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Joe Rogan Experience #2249 - Yannis Pappas & Chris Distefano

This episode is brought to you by The Farmer's Dog. Get 50% off your first box by heading to http://thefarmersdog.com/rogan today! This episode is brought to you by Gopuff the Instant Delivery platform. Alcohol, groceries, snacks & more delivered in as fast as 15 minutes. https://gopuff.onelink.me/6XXe/dfd6s4p4 Yannis Pappas is a standup-comic and host of the "Yannis Pappas Hour" podcast. Chris DiStefano is a stand-up comic and the host of "Chrissy Chaos" and "Christories." Together, they are the hosts of the "History Hyenas" podcast. www.yannispappascomedy.com www.chrisdcomedy.com

Chris DiStefanoguestJoe RoganhostYannis Pappasguest
Dec 31, 20243h 8mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:002:28

    Chris learns to smoke a cigar (and immediately struggles)

    1. CD

      (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

    2. NA

      The Joe Rogan Experience.

    3. CD

      Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. (rock music plays) I wanna see you vomit.

    4. JR

      Are we up? This is Chris Tef- Distefano's very first time ever.

    5. CD

      Okay.

    6. JR

      Lighting and smoking a cigar.

    7. CD

      This i-

    8. JR

      How old are you?

    9. CD

      40.

    10. JR

      How've you managed to get this far with no cigars?

    11. CD

      I don't know how to do any, like, really guy shit like that. Like, I don't know how to play pool, cigars. I don't really know how to do that, but I do know every state capital.

    12. JR

      Okay.

    13. YP

      Yeah.

    14. CD

      Is this the right way?

    15. YP

      Yeah.

    16. JR

      You got it.

    17. CD

      He's gonna vomit. I wanna see him vomit on this show.

    18. JR

      I don't think he's gonna vomit. Don't inhale it all. You gotta get the fire-

    19. CD

      First you gotta lear- yeah, like you gotta-

    20. JR

      ... lower, lower your h- hand.

    21. CD

      Yeah.

    22. JR

      Yeah. Are you doing this on purpose?

    23. CD

      I swear on my kids I've never done this.

    24. YP

      Okay.

    25. JR

      No, no, I mean the way you're being retarded.

    26. CD

      Hmm.

    27. JR

      Like, get the fire on the f- (laughs)

    28. YP

      There we go. Right on there, yeah.

    29. JR

      Get it on there, get it on there.

    30. YP

      Get it in there.

  2. 2:283:56

    Deodorant, cologne, and why humans smell awful without help

    1. CD

      But I don't know what to do. I also, I'm just thinking about how my clothes are gonna smell like cigar smoke.

    2. YP

      Yeah, no, it really does.

    3. CD

      And that's-

    4. JR

      That's gonna mess with your head.

    5. YP

      Yeah.

    6. CD

      And it messes with my head, 'cause I'm like, "I don't wanna get cigar smoke on my clothes."

    7. JR

      Do you use cologne?

    8. CD

      Yes.

    9. JR

      Mm.

    10. CD

      Shout out Yves Saint Laurent.

    11. JR

      Wow.

    12. YP

      And body odor.

    13. CD

      Do you not use cologne?

    14. JR

      No.

    15. CD

      Never?

    16. JR

      No, never.

    17. CD

      What-

    18. JR

      Maybe when I was like 18.

    19. CD

      You just go with your natural musk?

    20. JR

      Well, I wear deodorant.

    21. CD

      Right.

    22. YP

      Yeah.

    23. JR

      I wear Dr. Squatch.

    24. CD

      Shout out Dr. Squatch.

    25. JR

      Shout out to Dr. Squatch, natural. It's not, it doesn't have aluminum in it.

    26. CD

      Yeah.

    27. JR

      But I wonder if it works as good.

    28. CD

      Well, there's more effe-

    29. JR

      I think there's something to the aluminum.

    30. YP

      Yeah.

  3. 3:565:24

    Sex, grooming trends, and the idea that “history smelled”

    1. YP

      That's what made eating pussy so hard before, like, the 2000s.

    2. JR

      Before porn.

    3. CD

      Right.

    4. YP

      Before porn. But porn used to be muff out.

    5. JR

      Right.

    6. YP

      Yeah.

    7. JR

      But somewhere along the line, it wasn't.

    8. YP

      Yeah.

    9. JR

      And then society followed.

    10. YP

      Yes.

    11. JR

      Right.

    12. YP

      And it changed eating pussy. I mean, it's, uh, so much more enjoyable without any fumes.

    13. JR

      Yeah.

    14. YP

      'Cause the fumes get caught in the hair.

    15. CD

      Fumare.

    16. JR

      A lot of stuff goes on down there.

    17. YP

      Yeah.

    18. CD

      All, while, Napo-

    19. JR

      Plus it's six inches from the asshole.

    20. YP

      Yeah.

    21. JR

      Not even.

    22. YP

      Yeah.

    23. JR

      You know?

    24. YP

      Yeah.

    25. CD

      Napoleon's letters to Josephine, he wanted her to have a full bush, and he wanted her not to bathe for a week when he was coming home from war.

    26. JR

      Yeah.

    27. CD

      He said, "I need it, I need it fucking mungy."

    28. JR

      Right.

    29. CD

      So some guys like that.

    30. JR

      Mungy?

  4. 5:247:33

    Civilizations rising/falling and trauma (and racism) passed through generations

    1. JR

      Well, before the, the, the Mongols sacked Iraq, like they were, like that was the pinnacle of civilization. They turned the river, was it the River Tigris?

    2. CD

      Mm-hmm.

    3. JR

      They turned it red with blood. Like, that's how many people they killed. They, they killed the entire town of Baghdad. Like, they killed everybody there. And those people were at the pinnacle of science.

    4. YP

      Yeah.

    5. JR

      And then look, you go all the way to the 1990s and you got fucking Saddam Hussein and his psychopathic kids running shit and killing people, and...

    6. CD

      Right.

    7. JR

      That was what was left over.

    8. YP

      Yeah.

    9. CD

      Yeah.

    10. YP

      Same gene line.

    11. JR

      It's really nuts when you think about-

    12. YP

      You think that gets into the genes, like the killer kinda psychopathic-

    13. JR

      100%.

    14. YP

      Yeah.

    15. JR

      Yeah, 100%. Yeah.

    16. YP

      Right.

    17. JR

      I think good things and bad things get in your genes. I think that's been substantiated by science. They said...... you know, that even racism can, can be passed on from parent to child.

    18. YP

      That makes sense.

    19. CD

      I believe it-

    20. JR

      Yeah.

    21. CD

      Traumatic memories.

    22. YP

      Mm-hmm.

    23. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    24. CD

      I believe it.

    25. JR

      Yeah.

    26. CD

      My... Yeah. My... I, I feel like I... Only now, as I'm getting older, am I like, "Oh, I have some of my mom's memories in my head," I feel like.

    27. JR

      Think about it. Like, think about... W- let's look... Let's think of simpler animals, like animals, like dogs, like Carl. Why... How the fuck does a dog know to pee on a tree? How does a dog know to go-

    28. YP

      Instinct, yeah.

    29. JR

      ... to where pee is and pee on it?

    30. CD

      Yeah.

  5. 7:3312:51

    Boxing training, head size, and who can take a punch

    1. JR

      Whoa, you look thinner, dude.

    2. YP

      Yeah.

    3. JR

      You look... Really do. You look healthy.

    4. YP

      Thank you.

    5. CD

      He does. He looks good.

    6. JR

      You been boxing?

    7. YP

      I've been boxing. Yeah.

    8. JR

      Okay. Lemme see some moves. Can you show me-

    9. YP

      You wanna see for real?

    10. JR

      Can you show me something?

    11. YP

      No. No, I-

    12. JR

      You want-

    13. CD

      I'll show you form. I got video of it.

    14. YP

      (laughs)

    15. CD

      I'll show you form, dude.

    16. YP

      I'm sure.

    17. CD

      He's got a nice... He's got a nice-

    18. YP

      You made a video today.

    19. CD

      I got a video today. He's got a nice right hand. He's a... he's not... He... You say you're slow, but you're not slow. But you got a nice, nice right hand.

    20. YP

      Yeah. I have a... He tells me I got, I got a little power in both hands.

    21. CD

      Right.

    22. YP

      So, I don't know.

    23. JR

      You're a little too confident for my liking.

    24. YP

      I know. I know, and that's how it goes.

    25. CD

      Yeah.

    26. YP

      And then you just get fucking stretched out.

    27. CD

      Stretched out.

    28. YP

      (laughs)

    29. CD

      You'll get laid out, cuz.

    30. YP

      Yeah, you get stretched out.

  6. 12:5117:58

    Anger tears, comedian brains, and managing anxiety spirals

    1. CD

      But the thing, the thing is for me, Joe, and I'm just being completely honest with you, when I get really angry, like you'll punch a wall or you'll do man shit, I cry. I really-

    2. JR

      Okay.

    3. CD

      There's been many times where I've gotten so mad that I just start to tear up and cry. I've cried in front of Yiannis before.

    4. YP

      Yeah.

    5. JR

      When you get angry?

    6. CD

      So, when I get angry, I just start to cry. So there's some wires crossed somewhere in me, but we've kind of accepted, that's why I think our friendship has blossomed to the way it is, because we both understand that we just have a little bit more estrogen than most guys, and that's okay.

    7. YP

      We got nicked for sure. I mean-

    8. JR

      Hmm.

    9. CD

      We got nicked by the gay gene.

    10. YP

      Some people get fully clipped. I think we got nicked.

    11. CD

      Joe didn't get it at all.

    12. YP

      No, no.

    13. CD

      Joe got not even close to being nicked. And which is rare-

    14. YP

      Fully.

    15. CD

      ... for a comic, 'cause if... It's very usually hard to be funny and not a little bit of a feminine guy. You're a very manly guy that can be funny.

    16. YP

      Yeah.

    17. CD

      That's a rarity, babe.

    18. YP

      Yeah.

    19. JR

      Well, most guys that... If you, like, hang around boxing gyms, or if you hang around a lot of cops, or if you hang around soldiers-

    20. CD

      Mm-hmm.

    21. YP

      Yeah.

    22. JR

      ... they're funny, man.

    23. YP

      Oh, yeah.

    24. CD

      Mm-hmm.

    25. JR

      They're funny dudes because it's gallows humor, 'cause they're dealing... Like, one of my funniest friends was a special forces guy.

    26. YP

      Yeah.

    27. JR

      He's fucking hilarious.

    28. YP

      Yeah.

    29. CD

      Yeah.

    30. JR

      And he's always cracking, like, jokes you could never repeat, you know, saying things you can never repeat. And it's just so funny.

  7. 17:5818:29

    Friendships, comics’ jealousy, and parenting changing empathy

    1. JR

      I have to get a new number, and I've been saying this for a while. I have a couple numbers, but I gotta, I have to re- renew...... I gotta just completely check out of these topics.

    2. YP

      And I never call you first, 'cause I'm like, "I don't know if I'm..." If we got that type of friendship where you just-

    3. JR

      You can totally call me.

    4. YP

      I can call you?

    5. JR

      Yeah. Best friends.

    6. YP

      All right.

    7. JR

      I hug you when I see you, right?

    8. YP

      Yeah.

    9. JR

      Then you can call me.

    10. YP

      Oh, I'm calling you.

    11. JR

      (laughs)

    12. CD

      There's been a couple of times I've sent you, "I come over for Christmas."

    13. JR

      Yeah.

    14. YP

      Now, oh wow-

    15. JR

      Come over for Christmas.

    16. YP

      ... you're gonna be seeing a lot of Giannis Pappas popping up.

    17. JR

      Let's go.

    18. CD

      Yeah.

    19. YP

      Yeah.

    20. CD

      There's been a couple of times I've sent Joe voice notes-

    21. JR

      Yeah.

    22. CD

      ... and then you listen back and I'm like, "I'm not sending that."

    23. JR

      (laughs)

    24. CD

      And then I, and then I just don't reach out.

    25. YP

      What'd you say? "What's up, honey bubbles?"

    26. JR

      Voice notes, you know-

    27. YP

      "What's up, baby gorgeous?"

    28. CD

      Yeah.

  8. 18:2931:22

    Alex Jones, conspiracy “noise,” and the ‘prison planet’ pitch

    1. JR

      You know who sends me the most voice notes? Alex Jones, 'cause they disappear.

    2. CD

      Oh, right.

    3. YP

      Oh.

    4. JR

      This is what they're planning, and then it fucking disappears. (laughs) But you could keep them.

    5. YP

      That's perfect.

    6. JR

      Y- yeah, you can keep them.

    7. YP

      On your end.

    8. JR

      But doesn't he know if you keep them?

    9. YP

      Yeah, yeah.

    10. JR

      I don't want him knowing that.

    11. YP

      That's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. You don't... (laughs)

    12. JR

      I don't want him know... You know what I'll do? I'll record it with another phone.

    13. CD

      That's smart.

    14. JR

      I'll like, you know, film it.

    15. CD

      Smart, dude.

    16. YP

      Yeah.

    17. JR

      This is what the problem is.

    18. CD

      Yeah.

    19. YP

      That's perfect. I mean, that's almost like-

    20. JR

      I've known him for about 25 fucking years.

    21. YP

      I mean, if you called me and did that, I'd be like, "Alex Jones-"

    22. JR

      As soon as Trump gets in, they're gonna... The, the, the aliens will land.

    23. CD

      (laughs)

    24. YP

      That's perfect.

    25. JR

      They're turning the frogs gay.

    26. YP

      (laughs)

    27. JR

      Yeah. Yeah, it's like, yeah.

    28. CD

      Dude, I saw a video of Alex Jones, and I'm late to the game of seeing this, but how he predicted 9/11 in June-

    29. YP

      He did.

    30. CD

      ... of twen- 2001.

  9. 31:2239:03

    Andrew Dice Clay as a misunderstood artist and comedy mentor

    1. YP

      Why do you want to keep Dice's cigarettes in there?

    2. JR

      'Cause they're Dice's.

    3. CD

      Yeah.

    4. YP

      Oh!

    5. CD

      That's why.

    6. YP

      Yeah.

    7. JR

      Hey.

    8. CD

      Yeah.

    9. JR

      He l- he doesn't smoke them, he just takes them out and he holds onto them and he puts them in the ashtray-

    10. CD

      He's the best.

    11. YP

      Yeah.

    12. JR

      ... then he pulls another one out and he holds onto it.

    13. YP

      Yeah.

    14. CD

      Yeah.

    15. JR

      He went smoking again for a while. He started smoking again, but then he stopped again.

    16. YP

      Yeah.

    17. CD

      Yeah.

    18. JR

      You know. (Russian accent) "Gotta becareful" my health."

    19. YP

      Yeah.

    20. CD

      Yeah.

    21. JR

      Oh!

    22. YP

      Yes.

    23. CD

      Oh! You wanna talk about a great father and son, but that, that's Dice. Dice-

    24. JR

      Yes.

    25. CD

      Dice is all about his kids.

    26. JR

      He's very dedicated. Very dedicated. You know-

    27. CD

      Yeah.

    28. JR

      ... his kids play the ban- they play, like, at his shows.

    29. CD

      Yeah.

    30. JR

      You know, his son, his son's playing, his son is fucking amazing on the drums.

  10. 39:0349:03

    Dark anthropology: Germany’s extremes, cannibal cases, and Papua New Guinea taboos

    1. JR

      Germans are weird.

    2. YP

      That's awesome.

    3. How about that German guy that ate that other guy's penis? He en- he, they, he answered an ad.

    4. JR

      Well, the guy asked him to eat his dick.

    5. YP

      Yeah, he asked him to eat his penis.

    6. CD

      It is keto.

    7. YP

      And they ate it together, right?

    8. CD

      Yeah.

    9. JR

      Yeah.

    10. YP

      Yeah.

    11. JR

      Yeah. Fun.

    12. CD

      Yeah.

    13. YP

      Germans are-

    14. CD

      You know, he, he ate his own dick. He ate his own penis with his-

    15. YP

      Yeah.

    16. CD

      ... with a buddy.

    17. YP

      Yeah.

    18. CD

      It happens.

    19. JR

      (inhales deeply) Well, it wasn't even a buddy. It was a guy he met on Craigslist or something.

    20. CD

      Right. Wires get crossed and-

    21. YP

      Germans just ... Yeah, Germans just, you know. Germans.

    22. JR

      How many Germans?

    23. YP

      What do you think that is?

    24. I think it's just, um, some s-

    25. CD

      Yeah.

    26. YP

      It's something in zere that's like very ... Hello. It's like-

    27. JR

      But think about how good they are at engineering.

    28. YP

      Right.

    29. Yeah.

    30. JR

      Right? Like, think about ... Just think about modern automobiles and how w- how many of them originated in Germany.

  11. 49:0354:10

    San Francisco ‘fatphobia czar,’ wokeness backlash, and civilization decline

    1. JR

      Did you see the San Francisco lady they just hired?

    2. YP

      No.

    3. JR

      They laid a czar to stop fatphobia. Have you seen this lady?

    4. YP

      No. (laughs)

    5. JR

      It's wonderful. Hold please.

    6. YP

      Okay.

    7. JR

      Let me, let me say this, 'cause this is, uh, a city that's completely crumbling, that has no resources-

    8. YP

      Listen-

    9. JR

      ... but has enough money to hire this person.

    10. YP

      My daughter's-

    11. JR

      Here we go.

    12. YP

      My daughter's in the 95th percentile right now, so I'm, I, I agree with her. I don't want anyone to make fun of fat people.

    13. JR

      Oh, it's not making fun of fat people. It's, it's literally, like, encouraging people to be fat.

    14. YP

      Oh, she, they are?

    15. JR

      It's encouraging to be fat.

    16. YP

      Yeah.

    17. JR

      It's saying there's nothing wrong with being fat, which is crazy. You know, it's one thing if you don't wanna be mean to people because they're fat, yes, and-

    18. YP

      Right.

    19. JR

      ... you know, if you can encourage them to be healthy, yes. And the e- I mean, I'm not the expert on GLP-1 agonists, but this lady is out of her fucking mind.

    20. YP

      Huh.

    21. JR

      You know? I, I think there's probably a lot of side effects to a lot of these drugs that people are taking to get skinny, but at least it's moving you in a right direction because being fat is killing you.

    22. YP

      Yeah.

    23. Right.

    24. JR

      Jay, I just texted it to you.

    25. YP

      I'm actually giving, uh, for Christmas a few of my friends Wegovy.

    26. JR

      Yeah, for real?

    27. YP

      Yeah. No, I mean, I'm joking, but-

    28. JR

      Oh.

    29. YP

      Yeah.

    30. (laughs)

  12. 54:101:03:34

    AI governance, quantum computing, drones, and crypto scams (Hawk Tuah included)

    1. JR

      Do you think it's the collapse of a civilization, like the way Rome got a little, uh, you know, zany at the end, or do you think this is unique in that-

    2. YP

      Humans have so much time on their hands because of the industrial revolution and then the technological revolution on top of that. So, this is just a consequence of the tech revolution where nobody c- you know, people working from home, everyone's working on the computer, it's a talking-shit economy, and nobody's got ... And they're losing their mind because they don't have purpose.

    3. JR

      Well, there's that too. Right? But all civilizations collapse. So, let's take a look at why. So most civilizations, they, they're a monarchy and it's usually they're run after they die by their children. And that's how it all falls apart. Even if you look at, like, Genghis Khan. Genghis Khan, his family couldn't hold up. They, they couldn't run things the way he did. They didn't know, they didn't understand strategy. They didn't understand the-

    4. YP

      He, he was a wild dude.

    5. CD

      Yeah.

    6. JR

      He was a wild dude.

    7. CD

      Yeah.

    8. JR

      So, his kids did a good job. They did, they hung in there for a couple hundred years. After a while, it all fell apart. But our society's different in that we have essentially ... We have a republic. Right? So, we have a democratically elected a pub- republic. And they've done a lot to try to circumvent that. They've done a lot to try to have ultimate control over the media, ultimate control over the military, ultimate ... And it's mostly people that aren't even elected. Right? So, there's a lot of, like, weirdness that's moved us closer and closer towards a monarchy, closer and closer towards tyranny. And then once it gets into tyranny, then you can only do that for so long. That lasts, you know, for as long as they can keep it going. You know, Rome did it for a long time. There's a lot of civilizations that hang in there, but eventually it all falls apart.

    9. YP

      Right.

    10. JR

      If we can avoid that, there's no reason why we can't keep it together. We just have to make sure we avoid these very predictable patterns that the pe- the people that founded this country. When they wrote the Bill of Rights, when, when they wrote the Constitution, they were trying to mitigate the effects that are just common in any group of society that's run by individuals or by a small group of people.

    11. YP

      Right.

    12. JR

      They want ultimate control. It makes it easier for them to stop anybody from taking the power once they have the power. Look at Jill Biden. Like, she still wanted ... She's still like, "You did so great. You answered all the questions." She wanted him to keep going.

    13. YP

      Right.

    14. JR

      She wanted him to be- 'cause she didn't want to not be vice president or whatever, first lady. She didn't want to not do that.

    15. YP

      Sure.

    16. JR

      It's power.

    17. YP

      Yeah.

    18. JR

      That's what it is. It's that ultimate control and power, and it's hypnotic for human beings. It-

    19. CD

      Do you, do you think then that we're gonna be in a part of society in the next, I don't know, 30 years where we're gonna start getting ruled by AI? Is that possible?

    20. JR

      100%. Give me that lighter. Yeah.

    21. CD

      Yeah.

    22. JR

      That's 100%. Yeah.

    23. CD

      Yeah.

    24. JR

      There's no getting around that, man.

    25. CD

      So, you think the president's gonna be AI at some point?

    26. JR

      Do, do you know about the, the Google quantum computer? The, these studies that they've done?

    27. CD

      I've heard, I've heard about it, but I don't know what it is.

    28. YP

      Where they're talking to each other and stuff?

    29. JR

      They're more than that.

    30. YP

      Yeah.

Episode duration: 3:08:25

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