The Joe Rogan ExperienceJoe Rogan Experience #2196 - Greg Fitzsimmons
EVERY SPOKEN WORD
150 min read · 30,016 words- 0:00 – 2:10
Intro
- NANarrator
(drumbeats) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
The Joe Rogan Experience. (rock music)
- JRJoe Rogan
Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Let's do it. Headphones?
- JRJoe Rogan
Let's go. Why not? (sniffs) Roxy Inn.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
I can't live without the headphones. Every time someone doesn't want to wear headphones, I'm like, "Okay. We don't have to." You know, some people don't want to mess their hair up. We don't have that problem.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
How's my hat look?
- JRJoe Rogan
Looks good. (laughs) I like it. I like them paper boy hats.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
I love those. My favorite hats.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. Well, the reason I do it is because... I started wearing hats because after the show people would take photos with me, with my shaved head, and the light would just bounce off-
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
... my chrome and you couldn't see me in the photo. (laughs) So, I realized that I wore baseball caps, but then when you're on stage it puts a shadow over your face.
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
You can't see your face, so I started wearing these.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. I love those.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
I like shavin' the head, though. I started during the pandemic.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, you should've done that a long time ago. What's that side hair bullshit?
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
I know. I know.
- JRJoe Rogan
It's nonsense.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
I feel so much better like this.
- JRJoe Rogan
Also, you have to go to a barber? That-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Well, right.
- JRJoe Rogan
And listen to some stupid stories?
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, shit. Fuck off. (laughs)
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Dude, when I was a teenager, there was a place in New York called the s-... It was called The Stag Brothers and it was these two Italian brothers and they cut hair. And you go in there and they had... The, the, the reason we all went, like our moms would drop us off out front, we'd go inside and then they had Penthouse magazines while you waited.
- 2:10 – 2:50
Cigar Bars
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
be big in the Black culture.
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
I mean, obviously there's those movies, Barbershop, but, I mean, it really is a place that people hang out. Um, but now you got cigar... Do you like hangin' out in cigar shops?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. Cigar bars are good.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
I, I like it. 'Cause it's one, it's one of the rare places where if you go to a cigar... I used to love that place, uh, The Grand Havana Room in Beverly Hills.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Oh, yeah, yeah. Right.
- JRJoe Rogan
It's a great room.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
People had their own humidors in there?
- JRJoe Rogan
You could... Yeah. I had a h-humidor-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Uh-huh.
- JRJoe Rogan
... for a long time. And you, you could eat, like, nice meals and smoke cigars.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
'Cause it's a private club, so you could have a steak-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Right.
- JRJoe Rogan
... some pasta.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
And you're smoking a cigar at the table and everybody's doin' it.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
That's awesome.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, it was cool.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
And it was a cool place. You're like, "Oh, look at that guy," 'cause it was in Beverly Hills.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Oh, it was a power
- 2:50 – 4:55
New York Blues
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
spot. I remember, like, Michael Rotenberg. Remember, from 3 Arts?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
With Dave Becki. He brought me there once and he had the humidor and he was just pointing out people. He was like, "Yeah, that guy owns Warner Brothers."
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
"That dude has a-"
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
"... eight picture deal over at Columbia."
- JRJoe Rogan
Yep, yep. You know who I saw there once and I was, I was kind of starstruck? Remember that dude from, uh... What is the, the New York Blues? What was it? That, that, NYPD Blue.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Am, am I... Remember NYPD Blue?
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
What's the dude's name?
- NANarrator
Jimmy Smits?
- JRJoe Rogan
No, no, no, no. The first guy.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Jerry Orbach?
- NANarrator
Dennis ...
- JRJoe Rogan
The first guy.
- NANarrator
Dennis something or other. Yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Oh. Oh, yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
The guy-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Dennis... Dennis Franz?
- JRJoe Rogan
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- NANarrator
What?
- JRJoe Rogan
The, the redheaded guy.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Oh, yeah.
- NANarrator
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
He ended up quitting to make... to get a movie career that never happened.
- JRJoe Rogan
Fuck, man. They... I tell... I think they tanked that guy.
- NANarrator
This guy?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yes. What the fuck's his name? The guy was good, man.
- 4:55 – 7:28
Redheads
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. Also, he's a redhead. Name-
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Name a lot of redheaded leading men.
- JRJoe Rogan
But he could've been the guy!
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
He could've been the first one.
- JRJoe Rogan
All the redheads are like, "One guy gets cocky."
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
"We had our guy!" (laughs)
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
"We had our major lead."
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
"We had a shot."
- JRJoe Rogan
"We had our fucking guy, man."
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. And instead they started the phrase d- the word "ginger" and took them all down.
- JRJoe Rogan
Isn't that crazy?
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
That was brutal. So unfair.
- JRJoe Rogan
They were just redheads before. That it was normal to be a redhead.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
You weren't a freak.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
No.
- JRJoe Rogan
You were just a person with red hair and no one cared.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
No. Now they beat you up.
- JRJoe Rogan
(punching sound)
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
There's literally, like, bullying if you're a redhead.
- JRJoe Rogan
Bro.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
I was a redhead.
- JRJoe Rogan
Were you really?
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
I was a fucking-
- JRJoe Rogan
When?
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
... copper top until I was probably about 11. I was-
- JRJoe Rogan
That's so bizarre. Your hair changed color?
- 7:28 – 8:42
Gay Guys
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
guy.
- JRJoe Rogan
Well, gay guys can be strong.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
No, I'm just saying it's weird that there is this accepted power dynamic between a man and a woman when they make love because, well, like, like you said, the woman trusts, but when you have two guys, it's kinda like... I don't know what it's like, but I think it might-
- JRJoe Rogan
Tell me what it's like. You know what it's like-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
It-
- JRJoe Rogan
... you son of a bitch. You were just about to tell me what it was like. You were about (laughs) ... You were about to break.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
You know I almost did once, right?
- JRJoe Rogan
How close did you get?
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
I've told this story on my podcast, but I'll, I'll give a brief version of it. I went, uh... When I was in college, I was an English major, and I studied, like, Allen Ginsberg and Kerouac and, uh-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
... all these guys that were into homoerotic stuff. They were-
- JRJoe Rogan
Mm-hmm.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
A lot of them were gay, and, um, and then, uh, and even Emerson and Whitman, like all that old stuff. It was all, all gay imagery. And then there was David Bowie. I loved David Bowie, I loved Iggy Pop, Mick Jagger, and these guys were all fucking around with each other.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
And so I was like, "All right, this must be kinda something you do, you experiment with this."
- JRJoe Rogan
That's how they get you. (laughs)
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
That's how they get you.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
They get a couple mascots. They get the coolest-
- JRJoe Rogan
A couple of famous... (laughs)
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
... guy in rock and roll, right? The three coolest guys in rock.
- JRJoe Rogan
Ziggy Stardust.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. And so, so
- 8:42 – 11:00
Gay Sex
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
I was not attracted to men. I never have been. I can appreciate a handsome man. I think you're not hard on the eyes.
- JRJoe Rogan
Thank you.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
And then I was like, "All right, so I guess I'll... I'm not gonna take it up the ass, but-"
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
"... you know, I'll-"
- JRJoe Rogan
Maybe kiss a little bit.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
No, n- I didn't want to do that. I just-
- JRJoe Rogan
Suck a cock?
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Suck cock.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
And then I realized, like, I'm gonna do it, and, and when I do it, it's either gonna be like, "Ugh," or it's gonna be like, "Oh my God, this is fucking amazing."
- JRJoe Rogan
"This is incredible."
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
"This is what I've been missing."
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
And, and so, uh, so I was drunk one night. I was, like, a junior in college, and, uh, my apartment... Remember the Fenway in Boston?
- JRJoe Rogan
Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
The Fenway was like a wooded ar- Like, every city has a small wooded area where they grow trees for the reason for anonymous gay sex.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
The Brambles in, in Manhattan. You got Griffith Park in LA.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
There's always, like, a little gay area. So, my apartment happened to be... It was on Boylston Street, it was across the street from the Fenway. So I'm stumbling home one night, it's like 3:00 in the morning, and I'm, I look at the woods and I go, "Fuck it. I'm gonna do it."
- JRJoe Rogan
Wow.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
So I, I walk in, and I'm looking around and like, I don't know the protocol, I don't know how it works, and like, I'm, I'm just waiting and then all of a sudden, it's like fucking leaves are blowing and there's shadows, and then this guy just pops out from behind a tree-
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
... like a little gay leprechaun. He's like, "I'm the guy!"
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
I was like, "All right, I guess he's the guy."
- JRJoe Rogan
Wow.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
And he walks over, and we look at each other, and then he unzips his pants. He pulls out his cock, and I'm just looking at it, and then he pulls his balls out, and I look at the balls, and I was like, "Nope."
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- 11:00 – 15:15
Balls vs Girls
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
got protection. It's got curtains and walls and blinds and...
- JRJoe Rogan
A girl got kicked in the pussy the other day in a UFC fight, and, uh... Sorry for using the term pussy.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
Um, ladies, uh, in this term, it's really not a pussy. It's a woman's vagina, right?
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yes.
- JRJoe Rogan
Cage fighter.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yes.
- JRJoe Rogan
And they went down, and, you know, they stop the fight and give the person time to recover, and I thought about it. I was like, "That's interesting," because I guess it's just you can't hit genitals, but there's a giant difference between balls, and p- girls can take a pretty good shot-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Can they?
- JRJoe Rogan
... to the pussy. Yeah, unfortunately.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. Like, if they fall and s- And it hurts, just like it hurts your ass bone.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
It hurts if you, you know, you hurt your dick, your... That hurts. But the balls...
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
That thing... Like, I was trying to explain to... My wife and daughters were asking me what it's like to get kicked in the balls.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
And I was like, "I've been kicked in the balls 100 times, at least."
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Uh-huh.
- JRJoe Rogan
I've been kicked in the balls so many times 'cause I grew up kicking.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
So I got kicked in the balls by dudes who are really good at kicking.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
So I, like, I... There's been many times in my life where I wasn't sure if my dick was gonna work anymore.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Right.
- JRJoe Rogan
Like, one time I got kicked in the balls so bad that one of my nuts swole up. So my right nut... I think it was my right nut. Swo-... I got ki-... It was in, in a tournament.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
I...... I threw a kick, and this guy threw a kick under my kick and slammed it into my cup. And this is a guy from the Korean national team, he was really good. He kicked me fucking hard, man.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Um, the, they gave me timeout. I continued to fight, but I knew it really hurt. I lost the fight, and then as I was driving home, I was with my girlfriend, and I was l- I was thinking at the time, I was like, "I don't know if this thing works anymore."
- 15:15 – 15:54
Gophers
- JRJoe Rogan
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
I wonder if I heard that guy's dick in the woods that night.
- JRJoe Rogan
Probably branches whacked that thing.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Ow.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Fucking squirrels thinking it's nuts, diving at it. (laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
Imagine a fucking gopher just grabbing ahold of your dick.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
A gopher, they could chew through a tree.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
And it just ... you know people have died from gophers before?
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
No.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yes. A lady died recently, she got bit by a gopher, just bled out.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Wow.
- JRJoe Rogan
Bro, they chew through trees.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
And their ch- their, their teeth never stop growing.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
They have to chew on things-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Oh, no shit.
- JRJoe Rogan
... to wear their teeth out.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Otherwise, it'll just go right through their fucking face.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, gophers will fucki- uh, we went upstate, we just s- just had my 25th
- 15:54 – 19:28
Vermont
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
anniversary this month.
- JRJoe Rogan
Congratulations.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Thank you. So we went up to Vermont, and, uh, upstate New York, me and my wife, just fucking-
- JRJoe Rogan
It's beautiful up there.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Oh my God.
- JRJoe Rogan
Except for the people. Other than that, it's beautiful.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, we didn't see a lot of them.
- JRJoe Rogan
People are odd.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
We saw, we saw very few people.
- JRJoe Rogan
People that live in those states are odd.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
We went to a farmer's market-
- JRJoe Rogan
They're most days, there's like 50 people.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
They're odd.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
We went, we were staying in a little town, uh, f- some friends of mine moved out there. They kind of retired and decided to take up farming, so they moved out to this farm.
- JRJoe Rogan
In Vermont?
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
In Vermont.
- JRJoe Rogan
They look like they're from Vermont too, right? They all look like you could pick them out of a lineup.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Well, we went to the farmer's market, and it really was like, it was like a caricature. It's like-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
... the, you know, the dudes that look like you, if you push them, they would just crumble.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
They have, like, Birkenstocks on and-
- JRJoe Rogan
Everybody looks like Bernie Sanders.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
They're, everyone's got tie-dye shirts on.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
And it's just like, "Good for you guys, you got your spot."
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, they got a spot.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
"You can be you right here."
- JRJoe Rogan
You just gotta tolerate the winters.
- 19:28 – 21:52
Snipers
- JRJoe Rogan
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
That's why some of these action movies, you see them fucking running around shooting at each other, and you go like, "Wait a minute. This guy was just on a rooftop with a sight and, uh, hitting somebody from 300 yards away, and now he can't hit 'em from, he's fucking running down the street and they're missing each other with 20 shots?"
- JRJoe Rogan
A lot harder, though. A lot harder.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. A sniper shot is all just about not having any excess movement.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Right.
- JRJoe Rogan
And controlling your breath.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
So, when a sniper shoots, they're prone for the most part, meaning they're lying down, so that you cut out all the movement.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
You're (clears throat) , your shoulder's rested. You ever seen, like, a sniper-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
... shoot? Their shoulder's rested. You know, they, they have the stock pressed against their body and all they're doing is controlling this finger and not flinching and controlling their breathing and keeping the-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
Because, you know, a lot of them, even, a lot of these guys can shoot from a mile away now.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
It's insane.
- JRJoe Rogan
A mile away.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
And do they factor in gravity on the bullet?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. They factor in a bunch of different things. They, um, a lot of times they're using, um, apps. You can use an app, and you also, you use an app for the wind.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
So you wanna know, like, which way the wind's blowing and, and how, where to hold, you know? And then you have, uh, a scope that's dialed out, like it's zeroed out at a very specific yardage, whatever it is, so you can just put the crosshair where it is. Ma- a lot of times, if someone's hunting, they would do it, like, zeroed out at 100 yards, so it effectively would be up or down maybe four inches and 300 yards or 400 yards.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Wow.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. So, a really fast-shooting, flat-shooting rifle, you zero them out. So this guy's gotta zero this thing out at a fucking, uh, uh, how many thousand yards is, uh, a mile? How long is that? What is that in yards?
- NANarrator
12, maybe.
- JRJoe Rogan
12. Twel- so I've, I've heard of guys shooting 1,500-yard shots.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
15, no shit.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, so there's so much equipment-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Wow.
- JRJoe Rogan
... and it's so, it has to be so dialed in and k- I mean, they're, they're sighting in these things on ranges and it, it's so specific.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
It's 1,700. Sorry, just-
- 21:52 – 24:40
crossbows
- JRJoe Rogan
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
(laughs) It takes a second.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, I think it takes two seconds.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Wow.
- JRJoe Rogan
How l- how many seconds does it take for, um, let's say, a 300 Win Mag? 300 Win Mag at 1,700 yards, uh, standard, like, high-powered rifle round that they would use. I don't know if that's what they would use for snipers. Um, y- like, those guys are very, the long-range guys are very different than any other kind of shooter.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
They're, they're all about the, the science and the tech and all the stuff that's involved in getting the win r- like, I have a buddy of mine who does long-range shooting.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
He's not a tact- well, he's just a gun enthusiast who likes long-range shooting. He does competitions.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
And they just shoot steel, uh, like, and you hear boom, tink. It's, like, go- quite a long while afterwards.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
So, like, if you're shooting an animal and it's walking, it's super unethical.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Because you don't know what that thing's gonna do in the time between you shooting the gun and it, like... With a bow and arrow, you never shoot at a walking animal.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Okay.
- JRJoe Rogan
'Cause they're moving.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Right.
- JRJoe Rogan
Or if you do, you have to be a real expert and you would lead.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Uh-huh.
- JRJoe Rogan
You would, like, shoot them in the front of the shoulder to get into the vitals as they're walking-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Right.
- JRJoe Rogan
... but that's, like, that, that's an added element of woo. Anything can happen.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Well, how much, how much adjusting do you do when you're, um, shooting a crossbow? Like-
- JRJoe Rogan
I-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
... as far as wind and distance and that?
- JRJoe Rogan
Crossbows are a little bit more, um, accurate, and they shoot a bolt instead of a, an arrow. So it's, uh, smaller and it, it's probably because it's smaller it's not gonna have as much effect by wind. It's gonna have less to move around, less mass to move around. Um, they're very fast though. Those bolts are way faster than an arrow. Like, an arrow, if you have a really fast bow, your, your arrow's probably gonna go between 300 and 340 feet per second.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
That's, uh, that's normal. That's normal for, like, a high-speed bow. But for a, a crossbow, what's the fastest crossbow? I bet it's, like, 500 plus, may- and then you also have a scope on a crossbow and a trigger. It's much more accurate.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Uh-huh.
- 24:40 – 27:39
shooting
- JRJoe Rogan
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
That's like when you took me shooting... Remember when we went shooting up in the valley-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yes.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
... at that guy's ranch?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yes.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
And he had a... It was a shotgun, but he set it up like an AK-47.
- JRJoe Rogan
Mm-hmm.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
So you could go... You could shoot a shotgun, but, like (shooting sound effects) .
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, Taran Tactical.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Dude, that was the cr... You're like-
- JRJoe Rogan
That's the one in John Wick movie.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
... "You wanna shoot tomorrow?" I was like, "Yeah." I figured we're going to some range with a bunch of-
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
... you know, yuppies shooting, in IZOD shirts and flip-flops, and I walk out, and we drive down. I get off the highway, get to a dirt road, down the dirt road, get to a fucking dirt driveway. I'm like, "Where the fuck are we going?" And we get to this place, and it's Ukrainian chicks in yoga shorts and, and, like, crop tops, and they are the most badass... They are, they are fucking master s- shots.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
And we get down there, and what was the guy's name that runs it?
- JRJoe Rogan
Taran.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. Holy shit.
- JRJoe Rogan
He taught Keanu Reeves for all the John Wick movies.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Uh-huh.
- JRJoe Rogan
He, he t- taught Halle Berry when she was in John Wick. He teaches... Anytime, like, a celebrity needs to learn how to look like a real assassin-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
... they go to that guy.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
He's a multiple time champion in, in those... You know when they do those s- They have a course, and you run the course, and, you know, like, beep, and they time you-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. Right.
- JRJoe Rogan
And they da-da-da-da-da-da. That guy wins all those fucking things.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Really?
- 27:39 – 28:32
divorce ratio
- JRJoe Rogan
money is real money.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Although now they, uh... Now, now most have children.
- JRJoe Rogan
Do you know that those guys get divorced the least?
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
I love that.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
That's amazing.
- JRJoe Rogan
I- the ratio is... Correct me if I'm wrong. Uh, with male/female, it's like 50%, but it's skewed. It's not really 50%. What it is is a lot of people are serial divorcees.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Okay.
- JRJoe Rogan
So they get married and get divorced, get married and get divorced.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
Like, the amount of people that stay together, it's probably higher than 50%, but there's a bunch of Jennifer Lopezes out there fucking up the curve.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
You know? There's a bunch of people that get, like, four or five marriages, five, six, seven marriages. People are out of their minds, right?
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Um, then there's lesbians. That's real high. That's, like, 70-plus percent.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Of divorced?
- JRJoe Rogan
If divorced, yeah. 70-plus percent. But then there's gay guys. Gay guys, I think it's 26% divorce rate.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
No shit.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yep, super
- 28:32 – 30:19
annoying guys
- JRJoe Rogan
low.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Dude, because you get to hang out with a dude.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
You get to hang... I would love to marry you. We would have such a good time.
- JRJoe Rogan
We'd have so much fun. We'd have fun all the time.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
It's just, like, chickening out every time it was time to suck your dick.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
I'd be like, "Sorry, man. I don't like how that thing looks."
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
You'd be like, "Shit."
- JRJoe Rogan
Your balls. I should've dressed my balls up nice for Greg.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. Gay guys, they're hanging out with guys. I mean, I joked around about it in my special, like, I wi- that I wish I was gay-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
... 'cause, uh, it's... Like, if that's what you liked, like, you're hanging out with a bunch of guys.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
Sounds fun, as long as they're not annoying.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Right.
- JRJoe Rogan
You know? Because an annoying, like... (sighs) An annoying girl is not as annoying as an annoying guy. Annoying guys can be real... They can be a real problem.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Like, aggro annoying guys?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
They're the worst. They're worse than anything-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. How much-
- JRJoe Rogan
... 'cause you, you never feel comfortable.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
You're, like, always in this state of, "Oh, God."
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
They're always trying to one-up everybody.
- 30:19 – 31:05
drunk driving
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
He crashed a car into a tree and died, and they brought him back to life.... be in the emergency room for weeks.
- JRJoe Rogan
Men are four times more drunk driving (laughs) ...
- NANarrator
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
Four times more drunk driving related accidents than women. Drunk male drivers cause 80% of the drunk driving fatalities documented. Holy shit.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
81% of people arrested for drunk driving were men, only 19% were women. How many of those women just had big tits? And they, "Ma'am, we'll- we'll take you home."
- NANarrator
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
"Uh, you live by yourself?"
- NANarrator
(laughs)
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
(Laughs) Yeah, cops have a weakness for drunk women, for sure.
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Well, there's some fucking hilarious body cams out there of girls going, "I'll do anything. Please, please don't arrest me. I'll do anything."
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- 31:05 – 32:38
fake police interactions
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
What was the one where she goes, uh, she goes, "Don't you wanna help out a pretty wim- pretty woman?" And he goes, "Well, if I see one, I'll help her out."
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- NANarrator
(laughs)
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
You never saw that?
- JRJoe Rogan
I didn't see that one.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
I never know how many of them are real these days.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Because I think these days there's a lot of people who fake police interactions and they do stuff for clout. They stage things for clout.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
They'll- they'll make a viral video of, like, a fake fight.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
People throwing things at each other, all for clout.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
I like the one with the fa- the father and the son. I- I- it- they always do these big crazy physical stunts where, like, they destroy the living room and have a fight and they scream at each other, but it's so real. I bought it the first two times, then I was like, "Oh no, they're not fighting this often this hard. They wouldn't still be living together."
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
But it's so funny.
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, that's funny. Yeah, you can trick people today. There's a lot of, uh, fake stuff going on, you know?
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
A lot of faking... How many war footage videos were out and people go, "That's from a video game"?
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Like, what?
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Well, I guess Faces of Death, a lot of those were fake.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yep. Yeah, a lot of them. The war footage stuff's crazy because that's how good the video games are.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
Those video games are so good today that you watch 'em, especially if you're looking at it on your phone-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
... right? Like, especially my eyes. My eyes aren't that good and I'm looking at some fucking jet getting shot down.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
I'm like, "Wow, that's crazy."
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- 32:38 – 34:06
AI nudes
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
how much longer until, like, you know, the AI nudes are so fucking real-
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
... and now they're making AI nude videos, not just stills.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. Well, they can do AI porn for sure.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
I mean, I- I haven't seen it, but I- I'm sure it exists because they can do AI scenes with human beings that are indiscernible. You- you cannot tell. It's gon- Uh, the Sora, the newest technology, have you seen it?
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
No.
- JRJoe Rogan
Google that. Well, bring that one up, Jamie, of the Tokyo street. So, they have this footage that is all just a prompt, right? So, they put in a prompt to this AI, like, um, drone footage of Tokyo Street while it's snowing, and this video is entirely fake and it looks exactly like someone flew a drone over Tokyo. The people are moving in random manners, they're moving at different speeds.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
They look- they look natural.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Right.
- JRJoe Rogan
Look at this. This is all fake, dude.
- NANarrator
This is even six months old. I think there's newer stuff now too.
- JRJoe Rogan
This is-
- NANarrator
So it's even better than this. Look at that.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. So it's even better.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Oh my God.
- JRJoe Rogan
This is insane. It's, look how good the texture looks on the snow, like on the-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
... how it varies.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
I mean, look, all the people, the fucking, the- It's just wild, man.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
And this is the stuff that we know about. You know, this is the stuff, I mean, for sure they have some new version of this that they just haven't released to the public yet.
- 34:06 – 35:06
Tyler Perry
- JRJoe Rogan
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Well, and also, uh, how it's affecting the entertainment business. Like Tyler Perry just was about-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- NANarrator
Yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
... to build a billion dollar studio in Atlanta.
- JRJoe Rogan
It's because of that.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
And then he sa- No, and then he saw that, he canceled the plans. He's like, "What? We don't need-"
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
"... physical production any longer." What do you mean?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, it was an $800 million facility he was putting down. He saw Sora. That's what he saw.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Oh, okay.
- JRJoe Rogan
And they realized like, "Oh, we don't need any of this anymore."
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
They're not gonna need actors either.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Right.
- JRJoe Rogan
Which is like part of the strike was that they were trying to own the digital rights to a person. Like say if- if they paid you, you were a background extra, they don't wanna have to keep paying extras.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
So what, uh, we'll own all their faces.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, they stand and they get shot-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
... in a green screen from like eight different angles-
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
... for like a half an hour and then they own them for life.
- NANarrator
This is newer. This is 11 days old it says. It was posted by OpenAI.
- JRJoe Rogan
Jesus Christ, man.
- NANarrator
They're look- they're all looking at a UFO.
(laughs)
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
This is bananas. This is completely bananas.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- 35:06 – 37:30
All AI Generated
- JRJoe Rogan
generated.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Not to mention the scripts are gonna be mostly AI generated.
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh yeah, 100%. But this- that's the thing I'm saying about this that when they're doing this stuff and like putting this stuff into a prompt, it's easy. It's like instantaneous.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
And so what they were trying to do with these background... Like, imagine you're a background guy. Um, you know, you just moved to Hollywood. You know, you want to get work as an actor, so you decide to take a background gig in a movie.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
You sign this thing off, but then you wind up becoming successful. That's how almost all actors get started.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Sure.
- JRJoe Rogan
They start as background people or work on the crew. They get auditions. That's Harrison Ford. He was a fucking carpenter, right?
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
They don't, but they now they have your likeness-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
... for the rest of your life.
- NANarrator
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
And they can just shove you into movies. "Hey, why isn't Harrison Ford in that fucking movie?"
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
"Oh, well, Harrison Ford was an extra." You know?
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Wow.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. Fuck that.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
So they don't need to shoot new stuff. They can use old footage of people.
- JRJoe Rogan
Dude, they don't need anything anymore. They could do John Wayne movies, but really sophisticated, like Tarantino John Wayne movie.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm.
- JRJoe Rogan
Like, they could do that right now.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Like someone in AI using this program, we- maybe not now, maybe five months from now, can make a John Wayne Tarantino film. Like make a western, but in the style of Quentin Tarantino with the same type of dialogue.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Uh-huh.
- JRJoe Rogan
... like, that Robert Rodriguez would direct with him-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
... and put that together. And they could make it in the style of these g- They just look at Kill Bill, look at Reservoir Dogs. "Okay. We kinda know what he's into. Okay."
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Uh-huh.
- 37:30 – 40:57
Film vs Video
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
time I got a high-def TV, it threw me. I was like, "This looks fake. This doesn't-"
- JRJoe Rogan
Everything looks fake.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, everything was too much in my face. And, uh, I think Tarantino still shoots on film.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, well-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
I think his films are all, all done on film.
- JRJoe Rogan
I think the problem with video is, it's too good.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
(laughs) Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
It's too good.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Right.
- JRJoe Rogan
Like soap operas, like don't they shoot those on film or on video? If they shoot 'em on video, it's probably cheaper.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
I'm sure it's video, because the editing is so much easier. When you edit film, you have to convert it and then edit it and then you gotta convert it back again.
- JRJoe Rogan
Oof.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
And so, when you sh- Like, I've written on TV shows that were film, and first of all, you can't do as many takes in a row because you have to change the reels on the cameras.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
So you get to get in, you know, two or three takes, then you gotta stop down for-
- JRJoe Rogan
Mm-hmm.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
... five minutes and reload.
- JRJoe Rogan
I'm pretty sure Newsradio was film.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, I'm sure it was.
- JRJoe Rogan
You know, 90%, and I think Fear Factor was not. I think-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Usually multi-camera is when you're in a studio like a Everybody Loves Raymond or something like that.
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
That's, that's usually shot digitally.
- JRJoe Rogan
I think they tried to do it digitally, like one episode or something. God, maybe I'm remembering... Maybe it was something else I did. But I remember they were trying to make this transition, but people didn't like the way it looked. There was a video, an advertisement the other day, with Tom Cruise and someone else, and they were talking about the settings on your television. That if you have the settings on your television set, um, from the factory incorrectly, it can make these brilliant films look too much like video.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
Because of whatever funky, you know, shit they're doing to make the film l- the television look clearer and crisper.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Right.
- JRJoe Rogan
Which is great in most things, but it's not great when you're watching a film that's been sort of designed to get you to focus on specific things-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
... and have the background more blurry.
- 40:57 – 42:30
New Suits
- NANarrator
I'm happy alone, don't you see? I've convinced you... I don't know why I get so dramatic about it. You're better off alone, man. I gotta... That's it, I'm gonna get a whole bunch of new suits. You know, I've had the same dumb suit for 10 years. You walk in her closet, you can't even breathe. (crowd laughs) That's it, I'll get a whole bunch of suits. I'll get a chick that likes to hang out, you know. Some... I'll get a... I'll have vodka parties, that's it. Vodka parties, swing it up, ball it up. I'll get a chick, I'll get a chick who likes to drink. Boy, my wife sure used to look good standing up against the sink. (crowd laughs) She's the lowest though. (crowd laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- NANarrator
I really put her down, though. No, I really miss her. I don't want some sharp chick that can quote Kerouac and walk with poise. I just wanna hear my old lady say, "Get up and fix the sink. It's still making noise." All alone. All alone. Like a nearsighted dog wears the bone.
- JRJoe Rogan
This isn't probably the best example. That, I don't know why you picked that, but the oldest version of him.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
I like that fucking suit.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, it is a sharp suit.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
That is, uh, and all that shit-
- JRJoe Rogan
You know what's great? The Dustin Hoffman film where he plays him.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Oh, yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
He did a fucking phenomenal job.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
He did, yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
He did a fucking phenomenal job. Dustin Hoffman nailed it.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
He nailed
- 42:30 – 46:43
Joan Rivers
- JRJoe Rogan
it.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
It's tough to play a comedian when you're not a comedian. There's something-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
... you can't put your finger on about the rhythm of it.
- JRJoe Rogan
Well, you know they're faking it.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Well, you know who's not bad, is... Have you seen that show Hacks?
- JRJoe Rogan
No.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Jean Smart?
- JRJoe Rogan
No.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
She's fucking good.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah?
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
She's a great actress. But she's, she re- she pulls it off.
- JRJoe Rogan
Well, the lady who did Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Oh, yeah, yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
She pulled it off.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
She pulled it off.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yup.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
That was Joan Rivers, it's based on basically, right?
- JRJoe Rogan
... I don't know.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
It seems like it's the same time-
- JRJoe Rogan
It seems a little. I think maybe.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Maybe an influence, but I think it's a pretty unique-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Well-
- JRJoe Rogan
... fictional story of someone who's friends with Lenny Bruce.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Hacks is definitely based on Joan Rivers.
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, really?
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
'Cause she has a whole QVC line and it's-
- 46:43 – 47:48
Being Yourself
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
And it's always that same storyline every comedy, which, you know, like, there's an element of truth to it, but like, they- they're starting out, they've got a shtick and then somebody, an older person pulls them by and they go, "Hey man, you gotta just be yourself. You gotta use your own voice." And then all of a sudden they go up with no script.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
But they just are themselves. I mean, they did it in Maisel.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
But it's true. I mean, it is true to a certain extent, but they just hit it so hard.
- JRJoe Rogan
But she had material in Maisel.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
She had a lot of shit that she... Was on her mind.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
She had stories. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
And she wanted to tell those stories-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
... that she thought were hilarious.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
That's a... That was a little different, but Punchline was just nonsense.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Oh, my God.
- JRJoe Rogan
It was funny. (laughs)
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
But, although I heard a story. You remember Lucien Holt from The Comic Strip?
- JRJoe Rogan
Look at the wall.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Wait there. Oh, that's, uh, Taylor, uh-
- NANarrator
That's just the locker room I'll show you.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Taylor something. He was r-... He was super talented.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. He was a super nice guy too.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Fuck. What was his last name? He died a few years back.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. Negron? Taylor Negron?
- JRJoe Rogan
That's it, that's it.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
That's it. Funny dude.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. Um, but-
- JRJoe Rogan
Very nice guy. Came up to me at The Improv one night and we had a cool conversation.
- 47:48 – 48:51
Lucian Holt
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Lucien Holt brought me to his apartment and, uh... Lucien Holt, by the way, I mean, some people... He had mixed feelings because anytime you're a club booker, you're gonna have a certain number of people that just are not a fan 'cause they didn't get passed.
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
But Lucien was an amazing guy. He was a curator of Eddie Murphy, of Chris Rock. Like, he was the guy that brought people through The Strip. Adam Sandler.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
And, uh, he brought me to his apartment one time and he had wall to wall video... This is back when everything was half inch V- uh, V-, you know, VHS tapes. Walls of everybody's first times.
- JRJoe Rogan
Wow.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
And so he showed me when Tom Hanks came in for Punchline. He only did stand up for, like, three nights and he came into The Strip and he did it. And I gotta be honest, like, he came in and he had some written material and he fucking did good and then someone heckled and he, like, annihilated them and then got back into the t- material. I was like, "Fuck this guy."
- JRJoe Rogan
This is him?
- NANarrator
Yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Oh, is that... Is that the tape?
- JRJoe Rogan
1987.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- NANarrator
Fighting for the love of his son
- 48:51 – 50:47
Arm Wrestling
- NANarrator
by arm wrestling a bald guy, Stallone is back. (audience laughing) Stallone enters an arm wrestling competition. Now, do you think Stallone wins the competition by any chance? (audience laughing)
... is this the most exciting thing to make a movie about, arm wrestling? (growls)
(laughs)
You know. No, you, you know, you can bet this bald guy is gonna get Stallone over like this at some point, you know.
(laughs)
And then they're gonna have the- the- the close-up. The hand, the eye, the hand, the eye.
(laughs)
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
The first time.
- JRJoe Rogan
Pretty fucking good. Pretty fucking good.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
With the pauses.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Timing.
- NANarrator
... as Sylvester Stallone closes the flashback sequence to his son. "Papi, Papi." Over the top. (growls)
(laughs)
This place is gonna go nuts.
- JRJoe Rogan
See, they should've used that in the movie.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Exactly.
- JRJoe Rogan
So that was good.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Make it look grainy.
- JRJoe Rogan
But, no, no, no, no. It doesn't have to be grainy.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
But that, film him, film him actually doing standup.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
That's what he should've done.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
So it's not that he sucked-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Uh-huh.
- JRJoe Rogan
... 'cause right there he just did it. But he was at... Flip the top. Nobody knows how to use these goddamn things. It's amazing how many people you give them a Kolibri lighter and they just, "A who?"
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Well, it's like man discovering fire.
- JRJoe Rogan
(growls) So if they used that, I would've bought that movie. That would've been a much better movie.
- 50:47 – 52:35
The Comedy Store
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
all the jokes?
- JRJoe Rogan
Did she do some jokes? Who?
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Uh, Barry Sobel.
- JRJoe Rogan
Did he do it on purposely bad? (laughs)
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
No, I think they gave him like five minutes or something.
- JRJoe Rogan
And it was an inside joke. (laughs)
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Something, something. I don't know. But Barry-
- JRJoe Rogan
But he was in it.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
He used to kill it back then.
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Barry Sobel.
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, yeah. When I first started coming to this store, he was one of the big names there.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. He was on MTV a lot back then.
- JRJoe Rogan
I remember. That was the guy from Punchline. But it was a quite a while afterwards, right? So this is like '94 and that movie was like '88. And he was still kinda doing that same kinda character. And it... That was the weird thing about this store in '94. It's like, you know when a wave hits a shore and then pulls back, you see like driftwood and shit gets-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
... gets stuck on the beach?
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
(laughs) That's a good metaphor.
- JRJoe Rogan
That was this store in '94.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Because Kinison was this wave. And Kinison and that movement was this wave that washed over comedy in Hollywood. And then Kinison left the store and then Kinison died in a car accident.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
And then I came to the store like two years later. And it was like beach wood.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
You know? It was like fucking driftwood and bottle caps and shit.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Right.
- JRJoe Rogan
It's like there was a lot of guys there that should've not been doing standup anymore.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
They had been doing the same act for 30 years.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
It was weird. Bodaks. Go- like, I was like, "This is the Comedy Store?"
- 52:35 – 54:42
Robin Williams
- JRJoe Rogan
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. He was in the crowd one night. I was at The Comedy Cellar. And he was in the crowd.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Just si- for some reason. He was, he was drunk. It was like he- he had had a lapse, and he started heckling me. But like in a playful way, like he wanted to like improv-
- JRJoe Rogan
Wanted to play.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
... and fuck around. Yeah. So I, he, we, I did. I played with him. I couldn't bel-
- JRJoe Rogan
Wow.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
I don't know where I got it in me, but I was like shitting on him for being Mork from Ork.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
And he was laughing. He didn't jump up on the stage, which would've been fucking sweet. But, uh, we, and then he hung out after. I met him a few times. Fucking sweetest guy in the world. And not at all how he is on stage. Like, very sweet.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, very calm.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Very, very minimal. Calm. Very- very much like interested in you, like ask you questions.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. I met him once at the Improv and I didn't know I was talking to him until like a couple minutes into our conversation.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Oh, shit.
- JRJoe Rogan
So I was... I did a show at the Improv. Then afterwards, I was taking pictures. So I was in the front bar and there's a line of people. I was just taking pictures, saying hi to people. And this guy comes up and he's- he's, he said, "That was really wonderful. I really, really loved this one bit." He's talking to me about this bit. He's like, "That bit where it's like, God, the courage to say that." And I'm like...
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
"This is Robin Williams."
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
Like 'cause he had a big white beard-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Uh-huh.
- JRJoe Rogan
... and a hat on, and I didn't realize. I go, "Oh, th- Well, thank you, man." I go, "I real- I really appreciate it. Thank... And thank you for coming." He goes, "Yeah, I really wanted to watch your set. It was really fun."
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Wow.
- JRJoe Rogan
And I was like, "Wow."
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
That's pretty cool. Damn.
- JRJoe Rogan
It was cool. But I was like, this is the craziest thing is that he didn't introduce himself-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
... "I'm Robin Williams." He waited in line. Nobody noticed that he was in line 'cause he had this big beard, a big beard and glasses and a hat on.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
And it took me like... I was like, "Oh, shit." Super nice guy.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- 54:42 – 55:42
Rick Overton
- JRJoe Rogan
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
He used to steal so much from, uh, Ric Overton that he was getting... He- he would just call his manager and be like, "He did it again," and they just cut him a check. But it was like, you know, uh, money doesn't cover it. That's your tool belt. That's taking somebody's-
- JRJoe Rogan
Not only that. I- i- it could be the difference between you making it and not making it, right?
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
You can have one bit... Like sometimes for a comic, it's one bit that you base an entire career on.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
And you have this one bit and this bit shows you that with the proper focus and a subject where you're really connected to it, you can come up with a banger.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
So I- I've, I can fuck... And you can headline and close with that.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
And if some guy just does that on TV, they have just ho-... hamstringed your act. Like, you don't have a closer anymore-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
... and may- maybe you base other stuff on that bit. Like, maybe it's like, it point, you, you point to it at previous times, so that the end part is even funnier because it's kind of a callback, like ...
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm-hmm.
- NANarrator
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
And you could, I've seen it happen to guys, where their career just, pbbt.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Just
- 55:42 – 58:23
Larry Miller
- JRJoe Rogan
tanked.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
You remember, uh, uh, Larry, Larry Miller's closing bit on the 10 stages, or how many stages of being drunk? He closed with that shit for years and people demanded it, because it was just a, it was an act-out, so you didn't get sick of seeing it.
- JRJoe Rogan
Right, right.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
And he honed it over the year, I mean, he's such a craftsman. He's such an exacting performer and, and such a precise writer. And then I saw some guy doing that bit and I was like, "Dude." I mean, I hate to bring up Mencia, but like, it was like that thing with Cosby, with the football thing, like-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
... like, dude, that's like exact.
- JRJoe Rogan
Not only that, it's a legendary bit.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
That's what's crazy. But, but I think people did things before they understood the internet, because they didn't understand that there's gonna be real consequences. It's not just some people talking about things, it's a video that shows the bit by Cosby and then your bit-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
... back to back.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
You could, it, there's a thing that happened because of the internet, where it wasn't a rumor anymore. It was like you could just see it right in front of your face and go, "Oh, there's no way."
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Well, especially when it's more than one bit-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yes.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
And they put a compilation together-
- JRJoe Rogan
Sure.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
... then it's like, wow.
- JRJoe Rogan
There's also, there's a thing that happens with those guys, where you see there's a stark contrast between the material they steal and the material they write themselves.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
Like, the material they write themselves just doesn't make any sense.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
It's like they're doing a caricature of the, the guy who was killing with the jokes with that same attitude. But now you have nothing connected to it, but you have all this confidence.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
But it doesn't make any sense.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
And when they get caught, then they have to do their own stuff. And you usually, it's a fucking drop off a cliff-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
It's a drop off a cliff, the difference between the early stuff, where they weren't stealing, or they were stealing rather, and the later stuff where they have to write their own stuff.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Well, also when you get guys that aren't just taking that, and not just guys, women obviously, uh-
- 58:23 – 1:09:58
Perfect Club
- JRJoe Rogan
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
And it had, uh, they, they must've done comedy 30 years there easily.
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
They've moved to a, they moved to a... It's funny because it's not as big of a place and it's connected to, like, a diner, but it's still kinda got the magic-
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
... of the old Punch Line.
- JRJoe Rogan
Well, that's great.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, it's great. Atlanta crowds are, we did a nice theater in Atlanta one time.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Remember that?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was fun.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
That was fun as shit.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. Atlanta's great. It's a great comedy place.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
It's, um, you know, it's, it sucks they had to lose that original spot, though. That original spot-
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
I know.
- JRJoe Rogan
... was so perfectly designed.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
I think it was literally crumbling by the end.
- JRJoe Rogan
Was it?
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, I think, I, it-
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, the building was falling apart?
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
... I think it was a tear-down, yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
And I just like, there's something about old clubs where you really can feel the history.
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, yeah, like Zanies, Zanies in Nashville.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Zanies. Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Or The Punch Line in San Francisco.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. Oh, yeah, you feel it in the walls.
- GFGreg Fitzsimmons
Denver Comedy Works.
Episode duration: 3:00:39
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