Joe Rogan Experience #2291 - Bert Kreischer

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast,…

   1. NANarrator0:00

      (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience.

   2. JRJoe Rogan0:06

      Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. (rock music plays) Joe Rogan, my brother. Good to see you.

   3. BKBert Kreischer0:14

      Thank you, Joe.

   4. JRJoe Rogan0:15

      Always good to see you, my man.

   5. BKBert Kreischer0:15

      It's always good seeing you, man. I, I, I always say, like, uh, you give the best hugs. (laughs)

   6. JRJoe Rogan0:22

      (laughs)

   7. BKBert Kreischer0:22

      Like at the UFC the other night when I saw you?

   8. JRJoe Rogan0:24

      Yeah.

   9. BKBert Kreischer0:24

      And you came up, you just wrap it up. I lo- I love it. I'm a hug guy too.

   10. JRJoe Rogan0:28

       Yeah.

   11. BKBert Kreischer0:28

       I think it shows your emotion.

   12. JRJoe Rogan0:30

       I love a real hug, yeah. A real hug where someone loves you.

   13. BKBert Kreischer0:33

       Yeah.

   14. JRJoe Rogan0:34

       You know? You know I love you.

   15. BKBert Kreischer0:35

       I...

   16. JRJoe Rogan0:35

       So I give you a love hug.

   17. BKBert Kreischer0:37

       I kn- I know you love me. I know you love me.

   18. JRJoe Rogan0:40

       We've been friends for a long time, brother.

   19. BKBert Kreischer0:42

       I know. I-

   20. JRJoe Rogan0:42

       We really have. It's f- it's, it's nice, like, having friends that you've been friends with for just decades, you know? It's just-

   21. BKBert Kreischer0:49

       I always say, I've, I've said this to y- before about... I always say, you know, like, I never had a brother growing up. And you're, you've always been pretty honest with me, the way a big brother would be, and you've always come from a place of love. I remember the whole reason my whole... I was doing nothing in, fucking nothing, I'm sitting in the backstage of the store with you and you sa- you looked at, you looked just, you go, "Tommy's doing theaters." And I said, "Okay." "And you, you need, you need to be doing theaters." I was like, "Okay." "And you need like, you need a Netflix special. You need to get one." I was like, "All right, Joe, how am I supposed to do that?" And you go, "Be undeniable." And you just walked away. And I fucking was like, that's the kind of mentorship you look for in a friend. That's what, who you wanna be around. Surround yourself with great white sharks and people think you're a great white shark.

   22. JRJoe Rogan1:30

       Well, you were always really fun and really funny but you were always doing these travel channel shows.

   23. BKBert Kreischer1:36

       Yeah.

   24. JRJoe Rogan1:36

       And this is what drove me crazy. I remember the day. We've talked about it before, but I remember the day. I was in the Comedy Store and I was calling you from the main room and you were on a motorcycle in Vietnam. (laughs)

   25. BKBert Kreischer1:49

       (laughs)

   26. JRJoe Rogan1:50

       And I think you were drunk. And, uh-

   27. BKBert Kreischer1:52

       I was drunk and high. (laughs)

   28. JRJoe Rogan1:54

       (laughs)

   29. BKBert Kreischer1:54

       Two things you're not supposed to be on a motorcycle: no helmet, in flip-flops. (laughs)

   30. JRJoe Rogan2:00

       (laughs) Which is, by the way, it's a fun way to catch somebody. When you call someone and you're gonna go on stage in, like, 20 minutes. "I'm just checking in on you, see what's going on," and you were on a fucking motorcycle in Vietnam and laughing. But then I was like, "Dude, you really need to dedicate yourself to standup. Like, this is a trap. It's a velvet prison."
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   Art Bell was coast…

   1. JRJoe Rogan15:00

      Art Bell was coast to coast with Art Bell from the Kingdom of Nigh. He was broadcasting from a fucking bunker in the middle of the s- the Nevada desert. He was in, he, like had, like this crazy radio tower outside of his house in the Nevada desert, and he would have... He would take calls from time travelers, werewolves, people that are coming from another dimension.

   2. BKBert Kreischer15:24

      (laughs)

   3. JRJoe Rogan15:24

      Like, it was the nuttiest fucking show. For real, like, one of my greatest career accomplishments that, like, made me the most happy was I got on The Art Bell Show. And I got on it-

   4. BKBert Kreischer15:34

      Yeah.

   5. JRJoe Rogan15:34

      ... like way later when he was on the internet. It wasn't even on radio anywhere. But for me, it was like, "I got on The Art Bell Show."

   6. BKBert Kreischer15:39

      Yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan15:39

      "Yes!"

   8. BKBert Kreischer15:40

      (laughs)

   9. JRJoe Rogan15:40

      It was just like, I just loved that show. It was so fun. 'Cause I'd be driving on... That's, that, liks- that was his house. So look at behi- if you can see, like what his house looked like, it's like his house is in the middle of nowhere in the fucking desert. I mean, the middle of nowhere.

   10. BKBert Kreischer15:55

       (laughs)

   11. JRJoe Rogan15:55

       There's nothing around his house. And his house is all fenced in with a little, like, chain link fence and shit. It looks like so... It looked so psychotic. Like, perfect for a guy that is broadcasting. He's got like this compound in the fucking desert, dude.

   12. BKBert Kreischer16:12

       God.

   13. JRJoe Rogan16:13

       Yeah. It was amazing.

   14. BKBert Kreischer16:15

       Dude, those AM-

   15. JRJoe Rogan16:15

       And he would broadcast right from there. 'Cause radio, if you have a tower and you have a station, you could broadcast to the whole country. The country can carry it. So he, the whole country was carrying coast to coast with Art Bell, and this wild motherfucker's out in the middle of nowhere in the desert in like a compound-

   16. BKBert Kreischer16:33

       God.

   17. JRJoe Rogan16:33

       ... talking to aliens. (laughs)

   18. BKBert Kreischer16:34

       They were doing, they were doing what we're doing now way before our, uh, before the curve.

   19. JRJoe Rogan16:38

       Oh, yes. Uh, well, we owe all we have today to Howard Stern and Art Bell for sure. 'Cause, you know, we are combi- like, kind of like a combination of Howard Stern and Art Bell.

   20. BKBert Kreischer16:50

       Yeah.

   21. JRJoe Rogan16:50

       And, uh, and if it wasn't for the, it wasn't for... He's the, the guy that got arrested, or didn't get arrested, but he got fined heavily by the Bush administration. This is back when the Republicans were the ones that were trying to censor people. Which you should always realize that this-

   22. BKBert Kreischer17:04

       (laughs) That's crazy that you-

   23. JRJoe Rogan17:05

       This-

   24. BKBert Kreischer17:05

       ... had to say that.

   25. JRJoe Rogan17:06

       This fucking stupid game that people play back and forth with, you know, who loves war, who hates war.

   26. BKBert Kreischer17:11

       Yeah.

   27. JRJoe Rogan17:12

       Who, who loves censorship, who hates censorship. It's a political beach ball that they toss around at a concert to keep people occupied. These motherfuckers switch sides.

   28. BKBert Kreischer17:20

       Yeah.

   29. JRJoe Rogan17:20

       All right? That should tell you enough alone by yourself, by, by itself right there, that they fucking switch sides. But he was getting attacked for w- obscenity. So he would put... Like, whatever they would do, and they would, they were f- they fined... What was the total amount that Howard Stern was fined? This has to be... You got a neurotic guy as it is, right, who's also the m- the most pioneering radio guy of all time. Right? He's the guy that changed radio from DJs playing records to just talking.

   30. BKBert Kreischer17:52

       And, and talking in your authentic voice-
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   I gotta watch this.…

   1. JRJoe Rogan30:00

   2. BKBert Kreischer30:00

      I gotta watch this. Dude, he was great in, uh, in, uh, the, the ... What was the movie with, where they kidnap the kid? Justin Timberlake was in it? Uh, Raw Dog? Not Raw Dog.

   3. NANarrator30:10

      Uh, that's interesting.

   4. BKBert Kreischer30:12

      Ta-

   5. JRJoe Rogan30:12

      Oh, Ben Foster's a beast.

   6. BKBert Kreischer30:13

      But he's awesome.

   7. JRJoe Rogan30:14

      He's a beast.

   8. BKBert Kreischer30:14

      Uh, Th- F- 3- Three Eleven to Zuma or whatever?

   9. JRJoe Rogan30:17

      I didn't see that one.

   10. BKBert Kreischer30:18

       Yuma. Oh, my God. He is.

   11. JRJoe Rogan30:20

       What is it, Jamie?

   12. NANarrator30:21

       310 to Yuma.

   13. BKBert Kreischer30:22

       310 to Yuma.

   14. JRJoe Rogan30:23

       I didn't see that.

   15. BKBert Kreischer30:24

       ... he was great in the m- the Justin Timberlake movie. It was called like, uh, Top Dog or something.

   16. JRJoe Rogan30:28

       Alpha Dog.

   17. BKBert Kreischer30:30

       Alpha Dog. And, uh, he was just awesome, and he had a very small role. He played the guy's br- uh, older brother.

   18. JRJoe Rogan30:34

       Mm.

   19. BKBert Kreischer30:34

       And it was just like, he's just, he just owns the screen.

   20. JRJoe Rogan30:38

       Yeah, he's a beast. He's, there's certain people that like, when they act, you just go, "Goddamn, that is good."

   21. BKBert Kreischer30:43

       (laughs) I am not one of them.

   22. JRJoe Rogan30:44

       So good.

   23. BKBert Kreischer30:44

       (laughs)

   24. JRJoe Rogan30:45

       So good. It's so, it makes the movie so much better. It makes, uh, y- so, you're g- just get dragged into it.

   25. BKBert Kreischer30:51

       I think Jonah Ray is probably the best c- comic actor out there.

   26. JRJoe Rogan30:56

       What has he been in?

   27. BKBert Kreischer30:57

       Jonah Ray, like, I, everything. When he was in War Dogs and he goes to buy drugs from the Black guys, have you seen that?

   28. JRJoe Rogan31:01

       Oh, I didn't see that either.

   29. BKBert Kreischer31:02

       And he goes, he goes-

   30. JRJoe Rogan31:03

       I get, there's too much to see, Bert Kreischer.
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   All the time. …

   1. BKBert Kreischer45:00

      doing class every day, that's happening every day?

   2. JRJoe Rogan45:01

      All the time.

   3. BKBert Kreischer45:02

      I would be-

   4. JRJoe Rogan45:02

      All the time.

   5. BKBert Kreischer45:03

      I have anxiety, I have anxiety getting on planes.

   6. JRJoe Rogan45:06

      You're sparring three or four days a week. Yeah, you're sparring three or four days a week, if you're smart. You have to s- you have to stay sharp. Yeah, you have to be able-

   7. BKBert Kreischer45:14

      So you, you broke this guy's face?

   8. JRJoe Rogan45:15

      Yeah. Broke his face, and he, he wanted to keep training. He was still coming after me. I was like, "Dude, you gotta look in the mirror. Look in the mirror." And his whole face had shifted. Like it had shifted. I hit him with a wheel kick in the cheek. He went out, his eyes rolled back in his head, he collapses down to his butt, and then he tried to get back up slowly. He gets back up and he's like, "I'm good, I'm good, I'm good." And then like 30 seconds later, he wants to keep sparring, and I'm like, "You gotta stop." But he was just a monster, like a savage. Like a savage person.

   9. BKBert Kreischer45:47

      Was-

   10. JRJoe Rogan45:47

       He was, he was a kid when I knew him, like a normal kid, like, "What's up Richie?" And then three or four years later, whatever it was when he got out, he was a monster. So-

   11. BKBert Kreischer45:55

       Was there any hint of the old Richie where you could go, "Hey man, what's going on?"

   12. JRJoe Rogan45:59

       No.

   13. BKBert Kreischer45:59

       He was just gone?

   14. JRJoe Rogan46:00

       No, he was gone. He, the old... Well, I didn't know the old Richie that well. Now, I'm thinking timeline. So this was pre me doing standup, so I probably met him first when I was like 16, and then I met him again when I was 21. It was somewhere around that, 20, 21, 'cause that's when I stopped fighting, and it was like right around the same time where I knew Richie when I stopped fighting. So he got arrested. There was a guy who was murdered and, um, they broke every bone in his body with a hammer-

   15. BKBert Kreischer46:35

       (gasps)

   16. JRJoe Rogan46:35

       ... and they kept injecting him with cocaine to keep him alive. Yeah.

   17. BKBert Kreischer46:41

       Holy fuck.

   18. JRJoe Rogan46:42

       Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They, they, they identified the body, I forget how they identified the body but I'm pretty sure they chopped his hands and his head off, and they found this guy and he got arrested for that. And he got away, he got off, I don't think they charged him, I don't think he actually did it, but he definitely knew people who did it. He was involved with the same kind of people, and this is like one of the guys that I worked out with. But he wasn't the hitman, the hitman was way more stoic.

   19. BKBert Kreischer47:11

       Really? Older?

   20. JRJoe Rogan47:12

       Yeah, he was older. He was in his 30s and the hi- the hitman was, um, I guess-

   21. BKBert Kreischer47:17

       Would he come in with like hitman problems? Like, "All right, say I'm in a restaurant-"

   22. JRJoe Rogan47:20

       He asked me once how would I kill a guy.

   23. BKBert Kreischer47:23

       Really? (laughs)

   24. JRJoe Rogan47:23

       He said, "If you're gonna hit a guy and you were tr- gonna kill him, where would you hit him?" And I said, "Probably the neck." And he said, "Yeah, I think so," and that was the conversation, that was the end of the conversation.

   25. BKBert Kreischer47:34

       Jesus.

   26. JRJoe Rogan47:34

       I don't even know why I picked the neck 'cause the neck actually could take a pretty good beating. Neck's pretty tough.

   27. BKBert Kreischer47:39

       Not mine.

   28. JRJoe Rogan47:40

       Your head is way weaker than your neck. This is really weak, like this little spot right here, your temple. This little tiny thin little layer of bone there that protects your brain, it's not big at all.

   29. BKBert Kreischer47:50

       When was the last time you got punched?

   30. JRJoe Rogan47:52

       Oh, it's been a long time. I haven't sparred at all since like 2007 or '8, like sparring.
5. 1:00:00 – 1:08:03

   (snorts) Tommy and I…

   1. JRJoe Rogan1:00:00

      It just felt like it was just like clogged up, like it couldn't, it wouldn't work right. Like bla- ... It was terrible.

   2. BKBert Kreischer1:00:06

      (snorts) Tommy and I like that. (laughs)

   3. JRJoe Rogan1:00:08

      But my bo- doctor, he just wanted me to take these pills.

   4. BKBert Kreischer1:00:11

      I think it's that t- I, uh, you know, uh, were you tal- were you talking to me about statins for a while, and you were saying that, I don't know what you were saying or whatever I read was that it, the, these companies are getting, these doctors are getting paid out to, to get people on statins. The c- the companies are saying, "Yo, get people on statins, we'll pay you out." You know? And I think-

   5. JRJoe Rogan1:00:28

      Doctors get a variety of rewards, I'm finding out. They get a variety of rewards dependent upon how many people in their practice get vaccinated, and if they lose a certain percentage, if they like have less than a certain percentage, then they don't get payouts. It's, there's some weird shit that's involved in medicine that's financial incentives that don't necessarily align up with y- you know, your best health. And I think that doctors profit-... off of providing people with pain pills, especially when you have a legitimate reason to want to take pain pills. But I really don't think you should take them. At least, I don't take, uh, I just don't... I think if you have something horribly wrong with you and you're in agony all day, I totally understand. But for a regular thing, like you hurt your back a little bit, you're, so now you're on Oxycontin? Like...

   6. BKBert Kreischer1:01:17

      That's what happened to me. I got, I got pretty much addicted to them, because I fell off that waterfall.

   7. JRJoe Rogan1:01:22

      They, they fucking get everybody, bro.

   8. BKBert Kreischer1:01:24

      Dude, they get you.

   9. JRJoe Rogan1:01:24

      They get everybody.

   10. BKBert Kreischer1:01:25

       It's, it's, I, I can tell you the moment it happened, was we had to go to dinner with my wife's friends and I didn't want to go, and we weren't drinking. And I remember thinking, "I wonder if I could double up on my pain pills? That'll get me through tonight."

   11. JRJoe Rogan1:01:39

       Whoa.

   12. BKBert Kreischer1:01:40

       And I did, and man, it was an enjoyable fucking night, and I smoked a little weed and I was fucking perfect.

   13. JRJoe Rogan1:01:46

       Yup.

   14. BKBert Kreischer1:01:46

       And the next morning, I woke up and LeeAnn found out, because we were going camping that weekend. And I reached over to get my pills, because that's the first thing I did in bed, grab a pill, pop a pill, lay there for a while. Went over, my pills were gone and LeeAnn was at the foot of the bed, she goes, "You're done, big boy."

   15. JRJoe Rogan1:02:00

       Whoa.

   16. BKBert Kreischer1:02:00

       And I was like, I go, "Hold on." And this is, like, negotiating, like junkie negotiating.

   17. JRJoe Rogan1:02:06

       (laughs)

   18. BKBert Kreischer1:02:06

       I go, "Hold on, baby, we're going camping. Like, we're gonna be s-, up, we're gonna be sleeping on the hard ground." And she goes, "Nope." She goes, "Go, get as much weed as you want, drink as much as you want. Get through the pain that way. These things are fucking poison."

   19. JRJoe Rogan1:02:17

       They're scary.

   20. BKBert Kreischer1:02:17

       They're scary, because you don't even realize what you look like to other people. We went, we went to Hawaii with the family one time, and, uh, and we went to the luau. I wasn't, uh, I wasn't drinking in Hawaii that trip, for whatever reason, and I, but I was bummed at the luau, because I was like, everyone's getting, like, you know, these Mai Tais and I'm drinking water. And I was, and I looked, and this mom was clearly on Oxys. And you watched her nod out at the table.

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:02:43

       Ugh.

   22. BKBert Kreischer1:02:43

       And there's... Man, when you see something like that and you're not drinking-

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:02:47

       Yeah.

   24. BKBert Kreischer1:02:47

       ... you're like, "Thank God I'm not fucking drinking." I remember watching her nod out, and her, her whole family sees it.

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:02:52

       Mm-hmm.

   26. BKBert Kreischer1:02:52

       And you're like, and she's like... (snorts)

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:02:54

       Well, dude, is it, what percentage of this country is hooked on Oxys right now? It's got to be, uh, like a scary percentage.

   28. BKBert Kreischer1:03:02

       I bet it's... What do you think is more, Oxys or Xanax? Xanax is like, Xanax is totally plausible. Take a Xanax, you're gonna be fine. My, my cardiologist, uh, Dr. Gadahn, shout out to G- Dr. Gadahn, he's a big fan of yours. But he told me, he said, I said something about Xanax, and he goes, "Hey, man, I'm your doctor, don't ever fucking take those things." I was like, "Really?" He goes, "This is the leading cause of dementia. Do not take fucking Xanax."

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:03:28

       Xanax is the leading cause of dementia?

   30. BKBert Kreischer1:03:29

       So he told me, he said, he was like... By the way, I apo- apologize. Dr. Gadahn, give you a shout out. And he's like, "That's not my exact words, Bert, goddammit."

Episode duration: 3:05:32