no, Marty. No, Marty. Come on, man.

Joe Rogan 8:35 No, Marty.

Tom Segura 8:35 No.

Joe Rogan 8:35 By the way, that's not that bad. I'd do that.

Tom Segura 8:36 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 8:36 This guy's gonna jerk off on food that he eats.

Guest 8:38 That's not food. That's... Joe.

Joe Rogan 8:40 Oh, don't make me. Oh, Christ.

Guest 8:41 And, Joe, Joe, I don't think the video is over. If I know Martin, he's got another trick up that sleeve. What are you gonna do, Martin?

Tom Segura 8:50 Oh, no.

Guest 8:51 What are you gonna do, Martin?

Tom Segura 8:51 No, Martin, no.

Guest 8:53 There you fucking go. That's why he makes the big bucks, motherfucker.

Joe Rogan 8:58 I legit just retched. Legit just retched. I almost lost it.

Tom Segura 9:03 You gotta find a smate. Face, face-smothering Jamie.

Joe Rogan 9:06 Stop it. Get rid of it, Jamie.

Tom Segura 9:06 Please, stop. On your own, find a face-smothering.

Joe Rogan 9:08 Jamie, don't do it. (laughs) Don't do it, Jamie. Bring it back when you find this.

Tom Segura 9:12 Oh, I think I need smelling salts.

Joe Rogan 9:14 Okay, but I wanted to ask you this- ... 'cause you've had, like... I remember you had Jack Dorsey on.

Tom Segura 9:19 No, Jamie.

Guest 9:19 Stop, Jamie. Stop, Jamie.

Tom Segura 9:21 (laughs)

Guest 9:22 I need a drink, I need a cigar. I need something to clean the pent-up power.

Joe Rogan 9:24 Jesus Christ, that's so crazy. That's someone's baby boy.

Tom Segura 9:27 Oh, fuck.

Joe Rogan 9:29 No, no, no more. Come on, buddy.

Tom Segura 9:30 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 9:31 Come on, man.

Tom Segura 9:31 Okay, he's done, he's done.

Joe Rogan 9:32 This is depressing the shit out of me. That's someone's baby boy. Someone was playing catch with that kid in the park.

Tom Segura 9:36 Wait, hold on. So, when you've had, like... Back in the day, you had Jack Dorsey on, you've had Zuckerberg on, and you've talked about, you know, censorship, kind of like, you know, what gets policed. 'Cause it always feels like these big companies have kind of, you know, inconsistent rules-

Joe Rogan 9:53 Loose, yes.

Tom Segura 9:53 ... about what they do. Oh, if it's this, and this could be misinformation, or we don't know if we can verify. I, I... You know, it never feels like, oh, that's the clear answer.

Joe Rogan 10:01 Mm-hmm.

Tom Segura 10:02 But on Instagram, there's this thing where, like, you know, somebody could say something about whatever. A political candidate, maybe COVID or... And then people go like... That account is gone, right? Or it's like-

Joe Rogan 10:13 Yeah.

Tom Segura 10:13 But you and I have a text thread that is pretty horrific-

Joe Rogan 10:19 (laughs)

Guest 10:20 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 10:20 ... but it's fueled only by Instagram.

Guest 10:22 Yeah.

Tom Segura 10:22 And you're like, "Wait, why is all this okay?"

Joe Rogan 10:25 Tom and I, every day- Wait, what's that? Oh, okay.

Tom Segura 10:33 It's bad. It's bad. Yeah, why? What is?

Guest 10:39 What do they say? What's the reason?

Joe Rogan 10:39 Shot.

Tom Segura 10:40 Oh, yeah.

Guest 10:41 Electrocuted, hit by lightning, uh, dump trucks fall on top of them.

Joe Rogan 10:46 But that's the thing. So, I asked... So, I actually ran into an engineer at Meta two days ago.

Tom Segura 10:50 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 10:51 And he was talking to me, and, and I... I kinda, like, was like, "What's up with this?" And he's like, "Yeah, there's just so many accounts. It's hard to..." And I'm like, "No."

Guest 10:59 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 10:59 I go, "These are accounts that have been up forever, and they just have murders."

Tom Segura 11:02 Well, here, not only that, they just show up in my feed and I'm not following them.

Joe Rogan 11:07 Oh, yeah, of course.

Guest 11:08 Oh, yeah.

Tom Segura 11:08 That's the algorithm.

Joe Rogan 11:10 He said, he said two seconds.

Tom Segura 11:11 He said if you look at something for two, two seconds, that means they will start sending you more.

Guest 11:16 If you like it.

Joe Rogan 11:16 Oh, fuck yeah.

Tom Segura 11:17 So, does the algorithm recognize that you like car accidents?

Guest 11:20 Yes.

Joe Rogan 11:20 For sure.

Guest 11:21 Yes.

Tom Segura 11:21 Or that you're watching them. It's just saying, "This guy will watch a car accident."

Guest 11:24 It's not enough to, like, don't click on that 'cause it'll lead to more. It's during the pause.

Joe Rogan 11:26 But my point is that that means that the algori- algorithm recognizes what that video is.

Tom Segura 11:32 Right.

Joe Rogan 11:32 So, if the algorithm recognizes what that video is and it doesn't flag it-

Tom Segura 11:35 Then it can... It could take it off if it wanted to.

Guest 11:38 Right.

Joe Rogan 11:39 If it wanted to.

Tom Segura 11:39 Exactly.

Guest 11:40 Good point.

Joe Rogan 11:40 But if they wanted to just, like, not only, like, let the algorithm encourage you to watch it-

Tom Segura 11:45 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 11:45 ... but leave the videos up.

Tom Segura 11:47 'Cause the baseline goal of all those is keep you on the platform.

Guest 11:51 Right.

Joe Rogan 11:51 We should go back in our text thread, like, six months and see if any of those videos are still up.

Tom Segura 11:57 Oh. I bet you a lot are.

Joe Rogan 11:59 That would be wild.

Tom Segura 12:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 12:00 'Cause some of the ones... There's, there's so many war ones.

Guest 12:03 Oh, God.

Joe Rogan 12:03 There's so many ones of, like, drones dropping down on people and you're watching their legs blow off. There's suicide drones.

Guest 12:10 I watched a dude get sucked into a sinkhole.

Joe Rogan 12:10 Oh, God, yeah, I saw that.

Guest 12:12 I saw, I saw, I saw a black chick fall into a sinkhole.

Tom Segura 12:13 I thought a guy cummed on his shit and ate it. That's Florida.

Joe Rogan 12:16 Sinkholes are crazy. Sinkholes are crazy. Like, one day, your house can just fall into a bottomless pit.

Tom Segura 12:21 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 12:22 Out of nowhere. The earth collapses underneath where your structure is.

Tom Segura 12:25 Uh, a car in an intersection gets swallowed up.

Joe Rogan 12:28 Swallowed up.

Guest 12:28 What?

Tom Segura 12:28 And you realize that, like, who do you call?... do you, do you think you're like-

Joe Rogan 12:32 (laughs)

Tom Segura 12:32 ... "Hey, I'm mad at the mayor."

Joe Rogan 12:34 Yeah.

Tom Segura 12:34 Like, the, y- there's nothing you can... The Earth just did it. Like-

Shane Gillis 12:36 It's the Earth. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 12:37 Well, the, the, the reality is asphalt is preposterous. It's a ridiculous idea.

Tom Segura 12:43 Why?

Joe Rogan 12:43 It fucks up erosion. It does so many thing... Like, it fucks up absorption of the water naturally into the ground.

Shane Gillis 12:51 They're gonna call you a-

Joe Rogan 12:51 You're covering everything with rock.

Tom Segura 12:53 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 12:54 They're gonna call you an anti-falter.

Joe Rogan 12:55 And then underneath that, what's happening? What's happening underneath all that rock? I would imagine a lot of that water's moving around in there.

Tom Segura 13:03 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 13:03 And if it creates a nice little pocket, and then you get the weight of all these buildings, and then one day just... They just go under, dude.

Shane Gillis 13:11 It happens everywhere.

Joe Rogan 13:11 They've lost blocks. Have you ever seen, like, those-

Shane Gillis 13:14 Yeah, it's crazy.

Joe Rogan 13:14 ... crazy giant sinkholes-

Shane Gillis 13:15 It's Florida.

Joe Rogan 13:16 ... where, like, a whole block has fallen into it?

Tom Segura 13:18 Florida's good. Yeah, happened to me when we were kids.

Joe Rogan 13:18 See if you can find the giant sinkhole.

Tom Segura 13:20 What?

Joe Rogan 13:20 Bro.

Shane Gillis 13:20 That's not real, that's not real. That's not real.

Tom Segura 13:23 No.

Shane Gillis 13:23 That's Photoshopped.

Tom Segura 13:24 Photoshop.

Joe Rogan 13:24 Is that Photoshopped?

Shane Gillis 13:25 Yeah, it has to be.

Tom Segura 13:26 Look at it. Read the caption.

Joe Rogan 13:27 Oh, no, it's real.

Shane Gillis 13:29 That might be after, after they've imploded it.

Tom Segura 13:31 No, man, it might be real.

Joe Rogan 13:32 That's so deep, though.

Guest 13:34 Let me double check for another source.

Joe Rogan 13:35 Yeah.

Guest 13:36 It does look weird.

Joe Rogan 13:36 Let Jamie double check, but I think that-

Shane Gillis 13:38 It does look-

Joe Rogan 13:38 ... I think that one was real.

Shane Gillis 13:40 They did a good job with the overhang at the base.

Joe Rogan 13:41 Look, if you're looking at the ground-

Tom Segura 13:44 Ground.

Joe Rogan 13:44 ... you, you're, you're thinking the ground. If you're looking down, right, you're thinking the ground-

Shane Gillis 13:49 Wow.

Tom Segura 13:50 Wow.

Joe Rogan 13:50 Those are-

Shane Gillis 13:50 That's real.

Tom Segura 13:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 13:51 I think it's real, dude.

Shane Gillis 13:51 That's real. That was the original 9/11 memorial.

Joe Rogan 13:52 It's insane because it looks like a fucking UFO just went through the Earth. It looks like a black hole went through the Earth.

Tom Segura 13:58 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 13:59 It looks so perfectly cut.

Shane Gillis 14:01 How lucky are you if you're the house on the corner that now has a beautiful view?

Tom Segura 14:05 So lucky. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 14:05 Bro, how, how much are you thinking about moving?

Shane Gillis 14:09 He's like, "Uh."

Tom Segura 14:09 Dude.

Joe Rogan 14:09 How much are you thinking about moving-

Tom Segura 14:11 Look at that. Yeah, they're like-

Joe Rogan 14:11 ... to the door?

Shane Gillis 14:11 Hey, be careful coming out. Be careful leaving the sinkhole.

Joe Rogan 14:14 It came out in, like, a, almost a perfect circle.

Tom Segura 14:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 14:18 That's so weird.

Tom Segura 14:19 Does that make you feel so, like, so small in the world, though?

Joe Rogan 14:23 I, I would wanna get the fuck-

Shane Gillis 14:23 Like, are you just falling and falling and falling and falling?

Joe Rogan 14:25 ... away from there.

Tom Segura 14:26 Of course.

Joe Rogan 14:27 I would wanna get the fuck away from that spot. That fo- spot might fall into the Earth.

Tom Segura 14:32 But it just makes you feel like you're so arrogant to think-

Shane Gillis 14:35 Oh, oh.

Tom Segura 14:36 ... that any of this is yours.

Joe Rogan 14:37 Oh, yeah.

Shane Gillis 14:37 The arrogance when the big waves were coming into California, like, a month ago about, w- I drove the girls out to go look at the big waves. They were fucking massive, 20 feet. You know, it's really impressive. It sounds like thunder.

Tom Segura 14:50 Wow.

Joe Rogan 14:50 Mm-hmm.

Shane Gillis 14:50 And, uh, Isla got, uh, slo- swept out by a wave.

Joe Rogan 14:54 (gasps)

Shane Gillis 14:54 She got... There's a video of it. It's not bad. She, she's fine. But it's funny-

Joe Rogan 14:59 What?

Shane Gillis 14:59 Sh- there's, it's on my Instagram.

Joe Rogan 15:00 How, how swept out?

Shane Gillis 15:02 Uh, just, i- i- you can see it. It's not... She didn't get taken out to sea, but she got overtaken by a wave, and it was... It's funny because it's very lighthearted, but then as... And I, I don't even think I handled it well as a parent. I was like- Yeah, you filmed and didn't help? (laughs) I filmed and then said, "Do you have, is your cellphone, is your cellphone in your pocket?"

Joe Rogan 15:18 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 15:19 And so, uh, but what's f- crazy is the moment of clarity after that where you go, "Hold on. We're not safe here."

Joe Rogan 15:27 Oh, right.

Shane Gillis 15:27 "Like, this is, oh, th- hang on, this is actually really dangerous."

Joe Rogan 15:31 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 15:31 This is Isla. And she just g- like, she was just fucking around, and then-

Tom Segura 15:35 This kid's gonna... Oh, boy.

Shane Gillis 15:36 ... and it's, like, aggressive. Of course we're all laughing.

Tom Segura 15:40 And then if she slips-

Joe Rogan 15:41 She's far enough away where I'm not scared.

Shane Gillis 15:43 Yeah.

Tom Segura 15:44 Sort of, but if she slips further back-

Joe Rogan 15:46 But-

Tom Segura 15:46 ... that's all coming back.

Joe Rogan 15:47 But what I'm saying is that, like, that's one of those-

Tom Segura 15:50 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 15:50 ... you know, 50, 50 feet here, 50 feet there things.

Tom Segura 15:54 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:54 Like, if you fuck up and you're 50 feet in front of that and you think you can get away-

Tom Segura 15:58 I've had multiple ocean scares now. (clears throat) Like, the one, the ones where you're, like-

Shane Gillis 16:02 Crying on the beach? Know what those are.

Tom Segura 16:03 Well, no, just that, like, in the moment-

Shane Gillis 16:05 Yeah.

Tom Segura 16:06 ... I keep telling myself, "Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic." You know?

Shane Gillis 16:09 Oh.

Tom Segura 16:09 And, uh, and one I, one I remember was in Hawaii where we rented a, a Jeep, and we were like, "We, we wanna go see something," you know? So they tell you, "Oh, take this road." And it, and it takes you to this single road that goes up where there used to be volcanoes, and we come up on this beach. And they had mentioned the beach, but not really too much about it.

Shane Gillis 16:28 What?

Tom Segura 16:28 And so when we parked, I was like, "I, I love the ocean water. I'm gonna get in the ocean," you know? So I get in the ocean, and I remember that going in, the beach into the water was a decline. Right? So, like, you go down. And I was just, like, knee-deep in there about to end, and I was like, "Man, this current is pulling back hard. Like, really hard." And I kinda take, like, a step back, and I, I feel, um, myself going further down a decline into the ocean.

Shane Gillis 16:56 Oh. Oh.

Tom Segura 16:57 Right? And when I, I, I decide to get out, I have to really push hard. Like, all legs. Like, boom, boom. Like, run, like you're running up a hill to get out. And I was like, "Whew, that was fucking-"

Shane Gillis 17:08 If that wave hit you there, you're kinda fucked.

Tom Segura 17:10 That was, that wave hit you there, you're kinda fucked.

Joe Rogan 17:12 That was kind of scary. They tell me, though, when I get back to the hotel. They go... I go, "Yeah, what took you?" They go... I go, "That, that, uh, that beach was, that was a little scary." They go, "Did you get in the water?" And I go, "Yeah." And they go, "Oh, you can't get in that water." They're like, "You'll drown in that water." No one go... Did you notice there was nobody swimming there? I go, "Yeah, I noticed."

Shane Gillis 17:29 (laughs) Thought it was-

Tom Segura 17:30 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 17:30 ... a beautiful-

Tom Segura 17:30 I thought it was, I thought I found a fucking oasis.

Joe Rogan 17:32 They don't tell you?

Tom Segura 17:33 They didn't tell me. They're like, "Do not swim in that water."

Shane Gillis 17:36 Oh my God.

Tom Segura 17:36 They're like, "You can't swim outta that." If you had sw- Like, they're like, "If you had swam 10 feet in," they're like, "You're just gone."

Joe Rogan 17:43 Oh my God.

Shane Gillis 17:44 What?

Tom Segura 17:44 And, like, the panic you feel, especially in retrospect-

Shane Gillis 17:46 Oh.

Tom Segura 17:46 ... 'cause you remember the feeling of being like, "I think I'm stuck here." You know? "I think I'm stuck right now."

Joe Rogan 17:50 Fitzsimmons saved a lady in Thailand.

Tom Segura 17:53 Really?

Shane Gillis 17:53 What?

Joe Rogan 17:53 Yeah. Someone was drowning and Fitzsimmons swam out and saved them.

Shane Gillis 17:58 Really?

Joe Rogan 17:59 Yeah. I'm pretty sure it was Thailand. Somewhere crazy like that. Yeah. It was on vacation. I might've made up Thailand (laughs) .

Shane Gillis 18:08 (laughs)

Tom Segura 18:08 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 18:08 But next ed, but next ed Thailand-

Shane Gillis 18:08 It doesn't sound, it doesn't sound like a place Fitzsimmons would go.

Joe Rogan 18:11 No, he would go. He's a world traveler.

Shane Gillis 18:12 No, he's a Hawaii guy.

Joe Rogan 18:13 I feel like-

Shane Gillis 18:13 He surfs in Hawaii.

Joe Rogan 18:14 But where- wherever it was.

Tom Segura 18:15 What?

Joe Rogan 18:15 Fitzsimmons went in the ocean and saved a lady.

Tom Segura 18:17 No shit.

Joe Rogan 18:17 Yeah.

Tom Segura 18:18 Oh. I saw my dad save a lady in a, in a-

Joe Rogan 18:20 That's a scary thing.

Tom Segura 18:21 ... in a resort. It was at the bottom of the pool.

Joe Rogan 18:24 (gasps)

Tom Segura 18:24 She was just laying at the bottom of the pool.

Shane Gillis 18:25 What?

Joe Rogan 18:26 Oh my God.

Tom Segura 18:26 When I was, like, nine years old. It was, like, Father, Son, he took me to this resort.

Joe Rogan 18:30 Thank God.

Tom Segura 18:30 And there's a slide. You ever go on a slide where the water that comes off the slide that, like... So in other words, like, like, when you hit the water, it's, like, high impact?

Shane Gillis 18:39 Yeah.

Tom Segura 18:39 You're like, "Holy shit."

Joe Rogan 18:40 Yeah.

Tom Segura 18:41 And it pushes you down. I'm nine years old, so this is...... many years ago, and I remember like, I could swim. I was on the swim team like, a- as a little kid, but I remember being like, "Fuck, that is powerful."

Bert Kreischer 18:52 Wow.

Tom Segura 18:52 Like, it pushes you down, right? And you just swim up, and we're all... People are, you know, at the resort, and then look down, and my dad swims to the bottom of the oat- to... Of the pool, and pulls up this-

Bert Kreischer 19:05 (gasps)

Tom Segura 19:05 ... lifeless body, and then they do CPR, and she came back.

Bert Kreischer 19:09 Wow.

Joe Rogan 19:09 Holy shit.

Tom Segura 19:09 Shut up. Yeah. And they would write letters to our house for years.

Joe Rogan 19:13 Holy shit.

Bert Kreischer 19:13 Really?

Tom Segura 19:13 She was 19.

Joe Rogan 19:14 Oh, my God.

Bert Kreischer 19:15 Wow.

Tom Segura 19:15 She wasn't a little kid.

Bert Kreischer 19:16 Did you see the guy-

Joe Rogan 19:17 Oh, my God.

Bert Kreischer 19:18 ... the snowboarder upside down when the random skier comes by-

Joe Rogan 19:20 Yes.

Bert Kreischer 19:21 ... just sees a snowboard-

Joe Rogan 19:22 Yes.

Bert Kreischer 19:22 ... sticking this far out of the snow-

Shane Gillis 19:24 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 19:24 ... with- with two feet.

Tom Segura 19:24 Is this the one where-

Joe Rogan 19:25 And the guy was buried under the snow.

Bert Kreischer 19:27 Yeah. He goes, "What the fuck?" And he stops, they go something like that.

Joe Rogan 19:29 He saved the guy's life randomly.

Tom Segura 19:31 Is this... That... Is this separate? Have you seen the footage where the guy is wearing the GoPro?

Joe Rogan 19:35 I've seen that.

Tom Segura 19:36 Right?

Shane Gillis 19:36 Yeah.

Tom Segura 19:36 And then he's like-

Joe Rogan 19:37 Falls into the ditch.

Tom Segura 19:37 ... "Oh, fuck," into, like, a hole.

Shane Gillis 19:38 Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Tom Segura 19:40 And they're like-

Joe Rogan 19:40 Yeah. That, you can- is visceral, that feeling you're like (gasps) .

Bert Kreischer 19:41 Oh, my God. And then he's just like, "We'll see what happens."

Joe Rogan 19:44 (sighs) Obviously, he got out because there's footage.

Bert Kreischer 19:47 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 19:47 But when you're watching that you're like, "Oh, my God, you could just fall in there forever." And apparently, that's something that happens.

Bert Kreischer 19:53 Tree wells?

Joe Rogan 19:53 That's something that happens.

Tom Segura 19:55 Oh.

Joe Rogan 19:55 So this guy just falls, and then watch this.

Bert Kreischer 19:58 Bro, what?

Tom Segura 20:00 I know Bert's feeling this.

Shane Gillis 20:02 No, I- I've had a couple experiences like this.

Joe Rogan 20:04 And he manages to stop himself.

Shane Gillis 20:06 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 20:06 Like, bro.

Bert Kreischer 20:06 What the fuck?

Joe Rogan 20:07 Bro.

Bert Kreischer 20:07 How the fuck do you get out of that?

Joe Rogan 20:09 How the fuck do you get out of that?

Bert Kreischer 20:11 Fuck the skis.

Joe Rogan 20:12 How do you get out of that?

Shane Gillis 20:13 Oh, it's- it's- it's- it's over, Joe.

Joe Rogan 20:14 How do you get out of that?

Tom Segura 20:14 But, no, he's ou- he's out.

Shane Gillis 20:15 Oh, no, no, he... They- they had to... I think I've read- read about this. They had to get search and rescue. He had to hang out down there for a while. Search and rescue had to come up and-

Joe Rogan 20:22 Holy shit, he's so lucky.

Bert Kreischer 20:24 I'm thinking of getting one of those GPS trackers just to see if they-

Tom Segura 20:24 And do you see, though, how he kept-

Joe Rogan 20:25 He's so lucky that he stopped right there.

Tom Segura 20:27 But the way he- he... Right here, he's not flailing. He's, like-

Joe Rogan 20:29 Yeah.

Tom Segura 20:30 ... putting his arm and his ski out to try to s-

Joe Rogan 20:32 Uh-huh.

Tom Segura 20:32 Like, so this guy was able to keep some composure as this was happening.

Bert Kreischer 20:36 (sighs) Ooh.

Tom Segura 20:36 Which is, like-

Bert Kreischer 20:36 Bombed it.

Tom Segura 20:36 ... kind of the craziest part.

Joe Rogan 20:38 Oh, my God. So this is the snowboarder that's buried upside down.

Tom Segura 20:41 No.

Bert Kreischer 20:41 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 20:41 So this guy just sees that little blue piece.

Shane Gillis 20:44 Bro.

Tom Segura 20:45 Just randomly.

Shane Gillis 20:45 This- this hap- this happened to me.

Bert Kreischer 20:46 He skied right over him.

Tom Segura 20:47 Yeah, he ca-... I mean, he easily could have missed that.

Bert Kreischer 20:49 He happened to take that... Yeah, could have gone the other way.

Tom Segura 20:50 Dude-

Joe Rogan 20:50 There's not much blue.

Shane Gillis 20:51 Soft snow. He's in a tree well is what it is.

Joe Rogan 20:53 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 20:53 So the tree wells, uh, it's really soft, soft snow.

Joe Rogan 20:57 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 20:57 So if you get stuck in a tree well, you are fucking dead. A lot of people die-

Joe Rogan 21:00 (sighs)

Shane Gillis 21:00 ... in tree wells.

Joe Rogan 21:01 God damn.

Bert Kreischer 21:02 Yeah, I'm thinking of getting one of those GPS things, so we can use this as a lesson.

Shane Gillis 21:05 You know that one we went on? We went, uh, snowboarding in Matterhorn-

Bert Kreischer 21:07 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 21:07 Uh, heli-skiing.

Bert Kreischer 21:08 Oof.

Shane Gillis 21:08 And the guy put a beacon on us. And the first thing he said... He puts a beacon... It's, like, four feet of powder. And he says, uh, "This is so we can find the body."

Joe Rogan 21:17 (sighs)

Shane Gillis 21:17 And I was like, "What?" He's like-

Tom Segura 21:19 Oh, this is on-

Shane Gillis 21:20 ... "You might fall into a crevasse or an avalanche, so we put the beacon on to find the body."

Guest 21:25 Okay, you're good.

Tom Segura 21:25 Whoa.

Guest 21:25 We got you.

Tom Segura 21:27 That feeling-

Guest 21:27 Can you breathe?

Tom Segura 21:28 This happened to me. That feeling is terrifying.

Bert Kreischer 21:30 This- this guy's like, "Thank you."

Guest 21:31 Okay, good. We'll get you out of here in a sec, okay?

Tom Segura 21:36 The panic. The panic.

Bert Kreischer 21:37 He was dead. He knew he was dead.

Joe Rogan 21:38 I'm feeling panicked watching this.

Bert Kreischer 21:39 He knew he was dead.

Shane Gillis 21:39 The panic, so what happens is, like, what happened to me in- in the- when we were heli-skiing-

Bert Kreischer 21:43 I just gotta...

Shane Gillis 21:43 ... is I fell face forward in powder. I- I- and we- I just- I'd never... Snow-skiing... Snowboarding in powder, four feet of powder, is very different than snowboarding. It's like you have to have your bindings reset, you have to really know how to ride the powder. And- and I could not turn right. And the guy's told me, he's like, "Don't go within five feet of my tracks. Stay within my tracks."

Bert Kreischer 22:02 Oh.

Shane Gillis 22:02 So the whole time, I can only turn left, 'cause I'm... At the time, I really wasn't that good of a snowboarder, and I... But I could snowboard, but not in powder. And so he's going like this, and all I can do is go left, and I'm just going off the track.

Joe Rogan 22:14 (gasps) Oh, no.

Shane Gillis 22:15 And I'm fucking panicking. We're... But by the way, we're at, like, 13,000 feet, 14,000 feet. It's very little oxygen. I'm gassed, I'm fat, I'm hungover. It's the day after the national championship that we went to, so we'd eaten edibles. It was like-

Bert Kreischer 22:28 It was the day after that?

Shane Gillis 22:29 It was the- it was the day after that. I flew to fucking-

Joe Rogan 22:31 Jesus.

Shane Gillis 22:32 I flew to Switzerland, and immediately landed and went heli-skiing.

Bert Kreischer 22:36 (laughs) I don't remember that.

Shane Gillis 22:37 And so... No, no, no, when we went to Florida State versus Alabama.

Tom Segura 22:40 Oh, 2013.

Shane Gillis 22:41 Yeah, 2013. So all of a sudden, I go to s-

Joe Rogan 22:45 Arbor.

Shane Gillis 22:45 ... turn, cut right, and I catch it in my nose, and I fucking go face first in the snow. And at first I'm like, "Fine." I push my arms in, and they just do not touch anything.

Joe Rogan 22:56 Oh, my goodness.

Shane Gillis 22:56 It just goes like this. And now snow's impacted on my face, so I can't really breathe. And I- I'm... First of all, I deal with panic, but panic ki- kicks in immediately, and I'm like, "This is why I have the fucking beacon on." And so I try to clear the snow out of my face, but I'm, like, pulling all the muscles in my back trying to turn over, and then the guy just comes up behind me, grabs me on the back, flips me over, and he goes, "You should see your sound guy." My sound guy's upside down, skis kicking, o- upside down in the snow. And we just got the fuck out. We got on a helicopter and got the fuck out. I was like, "This isn't safe."

Bert Kreischer 23:29 What?

Joe Rogan 23:29 Yeah, I'm not interested in any of that nonsense.

Shane Gillis 23:32 (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 23:33 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 23:33 Did I tell you about my last ski experience?

Shane Gillis 23:36 Uh-

Joe Rogan 23:36 I- I only used to ski with my family.

Shane Gillis 23:37 You- you-

Bert Kreischer 23:38 What?

Shane Gillis 23:38 This resonates-

Joe Rogan 23:39 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 23:39 ... every time I go skiing 'cause you go, "It's not worth it. It's not worth-"

Bert Kreischer 23:42 Oh, he always says that.

Shane Gillis 23:43 He always says it-

Joe Rogan 23:44 But this is-

Shane Gillis 23:44 ... every time we go skiing.

Joe Rogan 23:45 When... Well, I would go skiing because they wanted to go skiing, and I would be like, "This is fun." It's good for kids to learn early 'cause they're really good at it, and my wife likes it. But I would be like, "Don't get hurt. Don't get hurt. Don't get hurt." Didn't get hurt. "Back up."

Shane Gillis 23:59 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 23:59 "Don't get hurt. Don't get hurt. Don't get hurt."

Bert Kreischer 24:02 Not fun.

Joe Rogan 24:02 Didn't get hurt. Good. So all I'm doing is mitigating risk the entire time I'm skiing.

Shane Gillis 24:06 Sure.

Joe Rogan 24:07 'Cause I've had fucking three knee operations. I really know what it's like to blow your shit apart. And they're, like, naive to how vulnerable your knees are. And kids are fucking rubber.

Shane Gillis 24:19 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:19 They just fucking bounce off rocks-

Shane Gillis 24:21 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:21 ... and they're fine. They fall down. They only weigh 80 pounds. They fall down. They get right back up.

Tom Segura 24:25 Right back up.

Joe Rogan 24:26 But...... I, so this last time, I was going around this turn and this lady didn't know how to ski. And it looked like she was just a fresh beginner, and she was, like, doing the pizza thing-

Shane Gillis 24:37 Wow.

Joe Rogan 24:37 ... but she was sliding right into the trail.

Shane Gillis 24:39 Oh.

Joe Rogan 24:40 And it's a s- it's a narrow trail and I'm like, "I have two options: I'm wiping this lady out or I'm gonna catastrophically fall down." I went with option two.

Shane Gillis 24:50 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 24:50 And I fucking tried to slide around this lady and my skis went up in the air, and I banged the back of my head hard.

Shane Gillis 24:57 (laughs) Oh, fuck.

Joe Rogan 24:58 And I fractured my leg.

Shane Gillis 25:00 Was your helmet on?

Guest 25:00 Oh, really?

Joe Rogan 25:01 No. Yeah. It was, it's called, uh, an insufficiency fracture. It's a, the, a fracture at the top of the, the, uh, fibula, where the... Or the tibia rather, where the tibia, like, touches the cartilage. I had a fracture and I was 100% concussed.

Shane Gillis 25:16 Wow.

Joe Rogan 25:16 Because, uh, I got on-

Shane Gillis 25:18 Wait. Helmet on?

Guest 25:18 Helmet on?

Joe Rogan 25:19 Excuse me?

Shane Gillis 25:19 Helmet?

Joe Rogan 25:20 Yeah, helmet on.

Guest 25:21 Helmet on. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 25:21 It didn't matter. It was hard snow, head first, bam. And I remember thinking like, "Wow, that was a big one."

Shane Gillis 25:28 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 25:28 I remember thinking that. Like, when I got hit, I was like, "That's a big one." And, um, I got on the ski lift afterwards and I just miscalculated, like I wasn't coordinated.

Shane Gillis 25:38 Oh.

Joe Rogan 25:38 And I fell down and I couldn't get up.

Shane Gillis 25:42 What?

Joe Rogan 25:42 Like, I couldn't get up with l- without help. The lady had to help me get up. She had to reach out and grab my hand and help me.

Shane Gillis 25:48 Because of the concussion?

Guest 25:49 Yeah. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 25:50 100%.

Shane Gillis 25:50 Wow.

Joe Rogan 25:51 100%. So, I'm, I'm just dizzy. I'm off.

Guest 25:56 How long ago was this?

Joe Rogan 25:57 A couple years ago. Three?

Shane Gillis 25:59 It was more than that. It was more than that.

Guest 26:00 Yeah, it was pre-pandemic.

Shane Gillis 26:01 Joe, I think about this-

Joe Rogan 26:01 No.

Shane Gillis 26:01 ... every time I go fucking snowboarding.

Joe Rogan 26:03 I think it was three years ago. No, I was, I think it was three years ago.

Guest 26:05 After pandemic?

Joe Rogan 26:06 Yeah, I think it was during pandemic.

Guest 26:08 I, I don't think so, man.

Shane Gillis 26:08 Uh, before. It was before.

Guest 26:10 It was definitely before.

Shane Gillis 26:11 Before.

Joe Rogan 26:11 I don't think so, man.

Shane Gillis 26:11 Joe, this story resonates so well.

Guest 26:13 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 26:13 Maybe four years.

Guest 26:13 That's the last time you went to ski. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 26:14 At the most, it's four years old. But-

Guest 26:17 2019 2020.

Joe Rogan 26:17 ... I was like (snaps fingers) -

Shane Gillis 26:18 When did we go?

Joe Rogan 26:19 That's just to... And then Shane Dorian tore his fucking knee apart.

Shane Gillis 26:22 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 26:23 World champion big wave surfer tears his knee apart snowboarding, just slammed into a tree and...

Guest 26:29 That's why you gotta ski, folks.

Joe Rogan 26:31 Yeah. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 26:31 Oh, hey, hang on, hang on. You wanna hear a story about old 5'8" McGhee?

Guest 26:33 I just told you I was skiing. I was skiing. I got a st- You don't like snowboarding?

Shane Gillis 26:36 Oh, no, no, no, no.

Guest 26:37 I tried. I kicked it.

Shane Gillis 26:37 Let me te- let me share the story of skiing with Ari Shaffir.

Guest 26:40 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 26:41 So first of all, Ari gets this app that tracks how fast you're going, so the entire ski trip is based on, "How fast can you get-"

Guest 26:47 O'Neill had it. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 26:47 And Ari's like, "I think I got up to 70. I bet I could break 75. I'm gonna get 75."

Guest 26:52 Jeez. The sound barrier.

Joe Rogan 26:53 Christ.

Shane Gillis 26:53 So, I'm a-

Joe Rogan 26:54 You're going 75 miles an hour on a skis?

Guest 26:56 He's trying to.

Shane Gillis 26:57 Yeah.

Guest 26:57 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 26:57 So, we go our last run in, there is on, it's a blue.

Guest 27:02 Park City.

Shane Gillis 27:02 And Ari is absolutely reckless, off trail, fucking-

Guest 27:05 Well, 'cause O'Neill's better than me. I'm chall- I was like, "Let's race." And I'm like, "Go." And I just got the one-second head start.

Shane Gillis 27:10 So, we got Sean Patton, Mark Normand, O'Neill, f- uh, Renacci-

Guest 27:14 Fat Jay loser.

Shane Gillis 27:15 Yeah. And we're all just... All we're doing is skiing to a bar, okay?

Guest 27:18 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 27:18 We're all gonna go get drunk and ski to a bar, and I just hear Ari. Fucking basketball... He dresses like an fucking 13-year-old. Basketball jersey.

Guest 27:26 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 27:26 Fucking, he's got the Viking horn helmet on.

Guest 27:29 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 27:29 Like a fucking lunatic. This is in... Is this...

Guest 27:33 That's my Mash-

Shane Gillis 27:33 That's Ari.

Guest 27:34 That's my Mash, that's my Mash jersey, though. And look at, I got my sweatpants over the j-... (laughs)

Shane Gillis 27:38 And so Ari-

Guest 27:38 I'm a, I'm a damn fool. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 27:39 Ari's right at the top of the mountain and he's like, "Let's see how fast we can go before we go to the bar." And I was like, "I'm on a snowboard, the fastest I'm getting is 37 miles per hour. That's the fastest I'm going and I'm terrified," 'cause I hear you in my head going, "It's not worth it. It's not worth it."

Guest 27:51 It's not worth it 'cause he had already stopped.

Shane Gillis 27:52 Ari decides to break the sound barrier, pins his feet together, and like a goddamn bullet, starts fucking flying.

Guest 28:00 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 28:01 Literally, feet in front of the bar, wipes out and breaks his wrist. (laughs)

Guest 28:04 Some snowboarder turned back too fast. He was making nice, wide loops. And then he, like, made a s- sharp one, flew, yeah, demolished it, shattered it.

Shane Gillis 28:12 He had to get a reconstruct it.

Guest 28:13 Yeah, there's a pin in there.

Shane Gillis 28:14 Really?

Guest 28:15 Yeah. (laughs) And then I flew.

Shane Gillis 28:16 And all I heard was, "Joe Rogan, it's not worth it."

Guest 28:19 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 28:19 "We killed sports figures."

Guest 28:21 (laughs) How fast were you going? I was going pretty fast. I was winning. I th- I thought O'Neill was right behind me. He had stopped immediately.

Joe Rogan 28:25 You have to think about it this way: For this momentary thrill of adrenaline and excitement, you potentially risk a life of catastrophic injuries.

Guest 28:37 That's every time I come to this podcast. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 28:41 (laughs)

Guest 28:41 I never stop.

Joe Rogan 28:42 I get it. Look, I get it because life is finite. I get it, you wanna live and experience everything you want. But I believe you should mitigate risk and I believe people are drawn to excitement.

Guest 28:52 You seek out dangerous animals.

Joe Rogan 28:54 I... Yeah, but I'm telling you, I mitigate risk.

Guest 28:58 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 28:58 And the, the risk of skiing to me is like-

Guest 29:00 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 29:00 ... that one is like there's too many-

Guest 29:03 What's the most-

Joe Rogan 29:03 ... uh, variables-

Guest 29:03 What do you think is the most dangerous activity-

Joe Rogan 29:05 ... that zip around-

Guest 29:06 ... you do?

Joe Rogan 29:07 Well, when I'm training in j- I'm not doing jujitsu right now, but that's for sure the most de-

Guest 29:12 'Cause of the potential damage.

Joe Rogan 29:13 Other than driving a car.

Shane Gillis 29:13 Yeah.

Guest 29:14 Driving a car.

Joe Rogan 29:14 Yeah, you're, you're practicing strangling each other.

Shane Gillis 29:16 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 29:16 And you're doing it with people who are really good at strangling people.

Shane Gillis 29:19 Yeah.

Guest 29:19 I love skiing so much.

Joe Rogan 29:20 They're grabbing your legs and yanking them apart.

Shane Gillis 29:22 Yeah.

Guest 29:23 It's, that's stranger.

Shane Gillis 29:23 This last trip was the last time I was-

Guest 29:25 How was it, how was the skiing as a feck- as a less fat guy?

Shane Gillis 29:27 As a sober person.

Joe Rogan 29:28 As a less fat guy. (laughs)

Guest 29:28 As a less fat guy. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 29:30 As a less fat guy. It was fucking amazing.

Joe Rogan 29:31 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 29:32 I posted, I didn't... I did a weird thing this year. I didn't post any videos, I didn't record anything, I just had-

Guest 29:37 Lived?

Shane Gillis 29:38 I just lived.

Guest 29:38 Wow.

Shane Gillis 29:39 Uh, my girls loved it. They were like, "This is great. We're not on Instagram for fucking people to see." But, uh...

Guest 29:45 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 29:45 And I wasn't drinking.

Joe Rogan 29:46 (laughs) Of course.

Shane Gillis 29:47 And I was-

Guest 29:47 For once.

Shane Gillis 29:47 And I was skinny, and I was like... I said, "The only thing I recorded was I wanna show you my favorite trick." I could touch my foot. I could never touch my foot snowboarding, so getting my bindings on was so fucking tough.

Guest 29:58 It was so annoying. You get off the lift, you have to wait 10 minutes.

Joe Rogan 30:00 Oh, because your gut was in the way.

Shane Gillis 30:01 My gut was in the way and it was so uncomfortable.

Joe Rogan 30:02 D- Dude, you were on stage, uh, Tuesday night, and I was like, "You're too jacked."

Shane Gillis 30:07 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 30:07 "You're too jacked to take your shirt off now."

Guest 30:08 He looks great. You look great.

Joe Rogan 30:09 "It's not funny anymore."

Shane Gillis 30:10 Thank you. It is. I don't... I can't... You know there are people that really believe that?

Joe Rogan 30:14 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 30:14 There are people that really believe-

Guest 30:15 I'm sure there are.

Shane Gillis 30:15 ... that, "Oh no, you look funny. You're not funny." You're like-

Joe Rogan 30:17 It's your-

Guest 30:17 Bitch.

Joe Rogan 30:17 ... freedom of you being you is you taking your shirt off.

Shane Gillis 30:20 Yeah.

Guest 30:21 If you're-

Joe Rogan 30:21 The freedom of you being you and now you no longer have a g- a gut and you got jacked shoulders, you got traps and shit, it's like, that's a, a celebration of still who you are.

Shane Gillis 30:31 Yeah.

Guest 30:31 Oh, so you're still fatter than you were when you were the fat guy?

Shane Gillis 30:33 ... yeah, I'm still fat.

Guest 30:35 What?

Shane Gillis 30:35 I'm still fat. He got so fat that he lost weight. Everyone's like, "That's amazing." When he started playing the fat guy-

Guest 30:40 Playing the fat guys-

Shane Gillis 30:41 The fat guy.

Guest 30:42 ... the fat guy is skinnier than this. You mean when Tom started fat shaming me? Yes.

Shane Gillis 30:45 When Tom was fatter than me and decided to start fat shaming me.

Joe Rogan 30:47 I naively thought that when we did the first challenge, which was the weight loss challenge that led to a Sober October group-

Guest 30:54 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:54 ... I really thought, like, you'd, like, stay on that path. You got so skinny.

Shane Gillis 30:58 I didn't, I didn't care.

Joe Rogan 30:58 (laughs)

Guest 30:59 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 31:00 I didn't care.

Guest 31:01 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:01 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 31:01 You have to... You have to wanna do it.

Guest 31:02 November 1st.

Joe Rogan 31:03 That's true.

Shane Gillis 31:03 I tell you right now, Sober October was an interesting experiment, but I will tell you ha- having done, like, three months or whatever I did, that one month is... You, you... And you... And the big difference is I stopped drinking on planes-

Guest 31:16 Hmm.

Shane Gillis 31:16 ... because I wasn't not drinking on a plane because of you three assholes. Like, I was not drinking because of you guys.

Guest 31:22 Hmm.

Shane Gillis 31:22 And then when you're not drinking and you go, "I'm not drinking for me," it's very fucking different.

Guest 31:26 Mm-hmm.

Shane Gillis 31:27 And then that was... Then I got really comfortable on planes and I was like, "Oh, I've... I can get through this." I can-

Joe Rogan 31:32 Why can't scientists-

Guest 31:33 Fucking...

Joe Rogan 31:34 ... just make a booze that doesn't kill you?

Guest 31:37 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:38 Can't you fucking wizards out there-

Guest 31:41 You know scientists. Ask them.

31:41 There has to be.

31:42 There has to be.

Joe Rogan 31:42 Make a booze that doesn't kill you.

Guest 31:45 Don't they make natural wine that's better for you?

Joe Rogan 31:47 There's gotta be a way to... If you can make synthetic marijuana and turn it into pills, there's gotta be a way to take whatever the fuck it is that alcohol does good-

Shane Gillis 31:58 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:58 ... that gives you that fun-

Shane Gillis 31:59 The sparkle.

Joe Rogan 32:00 ... carefree-

Shane Gillis 32:02 Sparkle.

Guest 32:02 Yeah.

32:02 Sparkle. The buzz.

Joe Rogan 32:03 So fun.

Guest 32:03 The smile.

Shane Gillis 32:03 So fucking cool.

Joe Rogan 32:04 The buzz, smile.

Guest 32:05 Everything feels right.

32:06 It's gotta be.

Joe Rogan 32:07 The boys. The buzz, smile.

Shane Gillis 32:08 It washes over you. The sun sets and the day goes away.

Guest 32:11 Oh, bro.

Shane Gillis 32:12 And you're just, like, in a good mood. You get that buzz, you ride it and you ride it.

Joe Rogan 32:15 A nice meal. Like, how many times have we had meals on the road where we're having a couple of drinks, we're eating a nice meal-

Guest 32:21 And slowly goes up.

Joe Rogan 32:22 ... we're talking and we're laughing and we're just-

Guest 32:24 The lubricant.

Joe Rogan 32:25 ... enjoying ourselves.

Guest 32:27 God damn.

Shane Gillis 32:28 It's the best.

Guest 32:28 It's the best.

Shane Gillis 32:29 Those are the best.

Joe Rogan 32:30 It's... It's such a fucking tool.

Guest 32:32 The post-show, the post-show.

Shane Gillis 32:32 Oh.

Guest 32:33 Dude, I was doing the Wilbur-

32:34 It's the greatest.

32:34 I'll do it again this weekend. But, uh, uh, she asked, uh, uh, Bloomerang's daughter, is like, "You gonna be-"

Joe Rogan 32:37 Did you say Ari Shaffir is gonna be at the Wilbur in Boston this weekend?

Guest 32:40 Yeah. Oh, yeah. Thursday and Friday.

Joe Rogan 32:41 Oh, shit.

Guest 32:41 The legendary Wilbur.

Shane Gillis 32:42 That's so funny. I thought you were in Cheyenne, Wyoming next week.

Joe Rogan 32:45 How many shows?

Guest 32:45 Oh, th-... Is that you?

Shane Gillis 32:46 Oh, I'm in Cheyenne, Wyoming-

Guest 32:47 (laughs)

32:47 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 32:47 How many shows are you doing?

Shane Gillis 32:48 And then through Colorado.

Joe Rogan 32:49 Three shows? So two Saturday, once... One Friday?

Guest 32:51 Two Friday, one Thursday.

Joe Rogan 32:52 Oh, ni-... Oh, shit.

Guest 32:53 Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

32:53 Are you not gonna be in Atlantic City at the Hard Rock?

32:55 Nice.

Shane Gillis 32:55 Fucking nice.

Guest 32:55 You're not gonna be at the Atlantic City Hard Rock?

32:58 No, who's th-... Wait, I saw the calendar.

Shane Gillis 32:59 Oh, no, no. I'm there in-

Guest 33:01 That's you.

Shane Gillis 33:01 ... in the summer.

Guest 33:02 Oh.

Joe Rogan 33:02 I did that with Joey.

Shane Gillis 33:03 I'm in there in the summer.

Joe Rogan 33:03 I did it with Joey and Tony. It was fun.

Guest 33:05 (laughs)

33:05 Do you know what Joey told me? He goes-

33:06 What?

33:07 ... "I'm coming to..." First of all, he goes, "If I see you wearing those glasses, I'm gonna fucking break them."

33:12 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 33:12 (laughs)

Guest 33:12 And I go, "What?" I go... He calls me. Like, I'm in Hawaii and I'm like, "What?" Like, "Happy New Year." And he's like, "You gotta take those off." I go, "I need them to see though. I... I put them on to see."

33:23 Oh, cock sucker.

33:23 And he goes, "It can't be those."

33:25 (laughs)

33:26 I go, "Why?" He goes, "What are you fucking... Doing the news?" And I go, "No, I just-"

Shane Gillis 33:30 Doing the news, that's when people read Joey's life.

Joe Rogan 33:33 (laughs) Doing the news.

Guest 33:33 I go, "Well, dude, I..."

33:34 Doing the news.

33:35 "Okay. Am I allow..." I go, "Can I wear another pair of glasses that, that are approved?"

33:39 And he says-

33:40 And he's like... He goes, "Yeah." He goes, "But I... It can't be those." And I go, "Okay." And then he goes-

Shane Gillis 33:45 Like you're gonna be with a bar still up.

Joe Rogan 33:46 He takes his Buddy Holly over here.

Guest 33:47 Yeah. He goes, "I'll see you in two... I'll see you in two weeks." And I go, "Where are you gonna see me in two weeks?" He goes, "When you come to Jersey, when you're in Atlantic City." And I go, "Oh, great." He goes, "I noticed that nas-... Last time you were in Jersey, you didn't give me a call. You were hanging out with your white friends."

Joe Rogan 34:01 (laughs)

Guest 34:02 (laughs)

34:03 And I go... (laughs) I go... I go... He goes, "Don't think I forgot you're a fucking Hispanic. You give me a call every time you come to Jersey." I go, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Joe Rogan 34:11 He's the king of New Jersey.

Guest 34:13 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 34:14 Joey's open to a residency here.

Guest 34:16 In Austin?

Joe Rogan 34:16 Yeah.

Guest 34:17 They just do that once a month?

Joe Rogan 34:17 We're talking about doing it once a month.

Guest 34:19 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 34:19 Joey will come down for, like, three days.

Guest 34:21 Great.

34:21 That'd be great.

34:22 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 34:22 Joey and I should get a house together. I'm here for three days.

Joe Rogan 34:24 Dude, he, he loosened up, uh, on the podcast. Like, like, having a podcast with Joey, like, you forget. You forget-

Guest 34:32 How great it is?

Joe Rogan 34:32 ... like, what that dude is.

Shane Gillis 34:33 I don't.

Joe Rogan 34:33 What a special unicorn.

Guest 34:36 He really is.

Shane Gillis 34:36 I told... I, I've said this.

Guest 34:38 He's the greatest.

34:38 Yes.

Joe Rogan 34:38 He's the unicorn. There's no one even remotely like him.

Shane Gillis 34:42 He was there when Ari drugged me. He came and saved my life.

Guest 34:46 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 34:47 Saved your life.

Guest 34:47 Jesus, this is getting dramatic.

Shane Gillis 34:49 He pumped his stomach.

Joe Rogan 34:49 He stole the other molly.

Shane Gillis 34:50 Oh, no, no, no, no. I was having soft-

Joe Rogan 34:51 He stole the other molly.

Guest 34:52 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 34:52 No, he... No, uh, this is the best Joey Diaz story.

Joe Rogan 34:54 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 34:54 He goes... I call him up, I go... I'm having a panic attack. I go, "Joey, I... Ari just drugged me." He's like, "I'll be there in five, cock sucker." Walks through the house, he goes, "Mrs. K, don't come out back. Bad shit's happening out there."

Joe Rogan 35:06 (laughs)

Guest 35:06 (laughs)

35:06 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 35:06 Comes out... Comes out and he goes, "What's going on, cock suckers?"

Guest 35:08 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 35:08 I go, "Ari just drugged me."

Guest 35:10 Oh, Jesus.

Shane Gillis 35:10 And he goes... He goes, "Let me..." He goes, "Let me see it." Ari pulls out the other molly, Joey takes it, eats it, and goes, "We're all seeing the devil's dick tonight, cock sucker."

Joe Rogan 35:18 (laughs)

Guest 35:18 (laughs)

35:18 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 35:18 "No one's dying on my watch."

Joe Rogan 35:20 (laughs)

Guest 35:20 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 35:20 "If you die, I die. We're all dying."

Joe Rogan 35:23 (laughs)

Guest 35:23 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 35:24 He's the fucking best.

Guest 35:25 The best.

Joe Rogan 35:25 "We're all seeing the devil's dick tonight." (laughs)

Shane Gillis 35:28 He's the best.

Guest 35:30 Oh, Jesus.

Shane Gillis 35:31 He's... He's the funniest human being I've ever met.

Guest 35:32 Oh, yeah.

Shane Gillis 35:32 I'll buy a house with Joey in a heartbeat.

Joe Rogan 35:33 Yeah, well, I think that's, uh, one of the ways to do it. I think, um-

Guest 35:36 Get a comedy condo?

Joe Rogan 35:37 Make it a-

Guest 35:38 You could. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 35:38 No, I'm, I'm legitimately thinking about that.

Guest 35:40 (laughs)

35:40 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 35:40 I've been thinking about that anyway because I've been thinking about doing a studio in downtown Austin with a view.

Guest 35:45 Oh, high.

Joe Rogan 35:45 Because there's, like, apartments that have a view. And if you could do a studio in an apartment out there, you could have nighttime podcasts right after doing a comedy show.

Shane Gillis 35:53 Oh.

Guest 35:53 Drunk cast.

35:54 Ooh.

35:54 Drunk cast again.

Joe Rogan 35:55 So you do a show at the comedy... Just like we used to do at the Ice House.

Guest 35:58 I know. Yeah.

35:58 We... You should do your show-

Joe Rogan 35:59 So you do a show at the Mothership, and then go straight up to the condo, which is, like, three minutes away.

Guest 36:04 Dude, you should do that.

Shane Gillis 36:05 I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna-

Joe Rogan 36:06 It makes sense, right?

Guest 36:06 You should do that. That's right.

Shane Gillis 36:07 I'm gonna problem solve this.

Guest 36:08 Problem solve.

Shane Gillis 36:09 And after doing now, I think, seven sets at... In this... Couple of days at your club, I think that's a horrible idea.

Guest 36:16 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 36:16 The amount of freedom that is at your club, the amount of free speech at your club-

Guest 36:20 (laughs) And then you'll come right out there.

Shane Gillis 36:20 ... is so dangerous.

Guest 36:22 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 36:22 Yesterday, I went up and I was like, "Wait, I didn't realize I can say anything I want."

Guest 36:26 You should've seen his face light up. He's like, "What are those... What are those bags on everybody's tables? Oh."

Shane Gillis 36:30 I go-

Joe Rogan 36:30 Oh, you didn't know?

Shane Gillis 36:31 I didn't know.

Guest 36:31 Oh, yeah.

Shane Gillis 36:32 Well, I... I was like, "Wow, Shane Gillis is really taking some chances." (laughs)

Guest 36:35 (laughs) Speaking about how communism is good.

Shane Gillis 36:37 Yeah. (laughs)

Guest 36:38 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 36:38 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 36:39 Pol Pot was a god. (laughs)

Guest 36:41 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 36:41 And so I got up. I was... I was hosting and then did an hour at the end of the sh-... Well, we did, like, three hours at the end of the show.

Guest 36:46 (laughs) A long time together.

Shane Gillis 36:48 But wild shit. And... But I didn't realize you can say whatever you want. You really can just take chances.

Joe Rogan 36:53 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 36:53 So I felt like I wasn't doing my due diligence as a comic, so I wrote the worst joke I could think of. Like, just insider joke, just like a-... I was just, and I, and it w- and it did well, and I was like, "Fuck, this is crazy."

Tom Segura 37:07 You wanna take that energy up to that studio and do a podcast.

Shane Gillis 37:09 And then, and then I get off your thing and I'm wa- I'm talking wild. And then I go up to yours and I'm like, "You know, what about Hitler? Here's the deal."

Tom Segura 37:15 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 37:15 His dad wasn't a bad guy. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 37:17 (laughs) He came from good people.

Shane Gillis 37:18 He came from... 'cause he was a beekeeper. You know that, Joe. You interviewed a few beekeeper. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 37:21 I did interview a beekeeper.

Tom Segura 37:23 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 37:25 (laughs) I basically interviewed almost every walk of life, I think.

Shane Gillis 37:28 Yeah.

Tom Segura 37:28 Yeah. How many, how many episodes have you done now?

Joe Rogan 37:30 2000.

Shane Gillis 37:32 Wow.

Tom Segura 37:32 What?

Shane Gillis 37:33 Wow.

Ari Shaffir 37:33 2093.

Joe Rogan 37:34 Yeah. And then there's the Fight Companions, which is like a hundred and... How many of those?

Ari Shaffir 37:38 There's probably 60 to 70 of those and-

Shane Gillis 37:41 I did one of those.

Ari Shaffir 37:42 ... 153 MMA shows.

Joe Rogan 37:43 Yeah, so that's another 200, so it's-

Shane Gillis 37:45 What's, what's your worst one?

Joe Rogan 37:47 I don't think I have a, a lot of bad ones.

Tom Segura 37:49 Oh, wow.

Shane Gillis 37:49 We have some bad ones. We can go around and nail our stinkers.

Ari Shaffir 37:51 Yeah. I agree.

Joe Rogan 37:52 The early ones, definitely, I sucked at it.

Shane Gillis 37:55 No, you didn't. That was-

Joe Rogan 37:56 That's what-

Shane Gillis 37:56 ... that was when it was wild.

Ari Shaffir 37:57 It was wild. It was so outlawed. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 37:57 Yeah, no. But I mean, you, you just put-

Ari Shaffir 37:59 Oh.

Joe Rogan 37:59 But if you're having conversations with people, you're not good at, like, facilitating the conversation, especially if you're talking to a scientist and you're trying to get as much information into as many people's minds as possible. So, if there's any confusion about what they're saying, you have to know when to interrupt them or when to lay back or when to... You gotta bookmark, like, a thought.

Shane Gillis 38:19 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 38:19 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:20 Like, I don't wanna interrupt.

Ari Shaffir 38:20 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:20 But I gotta bookmark this because I gotta understand, what do you mean exactly by that?

Ari Shaffir 38:24 Yeah, you're good, you're good at saying that. Wait, wait. I, that wasn't clear to me. Can you say that again? Like, make that clear to me. I'm not sure.

Joe Rogan 38:28 Yeah. You can't pretend you understand something-

Ari Shaffir 38:30 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:30 ... if you don't, you know? You, you have to-

Ari Shaffir 38:33 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:33 You have to just, like, uh, you're almost like a, like a cattle herder, a little bit-

Ari Shaffir 38:38 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:39 ... for the conversation. You're just kinda trying to keep the conversation... You're, you're trying to let it flow as much as possible. But you're also trying to, like, you have to interact with it, like, so you have to figure out, like, "What am I not absorbing about this?"

Tom Segura 38:51 Do you feel like there's somebody, looking back, that you understood the least? In other words, you were like, "Fuck, I don't get what is going on, no matter how hard I try." Or there goes-

Joe Rogan 38:59 Simulation theory is the big one. Uh, 'cause I, I had this conversation with, uh, what, what did, what was that gentleman? Remember, we had a l- he was... I th-

Shane Gillis 39:11 I was hoping it was a subject I'd understand.

Tom Segura 39:13 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 39:13 It's, it's-

Ari Shaffir 39:14 Like swimming? (laughs)

Joe Rogan 39:15 It's about probability theory.

Ari Shaffir 39:17 (laughs) Probability theory?

Joe Rogan 39:18 And he, yeah. So what his argument was, was like, simulation theor-

Ari Shaffir 39:22 Nick Bostrom.

Joe Rogan 39:23 That, that's it. Thank you.

Ari Shaffir 39:25 That's what that was.

Joe Rogan 39:25 He's brilliant.

Tom Segura 39:26 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 39:26 Brilliant guy. But when, when we were having this conversation, he was in, he was talking about simulation theory and saying that simulation theory, the idea that this whole thing we're experiencing is just a simulation, because of probability theory, because of the probability of extraterrestrial civilizations, just given the amount of planets that are out there, the amount of time that has gone on. This is an inevitable thing that's going to happen and that it's probably already happened.

Tom Segura 39:54 That it's, it's probable that this is a simulation?

Joe Rogan 39:56 If it's not, it's going to happen, and it probably already has.

Ari Shaffir 40:00 Hm.

Joe Rogan 40:00 The idea through-

Ari Shaffir 40:01 That we're in the first run of a billion runs is ludicrous.

Joe Rogan 40:03 I'm, I know if you're a, if you're a real expert in salute.

Shane Gillis 40:06 Oh, let's finish it.

Joe Rogan 40:06 I know I'm butchering this, but the, uh, the c- I believe the concept, in layman's terms, is that given the sheer number of planets that probably have intelligent life, and given the amount of time, if they can develop technology to the point where we have, and then further on to the point where you literally create some sort of a simulation that all time and all experiences exist in. And that this was something that was possible through technology eventually-

Ari Shaffir 40:37 Oh.

Joe Rogan 40:37 ... and if you look at all these planets, and you look at the direction that human beings are going, and you look at how far our technology's progressed in a relatively short period of time, it's inevitable, give it 1,000 years, 10,000 years, from now, if we don't blow the earth up, we will have a simulation theory that's indiscernible from the reality you're experiencing right now. And that may be how life is experienced sometime in the future when we integrate with computers.

Ari Shaffir 41:05 Wow.

Joe Rogan 41:05 That might be, like, one step into that integration.

Tom Segura 41:08 Wow.

Joe Rogan 41:09 The... So yeah, having that conversation-

Tom Segura 41:11 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 41:11 ... is like, "What?"

Tom Segura 41:12 That also gives you, I think you might have a better perspective than people when you try to, when you really break down how brilliant some people are. Like-

Joe Rogan 41:25 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 41:26 Yeah.

Tom Segura 41:26 ... the scale. Do you know what I mean?

Joe Rogan 41:27 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 41:27 Yeah.

Tom Segura 41:28 Like, we're all of, like, moderate intelligence. And you go like, "Oh, you can understand these things." Like, "I can have this conversation with you."

Joe Rogan 41:34 (laughs)

Tom Segura 41:34 No, no. And then, you know, you, you peop- you meet people who are notably not there. And then people who are existing on-

Ari Shaffir 41:42 Look at you like-

Tom Segura 41:42 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 41:42 ... yeah, looking like a kid.

Joe Rogan 41:43 (laughs)

Tom Segura 41:44 Like, "Are you a child?"

Ari Shaffir 41:44 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 41:45 Yeah.

Tom Segura 41:45 And you go, "Wow, those people are really operating on another wavelength," right? It's almost like-

Ari Shaffir 41:49 Who simulates them?

Tom Segura 41:50 Like, it's like-

Joe Rogan 41:50 It's just like athletes.

Tom Segura 41:51 Athletic. I was about to say.

Ari Shaffir 41:52 Yeah.

Tom Segura 41:52 It's like athletic ability.

Joe Rogan 41:53 Yeah.

Tom Segura 41:53 There's some people who you go, "Holy shit."

Joe Rogan 41:55 Yeah.

Tom Segura 41:55 "You have a 40-inch vertical?"

Ari Shaffir 41:56 Yeah, like, "Just dunk it."

Joe Rogan 41:57 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 41:57 Like, what?

Tom Segura 41:58 What?

Joe Rogan 41:58 Well, there, there's, there's some people that are just... I mean, we've all met guys that don't even work out and they're just ridiculously strong.

Tom Segura 42:04 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 42:05 They just have superior genetics.

Ari Shaffir 42:07 Thank you. All right. Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 42:07 You know, there's, there's a lot of folks like that, that are just country strong.

Tom Segura 42:10 The guy that'll do the, uh, the tomahawk dunk in jeans. And you're like, "What?"

Joe Rogan 42:14 (laughs) What the fuck?

Ari Shaffir 42:15 (laughs)

Tom Segura 42:15 "What the fuck is up?" And then-

Joe Rogan 42:15 He doesn't even work out. Like, what the fuck?

Shane Gillis 42:17 You think Cam Ha- Cam ha- Cam Hanes' children run marathons in jeans at lunch warmup?

Joe Rogan 42:22 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 42:22 They're, like, they're, they're different, they're different people.

Joe Rogan 42:25 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 42:25 I, I, I-

Joe Rogan 42:25 And his other son's a ranger.

Shane Gillis 42:27 Yeah. They're-

Joe Rogan 42:28 Yeah. I mean, just-

Shane Gillis 42:29 I sat with Cam-

Joe Rogan 42:29 ... different-

Ari Shaffir 42:29 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 42:30 ... different humans.

Tom Segura 42:30 That, that D1 body, where you're like-

Joe Rogan 42:32 Yeah.

Tom Segura 42:33 ... "Oh, this is different. This is different."

Joe Rogan 42:34 Well, Cam's dad was a, a, an athlete too.

Tom Segura 42:36 Really?

Shane Gillis 42:36 Hardcore runner.

Joe Rogan 42:37 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 42:37 His book is amazing.

Joe Rogan 42:39 Yeah. I think C- Cam's... Wasn't he a, a jumper?

Shane Gillis 42:42 I-

Joe Rogan 42:42 What did he do? He bu- he was, like-

Tom Segura 42:44 Oh, Cam's so modest too.

Joe Rogan 42:45 He was like a very high level athlete, his father was.

Tom Segura 42:48 Cam's modest as shit about it.

Joe Rogan 42:49 He's so modest.

Ari Shaffir 42:50 Yeah.

Tom Segura 42:50 He's like, you're like, "How the fuck ... " He's like, "Well, you know, you just gotta-"

Joe Rogan 42:53 You know what, man? That guy-

Tom Segura 42:54 ... "get that run started."

Joe Rogan 42:55 ... is always tired.

Ari Shaffir 42:56 Is he? (laughs)

Joe Rogan 42:56 He's always tired.

Ari Shaffir 42:57 I hope so.

Tom Segura 42:57 Falls asleep at dinner tables.

Shane Gillis 42:58 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 42:58 But, but I mean, that's why he's, like, so chill.

Tom Segura 43:01 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 43:01 He's conserving energy. Knows he has to run 18 miles in the morning.

Ari Shaffir 43:04 I bet he sleeps like a baby, though, huh?

Joe Rogan 43:05 Oh, I bet he sleeps like a brick.

Shane Gillis 43:06 I think he's Chr-

Tom Segura 43:07 That's, uh-

Shane Gillis 43:07 I think he's Christian, so then he's, doesn't-

Joe Rogan 43:09 He is.

Shane Gillis 43:09 ... worry about death.... because it never goes to space.

Joe Rogan 43:11 I get to go to heaven.

Ari Shaffir 43:12 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 43:13 His shoes. Have you run with his shoes?

Ari Shaffir 43:14 What are we doing over here?

Joe Rogan 43:15 Those shoes are great. Yeah. What's-

Shane Gillis 43:16 Dude, I, I, I wanted to put a toast out, or a post out today, 'cause they're that good.

Joe Rogan 43:20 Oh, they're great. They're excellent.

Ari Shaffir 43:21 Wait, he has his own brand of shoes?

Joe Rogan 43:23 They look cool.

Shane Gillis 43:23 So Cam was sponsored for a long time by-

Ari Shaffir 43:26 Jesus.

Joe Rogan 43:26 Hold him up, Jamie.

Shane Gillis 43:26 ... Under Armor, and then he went for a second and tried out Solomon, and then he said, "Fuck it. I'm just gonna make my..." I think he has his own clothing brand, but he's doing his very own shoe. And when you get a motherfucker that can run like he does, who develops technology in the shit that makes him comfortable-

Joe Rogan 43:40 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 43:40 ... this shoe is amazing.

Ari Shaffir 43:41 Oh, wow.

Shane Gillis 43:41 These boa laces keep your heel in place.

Joe Rogan 43:43 And it's got blood splatter on it. (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 43:45 From his broken tails.

Shane Gillis 43:47 Yeah. That's blood?

Joe Rogan 43:48 That's blood. You can say it's mud, but it's red. Shut the fuck up. You know what that is.

Shane Gillis 43:51 I love that Tom's pouring a drink.

Joe Rogan 43:53 They're dope.

Shane Gillis 43:53 This is the Tom I love.

Joe Rogan 43:53 They're dope sneakers.

Ari Shaffir 43:54 Okay.

Joe Rogan 43:54 And they're super comfortable.

Shane Gillis 43:56 They're amazing.

Ari Shaffir 43:57 Tom's a Scotch guy.

Shane Gillis 43:57 And the thing about-

Joe Rogan 43:58 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 43:58 Yeah, let's go.

Shane Gillis 43:58 So the thing about, uh, plantar fasciitis that a lot of people have is your foot moves around in your shoe, laces do that. But with Cam's shoe, those boa things lock your heel in-

Ari Shaffir 44:08 That's sick.

Shane Gillis 44:08 ... and I've been running every single day, no plantar fasciitis, and it's they're very fucking comfortable.

Joe Rogan 44:13 Yeah, they're great. You know, I think plantar fasciitis probably is a lot about, uh, foot strength and foot endurance, isn't it?

Ari Shaffir 44:19 I used to have it. Sucks.

Joe Rogan 44:20 I think so.

Guest 44:21 Like, you just go too far, like you try to- Everybody also... Like, the PTs will tell you that a lot of that originates from your big toe's movement though.

Joe Rogan 44:28 Mm-hmm.

Shane Gillis 44:29 Oh, really?

Guest 44:29 If you start, if you start to... 'Cause you can feel plantar fasciitis starting a lot of times. You're like, "Oh, this is starting to get uncomfortable."

Joe Rogan 44:36 Yeah.

Guest 44:36 "It's not full blown."

Shane Gillis 44:37 In the mornings. Mornings.

Guest 44:37 And they'll tell you to train your big toe.

Joe Rogan 44:40 Wow.

Guest 44:41 To work on strength with your big toe.

Joe Rogan 44:43 (sighs)

Ari Shaffir 44:43 People who move to New York get it 'cause you're walking constantly.

Shane Gillis 44:45 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 44:45 And-

Joe Rogan 44:45 You guys walk so much more.

Ari Shaffir 44:47 ... and then it's just like, "What the fuck's my heel every morning?"

Shane Gillis 44:49 Do you remember when you told me to get Rolfed for my plantar fasciitis?

Joe Rogan 44:52 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 44:52 And-

Ari Shaffir 44:52 What is that, when you suck cum out of a dude's asshole?

Joe Rogan 44:54 Hey.

Guest 44:55 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 44:55 No, that's, that's-

Guest 44:55 That's Nathan Martin.

Shane Gillis 44:56 Fel- felching. That's felch- felching.

Ari Shaffir 44:56 Felching. Don't you know this show is going onto the internet?

Shane Gillis 45:00 This is felching.

Ari Shaffir 45:01 (laughs)

Guest 45:01 The whole world's gonna listen to this show.

Ari Shaffir 45:02 Do you know how many fucking people are gonna book a video-

Shane Gillis 45:05 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 45:06 ... with that guy right now?

Joe Rogan 45:07 Oh, so many. He's rich right now.

Shane Gillis 45:09 I hope he doesn't get in front of our order.

Ari Shaffir 45:10 Oh, they are.

Guest 45:10 Oh, that guy's gonna be rich.

Joe Rogan 45:12 You know-

Guest 45:12 Well, in a perfect world, he would be rich-

Joe Rogan 45:13 Yeah.

Guest 45:13 ... 'cause that's an oddity that-

Joe Rogan 45:15 He is, yeah.

Guest 45:15 Like, if you're gonna go that far-

Ari Shaffir 45:16 Performance service.

Guest 45:16 ... you deserve something.

Joe Rogan 45:17 Why not?

Guest 45:17 You deserve money.

Joe Rogan 45:18 That's, that's the only fans I'm signing up for, that guy.

Guest 45:19 That guy ate his own shit covered in cum, and we watched.

Ari Shaffir 45:22 He didn't even pause.

Joe Rogan 45:23 And he smiled.

Guest 45:24 And he smiled, and I-

Ari Shaffir 45:24 The thumbs up is great.

Guest 45:26 ... who hosted Fear Factor for six years, I almost threw up-

Joe Rogan 45:28 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 45:29 Oh, yeah, it's sick.

Guest 45:29 ... from watching that screen.

Shane Gillis 45:30 We're so excited for you to get your present.

Guest 45:32 Yeah. (groans)

Shane Gillis 45:34 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 45:35 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 45:36 (groans)

Ari Shaffir 45:36 What's the, what's the present?

Shane Gillis 45:37 Nothing. Uh, you'll see.

Ari Shaffir 45:38 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 45:38 You'll see. It'll be, it'll be in the group thread.

Ari Shaffir 45:41 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 45:41 (groans)

Shane Gillis 45:42 Can't wait.

Joe Rogan 45:43 That feeling of (groans) .

Ari Shaffir 45:45 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 45:46 That's such a horrible feeling. It's like, (retches)

Ari Shaffir 45:48 That's the wife. Yeah.

Shane Gillis 45:48 You don't have a, you don't have a throw up thing?

Guest 45:51 Oh, I do.

Shane Gillis 45:52 For real?

Ari Shaffir 45:52 He holds it.

Guest 45:53 Yeah. Well, here's what's fascinating. I lost it when I was filming Fear Factor, 'cause nothing can make me puke.

Shane Gillis 45:59 You got to, you got to desensitize. Desensitize.

Ari Shaffir 46:01 Uh-huh.

Guest 46:01 Completely desensitized. Before, I was the kid in high school that, like, if you threw up in the hallway, I would throw up.

Shane Gillis 46:06 I do.

Ari Shaffir 46:07 Right.

Guest 46:07 Like, (retches) like, you smell throw up-

Joe Rogan 46:08 Yeah.

Guest 46:08 ... you're like, (retches) .

Ari Shaffir 46:10 That's a YMH retch.

Joe Rogan 46:11 Yeah, yeah.

Guest 46:12 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 46:12 That's a YMH retch.

Joe Rogan 46:13 Yeah. It is what it is. Just, I, I think that's, uh, evolutionary. I think that when you smell-

Ari Shaffir 46:20 To get you away.

Joe Rogan 46:20 ... smell throw up... No, no, no, it's letting you know that someone around you has consumed something that's bad- Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 46:28 Oh.

Joe Rogan 46:28 ... and that you should purge too.

Ari Shaffir 46:30 Immediately.

Joe Rogan 46:30 Right, so it's... Yeah.

Shane Gillis 46:31 Wow.

Joe Rogan 46:31 So it's, it's like a survival instinct.

Guest 46:34 It's protecting you. Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 46:34 It's a protective in... It's not a weakness to wanna throw up when you smell throw up. It's actually a strength.

Shane Gillis 46:39 So what happens when people cry and I cry too?

Joe Rogan 46:41 That's good too-

Shane Gillis 46:42 I cry so much.

Joe Rogan 46:42 ... 'cause you're commiserating, you're showing you're a good person.

Shane Gillis 46:45 I cry so much.

Joe Rogan 46:46 Yeah, you're a sweetheart.

Ari Shaffir 46:46 Really? 'Cause you switched to weed more.

Shane Gillis 46:48 Uh, yeah.

Guest 46:49 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 46:49 Well, weed, weed is really beautiful.

Ari Shaffir 46:51 Weed'll get you crying.

Shane Gillis 46:52 It ge- it, it allows you to appreciate-

Joe Rogan 46:54 Cam-

Ari Shaffir 46:54 You gotta grow-

Joe Rogan 46:54 ... you're an emotional guy though.

Guest 46:54 He's growing tits.

Shane Gillis 46:55 I get... I cried the other day on our podcast.

Guest 46:57 You did?

Ari Shaffir 46:57 He's growing tits.

Joe Rogan 46:58 Nobody cries more on podcasts than Bert.

Shane Gillis 46:59 Not me anymore.

Guest 47:00 He cries a lot.

Shane Gillis 47:00 I cry, I cry a lot. I regret a couple cries.

Joe Rogan 47:03 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 47:03 Yeah. Schulzes, I regret that one. You cried on Schulzes' podcast?

Shane Gillis 47:06 Of course.

Joe Rogan 47:07 What'd you cry about?

Shane Gillis 47:08 Fucking nothing.

Joe Rogan 47:09 Bambi?

Shane Gillis 47:10 No. He, he-

Ari Shaffir 47:10 Parking was tough?

Shane Gillis 47:11 No, he fucked me up.

Guest 47:12 (laughs) Parking was tough?

Shane Gillis 47:13 No. Um, uh, marketing. I thought you were gonna say marketing. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 47:16 Marketing?

Shane Gillis 47:17 No, he brought out a clown and some balloons, and it fucking fucked me up.

Joe Rogan 47:20 A clown and balloons made you cry?

Shane Gillis 47:22 No, no, no, no, no.

Ari Shaffir 47:23 Oh, okay, I saw that.

Shane Gillis 47:23 It gave me a panic attack.

Joe Rogan 47:24 What?

Shane Gillis 47:24 And then I was... Yeah, I don't like clowns-

Ari Shaffir 47:26 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 47:26 ... or you shake. Now I'm just fucking looking over my shoulder.

Joe Rogan 47:28 Ho- hold the, hold the fuck on.

Shane Gillis 47:30 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 47:30 He's like the, he's like the scar.

Joe Rogan 47:30 Hold the fuck on.

Guest 47:30 That's my favorite Joe what, by the way. "What?" (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 47:35 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 47:35 "What the fu-" When he re- he lets it in. He lets it in. He's like, "What?"

Guest 47:37 Yeah. It's like, "The fuck are you talking about?" (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 47:39 Hold on. What?

Shane Gillis 47:41 Yeah.

Guest 47:41 For real?

Shane Gillis 47:42 Schulz gave me the opportunity to not per... Don't even... Don't play it.

Joe Rogan 47:44 Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Shane Gillis 47:45 Don't play it. Don't play it.

Guest 47:45 What is it?

Shane Gillis 47:45 Don't play it. There's no reason to play it.

Joe Rogan 47:46 Okay.

Ari Shaffir 47:47 (laughs)

Guest 47:47 No, you have a real issue with clowns?

Shane Gillis 47:49 Mm-hmm.

Ari Shaffir 47:50 And then you became one?

Guest 47:52 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 47:52 (laughs)

Ari Shaffir 47:52 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 47:52 Yeah, technically. Isn't that crazy?

Guest 47:54 Ah. Ah.

Shane Gillis 47:54 Yeah. (laughs) I, uh, I have a real issue with clowns and a, and a real, real issue with balloons. Like, if I smell balloons-

Joe Rogan 48:02 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 48:02 ... I, I fucking freak out. It ju- they freak me out.

Joe Rogan 48:04 Wasn't there a Jerry Lewis movie that was never released where he was, like, a clown in the Holocaust?

Guest 48:11 What? Really?

Ari Shaffir 48:13 Oh.

Joe Rogan 48:13 No. Who? No, no, no.

Ari Shaffir 48:13 Was it Life is Beautiful?

Joe Rogan 48:14 Patch is the clown.

Ari Shaffir 48:16 Life is Beautiful. Patches.

Joe Rogan 48:16 Patch, that was... No, it was Robin Williams.

Shane Gillis 48:18 Patch Adams.

Joe Rogan 48:19 Patch Adams.

Ari Shaffir 48:20 No, that one's a hospital though.

Shane Gillis 48:21 He was, he was a doctor who was a clown for kids.

Joe Rogan 48:23 "Good morning, New Yo-" C-

Ari Shaffir 48:25 Well, who's that? The Day That Laughter Cried?

Joe Rogan 48:29 Yeah, there was a, there, uh, th- that's what it... There is a Jerry Lewis movie. There's some weird Jerry Lewis movie that never got released.

Guest 48:38 Oh, that's weird.

Joe Rogan 48:38 Long buried Holocaust movie, The Day That Clown Cried, may finally be viewable one year today.

Guest 48:45 So they bur- they buried it?

Joe Rogan 48:46 Yeah, they buried it.

Ari Shaffir 48:48 It's like, "Come be."

Joe Rogan 48:50 Like, like, what... This is, this... They must've been doing coke.

Guest 48:52 And this, it's gonna be available to view at one place.

Joe Rogan 48:54 "Hey, everybody, get in the oven."

Ari Shaffir 48:56 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 48:57 One of few people who has seen even a rough cut of the film, comedian-

Ari Shaffir 48:59 Remember the cover?

Joe Rogan 48:59 ... and voiceover artist, Harry Shearer of The Simpsons-

Shane Gillis 49:02 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 49:02 ... told Spy Magazines in 1992 that the movie is so drastically wrong, its pathos and its comedy are so wildly misplaced, that you could not, in your fantasy of what it might be like, improve on what it really is. Oh my god.... that's all you can say. This movie (laughs) was so bad.

Guest 49:23 I wanna see it so bad now.

Joe Rogan 49:23 They buried it forever.

Tom Segura 49:24 Holy shit.

Guest 49:25 Oh, wow.

Joe Rogan 49:26 They buried it forever. And when did this movie get released? '72. So this is a movie from 1972 that was so bad-

Tom Segura 49:33 That never saw the light of day.

Joe Rogan 49:34 ... they put it in a vault in the bottom of the Earth.

Guest 49:37 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 49:37 I'd pay to, I'd pay to buy it.

Tom Segura 49:38 I wanna, I wanna see it so bad.

Joe Rogan 49:40 I wanna buy it.

Guest 49:40 I'd buy it. Even if it's bad, I wanna see it.

Joe Rogan 49:43 I wanna see it more than I wanna listen to that Wu-Tang album-

Guest 49:46 I think Harry Shearer would see it.

Joe Rogan 49:46 ... that, that Martin Skrilla-

Tom Segura 49:48 Yeah. I was thinking about that the other day.

Joe Rogan 49:49 ... like that fucking guy. Yeah, that made me angry.

Shane Gillis 49:50 Big J has it.

Tom Segura 49:51 What do you mean?

Joe Rogan 49:51 What?

Shane Gillis 49:51 Big J has it.

Joe Rogan 49:52 Martin Skrilla's on Legion of Skanks?

Shane Gillis 49:53 Yeah, he went on Legion of Skanks. It's one of the most frustrating episodes to listen to, because it's Legion of Skanks and you have Martin Scrilly, and Shane Gillis is grilling him.

Guest 50:01 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 50:01 And then, but you got Legion of Skanks being Legion of Skanks.

Joe Rogan 50:04 Right.

Shane Gillis 50:05 They don't really care about the information, they just wanna fucking talk about whatever.

Guest 50:08 Cum.

Shane Gillis 50:08 Yeah, cum and everything, but Martin Skrilla said, "I have the album, you want it?" And all of them are like, "Fuck, yes." And he's like-

Joe Rogan 50:14 So how'd he give it to them?

Shane Gillis 50:15 The same way you got your thing.

Guest 50:17 Jay's like, "Oh, I want the vinyl playing."

Joe Rogan 50:18 Yeah, but in what form?

Shane Gillis 50:19 Just DM'd it to 'em. Like, just sent them the MP3.

Guest 50:20 It's a vinyl. No, no, no.

Tom Segura 50:21 What?

Joe Rogan 50:21 Oh.

Tom Segura 50:22 So then it's out on the internet now?

Shane Gillis 50:24 No, no. Legion of Skanks didn't n- no one ever shared it.

Joe Rogan 50:27 Wait a minute. Well, so what's Martin doing with it?

Guest 50:29 He bought it. He bought the vinyl.

Shane Gillis 50:30 It's by the way, it's a, I gotta send everyone the episode. It's one of the most fascinating episodes I've ever listened to.

Tom Segura 50:34 Is it g- have you listened to it?

Shane Gillis 50:35 No, I, I don't have it. They have it.

Guest 50:36 He had some good information where he was like, you know, he was like, got the thing for the AIDS-

Shane Gillis 50:40 It's so interesting.

Guest 50:40 ... and he goes, he's, he's jacking the price. He goes, "You know what no one ever said? There's also a generic version of the same drug."

Shane Gillis 50:45 For $40.

Guest 50:46 "For $40. I don't know why everybody's mad at me. You can still get it, you just can't get the name brand thing."

Shane Gillis 50:49 It's the best-

Tom Segura 50:49 Wait, you can get the generic version?

Guest 50:51 Yes, sale.

Tom Segura 50:51 What does the generic version mean?

Guest 50:53 It's like Viagra versus whatever the fuck.

Tom Segura 50:55 But wait, you can hear it?

Guest 50:56 No, no, no, no, no, no, of the AIDS medication.

Tom Segura 50:59 Oh, oh.

Shane Gillis 50:59 Yeah.

Tom Segura 50:59 We're talking about AIDS. I'm talking about Wu-Tang.

Guest 51:00 Yeah, yeah. You came over here about Wu-Tang.

Joe Rogan 51:01 Ah. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 51:01 No, he- (laughs)

Guest 51:03 (laughs)

Tom Segura 51:04 Generic version?

Joe Rogan 51:05 I was like, "What's that mean?"

Guest 51:05 What does that mean? It's not finished?

Tom Segura 51:07 That's... I was, why am I so confused about generic drugs?

Shane Gillis 51:10 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 51:10 (laughs)

Tom Segura 51:10 That's hilarious.

Shane Gillis 51:12 (laughs)

Tom Segura 51:12 My brain just went to, like, "Wait, is it without RZA?" (laughs)

Guest 51:14 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 51:15 Well, hey, this is a real conversa- but this is a real conversation because with AI, they're gonna do that.

Shane Gillis 51:20 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 51:20 They're gonna make new versions of Wu-Tang songs.

Shane Gillis 51:22 I can't believe-

Joe Rogan 51:22 They already did it with Drake.

Tom Segura 51:24 I think that the thing too is, you know how they go, oh, likeness and, and-

Shane Gillis 51:28 Yeah.

Tom Segura 51:28 Right? Like the stars. Like, "Hey, you know, I wanna..." There's movies without... T- Tom, Tom Cruise will be like, "Uh, no. You cannot use my likeness. I am protecting it." That's, like, what some of this, like, uh, uh, uh, labor union stuff is about protecting your, your image and likeness.

Joe Rogan 51:41 Yes.

Tom Segura 51:42 But they're g- I, I just feel like there's, you know, there's just gonna be one of these offers to one of these people where they go, "Okay."

Guest 51:50 Go for it.

Tom Segura 51:51 Right? Like, it's gonna-

Guest 51:51 $20 million? Go for it.

Joe Rogan 51:52 Oh, no, no, no.

Tom Segura 51:53 Like, "Bruce, you know-"

Shane Gillis 51:53 Nicholas Cage. Bruce Willis has a neurological condition.

Tom Segura 51:56 Right. Yes.

Shane Gillis 51:57 He's not doing well.

Joe Rogan 51:57 I, I forget, I forget what it's called.

Tom Segura 51:58 Yes.

Shane Gillis 51:58 It's called aphasia.

Joe Rogan 51:59 Aphasia.

Shane Gillis 51:59 I think I might have it.

Tom Segura 52:00 Yeah, you're right. You're right. It's aphasia.

Joe Rogan 52:02 You, you just bring it back to yourself?

Shane Gillis 52:03 Of course.

Joe Rogan 52:04 We're just here talking about-

Shane Gillis 52:05 I can't look at a post and not think about me.

Joe Rogan 52:07 Um, he's, uh... So Bruce Willis sold-

Guest 52:10 I could still get him money for Bruce Sidehardt 7.

Joe Rogan 52:11 Bruce Willis sold his likeliness.

Shane Gillis 52:14 Likeness. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 52:14 So you can, likeness, sorry. You, for, um, the purpose of AI.

Tom Segura 52:19 He did?

Joe Rogan 52:20 Yes.

Tom Segura 52:21 Hm.

Guest 52:22 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 52:22 This has gotta be a thing to find out what that is.

Shane Gillis 52:24 All I can say is, thank you.

Joe Rogan 52:24 But in, in his position, I mean, he's incapable-

Tom Segura 52:28 Yeah, he can't work.

Joe Rogan 52:28 ... of making money anymore.

Tom Segura 52:29 No, he can't work.

Joe Rogan 52:30 He, he has a real issue.

Tom Segura 52:31 It's ac- it's actually very advanced, and they think this is towards, we're at the, close to the end.

Joe Rogan 52:35 Oh, my God.

Tom Segura 52:35 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 52:36 That's crazy.

Shane Gillis 52:36 I follow his daughter Talula.

Joe Rogan 52:38 So, no, Bruce Willis didn't sell his likeness to a deep fake company. Despite initial reports, the deep fake company does not own the rights to Bruce Willis' likelinen- likeness (clears throat) , uh, partially because that's literally not possible. The company said Willis appeared in a recent advertisement through DeepCake, which managed to create a digital twin of Willis that can appear in new content despite the actual Willis retiring from acting as a result of aphasia, a brain disorder that hinders cognition and speech abilities. "I liked the precision of my character," Willis said of the process, according to the, quote, Deepcake website. "It's a great opportunity for me to go back in time. The neural network was trained on content of Die Hard and Fifth Element, so my character is similar to the images of that time."

Tom Segura 53:26 Whoo.

Joe Rogan 53:27 So it's young Bruce Willis doing ads.

Tom Segura 53:30 Hm.

Shane Gillis 53:31 I, I sent you guys, I sent you guys-

Joe Rogan 53:32 That's what they're saying, right?

Tom Segura 53:33 Yeah, that, that is what they're saying.

Shane Gillis 53:34 I sent you guys George Carlin's new special.

Tom Segura 53:36 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 53:37 Yeah. Yeah.

Shane Gillis 53:38 That's insane.

Joe Rogan 53:38 But hold on a second, but hold on a second.

Tom Segura 53:39 I gotta-

Joe Rogan 53:39 That seems like that is what we're saying.

Shane Gillis 53:43 Yeah.

Tom Segura 53:43 It feels like-

Joe Rogan 53:44 Yeah.

Tom Segura 53:44 ... that this is... And, and also this is literal phase one of-

Shane Gillis 53:48 Phase one.

Tom Segura 53:49 ... of the A-list celebrity-

Joe Rogan 53:51 Yeah.

Tom Segura 53:51 ... being like, "You can use it for this."

Joe Rogan 53:53 Sure, when Barbra Streisand gets to be a certain age-

Tom Segura 53:55 Right, right.

Joe Rogan 53:56 ... and Trump's president again-

Guest 53:57 Ah, fuck it. I'll text her tomorrow night.

Joe Rogan 53:57 ... she might say, "You know what?"

Shane Gillis 53:59 For $200 million, go for it.

Joe Rogan 54:00 "Just fucking sell soap with my young face."

Tom Segura 54:01 Exactly. And, and also, what about the people who it's not a major movie making it, it's just some YouTube account? Times a million of them.

Joe Rogan 54:07 But what happens to dead people? You know, what happens, like, James Cagney?

Tom Segura 54:10 To their estate? Their estate goes...

Joe Rogan 54:11 Can you... What if the estate decides to-

Tom Segura 54:13 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 54:13 ... you know-

Tom Segura 54:13 The Marilyn Monroe estate does?

Joe Rogan 54:14 Yeah.

Tom Segura 54:15 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:15 Charles Bronson's selling soap.

Guest 54:17 Yeah.

54:17 So this is the George Carlin one that came out a couple weeks ago?

Joe Rogan 54:20 Yeah, yeah.

Guest 54:20 Uh-

Shane Gillis 54:20 How many views?

Guest 54:21 It says-

54:22 Change the cover.

54:22 ... it's under 500K.

Joe Rogan 54:23 (laughs) How many views? (laughs)

Shane Gillis 54:24 It keeps getting pulled down.

Tom Segura 54:25 Where it goes is, really?

Shane Gillis 54:26 It keeps getting pulled down, yeah, because, uh-

Guest 54:28 They changed the cover.

Shane Gillis 54:28 ... George Carlin's daughter Kelly, I think, keeps, doesn't want it up.

Tom Segura 54:31 Oh.

Guest 54:31 Here's what it's gonna bring up.

Joe Rogan 54:32 Oh, I disagree with that. That's-

Guest 54:34 This is, uh, it's put on a, a web, a YouTube account called Doodzie.

54:38 Yup.

54:38 Doodzie says, "I'm a comedy AI." I, like, it, they wrote this as though Doodzie made it-

Joe Rogan 54:43 Yeah.

Guest 54:43 ... if you will.

Shane Gillis 54:44 Uh-huh.

Guest 54:45 When you look at what Doodzie is. Doodzie's, uh, account run by Will Sasso.

Joe Rogan 54:48 Oh, it's Will, it's Will Sasso.

Guest 54:49 It's Will Sasso, but they have an AI that-

54:50 Uh, maybe.

Shane Gillis 54:51 No, Will Sasso-

Guest 54:52 Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

54:52 That's where it becomes like how would Will Sasso have this super secret AI program?

Shane Gillis 54:57 Well, hold on.

Guest 54:57 Where they just write it.

Shane Gillis 54:58 Will Sasso, Will Sasso has a podcast, if I'm not mistaken, where he has AI bring up the subjects of the podcast, and that's what they talk about. Theoretically thinking, this will, based on research, be one of the best podcasts out there.

Guest 55:11 Is it?

Joe Rogan 55:11 Well, there's a podcast on it. Look, click on that. It says George Carlin Resurrected.

Tom Segura 55:14 (laughs)

Guest 55:15 That's what this is. So this, that's what I'm trying to say is, like, when I was looking into, like, what is this George Carlin thing? It's on this account- Right.

Joe Rogan 55:21 Yeah.

Guest 55:21 ... that they called Doodzie, and they're saying, like, Doodzie made this.

Joe Rogan 55:24 Oh, so they made it through AI?

Guest 55:26 It's most likely like that Kanye song we played with Tony where someone wrote-

Joe Rogan 55:29 (coughs)

Guest 55:30 ... in the, in the f- in the, like, wor- in how George Carlin would write, and then-... performed it all, and then got George Carlin's voice to go over top of that to replace it.

Tom Segura 55:37 Well, it's like a version of his voice.

Shane Gillis 55:39 No. No, no, no.

Joe Rogan 55:39 Oh, wait a minute, so AI didn't write the jokes?

Guest 55:41 I think so.

Shane Gillis 55:42 No, I heard AI wrote the jokes.

Guest 55:44 That's a, that's tough. That's where it becomes very tough.

Tom Segura 55:46 Wait, you think, w- you're saying that he, that-

Guest 55:48 I-

Tom Segura 55:48 ... AI didn't write the jokes?

Guest 55:49 In this case, I don't know, but it seems a lot more like the fake thing, like the Drake song and the Kanye song, where it's not 100% done by AI. What you're hearing is, like, an AI doing a deep fake video, like-

Tom Segura 56:00 And who would write, who would write it?

Guest 56:01 ... which is like audio. The, the, in that case, it was the rapper who w- wrote the rap song.

Shane Gillis 56:04 Uh-huh.

Guest 56:04 In this case, it's probably comedians who know how to write like George Carlin.

56:06 On Skanks this week, they played, uh, AI versions of their standups to the s- to the- Soder, Jay, Lewis, Dave, and, and, uh, one other guy I forget. Um, and they were like, "Here's your AI version of your standup." And they just played it for him, and they all broke it down.

Tom Segura 56:21 Geez.

Joe Rogan 56:21 How was it?

Guest 56:22 Uh, they said it was a lot of fun.

Shane Gillis 56:24 It c- it's hard to be worse.

Guest 56:25 Yeah, butterly.

Tom Segura 56:26 Yeah. (laughs)

Guest 56:28 (laughs) Hopefully, it's not amazing.

Shane Gillis 56:32 You're the only one that got that joke.

Tom Segura 56:34 You're the only one, mad. I'm feeling weird.

Shane Gillis 56:35 Lewis is like, "Can I use that?"

Guest 56:36 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 56:37 I feel like we're joking around about the first rain shower that comes before the torrential flood that caused Noah to build a fucking ark.

Tom Segura 56:46 I think it's gonna get bad.

Shane Gillis 56:46 (laughs) You're right.

Tom Segura 56:46 I think it's gonna get bad.

Guest 56:48 I think it's scary.

Joe Rogan 56:48 Oh, it's gonna be a new world, like the world is gonna be built in a very hazy way.

Tom Segura 56:55 All this stuff about AI, everybody, like, we all thought... It's scary, and you see, you know, I understand why writers, where like Writers Guild was, like, really concerned about this.

Joe Rogan 57:04 Yeah. They should be.

Tom Segura 57:04 And they're, they're concerned by version one, dude.

Shane Gillis 57:08 Right.

Tom Segura 57:08 Like, this just started.

Guest 57:09 And this is teaching the next version.

Tom Segura 57:10 Imagine doing the first fucking iPhone and you're like, "This is wild."

Joe Rogan 57:13 Also, it's gonna get rid of a lot of shitty writers. (laughs)

Tom Segura 57:16 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 57:16 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 57:17 Yeah. Wow.

Guest 57:17 Can you stop stealing Copenhagen TV shows and actually make something?

Tom Segura 57:20 All those pe- all those people who keep making the same cop show-

Shane Gillis 57:23 Uh-huh.

Guest 57:23 Over and over again, get the fuck out. Doing Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

Tom Segura 57:26 For the-

Guest 57:27 But whatever.

Tom Segura 57:27 Here's the thing, it'll replace, it'll replace a lot of low-level basic shit.

Joe Rogan 57:32 Mm-hmm.

Shane Gillis 57:32 And you'll lose a lot of great ones.

Tom Segura 57:33 You'll still need, you'll still need your Christopher Nolan to write his stuff.

Shane Gillis 57:34 Yeah, but Christopher Nolan had to be a shitty writer first.

Joe Rogan 57:37 100%.

Tom Segura 57:37 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 57:37 You gotta be a shitty writer first to become Christopher Nolan.

Tom Segura 57:40 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 57:40 Yes. Yeah, you gotta buil-... Unless you're some wizard that comes out of the womb-

Guest 57:43 Charles Kaufman, Charlie Kaufman.

Joe Rogan 57:44 But that's very rare. Right?

Shane Gillis 57:45 Very rare. The only thing I think that would be beneficial is, be great, if I could do my podcast with AI, and then type in, "Yo, can you take all the-"

Joe Rogan 57:53 Yo? (laughs)

Shane Gillis 57:53 "... annoying parts of me out of there?" Like when I talk over you, or I talk, like, like I would love-

Joe Rogan 57:58 (laughs)

Tom Segura 57:58 How about just not talk over people? You don't need a fucking robot.

Shane Gillis 58:02 It's kinda tough. It's kinda fucking tough.

Joe Rogan 58:03 You don't need a robot to do it for you.

Tom Segura 58:04 I finally, I told you, I, uh... So Bert has this thing where anybody, anybody with any level of celebrity, he fucking geeks out-

Shane Gillis 58:14 It does.

Tom Segura 58:15 ... so hard on them.

Guest 58:16 It's so embarrassing.

Tom Segura 58:17 Like, like a TikTok person.

Joe Rogan 58:18 Oh, I love your stuff.

Tom Segura 58:19 He's like, "I'm the biggest fan. Oh, my God, I saw the video. Oh, my God, I'm the biggest fan. I love you so much. I saw the thing." And then he goes, and then he waits to tell them about him. He's like-

Shane Gillis 58:27 Mm-hmm.

Tom Segura 58:27 (laughs) He tells them his resume.

Joe Rogan 58:28 Bert, do you have imposter syndrome?

Shane Gillis 58:30 Of course. If you don't, I am curious why.

Joe Rogan 58:33 I didn't say I don't.

Shane Gillis 58:34 Okay, yeah. Yeah, of course you have it. Of course you have it.

Joe Rogan 58:35 Why is he so aggressive today? You are aggressive. 100%.

Shane Gillis 58:37 No, 'cause, 'cause, uh, imposter-

Joe Rogan 58:38 Particularly my g- My answer was fairly calm. You're right.

Shane Gillis 58:40 No, but imposter syndrome is kind of-

Joe Rogan 58:42 I was just trying to find out what he was feeling.

Shane Gillis 58:43 Imposter syndrome has been loaded as like-

Tom Segura 58:46 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 58:46 ... a, as like a slur, as like-

Joe Rogan 58:48 I don't think it's a slur at all.

Shane Gillis 58:49 I have it hardcore.

Guest 58:50 It's a slur. It's a slur.

Joe Rogan 58:50 No, no, I think it's this-

Shane Gillis 58:52 Hardcore.

Joe Rogan 58:52 No, no, no. I don't think it's a slur.

Tom Segura 58:53 I think it comes and goes.

Joe Rogan 58:54 I think imposter syndrome is a sign of an introspective person-

Tom Segura 58:58 Yes.

Joe Rogan 58:58 ... who's trying to navigate a very bizarre situation. I think it's completely 100% natural and normal. And if you didn't have it, again, like what you said, I would be curious why you don't have it.

Tom Segura 59:09 And don't you think it comes in waves? Like you-

Joe Rogan 59:10 Yep.

Tom Segura 59:11 There's days where you feel it.

Joe Rogan 59:12 Yep.

Shane Gillis 59:12 What am I feeling? Yeah.

Tom Segura 59:13 But what I, the whole reason I brought you up doing that, 'cause you're, you're ridiculous with it, like you're-

Shane Gillis 59:18 I'm really bad.

Tom Segura 59:18 You do it to everyone.

Shane Gillis 59:20 I didn't do it to Jo- Oh, I did it to Joe.

Tom Segura 59:21 But you told me, you go-

Joe Rogan 59:22 You didn't do it to me.

Shane Gillis 59:23 Yeah, I did, and you didn't see it.

Joe Rogan 59:25 (laughs)

Tom Segura 59:25 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 59:25 I did it well, too.

Joe Rogan 59:25 What the fuck does that mean? How did I not see it?

Shane Gillis 59:27 I did it really well. Oh, Joe, when I met you-

Tom Segura 59:30 I was-

Shane Gillis 59:30 ... I was at your front door. I was, I'd already Zillowed how much you paid for your house.

Joe Rogan 59:35 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 59:35 And fucking said to you-

Tom Segura 59:37 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 59:37 I said to you real quick, I said, "Hey, man, I'm such a big fan. I need to meet your dog. I need to see your deprivation tank. I wanna play pool, and I wanna get high, and then we can do the podcast." And you were very generous. You were like, "Cool." I remember you walking me in your door, you said, "Hey, man, if you stand on this thing and you work out, it like shakes your body," whatever that thing was.

Joe Rogan 59:52 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 59:52 And you're like, "Come on, we'll go down and see the..." And you took me out, we saw John- Johnny Cash. You said, you told me like, "Oh, we just got this property, so the dogs could be out there. I can't really have them, and then we got the kids. Come on, we'll go out back, I'll show you the swing set, we'll get high." We got high, and then we did the podcast, and I was like, "Man, that is the m-" Here's my thing, is there's generous celebrities, like generous, who give you their time.

Joe Rogan 1:00:10 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 1:00:10 And they're, they don't, maybe they don't notice. And I was like, "This guy's a real fucking guy." Like, "He's cool as fuck." And then we did the podcast, I had a fucking blast. And I remember going home and going like, man, I w- I, uh, I don't wanna say this out loud, but I was like, "I wanna be like that guy." Like, "I wanna be like that guy." Like, cool as fuck, and real. I remember y- I, little things in my life where I've pinpointed things in your life where I go, "Oh, I got a thing that Joe had." Your closet was a fucking mess.

Joe Rogan 1:00:36 (laughs)

Shane Gillis 1:00:36 There were, there were dildos, or not dildos, uh-

Tom Segura 1:00:38 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:00:38 Dildos. (laughs)

Shane Gillis 1:00:39 There was Fleshlights everywhere.

Joe Rogan 1:00:41 That when Fleshlight was a sponsor.

Shane Gillis 1:00:42 And you had so much-

Joe Rogan 1:00:42 We had, we would give Fleshlights away too.

Tom Segura 1:00:44 Sure, if people were getting it in the early days.

Guest 1:00:46 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:00:47 (laughs)

Tom Segura 1:00:47 "Hey, do you wanna fuck this when you go home?"

Shane Gillis 1:00:48 And your, your answer used to be like, "It feels like a pussy."

Joe Rogan 1:00:52 I would tell him,