Joe Rogan Experience #2333 - Protect Our Parks 15

Shane Gillis, Mark Normand, and Ari Shaffir are stand-up comics, writers, and podcasters. Shane is the co-host of "Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast" with Matt McCusker and one half of the sketch comedy duo "Gilly and Keeves" with John McKeever. Season two of his Netflix series, "Tires," premieres on June 5. ⁠https://www.shanemgillis.com⁠ Mark is the host of the "All Over the Road" podcast, and co-host of "Tuesdays with Stories" with Joe List and "We Might Be Drunk" with Sam Morril. Watch his stand-up special, "Soup to Nuts," on Netflix. https://⁠www.marknormandcomedy.com⁠ Ari is the host of the "You Be Trippin'" podcast. Watch his latest comedy special, "Ari Shaffir: America's Sweetheart," on Netflix. https://⁠www.arishaffir.com⁠ Go to ⁠https://ExpressVPN.com/ROGANYT to get 4 months free! Tap into exclusive PPVs with an ESPN+ subscription

Ari ShaffirguestJoe RoganhostMark NormandguestShane Gillisguest

Jun 5, 20253h 11mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

150 min read · 30,001 words

0:00 – 2:21
Ozempic, gym talk, and whether “buff comics” lose their edge
1. ASAri Shaffir
  (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.
2. NANarrator
  The Joe Rogan Experience. (energetic music) Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  All right, we're rolling.
4. MNMark Normand
  You're done.
5. ASAri Shaffir
  I forgot that-
6. JRJoe Rogan
  We're rolling. Don't do anything illegal.
7. MNMark Normand
  What are you on, the Ozempic?
8. ASAri Shaffir
  No. (laughs)
9. MNMark Normand
  Come on, everybody's on the Zem.
10. SGShane Gillis
  I'm, I'm, I'm-
11. ASAri Shaffir
  That's why I need an arm.
12. SGShane Gillis
  ... I think it's probably bad for you.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  It might be. Oh.
14. MNMark Normand
  100%.
15. ASAri Shaffir
  Yeah.
16. SGShane Gillis
  It might, in the end, be bad for you.
17. MNMark Normand
  Curious to hear about-
18. ASAri Shaffir
  And there's also that part of me I can't bring myself to actually not work out.
19. MNMark Normand
  You look ripped.
20. ASAri Shaffir
  N- no, no, no. I do give a fuck though, I'll take Ozempic.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  You're allowed to work out on the Ozempic. You don't wanna talk about it, but look at those shoulders.
22. MNMark Normand
  Look at those guns.
23. SGShane Gillis
  Look at those shoulders, dog. Those shoulders are coming in strong.
24. ASAri Shaffir
  You're not big, the only thing.
25. MNMark Normand
  Yeah.
26. ASAri Shaffir
  Don't hit me. Are you-
27. JRJoe Rogan
  You look, you look noticeably thicker. Like, noticeably thicker.
28. MNMark Normand
  Oh, yeah.
29. ASAri Shaffir
  That's what I, that's what I said to my trainer. He's like, "You wanna lose weight?" I said, "No."
30. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
2:21 – 3:57
Fart jokes, nicotine “loosies,” and table trinkets (Hecklefish & the death whistle)
1. ASAri Shaffir
  It's kinda the, it's kinda like Shaggy Farts.
2. JRJoe Rogan
  You know? And every... It's just, you gotta find where it is.
3. ASAri Shaffir
  It's kinda my goal, is to come up with the best-
4. JRJoe Rogan
  Want some of these aids, dog?
5. ASAri Shaffir
  ... fart joke of all time. No, not yet, Joe. (laughs)
6. JRJoe Rogan
  Come on.
7. MNMark Normand
  What's that?
8. ASAri Shaffir
  You're bad at pulling stuff today, dude.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  Loosies? (laughs)
10. ASAri Shaffir
  (laughs)
11. SGShane Gillis
  (laughs)
12. MNMark Normand
  What is up with you?
13. ASAri Shaffir
  He's fired up, dude.
14. SGShane Gillis
  Same time.
15. ASAri Shaffir
  He's game day.
16. MNMark Normand
  You've pulled out three drugs. I've been here eight minutes.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  Shh.
18. MNMark Normand
  Sorry.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  They're all, they're all legal.
20. ASAri Shaffir
  Shut the fuck up.
21. MNMark Normand
  No drugs. No drugs.
22. JRJoe Rogan
  Just nicotine.
23. MNMark Normand
  Just Ozempic.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  Don't get the feds on us.
25. MNMark Normand
  Lucy Breakers.
26. ASAri Shaffir
  What's the hecklefish?
27. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, that's from, um... You ever s- see that, uh, YouTube show The Why Files?
28. MNMark Normand
  No.
29. JRJoe Rogan
  It's a great fucking show. It's all about, like, fucking aliens and why you can't go into the Grand Canyon, and, you know, secret fucking temples and stuff like that. And, uh, AJ Gentile is the host, and then, uh, this is a fish that sits in the fish tank next to him and talks shit to him.
30. NANarrator
  And when I'm done, I will be a strict but fair lord of these lands, and my-
3:57 – 5:17
Stage blackout injuries, Bob Saget comparisons, and why head impacts kill
1. JRJoe Rogan
  'Cause I think... That, that one drives me nuts.
2. MNMark Normand
  Yeah.
3. ASAri Shaffir
  Bob Saget does?
4. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, 'cause it's the same thing that happened to Heather McDonald. Blacked out, fell-
5. SGShane Gillis
  Mm.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  ... smashed her head, died. She lived 'cause she was on stage, and luckily the guy did medical help.
7. ASAri Shaffir
  Padded floor. Rug, running offstage also.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  It was, it was fake?
9. ASAri Shaffir
  No, rug.
10. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh. No, she was... It was hardwood.
11. SGShane Gillis
  I don't think there was a rug.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  Hardwood. Her head bounced.
13. SGShane Gillis
  They bled a lot. I don't think there was a rug.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  I've seen that video 30 times.
15. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
16. JRJoe Rogan
  It's hardwood.
17. ASAri Shaffir
  Yeah, I don't know.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  Her head bounces. It's very terrifying-
19. MNMark Normand
  Whoa.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  ... 'cause that's how people die in street fights.
21. SGShane Gillis
  That's crumbs. Yeah.
22. JRJoe Rogan
  That's the big reason why people die in street fights. They get knocked out and they hit their head. It's not from getting punched to death most of the time.
23. MNMark Normand
  Right.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  Most of the time it's from falling-
25. ASAri Shaffir
  Darn.
26. JRJoe Rogan
  ... and hitting your head.
27. MNMark Normand
  Remember the knockout game?
28. ASAri Shaffir
  Knockout game.
29. MNMark Normand
  That was big.
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, that was so scary.
5:17 – 9:35
Comedy writing vs. stage reality—and Joe’s Oliver Anthony story
1. ASAri Shaffir
  Do you ever get an accidental joke where you say something and everyone laughs? You're like, "Wha- Oh, I can see the double meaning on that."
2. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. (laughs)
3. ASAri Shaffir
  I'll, I'll, I'll pretend I meant that.
4. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah, yeah.
5. MNMark Normand
  (laughs)
6. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, yeah. Definitely. Well, that's the difference between, like, writing it and saying it, right? You write it and you're like, "I think I know how to go with this," and then you get on stage and say it and you're like, "Oh, that's the funny part."
7. ASAri Shaffir
  Yeah.
8. MNMark Normand
  Yeah.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  "This is, this is fucking ridiculous."
10. SGShane Gillis
  (laughs)
11. JRJoe Rogan
  The fact that this exists is ridiculous.
12. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah, I'm always embarrassed if I wrote something and then say it and it's not even close.
13. ASAri Shaffir
  (laughs)
14. MNMark Normand
  Oh.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
16. SGShane Gillis
  And you're like, "What the fuck was I thinking?"
17. MNMark Normand
  It's crazy at this point.
18. ASAri Shaffir
  I'm sorry, guys.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  I always think of it as, like, a scaffolding. I'm like, "I don't know what's good until I get up there."
20. MNMark Normand
  Yeah, well, it's funny how when you're in your apartment, you're killing.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
22. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
23. MNMark Normand
  You're like, "Man, this is good stuff."
24. ASAri Shaffir
  Yeah.
25. MNMark Normand
  And then when you get up there, you can, like, feel, "This won't work."
26. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
27. ASAri Shaffir
  Right.
28. SGShane Gillis
  (laughs)
29. MNMark Normand
  Yeah, right when you're on stage-
30. ASAri Shaffir
  Right when you start it-
9:35 – 12:53
Sleep, Seroquel stories, and the Stanhope tolerance legend
1. ASAri Shaffir
  What time is this? Before three, right?
2. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. Why? You want coffee?
3. ASAri Shaffir
  Yeah.
4. JRJoe Rogan
  A- At 3:00 PM you cut it off?
5. ASAri Shaffir
  It should start to slow down.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  Okay, Mr. Regimented.
7. ASAri Shaffir
  I won't sleep. Anyway, let's talk more about Lisa Loeb's pussy.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  You have a hard time sleeping?
9. ASAri Shaffir
  If I have too much of this.
10. MNMark Normand
  Same. I'm on the pills.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  That's hilarious.
12. ASAri Shaffir
  You're on what pills?
13. MNMark Normand
  Sleeping pills.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, no. Which ones?
15. ASAri Shaffir
  No, no. No, you gotta get on boner pills. They're way better.
16. MNMark Normand
  Uh, I'm taking an anti-schizophrenia thing.
17. ASAri Shaffir
  What?
18. MNMark Normand
  And it's... It's the only... Seroquel.
19. ASAri Shaffir
  Wow.
20. SGShane Gillis
  I've taken that shit.
21. MNMark Normand
  Give that a good-
22. SGShane Gillis
  That shit sucks.
23. ASAri Shaffir
  Wait, that's good sleep?
24. MNMark Normand
  That's the only thing that works for me.
25. SGShane Gillis
  That fucking Stanhope gave me that way.
26. JRJoe Rogan
  That makes you go to sleep?
27. MNMark Normand
  Yeah.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  Antisych-... Yeah, it makes you sleepy for days.
29. ASAri Shaffir
  Wait, isn't that why-
30. MNMark Normand
  Oh, yeah.
12:53 – 14:59
COVID hangouts, isolation brain-rot, and the “good parts” of lockdown
1. ASAri Shaffir
  COVID years. COVID was the best. Noon, you'd be with DeRosa, you'd call Big J, like, "It's 12:02, you want a drink?" Like, "I guess, I guess." (laughs)
2. JRJoe Rogan
  That was the good thing about COVID, right? The people who were risk-takers, you could get together with them.
3. ASAri Shaffir
  Oh, yeah.
4. JRJoe Rogan
  I fucking loved it.
5. ASAri Shaffir
  You could go outside too, and just drink out there, and just like...
6. JRJoe Rogan
  How long did you guys go without being around anybody, though?
7. MNMark Normand
  Oh, man, as long as I could.
8. ASAri Shaffir
  I was with people the whole time.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  The whole time?
10. ASAri Shaffir
  Yeah, I was on the road.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  You never like took a week off of... I mean, other than, like, family and, like, real close friends?
12. ASAri Shaffir
  Uh, yeah, I did do that.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  It was w-... That's a good plan.
14. ASAri Shaffir
  I went to North Carolina, right?
15. MNMark Normand
  Three, three, four weeks actually.
16. JRJoe Rogan
  Bro, that's so bad for your brain.
17. ASAri Shaffir
  I went, I went three months.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  How many guys never came back?
19. ASAri Shaffir
  Just from my parents' house.
20. MNMark Normand
  A lot of people never came back.
21. ASAri Shaffir
  A lot of people that never came back.
22. JRJoe Rogan
  A lot of guys that never came back.
23. ASAri Shaffir
  Some people are starting to come back.
24. MNMark Normand
  Yeah.
25. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
26. ASAri Shaffir
  I don't wanna name 'em, but-
27. MNMark Normand
  Yeah, I know who you're talking about.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
29. ASAri Shaffir
  ... they're still like that. You go, "Oh, shit."
30. MNMark Normand
  Yeah.
14:59 – 25:07
Cigars, inhaling cigarillos, and comedy legends like John Pinette
1. ASAri Shaffir
  We were fucking pigs today, guys. (laughs) Keeping cigar.
2. JRJoe Rogan
  Let's go.
3. MNMark Normand
  Oh, yeah, good God.
4. JRJoe Rogan
  You guys want a big one or a little one?
5. ASAri Shaffir
  I'll take a little-y.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  You want a little, like a this one? Or like a, this one?
7. MNMark Normand
  I'll do a little J.
8. ASAri Shaffir
  Is that a Fuente? Is that a short story?
9. JRJoe Rogan
  These were all, these were all given to me by Jose Andres.
10. MNMark Normand
  Ooh.
11. ASAri Shaffir
  Is that a short, a short story?
12. JRJoe Rogan
  Uh, you know, maybe you know.
13. ASAri Shaffir
  I know. It's a Gari Shafir.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  A short story, that's what they're called? You want a short one? Like that?
15. ASAri Shaffir
  Let me see. Which one was it?
16. MNMark Normand
  I'm actually all right, I don't like any of them. But-
17. ASAri Shaffir
  Let me see all of them.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, you gotta choose.
19. MNMark Normand
  You don't know what the fuck that is.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  You gotta choose.
21. ASAri Shaffir
  Oh, this is the one. It's Open S.
22. MNMark Normand
  Ah.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  This is the high end version of this brand.
24. MNMark Normand
  Ugh. Ugh.
25. JRJoe Rogan
  They're all very, they're super legit. What do you want, Norm?
26. ASAri Shaffir
  The short stories are great though.
27. MNMark Normand
  I'll take a nice light one.
28. ASAri Shaffir
  You won't appreciate.
29. JRJoe Rogan
  That's a...
30. MNMark Normand
  That might be too heavy for me.
25:07 – 59:16
Porn ID laws, VPN workarounds, and Ozempic face/jaw/dick tangents
1. ASAri Shaffir
  (laughs) It is crazy I can't watch porn here on my phone.
2. JRJoe Rogan
  That's a real fucking bummer.
3. ASAri Shaffir
  You can. You just have to take a photo of your ID- Oh, come on. (laughs)
4. JRJoe Rogan
  ... and send it to the company. What's the problem, Mark?
5. ASAri Shaffir
  (laughs)
6. What am I, a migrant?
7. JRJoe Rogan
  We wanna know how into feet you really are.
8. ASAri Shaffir
  Why are some of these states doing that?
9. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
10. ASAri Shaffir
  What, who is that? Tennessee also?
11. I'm buying feet.
12. (laughs)
13. You know what I'm saying?
14. We just wanna track you completely.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  It is.
16. ASAri Shaffir
  We wanna see what your search history is on Pornhub.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  It's a nice treat though. You go on the road, you go, "Oh, yeah."
18. ASAri Shaffir
  Yes, exactly.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  You guys are out in New York, you don't know- You don't know what it's like.
20. ASAri Shaffir
  It's all the tax-free states too. Florida, Tennessee. Florida I don't know. Tennessee for sure.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  It is a bummer, and the only way you find out is when you're doing your show-
22. ASAri Shaffir
  When you get on and you're like, "What?"
23. JRJoe Rogan
  ... in Tennessee there you go.
24. ASAri Shaffir
  Don't you guys know about ExpressVPN?
25. Yeah.
26. Get ExpressVPN. Say you're fucking phoning in from Thailand, you can see everything.
27. Yeah. But then sometimes it goes like, "Uh, it's not registering right. It's not too..." I was like, "Come on."
28. Come on.
29. Just do it.
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
28:19 – 32:06
Cannibalism stories: Rockefellers, colonial horror, and ‘General Butt Naked’
1. ASAri Shaffir
  Or, or the white social worker who goes into Baltimore ghetto, he's like, "Hey, everybody, I'm here." And they just beat the fuck out of him for-
2. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
3. ASAri Shaffir
  Yeah. This isn't, this isn't... What, what's the movie with the-
4. Yeah.
5. ... the cool, uh, the cool song?
6. JRJoe Rogan
  How about the dude who was a Rockefeller?
7. ASAri Shaffir
  Dangerous Minds. Dangerous Minds.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  The dude who was a Rockefeller who went to the Papua New Guinea tribe and they ate him?
9. ASAri Shaffir
  You know what? He fucked up.
10. What?
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Wait. What was it-
12. ASAri Shaffir
  Yeah. Yeah, he fucked up because he said, "I'm actually very important where I am." They go, "Oh, that's m- that's more nutrients."
13. JRJoe Rogan
  No, no. What happened was-
14. ASAri Shaffir
  (laughs)
15. JRJoe Rogan
  ... he fucked up and was trying to get a sacred item from them and trying to buy it from them. And they didn't want to give it, and he was very insistent. And he, he apparently offended them deeply.
16. ASAri Shaffir
  Oh, there's a sandwich.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  And then when he returned they're like, "Oh, he's back." And they stabbed him when he was in the boat. They were taking him in the boat over there and they, they stuck him with a spear. And he's like, "Oh!"
18. ASAri Shaffir
  Oh, maybe they just- (screams)
19. JRJoe Rogan
  Screaming out and he, he cried. And then the guy who told the story, it's... There's a whole depiction of how he died.
20. ASAri Shaffir
  Pull it up.
21. I read that-
22. Apparently.
23. ... it was because also like, he was an important man in America in another country and they're like, "That's, that's better to eat that. That's a good person to eat."
24. JRJoe Rogan
  I think the big thing was-
25. ASAri Shaffir
  They get their power.
26. JRJoe Rogan
  ... the offense.
27. ASAri Shaffir
  (laughs)
28. Yeah.
29. JRJoe Rogan
  I think it was the offense, because they would've killed him the first time. But it was-
30. ASAri Shaffir
  Maybe they would've killed them and not eaten them.
32:06 – 43:24
AI future: actors replaced, deepfakes, and the end of “video proof”
1. JRJoe Rogan
  How many fucking AI movies are gonna be made over the next year?
2. SGShane Gillis
  Oh, they're coming.
3. All of them. Let's get rid of the actors. I'm all for it.
4. They're coming. Well, we don't have to hear from them. That'd be nice.
5. Yeah, we don't have to hear from them. (laughs)
6. Number here goes.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  All the mediocre actors, all the like CBS, like, uh, cop show actors-
8. MNMark Normand
  Yeah.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  ... who always played like the deputy. "We've got the papers, but we don't know if he did it yet." (laughs) You know that guy?
10. SGShane Gillis
  (laughs) Yeah, yeah, yeah.
11. (laughs)
12. JRJoe Rogan
  That guy's gone. That guy's gone.
13. SGShane Gillis
  (laughs)
14. It's gone.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  All the NPCs are gone.
16. SGShane Gillis
  They're looking real good. They can make a protect our parks AI, three hours long.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, 100%.
18. SGShane Gillis
  Do it.
19. MNMark Normand
  So easy to replicate that. We replicate it every single episode. (laughs)
20. SGShane Gillis
  Where are you gonna shoot it? (laughs) Just play Freebird. (laughs)
21. Let's get these guys not at their best. Play Freebird 40 minutes in.
22. Play Freebird. (laughs)
23. Yeah, we'll do some Hitler stuff and then some...
24. Get a pun in there.
25. MNMark Normand
  Get a couple of drinks into us and get some Hitler speeches going.
26. SGShane Gillis
  Like, "Hey, ever play come out of the closet?" (laughs)
27. MNMark Normand
  Oh, you know who we probably will play is that-
28. JRJoe Rogan
  Hey, is that-
29. MNMark Normand
  ... is that new Kanye.
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Kanye won the Hallelujah one? Is that real?
43:24 – 1:07:01
Animals & chaos: deer antlers, coyotes, outdoor cats, and nature horror
1. SGShane Gillis
  You ever see those guys that... Like, a moose, like, when they shake their fucking antlers off? What's that called?
2. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, yeah, shedding.
3. SGShane Gillis
  Shed... Yeah.
4. MNMark Normand
  Whoa.
5. SGShane Gillis
  I could've got that.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  It's crazy.
7. SGShane Gillis
  Fuck.
8. MNMark Normand
  (laughs)
9. SGShane Gillis
  I could've got shedding.
10. MNMark Normand
  Pull it up.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Giant paddles. It's hilarious. Yeah, giant paddles.
12. SGShane Gillis
  It, like, surprises them.
13. MNMark Normand
  Really?
14. JRJoe Rogan
  And then, then they're free because it... All that weight. You know how much those things weigh? Those are bone.
15. MNMark Normand
  But it's basically a weapon, right? That's why they have it.
16. JRJoe Rogan
  So this is a... These two deer are locked.
17. SGShane Gillis
  Oh, oh.
18. MNMark Normand
  Oh.
19. SGShane Gillis
  So they're trying to shoot it?
20. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, you gotta... This guy's gonna shoot the antlers off. He's gonna separate them.
21. MNMark Normand
  Yeah, he gets to shoot... What the fuck?
22. JRJoe Rogan
  So he's gotta do that with a shotgun. He's just gotta get a good shot.
23. SGShane Gillis
  So only he's gonna shoot the antlers and not them?
24. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, not them. He's an expert.
25. SGShane Gillis
  Oh.
26. JRJoe Rogan
  He's a really good shot.
27. SGShane Gillis
  Because he's in the snow. This guy's a man.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  And he's real close, so all he has to do is, like, clip one of the antlers and it'll blow him all apart.
29. MNMark Normand
  Chase the antler.
30. SGShane Gillis
  No way, he got this.