Joe Rogan Experience #2116 - Kevin James

Narrator 0:00 (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

Joe Rogan 0:04 The Joe Rogan Experience.

Narrator 0:06 Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

0:10 (instrumental music)

Joe Rogan 0:13 Let's go, Shimmy. Let's go, Shimmy. Shimmy, Shimmy, Shimmy. Most people don't know about Shimmy. Mm-mm. They don't know about your alter ego. No. Well, yeah, you were the one who brought it out of me. (laughs) You were, right? Well, we would do shows, we would do shows in New York and you would go full Shimmy. (laughs) I'd be on the side of the (laughs) side of the stage yelling out, "Shimmy!" Well, when we first started... By the way, we, we did the Joe Rogan Experience 30 years ago, right? Yeah. It just wasn't millions of people. Just hanging out. Not... Let's... Exactly. Just playing pool. (laughs) Um, you, you... I remember Sussman brought you into town. You started at Nick's? Was it Nick's or... I started at Stitches in Boston. Stitches. And then, uh, I was like two years in when I met you, and then, uh, I think we met at East Side. Mm-hmm. Which was awesome. Great club. What a great club. What a great club that was. I was just there. Shout out to Richie Mantervini. Yes. My man. He, he was... It was, uh, the greatest, the greatest place to go. I remember, uh, it would be a line around the block, two shows like on a Wednesday night. It was insane- Yeah. ... comedy then. That place was just jammed. The golden age of comedy at the time. 1990? Yes. Oh my God, it was incredible back then. '91-ish. I started at '89. I think I met you in... What is it? '90- '91 maybe? '90, '91. Somewhere around there. Yeah, somewhere in there. Uh, and I was, you know, I was following everybody. That was my thing. Like I, I was being the standup comedian with the, you know, the jacket sleeves pushed up and the- (laughs) ... the bolo tie.

Joe Rogan 1:44 You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. (laughs) Just... Yeah. I was just that straight... And you came into town and we were like, "Who is this dude?" Like, you just didn't care about anything. And it was like, you've always remained the same and it was just incredible to watch. We were like, "Whoa! He just doesn't care." And that's what you were... You, you would work with me on that. You would be like, "Brother, you can't be like you're handing out a platter of food for these pe..." Like, "Do what you wanna do." And I was like, "I just gotta get good. Yeah, I gotta wrap my head around that. You're right." You know? (laughs) I just tried to... (laughs) I would, I would, I would just try to make the audience so happy. Like, "Stop it, stop it." And, "You gotta let go," and you'd get me going crazy. (laughs) I'd get all fired up there. I'd be like yelling at people. They'd be like, "Whoa!" (laughs) It's like, "All right, maybe we bring it back a little bit," but it was different, man. It really was. It was... It, it really taught me to, mo- most of all to be comfortable in front of audience and not care about them. You know, it's... I still... I literally battle with it to this day- Yeah. ... that anxiety of, "Oh gosh, I get nervous and I, I start overthinking things." So, um, but it really helped me to say like, "Just do what you do." And, and it's almost like the... 'Cause the audience is like a dog, right? They'll, they, they sense fear. You know, they sense- 100%. Yeah. They're animals. Yes. Just like we are. Yes. We're all animals. That's right. And it's like they know when you know, and if you're comfortable, even if you're faking it, they'll go with you. You do a joke and you're confident, they'll laugh just because they think it's funny, you know. They look around and everybody's like, "Oh, it must be funny 'cause he's just got confidence about it." And you had that confidence always, man. You were always insanely intense and just never looked back, and way to go, man. Way to go for you too. You just always needed a hype man. Mm-hmm. You, you, you'd just need someone to like let you go. Like, "Give him the green light. Give him the green light!" Yes. It's so funny. You're right, you're right. Yeah, you just needed a hype man. You were the one who did it for me in Montreal too. Yeah. (laughs) Do you remember that? Yeah. Going to this place... (laughs) By the way, do you remember the beer we would drink? There were two kinds of this bee... I can't remember this Canadian beer. I, I've been racking my brain to think about it. It was like, there was like a gold version of it and like an, like an amber. Uh, and it was just the greatest stuff. And we get fired up up there and I loved it, man. I loved going to that Montreal Comedy Festival. Oh, it was the best. Yeah. Back when it was... I think it's gone under. I think they did... Just announced they're going bankrupt. Oh, really? Yeah, unfortunately. See, well, we should tell people what it was. Oh, yeah. So what it was during our time, then... When we were young, was the... Montreal Comedy Festival was where young comedians would go up and you could kinda, kinda get a deal. Yes. And that's where you got the deal to do the King of Queens. Well, I got the deal to do it at NBC. Right. Oh, yeah- And then, and then it turned in- ... and then it turned in- Yeah. Then once that failed- Yeah. ... that went in to, to CBS big time. But once you get in... The thing about... People should know, like in the '90s there was this thing that was happening where everybody looked at a comedian like this could be the next Roseanne, this could be the next Tim Allen- Right. ... this could be the next Seinfeld. So every time they looked at you, they're like, "What do you got?" Right. "What do you got for me?" And the agents would try to put it together as a sitcom. Yes. And they had this showcase called the Montreal Comedy Festival, the Just for Laughs Comedy Festival, and it was the most insane thing. You would go there and it would change your life. You could have one set, one 15-minute set, and all of a sudden you got a half a million dollars. 100%. You have one thing, one set that pops and people talking about, there's a buzz. Yeah. And it's like you're in, you're set. And they have bidding wars. Yes. So like CBS would be, Fox would be- (laughs) ... they would all be throwing in. And, you know, there's guys who walked... Do you remember Chicken? Chicken was the crazy guy? Yes. (laughs) Yes. Yes. Chicken got the deal that killed the deals. Yes, yes. He got like, uh, 800,000 or something. It was some crazy mon- or mil... I don't know what it was but- Some nutty amount of money. But he had no act, right? It was after that they thought he was- He just tricked everybody. He did. And I don't know how he did it, and I wonder if he had a hype man, if you could have kept tricking people. Yeah. 'Cause he- Like, maybe he just went off the rails with anxiety when success starts i-... 'Cause that's one of the things that does happen. And I've talked about it. I think everybody admits it.

Joe Rogan 5:47 You... When it first starts happening, you think it's gonna go away, you get super anxiety ridden, you, you k-... You, you feel like an imposter and you, like... You can't beli-... Like you'd show up on the set and you're like, "Are they kicking me out? Like, I'm still here?" My bud, I'm telling you, I've...

6:02 ... I still deal with that. I'm not even kidding.

Kevin James 6:05 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:05 You obviously don't, and you haven't-

Kevin James 6:07 I do, though.

Joe Rogan 6:08 Do you really?

Kevin James 6:09 I do, though. Yeah, I do. I just ignore it. I tell it to shut the fuck up.

Joe Rogan 6:11 Well, that's what you gotta do, I guess.

Kevin James 6:12 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:12 And that's what I don't do enough, because I start thinking. And I get thi- and I start overthinking both sides. I'm like, "Oh, gosh, what if this happens or this, that?" This means something, to this day.

Kevin James 6:21 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:21 Like, if I'm doing a, like a theater and it's my people, you know, and I know that they're coming to pay to see me, I, I, I, I'm pretty confident. I feel like I'm gonna do well. But if I do a club that they don't know me or something-

Kevin James 6:34 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:35 ... it's a... Like, I did a, a corporate gig, uh, like a month ago, like in Miami. And I was like, you know, I was like, "Oh, boy." 'Cause corporate gigs, you know, they can go either way, and it's-

Kevin James 6:45 They can be horrible.

Joe Rogan 6:47 Well, I get there. It's in Miami. Really good-looking people. Everybody... It's in a lobby of a hotel, and I'm go-... I thought this was in a theater. I'm there, and it's a good b-... And I'm, now I'm getting worried. I'm like, "I gotta do... How much?" And they're like, "You gotta do an hour."

Kevin James 6:59 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 6:59 And then I find out nobody there wants to see me. The woman who was r-... The, the, like CEO of this company was, it was her birthday, and she liked me, so she brought me in to, to, for all her friends to see. Dude, I'm sitting in the lobby. I'm... And I'm finding all this information out-

Kevin James 7:16 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 7:16 ... as I'm sitting there. And I started... I'm not kidding. I started... I've never had a panic attack. I start going, "W- w- what, what do you mean? She doesn't... Nobody else knows I'm here or this or that or they don't know..." And they go, "No, no, no. They don't know. You know, this is a company." And, you know, the... And I'm looking in the room. I... It's in the lobby. I can see through, like a little glass, uh, window, and they're drinking, they're having... They're talking a table... We're set up for comedy too, just like round tables, uh, booths, like not even facing you.

Kevin James 7:41 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 7:41 And I'm on... I see a postage stamp of a stage that I gotta stand on, and I'm like, "Oh, my gosh." So I start hyperventilating.

Kevin James 7:47 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 7:48 I really do. I go... I wish I was going... So I start going, "I, I can't, I, I can't do this." I'm talking to Skyler, my b- my assistant buddy. You know, he's, he's, he's helping me out here. And I'm like, "Hey, just tell them we, we can't do it." He's like, "What are you talking about?" I go, "Just tell them. Uh, we gotta give them the money back. We're just not gonna do it. We don't need to do this. I don't wanna do it. This is not gonna go well." And I started really panicking. And then they started going up. She's up on stage now, introducing me. And I go, "Oh, my gosh, we're going. Oh, my gosh." So I start f- freaking out.

Kevin James 8:13 (gasps)

Joe Rogan 8:13 Heart is going like... Exactly.

Kevin James 8:15 (gasps) (laughs) I'll get so much anxiety.

Joe Rogan 8:15 I've been doing comedy for 30 years, I've been doing stand-up. I go, "I don't need this." I'm ready to call Sussie and go, "I don't want to do this anymore." I don't want to do it.

Kevin James 8:23 Ah!

Joe Rogan 8:23 I don't need... I get up there, and go, I go, "Just get them with that first joke." If you do, you settle it, 'cause if you don't... You know if they don't buy you on that first joke-

Kevin James 8:30 You're fucked.

Joe Rogan 8:31 ... you're gone.

Kevin James 8:31 You're fucked.

Joe Rogan 8:32 You're gone for an hour.

Kevin James 8:33 For an hour, you're gone.

Joe Rogan 8:34 You know?

Kevin James 8:34 Oh.

Joe Rogan 8:35 Oh, gosh.

Kevin James 8:35 Ugh.

Joe Rogan 8:35 And they're not even listening, and they're loud when they bring me up. And when I came up, it wasn't even like they all turned and went nuts. But, uh, I got them with... I don't know what I said. I just said one joke about the lady thanking me, you know, w- thanking me for bringing me up. And, and, uh, I just won them over in one little sweet way. And, and they, they turned, and they clapped, and they laughed at one thing. And then I went into another joke very gingerly, just kinda going this, that, and they laughed at that. And I go, "Okay." I just settled in. I go, "I got them."

Kevin James 9:02 Whew.

Joe Rogan 9:02 And they were great. They were great. They were really great. And I was sweating the whole time. Really feeling the sweat. You know what I'm saying? It, it was like... It was, it was, it was rough. But, uh-

Kevin James 9:11 That's so nerve-wracking. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 9:12 Oh.

Kevin James 9:12 I'm glad it worked out great, but-

Joe Rogan 9:14 I hate it.

Kevin James 9:14 But I, I just r-... I ran into Sandler. When I missed you at the airport, I ran into Sandler. He was just telling me about the fucking worst corporate gig that he just had to do.

Joe Rogan 9:23 Yes. Yeah. He... I called him about...

Kevin James 9:24 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 9:24 He had the same thing. He had the same thing going. So it's nice to see somebody like that has it too.

Kevin James 9:28 Yeah. A guy like him can still eat dick.

Joe Rogan 9:30 I talked to Billy Joel, and he says he... Literally he was like, "I've gone through those." I'm like, "You? But when you're playing music, it's different, man."

Kevin James 9:37 Yeah. But they'll throw that Saudi money at ya.

Joe Rogan 9:38 Y- yeah. He threw crazy money at him.

Kevin James 9:40 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 9:40 And he did a, a corporate gig or whatever it was, and he says they weren't even listening. They turned away, and they-

Kevin James 9:45 Oh.

Joe Rogan 9:45 And it's like just you and the band, and you just go, "Let's go, boys." You know? And they play.

Kevin James 9:49 Dana White had a 40th birthday party.

Joe Rogan 9:51 Mm-hmm.

Kevin James 9:51 And, uh, Stone Temple Pilots played. And it was insane. These dudes played like it was a packed arena.

Joe Rogan 10:00 Where?

Kevin James 10:00 It was at a fucking conference room in a hotel somewhere.

Joe Rogan 10:04 They didn't care.

Kevin James 10:05 They didn't give a fuck. They had a s- a beautiful stage set up. The stage was set up nice. But like, uh, you know, all of a sudden, they were like, "Hey, everybody, Stone Temple Pilots." And then they fucking just, "I am, I am, I am, I am, uh."

Joe Rogan 10:19 They just went-

Kevin James 10:20 I mean just-

Joe Rogan 10:20 Yeah.

Kevin James 10:20 Fu- dec- I, I was so impressed by his ability to perform. I mean, there's like... It took a while for people to even filter to the dance floor in front of them and, and watch the show. This dude did it like there was 50,000 people out there. It was incredible. I mean, he didn't back off at all.

Joe Rogan 10:38 He who cares less has more power.

Kevin James 10:40 (sighs)

Joe Rogan 10:40 It's literally like... It... That's it. It's, uh... I'm going around-

Kevin James 10:42 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 10:43 ... with a tray. Like-

Kevin James 10:43 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 10:43 ... "You guys think this is funny?" He's like, "I don't care." And it's like-

Kevin James 10:46 He didn't give a fuck.

Joe Rogan 10:47 And everybody jumps in.

Kevin James 10:48 Full commitment. You know, when someone just fully commits to something like that, it's very inspiring. And you'll f- you'll never forget that. Because if you never see anybody fully commit... That's why you never see great comics ever that exist where there's no other great comics. The best comic in the world never comes out of Tallahassee.

Joe Rogan 11:05 Right.

Kevin James 11:06 Out of nowhere, no scene. We all need to see other people do something special. And if you're lucky, you live in New York or you live in LA or now you live in Texas, and you get to see these killers all the time.

Joe Rogan 11:18 Yeah.

Kevin James 11:18 And then you get a sense of it, so you know like where the watermark is.

Joe Rogan 11:22 Right.

Kevin James 11:22 Until you see a guy jump in front of a fucking 40th birthday party-

Joe Rogan 11:25 (laughs)

Kevin James 11:26 ... who's a, a platinum-selling artist in this insane band that's iconic and perform like they're performing in front of a mar-... He had the bullhorn and everything.

Joe Rogan 11:35 Oh my God.

Kevin James 11:35 It was incredible. It was incredible. The show was amazing.

Joe Rogan 11:38 Wow.

Kevin James 11:39 It was so good. But it was like, that fucking guy worked for his money. Like, he, he, he doesn't... He didn't have like a, "I'll give them a seven tonight."

Joe Rogan 11:48 Right.

Kevin James 11:48 "I'm gonna give them an eight." Every night to 10.

Joe Rogan 11:49 Based on the, yeah, the area where he was playing. It's like-

Kevin James 11:52 Guns blazing.

Joe Rogan 11:53 That's the way you gotta be, man. I gotta, I gotta do it.

Kevin James 11:56 Y- you need a hype man.

Joe Rogan 11:57 I need a hype man.

Kevin James 11:58 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 11:59 I'm doing a, uh...

Kevin James 11:59 You're two different guys.

Joe Rogan 12:01 I am.

Kevin James 12:01 You're you with no hype man. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 12:02 You know me. You know me. You know me.

Kevin James 12:04 Yes.

Joe Rogan 12:04 If I'm left to my own devices, I, I am... I- I go into a little hole. I do. It's my whole life, everything.

Kevin James 12:10 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 12:10 Sports, everything. But this is the thing. Like, I have, uh... I'm playing a first... My first arena coming up, and I'm freaking out. I've never done that before.

Kevin James 12:18 Have y-... Are you doing it in the round?

Joe Rogan 12:20 No.

Kevin James 12:21 That's the way to do it.You know why? This is a-

Joe Rogan 12:23 A little late for that.

Kevin James 12:24 This is, this is okay, you'll still have a great time. They're still great. The, the arenas are great, they're fun. It's a wild experience, but the round is the best, because it's actually intimate, in the strangest way, because-

Joe Rogan 12:35 I've done the Westbury Music Fair, yeah.

Kevin James 12:37 ... because everybody's fa- facing everybody.

Joe Rogan 12:38 Yes.

Kevin James 12:38 So all the people see each other-

Joe Rogan 12:40 You-

Kevin James 12:40 ... and they're all in it together.

Joe Rogan 12:41 I love that. I love that idea. But, and does the, the stage, does it turn?

Kevin James 12:46 No, you walk around.

Joe Rogan 12:47 I used to do the one, you know, the Westbury Music Fair-

Kevin James 12:49 Oh, it walks, it spins for you.

Joe Rogan 12:50 It would spin for you, and you wouldn't even know where the hell you are, and then you have to walk off.

Kevin James 12:55 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 12:55 It's an awkward walk off, where you-

Kevin James 12:57 You don't know where the stairs are. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 12:57 ... you don't know where they are. It moves-

Kevin James 12:59 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 12:59 ... and everybody shifted, and you don't know who you're looking at.

Kevin James 13:01 You have to get, find some distinctive person in the audience-

Joe Rogan 13:04 Yes, marker. That's, that big guy is my marker right there.

Kevin James 13:08 Yeah. The one in Phoenix spins around too. What's that? The Celebrity Theater?

Joe Rogan 13:10 I didn't, I've been-

Kevin James 13:11 You can turn it on or off.

Joe Rogan 13:12 Really?

Kevin James 13:12 Yeah. That's a good one too, that's a... 'cause it's a comedy club, but it's in the round.

Joe Rogan 13:17 Right.

Kevin James 13:17 It's like a 2,000-seat comedy club in the round, that's what it's like.

Joe Rogan 13:20 I would feel guilty, like half the crowd is looking, you know, I'd be thinking-

Kevin James 13:24 Right.

Joe Rogan 13:24 ... "Now I got another thing to think about. They've seen my ass for, you know, the last 40 minutes."

Kevin James 13:27 Right.

Joe Rogan 13:27 "I gotta spend it." You know?

Kevin James 13:29 Yeah. (laughs) Yeah, right.

Joe Rogan 13:29 And do you set up a joke over here and deliver the punchline there or how do you break it up?

Kevin James 13:33 Well, you have giant screens. So the thing about the arenas-

Joe Rogan 13:36 Oh, that's good.

Kevin James 13:36 ... they have massive screens. So if for some reason, like, you know, uh, w- we did these ones in Ohio, uh, and Chappelle came down, and it was, it was very interesting to watch, because they didn't know he was supposed to be there. And, uh, it was my show and, uh, Tony didn't know whether he was gonna bring Dave up or me, 'cause Dave hadn't gotten there yet.

Joe Rogan 13:55 Oh, wow.

Kevin James 13:56 And so it's like Tony's on stage and he's got like five minutes before he should go on stage, and all of a sudden Dave rolls up, posse, fucking limo. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 14:05 Yeah, this is a guy who doesn't overthink things.

Kevin James 14:07 (laughs) Yeah.

Joe Rogan 14:07 He don't need the hype man.

Kevin James 14:07 He just strolled in.

Joe Rogan 14:09 Yeah.

Kevin James 14:09 And, uh, and, and he just came to say hi, and, and he's always like, "Should I go up?" I go, "What do you mean should you go up?"

Joe Rogan 14:16 Yeah.

Kevin James 14:16 I go, "Go up. Let's go." He goes, "When?" I go, "You'll be up in five minutes." He goes, "Well, let's have a drink." So we had a drink and then we're sitting in the green room and I go, "Dude, he's got about one minute to go." I go, "I'll walk out there with you," 'cause he needs to know that it's not me that he's bringing up Dave.

Joe Rogan 14:31 I see, right.

Kevin James 14:31 So he starts bringing me up, "This is one of my best friends, one of my favorite..." And then I'm like flashing the light and he sees Dave and the crowd slowly starts to realize it's Dave.

Joe Rogan 14:43 Oh my gosh.

Kevin James 14:43 When they see me and Dave walk to the stage, and by the time he says, "Ohio's own Dave Chappelle," it is one full minute of a standing ovation. One full minute.

Joe Rogan 14:59 Yeah.

Kevin James 14:59 So he takes this victory lap around the stage for like one f- I mean, a full minute, man. It was... I, I filmed it. I put it up on my Instagram.

Joe Rogan 15:10 That's-

Kevin James 15:10 It's insane.

Joe Rogan 15:11 ... that's inspiring. That's so crazy.

Kevin James 15:12 I mean, Tony was just looking at each other and looking around going, "Wow." It just felt special. It felt like special that you could be there, like, "Wow." And then he goes, "O-H," and he puts the, the, the mic out and just-

Joe Rogan 15:27 Oh, no, and it's just even bigger.

Kevin James 15:29 "...ha!" It was insane. It was insane. It was so fucking cool 'cause he's from Ohio.

Joe Rogan 15:34 Right.

Kevin James 15:34 You know, he lives in, in, uh, uh, Yellow Springs, which is like right outside of Dayton.

Joe Rogan 15:38 Oh, my goodness.

Kevin James 15:38 So it's like for him to, to go there like that and, but to be in the round. See, the round is everybody sees everybody.

Joe Rogan 15:46 Yes.

Kevin James 15:46 It's not just you facing this crowd and then you're in the crowd and they're there. In the round, it seems like everyone's all in this together. It's so much better.

Joe Rogan 15:55 It's intimate in a special way.

Kevin James 15:55 Yeah. And the screens are giant, so you just walk around. But like when Dave was facing that way, I'd see his face on the screen. You just... it's not bad. It's like it's still awesome 'cause you're there and everybody just kind of walks around. You just get used to walking around. Nobody really stands still-

Joe Rogan 16:12 Right.

Kevin James 16:13 ... and points in one direction-

Joe Rogan 16:14 Right.

Kevin James 16:14 ... in an, an arena in the round. That would be rude.

Joe Rogan 16:16 Well, the screens help. I mean, that is true.

Kevin James 16:18 Oh, it's massive.

Joe Rogan 16:19 Yeah.

Kevin James 16:19 They're everywhere. They're giant.

Joe Rogan 16:20 Yeah.

Kevin James 16:21 They're 50 feet wide and they're fucking everywhere, so that's... it makes it easy.

Joe Rogan 16:24 Wow.

Kevin James 16:24 It's an experience.

Joe Rogan 16:25 I would love to be in the round. I think... I'm in Denver and, and Salt Lake City where I'm worried about this my first time. Arenas, and it's like, "Eeh."

Kevin James 16:32 Ah, you're gonna have fun.

Joe Rogan 16:33 Okay. I don't know, man.

Kevin James 16:34 It's gonna be fun.

Joe Rogan 16:35 You just...

Kevin James 16:36 It's gonna be fun though. This is Dave. Here it is. Listen to this.

Narrator 16:40 (applause) You guys are in for a real special treat. I get to bring out one of my best friends, one of my favorite comedians and two of the best in the world. Ladies and gentlemen...

Joe Rogan 16:53 It's like a fight. Oh my God.

Narrator 17:01 (applause)

Kevin James 17:02 I mean, you literally can't even hear him bring up Dave Chappelle.

Joe Rogan 17:06 No.

Kevin James 17:06 Look at this. Look at this.

Narrator 17:13 (applause)

Joe Rogan 17:19 Oh, that's insane. No.

Kevin James 17:29 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 17:30 No. It's like... That's the sickest thing I've ever seen.

Kevin James 17:34 It was amazing. It was like... I felt like we were seeing The Beatles. I felt like it was like Hendrix got on stage.

Joe Rogan 17:40 Well done for you bringing him up before you... I mean, that's insane.

Kevin James 17:43 It was awesome.

Joe Rogan 17:45 That's incredible.

Kevin James 17:46 It was so fun. It was so... (laughs)

Joe Rogan 17:50 That's...

Kevin James 17:50 But that's the thing. It's like... But I do that all the time. You know, when I'm at the club-

Joe Rogan 17:53 Mm-hmm.

Kevin James 17:54 ... I'll have five, six guys who are going on in front of me, and they're all headliners.

Joe Rogan 17:57 See, that's why-

Kevin James 17:57 I'm doing, I'm going on stage an hour and a half into the show.

Joe Rogan 17:59 I would... Again, my theaters, um, I'd be comfortable. Your club, I would be afraid. I'd be afraid 'cause you got such heavy hitters and I come up and I'm talking about-

Kevin James 18:07 No!

Joe Rogan 18:08 ... weird little observational stuff.

Kevin James 18:10 No, no, no, no.

Joe Rogan 18:10 And it's like, whoa.

Kevin James 18:10 No.

Joe Rogan 18:11 It would get in my head. It would.

Kevin James 18:12 It... No, there's a lot of weird observational comedians kill there. It's a fun place. Like Duncan kills there. And, you know, and we're... it's all just... it's all great. It's all a bunch of different com... But for me, it's like to, to have a... I want the audience to get the best possible show they can see. So they're, they're gonna see Ron White.

Joe Rogan 18:30 Wow.

Kevin James 18:30 They're gonna see Shane Gillis and Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Simpson and-

Joe Rogan 18:35 That's insane.

Kevin James 18:35 And all these monsters that come into town. Like in any given week, it's Chris Distefano or fucking Dave Smith or... It's like there's so many killers.

Joe Rogan 18:45 How, how, how often during the week are, are you there and how often like are guys working out their stuff there? Are there different nights?

Kevin James 18:51 Well, it's open seven nights a week.

Joe Rogan 18:52 Seven nights a week.

Kevin James 18:53 Seven nights a week, two shows each night in each room.... except for, uh, Mondays and Sundays, which are open mic nights. So open mic night, there's, uh, a show in the small room, there's only one show, but then there's, uh, at least one show in the main room that's a regular show-

Joe Rogan 19:07 Right.

Kevin James 19:08 ... like regular comedians. (sniffs)

Joe Rogan 19:09 Wow. That's incredible.

Kevin James 19:10 Yeah. And it's, um, two shows a night in each room, so four shows a night.

Joe Rogan 19:15 Uh, how, how big are e- e- each room?

Kevin James 19:17 One's 250 and one's about 110 to 120.

Joe Rogan 19:20 Is there a... Do you feel a difference, or no?

Kevin James 19:22 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, the little one's super intimate. The little one is like, um, if you remember the Belly Room at The Comedy Store, it's like the Belly Room and the original room had a baby, and that's the little room.

Joe Rogan 19:33 Wow.

Kevin James 19:33 It's like medium-sized little. And then the big room w- is like the c- the original room and the main room at The Comedy Store had a baby. That's what it's like.

Joe Rogan 19:43 And you... When you're (clears throat) trying out stuff, people going up there with, like, notepads and stuff like that? Is that what that thing is? Whatever you-

Kevin James 19:46 Yeah, yeah, Christina Pazinski does it all the time-

Joe Rogan 19:48 Okay.

Kevin James 19:48 She goes up with a notepad. A lot of guys go up with notepads. Yeah, it's like if you've got some new shit you're working on, Segura's... He goes up with notepads. (clears throat) If you have new shit.

Joe Rogan 19:56 Right.

Kevin James 19:56 'Cause you wanna be able to remember. You don't wanna fuck up the bit, and the, and the audience kind appreciates, like, "Oh, this is so new."

Joe Rogan 20:01 They feel that it's-

Kevin James 20:02 They have to look at it, yeah.

Joe Rogan 20:03 Yeah, it's not polished.

Kevin James 20:04 And then Brian Simpson hosts this show called Bottom of the Barrel, and that's a really fun show, where you go up there and you have no material and you just reach into this b- whiskey barrel and there's a bunch of different premises that the audience members have written down. And you pull it out, you open it up.

Joe Rogan 20:18 And you do a bit on that?

Kevin James 20:19 Yeah, you just start talking shit. Yeah. But the audience knows that's what you're doing.

Joe Rogan 20:25 Right. So they give you that little-

Kevin James 20:25 So because they know what you're doing, it's really fun.

Joe Rogan 20:27 Yeah.

Kevin James 20:27 Yeah, they g- they, they're not expecting-

Joe Rogan 20:29 Right.

Kevin James 20:29 ... polished material. Everybody knows what the show is. The show is fucking around. And maybe-

Joe Rogan 20:33 If I was to go there and do my act, I would pretend like I pulled, pulled that out, out of the whiskey bottle first-

Kevin James 20:38 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 20:38 ... the, uh, the b- barrel and then, uh...

Kevin James 20:39 Do you ever notice? (laughs) Do you ever notice that?

Joe Rogan 20:43 (laughs) Oh, man.

Kevin James 20:44 Yeah. But you can... Like, if you have a bit on a subject and you just tell them, "I actually have a bit on this subject," and then you could do it.

Joe Rogan 20:50 Right.

Kevin James 20:50 Or, you know, and there's also, like, sometimes there's... Like, there's... The other night, there was something that I'd been writing, that I've never done on stage before, and just by sheer coincidence, the same subject was something that I pulled out of the piece of paper.

Joe Rogan 21:03 Are you kidding?

Kevin James 21:04 Yeah. So it was like, oh, it was robot fuck dolls.

Joe Rogan 21:06 Right.

Kevin James 21:07 So which is like... You know, you can see some of the coming-

Joe Rogan 21:09 I have a whole chunk on that.

Kevin James 21:10 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 21:11 I just... I got... Now I gotta throw it away 'cause you're working on it.

Kevin James 21:15 (sighs)

Joe Rogan 21:15 I don't wanna...

Kevin James 21:16 But it was one of those moments where, uh, I was like, "Oh, I was... Like, last night I spent two hours writing stuff on this."

Joe Rogan 21:22 Right.

Kevin James 21:22 "So let's just run with it here, see what happens."

Joe Rogan 21:25 Have you ever had it di-... 'Cause they must go nuts when they see you, right?

Kevin James 21:29 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 21:30 And then, 'cause back on Long Island, I'll work at a little club like Governor's, you know... You know, would you... I don't know if you remember that.

Kevin James 21:35 Oh yeah, Governor's in Levittown.

Joe Rogan 21:36 Yeah, yeah. And I'll go out there and I'm hometown boy and I go up there and they go nuts for, (laughs) for like a minute or so. Not like that, but like, they go crazy. It's fun to see you and then within two minutes, if I don't... Uh, like, they're ordering sausage-

Kevin James 21:50 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 21:51 ... and rolls, and it's like, it... They're, they're, they're talking and it's, it's, it's like putting weight on the bar.

Kevin James 21:56 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 21:56 It's like, I'm like, "Whoa."

Kevin James 21:58 Yeah. Well, New York audiences too. They just, they don't have much patience for bullshit. It's a, it's a good place to start comedy. New York and Boston, both good places to start comedy, 'cause people don't have patience for bullshit.

Joe Rogan 22:10 Right.

Kevin James 22:11 You get... "Yeah, yeah, we're happy to see you, but come with the jokes."

Joe Rogan 22:14 Exactly.

Kevin James 22:14 "Let's go, come on, I'm here to-"

Joe Rogan 22:15 Exactly.

Kevin James 22:16 "... I, I'm here to laugh." Yeah.

Joe Rogan 22:17 I do a lot of writing while I have a tour, like if I have a tour in, in the theaters, you know, where I'll try to... If I have a set theme set, I'll try to add some stuff in there-

Kevin James 22:27 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 22:27 ... for the next one. Have you ever done that?

Kevin James 22:29 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 22:29 Do you ever...

Kevin James 22:30 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 22:30 Yeah.

Kevin James 22:31 When you're doing a lot of shows it's, it's great.

Joe Rogan 22:33 Yeah.

Kevin James 22:33 'Cause you kinda get a sense of where you could stick stuff in and you start saying-

Joe Rogan 22:37 You always have the safety net of I can go here if it's going nowhere.

Kevin James 22:40 Right. Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 22:40 'Cause that's my problem. That's what I do too. I'll, I'll write a huge chunk on something and won't know when to bail on it, if it's not going... Like, you, you know, it's-

Kevin James 22:47 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 22:47 ... dependent on this thing... I gotta follow through with it now.

Kevin James 22:50 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 22:50 And if they're not in... if they don't buy in right away, I'm like, "Wow, I got three more minutes of this stuff."

Kevin James 22:54 Oftentimes I, I realize it's because I didn't buy in.

Joe Rogan 22:58 Right.

Kevin James 22:58 That's what it is mostly with me. If I'm i- entering a bit like, "Oh, I didn't wanna be talking about this. I wish I shouldn't, didn't bring this one up." Like, if I ever get to that place, like, you just have to fight off that thought. There's this thought that comes into your mind like, "Oh, why did I bring this up? I don't wanna do this bit." But you can't, but you can't say, "You know what? Fuck that bit."

Joe Rogan 23:16 Yeah.

Kevin James 23:16 'Cause then the audience will be like, "What?"

Joe Rogan 23:17 Yes, yes.

Kevin James 23:18 No, so you just have to never let yourself get to the mindset where you're like, "I don't wanna do this." So you gotta remember w- there w- there was something, whatever the subject is, there was something about that subject that when you initially started writing a joke about it, it was resonating with you.

Joe Rogan 23:33 Right.

Kevin James 23:33 And you were like, "What the fuck is this?"

Joe Rogan 23:35 Right.

Kevin James 23:35 But if you hear it too many times, it's like anything else, you get tired of it, you, it loses its luster. But that's just a mental weakness. You just have to realize or just, like, get your h- your head wrapped around that you can't allow yourself to think that way. And surely this thought originally was valid, because that's why you're so excited about it and that's why you wrote a bit about it. The audience doesn't know that you've said it 100 times over the last year-

Joe Rogan 24:01 Right.

Kevin James 24:01 ... or more. They, they just wanna hear it.

Joe Rogan 24:04 Right.

Kevin James 24:04 So they wanna wa- they wanna hear it from fresh eyes. So you have to put yourself in fresh eyes.

Joe Rogan 24:09 Right.

Kevin James 24:09 You have to be able to do that. And that's the trick.

Joe Rogan 24:11 Well-

Kevin James 24:11 And it's not, it's not like you're faking it either. You have to actually really be thinking about it like you think about it... If you want it to work at the b- the best, you know, like when a bit is really sharp-

Joe Rogan 24:22 Yeah.

Kevin James 24:22 ... you're on... You have to be thinking about it as you're, like, enthusiastically-

Joe Rogan 24:26 As it's coming to you. Yeah, yeah.

Kevin James 24:28 As you... You gotta be actually engaged-

Joe Rogan 24:30 Right.

Kevin James 24:30 ... with each part of it while it's happening.

Joe Rogan 24:33 Well, when I write a new bit, and if I write a, a big chunk and it's too much, I'll go up with too much stuff and I didn't rehearse it... Like, 'cause words are so efficient, you'd say one word or you're repeating a word-

Kevin James 24:42 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 24:43 ... it stumbles you up and then you're like, "I, I..." You know, and then it, it kinda blows it for this, the next part of the bit.

Kevin James 24:48 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:48 So it's like I, I gotta work more at, um, like really rehearsing my bits, you know, just really getting through how I'm gonna speak, how I'm gonna... you know-

Kevin James 24:56 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:56 ... 'cause I, I stumble all the time.

Kevin James 24:57 Well, the, the problem is then you start thinking about it.

Joe Rogan 24:59 Right.

Kevin James 25:00 You know? And with new bits, they're just not etched into your brain yet, so as you go up with them, you know, they're like little Bambi walking on ice-

Joe Rogan 25:08 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Kevin James 25:09 You know, it's like root, it's not steady.

Joe Rogan 25:09 Yeah, yeah.... that's-

Kevin James 25:11 It's, yeah. It's, but that's what, like, small shows are good for. That's what fucking around is good for.

Joe Rogan 25:16 Right.

Kevin James 25:16 And that's what also is, like, that's when it's really important that you're inspired by whatever this idea is. If I'm inspired by the idea, I can always talk about it.

Joe Rogan 25:25 Right.

Kevin James 25:26 Like, if there's a thing that I can get behind, where I'll go, "Uh, d- so... You explain this to me." And then if I'm in that mindset, I can make it happen. But I just can't never let myself not be interested in what I'm talking about.

Joe Rogan 25:40 Right.

Kevin James 25:40 That's just, that's a problem that people have, and that I've had. And it's, it's just... But you have to recognize that it's like throwing a toaster in a bathtub.

Joe Rogan 25:48 Well, what I'm trying to do now is because I really... I used to write just, every... It was just separate jokes, joke, joke, joke, joke here.

Kevin James 25:56 Mm-hmm. (glasses clinking)

Joe Rogan 25:56 And every time I would bring up a new subject, it was like the audience is starting from scratch again to try-

Kevin James 26:01 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 26:01 ... to catch up, and it's exhausting to try to understand. So if I, if I try to put it in a story or like a, a theme to my-

Kevin James 26:07 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:07 ... set, at least they kinda know what's happening before. You know, so they know, "Oh, this was, this is..." You know, you tend to do these type of things, and then you talk about something like that. They, they go with you. It's like you're not-

Kevin James 26:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:17 ... starting a, you know. It's easy to, what is it? Push a, move a car?

Kevin James 26:20 Momentum.

Joe Rogan 26:21 Momentum.

Kevin James 26:21 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:21 Exactly. And that's been working better for me 'cause I, you know, I used to... Everything was like, uh, just isolated bits of jokes that I would put, you know, and I'd go... I'd just put them in anywhere, put a lazy, uh, connective tissue to it, you know?

Kevin James 26:34 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 26:34 And it would be like... It would work, you get the laugh, but it's like there's no, you know-

Kevin James 26:39 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:39 ... building.

Kevin James 26:41 That's why I always admired guys like Steven Wright-

Joe Rogan 26:44 Oh, man.

Kevin James 26:44 ... who do those non sequiturs. I'm like, "How do you do that?"

Joe Rogan 26:47 Mm-hmm.

Kevin James 26:47 "And how do you write?"

Joe Rogan 26:49 Right.

Kevin James 26:49 God, that's gonna be so hard to write.

Joe Rogan 26:51 Um, who's the guy, uh, that, uh, he's such a great-

Kevin James 26:54 Mitch Hedberg?

Joe Rogan 26:54 Yes.

Kevin James 26:55 Same thing.

Joe Rogan 26:55 Yes.

Kevin James 26:55 Yeah, same thing.

Joe Rogan 26:56 He's so great.

Kevin James 26:57 Non sequiturs.

Joe Rogan 26:57 Just didn't im-

Kevin James 26:58 Yeah, amazing.

Joe Rogan 26:58 And you were with him every-

Kevin James 26:59 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 27:00 And, and that's what made it even funnier, you know? It's like-

Kevin James 27:02 God, who, who does that now? Are there any non sequitur guys that just go joke to... I guess Jimmy Carr is kinda non sequitur. But some guys just, they're just one bit to the next.

Joe Rogan 27:15 Yeah.

Kevin James 27:15 One subject to the next. And with Mitch Hedberg, it was always like super ridiculous. Like, and, and Steven Wright, same thing, everything was really ridiculous.

Joe Rogan 27:23 And that became something that actually elevated it to, like... Right?

Kevin James 27:27 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 27:27 You know what I mean? Like, it was the f-... They weren't storytellers, you know?

Kevin James 27:30 Right.

Joe Rogan 27:31 That's so funny (laughs) .

Kevin James 27:31 It was part, it was part of the fun.

Joe Rogan 27:33 So out of it, yeah.

Kevin James 27:34 Yeah, that this guy was like, uh-

Joe Rogan 27:35 Out of nowhere (laughs) .

Kevin James 27:36 Somebody asked me, "Do I want a frozen banana?"

Joe Rogan 27:38 (clears throat)

Kevin James 27:38 "I said no, but I want a regular banana later, so yes." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 27:44 (laughs) He's the best.

Kevin James 27:45 What a fucking great joke.

Joe Rogan 27:45 He is the best.

Kevin James 27:47 Oh, he was amazing, man.

Joe Rogan 27:48 Oh.

Kevin James 27:49 That was a guy, like, the, he just didn't wanna kick heroin.

Joe Rogan 27:53 Yeah.

Kevin James 27:53 They were trying to get him to kick heroin. He's like, "Uh-uh, I like it."

Joe Rogan 27:57 Is that what it was? He just-

Kevin James 27:58 Pshh... He liked it. He just wasn't gonna kick it. He, uh, was hospitalized while we were on The Man Show. And Doug Stanhope and he and, and Mitch were very close. And I, you know, I admired him deeply as a comedian.

Joe Rogan 28:11 Oh...

Kevin James 28:11 He's a, he was a great comic, man. And, uh, that was when he was, uh, I think he was hospitalized with gangrene.

Joe Rogan 28:17 (sighs)

Kevin James 28:18 Yeah, 'cause he was shooting it, uh, you know, allegedly.

Joe Rogan 28:22 Geez.

Kevin James 28:23 It's, um, heroin is a scary one-

Joe Rogan 28:26 (throat clear)

Kevin James 28:26 ... because it seems to touch this part of people that makes them very creative and ver- They're like, the, it resonates with people. Like, so much music that's great was made on heroin. But, G- God, what a curse. What a curse. When you watch someone who gets caught in the opiate web, it's so terrifying. It's so sad to see.

Joe Rogan 28:51 Yeah.

Kevin James 28:51 And when you have someone who's just like this... I mean, imagine the kind of, uh, bits that Mitch Hedberg could have come up with.

Joe Rogan 28:57 Oh.

Kevin James 28:58 Over all these-

Joe Rogan 28:59 What a talent, man.

Kevin James 28:59 ... decades after that.

Joe Rogan 29:00 What a talent.

Kevin James 29:01 Yeah. And he was all non sequitur. He was all-

Joe Rogan 29:04 E- every-

Kevin James 29:05 ... one bit leads into the next bit.

Joe Rogan 29:07 I love it.

Kevin James 29:07 DoubleTree Hotel (laughs) .

Joe Rogan 29:09 Yup, I love it. I love it.

Kevin James 29:11 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 29:11 I love that humor, man. Just he was, he was amazing.

Kevin James 29:15 (clicks tongue) Yeah, he was. He was. It's just, um, you know, that guy had, uh, a hard time in the beginning because people didn't know what he was doing. So he would go on after, like, these high energy, like, music acts.

Joe Rogan 29:28 Yeah.

Kevin James 29:29 Guys would sing songs and shit, and they'd have like a dirty rap, and then they'd bring up Mitch Hedberg-

Joe Rogan 29:32 Just destroy it, yeah.

Kevin James 29:34 ... and-

Joe Rogan 29:34 And it'd be different like that.

Kevin James 29:35 It would be deaf. And you're in the middle of Ohio-

Joe Rogan 29:37 Oh, right.

Kevin James 29:38 ... or whatever, and you know-

Joe Rogan 29:38 So they're not used to that, and they-

Kevin James 29:39 No.

Joe Rogan 29:40 ... they want the song and the-

Kevin James 29:41 They don't know who you are. You're just a headliner. "Oh, he's on evening at The Improv? Okay."

Joe Rogan 29:45 Right.

Kevin James 29:45 And then they go to see you. They really didn't know. They just said, "Oh, look, MTV half-hour comedy hour. He must be good." And then they go-

Joe Rogan 29:52 Right.

Kevin James 29:52 ... to the local comedy club 'cause it's a thing to do on a Friday night.

Joe Rogan 29:55 But when they don't know you, s- uh, like, th- that's one thing, uh, th- that has, uh, you know, uh, made it a little bit easier is when people are coming to see you and they know you as opposed to, "Who's this next guy?" Yeah.

Kevin James 30:07 And it's kinda like, "Just make me laugh."

Joe Rogan 30:09 Right?

Kevin James 30:09 Way, way, way easier, but also comes with a trap because they'll laugh at stuff that's not that good.

Joe Rogan 30:16 Right.

Kevin James 30:16 Like, the, we've all seen guys who only perform for their crowds only, like, uh, in big places. Like, they only do theaters, only do their crowds only, like... That act can get soft.

Joe Rogan 30:28 Yeah.

Kevin James 30:28 They can get soft and still work-

Joe Rogan 30:30 Right.

Kevin James 30:30 ... 'cause they're not being tested. They're not performing with other comics all the time.

Joe Rogan 30:35 Well, you see a lot of these guys now that are developing an act because they did something on, like, Instagram or what, whatever. Like, they, they develop these audiences-

Kevin James 30:43 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 30:43 ... that, you know, they, they get popular.

Kevin James 30:46 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:46 And then they put together an act, they go and they, and the clubs are like, "Well, let's put this guy up," you know?

Kevin James 30:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:51 And, um, uh, they sell out like crazy because, you know, they, they, they, they, they got a big following-

Kevin James 30:58 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:58 ... but it's not like working your standup, man. It's a different game.

Kevin James 31:01 Well, there's also a lot of guys who do crowd control, like they do crowd work stuff. Like, it's like, uh, just fucking around with the crowd, and that's most of these clips. You're seeing a lot of guys who put up clips of crowd work 'cause that way they don't have to, uh, crowd work 'cause you don't have to burn your material. You're just talking to the crowd.

Joe Rogan 31:19 Right.

Kevin James 31:20 You just talk to them.... it's fine.

Joe Rogan 31:21 That can go bad.

Kevin James 31:22 It can go bad, but if you do it enough and you get some funny moments-

Joe Rogan 31:25 And you get good at it, right. You get your shapeness.

Kevin James 31:27 Like Andrew Schulz has a lot of great moments-

Joe Rogan 31:28 Right.

Kevin James 31:28 ... so he's really good at it, and you take those clips, and that way, you're putting shit up, but you're not burning any of your jokes. The problem is, some of those guys can only do that. Schulz is a great comic, like he could do-

Joe Rogan 31:39 Right.

Kevin James 31:40 ... great bits. He could do great... I mean, he can do anything.

Joe Rogan 31:43 Right.

Kevin James 31:43 But some of these guys are only good at talking to the audience, and then when they have to do, "Did you ever notice?"-

Joe Rogan 31:49 Right.

Kevin James 31:49 ... everybody's like, "Whoa." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 31:51 (laughs) "What's this?"

Kevin James 31:52 'Cause th- the audience can feel the shift-

Joe Rogan 31:54 (laughs)

Kevin James 31:54 ... when I go back to my own material-

Joe Rogan 31:55 Yeah.

Kevin James 31:55 ... they go, "You wrote this." "Yo, what is this wack-ass bullshit-"

Joe Rogan 31:58 (laughs) Yeah.

Kevin James 31:58 "... you've been thinking about all day?"

Joe Rogan 31:59 Yeah.

Kevin James 32:00 You know, you're- you're better off responding. Like there's- there's certain guys that, like, their thing is really just talking to the crowd, and that's- that's a different thing. It's a great thing. It's really f- great when someone's funny at it, but it's also a different thing than the actual jokes.

Joe Rogan 32:14 See, I- I- I fear that. Like, I don't like doing that, like so I've built my act with the- the- the- the- the speed of it that it like, no one has the chance to get in and ask a que- or you know-

Kevin James 32:24 Right, right.

Joe Rogan 32:24 ... or heckle or whatever. You know, you- you build this shell around you-

Kevin James 32:27 Yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 32:27 ... so like, it's just not enough time. You can't even get it in. So, if someone says something, it's like you're off them quick, you know.

Kevin James 32:32 Yeah, exactly.

Joe Rogan 32:32 'Cause I don't wanna have to depend on doing that, going what? And stopping and then trying to get back to the bit that you were, you know, doing.

Kevin James 32:38 Yeah, that, you don't need that. Some people like it. Some people like to interact with the crowd. It just, uh, it's also, it- it- it's extra juice, right?

Joe Rogan 32:47 It is.

Kevin James 32:47 The audience realizes it's happening live.

Joe Rogan 32:49 It's real.

Kevin James 32:49 They're like, "Whoa."

Joe Rogan 32:49 It is, yeah, yeah.

Kevin James 32:51 "This is crazy." And then if you have good one-liners, you know-

Joe Rogan 32:55 Uh-huh.

Kevin James 32:55 ... i- in the moment.

Joe Rogan 32:56 It's a great tool to have. I wish I could-

Kevin James 32:58 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:58 ... you know, depend on what... Do you talk to the crowd at all?

Kevin James 33:00 I do s- occasionally, you have to, and then, at The Comedy Store, you had to. The Comedy Store, you had to. The Comedy Store, for the longest time, had zero crowd control. They do a good job now of policing the room, but back then, there was n- it was comics that were the door people. It was comics that seated people. It was the comics that took the- the- the money at the cash register.

Joe Rogan 33:20 Yeah.

Kevin James 33:20 It was comics working there, and they were all like-

Joe Rogan 33:22 Yeah.

Kevin James 33:22 ... they didn't want to do that job, so they were the worst bouncers.

Joe Rogan 33:25 Right.

Kevin James 33:26 And nobody ever quieted the audience. It was just, you need to learn how to do it in the fire.

Joe Rogan 33:29 But you toughen up that way, like you- you build a...

Kevin James 33:32 You- you understand how to go with the flow.

Joe Rogan 33:36 Right.

Kevin James 33:36 You know, and some, but some people don't do that, and they did not like The Comedy Store for that reason. Like they just go up there, and they like to have a slow pace and do their bits and build.

Joe Rogan 33:46 That's me.

Kevin James 33:47 Yeah, like-

Joe Rogan 33:47 That's more me.

Kevin James 33:47 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 33:47 I would've been, I- I was always afraid of The Comedy Store.

Kevin James 33:50 It's just when you go up, like if- if, you know, someone like Adam Egert is, who's brilliant at scheduling and really understands talent and where people go, you just wanna put them in the right place. You don't wanna put them after a music act.

Joe Rogan 34:05 Right.

Kevin James 34:05 You know, like, that's the death.

Joe Rogan 34:07 That is absolutely the death.

Kevin James 34:07 The death is the guy who has the funny songs.

Joe Rogan 34:09 Right.

Kevin James 34:10 You're not following that. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 34:11 Right. You just see the s- the guitar in the back and the guy's lu- you know-

Kevin James 34:14 No!

Joe Rogan 34:14 ... tuning it up, and you're like, "Oh no, when- when is he on?" And he's like-

Kevin James 34:18 No!

Joe Rogan 34:18 ... "He's on next." Then you're up, and then, you know, it's like, no.

Kevin James 34:21 No, no, the guy with the guitar-

Joe Rogan 34:23 Ah.

Kevin James 34:23 ... always ruined the show. (laughs) They always killed.

Joe Rogan 34:25 Oh, no.

Kevin James 34:26 They would kill, and you couldn't follow 'em.

Joe Rogan 34:27 Yup, yeah.

Kevin James 34:28 Musical acts, raps, anybody could do a ra- remember Red Johnny & the Round Guy?

Joe Rogan 34:32 Oh, yeah.

Kevin James 34:33 Those guys would do that rap.

Joe Rogan 34:34 You're done.

Kevin James 34:35 It was a, the show was over, bitch.

Joe Rogan 34:36 You see them go, you-

Kevin James 34:37 Yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 34:37 ... I go, "I'm getting in my car. I'm leaving. I'll see you later." (laughs) There's no need for me to be here.

Kevin James 34:42 It's crazy how like a, uh, like a song or a, just like a funny song, it just-

Joe Rogan 34:48 Yeah.

Kevin James 34:48 ... it tops everything.

Joe Rogan 34:49 Yeah, it really does.

Kevin James 34:50 Who was that guy that used to be on Dr. Demento? There was that guy that used to have dirty songs back in the day, and he was famous. He would tour around with dirty songs.

Joe Rogan 34:59 John Valby?

Kevin James 35:00 Yes. Thank you.

Joe Rogan 35:02 Yes.

Kevin James 35:03 That guy.

Joe Rogan 35:03 Do- yes.

Kevin James 35:03 Remember that guy?

Joe Rogan 35:04 Dr. Dirty.

Kevin James 35:05 Dr. Dirty.

Joe Rogan 35:06 Yeah.

Kevin James 35:06 That's right.

Joe Rogan 35:07 He would light up a room, and you'd get-

Kevin James 35:08 Light up a room.

Joe Rogan 35:09 (laughs) Yeah.

Kevin James 35:09 You're not going on after him.

Joe Rogan 35:10 No.

Kevin James 35:11 You're, it's over, and everybody knew who he was, and you would hear his songs on like Dr. Demento.

Joe Rogan 35:16 Yes, yes.

Kevin James 35:16 Remember like Late Night on the Radio?

Joe Rogan 35:17 Yeah.

Kevin James 35:17 You would hear his songs.

Joe Rogan 35:19 Yeah.

Kevin James 35:19 He would tour and do just dirty blowjob songs, and everybody'd go, "Yeah." That guy had a business, man.

Joe Rogan 35:26 Yeah, yeah, and I'm going up there talking about puppies afterwards.

Kevin James 35:28 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 35:28 Like, "Hey, you guys ever..." (exhales)

Kevin James 35:31 "Ever lose your keys?" (laughs)

Joe Rogan 35:33 (laughs) And you're searching, you're like...

Kevin James 35:35 This guy's talking about-

Joe Rogan 35:36 Yeah.

Kevin James 35:36 ... getting a blowjob while you're taking a shit.

Joe Rogan 35:38 Yeah, it's...

Kevin James 35:39 He was just, uh, like but he had that following of people that would just come to see just those songs, so they would hear the same songs over and over again.

Joe Rogan 35:47 Right.

Kevin James 35:47 They loved it.

Joe Rogan 35:47 Right, yes.

Kevin James 35:48 That's another thing.

Joe Rogan 35:49 Yes.

Kevin James 35:50 Like Dice had that, like Dice could always do the rhymes, and the audience wanted to hear those rhymes, "What's in the bow, bitch? Oh."

Joe Rogan 35:59 You don't have to write as much.

Kevin James 36:00 No.

Joe Rogan 36:00 It's great, right? You can-

Kevin James 36:02 No.

Joe Rogan 36:02 ... you know.

Kevin James 36:03 But you're gonna get bored, like, you know, like es- uh, you ever see that Kennison song about The Beach Boys? Uh, Kennison bit, Kennison had a bit about The Beach Boys.

Joe Rogan 36:10 No.

Kevin James 36:10 About like, you know, imagine them 35 years later singing the song.

Joe Rogan 36:15 (laughs)

Kevin James 36:15 Same fucking song, like not wanting to be there anymore.

Joe Rogan 36:18 Yeah, yeah.

Kevin James 36:18 But it's just not the same experience.

Joe Rogan 36:20 That's tough.

Kevin James 36:21 Yeah. Yeah, you want, you wanna be able to do new stuff. The new stuff is scary, but it- it's fun.

Joe Rogan 36:27 It's so exciting.

Kevin James 36:28 It's fun.

Joe Rogan 36:28 I- I mean, uh, I've found like it's... I never really worked my act, like when- when I started doing the show and- a- a- a- and getting involved with that, my standup, the writing and all that, I would still go to like Vegas with Ray to do it on a weekend, but I wasn't working my stuff. I wasn't a comedian, you know what I'm saying?

Kevin James 36:46 Right.

Joe Rogan 36:46 Like you gotta really, you know, and- and I felt that, you know. You're delivering the same act year after year, kinda changing here, a little bit here and there, and then you're going out and m- doing it in the... It was like it was bothering me so much. I hated my act. I couldn't stand doing it anymore and didn't have time to write that much. So, like a few years back, I just stopped and said, "I love standup so much," like, I just wanna start and really get into it, and I tell you, it's- it's the great...

Kevin James 37:11 How much time did you take off of it?

Joe Rogan 37:14 (sighs) I wasn't really off. It was just, like I would keep it going but just doing shows, no writing. Like I really-

Kevin James 37:19 Right.

Joe Rogan 37:19 ... wasn't writing for years, years.

Kevin James 37:20 Right, just doing bits.

Joe Rogan 37:21 Yeah.

Kevin James 37:21 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 37:22 I mean, if it, if something funny hit me, I would write it down but n- not working it.

Kevin James 37:26 But it's like-

Joe Rogan 37:26 ... not writing.

Kevin James 37:26 ... it's so hard when you're doing a television show, you know, and when I was doing news radio, I- I fell into a real b-... like a spot over a, a period at least a year where I wasn't writing at all. I didn't do a- any new jokes. I had the same tired-ass jokes.

Joe Rogan 37:42 You were ... Uh, we ... I remember jumping in your Supra and, uh, heading to th- The Comedy Store. Like, you would go up a lot. You would still do things there, no?

Kevin James 37:52 Y- yeah. Uh, but that ... Maybe that was a different time. That was when I snapped-

Joe Rogan 37:55 Oh.

Kevin James 37:55 ... out of it.

Joe Rogan 37:56 Okay.

Kevin James 37:56 So, there was a period-

Joe Rogan 37:57 Oh, so there was a-

Kevin James 37:58 There was a period when I first moved there, in like '94, where, um, we were working like 16 hours a day and I was tired-

Joe Rogan 38:07 Yeah.

Kevin James 38:07 ... all the time. And I would just show up at the club and do my set and then go. And I was just doing it 'cause I was still a comic.

Joe Rogan 38:14 Yeah.

Kevin James 38:14 I was like, "In my head-"

Joe Rogan 38:15 That's what I felt like I was doing.

Kevin James 38:16 In my head, I was always like, "They're gonna realize I'm not an actor. I'm gonna get fired. This is, uh, this is the last TV show I ever work on." I almost got fired from the first show I ever got f- uh, was on-

Joe Rogan 38:25 Right.

Kevin James 38:25 ... which was where I was the star of the show.

Joe Rogan 38:27 Hardball?

Kevin James 38:27 Yeah, I almost got fired from that.

Joe Rogan 38:28 I remember that one.

Kevin James 38:29 'Cause I was, I was getting in an argument with the producer. They, they hired some new producer and he wrote these terrible lines. So, I was like, "This is insane."

Joe Rogan 38:36 (laughs)

Kevin James 38:36 Like, "This is so bad, it's insane." And they were gonna fire me.

Joe Rogan 38:39 You didn't stomach it, man.

Kevin James 38:40 I was like, "This is great."

Joe Rogan 38:41 You never did.

Kevin James 38:41 Well, the thing is, the guys who wrote the original show were brilliant. They wrote for Married With Children, they wrote for The Simpsons.

Joe Rogan 38:47 Right.

Kevin James 38:48 And, um, Jeff Martin and Kevin Curran. And when they had their show, the pilot was their show. Like, Jim Brewer was the mascot.

Joe Rogan 38:56 I remember that.

Kevin James 38:57 It was fun.

Joe Rogan 38:58 Yeah.

Kevin James 38:58 Mike Starr from Goodfellas-

Joe Rogan 38:59 Yes.

Kevin James 38:59 ... was in it. I mean, it was, uh, Bruce Greenwood, the guy that went on to be, uh, the St- in the Star Trek movies. He, these guys have been in everything. He was in Hardball.

Joe Rogan 39:07 I, I remember that.

Kevin James 39:08 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 39:08 I go to your tapings, man.

Kevin James 39:09 That was so, so-

Joe Rogan 39:09 It was so much fun.

Kevin James 39:10 ... good. Thought they were gonna fire me. 'Cause I was like, "This is terrible." 'Cause l-

Joe Rogan 39:12 I love that you did that.

Kevin James 39:13 So, they, they hired a new producer. And the new producer came in and took over, and turned it into like the sloppiest, most obvious, terrible s- sit-com. Like, that prototypical sit-com-

Joe Rogan 39:24 Sure.

Kevin James 39:24 ... where you watch and you go, "Ugh."

Joe Rogan 39:26 Right.

Kevin James 39:26 You just gotta get outta the room. The jokes are so goddamn obvious.

Joe Rogan 39:28 Right.

Kevin James 39:29 And they wound up firing him, but it was between me and him. And so, it c- it literally got down to this thing where my, you know, they're calling my agent saying, "This kid is ruining his career."

Joe Rogan 39:39 Oh, that's hilarious.

Kevin James 39:40 And I was like, "Oh, no. I'm ruining my career." So, I always thought (laughs) that eventually they were gonna figure out-

Joe Rogan 39:45 Right.

Kevin James 39:45 ... that I'm not built for this.

Joe Rogan 39:46 Right.

Kevin James 39:47 This is not my thing. And so, when I would show up on, on the set of, uh, Newsradio, it was like, it's like, a- at any moment in time, they're gonna figure out that I'm not supposed to be here. But we were working-

Joe Rogan 39:58 Only 'cause you didn't wanna, though. 'Cause I thought you were funny as hell in that stuff.

Kevin James 40:01 Yeah, it was just-

Joe Rogan 40:01 It was like-

Kevin James 40:02 ... insecure.

Joe Rogan 40:02 You just didn't like it. You didn't ... You're-

Kevin James 40:04 Insecure, didn't have an, any experience about actors. Didn't know how to hang around with them. Um, I was so used to comics. It's like, you see-

Joe Rogan 40:11 Right.

Kevin James 40:11 So, it was for m- for me, it was like, fighters and then comics.

Joe Rogan 40:15 Right.

Kevin James 40:15 So, just crazy people.

Joe Rogan 40:16 Yeah.

Kevin James 40:16 I was just only around crazy people. So, when I was around normal people or people that were like really sensitive, like really, really sensitive, like sensitive on purpose-

Joe Rogan 40:27 Yeah.

Kevin James 40:28 ... like where they're trying to be offended by things.

Joe Rogan 40:29 That's, that's sit-com people. And you know, when they get into that.

Kevin James 40:32 Oh, it was exhausting.

Joe Rogan 40:34 That's hilarious.

Kevin James 40:35 It was exhausting. And you would always hear about tyrants. You'd always hear about, like, the Brett Butlers and the people that would scream and throw coffee in the face of the writers. Like, ugh.

Joe Rogan 40:44 New- did N- Newsradio was that ba- Like, those guys were just-

Kevin James 40:46 Oh, there was none of that there.

Joe Rogan 40:47 Right, no schooling.

Kevin James 40:48 No, uh-uh. No, there was a party. Th- th- the writers were great. It was a totally different kind of experience.

Joe Rogan 40:52 Right.

Kevin James 40:53 But, uh, y- y- what was my point? My point was that ... What was my point?

Joe Rogan 40:58 Y- you were saying that ...

Kevin James 41:00 Thought I was gonna get fired.

Joe Rogan 41:01 Yeah, it wasn't-

Kevin James 41:01 I felt like out of a point.

Joe Rogan 41:02 It wasn't for you. You f- thought they were gonna find you out.

Kevin James 41:04 Oh. So, I, I had to just do standup just to prove that I was still a comic. 'Cause I remember at one point in time, the producer of Newsradio said to me, he was like, "Why are you still doing standup? You're an actor now." I was like, "Oh, no."

Joe Rogan 41:15 Don't ever take that away from me. (laughs)

Kevin James 41:16 I was like, "Oh, no."

Joe Rogan 41:17 Yeah.

Kevin James 41:17 "I gotta get outta here." (laughs) I was like-

Joe Rogan 41:19 Yeah.

Kevin James 41:19 I was literally thinking like, "Oh, this is like a trap."

Joe Rogan 41:21 It changes you. It, it's true. Yeah.

Kevin James 41:22 "This is a trap." And then, um, I had, uh, one really bad set one night in front of one of the producers and one of the writers. (laughs) I fucking ate shit.

Joe Rogan 41:32 Really?

Kevin James 41:32 I went up at this door, like late at night, at like 1:00 AM in the main room, and just had a terrible set. Just bombed. And then I, I really got to work after that. Then I realized like, "Oh, I've been slacking off."

Joe Rogan 41:45 Well, that's what I've felt, man. Yeah.

Kevin James 41:46 I've been slacking off because I've been working 16-hour days-

Joe Rogan 41:49 Yep.

Kevin James 41:49 ... and I used it as an excuse to not write. And then from then on, like everything got way better, like way better. My, my standup, I d- I dialed it in much more.

Joe Rogan 41:58 How do you write? How do you ... Do you ... Are you even the guy sitting down every ... I mean-

Kevin James 42:01 I sit down in front of a computer and I just write. I just ... I don't write like, "This is exactly how I'm gonna say it." I just like spill my thoughts out. It's 'cause I feel like it takes me a lot longer to write the words than it does for me to think about things. So, the more time that I'm actually just writing the words, it's extra time thinking about the thing where you're kinda like locked into it.

Joe Rogan 42:21 Do you speak into a computer? Do you talk into it? Voice-

Kevin James 42:23 No, I, I just type.

Joe Rogan 42:24 Really?

Kevin James 42:25 Yeah, I type. And I just ... Whatever the subject is, I'll ... Like, there's this one subject that I'm doing right now where I've written it, written about the subject four times. So, I start a whole new Microsoft Word file four times and just r- completely revisit it. Just one more time. Let's look at it this way.

Joe Rogan 42:44 What pro- what program are you using? 'Cause I'm nuts with that, too.

Kevin James 42:46 I just use Word.

Joe Rogan 42:46 You use Word?

Kevin James 42:47 Just use Microsoft Word and I go into, uh, there's, um, Focus mode. Have you seen Focus mode?

Joe Rogan 42:53 Yeah. It's uh, it blocks everything else out, right?

Kevin James 42:55 So, I used to use ... Yeah. I used to use Write Room. I'll still use Write Room.

Joe Rogan 42:57 I did Scrivener. I d- like, I'll s-

Kevin James 42:59 Yeah. Yeah. I use Scrivener. Yeah. I use that, too.

Joe Rogan 43:01 But I'll find one thing about it and then I'll go, "I don't like this, that. It doesn't ... It sets my bits up this way." Or, "It can't do this."

Kevin James 43:06 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 43:07 Or, "It can't transfer that." And then I'll spend the whole day looking it up for apps, for the perfect app.

Kevin James 43:12 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 43:12 And, and I'm not, and I'm not writing. See, it's like-

Kevin James 43:13 Yeah, you're distracting yourself.

Joe Rogan 43:15 Of course, of course.

Kevin James 43:15 Of course, yeah.

Joe Rogan 43:16 It does, uh-

Kevin James 43:16 Yeah, I try to avoid that. But Scrivener, what I do with Scrivener is I make each individual bit. Once I have it kinda boiled down, then I put it in the columns, so it would always give Scrivener set up, you know, whatever the subject is.

Joe Rogan 43:30 I love Scrivener. The only thing it didn't do, it didn't transf for- transfer to my phone or, or the other ... You know, when like, when I'm at a gig-

Kevin James 43:37 Right.

Joe Rogan 43:37 ... and I wanna look it up quick. You had to go to like a Dropbox or like a, that ... You know?

Kevin James 43:41 Right.

Joe Rogan 43:42 And it was like, it was annoying.

Kevin James 43:43 Right.

Joe Rogan 43:43 I go, "I can't ... I need it right away," you know?

Kevin James 43:45 Yeah. That's where Notes on iPhone is the best.

Joe Rogan 43:47 The best.

Kevin James 43:48 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 43:48 The problem with Notes ... You ready for this? I got 'em all.

Kevin James 43:50 Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 43:50 You can't categorize. You can't ... It, it, it, it either goes alphabetical ... So, if you have your bits, I like seeing my bits on the side.

Kevin James 43:56 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 43:56 Where I go, "Okay, I'm working on this," and be able to move 'em anywhere you want- you can't.

Kevin James 43:59 Right.

Joe Rogan 44:00 'Cause it'll fall into that ... That kinda screws me up.

Kevin James 44:02 That's true, that you can't keep it in order.

Joe Rogan 44:04 That's the only thing about it.

Kevin James 44:05 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 44:05 And then I'm off that one, and then I'm looking f- five more hours. I'm looking for other apps (laughs) .

Kevin James 44:08 Right, because if you have a folder in your notes and then you open up that folder and edit any one of those things, any one of those subjects-

Joe Rogan 44:17 It changes.

Kevin James 44:18 ... it'll move to the top.

Joe Rogan 44:19 Yes, it ki-

Kevin James 44:19 'Cause that's the newest one now.

Joe Rogan 44:21 Yeah.

Kevin James 44:21 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 44:22 ... that's-

Kevin James 44:22 Yeah, that's not du... That's, that should be an option.

Joe Rogan 44:24 Somebody should make a... just for stand-up, for, for one of those things. I, I, I would love it. I would love to-

Kevin James 44:30 Yeah, but most comics don't use 'em. Most comics just write things down. Like, you ever see Mark Normand's stack?

Joe Rogan 44:35 No.

Kevin James 44:36 (laughs) It's crazy. He's got a stack like a fucking... like a phone book, like, that thick of index cards and napkins that he keeps in his pocket. And he's so crazy. Like, you try to read it, you're like... It's literally like an insane person.

Joe Rogan 44:49 Yeah. Yeah.

Kevin James 44:49 You're like... 'Cause, uh, uh, his-

Joe Rogan 44:50 But he knows what it means.

Kevin James 44:51 ... his handwriting's illegible.

Joe Rogan 44:52 Yeah, yeah.

Kevin James 44:53 Yeah. And there's no order to them. There's just stacks. I mean, he might... How many, how many did he have in his pocket? 150? Uh, probably... easy. Easy. Way more than that. Easy. I could show you probably 200. 200? 200 index cards? (laughs)

Joe Rogan 45:04 Where do you even start?

Kevin James 45:05 In his pocket. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 45:06 You go... What... How do you go, "Here's what I'm gonna do tonight. Card 167 to 1..."

Kevin James 45:11 No, it's a m-

Joe Rogan 45:11 How do you do it?

Kevin James 45:12 It's a window into the madness-

Joe Rogan 45:14 Yeah.

Kevin James 45:14 ... that is the brilliance of his comedy. It's just all... (screams)

Joe Rogan 45:16 I remember Richard Lewis would, would, uh, throw out... I mean, like, there'd be a piano up there and he threw out, like, a scroll of, like... It was, like, just, you know, legal pads of paper and thi-... Like, crazy stuff all over, set it all up, and it's like-

Kevin James 45:29 He was a little nuts.

Joe Rogan 45:30 He was nuts with that.

Kevin James 45:31 Yeah. That was also part of his thing, right? There's Normand's. Look at Normand's stack. I'll read those. Look at this joke. Look at that. Look at that.

Joe Rogan 45:42 That's amazing.

Kevin James 45:43 What? Yeah. I can't believe you carry this around with you. 90% of it. Bro, you're gonna get a bad back. I'm worried about his back. (laughs) But you, you can get a bad back from that. A lot of, like-

Joe Rogan 45:54 That's like sitting on a fat wallet.

Kevin James 45:55 Exactly. Taxi cab drivers-

Joe Rogan 45:57 It's bad.

Kevin James 45:57 ... if they have too much shit in their wallet, you'll, you'll, you'll have a little bit of a lean.

Joe Rogan 46:00 I could-

Kevin James 46:01 You'll get a bulge in your back.

Joe Rogan 46:02 I could never do it. I could never... I don't even know what... I need to have it organized. Yeah, it's just-

Kevin James 46:08 Yeah, you were always a, an organized guy, like even back in the day.

Joe Rogan 46:12 I have to be.

Kevin James 46:13 Which I admire that. I think that's a very important thing that some comics feel like they don't have to do. And you don't have to do it. Some of the greats don't write anything down.

Joe Rogan 46:21 Right.

Kevin James 46:21 Don't get me wrong. But I feel like when I write, if I just physically write, there's jokes that I will get that I won't get if I don't physically write. And not a few of 'em, like a lot of 'em. Like some of my best bits ever came from sitting down and writing.

Joe Rogan 46:35 Do you find if you write the bit out, physically write it out, that you remember it better too? Or it not-

Kevin James 46:42 By hand.

Joe Rogan 46:43 Yeah.

Kevin James 46:43 If you write it by hand, you remember it better. That's proven. So if I do an arena... I got this from you, by the way.

Joe Rogan 46:51 What?

Kevin James 46:51 I got this from you.

Joe Rogan 46:52 All right.

Kevin James 46:52 Because, uh-

Joe Rogan 46:53 'Cause I'm not doing it anymore.

Kevin James 46:53 No, no, no.

Joe Rogan 46:54 I need to do it.

Kevin James 46:54 No, this is, this is what I got from you because I didn't have a rider 'cause I'm lazy. So when I would go do theaters, they would just use Kevin James' rider. So when I would... 'Cause we have the same manager. Get outta here. Yeah, so we had the same manager. I was like, "What shit am eating?"

Joe Rogan 47:08 Right. Oh, did you see that?

Kevin James 47:10 Yeah, it was, like, all normal stuff and, like, whatever... Like, maybe I added whiskey to it-

Joe Rogan 47:14 Right.

Kevin James 47:14 ... or whatever it was. But, uh, one thing you had was index cards.

Joe Rogan 47:18 Yeah.

Kevin James 47:18 And Sharpies. I was like, "Oh, that's a great idea." So every time I do an arena now, I set up index cards and I will get there an hour early and write out all my bits, write out all, like, the, the, the key points of the bits, all the things I wanna talk about and set that there. And the next bit, set that there. And so I have this coffee table and I've got all these things, the index cards laid out.

Joe Rogan 47:40 Why don't you do a prompter or something like that? You don't wanna do a prompter?

Kevin James 47:43 No, no, no, no, I don't need that. Uh, uh-

Joe Rogan 47:44 You-

Kevin James 47:44 I'm fine. Once I, once I write it all out, I've been doing it every night.

Joe Rogan 47:49 I know.

Kevin James 47:50 Every night. It's like, I just like to do that as an extra little detail. Just an extra little... Just, just really dotting all your Is and crossing all your Ts.

Joe Rogan 48:00 Yeah.

Kevin James 48:00 So I feel good when I get out there.

Joe Rogan 48:01 I, I don't know if it's, uh, I'm losing my memory, uh, you know, whatever it i-... But it's like I need a, I need bullet points up there. It's, it-

Kevin James 48:07 Let me get you some of this. Do you take any-

Joe Rogan 48:09 Homeboy, you have to-

Kevin James 48:09 ... nootropics?

Joe Rogan 48:10 I take nothing and-

Kevin James 48:11 Okay. This is what you're gonna get. Um, I'm gonna give you this. Just take this one and I'll get you some more. I'll send you some more. That's Alpha Brain. That's, uh, Onnit-

Joe Rogan 48:19 I'm really feeling it.

Kevin James 48:19 That's the Black Label Alpha Brain. That is the, the top of the food chain Alpha Brain, the strongest one.

Joe Rogan 48:25 Am I gonna see unicorns?

Kevin James 48:26 No, no, no, no, no, no. It just, it helps memory.

Joe Rogan 48:29 Okay.

Kevin James 48:29 It's really good for memory and it's really good for, uh, focus. It just, it gives you, like, a little extra juice mentally. Now, if you're a moron, you're not gonna notice it. Like people, "I've tried... Uh, fucking shit. It's bullshit. It's snake oil." Trust me, as someone who makes a living using his brain, there are certain things that you can take that-

Joe Rogan 48:50 Right.

Kevin James 48:50 ... are not bad for you, that are just nutrients that enhance brain function. You know what another one is? Creatine. Creatine.

Joe Rogan 48:57 Creatine's okay?

Kevin James 48:58 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 48:58 It's okay to do that?

Kevin James 48:59 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 48:59 And get-

Kevin James 49:00 Creatine's very safe. Creatine's one of the, uh, safest supplements. Um, it's also, uh-

Joe Rogan 49:06 What does that do, though?

Kevin James 49:07 It gives you... It's... Well, it adds water to your body. Your, your body has more water and that's one of the functions of it and it's one of the reasons why m-... It makes your muscles look bigger, it makes you stronger. It really does work. As a, like a, a fitness supplement, like, as a... Like, if you're training and lifting weights, creatine is one of the very best things you could take. Creatine and I would say beta-alanine. That's another one. But-

Joe Rogan 49:27 I gotta, I gotta give you this thing that Wideman gave me, these herbal pills, completely natural. He gave me... We were playing golf in... I forget, we were in Atlanta or whatever it was, with DC. Cormier was there. It was just the... The three of us went out. And I was, you know... Uh, I get up in the morning, my back is killing me, my everything... My joints are cur- hurting. I, I, I get to the course. You know, you're walking around hills up and down all day, you know. I'm like, "I'm gonna, I'm gonna be so gone on this thing." And Wideman says, "Take a couple of these, you know, pills." He usually got these things. They're completely herbal and, you know-

Kevin James 50:01 What is it?

Joe Rogan 50:03 It's ashwagand-... Like, it's... I don't know.

Kevin James 50:05 Oh, ashwaganda. Okay.

Joe Rogan 50:05 But it's... With the key with this stuff is... I said, "W- why..." You know. 'Cause he gave it to me and he says, "Just do me a favor. Mark right now where you feel, how you feel, how your joint..." I go, "I feel horrible. My knees are killing me. My ankles... Everything... I feel everything. My back." You're swinging a golf club, that's br-... It's brutal. So he goes, "And just take three and tell me how you feel in, uh, like, uh, you know, in a, in a few hours," or whatever it was. And I forgot about it. And around the ninth hole-... for th- I swear, I'm, I'm, uh, around the turn, I'm, um, it's a couple hours later, I'm going, "I feel amazing" for some re- Like, all the joints, you know, like, uh, like, the jujitsu finger thing when you get 'em-

Kevin James 50:40 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 50:40 ... when you first come back? And it's like, "Oh," all that pain? I had all that joint pain and, and, and, uh, it was gone. I was literally pummeling with DC. I'm like, "Come on, let's go, man."

Kevin James 50:49 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 50:49 And (laughs) I felt amazing. I go, (gasps) I go, "It's the pills." I go, "This is insane." I go, "Can you give me..." And DC tried 'em too, and DC said, "I haven't wrestled in a long time." He goes, he tried them, he goes, "I love it." And, like, I wanna know. I, I know nothing. I, like, I, I go, I, I'm trying to figure out this is a placebo effect or what it was. He gave 'em to me again, same thing, felt amazing, so-

Kevin James 51:10 Does Weidman have those on his Instagram? Can we find out what that stuff is?

Joe Rogan 51:14 I'm, I wanna g- Literally, I don't go into business with anyone. I want in, I want in on this thing, whatever it is.

Kevin James 51:18 Really?

Joe Rogan 51:18 Dude, I'm gonna give you ... I have some. Try, three days-

Kevin James 51:21 Give me some.

Joe Rogan 51:21 Yes, just try it. Just m- mark how you feel if you have any pain.

Kevin James 51:25 Okay.

Joe Rogan 51:25 'Cause if you go, "Ah, I felt nothing," the, uh, it might be the case, but-

Kevin James 51:28 Hmm.

Joe Rogan 51:28 ... these things, it, I'm, I did it a few times, and they ran out of 'em. He couldn't get 'em, and then they got 'em again. Everybody who's given it to him-

Kevin James 51:35 How long before they make that illegal, whatever it is?

Joe Rogan 51:37 I know. (laughs)

Kevin James 51:37 (laughs) They just made BPC 157 illegal.

Joe Rogan 51:40 I know. It's, it's the w- I'm telling you-

Kevin James 51:42 (coughs)

Joe Rogan 51:42 ... I'm, I'm, uh, I'm outta shape now. It is literally the only thing that gets me up, and I'm like, "Whoa, I can, I can work out. I can do it."

Kevin James 51:47 Really?

Joe Rogan 51:48 I took 'em, I f- uh, again-

Kevin James 51:50 I wanna know what's in there.

Joe Rogan 51:52 Yeah, I'll, I'll find out from him. Um, it's all natural stuff, but the thing about it is-

Kevin James 51:57 Speed's natural too, you know.

Joe Rogan 51:58 Oh, I don't know.

Kevin James 51:59 (laughs) It's all coming from the Earth. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 52:00 I know, I know.

Kevin James 52:01 Everything's natural.

Joe Rogan 52:03 The, the key... What they said in, in these things, uh, is, like, the guy throws out... Like, 'cause when you get, even if you get ashwagandha, the active ingredient in it will... You know, uh, like, once it's got... People will sell it anyway and it's like dust. It's like crap in there. He doesn't u- he throws out, like, 70% of the stuff he said.

Kevin James 52:19 Hmm.

Joe Rogan 52:19 And I was like, "I don't know. I don't care what it is. I just want it. I wanna give it to my family," uh, because I, I wanted to feel better.

Kevin James 52:26 Interesting.

Joe Rogan 52:26 You know, I'm just an older guy feeling... You know?

Kevin James 52:28 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 52:28 I'm... You gotta help me with that working ou- I'm telling you. I am literally right now, I feel like I am on the cusp of either, you know, uh, being that athletic guy, you know, go back into where, you know, I get in shape like crazy, or I'm wearing-

Kevin James 52:42 Either way.

Joe Rogan 52:42 ... cardigan sweaters and, (sniffs) literally, you know... Grandpa?

Kevin James 52:48 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 52:48 (smacks lips) Am I good?

Kevin James 52:48 Well, just get a trainer.

Joe Rogan 52:51 I can't. I, I, I'm doing a documentary right now.

Kevin James 52:53 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 52:55 And I started it in January. I'm assembling the best guys, like, like, uh, Dolce is gonna help me out with this thing. (smacks lips) He's awesome. We already did one. We already did a documentary. I did it on, uh, it was called Cheat Day, where I thought you could work out, like, six days a week and just have one day to eat what you, you know, you, you want and just do it that way. And I had Dolce come in and, and, and, and be on, uh, be, be in it with me, and, and work me out, and do it, and he kept going, "You're not, you're not gonna be able to do this." And I go, "Why?" "Because," he goes, "your one day is gonna destroy everything." And he ju- he said, and I remember this, he goes, "You can't outwork a bad diet." And he was right. It was like, I would crush it so hard. Like, people don't know what I can eat, like, you know?

Kevin James 53:38 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 53:38 I'm s- You know what I'm saying? You know, like, when people go, "Oh, I'm a foodie," you know? Like, it's like you have no idea how much I can crush food. And that one day would just destroy it for the rest.

Kevin James 53:49 Yeah. The, the food thing is... You can't outrun a bad diet. You just can't.

Joe Rogan 53:53 You can't.

Kevin James 53:53 You can't. It's the best phrase. It's real. That's, that's where it all comes from.

Joe Rogan 53:58 Yeah.

Kevin James 53:58 It all comes from food, and we're all addicted to food. And it's the craziest thing if you're addicted to food, because y- you have to eat it. It's not like heroin. Like, if you're-

Joe Rogan 54:07 That's right.

Kevin James 54:08 ... addicted to heroin, like, "Oh, I've got a heroin problem. I'm gonna take a little bit of heroin."

Joe Rogan 54:12 Right.

Kevin James 54:12 No, you're gonna go full bore again. You're, you're gonna be fucked. It's like-

Joe Rogan 54:15 Right.

Kevin James 54:15 ... it's one of the very few things where you're addicted to it, and you gotta not be addicted to it anymore, but yet you still need to eat it.

Joe Rogan 54:22 Well-

Kevin James 54:23 What? That's crazy.

Joe Rogan 54:25 Yeah.

Kevin James 54:25 That's a crazy conundrum, and most people's minds can't really process that.

Joe Rogan 54:29 That's right, and I, I, I can't. I just, I can't 'cause he, he'll... Uh, Di- he's given me the diets, Dolce. "You know, just do this, this, and this, and this," you know? It's formula... It's very simple. I mean, by the way, does every... Who, who needs some, uh, another grown man to tell you what to eat? You know by now.

Kevin James 54:44 Right.

Joe Rogan 54:45 You know seriously. You know. An- and same thing with working out. You don't know, move your body. Whatever-

Kevin James 54:50 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:50 ... it is, do... You, you know what to do. You may not know-

Kevin James 54:52 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:52 ... the intricate stuff of, like, split squats and this and that, work this thing and... But, uh, general health, y- you know what...

Kevin James 54:59 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:59 I gotta move my body more, eat better foods, less processed food. We, we know it.

Kevin James 55:03 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:03 But yet, man, I can't, and that's what this documentary I'm doing about it. It's like, why... I have access to the greatest guys. Why can't I still do it? It's like... And part of it is, I need the Goggins, you know, thing.

Kevin James 55:15 Yeah, you need a hype man.

Joe Rogan 55:16 Y- y- you do.

Kevin James 55:17 You need someone around you who's also doing it, you know?

Joe Rogan 55:19 Well, that's it. It's community. I don't have that. It's like, when I'm with Dolce, if we're on a movie together or we're doing something, he's got me in shape.

Kevin James 55:26 Right.

Joe Rogan 55:26 He's f- given me the meals and, you know, it makes me-

Kevin James 55:29 Right.

Joe Rogan 55:29 When I'm my own captain-

Kevin James 55:30 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:30 ... I'm... Homeboy, I'm gone. I'm just gone.

Kevin James 55:33 You know, one thing that you can try, uh, that I guarantee will help you lose weight is the carnivore diet, because if you do it, the one thing that you're gonna not eat is any carbohydrates. You're only gonna eat meat. And if you cut out all bread, all pasta, all sugar, all bullshit... I'm not saying this is a great diet. I'm not saying this is the way to live. I'm saying this is the best way for me to eat. I've done every other kinda-

Joe Rogan 56:02 Yeah.

Kevin James 56:02 ... diet. This one works the best for me, and it's the one that keeps me lean.

Joe Rogan 56:05 Right.

Kevin James 56:05 'Cause when you're eating just protein, your body hits a satiety level. If you're just eating steak, just steak, your body will hit a level and you'll go, "This is all I need," and then you won't wanna eat more. But if I'm in that same mind space-

Joe Rogan 56:19 Right.

Kevin James 56:19 ... and there's steak there, but it's na- next to mashed potatoes-

Joe Rogan 56:23 Right.

Kevin James 56:23 ... with gravy, a, a bowl of pasta-

Joe Rogan 56:26 Right.

Kevin James 56:26 ... ice cream, then I'm gonna keep going, and I'm gonna get another 7,000 calories. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 56:31 Yes.

Kevin James 56:31 I'm gonna keep going. But if I just eat the steak, then my body starts processing ketones. I start... Instead of using carbohydrates, I'm only eating protein and fats. Your body goes into, like, a, uh, ketogenic state. You think better. It gives you an extra gear with thinking.

Joe Rogan 56:50 The ketogenic thing is... I mean, that-

Kevin James 56:51 It's real.

Joe Rogan 56:51 ... for me has, has worked. It's... 'Cause Dolce will, uh, hate me for saying... Like, like, he's like... You know, uh, when, when they say blueberry, uh, you know, uh, uh, you know, carbs... He's, he'll, he's like, "Carbs are fine for you," like, the right carbs.

Kevin James 57:04 There's nothing wrong with carbs.

Joe Rogan 57:06 Right.

Kevin James 57:06 It's a fuel for your body.

Joe Rogan 57:07 Right.

Kevin James 57:07 But what I'm saying is if you're trying to lose weight, one of the best ways to regulate your appetite is a carnivore diet, because you don't overeat with it.

Joe Rogan 57:15 But I think it's deeper than that for me. I think it's mental. I think it's like...... anything will work. I fasted, that wor-

Kevin James 57:21 Right.

Joe Rogan 57:21 You know, like, I've done everything, you know... It, it all works for a while, but why am I this size now? You know, I'm, uh... You know, every time I'm like... You know, just recently, I started stop comparing myself to other people and trying to, like... Just say, get better than yourself yesterday. Literally that-

Kevin James 57:41 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 57:41 ... that concept for me works. It's like, when I'm in there... 'Cause he'll give me workouts, Dulce, to do too, and I can't do, I don't do them. I can't do the reps, four sets of 16. Th- I get so bored by myself, like, I start doing my own stuff.

Kevin James 57:53 Right.

Joe Rogan 57:53 I'll do eclectic stuff, great stuff on a treadmill, all movement stuff, like, I love it. Just throwing punches, doing things. But I walk around, and then... Uh, there's no way to measure it though, because the next day, I'm not doing that.

Kevin James 58:04 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 58:04 I'm wa- You know. So it's like, I'm the guy who walks up to the bag, hits the bag a couple times, and then walks out, "Oh, look at this thing." I got, I have every piece of equipment in, in, in my, in my gym, I do. If you, if you saw my gym, you go, "The, The Rock live here?"

Kevin James 58:18 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 58:18 You know, it's like, li- literally, it's like, they see me and they're like, "What are you doing?"

Kevin James 58:22 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 58:22 It's like, I buy everything, 'cause I buy into it. I'm like-

Kevin James 58:25 Right. I wanna use this.

Joe Rogan 58:25 ... because it's a little piece of hope.

Kevin James 58:27 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 58:27 That's what it is.

Kevin James 58:28 Right, right. A treadmill is a little piece of hope.

Joe Rogan 58:30 It's a hope, a new thing. It, like, I got the, uh, Jacob's Ladder. I go-

Kevin James 58:34 Mmm.

Joe Rogan 58:34 ... "Oh, it's great, j- It's jujitsu. You're-"

Kevin James 58:36 Yes.

Joe Rogan 58:36 ... "grabbing your wings. This is great."

Kevin James 58:38 Functional.

Joe Rogan 58:38 Yeah, it's collecting dust is what it's doing.

Kevin James 58:40 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 58:40 It really... I, because I don't use it, so I need something... That's what this thing is. What can get me... 'Cause I am like most people, I'm telling you. You don't need a lot of stuff, but you need something to engage yourself every day. There's gotta be a bridge between what the Goggins way and people who do nothing. Like, like-

Kevin James 58:56 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 58:56 ... you gotta get that... Like, you, I, I, I saw you were doing this with the other comedians, which I love. You know, it's like, where you go, "I just want him to walk or just get him down there."

Kevin James 59:04 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:04 Get... That is so important, man, because like, if you can get into that groove, you do feel better. Like, that's what blows my mind. I've gotten in shape a couple times, and I'm like, "I don't need to eat any more crap. I don't..."

Kevin James 59:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:17 I love the working out. I love the way I feel.

Kevin James 59:19 And then it slides right back.

Joe Rogan 59:20 What happens?

Kevin James 59:21 Well, that's en- It's one of the things about you that makes you really funny, is you're indulgent. You're just wi- You're a wild dude who's, like, trying to stay buttoned up. It's, like, part of what's really funny about you.

Joe Rogan 59:31 Right, right.

Kevin James 59:32 And that indulgence, it, it, it goes into other things. And for you, it's food.

Joe Rogan 59:37 Right.

Kevin James 59:37 You know, luckily, it's not gambling or something, like, really crazy.

Joe Rogan 59:40 Right, right.

Kevin James 59:41 You know.

Joe Rogan 59:41 But I don't... I, I quit things too. Uh, like, like, uh, uh, like, I feel like I have the same almost intensity that you have, but I'm not a finisher. Like, I don't...

Kevin James 59:51 We get really into things, and then we stop.

Joe Rogan 59:53 We started jujitsu... Did, did we start at the same time?

Kevin James 59:56 Yeah, basically the same time. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:57 Did we start at... Beverly Hills Jujitsu, right?

Kevin James 59:58 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:58 But you were the one who brought me down there.

Kevin James 59:59 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:00:01 I'm a blue belt.

Kevin James 1:00:02 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:00:03 And, and barely 30 y- It's like 30... (laughs)

Kevin James 1:00:06 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:00:06 You know what I'm saying? It's like, 'cause I start, stop, I don't fin-

Kevin James 1:00:08 Right.

Joe Rogan 1:00:08 You know what I'm saying? And that's in my head. I'm like, "Ah, if I would've done what Joe did, man, look where I could've been." And I, you know, I'm, I'm trying to, you know... Why do...? And then I start comparing, like, "All right, you can do it now. You do that." And I, if, if I play that game, I'm done, 'cause I can never catch up to-

Kevin James 1:00:23 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:00:24 ... other people.

Kevin James 1:00:24 Well, a lot of it's, like, learned behavior patterns that you just have s- you get stuck in. And if you're unlucky, you can get a bad behavior pattern of constantly quitting things.

Joe Rogan 1:00:34 Right.

Kevin James 1:00:34 But if you're lucky, you can... Look, I got very lucky that when I was 15, I got obsessed with martial arts.

Joe Rogan 1:00:40 Right.

Kevin James 1:00:40 Because that was the first thing I ever did in my life where I didn't think I was a loser anymore. I was like... I realized that if you work really hard at something and you're completely obsessed with something, it can transform your life. So v- my, my life from the time I was 15 to the time I was 18, I was a different human.

Joe Rogan 1:01:02 Mm-hmm.

Kevin James 1:01:03 From 14, 15, I was insecure. I'd get s- bad social anxiety. We moved around a lot.

Joe Rogan 1:01:10 Right.

Kevin James 1:01:11 I would get picked on a lot. And I went from that to being completely confident.

Joe Rogan 1:01:16 Mm-hmm.

Kevin James 1:01:17 You know, go- Being just a-

Joe Rogan 1:01:18 Yeah.

Kevin James 1:01:18 ... different human being. I was fighting all the time. It wasn't like... To me, the, uh, the fear of, like, conflict was pretty g- much gone, 'cause I was just engaging in conflict all over the country. I was flying around, my whole high school, all my time. So, I got in my head that the way to feel better and to get life to improve is to just fucking dig in-

Joe Rogan 1:01:41 Mm-hmm.

Kevin James 1:01:41 ... and keep going, and don't ever quit. Don't fucking quit.

Joe Rogan 1:01:45 That's so great.

Kevin James 1:01:46 But I got lucky that that's something that I fell into when I was 15. I o- often think about, you know, there was one day, dude, one day when I was coming home from a baseball game, where I walked up the stairs. We were g- getting ready to ride the T, which is like the Boston subway system.

Joe Rogan 1:02:02 Mm-hmm, subway.

Kevin James 1:02:04 And we were getting ready to ride the T, but the line after the f- the baseball game was, like, really long. There were so many people that were on the T. So we, just for a goof, walked up the stairs to see this Taekwondo school. And as we were walking up the stairs, this guy, John Lee, who was a national champion at the time, is preparing for the World Cup. And he was, like, 28 years old. He was in his prime. And he was kicking this bag. And as I was going up the stairs, I was hearing whump and then the sound of a chain, like sh-ching, whump, ch-ching. And I went up and watched this guy kick the bag, and I was like, "What the fuck is that?"

Joe Rogan 1:02:39 He's like Tong, Tong Po in-

Kevin James 1:02:40 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:02:40 ... Kickboxing. What he's doing-

Kevin James 1:02:41 He's kicking the pole. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:02:42 Yeah.

Kevin James 1:02:43 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:02:44 Yeah.

Kevin James 1:02:44 And I was, I was just bl- I was like, "I wanna learn how to do that."

Joe Rogan 1:02:48 Right.

Kevin James 1:02:48 And I was there the next day. I signed up. I, uh, I had enough money to pay for the class.

Joe Rogan 1:02:52 That's so great.

Kevin James 1:02:52 I signed up, and I was there every day from then on. I was there every day. I mean, every day. I worked out every day of the week. I worked out Sunday. I worked out every day. I never took time off. I was there for hours every day. I'd just eat food, go there, and e- I'd be starving by the time I left and then head home and go back again.

Joe Rogan 1:03:11 Man, that's... You're blessed, brother, because you, you have something that most people don't have that. They don't have that. Like, you have... Everybody has the intensity in the beginning. You know, when they see something, they're like, "I wanna do this." I wanna