Joe Rogan Experience #2291 - Bert Kreischer

1. 0:00 – 1:30

   Warm catch-up: friendship, hugs, and long-term mentorship

   1. NANarrator0:00

      (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience.

   2. JRJoe Rogan0:06

      Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. (rock music plays) Joe Rogan, my brother. Good to see you.

   3. BKBert Kreischer0:14

      Thank you, Joe.

   4. JRJoe Rogan0:15

      Always good to see you, my man.

   5. BKBert Kreischer0:15

      It's always good seeing you, man. I, I, I always say, like, uh, you give the best hugs. (laughs)

   6. JRJoe Rogan0:22

      (laughs)

   7. BKBert Kreischer0:22

      Like at the UFC the other night when I saw you?

   8. JRJoe Rogan0:24

      Yeah.

   9. BKBert Kreischer0:24

      And you came up, you just wrap it up. I lo- I love it. I'm a hug guy too.

   10. JRJoe Rogan0:28

       Yeah.

   11. BKBert Kreischer0:28

       I think it shows your emotion.

   12. JRJoe Rogan0:30

       I love a real hug, yeah. A real hug where someone loves you.

   13. BKBert Kreischer0:33

       Yeah.

   14. JRJoe Rogan0:34

       You know? You know I love you.

   15. BKBert Kreischer0:35

       I...

   16. JRJoe Rogan0:35

       So I give you a love hug.

   17. BKBert Kreischer0:37

       I kn- I know you love me. I know you love me.

   18. JRJoe Rogan0:40

       We've been friends for a long time, brother.

   19. BKBert Kreischer0:42

       I know. I-

   20. JRJoe Rogan0:42

       We really have. It's f- it's, it's nice, like, having friends that you've been friends with for just decades, you know? It's just-

   21. BKBert Kreischer0:49

       I always say, I've, I've said this to y- before about... I always say, you know, like, I never had a brother growing up. And you're, you've always been pretty honest with me, the way a big brother would be, and you've always come from a place of love. I remember the whole reason my whole... I was doing nothing in, fucking nothing, I'm sitting in the backstage of the store with you and you sa- you looked at, you looked just, you go, "Tommy's doing theaters." And I said, "Okay." "And you, you need, you need to be doing theaters." I was like, "Okay." "And you need like, you need a Netflix special. You need to get one." I was like, "All right, Joe, how am I supposed to do that?" And you go, "Be undeniable." And you just walked away. And I fucking was like, that's the kind of mentorship you look for in a friend. That's what, who you wanna be around. Surround yourself with great white sharks and people think you're a great white shark.

2. 1:30 – 3:51

   Breaking out of the “velvet prison”: Travel Channel vs. standup focus

   1. JRJoe Rogan1:30

      Well, you were always really fun and really funny but you were always doing these travel channel shows.

   2. BKBert Kreischer1:36

      Yeah.

   3. JRJoe Rogan1:36

      And this is what drove me crazy. I remember the day. We've talked about it before, but I remember the day. I was in the Comedy Store and I was calling you from the main room and you were on a motorcycle in Vietnam. (laughs)

   4. BKBert Kreischer1:49

      (laughs)

   5. JRJoe Rogan1:50

      And I think you were drunk. And, uh-

   6. BKBert Kreischer1:52

      I was drunk and high. (laughs)

   7. JRJoe Rogan1:54

      (laughs)

   8. BKBert Kreischer1:54

      Two things you're not supposed to be on a motorcycle: no helmet, in flip-flops. (laughs)

   9. JRJoe Rogan2:00

      (laughs) Which is, by the way, it's a fun way to catch somebody. When you call someone and you're gonna go on stage in, like, 20 minutes. "I'm just checking in on you, see what's going on," and you were on a fucking motorcycle in Vietnam and laughing. But then I was like, "Dude, you really need to dedicate yourself to standup. Like, this is a trap. It's a velvet prison."

   10. BKBert Kreischer2:17

       Yeah.

   11. JRJoe Rogan2:17

       "These TV shows are a velvet prison." And when you're on the Travel Channel, you're not even getting... Well, you're making great money, right? But you're not getting I can retire now money.

   12. BKBert Kreischer2:26

       No.

   13. JRJoe Rogan2:27

       There's no fuck you money. It's I can live well money.

   14. BKBert Kreischer2:29

       No.

   15. JRJoe Rogan2:29

       You know? It's a great job, but it's one of those jobs where you, at a certain point in time, you gotta go, "Okay, I have to jump ship." Like, "You know, I can't keep doing this." Like, "This is, uh, this is gonna fuck up everything else I'm doing."

   16. BKBert Kreischer2:42

       It's hard to pull that trigger too, because, like I, like, with, with kids and a family and a house and-

   17. JRJoe Rogan2:46

       Yup, yup, yup.

   18. BKBert Kreischer2:47

       And you go, "Okay, it's not great money, but it's good money."

   19. JRJoe Rogan2:50

       Yeah.

   20. BKBert Kreischer2:50

       And the road was not great money, and I remember you saying, "You need a Netflix special."

   21. JRJoe Rogan2:54

       Yeah.

   22. BKBert Kreischer2:54

       You said, you s- I remember you saying that to me. On that motorcycle, I'm sitting, I s- I pulled out, I had headsets in, I was listening to The Doors, uh, Mag- Magic Caravan, Spanish Caravan.

   23. JRJoe Rogan3:03

       (laughs)

   24. BKBert Kreischer3:03

       And I was flying, I was high, there were oxen on either side of me, the sun was setting, and you were like, "Dude, this is who you are. Fuck that Travel Channel bullshit, get away from it, you need to focus on standup and your podcast."

   25. JRJoe Rogan3:14

       Yeah.

   26. BKBert Kreischer3:14

       And I was like, "Yeah." And you were like, "You're the fucking machine. If you don't talk about this on stage, then you're not doing yourself t- you're doing yourself a disservice."

   27. JRJoe Rogan3:21

       Well, there's certain people that, like, you know their full potential, because when they're with you, they're completely relaxed and y- you know, everyone's just having a great time and you get to see them at their best. And when you're crying laughing, just hanging out talking to a guy, you're like, "This guy's got it. He's just gotta figure out how to get rid of all the other shit in his life and focus on that." 'Cause you were always so fucking funny. And I was like, "How is this guy doing these shows where he's letting people hurt him and all this..."

   28. BKBert Kreischer3:51

       (laughs)

3. 3:51 – 7:04

   Joe’s Fear Factor lesson: when a great job still holds you back

   1. JRJoe Rogan3:51

      Like, when you were doing Hurt Bert, I was like, "What are you doing? Don't get hurt." And then I just, that m- I also, I'd gone through it with Fear Factor. Like, Fear Factor was a great job, don't get me wrong. Very happy that I got it, it was wonderful, it gave me fuck you money. It gave me the ability to do whatever I want after that.

   2. BKBert Kreischer4:09

      Yeah.

   3. JRJoe Rogan4:09

      But it was a thing where I was like, "This is not what I wanna do. What I wanna do is what I always do, just standup, have fun." You know, if, if I, I was, I was doing the UFC back then too, so I was like do the UFC commentary, things I love doing. That's what I wanna be doing. I don't wanna be doing just a job. Jobs are great, don't get me wrong. Thankful I got it, all... But at a certain point in time, if you wanna reach your full potential, you have to realize, like, "This is holding me back." And sometimes people don't wanna tell you that because it's a job and it's a great g- And I've had people, I've had people tell me, like, "Don't leave Fear Factor." I'm like, "What the fuck are you talking about? I have to leave." I'm like, "I have to leave. I gotta go." You know? (laughs)

   4. BKBert Kreischer4:44

      I remember, I remember those times. I remember people saying, 'cause I knew you were, I knew you as Joe the standup. And, and, uh, and I remember people saying, "He does comedy?" And I was like, "No, that's what he does." Like, "He's not an actor, he's not a host, he's a comedian."

   5. JRJoe Rogan4:57

      But that's, uh, understandable, right? Like, my, my standup, I'd only done, (sighs) like by then, I'd only done, like, uh, couple things that were out, that were available. And I was on the hugest show in television. F- Fear Factor was fucking gigantic.

   6. BKBert Kreischer5:12

      It was massive.

   7. JRJoe Rogan5:13

      It was nuts.

   8. BKBert Kreischer5:14

      It was massive. Monday nights.

   9. JRJoe Rogan5:15

      So, yeah. It was a fun job.

   10. BKBert Kreischer5:17

       You know it was a big show when 20 years later you remember the night it was on.

   11. JRJoe Rogan5:20

       But this is what's important: even though it was the number one show in the country, I still had that feeling, like, "I don't wanna really be doing this."

   12. BKBert Kreischer5:27

       Yeah.

   13. JRJoe Rogan5:27

       I, I'm happy to do it. It's, I, I'm very thankful that I got the job. I, I worked with some amazing people, it was a lot of fun, we had a great crew, really fun time. But I didn't wanna do it. I wanted to do this.

   14. BKBert Kreischer5:38

       Ta-

   15. JRJoe Rogan5:38

       This is what I... I didn't know I wanted to do this 'cause this wasn't a thing, you know?

   16. BKBert Kreischer5:42

       Yeah.

   17. JRJoe Rogan5:42

       But once I figured it out, I was like, "Oh, this is what I wanna do. I wanna do this and standup and the UFC," which is like, to me, it's not even a job. It's like a vacation.

   18. BKBert Kreischer5:50

       It's cra- it's crazy watching you operate in the UFC and seeing that mechanism and to think y- when you started that. Like, how lo- how far that, that path with the UFC has been for you.

   19. JRJoe Rogan6:01

       Oh, for me it was '97.

   20. BKBert Kreischer6:02

       I know, but walking in-

   21. JRJoe Rogan6:03

       Yeah.

   22. BKBert Kreischer6:03

       ... through the other day and I was like, "Oh, this has been Joe's life for fucking 26 years."

   23. JRJoe Rogan6:09

       Well, you know-If you want... If you're a person who's a martial artist and you're a fan of martial arts, if you get a job to do that, like, if you get a job to talk about martial arts and to express your love for it and your appreciation for the athletes, appreciation for the fighters and what they have to go through to get to where they're at, and the, the magnitude of their accomplishments, and to put words to that, like, to do, to be able to do that for a living, that's an honor. That's how I feel.

   24. BKBert Kreischer6:37

       Oh, yeah.

   25. JRJoe Rogan6:37

       It's like, it's an honor. It's an honor. And I, I feel like I do a good job at it. And so... And I like doing it, and I'm super passionate about it, and I don't do it because it's a job. I do it because I love it. Like, I don't need to do it. I could have quit a long time ago. It does... Like, I could just watch it. Like, we're doing a fight companion this weekend. It's gonna be fun.

   26. BKBert Kreischer6:56

       Yeah.

   27. JRJoe Rogan6:56

       We're gonna hang out. What are you doing Saturday?

   28. BKBert Kreischer6:58

       I don't know. Oh, I'm in Vegas.

   29. JRJoe Rogan7:00

       Are you really?

   30. BKBert Kreischer7:01

       I have two shows in Vegas this weekend.
4. 7:04 – 8:36

   “Lucky” and the meaning of luck vs. work ethic

   1. BKBert Kreischer7:04

      Oh, I should say, my special, Lucky, is streaming right now on Net- Netflix.

   2. JRJoe Rogan7:08

      Right, right now, bitchies.

   3. BKBert Kreischer7:09

      Right now.

   4. JRJoe Rogan7:10

      Go get it.

   5. BKBert Kreischer7:10

      I say Lucky, I say Lucky because I, I, I am the luckiest fucking guy in the world. I really am. When you think about, like, you think about, like, finding the friends I did later in life, you know, like, at, like, 37 or 38, when I started meeting all you guys and hanging out with you guys. And then, and then, you know, being... And being... Getting into comedy at the time I did, like, we got into comedy when no one... It wasn't a job. It was like-

   6. JRJoe Rogan7:32

      Right.

   7. BKBert Kreischer7:33

      It was weird. It was like joining the fucking circus.

   8. JRJoe Rogan7:34

      (laughs) It was. It was-

   9. BKBert Kreischer7:35

      And I got, only got into comedy because I got discovered by Rolling Stone magazine as the number one party animal in the country. I mean, what are the fucking odds of my life tracking out? So I, I... That's why I named it Lucky.

   10. JRJoe Rogan7:45

       Well, we're all very lucky. That's absolutely sure. No, no dispute. We're all very lucky. If you're listening to this, you're very lucky because you can fucking hear. How about that?

   11. BKBert Kreischer7:55

       Yeah.

   12. JRJoe Rogan7:56

       If you're watching it, you're very lucky that you can see. You're very lucky that you can afford a phone. You're very lucky. Like, most of the world lives in utter poverty, and that's the unfortunate reality of all these people virtue signaling about the 1%. Like, bitch, you're in the 1%.

   13. BKBert Kreischer8:10

       (laughs) There's someone digging blood diamonds-

   14. JRJoe Rogan8:12

       You're in the 1% of the world.

   15. BKBert Kreischer8:12

       ... in Sierra Leone right now, smoking brown-brown, and he's 11, okay?

   16. JRJoe Rogan8:15

       If you make $34,000 in America, you are in the 1% of the world. How about that?

   17. BKBert Kreischer8:23

       Wow.

   18. JRJoe Rogan8:24

       Yep. That's real.

   19. BKBert Kreischer8:26

       My gr- My father-in-law still isn't in that 1%. (laughs)

   20. JRJoe Rogan8:34

       (laughs) Hey, life's not good for everybody.

   21. BKBert Kreischer8:35

       (laughs) Life's not good for everybody.

5. 8:36 – 11:33

   Sponsor break: ExpressVPN and post-quantum encryption

   1. JRJoe Rogan8:36

      Some people don't get lucky at all. I've been trying to wrap my mind around the idea of quantum computing. It's exciting, but complex and difficult to understand. What I do know is that quantum computers can process exponentially more data than the ones you and I use every day. Quantum computers also put a new strain on the world of digital privacy and cybersecurity. They may one day crack encryption algorithms that we currently consider secure. That's why ExpressVPN upgraded their encryption to use MLKEM, the strongest available protection from post-quantum threats. With ExpressVPN, all your online activity is rerouted through secure, encrypted servers. Even though all your data is still being handled by your internet provider or whoever the provider is for the random public Wi-Fi network you're on, none of these third parties will be able to read your data or hijack your connection for malicious intent. And with post-quantum protection, ExpressVPN is essentially future-proofing your privacy. Just one of many reasons why ExpressVPN is the absolute best VPN out there. So if you want to get the highest standards of post-quantum protection from your VPN service, tap the banner or go to expressvpn.com/rogan. And now listeners can get four extra months for free. That's expressvpn.com/rogan. And if you're watching on YouTube, you can get your four free months by scanning the QR code on screen or by clicking the link in the description.

   2. BKBert Kreischer10:23

      I always think luck is, uh, a perspective.

   3. JRJoe Rogan10:26

      You work hard, dude. You, you, you're not just lucky. You work hard. You work real hard. You're, you're always touring. You're always doing things. You're always putting together new shit. You're always working. You're always hustling. Like, it's not just luck. It's luck plus, you know, you love to party, but you also have a great work ethic. And that's very, very important, man. It's like-

   4. BKBert Kreischer10:46

      Yeah.

   5. JRJoe Rogan10:47

      ... you can't just be lucky. Lucky is huge. You gotta get lucky. But also, if you work really hard, you tend to get luckier, especially if you're smart and if you're willing to take risks. Like, for you, the Travel Channel thing, that was a risk.

   6. BKBert Kreischer10:59

      Yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan10:59

      Like, you had to... You had to listen to your friends and you had to go, "You know what? They're fucking right. Everybody else is cooking right now. And my standup's kind of stalled out because I'm doing this TV show." And again, it's coming from someone who was there. I... And, and I'm telling you that if you're making millions and you still feel that way, versus if you're making thousands and you still feel that way-

   8. BKBert Kreischer11:20

      Yeah.

   9. JRJoe Rogan11:20

      ... you gotta trust me. There's another way to get through this, and the, the other way we found. We got... You know, we were right.

   10. BKBert Kreischer11:27

       Yeah.

   11. JRJoe Rogan11:28

       Look, we fucking saw light at the end of the tunnel.

   12. BKBert Kreischer11:30

       (laughs)

   13. JRJoe Rogan11:30

       We were like, "This is the way to go." And we were right.

6. 11:33 – 16:50

   Early podcast era & radio heroes: internet curiosity, Phil Hendrie, Art Bell

   1. BKBert Kreischer11:33

      I... I remember you telling all of us, "You guys need a podcast." And I remember saying to Tom, "He's out of his mind. Why don't we just do his?" (laughs)

   2. JRJoe Rogan11:38

      Yeah. No, everybody thought I was out of my mind for even doing mine. Like, people mocked me openly. Like, Howard Stern famously mocked all people that were doing podcasts. "You're, you're wasting your time."

   3. BKBert Kreischer11:48

      I remember that.

   4. JRJoe Rogan11:48

      But in his mind, that was correct because he didn't, he didn't have this... He wasn't an internet kid, you know? I'm not an internet kid, but, you know, I used, I used to build my own computers in the '90s. I used to go to Fry's Electronics-

   5. BKBert Kreischer12:03

      Whoa.

   6. JRJoe Rogan12:03

      ... and get motherboards and hard drives and... Yeah. My friend Andrew used to help me over the phone. I'd call him. He's a, like a wizard tech guy. And so...... like, I had bought all these, like, high-end gaming computers and upgraded the video cards, and I was on all these, like, c- crazy websites. We'd send each other, like, you know, those were the two girls, one cup days.

   7. BKBert Kreischer12:27

      (laughs)

   8. JRJoe Rogan12:27

      Like, so I was pretty plugged in.

   9. BKBert Kreischer12:29

      What was the guy? Mr. Smiles or something?

   10. JRJoe Rogan12:30

       Uh, Mr. Hands.

   11. BKBert Kreischer12:31

       Mr. Hands. Okay, keep going. (laughs)

   12. JRJoe Rogan12:33

       So there was... I was pretty plugged into the idea that the internet was something that people were finding stuff that just wasn't available anywhere else. I got all these, like, crazy lectures, these Alan Watts lectures that I downloaded. I'm like, "This is nuts." That's back when you had to download stuff and then you had to upload it to an AirPod. Remember your AirPods with the wheel?

   13. BKBert Kreischer12:55

       Oh, yeah.

   14. JRJoe Rogan12:55

       Those were the shit.

   15. BKBert Kreischer12:57

       Oh, I remember that.

   16. JRJoe Rogan12:58

       Like clickety-click, clickety-click.

   17. BKBert Kreischer12:59

       (laughs)

   18. JRJoe Rogan12:59

       Yeah, the little wheel that would spin around.

   19. BKBert Kreischer13:00

       (laughs)

   20. JRJoe Rogan13:01

       I loved that thing. And so I would download all these Terence McKenna lectures and all these Timothy Leary lec- all these, like, fascinating conversations that I would download on the... And then I started thinking about it, and then I was like, "Well, there's podcasts. So people just, like, start... Well, we'll just start doing one of those." We just start doing it. And I was like, nobody was listening to them. It was like, Adam Carolla had a big one, because Adam had just left To Restro Radio. He was the morning guy that replaced Howard Stern when Howard Stern went to XM. Right?

   21. BKBert Kreischer13:33

       Yeah.

   22. JRJoe Rogan13:34

       So he's, he's on... Or Sirius, whatever it was. So, it's both now, right? The, they're combined.

   23. BKBert Kreischer13:38

       Yeah, SiriusXM.

   24. JRJoe Rogan13:38

       So he's on, um, morning radio all over the country, but morning radio is like super stagnant, and they had a LA morning radio station where it was all mor- uh, uh, excuse me, talk radio station, where it was all talk radio. So it was Tom Leykis, it was him, it was, uh, there was a few other people. I can't remember. Ricky Rock- Rockman had a show.

   25. BKBert Kreischer13:58

       Yeah. Phil Hendrie, I think had a show.

   26. JRJoe Rogan14:00

       Yeah.

   27. BKBert Kreischer14:00

       Do you remember Phil?

   28. JRJoe Rogan14:00

       He had a different show.

   29. BKBert Kreischer14:01

       Oh, yeah.

   30. JRJoe Rogan14:01

       Phil Hendrie was the AM guy.
7. 16:50 – 20:05

   Censorship, forbidden words, and changing cultural rules

   1. JRJoe Rogan16:50

      And, uh, and if it wasn't for the, it wasn't for... He's the, the guy that got arrested, or didn't get arrested, but he got fined heavily by the Bush administration. This is back when the Republicans were the ones that were trying to censor people. Which you should always realize that this-

   2. BKBert Kreischer17:04

      (laughs) That's crazy that you-

   3. JRJoe Rogan17:05

      This-

   4. BKBert Kreischer17:05

      ... had to say that.

   5. JRJoe Rogan17:06

      This fucking stupid game that people play back and forth with, you know, who loves war, who hates war.

   6. BKBert Kreischer17:11

      Yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan17:12

      Who, who loves censorship, who hates censorship. It's a political beach ball that they toss around at a concert to keep people occupied. These motherfuckers switch sides.

   8. BKBert Kreischer17:20

      Yeah.

   9. JRJoe Rogan17:20

      All right? That should tell you enough alone by yourself, by, by itself right there, that they fucking switch sides. But he was getting attacked for w- obscenity. So he would put... Like, whatever they would do, and they would, they were f- they fined... What was the total amount that Howard Stern was fined? This has to be... You got a neurotic guy as it is, right, who's also the m- the most pioneering radio guy of all time. Right? He's the guy that changed radio from DJs playing records to just talking.

   10. BKBert Kreischer17:52

       And, and talking in your authentic voice-

   11. JRJoe Rogan17:53

       Yeah.

   12. BKBert Kreischer17:53

       ... and not, "Hey, welcome back." (clears throat)

   13. JRJoe Rogan17:55

       Talking in your authentic voice and having wild shit on the radio.

   14. BKBert Kreischer17:59

       2.5 million dollars?

   15. JRJoe Rogan18:00

       2.5 million between 1990 and 2004. So they fucked with him for 14 years. 14 years.

   16. BKBert Kreischer18:09

       And that's not paid by the station. That's paid by him.

   17. JRJoe Rogan18:11

       Fi- owners of radio station licenses that carried The Howard Stern Show-... a total of two point-

   18. BKBert Kreischer18:18

       What?

   19. JRJoe Rogan18:18

       ... five million for content being considered to be indecent. Indecent. So all the stuff that we do on podcasts right now, we would 100% have been fined, 100%. I would have been off the air a long time ago.

   20. BKBert Kreischer18:30

       That's right.

   21. JRJoe Rogan18:30

       It was real censorship, but it was just done under the guise of, you know, b- broadcast... L- like, the idea is, like, if you're gonna broadcast something on a major network like NBC, CBS, they have rules to language and what you're allowed to show, which is kind of crazy. Like, why do you have those rules? Like, why do those rules exist, to keep obscenity from television and, like... Maybe that was a good idea in 1950-

   22. BKBert Kreischer18:55

       Yeah.

   23. JRJoe Rogan18:55

       ... when people didn't know any better. But now that we know better, like, why do you have rules like that?

   24. BKBert Kreischer18:59

       I can't believe that radio still has those rules. And, uh, the words are slippery.

   25. JRJoe Rogan19:02

       Hardcore rules.

   26. BKBert Kreischer19:02

       Y- you can say dickhead.

   27. JRJoe Rogan19:04

       You can't say cunt.

   28. BKBert Kreischer19:05

       But you can't say, "Suck my dick."

   29. JRJoe Rogan19:06

       You can't say any- anything you wanna say. Like, sometimes cunt's the right word.

   30. BKBert Kreischer19:11

       Cunt's my- one of my favorite words.
8. 20:05 – 32:18

   Algorithms, influencer culture, and the dark/funny side of internet feeds

   1. BKBert Kreischer20:05

      It- it even gets trickier. Like, there was a video I was cutting to promote my, uh, tour or whatever, and it's me on a b- or by The Special, and it's me on a, uh, boat, and there's this, there's this, uh, page I'm really obsessed with. It's- it's Fat N-word Season.

   2. JRJoe Rogan20:19

      (laughs)

   3. BKBert Kreischer20:20

      Joe, it's so addictive. (laughs) 'Cause it's- and it's just- it's all AI, and I think they're promoting a crypto coin. (laughs)

   4. JRJoe Rogan20:27

      Of course.

   5. BKBert Kreischer20:27

      And I was like- and I didn't like the edit, so I go, "Hey, put Fat N-word Summer, play that song." And it's fucking so much funnier, Joe-

   6. JRJoe Rogan20:36

      (laughs) .

   7. BKBert Kreischer20:36

      ... with- it's so much funnier with me shirtless on a boat. Ah. But these guys are great. But I p- I- s- k- I- my wife saw it. She was like, "That's offensive." I was like, "No," I was like-

   8. JRJoe Rogan20:45

      And she's right.

   9. BKBert Kreischer20:46

      Yeah. And then I sent it to Tommy. I go, "Is this racist?" And he was like-

   10. JRJoe Rogan20:50

       (laughs)

   11. BKBert Kreischer20:50

       ... "You sent it to the wrong guy."

   12. JRJoe Rogan20:53

       (laughs)

   13. BKBert Kreischer20:54

       All T- (laughs) all Tom sends me is videos (laughs) of fat Black chicks on rope swings.

   14. JRJoe Rogan21:02

       (laughs) (clapping hands on legs)

   15. BKBert Kreischer21:03

       Our whole thread is just any time a chick takes an L off a cliff.

   16. JRJoe Rogan21:08

       That's so ridiculous. God that's- I gotta get on that thread because the ones me and Tommy are on is horrible.

   17. BKBert Kreischer21:11

       What's that one? (laughs)

   18. JRJoe Rogan21:12

       It's all murder.

   19. BKBert Kreischer21:13

       Oh, yeah. That's the other side of his brain.

   20. JRJoe Rogan21:13

       We send each other the mur- mur- murder and- and car accidents. Today was a car accident. It was guys escaping the cops and the guy, uh, flips this van multiple times, gets thrown into traffic and then run over by cars, and it's just splatter fest.

   21. BKBert Kreischer21:27

       I can't watch those. I was telling, uh, I was telling someone, uh, my daught- my niece had my phone, and she's, like, three, and- and you don't- you forget what your algorithm looks like. And sh- it was- and it was- Fat N-word Summer song came on and she's like, "Uncle Bert?" And then the next video was a chick pissing on her past down Steve's head.

   22. JRJoe Rogan21:48

       (laughs)

   23. BKBert Kreischer21:48

       And I was like, "Well, maybe you shouldn't use my phone to- to relax with." (screaming sound)

   24. JRJoe Rogan21:51

       Yeah, my kids know better. Don't let them use my phone.

   25. BKBert Kreischer21:53

       My algorithm is fucked, dude.

   26. JRJoe Rogan21:54

       Yeah. My algorithm's not good.

   27. BKBert Kreischer21:56

       It is fucked. It is-

   28. JRJoe Rogan21:57

       My YouTube algorithm's great.

   29. BKBert Kreischer21:59

       Oh, my YouTube algorithm's all history.

   30. JRJoe Rogan22:02

       A lot of my YouTube algorithm lately has been, um, like, watching people build things.
9. 32:18 – 38:08

   Movies, Oscars, and why award culture feels distorted

   1. BKBert Kreischer32:18

      And, and all the ones that were up for Oscars, I saw none of those.

   2. JRJoe Rogan32:21

      Well, they all involved chaos. (laughs)

   3. BKBert Kreischer32:24

      But it's like...

   4. JRJoe Rogan32:25

      They all involve the end of civilization. If you wanna win an Oscar, you have to be trans lives matter all the way.

   5. BKBert Kreischer32:32

      (laughs)

   6. JRJoe Rogan32:32

      Like, what do you, what do you do to win an Oscar today? Like, you have to have something that's got some meaning to it other than just being a good movie, right?

   7. BKBert Kreischer32:40

      Yeah.

   8. JRJoe Rogan32:40

      Like there's, there's gotta be some social justice aspect to it. Wasn't there like something where they were talking about... Goddammit, I can't remember what the article was about, but it was about requirements for a film to win an Oscar today, what they believe to be requirements. So I don't like awards. Do you know what it is?

   9. GCGuest (secondary, off-mic contributor)33:04

      I'm looking.

   10. JRJoe Rogan33:05

       There was something that they were, it was just-

   11. GCGuest (secondary, off-mic contributor)33:06

       The representation and inclusion standards, something like that.

   12. JRJoe Rogan33:09

       That's it. That's it.

   13. BKBert Kreischer33:10

       That's, it's, that's not the, that's not the only way to tell a story.

   14. JRJoe Rogan33:13

       That's not, because if you do that, you don't get Shogun, okay?

   15. BKBert Kreischer33:16

       Yeah, oh...

   16. JRJoe Rogan33:17

       You don't get Shogun. You gotta, you gotta have an all Japanese cast if you wanna get Shogun. You know, you can't, you can't have a fully diverse, you know, 50/50 split of whatever, everybody. You can't.

   17. BKBert Kreischer33:31

       No.

   18. JRJoe Rogan33:32

       You, you, you have to tell a specific kind of a movie. You know, if you're gonna make a movie about the Congo, you can't have white people play native Congolese people. You can't have that. So it's like some stories are not diverse. It doesn't make, make them less valid, and it doesn't mean you're racist. It just means that some stories take place in Norway, and they involve Vikings, okay? This is like just a part of human history, you know? Some places, some stories take place in Egypt, and they involve Africans, okay?

   19. BKBert Kreischer34:01

       Yeah.

   20. JRJoe Rogan34:01

       It's like there's plenty of room for every kind of fucking story. But if you only want like a specific type of story to win an Academy Award, you don't get The Godfather. Daylight savings is coming. So we're about to lose an hour, and that means trying to speed up your morning. But if you drink AG1, maybe you're fine with it. It's that quick and easy to help your body feel great every day. Starting your day with AG1 can help you shake off the grogginess, get back into your rhythm, and even give you the boost you need to make the most of that extra hour of sunlight, maybe even turning you into the morning person you've always wanted to be. AG1 rules. I drank it for a long time now. And seriously, it's as easy as I say every month. You just take one scoop, put it in some cold water, shake it up, and you're ready to go. Honestly, it tastes pretty good too. I'm not complaining. It's never too late to create a new healthy habit for 2025. So try AG1 for yourself. It's easy to stay consistent with, and that's why I've been partnering with AG1 for so long. And AG1 is offering new customers a free gift. When you subscribe, you'll get a welcome kit, a bottle of D3K2, and five free travel packs in your first box. So make sure you check out drinkag1.com/joerogan. That's drinkag1.com/joerogan. You don't get that movie.

   21. BKBert Kreischer35:23

       No, you don't get Jaws.

   22. JRJoe Rogan35:23

       You gotta get all Italian if you want The Godfather, right?

   23. BKBert Kreischer35:26

       Star Wars. Think about, think about who were the Oscar winners when we were kids.

   24. JRJoe Rogan35:29

       Yeah.

   25. BKBert Kreischer35:30

       Were all fucking banger movies that everyone saw.

   26. JRJoe Rogan35:32

       Right.

   27. BKBert Kreischer35:32

       That everyone saw. Best Picture won Best Picture because it was-

   28. JRJoe Rogan35:35

       Right.

   29. BKBert Kreischer35:35

       ... Best Picture, not because it was the best picture about a, a trans social worker-

   30. JRJoe Rogan35:40

       Right, right, right.
10. 38:08 – 42:31

    Fear Factor fairness, game-show rigging, and Whitey Bulger’s ‘lottery’ scheme

    1. JRJoe Rogan38:08

       By the way, that was a, that was a real thing.

    2. BKBert Kreischer38:10

       Yeah.

    3. JRJoe Rogan38:10

       Yeah. They really fucking rigged the Quiz Show. That's why there's like, there's all sorts of rules if you're running a game show, because I was on a game show, Fear Factor. It was my best way to get people away from me. If, uh, they asked me, "How do I get on Fear Factor?" I go, "If you wanna get on, you can't even talk to me because if you talked to me, then I'll have previously known you, then it could be seen that I helped you get on the show."

    4. BKBert Kreischer38:32

       (laughs)

    5. JRJoe Rogan38:32

       "So I can't talk to you."

    6. BKBert Kreischer38:34

       That's a great-

    7. JRJoe Rogan38:35

       It was great.

    8. BKBert Kreischer38:35

       ... it's a great workaround. (laughs)

    9. JRJoe Rogan38:35

       It was great. And it was true.

    10. BKBert Kreischer38:38

        Yeah.

    11. JRJoe Rogan38:38

        Sorry. Can't be your friend.

    12. BKBert Kreischer38:39

        Do they have, did someone... Did they have someone, like, really judging the how-, uh, the, like, horse sperm? Going like, "We gotta-"

    13. JRJoe Rogan38:45

        Judging it?

    14. BKBert Kreischer38:45

        Like- like a- like a- an official officiating it because it was prize money? Meaning, like, the quiz- Quiz Show is all about them breaking the rules.

    15. JRJoe Rogan38:55

        Right.

    16. BKBert Kreischer38:55

        And you had to have someone, a standards and practice guy on your team, making sure the game was fair for everyone, correct?

    17. JRJoe Rogan39:01

        Yeah, I th- I think there was something like that. I think th- I g- I guess the network just did that. I think we kind of ran the idea, or they ran the ideas by the network and the network decided, you know, whether or not this was fair or what have you. But everything was always fair. Like, that show was, you know, nobody got knowledge of the stunt before they got there. We blindfolded everybody. They were traveling around in vans. There would be blindfolds.

    18. BKBert Kreischer39:26

        Yeah.

    19. JRJoe Rogan39:26

        Sometimes they'd cover their ears so they couldn't even hear, and then they would take their blindfolds off and then right there and then they would find out what they had to do. So, right there and then they'd find out they gotta get covered in snakes or something like that.

    20. BKBert Kreischer39:38

        (laughs)

    21. JRJoe Rogan39:38

        And we knew that someone had a fear of snakes because you fill out a form and, you know, if you got a fear of snakes, guess what? (laughs) You might wind up on the snake episode.

    22. BKBert Kreischer39:47

        (laughs)

    23. JRJoe Rogan39:47

        You know? It was a fucking crazy show. But, you know, it was all fair. But that quiz show, they, you know, they figured it out like the mob figured out the fucking lottery. You know, Whitey Bulger won the lottery twice.

    24. BKBert Kreischer40:01

        Did he really?

    25. JRJoe Rogan40:02

        (laughs) Yeah. You know how bold you have to be to be a gangster in South Boston and not just win the lottery once-

    26. BKBert Kreischer40:08

        (laughs)

    27. JRJoe Rogan40:09

        ... but win the lottery twice? Like, see if you can find that.

    28. BKBert Kreischer40:12

        (laughs) How does... Wait, h- how do you rig the numbers that big?

    29. JRJoe Rogan40:16

        Hey...

    30. BKBert Kreischer40:17

        That's crazy.
11. 42:31 – 1:01:17

    Fighting, concussions, and the injury spiral: noses, apnea, and Bert’s hernia

    1. JRJoe Rogan42:31

       "Yeah, you're dead."... yeah, you, if you lived in that, that time, like in the 1980s when I used to teach this guy TaeKwonDo, like, you would always hear about hits. (slaps table) I knew a guy who got arrested. (slaps table) I don't know if he did it. He was a guy that, uh, I was friends with. His name is Richie. I was friends with him before he went to jail, and then I was kind of friends with him when he got out of jail before I realized that he was, like, very dangerous now.

    2. BKBert Kreischer43:00

       Yeah.

    3. JRJoe Rogan43:00

       He was a completely different person. So he went away to jail, he was a little older than me, I was 18, so he was probably 20 or 21, and he went to jail on some, some kind of gun charge or drug charge. So he comes out of jail a few years later and he's an animal. I mean, an animal. He's way bigger. He's, he's put on like 30 pounds of muscle and he's seen way too much. He was telling me stories about fights that he used to get into, in the jail where he'd beat some guy half to death with a broom handle and that you had... You're fighting for your life in there, it's like every day you're fighting for... And he knew how to fight. He was... You know, I trained with him, that's where I knew him, I knew him from TaeKwonDo. And, uh, he was just telling me about fights that he would get in jail, he's like, "You have to fight. There's nothing you could do. It's constant. You're, you're constantly on edge." I'm like, "Fuck, man." And so I'd known this guy before jail and then I'd known him after jail, and he was just way more dangerous after jail. He was doing a lot of coke, he would train, and when you would train with him, it was a fight. I mean, it was a fight. It wasn't... You were fighting for your life, you know?

    4. BKBert Kreischer44:13

       (sighs)

    5. JRJoe Rogan44:13

       I broke his whole face once. I hit him with a wheel kick in the... 'Cause we're a fighting man, I mean, we were fighting.

    6. BKBert Kreischer44:20

       Yeah.

    7. JRJoe Rogan44:20

       We were... And there was no one there, by the way. It was my gym, so it was just me and him like literally fighting. He would just attack you, like it wasn't like a technical sparring thing.

    8. BKBert Kreischer44:29

       (laughs)

    9. JRJoe Rogan44:29

       And back then, I felt like I was a pussy if I didn't spar with anybody who wanted to spar. Like you wanna spar? Okay, let's spar. So you sparred with everybody, and some people you sparred with, some people they, w- you would be like, "Let's just not hurt each other."

    10. BKBert Kreischer44:42

        Yeah.

    11. JRJoe Rogan44:42

        And then other people you knew you were fighting. You w- it was-

    12. BKBert Kreischer44:46

        Jesus.

    13. JRJoe Rogan44:46

        ... bomb. Guys get knocked out all the time. I saw dozens of guys get knocked out in the gym.

    14. BKBert Kreischer44:52

        (sighs)

    15. JRJoe Rogan44:52

        All the time. I did a lot of it. It was scary. It was scary. You would be super nervous before class, you'd be super n-

    16. BKBert Kreischer44:59

        You'd have that, and you're doing class every day, that's happening every day?

    17. JRJoe Rogan45:01

        All the time.

    18. BKBert Kreischer45:02

        I would be-

    19. JRJoe Rogan45:02

        All the time.

    20. BKBert Kreischer45:03

        I have anxiety, I have anxiety getting on planes.

    21. JRJoe Rogan45:06

        You're sparring three or four days a week. Yeah, you're sparring three or four days a week, if you're smart. You have to s- you have to stay sharp. Yeah, you have to be able-

    22. BKBert Kreischer45:14

        So you, you broke this guy's face?

    23. JRJoe Rogan45:15

        Yeah. Broke his face, and he, he wanted to keep training. He was still coming after me. I was like, "Dude, you gotta look in the mirror. Look in the mirror." And his whole face had shifted. Like it had shifted. I hit him with a wheel kick in the cheek. He went out, his eyes rolled back in his head, he collapses down to his butt, and then he tried to get back up slowly. He gets back up and he's like, "I'm good, I'm good, I'm good." And then like 30 seconds later, he wants to keep sparring, and I'm like, "You gotta stop." But he was just a monster, like a savage. Like a savage person.

    24. BKBert Kreischer45:47

        Was-

    25. JRJoe Rogan45:47

        He was, he was a kid when I knew him, like a normal kid, like, "What's up Richie?" And then three or four years later, whatever it was when he got out, he was a monster. So-

    26. BKBert Kreischer45:55

        Was there any hint of the old Richie where you could go, "Hey man, what's going on?"

    27. JRJoe Rogan45:59

        No.

    28. BKBert Kreischer45:59

        He was just gone?

    29. JRJoe Rogan46:00

        No, he was gone. He, the old... Well, I didn't know the old Richie that well. Now, I'm thinking timeline. So this was pre me doing standup, so I probably met him first when I was like 16, and then I met him again when I was 21. It was somewhere around that, 20, 21, 'cause that's when I stopped fighting, and it was like right around the same time where I knew Richie when I stopped fighting. So he got arrested. There was a guy who was murdered and, um, they broke every bone in his body with a hammer-

    30. BKBert Kreischer46:35

        (gasps)
12. 1:01:17 – 1:06:16

    Pain pills, benzos, and sobriety clarity: how dependence sneaks in

    1. BKBert Kreischer1:01:17

       That's what happened to me. I got, I got pretty much addicted to them, because I fell off that waterfall.

    2. JRJoe Rogan1:01:22

       They, they fucking get everybody, bro.

    3. BKBert Kreischer1:01:24

       Dude, they get you.

    4. JRJoe Rogan1:01:24

       They get everybody.

    5. BKBert Kreischer1:01:25

       It's, it's, I, I can tell you the moment it happened, was we had to go to dinner with my wife's friends and I didn't want to go, and we weren't drinking. And I remember thinking, "I wonder if I could double up on my pain pills? That'll get me through tonight."

    6. JRJoe Rogan1:01:39

       Whoa.

    7. BKBert Kreischer1:01:40

       And I did, and man, it was an enjoyable fucking night, and I smoked a little weed and I was fucking perfect.

    8. JRJoe Rogan1:01:46

       Yup.

    9. BKBert Kreischer1:01:46

       And the next morning, I woke up and LeeAnn found out, because we were going camping that weekend. And I reached over to get my pills, because that's the first thing I did in bed, grab a pill, pop a pill, lay there for a while. Went over, my pills were gone and LeeAnn was at the foot of the bed, she goes, "You're done, big boy."

    10. JRJoe Rogan1:02:00

        Whoa.

    11. BKBert Kreischer1:02:00

        And I was like, I go, "Hold on." And this is, like, negotiating, like junkie negotiating.

    12. JRJoe Rogan1:02:06

        (laughs)

    13. BKBert Kreischer1:02:06

        I go, "Hold on, baby, we're going camping. Like, we're gonna be s-, up, we're gonna be sleeping on the hard ground." And she goes, "Nope." She goes, "Go, get as much weed as you want, drink as much as you want. Get through the pain that way. These things are fucking poison."

    14. JRJoe Rogan1:02:17

        They're scary.

    15. BKBert Kreischer1:02:17

        They're scary, because you don't even realize what you look like to other people. We went, we went to Hawaii with the family one time, and, uh, and we went to the luau. I wasn't, uh, I wasn't drinking in Hawaii that trip, for whatever reason, and I, but I was bummed at the luau, because I was like, everyone's getting, like, you know, these Mai Tais and I'm drinking water. And I was, and I looked, and this mom was clearly on Oxys. And you watched her nod out at the table.

    16. JRJoe Rogan1:02:43

        Ugh.

    17. BKBert Kreischer1:02:43

        And there's... Man, when you see something like that and you're not drinking-

    18. JRJoe Rogan1:02:47

        Yeah.

    19. BKBert Kreischer1:02:47

        ... you're like, "Thank God I'm not fucking drinking." I remember watching her nod out, and her, her whole family sees it.

    20. JRJoe Rogan1:02:52

        Mm-hmm.

    21. BKBert Kreischer1:02:52

        And you're like, and she's like... (snorts)

    22. JRJoe Rogan1:02:54

        Well, dude, is it, what percentage of this country is hooked on Oxys right now? It's got to be, uh, like a scary percentage.

    23. BKBert Kreischer1:03:02

        I bet it's... What do you think is more, Oxys or Xanax? Xanax is like, Xanax is totally plausible. Take a Xanax, you're gonna be fine. My, my cardiologist, uh, Dr. Gadahn, shout out to G- Dr. Gadahn, he's a big fan of yours. But he told me, he said, I said something about Xanax, and he goes, "Hey, man, I'm your doctor, don't ever fucking take those things." I was like, "Really?" He goes, "This is the leading cause of dementia. Do not take fucking Xanax."

    24. JRJoe Rogan1:03:28

        Xanax is the leading cause of dementia?

    25. BKBert Kreischer1:03:29

        So he told me, he said, he was like... By the way, I apo- apologize. Dr. Gadahn, give you a shout out. And he's like, "That's not my exact words, Bert, goddammit."

    26. JRJoe Rogan1:03:35

        Yeah, you might've fucked that up. We might wanna-

    27. BKBert Kreischer1:03:37

        No-

    28. JRJoe Rogan1:03:37

        ... delete that.

    29. BKBert Kreischer1:03:37

        No, he said, he said your brain, it turns your brain to mush.

    30. JRJoe Rogan1:03:41

        Well, it's definitely not good for your brain, and it's one, one of the most dangerous drugs to get off.
13. 1:06:16 – 1:12:33

    Training mindset: goal-based workouts, slant boards, and ‘a wolf is coming’ motivation

    1. JRJoe Rogan1:06:16

       (groans)

    2. BKBert Kreischer1:06:16

       ... when a man can program his own workout.

    3. JRJoe Rogan1:06:18

       (groans) Really?

    4. BKBert Kreischer1:06:19

       I can't... Yeah, 'cause I can't pr- like if you pr- I think-

    5. JRJoe Rogan1:06:22

       You don't do your own workouts?

    6. BKBert Kreischer1:06:23

       No, I have a guy pr- uh, pro- programming for me.

    7. JRJoe Rogan1:06:26

       Okay, so...

    8. BKBert Kreischer1:06:26

       He comes to my house and trains me every day.

    9. JRJoe Rogan1:06:28

       Really?

    10. BKBert Kreischer1:06:29

        Yeah.

    11. JRJoe Rogan1:06:29

        Wow.

    12. BKBert Kreischer1:06:30

        Yeah.

    13. JRJoe Rogan1:06:30

        So you don't work out on your own at all?

    14. BKBert Kreischer1:06:31

        Uh, if I'm br- working out on my own, I run.

    15. JRJoe Rogan1:06:34

        Okay, so you must like that, right? When you get alone time? You must like that, right?

    16. BKBert Kreischer1:06:38

        I love, I love getting on the treadmill by myself and just fucking going.

    17. JRJoe Rogan1:06:42

        Yeah, alone time's big. So the, that's what I like the most about, like, working out by myself. Like, I can figure out what to do, I know what to do.

    18. BKBert Kreischer1:06:52

        Yeah.

    19. JRJoe Rogan1:06:52

        So I just program my own shit.

    20. BKBert Kreischer1:06:53

        Yeah, I think-

    21. JRJoe Rogan1:06:54

        You know?

    22. BKBert Kreischer1:06:54

        ... that's impressive. I tell you what's the-

    23. JRJoe Rogan1:06:56

        There's so much shit to do.

    24. BKBert Kreischer1:06:56

        The game changer for me in working out, and I think that... You know, I, I, I never understood, uh...... like, guys like Cam or, or David Goggins, and, and then they push themselves so hard. And when we did that bench press competition, I realized most of the time when everyone works out, a regular person works out, they just wanna get through it and be done with it.

    25. JRJoe Rogan1:07:15

        Right.

    26. BKBert Kreischer1:07:15

        They're like, "I know. I cheated a little bit, but fuck it. That was 12."

    27. JRJoe Rogan1:07:17

        Yeah. Yeah.

    28. BKBert Kreischer1:07:18

        But when you're training for something, and this must be like this with mixed martial artists and with, uh, with all those motherfuckers, you're f- you're training your body for an actual event-

    29. JRJoe Rogan1:07:28

        Right.

    30. BKBert Kreischer1:07:28

        ... to protect yourself from other men.

Episode duration: 3:05:32