Joe Rogan Experience #2320 - Tom Segura

Tom Segura is a stand-up comedian, actor, podcaster, and author. He co-hosts two podcasts: “Your Mom’s House” with his wife, comedian Christina Pazsitzky, and “Two Bears, One Cave” with Bert Kreischer. He is also the author of “I’d Like to Play Alone, Please: Essays.” Watch his comedy series, “Bad Thoughts,” now streaming on Netflix. ⁠https://www.ymhstudios.com⁠ ⁠https://www.netflix.com/title/81740857⁠ Don’t miss out on all the action - Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using ⁠https://dkng.co/rogan⁠ or with my promo code ROGAN. GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, (800) 327-5050 or visit ⁠https://gamblinghelplinema.org⁠ (MA). Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY). Please Gamble Responsibly. 888-789-7777/visit ⁠https://ccpg.org⁠ (CT), or visit ⁠https://www.mdgamblinghelp.org⁠ (MD). 21+ and present in most states. (18+ DC/KY/NH/WY). Void in ONT/OR/NH. Eligibility restrictions apply. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS). 1 per new customer. $5+ first-time bet req. Max. $200 issued as non-withdrawable Bonus Bets that expire in 7 days (168 hours). Stake removed from payout. Terms: ⁠https://sportsbook.draftkings.com/promos⁠. Ends 5/18/25 at 11:59 PM ET. Sponsored by DK.

Tom SeguraguestJoe Roganhost

May 13, 20252h 34mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

150 min read · 30,071 words

0:00 – 15:00
(drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast,…
1. NANarrator
  (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.
2. TSTom Segura
  The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. (instrumental music plays)
3. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs) What's wrong with you?
4. TSTom Segura
  (laughs)
5. JRJoe Rogan
  How? First of all, how did Netflix let you make this show?
6. TSTom Segura
  Well, they wouldn't have-
7. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
8. TSTom Segura
  ... let me make it if I just pitched it to them. (laughs)
9. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs) What did you do?
10. TSTom Segura
  I made a few- (laughs)
11. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
12. TSTom Segura
  I made a few and showed it to them.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh my God.
14. TSTom Segura
  'Cause I, I knew. I knew that I, like-
15. JRJoe Rogan
  Dude.
16. TSTom Segura
  ... that if, like-
17. JRJoe Rogan
  You can't give anybody, like, the script.
18. TSTom Segura
  No.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  No.
20. TSTom Segura
  The script won't work. The script won't work.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  (sighs)
22. TSTom Segura
  I mean, that's just-
23. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
24. TSTom Segura
  (laughs) That's the thing is, like-
25. JRJoe Rogan
  That's very funny. Very funny.
26. TSTom Segura
  Thanks, man. It's, um-
27. JRJoe Rogan
  So ridiculous.
28. TSTom Segura
  It's pretty ridiculous. You know, it was a few years ago that I made the, like, the initial one. It was, um, I was on that crazy tour, that real crazy tour-
29. JRJoe Rogan
  Mm-hmm.
30. TSTom Segura
  ... where it was, like, you know, fucking 10 shows a week, and I had a break coming up. And so, I've always liked movies, like, features, right? But it's, it's a lot, it's a huge undertaking to get a feature made, but I liked short films 'cause it feels like you're making a movie, you know, like, a mini-movie, right?
15:00 – 30:00
Mm-hmm. …
1. TSTom Segura
  myself sometimes, if I remember, that I'm best onstage if I'm going onstage in a silly mindset.
2. JRJoe Rogan
  Mm-hmm.
3. TSTom Segura
  If I'm goofing off backstage-
4. JRJoe Rogan
  Yes.
5. TSTom Segura
  ... fucking around, you know-
6. JRJoe Rogan
  Yes.
7. TSTom Segura
  ... making fun of somebody that's, like, in my crew or some-... I don't know, you know, like-
8. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, for sure.
9. TSTom Segura
  ... dancing in the green room.
10. JRJoe Rogan
  Mm-hmm.
11. TSTom Segura
  Like, just silly. That- that mindset walking up onstage is like the best one to go onstage with.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  That's why I used to l- love working with Joey so much.
13. TSTom Segura
  Yeah.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  Because all... two things. One, Joey would make me laugh, like, while he was onstage. I'd be waiting to go onstage. Instead of thinking about my material and going over everything-
15. TSTom Segura
  Yeah.
16. JRJoe Rogan
  ... with a fine-toothed comb, I'd just be laughing.
17. TSTom Segura
  Mm-hmm.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  And then I'd go onstage laughing.
19. TSTom Segura
  And that's, that- that's the thing is that's an unspoken thing.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  Mm-hmm.
21. TSTom Segura
  But the audience goes, like, "There's joy coming from this person."
22. JRJoe Rogan
  Yes.
23. TSTom Segura
  You know? They feel the joy.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  Legit.
25. TSTom Segura
  Yeah.
26. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, legit.
27. TSTom Segura
  They really do.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  'Cause, like, there's nothing grosser than fake laughs.
29. TSTom Segura
  Yeah.
30. JRJoe Rogan
  When a comedian does the fake laugh thing-
30:00 – 45:00
Yeah, he's just trapped,…
1. TSTom Segura
2. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, he's just trapped, trapped in booze.
3. TSTom Segura
  Mm.
4. JRJoe Rogan
  But it's also made him very rich, so-
5. TSTom Segura
  Yeah.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  ... I don't know what to say.
7. TSTom Segura
  Yeah. (laughs) Working out.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  That just, like... I love him.
9. TSTom Segura
  Yeah.
10. JRJoe Rogan
  You know, I don't want him to change, but I do. I mean, I want him to be healthy. But, like, like, when we first started doing Sober October, it was essentially just 'cause we were worried Bert was gonna die.
11. TSTom Segura
  Yeah.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  You know?
13. TSTom Segura
  Yeah. Well, he's still here.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  I mean, the first one was the weight loss thing.
15. TSTom Segura
  Blood work's perfect.
16. JRJoe Rogan
  You know?
17. TSTom Segura
  Yeah. (laughs)
18. JRJoe Rogan
  It's nuts.
19. TSTom Segura
  What's that, what type of resistance is that?
20. JRJoe Rogan
  Um, I don't know. I think it's like 100 and something.
21. TSTom Segura
  100 and something?
22. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
23. TSTom Segura
  Ooh.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  ... yeah.
25. TSTom Segura
  Yeah.
26. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. I'm obsessed with, you know that squeeze machine?
27. TSTom Segura
  Yeah.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  You know the thing?
29. TSTom Segura
  Oh, yeah, it measures your grip?
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. I got 161 and I wanna get 190.
45:00 – 1:00:00
That's- …
1. JRJoe Rogan
2. TSTom Segura
  That's-
3. JRJoe Rogan
  It's tough to beat Italian food.
4. TSTom Segura
  It really is.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  It really is. It's tough to beat it, just for f- pure uh.
6. TSTom Segura
  Mm-hmm.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  That pleasure of uh.
8. TSTom Segura
  Oh yeah.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  Just overstuffing yourself. (laughs)
10. TSTom Segura
  We, we were there for last summer. It was, like, every day.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
12. TSTom Segura
  You know? And the thing is, I didn't, like, blow up.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  No?
14. TSTom Segura
  No. I thought I would. I mean, I'm sure I gained a few, but I, I thought, I was like, "Oh, this is gonna be fucking terrible." But it was ... I think a big thing there versus here is portion sizes.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  Hmm.
16. TSTom Segura
  You know, like, there's no such thing as, they don't go, "Here's your pasta. Here's a fucking bowl." Like this, you know?
17. JRJoe Rogan
  Right, right.
18. TSTom Segura
  It's like, it's-
19. JRJoe Rogan
  Well, I think in, in Italy, the real thing is the food's different.
20. TSTom Segura
  Yeah.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  I think our food is poison.
22. TSTom Segura
  It's so bad, right? I mean-
23. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh.
24. TSTom Segura
  ... I saw, oh my God, I saw this lady on your show, I saw a clip talking about all these health epidemics, like the full run of stats, where she was like, "One in two for cancer," and this and that, for the-
25. JRJoe Rogan
  Was it Calimines?
26. TSTom Segura
  She was a ... That, I think she was a doctor, right? Is she a doctor?
27. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. Well, I don't think she finished her doctorate or, or her m- medical school training, because I think she got to the position where she realized that most metabolic diseases are being caused by food.
28. TSTom Segura
  But that's the thing is, like-
29. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
30. TSTom Segura
  ... that's the big takeaway, I think, from that, is like, you had this conversation with, you know, I had it with people all the time who travel abroad, and you're just like, "Everything in Japan was fucking amazing."
1:00:00 – 1:09:42
It, I k- it…
1. JRJoe Rogan
  it work?
2. TSTom Segura
  It, I k- it can't. I'm imagining it, but it can't. But like, you know, I always-
3. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
4. TSTom Segura
  ... um, think about the fact with AI, how we're in, we're in, like, version one.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  Right.
6. TSTom Segura
  And we're all blown away by it already, right?
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Right, right.
8. TSTom Segura
  And it was, uh, there was a watch guy online who was like, "I have two, like, Daytonas."
9. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, yeah.
10. TSTom Segura
  And he was like, "Dude." He goes, "This is the best one I've ever seen."
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Fakes, yeah.
12. TSTom Segura
  The fake, he had to-
13. JRJoe Rogan
  Perfect.
14. TSTom Segura
  ... he had to take it apart and to look at parts that were inside.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
16. TSTom Segura
  Like a spin wheel. He goes, "Oh, this is missing the logo."
17. JRJoe Rogan
  So which begs the question, like, what is it? Like, what are you buying? Do you want it from this company only or do you want a Rolex Daytona? Like, what do you want?
18. TSTom Segura
  Well, y- I mean, I think if... In, in the case of that, you know that the...... the, the movements, the, the actual inner workings of the real one are far superior.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  Are they, though?
20. TSTom Segura
  I think so, yeah.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  Why?
22. TSTom Segura
  Yeah.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  Well, I assume that. What if the other one has a 72-hour battery, or a-
24. TSTom Segura
  I mean-
25. JRJoe Rogan
  ... a power supply too?
26. TSTom Segura
  I-
27. JRJoe Rogan
  What if, what if you 3D print every single aspect of the watch?
28. TSTom Segura
  I bet-
29. JRJoe Rogan
  Then it's the same thing.
30. TSTom Segura
  ... with no ... Pretty close, I guess.

Episode duration: 2:34:32

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(drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast,…

Mm-hmm. …

Yeah, he's just trapped,…

That's- …

It, I k- it…

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