EVERY SPOKEN WORD
150 min read · 30,028 words- 0:00 – 15:00
(drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast,…
- FEFelipe Esparza
(drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.
- NANarrator
The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night. All day. (instrumental music)
- JRJoe Rogan
Good to see you, my friend. It has been too long.
- FEFelipe Esparza
What's up, fool? Good to see you too.
- JRJoe Rogan
When was the last time I saw you, brother? It was like-
- FEFelipe Esparza
Um-
- JRJoe Rogan
... five years ago or something.
- FEFelipe Esparza
Five years ago, and I wa- I did the show here when you were in LA-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- FEFelipe Esparza
... at the warehouse.
- JRJoe Rogan
(clicks tongue) Damn. That's what I miss most about the store, is, uh, you know, traveling dudes. W- we- we would meet up. We'd meet up at the home base.
- FEFelipe Esparza
Yes.
- JRJoe Rogan
You know?
- FEFelipe Esparza
And now, when I was a young comic, I would see these older comics, like, that I would see on television. They were just w- coming out at that bar or the patio.
- JRJoe Rogan
Just get a refresh.
- FEFelipe Esparza
Yeah, and you pass by, and you say, "Oh."
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- FEFelipe Esparza
"That's, um, man-"
- JRJoe Rogan
Arsenio Hall, holy shit.
- FEFelipe Esparza
"That's Elaine Wosler."
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- FEFelipe Esparza
"OG right there."
- JRJoe Rogan
Right, right.
- FEFelipe Esparza
And then you're like, "What?"
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- FEFelipe Esparza
I used to see her at Dodger Stadium when I were working at Dodger Stadium, and I would ask her for advice.
- JRJoe Rogan
(whistles)
- FEFelipe Esparza
And she was just- just- you know, like, well, every comic back then, "You just keep writing."
- JRJoe Rogan
She's a funny comic, man.
- FEFelipe Esparza
Yeah.
- 15:00 – 30:00
No. …
- FEFelipe Esparza
Amazon.
- JRJoe Rogan
No.
- NANarrator
Yeah, Mrs. Maisel.
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, Fabulous Mrs. Maisel. (laughs)
- FEFelipe Esparza
Mrs. Maisel. Oh, she's missus. All right.
- JRJoe Rogan
You just... (laughs)
- FEFelipe Esparza
I, I met her single.
- JRJoe Rogan
I thought you were saying something in Spanish. (laughs)
- FEFelipe Esparza
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
That's hilarious. I, I, l-
- FEFelipe Esparza
You ever seen Mousey Mayciel? (laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
That's hilarious. I literally thought you were s- talking about a completely different show.
- FEFelipe Esparza
Do you remember... Do you remember the ventriloquist that did it in like a one-minute set on our show?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. Well, so like ventriloquist now, it's like... It's one of those things like with Carrot Top. He's, like, so successful at props that no one does props anymore. But when we first started out, everybody did props. There was like 10 guys on a lineup-
- FEFelipe Esparza
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
... of 20 guys that had props they'd bring with them on stage 'cause it... Sometimes it was really funny.
- FEFelipe Esparza
Rusty Dooley.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. Rusty Dooley was great at it. But it's like the... He owned that for whatever reason 'cause Carrot Top got so big using props, and he's the only guy that still does it, that he kind of owns that. And then with Jeff Dunham, he got so big at being a ventriloquist that, like, there's no ventriloquists anymore. Like, when we were kids, there was always comedy ventriloquists. There was like Willie Tyler and Lester.
- FEFelipe Esparza
Yes.
- JRJoe Rogan
Remember? There was like a... It was a, it was a fun thing. You could get the dummy to say fucked up shit-
- FEFelipe Esparza
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
... and then you go, "I can't believe you could say that in front of these nice people."
- FEFelipe Esparza
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
And then George would be like, "Fuck these people. These..." (laughs) He tells... Everybody suck his cock. It was like... It was crazy.
- FEFelipe Esparza
What's another one? Woody, Woody and the Hood.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. But with Otto and George, it was a little different, man, 'cause I think George... I think Otto believed that George was alive. I think Otto believed there was something about George that was different than him. Like, he was not Otto and George. He was just Otto, and George only existed when George was there. And it seemed like there was something going on with that, and it might be because he, he fucking fried his brain to the point where he was connecting with, you know, all kinds of energy that wasn't even there, you know?
- FEFelipe Esparza
I see it, man.
- JRJoe Rogan
He might, he might have been out. He was out there. He was out there. But the, the, the combination-
- FEFelipe Esparza
Did, did one of them smoke crack together?
- JRJoe Rogan
If one of these women-
- 30:00 – 45:00
I read this. …
- JRJoe Rogan
ones. Like, say you and a loved one have been fighting a lot lately, but you still really want to make things work. Therapy can serve as a mediary. It can help you identify the problem and teach you positive ways to address it. If you're new to therapy or want to try something different, BetterHelp is a great place to start. It's convenient and affordable since everything is done online. It's already helped over five million people worldwide connect with a credentialed therapist. Discover your relationship green flags with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/jre to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, .com/jre.... but if you want to talk about something like that, like, would, would, uh, would a, a manager kill a client for a life insurance policy back then? Yeah.
- FEFelipe Esparza
I read this.
- JRJoe Rogan
They didn't even have DNA back then, man.
- FEFelipe Esparza
I read this, where I didn't... This, uh, this is, like, crazy, right? My mom didn't like Elvis. She liked the Beatles, right? And I asked my mom, "Why come you don't like fucking Elvis? He's badass too." "Oh, 'cause Elvis said that, 'I'd rather sleep with a... have kids, a dog than a Mexican woman.'" And I said, "When did he say that?" And, and he goes, "He said it." Then I found out later on, when I went in a rabbit hole, ba-ba-ba-bum, it was the Colonel. The Colonel spread that.
- JRJoe Rogan
The Colonel spread that.
- FEFelipe Esparza
'Cause he didn't wanted to... He wanted to keep him in America and not tour, like, anywhere.
- JRJoe Rogan
The Colonel was an evil dude, man.
- FEFelipe Esparza
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
That, that... By the way, that Tom Hanks' performance is fucking fantastic. In that Elvis movie? Where he plays the Colonel?
- FEFelipe Esparza
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
It's, you know, when you see it, like, w- we appreciate how a guy can really, like, become a different person. Like, he becomes this creepy manager guy, this manipulative, gambling, creepy manager guy. I mean, it's fucking genius, man. It's so good. Like, you really... You, like, you... That's what's crazy. Like, you forget that's Tom Hanks.
- FEFelipe Esparza
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
You're like, "Oh." But you really got a sense of the relationship that Elvis had with this dude. 'Cause those guys, they get cray-... Look, there's famous and then there's Elvis famous in the 1960s, and you don't even understand what that means.
- FEFelipe Esparza
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
No one understands what that means. And he was the first one to be like that. Imagine that.
- FEFelipe Esparza
I know, man. Imagine walking into a room and just go, "You wanna kiss?" And they kiss.
- JRJoe Rogan
Just imagine just trying to navigate life as a human being, and you're literally the most desired person to be around alive. Like, you can't walk down the street. People scream and they cheer and they run at you. Women faint. They cry. And there's never been someone like that before. That's what's crazy, 'cause this is the first time you've seen a guy on television, and he's on television shaking his hips. And so, they go crazy.
- FEFelipe Esparza
No one's ever done that, huh?
- JRJoe Rogan
No. No. You never had a pop star on TV shaking his hips like he's fucking? Yeah, it was too much, it was-
- FEFelipe Esparza
Did they co-... Did they cover it up the first time?
- JRJoe Rogan
I think they-
- FEFelipe Esparza
On the television show?
- JRJoe Rogan
... they did something where they were upset at him, because they didn't know he was gonna do it. I think it was like... I think he was actually gonna get fined in some places. Like, you weren't allowed to shake your hips like that. Like, this is how crazy being Elvis was.
- FEFelipe Esparza
Badass. There's this one video or picture of Elvis that I like, besides the one you have here, you know, the rested.
- JRJoe Rogan
Mm-hmm.
- FEFelipe Esparza
Uh, when he's, um, he's playing outside, an outside event, and he's wearing all black, and he's fucking young as hell. Had a pompadour looking good, the blue eyes are shining. He's like-
- JRJoe Rogan
Bro. Bro.
- FEFelipe Esparza
... and everybody's fainting.
- JRJoe Rogan
And there was no Elvis before Elvis. That's what's crazy. So he's like this one guy that becomes way f- more famous than any entertainer ever. And then he's got an evil manager, and then he's doing pills, and then he's just living in paranoia. And the w- the whole world don't make any sense. Nothing makes any sense. It can't make any sense. You have no peers. You have no one around you that's like you, no one around you that can understand you, and you're being protected by some guy who's, like, siphoning money from you.
- FEFelipe Esparza
He was doing shit little gigs, right? Like, he'll leave. He'll do, like, a two-hour show and then leave, go do another two-hour show somewhere else for one day.
- 45:00 – 1:00:00
Yeah. No, no, all…
- JRJoe Rogan
you know? You, you can't move well.
- FEFelipe Esparza
Yeah. No, no, all those... Uh, I would see Johnny Carson in his suits-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- FEFelipe Esparza
... and those s- those suits look tight as hell.
- JRJoe Rogan
Well, it's just, they- the fabrics sucked back then. If you, if you- especially if you're a bigger person, you know, if you, you lift weights or something like that, if you have muscles, the- everything's gonna be constricted and tight and all fucked up. It's not gonna fit good. So suits now, if you get a good one, like I got mine made by, uh, David August. They do 'em for the UFC and-
- FEFelipe Esparza
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
... I've had 'em make a bunch of suits for me. They're, they're amazing. And they, they do it to your-
- FEFelipe Esparza
I- I-
- JRJoe Rogan
... a- actual shape.
- FEFelipe Esparza
I- I've seen that to-
- JRJoe Rogan
So everything fits perfect.
- FEFelipe Esparza
... y- y- w- I mean, I don't wanna make fun of the other guys, but you're- when you're announcing, you know, you're, you're a big, muscle guy, but it doesn't look like you're p- str- coming out of that suit when you wear it. It looks real good on you.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yes, because they, I mean, make it to your shape, you know?
- FEFelipe Esparza
When you go to Fox Sports, man.
- JRJoe Rogan
So it's real comfortable.
- FEFelipe Esparza
They're about to just come on.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- FEFelipe Esparza
And they look like fucking orangutans, bro. They look like, like f- Mr. Hyde.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs) Well, you know, a lot of those dudes are bigger than me anyway.
- FEFelipe Esparza
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
That's it too.
- FEFelipe Esparza
Bigger than me too.
- JRJoe Rogan
There's a certain size that you get, like if you put The Rock in a suit, it still looks ridiculous. It's like, "What the fuck are you made out of, dude?"
- FEFelipe Esparza
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
Like, first time I met him backstage at the UFC, and he had cowboy boots on, right? So he's- he doesn't even seem like a r-
- FEFelipe Esparza
Cowboy boots?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. He don't even seem like a real person. Like, when you meet him in real life, you're like, "How... What- what the fuck are you?" He's like a, like a superhero.
- FEFelipe Esparza
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Like, you're seeing, like, a real live superhero.
- FEFelipe Esparza
I-
- 1:00:00 – 1:12:58
Ooh. …
- JRJoe Rogan
- FEFelipe Esparza
Ooh.
- JRJoe Rogan
... of that video of that turtle with the plastic straw in his nose, right? Remember that?
- FEFelipe Esparza
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
That was it.
- FEFelipe Esparza
It was, like, in the nose, right?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, deep, deep in the turtle's nose. New studies so- found that 90% of paper straws tested contained forever chemicals, or PFAS, compared to 75% of plastic straws. So even plastic straws have those fucking chemicals in them. But it's even worse for you to use paper straws. Paper straws assessed by researchers at University of Antwerp, Belgium-
- FEFelipe Esparza
Antwerp.
- JRJoe Rogan
... were found to contain more forever chemicals per polyfluoroalkyl... Fluoroalkyl? How do you say that? Give it a shot.
- FEFelipe Esparza
Pla- Philippe. Polyfluoroalkyl.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, substances or PFASs than plastic, but all of them are bad for you. What it's basically saying is that even straws, 75% of plastic straws have tested, th- that they contain forever chemicals. That's not good. (laughs) So all of it's bad. We should probably abandon the idea of straws.
- FEFelipe Esparza
I like McDonald's straws, the big fat one.
- JRJoe Rogan
Here's what you don't want, a metal straw and a Stanley and then fall on your face, okay?
- FEFelipe Esparza
Oh, fuck that. (laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
'Cause people have done that.
- FEFelipe Esparza
Idiots. (laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
Well, listen, I've fallen before.
- FEFelipe Esparza
Oh, you know somebody?
- JRJoe Rogan
I f- No, but I've fallen before. I'm, I'm an idiot.
- FEFelipe Esparza
With a straw?
- JRJoe Rogan
No, I haven't, but I would imagine-
- FEFelipe Esparza
Oh.
- JRJoe Rogan
... like I would, you know...... y- just because you fall with a straw doesn't mean you're an idiot. But i- i- people, uh, gotta be aware that that's basically a metal shank that's gonna go right through your face if you trip.
- FEFelipe Esparza
It'll fuck you up.
- JRJoe Rogan
You gotta carry that thing, if you're, like, clumsy, like as if you're carrying a knife.
- FEFelipe Esparza
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
Like, move it away from your body, you know? Don't catch your body with it if you fall down, and then stab yourself in the face.
- FEFelipe Esparza
I know, man. You wouldn't let your baby hold that. Why are you holding it?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. Yeah, why you holding that? You're not ready for that yet.
- FEFelipe Esparza
You ain't ready.
Episode duration: 2:43:26
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