Joe Rogan Experience #2257 - Bryan Callen

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   (drumming music plays) Joe Rogan podcast.…

   1. NANarrator0:00

      (drumming music plays) Joe Rogan podcast. Check it out.

   2. The Joe Rogan Experience.

   3. BCBryan Callen0:06

      Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night. All day. (rock music plays) Do you have good... towards it. My wife, uh, I smoked one of these and I didn't brush my teeth. I woke up the next morning and my wife said, "Your breath is four dimensional." (laughs)

   4. JRJoe Rogan0:21

      (laughs) You didn't brush your teeth before you went to bed and you smoked a cigar?

   5. BCBryan Callen0:24

      No. Of course I didn't brush my teeth before I went to bed.

   6. JRJoe Rogan0:25

      Ugh.

   7. BCBryan Callen0:25

      Give a fuck?

   8. JRJoe Rogan0:26

      Ugh.

   9. BCBryan Callen0:27

      You know what I mean? You're married, you're married. She was like-

   10. JRJoe Rogan0:28

       Ugh.

   11. BCBryan Callen0:28

       ... "I love you so much. Your breath is four dimensional."

   12. JRJoe Rogan0:31

       Ooh.

   13. BCBryan Callen0:32

       You know these fires... I, uh, w- I have two small children now. 'Cause what I wanna do is, what you wanna do is you wanna get divorced and then you wanna have, get married again to a woman who's 23 years younger and then have two more kids, 'cause that's good. And, uh, and then I-

   14. JRJoe Rogan0:45

       (laughs) Definitely takes a lot of financial stress off your back.

   15. BCBryan Callen0:48

       Oh, dude. There's no financial stress at all. It's great.

   16. JRJoe Rogan0:50

       (laughs)

   17. BCBryan Callen0:50

       You know what? If I hustled til I'm 80, I'll be fine. Anyway, um...

   18. JRJoe Rogan0:55

       (laughs)

   19. BCBryan Callen0:55

       Oof. (laughs) It's gonna be really awkward when I call you at 75, "I, I just need help this month." But anyway, so I, uh, fucking, um, I, I look at her and I go, um... She's like a girl from Jersey, like Irish-Italian chick, no nonsense, you know. Been working since she was 16. And I go, um, "You know, they, we had an evacuation order that they sent out by accident to people even down where I'm at."

   20. JRJoe Rogan1:17

       Yeah, what was that?

   21. BCBryan Callen1:18

       It was some guy who fucked up, because I don't know if you know, this is gonna s- be, this is gonna be shocking. Grab the table.

   22. JRJoe Rogan1:24

       Wait a minute.

   23. BCBryan Callen1:24

       LA's not run very well. (laughs)

   24. JRJoe Rogan1:26

       Hold on!

   25. BCBryan Callen1:26

       I know. Hold on.

   26. JRJoe Rogan1:27

       What the fuck you saying?

   27. BCBryan Callen1:28

       Well, because, see, here's the thing. We have to worry about-

   28. JRJoe Rogan1:30

       Wait a minute.

   29. BCBryan Callen1:30

       I know. It's-

   30. JRJoe Rogan1:31

       Isn't the chief of fire department a lesbian?
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   And what kind of…

   1. BCBryan Callen15:00

      Now, who is going to rebuild there and who's gonna, who's gonna finance it? Are you gonna get-

   2. JRJoe Rogan15:05

      And what kind of insurance are you gonna be able to get?

   3. BCBryan Callen15:06

      You're not getting insurance. So- so are you gonna get insurance or is a bank gonna finance that? Would you wanna rebuild there when you have to wait for a gas station, for a grocery store? There's nothing there.

   4. JRJoe Rogan15:17

      Right.

   5. BCBryan Callen15:17

      So to me, I don't understand what, I don't know what happens to that very valuable property. I don't-

   6. JRJoe Rogan15:23

      I don't know what happens to the entire city now.

   7. BCBryan Callen15:25

      I don't either.

   8. JRJoe Rogan15:25

      Because people are looting like fucking crazy. Gigantic groups of 100 men, organized, are pulling into neighborhoods that are being evacuated-

   9. BCBryan Callen15:35

      Yeah.

   10. JRJoe Rogan15:35

       ... smashing through doors and pulling out TVs. There's film footage of 'em.

   11. BCBryan Callen15:39

       Yeah.

   12. JRJoe Rogan15:39

       There's also a bunch of people that have been caught setting fires.

   13. BCBryan Callen15:42

       Yeah, I'd be sh- I- I would, I would, I think they should be put to death.

   14. JRJoe Rogan15:46

       One guy got caught setting fires and he had a UN debit card.

   15. BCBryan Callen15:50

       What?

   16. JRJoe Rogan15:51

       And he had a bunch... I'll so- I'll send it to Jamie. The guy that got arrested for, I'll t- I'll tell you which, which fire it was, but he got arrested, he had a UN card. I'll tell you exactly.

   17. BCBryan Callen16:05

       This kind of, this kind of tragedy-

   18. JRJoe Rogan16:07

       I don't wanna fuck this up.

   19. BCBryan Callen16:07

       ... brings out the best in people and the worst in people. The one thing it does i- in these communities, it brings all these people together.

   20. JRJoe Rogan16:13

       Mm-hmm.

   21. BCBryan Callen16:14

       You know, my buddy started to cry because I was on the phone with him, he lost everything, right? And he, they're gonna come stay with us and he said, um, he, when I was on the phone, somebody, these people dropped by and dropped off clothes for them. And he's got a lot of money and he started to cry, man. He was like, uh, d- I can't tell you how many people have reached out. But-

   22. JRJoe Rogan16:30

       He had five cell phones and a United Nations prepaid debit card.

   23. BCBryan Callen16:35

       I, I, I'm skeptical. Is this conspiracy-

   24. JRJoe Rogan16:37

       Of course you are. You're always skeptical. You son of a bitch.

   25. BCBryan Callen16:39

       Is this conspiracy... I just don't wanna be played.

   26. JRJoe Rogan16:41

       No, um, I think The New York Post did a thing about it.

   27. BCBryan Callen16:45

       You know what I mean, though? I don't wanna be played. I don't know what's true anymore.

   28. JRJoe Rogan16:47

       Maybe The N- New York Post didn't post that he had the debit card.

   29. BCBryan Callen16:51

       Yeah. I don't know what's true anymore. See?

   30. JRJoe Rogan16:52

       I'm getting this from the Texas Patriot Twitter account (laughs) .
3. 30:00 – 45:00

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   1. JRJoe Rogan30:00

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   3. JRJoe Rogan30:35

      ... yeah, I think all those things are tools to try to break out of the ego.

   4. BCBryan Callen30:41

      Mm-hmm.

   5. JRJoe Rogan30:41

      Right? It's all the- the problem that most people have is they think about themselves all the time, and the worst version of it is extreme narcissism, you know, and sociopathy. And then the- the best people are the people that think about others more than they think about themselves.

   6. BCBryan Callen30:54

      Mm-hmm.

   7. JRJoe Rogan30:54

      Those are the people that we admire the most.

   8. BCBryan Callen30:56

      Mm-hmm.

   9. JRJoe Rogan30:56

      The people that, like, genuinely think about other people-

   10. BCBryan Callen30:58

       That's right.

   11. JRJoe Rogan30:58

       ... a lot.

   12. BCBryan Callen30:59

       That's right.

   13. JRJoe Rogan30:59

       I think one thing that I really genuinely do try to do is I try to not think about myself.

   14. BCBryan Callen31:05

       Yep.

   15. JRJoe Rogan31:06

       I think about things that I must do. (clears throat) Uh, I do think about things that I don't like that I did. Like, "I don't like how I handled that conversation. Maybe I c- maybe I was coming in, like, a little hot. Maybe I was coming in at a five, and I should've been at a two, and maybe- maybe the reason why it became a d- a- like, a contentious argument was my fault."

   16. BCBryan Callen31:25

       Yeah.

   17. JRJoe Rogan31:25

       You know? And I've re-

   18. BCBryan Callen31:26

       Very good.

   19. JRJoe Rogan31:27

       I'm so much better at that than when I w- I was when I was younger-

   20. BCBryan Callen31:29

       Mm-hmm.

   21. JRJoe Rogan31:30

       ... at, like, I can have a conversation with someone that I vehemently disagree with and keep it very civil.

   22. BCBryan Callen31:35

       Yeah, when we were younger, both you and I-

   23. JRJoe Rogan31:36

       Yeah. Yeah.

   24. BCBryan Callen31:36

       ... we'd start shouting our opinions.

   25. JRJoe Rogan31:38

       Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's-

   26. BCBryan Callen31:39

       It was about winning. It wasn't even about-

   27. JRJoe Rogan31:39

       Also, we were all retarded.

   28. BCBryan Callen31:41

       Yeah.

   29. JRJoe Rogan31:41

       And we were young and stupid, and we had bad role models. (laughs)

   30. BCBryan Callen31:44

       (laughs) Dude. Dude.
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   That would be me.…

   1. JRJoe Rogan45:00

      this thing and I was examining the psychology of it and how it affects everything. Because when people didn't get auditions, when they wouldn't audition, then you went out to dinner with them at night, they were so depressed.

   2. BCBryan Callen45:10

      That would be me.

   3. JRJoe Rogan45:11

      Oh, you, all the time.

   4. BCBryan Callen45:12

      Years.

   5. JRJoe Rogan45:12

      You, all the time. You wanted it so bad. I remember we were at the comic store one night-

   6. BCBryan Callen45:17

      'Cause I didn't think there was any other options.

   7. JRJoe Rogan45:17

      ... and I remember telling you, like, "Why don't you just do standup?"

   8. BCBryan Callen45:20

      Yeah.

   9. JRJoe Rogan45:20

      "Why don't you just throw yourself into standup?"

   10. BCBryan Callen45:22

       Yeah.

   11. JRJoe Rogan45:22

       Like, "You're so funny, dude. You're so good on stage. But when you get up there, sometimes you just, like, I feel like you're auditioning for a show."

   12. BCBryan Callen45:29

       Yeah.

   13. JRJoe Rogan45:29

       "That's what I felt like you were doing-"

   14. BCBryan Callen45:30

       Yeah.

   15. JRJoe Rogan45:30

       "... when you were doing standup."

   16. BCBryan Callen45:31

       Yeah.

   17. JRJoe Rogan45:31

       Like, you didn't want to be crazy. But then offstage, you would say wild, you'd s- say silly things. You'd be, like, w- much more vulnerable and ridiculous."

   18. BCBryan Callen45:39

       Yeah.

   19. JRJoe Rogan45:39

       "And that was the funny Bryan County."

   20. BCBryan Callen45:41

       Yeah.

   21. JRJoe Rogan45:41

       I'm like, "You, just throw yourself into this thing."

   22. BCBryan Callen45:43

       You remember when I was doing that, I finally got my own show, I'm doing s- those shows, I was like, "I fucking, dude, I, I don't like this."

   23. JRJoe Rogan45:50

       (laughs) Yeah.

   24. BCBryan Callen45:50

       "I wanna do standup." Now-

   25. JRJoe Rogan45:52

       Yeah, yeah.

   26. BCBryan Callen45:52

       ... now, I told you, like, the cool thing about being 57, I'm enjoying standup more now than I ever have.

   27. JRJoe Rogan45:58

       Well, you're smarter now.

   28. BCBryan Callen45:59

       Yeah.

   29. JRJoe Rogan45:59

       And Dom Irrera said this to me years ago, he's like, "Joe," you know, he was like in his 60s at the time. He's like, "Joe, I've never been sharper than ever." You just keep-

   30. BCBryan Callen46:06

       Yeah.
5. 1:00:00 – 1:05:45

   I'm gonna buy a…

   1. BCBryan Callen1:00:00

      don't fuck around. Yeah.

   2. JRJoe Rogan1:00:00

      I'm gonna buy a ranch.

   3. BCBryan Callen1:00:01

      Are you?

   4. JRJoe Rogan1:00:02

      Yeah.

   5. BCBryan Callen1:00:03

      Really?

   6. JRJoe Rogan1:00:03

      Yeah. Yeah. Uh, been talking about it for a while.

   7. BCBryan Callen1:00:07

      You gonna live on it?

   8. JRJoe Rogan1:00:08

      I'm just waiting for the m- maybe. But at the very least, we're gonna put the podcast on the ranch.

   9. BCBryan Callen1:00:11

      Really?

   10. JRJoe Rogan1:00:12

       Yeah.

   11. BCBryan Callen1:00:12

       'Cause I wanna have a ranch.

   12. JRJoe Rogan1:00:13

       Big ranch.

   13. BCBryan Callen1:00:14

       I don't wanna do the work.

   14. JRJoe Rogan1:00:15

       I also wanna have a big piece of land in case things go sideways-

   15. BCBryan Callen1:00:17

       Mm-hmm.

   16. JRJoe Rogan1:00:18

       ... where, um, I can have, like, a whole community on a ranch. This is where I start my cult. I'm gonna have, just let people build on the ranch.

   17. BCBryan Callen1:00:25

       Hey.

   18. JRJoe Rogan1:00:25

       Like, give them a few acres.

   19. BCBryan Callen1:00:26

       I got some kids. I wanna come by.

   20. JRJoe Rogan1:00:27

       That's what I'm saying. Like, imagine-

   21. BCBryan Callen1:00:29

       You know, kids-

   22. JRJoe Rogan1:00:29

       ... if you have like a 2,000-acre property and on that 2,000-acre property there's, like, a liter- literal community of you and your friends.

   23. BCBryan Callen1:00:35

       Oh, yeah.

   24. JRJoe Rogan1:00:35

       And you can go hunt on the land.

   25. BCBryan Callen1:00:37

       Yeah. That'd be me.

   26. JRJoe Rogan1:00:37

       And then there's water. There's a lake there. Yeah.

   27. BCBryan Callen1:00:39

       Count me in.

   28. JRJoe Rogan1:00:40

       Yeah. Yeah.

   29. BCBryan Callen1:00:40

       I'll wear a tweed jacket. I'll smoke cigars. I'm not gonna do any of the work, but I'll- I'll supervise.

   30. JRJoe Rogan1:00:44

       You don't have to do any of the work.

Episode duration: 2:46:20