Joe Rogan Experience #2158 - Harland Williams

Joe Rogan 0:00 (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

Narrator 0:04 The Joe Rogan Experience. (energetic music) Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

Joe Rogan 0:12 Oh, boy. I, I think I've known you for 30 years. You know how crazy that is?

Harland Williams 0:16 31.

Joe Rogan 0:17 Is it really?

Harland Williams 0:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 0:18 Wow.

Harland Williams 0:18 I remember the day we met-

Joe Rogan 0:20 Really?

Harland Williams 0:20 ... at Baskin-Robbins on Melrose.

Joe Rogan 0:22 Really?

Harland Williams 0:22 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 0:23 Did we meet at Baskin-Robbins?

Harland Williams 0:24 Baskin-Robbins. I got one of those memories like, uh, the girl from Taxi.

Joe Rogan 0:29 Oh, do you really?

Harland Williams 0:29 You got a mint chocolate chip double scoop, and I had peanut butter and chocolate.

Joe Rogan 0:33 (laughs) I think you're making this up.

Harland Williams 0:35 Well-

Joe Rogan 0:36 I don't know yet. I- I think you're making this up. He's making this up. I was like, "Hold on. Let's see how this goes." But then again- Yeah, as soon as he was saying- ... that's (laughs) he's got a memory like the lady from Taxi, I was like, that ...

Harland Williams 0:43 And I couldn't even remember her name. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 0:46 That's ... Yeah. That's ... (laughs)

Harland Williams 0:50 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 0:50 (laughs) That lady's got a crazy memory. She does. She can tell you, like, dates in 1972, what day it was.

Harland Williams 0:56 Dude, I bumped into her at a sushi joint once, and she reenacted the day I lost my virginity.

Joe Rogan 1:01 (laughs)

Harland Williams 1:01 It was unbelievable.

Joe Rogan 1:02 Wow.

Harland Williams 1:03 She remembered it.

Joe Rogan 1:04 How does she know?

Harland Williams 1:05 'Cause it was her.

Joe Rogan 1:05 You think she's an alien?

Harland Williams 1:06 No, it was her.

Joe Rogan 1:07 Oh, really?

Harland Williams 1:08 Yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:08 She's hot.

Harland Williams 1:08 She popped my cherry.

Joe Rogan 1:09 She was hot back in the day.

Harland Williams 1:11 She drove my taxi. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:12 Ooh.

Harland Williams 1:13 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:14 She, uh, acted as your depot.

Harland Williams 1:15 Wait, what's her name? Mary Lou Retina?

Joe Rogan 1:18 No.

Harland Williams 1:18 What is it?

Joe Rogan 1:19 Close.

Harland Williams 1:20 Mary Lou Iris?

Joe Rogan 1:22 Not ... (laughs) Cornea? (laughs)

Harland Williams 1:23 Cornea. Mary Lou Cornea.

Joe Rogan 1:26 What was her name? Retin. Retin? No, that's the gymnast. She's the gymnast. That's why-

Harland Williams 1:29 Oh.

Joe Rogan 1:30 That's the gymnast. What was her name? Um, was it Marlee Matlin?

Harland Williams 1:34 That's the deaf chick.

Joe Rogan 1:35 Yeah. Oh, right. That's the one that everybody had to pretend was really good at acting. She was.

Harland Williams 1:39 But she did win an Oscar, didn't she?

Joe Rogan 1:43 Mary Lou Henner.

Harland Williams 1:44 Oh.

Joe Rogan 1:44 Yeah.

Harland Williams 1:45 That's ... She did the tampon commercials.

Joe Rogan 1:47 Did she?

Harland Williams 1:48 Yeah. And who better to do 'em than a tumbler?

Joe Rogan 1:52 They get guys to do 'em now.

Harland Williams 1:54 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:54 It's a new world.

Harland Williams 1:55 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:56 (laughs)

Harland Williams 1:56 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:57 There she is. Back in the day when she was on Taxi, she was hot. But you can't ever lie to her.

Harland Williams 2:04 Yeah. She knows everything. Like-

Joe Rogan 2:05 You didn't ... even you're like, "I didn't say that." Like, not only did you say that, you were wearing this-

Harland Williams 2:10 Down.

Joe Rogan 2:11 ... you ... yeah.

Harland Williams 2:12 Yeah. She just knows it all.

Joe Rogan 2:13 Yeah.

Harland Williams 2:14 Unbelievabl-

Joe Rogan 2:15 That's probably a real issue in relationships.

Harland Williams 2:18 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 2:18 Like, you can't ... You can never argue with her about who was right. She remembers it.

Harland Williams 2:21 Yeah. You can't-

Joe Rogan 2:22 100%. You're ... You got a foggy-ass, bullshit-

Harland Williams 2:24 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 2:24 ... normal human ... Like, how good's your memory? My memory's not that good.

Harland Williams 2:29 Maybe she's an elephant.

Joe Rogan 2:31 Those ... The ... I don't think their memory's that good.

Harland Williams 2:33 They say they are.

Joe Rogan 2:35 (inhales deeply) Yeah, but, like, shit that you would remember, too.

Harland Williams 2:38 Right. Like, how often do you watch one of those nature shows and you see, like, elephants wandering around aimlessly and you know they're looking for their car-

Joe Rogan 2:46 (laughs)

Harland Williams 2:47 ... 'cause they can't remember where (laughs) they parked. Idiots.

Joe Rogan 2:50 Imagine if elephants could drive. That'd be a real problem.

Harland Williams 2:52 Oh, God.

Joe Rogan 2:52 How big would their fucking car be? How big would the-

Harland Williams 2:55 Wow.

Joe Rogan 2:55 ... roads have to be?

Harland Williams 2:56 Wow.

Joe Rogan 2:57 If anybody else, any other animals, started developing electronics, I think we'd just kill 'em.

Harland Williams 3:02 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:02 Be like, "What the fuck are you doing over there?" Like, we wouldn't be cool with chimps fastening their own weapons. If they started making guns-

Harland Williams 3:08 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:08 ... if chimps started smelting iron-

Harland Williams 3:11 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:11 ... and, like, figuring out ballistics, you'd see chimps on the range.

Harland Williams 3:13 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:14 Be like, be like, "Hey, hey, hey, only us."

Harland Williams 3:16 Yeah. Well, isn't that what Planet of the Apes is all about? Like-

Joe Rogan 3:20 Similar, yeah.

Harland Williams 3:20 ... they evolved to the point where-

Joe Rogan 3:23 Wasn't the new one, like, experiments? Wasn't it, like, some kind of experiments? On how it's ... on how it, like, kicked off? (chair creaks) Like, there w- they would do ... Like, back in the day, it was, like, a time machine thing. Like, they went ... Right? Like, the really old ones-

Harland Williams 3:36 Yeah, the first one.

Joe Rogan 3:37 ... there was a time machine, and you go f- forward in time, and you realize, like, "Oh my God. The apes are now humans, and we're, we're bullshit."

Harland Williams 3:45 Yeah. They landed so far in the future on-

Joe Rogan 3:47 Yeah.

Harland Williams 3:48 ... Earth. You know who wrote that one? Rod Serling.

Joe Rogan 3:50 Oh, did he really?

Harland Williams 3:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:51 He was the-

Harland Williams 3:51 From Twilight Zone.

Joe Rogan 3:52 ... fucking man. He was the-

Harland Williams 3:54 He was way ahead of his time.

Joe Rogan 3:55 ... fucking man, with everything.

Harland Williams 3:56 Genius.

Joe Rogan 3:57 So many good episodes.

Harland Williams 3:59 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:59 You go back to watch The Twilight Zone, it's like go- ... No production value, no money for special effects.

Harland Williams 4:05 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:05 Incredible show.

Harland Williams 4:07 And that's what was part of their charm. But the music, every-

Joe Rogan 4:10 Yeah.

Harland Williams 4:10 ... everything worked, and if you look at a lotta modern-day movies, they were predicated on those old shows. Like Chucky, there's an old, uh-

Joe Rogan 4:20 Oh, right.

Harland Williams 4:20 ... episode with Telly Savalas. Talky Tina. "Hi."

Joe Rogan 4:24 Mm-hmm.

Harland Williams 4:24 "I'm Talky Tina, and I'm going to kill you," 'cause this was a doll.

Joe Rogan 4:28 Oh, yeah.

Harland Williams 4:28 Remember? Fast-forward to Chucky, that demented red-headed freckle-faced freak.

Joe Rogan 4:35 Look at that.

Harland Williams 4:36 There she is. Talky Tina.

Joe Rogan 4:38 You know what my favorite one was? To Serve Man.

Harland Williams 4:40 Oh yeah, it's a cookbook.

Joe Rogan 4:42 (laughs)

Harland Williams 4:43 Yeah. And then Julia Childs walks out of the UFO.

Joe Rogan 4:47 (laughs)

Harland Williams 4:47 Yeah. Yeah. "Hello-"

Joe Rogan 4:48 Do you remember-

Harland Williams 4:48 ... "everybody, we're gonna serve your children."

Joe Rogan 4:51 What did the aliens look like on To Serve Man?

Harland Williams 4:53 Uh.

Joe Rogan 4:53 It was very bizarre.

Harland Williams 4:55 Yeah. They had giant bulbous heads.

Joe Rogan 4:56 Yeah, there it is.

Harland Williams 4:57 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:57 There it is.

Harland Williams 4:58 Yeah. They looked like Herman Munster without the hair.

Joe Rogan 5:01 How ... Look at how bad that fucking makeup is. (laughs)

Harland Williams 5:03 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:03 You can see where it's glued-

Harland Williams 5:05 You can see.

Joe Rogan 5:05 ... to his cheek.

Harland Williams 5:06 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:06 You can see everything.

Harland Williams 5:07 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:07 It's so shitty. Like-

Harland Williams 5:09 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:09 ... you could do better than that in a High School Musical.

Harland Williams 5:12 Speaking of human cookbooks-

Joe Rogan 5:14 Mm-hmm.

Harland Williams 5:15 ... I have a buddy who just had a kid, and they ... He told me him and his wife made placenta smoothies.

Joe Rogan 5:25 (inhales deeply)

Harland Williams 5:25 And I'm sitting here going, "What if you love them ... What if you love the taste of your own kid, and one day you're with Billy at the park, and you're just looking at him, and you're like ..." You know, you start licking your lips like, "He sure did taste good." And then-

Joe Rogan 5:40 Mm-hmm.

Harland Williams 5:40 ... cannibalism, and he ... You eat your own kid. I don't know-

Joe Rogan 5:43 I don't think it's actually eating your own kid. I think it's eating the nutrients that provide nourishment to the kid while it's in the womb. It's not ... You're not eating the kid. The kid is separate from the placenta.

Harland Williams 5:54 It is?

Joe Rogan 5:55 Yeah. The kid is an actual, you know-

Harland Williams 5:56 Oh, I thought it was covered-

Joe Rogan 5:58 ... fetus.

Harland Williams 5:58 ... like, you know when a ... when a gazelle drops its baby on the Kalahari-

Joe Rogan 6:01 Uh-huh.

Harland Williams 6:02 ... and it, like, licks all that f- that film off it? Isn't that placenta? Or is that just like a pasta sauce?

Joe Rogan 6:08 (laughs)

Harland Williams 6:09 It's like carbonara.

Joe Rogan 6:11 Uh, I think that is placenta, right? I mean, it probably must be.

Harland Williams 6:14 So, isn't that what human kids have? Don't they have that-

Joe Rogan 6:16 But it's-

Harland Williams 6:17 ... like, gazelle s-

Joe Rogan 6:17 ... but it's not the kid itself.

Harland Williams 6:19 Oh.

Joe Rogan 6:19 It's the nutrients that the kid was consuming while they were in the woo- ... I believe. Obviously, I'm not a doctor.

Harland Williams 6:25 Yeah. Look at this. They eat the-

Joe Rogan 6:26 Uh, is this one gonna drop it?

Harland Williams 6:27 They eat that-

Joe Rogan 6:28 She about to drop?Boy, how vulnerable are they when they're giving birth? Oh, fuck.

Harland Williams 6:32 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:33 And f- half of those kids get snatched up immediately-

Harland Williams 6:36 Immediately.

Joe Rogan 6:36 ... by a cat.

Harland Williams 6:38 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:38 Some cats or wild dogs or something come run over and steal your baby, and that's it.

Harland Williams 6:43 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:43 You carry that thing around inside of you for months, you love it more than anything in life.

Harland Williams 6:47 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:47 They'll protect it, like-

Harland Williams 6:49 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:49 ... the, the, like, obviously they have this insane connection with that baby, and then it gets snatched away by a cat.

Harland Williams 6:55 It literally doesn't get its first bleat out.

Joe Rogan 6:59 Yeah.

Harland Williams 6:59 Like, it, it lifts its head, "Wah," and then bonk.

Joe Rogan 7:02 Well, that's-

Harland Williams 7:02 It's gone.

Joe Rogan 7:02 ... one of the things that people have to be very aware of about North America.

Harland Williams 7:05 What?

Joe Rogan 7:06 Bears. What bears are doing to deer and moose, the same thing. Like, the half of the... Like, if you really love deers and moose and elk and stuff like that-

Harland Williams 7:14 I love them.

Joe Rogan 7:14 ... half of those animals' babies get eaten by bears.

Harland Williams 7:19 Yeah. Bo-

Joe Rogan 7:20 They, they eat, like, half of the babies that come out.

Harland Williams 7:23 Half?

Joe Rogan 7:23 Half. Yeah, like, th-

Harland Williams 7:25 Wow. That's like-

Joe Rogan 7:25 You know, and, and that's... It's a good thing in a good ecosystem to have that many-

Harland Williams 7:29 To cull the herd.

Joe Rogan 7:30 Yeah. Well, it's just, it's not even just to cull the herd. It's just to... (animal snorting) That's how, that's what they're there for.

Harland Williams 7:35 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 7:35 Like, it's a system. We're, we look-

Harland Williams 7:38 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 7:38 We look at it like it's this beautiful thing 'cause it is beautiful. You see these animals in the wild, in nature, but what it is it's a system. It's like a mathematical system. You have numbers, and the amount of predators is based on the amount of prey, and the amount of babies-

Harland Williams 7:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 7:52 ... they have and the amount of babies that survive, and, you know, animals that have less babies don't survive as well. Animals that are bigger fight off the wolves better. It's like there's a whole system.

Harland Williams 8:03 A whole system, and it trickles down right to the vegetation-

Joe Rogan 8:06 Yep.

Harland Williams 8:06 ... and the ecosystem. You know this. Like, if they remove the wolves-

Joe Rogan 8:11 Mm-hmm.

Harland Williams 8:11 ... then the elk and caribou herds expand, and they start eating all the growth on the river banks-

Joe Rogan 8:17 Yep. Yep.

Harland Williams 8:18 ... causing erosion.

Joe Rogan 8:19 Mm-hmm.

Harland Williams 8:19 The river is flat now. It just-

Joe Rogan 8:21 Yep.

Harland Williams 8:21 So, so you have to have those predators, so I'm glad they're eating half, and I'm gonna s-... If they're listening, eat three-quarters.

Joe Rogan 8:27 If they weren't eating half-

Harland Williams 8:28 Go for it, guys.

Joe Rogan 8:28 ... we would be overrun by, by deer, and, and elk-

Harland Williams 8:32 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 8:32 And d- You, like, you'd, you'd have a situation where you have, like, in New Zealand, where they have to fly over the hills and just gun them down.

Harland Williams 8:39 Moose in-

Joe Rogan 8:39 No, they have-

Harland Williams 8:40 ... New Zealand?

Joe Rogan 8:41 ... The, in New Zealand... N- New Zealand's a wild place.

Harland Williams 8:43 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 8:43 I mean, literally, but-

Harland Williams 8:44 There's gnolls.

Joe Rogan 8:44 ... it's beautiful, so beautiful.

Harland Williams 8:46 Elfs.

Joe Rogan 8:47 But they got there in, I guess, the 1700s or something like that-

Harland Williams 8:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 8:51 ... maybe the 1800s, and these European settlers, these Euro- European explorers are like, "This place is so beautiful, but it doesn't have any things for us to kill. Why don't we bring in-

Harland Williams 9:00 Hm.

Joe Rogan 9:00 ... a bunch of wild animals from Europe that we like to kill?" And so they turned it into, like, a wild game safari park for hunting.

Harland Williams 9:08 Geezoo.

Joe Rogan 9:09 Yeah, so there's all these animals, like stags and all these different kinds of deer, all these animals that are not supposed to be in New Zealand.

Harland Williams 9:16 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 9:16 And they're everywhere. (laughs) They just overwhelm it. Like, if you buy elk, like, if you go, go to a restaurant and you buy elk tenderloin-

Harland Williams 9:23 Okay.

Joe Rogan 9:23 ... most likely, that elk is coming from New Zealand.

Harland Williams 9:26 No.

Joe Rogan 9:26 Yeah.

Harland Williams 9:27 There's elk in New Zealand?

Joe Rogan 9:28 A lot of elk in New Zealand, and it's probably... They probably k- are allowed to consider stag elk too. I don't think they, they... I don't... That's a good question. I, I don't know. It's that they're so similar. They're such a similar animal.

Harland Williams 9:39 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 9:39 They probably taste exactly the same. The only thing that... E- elk, uh, elk have a cool sound, but stags have a really cool... Stags sound like a lion. You ever heard a stag roar?

Harland Williams 9:48 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 9:49 It's really fucking cool.

Harland Williams 9:50 And that wh- when they mate, the, the, the male elks do that whistle, the... (imitates elk call) You know? That sounds like a-

Joe Rogan 9:56 Yes. Yes.

Harland Williams 9:56 ... they're playing a-

Joe Rogan 9:57 Yes.

Harland Williams 9:58 ... a piccolo.

Joe Rogan 9:58 Listen to this. (elk calling) What a weird noise.

Harland Williams 10:06 Yeah. (elk calling) Look at his penis going up and down.

Joe Rogan 10:15 Oh, yeah. They jizz all over themselves.

Harland Williams 10:18 Wow.

Joe Rogan 10:19 We... I've seen elk do it where they just piss all over themselves while they're screaming. They're screaming and... (imitates elk call) Elks are even cooler. Give me an elk, an elk bugle. Elk bugle, I think, is the coolest sound in the world.

Harland Williams 10:30 (imitates elk call) Oh, me?

Joe Rogan 10:31 Bro, if you didn't know-

Harland Williams 10:31 Oh.

Joe Rogan 10:32 ... if you didn't know, if you were in the dark, and you were in the... camping-

Harland Williams 10:35 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 10:35 ... and you heard a elk bugle and you didn't know what that was, you'd think, "Oh, my God. There's monsters out here."

Harland Williams 10:40 Yeah. Yeah. There it is.

Joe Rogan 10:43 Couldn't you imagine that being a monster?

Harland Williams 10:46 Yeah. Yeah. It's sort of like an instrument. (elk calling)

Joe Rogan 10:52 Imagine if it's dark out and you hear that.

Harland Williams 10:55 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 10:55 You're like, "Fuck."

Harland Williams 10:56 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 10:57 "It's demons."

Harland Williams 11:01 Yeah. That's very, kind of-

Joe Rogan 11:03 Bro.

Harland Williams 11:03 ... haunting and scary.

Joe Rogan 11:04 That's the greatest animal alive.

Harland Williams 11:05 And then they go into, uh, the, um, the li- the big cats go into a flehmen. You know this?

Joe Rogan 11:12 Flehmen?

Harland Williams 11:13 I ran into problems with girl friends 'cause of this. It's, like, when, when the female lions or the leopards, they, they get ripe. You know what I mean? Ready to party.

Joe Rogan 11:22 Yeah. Let's go.

Harland Williams 11:23 The, uh, the lions and the cheetahs and the l- they, they do this thing where they smell the female scent and they... (sniffs)

Joe Rogan 11:30 Oh.

Harland Williams 11:30 You know they do this thing where they, they curl their lip up.

Joe Rogan 11:33 Yeah.

Harland Williams 11:34 And it's, like, a sexual thing, and that... I, I... for some reason, I don't know why, but I do that when I'm about to get into some love making.

Joe Rogan 11:41 You do a little bit of that?

Harland Williams 11:42 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 11:42 Like, do you, like, embody the lion?

Harland Williams 11:44 I don't know. I just have the thing where-

Joe Rogan 11:46 You feel it?

Harland Williams 11:47 ... I (sniffs) and, and-

Joe Rogan 11:47 The leopard?

Harland Williams 11:47 ... e- and it... They never stick around. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 11:50 Flehmen response takes place when one lion of either sex sniffs or smells the urine of another. Chemicals and hormones contained in the urine elicit the flehmen response. Usually, after smelling the urine patch on the ground or vegetation, the cat it's doing the smelling will lift its head, his or her head and hold their lips back in a strong grimace. Let me see it. Yeah. Like that.

Harland Williams 12:11 You know, and I gotta-

Joe Rogan 12:12 That's just like him. Look.

Harland Williams 12:13 I gotta start ga- dating girls that wipe, I guess.

Joe Rogan 12:16 Look at that face.

Harland Williams 12:17 Because that urine.

Joe Rogan 12:18 Yeah. Imagine looking at that right before it fucking closes down on your neck. And go, "Oh, yeah. I'm not getting out of this." There is fucking no escape. There's no hip escape. There's no jujitsu move. (laughs) There's no, there's no poking in the eye. That's a wrap, it's a wrap. Look at that mouth. That is a wrap, a wrappity-wrap.

Harland Williams 12:38 I had a moment when I was on safari in Africa where it's the only time in my life I started shaking.

Joe Rogan 12:45 Ooh.

Harland Williams 12:45 We, we, we were on a private Land Rover. We came up on two male lions that had just made a kill. We were literally probably, I'd say, 25 feet from them.

Joe Rogan 12:58 (sighs)

Harland Williams 12:58 And one of them got up, and we're in the open Land Rover, right-

Joe Rogan 13:01 Right.

Harland Williams 13:01 ... with no-

Joe Rogan 13:02 Bullshit.

Harland Williams 13:02 ... real protection, no windows.

Joe Rogan 13:03 That is, that is such bullshit, those things.

Harland Williams 13:04 So we got the guy driving from our camp, and this thing, one of them got up, walked abo- halfway to us-

Joe Rogan 13:12 Oh my God.

Harland Williams 13:12 ... and just did that (clicks tongue) that burning stare with its golden eyes.

Joe Rogan 13:16 Oh my God.

Harland Williams 13:17 And I was holding the v- and my hand... 'Cause it's one of the few times in my life I felt like I was in death's door. Like that-

Joe Rogan 13:26 You were, yeah.

Harland Williams 13:26 That lion could have been on me in two seconds, and it was terrifying, but exhilarating at the same time.

Joe Rogan 13:32 How do they know that the lions won't jump into the, the cab and pull people out?

Harland Williams 13:38 They, they get acclimated to these kinda clunky things, and they'll, uh... Look, I... Believe me, I know nature's unpredictable.

Joe Rogan 13:45 How much trust do you have to have?

Harland Williams 13:47 Well, I said to our driver, he was parked in front of a stump. I said, I said to him, I said, "Dude, I know you do this every day. Get away from the stump. We need to have an exit strategy."

Joe Rogan 13:58 Yeah, you can't just-

Harland Williams 13:58 And so he goes, "Oh, we'll be fine." I said, "No. Move from the stump," 'cause nature, you don't know when nature's gonna (blows) do that.

Joe Rogan 14:04 Did you know that it was gonna be an open-air thing?

Harland Williams 14:07 Yeah. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 14:08 And you were cool with that?

Harland Williams 14:09 Yeah, it's beautiful. But I didn't know we were gonna come up on two male lions that were in the middle of eating a wildebeest and be the only ones there and, like, 25 feet away and one of them was gonna shorten the distance by half.

Joe Rogan 14:23 Ugh. God.

Harland Williams 14:26 Do-

Joe Rogan 14:26 Was this before or after the lady from Game of Thrones who was the video editor? She was one of the video editors of Game of Thrones.

Harland Williams 14:32 Ugh.

Joe Rogan 14:32 She got pulled out of a car by a lion.

Harland Williams 14:34 Oh, she did?

Joe Rogan 14:35 Yeah, she got killed.

Harland Williams 14:35 Well there you go. There's your answer, yeah. It can happen.

Joe Rogan 14:38 I think it was a different situation though. They, I don't think they were ac-acclimated to the open-air ones, 'cause in this one, it was cars.

Harland Williams 14:46 Oh.

Joe Rogan 14:46 And she rolled her window down to reach out to take a picture.

Harland Williams 14:49 Oh.

Joe Rogan 14:49 And the cat just snatched her.

Harland Williams 14:51 Oh. (laughs) Yeah.

Joe Rogan 14:53 It's like a toy. I mean, you, you're basically rolling a piece of yarn. If you see... If a cat sees a thing that he couldn't get-

Harland Williams 14:59 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 14:59 ... but now he can get it-

Harland Williams 15:01 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:01 ... they ha- their instinct is just to get it.

Harland Williams 15:03 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:04 Like even if they never would do that if the windows were rolled down from the beginning-

Harland Williams 15:07 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:07 ... the moment they see you peeking out-

Harland Williams 15:09 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:09 ... like you're basically, like, dangling.

Harland Williams 15:11 Yeah. (laughs) Oh yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:13 Yeah. Oh, is this a video of it?

Jamie Vernon 15:14 No, no. It's just a picture. It's just a picture.

Joe Rogan 15:15 This is how it happened?

Jamie Vernon 15:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:17 Oh God, that's so horrible, man. Oh my God, look how big that thing is. Imagine that pulling you out of the fucking car. Oh my God.

Harland Williams 15:26 So I was in Florida once.

Joe Rogan 15:28 (sighs)

Harland Williams 15:28 And I was doing a gig, like, on one side of Florida and had to cross over to the other side.

Joe Rogan 15:34 Whoa.

Harland Williams 15:35 And, and in between-

Joe Rogan 15:36 Were you walking?

Harland Williams 15:37 No (laughs) , no, no. Daddy had a... Here's where it got clunky, right?

Joe Rogan 15:41 (laughs)

Harland Williams 15:42 I rented a convertible, right?

Joe Rogan 15:43 Oh boy.

Harland Williams 15:43 'Cause it's, it's Florida.

Joe Rogan 15:45 Right.

Harland Williams 15:45 So I had time to kill, so I looked on the thing. Halfway across, there's a lion safari where you can drive through, right?

Joe Rogan 15:53 And you drove through in a convertible?

Harland Williams 15:55 No, so I pulled up.

Joe Rogan 15:56 Mm-hmm.

Harland Williams 15:56 And they said, "Sir, you can't go through with a convertible, but for 10 extra dollars, we'll rent you one of our little junkers." And the junkers were painted like a zebra-

Jamie Vernon 16:07 (laughs)

Harland Williams 16:07 ... 'cause it was a lion park. So they painted them with stripes. It was, like, a piece of crap that was just meant to go through the two-mile park and out. So it's like a million degrees. It's Florida. It's Tuesday on a, at 1:00 in the afternoon. No one's there 'cause I'm cutting across the country. This is, like, a weekend place. They put me (laughs) in this zebra mobile. I'm all alone in this park. I get right in the middle of the lion thing. There's, like, 60 lions. The car conks out, 300 degrees, no AC 'cause it's an old junker, and I just got 60 lions just going, "Zebra?" And I'm just sitting there.

Joe Rogan 16:48 Oh my-

Harland Williams 16:49 No one's coming.

Joe Rogan 16:50 ... God.

Harland Williams 16:50 Daddy's sitting there in the, in the pride.

Joe Rogan 16:52 How long did you have to sit there for?

Harland Williams 16:54 I sat there for about 15, 20 minutes 'til they came, and I gotta crack the window 'cause it's like a, it's like a dog in a Walmart parking lot.

Joe Rogan 17:01 (sighs)

Harland Williams 17:02 And it was... And I, I'm sitting there going, "I'm, I'm a zebra."

Joe Rogan 17:06 You could-

Harland Williams 17:06 I'm sitting there. "I'm a zebra."

Joe Rogan 17:07 You could die of heat exposure in there.

Harland Williams 17:09 Or by getting mauled by a pride of lions.

Joe Rogan 17:11 Well said, y-

Harland Williams 17:11 Does that mean they're gay, if it's a pride of lions, by the way?

Joe Rogan 17:14 No. Pride isn't always gay.

Harland Williams 17:16 Okay. They look gay to me.

Joe Rogan 17:17 Pride didn't used to be gay. It used to be like-

Harland Williams 17:19 Well...

Joe Rogan 17:19 ... you were proud of something.

Harland Williams 17:20 Well, one of them had their hair fluffed out.

Joe Rogan 17:22 It's actually in the-

Harland Williams 17:22 He looks pretty gay.

Joe Rogan 17:23 It's actually in the Bible.

Harland Williams 17:25 Lions? They're gay?

Joe Rogan 17:26 Pride. Pride.

Harland Williams 17:27 Pride.

Joe Rogan 17:27 It's not good.

Harland Williams 17:29 Wait. What are we tal-

Joe Rogan 17:31 Is it the same thing? Is it the same thing?

Harland Williams 17:32 I don't know.

Joe Rogan 17:32 It's in the Bible. It's one of the sins.

Harland Williams 17:35 What, pride?

Joe Rogan 17:36 Yeah.

Harland Williams 17:36 Oh yeah, it's one of the, uh-

Joe Rogan 17:38 Right.

Harland Williams 17:38 Yeah, there's six, like...

Joe Rogan 17:40 So why would you make a thing that is, like-

Harland Williams 17:43 Yeah, there we go.

Joe Rogan 17:43 I have American pride.

Harland Williams 17:45 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:45 I love America.

Harland Williams 17:46 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:46 I do have American pride. I'm, I'm a patriot. I think this is an amazing place.

Harland Williams 17:50 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:51 Uh, so I have pride. So does that mean I'm gay or does it mean I'm sinning?

Harland Williams 17:58 Hm. Well, if it's just a verb, you're just, you-

Joe Rogan 18:02 You get what I'm saying? It's like what a-

Harland Williams 18:03 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 18:03 ... flexible word.

Harland Williams 18:04 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 18:04 If you were trying to learn American English, like how we use things-

Harland Williams 18:08 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 18:08 ... like or just English, and you spoke another language that was more logical, you'd be like, "What the fuck? Why do you have different words?" (laughs)

Harland Williams 18:15 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 18:15 Why do you have the same word that means such different things?

Harland Williams 18:18 Like the word rose. Isn't there, like, seven different meanings for the word rose? The flower.

Joe Rogan 18:23 Well, there's the flower.

Harland Williams 18:24 You rose up.

Joe Rogan 18:25 Yeah.

Harland Williams 18:25 Rows of corn.

Joe Rogan 18:26 Right. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Harland Williams 18:27 Like, it's just like...

Joe Rogan 18:28 Right.

Harland Williams 18:29 It just goes on.

Joe Rogan 18:29 Thank God. I didn't think of rows of corn, yeah.

Harland Williams 18:31 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 18:32 Yeah. Rose the boat, yeah. Oh my God, there's so many.

Harland Williams 18:35 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 18:35 That's so stupid.

Harland Williams 18:36 Well, there's two there. There's R-O-S-E and R-O-W-S.

Joe Rogan 18:40 Same sound.

Harland Williams 18:40 Same thing, yeah.

Joe Rogan 18:41 Did you run out of sounds?

Harland Williams 18:42 Yeah, you could've called-

Joe Rogan 18:43 Obviously, you didn't.

Harland Williams 18:44 You couldn't-

Joe Rogan 18:44 They're making new pronoun sounds every day.

Harland Williams 18:46 Yeah. You couldn't have called rows of corn, like, clonk of corn?

Joe Rogan 18:49 Yeah. Something that ma- that doesn't make me fucking confused.

Harland Williams 18:52 (sighs)

Joe Rogan 18:53 E- especially if I'm learning the language, like I speak Portuguese or something.

Harland Williams 18:56 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 18:57 Like, "Hold on, my friend, this is same word?" (laughs) Like, what the fuck are you saying? What a goofy-

Harland Williams 19:01 Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 19:02 ... you need so much context to be able to, like, figure out... I think English is supposed to be one of the most difficult languages to learn. I think Russian's very hard, Chinese is very hard.

Harland Williams 19:13 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 19:13 Mandarin's very hard.

Harland Williams 19:14 Manatee? Is that what you said?

Joe Rogan 19:15 Mandarin, like Chinese.

Harland Williams 19:17 Oh, god.

Joe Rogan 19:18 Imagine, like, you can speak it, but you can't read it or write it, 'cause that happens with a lot of Asian languages. Like, to, to learn Japanese, it's like speaking Japanese is hard-

Harland Williams 19:29 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 19:29 ... but now you have to learn how to read it and write it? Like, that's extra hard.

Harland Williams 19:33 I got a story for you about that a little later.

Joe Rogan 19:35 Did you learn Japanese?

Harland Williams 19:36 I sorta... Well, Vietnamese. I sorta-

Joe Rogan 19:39 Did you?

Harland Williams 19:39 ... I sorta had to.

Joe Rogan 19:40 Were you in Nam?

Harland Williams 19:42 Uh, possibly.

Joe Rogan 19:46 Well-

Harland Williams 19:46 I did two tours in Nam. And I gotta say, Sunquest bus lines-

Joe Rogan 19:50 (laughs) The best tours.

Harland Williams 19:52 Oh, God. Air conditioned buses. The other thing-

Joe Rogan 19:56 So you had just two tours?

Harland Williams 19:57 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 19:57 Right.

Harland Williams 19:57 Right?

Joe Rogan 19:58 Tours.

Harland Williams 19:58 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 19:59 Yeah. Very different meaning if you're talking about going to Vietnam-

Harland Williams 20:01 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 20:01 ... in 1967.

Harland Williams 20:02 Huge difference.

Joe Rogan 20:03 Big difference.

Harland Williams 20:04 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 20:04 Yeah.

Harland Williams 20:04 And I found out. Um, do you mind if I just dip into a... I brought a little something, I have to do it about every 20 minutes. I do apologize.

Joe Rogan 20:16 What is it?

Harland Williams 20:17 I have to... I have an eating thing I have to do.

Joe Rogan 20:20 Really?

Harland Williams 20:21 Well, if you don't mind.

Joe Rogan 20:22 No, no, not at all. No.

Harland Williams 20:23 Thank you. Oh, God.

Joe Rogan 20:24 What is your eating thing?

Harland Williams 20:26 Uh, (laughs) I'm a little embarrassed, but, um... Uh...

Joe Rogan 20:35 (laughs)

Harland Williams 20:35 I have a tapeworm.

Joe Rogan 20:37 For real?

Harland Williams 20:37 Yeah. Like a f- it's ab- almost 4 feet. Have you ever had one?

Joe Rogan 20:42 You really do?

Harland Williams 20:43 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 20:44 I never know with you, you know? I don't know if I should feel bad or start mocking you.

Harland Williams 20:48 Well, you can do whatever. I'm... I didn't even wanna bring it up.

Joe Rogan 20:51 I don't know if, like, I feel bad if it's true. You have a real tapeworm?

Harland Williams 20:53 I do.

Joe Rogan 20:54 How'd you get it, you think?

Harland Williams 20:56 I was in the Galapagos Islands recently, and, uh, we... They have a, uh, a rodent over there called the Bermuda eel rat. And it's not, it's not a documented species. It's the, it's the local jargon.

Joe Rogan 21:12 Mm-hmm.

Harland Williams 21:13 Everything evolves in... As you know, through Darwin, everything evolved over in, uh, in, in the Galapagos, the tortoises, everything. It's a unique place where evolution took place. And I guess this rat became a bit elongated, its spine, and so they call it the... It came off of... Originally off of Bermuda, like, uh, transport ship or something.

Joe Rogan 21:37 Right.

Harland Williams 21:38 And so they eat it over there. And I ate the damn thing, and I got a parasite that led to a tapeworm, and she's about a four-footer.

Joe Rogan 21:47 What do they do to get it out, get it out?

Harland Williams 21:50 Well, they have, uh, pills. Um, but this is... I don't even know if I should talk about this, but I... It's a little odd. I sorta got attached to the little fella.

Joe Rogan 22:03 Oh, you like having it now?

Harland Williams 22:04 Well, you know, we h- we hear all this talk about, you know, women and men, and men can have babies. They're telling men they can have children.

Joe Rogan 22:11 So you got a little baby tapeworm?

Harland Williams 22:13 Let's just say I have something living inside me, and I sorta like it.

Joe Rogan 22:19 Hmm.

Harland Williams 22:20 I sorta like... Sometimes I can feel it moving around. Sometimes I'll put a piece of cheese in the bed at night, and it'll come out, and I feel like I have a tail. And, uh, so what I have to do is I have to, I have to eat-

Joe Rogan 22:36 Celery?

Harland Williams 22:37 Well, what it does, it reacts to the vibration of sound, and celery's kinda got the best kinda crunch, and it kinda settles the guy down.

Joe Rogan 22:52 Okay.

Harland Williams 22:53 Just... I just need to take a couple of bites.

Joe Rogan 22:55 Okay.

Harland Williams 22:55 Are you...

Joe Rogan 22:56 Go ahead. Sure. (celery crunching)

Harland Williams 23:03 Well, if you're gonna laugh... (celery crunching)

Joe Rogan 23:08 (laughs)

Harland Williams 23:08 I have to do this about every 20 minutes.

Joe Rogan 23:12 For the tapeworm?

Harland Williams 23:13 Yeah. Settles him down. (celery crunching)

Joe Rogan 23:17 I think you're going to a bad doctor. I think you're getting bad advice.

Harland Williams 23:21 No, I just mean for me.

Joe Rogan 23:23 For you.

Harland Williams 23:23 This is like a self-medicating...

Joe Rogan 23:25 Yeah, I think they can get rid of those things, man.

Harland Williams 23:27 No, but what I'm saying I've grown attached to Dmitri.

Joe Rogan 23:30 I understand. You should probably-

Harland Williams 23:31 I like little Dmitri.

Joe Rogan 23:32 He's probably like, um, you know, have a forced labor.

Harland Williams 23:38 But I like Dmitri.

Joe Rogan 23:39 Yeah, but you can't keep a baby inside you forever. The whole idea is the baby gets born, and then it goes out.

Harland Williams 23:43 Hold on, Dr. Spock. These suckers can grow up to 30 feet long. Mine's a four-footer.

Joe Rogan 23:50 Can they really get that big? How do they know how big yours is? What'd they do, an MRI or something?

Harland Williams 23:56 Well, they did... We did an ultrasound.

Joe Rogan 23:58 And they could see the tapeworm inside of you?

Harland Williams 24:00 You can see it.

Joe Rogan 24:01 Do you got a picture of that?

Harland Williams 24:02 I don't have a picture handy.

Joe Rogan 24:04 How do you not have a picture on your phone of that?

Harland Williams 24:05 Of my kid, of little Dmitri?

Joe Rogan 24:07 Yeah. It seems like he'd be really sad if you didn't have a picture of him.

Harland Williams 24:11 I gotta bring one in. When I come back next week, I'll bring one in.

Joe Rogan 24:15 Tapeworms, or cestodes. Cestodes? Cestodes can range in length one meter up to 50 feet. 50 feet, dude. 15 meters. The length and width of the tapeworms can vary depending upon the species. Wow. Um, pork, beef, fish tapeworms can grow to be 15 to 30 feet. Oh, my God.

Harland Williams 24:35 And Ber- Bermuda eel rats.

Joe Rogan 24:37 Yeah.

Harland Williams 24:37 Do they have that there?

Joe Rogan 24:38 How'd that rat taste?

Harland Williams 24:40 You know, it's kinda good.

Joe Rogan 24:41 Really?

Harland Williams 24:41 You know, they- they season it up with the Galapagos seasoning and it's kinda like blackened catfish, but it's like Galapagos seasoning.

Joe Rogan 24:49 So, you think all those people that live there probably have tapeworms?

Harland Williams 24:51 I don't know if they have it, but I sure got it.

Joe Rogan 24:54 They have to have it. If you got it, that must mean everybody has it.

Harland Williams 24:58 Unbelievable.

Joe Rogan 24:59 There's, uh, places in the world that, like, especially, like, tropical places where most people have some kind of parasite. (chewing) It just becomes a part of, like, your body. Your- you- you now exist with that thing in you forever, you know?

Harland Williams 25:16 Have you ever had a tapeworm?

Joe Rogan 25:17 No, I have not.

Harland Williams 25:19 Do you want one?

Joe Rogan 25:19 No, thanks.

Harland Williams 25:21 What's the worst thing you've ever had? Like, the worst weird ailment?

Joe Rogan 25:25 Staph infection.

Harland Williams 25:26 No way. How many people on your staff?

Joe Rogan 25:28 (laughs) It was a small business.

Harland Williams 25:32 Wow.

Joe Rogan 25:33 Yeah.

Harland Williams 25:33 Wow.

Joe Rogan 25:34 Yeah, just one employee.

Harland Williams 25:35 What's a staph infection?

Joe Rogan 25:37 It's, uh, it- it's an infection that you get on your skin, uh, and, um-

Harland Williams 25:42 Hmm.

Joe Rogan 25:42 ... it's- it's-

Harland Williams 25:42 It's like a bacterial infection?

Joe Rogan 25:44 Exactly. It's really common in jujitsu, and, uh, a lot of people get it and they don't recognize it. Ari actually had it, and Ari didn't know he had it until I pointed it out.

Harland Williams 25:54 Hmm.

Joe Rogan 25:54 And we got him to the hospital, like, right away. Ari and I were playing pool and he was limping. I'm like, "Why are you limping?"

Harland Williams 25:59 What?

Joe Rogan 25:59 And he goes, "I got a spider bite." And I go, "Let me see it."

Harland Williams 26:02 Hmm.

Joe Rogan 26:02 And he pulls his pants up and his knee, he has this swollen, like, pimple on his knee and the pus at the end of it.

Harland Williams 26:08 Oh.

Joe Rogan 26:09 I go, "Dude, you have a staph infection." I go, "We gotta get you to the hospital right now." He goes, "Are you serious?"

Harland Williams 26:13 Is it lethal?

Joe Rogan 26:14 I go, um-

Harland Williams 26:14 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:15 It's lethal. Yeah.

Harland Williams 26:16 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:16 People die. If it gets systemic, if staph infections get systemic, if your body becomes septic, like, you could die. Yeah, people have died from staph. It happens all the time. You get-

Harland Williams 26:25 Yeah, people get it in hospitals a lot, don't they?

Joe Rogan 26:28 Yes. And unfortunately-

Harland Williams 26:29 Wow.

Joe Rogan 26:29 ... in hospitals, they get something called MRSA. And, uh, MRSA is med- medication-resistant staph infection.

Harland Williams 26:35 Wow.

Joe Rogan 26:35 It's really-

Harland Williams 26:35 A lot of black gospel singers get that, I hear.

Joe Rogan 26:39 MRSA?

Harland Williams 26:40 Oh, that's mercy. I'm sorry.

Joe Rogan 26:41 What were you saying, Jimmy? Didn't you say- what were you- didn't you say something? Oh, I thought I heard you-

Harland Williams 26:47 Oh.

Joe Rogan 26:47 I thought you and I talked about-

Harland Williams 26:48 I thought I heard something.

Joe Rogan 26:48 ... numbers of people dying of staph infections.

Harland Williams 26:49 I heard something actually. Yeah, I thought I heard him too.

Joe Rogan 26:51 Yeah. How many people a year die from staph infections? I think it's a big number.

Harland Williams 26:56 Wow.

Joe Rogan 26:57 I know quite a few people that have been deathly ill from staph infections.

Harland Williams 27:02 (sighs)

Joe Rogan 27:02 They had to go to the hospital and get their legs cut open and get their-

Harland Williams 27:06 What?

Joe Rogan 27:06 ... their legs drained. Yeah.

Harland Williams 27:08 Ugh.

Joe Rogan 27:08 Yeah, it's a horrible, horrible thing to watch. Like, it eats holes in people.

Harland Williams 27:12 You've watched staph infection surgeries?

Joe Rogan 27:15 No, no, no. I mean, I've seen them online. Uh, 2017-

Harland Williams 27:18 God.

Joe Rogan 27:18 ... the Center for Disease Control and Prevention reported that almost 20,000 people in the United States died from bloodstream infections caused by staph.

Harland Williams 27:26 (whistles)

Joe Rogan 27:27 That's 2017. It killed 20,000 people.

Harland Williams 27:31 (sighs)

Joe Rogan 27:31 Yeah, so that's the worst thing I've had, for sure.

Harland Williams 27:34 How long did it last?

Joe Rogan 27:35 Didn't l- didn't last very long because I caught it. I got real lucky. I caught it quick. I was at an airport with my friend, Tate, and I had these little, um, pimples on my calf.

Harland Williams 27:44 Oh, God.

Joe Rogan 27:44 And he goes, uh, he goes, "Hey," uh, "what is that on your calf?" I go, "I don't know. It's nothing." And he goes, "Dude, I think that's staph." I go, "Really?" He goes, "Yeah, you should get it looked at." So immediately, I went to the dermatologist and he's like, "Yeah, it looks like staph." And he put me on antibiotics before they even got the results of the test back.

Harland Williams 28:00 He put you on it, not your cow?

Joe Rogan 28:03 My cow.

Harland Williams 28:04 I thought you said your calf.

Joe Rogan 28:06 Calf, like leg. The part of your leg.

Harland Williams 28:09 All right. So there you go.

Joe Rogan 28:10 That one, that one, you really went out there with that one. (laughs) That's the worst thing.

Harland Williams 28:17 Have you ever-

Joe Rogan 28:17 For real, for real, do you really have a tapeworm?

Harland Williams 28:18 I do.

Joe Rogan 28:19 For real?

Harland Williams 28:19 Yes, please.

Joe Rogan 28:21 What do they- th- they have you on ivermectin? What do they have you on?

Harland Williams 28:24 They don't have m- th- they- they just... You- you can't get it. They- they, all they do is kill it.

Joe Rogan 28:29 Right.

Harland Williams 28:29 It lives- it can live in your system, they told me, for your whole life.

Joe Rogan 28:32 Right. Yeah, have you ever seen bears, they have them, like, sticking out of their ass?

Harland Williams 28:36 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 28:37 Like a- like a fucking hose, like a garden hose just hanging? Dangling?

Harland Williams 28:40 You ever see the, uh, the worms that come out of praying mantises?

Joe Rogan 28:43 Oh, yeah. That's disgusting.

Harland Williams 28:44 They're, like- they're, like, huge.

Joe Rogan 28:45 Yeah, huge.

Harland Williams 28:46 You- they put a praying mantis in water, and that bastard must not have been praying enough 'cause it's got a tapeworm longer than Dolly Parton's ass hair.

Joe Rogan 28:55 Not only that, those worms, those aquatic worms trick grasshoppers into drowning themselves so they can be born.

Harland Williams 29:00 Excuse me.

Joe Rogan 29:00 What are you doing, man? Don't do that.

Harland Williams 29:01 No, the pulp, the-

Joe Rogan 29:02 I know, but don't just grab it and put it on the table.

Harland Williams 29:04 I know, but it was-

Joe Rogan 29:05 And someone's gotta clean that.

Harland Williams 29:05 I felt like I was chewing cud.

Joe Rogan 29:07 Stop.

Harland Williams 29:07 Well, I put it, I put it on the ce- on their celery.

Joe Rogan 29:09 Okay, okay. Stop, stop.

Harland Williams 29:10 I would never put cud on your table.

Joe Rogan 29:12 Just stop with the celery, please.

Harland Williams 29:13 Well, I don't want Dimitri to get upset.

Joe Rogan 29:17 D- you need to reach into your asshole and pull Dimitri out.

Harland Williams 29:21 Wow.

Joe Rogan 29:22 You need to, like... You know, like, with your shoulders down on the ground, ass up here, just get in (laughs) .

Harland Williams 29:27 Dude.

Joe Rogan 29:28 Get in there and-

Harland Williams 29:29 Joseph.

Joe Rogan 29:30 ... and give birth.

Harland Williams 29:31 Joseph, dial it down.

Joe Rogan 29:33 (laughs)

Harland Williams 29:34 I'm not gonna, this, I'm not-

Joe Rogan 29:36 Does he ever turtle on you?

Harland Williams 29:38 Yes.

Joe Rogan 29:39 Does he?

Harland Williams 29:39 That's why I call him Dimitri. One night, I put out a piece of feta cheese, the Greek stuff, and he went nuts.

Joe Rogan 29:45 Mm-hmm.

Harland Williams 29:46 Came out.

Joe Rogan 29:46 Came out, huh?

Harland Williams 29:47 Have you ever seen a, uh, uh, a Burmese python?

Joe Rogan 29:50 Yes.

Harland Williams 29:51 I had a lady friend over, and I guess little Dimitri got jealous, and she- I- I woke up, all I heard was... (choking sounds) And, uh-

Joe Rogan 30:00 He was choking her.

Harland Williams 30:00 ... I looked over, he was... Yeah. Unbelievable.

Joe Rogan 30:04 Wow. How were you laying?

Harland Williams 30:06 Spooning.

Joe Rogan 30:08 Like, where's her face? Is it, like, right where your ass is?

Harland Williams 30:10 Well, we spoon upside down, so she-

Joe Rogan 30:12 Is that the only thing that makes sense?

Harland Williams 30:13 She uses her- my nose-

Joe Rogan 30:15 I- (laughs)

Harland Williams 30:15 ... like a bicycle rack.

Joe Rogan 30:16 You have to come out.

Harland Williams 30:22 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 30:22 (laughs)

Harland Williams 30:23 Yeah. It's not pretty, but he's my boy.

Joe Rogan 30:28 How long is it gonna take to kill him?

Harland Williams 30:30 I don't wanna kill him. This is why I'm-

Joe Rogan 30:32 No, but for real, for real. How long is it gonna take to kill it?

Harland Williams 30:34 Well, once you take those pills, you can kill it, like, within about three days.

Joe Rogan 30:39 And you're not taking the pills?

Harland Williams 30:40 No.I'm telling you, guy, you know, I feel like I have a ch- boy inside me.

Joe Rogan 30:46 (laughs)

Harland Williams 30:46 Wow, wait a minute. Like a child.

Joe Rogan 30:49 Okay. Well, good luck with that.

Harland Williams 30:52 Thank you.

Joe Rogan 30:53 Have you seen... I wanna see a photo of those bears.

Harland Williams 30:56 Mm.

Joe Rogan 30:57 The bears that have it, it's so disgusting. It looks like, like enormous spaghetti-

Harland Williams 31:02 Oh, with the ta-

Joe Rogan 31:03 ... f- just falling out of their ass.

Harland Williams 31:03 Yeah. Oh. Have you ever been attacked by a bear?

Joe Rogan 31:05 No. No, I'm here, right?

Harland Williams 31:08 Holy cow. Well-

Joe Rogan 31:09 (laughs) if you'd b- you, look at that.

Harland Williams 31:11 There are survivors and I couldn't-

Joe Rogan 31:13 Look at that tapeworm coming out of his asshole. How crazy is that?

Harland Williams 31:16 Whoa, looks like he just got married. You should put tin cans on the end of those.

Joe Rogan 31:20 (laughs) Look at that fucking... He's just hoping someone steps on it so he can pull it out of his ass.

Harland Williams 31:24 Yeah. Looks like he was parachuting and he, and he landed-

Joe Rogan 31:28 Yeah. (laughs)

Harland Williams 31:29 ... and he's dragging the parachute.

Joe Rogan 31:30 I mean, how insane is that?

Harland Williams 31:32 Wow.

Joe Rogan 31:33 That's so, I mean, their whole body is just a disgusting mess.

Harland Williams 31:37 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:37 Like when you eat bears, so you-

Harland Williams 31:39 You eat bear?

Joe Rogan 31:40 Yeah, I've eaten bear.

Harland Williams 31:41 Griz, black bear, polar?

Joe Rogan 31:43 Black bear, black bear.

Harland Williams 31:44 Black bear, not griz?

Joe Rogan 31:46 Yeah. No, I've never had one of those.

Harland Williams 31:47 What's, what's, why, why do you eat black bear?

Joe Rogan 31:50 We hunted them.

Harland Williams 31:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:51 Yeah, they have to. They, and-

Harland Williams 31:52 But I heard it's kind of a musky, kind of weird taste.

Joe Rogan 31:55 No, it really depends on what they've been eating.

Harland Williams 31:58 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:58 But most, unfortunately most of those bears are probably eating calves, moose calves and, uh, and fawns, deer fawns. They tasted good.

Harland Williams 32:08 Black bears are kind of like goats though, they'll eat just about anything.

Joe Rogan 32:12 They eat a lot. Do you know that in the early days, the pioneers used to eat bear and they'd use deer for skin?

Harland Williams 32:18 Say again?

Joe Rogan 32:18 They would just use deer skins, they'd just use the, the hide from deer. They were eating bear.

Harland Williams 32:24 Oh, I see.

Joe Rogan 32:24 They ate bear more than they ate anything else.

Harland Williams 32:25 Is that right?

Joe Rogan 32:26 Yeah. Isn't that crazy?

Harland Williams 32:27 Well, maybe there was a reason for that, because the bear was a threat to them, so maybe it's like, "Let's kill the thing that could kill our cattle or kill our children, and let's eat that versus the docile..." This is just a theory I just came up with.

Joe Rogan 32:45 No, it's a good theory. That makes sense.

Harland Williams 32:46 You know?

Joe Rogan 32:47 Yeah, we definitely wanna kill the thing that's killing your food, and if you could eat it too, all the better. And apparently, uh, they thought it tasted the most like beef, whereas like venison was different.

Harland Williams 32:56 Really?

Joe Rogan 32:56 Yeah.

Harland Williams 32:56 Yeah, venison has its own t- taste.

Joe Rogan 32:58 Mm-hmm. Yeah. So they ate a lot of bear.

Harland Williams 33:02 Black, uh, b- black bears are dangerous, but grizes are the one you gotta be careful about.

Joe Rogan 33:07 They're all dangerous, man. They're all bears.

Harland Williams 33:10 I don't know if I... Can I s- can I sh- share something with you?

Joe Rogan 33:13 Please do.

Harland Williams 33:14 I'm a blueberry nut. Like, I, I like it. I'm like blueberries, when blueberry season hits in the early spring, I'm, I'm nuts about it.

Joe Rogan 33:22 How's Dimitri feel about that?

Harland Williams 33:24 Well, he likes celery, don't give him berries.

Joe Rogan 33:29 (laughs) How dare you make fun of my boy? Joe.

Harland Williams 33:33 Anyway, blueberries?

Joe Rogan 33:34 So, uh, this was about seven years ago. I'm up on a hill in Banff, out in Canada-

Harland Williams 33:40 Right.

Joe Rogan 33:40 ... in the Rocky Mountains. Griz, you know griz, and it, and I'll t- I'll use a line from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, remember, uh, Caracatus Potts?

Harland Williams 33:50 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 33:50 He was the, uh, father to Dick Van Dyke, and he used this line where he's singing, he goes, uh, he's doing a song in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and he does a line where he goes, "And the bear came a lolloping over the mountain." And I'm sitting there picking blueberries, and this behemoth comes flying over the hill.

Harland Williams 34:11 So that was a grizzly bear.

Joe Rogan 34:12 It was a griz, and, uh, when they attack, they roll you. They roll and claw. And, uh, I've never done this but... (laughs) You are such a dork. (laughs)

Harland Williams 34:29 They fucking... What do you mean?

Joe Rogan 34:34 (laughs)

Harland Williams 34:34 Well...

Joe Rogan 34:37 (laughs) You just had a real fucking tattoo. Let me see that again. (laughs) Let me see that again. (laughs)

Harland Williams 34:44 Dude, this is not easy for me to talk about.

Joe Rogan 34:46 Let me see. (laughs)

Harland Williams 34:49 The bear came a lolloping over the mountain.

Joe Rogan 34:53 (laughs)

Harland Williams 34:54 And, uh-

Joe Rogan 34:55 That tattoo belongs to a mechanic in Idaho, and you need to give it back to him.

Harland Williams 35:00 (laughs) Joe.

Joe Rogan 35:03 (Laughs) Let me see it again.

Harland Williams 35:06 What the...

Joe Rogan 35:07 Let me see it again.

Harland Williams 35:08 The bear came a lolloping over the mountain.

Joe Rogan 35:13 (laughs)

Harland Williams 35:13 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 35:13 What?

Harland Williams 35:16 How dare you, sir.

Joe Rogan 35:16 Is that the longest anyone's ever gone for a gag? That's, that is, yeah, it's the furthest anyone's ever gone. You actually got it tattooed on your chest.

Harland Williams 35:25 Well, hang on, guy. I'm trying to tell you I got attacked by a griz.

Joe Rogan 35:30 (laughs)

Harland Williams 35:32 You know what?

Joe Rogan 35:33 (laughs)

Harland Williams 35:36 (chewing noises)

Joe Rogan 35:38 (laughs) Oh my god. (laughs) The, probably the bear heard you chewing celery.

Harland Williams 35:46 And you know what I did? I did a thing, I, I invented it called the, the, um, jelly roll, 'cause I'm in the blueberries. The only way to evade the griz, I roll down the hill, he's ripping my chest, whoosh, right down the hill into a river.

Joe Rogan 36:00 Mm.

Harland Williams 36:01 Boom. Bouncing around like Moses with the-

Joe Rogan 36:03 Blueberry jelly.

Harland Williams 36:04 ... tuberculosis teeth.

Joe Rogan 36:05 You're making jelly as you roll through the-

Harland Williams 36:07 Yeah, I'm cru-

Joe Rogan 36:07 ... blueberries.

Harland Williams 36:07 I'm crushing the, yeah.

Joe Rogan 36:09 Mm.

Harland Williams 36:10 And this bear was just befuddled, just stood there, looked like Forrest Gump with a Chinese dildo up his ass.

Joe Rogan 36:17 Hm.

Harland Williams 36:22 Now a mountain lion, on the other hand... Can I share something with you?

Joe Rogan 36:28 (laughs) Does this involve another tattoo?

Harland Williams 36:30 Well, no. The mountain lion-

Joe Rogan 36:32 (laughs) What the fuck is that?

Harland Williams 36:35 He...

Young Jamie (Jamie Vernon) 36:36 It's a scar.

Joe Rogan 36:37 Did you glue those on?

Harland Williams 36:39 (laughs) He...

Joe Rogan 36:39 What the fuck is wrong with him?

Harland Williams 36:41 The mountain lion-

Joe Rogan 36:42 (laughs)

Harland Williams 36:43 ... scrapes, he digs in with his claws.

Joe Rogan 36:48 ... Jesus Christ. (laughs)

Harland Williams 36:49 What? What is wrong with you?

Joe Rogan 36:50 (laughs)

Harland Williams 36:50 Can't a guy have adventure stories in nature?

Joe Rogan 36:55 Yeah, that-- those-- that makeup artist, whoever did that, th-- they look-- from the Twilight Zone. Same person. (laughs)

Harland Williams 37:01 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 37:01 Same person who did that fucking--

Harland Williams 37:03 Oh. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 37:03 ... that alien's head. (laughs)

Harland Williams 37:05 It was disgusting. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 37:06 It fell off. Hey, you're healing, by the power of Jesus.

Harland Williams 37:09 Oh, God.

Joe Rogan 37:11 There's your celery. You're healing.

Harland Williams 37:14 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 37:14 Celery's helping.

Harland Williams 37:15 But here's where I talked to you earlier about learning Mandarin. Here's the difference between the evolution of nature, mammals, critters-

Joe Rogan 37:28 Right.

Harland Williams 37:28 ... and human beings. Cut to about eight years ago. I'm on, uh, the Mackenzie River, and there's white water like you wouldn't believe. Little Vietnamese boy, kid named Kimmy Long Wow, freckles on his face, unbelievable. Tips, okay? Bears, wild cats, they just sc- scratch. The ingenuity, the intelligence of a human, I jump in, grab little Kimmy Long Wow. He starts scratching me. Can I show you something?

Joe Rogan 38:07 (laughs)

Harland Williams 38:07 Look at this. This kid scratched the shit out of me, and even in a panicked state, I had to learn Mandarin. This is Twas the Night Before Christmas.

Joe Rogan 38:26 (laughs)

Harland Williams 38:26 Well...

Joe Rogan 38:27 (laughs)

Harland Williams 38:32 Geez, man. Unbelievable.

Joe Rogan 38:35 What was his name again?

Harland Williams 38:37 Little Kimmy Long Wow. He had freckles on his face. It looked like, um, Dolly Parton serving apple cobbler if you joined him.

Joe Rogan 38:46 And he was Viet- he was Vietnamese?

Harland Williams 38:47 Vietnamese boy, Kimmy Long Wow.

Joe Rogan 38:49 Why would-- why would a Vietnamese kid have freckles? That seems uncommon.

Harland Williams 38:51 That's what was so weird. That's wh- how he stood out amongst all the other boys.

Joe Rogan 38:55 He's like a child of an American GI?

Harland Williams 38:56 I don't know, but just unbelievable kid. To see a little Vietnamese boy with freckles, you don't get that.

Joe Rogan 39:03 Hmm. How many American Vie- Vie- like, that was always a thing, like those Chuck Norris action movies, remember? Like Missing in Action?

Harland Williams 39:13 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 39:13 It was always about guys that were still stuck over there and we had to go get 'em.

Harland Williams 39:16 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 39:16 Everybody kind of forgot about that.

Harland Williams 39:18 Are those the guys that inspired you, like Norris and Bruce-

Joe Rogan 39:21 Oh, yeah, definitely. Yeah, Bruce Lee, Norris. Yeah.

Harland Williams 39:23 Like when you were a kid, did you sneak into the movies?

Joe Rogan 39:25 I went to the movies and then-

Harland Williams 39:27 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 39:27 It was on television too when I was a kid. Like, the first, uh, Bruce Lee movie I ever saw was on television.

Harland Williams 39:32 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 39:32 I couldn't believe it. I was like, "Look at that guy."

Harland Williams 39:34 (blows raspberry)

Joe Rogan 39:34 "That's insane. How's he doing that?" But like, uh, those Missing in Action movies was all about missing POWs.

Harland Williams 39:42 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 39:42 And then we always used to talk-- that was always a thing, that like the POWs from Vietnam got left behind.

Harland Williams 39:48 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 39:48 And, and like, you know, Chuck Norris is gonna go back and get them and set them free and...

Harland Williams 39:52 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 39:53 How many POWs got left behind in Vietnam? 'Cause that's a f-... that's a fucking real thing, man.

Harland Williams 39:58 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 39:58 Not only was it a bullshit war, but people went over there and they left them there.

Harland Williams 40:02 John McCain, remember him, the politician?

Joe Rogan 40:04 Oh, he was a, yeah, he was a- a prisoner for years. He's- his shoulders were all fucked up too. They- yeah.

Harland Williams 40:09 Yeah, he couldn't-

Joe Rogan 40:09 They couldn't, yeah.

Harland Williams 40:09 ... he couldn't put his arms down.

Joe Rogan 40:11 Yeah.

Harland Williams 40:11 Like he was... I remember I went on a roller coaster with him once, and, uh, at the end of it, I was like, "Guy, we're- it's done," and he was still...

Joe Rogan 40:21 That's how crazy Trump is. Trump, Trump made fun of him getting caught.

Harland Williams 40:24 Yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 40:26 (laughs)

Harland Williams 40:26 No, he, uh, Trump said, "Well, I like guys that didn't get caught."

Joe Rogan 40:30 Yeah, what the fuck are you saying?

Harland Williams 40:32 Remember? (laughs) Yeah.

Joe Rogan 40:32 Like you were gonna run away? You wouldn't run away? Would you be... (laughs)

Harland Williams 40:35 Yeah. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 40:36 If you're his enemy, he doesn't give a fuck. He'll say anything.

Harland Williams 40:40 No. You're skewered. You're skewered.

Joe Rogan 40:42 (clears throat) Even if it doesn't make any sense, he'll say it, like, "What? Guys who don't get caught? What?"

Harland Williams 40:47 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 40:48 How can you fucking say that about a war hero?

Harland Williams 40:50 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 40:50 It's like, Jesus Christ.

Harland Williams 40:51 That's true. It's wild.

Joe Rogan 40:54 Crazy, but he's my enemy. Fuck him. (laughs)

Harland Williams 40:56 Yeah. No- no holds barred battle mode.

Joe Rogan 41:00 How many American soldiers got left behind in Vietnam? I was trying to find that. And this is, by the way, they're not gonna tell you the real number, right?

Harland Williams 41:09 They're not?

Joe Rogan 41:10 No, they didn't tell you why we were going into the war in the first place. I'm sure the- the- even the death count is probably disputed. Who knows?

Harland Williams 41:17 Have you ever romanticized being in combat like that? Even though it's the death zone, have you ever like... 'cause you're a hunter. You're skilled with the, uh, the rifle. Have you ever sort of imaginary, like, immersed yourself into a Vietnamese, like, battle scene?

Joe Rogan 41:35 No. No. Nor, nor could I imagine those guys who got... they got conscripted, you know, they got drafted.

Harland Williams 41:41 Right.

Joe Rogan 41:41 So you didn't want to do it. Maybe you just wanted to build cars. (clears throat)

Harland Williams 41:44 But-

Joe Rogan 41:44 Maybe you wanted to be a painter. Now all of a sudden you're over there with a rifle and you're- you're- in the dark in the jungle.

Harland Williams 41:51 But does the hunter side of you go in there and imagine like you could excel in that environment?

Joe Rogan 41:58 No, the hunter is a totally different experience. The hunt- the hunting side of me is like dipping my toe into the natural world, like getting my food the hard way.

Harland Williams 42:10 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 42:10 That's the- the hunter in me is going out and finding food and interacting with nature. But the- the elk are not my enemy. I love them.

Harland Williams 42:19 Right, but is there a thrill to the kill though? There has to be a moment of-

Joe Rogan 42:23 It's-

Harland Williams 42:23 ... sort of adrenaline and jubilation when you man conquers beast. Does that exist?

Joe Rogan 42:29 No, the- the thrill is that you pulled off a difficult thing. It's very hard to do, and it's very hard to make a shot with a bow and arrow on an animal.

Harland Williams 42:37 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 42:37 It's hard. And a lethal shot. And to be able to do it consistently. To do it every time you hunt, to be able to make a lethal shot. And I'm talking about it at like 50 yards, 60 yards.

Harland Williams 42:47 Oh, wow. Do you strictly use bow and arrow?

Joe Rogan 42:49 Yes.

Harland Williams 42:50 Oh, I didn't know that.

Joe Rogan 42:50 But I-

Harland Williams 42:51 I thought you had rifles too.

Joe Rogan 42:52 No, I- I shoot with rifles.

Harland Williams 42:53 Okay.

Joe Rogan 42:53 I've killed- I killed a pig last year with a rifle.

Harland Williams 42:56 Wow. What'd the farmer say?

Joe Rogan 42:57 Turned him into sausage. It was a wild one.

Harland Williams 42:59 Ooh, how big?

Joe Rogan 42:59 They actually had to kill him. He was pretty big, 200 pounds.

Harland Williams 43:01 Texas?

Joe Rogan 43:02 No, this was in California. And so, uh-

Harland Williams 43:04 Ooh.

Joe Rogan 43:04 ... I ate him just the other day. I had some-

Harland Williams 43:06 What, did she sag?

Joe Rogan 43:07 That was a boy. It's a boy pig.

Harland Williams 43:09 No, I said was she SAG?

Joe Rogan 43:11 I know what you're saying. California? Is that a joke, and actor joke?

Harland Williams 43:15 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 43:15 I got you. I got you. What was I saying though? What was I on about?

Harland Williams 43:19 Well, you were talking about the-

Joe Rogan 43:20 Oh, the hunting and divers-

Harland Williams 43:21 Hunting with a bow, yeah.

Joe Rogan 43:22 ... the war. War, to me, is insane.

Harland Williams 43:25 I don't know. I gotta-

Joe Rogan 43:25 War, to me, is like I don't wanna have nothing to do with that. I would never-

Harland Williams 43:28 Really?

Joe Rogan 43:28 No. It's insane.

Harland Williams 43:29 There's no little piece of you that you're in the dark jungle-

Joe Rogan 43:32 That's someone's boy. That's someone's baby boy.

Harland Williams 43:35 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 43:35 I don't think of it even as a man. It's someone's baby boy that I don't know. That guy has parents-

Harland Williams 43:41 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 43:41 ... and they probably love him, and he probably has a wife and she loves him, and he probably has friends and they love him.

Harland Williams 43:45 I like it that you said that.

Joe Rogan 43:46 And he just ... And then some fucking politician is telling me that that guy's my enemy?

Harland Williams 43:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 43:51 I bet that guy and I, if we could speak l- the language, we'd have a beer together and have a good time.

Harland Williams 43:55 What a great answer.

Joe Rogan 43:55 He probably doesn't wanna have anything to do with killing me, and I don't wanna have anything to do with killing him. And we're both being suckered into this thing by a bunch of assholes who are just making money.

Harland Williams 44:03 I love that answer, Joe.

Joe Rogan 44:05 Yeah.

Harland Williams 44:05 If I could fly over this table and hug you, I would.

Joe Rogan 44:07 Aw. We hug a lot.

Harland Williams 44:09 But it reminds me of a movie. Did you ever see this old movie with Lee Marvin, and I can't remember the other actor. He was a Japanese actor. But this was a movie, I think in the '60s, where they're both in the war, the Japanese pilot and Lee Marvin. They both crashed on a remote island.

Joe Rogan 44:28 Oh.

Harland Williams 44:28 Supreme enemies, and they only had each other, and a box of sake somehow got stranded on the island, and they became the best friends in the world. And I think if everyone looked-

Joe Rogan 44:40 Yeah.

Harland Williams 44:40 ... through that prism in life, they would forget about all the war and the violence. When you realize someone else is exactly like you-

Joe Rogan 44:49 Exactly like you.

Harland Williams 44:49 ... and that you need someone else, and they have the same fears, desires, passions, and wants as you, it's such a beautiful movie, you know? It's, we're all the freaking same. Y- whenever you get into an altercation with someone, you feel dislike towards someone, you should always just picture yourself trapped on an island with that person and go, "You know what? If I were alone with them, I would love them. They'd be my best friend."

Joe Rogan 45:13 You'd figure it out.

Harland Williams 45:14 It's a mental thing.

Joe Rogan 45:15 Yeah.

Harland Williams 45:15 If everyone kind of adopted that mentality, I think we'd, things would be nice.

Joe Rogan 45:20 Things could be a lot better. We're just, we're divided by so many things in this world.

Harland Williams 45:24 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 45:24 We're divided by politics. We're d- You hear, uh, like Robert De Niro screaming in front of people-

Harland Williams 45:29 Ugh.

Joe Rogan 45:29 ... about Trump, like-

Harland Williams 45:30 Horrible.

Joe Rogan 45:30 What are you doing? Like, what is this? Like, this is like v-

Harland Williams 45:33 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 45:33 ... silly behavior. All this is so silly.

Harland Williams 45:36 (coughs) Not only that, labeling them, calling them-

Joe Rogan 45:38 Yeah.

Harland Williams 45:38 ... clowns, and, and denigrating them, saying, "You're less than me, because I-

Joe Rogan 45:42 Yeah.

Harland Williams 45:42 ... like this and you're-

Joe Rogan 45:43 Yeah.

Harland Williams 45:43 ... like that."

Joe Rogan 45:44 It's all insane.

Harland Williams 45:45 Do you remember the, the, there was a beautiful experiment-

Joe Rogan 45:48 (clears throat) .

Harland Williams 45:49 ... done by Jane Elliott in the 1960s where she took a classroom of children and she said, "All the children with brown eyes raise your hands, and all the children with blue eyes raise your hands." And she separated them. And sh- sh- she w- you can find it on YouTube. She told all the b- blue-eyed children that they were s- they were beautiful, they were smarter. They're, they were, they were, they were more superior than the brown-eyed children. And she conducted this, uh, experiment for a week, and over the course of the days, the blue-eyed children started denigrating and looking down on the brown-eyed children, and acting superior. And then halfway through the experiment, Jane Elliott goes, "Oh, I made a mistake. It's the brown-eyed children that are more superior." And so the whole thing shifted, and all the children in that class got to feel what it was like to be, uh, put down, to, uh, you know, have racism towards them. It, it was a fascinating experiment. It's, it's on YouTube, if you ever wanna watch it. It's, it's, it's mesmerizing.

Joe Rogan 46:58 It's an interesting experiment. But like what the fuck, lady? You're playing tricks on kids?

Harland Williams 47:03 Well, I think she was trying to dem- she, she-

Joe Rogan 47:05 I get you're demonstrating.

Harland Williams 47:06 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 47:06 But you're also tricking these kids into thinking that way.

Harland Williams 47:09 Well, I think she was setting the table for them in life saying, "Hey."

Joe Rogan 47:13 Maybe.

Harland Williams 47:14 "Don't think you're better than anyone. We're all the same. And don't let people tell you you're better than everyone." And, and it was also a social experiment that was documented too.

Joe Rogan 47:25 Hmm.

Harland Williams 47:25 So there was a, it w-

Joe Rogan 47:26 Would you let your kid do that?

Harland Williams 47:27 Do that kind of experiment?

Joe Rogan 47:28 (sighs) Yeah, if they didn't know.

Harland Williams 47:30 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 47:30 Would, would you let them sign up for that?

Harland Williams 47:31 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 47:31 And talk shit to the blue-eyed kids?

Harland Williams 47:34 Uh, you know what? I'd, I'd let my kid live through that.

Joe Rogan 47:37 I would hope I would have told my kid a long time ago that that would be nonsense, and that they wouldn't believe that.

Harland Williams 47:41 Right. I w- I would teach my kid that. But, uh, to s- it's one thing to tell a kid something, and then to let something play out in the real world is, it's a different thing. People, humans have a tendency to get caught up in the fever of things, you know?

Joe Rogan 47:56 Like COVID.

Harland Williams 47:57 Like COVID.

Joe Rogan 47:58 Yeah.

Harland Williams 47:58 Like, like politics.

Joe Rogan 48:00 That was a good example of it. Politics.

Harland Williams 48:00 Like, all of this stuff, yeah. People-

Joe Rogan 48:02 (clears throat) Any time, any time there's any thi- sort of international conflict.

Harland Williams 48:05 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 48:05 Palestine and Israel.

Harland Williams 48:06 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 48:06 Got Ukraine and Russia.

Harland Williams 48:09 You have a sect of people that sort of know what's what, and then you have a large sect of people that just get caught up in the furor of it.

Joe Rogan 48:17 Mm-hmm.

Harland Williams 48:17 And it's, it's scary to see-

Joe Rogan 48:19 (coughs)

Harland Williams 48:19 ... how quickly people are absorbed by it, and, and caught up in it. It's frightening.

Joe Rogan 48:27 Well, that's, you ever been to a protest?

Harland Williams 48:29 No.

Joe Rogan 48:30 Protests feel like, like a mob.

Harland Williams 48:33 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 48:33 It feels dangerous. When there's a bunch of people walk around, even if it's peaceful, and they're cheering, (clears throat) especially if they're cheering about something f- that happened that was violent-

Harland Williams 48:41 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 48:41 ... and they're angry, and they're demanding something, and they're all marching, it's like, "Yew." That, that, I think that ignites in human beings the same feelings of war.

Harland Williams 48:52 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 48:53 (clears throat) Is my, is my cough button still busted, Jim, or did you swap that out?

Young Jamie (Jamie Vernon) 48:56 Got it.

Harland Williams 48:56 You okay?

Young Jamie (Jamie Vernon) 48:57 It's, it's gonna be a-

Joe Rogan 48:58 Yeah.

Young Jamie (Jamie Vernon) 48:58 ... pain in the ass to swap it out.

Joe Rogan 49:00 (coughing) We had a, a cough button. I don't think that's gone.

Young Jamie (Jamie Vernon) 49:02 There. It's working there, yeah.

Harland Williams 49:03 Do you wanna try it?

Joe Rogan 49:05 (coughing) No, no. It's just, uh, phlegm.

Harland Williams 49:07 Well-

Joe Rogan 49:08 I'm good to go. I don't need celery.

Harland Williams 49:10 Please, friend.

Joe Rogan 49:11 No, thank you.

Harland Williams 49:12 Why?

Joe Rogan 49:13 I don't have any tapeworms, and I, I don't enjoy celery.

Harland Williams 49:15 W- can't you accept a gift?

Joe Rogan 49:16 I like it with peanut butter. Do you have any peanut butter? (laughs) This motherfucker might have peanut butter.

Harland Williams 49:27 How about a cauliflower?

Joe Rogan 49:28 No, that's not the same thing.

Harland Williams 49:29 Well, it's got the same letters in it.

Joe Rogan 49:31 No, no, no, no, no, no. It doesn't have all of them. It's missing the B.

Harland Williams 49:35 I thought you liked cauliflower.

Joe Rogan 49:36 No.

Harland Williams 49:37 Well, now what am I gonna do?

Joe Rogan 49:39 Just put it down.

Harland Williams 49:40 Well...

Joe Rogan 49:41 What were we just talking about before that? (clears throat)

49:43 Vietnam.

Harland Williams 49:44 Are you okay, guy?

Joe Rogan 49:45 Yeah, I just got this-

Harland Williams 49:46 What happened?

Joe Rogan 49:46 ... phlegm thing.

49:47 Nothing.

Harland Williams 49:47 Oh, good.

Joe Rogan 49:48 Never mind.

Harland Williams 49:48 Maybe you've got phlegm-ing.

Joe Rogan 49:50 Maybe. (hocks up and gurgles)

Harland Williams 49:51 Whoa!

Joe Rogan 49:52 (hisses)

Harland Williams 49:52 Whoa! Oh, I like that. Oh.

Joe Rogan 49:57 Imagine what they can smell.

Harland Williams 49:58 You ever do that noise when you're making love?

Joe Rogan 50:00 No. My wife will go-

Harland Williams 50:01 Why not?

Joe Rogan 50:01 ... "What the fuck are you doing?"

Harland Williams 50:03 Dude, it's primal. Women love it.

Joe Rogan 50:04 She doesn't make fun of me, she'd get up and leave.

Harland Williams 50:05 No, I'm... Here's an experiment from me to you.

Joe Rogan 50:08 Okay, just make animal noises.

Harland Williams 50:08 I want you to try that. Next time you're making love, not to get into your pers- I respect your s- personal space, but doggie style (dog barking) right by her ear...

Joe Rogan 50:21 (growling)

50:22 Just be gentle, Carl.

50:22 (Ruffing and growling)

50:22 Carl just started barking.

50:23 (Hissing) Yip!

50:23 L- listen to Carl. Listen to Carl.

50:30 (whining) Ruff! (barking) Yow! Yow!

Harland Williams 50:35 Wow.

Joe Rogan 50:35 Have you ever seen Carl do that? Has Carl ever done that before?

Harland Williams 50:38 Wow.

Joe Rogan 50:38 There are a few noises in here that have w- woke him up, but he's...

Harland Williams 50:41 Wow.

Joe Rogan 50:41 He's fired up. That is crazy. Look at... He really believes. I have a, a, like, if calling dogs was a thing-

Harland Williams 50:48 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 50:48 ... I'd have a, like, a really good career in call, dog calling.

Harland Williams 50:51 Let's hear your growl.

Joe Rogan 50:52 (growling)

50:53 (ruffing and growling) Yeah, pretty good.

51:05 Dude, you gotta.

51:06 Carl's, Carl believes it. (whining)

Harland Williams 51:07 You gotta try that with your wife.

Joe Rogan 51:08 Because poor Carl.

51:09 (laughing)

Harland Williams 51:10 Oh, dude. Sorry, Carl.

Joe Rogan 51:12 Poor Carl.

Harland Williams 51:13 Oh, God, he thinks he's walked into a wolf pack.

Joe Rogan 51:16 Yeah, he's like, "Someone's gonna eat me. This is bullshit. These guys have been pretending to be my friends. I'm, they've been letting me bite their fingers the whole time. They're setting me up."

Harland Williams 51:23 Dude, I'm telling you, try that.

Joe Rogan 51:25 Sorry, Carl.

Harland Williams 51:25 Try that with the wife.

Joe Rogan 51:27 (laughs) Okay.

Harland Williams 51:28 You gotta try it.

Joe Rogan 51:28 Sorry, Carl. Poor Carl.

51:32 It's okay, buddy.

51:33 Poor little Carl.

Harland Williams 51:34 Poor Carl.

Joe Rogan 51:35 He's like, "What the fuck?"

Harland Williams 51:37 That's a good, good noise.

Joe Rogan 51:39 Thank you. (clears throat)

Harland Williams 51:40 Where'd you, where'd you acquire that skill? 'Cause I learned it when we had a, when I had a puppy. I would, I would try to... I like to communicate to animals in their own language if you can.

Joe Rogan 51:50 Right.

Harland Williams 51:50 Do you, you have dogs, right?

Joe Rogan 51:52 Yeah.

Harland Williams 51:52 Do you-

Joe Rogan 51:52 But I just talk to him.

Harland Williams 51:53 You don't do that?

Joe Rogan 51:54 He, he hardly ever barks. He very, very, very rarely barks. He'll bark if he has to go outside, like if he has diarrhea, he'll bark. Like, "Rarf!" He'll get by the door and go, "Rarf! Fuck! Chad, help me out!"

Harland Williams 52:04 Whoa.

Joe Rogan 52:05 Or he'll bark if he sees something (laughs) ... He used to, you know when he used to bark? Carl's done, huh? (laughs)

Harland Williams 52:10 Wow.

Joe Rogan 52:10 He's fired, Carl.

Harland Williams 52:10 He's terrified. He's tired.

Joe Rogan 52:12 Now he wants to bite us, man. He's a little, little gangster. Um, he'll... You, you remember those, um, inflatable snowmen that people would have on their front lawn?

Harland Williams 52:22 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 52:22 Around Christmastime?

Harland Williams 52:23 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 52:23 He barks at those.

Harland Williams 52:24 What, your dog?

Joe Rogan 52:25 Yeah. (laughs)

Harland Williams 52:26 Why?

Joe Rogan 52:26 (laughs) I don't know. He thinks it's a thing. He likes, like, wants to tell me there's a big animal there. He's like letting me know.

Harland Williams 52:32 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 52:33 He's like, "Dad! What the fuck is that, Dad?"

Harland Williams 52:35 Maybe, maybe he thinks it's a yeti, like one of those abominable snowmen.

Joe Rogan 52:37 I bet he thinks it's a bear. I bet it's just like... I bet in a dog's mind, there's a shape that has two arms, that stands up big, and you go, "Bark! Bark, bark!"

Harland Williams 52:46 Yeah. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 52:47 And I, and I have to go, "Dude, that is just... That's a snowman. Don't worry about it."

Harland Williams 52:51 I love that your dog has a diarrhea bark.

Joe Rogan 52:54 He has a "I gotta go out now" bark. Rarf!

Harland Williams 52:56 But you said diarrhea.

Joe Rogan 52:57 Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's had diarrhea.

Harland Williams 52:58 What's that one sound like?

Joe Rogan 52:59 Same thing. Barf! Rah! It's basically-

Harland Williams 53:02 Wow.

Joe Rogan 53:02 ... "Hey!"

Harland Williams 53:03 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 53:03 "Hey!"

Harland Williams 53:03 "I got to run. Let's go to Taco Bell."

Joe Rogan 53:07 I got a funny video that I'll send to Jamie, and then we can w- we can watch it, because it was him last night.

Harland Williams 53:12 Okay.

Joe Rogan 53:12 Because last night, he hadn't gone out in, like, f- four hours. And, uh, there was thunderstorms outside.

Harland Williams 53:20 Hmm.

Joe Rogan 53:20 And when there's thunderstorms outside, he fucking freaks out. He freaks out. Like, I can't watch TV with him when th- when there's thunderstorms. He just, like...

Harland Williams 53:29 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 53:29 When we watch TV together-

Harland Williams 53:31 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 53:31 ... we, uh, we sit on the, the couch, and we cuddle.

Harland Williams 53:34 Aw.

Joe Rogan 53:34 And so, I sit like this, and he, like, puts his head, like, on my lap, or...

Harland Williams 53:37 What kind of dog is this?

Joe Rogan 53:39 Golden retriever.

Harland Williams 53:39 Oh, yeah. Perfect.

Joe Rogan 53:40 The sweetest dog of all time.

Harland Williams 53:41 Yeah, perfect.

Joe Rogan 53:42 But sometimes, I don't even hear it, you know, 'cause I'm watching the movie, but it, all of a sudden, he, he'll just... (imitates dog growling and barking)

Harland Williams 53:50 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 53:50 He starts, like, spinning around. I'm starting, I'm like, "Dude, chill out."

Harland Williams 53:53 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 53:53 And then he just jumps off the couch, jumps back on the couch, kisses me, off the couch, back on the couch.

Harland Williams 53:58 Oh.

Joe Rogan 53:58 Like ... (imitates dog barking)

Harland Williams 54:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:00 So last night... Jamie, I just sent this to you.

54:02 Hey, bud.

54:02 Last night, uh, he had to pee. I'm like, "I know you have to pee. It's, like, midnight. Come on, bro." Like, look at this.

54:08 You gave up on me? (laughs)

54:10 He kept jumping at me.

Harland Williams 54:11 Oh, you filmed him?

Joe Rogan 54:12 Hey. Come on. You gotta go to the bathroom. Go potty. This is all just because of the lightning.

Harland Williams 54:17 Oh, wow.

Joe Rogan 54:19 Folks, Marshall's the best, but he's a giant pussy when it comes to lightning. Dude, please, go pee. You haven't peed in four hours. Come on. I, I love you, too. Come. Go potty.

54:30 (laughs)

54:31 Marshall is the best buddy. He's a giant pussy when it comes to lightning. Dude, you gotta pee. You gotta pee. I know it's because of the lightning.

Harland Williams 54:38 But normally, he'd just go out and pee.

Joe Rogan 54:40 100%. He never...

Harland Williams 54:40 And the lightning was-

Joe Rogan 54:41 He literally never does this.

Harland Williams 54:43 Wow.

Joe Rogan 54:44 But he's wagging his tail, so...

Harland Williams 54:45 He loves it.

Joe Rogan 54:46 I mean, he's excited, right? He's done... His tail's not between his legs, but he's just freaked out.

Harland Williams 54:52 Maybe he's got the diarrhea, but he's afraid to start so he doesn't get electrocuted.

Joe Rogan 54:56 Look at this guy. Look at this guy.

54:56 Ooh.

Harland Williams 54:56 Yeah. Wow.

Joe Rogan 54:57 Marshall, I know, but you gotta pee, dude. Come on.

55:01 Go potty. Marshall, please go potty. Oh my God.

55:06 (laughs)

Harland Williams 55:07 Wow.

Joe Rogan 55:07 He wouldn't pee. I had to bring him back in the house. He just would not pee, he just was, just wanted to jump up and just freaked out. He wanted to make sure that I was okay.

Harland Williams 55:15 (sighs)

Joe Rogan 55:15 Like, uh, he, "I'm with him?" "You're okay." Like he wants to be on top of you when the lightning's happening.

Harland Williams 55:20 Weird.

Joe Rogan 55:21 Yeah. He's just like, "Oh, are we okay?" I'm like, "We're okay." Like as long as I'm okay-

Harland Williams 55:25 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:25 ... he thinks it's okay.

Harland Williams 55:27 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:27 He's like, "We gotta get the fuck outta here." Like his instincts are like, "We're not supposed to be out in the open. This is dangerous."

Harland Williams 55:33 Wait, how old is he?

Joe Rogan 55:34 Seven.

Harland Williams 55:35 Oh, so you'd think by now he'd sort of have it figured out-

Joe Rogan 55:38 (sighs)

Harland Williams 55:38 ... the way animals do.

Joe Rogan 55:39 Well, the thing is, when he was-

Harland Williams 55:41 Huh.

Joe Rogan 55:41 ... young, until he was, uh, I guess three-ish-

Harland Williams 55:46 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:46 ... we moved here, four years ago. And he'd never really saw lightning. Like very rarely-

Harland Williams 55:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:51 ... do you see lightning in California.

Harland Williams 55:53 Yeah, you're right. And we're near thunder.

Joe Rogan 55:55 It's super rare. Yeah. Very, very-

Harland Williams 55:55 You rarely hear thunder. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:57 Very rarely do you have those kind of-

Harland Williams 55:58 It's weird.

Joe Rogan 55:58 ... crazy storms they have out here.

Harland Williams 56:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 56:01 The storms they have out here are fucking wild.

Harland Williams 56:03 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 56:03 Some guy posted a video yesterday, Jamie, on Instagram of his car getting destroyed by hail.

Harland Williams 56:09 Ugh.

Joe Rogan 56:10 In Texas. Like some insane hail, like four-inch hail chunks. You see his windshield-

Harland Williams 56:16 Ugh.

Joe Rogan 56:16 ... shattering, his back windshee- whee- windshield got blown out.

Harland Williams 56:20 Ugh.

Joe Rogan 56:20 While he's driving. He's like, "This is insane."

Harland Williams 56:22 While he was driving, yeah.

Joe Rogan 56:23 He's watching his car just get destroyed, just ba, ba, ba, ba.

Harland Williams 56:25 Wow.

Joe Rogan 56:26 It's rocks just-

Harland Williams 56:27 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 56:27 ... rocks dropping out of the sky.

Harland Williams 56:28 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 56:29 So-

Harland Williams 56:29 Sometimes I think they actually puncture right through the roof, like through the metal.

Joe Rogan 56:33 Oh, yeah.

Harland Williams 56:34 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 56:34 You gotta think of how far. If you got a four-inch chunk of ice-

Harland Williams 56:37 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 56:37 ... that's hurling from space.

Harland Williams 56:39 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 56:39 Like it's basically in the clouds.

Harland Williams 56:42 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 56:42 Look at that.

Harland Williams 56:43 Oh, wow.

Joe Rogan 56:43 What the fuck, dude?

Harland Williams 56:45 That looks like JF Kennedy's car.

Joe Rogan 56:47 He had a convertible.

Harland Williams 56:49 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 56:49 It broke windows.

Harland Williams 56:51 Wow.

Joe Rogan 56:51 Yeah. Fucks these cars up, man.

Harland Williams 56:53 Whoa, he's fingering it.

Joe Rogan 56:55 A gu- it's (laughs) -

Harland Williams 56:55 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 56:55 I wonder how many people get killed by hail every year. There's a good question.

Harland Williams 56:59 Looks like they got hit by assholes.

Joe Rogan 57:00 What kills more, staff or hail? I'll say staff.

Harland Williams 57:03 I don't know, but I know they say about, uh, I think they say 12 to 30 people a year, this is for real, get killed by a falling coconut.

Joe Rogan 57:14 150.

Harland Williams 57:15 Well, not where I come from.

Joe Rogan 57:16 150 people a year.

Harland Williams 57:17 150 now?

Joe Rogan 57:18 Yeah. Yeah, I, um-

Harland Williams 57:20 So it's gone up.

Joe Rogan 57:20 We were talking about like things that kill people but they like inflate numbers, like marijuana kills zero. Coconuts falling on people's heads-

Harland Williams 57:27 People's head.

Joe Rogan 57:27 ... kill 150 people. We're not outlawing coconuts.

Harland Williams 57:30 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 57:30 You know what I'm saying?

Harland Williams 57:31 Can you imagine getting killed by a coconut?

Joe Rogan 57:33 It would suck.

Harland Williams 57:34 What a way to go.

Joe Rogan 57:35 It's not good, it's not a good way to go.

Harland Williams 57:38 Yeah. Especially if you're like an accomplished person.

Joe Rogan 57:40 Yeah. Everything's going great.

Harland Williams 57:42 Like if Steve Jobs had gotten killed by a coconut or his little brother.

Joe Rogan 57:46 Elon Musk.

Harland Williams 57:46 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 57:46 Imagine if Elon Musk gets killed by a coconut.

Harland Williams 57:48 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 57:49 You, no one would believe it. They're like, "The fucking CIA-

Harland Williams 57:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 57:51 ... made that coconut."

Harland Williams 57:51 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 57:53 What, Jimmy?

Jamie Vernon 57:53 While, while dangerous, ac- according to the NOAA, uh, since 2000 only four people have been killed by hail.

Joe Rogan 58:01 Wow.

Harland Williams 58:01 Oh, wow.

Joe Rogan 58:03 How many people get killed every year by lightning? Let's guess.

Harland Williams 58:07 Okay.

Joe Rogan 58:07 Six- 60.

Harland Williams 58:09 I'll say...

Joe Rogan 58:10 I don't know why I said 60.

Harland Williams 58:11 200.

Joe Rogan 58:12 200. Worldwide?

Harland Williams 58:13 Globally.

Joe Rogan 58:13 Globally. Mm, yeah, you're probably right.

Jamie Vernon 58:16 20 in the US.

Joe Rogan 58:18 20 in the US? Wow. Every year?

Harland Williams 58:20 So what is it globally?

Jamie Vernon 58:22 I...

Harland Williams 58:23 Got to figure the Chinese are getting picked off by-

Joe Rogan 58:26 (laughs)

Harland Williams 58:26 Because they got billions, right? You got them.

Joe Rogan 58:30 The odds are.

Harland Williams 58:31 This is-

Joe Rogan 58:31 And they have skyscrapers, they live in skyscrapers.

Jamie Vernon 58:33 4,000.

Harland Williams 58:33 Yeah. I wonder if Kimi Longwai's gonna get it.

Joe Rogan 58:35 24,000. Wow.

Harland Williams 58:37 24,000 a year?

Joe Rogan 58:39 Yeah.

Harland Williams 58:39 Killed by lightning?

Joe Rogan 58:40 Whoa.

Harland Williams 58:40 Well, we were both way off.

Joe Rogan 58:42 Wow.

Harland Williams 58:43 Whoa.

Joe Rogan 58:45 It was a lot less than I thought it would be in America.

Harland Williams 58:48 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 58:49 60 is what I thought in America. Wow.

Harland Williams 58:52 Have you ever been hit by lightning?

Joe Rogan 58:54 No, but my friend Remy has.

Jamie Vernon 58:55 Mm-hmm.

Harland Williams 58:56 Remy? Did he live?

Joe Rogan 58:57 Yeah, he lived. He was here on the podcast a couple of days ago. (clears throat)

Harland Williams 59:00 Oh, shit.

Joe Rogan 59:00 Um, he got hit by lightning I think when he was in high school.

Harland Williams 59:04 Wow.

Joe Rogan 59:04 I think it made him deaf for a little bit. Like really fucked him up.

Harland Williams 59:07 Wow.

Joe Rogan 59:08 Yeah, he, he didn't realize what happened, he just woke up on the ground. And, uh, they had to piece it together that he got hit by lightning.

Harland Williams 59:16 The electronic charge going through the air. Unbelievable.

Joe Rogan 59:20 Not just the... Have you seen what's going on right now in, um, where is it where there's, uh, these insa- is it Uruguay? Where is it where there's insane, uh, lightning storms that are coming out of that volcano?

Harland Williams 59:33 Oh, yeah, I saw that.

Joe Rogan 59:34 Have you seen that? Yeah, it's a different kind of lightning.

Harland Williams 59:36 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:37 So it's the, it's the, the s- the particles, the charged particles that are being released by the lava ignites-

Harland Williams 59:44 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:44 ... with the air somehow. I will, we'll get someone to explain it.

Harland Williams 59:47 Yeah. And the smoke too.

Joe Rogan 59:48 So it's a different kind of lightning.

Harland Williams 59:49 The steam, the particles-

Joe Rogan 59:51 Yeah.

Harland Williams 59:51 ... get caught in the steam, the translucent-

Joe Rogan 59:52 And it makes these insane lightning sh- shows.

Harland Williams 59:55 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:55 Like look at this.

Harland Williams 59:56 Yeah.

Jamie Vernon 59:57 Indonesia?

Joe Rogan 59:57 Indonesia.

Harland Williams 59:59 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:00:00 But it was, it's been going on like a lot lately. Like even during the day. There's a lot of films on TikTok and, and Instagram and stuff about it. Bro, that is so bonkers. (laughs) That mean if you were alive 5,000 years ago and you saw that, you're like, "Oh, Satan, that's where Satan lives."

Harland Williams 1:00:16 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:00:17 "Satan's back. Fuck, he's back. Dude, I got news everybody."

Harland Williams 1:00:21 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:00:21 "We're fucked, man, Satan's back."

Harland Williams 1:00:23 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:00:23 "Look, look at the mountain."

Harland Williams 1:00:25 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:00:25 "Satan landed on top of the mountain. He's there with lightning and shit."

Harland Williams 1:00:28 There he is.

Joe Rogan 1:00:28 Like he was def-

Harland Williams 1:00:29 It's his summer home. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:00:29 Like if you saw this, you'd be like, "Okay, that's where Satan is." Well, 100% you would think that.

Harland Williams 1:00:35 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:00:35 That's where Thor is.

Harland Williams 1:00:37 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:00:37 That's where the god of thunder is.

Harland Williams 1:00:38 That's where Beelzebub lives.

Joe Rogan 1:00:40 Yeah.

Harland Williams 1:00:40 Look at that.

Joe Rogan 1:00:41 What, you would 100% Sauron lives up there.

Harland Williams 1:00:44 Well, do you know-

Joe Rogan 1:00:44 That's the eye of Sauron.

Harland Williams 1:00:45 People don't know that lightning comes up out of the ground too. Did you know that, Joe?

Joe Rogan 1:00:50 Does it really?

Harland Williams 1:00:50 Yeah. Lightning comes... People just think all lightning comes from... And I'm not talking a volcano. I'm talking regular time.

Joe Rogan 1:00:58 So you could get it right up your ass if you're in the wrong spot.

Harland Williams 1:00:59 There's, you could get a bolt up your arse. For real.

Joe Rogan 1:01:02 Has that ever happened? Can you imagine you get just your nuts blasted by lightning?

Harland Williams 1:01:06 Poor Dmitri.

Joe Rogan 1:01:08 How bad would that suck? (sighs) Just be walking along in the field going, "Wow, what a beautiful night."

Harland Williams 1:01:13 Bang, right in-

Joe Rogan 1:01:14 From the ground.

Harland Williams 1:01:16 Yeah, it's true.

Joe Rogan 1:01:16 Right to your sac.

Harland Williams 1:01:17 Yeah. Do you have any pictures of that?

Joe Rogan 1:01:21 Zzzz. Zzzz. Zzzz. Zzzz. Zzzz. Out through your head. Zzzz.

Harland Williams 1:01:24 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:01:25 Through your balls, out through your head.

Harland Williams 1:01:26 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:01:29 Zzzz. Zzzz. Zzzz. Zzzz. Zzzz. Just cooked. (laughs) Cooked. Cooked. Never be the same again. Cooked.

Harland Williams 1:01:36 What was that noise you did at the end there? (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:01:38 That's the- that's the- the nuts. Like, you gotta think, electricity is going through the ground, in your nuts, and, like, out the top of your head. Zzzz. Zzzz. Zzzz. Zzzz. Zzzz.

Harland Williams 1:01:47 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:01:47 Just imagine your whole body, like, captured by this lightning.

Harland Williams 1:01:50 Wow. Brutal.

Joe Rogan 1:01:52 Zzzz. Zzzz. Zzzz. Zzzz. Zzzz. Zzzz.

Harland Williams 1:01:53 It would be like stepping on a landmine (laughs) but you didn't blow up, you just- it just con- look at that.

Joe Rogan 1:01:58 Look at that. Oh, wow.

Harland Williams 1:01:59 Right up out of the ground.

Joe Rogan 1:02:00 Lightning trailing from ground to clouds in slow motion.

Harland Williams 1:02:03 Isn't that wild?

Joe Rogan 1:02:04 Wow! That's insane.

Harland Williams 1:02:06 It's like an Etch A Sketch.

Joe Rogan 1:02:08 Wow.

Harland Williams 1:02:08 People don't really know these things, and that's why it's important you have me on the show, like, twice-

Joe Rogan 1:02:13 I'm really glad.

Harland Williams 1:02:13 ... twice a month type of deal.

Joe Rogan 1:02:15 I'm really glad you're here for this.

Harland Williams 1:02:16 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:02:16 Look how cool that looks in slow motion. That's what's really happening. Fuck, that's amazing.

Harland Williams 1:02:20 Look at that, right out of the ground. That's as big as any lightning strike you'll see coming out of the sky.

Joe Rogan 1:02:26 Goddamn. That's amazing.

Harland Williams 1:02:28 Yeah. That looks a lot-

Joe Rogan 1:02:30 And look at the- the- the little-

Harland Williams 1:02:30 ... like Dimitri, I gotta say.

Joe Rogan 1:02:32 All of the branches diff- and this is all in slow motion. Look how quick those little branches flicker off in the s- corners and the sides.

Harland Williams 1:02:38 That looks a lot like Dimitri's ultrasound, by the way.

Joe Rogan 1:02:40 I bet.

Harland Williams 1:02:41 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:02:42 Wow.

Harland Williams 1:02:42 Just- just so clear.

Joe Rogan 1:02:44 Lightning is fucking cool.

Harland Williams 1:02:45 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:02:46 That's one of the interesting things about living here is we have these lightning storms. You get to watch lightning.

Harland Williams 1:02:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:02:51 You get to see, like-

Harland Williams 1:02:51 Florida.

Joe Rogan 1:02:52 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Harland Williams 1:02:52 I think it's one of the most lightning- lightning active places on the planet.

Joe Rogan 1:02:57 Oh, yeah.

Harland Williams 1:02:57 Yeah. Florida.

Joe Rogan 1:02:58 Well, Florida is like-

Harland Williams 1:02:59 It's like a light-show.

Joe Rogan 1:03:00 ... this is hurricane season there.

Harland Williams 1:03:02 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:03:02 Like, i- if you're planning a trip to Florida now, like, hey ... you know.

Harland Williams 1:03:06 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:03:06 You gotta check that weather.

Harland Williams 1:03:07 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:03:08 Got to check.

Harland Williams 1:03:08 But it can be stunningly beautiful, though. I've been in scenarios where I've been in Florida at night and you ...

Joe Rogan 1:03:14 Got celery juice on me.

Harland Williams 1:03:16 And you look out, like, two, three miles out, and there will be active storms going on in the cumulus, right?

Joe Rogan 1:03:23 Mm-hmm.

Harland Williams 1:03:24 The degenerative, uh, molecular, uh, charged, uh, transfixiation particles-

Joe Rogan 1:03:31 (knocking)

Harland Williams 1:03:31 ... are light- are lighting up the clouds. And it's like you're at a- you're at a Judas Priest concert-

Joe Rogan 1:03:37 Mm.

Harland Williams 1:03:37 ... covered in mayonnaise.

Joe Rogan 1:03:38 You got another thing coming.

Harland Williams 1:03:40 Yeah. Just like shh.

Joe Rogan 1:03:41 Ta ta ta ta.

Harland Williams 1:03:41 And it's, like, all over.

Joe Rogan 1:03:43 Mm-hmm.

Harland Williams 1:03:44 Do you believe in the matrix?

Joe Rogan 1:03:46 I don't disbelieve in it.

Harland Williams 1:03:48 Because if you ever want to have it, I've got this, uh, chemically reversed, uh, inverse magnet- magnetron camera. And one of the things we associate with the matrix is what? The numbers.

Joe Rogan 1:04:01 Those little numbers coming down in green.

Harland Williams 1:04:02 So if you can take a picture- think of it.

Joe Rogan 1:04:05 (coughs)

Harland Williams 1:04:05 Where does that exist in reality? But if you can go out on a stormy night like that, rain coming down, with your magnetized nitronic reverse camera and take a picture while lightning's flashing, think of it.

Joe Rogan 1:04:21 You've seen The Matrix then.

Harland Williams 1:04:22 What are- what are raindrops?

Joe Rogan 1:04:24 Water?

Harland Williams 1:04:25 Right. But not when you take them with an infrared matronic camera.

Joe Rogan 1:04:30 What are they then?

Harland Williams 1:04:31 You'll see-

Joe Rogan 1:04:32 Numbers in the- in the raindrops?

Harland Williams 1:04:33 You can see it. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:04:34 That's interesting.

Harland Williams 1:04:35 If you believe in that stuff.

Joe Rogan 1:04:37 Well, a person's gotta believe in something.

Harland Williams 1:04:39 Do you believe in it?

Joe Rogan 1:04:41 What?

Harland Williams 1:04:42 The matrix?

Joe Rogan 1:04:43 Uh, I don't disbelieve in it.

Harland Williams 1:04:45 You know I can tell you that you've experienced it in real time?

Joe Rogan 1:04:48 How can you do that?

Harland Williams 1:04:50 A little term Joe Rogan called déjà vu.

Joe Rogan 1:04:54 Mm.

Harland Williams 1:04:55 Have you ever experienced déjà vu?

Joe Rogan 1:04:57 Yes.

Harland Williams 1:04:57 So think of it. How can you be in a place that you've never been before, you're standing somewhere foreign, somewhere new, and all of a sudden your brain computes that you've been in this exact moment and it's undeniable, right? How- how is that happening?

Joe Rogan 1:05:16 Well, it's not really undeniable.

Harland Williams 1:05:18 Well, it is undeniable because you're in it, right?

Joe Rogan 1:05:21 But it's a- it's probably a glitch in how you interface with reality.

Harland Williams 1:05:26 Therefore a glitch in the matrix.

Joe Rogan 1:05:28 Well, it's probably how your brain's firing. Your brain has just, like ... Your brain is essentially just like an- a computer in a way. Right? There's a lot of calculations that are going on simultaneously. A lot of senses are being considered. Different senses are affecting the way you view the world. And I think it's very possible that you could have a situation where things just get a little wonky for a second and you think, "Have I done this before? Have I done it before?"

Harland Williams 1:05:53 But how-

Joe Rogan 1:05:54 Or ... or ...

Harland Williams 1:05:56 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:05:56 Or you have done it before, and every-

Harland Williams 1:05:59 There you go.

Joe Rogan 1:05:59 ... time you do this you try to do it better, and you live the same life over and over and over again until you get it right. A lot of people believe that.

Harland Williams 1:06:10 That's a good theory. It plays into what I'm going for here.

Joe Rogan 1:06:14 Yeah?

Harland Williams 1:06:14 I had a moment in time where I had déjà vu. I'm not gonna say where and when 'cause I don't want anyone to interfere with it. But I've never told anyone this before. I had a t- place in time where I was walking, I was going under a bridge, a pigeon flew out, okay?

Joe Rogan 1:06:34 Right.

Harland Williams 1:06:36 A child was laughing in the background. You know, like a child, like, "Hee hee." You know, like a giggle, a p- a playground giggle. And a red car went by and I was like, "I've been here before." A place I'd never been. So I documented the experience, the time, the place, and I've gone back to that same place for nine years to the exact same place at the same time. Check this out. Red car goes by, bird flies out, pigeon, kid laughing in the background.But this year, something different happened that I'd never seen. A feather fell off of the bird when it flew out.

Joe Rogan 1:07:24 Hmm.

Harland Williams 1:07:25 So, check this out.

Joe Rogan 1:07:27 You saved the feather?

Harland Williams 1:07:29 Don't get ahead of me.

Joe Rogan 1:07:31 (clears throat)

Harland Williams 1:07:33 So-

Joe Rogan 1:07:33 Well, the matrix must be real.

Harland Williams 1:07:35 Well, hold on. I got this examined, I have a lot of friends in the science community. I have, I know a bunch of Scientologists and I had them analyze this. Pigeon flew out... Here.

Joe Rogan 1:07:51 I'm good.

Harland Williams 1:07:52 This, this is a feather from a great auk. Do you know what that is? It's an extinct species of bird from South America.

Joe Rogan 1:08:02 Hmm.

Harland Williams 1:08:02 Please.

Joe Rogan 1:08:03 That's okay, just put it down.

Harland Williams 1:08:05 Well, I think you'd like to touch it.

Joe Rogan 1:08:07 Nope, I'm good.

Harland Williams 1:08:08 So, how does an extinct species of bird drop a feather from a common pigeon?

Joe Rogan 1:08:14 Who knows, man? That's it? That's the animal? That's like-

Harland Williams 1:08:17 That's the auk.

Joe Rogan 1:08:19 Looks like that animal didn't really have feathers.

Harland Williams 1:08:21 It did, believe me, and I'm holding one right here.

Joe Rogan 1:08:24 (laughs) Went extinct 350 years ago? Is that what it was?

Narrator 1:08:28 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:08:30 Hmm.

Narrator 1:08:30 No, it went extinct 350 years-

Joe Rogan 1:08:31 Matrix. Oh, went from healthy to extinct in 350 years. They probably taste delicious. They're probably stupid and they taste delicious, that's what happens.

Harland Williams 1:08:40 Whoa, whoa.

Joe Rogan 1:08:41 The great auk, little cutie. Could that thing even fly?

Harland Williams 1:08:46 No.

Joe Rogan 1:08:47 Sounds like a bullshit story. If the... How's that feather get there if it can't fly?

Harland Williams 1:08:51 Well, this is what I'm saying-

Joe Rogan 1:08:53 This thing lives near the ocean.

Harland Williams 1:08:54 The matrix, guy.

Joe Rogan 1:08:55 He just found a feather that maybe someone dropped.

Harland Williams 1:08:57 It, it floated off of the pigeon that for nine years-

Joe Rogan 1:09:00 Maybe not. Maybe it just was near where the pigeon was and it was flying through the air 'cause someone had a auk, like, taxidermy in their apartment building, and that feather just kept drifting in the wind. And just, coincidentally, as the pigeon was passing, that feather was making its way.

Harland Williams 1:09:15 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 1:09:15 Oh my God, look what fell off the pigeon, an ancient extinct auk feather. But meanwhile, it was just someone who was in an apartment building with taxidermy of the auk and they had the window open, the fan on.

Harland Williams 1:09:26 Touche. (slurps)

Joe Rogan 1:09:29 You never know. Could, could be magic, though. Could be-

Harland Williams 1:09:33 I like, I like what I'm hearing.

Joe Rogan 1:09:34 The... Do you think, uh, this is the matrix? Like, if this is a simulation-

Harland Williams 1:09:37 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 1:09:37 ... what does it say about your choice of, like, how you've chosen to exist in the simulation?

Harland Williams 1:09:43 I don't know that we have a choice.

Joe Rogan 1:09:45 You don't think so?

Harland Williams 1:09:45 Well, the matrix is numbers, it's mathematical, so do we really have a choice? Did we have a choice that we were conceived?

Joe Rogan 1:09:52 Good question.

Harland Williams 1:09:52 Did we have a choice that our, our-

Joe Rogan 1:09:53 We don't think we did.

Harland Williams 1:09:55 Right?

Joe Rogan 1:09:55 But maybe we do, or maybe it's inevitable. You know, maybe there's just this mathematical cycle of atoms and protons and molecules interacting with each other.

Harland Williams 1:10:08 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:10:08 And just, this is the way it's always gonna go. It's gonna go this way, the same way, over and over and over again. And the only thing different is that you get to learn from your past mistakes, at least some way in the essence of your being, and do a better job of existing this next go around.

Harland Williams 1:10:24 Hmm. I don't know that we have to do a better job.

Joe Rogan 1:10:28 Well-

Harland Williams 1:10:29 I think, uh, I don't think we have a choice, I think evolution just takes us. We're just hanging onto bear's tapeworms at this point, you know?

Joe Rogan 1:10:37 Yeah, but if you live the same life over and over and over again, you're gonna go through the same, uh, uh, na- nature interaction over and over again. It's not gonna be, like, a differently evolved world. You're gonna live the same thing over and over again. Like, if you thought about it, like you and I.

Harland Williams 1:10:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:10:51 How old are you?

Harland Williams 1:10:52 Well...

Joe Rogan 1:10:54 I'm 56. How old are you?

Harland Williams 1:10:55 61.

Joe Rogan 1:10:56 Are you really?

Harland Williams 1:10:57 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:10:57 For real?

Harland Williams 1:10:58 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:10:58 You look really good.

Harland Williams 1:10:59 Thank you.

Joe Rogan 1:11:00 You do, you look really good. Except, except the scars. You're a little beat up. Um-

Harland Williams 1:11:05 Well, I've been rolled by a griz.

Joe Rogan 1:11:07 We have gone through one of the weirdest lives, you know? And if, if the simulation is real, and if you wanted... If the simulation wanted you to go through the most profound changes that human beings have ever experienced in the time of their life, just in, just in how people interface with the world, you and I have done that.

Harland Williams 1:11:27 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:11:27 We, we, we exist, we were born in a time where there was no internet and you got your news from television and everybody had a, sort of a limited understanding of the world. You could bullshit your way through most things 'cause nobody could Google you, nobody could get a book on you. You couldn't just run to the library and find out if Mike was telling the truth about his war stories.

Harland Williams 1:11:46 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:11:46 You, you had to just believe people.

Harland Williams 1:11:47 You had the microfiche things, yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:11:48 Everything was possible.

Harland Williams 1:11:50 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:11:50 The world was a different place. You know, then there's answering machines and cellphones and then the, the internet comes along, and now we're living in a fucking insane world where AI is about to take over.

Harland Williams 1:12:02 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:12:02 Like, if you were gonna pick a timeline to go through, if it wasn't real and you wanted the most profound adventure-

Harland Williams 1:12:09 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:12:09 ... you've chosen that.

Harland Williams 1:12:11 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:12:11 You've chosen the most profound changes that people will experience in a relatively safe timeline.

Harland Williams 1:12:19 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:12:19 Relatively safe in comparison to, like, the Genghis Khan days or the, you know, the days of the Roman Empire.

Harland Williams 1:12:24 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:12:24 Like, just relatively safe in comparison.

Harland Williams 1:12:27 But profound changes for this moment.

Joe Rogan 1:12:30 Yeah.

Harland Williams 1:12:30 And we're accelerating so rapidly, Joe, that things are going to be at a whole nother level quickly where we're gonna be looking in the rear view mirror and going, "Oh yeah, AI." Remember that?

Joe Rogan 1:12:45 Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Harland Williams 1:12:45 There's gonna be something that takes us to the next level, and, and then another level after that. We are gonna transcend so far that I don't even know what humans and humanity looks like in a thousand years, if not less.

Joe Rogan 1:13:01 Oh, not... I don't think it's even 50 years.

Harland Williams 1:13:03 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:13:03 That's what's crazy. You and I are living through the weirdest time ever.

Harland Williams 1:13:07 Yeah, because it started, like, we kinda had... In high school for us, it was the Texas Instrument calculator-

Joe Rogan 1:13:15 Yep.

Harland Williams 1:13:15 ... was the mind blower.

Joe Rogan 1:13:16 Yep.

Harland Williams 1:13:17 Then we got a fax machine, like, 15 years later.

Joe Rogan 1:13:20 Insane.

Harland Williams 1:13:21 And then we got, uh, the, the, uh, lapt- the home computer and then the internet, and that was, again, like, a decade in between.

Joe Rogan 1:13:29 Yeah.

Harland Williams 1:13:29 ... and cut to smartphones, and it's been about, what, 15 years with them now.

Joe Rogan 1:13:35 Yeah.

Harland Williams 1:13:35 And now, AI, and it's just like shh, everything's happening exponentially quicker.

Joe Rogan 1:13:41 I remember I was on, uh, news radio with, uh, Dave Foley in the '90s, and Dave-

Harland Williams 1:13:45 Yeah, Dave.

Joe Rogan 1:13:45 ... Dave Foley's a, he's a big, you know, computer, internet, technology-

Harland Williams 1:13:49 He is?

Joe Rogan 1:13:50 ... nut. He loves that stuff.

Harland Williams 1:13:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:13:52 (clears throat) And at the time, he was the first person I ever met who had a laptop.

Harland Williams 1:13:54 Okay.

Joe Rogan 1:13:55 So, he had a laptop back then. It was, uh, (blows raspberries) one of those Mac laptops.

Harland Williams 1:13:58 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 1:13:59 The pla- you know, black plastic ones back in the day.

Harland Williams 1:14:02 Oh, yeah. Delicious.

Joe Rogan 1:14:02 And, uh, he had this, uh, app running in the background where it gave him constant news. He's like, "Look, if I keep it connected to the internet, it constantly gives me news."

Harland Williams 1:14:13 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:14:14 And I was like, "Whoa, you could get your news from the internet? This is crazy."

Harland Williams 1:14:18 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:14:18 So, it's like s- all the news stories of world events, and so, uh, when I look back now at how we're just inundated, like constantly-

Harland Williams 1:14:27 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:14:27 ... inundated with like world conflict stories, world events, world problems, world, world environmental crisises, world starvation-

Harland Williams 1:14:34 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:14:34 ... world floods, like world volcanoes with lightning, like, "Oh, it's g- You never fucking s-" I r- I remember that moment, that very moment when I was looking at Dave's laptop, and I was like, "Wow."

Harland Williams 1:14:45 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:14:45 How the internet just gonna feed you the nose- the news in real time. You don't have to tune into the news. You don't have to go buy a newspaper.

Harland Williams 1:14:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:14:51 Like this was like this profound moment for me, where, uh, I, I still look back at that day, and I go-

Harland Williams 1:14:56 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:14:56 That was the first time I ever saw like a baby-

Harland Williams 1:14:59 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:15:00 ... a baby super computer. Oh, look, it's a little baby, the news, the news on the laptop.

Harland Williams 1:15:04 And ironically, you're on a show called News Radio.

Joe Rogan 1:15:06 Crazy. Very ironically.

Harland Williams 1:15:08 Matrix.

Joe Rogan 1:15:09 Very ironically.

Harland Williams 1:15:10 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:15:11 Wow.

Harland Williams 1:15:11 Yeah, I'm excited to see where, where it goes, 'cause I, I think the next, the next evolution of this could be tractor beams. It could be particle movers. It could be... You know, the, as ridiculous as it sounds, the transporter beam on Star Trek.

Joe Rogan 1:15:28 Mm-hmm.

Harland Williams 1:15:30 I feel like, you know, maybe 50 years, maybe 100 years, people are gonna look back and go, "Wait, you went to a place called an airport? You got on a tube and flew 18 hours to Australia?" Like, I think we're gonna be at a place one day where maybe they can rearrange our molecules and particles and beam us.

Joe Rogan 1:15:49 Yeah.

Harland Williams 1:15:49 I feel like if we can imagine it, it's gonna happen.

Joe Rogan 1:15:52 Yeah. I bet it's gonna happen. I mean-

Harland Williams 1:15:56 'Cause think ab-

Joe Rogan 1:15:56 Isn't it funny that Star Trek figured that out, but they-

Harland Williams 1:15:59 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:15:59 ... didn't figure out computers? And they didn't figure out cellphones. They had walkie-talkies. Remember? Kirk and-

Harland Williams 1:16:04 Well, they had, they had the communicators.

Joe Rogan 1:16:06 Over-

Harland Williams 1:16:06 Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep.

Joe Rogan 1:16:07 Yeah, but it was a, it was a walkie-talkie.

Harland Williams 1:16:08 Spock-

Joe Rogan 1:16:09 It wasn't-

Harland Williams 1:16:09 ... I've got diarrhea. Send me some Pepto-Bismol immediately.

Joe Rogan 1:16:12 But it wasn't... You couldn't both talk. Like, if you and I were on a phone call to each other-

Harland Williams 1:16:16 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:16:16 "What's up, Harland?"

Harland Williams 1:16:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:16:17 "Hey, what's up, dude?" It's not- It's like, "Hey, Harland."

Harland Williams 1:16:19 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:16:19 "How are you? Over."

Harland Williams 1:16:20 Yeah, and there was no video component.

Joe Rogan 1:16:22 Yes. You're doing-

Harland Williams 1:16:23 Idiots.

Joe Rogan 1:16:24 Those idiots didn't even have FaceTime.

Harland Williams 1:16:25 Dumb. They gotta get Back to the Future.

Joe Rogan 1:16:27 They didn't have nothing.

Harland Williams 1:16:28 Dumbasses.

Joe Rogan 1:16:30 Yeah, remember that thing?

Harland Williams 1:16:31 Yeah, that's-