Joe Rogan Experience #2158 - Harland Williams

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast,…

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:00

      (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

   2. NANarrator0:04

      The Joe Rogan Experience. (energetic music) Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:12

      Oh, boy. I, I think I've known you for 30 years. You know how crazy that is?

   4. HWHarland Williams0:16

      31.

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:17

      Is it really?

   6. HWHarland Williams0:17

      Yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:18

      Wow.

   8. HWHarland Williams0:18

      I remember the day we met-

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:20

      Really?

   10. HWHarland Williams0:20

       ... at Baskin-Robbins on Melrose.

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:22

       Really?

   12. HWHarland Williams0:22

       Yeah.

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:23

       Did we meet at Baskin-Robbins?

   14. HWHarland Williams0:24

       Baskin-Robbins. I got one of those memories like, uh, the girl from Taxi.

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:29

       Oh, do you really?

   16. HWHarland Williams0:29

       You got a mint chocolate chip double scoop, and I had peanut butter and chocolate.

   17. JRJoe Rogan0:33

       (laughs) I think you're making this up.

   18. HWHarland Williams0:35

       Well-

   19. JRJoe Rogan0:36

       I don't know yet. I- I think you're making this up. He's making this up. I was like, "Hold on. Let's see how this goes." But then again- Yeah, as soon as he was saying- ... that's (laughs) he's got a memory like the lady from Taxi, I was like, that ...

   20. HWHarland Williams0:43

       And I couldn't even remember her name. (laughs)

   21. JRJoe Rogan0:46

       That's ... Yeah. That's ... (laughs)

   22. HWHarland Williams0:50

       (laughs)

   23. JRJoe Rogan0:50

       (laughs) That lady's got a crazy memory. She does. She can tell you, like, dates in 1972, what day it was.

   24. HWHarland Williams0:56

       Dude, I bumped into her at a sushi joint once, and she reenacted the day I lost my virginity.

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:01

       (laughs)

   26. HWHarland Williams1:01

       It was unbelievable.

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:02

       Wow.

   28. HWHarland Williams1:03

       She remembered it.

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:04

       How does she know?

   30. HWHarland Williams1:05

       'Cause it was her.
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   Yeah. …

   1. JRJoe Rogan15:00

      he can get it-

   2. HWHarland Williams15:01

      Yeah.

   3. JRJoe Rogan15:01

      ... they ha- their instinct is just to get it.

   4. HWHarland Williams15:03

      Yeah.

   5. JRJoe Rogan15:04

      Like even if they never would do that if the windows were rolled down from the beginning-

   6. HWHarland Williams15:07

      Yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan15:07

      ... the moment they see you peeking out-

   8. HWHarland Williams15:09

      Yeah.

   9. JRJoe Rogan15:09

      ... like you're basically, like, dangling.

   10. HWHarland Williams15:11

       Yeah. (laughs) Oh yeah.

   11. JRJoe Rogan15:13

       Yeah. Oh, is this a video of it?

   12. JVJamie Vernon15:14

       No, no. It's just a picture. It's just a picture.

   13. JRJoe Rogan15:15

       This is how it happened?

   14. JVJamie Vernon15:17

       Yeah.

   15. JRJoe Rogan15:17

       Oh God, that's so horrible, man. Oh my God, look how big that thing is. Imagine that pulling you out of the fucking car. Oh my God.

   16. HWHarland Williams15:26

       So I was in Florida once.

   17. JRJoe Rogan15:28

       (sighs)

   18. HWHarland Williams15:28

       And I was doing a gig, like, on one side of Florida and had to cross over to the other side.

   19. JRJoe Rogan15:34

       Whoa.

   20. HWHarland Williams15:35

       And, and in between-

   21. JRJoe Rogan15:36

       Were you walking?

   22. HWHarland Williams15:37

       No (laughs) , no, no. Daddy had a... Here's where it got clunky, right?

   23. JRJoe Rogan15:41

       (laughs)

   24. HWHarland Williams15:42

       I rented a convertible, right?

   25. JRJoe Rogan15:43

       Oh boy.

   26. HWHarland Williams15:43

       'Cause it's, it's Florida.

   27. JRJoe Rogan15:45

       Right.

   28. HWHarland Williams15:45

       So I had time to kill, so I looked on the thing. Halfway across, there's a lion safari where you can drive through, right?

   29. JRJoe Rogan15:53

       And you drove through in a convertible?

   30. HWHarland Williams15:55

       No, so I pulled up.
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   He was choking her.…

   1. HWHarland Williams30:00

      uh-

   2. JRJoe Rogan30:00

      He was choking her.

   3. HWHarland Williams30:00

      ... I looked over, he was... Yeah. Unbelievable.

   4. JRJoe Rogan30:04

      Wow. How were you laying?

   5. HWHarland Williams30:06

      Spooning.

   6. JRJoe Rogan30:08

      Like, where's her face? Is it, like, right where your ass is?

   7. HWHarland Williams30:10

      Well, we spoon upside down, so she-

   8. JRJoe Rogan30:12

      Is that the only thing that makes sense?

   9. HWHarland Williams30:13

      She uses her- my nose-

   10. JRJoe Rogan30:15

       I- (laughs)

   11. HWHarland Williams30:15

       ... like a bicycle rack.

   12. JRJoe Rogan30:16

       You have to come out.

   13. HWHarland Williams30:22

       (laughs)

   14. JRJoe Rogan30:22

       (laughs)

   15. HWHarland Williams30:23

       Yeah. It's not pretty, but he's my boy.

   16. JRJoe Rogan30:28

       How long is it gonna take to kill him?

   17. HWHarland Williams30:30

       I don't wanna kill him. This is why I'm-

   18. JRJoe Rogan30:32

       No, but for real, for real. How long is it gonna take to kill it?

   19. HWHarland Williams30:34

       Well, once you take those pills, you can kill it, like, within about three days.

   20. JRJoe Rogan30:39

       And you're not taking the pills?

   21. HWHarland Williams30:40

       No.I'm telling you, guy, you know, I feel like I have a ch- boy inside me.

   22. JRJoe Rogan30:46

       (laughs)

   23. HWHarland Williams30:46

       Wow, wait a minute. Like a child.

   24. JRJoe Rogan30:49

       Okay. Well, good luck with that.

   25. HWHarland Williams30:52

       Thank you.

   26. JRJoe Rogan30:53

       Have you seen... I wanna see a photo of those bears.

   27. HWHarland Williams30:56

       Mm.

   28. JRJoe Rogan30:57

       The bears that have it, it's so disgusting. It looks like, like enormous spaghetti-

   29. HWHarland Williams31:02

       Oh, with the ta-

   30. JRJoe Rogan31:03

       ... f- just falling out of their ass.
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   You'd figure it out.…

   1. HWHarland Williams45:00

      Y- whenever you get into an altercation with someone, you feel dislike towards someone, you should always just picture yourself trapped on an island with that person and go, "You know what? If I were alone with them, I would love them. They'd be my best friend."

   2. JRJoe Rogan45:13

      You'd figure it out.

   3. HWHarland Williams45:14

      It's a mental thing.

   4. JRJoe Rogan45:15

      Yeah.

   5. HWHarland Williams45:15

      If everyone kind of adopted that mentality, I think we'd, things would be nice.

   6. JRJoe Rogan45:20

      Things could be a lot better. We're just, we're divided by so many things in this world.

   7. HWHarland Williams45:24

      Yeah.

   8. JRJoe Rogan45:24

      We're divided by politics. We're d- You hear, uh, like Robert De Niro screaming in front of people-

   9. HWHarland Williams45:29

      Ugh.

   10. JRJoe Rogan45:29

       ... about Trump, like-

   11. HWHarland Williams45:30

       Horrible.

   12. JRJoe Rogan45:30

       What are you doing? Like, what is this? Like, this is like v-

   13. HWHarland Williams45:33

       Yeah.

   14. JRJoe Rogan45:33

       ... silly behavior. All this is so silly.

   15. HWHarland Williams45:36

       (coughs) Not only that, labeling them, calling them-

   16. JRJoe Rogan45:38

       Yeah.

   17. HWHarland Williams45:38

       ... clowns, and, and denigrating them, saying, "You're less than me, because I-

   18. JRJoe Rogan45:42

       Yeah.

   19. HWHarland Williams45:42

       ... like this and you're-

   20. JRJoe Rogan45:43

       Yeah.

   21. HWHarland Williams45:43

       ... like that."

   22. JRJoe Rogan45:44

       It's all insane.

   23. HWHarland Williams45:45

       Do you remember the, the, there was a beautiful experiment-

   24. JRJoe Rogan45:48

       (clears throat) .

   25. HWHarland Williams45:49

       ... done by Jane Elliott in the 1960s where she took a classroom of children and she said, "All the children with brown eyes raise your hands, and all the children with blue eyes raise your hands." And she separated them. And sh- sh- she w- you can find it on YouTube. She told all the b- blue-eyed children that they were s- they were beautiful, they were smarter. They're, they were, they were, they were more superior than the brown-eyed children. And she conducted this, uh, experiment for a week, and over the course of the days, the blue-eyed children started denigrating and looking down on the brown-eyed children, and acting superior. And then halfway through the experiment, Jane Elliott goes, "Oh, I made a mistake. It's the brown-eyed children that are more superior." And so the whole thing shifted, and all the children in that class got to feel what it was like to be, uh, put down, to, uh, you know, have racism towards them. It, it was a fascinating experiment. It's, it's on YouTube, if you ever wanna watch it. It's, it's, it's mesmerizing.

   26. JRJoe Rogan46:58

       It's an interesting experiment. But like what the fuck, lady? You're playing tricks on kids?

   27. HWHarland Williams47:03

       Well, I think she was trying to dem- she, she-

   28. JRJoe Rogan47:05

       I get you're demonstrating.

   29. HWHarland Williams47:06

       Yeah.

   30. JRJoe Rogan47:06

       But you're also tricking these kids into thinking that way.
5. 1:00:00 – 1:15:00

   But it was, it's…

   1. HWHarland Williams1:00:00

   2. JRJoe Rogan1:00:00

      But it was, it's been going on like a lot lately. Like even during the day. There's a lot of films on TikTok and, and Instagram and stuff about it. Bro, that is so bonkers. (laughs) That mean if you were alive 5,000 years ago and you saw that, you're like, "Oh, Satan, that's where Satan lives."

   3. HWHarland Williams1:00:16

      Yeah.

   4. JRJoe Rogan1:00:17

      "Satan's back. Fuck, he's back. Dude, I got news everybody."

   5. HWHarland Williams1:00:21

      Yeah.

   6. JRJoe Rogan1:00:21

      "We're fucked, man, Satan's back."

   7. HWHarland Williams1:00:23

      Yeah.

   8. JRJoe Rogan1:00:23

      "Look, look at the mountain."

   9. HWHarland Williams1:00:25

      Yeah.

   10. JRJoe Rogan1:00:25

       "Satan landed on top of the mountain. He's there with lightning and shit."

   11. HWHarland Williams1:00:28

       There he is.

   12. JRJoe Rogan1:00:28

       Like he was def-

   13. HWHarland Williams1:00:29

       It's his summer home. Yeah.

   14. JRJoe Rogan1:00:29

       Like if you saw this, you'd be like, "Okay, that's where Satan is." Well, 100% you would think that.

   15. HWHarland Williams1:00:35

       Yeah.

   16. JRJoe Rogan1:00:35

       That's where Thor is.

   17. HWHarland Williams1:00:37

       Yeah.

   18. JRJoe Rogan1:00:37

       That's where the god of thunder is.

   19. HWHarland Williams1:00:38

       That's where Beelzebub lives.

   20. JRJoe Rogan1:00:40

       Yeah.

   21. HWHarland Williams1:00:40

       Look at that.

   22. JRJoe Rogan1:00:41

       What, you would 100% Sauron lives up there.

   23. HWHarland Williams1:00:44

       Well, do you know-

   24. JRJoe Rogan1:00:44

       That's the eye of Sauron.

   25. HWHarland Williams1:00:45

       People don't know that lightning comes up out of the ground too. Did you know that, Joe?

   26. JRJoe Rogan1:00:50

       Does it really?

   27. HWHarland Williams1:00:50

       Yeah. Lightning comes... People just think all lightning comes from... And I'm not talking a volcano. I'm talking regular time.

   28. JRJoe Rogan1:00:58

       So you could get it right up your ass if you're in the wrong spot.

   29. HWHarland Williams1:00:59

       There's, you could get a bolt up your arse. For real.

   30. JRJoe Rogan1:01:02

       Has that ever happened? Can you imagine you get just your nuts blasted by lightning?
6. 1:15:00 – 1:16:31

   ... a baby super…

   1. HWHarland Williams1:15:00

   2. JRJoe Rogan1:15:00

      ... a baby super computer. Oh, look, it's a little baby, the news, the news on the laptop.

   3. HWHarland Williams1:15:04

      And ironically, you're on a show called News Radio.

   4. JRJoe Rogan1:15:06

      Crazy. Very ironically.

   5. HWHarland Williams1:15:08

      Matrix.

   6. JRJoe Rogan1:15:09

      Very ironically.

   7. HWHarland Williams1:15:10

      Yeah.

   8. JRJoe Rogan1:15:11

      Wow.

   9. HWHarland Williams1:15:11

      Yeah, I'm excited to see where, where it goes, 'cause I, I think the next, the next evolution of this could be tractor beams. It could be particle movers. It could be... You know, the, as ridiculous as it sounds, the transporter beam on Star Trek.

   10. JRJoe Rogan1:15:28

       Mm-hmm.

   11. HWHarland Williams1:15:30

       I feel like, you know, maybe 50 years, maybe 100 years, people are gonna look back and go, "Wait, you went to a place called an airport? You got on a tube and flew 18 hours to Australia?" Like, I think we're gonna be at a place one day where maybe they can rearrange our molecules and particles and beam us.

   12. JRJoe Rogan1:15:49

       Yeah.

   13. HWHarland Williams1:15:49

       I feel like if we can imagine it, it's gonna happen.

   14. JRJoe Rogan1:15:52

       Yeah. I bet it's gonna happen. I mean-

   15. HWHarland Williams1:15:56

       'Cause think ab-

   16. JRJoe Rogan1:15:56

       Isn't it funny that Star Trek figured that out, but they-

   17. HWHarland Williams1:15:59

       Yeah.

   18. JRJoe Rogan1:15:59

       ... didn't figure out computers? And they didn't figure out cellphones. They had walkie-talkies. Remember? Kirk and-

   19. HWHarland Williams1:16:04

       Well, they had, they had the communicators.

   20. JRJoe Rogan1:16:06

       Over-

   21. HWHarland Williams1:16:06

       Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep.

   22. JRJoe Rogan1:16:07

       Yeah, but it was a, it was a walkie-talkie.

   23. HWHarland Williams1:16:08

       Spock-

   24. JRJoe Rogan1:16:09

       It wasn't-

   25. HWHarland Williams1:16:09

       ... I've got diarrhea. Send me some Pepto-Bismol immediately.

   26. JRJoe Rogan1:16:12

       But it wasn't... You couldn't both talk. Like, if you and I were on a phone call to each other-

   27. HWHarland Williams1:16:16

       Oh, yeah.

   28. JRJoe Rogan1:16:16

       "What's up, Harland?"

   29. HWHarland Williams1:16:17

       Yeah.

   30. JRJoe Rogan1:16:17

       "Hey, what's up, dude?" It's not- It's like, "Hey, Harland."

Episode duration: 2:31:47