Joe Rogan Experience #2128 - Joey Diaz

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast,…

   1. JDJoey Diaz0:00

      (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

   2. NANarrator0:04

      The Joe Rogan Experience. (energetic music) Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:12

      This is a good way to open up the podcast because Jamie is an expert on all things black Twitter.

   4. NANarrator0:17

      Well ...

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:17

      What's going on, Jamie?

   6. NANarrator0:18

      I don't know. It's ... There's a lot going on. A lot of rumors are flying. (laughs)

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:22

      The rumors are that Diddy was running some kind of Epstein-type deal where he was filming everybody, right?

   8. NANarrator0:27

      That's the rumors, yeah. I don't know that there's any proof or anything, other than that ...

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:31

      The thing is, like, we're getting the rumors from the internet.

   10. NANarrator0:34

       Right.

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:34

       And the, the internet thinks that the Taliban took out that bridge in Baltimore. (laughs) So it's like, who fucking knows? Who knows what's real?

   12. NANarrator0:42

       That's what Diddy's lawyers, I think, said was like that these are just truffed-up charges. Not truffed up, I don't think they said that, but like, like bullshit charges.

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:49

       Dude, when Homeland Security invades your house-

   14. JDJoey Diaz0:52

       You got problems.

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:53

       ... with dudes with fucking guns and body armor, there's-

   16. NANarrator0:58

       I guess someone said that they weren't there to take stuff, they were there to delete everything. Like the real people that were in there, you know?

   17. JRJoe Rogan1:04

       Oh, that's funny.

   18. NANarrator1:05

       Like what they were doing with Epstein.

   19. JRJoe Rogan1:06

       Oh, that's funny.

   20. NANarrator1:06

       Yeah.

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:07

       That's fun- ... Of course. There's layers upon layers.

   22. NANarrator1:09

       (laughs)

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:09

       When you get into (laughs) these fucking conspiracy theories, man, they, they never end. They never end. There's just layers upon layers upon layers.

   24. NANarrator1:19

       It's fun to talk about.

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:20

       It is fun to talk about. It's hard to know what's true.

   26. NANarrator1:24

       Yeah.

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:25

       But ...

   28. NANarrator1:25

       Who knows?

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:25

       Why ... People genuinely love it when someone like Diddy gets caught, though. The glee that people have is weird.

   30. JDJoey Diaz1:32

       Why?
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   It had a standup…

   1. JDJoey Diaz15:00

      was wild, and up the corner were hookers for fucking miles. It-

   2. JRJoe Rogan15:05

      It had a standup scene, but it never had a standup scene like Boston or New York or LA.

   3. JDJoey Diaz15:10

      No, but it was a good standup scene.

   4. JRJoe Rogan15:11

      A solid scene.

   5. JDJoey Diaz15:12

      Yeah, they had, like-

   6. JRJoe Rogan15:12

      Robin Williams came out of there. Who else? Did Pa-

   7. JDJoey Diaz15:15

      Slayton, uh, we were just talking about them, the Korean girl, she's from San Francisco.

   8. JRJoe Rogan15:22

      Margaret Cho?

   9. JDJoey Diaz15:22

      Margaret Cho.

   10. JRJoe Rogan15:22

       Margaret Cho.

   11. JDJoey Diaz15:23

       Her mother had a bookstore downstairs or something. A couple funny guys came out of Frisco. That's, that comedy-

   12. JRJoe Rogan15:29

       Sorry, Margaret. I blame Pat Williams, we-

   13. JDJoey Diaz15:30

       The, the comedy festival really was great up there. It really did a lot for a lot of comics.

   14. JRJoe Rogan15:35

       I never went to that one.

   15. JDJoey Diaz15:36

       I did it, I quit.

   16. JRJoe Rogan15:38

       Yeah?

   17. JDJoey Diaz15:38

       Four nights. You know, what am I doing? I'm sleeping on the beach, I'm paying for my own hotel, and the judges are comedians from San Francisco.

   18. JRJoe Rogan15:46

       Mm.

   19. JDJoey Diaz15:48

       And I'm coming in fucking 12th every night, 'cause they don't know me.

   20. JRJoe Rogan15:51

       (laughs)

   21. JDJoey Diaz15:52

       These guys are coming in first, you know, the judges are hugging them, smoking dope with them.

   22. JRJoe Rogan15:55

       Wait, what year was this that you did it?

   23. JDJoey Diaz15:58

       (sighs) '97-ish, '98. I drove home, I went to The Comedy Store, they let me go up, and I went to the House of Blues and saw Celia Cruz instead of fucking be- I, I left Thursday night-

   24. JRJoe Rogan16:13

       The House of Blues used to be the shit.

   25. JDJoey Diaz16:15

       The shit.

   26. JRJoe Rogan16:15

       We used to go across the street-

   27. JDJoey Diaz16:17

       Across the street.

   28. JRJoe Rogan16:17

       ... and watch killer bands.

   29. JDJoey Diaz16:18

       Fucking unbelievable. For free.

   30. JRJoe Rogan16:20

       It was amazing.
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   I think if your…

   1. JRJoe Rogan30:00

      it's like, it really is dependent upon what is the mental horsepower you have? And how are you applying that mental horsepower? Are you Gary Clark Jr and applying that mental horsepower to music?... and you're a genius, but you're a genius in music? Or are you Lex Fridman and you're making, you know, artificial intelligence and working with coding robots? Are you Elon Musk? You're making spaceships. Like, what are you doing with this intelligence? So IQ, (sighs) the, the, there's limitations of it, but at least it's an indicator of how smart a person is. It's an indicator. It's not the pr- it's not the only indicator. There's other factors that I think are much more intangible. They're much harder to, to measure and weigh. That's my take on it. I think it means something.

   2. JDJoey Diaz30:53

      I think if your parents opened up your eyes, something... Y- you know, it's like I do that bit, and it's true, I really do... I'm mad at my guidance counselor.

   3. JRJoe Rogan31:03

      Hmm.

   4. JDJoey Diaz31:04

      I really am, deep down inside, because, you know, he was telling you all about all these job possibilities and college possibilities. But you know what he forgot to tell us? About New York being right across the river and all the possibilities you had over there. I wouldn't have d- I would've done this shit earlier.

   5. JRJoe Rogan31:20

      You mean standup?

   6. JDJoey Diaz31:21

      Everything.

   7. JRJoe Rogan31:22

      Yeah.

   8. JDJoey Diaz31:22

      I would've tried anything earlier.

   9. JRJoe Rogan31:23

      The thing is, no one's ever gonna advise that you take the riskiest chance in show business. No one's ever gonna advise that you-

   10. JDJoey Diaz31:32

       I didn't wanna be a show business guy, but I wish he would've told me. You know, if you wanna take acting lessons, you go to the city.

   11. JRJoe Rogan31:37

       That's show business.

   12. JDJoey Diaz31:37

       I didn't know. I didn't know that fucking-

   13. JRJoe Rogan31:40

       Right.

   14. JDJoey Diaz31:40

       ... when I'd watch a movie, I thought you just walked on the fucking thing and they gave you a part. That's how stupid I was when I was young.

   15. JRJoe Rogan31:45

       It's not stupid. It's uninformed, right?

   16. JDJoey Diaz31:47

       I thought when, when a standup did a special, I thought he just showed up-

   17. JRJoe Rogan31:51

       (laughs)

   18. JDJoey Diaz31:52

       ... and had a camera and he goes, "I'm ready."

   19. JRJoe Rogan31:54

       Right.

   20. JDJoey Diaz31:54

       And tha- that's what I thought. I didn't think any-

   21. JRJoe Rogan31:55

       Yeah.

   22. JDJoey Diaz31:56

       You know, I didn't really know. I'm mad that he didn't open up... I see the kids I grew up with. You gotta see the people around you.

   23. JRJoe Rogan32:02

       Mm-hmm.

   24. JDJoey Diaz32:03

       And some of us saw some things and some of us didn't. Some of us saw a, a path that was different than just getting a job and working 40 years and getting a watch, you know?

   25. JRJoe Rogan32:14

       Uh-huh.

   26. JDJoey Diaz32:14

       I don't think they opened up our minds to that stuff. Like, there was-

   27. JRJoe Rogan32:19

       Yeah.

   28. JDJoey Diaz32:19

       ... a lot of stuff that we didn't... In my house, she would fucking tell... Like, my mother was crazy. When I was sick, she would put a fucking gold chain on me that belonged to a man, and she'd make me put it out. (laughs) And she'd go, "I want you to walk the streets like that so if somebody fucks with you, you, you kn-..." You know, I mean, and I would... Now, I think about these stories and I go, "What was she doing?"

   29. JRJoe Rogan32:40

       Right, why was she getting you to go outside with a valuable piece of jewelry around your neck-

   30. JDJoey Diaz32:44

       I remember-
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   Soliciting costs, that'd be…

   1. JRJoe Rogan45:00

      is direct cash aid and paid to solicitors, who's the solicitors? Who counts as a solicitor there? Does that mean paid to the organization and then they only pay out that much to the people?

   2. GUGuest (secondary, unnamed)45:13

      Soliciting costs, that'd be probably trying to buy-

   3. JRJoe Rogan45:18

      Overhead.

   4. GUGuest (secondary, unnamed)45:18

      ... fundraising. Yeah.

   5. JRJoe Rogan45:19

      It's overhead, it's everything, right?

   6. GUGuest (secondary, unnamed)45:20

      Yeah.

   7. JDJoey Diaz45:20

      Mm-hmm.

   8. JRJoe Rogan45:21

      Yeah. So it's mostly a scam.

   9. NANarrator45:23

      A scam.

   10. JRJoe Rogan45:23

       Look at the fucking International Union of Police Associations. Look at that one.

   11. JDJoey Diaz45:27

       That's the reason I quit.

   12. JRJoe Rogan45:29

       Zero... 0.5%.

   13. JDJoey Diaz45:31

       That's why I quit.

   14. JRJoe Rogan45:33

       That's crazy.

   15. JDJoey Diaz45:33

       I worked for the cops. That's when I found out. Three years I worked for the cops, doing donations on the phone after I got arrested. I started in Boulder. And when I went to Seattle, I did it there. And then up in Seattle, I found out what the cops were getting. I'm like-

   16. JRJoe Rogan45:49

       (laughs)

   17. JDJoey Diaz45:49

       ... "I'm done, I'm done."

   18. GUGuest (secondary, unnamed)45:49

       (laughs)

   19. JRJoe Rogan45:50

       (laughs)

   20. JDJoey Diaz45:50

       You give me 50 bucks, I'm giving you a sticker for the back of your cars when you get pulled over. They know-

   21. JRJoe Rogan45:55

       Yeah.

   22. JDJoey Diaz45:56

       ... that you donate. And these guys were showing up in Maseratis-

   23. JRJoe Rogan45:59

       (laughs)

   24. JDJoey Diaz45:59

       ... every day with two owners. And I'm like, "Fuck you." (laughs)

   25. JRJoe Rogan46:04

       (laughs) It's like the thing in LA with the, the homeless. You know-

   26. JDJoey Diaz46:08

       Fuck you.

   27. JRJoe Rogan46:08

       Col- Colion Noir sent me here to that. He, he told me they, they were getting, like, six-figure salaries. I'm like, "No way." And then some of them are making 240 grand a year.

   28. JDJoey Diaz46:16

       Yeah. No, no, no.

   29. JRJoe Rogan46:18

       Taking care of the homeless.

   30. JDJoey Diaz46:19

       Yeah.
5. 1:00:00 – 1:15:00

   We're looking at- …

   1. JRJoe Rogan1:00:00

      That's what scares me about this fucking election too. I'm not... sh- I'm not saying that they would do this, but I'm not... I definitely think they have in the past, like allowed things to happen just so that they can tighten up on restrictions and laws, and scare people more, and get people to vote one way or another.

   2. JDJoey Diaz1:00:22

      We're looking at-

   3. JRJoe Rogan1:00:23

      Scary shit.

   4. JDJoey Diaz1:00:24

      We're looking at weird times, my friend.

   5. JRJoe Rogan1:00:26

      The weirdest, right?

   6. JDJoey Diaz1:00:27

      The fucking weirdest.

   7. JRJoe Rogan1:00:28

      And ever in your life could you ever imagine things would be so bizarre as they are right now?

   8. JDJoey Diaz1:00:33

      They've been bizarre for about five years now where you just can't believe the shit you're hearing-

   9. JRJoe Rogan1:00:37

      Yeah.

   10. JDJoey Diaz1:00:37

       ... and you just say, "You know what? I'm gonna stick to my camp. I'm good here."

   11. JRJoe Rogan1:00:42

       It was bizarre in 2017, but it wasn't bizarre like now.

   12. JDJoey Diaz1:00:46

       No. This is something different.

   13. JRJoe Rogan1:00:47

       This is, this is insane.

   14. JDJoey Diaz1:00:48

       Diddy getting arrested. I mean, just-

   15. JRJoe Rogan1:00:50

       Just-

   16. JDJoey Diaz1:00:51

       ... just everything.

   17. JRJoe Rogan1:00:51

       Everything.

   18. JDJoey Diaz1:00:51

       There's a bridge getting hit.

   19. JRJoe Rogan1:00:53

       Yeah.

   20. JDJoey Diaz1:00:53

       It's something every fucking week.

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:00:55

       Every day.

   22. JDJoey Diaz1:00:56

       You know, Trump, 480 million.

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:00:58

       Yeah.

   24. JDJoey Diaz1:00:59

       You know, they need it by Monday. I mean, it's just fucking... (laughs) I thought Mark Cuban would bail him out. I didn't know. Who the fuck was gonna bail him out.

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:01:07

       Yeah, how does that work? I think they knocked it down to $175 billion. They asked him, how was he gonna pay it? He goes, "Cash."

   26. JDJoey Diaz1:01:13

       And now he's worth six point something billion because of the-

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:01:16

       Yeah.

   28. JDJoey Diaz1:01:16

       ... social deal.

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:01:17

       Right.

   30. JDJoey Diaz1:01:18

       It's all stock, I guess.
6. 1:15:00 – 1:15:35

   Yeah. …

   1. JDJoey Diaz1:15:00

      cars, and look what they're doing now. Because they believed in themselves, you gave them a fucking door, and they fucking took it. Most people are still now like, "Well, my agent said nothing's gonna happen to me." Okay. You know, it's the same thing. Some people take chances. Some people sit there waiting for the bluebird of happiness.

   2. JRJoe Rogan1:15:19

      Yeah.

   3. JDJoey Diaz1:15:19

      That's the other option you have in this country. You can actually sit and wait for the bluebird of happiness. When I came out of prison, all I had to do was sign a piece of paper, and I'm disabled for life. I get a $1,300 check every month. And some people would take that.

Episode duration: 2:59:15