Joe Rogan Experience #2108 - Tom Green

Joe Rogan 0:00 (drumming) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night. All day. (rock music)

Tom Green 0:12 Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers.

Joe Rogan 0:13 Nice to see you, bro.

Tom Green 0:13 Yes, you too. You too. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 0:17 (sighs) And we're up. What the fuck is happening, Tony?

Tom Green 0:20 Yeah. Yeah. Great to be here, man.

Joe Rogan 0:21 My man.

Tom Green 0:22 Made it back, made it back. Uh, last time I saw you, uh, I don't know. My eyes might have been a little crossed. Uh, th- that-

Joe Rogan 0:29 Well, the last time I saw you was last night.

Tom Green 0:31 (laughs) Right. That's... And the last time-

Joe Rogan 0:33 And the night before last, kind of.

Tom Green 0:33 Yeah. (laughs) That's true. That's true. We can start with that, then.

Joe Rogan 0:36 But the last time we saw each other on a podcast-

Tom Green 0:38 Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 0:39 ... we got... Things went a little westward. (laughs) .

Tom Green 0:42 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 0:42 We got a little intoxicated.

Tom Green 0:44 (laughs) so, so, absolutely. So, you know, the whiskey kept pouring, the whiskey kept pouring. And that was when I was... I had that van. So, I was-

Joe Rogan 0:53 Yeah.

Tom Green 0:53 I still have the van, but at the time I, I was, I was kind of living in the van, traveling in the van. So, I drove here-

Joe Rogan 0:58 This is heavy COVID. This is like the-

Tom Green 1:00 Heavy COVID.

Joe Rogan 1:00 ... beginning of COVID where it was, like-

Tom Green 1:01 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 1:01 ... weird to be around each other.

Tom Green 1:02 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 1:02 Like, "Are we okay?"

Tom Green 1:03 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 1:04 We got tested.

Tom Green 1:05 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:05 "Okay. We're... right? We're good?"

Tom Green 1:06 We did... We got, got the COVID test.

Joe Rogan 1:08 Yeah.

Tom Green 1:08 And then I had the van out in the parking lot.

Joe Rogan 1:10 Yeah.

Tom Green 1:11 And, uh, and we started drinking the whiskey about midway through the show. And then, um, the next thing I know I'm opening my eyes in my van (laughs) -

Joe Rogan 1:24 (laughs)

Tom Green 1:24 ... and it's the next day. And I'm just like, "Oh, shit. What happened on the show?" You know? So, you know, I think, I think, uh, maybe the last half hour of the show was such a blur, I don't really quite remember getting in the van. But I had a nice sleep in the parking lot. It was amazing. And, uh, and, uh, then I kind of was a little nervous about it. Like, "Geez, what..." That's a, that's a weird feeling when you-

Joe Rogan 1:46 Don't know what you said.

Tom Green 1:47 ... don't know what you said.

Joe Rogan 1:48 Yeah.

Tom Green 1:48 And, uh, and I called my mom. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:51 (laughs)

Tom Green 1:54 And, uh, everybody seemed to... You know. Like it was... People thought it was funny, but, I mean, I think she was a little concerned about the drinking, the amount of drinking. But, no, that was... It was a great time. But I'm not-

Joe Rogan 2:04 It was fun.

Tom Green 2:05 That was a great time.

Joe Rogan 2:06 It was fun, so we got a little off the rails.

Tom Green 2:09 Yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 2:09 You didn't have to go anywhere.

Tom Green 2:10 No.

Joe Rogan 2:11 Your c- van was parked.

Tom Green 2:12 It was awesome. It was awesome.

Joe Rogan 2:13 What is it like sleeping in parking lots? That's got to be an odd thing.

Tom Green 2:18 Well, I rarely did... I rarely did that in the van. It was mostly out in these remote desert parks. Like out in-

Joe Rogan 2:26 Right.

Tom Green 2:26 ... Bureau of Land Management land, BLM land-

Joe Rogan 2:28 Yeah.

Tom Green 2:28 ... in the desert.

Joe Rogan 2:28 Yeah.

Tom Green 2:29 And I was going around filming and, uh, and so I wasn't... But I... There was a couple of times I'd sleep in a truck stop 'cause I always wanted to make a lot of distance.

Joe Rogan 2:38 Mm-hmm.

Tom Green 2:38 So, I'd drive until I kind of couldn't keep my eyes open, then I'd pull over at a truck stop and sleep between-

Joe Rogan 2:42 Sketchy proposition, right? You don't know who's around.

Tom Green 2:45 Yeah. Well, in the desert it's, it's a little more nerve-wracking 'cause you're all alone out there.

Joe Rogan 2:49 Oh, yeah.

Tom Green 2:50 And, uh, and people can see the van in the distance, and, uh-

Joe Rogan 2:53 That's-

Tom Green 2:53 It's a pretty nice van.

Joe Rogan 2:54 That's when the aliens come too.

Tom Green 2:55 So. Uh-huh. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 2:56 When you're all alone.

Tom Green 2:57 I was hoping for that, but, uh-

Joe Rogan 2:58 Nothing?

Tom Green 2:59 N- uh, no, uh, no aliens. I had, I had a nice flyover from, uh, you know, a US, uh, fighter jet in the-

Joe Rogan 3:06 Ooh.

Tom Green 3:06 ... Trona pil- pinnacles in this amazing part of desert in California.

Joe Rogan 3:10 Oh, yeah.

Tom Green 3:11 And, uh, and I was the only person there. And I could tell this fighter jet saw me and he just kind of came and sh- right over my window.

Joe Rogan 3:17 Oh, wow.

Tom Green 3:17 Right over the thing.

Joe Rogan 3:18 Just to say hi?

Tom Green 3:19 Yeah. Yeah, and I didn't get my camera out in time and I just-

Joe Rogan 3:21 I flew in one of those once.

Tom Green 3:23 Yeah?

Joe Rogan 3:23 Mm-hmm. With the Blue Angels.

Tom Green 3:24 Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:25 God, it's insane when you realize what those jets can do. And I think what they were flying was like an FA18, see if that's true.

Tom Green 3:35 Nice. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:35 I think that's it.

Tom Green 3:36 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 3:37 That's what we did. And, uh...

Tom Green 3:38 I believe they are, actually. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:39 I think they have even more capable jets now 'cause this is when... (sighs) I want to say this was like 2003, '02, something like that, way back in the day. I have a plaque-

Tom Green 3:50 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 3:50 ... you know, that says you, you flew with the Blue Angels.

Tom Green 3:52 Su- pull major G-forces. I've never been in a fighter jet, but-

Joe Rogan 3:54 Yeah. I did... I think I did six and a half Gs, something like that. And I stayed conscious, but then I blacked out when I forgot to do the hooking on a lesser run. Like, it was lesser. It was like 4Gs or something like that.

Tom Green 4:11 You forgot to do the... What's the-

Joe Rogan 4:12 Oh, oh, I'm sorry. You, you... When you're, um... When you're going through high Gs you do a thing called hooking. I think that's how they say it. Where you hold onto the, the joystick or you can hold onto your straps on your legs if you're the passenger like I was.

Tom Green 4:26 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:26 And you go like this. (grunting) And you're literally forcing blood into your head-

Tom Green 4:32 Oh, man.

Joe Rogan 4:32 ... to stay conscious.

Tom Green 4:33 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:33 So, while we're doing this I'm feel... That's what you're doing. See how she's doing that?

Tom Green 4:38 Nice.

Joe Rogan 4:38 See how she's doing that?

Tom Green 4:39 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:41 Okay. I thought I could hear it.

Tom Green 4:42 S- so this is why-

Joe Rogan 4:43 That's how you stay conscious.

Tom Green 4:45 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:45 That's how you stay conscious. You have to force the blood into your fucking brain.

Tom Green 4:49 It seems like it's kind of slightly on the edge of not being a perfect system, right? Like... (laughs)

Joe Rogan 4:54 Well, it's like-

Tom Green 4:55 If you got to do that...

Joe Rogan 4:55 ... you got to be a bad motherfucker to fly those things.

Tom Green 4:58 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:58 Those, those guys were all lifting. Like, all those Blue Angels pilots, they were all jacked.

Tom Green 5:03 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 5:03 They were like super diesel.

Tom Green 5:05 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:05 Because these guys are just fucking f- grr- they're wrestling with that thing.

Tom Green 5:09 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:10 Like, it's not as simple as like your (vocalizing) . Your... Like, the physical force of going to 6Gs is so extraordinary.

Tom Green 5:19 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:19 You haven't felt anything like it in your life. When you're... And these guys can go to, like, 13Gs, some of them.

Tom Green 5:25 Yeah. I don't think I-

Joe Rogan 5:25 It's fucking insane.

Tom Green 5:27 I, I don't think I would want to do that, actually. I would probably just... I, I, I sometimes don't want to do those kinds of things.

Joe Rogan 5:33 You don't have to do it.

Tom Green 5:33 Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It looks-

Joe Rogan 5:34 You know?

Tom Green 5:34 It looks amazing, but I just feel like-

Joe Rogan 5:35 I'm glad I did it.

Tom Green 5:36 Yeah, yeah. For sure, yeah. After.

Joe Rogan 5:37 I just... Just as a wake-up call, like, you think you understand. You see a jet, and I think of it almost like... Well, obviously, like, driving a race car is very difficult, right? But driving a car fast is not that difficult.

Tom Green 5:50 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:50 You know? Like, if you have a good car, if you buy a new car today that handles really well, you can... If there's no one around, you can go pretty fucking fast and it's really in control. But those things are different, man. It's like just a physical experience and this... (hissing) ... it's so fast. There's so much power and force behind those things, like-

Tom Green 6:08 You got a plane yet? You getting a plane, Joe?

Joe Rogan 6:10 Ooh, fuck that.

Tom Green 6:12 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 6:13 No, no.

Tom Green 6:14 Yeah?

Joe Rogan 6:14 Bill Burr pilots. Bill Burr flies around in a goddamn helicopter.

Tom Green 6:17 Yeah, that's-

Joe Rogan 6:17 Took me up around downtown LA. We just, you can fly wherever you want in a helicopter.

Tom Green 6:21 Yeah. Helicopters are, are even more of a, a no-no for me.

Joe Rogan 6:24 Scared?

Tom Green 6:24 I don't, 'cause they, they seem to go down a little too much, you know. I've been in a few. I, I flew a black, in a Black Hawk through, you know, Baghdad in a... We did one of those USO tours.

Joe Rogan 6:32 Wow.

Tom Green 6:32 Went, did stand-up over there back in 2003.

Joe Rogan 6:35 How was that?

Tom Green 6:36 That was a pretty, pretty wild experience. It was, it was right before, like it was probably fortunately for my, uh, nervous system, right after the mission accomplished banner-

Joe Rogan 6:51 Oh.

Tom Green 6:52 ... and right before shit hit the fan with the IEDs.

Joe Rogan 6:55 (laughs)

Tom Green 6:55 So, I was kinda thinking, "Oh, it's okay. No big deal." And we were over there in the green zone, and we were flying around in the Black Hawk helicopter. One night they said, "You wanna go out on a night patrol?" In like a tank. And I was all set to go, and then, then they had to cancel it 'cause of some sort of attack. And then we started hearing there's some stuff happening. The... We were there for about, a few days only, but they started avoiding, you know, stuff on the road, and the Humvees.

Joe Rogan 7:19 Oh.

Tom Green 7:20 And then the second I got back to, uh, to, uh, you know, stateside there, that's when it, it started to get real b- real bad over there. But I did a few of those. I did Afghanistan as well, and was on Chinook helicopters.

Joe Rogan 7:31 Oh, wow.

Tom Green 7:32 'Cause my dad was military, so that's why I'm, that's why I'm rocking the Canadian army jacket.

Joe Rogan 7:35 Yes.

Tom Green 7:35 Canadian army. We've got an army.

Joe Rogan 7:37 I heard.

Tom Green 7:38 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 7:38 Recently, recently heard about it. (clears throat) They didn't fight too hard against tyranny.

Tom Green 7:44 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 7:45 (laughs)

Tom Green 7:45 Here we go. (laughs) No, it's, uh... Well, we did. You know, actually, we fought pretty hard against, uh, the Germans, in the-

Joe Rogan 7:52 I mean the internal-

Tom Green 7:53 Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 7:54 ... t- t- t-

Tom Green 7:54 I know, I know, I know. Well-

Joe Rogan 7:55 ... internal government tyranny.

Tom Green 7:57 Yeah, it's, it's fun. I, you know, I watch your show all the time, Joe, so it's like I know... I'm, I, and I'm a very proud Canadian, so it's like-

Joe Rogan 8:02 Tom, you're the granddaddy of this show.

Tom Green 8:04 Uh, (laughs) the granddaddy? Well, yeah. Uh, I don't know about that, but I mean, you've al-

Joe Rogan 8:08 You are.

Tom Green 8:08 First of all, you've always been very, uh, uh, nice to, uh, you know, give me a shout-out about those early days of broadcasting in the living room, huh?

Joe Rogan 8:17 Well, dude, you're an awesome guy. I've always loved you. You're always cool to be around. And you also, your show in 2007, when I went on your show, that was 100% a major inspiration for me to do this. Because I remember thinking, "Oh my God, he figured it out." Like, I remember, I remember very clearly, like sitting next to you on that chair going, "Dude, you, this is it."

Tom Green 8:40 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 8:40 "Like, this is it."

Tom Green 8:41 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 8:41 "All you have to do is figure out how to make money with this."

Tom Green 8:43 Yeah. You said that on the show.

Joe Rogan 8:44 Yeah.

Tom Green 8:44 Which was hilarious, and then you figured that out, yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 8:49 (laughs) Yeah.

Tom Green 8:49 You really figured that out. That's cool. That was the missing link, dammit. But, uh, no, no, that's amazing. No, it's, uh... You know, I remember when w- when we were doing it, I had, uh, you know... I always wanted to do a talk show when I was growing up. I loved Letterman, right? And I'd done my show on, uh-

Joe Rogan 9:05 You were great at it.

Tom Green 9:06 Yeah, and I really did enjoy... The, the first show was more, you know, me out in the street doing crazy stuff, and then we did a, a talk show which was a little bit more of a s- sort of a, a nightly show, little bit more time to talk, and I did, I did love doing that. When th- when the show stopped, uh, it was right at the time of, uh, you know, technology changing on the web. And, um, and that was kinda always kinda how I, I was kinda looking at technology usually, 'cause, you know, when I was a kid I was in a rap group, and it was c- from technology, right? I remember drum machines came out when we were listening to Public Enemy, I'm going, "What are these sounds?" You know? "H- how do you do that," right? And then I would go work a summer job. I'd buy a, a sampler, an Akai S900 sampler, an Atari computer, and I'd, you know, making beats in my parent's basement in Ottawa, Canada.

Joe Rogan 9:55 Wow.

Tom Green 9:55 No one's, no one's making beats in Ottawa, Canada, you know?

Joe Rogan 9:58 (laughs)

Tom Green 9:58 We started this group called Organized Rhyme, and-

Joe Rogan 10:01 What year is this?

Tom Green 10:01 This was, well, we started in mid-'80s, and-

Joe Rogan 10:04 So this is all pre-internet?

Tom Green 10:06 Yeah, pre-internet, yeah. Yeah, this was high school.

Joe Rogan 10:08 So, how are you finding out about all this stuff back then?

Tom Green 10:11 There we are. Well, that was, you know, friends at school were listening to rap music, so friends at school were like, "Hey, you gotta check out Public Enemy. You gotta check out Boogie Down Productions." I'm like, "Boogie Down Productions?" And then you just get a, someone give you a cassette of like the Criminal Minded, Boogie Down Productions, Bridges Over album, and you're listening to it, and they're rapping about Scott La Rock, their DJ, who'd been, you know... unfortunately, you know, passed away in bad circumstances. He was shot and killed. And then you're listening to this sort of... That was the internet to me, you know?

Joe Rogan 10:42 Mm-hmm.

Tom Green 10:42 It was, was, was rap music and skateboarding. Thrasher m- magazine was skateboarding. You'd, you'd read stories about skateboarders in California in a magazine. You'd listen to rap music and hear stories about, you know, people who were not in Ottawa, you know, doing, doing cool shit. And, uh, and I was kinda wanting to get up on stage and perform. I was d- I was kinda dabbling with stand-up as a, at the, at Yuk Yuk's in, in the, a comedy club in Ottawa. And, uh, so-

Joe Rogan 11:10 When you say dabbling?

Tom Green 11:11 Well, I was doing stand-up, I was doing stand-up, but I, I never really got to really, you know, a level where I was kinda... I was doing it every week, I was going down every week for a couple of years, and actually the reason I stopped was 'cause, uh, the r- the r- the r- the rap group got kind of, uh, sort of a record deal basically-

Joe Rogan 11:28 Mm-hmm.

Tom Green 11:29 And I kinda went and focused on that for a while, and stopped doing stand-up, but... Yeah, the club in Ottawa, Yuk Yuk's in Ottawa, still there. It's moved, but it's, um, it's owned by Howard Wagman, who's, uh, it's... The Yuk Yuk's is kinda like the Improv of Canada, you know? It's a chain all across the country. Mark Breslin. I'm sure you know Mark. He's, uh, he started it, and, uh, and it's, uh, he's kinda like, um... It was, it was, it was wild because, like, I don't know. It was something about

Tom Green 11:59 the '80s, the '90s, before the internet, right? You'd go down to a comedy club and you'd find out about stuff...... just through word of mouth, like the rap music and like comedy. So I would go down to the comedy club, and I remember Norm MacDonald come through. And he was probably 25 years old, right? And I'm 16 in the audience. And then I got to become this huge fan of Norm. And he was Norm, but back then there wasn't a lot of people doing standup like Norm. Like, there wasn't this sort of angle of sort of this absurdity to it, this, this sort of, this sort of... There was more of a structured, down the middle-

Joe Rogan 12:39 Yeah.

Tom Green 12:39 ... way of doing standup back then. And, and so Norm was this sort of, you know, you know-

Joe Rogan 12:44 He was a curveball.

Tom Green 12:44 Yeah. This sort of curveball, and we just couldn't get enough of it. So every time he was in town, we'd be down there.

Joe Rogan 12:49 (coughs)

Tom Green 12:49 But Howard Wagman told me this, this story about Norm. And, uh, you know, the first time he came down to do, uh, standup at Yuk Yuk's in Ottawa. And he got off stage, and he was disappointed in how it went, Norm was. And he said, "I'm never doing this again."

Joe Rogan 13:05 (laughs)

Tom Green 13:05 He walked down the street. Howard Wagman chased him down Sparks Street in Ottawa and said, "No, that was great. You're coming back." And he made him come back, and the, the rest is history.

Joe Rogan 13:13 Well, Norm was a legitimate genius.

Tom Green 13:15 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 13:15 Like a genius of life.

Tom Green 13:17 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 13:18 Like, like a, a, a rare specimen.

Tom Green 13:21 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 13:22 Like, genius in not, not just that his comedy was brilliant, but just, just, like, "Look at this. I've never seen this before."

Tom Green 13:30 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 13:30 Like, a totally different kind of human.

Tom Green 13:32 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 13:33 You know?

Tom Green 13:34 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 13:34 And genuinely always funny. Like, every conversation was funny.

Tom Green 13:40 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 13:40 He was just funny. I was on a plane with him accidentally twice.

Tom Green 13:44 Nice.

Joe Rogan 13:44 Twice.

Tom Green 13:44 That must have been amazing.

Joe Rogan 13:46 Twice, on two separate occasions.

Tom Green 13:47 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 13:47 Just totally random.

Tom Green 13:48 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 13:49 We sat next to each other on the plane. I'm like, "Whoa, this is crazy."

Tom Green 13:52 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 13:53 And, uh, the last one, it was so funny because he was telling (laughs) me about how he quit smoking. "Yeah, I quit smoking. It's so fucking... Turns out it's real bad for you."

Tom Green 14:02 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 14:03 Like, this whole thing about quitting smoking.

Tom Green 14:04 (laughs) Yeah.

Joe Rogan 14:05 And we're talking about it like, "How hard was it to quit?" This whole thing. The moment we land, he walks into the gift shop-

Tom Green 14:12 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 14:12 ... buys a pack of cigarettes-

Tom Green 14:13 Right.

Joe Rogan 14:14 ... and he's lighting them before he gets out the door.

Tom Green 14:17 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 14:17 And I go, "I thought you quit." He goes, "I did, but all that talking about it made me want to smoke." (laughs)

Tom Green 14:21 Yeah. It was probably all an elaborate setup, right? He probably was planning it the whole way.

Joe Rogan 14:26 (laughs) I don't know.

Tom Green 14:27 Who knows? He probably doesn't even smoke. He was just doing it as a gag. No, he was, he was, he was, he was-

Joe Rogan 14:31 Well, he was into gambling too, right?

Tom Green 14:33 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 14:33 So, like, people that have those kind of, like, impulse control issues, like, gambling is a big impulsive thing. Like, "I'm gonna fucking bet. I'm gonna bet on it."

Tom Green 14:39 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 14:40 "Mets put the bet. Put the bet." Bam.

Tom Green 14:41 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 14:41 "All of it, all of it."

Tom Green 14:42 That's rough.

Joe Rogan 14:43 You know, that kind of wild, crazy sports gambling too.

Tom Green 14:45 That's not a good addiction to have, especially when you have money, right?

Joe Rogan 14:48 (sighs) That's a scary addiction, man. I watched Dana White gamble. I watched Dana White play blackjack, and he was down $600,000.

Tom Green 14:55 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 14:55 And my fucking hands were sweating. I just, I was going, "What are you guys doing?"

Tom Green 15:01 (laughs) Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:01 "That's real money."

Tom Green 15:02 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:02 "This is so crazy."

Tom Green 15:03 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:04 'Cause he does it every night.

Tom Green 15:05 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:06 He does it constantly. There's people that love it. They love it. They love the action. It's thrilling.

Tom Green 15:11 For me, it's... Fortunately, I've never liked numbers. Like, math was never something I enjoyed. So when it comes to blackjack, you're going, you're... I'm doing math in my head, and I get very uncomfortable.

Joe Rogan 15:21 (laughs)

Tom Green 15:21 So I just, I'm... I go, "I'm, I'm not gonna be good at this."

Joe Rogan 15:24 That's a great reason to not gamble.

Tom Green 15:26 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:26 You hate math class.

Tom Green 15:27 Yeah. I just figure I'm not gonna be good at this 'cause I can't even really add up what I'm supposed to be doing here quickly, so I'm just gonna just sit on the side. Plus, I'm cheap. I don't want to-

Joe Rogan 15:34 (laughs)

Tom Green 15:34 ... lose money. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 15:36 I'm not a math person either.

Tom Green 15:37 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:38 It's a concentration thing. It's like (clears throat) , if you concentrated on math, really got good at the basics of it, and then really started getting into more complex mathematics, it'd probably be very fun, probably be very exciting. But the problem is I never p- concentrated in high school at all.

Tom Green 15:56 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 15:57 I didn't pay attention to it.

Tom Green 15:58 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 15:58 So I'm so removed.

Tom Green 16:00 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 16:01 Like, if people start talking about math, like complex shit-

Tom Green 16:04 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 16:05 ... I'm like, "Ugh."

Tom Green 16:05 I checked out at long division.

Joe Rogan 16:07 "I don't have the tools."

Tom Green 16:07 Long division, I checked out. I was, I was done.

Joe Rogan 16:09 Like, I'm like, "Are calculators available?" They're pretty much everywhere, right?

Tom Green 16:12 Right, right.

Joe Rogan 16:12 And aren't there, like, an unlimited supply, batteries?

Tom Green 16:14 Right.

Joe Rogan 16:14 I'm like, "I'm out."

Tom Green 16:15 This is what I'm wondering, you know, now with, with, with our phones and our Google and everything. Like, we w- w- we don't have to learn any of that anymore.

Joe Rogan 16:22 I don't know anyone's phone number.

Tom Green 16:23 We don't really have to learn anything anymore.

Joe Rogan 16:24 I know, like, Eddie Bravo's phone number. I know my wife's phone number. I might know two of... two other numbers.

Tom Green 16:31 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 16:32 When I was a kid, I had 100 numbers in my head.

Tom Green 16:34 Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 16:35 You could call your grandmother (snaps fingers) off the top of your head.

Tom Green 16:36 I still remember my, my phone number from when I was a kid.

Joe Rogan 16:39 Yeah, you could call your friends.

Tom Green 16:40 I could say it now, but that person probably wouldn't like that very much. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 16:43 (laughs) I got my phone number memorized from when I was in high school.

Tom Green 16:46 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 16:46 It was our first phone number.

Tom Green 16:48 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 16:48 I couldn't believe we had a phone number. I'm like, "Wow."

Tom Green 16:51 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but that's-

Joe Rogan 16:52 I mean, we had phone numbers before, but that was the first one that I remembered. And then-

Tom Green 16:56 That-

Joe Rogan 16:56 ... we... That was the first answer machines too.

Tom Green 16:59 Right.

Joe Rogan 16:59 That was wild.

Tom Green 17:00 Remember, you would, you would... If you want... If you're out and you're trying to meet somebody and they're gonna meet you, and then they don't show up and you wanna figure out where they are, you'd go to a pay phone, put a quarter in it-

Joe Rogan 17:09 Yeah.

Tom Green 17:09 ... call your phone, and then put your code in and check your answering machine or your voicemail-

Joe Rogan 17:13 Yes.

Tom Green 17:13 ... from, like, uh, from the mall.

Joe Rogan 17:14 And you thought you were living in the future.

Tom Green 17:15 And they... And then they would leave a... They'd leave a message-

Joe Rogan 17:17 Yep.

Tom Green 17:17 ... on your answering machine to tell you, "Oh yeah, sir, I'm gonna be a little late." And you... And then you hang up, and then, you know, cost you a quarter. But it was-

Joe Rogan 17:24 Yeah.

Tom Green 17:24 Yeah, that was... That's how crazy everything's changed in such a small amount of time.

Joe Rogan 17:29 When you left the house, you were gone.

Tom Green 17:29 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:30 No one knew where the fuck you were.

Tom Green 17:32 Yeah, absolutely. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 17:33 There was-

Tom Green 17:34 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:34 There was no Snap Map.

Tom Green 17:36 Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 17:36 Where kids today, they look at each other on Snapchat Maps where they all know where they are at any moment in time.

Tom Green 17:42 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 17:43 There's no shenanigans.

Tom Green 17:44 Yeah. No, I was thinking about, like, how when I was a kid, you know, we would... we would be able to very easily manipulate, uh, you know, the situation with, you know, my parents and say, "Okay, I'm going over to my friend's."

Joe Rogan 17:55 Right. "I'm going to Bobby's house."

Tom Green 17:56 So we could go out drinking and skateboarding all night.

Joe Rogan 17:59 Yeah.

Tom Green 17:59 And-

Joe Rogan 17:59 Yeah.

Tom Green 17:59 ... no. That, that was better like that, you know.

Joe Rogan 18:01 These kids today-

Tom Green 18:02 But-

Joe Rogan 18:02 ... they're tracked.

Tom Green 18:03 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 18:04 Everyone's tracked.

Tom Green 18:05 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 18:05 It's not your parents. It's the government.

Tom Green 18:07 And we're not gonna be able to really get, get rid of it now too. That's the thing. There's, there's no, there's no way this is gonna turn back. No one's, no one's ever gonna decide this has gone too far. It's just, it's-

Joe Rogan 18:15 Mm-mm.

Tom Green 18:15 It's just gonna keep escalating and getting worse. And, and my eyes are getting bad 'cause I'm stuck... I'm s- I'm... I find myself addicted to the phone. As much as I know that it's happening, I'll get on that TikTok.... and I just start scrolling through stuff. And then, oh, sh- shit, like, two hours just went by, you know?

Joe Rogan 18:32 Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Tom Green 18:32 And my eyes are getting blurry, and it's really kind of starting to, kind of-

Joe Rogan 18:37 It's useless.

Tom Green 18:38 ... piss me off, to be honest with you.

Joe Rogan 18:39 Yeah, I, I, for me, it's Instagram. I don't have TikTok, but I use the Instagram Reels much. Goddamn it. It's so nuts, like, one after the other. It's so interesting watching this mad scramble of people trying to figure out a new way to get your attention.

Tom Green 18:54 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 18:54 Whether it's through, like, shooting a bow and arrow with your feet over your head at balloons.

Tom Green 18:59 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 18:59 Y- You ever seen those gals that do that? (fingers snapping)

Tom Green 19:01 Sounds good.

Joe Rogan 19:01 They stand, stand on their hands-

Tom Green 19:04 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 19:04 ... and they have a bow in their feet, and they have their legs all the way over the top of their head, and they draw the bow back with their feet-

Tom Green 19:10 Okay. I saw another thing kind of like that, but-

Joe Rogan 19:12 ... and shoot it.

Tom Green 19:12 ... but there was no bow and arrow involved, but yeah, yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 19:15 This is a thing.

Tom Green 19:15 Yeah. Uh, yeah, that sounds good. That sounds good. Are they, are they wearing clothing as well or is-

Joe Rogan 19:20 No.

Tom Green 19:20 Oh, oh.

Joe Rogan 19:20 Why would they be wearing clothing?

Tom Green 19:21 Oh, okay, cool. Yeah, no, I, I hope, I'll definitely have-

Joe Rogan 19:23 They wear, like, bikinis. They're hot.

Tom Green 19:25 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 19:25 Most gals with that kind of m- mobility with your body-

Tom Green 19:29 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 19:29 ... they're probably pretty hot.

Tom Green 19:30 Yeah. Absolutely, yeah.

Joe Rogan 19:32 (smacks lips) How could you not have a hot body if you could do that? If you could get your butt over the top of your head and have your legs pull a bow back and then aim it and shoot it? What?

Tom Green 19:41 I certainly can't do that.

Joe Rogan 19:42 Who the fuck can do that?

Tom Green 19:43 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 19:44 I mean, what percen-

Tom Green 19:45 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 19:46 What percentage of the population can do that?

Tom Green 19:48 See, and this is, this is kind of, I think, where we started with us was, you know, how did I find out about rap music? How'd I find out about Norm? You know, w- we had to use a certain sense of creativity, and we had to go out of our way to find out about stuff.

Joe Rogan 20:05 Right.

Tom Green 20:05 You know, and, and, and so it, it... You know, sounding like some couple of old guys here-

Joe Rogan 20:12 We are a couple of old guys.

Tom Green 20:12 ... yeah, complaining about-

Joe Rogan 20:13 But that's what we are now.

Tom Green 20:14 ... how the world was better before, but-

Joe Rogan 20:16 I don't think the world was better before.

Tom Green 20:17 Mm-hmm, yeah. There's-

Joe Rogan 20:18 I don't think that's true.

Tom Green 20:19 There's some aspects of it, like, that I think forced us to be just a little bit more creative and think out of the box because we w- or, or at least in a different way because you'd, you'd go find some drum machine, or you'd go down to the little comedy club in Ottawa and s- you know, standup comedy wasn't a mainstream thing then, you know? It was, it was pretty big, but not in Ottawa. It was sort of almost like you felt like you were going somewhere that you weren't supposed to go.

Joe Rogan 20:42 Yeah.

Tom Green 20:42 You'd go down in the basement.

Joe Rogan 20:44 Yeah.

Tom Green 20:44 I was 16 years old, I'm in a bar, you know, and there's some guy on stage.

Joe Rogan 20:47 Yeah.

Tom Green 20:48 And they're not talking about Norm MacDonald on, on television yet. He hadn't gone to SNL yet. He had... I remember I'd s- see him, and my friends would see him, and then we'd go to school, and we'd tell our friends, "You gotta go see this guy, Norm MacDonald." He'd come every, three times a year, and every time he'd come, we'd be there. And it was just like this sort of myth. It was a mythology to it, you know? And then all of a sudden, he got... we heard he moved to, he moved to Los Angeles because he was writing for Roseanne, you know? And we all heard about this, and it was this sort of, you know, all the, you know, the amateur comics, the, you know, up in... the kids up there are doing it. And, well, I guess I was the kid doing it. Everyone else was kind of in their 20s, but, and 30s, but everybody was just kind of like, "There's hope. We can, we can get out of Ottawa, man," you know? So... (laughs)

Joe Rogan 21:31 Yeah.

Tom Green 21:31 You know? And, uh-

Joe Rogan 21:32 Something, there's something out there.

Tom Green 21:33 And then SNL and everything, it was just amazing to watch, watch him do that. But... and, you know, I was having a good chat with, uh, with Adam at, at the club, you know, about Norm because he was, of course, famously his, his sidekick on the show.

Joe Rogan 21:45 His sidekick, yeah.

Tom Green 21:45 So it was such a shame to see Norm disappear like that.

Joe Rogan 21:49 (clears throat) I'm sorry.

Tom Green 21:49 And, uh, just, uh-

Joe Rogan 21:50 He was talking about coming out here too.

Tom Green 21:52 Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. So... but it's, uh, it's, you know, so much has happened since I was here last. I got a lot of stuff I want to... First of all, before I start talking about, uh, me though, I just wanted to say thanks for having me at the club this weekend.

Joe Rogan 22:05 My pleasure.

Tom Green 22:05 I'm s- so stoked. The club is amazing. It's... and, uh, and, uh, I've been hanging out with, there for the last two nights. And I came in a little early and, uh, wanted to hang out and just, uh, settle in and, man, it's just such a vibe there. It's just such a perfect, perfect comedy club. You did such an amazing job.

Joe Rogan 22:24 Thank you. You're the only guy that brings his dog everywhere that's not annoying.

Tom Green 22:28 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 22:28 Maybe ever.

Tom Green 22:28 Yeah, yeah. Well-

Joe Rogan 22:29 Maybe ever.

Tom Green 22:30 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 22:30 And everybody loves Charlie.

Tom Green 22:32 Yeah, everybody loves Charlie. Could be a... we-

Joe Rogan 22:34 Charlie, Charlie's in here-

Tom Green 22:35 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 22:35 ... with us now.

Tom Green 22:35 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 22:36 Charlie's a sweetie.

Tom Green 22:37 Charlie, um, is, uh, I got Charlie right before I, I came here the last time. Um, she's named after the John Steinbeck novel, Travels with Charley, um, 'cause, uh, I was out in the van and that, that book's about Steinbeck in the '60s. Got a camper v- made a camper van out of a pickup truck, and he drove across America, and he wrote a book about America and its differences.

Joe Rogan 22:59 Oh.

Tom Green 22:59 It's called Travels with Charley in Search of America. And, uh, and, uh, I got, I got Charlie at a rescue called THRIVE, is the name of the rescue, which is actually run by Jimmy Durante's daughter in San Diego, an entertain- the entertainer Jimmy Durante, who... It's, like, a, a ranch in San Diego, and they bring these dogs in from, uh, from the Bahamas and Mexico. They're called potcake dogs, and, um... Charlie. Anyways, we, uh, we went out in the desert and everybody loves Charlie, like you said.

Joe Rogan 23:33 There's Charlie.

Tom Green 23:34 On the-

Joe Rogan 23:34 Charlie looks like she was just taking a nap.

Tom Green 23:36 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 23:36 She's like, "What the fuck you waking me up for, dad?"

Tom Green 23:38 (laughs) But, uh-

Joe Rogan 23:39 "I was just taking a nap."

Tom Green 23:40 The funniest thing is that-

Joe Rogan 23:41 Charlie actually goes on stage with you. We should tell people.

Tom Green 23:43 Yeah, she just chills out up there. I just kind of take her-

Joe Rogan 23:46 Which has got to be so weird when you're killing.

Tom Green 23:48 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 23:48 All that noise.

Tom Green 23:49 She's, uh, she's, she's kind of used to it.

Joe Rogan 23:51 (laughs)

Tom Green 23:52 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 23:52 But isn't that strange? What a strange experience for a dog.

Tom Green 23:55 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 23:56 To be in the Bahamas.

Tom Green 23:58 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 23:58 And then all of a sudden, she's on stage with Tom Green.

Tom Green 24:02 That's right. She left, she left the Bahamas-

Joe Rogan 24:04 Just audiences cheering, and she's just sitting there like, "What the fuck is this life?"

Tom Green 24:07 Yeah, yeah. I look at her sometimes-

Joe Rogan 24:08 How did this happen?"

Tom Green 24:08 ... and wonder. She left at five weeks old, the Bahamas. So that's, that was a good thing she got out of there five weeks old.

Joe Rogan 24:14 Oh, okay, so she was a real baby.

Tom Green 24:14 And then was in San Diego. She got adopted by somebody else for three, for, like, three months basically, and then, uh, they couldn't keep her. I got her at three months. And, uh, and, uh, you know, it's funny. She grows up in the Bahamas, then she goes to California, and then, uh, then I moved back with her to... I moved back to Canada since I was last here, and I left, left Los Angeles.... following in your footsteps. The exodus continues, um, and, uh-

Joe Rogan 24:39 It wasn't just me, man.

Tom Green 24:40 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 24:41 I keep getting, like, labeled as a Pied Piper of this, but, come on, everybody was leaving.

Tom Green 24:45 Yeah. I gotta say though, like, uh, you know, it l- there was a lot of factors to, to change my entire life. I, I, you know, I, I've, I sold my house at the, at around the time, right after I was here. Um-

Joe Rogan 24:59 And that was the house that you did-

Tom Green 25:01 That was-

Joe Rogan 25:01 ... the Tom Green Show for.

Tom Green 25:02 I, that I owned for 18 years, that I did-

Joe Rogan 25:04 Damn.

Tom Green 25:04 ... the Webovision show in. Webovision, we called it. And-

Joe Rogan 25:06 Why don't you do a show now?

Tom Green 25:08 So I'm actually, I'm building a podcast studio in my barn.

Joe Rogan 25:12 Beautiful.

Tom Green 25:12 It's in a unheated, uh, uh, f- uh, century barn. And, uh-

Joe Rogan 25:17 Are you gonna heat it?

Tom Green 25:18 Uh, nope, not gonna heat it.

Joe Rogan 25:20 No.

Tom Green 25:20 Uh, but-

Joe Rogan 25:20 Are you gonna have conversations where you're freezing to death?

Tom Green 25:22 Yeah, we're gonna wear really warm jackets.

Joe Rogan 25:24 Really?

Tom Green 25:24 That's one thing that's cool about Canada. Like, people, pe- people talk about the cold and how-

Joe Rogan 25:29 Mm-hmm.

Tom Green 25:29 ... you know, fucking cold it is up there. But, like, the cool thing about the cold when you get... when you kinda get acclimated to it is you can kinda regulate your temperature. Like, you wear a really warm arctic jacket-

Joe Rogan 25:42 Yeah.

Tom Green 25:42 ... in the barn while you're doing the podcast. We'll probably move it in at some point, but-

Joe Rogan 25:45 Also, you can die outside.

Tom Green 25:47 You can die, yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 25:48 It's a different thing.

Tom Green 25:50 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 25:50 It's a different thing. And it makes more resilient people.

Tom Green 25:53 Yeah. It's-

Joe Rogan 25:54 I think it makes better people. I really do.

Tom Green 25:56 I was, I was thinking about how you d- there's the barn, yeah. So this-

Joe Rogan 25:59 You're freezing your dick off, son.

Tom Green 26:01 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 26:01 First of all, why the-

Tom Green 26:02 That's my dad. That's my dad there. Yeah. So, yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:04 If... You know which you should get sponsored by, like, uh, one of those, um, like, heater bodysuit companies.

Tom Green 26:11 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:12 Like, for deer hunters, when they sit in those blinds.

Tom Green 26:14 Yeah. That's cool.

Joe Rogan 26:15 When they sit... Y- if... Deer hunters, when they sit in tree stands.

Tom Green 26:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:17 You know how fucking cold you get?

Tom Green 26:19 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:19 See, if it's cold out, that's one thing, but if it's cold out and you're not moving, that's another thing.

Tom Green 26:23 Hm. Yeah, we-

Joe Rogan 26:24 That's another thing. You could be... It could be fucking zero degrees, but if you're hiking, you're fine.

Tom Green 26:29 Well, I wear these... We're talking, we're actually talking to a sponsor right now. They're, they're... might sponsor it. They're, they're, they're this, uh, clothing company, Baffin, and they, they make the warmest jackets, right? So it's like you can really regulate your-

Joe Rogan 26:42 Yeah.

Tom Green 26:42 ... temperature, right? And that, that's the thing. Like, if you know how to do that... 'Cause I, uh, I got, I... it's been a lifestyle change. I bought... I, I got this farm. I'm on a farm now that I live on, and basically I'm gonna live there now for the rest of my life. I know it. I'm never gonna leave this place. I love it so much.

Joe Rogan 27:00 That's awesome.

Tom Green 27:01 It's, it's a wilderness area with some-

Joe Rogan 27:03 I enjoy your videos from there. Looks like you're really enjoying it.

Tom Green 27:06 I am really loving it, you know? It's just, it's just such a, a peace of mind to get up in the morning.

Joe Rogan 27:15 Let me hear it.

Tom Green 27:15 And I've got this mule, and I got my strap there on the side. Oh, it's a... (laughs) Yeah, I got my mule. And, uh, this is a whole new thing, Joe. I mean, I don't know... I didn't... First of all, I didn't know anything about, um, uh, horses and mules. But I got a mule and a donkey and some chickens. And I'm just-

Joe Rogan 27:33 So a mule is a cross between a donkey and a horse, correct?

Tom Green 27:37 Yes.

Joe Rogan 27:37 Is that how it works? Okay.

Tom Green 27:37 And I did not know that a year and a half ago.

Joe Rogan 27:40 They're supposedly, like, the most resilient animals for, like, riding trails and stuff.

Tom Green 27:46 So mules are... So yeah, I've... It's sort of all... It, it, it all started with... I found this property and this farm, and I wanted to be outside, and then there was these two old barns there. And I would look at these barns and I'd say... They were kinda calling for something to be put in them. They were 100 years old. There was stuff stor- stored in them. And so, uh, some, some friends of mine and I, we kinda cleaned up the barns, and, uh, we... I got this mule and this donkey. And so initially, the idea was I thought a mule would be kinda funny, right? 'Cause they're... they got bigger ears and they're kind of... I was thinking Three Amigos. I was thinking a donkey. I was thinking a mule was a donkey. I didn't even really know that much about it. But, um... And I started looking for a mule that you could ride, and there's not that many mules in Canada. They're much more of a Southwestern, you know, American thing. You know, George Washington bought... brought mules to America. It was a big part of, uh, you know, them settling-

Joe Rogan 28:45 Really?

Tom Green 28:45 ... America. What... They would use them for farming. They-

Joe Rogan 28:47 He brought them in?

Tom Green 28:48 Yeah, he was instrumental in being a big part of getting mules here. They would use them for, you know, harvesting, you know, pulling, you know, uh, h- harvesting crops and doing all the work around the farms and stuff.

Joe Rogan 28:59 Hm.

Tom Green 28:59 They have also been used in war a lot. They've been used in military.

Joe Rogan 29:02 Mm-hmm.

Tom Green 29:02 So, uh-

Joe Rogan 29:03 A lot of pioneers preferred them to horses.

Tom Green 29:05 Yeah. They're extremely strong and they're very, very smart.

Joe Rogan 29:09 They can go longer without water too.

Tom Green 29:10 Longer with... Yeah, they use less water, less, less food.

Joe Rogan 29:14 My friend Clay Newcomb is actually a mule expert.

Tom Green 29:17 Okay.

Joe Rogan 29:17 He's been on the podcast before.

Tom Green 29:18 Oh, cool.

Joe Rogan 29:19 And he talked about fancy mules and, like, how you pick a mule and-

Tom Green 29:22 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 29:22 ... train in a mule and-

Tom Green 29:24 Oh, I wanna, I want... Oh, I follow him actually. I follow Clay on-

Joe Rogan 29:27 Clay-

Tom Green 29:27 ... uh-

Joe Rogan 29:27 Clay's interesting.

Tom Green 29:28 ... on, on, on TikTok.

Joe Rogan 29:28 He's got a podcast called The Bear Grease Podcast.

Tom Green 29:32 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 29:33 You know, it's... A lot of it is about bear hunting in Arkansas.

Tom Green 29:35 Oh, nice, nice.

Joe Rogan 29:36 And just interesting, like, outdoor stories. Like, he's a very, very interesting guy, but he just knows a ton about mules.

Tom Green 29:44 Well, the thing that's so crazy about them is they're extremely smart to a point that it's... You know, people say stubborn as a mule.

Joe Rogan 29:53 Mm-hmm.

Tom Green 29:53 It's, it's not really stubbornness. What is it? What is it? Self-preservation. So they figure out basically, "I'm, I'm riding this animal now." She's a very big mule, as you can see here, Joe.

Joe Rogan 30:04 Mm-hmm.

Tom Green 30:04 She's a very big mule. She's called Sixteen Three Hands, is the way you measure horses and mules, and she's, like, as tall as they get. Her mother was a, uh, a horse, so, uh, a Percheron paint mix. So it's... A Percheron's a workhorse, almost like a Clydesdale. So she gets her size from that. And her father's a Mammoth donkey. And she's 10 years old.

Joe Rogan 30:26 A Mammoth donkey?

Tom Green 30:27 Yeah, a Mammoth, yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:28 What a great name.

Tom Green 30:29 Yeah, yeah. It's, it's, it's, it's, uh, it's crea- it's definitely created a very large, strong...... serious animal-

Joe Rogan 30:38 I wanna see a picture of a mammoth donkey.

Tom Green 30:41 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:41 How big are they?

Tom Green 30:42 There we go, yep. Yeah. So you can sort of see-

Joe Rogan 30:44 Whoa, look at the size of that fucking thing. That's a donkey?

Tom Green 30:47 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:47 Holy shit, dude.

Tom Green 30:49 And, and you can ride those too, so...

Joe Rogan 30:52 (laughs)

Tom Green 30:52 And that's-

Joe Rogan 30:53 But are, are donkeys harder, between 900 and 1200 pounds-

Tom Green 30:57 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:57 Are donkeys-

Tom Green 30:58 Fanny's-

Joe Rogan 30:59 ... harder to train than mules?

Tom Green 31:01 I'm not sure of the answer to that. I'm not sure. But I know that mules are easier to train than horses, so I would assume... 'Cause they, they learn, but-

Joe Rogan 31:07 And mules are sterile.

Tom Green 31:09 They're sterile, yeah. So a, uh-

Joe Rogan 31:12 It's a hybrid animal-

Tom Green 31:13 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 31:14 ... and it can't breed. Which is, isn't that fascinating?

Tom Green 31:16 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 31:16 That, um, like a male of one species can breed with a male of another species, they make an offspring-

Tom Green 31:22 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:22 ... it's alive-

Tom Green 31:23 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 31:23 ... it has testicles, it has sex drive, it has everything. Can't breed.

Tom Green 31:28 So-

Joe Rogan 31:28 Isn't that weird?

Tom Green 31:29 So the horse has... Let me get this right. I, I've been, I've been trying to learn as much about it as possible 'cause I'm riding this thing and I don't wanna die. 'Cause, uh, you can fall off it, and it's-

Joe Rogan 31:38 Oh, yeah.

Tom Green 31:39 ... it's not fun falling off. I've fallen off a couple of times. But, uh-

Joe Rogan 31:41 Have you really?

Tom Green 31:42 Yeah, I wasn't too bad though.

Joe Rogan 31:43 By yourself?

Tom Green 31:44 Uh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:44 Out there in the middle of nowhere?

Tom Green 31:45 Yeah, it was, there, it was, it was my own fault. I was streaming on Instagram and not paying attention.

Joe Rogan 31:50 (laughs)

Tom Green 31:50 That's a good, for beginners, don't, don't, don't let go of the reins and play with your phone while you're riding on a, uh-

Joe Rogan 31:55 Yeah.

Tom Green 31:55 ... 1400 pound mule. Fanny's 1400 pounds.

Joe Rogan 31:58 (Exhales) That's fucking huge, man.

Tom Green 32:00 And, um, but yeah, I guess, I guess though, it's, a horse has, uh, 64 chromosomes and a, uh, donkey has 62. And so when they breed, they, uh, take f- s- one of the... It ends up that the donkey-

Joe Rogan 32:13 No.

Tom Green 32:13 ... the, the mule has 63 chromosomes, which is not an even number and therefore makes it sterile, so...

Joe Rogan 32:19 Wow.

Tom Green 32:19 This is, this is what I'm trying to-

Joe Rogan 32:20 Oh, so that's what it is, it's an even number.

Tom Green 32:22 Something, something kind of complicated like that, but-

Joe Rogan 32:23 Isn't it fas- fascinating though that nature figured out a way to stop everything from fucking everything and just getting it pregnant?

Tom Green 32:31 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 32:32 Isn't it like nature's like, "We gotta have a, a system in here."

Tom Green 32:35 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 32:35 Because that's just-

Tom Green 32:36 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 32:36 That's untenable.

Tom Green 32:37 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 32:38 That's gonna lead to chaos.

Tom Green 32:39 Uh-huh. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:40 Like if humans, imagine.

Tom Green 32:42 Can you imagine?

Joe Rogan 32:42 If humans could get-

Tom Green 32:43 Think-

Joe Rogan 32:43 ... other things pregnant-

Tom Green 32:44 It is so good that they didn't-

Joe Rogan 32:45 ... everything would be a hybrid of a human.

Tom Green 32:48 That is-

Joe Rogan 32:48 Like everything.

Tom Green 32:48 Yeah. Like we had a, a lobster-human hybrid, some-

Joe Rogan 32:51 There'd be a-

Tom Green 32:51 Somebody would do that, you know?

Joe Rogan 32:52 Island filled with turtle people.

Tom Green 32:54 People walking around with exoskeletons, going, "Hey, this ain't so bad," you know?

Joe Rogan 32:57 You could be on the island going, "I can't believe someone fucked a turtle."

Tom Green 33:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 33:01 And there's gonna be this guy, like with a turtle shell on, "Fuck you."

Tom Green 33:04 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 33:04 You know he's gonna be mad at you. Like I'm just saying.

Tom Green 33:06 'Cause people are insane.

Joe Rogan 33:08 Insane.

Tom Green 33:08 I mean somebody has probably fucked a turtle.

Joe Rogan 33:11 100% someone's fucked a turtle.

Tom Green 33:13 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 33:13 Right? If you had to bet-

Tom Green 33:14 But-

Joe Rogan 33:14 ... everything you own? Sure.

Tom Green 33:16 Yeah, you would have to.

Joe Rogan 33:17 100%. A, a guy somewhere-

Tom Green 33:18 No, could bet it. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 33:18 ... has been hopped up on some fucking-

Tom Green 33:20 Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 33:20 ... Vietnamese street meth-

Tom Green 33:22 Right, right, right.

Joe Rogan 33:23 (laughs) And fucked a turtle.

Tom Green 33:24 Of course, yeah.

Joe Rogan 33:25 Probably American.

Tom Green 33:26 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 33:26 Probably an American guy-

Tom Green 33:27 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 33:27 ... from the Southwest (laughs) over there hiding from the law or something.

Tom Green 33:31 Right.

Joe Rogan 33:31 And he's methed up and he fucked a turtle.

Tom Green 33:33 Right.

Joe Rogan 33:33 Yeah. People have fucked everything.

Tom Green 33:34 But no result because of the power... The nature has, uh, made these protections, thankfully.

Joe Rogan 33:39 The wildest, uh, hybrid, of course, is the liger.

Tom Green 33:41 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 33:42 Because they, they missed the gene that regulates size.

Tom Green 33:45 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 33:46 They, they don't have the same gene that like a tiger and a lion does.

Tom Green 33:50 I've seen those.

Joe Rogan 33:51 I forget which one, how does it work? Is it a male lion and a female tiger or a male tiger and a female lion? I forget which one it is, but in that combination, when they make a liger, they just keep growing.

Tom Green 34:02 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 34:03 (laughs) They're so big.

Tom Green 34:04 Yeah, I've looked at these on the internet, these, I don't, I, I, you know-

Joe Rogan 34:07 Yeah.

Tom Green 34:07 ... the thing is, is I guess, I guess a tiger and a lion and a donkey and a horse are close enough together in evolution to be able to, to, uh, do this, and there's-

Joe Rogan 34:18 Yeah.

Tom Green 34:18 ... I guess no animal that is close enough to us to be able to-

Joe Rogan 34:21 Luckily.

Tom Green 34:22 ... come close enough.

Joe Rogan 34:22 Because you know they've done experiments with other primates-

Tom Green 34:24 Or maybe we just haven't, maybe just nobody's fucked the right thing yet to figure it out.

Joe Rogan 34:28 I bet someone pulled it off in China or Russia or something like that. They probably got some chimp-human hybrid somewhere.

Tom Green 34:34 I've heard sort of, uh, internet conspiracy theories that there was a, a Russian, uh, experiment that went awry or something like this.

Joe Rogan 34:42 But, but there was this one very strange case of a chimpanzee that they call Humanzee. And this chimpanzee had very human-like features-

Tom Green 34:50 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 34:50 ... and it lived with a family.

Tom Green 34:52 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 34:52 I forget if it was a family of researchers, I forget the story, but, uh, they always end tragically because those things ultimately, as they get older, they wanna be the boss.

Tom Green 35:01 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 35:01 It's a big male.

Tom Green 35:03 Right.

Joe Rogan 35:03 And they're gonna just fuck you up.

Tom Green 35:04 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 35:04 They're gonna bite your fingers off or bite your friend's finger. It's always something like that. They always do something horribly-

Tom Green 35:09 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 35:09 ... horribly violent eventually. But this one that they had, they had him for a long time and he looked like a human.

Tom Green 35:16 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 35:16 Look. He look-

Tom Green 35:17 Oh my gosh.

Joe Rogan 35:18 It looked weird. Like he had-

Tom Green 35:19 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 35:19 And he stood upright a lot and he wore clothes. He's got a big old donkey dick. Look at that donkey dick. (laughs)

Tom Green 35:24 Oh my gosh. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 35:27 The Humanzee of Orange Park.

Tom Green 35:29 First of all, Humanzee is such a great name. I mean-

Joe Rogan 35:31 Yeah.

Tom Green 35:31 ... I almost wish it had worked just for that reason alone.

Joe Rogan 35:34 Right.

Tom Green 35:34 Humanzee. I mean there'd be humanzees going around. But, uh, yeah, I often kind of have little-

Joe Rogan 35:41 See if you can find the, the, there's some weird shocking pictures of it. Like that one in the upper right-hand corner. The one, yeah, right, that one right there. Yeah.

Tom Green 35:48 And they're so strong.

Joe Rogan 35:49 Click, click on that one. Look at its face.

Tom Green 35:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 35:51 Like it's got a odd face.

Tom Green 35:52 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 35:53 And there's some pictures I think that are probably doctored that made it a little more human-looking, they c- confuse people, but the thing, like as it got older, see if you can find the older pictures of it. It looked real weird, man.

Tom Green 36:09 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 36:09 But it was just a chimp. It was just a chimp that, you know, had been-

Tom Green 36:13 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 36:13 ... taught to behave that way.

Tom Green 36:16 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 36:16 Look how he's walking. He's walking like a chimp. He's not walking like a human. Like look at the shoulders and the arms. That's a chimp. That-

Tom Green 36:22 I sometimes think about the close calls I've had with, a, a couple times with animals where I wasn't really giving them the re- s- not like just understanding the power they had. Like I had a chimpanzee on a show I did once in, um, on my TV show back in the day and, you know, it was, uh, it was, uh, trained-... chimpanzee, but massive. And, uh, you know, I, I remember after the show I just said, "Hey, can I hang out with the chimpanzee?" So it came out and I was just sitting out with him in the parking lot for about half an hour, just me and this chimpanzee, right in front of me, looking right in my eyes. It was playing with the buttons on my shirt and, you know, it was the, the trainer was 20 feet away and I just thought it was so, the cutest thing. And then, you know, y- a few years later I read about the chimpanzee ripping that... you know, killing people and how-

Joe Rogan 37:07 Yeah.

Tom Green 37:07 ... violent they are. And you go, "Man, that is..." Uh, you know, I had a, I had a macaw at one point, which I actually had to get rid of. A, you know, big red parrot, you know, a macaw. And I got it in, uh, when it was 13 months old. And this was my biggest disappointment, I'd say, with, uh, a pet, because I had gotten this macaw, it was named Rex. He was on the web show for that period of time, and that was after you were on that time. But, uh, and I really loved this thing and I love animals, you know, and I, I, I was, I was so fascinated by, by it because I was realizing, "Oh this is, this is a pet that I'm gonna have for the rest of my life." And I was all dedicated to this, and I was really kind of somewhat moved by the fact that I was gonna be having this beautiful macaw for the rest of my life. And it would, it would pick my teeth and it would stick its beak in my mouth and, you know, literally, like, just kind of put its plate and chew on my ear and all of this kind of stuff. And, uh, then all of a sudden, uh, when it got to be about 13 years old, it just became a real asshole. Like, it really, really changed. It had been going from this little baby to I couldn't put my hand in the cage without it really biting hard and, uh, almost took my finger off. Uh, I had to go in the cage to clean the cage and I couldn't pick it up anymore, and, uh, I actually had to find it a new home. Uh, but-

Joe Rogan 38:32 Do you think it just didn't like being in a cage?

Tom Green 38:34 I, I'm sure it didn't. I wouldn't like it, like it myself, you know?

Joe Rogan 38:37 Yeah.

Tom Green 38:37 And, uh, and, and that feels bad too. That's the thing I don't really like about having-

Joe Rogan 38:41 Yeah, you're a prison warden.

Tom Green 38:42 ... a macaw. Yeah, exactly. I started to feel really bad, so I took it back to the, the, the bird place where I'd gotten it, and they said to me, "Oh yeah, we don't..." This has been 13 years later, you know? I've been spel- I've been spending $75 bucks a month on walnuts for 13 years, okay? You know, they just eat a lot of walnuts. And then, uh, they say, "Oh yeah, we don't sell macaws anymore because when they get to be 13 they, they, they change and they become really, really mean." I'm like, "Well you, you could have told me that 13 years ago." But, so I (laughs) just-

Joe Rogan 39:10 So was like, uh, like there's an internal clock?

Tom Green 39:12 Yeah, they just, they-

Joe Rogan 39:13 So it's like a puberty thing?

Tom Green 39:13 They hit like a puberty thing, yep. And so-

Joe Rogan 39:15 Yeah.

Tom Green 39:16 So I feel bad, but I got her a better home.

Joe Rogan 39:18 That's why it's scary to be in front of a chimp-

Tom Green 39:20 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 39:20 ... because the, the chimp-

Tom Green 39:22 Exactly.

Joe Rogan 39:22 ... they could just decide-

Tom Green 39:23 I have these-

Joe Rogan 39:24 ... "I just want to fuck this guy up."

Tom Green 39:25 I have these moments where I think about the time when that macaw would have its beak in my mouth, you know-

Joe Rogan 39:29 Could have ripped your lips.

Tom Green 39:30 ... just months before it could have ripped my face apart sitting with that. But the, the fanny, the m- this mule, and I have the donkey as well who was her companion for her named Kia. She was a two-year-old donkey, and, uh, they, um... The donkey will live to be 50 potentially.

Joe Rogan 39:46 Whoa.

Tom Green 39:47 And, uh, the fanny is a big animal, so she could live to be 30, 35 years old. And so she's 10 now, so, so it's a big responsibility, uh, and I, I really kind of consider them now after having them just for a short time kind of family, you know?

Joe Rogan 40:01 Yeah.

Tom Green 40:02 It's, it's an amazing thing. But they are, the thing that's, I think the thing that's most interesting about a mule, and we just kind of s- well, we won't talk about mules for the whole show, but, uh, you know the, they are so smart that they figure you out. So I'm new to this. So when I first got her I was given one day of training on how to ride a horse, you know? So I learn how to saddle her up, I learn how to get up on this thing. You know, you pull the rein, you look where you want to go, you push with your foot opposite of the f- of the side you want to turn. There's a sort of little rhythm to that. And it went great for about a month, but then she started sort of figuring out that I was sort of uncertain in what I was doing.

Joe Rogan 40:45 Ooh.

Tom Green 40:45 She started to understand that I didn't know what I was doing, and so she starts testing me, right? And I don't necessarily realize that's what's going on. So-

Joe Rogan 40:56 Like how so?

Tom Green 40:57 So when you s- when I'd be saddling her up, uh, she would move. So I'd go to saddle her, p- take the saddle, you know it's a big saddle, you got to put it up on her back, you put a s- a saddle pad on, then you got to put the saddle on, and then she would move into me and kind of push me, you know? And I didn't really know how to prevent that because she's 1,400 pounds. So I'd have to kind of lead her around, try to get her back in position. It became this weird sort of dance of me running around trying to get the saddle on. I'd eventually get it on, but what happens is she ends up losing all respect for me because I'm l- she's, she... because I'm letting her sort of be the, the leader, right? And-

Joe Rogan 41:33 Oh.

Tom Green 41:34 And so a mule really wants to tr- wants me to be the leader, and it's hard for me to be the leader at first because I'm uncertain. So they sense, they sense uncertainty. So when I'm riding her and there's wolves at my place in the, in, in the woods-

Joe Rogan 41:55 Oh, fun.

Tom Green 41:55 Yeah. Yeah, it was real... Uh, uh, I got a story about that too. And there's wolves there, which I was showing Jamie before the show there's, there's, there's video of them on my trail cams. But she sees them coming out of the woods at night. She doesn't necessarily want to go into the woods. She thinks it's unsafe. It's not because obviously they're not going to attack her and me, she's a giant mule, but she's thinks that. So over time she started to not want to go in that direction. She stopped wanting to turn left. And so what would happen is I would, I started to realize she didn't want to go there, so every time I wanted to go there, I would get nervous. I would feel uncertain like, "Oh, she's not going to want to go there." She would sense that I was nervous and would double down and then she wouldn't go in there. So I had to kind of get into this real sort of, uh, sort of a psychological...... retraining kind of a mule intervention from the people that raised her, uh-

Joe Rogan 42:47 I have so many questions.

Tom Green 42:48 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 42:48 Hold on.

Tom Green 42:49 Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's really wild. It, and I, I, there's, I've, I've, it's really interesting the intricacy of how you, how you figure this out. I'm trying-

Joe Rogan 42:56 Now, did you have any training before you got a mule?

Tom Green 43:01 Uh, I, I, so she was, she was owned by a single owner, uh, in, uh, Northern Canada, in a place called, uh, Thunder Bay, which is about 18 hours drive north of me. Um, way colder up there. She's like in Club Med now. Now, now in s- southern Canada.

Joe Rogan 43:18 (laughs) .

Tom Green 43:18 She's probably loving it. But, um, and her owners were, uh, uh, Kaya and Lisa, who, uh, who have, uh, they breed mules. They're called Twister mules.

Joe Rogan 43:26 Right. Did you get any training?

Tom Green 43:28 They, they drove her down and we spent about three days, okay? And they showed me how to saddle her up, and they talked to me about it. And, uh, you know, I, I learned as much as one can learn in three days. Um, you know, there's the basics, right?

Joe Rogan 43:40 Right.

Tom Green 43:41 There's the basics. Like, you know-

Joe Rogan 43:42 Did you do a lot of it when, when they were there by yourself? Like, they just told you how to do it and you walked over and did it?

Tom Green 43:47 Uh, they spent time with me for about three days. But this is kind of, they're telling me I'm doing quite well, 'cause I actually am able to, to handle this animal now. But it's been an interesting journey the last, you know-

Joe Rogan 43:58 Mm-hmm.

Tom Green 43:58 ... since June. I got her in June. 'Cause, um, 'cause, uh, you know, at first, it's, the, the very first sort of on the surface way that you ride a mule is you look where you wanna go, lightly pull the rein on, if you wanna go left, you pull the left w- lane, rein lightly. If, if that doesn't work, you, but you might not even have to pull the rein. You could just look where you wanna go and they, they feel your body shifting. They sense your intent.

Joe Rogan 44:32 Hmm.

Tom Green 44:33 And they, and you, you have to look in that direction.

Joe Rogan 44:35 Like Avatar, when you link up with the dragon.

Tom Green 44:38 It's like telepathy. It's like telepathy, for sure.

Joe Rogan 44:40 Yeah.

Tom Green 44:40 It really is. And you feel it, and it's such a really cool feeling when you really get into the pocket with it.

Joe Rogan 44:44 Hmm.

Tom Green 44:45 So then you pull lightly, then you, you little push with your foot. Um, and so that's all sort of very, you know, physical stuff. Um, and it worked fine for a while. But then, you know, I didn't quite understand the overall psychological sort of hierarchy that gets created and a trust level that's created between the mule and myself. The more I screwed up, she's just, even in the barnyard, the more I let her get in my space. You don't ever wanna let a mule get in your space. Like, gets in your space, you, uh, uh, a very, sort of a, you know, easy way to, uh, control that is you can just put your hands up to her eyes like that. Like, you know, you don't even have to touch her, right?

Joe Rogan 45:30 Hmm.

Tom Green 45:31 And then they back off. I didn't know that, right? So I was kind of like, I'm pushing it.

Joe Rogan 45:35 Oh boy.

Tom Green 45:36 You know, I was like, you know, like trying to stop.

Joe Rogan 45:38 And then it realizes how small you are in comparison.

Tom Green 45:39 It realizes how small I am-

Joe Rogan 45:41 Yeah.

Tom Green 45:41 ... and it realizes I don't know what I'm doing, and it loses all respect.

Joe Rogan 45:44 Ah.

Tom Green 45:44 And, uh, uh, and so you start to kind of, so once you start to learn a little bit deeper about how to handle those just on the ground with her, then, then once you get up on her, she has a little bit more respect and is more apt to listen to you. But it was really interesting, 'cause they, they, um, they came back, uh, they're, they're really great. They're, they're trying to bring more mules into Canada, 'cause they love mules. And, uh, and, uh, they, uh, you know, there is something very different and special about mules 'cause of their intelligence. And so it's really interesting. They, they came back and spent some more time with me and, and we would go out. We went out on the, the trail, and there's, Fanny doesn't like ATVs, okay? So I've got this Polaris side-by-side that I drive around the property on. It's a noisy, you know, ATV, four-wheel vehicle thing. And they were driving ahead of me and to kind of instruct me and I'm following along. And we're coming up the trail and they stopped, and as we approach the ATV, it's parked on the trail. There's a space on the side, I'm gonna ride around the trail, but in my head I'm thinking, "Oh, Fanny's not gonna want to go around this ATV." And we get up there and I try to turn her around the ATV by looking, pulling the rein, pushing with my leg, she just stops. And when she stops and when she decides she doesn't wanna go, this isn't like a little trail riding, you know, carnival horse. She gets going and will turn and really kind of get quite, you know-

Joe Rogan 47:15 Aggressive.

Tom Green 47:15 ... aggressive in a way. And, uh, which is kind of exciting though, I gotta tell you. And I was a skateboarder. I, I'm pretty, I got pretty good balance, so I was kind of, it was kind of interesting. But the thing that was, was, um, wild about it, so then I go, "Well, she's, she's not gonna wanna go around the ATV," I say to, to Kaya and Lisa. And they, and they say, "No, no, well, it's not that she doesn't wanna go around the ATV, it's she knows that you think she doesn't wanna go around the ATV."

Joe Rogan 47:41 What?

Tom Green 47:41 You have to think in your head that she wants to go around the ATV.

Joe Rogan 47:45 What?

Tom Green 47:45 Yeah. 'Cause when you-

Joe Rogan 47:47 Really?

Tom Green 47:47 Yeah. 'Cause when, when you're subconsciously, whether we know it or not as human beings, you know, we didn't always have language, right?

Joe Rogan 47:56 Right.

Tom Green 47:57 We did, someone invented language at some point. Before that, we were just kind of, it was all this non-verbal communication and energy, right? So you get up to the ATV, and if I'm thinking, "Oh, she's not gonna want around the ATV." Oh, look, look, I just, my whole body just went like that. You know, I sighed, I felt like a sense of defeat, right?

Joe Rogan 48:13 Hmm.

Tom Green 48:14 She feels that just through her saddle. It's not, it's not total, like, voodoo. She feels like-

Joe Rogan 48:21 Yeah, but it might be a little bit of voodoo.

Tom Green 48:22 Possibly as well. I mean-

Joe Rogan 48:24 It seems like you can't-

Tom Green 48:24 ... there's some magic to it.

Joe Rogan 48:25 ... attribute all that to body.

Tom Green 48:26 She feels it, she feels it-

Joe Rogan 48:28 Movement.

Tom Green 48:28 ... and she's so smart that she... So a horse doesn't necessarily sense that as easily as a mule. Like, like, quite a bit less easily. So that's why people say mules are stubborn, because they're sensing all of these little non-verbal cues that a horse might just be apt to say, "Oh, he pulled on the rein, so I'm gonna go that way."

Joe Rogan 48:44 Wow.

Tom Green 48:44 "He pushed his foot, so I'm gonna go that way." So, and that's why also mules are also extremely, uh, you know, they're used in war-And they're used in Grand Canyon trail riding and things like this, 'cause, you know, if a horse is walking along a edge of a cliff, uh, and a snake jumps out, the horse might be apt to just jump the other way, off the cliff, killing itself.

Joe Rogan 49:09 Phew.

Tom Green 49:10 Whereas a mule will instantly identify cliff that way, snake that way, danger both ways, mule will kill the snake.

Joe Rogan 49:18 Mm.

Tom Green 49:19 It'll stomp out the snake. So, or, or it at least won't jump off the cliff.

Joe Rogan 49:23 Right.

Tom Green 49:23 So, it's-

Joe Rogan 49:24 That's way better.

Tom Green 49:24 Yeah, better.

Joe Rogan 49:25 I think we should just all have mules.

Tom Green 49:27 All have mules.

Joe Rogan 49:27 (laughs)

Tom Green 49:28 You should get a mule. You should get a mule.

Joe Rogan 49:29 I definitely would not-

Tom Green 49:30 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 49:31 ... uh, have the time to be training a mule. I, uh, it seems like that's ... Here's my question, though.

Tom Green 49:36 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 49:36 This is the other question I w- I, I gotta remember. Why would you think that the wolves would not attack the mule?

Tom Green 49:43 Well, it's not, um ... First of all-

Joe Rogan 49:46 'Cause, like, if she's scared of the wolves-

Tom Green 49:48 You know, donk-

Joe Rogan 49:49 ... she sh- I think she should be scared of the wolves.

Tom Green 49:51 You know, donkeys and mules, but especially donkeys ... Mules have donkeys, so ... They're actually used a lot as, uh, as, uh, livestock protection animals, so ... 'Cause they'll stomp out a coyote or a wolf.

Joe Rogan 50:03 Mm.

Tom Green 50:03 So a lot of farmers get them, put them in with their sheep, and, uh, they'll actually protect the herd. Um, so-

Joe Rogan 50:08 That's awesome.

Tom Green 50:09 So it's, there's, it's, it, it's not impossible, but it is pretty uncommon that, uh, that, uh, coyotes and ... In my area, the wolves are not gray wolves, they're timber wolves, so they're not the, you know, um-

Joe Rogan 50:22 They're not big?

Tom Green 50:23 ... as big.

Joe Rogan 50:24 Right.

Tom Green 50:24 As big. But they're, uh, they're big enough though. They're about the size of huskies.

Joe Rogan 50:27 So they, they mostly kill, like, deer and whatever (...) though?

Tom Green 50:29 Deer and, and smaller stuff like-

Joe Rogan 50:31 They don't try for elk or anything like that?

Tom Green 50:33 Uh-

Joe Rogan 50:33 'Cause the big gray, the big gray wolves will take out elks.

Tom Green 50:36 Yeah. I'm sure they, you know, I think-

Joe Rogan 50:38 They take out moose.

Tom Green 50:38 Yeah, absolutely.

Joe Rogan 50:39 Moose are so big, man. For a wolf to take out a moose, that's crazy.

Tom Green 50:43 Yeah, yeah. These are the w- This is my trail cams at my place.

Joe Rogan 50:46 Oh, wow. Look, dropping a deuce right there on your trail cam-

Tom Green 50:49 So-

Joe Rogan 50:49 ... staring you in the eye.

Tom Green 50:50 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 50:50 That's an alpha move right there, son. I guarantee that's the alpha.

Tom Green 50:53 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 50:54 He knows, he knows you got that trail cam. He's like, "Tom Green, check this out, bitch."

Tom Green 50:58 Yeah, this is-

Joe Rogan 50:58 Shit, right in front of your camera.

Tom Green 51:00 Yeah. So it's, it's, you know, it's ... The only way to know 100% for certain that they're wolves-

Joe Rogan 51:04 Wow.

Tom Green 51:04 ... and not a hybrid ... I know you know all about this, Joe, but, like, the koi-

Joe Rogan 51:08 Yeah.

Tom Green 51:08 ... co- co- koi wolves, is to do a DNA test, and ... But, but, uh-

Joe Rogan 51:12 Yeah. Koi wolf is kind of a misnomer, you know, because a, a coyote is a wolf.

Tom Green 51:16 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 51:17 Yeah. The, the reason why the coyote spread so far across the country is becau- they, they have, like, a built-in mechanism to protect them from gray wolves.

Tom Green 51:28 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 51:28 'Cause gray wolves would kill the coyotes.

Tom Green 51:30 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 51:30 Whereas the red wolves, in the East Coast, would breed with the coyotes.

Tom Green 51:34 Right.

Joe Rogan 51:34 And that's where you get the k- coy-wolf.

Tom Green 51:36 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 51:37 But I think they're viable. I think when they breed, they can breed.

Tom Green 51:41 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 51:42 I don't think they're like a donkey or a, like, a mule, rather.

Tom Green 51:45 You mean a coyote and a wolf?

Joe Rogan 51:47 I think when the-

Tom Green 51:47 Yeah, that's right.

Joe Rogan 51:47 ... when the, like, the koi wolves, whatever they call them, the koi wolves, I think they're viable.

Tom Green 51:52 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 51:52 I think they have babies.

Tom Green 51:53 Yeah, absolutely. No, they are, for sure, yeah.

Joe Rogan 51:55 Yeah.

Tom Green 51:55 And-

Joe Rogan 51:55 'Cause it's not really, uh ... And it's not different. It's just-

Tom Green 51:59 It's kind of like two different kind of dogs or something.

Joe Rogan 52:00 Exactly.

Tom Green 52:01 Mm. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 52:01 Exactly.

Tom Green 52:02 Yeah, 'cause, um, I've been, uh, um, getting some information about this from a, a wolf researcher up, who lives near, near me, uh, and, uh, he, um, has sort of, uh, put out some trail cams and we've, we've actually laid out, uh, some, uh, f- uh, fur traps that he can get a little bit of their fur and we're gonna send it for a DNA sample to find out exactly the percentage of DNA that wolf to coyote-

Joe Rogan 52:28 Mm.

Tom Green 52:28 ... that we have here. 'Cause, uh, yeah, it's, it's kind of ... I don't know. You live out in the wilderness, you know, you find these kinds of things are k- I f- I find it quite interesting to just kinda, really kinda dive into, into it deep and try to figure it out, you know?

Joe Rogan 52:40 Oh, it's fascinating. You're out there in the real wild. You're in the wild where there's packs of predators-

Tom Green 52:47 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 52:47 ... in your neighborhood.

Tom Green 52:48 And I wish I had bear footage right now, but I, I, I ... It's not online, but, uh, this year I put out my, uh, my trail cams and I got, like, I'd say, a l- little more than a half dozen distinct different bears on that exact trail.

Joe Rogan 53:03 Whoa.

Tom Green 53:03 Which is, you know, on my property, right by my house.

Joe Rogan 53:07 Brown bear or black bear?

Tom Green 53:08 Black bear, yeah. Yeah. We don't have grizzlies out east, so it's just, uh ... In Canada even, it's all, they're all-

Joe Rogan 53:13 Not yet.

Tom Green 53:13 Not yet.

Joe Rogan 53:14 The liberals will try to reintroduce them.

Tom Green 53:16 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 53:16 You need more things to be scared of.

Tom Green 53:19 Well-

Joe Rogan 53:19 They're talking about bringing grizzlies back to California.

Tom Green 53:21 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want you to come to Canada, Joe. I know you, I know you haven't come to Canada yet, but, but i- uh, lately, but, but, uh, you, you gotta come to Canada. Because here's the thing, here's the thing, I ... 'Cause I watch the show all the time, so I know, I know what your, I know your feelings about Canada. But, uh, here's the thing. Like, everybody loves you in Canada, you know? So it's, you've got s- you, I, I'm coming down here. E- everybody's so stoked that I'm here. And I, I-

Joe Rogan 53:45 I love Canadians.

Tom Green 53:46 It's-

Joe Rogan 53:46 I just hate their government.

Tom Green 53:47 Mm-hmm. And sometimes-

Joe Rogan 53:48 Is that Pierre, how do you say his last name? Poilievre, how do you-

Tom Green 53:50 Yeah, well it's French, so it's p- it's ... Well, I don't think he's French, but the name's French, Pierre Poilievre.

Joe Rogan 53:55 Poilievre, yeah.

Tom Green 53:55 With sort of a weird R, silent R.

Joe Rogan 53:57 Yeah, it's a strange r- is the, as you see it written down, it's very difficult to remember how to say that.

Tom Green 54:02 Poilievre, Poilievre, yeah. So-

Joe Rogan 54:03 But that guy-

Tom Green 54:04 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 54:04 That guy makes so much more sense.

Tom Green 54:06 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:06 He, he's so common sense and just calling out all the nonsense that's been done under this administration. It's just so sad to watch.

Tom Green 54:16 So this is the thing that I, I kind of, I guess, just wanted to throw out there, which is, it's, it's, it's not unlike here in the US, right? You've got Biden is the president now, right?

Joe Rogan 54:27 Mm-hmm.

Tom Green 54:27 And then you, you, you've got a, essentially a democrat. We're, we actually call our democrats the liberals, right? That's how-

Joe Rogan 54:33 Mm-hmm.

Tom Green 54:33 ... that's how unabashed we are liberal up there. We actually call the party the Liberal Party. It's not a bad word up there, right? They actually call them the liberals, so it's-

Joe Rogan 54:39 And the other ones are conservatives.

Tom Green 54:40 And conservatives. Liberals and conservatives. But it's the same thing, you know? Like, half the country hates the, the party in power right now, just, like, as much as anybody, you know? And it's a, just a constant thing, and they want to get him out. And, and so, you know, I just, uh, I, I just want to, you know, as a proud Canadian, want to throw out the distinction that, uh, you know, Canada's, you know-It's like here. It's the same bullshit that's here. Everybody's arguing about issues, important issues. It's being reinforced, you know, through these algorithms. People get mad about it.

Joe Rogan 55:18 Mm-hmm.

Tom Green 55:18 Then they start arguing. But, so, you know, like I s- I sometimes kind of go, "Wouldn't it be interesting if Pierre Poilievre won the next election?" Right? Because then all of a sudden we'd have a conservative government up there, and, uh, and, uh, let's say Biden won down here. You got a conservative government up there, and then Tucker Carlson might be going up to Canada talking about how great we are all of a sudden, you know? (laughs)

Joe Rogan 55:37 (laughs)

Tom Green 55:38 Because it just can switch on a dime, you know?

Joe Rogan 55:39 It could.

Tom Green 55:40 So, you know.

Joe Rogan 55:40 It could go back.

Tom Green 55:41 And it has before. I've had, uh, you know, there's been in my lifetime, Joe Clark was the first Conservative Prime Minister. Then there was, uh, uh, Brian Mulroney, and Stephen Harper was pretty recent, so. But, anyways, I don't like talking politics, but I do, I did bring something about Canada that I love that I wo- I, I want to, I want us ...

Joe Rogan 55:59 Okay.

Tom Green 55:59 It's a good thing. I, uh, I'm trying not to talk politics too much, because it's like ...

Joe Rogan 56:05 It's gross.

Tom Green 56:06 It's just every- everybody gets all mad, you know?

Joe Rogan 56:08 Yep.

Tom Green 56:09 I just, I don't fu-... I kind of think, like, wouldn't it be cool if the new thing became people start to realize that the division is almost worse than what we're arguing about?

Joe Rogan 56:21 Well, the division is absolutely worse than what we're arguing about.

Tom Green 56:24 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 56:25 Most people want good things. Oh, maple syrup.

Tom Green 56:27 This is for you and your family. A, a huge, uh, this, and I brought one for us too, just to try.

Joe Rogan 56:31 Jesus Christ.

Tom Green 56:32 This is the freshest, best Canadian maple syrup made by my friends, the Conboys, Ryan and Jason. Shout out to Ryan and Jason, George and Darlene. And they make this on their property.

Joe Rogan 56:42 Damn.

Tom Green 56:42 They have, uh, you know, thousands of maple trees tapped.

Joe Rogan 56:46 Wow.

Tom Green 56:46 And this is, you know, a family-run business. They've been doing this for hundreds of years. Like-

Joe Rogan 56:51 That is a lot of work.

Tom Green 56:53 Yeah, it's, it's a whole-

Joe Rogan 56:54 Maple syrup, like making map-... I've watched people make maple syrup on YouTube.

Tom Green 56:59 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 56:59 It's a lot of work.

Tom Green 57:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 57:00 It's crazy how much work is involved.

Tom Green 57:02 And it's, it's really kind of incredible to go see how they do it, because they've built these, like I can't describe it properly, but reverse osmosis mach- machines where they have tubes coming, you know, with the sap from all the... In the spring, the sap starts flowing, comes through these tubes from all through their woods on their property. It runs out to their, their barn, where they have these machines that do something called reverse osmosis. I don't know what it does doing exactly, but they have to do it, and then it goes into this giant vat with fires, with wood burn fires, and they boil the sap down until, you know, it becomes thicker and there's more sugar content, and then you have this delicious syrup. But I brought a couple of, uh...

Joe Rogan 57:42 It's literally the blood of trees that you pour on pancakes.

Tom Green 57:46 It is. And you know what? It is-

Joe Rogan 57:47 Are we gonna drink it? Like, in shot glasses?

Tom Green 57:49 I just thought, as opposed to drinking whiskey till we're on the floor this time.

Joe Rogan 57:54 I never made it to the floor, sir. You made it to the floor.

Tom Green 57:57 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 57:57 I maintained-

Tom Green 57:58 I don't remember what happened at the end. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 58:00 ... a level of motion and the ability to conversate. (laughing)

Tom Green 58:05 Oh my gosh. Okay, well-

Joe Rogan 58:07 Dude, that's diabetes in a shot glass.

Tom Green 58:08 Yeah, we'll just, we'll just do a shot, but I want you to see. This is real maple syrup.

Joe Rogan 58:11 Okay.

Tom Green 58:11 Canadian maple syrup. It's Conboy Maple Syrup. They're my friends. They're the best, best friends that I've, you know, that you'd ever want. And, uh, it's not, uh, your manufactured-

Joe Rogan 58:22 Cheers.

Tom Green 58:22 ... sort of processed shit, you know. Cheers.

Joe Rogan 58:25 Do you have to do it like a shot? No, that seems gross.

Tom Green 58:26 Yeah, you can. Yeah, absolutely.

Joe Rogan 58:29 Oh my God. I can't drink this whole thing.

Tom Green 58:31 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 58:32 It's really good though. It's delicious.

Tom Green 58:33 Pour it on some pancakes. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 58:35 It just makes you think, like how much sugar are you getting from pancakes with a pile of maple syrup? Are, you're getting a fuck ton of sugar.

Tom Green 58:42 Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 58:43 Like how much sugar is in, what is a shot glass? How many ounces is that?

Tom Green 58:48 I should know this. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 58:49 One ounce? Let's just say how much sugar is in one ounce of maple syrup.

Tom Green 58:54 Yeah. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 58:57 God, how could you drink that? Ugh.

Tom Green 58:58 Yeah, no, you don't really drink maple syrup, right? It's, we're just doing it for a gag, but-

Joe Rogan 59:01 I know, for fun, but-

Tom Green 59:02 ... pour it on your pancakes or-

Joe Rogan 59:03 It's amazing how good it tastes on your pancakes.

Tom Green 59:05 No, it's good in coffee.

Joe Rogan 59:06 I would-

Tom Green 59:06 Put it in your coffee in the morning.

Joe Rogan 59:07 Oh, boy.

Tom Green 59:08 So I- I- I- I- I keep a big jug of it...

Joe Rogan 59:10 16, 17 grams? 17 grams in a shot glass.

Tom Green 59:13 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:13 And I guarantee you, if I'm having pancakes, I am drowing those bitches.

Tom Green 59:17 Yeah, absolutely. So I got you ... I'll get you more as, whenever you need some. It's, it's, it's the best. It's different than-

Joe Rogan 59:22 Waffles with that on it?

Tom Green 59:23 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:24 Son.

Tom Green 59:24 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 59:25 Lots of butter.

Tom Green 59:26 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:26 Up to 20. Up to 20? Okay. Good lord. 20. So-

Tom Green 59:30 So-

Joe Rogan 59:31 If I'm having pancakes, I'm having 120 at least.

Tom Green 59:35 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:35 I'm, I'm p- I'm pouring a bunch of maple syrup on that shit. Six ounces? Yeah, easy. Easy six ounces. Like a glass of it.

Tom Green 59:43 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:43 I'm getting in between the stack.

Tom Green 59:45 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 59:45 Pouring a little in there.

Tom Green 59:47 It's just a nice little boost.

Joe Rogan 59:48 You know?

Tom Green 59:48 A little energy boost, you know?

Joe Rogan 59:49 It's for like five minutes.

Tom Green 59:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:51 Then you're in a coma for the rest of the day.

Tom Green 59:53 And the re- yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:57 But I guess if you're, uh, out there on your farm fucking throwing hay around all day, exhausted, right? You've burned off-

Tom Green 1:00:04 I, I did this, this summer, in August, uh, we, I have some, some fields with hay. We cut the fields and, uh, (laughs) and, uh, I have, uh, some local farmers that help me cut the fields to square bales.

Joe Rogan 1:00:19 So you're really farming?

Tom Green 1:00:20 Yeah, I had far-

Joe Rogan 1:00:21 Farming for real, for real.

Tom Green 1:00:22 Farming hay for my, for my animals. Yeah. I had 580 bales of hay off the property this year.

Joe Rogan 1:00:30 Wow.

Tom Green 1:00:30 And we had to lift it all, carry it all onto, you know, onto a hay wagon. See, because I'm gonna try it a little, figure out a way to do it a little differently next year. But, uh, yeah, normally they would, the farmers that have done my property for years, they've been doing it with these big circle round bales, you know. But, uh, I wanted to get square bales this year because it's easier to handle for the horses every, or the mules and the donkey every day. So-

Joe Rogan 1:00:51 Mm-hmm.

Tom Green 1:00:51 See, every day I go to the barn, I pick up a bale, feed the... They eat about, about a bale and a half of hay a day. It's cool because, like from May, June till about...... the end of September, you don't even have to feed them. They're just out in the pasture eating grass.

Joe Rogan 1:01:10 Hmm.

Tom Green 1:01:11 Um, which I often think about, you know, when you think about vegetarians and you go, "How do you put on, you know, muscle with just veg?" And you look at this giant animal-

Joe Rogan 1:01:19 Right.

Tom Green 1:01:19 ... all it's doing is eating grass all day-

Joe Rogan 1:01:21 Gorillas.

Tom Green 1:01:21 ... and they're massive. But, but, um, but yeah, so that, that, I gotta figure out a better way to get it in the barn this year, because some of my friends-

Joe Rogan 1:01:28 They have to eat it all day long.

Tom Green 1:01:31 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 1:01:31 That's the difference between eating meat and eating grass.

Tom Green 1:01:34 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:01:34 If you watch predators, predators eat and then they sleep all day.

Tom Green 1:01:37 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 1:01:38 But you watch a donkey-

Tom Green 1:01:40 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:01:40 ... those motherfuckers are just eating all day long.

Tom Green 1:01:43 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:01:43 They have to eat all day long.

Tom Green 1:01:45 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:01:45 They're always eating.

Tom Green 1:01:47 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:01:47 Because there's not a lot of protein in that food. It's gotta break down in their weird digestive tract.

Tom Green 1:01:53 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:01:54 This undulate digestive tract.

Tom Green 1:01:56 So Fanny and Kia come from a, a, a pasture that had, you know, 20 other animals in it, to this, my place, where they're just there by themselves with a whole field to themselves. So, Fanny was putting on some weight last summer. I have to now kind of monitor how much-

Joe Rogan 1:02:10 I s-

Tom Green 1:02:10 ... she's out in the pasture.

Joe Rogan 1:02:11 I should correct myself. Undulates are cows and shit. I'm thinking of like, thinking of cows-

Tom Green 1:02:16 Right, their weird-

Joe Rogan 1:02:17 ... and deer.

Tom Green 1:02:17 ... stomachs and stuff.

Joe Rogan 1:02:18 Yeah.

Tom Green 1:02:18 I'm not exactly sure how the stomachs work on these.

Joe Rogan 1:02:20 I don't know how the, on equines.

Tom Green 1:02:22 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 1:02:23 But I know that, like, to think that you could get that jacked eating vegetables is ridiculous.

Tom Green 1:02:29 Right.

Joe Rogan 1:02:29 (laughs)

Tom Green 1:02:29 That's what I was kind of thinking 'cause I always kind of...

Joe Rogan 1:02:32 But vegans always like to make that comparison.

Tom Green 1:02:34 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:02:34 Look at gorillas, they eat nothing but vegetables. They have a totally different body than us. (laughs)

Tom Green 1:02:39 It's true.

Joe Rogan 1:02:39 Everything's different.

Tom Green 1:02:39 They're also not humans, yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:02:40 Yeah, they're not human beings.

Tom Green 1:02:42 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:02:43 And it doesn't mean if you ate what a fucking horse eats, you'd look like a horse, you dumbass.

Tom Green 1:02:48 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 1:02:48 You're not a horse. And also, do you know how annoying that would be to have to eat grass all day?

Tom Green 1:02:54 It doesn't sound-

Joe Rogan 1:02:56 (laughs)

Tom Green 1:02:56 ... like a blast. Not a lot of variety there. Yeah, I think about that.

Joe Rogan 1:03:00 All you're doing.

Tom Green 1:03:00 I have cookies for them. I have little, uh...

Joe Rogan 1:03:02 That's cool.

Tom Green 1:03:02 I have little... I have a vitamin, uh, sort of a vitamin mix of, uh, that I give them every day.

Joe Rogan 1:03:08 Is variation to their diet good though? Like for some animals, when you...

Tom Green 1:03:14 You got to... For instance, apples, okay? I have apple trees at the property.

Joe Rogan 1:03:17 Mm-hmm.

Tom Green 1:03:17 And she, that's one of the places she loves to walk towards the apple tree-

Joe Rogan 1:03:20 Right.

Tom Green 1:03:21 ... because there's apples on the ground. So when I... She always, you know, you can feel her pulling towards the apple tree.

Joe Rogan 1:03:25 Mm-hmm.

Tom Green 1:03:26 So, but, uh, you know, you don't want her to eat, you know, a, a bunch of apples, because that can create acid in their stomach and they could get sick from that.

Joe Rogan 1:03:33 Yeah, I was wondering that. Like, what happens to them in the wild though, if they find a bunch of apples?

Tom Green 1:03:37 Yeah, it's interesting. Yeah. And I'm, I'm not sure.

Joe Rogan 1:03:39 Do they get fucked up?

Tom Green 1:03:41 I'm, I'm not sure if they... I don't know the answer to that. That, you know, but, uh, maybe they kind of somehow self-regulate when they're left to their own.

Joe Rogan 1:03:48 Hmm.

Tom Green 1:03:48 But, you know, you can feed them, uh, carrots. And, uh, uh, one thing, I haven't done this yet, but I understand that they really like, I was just told, because I'm actually thinking, "What kind of variety can I give the ladies, you know?" So they really like a frozen watermelon to be tossed into there.

Joe Rogan 1:04:01 Oh, no kidding.

Tom Green 1:04:01 So then they'll just...

Joe Rogan 1:04:02 Bears like that too.

Tom Green 1:04:03 Oh, yeah?

Joe Rogan 1:04:04 Yeah. We went to a grizzly bear, um, I guess it's just like a conservation center where they, they have these enormous pla- It's in Montana. But it's, they have, it's, they're like captive, but it's really an enormous in- instru- like construction thing. And the bears have like swimming pools and shit. And they would, uh, roll them out, these frozen watermelons.

Tom Green 1:04:28 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 1:04:29 And watch them bite through a frozen watermelon, will scare the living fuck out of you.

Tom Green 1:04:33 Right.

Joe Rogan 1:04:34 Because they go through it like it's nothing.

Tom Green 1:04:35 A grizzly does that.

Joe Rogan 1:04:36 Just bang.

Tom Green 1:04:36 I've seen hippopotamus do it on YouTube, but a grizzly does that too.

Joe Rogan 1:04:39 I think most of the time the hippos are doing it, it's not with a frozen one.

Tom Green 1:04:43 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:04:44 But they were saying that this bear's favorite treat is frozen watermelon. So give him a frozen watermelon, he'd just go through it like it's a grape.

Tom Green 1:04:50 See, grizzlies are terrifying. I, I, I, I, I'm, I, I... Although I admit that I am also actually... Probably, it's probably not really a warranted or, or, or, fear, but I am, I am nervous about these black bears, you know, on the property.

Joe Rogan 1:05:06 You should be nervous.

Tom Green 1:05:07 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:05:07 What are you talking about? Why would you say it's-

Tom Green 1:05:09 They do attack people occasionally.

Joe Rogan 1:05:09 They will attack you.

Tom Green 1:05:10 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 1:05:11 And if br- if black bears attack you, they're attacking you to eat you.

Tom Green 1:05:14 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:05:14 It's a little bit different.

Tom Green 1:05:15 Statistically, the odds are in my favor. I think it's not as... Like grizzlies, they've attacked a lot of people. I think black bears maybe only attack like, you know, one person a year or something like that and...

Joe Rogan 1:05:25 They attack people.

Tom Green 1:05:26 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:05:26 I mean, there's a guy who got killed at, over by Rutgers in New Jersey.

Tom Green 1:05:30 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 1:05:30 He was killed by a black bear.

Tom Green 1:05:31 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:05:32 And there's a friend of, a buddy of mines went hunting for his very first trip. He was in his tent at night and a 500-pound predatory black bear-

Tom Green 1:05:43 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:05:43 ... tried to remove him from the tent.

Tom Green 1:05:45 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 1:05:45 And his friend shot the bear and accidentally shot his friend in the wrist.

Tom Green 1:05:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:05:51 So he got shot in the wrist with a rifle.

Tom Green 1:05:53 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 1:05:54 The bear gets shot. The bear runs off after it gets shot and then they don't... I think they recovered it. I think it's dead.

Tom Green 1:06:01 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:06:01 But imagine your first night ever camping in a tent-

Tom Green 1:06:05 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:06:05 ... and a black bear tries to pull you out and eat you.

Tom Green 1:06:07 Yeah. So I think sometimes people bring food in their tent, that's one common mistake. So-

Joe Rogan 1:06:13 Yeah, you're food, bitch.

Tom Green 1:06:14 (laughs) Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:06:15 You're food.

Tom Green 1:06:15 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:06:16 You're food, you're food in a tent, you're pigs in a blanket.

Tom Green 1:06:18 But if you're bringing like, you know, you should really... That is one thing that is why they go in the tents a lot, they smell, you know, someone brought their sandwich-

Joe Rogan 1:06:24 Yep.

Tom Green 1:06:24 ... in the tent or whatever.

Joe Rogan 1:06:25 That's true.

Tom Green 1:06:26 But, uh, but yeah, no, I mean, look, I'm, I'm, I'm right there with you. It... there's, there's something about it though that... Well, you, you know when you're out there in nature and you kind of, your, your sort of natural instincts kick in, or you feel-

Joe Rogan 1:06:45 Your senses.

Tom Green 1:06:45 You feel it.

Joe Rogan 1:06:46 Yeah.

Tom Green 1:06:46 And the fact that, the fact that there is something unpredictable and that you don't understand out there is, um, kind of exciting, you know. Like the fact that there is... You know, I'm not really truly expecting to get attacked by a bear, but, you know, your senses are on alert, you're listening into the woods, you know they're there, you know they know you're there and they've probably...... left.

Joe Rogan 1:07:09 Mm-hmm.

Tom Green 1:07:09 But, uh, maybe this is the one time where they're walking along with their cub and you get in the wrong position at the wrong time. And so, you know, often when I go for a walk, I have, uh, bear spray on me. I, I sometimes, you know, have a rifle on me. Uh, I don't carry it with me every time I leave the house, but I've got a few rifles, and, and, uh, that I, you know, I might s- I mi- I'm, I'm, I've not really been a hunter, you know, tr- in my life, but I, I kind of... So many people around me, you know, around the country, everybody hunts, and, uh, I think I'm gonna maybe-

Joe Rogan 1:07:39 How much land do you have?

Tom Green 1:07:43 150 acres. So it's kind of-

Joe Rogan 1:07:45 Could certainly hunt on that.

Tom Green 1:07:46 Yeah, and there's deer and it's, it's quite, quite-

Joe Rogan 1:07:48 I'm sure.

Tom Green 1:07:49 It's quite, um, something that I never really expected to, to, to kinda live like that. But it's really kind of interesting, and then it