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Joe Rogan Experience #2266 - Brian Simpson

Brian Simpson is a stand-up comic who hosts the "Bottom of the Barrel" improvised comedy show at the Comedy Mothership and his own podcast, "BS with Brian Simpson." Watch his new special, "Brian Simpson: Live from the Mothership," on Netflix. http://www.briansimpsoncomedy.com Take ownership of your health with AG1 and get a FREE bottle of Vitamin D3+K2 AND 5 free Travel Packs with your first subscription. Go to http://drinkag1.com/joerogan Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using http://dkng.co/rogan or through my promo code ROGAN. GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, (800) 327-5050 or visit http://gamblinghelplinema.org (MA). Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY). Please Gamble Responsibly. 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org (CT) or visit http://www.mdgamblinghelp.org (MD).21+ and present in most states. (18+ DC/KY/NH/WY). Void in ONT/OR/NH. Eligibility restrictions apply. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS). 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min. $5 bet. Max. $200 issued as non-withdrawable Bonus Bets that expire in 7 days (168 hours). Stake removed from payout. Terms: http://dkng.co/dk-offer-terms. Ends 2/9/25 at 11:59 PM ET. Sponsored by DK.

Brian SimpsonguestJoe Roganhost
Jan 31, 20252h 35mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:0015:00

    (drumbeats) Joe Rogan podcast,…

    1. NA

      (drumbeats) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

    2. BS

      The Joe Rogan Experience.

    3. NA

      Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

    4. BS

      (instrumental music) Little things you say. L- like, imagine having to be that measured in, in everything you say all the time. Just stick to the talking points.

    5. JR

      Bro, that's my whole life.

    6. BS

      Ugh. God, that's stressful.

    7. JR

      Yeah, it's super stressful, especially if you're a little intoxicated.

    8. BS

      (laughs)

    9. JR

      You know, you get a couple of whiskeys in you, and you start talking shit. You gotta (laughs) be responsible for every word that comes out of your mouth, even if it's stupid. But, you know, I think people get it. They get what, that people are human beings and they can stumble. Like people w- they forgave a lot of Biden stumbles until they were like, "What the fuck?" You know, a lot of people like in 2020 were like, "There's no way. There's no way he's gonna do it." He was too old to run when it was 2016.

    10. BS

      Yeah, but you know, he, he's kind of always been known for the gaffes, like ev- 'cause I remember when (clears throat) when Obama was, picked him, that was like the number one concern was like, "Oh, but he be sometimes-"

    11. JR

      Right.

    12. BS

      "He be saying shit."

    13. JR

      Didn't Obama always, he was famous and quoted as, "Joe, don't worry."

    14. BS

      (laughs)

    15. JR

      "Joe will find a way to fuck things up." (laughs)

    16. BS

      (laughs) Oh, I never heard that bit.

    17. JR

      There's supposedly, well, it's hard to know what the quote was, but supposedly-

    18. BS

      But he got, but he got out, he got out of all of it. I mean, i-

    19. JR

      Yeah. Well, that's because the machine was behind him, right? So he gets into office, and you saw the, the, the Mike Johnson guy, the Speaker of the House? He said that he had talked to him... A- it took a year to have a meeting, and he finally had this meeting with him, and he just want- wanted to talk to him about something, and he said, "Why did you sign this executive order?" And it had something to do with liquid natural gas, and he said, "I didn't sign that." He said, "Yes, you did, sir. You signed it. Can we get it?" And so he has the secretary print it up, he brings it in. He'd never read it, so he was just signing executive orders that he didn't even know. He didn't know what it was about. He thought it was about research, and it was about shutting it down. And so, it, that to me showed there's a bunch of people behind him that want to do things, and they think it's for the best interests of the country, and they're all acting as a big group that's like the puppeteer of the president. And that's not how it's supposed to be. (laughs) It's not supposed to be that way.

    20. BS

      But isn't it like that with every president?

    21. JR

      I don't know-

    22. BS

      I feel like-

    23. JR

      ... because I think when a president brings in a new cabinet, and the new cabinet starts doing different things, then you see what's happening right now, right? So they've already found thousands of criminals that had snuck in here and had committed multiple crimes while they were here, and the Biden administration had left them here, and they allowed them to stay in these sanctuary cities and sanctuary states. And Trump's just yanking them out and flying them back to Colombia, and flying them back to Mexico, and flying them back to wherever they're from. Get the fuck out of here.

    24. BS

      No, but I, uh-

    25. JR

      And exporting them in planes. The Biden administration could have done this too.

    26. BS

      Yeah, but I think, I think they, every president that get in there, they do, they do little shit different than the other side.

    27. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    28. BS

      (clears throat) But at the end of the day, the big major shit that would help out the average people, that shit, it always just falls short a couple votes.

    29. JR

      Trump is talking about getting rid of income tax and replacing it with tariffs. I asked him about that on the podcast.

    30. BS

      What?

  2. 15:0030:00

    Yeah. …

    1. JR

      of, if you looked at all of the healthcare issues that we have in this country, there's a- a giant chunk of it that's connected to diet. It's connected to the standard American diet.

    2. BS

      Yeah.

    3. JR

      It's connected to eating too much calories, garbage food, obesity. That- th- all that is pos- it's possible to shift that in a different direction. You just have to change the way people eat. And that, you would see other people getting results, and then you would want those results. If you hear RFK Jr. on TV trying to motivate people to do this, and you see him working out, like maybe that's the thing you need that takes you from, "Man, I gotta go to the gym one day," to, "Fuck it, I'm going to the gym. This is it." And then if more people do that, there's more healthy people. If there's more healthy people, there's less losers. If there's less losers, the country makes more money. The whole GDP goes up. Everybody m- you're- you're- you're gonna do better, you're gonna do better with whatever you're doing in life if you're healthy-

    4. BS

      But-

    5. JR

      ... because health is energy.

    6. BS

      ... but how do you make people w- like-

    7. JR

      You don't, you don't make them do it, but you inspire. And the government has never done that before. Why not try it? Why not try that? Why not try that? Why not try to like fucking gaslight people and tell... "You gotta wear a mask in your car or you're gonna die." Instead of that gaslighting, how about pump 'em up? They scared the fuck out of everybody-

    8. BS

      It-

    9. JR

      ... with COVID. How about they pump everybody the fuck up with health?

    10. BS

      If the government- if the government wanted everybody to do anything, they have to pay 'em.

    11. JR

      You know another problem with my theory?

    12. BS

      They g- I give you a tax break if you lose 40 pounds.

    13. JR

      Here's another problem with my theory. Trump, eats nothing but McDo- McDonald's (laughs) drinks Diet Cokes-

    14. BS

      (laughs)

    15. JR

      ... sharp as a tack, 78 years old. Like, okay, I don't know what to tell you.

    16. BS

      If he came back, if- if he disappeared for like six months and came back just jacked-

    17. JR

      Jacked. Shaved his head. Did you see him play tennis with Serena Williams?

    18. BS

      Nah.

    19. JR

      He took his shoes off and he's playing tennis with Serena Williams.

    20. BS

      I mean playing playing?

    21. JR

      Not playing like as good as she can play.

    22. BS

      Oh, well obviously-

    23. JR

      She's not gonna embarrass him.

    24. BS

      ... no, no obviously not that, but I mean-

    25. JR

      They're volleying back and forth.

    26. BS

      What I mean is-

    27. JR

      And he's playing.

    28. BS

      ... is he running?

    29. JR

      He plays tennis, man. He can play tennis.

    30. BS

      Oh.

  3. 30:0045:00

    But just try. …

    1. NA

      that's too specific.

    2. JR

      But just try.

    3. NA

      Okay.

    4. JR

      Was not... First car was not a 2006 Ford Mustang.

    5. NA

      I mean, it's, it's... I'm getting the same thing. That's sorta the... Hmm, it's not the best way to do a search.

    6. JR

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    7. NA

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    8. JR

      The other thing was, um-

    9. NA

      It's very strange.

    10. JR

      ... that... The gun that he used is a crazy gun. That is a crazy gun to shoot yourself in the car. And the question is, like, when did he do it? Because it looks like the guy in the video, in the car, sits there, pulls up, and then the whole thing blows up. So, are you telling me that he's blowing himself up and shooting himself at the same time? Like, does he have a button on his left hand that's the bomb detonator and then the trigger on his right?

    11. NA

      Here's to my point-

    12. BS

      I don't know, man. This shit's highly advanced, man. The, the-

    13. NA

      When I take off "car," I get tweets from two hours ago.

    14. BS

      The Cybertruck might have shot him. Shit.

    15. JR

      Say that again to me.

    16. NA

      When I take off the word "car" from my search on Twitter-

    17. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    18. NA

      ... I get tweets from two hours ago.

    19. JR

      So they're still tweeting like crazy about it.

    20. NA

      But when I type in "car," now it's old tweets.

    21. JR

      You get January 16th. Yeah.

    22. NA

      And I'm on latest.

    23. JR

      That's weird.

    24. NA

      I mean, it's-

    25. JR

      He typed "first car"?

    26. NA

      I didn't. I just typed in the word "car." What I should know is the history though.

    27. BS

      T- but, tell me the whole conspiracy though.

    28. JR

      Try, try "first car".

    29. NA

      I already, I'm just... I already did that. I r-

    30. JR

      I know. I s- I know, I know.

  4. 45:001:00:00

    Oh, like this was…

    1. JR

      plane?

    2. BS

      Oh, like this was a test run?

    3. JR

      What if this was like proof of concept?

    4. BS

      See, I think a better conspiracy would be if we found out that it was like, that like Delta was behind it. You know what I mean? Like this was-

    5. JR

      Delta trying to take out American airlines?

    6. BS

      Or just, or like, or like Alaska was like, "Yo."

    7. JR

      No.

    8. BS

      "We gonna fucking ruin their reputation."

    9. JR

      But if you were a foreign country and you wanted to demonstrate that you have technical superiority over people, how would you do it? Well, first of all, you'd lay the groundwork, right? This is one thing they definitely did, right? Where's that lighter, bro? Got that? Thank you, sir. You lay the groundwork, and the groundworkers sell them all the shit they need. Sell them all the shit they need. And some of the shit you sell them, put a back door in there. Put a little back door in there. And they've been doing that. That's a fact. That's why Huawei was banned from the United States. They banned Huawei phones. They're the most ... They were the most sophisticated phones.

    10. BS

      Ah, man. They were.

    11. JR

      They were coming out of China.

    12. BS

      They were awesome.

    13. JR

      They were so good.

    14. BS

      They was great. (laughs) Yeah. Those, yeah. You right.

    15. JR

      I tried... I've taught this before, but forgive me if you heard it before, but I tried to buy a Porsche design Huawei phone. Uh, it was an amazing phone. It was like so much more advanced than iPhones. Eh, it had a bigger battery. It had like 100 megapixel camera. And then right before it was coming out, they put the ban. And then there, there was all these national security concerns. And Huawei is like spying on Americans. And something about their routers and their systems, they figured out there's like backdoor possibilities that were engineered into these things. So they sold us cellphone towers and computer chips and all this stuff, and all the components that you need to run your AI. So wouldn't it make sense that if they're a part of it, they're integrated into it physically, and we know they put back doors on things, wouldn't you put back doors on the stuff that you're putting into jets? Wouldn't you put ... Like who's making that stuff? Who's making all those electronics that are inside the jets?

    16. BS

      I think we make those.

    17. JR

      Do you think we make the chips?

    18. BS

      (sighs) .

    19. JR

      Do you think we make the chips? Do you think, do you think we make ... What do we make? Do we make the hard drives? Are you sure? I don't know.

    20. BS

      I don't know.

    21. JR

      Do we make the processors?

    22. BS

      It just seems like it would be-

    23. JR

      Do we-

    24. BS

      ... the smart thing to do.

    25. JR

      It would be a very smart thing to do.

    26. BS

      Like for your military stuff.

    27. JR

      But do we make the swap- ... Does, does ... Do we make the processors? Or have there been installed some sort of electronical backdoor into almost everything that we have? Almost everything we have.

    28. BS

      I think-

    29. JR

      Where anything can be taken over.

    30. BS

      ... I think that it, it probably is the case, but it's definitely our government doing it.

  5. 1:00:001:10:43

    Mm-hmm. …

    1. JR

      talked about how, uh, she made a decision to deny someone care that they definitely needed, and she was thanked by the company. And then the guy wound up dying, and she knows that she could have given him the lifesaving care. She could have improved it. And she was rewarded for not approving it. Like, they were like, "You did the right thing."

    2. BS

      Mm-hmm.

    3. JR

      So that's like the culture is not about... It's... See, like, what we were talking about earlier. It's not really about healthcare. Healthcare is the arena in which they're playing their game. But the real game is the people behind the scenes that are trying to make money. And especially if you're doing something that is not... You don't have a lot of mean- it doesn't give you a lot of meaning to deny people healthcare. It doesn't give you a lot of meaning. Like, you don't feel like you have a meaningful life. So those people, guarantee you, they get addicted to mat- th- material stuff. They get addicted to getting a nice Rolex. "I want to get the newest Rolex." "I want to get a fucking Ferrari." "I want to-"

    4. BS

      And you, and you also gotta...... like, it got, it gotta switch up your whole ethic.

    5. JR

      Yep, yep.

    6. BS

      Right?

    7. JR

      And you gotta somehow or another placate yourself, whether it's with drugs or with buying a new purse, something. You need new stuff all ... You're not gonna live in a fucking log hut in the woods if you're living like that. You're not gonna be interested in starting your own fire and reading books by candlelight. Shut the fuck up. You're, you're doing cocaine and you're trying to buy a house.

    8. BS

      Y- and you're, and you're surrounded by people that, like-

    9. JR

      Yeah.

    10. BS

      ... they're, they're impressed by the shit you're doing too, so when you do that-

    11. JR

      And they probably all medicated.

    12. BS

      Yeah.

    13. JR

      Everybody's on probably something that, like, allows them to, like, not freak out all the time, some sort of anti-anxiety medication because of what they're doing. And then they're not, they don't feel fulfilled in life, you know? You don't, you don't feel like that's a good relationship between you and the way you make money and the way you interact with people.

    14. BS

      No, I don't think they feel guilt. I mean, some people might feel guilty afterwards, but I don't-

    15. JR

      I think a lot of them are medicated.

    16. BS

      ... I don't, I don't think they feel bad, man. I think-

    17. JR

      I think they're medicated.

    18. BS

      Yeah?

    19. JR

      I bet ... Yeah. I bet if you're in ... I bet you have anxiety when you're doing stuff like that and you probably need an SSRI, probably need a little something.

    20. BS

      T- but the, like, the easiest person to lie to is yourself.

    21. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    22. BS

      So it's like, you probably feel like shit that you get that first paycheck and you go, you start twisting shit so you can justify it. Like, "Well, you know, somebody would do this."

    23. JR

      And you also realize, hey, the, the re- rest of the public, they don't know. They don't know. That's just the insurance business. That's the business.

    24. BS

      Phew. Yeah. Well, this is, this is standard.

    25. JR

      Yeah.

    26. BS

      Standard's a word they use a lot when they trying to fuck you.

    27. JR

      They ... People looked at it very differently than someone just shooting some other person.

    28. BS

      (inhales deeply)

    29. JR

      They almost looked at it-

    30. BS

      Yeah.

Episode duration: 2:35:33

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