Joe Rogan Experience #2291 - Bert Kreischer

Narrator 0:00 (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience.

Joe Rogan 0:06 Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. (rock music plays) Joe Rogan, my brother. Good to see you.

Bert Kreischer 0:14 Thank you, Joe.

Joe Rogan 0:15 Always good to see you, my man.

Bert Kreischer 0:15 It's always good seeing you, man. I, I, I always say, like, uh, you give the best hugs. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 0:22 (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 0:22 Like at the UFC the other night when I saw you?

Joe Rogan 0:24 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 0:24 And you came up, you just wrap it up. I lo- I love it. I'm a hug guy too.

Joe Rogan 0:28 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 0:28 I think it shows your emotion.

Joe Rogan 0:30 I love a real hug, yeah. A real hug where someone loves you.

Bert Kreischer 0:33 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 0:34 You know? You know I love you.

Bert Kreischer 0:35 I...

Joe Rogan 0:35 So I give you a love hug.

Bert Kreischer 0:37 I kn- I know you love me. I know you love me.

Joe Rogan 0:40 We've been friends for a long time, brother.

Bert Kreischer 0:42 I know. I-

Joe Rogan 0:42 We really have. It's f- it's, it's nice, like, having friends that you've been friends with for just decades, you know? It's just-

Bert Kreischer 0:49 I always say, I've, I've said this to y- before about... I always say, you know, like, I never had a brother growing up. And you're, you've always been pretty honest with me, the way a big brother would be, and you've always come from a place of love. I remember the whole reason my whole... I was doing nothing in, fucking nothing, I'm sitting in the backstage of the store with you and you sa- you looked at, you looked just, you go, "Tommy's doing theaters." And I said, "Okay." "And you, you need, you need to be doing theaters." I was like, "Okay." "And you need like, you need a Netflix special. You need to get one." I was like, "All right, Joe, how am I supposed to do that?" And you go, "Be undeniable." And you just walked away. And I fucking was like, that's the kind of mentorship you look for in a friend. That's what, who you wanna be around. Surround yourself with great white sharks and people think you're a great white shark.

Joe Rogan 1:30 Well, you were always really fun and really funny but you were always doing these travel channel shows.

Bert Kreischer 1:36 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:36 And this is what drove me crazy. I remember the day. We've talked about it before, but I remember the day. I was in the Comedy Store and I was calling you from the main room and you were on a motorcycle in Vietnam. (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 1:49 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:50 And I think you were drunk. And, uh-

Bert Kreischer 1:52 I was drunk and high. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:54 (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 1:54 Two things you're not supposed to be on a motorcycle: no helmet, in flip-flops. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 2:00 (laughs) Which is, by the way, it's a fun way to catch somebody. When you call someone and you're gonna go on stage in, like, 20 minutes. "I'm just checking in on you, see what's going on," and you were on a fucking motorcycle in Vietnam and laughing. But then I was like, "Dude, you really need to dedicate yourself to standup. Like, this is a trap. It's a velvet prison."

Bert Kreischer 2:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 2:17 "These TV shows are a velvet prison." And when you're on the Travel Channel, you're not even getting... Well, you're making great money, right? But you're not getting I can retire now money.

Bert Kreischer 2:26 No.

Joe Rogan 2:27 There's no fuck you money. It's I can live well money.

Bert Kreischer 2:29 No.

Joe Rogan 2:29 You know? It's a great job, but it's one of those jobs where you, at a certain point in time, you gotta go, "Okay, I have to jump ship." Like, "You know, I can't keep doing this." Like, "This is, uh, this is gonna fuck up everything else I'm doing."

Bert Kreischer 2:42 It's hard to pull that trigger too, because, like I, like, with, with kids and a family and a house and-

Joe Rogan 2:46 Yup, yup, yup.

Bert Kreischer 2:47 And you go, "Okay, it's not great money, but it's good money."

Joe Rogan 2:50 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 2:50 And the road was not great money, and I remember you saying, "You need a Netflix special."

Joe Rogan 2:54 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 2:54 You said, you s- I remember you saying that to me. On that motorcycle, I'm sitting, I s- I pulled out, I had headsets in, I was listening to The Doors, uh, Mag- Magic Caravan, Spanish Caravan.

Joe Rogan 3:03 (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 3:03 And I was flying, I was high, there were oxen on either side of me, the sun was setting, and you were like, "Dude, this is who you are. Fuck that Travel Channel bullshit, get away from it, you need to focus on standup and your podcast."

Joe Rogan 3:14 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 3:14 And I was like, "Yeah." And you were like, "You're the fucking machine. If you don't talk about this on stage, then you're not doing yourself t- you're doing yourself a disservice."

Joe Rogan 3:21 Well, there's certain people that, like, you know their full potential, because when they're with you, they're completely relaxed and y- you know, everyone's just having a great time and you get to see them at their best. And when you're crying laughing, just hanging out talking to a guy, you're like, "This guy's got it. He's just gotta figure out how to get rid of all the other shit in his life and focus on that." 'Cause you were always so fucking funny. And I was like, "How is this guy doing these shows where he's letting people hurt him and all this..."

Bert Kreischer 3:51 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 3:51 Like, when you were doing Hurt Bert, I was like, "What are you doing? Don't get hurt." And then I just, that m- I also, I'd gone through it with Fear Factor. Like, Fear Factor was a great job, don't get me wrong. Very happy that I got it, it was wonderful, it gave me fuck you money. It gave me the ability to do whatever I want after that.

Bert Kreischer 4:09 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:09 But it was a thing where I was like, "This is not what I wanna do. What I wanna do is what I always do, just standup, have fun." You know, if, if I, I was, I was doing the UFC back then too, so I was like do the UFC commentary, things I love doing. That's what I wanna be doing. I don't wanna be doing just a job. Jobs are great, don't get me wrong. Thankful I got it, all... But at a certain point in time, if you wanna reach your full potential, you have to realize, like, "This is holding me back." And sometimes people don't wanna tell you that because it's a job and it's a great g- And I've had people, I've had people tell me, like, "Don't leave Fear Factor." I'm like, "What the fuck are you talking about? I have to leave." I'm like, "I have to leave. I gotta go." You know? (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 4:44 I remember, I remember those times. I remember people saying, 'cause I knew you were, I knew you as Joe the standup. And, and, uh, and I remember people saying, "He does comedy?" And I was like, "No, that's what he does." Like, "He's not an actor, he's not a host, he's a comedian."

Joe Rogan 4:57 But that's, uh, understandable, right? Like, my, my standup, I'd only done, (sighs) like by then, I'd only done, like, uh, couple things that were out, that were available. And I was on the hugest show in television. F- Fear Factor was fucking gigantic.

Bert Kreischer 5:12 It was massive.

Joe Rogan 5:13 It was nuts.

Bert Kreischer 5:14 It was massive. Monday nights.

Joe Rogan 5:15 So, yeah. It was a fun job.

Bert Kreischer 5:17 You know it was a big show when 20 years later you remember the night it was on.

Joe Rogan 5:20 But this is what's important: even though it was the number one show in the country, I still had that feeling, like, "I don't wanna really be doing this."

Bert Kreischer 5:27 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:27 I, I'm happy to do it. It's, I, I'm very thankful that I got the job. I, I worked with some amazing people, it was a lot of fun, we had a great crew, really fun time. But I didn't wanna do it. I wanted to do this.

Bert Kreischer 5:38 Ta-

Joe Rogan 5:38 This is what I... I didn't know I wanted to do this 'cause this wasn't a thing, you know?

Bert Kreischer 5:42 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:42 But once I figured it out, I was like, "Oh, this is what I wanna do. I wanna do this and standup and the UFC," which is like, to me, it's not even a job. It's like a vacation.

Bert Kreischer 5:50 It's cra- it's crazy watching you operate in the UFC and seeing that mechanism and to think y- when you started that. Like, how lo- how far that, that path with the UFC has been for you.

Joe Rogan 6:01 Oh, for me it was '97.

Bert Kreischer 6:02 I know, but walking in-

Joe Rogan 6:03 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 6:03 ... through the other day and I was like, "Oh, this has been Joe's life for fucking 26 years."

Joe Rogan 6:09 Well, you know-If you want... If you're a person who's a martial artist and you're a fan of martial arts, if you get a job to do that, like, if you get a job to talk about martial arts and to express your love for it and your appreciation for the athletes, appreciation for the fighters and what they have to go through to get to where they're at, and the, the magnitude of their accomplishments, and to put words to that, like, to do, to be able to do that for a living, that's an honor. That's how I feel.

Bert Kreischer 6:37 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:37 It's like, it's an honor. It's an honor. And I, I feel like I do a good job at it. And so... And I like doing it, and I'm super passionate about it, and I don't do it because it's a job. I do it because I love it. Like, I don't need to do it. I could have quit a long time ago. It does... Like, I could just watch it. Like, we're doing a fight companion this weekend. It's gonna be fun.

Bert Kreischer 6:56 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:56 We're gonna hang out. What are you doing Saturday?

Bert Kreischer 6:58 I don't know. Oh, I'm in Vegas.

Joe Rogan 7:00 Are you really?

Bert Kreischer 7:01 I have two shows in Vegas this weekend.

Joe Rogan 7:02 Oh, nice.

Bert Kreischer 7:02 At Resorts World Theater.

Joe Rogan 7:03 Nice.

Bert Kreischer 7:04 Oh, I should say, my special, Lucky, is streaming right now on Net- Netflix.

Joe Rogan 7:08 Right, right now, bitchies.

Bert Kreischer 7:09 Right now.

Joe Rogan 7:10 Go get it.

Bert Kreischer 7:10 I say Lucky, I say Lucky because I, I, I am the luckiest fucking guy in the world. I really am. When you think about, like, you think about, like, finding the friends I did later in life, you know, like, at, like, 37 or 38, when I started meeting all you guys and hanging out with you guys. And then, and then, you know, being... And being... Getting into comedy at the time I did, like, we got into comedy when no one... It wasn't a job. It was like-

Joe Rogan 7:32 Right.

Bert Kreischer 7:33 It was weird. It was like joining the fucking circus.

Joe Rogan 7:34 (laughs) It was. It was-

Bert Kreischer 7:35 And I got, only got into comedy because I got discovered by Rolling Stone magazine as the number one party animal in the country. I mean, what are the fucking odds of my life tracking out? So I, I... That's why I named it Lucky.

Joe Rogan 7:45 Well, we're all very lucky. That's absolutely sure. No, no dispute. We're all very lucky. If you're listening to this, you're very lucky because you can fucking hear. How about that?

Bert Kreischer 7:55 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 7:56 If you're watching it, you're very lucky that you can see. You're very lucky that you can afford a phone. You're very lucky. Like, most of the world lives in utter poverty, and that's the unfortunate reality of all these people virtue signaling about the 1%. Like, bitch, you're in the 1%.

Bert Kreischer 8:10 (laughs) There's someone digging blood diamonds-

Joe Rogan 8:12 You're in the 1% of the world.

Bert Kreischer 8:12 ... in Sierra Leone right now, smoking brown-brown, and he's 11, okay?

Joe Rogan 8:15 If you make $34,000 in America, you are in the 1% of the world. How about that?

Bert Kreischer 8:23 Wow.

Joe Rogan 8:24 Yep. That's real.

Bert Kreischer 8:26 My gr- My father-in-law still isn't in that 1%. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 8:34 (laughs) Hey, life's not good for everybody.

Bert Kreischer 8:35 (laughs) Life's not good for everybody.

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Bert Kreischer 10:23 I always think luck is, uh, a perspective.

Joe Rogan 10:26 You work hard, dude. You, you, you're not just lucky. You work hard. You work real hard. You're, you're always touring. You're always doing things. You're always putting together new shit. You're always working. You're always hustling. Like, it's not just luck. It's luck plus, you know, you love to party, but you also have a great work ethic. And that's very, very important, man. It's like-

Bert Kreischer 10:46 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 10:47 ... you can't just be lucky. Lucky is huge. You gotta get lucky. But also, if you work really hard, you tend to get luckier, especially if you're smart and if you're willing to take risks. Like, for you, the Travel Channel thing, that was a risk.

Bert Kreischer 10:59 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 10:59 Like, you had to... You had to listen to your friends and you had to go, "You know what? They're fucking right. Everybody else is cooking right now. And my standup's kind of stalled out because I'm doing this TV show." And again, it's coming from someone who was there. I... And, and I'm telling you that if you're making millions and you still feel that way, versus if you're making thousands and you still feel that way-

Bert Kreischer 11:20 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 11:20 ... you gotta trust me. There's another way to get through this, and the, the other way we found. We got... You know, we were right.

Bert Kreischer 11:27 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 11:28 Look, we fucking saw light at the end of the tunnel.

Bert Kreischer 11:30 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 11:30 We were like, "This is the way to go." And we were right.

Bert Kreischer 11:33 I... I remember you telling all of us, "You guys need a podcast." And I remember saying to Tom, "He's out of his mind. Why don't we just do his?" (laughs)

Joe Rogan 11:38 Yeah. No, everybody thought I was out of my mind for even doing mine. Like, people mocked me openly. Like, Howard Stern famously mocked all people that were doing podcasts. "You're, you're wasting your time."

Bert Kreischer 11:48 I remember that.

Joe Rogan 11:48 But in his mind, that was correct because he didn't, he didn't have this... He wasn't an internet kid, you know? I'm not an internet kid, but, you know, I used, I used to build my own computers in the '90s. I used to go to Fry's Electronics-

Bert Kreischer 12:03 Whoa.

Joe Rogan 12:03 ... and get motherboards and hard drives and... Yeah. My friend Andrew used to help me over the phone. I'd call him. He's a, like a wizard tech guy. And so...... like, I had bought all these, like, high-end gaming computers and upgraded the video cards, and I was on all these, like, c- crazy websites. We'd send each other, like, you know, those were the two girls, one cup days.

Bert Kreischer 12:27 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 12:27 Like, so I was pretty plugged in.

Bert Kreischer 12:29 What was the guy? Mr. Smiles or something?

Joe Rogan 12:30 Uh, Mr. Hands.

Bert Kreischer 12:31 Mr. Hands. Okay, keep going. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 12:33 So there was... I was pretty plugged into the idea that the internet was something that people were finding stuff that just wasn't available anywhere else. I got all these, like, crazy lectures, these Alan Watts lectures that I downloaded. I'm like, "This is nuts." That's back when you had to download stuff and then you had to upload it to an AirPod. Remember your AirPods with the wheel?

Bert Kreischer 12:55 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 12:55 Those were the shit.

Bert Kreischer 12:57 Oh, I remember that.

Joe Rogan 12:58 Like clickety-click, clickety-click.

Bert Kreischer 12:59 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 12:59 Yeah, the little wheel that would spin around.

Bert Kreischer 13:00 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 13:01 I loved that thing. And so I would download all these Terence McKenna lectures and all these Timothy Leary lec- all these, like, fascinating conversations that I would download on the... And then I started thinking about it, and then I was like, "Well, there's podcasts. So people just, like, start... Well, we'll just start doing one of those." We just start doing it. And I was like, nobody was listening to them. It was like, Adam Carolla had a big one, because Adam had just left To Restro Radio. He was the morning guy that replaced Howard Stern when Howard Stern went to XM. Right?

Bert Kreischer 13:33 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 13:34 So he's, he's on... Or Sirius, whatever it was. So, it's both now, right? The, they're combined.

Bert Kreischer 13:38 Yeah, SiriusXM.

Joe Rogan 13:38 So he's on, um, morning radio all over the country, but morning radio is like super stagnant, and they had a LA morning radio station where it was all mor- uh, uh, excuse me, talk radio station, where it was all talk radio. So it was Tom Leykis, it was him, it was, uh, there was a few other people. I can't remember. Ricky Rock- Rockman had a show.

Bert Kreischer 13:58 Yeah. Phil Hendrie, I think had a show.

Joe Rogan 14:00 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 14:00 Do you remember Phil?

Joe Rogan 14:00 He had a different show.

Bert Kreischer 14:01 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 14:01 Phil Hendrie was the AM guy.

Bert Kreischer 14:03 He was... I, that, that was the greatest, one of the greatest-

Joe Rogan 14:05 That was the greatest show.

Bert Kreischer 14:05 ... goddamn shows in the world.

Joe Rogan 14:06 It's one of the greatest shows of all time. And he's a super nice guy. I met him once in Montreal. So for people who don't know, Phil Hendrie, he's the caller and he's the answerer. He does different voices.

Bert Kreischer 14:18 I mean, genius.

Joe Rogan 14:18 And he m- he gets people so angry, 'cause the callers will say the dumbest fucking shit.

Bert Kreischer 14:24 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 14:24 And then you'll have actual people calling in to argue with the caller. (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 14:28 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 14:28 Who's all Phil Hendrie.

Bert Kreischer 14:30 Yeah. I remember I was sitting next to my dad's bed. My dad's in his underwear, and he's got his alarm clock, and we're listening to it. My dad's just like this, and my ba- and I go, "Buddy, he's both of them." I was like, "What?" And he goes, "This is all him."

Joe Rogan 14:42 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 14:43 And I was... And you're just like, "Whoa." I mean, it was so ahead of its time.

Joe Rogan 14:45 So ahead of its time. And once you're in on the joke, it was amazing.

Bert Kreischer 14:48 Oh, it was amazing.

Joe Rogan 14:49 If I was coming home from the store, I'd alwa- I j- it was Phil Hendrie or Art Bell.

Bert Kreischer 14:54 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 14:54 That's what I listened to.

Bert Kreischer 14:55 God.

Joe Rogan 14:56 The old days. So Art Bell was my favorite, because he-

Bert Kreischer 14:59 Who was Art Bell?

Joe Rogan 15:00 Art Bell was coast to coast with Art Bell from the Kingdom of Nigh. He was broadcasting from a fucking bunker in the middle of the s- the Nevada desert. He was in, he, like had, like this crazy radio tower outside of his house in the Nevada desert, and he would have... He would take calls from time travelers, werewolves, people that are coming from another dimension.

Bert Kreischer 15:24 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 15:24 Like, it was the nuttiest fucking show. For real, like, one of my greatest career accomplishments that, like, made me the most happy was I got on The Art Bell Show. And I got on it-

Bert Kreischer 15:34 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:34 ... like way later when he was on the internet. It wasn't even on radio anywhere. But for me, it was like, "I got on The Art Bell Show."

Bert Kreischer 15:39 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:39 "Yes!"

Bert Kreischer 15:40 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 15:40 It was just like, I just loved that show. It was so fun. 'Cause I'd be driving on... That's, that, liks- that was his house. So look at behi- if you can see, like what his house looked like, it's like his house is in the middle of nowhere in the fucking desert. I mean, the middle of nowhere.

Bert Kreischer 15:55 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 15:55 There's nothing around his house. And his house is all fenced in with a little, like, chain link fence and shit. It looks like so... It looked so psychotic. Like, perfect for a guy that is broadcasting. He's got like this compound in the fucking desert, dude.

Bert Kreischer 16:12 God.

Joe Rogan 16:13 Yeah. It was amazing.

Bert Kreischer 16:15 Dude, those AM-

Joe Rogan 16:15 And he would broadcast right from there. 'Cause radio, if you have a tower and you have a station, you could broadcast to the whole country. The country can carry it. So he, the whole country was carrying coast to coast with Art Bell, and this wild motherfucker's out in the middle of nowhere in the desert in like a compound-

Bert Kreischer 16:33 God.

Joe Rogan 16:33 ... talking to aliens. (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 16:34 They were doing, they were doing what we're doing now way before our, uh, before the curve.

Joe Rogan 16:38 Oh, yes. Uh, well, we owe all we have today to Howard Stern and Art Bell for sure. 'Cause, you know, we are combi- like, kind of like a combination of Howard Stern and Art Bell.

Bert Kreischer 16:50 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 16:50 And, uh, and if it wasn't for the, it wasn't for... He's the, the guy that got arrested, or didn't get arrested, but he got fined heavily by the Bush administration. This is back when the Republicans were the ones that were trying to censor people. Which you should always realize that this-

Bert Kreischer 17:04 (laughs) That's crazy that you-

Joe Rogan 17:05 This-

Bert Kreischer 17:05 ... had to say that.

Joe Rogan 17:06 This fucking stupid game that people play back and forth with, you know, who loves war, who hates war.

Bert Kreischer 17:11 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:12 Who, who loves censorship, who hates censorship. It's a political beach ball that they toss around at a concert to keep people occupied. These motherfuckers switch sides.

Bert Kreischer 17:20 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:20 All right? That should tell you enough alone by yourself, by, by itself right there, that they fucking switch sides. But he was getting attacked for w- obscenity. So he would put... Like, whatever they would do, and they would, they were f- they fined... What was the total amount that Howard Stern was fined? This has to be... You got a neurotic guy as it is, right, who's also the m- the most pioneering radio guy of all time. Right? He's the guy that changed radio from DJs playing records to just talking.

Bert Kreischer 17:52 And, and talking in your authentic voice-

Joe Rogan 17:53 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 17:53 ... and not, "Hey, welcome back." (clears throat)

Joe Rogan 17:55 Talking in your authentic voice and having wild shit on the radio.

Bert Kreischer 17:59 2.5 million dollars?

Joe Rogan 18:00 2.5 million between 1990 and 2004. So they fucked with him for 14 years. 14 years.

Bert Kreischer 18:09 And that's not paid by the station. That's paid by him.

Joe Rogan 18:11 Fi- owners of radio station licenses that carried The Howard Stern Show-... a total of two point-

Bert Kreischer 18:18 What?

Joe Rogan 18:18 ... five million for content being considered to be indecent. Indecent. So all the stuff that we do on podcasts right now, we would 100% have been fined, 100%. I would have been off the air a long time ago.

Bert Kreischer 18:30 That's right.

Joe Rogan 18:30 It was real censorship, but it was just done under the guise of, you know, b- broadcast... L- like, the idea is, like, if you're gonna broadcast something on a major network like NBC, CBS, they have rules to language and what you're allowed to show, which is kind of crazy. Like, why do you have those rules? Like, why do those rules exist, to keep obscenity from television and, like... Maybe that was a good idea in 1950-

Bert Kreischer 18:55 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 18:55 ... when people didn't know any better. But now that we know better, like, why do you have rules like that?

Bert Kreischer 18:59 I can't believe that radio still has those rules. And, uh, the words are slippery.

Joe Rogan 19:02 Hardcore rules.

Bert Kreischer 19:02 Y- you can say dickhead.

Joe Rogan 19:04 You can't say cunt.

Bert Kreischer 19:05 But you can't say, "Suck my dick."

Joe Rogan 19:06 You can't say any- anything you wanna say. Like, sometimes cunt's the right word.

Bert Kreischer 19:11 Cunt's my- one of my favorite words.

Joe Rogan 19:12 Every now and then it's the right word, when used correctly. But, like, if you can't say it then you can't fully express yourself, and if you don't like people fully expressing themselves because you don't like certain sounds, I suggest you grow the fuck up. (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 19:27 (laughs) It's- that's a ridiculous way to think. If, if I can say cock but I can't say cocksucker, if I could say dick, like D- like Dick Cheney, but I can't say, "Suck a dick," like, what are we doing? Yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 19:43 Y- y- you s- it's the same sound. You're making the same sound. I can say pussy cat.

Bert Kreischer 19:49 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 19:49 Pussycat's fine. You know, you can't say N-word breakfast.

Bert Kreischer 19:53 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 19:53 You know what I'm saying?

Bert Kreischer 19:54 Uh, you can. You gotta-

Joe Rogan 19:55 There's- there's-

Bert Kreischer 19:55 ... you gotta look both ways. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 19:56 You gotta be Black. But y- y- you know what I'm saying? Like, y- you- if you wanna say certain words that are forbidden words, sometimes they're okay. So it's the sound is sometimes okay.

Bert Kreischer 20:05 It- it even gets trickier. Like, there was a video I was cutting to promote my, uh, tour or whatever, and it's me on a b- or by The Special, and it's me on a, uh, boat, and there's this, there's this, uh, page I'm really obsessed with. It's- it's Fat N-word Season.

Joe Rogan 20:19 (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 20:20 Joe, it's so addictive. (laughs) 'Cause it's- and it's just- it's all AI, and I think they're promoting a crypto coin. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 20:27 Of course.

Bert Kreischer 20:27 And I was like- and I didn't like the edit, so I go, "Hey, put Fat N-word Summer, play that song." And it's fucking so much funnier, Joe-

Joe Rogan 20:36 (laughs) .

Bert Kreischer 20:36 ... with- it's so much funnier with me shirtless on a boat. Ah. But these guys are great. But I p- I- s- k- I- my wife saw it. She was like, "That's offensive." I was like, "No," I was like-

Joe Rogan 20:45 And she's right.

Bert Kreischer 20:46 Yeah. And then I sent it to Tommy. I go, "Is this racist?" And he was like-

Joe Rogan 20:50 (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 20:50 ... "You sent it to the wrong guy."

Joe Rogan 20:53 (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 20:54 All T- (laughs) all Tom sends me is videos (laughs) of fat Black chicks on rope swings.

Joe Rogan 21:02 (laughs) (clapping hands on legs)

Bert Kreischer 21:03 Our whole thread is just any time a chick takes an L off a cliff.

Joe Rogan 21:08 That's so ridiculous. God that's- I gotta get on that thread because the ones me and Tommy are on is horrible.

Bert Kreischer 21:11 What's that one? (laughs)

Joe Rogan 21:12 It's all murder.

Bert Kreischer 21:13 Oh, yeah. That's the other side of his brain.

Joe Rogan 21:13 We send each other the mur- mur- murder and- and car accidents. Today was a car accident. It was guys escaping the cops and the guy, uh, flips this van multiple times, gets thrown into traffic and then run over by cars, and it's just splatter fest.

Bert Kreischer 21:27 I can't watch those. I was telling, uh, I was telling someone, uh, my daught- my niece had my phone, and she's, like, three, and- and you don't- you forget what your algorithm looks like. And sh- it was- and it was- Fat N-word Summer song came on and she's like, "Uncle Bert?" And then the next video was a chick pissing on her past down Steve's head.

Joe Rogan 21:48 (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 21:48 And I was like, "Well, maybe you shouldn't use my phone to- to relax with." (screaming sound)

Joe Rogan 21:51 Yeah, my kids know better. Don't let them use my phone.

Bert Kreischer 21:53 My algorithm is fucked, dude.

Joe Rogan 21:54 Yeah. My algorithm's not good.

Bert Kreischer 21:56 It is fucked. It is-

Joe Rogan 21:57 My YouTube algorithm's great.

Bert Kreischer 21:59 Oh, my YouTube algorithm's all history.

Joe Rogan 22:02 A lot of my YouTube algorithm lately has been, um, like, watching people build things.

Bert Kreischer 22:06 (gasps)

Joe Rogan 22:07 I love, like, cabinet makers and carpenters.

Bert Kreischer 22:09 Like, wha-

Joe Rogan 22:09 Or there's this one guy who makes these specialized desks that have, like, secret drawers and shit.

Bert Kreischer 22:15 Oh, hold on! I follow that guy!

Joe Rogan 22:16 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 22:16 Where- where you put your hand here- I think there's a few of those guys.

Joe Rogan 22:17 Yeah, yeah.

Bert Kreischer 22:17 ... and a magnet comes up and a wand comes out and he waves it.

Joe Rogan 22:20 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 22:21 Fuck! Those desks are badass.

Joe Rogan 22:22 Yeah, I wave the wand and the keyboard rolls out.

Bert Kreischer 22:25 Yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 22:25 Like, yeah, it's pretty dope. There's a bunch of those guys that make these, like, super ingenious, like, uh, homemade artisan desks.

Bert Kreischer 22:33 Yeah. That or if you get me a chick with no bra doing survival techniques in the woods-

Joe Rogan 22:39 Oh yeah, that's-

Bert Kreischer 22:39 ... fucking, I'm in.

Joe Rogan 22:40 That's a sell.

Bert Kreischer 22:41 I've watched so many of those.

Joe Rogan 22:42 (laughs) I know those are available.

Bert Kreischer 22:42 Just rock hard nipples.

Joe Rogan 22:44 Hot chicks have found their way into basically all walks of life as influencers. You know, there's, like, hot chick hunters.

Bert Kreischer 22:50 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 22:50 There's hot chick jujitsus, jujitsu girls. There's hot chick CrossFitters.

Bert Kreischer 22:55 There's definitely, uh, hot chick golfers. You know that.

Joe Rogan 22:58 Oh, a lot of that, right?

Bert Kreischer 22:59 I ran t- into Paige Spiranac in, uh, at the Super Bowl, and I was like- and I was like- I had to be real 'cause I'm a golfer. I was like, "I follow you for your swing. You have a great swing."

Joe Rogan 23:09 Right.

Bert Kreischer 23:09 But then, you know what's crazy about Paige?

Joe Rogan 23:11 (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 23:11 She can't, uh, snap her fingers or whistle.

Joe Rogan 23:17 Uh, how'd you find that out?

Bert Kreischer 23:18 'Cause we were playing a game, like, weird things about us, and she was like, "I can't- I can't snap my fingers," and I watched her and she went like this. She was like...

Joe Rogan 23:26 What?

Bert Kreischer 23:26 And- and I go... And she goes, "I can't whistle," and she starts going (whistle sound) .

Joe Rogan 23:29 How can you not snap your fingers?

Bert Kreischer 23:30 I have no idea.

Guest (secondary, off-mic contributor) 23:32 She's the most followed golfer, Joe.

Joe Rogan 23:34 Damn.

Guest (secondary, off-mic contributor) 23:34 (laughs) And she's not a professional golfer.

Joe Rogan 23:36 Tiger Woods only has 3.5 million followers (laughs) and she's got four, and she's not a professional.

Bert Kreischer 23:42 She's-

Joe Rogan 23:42 Yeah, if you're hot, you could- you could do a lot in this world. You just be pretty and nice.

Bert Kreischer 23:44 And you can also not whistle and snap.

Joe Rogan 23:46 You don't have to snap.

Bert Kreischer 23:47 No, you don't have to snap.

Joe Rogan 23:47 That's not important.

Bert Kreischer 23:49 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 23:49 Do you care?

Bert Kreischer 23:49 Yes.

Joe Rogan 23:49 Yeah, she's super hot.

Bert Kreischer 23:50 But she does have a great swing.

Joe Rogan 23:52 I bet she does, Jesus Christ.

Bert Kreischer 23:53 And if she's not wearing a bra, it's so good. Look at that. Watch- well, just watch one.

Joe Rogan 23:56 Yeah, this seems pornographic almost. Well-

Bert Kreischer 23:58 It kin- now you- she's g- oh, there we go.

Joe Rogan 24:00 But yeah, I wonder why she's got so many followers.

Guest (secondary, off-mic contributor) 24:02 She's good at golf.

Bert Kreischer 24:03 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:03 Yeah, yeah.

Bert Kreischer 24:04 Is it? She's got a good swing.

Guest (secondary, off-mic contributor) 24:06 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 24:06 Damn. I don't even know if I saw any movement. (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 24:10 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 24:12 (laughs)

Guest (secondary, off-mic contributor) 24:12 (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 24:13 ... I think-

Joe Rogan 24:14 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 24:14 I swear to God, if I had tits.

Joe Rogan 24:15 You wanna talk about Lucky?

Bert Kreischer 24:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:17 That's the Willy Wonka golden ticket, being a, a w- a super hot woman. Like, all you have to do is be nice, and doors just open up everywhere. Like, da-da-da-da, she's here.

Bert Kreischer 24:27 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 24:27 If you're that hot, anywhere you go, like, the g- the r- red carpets get rolled out-

Bert Kreischer 24:31 Oh.

Joe Rogan 24:31 ... roses get thrown at your feet.

Bert Kreischer 24:32 She was walking down, uh, R- Radio Row at Super Bowl with Cam Heyward, and, and both of us are like, s- "Just stop talking."

Joe Rogan 24:38 But also, creepers. Creepers launch themselves at you.

Bert Kreischer 24:42 Ugh.

Joe Rogan 24:42 You're never invisible. Guys are fucking with you all the time. O- overconfident guys are hitting on you all the time, and then getting really mean when you reject them. That's the thing that chicks have to deal with. They have to deal with, like, angry guys that, like, are angry that they get rejected and they start insulting them and yelling at them. And like, that's scary shit, man. That's scary shit.

Bert Kreischer 25:03 Yeah. Think about all our friends, all our female comedians that have stalkers. I mean, th- th- like, I- it's-

Joe Rogan 25:07 Oh, yeah.

Bert Kreischer 25:08 ... it's so, it s- you work your ass off as a comic, you happen to be pretty, you start killing it, and then all the fucking psychos come out of the woodwork.

Joe Rogan 25:16 Yeah. And you don't have any money, so you, you know, probably live in a place that's easy to get to.

Bert Kreischer 25:22 That's crazy. Yeah, I do- I don't, uh-

Joe Rogan 25:25 Yeah, it's dangerous.

Bert Kreischer 25:26 Okay.

Joe Rogan 25:26 Mm-hmm. There's a lot of fucking, well, we need better mental health care in this fucking country. And there's a lot of people out there that are out of their fucking mind, and if no one's paying att- paying attention to them or checking in on 'em ... Like, imagine you're, you're average guy who loses his fucking mind, and you're a 40-year-old guy who works at a gas station. You've been working at that gas station for 20 years, and no one's paying attention, and you're just slowly losing your fucking mind. And you know, you think Jared Leto is, uh, Satan, and that, you know, you've, you've decided that, like, someone's sending you code on television.

Bert Kreischer 26:03 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 26:04 And, and then you lock onto some female comedian. And like, that's your target. That's who you're-

Bert Kreischer 26:09 It's gotta feel nice, though.

Joe Rogan 26:11 What?

Bert Kreischer 26:12 To be the lunatic.

Joe Rogan 26:13 No.

Bert Kreischer 26:14 Just to have something (laughs) -

Joe Rogan 26:14 What the fuck is wrong with you?

Bert Kreischer 26:15 ... just to have something to focus on. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 26:17 Don't encourage this.

Bert Kreischer 26:17 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 26:18 Just have something to focus on? Play video games, guys.

Bert Kreischer 26:21 (laughs) Yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:22 Get i- get involved in Call of Duty, okay? You don't have to fucking go stalk people.

Bert Kreischer 26:25 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 26:25 Find something productive. Play online chess, you fucking psycho. You don't have to, uh, go stalk people.

Bert Kreischer 26:31 I always had that, that brain that, you know, I'd see something, like a new addiction come up, like cutting, and I'd go, "I wonder what that does?" Like, I was always looking for something like that, you know?

Joe Rogan 26:41 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 26:41 Like a, like a ... No, I could never do eating disorder-

Joe Rogan 26:43 (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 26:44 ... that was too tough for me. But, uh, hey, how about when we were at dinner with that guy and, uh, and he, I said to him, "I ran marathons." And he went, "You do?" (laughs)

Joe Rogan 26:54 (laughs) That was funny.

Bert Kreischer 26:56 And he goes, "I, I wasn't trying to be rude."

Joe Rogan 26:58 That was funny.

Bert Kreischer 26:59 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 26:59 That was funny. He was definitely trying to be rude.

Bert Kreischer 27:02 Is- (laughs)

Joe Rogan 27:02 But he was being funny.

Bert Kreischer 27:03 He's fucking awesome.

Joe Rogan 27:03 We have- we were talking shit. That's Taylor, Taylor Sheridan.

Bert Kreischer 27:06 He was awesome, dude.

Joe Rogan 27:07 Yeah, I like how you call him that guy.

Bert Kreischer 27:08 Well, I didn't wanna blow the spot up.

Joe Rogan 27:09 Yeah. It's all right, he, I don't know, he's cool as fuck.

Bert Kreischer 27:10 Dude, he's ... Let me tell you something. I- I'm gonna give props to Taylor Sheridan, and I haven't said this to anyone. I try to keep those moments that, you know, you have with those guys private, so I was a little bit of a party snitch for a while. But like, uh, he's a, uh, he's a great American storyteller.

Joe Rogan 27:24 He really is.

Bert Kreischer 27:24 When he says, when he tells you anything about his life or what he's doing, or breaking, or he went in- he doesn't even call it breaking a horse. I see- he calls it a different term.

Joe Rogan 27:32 Mm-hmm.

Bert Kreischer 27:32 But I'm sitting there going like, this is, I- I mean, and this is gonna be slanderous and a little bit, you know, considering difference of time of where they were, but like, it's like having dinner with Ernest Hemingway. He's created some of the greatest content out there, m- ou- Ou- Yellowstone.

Joe Rogan 27:46 You can't compare him to Ernest Hemingway, 'cause Ernest Hemingway is dead, and a legend.

Bert Kreischer 27:50 N- well, yeah. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 27:50 That's the problem.

Bert Kreischer 27:51 Okay.

Joe Rogan 27:51 But he's amazing.

Bert Kreischer 27:52 But amazing.

Joe Rogan 27:53 Yeah. You ever see that Hell or High Water? You ever see that film?

Bert Kreischer 27:56 No. What's that?

Joe Rogan 27:56 Oh, my God. I- it's one of his films.

Bert Kreischer 27:58 Oh, that's-

Joe Rogan 27:59 It's, it's-

Bert Kreischer 27:59 ... Taylor's film.

Joe Rogan 28:00 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 28:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 28:00 It's fucking great. It, i- pull up Hell or High Water. This fucking movie, dude.

Bert Kreischer 28:07 Oh, wait.

Joe Rogan 28:07 This fucking movie is incredible. Jeff Bridges is in it.

Bert Kreischer 28:10 Yeah, I've seen this.

Joe Rogan 28:12 It's about bank robbers, these criminals in a small town. It's fucking good, dude.

Bert Kreischer 28:16 I think, uh, what's-his-name's in this. Oh, shit. We have a friend in this.

Joe Rogan 28:23 Who's your friend?

Bert Kreischer 28:24 No, uh, me and you, I think it's our friend. I don't know who it is, though. I forget.

Joe Rogan 28:28 Okay. (laughs) Jay- Jamie, go to the cast. Who was in that?

Bert Kreischer 28:35 God, Ben Foster's so fucking good.

Joe Rogan 28:36 That guy's so good. You know what that guy was in that's super underrated, one of his performances, 'cause it's such a wacky movie? 30 Days of Night. Did you ever see 30 Days of Night?

Bert Kreischer 28:46 No, what's 30 Days of Night?

Joe Rogan 28:47 30 Days of Night is the second-best vampire movie of all time.

Bert Kreischer 28:51 Really?

Joe Rogan 28:51 First-best vampire movie of all time is the most recent, Nosferatu. That's the best vampire movie of all time.

Bert Kreischer 28:59 The one that just came out?

Joe Rogan 28:59 The one that just came out.

Bert Kreischer 29:00 The ever- okay.

Joe Rogan 29:01 The best.

Bert Kreischer 29:01 Nosferatu. Okay.

Joe Rogan 29:02 The best vampire movie of all time.

Bert Kreischer 29:04 Is it streaming yet?

Joe Rogan 29:05 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bert Kreischer 29:05 Oh, I can't wait.

Joe Rogan 29:06 It's on, it's on Apple. Um, but this was, 30 Days of Night was a movie where Ben Foster played like a vampire familiar, and these vampires would go to a, they went to Alaska in the middle of the winter where it's-

Bert Kreischer 29:21 Oh, shit.

Joe Rogan 29:21 ... it's dark for 30 days, so they could be out for 30 days. And they're fucking terrifying vampires. They're really fun. It's a really g- and Ben Foster plays the vampire familiar, you know? So, the familiar is like, that's him in there.

Bert Kreischer 29:37 What's a familiar?

Joe Rogan 29:38 A familiar is a human that, uh, the vampires use to get close to humans.

Bert Kreischer 29:44 Ah.

Joe Rogan 29:44 And they promise the human that one day he'll have eternal life, and he'll be one of them. So the vampire g- goes and, and sets up people for the vamp- the vampire familiar sets people up to be killed by the vampires.

Bert Kreischer 29:58 Oh, shut up.

Joe Rogan 29:59 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 30:00 I gotta watch this. Dude, he was great in, uh, in, uh, the, the ... What was the movie with, where they kidnap the kid? Justin Timberlake was in it? Uh, Raw Dog? Not Raw Dog.

Narrator 30:10 Uh, that's interesting.

Bert Kreischer 30:12 Ta-

Joe Rogan 30:12 Oh, Ben Foster's a beast.

Bert Kreischer 30:13 But he's awesome.

Joe Rogan 30:14 He's a beast.

Bert Kreischer 30:14 Uh, Th- F- 3- Three Eleven to Zuma or whatever?

Joe Rogan 30:17 I didn't see that one.

Bert Kreischer 30:18 Yuma. Oh, my God. He is.

Joe Rogan 30:20 What is it, Jamie?

Narrator 30:21 310 to Yuma.

Bert Kreischer 30:22 310 to Yuma.

Joe Rogan 30:23 I didn't see that.

Bert Kreischer 30:24 ... he was great in the m- the Justin Timberlake movie. It was called like, uh, Top Dog or something.

Joe Rogan 30:28 Alpha Dog.

Bert Kreischer 30:30 Alpha Dog. And, uh, he was just awesome, and he had a very small role. He played the guy's br- uh, older brother.

Joe Rogan 30:34 Mm.

Bert Kreischer 30:34 And it was just like, he's just, he just owns the screen.

Joe Rogan 30:38 Yeah, he's a beast. He's, there's certain people that like, when they act, you just go, "Goddamn, that is good."

Bert Kreischer 30:43 (laughs) I am not one of them.

Joe Rogan 30:44 So good.

Bert Kreischer 30:44 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 30:45 So good. It's so, it makes the movie so much better. It makes, uh, y- so, you're g- just get dragged into it.

Bert Kreischer 30:51 I think Jonah Ray is probably the best c- comic actor out there.

Joe Rogan 30:56 What has he been in?

Bert Kreischer 30:57 Jonah Ray, like, I, everything. When he was in War Dogs and he goes to buy drugs from the Black guys, have you seen that?

Joe Rogan 31:01 Oh, I didn't see that either.

Bert Kreischer 31:02 And he goes, he goes-

Joe Rogan 31:03 I get, there's too much to see, Bert Kreischer.

Bert Kreischer 31:05 Oh, I, uh, man, I'm s- I'm telling you. I am just starting now to just download stuff and get off Instagram, and if I'm going to bed, just turn on a documentary and start watching it.

Joe Rogan 31:13 What does that mean by, "Just starting now to get off Instagram?"

Guest (secondary, off-mic contributor) 31:16 Jonah Hill.

Bert Kreischer 31:16 I'm try- Jonah Hill. Uh...

Joe Rogan 31:18 Jonah Hill, you mean?

Bert Kreischer 31:19 Yeah, what did I say?

Guest (secondary, off-mic contributor) 31:20 Jonah Ray.

Bert Kreischer 31:21 Jesus Christ.

Joe Rogan 31:21 Okay, that's why you confused me then, yeah.

Bert Kreischer 31:22 Sorry, Jonah Ray also.

Joe Rogan 31:23 No, Jonah Hill's awesome.

Bert Kreischer 31:24 Jonah Hill's fucking amazing.

Joe Rogan 31:25 He's great.

Bert Kreischer 31:26 Jonah Hill is amazing. He was in, in that, in War Dogs, he goes up and buys Black g- money, weed from the Black guys, and he's like, "How much? You got even 120 bucks?" And he gives him the 120 bucks, and then he just started to keep talking to himself. And he's like, Jonah's like, "Hey," he's got a voice. "What are we doing here, huh, guys?" And they're like, "Get the fuck out." And he's like, "Oh, okay, okay." And he goes to the back of his trunk and pulls out a machine gun and goes (machine gun firing noise) . He goes, "Oh, can you listen to me now?" (laughs) He's just awesome, dude.

Joe Rogan 31:50 Wow.

Bert Kreischer 31:51 Awesome, man. I fucking love that guy. But yeah, uh...

Joe Rogan 31:54 Just too many movies to be paying attention to these days. When I was a kid, if you said you didn't know, "You never saw Apocalypse Now? What the fuck?" You know, it's like once VHS tapes came out, you're supposed to have seen the big ones.

Bert Kreischer 32:06 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:06 "You didn't see The Godfather?"

Bert Kreischer 32:08 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 32:08 "You didn't see Star Wars?"

Bert Kreischer 32:09 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:10 "Are you out of your fucking mind?" But today, it's like they never stopped making movies.

Bert Kreischer 32:14 No.

Joe Rogan 32:14 They've never stopped. They make new ones every year. You can't keep up. There's no way.

Bert Kreischer 32:18 And, and all the ones that were up for Oscars, I saw none of those.

Joe Rogan 32:21 Well, they all involved chaos. (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 32:24 But it's like...

Joe Rogan 32:25 They all involve the end of civilization. If you wanna win an Oscar, you have to be trans lives matter all the way.

Bert Kreischer 32:32 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 32:32 Like, what do you, what do you do to win an Oscar today? Like, you have to have something that's got some meaning to it other than just being a good movie, right?

Bert Kreischer 32:40 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:40 Like there's, there's gotta be some social justice aspect to it. Wasn't there like something where they were talking about... Goddammit, I can't remember what the article was about, but it was about requirements for a film to win an Oscar today, what they believe to be requirements. So I don't like awards. Do you know what it is?

Guest (secondary, off-mic contributor) 33:04 I'm looking.

Joe Rogan 33:05 There was something that they were, it was just-

Guest (secondary, off-mic contributor) 33:06 The representation and inclusion standards, something like that.

Joe Rogan 33:09 That's it. That's it.

Bert Kreischer 33:10 That's, it's, that's not the, that's not the only way to tell a story.

Joe Rogan 33:13 That's not, because if you do that, you don't get Shogun, okay?

Bert Kreischer 33:16 Yeah, oh...

Joe Rogan 33:17 You don't get Shogun. You gotta, you gotta have an all Japanese cast if you wanna get Shogun. You know, you can't, you can't have a fully diverse, you know, 50/50 split of whatever, everybody. You can't.

Bert Kreischer 33:31 No.

Joe Rogan 33:32 You, you, you have to tell a specific kind of a movie. You know, if you're gonna make a movie about the Congo, you can't have white people play native Congolese people. You can't have that. So it's like some stories are not diverse. It doesn't make, make them less valid, and it doesn't mean you're racist. It just means that some stories take place in Norway, and they involve Vikings, okay? This is like just a part of human history, you know? Some places, some stories take place in Egypt, and they involve Africans, okay?

Bert Kreischer 34:01 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 34:01 It's like there's plenty of room for every kind of fucking story. But if you only want like a specific type of story to win an Academy Award, you don't get The Godfather. Daylight savings is coming. So we're about to lose an hour, and that means trying to speed up your morning. But if you drink AG1, maybe you're fine with it. It's that quick and easy to help your body feel great every day. Starting your day with AG1 can help you shake off the grogginess, get back into your rhythm, and even give you the boost you need to make the most of that extra hour of sunlight, maybe even turning you into the morning person you've always wanted to be. AG1 rules. I drank it for a long time now. And seriously, it's as easy as I say every month. You just take one scoop, put it in some cold water, shake it up, and you're ready to go. Honestly, it tastes pretty good too. I'm not complaining. It's never too late to create a new healthy habit for 2025. So try AG1 for yourself. It's easy to stay consistent with, and that's why I've been partnering with AG1 for so long. And AG1 is offering new customers a free gift. When you subscribe, you'll get a welcome kit, a bottle of D3K2, and five free travel packs in your first box. So make sure you check out drinkag1.com/joerogan. That's drinkag1.com/joerogan. You don't get that movie.

Bert Kreischer 35:23 No, you don't get Jaws.

Joe Rogan 35:23 You gotta get all Italian if you want The Godfather, right?

Bert Kreischer 35:26 Star Wars. Think about, think about who were the Oscar winners when we were kids.

Joe Rogan 35:29 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 35:30 Were all fucking banger movies that everyone saw.

Joe Rogan 35:32 Right.

Bert Kreischer 35:32 That everyone saw. Best Picture won Best Picture because it was-

Joe Rogan 35:35 Right.

Bert Kreischer 35:35 ... Best Picture, not because it was the best picture about a, a trans social worker-

Joe Rogan 35:40 Right, right, right.

Bert Kreischer 35:40 ... that got abducted in 20th century.

Joe Rogan 35:41 Yeah, exactly, exactly. Yeah, like, they got distorted. They get distorted with what the job is. The job is just to purely entertain people and i- with a great piece of work. That's all it is. That's the whole job. And that could be Pulp Fiction. Uh, you know, there's no message in Pulp Fiction. (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 35:57 There's none. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 35:58 Just like it's fucking chaos, and it's amazing.

Bert Kreischer 36:01 The message we took away was that white guys could say the N-word. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 36:05 I guess.

Bert Kreischer 36:06 We were like, we were like, "All right."

Joe Rogan 36:06 Quentin Tarantino, as long as you have a gun in your hand, you can do it. But the whole movie is just madness. But it's amazing. It's, you can't deny how great it is. Like, that's supposed to be what the best movie is.

Bert Kreischer 36:21 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 36:21 It's not supposed to be... So I don't even know if that won Best Film. Did it win Best Film?

Bert Kreischer 36:26 No.

Joe Rogan 36:26 Did Pulp Fiction win Best Picture?

Guest (secondary, off-mic contributor) 36:27 No, but I think he won Best Director and Best... Uh, maybe not for that though.

Joe Rogan 36:31 It should've won best picture.

Bert Kreischer 36:32 Him and Roger Avery together were fucking-

Joe Rogan 36:34 Who the fuck won best picture?

Bert Kreischer 36:35 ... gangsters.

Guest (secondary, off-mic contributor) 36:36 That was a really good w- year.

Joe Rogan 36:37 Oh, that's right. We actually talked about that on the podcast.

Guest (secondary, off-mic contributor) 36:40 I think it was actually Unforgiven that year, but I'm gonna make sure.

Bert Kreischer 36:42 Unforgiven-

Joe Rogan 36:43 Unforgiven was a fucking-

Guest (secondary, off-mic contributor) 36:44 ... was a fucking great movie.

Bert Kreischer 36:44 ... great movie. God.

Joe Rogan 36:46 That was Clint Eastwood going back and cleaning up all his old Westerns.

Bert Kreischer 36:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 36:51 That's what that movie was. It's like, "Let me show you what it was probably really like."

Bert Kreischer 36:54 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 36:54 What it was really like. Not- not this, you know, fucking you, everybody's looking at you sideways. (singing)

Bert Kreischer 37:00 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 37:03 (singing) No. The r- the reality was that character that he played, that old assassin.

Bert Kreischer 37:10 What year do you think movies stopped being great movies and started being... Like, what year did we switch?

Joe Rogan 37:16 I think people are still making great movies.

Bert Kreischer 37:17 But they're not winning Oscars.

Joe Rogan 37:19 Well, I think who cares? I really do. I think the, uh... Once Will Smith slapped Chris Rock, the Oscars to me were like, "What? You know, I'm done."

Bert Kreischer 37:29 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 37:29 "I'm done like you guys..." And then they all applauded him and gave him a standing ovation afterwards when he won an Oscar. Like, "I'm done."

Guest (secondary, off-mic contributor) 37:35 That's fair. That's a fair point.

Bert Kreischer 37:35 Forrest fucking Gump.

Joe Rogan 37:36 Forrest Gump. Forrest Gump was a banger.

Bert Kreischer 37:37 But look at- look at every-

Guest (secondary, off-mic contributor) 37:38 Shawshank.

Bert Kreischer 37:38 I- I- Hang on. I saw every movie on there.

Joe Rogan 37:40 Shawshank Redemption? Oh, my God.

Bert Kreischer 37:41 I saw every movie on there.

Joe Rogan 37:42 Quiz Show.

Bert Kreischer 37:44 Quiz Show was great.

Joe Rogan 37:45 I never saw Four Weddings and a Funeral.

Bert Kreischer 37:46 (sighs)

Joe Rogan 37:46 I heard it was great, though.

Bert Kreischer 37:47 Dude, it made you want to date a fucking British chick.

Joe Rogan 37:50 (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 37:50 It made you want to have a rich friend, live in a castle, get drunk-

Joe Rogan 37:53 Damn.

Bert Kreischer 37:53 ... watch a friend die and fucking ...

Joe Rogan 37:55 Okay. Um. Look at all these-

Bert Kreischer 37:57 Look at all of these. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 37:57 But that makes sense, that that was best film. But what an amazing year.

Bert Kreischer 38:02 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 38:02 Shawshank, Pulp Fiction, Quiz Sh- Quiz Show was fucking great.

Bert Kreischer 38:07 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:08 By the way, that was a, that was a real thing.

Bert Kreischer 38:10 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:10 Yeah. They really fucking rigged the Quiz Show. That's why there's like, there's all sorts of rules if you're running a game show, because I was on a game show, Fear Factor. It was my best way to get people away from me. If, uh, they asked me, "How do I get on Fear Factor?" I go, "If you wanna get on, you can't even talk to me because if you talked to me, then I'll have previously known you, then it could be seen that I helped you get on the show."

Bert Kreischer 38:32 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 38:32 "So I can't talk to you."

Bert Kreischer 38:34 That's a great-

Joe Rogan 38:35 It was great.

Bert Kreischer 38:35 ... it's a great workaround. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 38:35 It was great. And it was true.

Bert Kreischer 38:38 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:38 Sorry. Can't be your friend.

Bert Kreischer 38:39 Do they have, did someone... Did they have someone, like, really judging the how-, uh, the, like, horse sperm? Going like, "We gotta-"

Joe Rogan 38:45 Judging it?

Bert Kreischer 38:45 Like- like a- like a- an official officiating it because it was prize money? Meaning, like, the quiz- Quiz Show is all about them breaking the rules.

Joe Rogan 38:55 Right.

Bert Kreischer 38:55 And you had to have someone, a standards and practice guy on your team, making sure the game was fair for everyone, correct?

Joe Rogan 39:01 Yeah, I th- I think there was something like that. I think th- I g- I guess the network just did that. I think we kind of ran the idea, or they ran the ideas by the network and the network decided, you know, whether or not this was fair or what have you. But everything was always fair. Like, that show was, you know, nobody got knowledge of the stunt before they got there. We blindfolded everybody. They were traveling around in vans. There would be blindfolds.

Bert Kreischer 39:26 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 39:26 Sometimes they'd cover their ears so they couldn't even hear, and then they would take their blindfolds off and then right there and then they would find out what they had to do. So, right there and then they'd find out they gotta get covered in snakes or something like that.

Bert Kreischer 39:38 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 39:38 And we knew that someone had a fear of snakes because you fill out a form and, you know, if you got a fear of snakes, guess what? (laughs) You might wind up on the snake episode.

Bert Kreischer 39:47 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 39:47 You know? It was a fucking crazy show. But, you know, it was all fair. But that quiz show, they, you know, they figured it out like the mob figured out the fucking lottery. You know, Whitey Bulger won the lottery twice.

Bert Kreischer 40:01 Did he really?

Joe Rogan 40:02 (laughs) Yeah. You know how bold you have to be to be a gangster in South Boston and not just win the lottery once-

Bert Kreischer 40:08 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 40:09 ... but win the lottery twice? Like, see if you can find that.

Bert Kreischer 40:12 (laughs) How does... Wait, h- how do you rig the numbers that big?

Joe Rogan 40:16 Hey...

Bert Kreischer 40:17 That's crazy.

Joe Rogan 40:18 How did you get away with it? You can- you can kind of get away with stuff before the internet. Before the internet, you could get away with things like that.

Bert Kreischer 40:24 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 40:24 Where you could kind of rig the lottery a couple of times and everybody's like, "Whitey won again? What the fuck?"

Bert Kreischer 40:29 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 40:31 (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 40:31 Oh, that's great.

Joe Rogan 40:33 When I was a kid and, uh, I was living in Boston, I used to teach one of his hit men. I taught one of his hit man taekwondo.

Bert Kreischer 40:42 Oh, w- what's it like teaching a hit man? D- do they-

Joe Rogan 40:44 It was weird.

Bert Kreischer 40:45 Are they good students?

Joe Rogan 40:46 Yeah, he was very s- very disciplined. Yeah. He was like a known, he was a known guy in the- the South Boston Irish mob. And he wanted to learn how to fight. Uh, lottery winner, had been one of Bulger's brilliant schemes to launder his drug extortion loan-sharking money back in the summer... Which makes sense, right? What better way to... "Why do I ye- why do you have a Cadillac?" "Uh, I won the fucking lottery."

Bert Kreischer 41:11 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 41:11 "Oh, we're clear, so you can have all your shit." So, uh, Bu- um, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, Millions lottery ticket had been purchased at the South Boston Liquor Mart by Michael Lynskey, who was the brother of a Bulger underling named Patrick Lynskey. The FBI learned that once Whitey heard about the jackpot, he ordered the real winner to sign the ticket over, with Whitey and two associates paying $2.3 million in cash for 50% of the winnings. Bulger himself paid La- uh, Lynskey $700,000, although Lynskey lost money in the deal. He really had no choice. He came down to selling the ticket or risking his life. Kevin Weeks, whose name also appeared on the winning lottery... uh, the winning ticket, later claimed that Lynskey purchased a large batch of tickets to hand out as Christmas gifts and promised to split any winnings with Bulger and Weeks. But Weeks' story makes little sense. The so-called Christmas gifts were purchased during the dog days of summer. Um, so they did it. The scam set up a 20-year legitimate income stream for Whitey where he earned $119,000 each year.

Bert Kreischer 42:13 Oh, wow.

Joe Rogan 42:14 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 42:14 That's brilliant.

Joe Rogan 42:15 Yeah. The- So, that's what he did. He found out that somebody won it. He's totally tuned into the neighborhood. Find that guy, fuck him over, take his ticket. "Look, I won the lottery."

Bert Kreischer 42:24 And you have no choice. It's just like-

Joe Rogan 42:25 You have no choice.

Bert Kreischer 42:26 It's like when the guy hit Gotti's, uh, grandson with a car.

Joe Rogan 42:29 Right.

Bert Kreischer 42:30 And-

Joe Rogan 42:30 Yeah, "You're dead."

Bert Kreischer 42:30 ... he's like, "Yeah, you gotta die now."

Joe Rogan 42:31 "Yeah, you're dead."... yeah, you, if you lived in that, that time, like in the 1980s when I used to teach this guy TaeKwonDo, like, you would always hear about hits. (slaps table) I knew a guy who got arrested. (slaps table) I don't know if he did it. He was a guy that, uh, I was friends with. His name is Richie. I was friends with him before he went to jail, and then I was kind of friends with him when he got out of jail before I realized that he was, like, very dangerous now.

Bert Kreischer 43:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 43:00 He was a completely different person. So he went away to jail, he was a little older than me, I was 18, so he was probably 20 or 21, and he went to jail on some, some kind of gun charge or drug charge. So he comes out of jail a few years later and he's an animal. I mean, an animal. He's way bigger. He's, he's put on like 30 pounds of muscle and he's seen way too much. He was telling me stories about fights that he used to get into, in the jail where he'd beat some guy half to death with a broom handle and that you had... You're fighting for your life in there, it's like every day you're fighting for... And he knew how to fight. He was... You know, I trained with him, that's where I knew him, I knew him from TaeKwonDo. And, uh, he was just telling me about fights that he would get in jail, he's like, "You have to fight. There's nothing you could do. It's constant. You're, you're constantly on edge." I'm like, "Fuck, man." And so I'd known this guy before jail and then I'd known him after jail, and he was just way more dangerous after jail. He was doing a lot of coke, he would train, and when you would train with him, it was a fight. I mean, it was a fight. It wasn't... You were fighting for your life, you know?

Bert Kreischer 44:13 (sighs)

Joe Rogan 44:13 I broke his whole face once. I hit him with a wheel kick in the... 'Cause we're a fighting man, I mean, we were fighting.

Bert Kreischer 44:20 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 44:20 We were... And there was no one there, by the way. It was my gym, so it was just me and him like literally fighting. He would just attack you, like it wasn't like a technical sparring thing.

Bert Kreischer 44:29 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 44:29 And back then, I felt like I was a pussy if I didn't spar with anybody who wanted to spar. Like you wanna spar? Okay, let's spar. So you sparred with everybody, and some people you sparred with, some people they, w- you would be like, "Let's just not hurt each other."

Bert Kreischer 44:42 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 44:42 And then other people you knew you were fighting. You w- it was-

Bert Kreischer 44:46 Jesus.

Joe Rogan 44:46 ... bomb. Guys get knocked out all the time. I saw dozens of guys get knocked out in the gym.

Bert Kreischer 44:52 (sighs)

Joe Rogan 44:52 All the time. I did a lot of it. It was scary. It was scary. You would be super nervous before class, you'd be super n-

Bert Kreischer 44:59 You'd have that, and you're doing class every day, that's happening every day?

Joe Rogan 45:01 All the time.

Bert Kreischer 45:02 I would be-

Joe Rogan 45:02 All the time.

Bert Kreischer 45:03 I have anxiety, I have anxiety getting on planes.

Joe Rogan 45:06 You're sparring three or four days a week. Yeah, you're sparring three or four days a week, if you're smart. You have to s- you have to stay sharp. Yeah, you have to be able-

Bert Kreischer 45:14 So you, you broke this guy's face?

Joe Rogan 45:15 Yeah. Broke his face, and he, he wanted to keep training. He was still coming after me. I was like, "Dude, you gotta look in the mirror. Look in the mirror." And his whole face had shifted. Like it had shifted. I hit him with a wheel kick in the cheek. He went out, his eyes rolled back in his head, he collapses down to his butt, and then he tried to get back up slowly. He gets back up and he's like, "I'm good, I'm good, I'm good." And then like 30 seconds later, he wants to keep sparring, and I'm like, "You gotta stop." But he was just a monster, like a savage. Like a savage person.

Bert Kreischer 45:47 Was-

Joe Rogan 45:47 He was, he was a kid when I knew him, like a normal kid, like, "What's up Richie?" And then three or four years later, whatever it was when he got out, he was a monster. So-

Bert Kreischer 45:55 Was there any hint of the old Richie where you could go, "Hey man, what's going on?"

Joe Rogan 45:59 No.

Bert Kreischer 45:59 He was just gone?

Joe Rogan 46:00 No, he was gone. He, the old... Well, I didn't know the old Richie that well. Now, I'm thinking timeline. So this was pre me doing standup, so I probably met him first when I was like 16, and then I met him again when I was 21. It was somewhere around that, 20, 21, 'cause that's when I stopped fighting, and it was like right around the same time where I knew Richie when I stopped fighting. So he got arrested. There was a guy who was murdered and, um, they broke every bone in his body with a hammer-

Bert Kreischer 46:35 (gasps)

Joe Rogan 46:35 ... and they kept injecting him with cocaine to keep him alive. Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 46:41 Holy fuck.

Joe Rogan 46:42 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They, they, they identified the body, I forget how they identified the body but I'm pretty sure they chopped his hands and his head off, and they found this guy and he got arrested for that. And he got away, he got off, I don't think they charged him, I don't think he actually did it, but he definitely knew people who did it. He was involved with the same kind of people, and this is like one of the guys that I worked out with. But he wasn't the hitman, the hitman was way more stoic.

Bert Kreischer 47:11 Really? Older?

Joe Rogan 47:12 Yeah, he was older. He was in his 30s and the hi- the hitman was, um, I guess-

Bert Kreischer 47:17 Would he come in with like hitman problems? Like, "All right, say I'm in a restaurant-"

Joe Rogan 47:20 He asked me once how would I kill a guy.

Bert Kreischer 47:23 Really? (laughs)

Joe Rogan 47:23 He said, "If you're gonna hit a guy and you were tr- gonna kill him, where would you hit him?" And I said, "Probably the neck." And he said, "Yeah, I think so," and that was the conversation, that was the end of the conversation.

Bert Kreischer 47:34 Jesus.

Joe Rogan 47:34 I don't even know why I picked the neck 'cause the neck actually could take a pretty good beating. Neck's pretty tough.

Bert Kreischer 47:39 Not mine.

Joe Rogan 47:40 Your head is way weaker than your neck. This is really weak, like this little spot right here, your temple. This little tiny thin little layer of bone there that protects your brain, it's not big at all.

Bert Kreischer 47:50 When was the last time you got punched?

Joe Rogan 47:52 Oh, it's been a long time. I haven't sparred at all since like 2007 or '8, like sparring.

Bert Kreischer 47:57 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 47:58 Kickboxing sparring. Yeah. It's too... Even little sparring wears on you. You t- you carry that for your whole life. Just thuds, little thuds, even ones that aren't that hard. Just a jab, just thud, that you carry those, like those are real.

Bert Kreischer 48:15 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 48:15 That's brain damage. Those, those little times they get dinged in the gym, that's real, that's brain damage. That's brain damage. And like I told you, like when I was a kid, we did a lot of brain damage.

Bert Kreischer 48:26 Oh.

Joe Rogan 48:26 It was l- sparring was horrible.

Bert Kreischer 48:28 But just me, I've had, I've had I think eight concussions.

Joe Rogan 48:30 Jesus.

Bert Kreischer 48:30 And I'm just, uh, I'm just a kid. I, I didn't even spar, I'm just talking like basketball camp one time-

Joe Rogan 48:36 Oof.

Bert Kreischer 48:36 ... football, uh-... I, I'm playing football for the Hurt Burt shit, I got knocked unconscious.

Joe Rogan 48:41 Oof.

Bert Kreischer 48:42 Like, I've probably had eight concussions, I'm guessing. You know?

Joe Rogan 48:46 Oh, I've had, I've had a lot. My last one was just a couple years ago. Skiing, last time skiing.

Bert Kreischer 48:51 You were j- I tauc- I just talked to you the other day-

Joe Rogan 48:52 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 48:52 ... when you were skiing. And I s-

Joe Rogan 48:54 Oh.

Bert Kreischer 48:54 I thought you didn't ski 'cause of your knees.

Joe Rogan 48:56 Well, my knee did get ... I did fracture one of the bones in the top of my, uh, tibia. Um, uh, now which one's the f- yeah, tibia and then the fibula's the little one, right?

Bert Kreischer 49:10 Fibula's in the-

Joe Rogan 49:11 Yeah. I cracked-

Bert Kreischer 49:12 ... the shin, right?

Joe Rogan 49:12 I cracked the, the, the tibia. Which, that healed, but the real problem was the head. My head, I fell on my head. I s- my, my skis went up in the air and I hit the ground head-first. Yeah. And it was a-

Bert Kreischer 49:26 Helmet?

Joe Rogan 49:27 Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

Bert Kreischer 49:28 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 49:28 But it was a bang, like, I got rocked. And I was like, "Oh, shit." Like, that was a big one. And then the rest of the day I was, like, dizzy, I was in ... and my balance was all bad.

Bert Kreischer 49:38 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 49:38 It was not good. It was not good. And I, then, uh, I was like, "I'm done with this skiing thing." 'Cause I'd always worried about my knees, 'cause I still ... I, you know, I still love doing martial arts, and if I'm not doing it, I don't feel good. Like, I like to hit the bag, I like to have my joints work perfectly. I like to have my skills still there.

Bert Kreischer 49:57 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 49:57 I like to do it, it's fun to do. So anything that takes that away from me, like, ugh, skiing just for a thrill, like, "Whee."

Bert Kreischer 50:04 Oh, oh, and once you get hurt, once you break ... I was, we did a, a z- a k- a concrete sled competition in Calgary, or in, uh, Edmonton.

Joe Rogan 50:12 Concrete sled?

Bert Kreischer 50:13 Concrete sled. It's an engineering team, and they have to figure out a way to build a concrete sled that makes it down a mountain with all the team members on it, and stops within the right area.

Joe Rogan 50:24 Oh my God.

Bert Kreischer 50:24 And dude, people get fucked up. I mean, fucked up. And-

Joe Rogan 50:29 The concrete sled must be so heavy.

Bert Kreischer 50:31 I, I ... You can find a picture of it. Just type in, uh, "University of Edmonton concrete sled." Th- I think it's th- that's what it's called. And right before, right before, when they're-

Joe Rogan 50:42 This is why people keep themselves occupied when they're so fucking bored, 'cause it's 38 degrees below zero outside. (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 50:48 Yeah. Yeah. And dude, that's the coldest I've ever been. My fingers-

Joe Rogan 50:51 Bro, Edmonton's rough.

Bert Kreischer 50:51 Yeah, see those concrete sleds? There's one there where the guys get fucked up so bad.

Joe Rogan 50:55 I don't wanna see it. It's so stupid.

Bert Kreischer 50:58 But the o- w- the guy, the team that went right, right before me, they flipped. Flipped, rag-dolled, yard sale-d everywhere.

Joe Rogan 51:03 If these people tried bowhunting, they would quit this. They'd quit all this. They wouldn't be doing any of this. This is ridiculous. You could fucking die.

Bert Kreischer 51:13 Oh, a guy before me broke-

Joe Rogan 51:14 (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 51:14 ... his femur.

Joe Rogan 51:15 Ow!

Bert Kreischer 51:16 And I remember the guy, the kid, little stoner with the walkie-

Joe Rogan 51:18 Oh. Oh. Oh.

Bert Kreischer 51:18 ... that tells us, "All right, you guys are next," he goes, "Huh? What's that? Broken femur?" And he looks at me, he goes, "Broken femur's a game changer." And I was like, "I gotta go next." Like, what the fuck? Like, that was terrifying. But yeah-

Joe Rogan 51:30 Jesus.

Bert Kreischer 51:30 ... I d- I, I, that b- I think about that sometimes. Is that just having my s- elbow surgery, I gained so much weight from just having one arm, 'cause I couldn't do it, I couldn't get on the treadmill, I couldn't do anything, that I go, any injury is like ... I don't want any injury.

Joe Rogan 51:43 Yeah, and injuries are not good. And this is coming from a person who's had a bunch of surgeries. I'd a bu- I've had three knee surgeries, had my nose operated on. Oh, let me tell you my game changer. Mouth tape.

Bert Kreischer 51:57 You were talking about this. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 51:59 Game changer. Game changer. I know people say this, and I know it's, like, one of those fucking fitness influencer things where people are selling something. I got no skin in the game, okay? I'm not selling nothing, I don't have anything for sale. I use a company called Hostage Tape. I'm sure there's other ones that are great, but Hostage Tape makes me laugh.

Bert Kreischer 52:20 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 52:20 Um, it's ... You take this tape and you put it over your mouth when you sleep. Now, I have sleep apnea, so I wear a mouthpiece. And my mouthpiece has a tongue depressor, so the mouthpiece is fitted to my lower m- my lower jaw, and the tongue depressor keeps my tongue from falling back on my throat so I d- I don't block my airway, 'cause I have a big tongue.

Bert Kreischer 52:40 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 52:40 And I have a fat neck. So it's like the air hole, it gets clogged up by the tongue. So the t- tongue depressor works, and then I put the tape over my mouth, so I'm not using my mouth at all. Thank God I got my nose fixed in, like, uh, f- 15 years ago or something like that. Best decision I ever made in my life. Best decision I've ever made.

Bert Kreischer 53:00 Really?

Joe Rogan 53:00 One of the best. You know?

Bert Kreischer 53:02 Is that the one where you had to, like, pull shit outta your nose?

Joe Rogan 53:04 Yeah, yeah, yeah. They-

Bert Kreischer 53:05 (sighs)

Joe Rogan 53:05 Yeah, it was ... I was on the road with Tommy, and I would show him the boogers, and he would, like, (laughs) like, almost vomit-

Bert Kreischer 53:12 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 53:12 ... because the boogers were insane. So once you get your nose operated on-

Bert Kreischer 53:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 53:18 ... like, I had probably 12 nose breaks, maybe more, by the time I got my nose operated on.

Bert Kreischer 53:26 Holy shit.

Joe Rogan 53:26 So the inside of it was all calcified. Like, all the inside. Just like cauliflower ear, that was the inside of my nose. Like, it was all just clogged. I s- I spoke like my nose was stuffed. This was how my voice was.

Bert Kreischer 53:39 Wait, hold on. Is this ... 'Cause I heard, I, I've listened to a version of your voice when you were younger-

Joe Rogan 53:46 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 53:46 ... and it sounds totally different. It also sounds, like-

Joe Rogan 53:48 Well, it's also, getting older, your voice definitely deeper. So that's me with the, when-

Bert Kreischer 53:51 Wait, that's you?

Joe Rogan 53:52 Yeah, when I got the nose plugs. So that's after the operation. So, um ... That's it right there.

Bert Kreischer 53:59 Oh my God. Look how big your nose is.

Joe Rogan 54:01 Well, it's all swollen right there.

Bert Kreischer 54:02 I know.

Joe Rogan 54:03 Anyway. So, you, if you have a deviated septum, I can't recommend it enough. It's such a huge thing to do. It opens up your nose and you get, like, 10% more cardio. My jujitsu changed totally. Like, my, my gas and jujitsu was way better. I was like, "This is crazy. Why didn't I do this a long time ago?"

Bert Kreischer 54:23 From breathing through your nose and not your mouth?

Joe Rogan 54:25 No, 'cause you breathe through both.

Bert Kreischer 54:27 Oh. Oh, I got-

Joe Rogan 54:27 So you have more air's coming in.

Bert Kreischer 54:29 This is how you tell if you have a deviated septum. Put a mirror underneath ... Or put, take your phone and do a r- video, and then breathe through your nose.

Joe Rogan 54:35 Mm-hmm.

Bert Kreischer 54:35 And if it closes ... Like, my, mine shuts-

Joe Rogan 54:38 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 54:38 And that's the, showed that to me.

Joe Rogan 54:40 Yeah, you have a deviated septum, for sure.

Bert Kreischer 54:41 I have a dev-... Dude, you know what happens to me when I sleep.

Joe Rogan 54:43 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 54:43 My fucking goozle swells up.

Joe Rogan 54:45 Yeah, you were telling me.

Bert Kreischer 54:46 It's the fucking worst.

Joe Rogan 54:47 Yeah, we were trying to decide wha- where the tonsils were, and you were explaining-

Bert Kreischer 54:51 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 54:51 ... the tonsils are actually on the side.

Bert Kreischer 54:53 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 54:53 And your wife was calling it a goozle.

Bert Kreischer 54:54 She's, she's a redneck. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 54:55 She has this little-

Bert Kreischer 54:56 She goes, "This goozle got swollen."

Joe Rogan 54:57 ... that little thing, whatever the word is, the technical word.

Bert Kreischer 54:59 It's a uvula. It's, it's uvulitis.

Joe Rogan 55:02 So I put the mouthpiece in, and then I s-

Bert Kreischer 55:04 I get no-

Joe Rogan 55:05 ... I tape up my mouth.

Bert Kreischer 55:05 ... I get no uvulitis if I have mouth p- tape in.

Joe Rogan 55:08 Yeah. So this is the thing, I don't snore at all anymore. Zero snoring. Like, I'm silent when I sleep.

Bert Kreischer 55:13 No, no, no sleep mask, apnea mask?

Joe Rogan 55:15 No, no, no, no.

Bert Kreischer 55:15 Good.

Joe Rogan 55:15 I don't, I don't have anything.

Bert Kreischer 55:16 I don't believe that.

Joe Rogan 55:17 No. But I woke up the first day I did it, and I was like, "Holy shit, I feel so much better." Like, instantaneously noticed the difference. Like, I was like 30% more rested, something like that. Like, I felt just like a significant number where I could like feel it. I was like, "Whoa."

Bert Kreischer 55:34 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:34 And I've been doing it that way for like a week now.

Bert Kreischer 55:37 So if I put, if I put those nose strips on, 'cause I can breathe through my nose if I have a-

Joe Rogan 55:40 You should get your nose operated on.

Bert Kreischer 55:41 No fucking way.

Joe Rogan 55:42 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 55:43 Dude, I have a hernia-

Joe Rogan 55:43 It's not that big a deal.

Bert Kreischer 55:44 ... I'm not gonna get them.

Joe Rogan 55:44 You should get that done too.

Bert Kreischer 55:45 No.

Joe Rogan 55:46 Yeah, you should.

Bert Kreischer 55:46 It's the worst.

Joe Rogan 55:47 Your, your guts are gonna poke out of your stomach. That's what it is.

Bert Kreischer 55:50 They already do, Joe. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 55:51 That's gross. No, I mean, your guts, guts, not fat.

Bert Kreischer 55:53 No, no. They do, Joe.

Joe Rogan 55:54 Do they poke out right now?

Bert Kreischer 55:56 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:56 Ew. Let me see.

Bert Kreischer 55:56 No.

Joe Rogan 55:57 Show me.

Bert Kreischer 55:58 (laughs) If I go like-

Joe Rogan 55:59 Can you make it poke out?

Bert Kreischer 56:00 No, but if I go like ... You can kinda-

Joe Rogan 56:02 Where's it go?

Bert Kreischer 56:03 ... see this?

Joe Rogan 56:03 Where's the hernia?

Bert Kreischer 56:05 It's called, it's like a fin.

Joe Rogan 56:06 Oh.

Bert Kreischer 56:07 It's, oh, it's bad. If I do a sit up, like it, here, I'll show you for real and you'll, you'll see it.

Joe Rogan 56:12 Okay. I'm watching Bert do a sit up, ladies and gentlemen.

Bert Kreischer 56:16 Can you see this?

Joe Rogan 56:16 Oh, that's scary, dude.

Bert Kreischer 56:18 I know.

Joe Rogan 56:19 That's a, that's a rip in the center of your stomach?

Bert Kreischer 56:22 I remember when it happened.

Joe Rogan 56:23 Oh, dude. How long ago?

Bert Kreischer 56:25 Uh, probably 12 years ago.

Joe Rogan 56:28 Oh my God, man.

Bert Kreischer 56:29 I was doing a Tough Mudder and, uh-

Joe Rogan 56:31 Oh, God.

Bert Kreischer 56:31 ... I had to pull myself up one of those half pipes, and so I ran and I grabbed it, and I pulled, and I pulled, and I felt a tear, and I was like, "Whoa."

Joe Rogan 56:40 (inhales deeply)

Bert Kreischer 56:40 This is just... And I was like, "God, man, that fucking hurt. What, what happened?" And I was like, "Ah, I'm fine." And then like two, I wanna say like two weeks later, I'm laying in bed with my wife, and I kinda lean up and I see it.

Joe Rogan 56:52 (gasps)

Bert Kreischer 56:52 And I go, "Oh fuck, what's this?" And then, and then a bunch of dads get it. Like some d- dudes get it when they just gain a lot of weight. That's another way to get it. But like I've never been that fat. But, uh, Tommy, I think T- I think Tommy might have had one.

Joe Rogan 57:08 Mm-hmm.

Bert Kreischer 57:08 Or-

Joe Rogan 57:08 Eddie Bravo had two.

Bert Kreischer 57:10 Yeah, he's in-

Joe Rogan 57:10 He had one on both sides.

Bert Kreischer 57:10 They say it's elective.

Joe Rogan 57:12 Oh, he had to get it f- Eddie had to get it fixed.

Bert Kreischer 57:14 But my problem is I'd, I'd get it fixed, but then I'm afraid of the aftermath of the surgery of 13 weeks of recovery of me not working out. I'm gonna go fucking haywire.

Joe Rogan 57:22 You don't have to go haywire. That's nonsense. You should get it fixed. You should get it fixed, and get your nose fixed too.

Bert Kreischer 57:28 Ju- yeah.

Joe Rogan 57:28 Just get it fixed. Put, just-

Bert Kreischer 57:29 I s- I s-

Joe Rogan 57:29 ... bite the bullet. I, there, why, don't, don't live with a compromised body. Like, they, they know how to fix those things. You should get it fixed.

Bert Kreischer 57:34 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 57:35 Like the nose thing's giant. Breathe out of your nose, you change your fucking life. I couldn't do yoga class. They would, th- the instructor, he would get mad at me. He'd, like, "You have to breathe out of your nose." I'm like, "I don't have a nose."

Bert Kreischer 57:45 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 57:45 "It doesn't work. Like it doesn't work."

Bert Kreischer 57:49 I-

Joe Rogan 57:49 My, my nose, I had like one quarter of one nostril that was the only thing that was open.

Bert Kreischer 57:54 For, oh, for real?

Joe Rogan 57:55 Yeah, my right side was completely-

Bert Kreischer 57:56 So it wasn't just deviated.

Joe Rogan 57:57 ... closed.

Bert Kreischer 57:57 It was just ...

Joe Rogan 57:58 Well, what ha- Luke Rockhold, uh, former UFC champion, um, had a, uh, post that he did about his nose recently where they were like going through his nose with uh, one of those cameras.

Bert Kreischer 58:10 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 58:10 And so you could see like what's in there. It's the same thing. It's his, his is completely clogged up. Like you hear Justin Gaethje talk? His nose is totally clogged up. Like there's a lot of the ... And Justin actually got his nose fixed, and then he fought Max Holloway, and I think that might have put it back again.

Bert Kreischer 58:26 Oh my God.

Joe Rogan 58:27 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 58:27 How long-

Joe Rogan 58:27 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 58:27 ... what's the nose surgery? What's the ...

Joe Rogan 58:29 I was doing jujitsu six weeks later.

Bert Kreischer 58:31 Y- uh, okay. You're Joe and I'm Bert. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 58:34 Yeah, but I mean six weeks later I was fine.

Bert Kreischer 58:37 It was-

Joe Rogan 58:37 I didn't take any pain pills. Um, no, I wasn't ... I mean, I was fine to roll.

Bert Kreischer 58:42 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 58:42 But I was fine fine the next day.

Bert Kreischer 58:45 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 58:45 Yeah, I did have those stupid fucking things in my nose for a while. I forget how long that lasted.

Bert Kreischer 58:49 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 58:49 But then when they pulled those out, I was good to go. But the doctor ... I remember this, the doctor gave me two pain pill prescriptions. He was insistent on giving me these pain pill prescriptions, and I was like, "Okay." I go, "But it doesn't hurt now, so is it gonna hurt more later?" And he's like, "It might." I go, "But it might not, right?" Like, he goes, "Bitch, you should have these." Like he wanted to write me these pain pill prescriptions. I was like, "This is kinda creeping me out, man."

Bert Kreischer 59:15 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:16 'Cause I had already known a bunch of people that had had pill problems back then, but it was just weird that he wanted to write me two of them, and I told him, I go, "Listen, I just had knee surgery, um, a, a couple months ago," and I go, uh, "I didn't ..." It wasn't even c- a couple years ago rather, and, uh, I didn't take any pain medication. I go, "I don't like it. I just did it. I just had the surgery and then just dealt with the pain." I'd rather deal with the pain than that feeling. I don't like that feeling.

Bert Kreischer 59:39 Uh.

Joe Rogan 59:39 You know, I me- I got, uh, ACL surgery like way back in the day and they gave me like Vicodins or one of those type of things. Percocets or Vicodins, I forget what it was, but I remember feeling so stupid. Uh, I was like, "Well this is not for me." Like whatever this is, I'd rather be in pain than-

Bert Kreischer 59:55 Oh.

Joe Rogan 59:55 ... have my fucking brain just filled with like cotton. It just felt like it was just like clogged up, like it couldn't, it wouldn't work right. Like bla- ... It was terrible.

Bert Kreischer 1:00:06 (snorts) Tommy and I like that. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:00:08 But my bo- doctor, he just wanted me to take these pills.

Bert Kreischer 1:00:11 I think it's that t- I, uh, you know, uh, were you tal- were you talking to me about statins for a while, and you were saying that, I don't know what you were saying or whatever I read was that it, the, these companies are getting, these doctors are getting paid out to, to get people on statins. The c- the companies are saying, "Yo, get people on statins, we'll pay you out." You know? And I think-

Joe Rogan 1:00:28 Doctors get a variety of rewards, I'm finding out. They get a variety of rewards dependent upon how many people in their practice get vaccinated, and if they lose a certain percentage, if they like have less than a certain percentage, then they don't get payouts. It's, there's some weird shit that's involved in medicine that's financial incentives that don't necessarily align up with y- you know, your best health. And I think that doctors profit-... off of providing people with pain pills, especially when you have a legitimate reason to want to take pain pills. But I really don't think you should take them. At least, I don't take, uh, I just don't... I think if you have something horribly wrong with you and you're in agony all day, I totally understand. But for a regular thing, like you hurt your back a little bit, you're, so now you're on Oxycontin? Like...

Bert Kreischer 1:01:17 That's what happened to me. I got, I got pretty much addicted to them, because I fell off that waterfall.

Joe Rogan 1:01:22 They, they fucking get everybody, bro.

Bert Kreischer 1:01:24 Dude, they get you.

Joe Rogan 1:01:24 They get everybody.

Bert Kreischer 1:01:25 It's, it's, I, I can tell you the moment it happened, was we had to go to dinner with my wife's friends and I didn't want to go, and we weren't drinking. And I remember thinking, "I wonder if I could double up on my pain pills? That'll get me through tonight."

Joe Rogan 1:01:39 Whoa.

Bert Kreischer 1:01:40 And I did, and man, it was an enjoyable fucking night, and I smoked a little weed and I was fucking perfect.

Joe Rogan 1:01:46 Yup.

Bert Kreischer 1:01:46 And the next morning, I woke up and LeeAnn found out, because we were going camping that weekend. And I reached over to get my pills, because that's the first thing I did in bed, grab a pill, pop a pill, lay there for a while. Went over, my pills were gone and LeeAnn was at the foot of the bed, she goes, "You're done, big boy."

Joe Rogan 1:02:00 Whoa.

Bert Kreischer 1:02:00 And I was like, I go, "Hold on." And this is, like, negotiating, like junkie negotiating.

Joe Rogan 1:02:06 (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 1:02:06 I go, "Hold on, baby, we're going camping. Like, we're gonna be s-, up, we're gonna be sleeping on the hard ground." And she goes, "Nope." She goes, "Go, get as much weed as you want, drink as much as you want. Get through the pain that way. These things are fucking poison."

Joe Rogan 1:02:17 They're scary.

Bert Kreischer 1:02:17 They're scary, because you don't even realize what you look like to other people. We went, we went to Hawaii with the family one time, and, uh, and we went to the luau. I wasn't, uh, I wasn't drinking in Hawaii that trip, for whatever reason, and I, but I was bummed at the luau, because I was like, everyone's getting, like, you know, these Mai Tais and I'm drinking water. And I was, and I looked, and this mom was clearly on Oxys. And you watched her nod out at the table.

Joe Rogan 1:02:43 Ugh.

Bert Kreischer 1:02:43 And there's... Man, when you see something like that and you're not drinking-

Joe Rogan 1:02:47 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 1:02:47 ... you're like, "Thank God I'm not fucking drinking." I remember watching her nod out, and her, her whole family sees it.

Joe Rogan 1:02:52 Mm-hmm.

Bert Kreischer 1:02:52 And you're like, and she's like... (snorts)

Joe Rogan 1:02:54 Well, dude, is it, what percentage of this country is hooked on Oxys right now? It's got to be, uh, like a scary percentage.

Bert Kreischer 1:03:02 I bet it's... What do you think is more, Oxys or Xanax? Xanax is like, Xanax is totally plausible. Take a Xanax, you're gonna be fine. My, my cardiologist, uh, Dr. Gadahn, shout out to G- Dr. Gadahn, he's a big fan of yours. But he told me, he said, I said something about Xanax, and he goes, "Hey, man, I'm your doctor, don't ever fucking take those things." I was like, "Really?" He goes, "This is the leading cause of dementia. Do not take fucking Xanax."

Joe Rogan 1:03:28 Xanax is the leading cause of dementia?

Bert Kreischer 1:03:29 So he told me, he said, he was like... By the way, I apo- apologize. Dr. Gadahn, give you a shout out. And he's like, "That's not my exact words, Bert, goddammit."

Joe Rogan 1:03:35 Yeah, you might've fucked that up. We might wanna-

Bert Kreischer 1:03:37 No-

Joe Rogan 1:03:37 ... delete that.

Bert Kreischer 1:03:37 No, he said, he said your brain, it turns your brain to mush.

Joe Rogan 1:03:41 Well, it's definitely not good for your brain, and it's one, one of the most dangerous drugs to get off.

Bert Kreischer 1:03:44 Oh, they won't ad- they won't admit you to rehab if you, if you're on benzos.

Joe Rogan 1:03:48 Right.

Bert Kreischer 1:03:49 Like I, we took a friend to rehab one time, and the f- one question they ask, "Have you taken a benzo in the last 24 hours?" And he was like, "Yeah," and they're like, "Nope, can't take ya." They don't wanna deal with it. There's, it is so dangerous to get off benzos.

Joe Rogan 1:03:59 Yeah, it's one of the co- there's only a few things that people die if y- they get addicted to, and then they, you cut them off. One of them is alcohol, you know?

Bert Kreischer 1:04:08 Really?

Joe Rogan 1:04:09 Yeah, yeah, if you have, like, a-

Bert Kreischer 1:04:09 I think you have to drink, you have to drink, like, when-

Joe Rogan 1:04:11 Oh.

Bert Kreischer 1:04:11 ... you wake up.

Joe Rogan 1:04:12 Oh, yeah, you, you have to be a complete drunk. And somehow or another, your body shifts into surviving drinking alcohol all the time. You're killing yourself, for sure, but your body relies on it. I forget what the mechanism is, but there's an actual mechanism. Like, there's some sort of a shift when your body's got so much alcohol, and then when you get off alcohol entirely, you can die.

Bert Kreischer 1:04:32 Oh, you have a stroke?

Joe Rogan 1:04:34 I don't know what the cause of death is, but I know that benzos is another drug that does that. When you get off of it, the, you can, you can die. Like, it's one of those things that if you just cold turkey benzos-

Bert Kreischer 1:04:45 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:04:45 ... if you're, if you're popping Xanax all day long and you're like, "I'm done," like, you can die.

Bert Kreischer 1:04:49 It's crazy what, how, how clean life is when you're not partying.

Joe Rogan 1:04:54 Oh, yeah.

Bert Kreischer 1:04:54 Like, you haven't drank in two weeks.

Joe Rogan 1:04:55 Mm-hmm.

Bert Kreischer 1:04:56 It's, like, amazing how the sky looks different, the trees look different.

Joe Rogan 1:05:00 Well, you have more energy.

Bert Kreischer 1:05:01 So much. The gym is night and day different.

Joe Rogan 1:05:03 Oh, yeah.

Bert Kreischer 1:05:04 Like, I work out every day regardless, ran five miles today, drank last night on the plane, five miles today, and now I feel clean. But then I go, "If I don't drink tonight..." Which I, I doubt, I probably will.

Joe Rogan 1:05:16 (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 1:05:16 ... On St. Patty's Day, what are we talking about? Who are we lying to though?

Joe Rogan 1:05:19 Uh...

Bert Kreischer 1:05:19 Uh, but if I, but, like, the next day, I feel like a million bucks. You get me in the gym and I wanna be on the treadmill. And I would get excited for fucking those, those sissy squats you do.

Joe Rogan 1:05:28 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 1:05:28 I love those bitches. I got the bo- the be- the board.

Joe Rogan 1:05:31 Oh, yes.

Bert Kreischer 1:05:32 Get a fucking-

Joe Rogan 1:05:32 Slant board squats.

Bert Kreischer 1:05:33 Slant board squat, get a 45 fucking-

Joe Rogan 1:05:35 Mm-hmm.

Bert Kreischer 1:05:36 ... weight in my arms.

Joe Rogan 1:05:36 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 1:05:37 I'll do 15 of those bitches.

Joe Rogan 1:05:38 Those are great, right?

Bert Kreischer 1:05:38 And you feel it, and you're like, that last one. You know what my favorite squat to do is? What's the one where you, you, you lean back and you squat when you're tilted back?

Joe Rogan 1:05:49 Squat leaning-

Bert Kreischer 1:05:49 Like-

Joe Rogan 1:05:49 ... back? It's called bad form? Like, what's that? (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 1:05:52 No, no-

Joe Rogan 1:05:52 Like... (laughs)

Bert Kreischer 1:05:52 ... no, no, no, no, no, no.

Joe Rogan 1:05:54 It's called back injury waiting to happen. Lean back and squat? That sounds crazy.

Bert Kreischer 1:05:58 Like a landmine squat or something? Where you have the, the pole, you have the...

Joe Rogan 1:06:02 Oh, okay, yeah, a landmine.

Bert Kreischer 1:06:03 And, and...

Joe Rogan 1:06:03 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 1:06:04 And, and you, and you get deep into that bitch.

Joe Rogan 1:06:06 Oh, yeah, yeah, those are great. Those are great for, like, rotational force too.

Bert Kreischer 1:06:09 Oh.

Joe Rogan 1:06:10 (groans)

Bert Kreischer 1:06:10 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:06:11 (groans)

Bert Kreischer 1:06:12 Oof.

Joe Rogan 1:06:13 You know? Viking shit. You know what I'm saying?

Bert Kreischer 1:06:16 I'm always impressed-

Joe Rogan 1:06:16 (groans)

Bert Kreischer 1:06:16 ... when a man can program his own workout.

Joe Rogan 1:06:18 (groans) Really?

Bert Kreischer 1:06:19 I can't... Yeah, 'cause I can't pr- like if you pr- I think-

Joe Rogan 1:06:22 You don't do your own workouts?

Bert Kreischer 1:06:23 No, I have a guy pr- uh, pro- programming for me.

Joe Rogan 1:06:26 Okay, so...

Bert Kreischer 1:06:26 He comes to my house and trains me every day.

Joe Rogan 1:06:28 Really?

Bert Kreischer 1:06:29 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:06:29 Wow.

Bert Kreischer 1:06:30 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:06:30 So you don't work out on your own at all?

Bert Kreischer 1:06:31 Uh, if I'm br- working out on my own, I run.

Joe Rogan 1:06:34 Okay, so you must like that, right? When you get alone time? You must like that, right?

Bert Kreischer 1:06:38 I love, I love getting on the treadmill by myself and just fucking going.

Joe Rogan 1:06:42 Yeah, alone time's big. So the, that's what I like the most about, like, working out by myself. Like, I can figure out what to do, I know what to do.

Bert Kreischer 1:06:52 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:06:52 So I just program my own shit.

Bert Kreischer 1:06:53 Yeah, I think-

Joe Rogan 1:06:54 You know?

Bert Kreischer 1:06:54 ... that's impressive. I tell you what's the-

Joe Rogan 1:06:56 There's so much shit to do.

Bert Kreischer 1:06:56 The game changer for me in working out, and I think that... You know, I, I, I never understood, uh...... like, guys like Cam or, or David Goggins, and, and then they push themselves so hard. And when we did that bench press competition, I realized most of the time when everyone works out, a regular person works out, they just wanna get through it and be done with it.

Joe Rogan 1:07:15 Right.

Bert Kreischer 1:07:15 They're like, "I know. I cheated a little bit, but fuck it. That was 12."

Joe Rogan 1:07:17 Yeah. Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 1:07:18 But when you're training for something, and this must be like this with mixed martial artists and with, uh, with all those motherfuckers, you're f- you're training your body for an actual event-

Joe Rogan 1:07:28 Right.

Bert Kreischer 1:07:28 ... to protect yourself from other men.

Joe Rogan 1:07:30 Yeah.

Bert Kreischer 1:07:31 And I was like... And when I had a goal in mind, I was like, "Oh, this is different." Like, I'm doing everything he's telling me to do, and I'm doing it the right way, and I'm doing it to, to, like, failure-

Joe Rogan 1:07:41 Mm-hmm.

Bert Kreischer 1:07:41 ... because I'm train... If I know that if I do that, then when I get to the day where I do the bench, I can then complete the mission I've set out to do.

Joe Rogan 1:07:48 Right. You got a goal.

Bert Kreischer 1:07:49 And if... I think more goal-oriented workout... Like, if they said, like, "Dude, just so you know, a wolf's coming to your house in two weeks."

Joe Rogan 1:07:56 Right. Right.

Bert Kreischer 1:07:56 "You gotta need to work out, get ready for that wolf."

Joe Rogan 1:07:58 Right.

Bert Kreischer 1:07:58 You'd work out so hard-

Joe Rogan 1:08:00 Right.

Bert Kreischer 1:08:00 ... for that fucking wolf.

Joe Rogan 1:08:01 Yeah, I'd be like,