Joe Rogan Experience #2380 - Jordan Jensen

Narrator 0:00 (drum beat) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

Jordan Jensen 0:04 The Joe Rogan Experience.

Joe Rogan 0:06 Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night. All day. (instrumental music plays) Jordan.

Jordan Jensen 0:14 Hello.

Joe Rogan 0:15 What up? What's up?

Jordan Jensen 0:15 Oh, good. I got my legal pad here.

Joe Rogan 0:17 Yeah, in case you need, uh, to write notes.

Jordan Jensen 0:20 I'm gonna take notes on what you're doing right and wrong.

Joe Rogan 0:23 (splutters)

Jordan Jensen 0:23 And I'll give them to you at the end.

Joe Rogan 0:24 I... Uh, tell me.

Jordan Jensen 0:26 Okay, I will.

Joe Rogan 0:26 So I can figure out what the wrong stuff is.

Jordan Jensen 0:28 I will.

Joe Rogan 0:28 And stop doing it.

Jordan Jensen 0:29 I wanna fuck with all this stuff, yeah.

Joe Rogan 0:31 I know, there's so much shit.

Jordan Jensen 0:32 It's crazy.

Joe Rogan 0:32 And people keep giving me new shit.

Jordan Jensen 0:34 I know. I brought a little, tiny figurine of a little thing on stage one time, and every single meet and greet, people give me these little, tiny animals.

Joe Rogan 0:42 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 0:42 So now I have this giant collection of them. And I'm like, "I don't like these that much."

Joe Rogan 0:46 That's the problem is, like, everybody knows that I keep a bunch of shit on this desk, so people give me shit to put on this desk. And now it's getting kind of crazy.

Jordan Jensen 0:54 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 0:54 Like, where I'm gonna have to have a shelf.

Jordan Jensen 0:56 I had to get a shelf. I got one of those old typewriter keyboard things.

Joe Rogan 1:00 Look, I have, like, mammoth teeth. This is, uh, a piece of art that was cut-

Jordan Jensen 1:04 Oh, somebody gave me one of these.

Joe Rogan 1:05 ... cut out of a wooly mammoth tooth. Oh, that's a... Don't blow it.

Jordan Jensen 1:08 I won't.

Joe Rogan 1:08 We'll all die.

Jordan Jensen 1:09 I got one of these, a Mayan death whis- whistle.

Joe Rogan 1:11 Bryan Callen blew it. Yeah, Bryan... Aztec, Aztec death whistle. Bryan Callen blew one right before COVID hit. I'm not saying he caused it.

Jordan Jensen 1:18 Oh.

Joe Rogan 1:20 But there's a lot of videos saying he caused it. (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 1:23 I get it, I get it. That would be a death whistle.

Joe Rogan 1:26 I think he was prob-... Technically, I think when he blew it, it had already, like, caught on in China.

Jordan Jensen 1:32 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:32 Unless we're in a simulation.

Jordan Jensen 1:34 Right. You're the COVID guy. I was listening to your podcast with, um... What's the woman who got falsely accused?

Joe Rogan 1:42 Of what?

Jordan Jensen 1:43 Of, uh, murdering her roommate.

Joe Rogan 1:45 Oh, yeah.

Jordan Jensen 1:46 I was listening to that one, and I, like, fast-forwarded it one moment, and it went from her being like, "And then I was in prison for four years," to you being like, "Well, the bat's been COVID." And I was like-

Joe Rogan 1:55 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 1:55 ... "How did we, how did we get here?" (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:58 Yeah, that was a fascinating podcast. Amanda Knox, she's got a Netflix series out right now, uh, where someone plays her, which has gotta be super fucking weird.

Jordan Jensen 2:07 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 2:07 Like, someone else plays her-

Jordan Jensen 2:09 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 2:09 ... in, like, a dramatization of her getting wrongly accused at 20 years old of a murder, where they had all this evidence that this guy, who broke into the house, fucking murdered her. His, like, his DNA was there. And they ignored it because they didn't wanna admit that they were wrong.

Narrator 2:24 It's on Hulu.

Joe Rogan 2:25 Hulu, sorry.

Narrator 2:26 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 2:26 I don't really get-

Joe Rogan 2:27 Did I say Netflix?

Jordan Jensen 2:27 ... how that happens.

Narrator 2:28 It's the tale of an animal.

Joe Rogan 2:29 Because cops are cunts.

Jordan Jensen 2:30 Right, but did they not check-

Joe Rogan 2:32 Just like people are cunts, not all cops.

Jordan Jensen 2:32 Did they not see sperm everywhere? Oh, no. The guy was like, "I fucked her."

Joe Rogan 2:35 No, I don't know what he said. I don't know what happened, but I know that they ha- started... They had a narrative.

Jordan Jensen 2:42 Oh, that he was in on it.

Joe Rogan 2:43 No, no, no.

Jordan Jensen 2:44 No-

Joe Rogan 2:44 They had a nar- well, they had a narrative that she did it, that she caused the murder.

Jordan Jensen 2:48 Right.

Joe Rogan 2:48 And the guy started with that, and he stuck with it. And even when there was evidence that showed that it was... There was a guy in there, and that the guy did it, and that the window was broken, and somebody broke into the house, and like...

Jordan Jensen 2:59 And then eventually he came forward and was like, "This has nothing to do with her," the guy who did do it.

Joe Rogan 3:03 Well, I don't think he eventually ever did anything. No. Like, she actually had a meeting with him, which is crazy, like, after the fact, and, like, forgave him. But I- I-

Jordan Jensen 3:13 She's a white girl.

Joe Rogan 3:14 They got-

Jordan Jensen 3:14 At least they're all about the forgiveness.

Joe Rogan 3:14 She got tried twice, twice.

Jordan Jensen 3:17 I know, the Supreme Court?

Joe Rogan 3:18 No, no, no. She went-

Jordan Jensen 3:19 Right?

Joe Rogan 3:19 She got c- acquitted. Like, she got released, right? And then they retried her in absentia. So she was in America-

Jordan Jensen 3:27 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:27 ... while they were trying her in Italy again.

Jordan Jensen 3:30 And then they said she's fine?

Joe Rogan 3:31 Yeah, yeah. Which is fucking crazy. Like, hey-

Jordan Jensen 3:33 But why was she in prison for so long?

Joe Rogan 3:34 ... how about give her some fucking money?

Jordan Jensen 3:35 Also, the guy, Raffaele, was in solitary for six months.

Joe Rogan 3:39 I know.

Jordan Jensen 3:40 I can't-

Joe Rogan 3:41 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 3:41 ... fathom that.

Joe Rogan 3:42 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 3:43 The six months in solitude is so crazy to me. One day in solitude and I'm done.

Joe Rogan 3:47 Well, I talked to a guy, uh, that had been in solitary for years.

Jordan Jensen 3:52 What does that mean? Like, you get... You shit and piss in there?

Joe Rogan 3:55 Yeah, yeah.

Jordan Jensen 3:56 What?

Joe Rogan 3:57 Yeah, you get no contact. No contact with anybody else.

Jordan Jensen 3:59 You must be scrambly after that.

Joe Rogan 4:01 100%.

Jordan Jensen 4:03 I feel like they... Yeah, it's gotta do some sort of weird brain damage thing, where they come out, l- acting-

Joe Rogan 4:08 Well, this guy Shaka that we had on the podcast, he's great.

Jordan Jensen 4:10 Was he normal?

Joe Rogan 4:11 Yeah. Well, beyond. Like, super smart. He wrote in there, educated himself in there too.

Jordan Jensen 4:16 Oh, you can read?

Joe Rogan 4:17 Wrote books in there.

Jordan Jensen 4:17 He can read in there?

Joe Rogan 4:18 Yeah, you can read.

Jordan Jensen 4:19 That's good.

Joe Rogan 4:19 Yeah. I mean, they don't just give you nothing to... But they... You do go crazy. You- you- you go crazy.

Jordan Jensen 4:25 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:25 Human beings need human contact.

Jordan Jensen 4:27 Well, it's like when you don't do anything all day, and then you get right up on stage. Have you ever done that? Where you don't talk to anybody-

Joe Rogan 4:32 Oh, it's the worst.

Jordan Jensen 4:32 ... (laughs) and you feel insane? Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:34 (laughs) It's the worst. The first conversation of the day are on stage.

Jordan Jensen 4:36 It's crazy.

Joe Rogan 4:37 Yeah, that's why I always bring friends on the road.

Jordan Jensen 4:39 Totally.

Joe Rogan 4:39 You don't wanna be like that weirdo in the hotel room by yourself.

Jordan Jensen 4:42 Yeah. And then you take a nap, and then sun goes down-

Joe Rogan 4:44 Not talkin' to anybody.

Jordan Jensen 4:44 ... while you're napping. That's the worst feeling.

Joe Rogan 4:46 Ugh. (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 4:46 That... When I do that, it feels like I'm haunting the audience. Like, I'm like, "You guys are in a different reality, and I'm, I'm intruding on where you're at."

Joe Rogan 4:55 The weird one is when you wake up and you don't know what city you're in.

Jordan Jensen 4:58 Yeah, but that's why I got the dog.

Joe Rogan 4:59 Oh.

Jordan Jensen 4:59 I was so sick of that feeling. I was so sick of waking up and being like, "I've been abducted. Where am I? This place is nicer than my apartment, so that's good."

Joe Rogan 5:06 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 5:06 "But where am I?" And then I saw my dog, and I was like, "Oh, we're all right."

Joe Rogan 5:10 (laughs) That's not the only reason why you got your dog.

Jordan Jensen 5:12 Yeah, and she rolls. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:14 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 5:14 And she's awesome.

Joe Rogan 5:14 She does roll.

Jordan Jensen 5:15 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:15 She's really sweet.

Jordan Jensen 5:16 She's very cool.

Joe Rogan 5:16 She's so cute. How long have you had her?

Jordan Jensen 5:18 Two years.

Joe Rogan 5:19 Oh, that's awesome.

Jordan Jensen 5:20 Yeah, she's the best.

Joe Rogan 5:20 Was she full-grown when you got her?

Jordan Jensen 5:22 Tiny.

Joe Rogan 5:22 Oh, she was a pup.

Jordan Jensen 5:22 'Cause I wanted to adopt the mom-

Joe Rogan 5:24 Oh.

Jordan Jensen 5:24 ... who... But they were like, "Hey, the mom just, uh, ha- had all this... We didn't know she was pregnant, and she just had a litter of puppies. Will you take one of these?"

Joe Rogan 5:30 Hmm.

Jordan Jensen 5:31 And I was like, "Okay." And I had no idea how hard it is to have a puppy.

Joe Rogan 5:34 I've had dogs where you adopt them full-grown, and it was great. I had this, uh, dog named Lucy. She was awesome. She was so sweet. And then I had another dog, named Squeaky Fromme, that was a real nightmare.

Jordan Jensen 5:45 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:46 She was a real... Maybe it was 'cause I named her Squeaky Fromme-

Jordan Jensen 5:48 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:48 ... after one of the Manson family members. But-

Jordan Jensen 5:50 Oh, yeah. That'll happen. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:50 She had a squeaky voice.

Jordan Jensen 5:52 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:52 She, like, she had been barking so much in the pound that when I got her outta the pound, like, her voice was like, "Ah, wah, wah, wah." And then eventually it got...... normal again, 'cause she didn't have to bark 24 hours a day. She just had worn out-

Jordan Jensen 6:04 Oh, yeah. Squeaky.

Joe Rogan 6:05 ... she had worn out vocal cords. She had a totally normal bark, but I was like, "Oh my God. Her bark is like a squeak."

Jordan Jensen 6:10 She was a smoker, yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:11 Yeah, it was like that.

Jordan Jensen 6:11 That's awesome.

Joe Rogan 6:12 Yeah. Like, she was hoarse.

Jordan Jensen 6:14 Yeah. W- you don't know what you're gonna get. I mean, when I got a- a rescue, I was like, "I'm gonna get a small rescue, so I hope it'll be fine." But it was such a gamble. Everybody was like, "Do not do this."

Joe Rogan 6:22 Yeah, we had a Doberman once, that was a rescue, that we had to get rid of. He had distemper and he got really crazy. Like, in that, like growling at us and barking at us out of nowhere. And I was a little kid.

Jordan Jensen 6:33 Oh, you were a little kid.

Joe Rogan 6:33 And it was like, "Yo."

Jordan Jensen 6:34 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:35 We got rid of him.

Jordan Jensen 6:36 We had a dog that would, that ate the foot off of (laughs) my, my... We had a pit bull that was a rescue. And my mom had this, like woman move in with us who she was dating, and her kids moved in too. And my pit bull ate the foot off of the wi- wife's cat-

Joe Rogan 6:53 Oh my God.

Jordan Jensen 6:53 ... of the woman's cat.

Joe Rogan 6:54 Oh my God.

Jordan Jensen 6:55 And the woman was like, "Hey, you gotta, like choose between me or this pit bull." My mom was like, "Yeah, get your cr- (laughs) crippled cat out of here." (laughs) And we kept-

Joe Rogan 7:02 (laughs) Oh my God.

Jordan Jensen 7:02 ... we kept our dog. She didn't give a fuck, dude.

Joe Rogan 7:05 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 7:05 She was so attached to that dog. That dog, the amount of times it would just like kill... My friend was in the backyard. The dog kills a cat, and my friend's freaking out. She's like, "We have to find the owner." And my mom was like, "You will k- stay quiet." It was crazy. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 7:20 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 7:20 It was, it was nuts. She was obsessed with that dog. That's the only time I've seen her like really cry is when a dog dies.

Joe Rogan 7:26 Yeah. It's hard. They don't live long enough.

Jordan Jensen 7:30 I can't even think about it.

Joe Rogan 7:30 Like, they're your best friends.

Jordan Jensen 7:31 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 7:32 I'm s- ter... I have a dog named Marshall, he's a golden retriever. He's the best and he's nine now. He'll be nine in a couple of months and it's just like, "Oh, no." I've had him since he was a baby, now he's nine. I'm like, "He's only got a few years left." And he's so active, he's super healthy, eats great, he's fit. He's not-

Jordan Jensen 7:50 Is he the retriever?

Joe Rogan 7:51 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 7:52 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 7:53 But they-

Jordan Jensen 7:53 The small dogs live forever.

Joe Rogan 7:54 ... they get to be like 12, and that's kinda it. 13 maybe?

Jordan Jensen 7:58 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 7:58 14, and then they're really hurting.

Jordan Jensen 8:01 It's fucked.

Joe Rogan 8:02 It's fucked.

Jordan Jensen 8:03 It's not-

Joe Rogan 8:03 Apparently there's a drug that they've developed for, for dogs. Like a longevity drug. I don't know if they've released it yet, but, uh, I know that it shows promise and ex- it extend dogs' lifetime.

Jordan Jensen 8:15 Whitney Cummings the other day said that her friend, her friend's like soul dog died the other day, and she said, "When the dog dies, you like learn something about yourself that's very important. So I've been holding onto that kind of woo-woo thing." Like, she's like, "You kind of show up for yourself in a way you need to."

Joe Rogan 8:32 I don't know if I'd listen to Whitney on that.

Jordan Jensen 8:33 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She does what she has to-

Joe Rogan 8:35 (laughs) Wh- he gets a little woo-woo with her doggies.

Jordan Jensen 8:36 I like how Whitney has a, has something to say about everything though.

Joe Rogan 8:40 Rapamycin. Uh-

Jordan Jensen 8:42 Wrap him on ice, take him off. He's still living.

Joe Rogan 8:45 I've heard of rapamycin before, because rapamycin is something that, uh, Peter Attia is, uh, a big proponent of for longevity.

Jordan Jensen 8:53 The, the guy who wants to live forever?

Joe Rogan 8:55 No, no that's Bryan Johnson. Uh, "Another study at Texas A&M University showed rapamycin could extend the lifespan of older dogs by up to 20%. Generally well-tolerated, however it can cause side effects such as lethargy, lack of appetite." Oh, boy. Huh.

Jordan Jensen 9:11 No, you can't do it.

Joe Rogan 9:12 Interesting. Is that it? 'Cause I think there was something else, it was like a gene therapy.

Jordan Jensen 9:20 Is it? What happened to the cloning thing? What happened to CRISPR?

Joe Rogan 9:23 They probably already made clones.

Jordan Jensen 9:25 But why did we not hear about that? Weren't they cloning sheep and shit?

Joe Rogan 9:28 Yep.

Jordan Jensen 9:28 And then we just stopped hearing about it? (laughs)

Joe Rogan 9:29 Yeah, they probably made a bunch of people already.

Jordan Jensen 9:31 (laughs) Yeah, what is that?

Joe Rogan 9:32 The people telling you about clones are probably clones.

Jordan Jensen 9:34 You ever see a person that looks exactly like another person, and then you ask them their name and it's the same name? And you're like, "No fucking way."

Joe Rogan 9:39 You know the story about those two baseball players?

Jordan Jensen 9:41 No.

Joe Rogan 9:42 Oh, it's the nuttiest shit of all time. These two baseball players look exactly the same, have the exact same name-

Jordan Jensen 9:49 No way.

Joe Rogan 9:49 ... and never met each other, and they both play baseball.

Jordan Jensen 9:52 Let me see 'em. Let me see 'em.

Joe Rogan 9:53 Oh, it's bananas. These two guys.

Jordan Jensen 9:54 Oh my God.

Narrator 9:56 They are the same age.

Joe Rogan 9:56 What? What in the fuck?

Narrator 9:58 Different parents. They're ginger.

Jordan Jensen 9:58 Why are they wearing the same glasses? (laughs)

Joe Rogan 10:00 And their name is Brady Feigl, right? So it's not even like a normal name.

Narrator 10:04 Yeah, and they both got the same injury. That's how they found out. They were going to the same doctor.

Joe Rogan 10:07 Just imagine your name is Brady Feigl and you meet another guy who's also Brady Feigl. You're both 6'4".

Jordan Jensen 10:15 Oh my...

Joe Rogan 10:15 You both have red hair.

Jordan Jensen 10:16 (gasps) They're both really tall.

Joe Rogan 10:17 You both have black glasses. You both have the fucking same crazy name. That name is nuts. Well-

Jordan Jensen 10:23 Maryland and Missouri is not far enough away.

Joe Rogan 10:25 That's crazy.

Jordan Jensen 10:26 That's crazy.

Narrator 10:27 I think they also, once they found this out, they didn't immediately go meet each other. They waited (laughs) like two or three years maybe, I think.

Joe Rogan 10:33 Oh, if the guy played baseball and I played baseball, I'd be like, "Bro, we gotta hang out and freak people out."

Narrator 10:39 Well, they're different ages.

Jordan Jensen 10:40 Dude, that's crazy.

Narrator 10:40 I thought they were the same age.

Joe Rogan 10:41 Oh, how old?

Narrator 10:42 Uh, they're... Yes, they're slightly different.

Joe Rogan 10:43 32 and 27? Interesting. The first guy must be really pissed. "This motherfucker stealing my shine."

Jordan Jensen 10:48 That's bizarre.

Joe Rogan 10:49 It's weird.

Jordan Jensen 10:49 Yeah, but I just remember hearing so much about cloning.

Joe Rogan 10:52 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 10:52 And then it just stopped.

Joe Rogan 10:53 Well, they do it with dogs.

Jordan Jensen 10:55 See...

Joe Rogan 10:55 They do it with people's pets. Like, if you wanna get your pet cloned, you can get your pet cloned. That's a real thing now.

Jordan Jensen 11:00 But what do you do-

Joe Rogan 11:00 I think it costs $30,000.

Jordan Jensen 11:03 But then they're cloned at the same age?

Joe Rogan 11:05 It's... No, no, no, no, no, no, no. They're a puppy.

Jordan Jensen 11:08 Nice.

Joe Rogan 11:09 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 11:09 See, we could do that.

Joe Rogan 11:10 We get to start from scratch. Yeah, otherwise you'd have like a 11-year-old you could, like, bring him back. (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 11:14 That'd be so mean. That'd be so mean. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 11:18 (laughs) He's got arthritis and diarrhea.

Jordan Jensen 11:20 (laughs) He's like, "Please, let me die."

Joe Rogan 11:22 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 11:22 "For the love of God."

Joe Rogan 11:23 You waited too long to clone him. (growls) (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 11:26 That's... Dude, bring him back as a puppy though. We could do that.

Joe Rogan 11:28 Did you see that movie with Demi Moore called The Substance?

Jordan Jensen 11:31 Okay, I fainted in the theater.

Joe Rogan 11:33 Bro.

Jordan Jensen 11:34 (laughs) I fainted so hard.

Joe Rogan 11:36 Bro, that movie is nuts.

Jordan Jensen 11:38 It's nuts. I'm actually very-

Joe Rogan 11:40 It's nuts.

Jordan Jensen 11:40 ... pro that movie. Like, I love the narrative. I-

Joe Rogan 11:43 Oh, it was great.

Jordan Jensen 11:44 I love the idea of that, when you get all that face shit, you're just keeping an old person alive.

Joe Rogan 11:48 Yeah. (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 11:48 I've tried to describe that on stage so much where I'm like, "Doesn't it bother you that when people are like, 'You look good for your age,' you're just like hide it? Like you're concealing your death glare?"

Joe Rogan 11:58 Right.

Jordan Jensen 11:58 You know what I mean?

Joe Rogan 11:59 Right, right, right.

Jordan Jensen 11:59 Like... And that movie portrayed that perfectly-

Joe Rogan 12:01 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 12:01 ... where it's just a fucking...

Joe Rogan 12:03 It's kind of ironic that Demi Moore, who looks insanely good at 62-

Jordan Jensen 12:07 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 12:08 ... played that lady.

Jordan Jensen 12:09 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 12:09 You know? 'Cause like-

Jordan Jensen 12:10 But I liked that because it showed, like, even when you saw her weird, old lady butt, you were like, "That's Demi's, Moore's nice butt, but I'm still, like, in awe of the young girl's butt."

Joe Rogan 12:21 Oh, yeah.

Jordan Jensen 12:22 Which is unacceptable.

Joe Rogan 12:23 It's unacceptable.

Jordan Jensen 12:24 You know what I mean?

Joe Rogan 12:24 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 12:24 Like when she was doing the whole dance, and you're like, "Why is this so intense?"

Joe Rogan 12:27 Right.

Jordan Jensen 12:27 And you're like, "Because it's a young person."

Joe Rogan 12:29 Right.

Jordan Jensen 12:30 And I think that... Did that director do... No, that director didn't do Raw. But it was a female director.

Joe Rogan 12:36 I don't know what else this director did, but that movie was awesome. It was-

Jordan Jensen 12:39 I hit the deck though. I tried s- I faint so easily.

Joe Rogan 12:41 (laughs) Do you really?

Jordan Jensen 12:42 Dude, I just-

Joe Rogan 12:43 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 12:43 Blood and stuff, I faint, and I muscled-

Joe Rogan 12:45 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 12:45 ... through the gory part and I was like, "I'm fucking good, like, I can't- I've cured it." And then the music, it's like when a s- when a movie starts going like (singing) , like that, like a-

Joe Rogan 12:54 Yeah?

Jordan Jensen 12:55 ... like on both sides, I'm-

Joe Rogan 12:56 That gets you?

Jordan Jensen 12:56 I'm like a goat, dude.

Joe Rogan 12:57 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 12:57 I, I got to the bathroom-

Joe Rogan 12:59 You're like a goat.

Jordan Jensen 12:59 ... and I passed out. I'm in New York just on the ground fainted. People are walking over my body. They're like, "Homeless person."

Joe Rogan 13:05 That's hilarious.

Jordan Jensen 13:06 I was fucked.

Joe Rogan 13:06 That's so funny. I used to date a girl that when, if someone got a needle on screen, she'd faint.

Jordan Jensen 13:12 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 13:12 Just, like, didn't matter where she was. If someone got injected, like (groans) . (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 13:16 It's so bad, yeah.

Joe Rogan 13:17 Her dad had it too.

Jordan Jensen 13:18 My dad has it, yeah. Her dad has it, yeah.

Joe Rogan 13:19 Her dad was a dentist.

Jordan Jensen 13:21 What?

Joe Rogan 13:21 Which is crazy. Like-

Jordan Jensen 13:22 The dentist makes me faint.

Joe Rogan 13:24 When the, when the kid, one of their, uh, her brother got, like, crazy sunburn, like really bad where he got blisters, the dad saw it and just fucking fainted. (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 13:33 Dude, it's crazy.

Joe Rogan 13:35 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 13:35 My sister called my dad once and she was working on cadavers and she was like, "I'm so interested in this. We cut into a cadaver today." And she just heard (hands clap) thump on the other line and she was like-

Joe Rogan 13:43 Oh my God.

Jordan Jensen 13:44 ... "Dad, Dad."

Joe Rogan 13:44 Oh my God.

Jordan Jensen 13:46 He was done.

Joe Rogan 13:47 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 13:47 He was done, dude. He's fainted-

Joe Rogan 13:49 From a phone call.

Jordan Jensen 13:49 ... so many times. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 13:50 From a phone call.

Jordan Jensen 13:51 From a phone call.

Joe Rogan 13:51 That's so wild.

Jordan Jensen 13:52 He couldn't be in our births or anything. He was-

Joe Rogan 13:54 Oh my God.

Jordan Jensen 13:55 Yeah, it was crazy.

Joe Rogan 13:58 That's crazy. That's cr- What is that?

Jordan Jensen 13:59 It's called vasovagal.

Joe Rogan 14:01 Okay, but is that a psychological thing? Because it's obviously, like, your reaction to a thing.

Jordan Jensen 14:07 I-

Joe Rogan 14:08 Like, I wonder if you can temper that somehow.

Jordan Jensen 14:10 Here's the problem with it, is why I don't... I used to think it was psychological, like me and my dad pictured things too well. Like, we pictured it-

Joe Rogan 14:17 Right.

Jordan Jensen 14:17 ... the needle going in. But vasovagal, like, sometimes I'll be putting an earring in and I'll fucking-

Joe Rogan 14:21 You just faint? (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 14:22 Yeah, like, so I think it is-

Joe Rogan 14:23 You should wear a helmet everywhere-

Jordan Jensen 14:24 I know, I know.

Joe Rogan 14:25 ... so you don't bounce your head off the fucking linoleum.

Jordan Jensen 14:26 It's so fucked up.

Joe Rogan 14:27 Oh my God.

Jordan Jensen 14:27 So I think it is neurological.

Joe Rogan 14:30 Well, I bet, but also triggered by high states of anxiety, right?

Jordan Jensen 14:35 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 14:35 So that's what you would be able to control. You wouldn't be able to control the fact that you do faint when you have a high level of anxiety. So, uh, vasovagal response, sudden overreaction of the body's autonomic nervous system to a trigger such as pain or emotional stress, uh, or music, that causes a temporary drop in heart rate and blood pressure. (singing)

Jordan Jensen 14:57 There's a whole part of my special where I talk about me and this guy who was also a fainter having sex.

Joe Rogan 15:02 Oh my God.

Jordan Jensen 15:03 And...

Joe Rogan 15:04 You both fainted?

Jordan Jensen 15:05 A lot.

Joe Rogan 15:05 Nice.

Jordan Jensen 15:06 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:06 It's hot. (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 15:07 Yeah, it was rough. It was rough.

Joe Rogan 15:10 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 15:10 'Cause when you faint, it comes with sweating and seeing white.

Joe Rogan 15:14 Right.

Jordan Jensen 15:14 Like, it's brutal.

Joe Rogan 15:14 And you probably hope the man doesn't faint, like, he can keep it together.

Jordan Jensen 15:18 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:18 That would be, like, a nice thing.

Jordan Jensen 15:19 Yeah, totally.

Joe Rogan 15:20 Right? Like a nice trait.

Jordan Jensen 15:21 No, he fainted. He could faint on command. He could think of something and faint.

Joe Rogan 15:23 Oh, that's hilarious.

Jordan Jensen 15:24 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:25 That's hilarious. I wonder what would happen to a guy like that had, got drafted in Vietnam.

Jordan Jensen 15:30 Done. Faint, yeah, would've gotten-

Joe Rogan 15:31 Faint, shot.

Jordan Jensen 15:32 ... taken out. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:32 Bapack. That's it?

Jordan Jensen 15:33 Yeah. My dad had a heart attack once and fainted.

Joe Rogan 15:36 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 15:37 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 15:39 Call 911, oops.

Jordan Jensen 15:40 And I saw him in the hospital and I was like, "What happened? The heart attack fucked up your face?" And he was like, "I fainted on a fence." (laughs) I was like, "That's crazy."

Joe Rogan 15:46 Oh my God.

Jordan Jensen 15:47 Yeah, he fainted so much.

Joe Rogan 15:49 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 15:49 And he was a contractor, so he would always have cuts and stuff and would be like, "No," and be out. It was crazy.

Joe Rogan 15:54 That's nuts.

Jordan Jensen 15:54 Yeah. He jigsawed through to his nose one time.

Joe Rogan 15:56 Oh!

Jordan Jensen 15:57 Yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 15:58 'Cause he fainted?

Jordan Jensen 15:59 No, but then he fainted.

Joe Rogan 16:01 Oh.

Jordan Jensen 16:01 He, like, pulled the cord-

Joe Rogan 16:02 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 16:02 ... and then it cut through his nose-

Joe Rogan 16:04 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 16:04 ... and then he go- faints. It's crazy.

Joe Rogan 16:05 Oh my God. Oh my God. I would wear a helmet everywhere if I was that dude.

Jordan Jensen 16:10 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 16:10 I'd just wear a football helmet.

Jordan Jensen 16:11 It was nuts.

Joe Rogan 16:11 Just like, I'm a fan.

Jordan Jensen 16:12 That's what we have to worry about all the ti- Like, if I cut myself, it's not about the cut-

Joe Rogan 16:16 Mm-hmm.

Jordan Jensen 16:16 ... like, the stitches or not. It's that I'm about to hit the deck. It's crazy.

Joe Rogan 16:20 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 16:20 It's so fucked up.

Joe Rogan 16:21 Have you ever fainted right before you went on stage?

Jordan Jensen 16:24 I-

Joe Rogan 16:24 'Cause I would think that's, like, a heightened state of anxiety a little bit, especially in the early days.

Jordan Jensen 16:28 I've panicked. Well, another problem is I get, when I, I panic when I have really bad intrusive thoughts. Like, I, I was around a famous person recently, and I was convinced I was gonna bite, bite her.

Joe Rogan 16:38 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 16:39 (laughs) And I started getting a full panic, which makes you wanna faint.

Joe Rogan 16:43 Oh.

Jordan Jensen 16:44 But it's a, is a, it's a different thing. But both lead to fainting. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 16:47 I knew a dude who was a warmup guy, you know, he'd just do warmup.

Jordan Jensen 16:50 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 16:51 And he had a real problem with anxiety. He just would freak out and... He was a comic and just, it never worked out for him because his anxiety would just overwhelm him.

Jordan Jensen 16:58 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 16:58 And one time he was warming up for The Cosby Show and he got this idea in his head that he was gonna say the N-word.

Jordan Jensen 17:07 Of course.

Joe Rogan 17:07 And he's like, "Don't say it."

Jordan Jensen 17:09 Of course.

Joe Rogan 17:09 "Don't say it." And he-

Jordan Jensen 17:10 Oh, The Cosby Show.

Joe Rogan 17:11 Yeah. So he's warming up for The Cosby Show. So he's, you know, basically in the crowd warming up. "Okay, so here, in the next scene, Dr. Huxtable's gonna come in..." And all his mind is telling him is, "Don't say the N-word."

Jordan Jensen 17:23 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:23 He was not, not gonna say it. He was never gonna say it. But for whatever reason, he was overwhelmed by this fear of saying the N-word in this, like, very, you know-

Jordan Jensen 17:32 It's so real.

Joe Rogan 17:33 ... predominantly Black audience. And he completely had a meltdown-

Jordan Jensen 17:35 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:35 ... while he was doing warmup.

Jordan Jensen 17:37 Where he was panicking.

Joe Rogan 17:38 Full panic attack.

Jordan Jensen 17:38 I, with my special ta- ping, I thought I was gonna hit somebody with a stool. Mine is violence.

Joe Rogan 17:43 Really?

Jordan Jensen 17:43 I think I'm going to bite. I think I'm gonna... Yeah, totally. Or on airplanes, I'm worried I'm gonna pull the exit thing off.

Joe Rogan 17:48 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 17:49 All the time. Mine is very vi- or the person next to me, I'm gonna bite down on. Uh-

Joe Rogan 17:54 That's probably a better response than, like, sh- shrieking and-

Jordan Jensen 17:58 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:58 ... falling to the ground.

Jordan Jensen 18:00 I know, but that, I was, the, the famous woman, I was like, "I don't wanna be the biter."

Joe Rogan 18:05 But you wouldn't bite her.

Jordan Jensen 18:05 And then I know, but I thought-

Joe Rogan 18:07 It's just a thought.

Jordan Jensen 18:07 ... but it, I had so long to obsess about it.

Joe Rogan 18:09 Can you tell me who it is?

Jordan Jensen 18:10 It was Laura Dern.

Joe Rogan 18:12 Really? You thought you were gonna bite Laura Dern?

Jordan Jensen 18:14 (laughs) I was-

Joe Rogan 18:15 Wasn't she an admiral in Star Wars?

Jordan Jensen 18:16 I love her so much.

Joe Rogan 18:18 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 18:18 But she was being so nice to me and we were just sitting next to each other for so long, and I was like, "What if I just bit Laura Dern?" And my brain was like, "You're not," and I was like, "But this might be the time that you do the thing." One time I was on a chair lift and I was like, "What if you jumped off?" And I obsessed so long that I just jumped off.

Joe Rogan 18:32 Whoa.

Jordan Jensen 18:32 I was fine. I landed and was fine, but I still was like, "I did the thing."

Joe Rogan 18:38 Oh, no.

Jordan Jensen 18:38 So since then, I've been like, "Ah."

Joe Rogan 18:39 How far was the jump?

Jordan Jensen 18:40 Not far.

Joe Rogan 18:41 Okay.

Jordan Jensen 18:42 That's the only thing I have to remember is I waited for the snow to come up and meet the chair lift way closer and then jump.

Joe Rogan 18:47 Oh. Good-

Jordan Jensen 18:47 So my... You wanna-

Joe Rogan 18:48 Smart.

Jordan Jensen 18:49 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 18:49 Yeah, you're not crazy.

Jordan Jensen 18:50 You're not crazy.

Joe Rogan 18:51 You just like a little thrill.

Jordan Jensen 18:52 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 18:52 Just a little bitty thrill.

Jordan Jensen 18:53 Totally, like biting Laura Dern.

Joe Rogan 18:55 Well, think about biting her.

Jordan Jensen 18:55 She was so nice.

Joe Rogan 18:56 Just a little nibble.

Jordan Jensen 18:57 (laughs) Her skin was-

Joe Rogan 18:58 Just wanna nibble your earlobes.

Jordan Jensen 18:59 ... so Hollywood, you know?

Joe Rogan 19:00 Ah.

Jordan Jensen 19:00 I was like, "Oh, I could really..."

Joe Rogan 19:02 Her skin was Hollywood?

Jordan Jensen 19:04 Just so pure, so nice.

Joe Rogan 19:05 Interesting.

Jordan Jensen 19:06 I got bug bites all over.

Joe Rogan 19:07 I accidentally sat next to Daryl Hannah once at Canter's Deli in the '90s.

Jordan Jensen 19:13 Okay.

Joe Rogan 19:13 And, uh, they were doing some fucking game. They were playing some game. Her and her friends were playing some game with, like, states, like figure out, like, what... you know, what's the Keystone State? Like that kind of shit.

Jordan Jensen 19:23 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 19:24 And I was helping her, but she was totally normal. Like it was ne- we never acknowledged that she's Daryl Hannah at Canter's Deli.

Jordan Jensen 19:30 Playing a game?

Joe Rogan 19:31 She's just, like, super chill.

Jordan Jensen 19:33 That's so nice.

Joe Rogan 19:34 Yeah. Her and her friends were having a sandwich, just laughing and doing some game about states.

Jordan Jensen 19:40 They're normal as hell. D- Matt Damon was at the Cellar recently and I couldn't... I was so fucked up at how (laughs) ... I don't know how it was fucking me up so much. I do too many... I micro dosed too many of my shrooms. But I was like, "His arms and hands are so Matt Damon's arms and hands."

Joe Rogan 19:55 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 19:55 Like, I knew them so well and he was, like, gesticulating and I was like, "I fucking know those fricking arms." It was crazy.

Joe Rogan 20:01 From movies, yeah.

Jordan Jensen 20:02 From movies, yeah, like just moving. It's weird to know somebody so well and never have spoken to them. It's disturbing.

Joe Rogan 20:07 Je- that is odd. Yeah. Your season, your shot. The NFL season is rolling and every touchdown can bring you closer to a payout with DraftKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of the NFL. Every game is another chance to cash in. Don't just watch the action, win with it. DraftKings Sportsbook delivers the unmatched intensity of the NFL right to your fingertips. From the first touchdown score to any time TD props or the thrill of live in-game betting, every snap is loaded with opportunity. New customers, this one is for you. Bet just $5 and get $200 in bonus bets instantly. Plus, score over $200 off NFL Sunday Ticket from YouTube and YouTube TV. Your season is heating up. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use the code ROGAN. That's code ROGAN to get $200 in bonus bets instantly when you place your first $5 bet. Plus, over $200 off NFL Sunday Ticket from YouTube and YouTube TV. In partnership with DraftKings. The crown is yours.

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Joe Rogan 21:59 I, I met Matt Damon in Italy at a restaurant where he was sitting underneath a photo of himself.

Jordan Jensen 22:07 That's weird.

Joe Rogan 22:08 This, this, this-

Jordan Jensen 22:09 Did he choose to sit there? (laughs)

Joe Rogan 22:10 No, no, no. The, the restaurant owner had him there before. It was a nice table.

Jordan Jensen 22:15 Oh.

Joe Rogan 22:15 And there's photos all over the wall of celebrities-

Jordan Jensen 22:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 22:17 ... that had been there before. And so Matt Damon went and sat down at the table where the photo of this owner, you know, taking a picture with Matt Damon is.

Jordan Jensen 22:27 That's some meta shit.

Joe Rogan 22:28 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 22:28 That's crazy. He seems really sweet.

Joe Rogan 22:30 He's a very nice guy. Super normal guy. There's a lot of them that are, like, super normal.

Jordan Jensen 22:35 The funniest story ever is-

Joe Rogan 22:36 But you should always hold this thing, like, "I doubt fucking crazy people."

Jordan Jensen 22:40 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 22:40 There's always, like, a thing in your head, you're like, "They gotta be out of their fucking mind."

Jordan Jensen 22:43 Totally.

Joe Rogan 22:43 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 22:44 Um, what's the guy's n- Peter Dinklage?

Joe Rogan 22:47 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jordan Jensen 22:48 Came into the Cellar (laughs) and, um, threw a chicken wing at my friend's chest, just, like, out of nowhere. Somebody introduced him, like Gillis or so- somebody. Maybe it was Schultz who was like, "Oh, this is so and so good comic." And he threw a chicken wing at him. And I was like, "That's the most Peter Dinklage." Like just basically being a little Renaissance man, throwing, like-

Joe Rogan 23:09 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 23:09 ... this (laughs) sized turkey leg is crazy. It's crazy.

Joe Rogan 23:14 A little Renaissance man.

Jordan Jensen 23:15 Like him just being like, "Away, Jester."

Joe Rogan 23:18 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 23:18 I was like, "That's too on the nose." It's crazy.

Joe Rogan 23:21 The problem is I knew him first from Elf.

Jordan Jensen 23:23 Oh yeah.

Joe Rogan 23:24 You know?

Jordan Jensen 23:24 Totally.

Joe Rogan 23:25 So even though he's the Game of Thrones guy, to me, he's always the angry writer from Elf.

Jordan Jensen 23:29 I know him from, um, the guy, uh, Four Weddings and a Funeral? Or Wedding, Wedding and a Funeral?

Joe Rogan 23:34 I never saw that. I heard it was really good.

Jordan Jensen 23:36 It's really good.

Joe Rogan 23:37 I've heard it's really good. Never saw it.

Jordan Jensen 23:38 It's crazy funny.

Joe Rogan 23:39 Yeah. That guy's great.

Jordan Jensen 23:40 He's great.

Joe Rogan 23:41 He's s- he was so good in Game of Thrones. He was so good. That was a complicated role.

Jordan Jensen 23:45 He stole the whole thing. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 23:45 Complicated... That fucking show was so good. The new one I'm trying to get into it, but, like, every season's like five years apart from the last one. You have to figure out who is, who is this lady?

Jordan Jensen 23:56 Dude, Game of Thrones won. I had to a- I was, like, asking 1,000 people. I was like, "I don't understand which place is which." I had to, like, map it out.

Joe Rogan 24:02 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 24:03 I was... I could not figure it out. But it's so good. It opened up with the brother and sister.

Joe Rogan 24:07 Fucking.

Jordan Jensen 24:08 That was so sick. I was like, "Let's ride."

Joe Rogan 24:09 And then making her cripple on the other brother.

Jordan Jensen 24:11 Yeah, it was crazy.

Joe Rogan 24:12 Nuts.

Jordan Jensen 24:13 And the f- just full on rape-

Joe Rogan 24:14 Yeah. And how about-

Jordan Jensen 24:15 ... of the Daenerys girl.

Joe Rogan 24:16 They cut the fucking head off the king. You're like, "No!"

Jordan Jensen 24:18 Yeah. He's crazy.

Joe Rogan 24:19 He's the, what-

Jordan Jensen 24:20 He's the best. He's the best. (claps hands)

Joe Rogan 24:21 He's the king.

Jordan Jensen 24:21 Yeah, they did a great job.

Joe Rogan 24:23 Oh, that shuck- fucking show ruled. It was such a good show. Such, uh, the, season one was t- I mean, I mean, not season one, uh, the real Game of Thrones. The new ones, like, eh, it's good. But you know, you're always, you're Jay Leno after Johnny Carson.

Jordan Jensen 24:37 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:37 It's like-

Jordan Jensen 24:38 Totally. You get attached to the characters.

Joe Rogan 24:39 There's a thing.

Jordan Jensen 24:40 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:40 You're just like, "Aw."

Jordan Jensen 24:41 Where has- I didn't, I don't remember the last season. Oh, the last season-

Joe Rogan 24:44 Where Cersei-

Jordan Jensen 24:44 ... was weird where Cersei rules.

Joe Rogan 24:47 I was in, uh, Croatia. And, uh, there's the place where they, where King's Landing is.

Jordan Jensen 24:53 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 24:54 Like, that's where they filmed it.

Jordan Jensen 24:55 Oh, that's awesome.

Joe Rogan 24:55 And they, they, like, sort of do tours where they show you where they film certain scenes.

Jordan Jensen 25:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 25:01 And one of the scenes is when she went, "Shame! Shame!"

Jordan Jensen 25:04 Oh.

Joe Rogan 25:04 And she's walking on, on like, they-

Jordan Jensen 25:05 The little cobblestone?

Joe Rogan 25:06 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 25:06 That's pretty.

Joe Rogan 25:07 That's right there. Yeah, you could, you could actually see it.

Jordan Jensen 25:09 That's really cool.

Joe Rogan 25:10 It's pretty cool. Yeah, they filmed a lot of shit-

Jordan Jensen 25:12 We still do those shame things on Twitter. We do the shame.

Joe Rogan 25:15 Shame.

Jordan Jensen 25:15 Shame.

Joe Rogan 25:15 Shame. Shame.

Jordan Jensen 25:16 I just went through a horrible Twitter thing last night. And-

Joe Rogan 25:18 Oh, no.

Jordan Jensen 25:19 Dude, I got dragged.

Joe Rogan 25:22 You can't read that stuff.

Jordan Jensen 25:23 I d- I, dude, it was a fan-

Joe Rogan 25:24 It's so-

Jordan Jensen 25:24 ... hit me up and goes, "Don't go on Twitter." And I went on Twitter, and it was so, this crazy o- out of context thing, where I was like talking, I was on Stav's podcast, and I was talking about how, I was talking about this guy who used the word, I'm not gonna say it, T-R-A, I don't know how to spell it, N-N-Y?

Joe Rogan 25:42 Okay.

Jordan Jensen 25:43 Is that how you spell it? (laughs) He used that word. And I was being like, that word is so fucking antiquated that at this point to me, it j- it sounds like somebody's just calling like a drag queen that.

Joe Rogan 25:52 Right.

Jordan Jensen 25:52 And everybody took it as me saying that trans people are in drag.

Joe Rogan 25:57 Oh, god.

Jordan Jensen 25:58 And it like, dude, it was just like, went at me. And like the crazy thing is, I thought I was being woke on that podcast. I had like friends of mine being like, "Fuck Jord..." Like it was crazy.

Joe Rogan 26:09 Friends of yours?

Jordan Jensen 26:09 Friend, I mean friendly people, like people I work with.

Joe Rogan 26:12 Yeah, those people can go eat shit. Those pylon people, they can all go eat shit.

Jordan Jensen 26:16 But that was my like first big one.

Joe Rogan 26:18 Fuck you.

Jordan Jensen 26:18 I've had one before, but that was like... (fingers snap)

Joe Rogan 26:21 Those, that kind of shit pushes people away from all the things you're trying to promote. Like it does, it s- it doesn't mean that people hate trans people if they say something like that. That's not what you're saying. And-

Jordan Jensen 26:33 I was saying the opposite. I was being like, this guy was such an asshole for using that f- word.

Joe Rogan 26:37 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 26:37 Also, that word is so corny-

Joe Rogan 26:38 Right.

Jordan Jensen 26:39 ... that I feel like at this point, it's not even referenced to, to transgender people, that it's like what we say for drag basically.

Joe Rogan 26:46 But some people still use it.

Jordan Jensen 26:48 Totally.

Joe Rogan 26:48 But, but it's, uh, that's not the point. The point is, it's like y- what are you trying to do? You're not trying to hurt anybody's feelings. So shut the fuck up. Everybody's just looking for a reason to be offended. It's just v- trying to find anything that they can like, "Green light, go."

Jordan Jensen 27:04 And just pulling it out?

Joe Rogan 27:06 There's no reason, no, no nuance. Yeah, of course.

Jordan Jensen 27:08 It's so crazy.

Joe Rogan 27:09 Of course.

Jordan Jensen 27:09 It was so, and I'm just like reading all of them, and I was like, this is so many people that are just like, "This dumb bitch." One of them said, "This is a fat retard talking to a skinny retard," (laughs) about me and, about me and Stav.

Joe Rogan 27:19 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 27:19 And I was like, "Oh, well, that's, actually, really sweet."

Joe Rogan 27:21 That's nice.

Jordan Jensen 27:21 That's really nice.

Joe Rogan 27:22 So sweet, you're skinny.

Jordan Jensen 27:23 Yeah, I love being skinny. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 27:24 Yeah, well this is just what's going on online. And most of the people that are online-

Jordan Jensen 27:28 I didn't know. I don't have Twitter.

Joe Rogan 27:29 ... are very upset. Oh, good.

Jordan Jensen 27:30 I don't have Twitter. I deleted it-

Joe Rogan 27:31 Oh, good.

Jordan Jensen 27:32 ... because I kept looking at my ex's Twit- tweets, and then I was like, "I'm deleting this for sobriety," you know? And then I went on it the other day and I was like, "This is a nightmare, dude." It was crazy. And I hit up those people who tweeted and I was like, "Hey, why wouldn't you just text me, man? Like, I care about you, you care about me. This was totally out of context. If you had just asked me about it, I would have showed you the whole clip," you know? And they were like, "You're right." (fingers snap) That was crazy.

Joe Rogan 27:54 It's a mental illness factory.

Jordan Jensen 27:56 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 27:57 It's, Twitter is just a giant cunt farm.

Jordan Jensen 27:59 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 28:00 That's what it is.

Jordan Jensen 28:00 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 28:01 It just, everybody just is growing cunty thoughts.

Jordan Jensen 28:04 I just didn't know. I just am not even in there. I mean-

Joe Rogan 28:07 Yeah, it's not good. I don't, I stay off it as much as humanly possible. I try to get on it in the morning just to see what everybody's upset about.

Jordan Jensen 28:13 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 28:14 See what's in the news, what the f- like, a UFO got shot with a Hellfire missile and they, they have footage today. And Rep. Luna-

Jordan Jensen 28:21 What?

Joe Rogan 28:21 Uh, yeah, they, they were talking about it in hearings today. There's a video of a-

Jordan Jensen 28:25 In hearings?

Joe Rogan 28:26 Yes. There's a video of a UFO getting hit by a Hellfire missile, and the Hellfire missile just blows apart and the UFO just keeps moving.

Jordan Jensen 28:35 What it, what was the UFO? What did it look like?

Joe Rogan 28:37 It was like a dot on a screen-

Jordan Jensen 28:38 Oh, okay, okay.

Joe Rogan 28:39 ... like they always look. They look like shit.

Jordan Jensen 28:40 I saw something weird coming down from the moon the other day.

Joe Rogan 28:43 For real, for real?

Jordan Jensen 28:43 Do not know what it was.

Joe Rogan 28:44 Look at this. So watch this. (clears throat) So the, here's the UFO, there's the missile. Watch, this happens. Does it... It just knocks it around-

Jordan Jensen 28:56 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 28:56 ... and then the thing just gets right back on track, which is bananas.

Jordan Jensen 29:00 Wow.

Joe Rogan 29:00 Like anything that gets hit by a Hellfire missile usually gets fucking obliterated, especially something that's literally the size of the missile.

Jordan Jensen 29:09 It's cruising.

Joe Rogan 29:10 Yeah, it's flying. I mean, not fast enough that it could duck a missile. So which is kind of weird that it let itself get hit.

Narrator 29:18 It's hard to see even what happened. It's-

Joe Rogan 29:20 Right.

Narrator 29:20 Like what are those, that little-

Joe Rogan 29:21 Right, it's animation.

Narrator 29:22 ... pointy spheres things. What is that?

Joe Rogan 29:23 It's fucking Pong. We're, we're looking at Pong. (laughs) You know?

Jordan Jensen 29:26 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 29:26 It's like an old video game, a really shitty video game. This is the, this is why I have the hardest time getting excited about any of this stuff.

Jordan Jensen 29:33 Because like-

Joe Rogan 29:34 Because like I don't know what I just saw. You're telling me I saw a Hellfire missile hit a UFO. It's like, you know, you're, you're reading Morse code to me. I don't know.

Jordan Jensen 29:42 Yeah. Well, AI is some of that too, where now it's like I can't even go on Instagram. It's not even fun anymore-

Joe Rogan 29:47 Right.

Jordan Jensen 29:47 ... 'cause I don't know what's real or not.

Joe Rogan 29:48 Oh yeah, we get caught all the time.

Jordan Jensen 29:50 Really?

Joe Rogan 29:51 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's always something. There's always something that you think is real. Like Tim Walsh with the "Fuck Trump" shirt on, dancing in the elevator. Jane was like, "It's fake." I'm like, "No, no, no, it's real." It has to be real.

Jordan Jensen 30:00 I always, I'm like, I'm just past the age bracket where I can't detect it.

Joe Rogan 30:04 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 30:04 It's crazy.

Joe Rogan 30:05 Well, no one can detect it anymore because especially l- what looks like cell phone footage, 'cause cell phone footage is kind of shitty already, so they just make it kind of shitty, and you don't know.

Jordan Jensen 30:14 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:14 You don't know what the fuck you're looking at.

Jordan Jensen 30:16 My mom liked a photo on Facebook that of, a fake AI photo of me on the beach, different tattoos-

Joe Rogan 30:22 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 30:22 ... with, with a man, and she liked it. I'm like, "Mom, what are you doing?"

Joe Rogan 30:25 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 30:25 "Who do you think that guy is? You know that I'm single." She's like, "You look beautiful in it."

Joe Rogan 30:29 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 30:29 I'm like, "It's not real. That's not my body. That's not the body you gave birth to."

Joe Rogan 30:32 (clears throat) Boomers can't handle it.

Jordan Jensen 30:34 No.

Joe Rogan 30:34 They're, they're so removed from this technology that they're living in an alternative dimension.

Jordan Jensen 30:38 Yeah.Totally. I don't know what she does all day.

Joe Rogan 30:40 They get their news on TV, and that's a wrap.

Jordan Jensen 30:42 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:43 Whatever the guy says in front of the camera.

Jordan Jensen 30:45 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:45 That's the truth.

Jordan Jensen 30:46 My mom is my news source, which is nice. I didn't know the Epstein drawing had come out.

Joe Rogan 30:50 Oh, yeah. What did... So the drawing is a draw... Was that the same as the one that had been leaked before, or is it different?

Narrator 30:57 I'm pretty sure that leaked one was someone took the description, put it in AI, and that's what we got.

Jordan Jensen 31:02 Oh.

Joe Rogan 31:03 So this is the actual drawing?

Narrator 31:04 Yeah, and this one, they actually got the book, and someone, like, leaked it. I wanna grab a look.

Jordan Jensen 31:07 The drawing, I did think when I imagined it, that it was gonna be like a well... (laughs) Like, I was imagining, like-

Joe Rogan 31:13 A really good job.

Jordan Jensen 31:13 ... DiCaprio drawing a French girl, you know? And when I saw that one, I was like, "God, Trump, at least make her hot. What are you doing?"

Joe Rogan 31:19 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 31:19 But what was the transcript he had written out? He had it, like...

Joe Rogan 31:23 This is it.

Jordan Jensen 31:23 What does voiceover mean?

Narrator 31:24 It's like a script.

Joe Rogan 31:25 It says, uh, "There must be more to life than having everything. Donald: Yes, there is." So he wrote this?

Narrator 31:31 Supposedly.

Joe Rogan 31:32 (clears throat) The voice... It says voiceover, like he's-

Narrator 31:35 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:35 ... like a movie star, like he's in a script. "Donald: Yes, there is, but I won't tell you what it is. Jeffrey: Nor will I, since I also know what it is." Who fucking talks like this? "Donald: We have certain things in common, Jeffrey. Jeffrey: Yes, we do, come to think of it. Donald: Enigmas never age. Have you noticed that? Jeffrey: As a matter of fact, it was clear to me the last time I saw you." Ugh.

Jordan Jensen 31:58 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:00 "A pal is a wonderful thing. Happy birthday. May every day be another wonderful secret."

Jordan Jensen 32:05 Ooh.

Joe Rogan 32:06 And then I like how he's got the signature right where the bush is.

Jordan Jensen 32:09 Yeah. I don't think that he meant for that, though.

Joe Rogan 32:12 Oh, come on.

Jordan Jensen 32:13 He made it sound like he meant for that.

Joe Rogan 32:14 I think he did.

Jordan Jensen 32:15 I don't th-... I think he just signed it.

Joe Rogan 32:17 Maybe.

Jordan Jensen 32:17 But I was imagining it being-

Joe Rogan 32:18 But it's kind of ironic that it's right where the-

Jordan Jensen 32:20 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:21 ... vagine is.

Jordan Jensen 32:21 But I don't think-

Joe Rogan 32:22 That is, by the way, if that's what you're into-

Jordan Jensen 32:22 I don't think Trump likes a hairy bush.

Joe Rogan 32:24 ... that's a dude. Okay? That's a dude with womanly hips.

Jordan Jensen 32:27 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:28 Like, look at the boobs. They're weird.

Narrator 32:29 Looks like a... It could be a back.

Joe Rogan 32:31 Yeah, it could be anything.

Narrator 32:32 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 32:32 It could be a snail smile.

Narrator 32:34 Snowflake.

Jordan Jensen 32:34 I don't get why he's writing a script.

Joe Rogan 32:36 Yeah, very odd stuff.

Jordan Jensen 32:38 It's quite strange.

Joe Rogan 32:39 But it's also like the way, like, "Enigmas never age. Have you noticed that?" And "Jeffrey: As a matter of fact, it was clear to me the last time I saw you." Like, if one of my friends sent me that, I'd be like, "I'm getting a new number."

Jordan Jensen 32:51 Yeah. Yeah, you need help.

Joe Rogan 32:52 (laughs) "I'm getting a new number." And-

Jordan Jensen 32:53 Why didn't you just write, "Happy birthday"?

Joe Rogan 32:54 Yeah, what the fuck is wrong with you, Enigma?

Narrator 32:57 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 32:57 Happy birthday, Jeff. That's all I want. Happy birthday, Jeff. May we hang out soon.

Joe Rogan 33:03 Well, also, like, what year was this that he wrote this?

Narrator 33:06 Oh, I think it was for his 50th birthday, was the words. So-

Joe Rogan 33:10 So...

Narrator 33:10 Oh, I'll see what year it would've been. It wouldn't have been that long ago, but let's see.

Joe Rogan 33:14 Well, it had to be because he kicked him out of Mar-a-Lago in like the 2000s, right?

Narrator 33:18 Oh, I think 2011, I think is when they said that was.

Joe Rogan 33:21 That's when they kicked him out?

Narrator 33:22 I think so.

Joe Rogan 33:23 I thought it was before that, because I think that's when he got arrested.

Narrator 33:26 Yeah, I think it was related to that.

Jordan Jensen 33:28 They kicked Epstein out? Can I touch this?

Joe Rogan 33:30 Yeah. That is-

Jordan Jensen 33:31 Oh, that's heavy.

Joe Rogan 33:31 ... a recreation. That's a 3D-printed recreation of these very strange vases that they found in Egypt that are part of an older dynasty that are so exact. And the way they did it is completely unknown. That is just a piece of plastic, but it's, that's an actual 3D re- creation of the original vase.

Jordan Jensen 33:50 That you think aliens did?

Joe Rogan 33:51 No, no, no, no. I think a very complex ancient civilization that was wiped out by some sort of a cataclysmic disaster that had very sophisticated technology. Because that was... Was it diorite that that was carved out of?

Narrator 34:04 Diorite, yeah, um...

Jordan Jensen 34:05 Are you an alien guy, or are you an agnostic alien guy?

Joe Rogan 34:09 I'm on the fence.

Jordan Jensen 34:10 You're on the fence?

Joe Rogan 34:11 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 34:11 You were alien guy?

Joe Rogan 34:12 I've been back and forth.

Jordan Jensen 34:13 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 34:13 Off the fence, on the fence.

Jordan Jensen 34:15 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 34:15 I've been over the other side. I go back and forth. I think it's highly unlikely that we're alone. Highly unlikely.

Jordan Jensen 34:22 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 34:23 And there's just too many stories of people having encounters with something for... People have been writing these things down for thousands of years. I haven't had any experience, though.

Jordan Jensen 34:35 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 34:36 Other than-

Jordan Jensen 34:36 I think if... It's like a relationship. If you want it, too bad, you won't get it.

Joe Rogan 34:39 Other than psychedelics. Which makes me go, "Huh."

Jordan Jensen 34:42 You've seen guys?

Joe Rogan 34:43 No, I've seen stuff. I've seen entities.

Jordan Jensen 34:46 Really?

Joe Rogan 34:47 Yeah, 100%. I've had interactions with other beings. But I mean-

Jordan Jensen 34:51 Tree entities or, like, space entities? I've had tree entities.

Joe Rogan 34:56 Things that didn't have, like, a form-

Jordan Jensen 34:58 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 34:58 ... that was solid. Their form would change and morph, and they had consciousness. But, you know, it's like, what is th- what's really going on? Like, are you really... Is... Are you imagining this, or are you tapping in... What it feels like, but it might not be is, what it feels like is you're tapping into another dimension, and you're interacting with some disembodied souls. Like, disembodied consciousness that doesn't have a physical form. That's what it feels like.

Jordan Jensen 35:27 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 35:27 But it feels highly intelligent and very aware of what you're full of shit about, what you're, what you're not. Like, what your thoughts are, whether your thoughts are positive or negative. Like, it shows you negative thoughts and positive thoughts.

Jordan Jensen 35:42 Yeah, I was talking to Ari about that on his podcast about how, like, when I took acid, if I had a negative thought, all of the clouds would turn into skulls, and if I had a positive thought, they'd all turn into these dancers, and I could switch it.

Joe Rogan 35:53 Oh.

Jordan Jensen 35:54 I could just, like, switch, and my entire visual would change with, with my mental.

Joe Rogan 35:57 I had a very similar experience once where, when I had negative thoughts, everything would go, like, black and pixelated and dark. And then I would have a positive... I would realize it, like, "Oh, no, no, no, this... You're doing this." And then boom, it would blossom into these beautiful geometric patterns. I was like, "Oh."

Jordan Jensen 36:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 36:17 You're kind of in control of how you view things, which is in control of how your life works.

Jordan Jensen 36:22 That's the one thing that psychedelics wants you to get so hard.

Joe Rogan 36:25 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 36:25 And that's like the biggest thing. Every time I do it, it feels like it's making fun of me. It's like, "Bro, this is all you."

Joe Rogan 36:30 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 36:30 "Like, you have control."

Joe Rogan 36:32 Yes.

Jordan Jensen 36:32 "You can have a bad life or a good life. Make the fucking choice."

Joe Rogan 36:34 Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jordan Jensen 36:35 And every time I do it, I'm like, "Okay, I'll remember." And then the next day I'm like, "Ah! Somebody said I'm fat on Twitter."

Joe Rogan 36:40 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 36:41 (laughs) You know, it's crazy. I just had this big revelation the other day where I was like, "What if everything is all right?" Like, I'm writing, and then this Twitter thing happened, and I'm like, "I wanna die." Everybody started... And I was like, "Oh, yeah." Sometimes I feel like when you have those revelations, you get a little tested.You ever feel like that?

Joe Rogan 36:57 Yes.

Jordan Jensen 36:57 Like, I'll be like-

Joe Rogan 36:58 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 36:58 ... when I'm thing, when I'm like, okay. You know, like, I was, my head was so big about the Netflix coming out. I drop into the creek yesterday, do a new joke s- set. Bomb. Just bomb the whole way through. Sweating.

Joe Rogan 37:10 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 37:10 Sweating in front of these people. They're like, they don't know who I am. They're just like, "What are you saying?" And I was like, "Well, g-" Just trying brand new weird stuff.

Joe Rogan 37:17 Right.

Jordan Jensen 37:17 'Cause my ego's so big that I'm like, "I don't even need to workshop this shit, bitch." And I do it, and they're just like, "We don't understand you." And I'm like, "Anyway, watch the special. It's a lot better than that." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 37:28 (laughs) It is the most humbling thing to work on new stuff after you put out a special.

Jordan Jensen 37:32 Ugh.

Joe Rogan 37:32 It's the most humbling 'cause you have-

Jordan Jensen 37:34 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 37:34 ... no weapons.

Jordan Jensen 37:35 And you just were doing shows where you're like, ba-da-ba, ba-da-ba-

Joe Rogan 37:38 Killing it.

Jordan Jensen 37:38 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 37:38 Bam. Tight. Ready.

Jordan Jensen 37:39 Totally.

Joe Rogan 37:39 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 37:40 Looking at the notepad and being like, "What else? Still nothing on there." Yeah.

Joe Rogan 37:44 Nothing to think of.

Jordan Jensen 37:44 It's crazy.

Joe Rogan 37:45 It's the hardest thing, is like coming up with subjects, you know? Coming-

Jordan Jensen 37:48 It's also hard when your brain is preoccupied with putting out a special, I've noticed.

Joe Rogan 37:51 Right. Right.

Jordan Jensen 37:52 You know? Like, I'm like, I'm editing. I'm thinking about shit, promotion. And then-

Joe Rogan 37:55 Mm-hmm.

Jordan Jensen 37:55 ... I'm like, have to... But that's why I think you have to take time.

Joe Rogan 37:59 100%.

Jordan Jensen 38:00 But the rush. People are like, "Aren't you so proud of yourself?" And I'm like, "No, 'cause now I'm doing bad sets."

Joe Rogan 38:05 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 38:05 You know what I mean? I don't have time to be proud 'cause I'm going up on stage and being like, "So here's something I was thinking." You know? And it never...

Joe Rogan 38:11 I think that's a good thing for us.

Jordan Jensen 38:13 It's very good.

Joe Rogan 38:13 It's good, like, reality check.

Jordan Jensen 38:14 Yeah. It's great.

Joe Rogan 38:15 Yeah. Like, every couple of years, you gotta get smacked in the face and start from scratch again.

Jordan Jensen 38:20 It's really good.

Joe Rogan 38:21 Brian Simpson did a brilliant thing. So what Brian Simpson did is he developed two hours. So he put out one hour, and then when he went touring afterwards, he had another hour already.

Jordan Jensen 38:30 Well, the, I thought he asked Ari. I thought he was like, "Can I put out both hours? Can I put out all of it?"

Joe Rogan 38:36 Don't do that.

Jordan Jensen 38:36 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:37 Yeah, I think what he did was perfect.

Jordan Jensen 38:38 When I did the half hour, I had that. I did a, put a half hour out and I was fucking cruising. But this one, I, any fat that I had, I cut and was like, "I hate, you're dead to me."

Joe Rogan 38:49 Right.

Jordan Jensen 38:49 So all of the stuff I liked, I put in it. So then when I was touring, I was like, "I've already decided that I hate that."

Joe Rogan 38:55 Right.

Jordan Jensen 38:55 I can bring it back up, but I don't want to.

Joe Rogan 38:57 Right. And then you feel like you're a fraud if you do.

Jordan Jensen 39:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 39:00 Yeah. And if you're not interested in the subject, like if you're like, "It is dead to me." It's over.

Jordan Jensen 39:06 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 39:06 You gotta let it go.

Jordan Jensen 39:07 Totally.

Joe Rogan 39:08 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 39:08 It's crazy. And it's hard to be on stage and talking about what I wanna talk about, which is how crazy it is to be putting out a special. You know what I mean? But I don't wanna t- do that because I want-

Joe Rogan 39:17 Right.

Jordan Jensen 39:17 I wanna do evergreen material.

Joe Rogan 39:19 Also, that's, like, just not relatable.

Jordan Jensen 39:22 Not relatable. But you're like, "I wanna tell you guys about this. That's what's on my mind."

Joe Rogan 39:25 Especially the people that don't know who you are. Then it's really not relatable.

Jordan Jensen 39:29 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 39:29 Like...

Jordan Jensen 39:30 Bill Burr was very inspiring because he put out that special about how he changed his mindset.

Joe Rogan 39:36 Mm-hmm.

Jordan Jensen 39:37 You know what I mean? The most recent one where he was like, "I'm not gonna be an angry person anymore." And that was sick because I feel like sometimes I'll be like, "Maybe I should have a perspective shift where I am, stop being such an angry person and against humanity." And I'm like, "No, but that's not funny." So seeing Burr do that, I'm like, "Oh, I could have material about how, like, therapy helps, you know?"

Joe Rogan 39:57 Mm-hmm.

Jordan Jensen 39:57 "Instead of how my therapist sucks." You know what I mean? Like...

Joe Rogan 39:59 Right.

Jordan Jensen 40:00 And that was nice to see him do that, where he was like, "I'm gonna stop harassing my wife." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 40:04 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 40:04 That was the whole special was like, "My wife is, like, gonna die someday and I'm making her life quite bad." It was great.

Joe Rogan 40:10 When I was young, I had this stupid idea in my mind that you should stray away from meditation or enlightenment or anything-

Jordan Jensen 40:18 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 40:18 ... because it would get in the way of being funny.

Jordan Jensen 40:20 Yeah, totally.

Joe Rogan 40:21 It would get in the way of chaos, which is when you wanna-

Jordan Jensen 40:23 I have that with relationships. I get, I'm like, "I'm gonna keep this tumultuous relationship, and I'm just gonna keep..." Like, that's how I thrive.

Joe Rogan 40:28 Mining for material? (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 40:30 Mining for material. Just keep myself in a, in a state of, like, unknown constantly so that I feel like I'm alive.

Joe Rogan 40:37 Ooh.

Jordan Jensen 40:37 Because I feel like I'll die if I have any comfort or stability. I l-

Joe Rogan 40:40 Mm-hmm.

Jordan Jensen 40:41 My studio is the size of this table. There's no reason I should live like that. It's crazy. It's, there's no reason. But I just keep myself in these little fucking-

Joe Rogan 40:47 Do you like living in New York like that?

Jordan Jensen 40:49 I don't need to. I can live in a bigger place in New York. It's totally fine. I-

Joe Rogan 40:53 So you're doing it to yourself.

Jordan Jensen 40:54 Yeah, I'm doing it to myself to be like, "You have to struggle." And you don't, don't, you don't even get to clean your tuna cans. You have to leave, and so... (laughs)

Joe Rogan 41:00 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 41:00 It's crazy. It's crazy.

Joe Rogan 41:02 At least you know it's crazy.

Jordan Jensen 41:04 Yeah, totally. And I'm working on it. I am working on it.

Joe Rogan 41:06 Oh, okay.

Jordan Jensen 41:07 I am working on it.

Joe Rogan 41:07 You talking to a realtor?

Jordan Jensen 41:08 I'm ta- I'm talking to two therapists.

Joe Rogan 41:10 Oh.

Jordan Jensen 41:11 And yeah, that's the other thing is I'm like, "I don't wanna get a bigger place if I'm gonna buy a place in New York."

Joe Rogan 41:15 Oh.

Jordan Jensen 41:16 You know what I mean?

Joe Rogan 41:16 If eventually you're gonna buy a place.

Jordan Jensen 41:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 41:17 Right, right.

Jordan Jensen 41:18 So I'm like, "Maybe just struggle."

Joe Rogan 41:19 But it's a weird time for the real estate market right now.

Jordan Jensen 41:22 I bought a house in Ithaca, which is-

Joe Rogan 41:24 Oh, yeah? Upstate?

Jordan Jensen 41:25 ... which is sick. Yeah, upstate. Which is-

Joe Rogan 41:26 Oh, you're one of them people that gets a upstate house.

Jordan Jensen 41:28 Well, it's-

Joe Rogan 41:29 You go to visit.

Jordan Jensen 41:29 ... it's like five hours from New York, so.

Joe Rogan 41:31 Yeah?

Jordan Jensen 41:31 Yeah. People are like, "Upstate?" And I'm like, "No, it's like paintball upstate, dude." It's-

Joe Rogan 41:35 So do you take a flight or you drive?

Jordan Jensen 41:36 I take a, there's a flight from JFK now, which is sick.

Joe Rogan 41:39 Oh.

Jordan Jensen 41:39 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 41:39 And you go to Ithaca and what, just watch TV?

Jordan Jensen 41:42 Chill. I just, I mainly just work on the house and work on the, you know, just do shit to get it up and running. I don't know what I'm gonna do when it's done.

Joe Rogan 41:49 So you just like being, uh, in a small town?

Jordan Jensen 41:53 Well, my family's there.

Joe Rogan 41:54 Oh.

Jordan Jensen 41:54 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 41:54 Okay, that makes sense.

Jordan Jensen 41:55 Yeah. My niece is there.

Joe Rogan 41:56 That makes sense.

Jordan Jensen 41:57 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 41:57 Okay.

Jordan Jensen 41:58 But I like hiding.

Joe Rogan 41:58 'Cause I was like, did you just pick Ithaca? I don't... (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 42:00 No way. No way. My whole family's there. And I was so sick of going home and having to stay with my mom the whole time and...

Joe Rogan 42:05 Oh, that's smart.

Jordan Jensen 42:06 Yeah. She walked in on me-

Joe Rogan 42:07 Go home, you got your own place.

Jordan Jensen 42:07 ... having sex so many times.

Joe Rogan 42:09 Wow.

Jordan Jensen 42:09 It's cr- so annoying. Just swinging open the door. "Oh, sorry." She, that's her every single time.

Joe Rogan 42:14 That's hilarious.

Jordan Jensen 42:14 'Cause she's deaf, so she can't hear shit.

Joe Rogan 42:16 Oh, no.

Jordan Jensen 42:16 So she'll just swing it open.

Joe Rogan 42:18 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 42:19 Oh, oh, okay. It's fucking crazy, dude. And her house just has holes in it 'cause she's a contractor, so she hasn't finished it.

Joe Rogan 42:26 Oh, no.

Jordan Jensen 42:27 So there's just like rac- there'll be like a, she'll just be scurrying around and be like, "There's a raccoon in here." (laughs) I'm like, "What?"

Joe Rogan 42:32 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 42:33 All the time, dude. It's crazy. There's a chipmunk in m- on my laptop. I'm like, Get it away." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 42:40 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 42:40 Bats coming in constantly.

Joe Rogan 42:41 And then your dad's fainting?

Jordan Jensen 42:42 Mm-hmm. Dad's dead now. Dad finally-

Joe Rogan 42:45 Oh.

Jordan Jensen 42:45 ... fainted his last faint. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 42:46 Oh, no.

Jordan Jensen 42:47 It was, it was good. He worked all day, came home, died. (laughs) It was, we were happy about it.

Joe Rogan 42:52 Really?

Jordan Jensen 42:53 I mean, we didn't want him to die, but yeah, he was f- he was, like, getting to a point where we were like, "He's gonna have to start going to the hospital 'cause he smokes so many cigarettes and is so unhealthy." And we were like, "If he goes to the hospital, it's game over. He can't be around. He'll faint."... if he sees a hospital.

Joe Rogan 43:07 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 43:07 It's like, he, like, knew it was happening and was like, "I'd rather die."

Joe Rogan 43:10 Did the cigarettes get him?

Jordan Jensen 43:12 Yeah. Cigarettes and Dunkin' Donuts.

Joe Rogan 43:14 Ugh.

Jordan Jensen 43:15 He loved Dunkin' Donuts donuts.

Joe Rogan 43:16 Both of those things-

Jordan Jensen 43:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 43:18 ... very addictive.

Jordan Jensen 43:19 Very addictive.

Joe Rogan 43:21 (sighs)

Jordan Jensen 43:22 He was a heavy smoker. That's why I want to kill Ian all the time.

Joe Rogan 43:24 'Cause he smokes so much?

Jordan Jensen 43:25 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 43:26 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 43:26 And he sounds like my dad with the (imitates coughing) where you laugh and you go (imitates coughing) .

Joe Rogan 43:30 Ian seems like he really enjoys it, though.

Jordan Jensen 43:32 You... Th- that's what everybody says-

Joe Rogan 43:34 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 43:34 ... until they're hacking up a lung and they have to leave a movie theater halfway through to go smoke.

Joe Rogan 43:38 How much does Ian smoke a day?

Jordan Jensen 43:40 I think he's down. I think he's down to, like, a pack and a half.

Joe Rogan 43:43 Oh, God.

Jordan Jensen 43:44 He's getting there.

Joe Rogan 43:45 That's a lot.

Jordan Jensen 43:45 I need to get him onto zins, but he thinks that's gay.

Joe Rogan 43:47 Zins are gay?

Jordan Jensen 43:48 He thinks... Yeah.

Joe Rogan 43:49 What about all the stuff he talks about on stage?

Jordan Jensen 43:51 Yeah. That, he thinks, is-

Joe Rogan 43:52 That's... (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 43:53 ... perfectly regular and aboveboard. Perfectly regular and aboveboard.

Joe Rogan 43:57 But zins are gay. That's so silly. That's... What a silly take.

Jordan Jensen 44:01 But so many people have that. That's like when people are like, "I'm not going to enter recovery because I don't believe in God." I'm like, "You were-"

Joe Rogan 44:06 Oh, man.

Jordan Jensen 44:06 "... you were drunk last night praying that you could fuck, you know, Sydney Sweeney." Like, you're praying.

Joe Rogan 44:12 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 44:12 You're, you're doing weird stuff. You're delusional.

Joe Rogan 44:16 Ugh. "I don't want to believe in God." That's hilarious.

Jordan Jensen 44:19 People say that a lot, where they avoid AA 'cause, 'cause they don't believe in God. I'm like-

Joe Rogan 44:22 Yeah. What's weird is the guy who founded AA did it... He was an acid head. He used acid to get off of alcohol.

Jordan Jensen 44:30 Yeah. Yeah, but I-

Joe Rogan 44:32 But he doesn't...

Jordan Jensen 44:32 ... talk about that.

Joe Rogan 44:33 Yeah. The thing is all about-

Jordan Jensen 44:35 I used mushrooms-

Joe Rogan 44:35 ... you know?

Jordan Jensen 44:35 ... to get off alcohol.

Joe Rogan 44:37 Yeah, I've heard a lot of people do that.

Jordan Jensen 44:39 I used mushrooms to cure, like, a huge amount of OCD. I was li- I was like OCD was dominating my life. Couldn't touch anything, had to wash my hands constantly. It was like-

Joe Rogan 44:48 Oh.

Jordan Jensen 44:49 And then I tripped hard and went into a room alone for six hours and was like, "I will..." And it was... I was tripping hard, and I was like, "I'm gonna deal with this in this room and figure out what it is."

Joe Rogan 45:00 And what was it?

Jordan Jensen 45:01 It was that I fundamentally don't trust myself to make the right decision, and I realized that none of my decisions were up to me. It was all just an amalgamation of experiences. 'Cause I was like-

Joe Rogan 45:11 Oh.

Jordan Jensen 45:12 ..." Who's gonna stop me from biting or hurting or doing anything?" So I was like, "If I tap this, that'll stop me."

Joe Rogan 45:17 Oh.

Jordan Jensen 45:17 And when I faced it in acid, it was like, "You think you're gonna do bad things, but you're not because you have d- you have chosen the right path this whole way, so you can trust yourself."

Joe Rogan 45:28 Mm.

Jordan Jensen 45:28 You know what I mean? Like-

Joe Rogan 45:29 Right.

Jordan Jensen 45:30 Three-year-old Jordan was not outside killing a cat. You know what I mean?

Joe Rogan 45:33 Right.

Jordan Jensen 45:33 She was fucking playing. Right? Like, so every step of the way, you're building this personality that you can trust.

Joe Rogan 45:39 Mm.

Jordan Jensen 45:40 You know what I mean?

Joe Rogan 45:41 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 45:41 Because my whole thing was like, "Who... How am I to know that I'm not a horrible... That I'm not gonna do something horrible?" Which is a big OCD thing for people.

Joe Rogan 45:50 W- wondering whether you're gonna do something horrible?

Jordan Jensen 45:53 L- yeah, like a lot of OCD... Like, I know a girl who she couldn't babysit 'cause she was like, "What if I am a pedophile?"

Joe Rogan 45:59 Oh, my God.

Jordan Jensen 45:59 'Cause her OCD was so bad.

Joe Rogan 46:01 Oh, my God.

Jordan Jensen 46:01 And then she was like, "Oh, this is OCD," and she was treated, and she was like, "It's fine." But, like, a lot of people-

Joe Rogan 46:06 Oh.

Jordan Jensen 46:06 People who have babies, and they'll be like, "What if I freaking s-"

Joe Rogan 46:08 Oh, God.

Jordan Jensen 46:08 "... spin this baby's head off?" (laughs)

Joe Rogan 46:10 Oh, Jesus Christ.

Jordan Jensen 46:11 I have that all the time-

Joe Rogan 46:12 That's so crazy.

Jordan Jensen 46:12 ... dude. I have that... Whenever my friends are like, "Hold my baby," I'm like, "Okay."

Joe Rogan 46:15 Oh, my God. That's so crazy.

Jordan Jensen 46:17 But you don't do shit, 'cause-

Joe Rogan 46:18 Right.

Jordan Jensen 46:18 ... it's like the, it's like the ski jump thing. You're gonna...

Joe Rogan 46:21 That's, that's interesting. I never thought of it that way as, like, y- you're not trusting yourself.

Jordan Jensen 46:25 Yeah. And I also used to be super fat. Like, I was a fat kid. And I think there's a part of me that's like, "If you were able to do that, then you're able to do horrible things." You know what I mean?

Joe Rogan 46:35 If you were able to get fat?

Jordan Jensen 46:36 Yeah. Like, if you were able to binge eat like that as a kid, then you're not really to be trusted.

Joe Rogan 46:40 Oh.

Jordan Jensen 46:40 You know what I mean?

Joe Rogan 46:42 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 46:42 And I had to face all of that on this acid trip, and I came out of it and was like, "I'm-"

Joe Rogan 46:45 Was it acid or mushrooms?

Jordan Jensen 46:47 That was acid.

Joe Rogan 46:48 Okay, so-

Jordan Jensen 46:48 Mushrooms, I microdose. Acid, I don't do anymore 'cause of how crazy that was.

Joe Rogan 46:53 Oh.

Jordan Jensen 46:53 But that one, I did a lot and came off it, so-

Joe Rogan 46:56 You got it.

Jordan Jensen 46:56 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 46:57 You're like, "I got it. Got the lesson. I'm not going back to school."

Jordan Jensen 46:59 Yeah, totally.

Joe Rogan 47:00 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 47:00 Totally. And I still have a little bit of OCD. I still have some things that I didn't get rid of, but for the most part, I got rid of it, which is amazing.

Joe Rogan 47:06 God, it seems debilitating. I've met people that have it. It's nuts. In some people, it gets worse as, like, their success grows, which is really crazy.

Jordan Jensen 47:16 Yeah. Where they have to, like-

Joe Rogan 47:17 Like Howard Hughes type shit, where you, you know?

Jordan Jensen 47:19 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 47:20 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 47:20 I loved that movie growing up 'cause I resonated with him so much.

Joe Rogan 47:22 It's weird. Weird.

Jordan Jensen 47:24 You gotta stop it. I mean, that's the thing is if you don't g- get in the way of it, it just builds neuronal grooves in your brain-

Joe Rogan 47:31 Uh-huh.

Jordan Jensen 47:31 ... that become so-

Joe Rogan 47:33 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 47:34 ... like, averse to plasticity. Like-

Joe Rogan 47:36 Mm-hmm.

Jordan Jensen 47:36 ... you can't get out of them. And that's what... I remember, like, this woman being like, "I want you to bring in contaminated items."

Joe Rogan 47:42 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 47:43 And I was like, "Go fuck yourself, bitch." I was like, "Absolutely not." I was like, "Then we'd have to burn my mother's car." Like, there's no way. But you do. Every time something's contaminated i- a little bit, you have to, like, force yourself to do it, to touch it or whatever your thing is.

Joe Rogan 47:57 Like contaminated food?

Jordan Jensen 47:59 For me, it was contamination was if some... When I was younger, I was worried that I would become... Like, say you were like, "I cheated on my wife last night," and then you were like, "You want to hit this vape?" Or whatever, I wouldn't be able to touch it, because I'd be like, "He does bad things. If I hit that vape, I'll do bad things."

Joe Rogan 48:17 Wow.

Jordan Jensen 48:17 You know? So if somebody was wack, they'd be contaminated and I couldn't go near them.

Joe Rogan 48:22 There is something to that.

Jordan Jensen 48:24 Yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 48:25 There's a little something to that. That s-

Jordan Jensen 48:27 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 48:27 There's a little wisdom behind that.

Jordan Jensen 48:29 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 48:29 Because people do kind of adopt the mindset of people they're around.

Jordan Jensen 48:33 D- I mean, that's what I've had to learn recently is I'm like, "You gotta cut out-"

Joe Rogan 48:36 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 48:37 "... wack people and get that that's not OCD. That's, like, healthy for you."

Joe Rogan 48:40 Yeah. Wack people can ruin everything.

Jordan Jensen 48:42 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 48:43 Really shitty human beings that you have kept in your life for whatever fucking weird reason, they can just derail your whole life.

Jordan Jensen 48:52 The thing that sucks about comedy is sometimes these people are so fucking funny.

Joe Rogan 48:56 I know.

Jordan Jensen 48:56 And you have to cut out somebody-

Joe Rogan 48:58 I know.

Jordan Jensen 48:58 ... who's so funny.

Joe Rogan 49:00 I know.

Jordan Jensen 49:00 That sucks.

Joe Rogan 49:01 I know. It does suck. It does suck.

Jordan Jensen 49:02 People at a desk job, I'm like, "You're cutting out Brian, who's, like, kinda-"

Joe Rogan 49:06 Yep.

Jordan Jensen 49:06 "... you know, who's, like, just all right, who brought you a cupcake once?" I'm cutting out th- people who are, like, the only people I can say racist shit around. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 49:13 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 49:14 Like, it's... You're, like, cutting out, like, a huge cord of my sense of humor.

Joe Rogan 49:19 Right.

Jordan Jensen 49:19 And that... But I've had to do that recently, just be like, "Dude, I can't. The vibe is too dark."

Joe Rogan 49:24 Ugh.

Jordan Jensen 49:25 ... sinister.

Joe Rogan 49:26 It is a problem.

Jordan Jensen 49:27 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 49:28 There's people in your life that just, for whatever fucking reason, will never get it together. And-

Jordan Jensen 49:32 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 49:33 ... at a certain point in time, if you try to rescue a drowning person, they'll drown you.

Jordan Jensen 49:38 Yeah, totally.

Joe Rogan 49:39 They'll drown you.

Jordan Jensen 49:40 It's hard to watch other people do it and not cut people out. And you're like, "That... If you could just-"

Joe Rogan 49:44 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 49:44 "... cut..." Like, my friend's mom is just such a drain on her life. And I'm like, "You got to just..."

Joe Rogan 49:49 Did you see that fucking Netflix documentary about that little girl who was in a small town, who was getting harassed by someone that turned out to be her mom?

Jordan Jensen 49:57 Oh. I heard about this, but I did not see it. It... Oh, I saw this on-

Joe Rogan 50:02 It's-

Jordan Jensen 50:02 ... Instagram. And I thought it was-

Joe Rogan 50:04 ... nuts.

Jordan Jensen 50:04 ... not real.

Joe Rogan 50:05 It's nuts.

Jordan Jensen 50:06 She was getting bullied by her mom?

Joe Rogan 50:08 Her mom-

Jordan Jensen 50:08 Like, cyberbully?

Joe Rogan 50:09 ... didn't have a job. The father thought the mom had a job. The, the mom was just, all day, trolling and fucking-

Jordan Jensen 50:16 No way. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 50:16 ... with her daughter for years. And you know what-

Jordan Jensen 50:19 How-

Joe Rogan 50:19 ... the girl said at one point in time? She's like, "I miss my mom." Because her mom was there to protect her from the bad world. But really, the only bad world was her mom pretending to be someone else.

Jordan Jensen 50:30 Wait, she said, "I miss my mom..."

Joe Rogan 50:31 Because she thought her mom was a sweet person that protected her, and she found out her mom was a fucking monster.

Jordan Jensen 50:37 Oh, wait. So later, after she found out, she was like-

Joe Rogan 50:39 Yes.

Jordan Jensen 50:39 ..."I miss my mom."

Joe Rogan 50:40 Yes.

Jordan Jensen 50:40 Oh, that's brutal.

Joe Rogan 50:42 Brutal.

Jordan Jensen 50:42 That's like when somebody breaks up with you and you're like, "I just want to talk to them about this bad breakup."

Joe Rogan 50:46 Well, there's that thing that some crazy people do. It's Munchausen by proxy.

Jordan Jensen 50:52 So, she was... Is that Munchausen though? Munchausen, I think, is being like-

Joe Rogan 50:56 Isn't that what it is? When you hurt them-

Jordan Jensen 50:57 ... "You're sick."

Joe Rogan 50:57 You hurt them so that you could help them.

Jordan Jensen 51:00 Oh, she was doing that. She was being like-

Joe Rogan 51:02 Yes.

Jordan Jensen 51:02 ..."Who's your..." Oh.

Joe Rogan 51:03 She was the one who was trolling her own daughter. She was someone else online attacking her own daughter, calling her a whore, calling her horrible things and-

Jordan Jensen 51:11 And being like, "P.S. Your mom's a babe." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 51:14 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 51:14 "Sage Ross, you're hot." (laughs) It's crazy.

Joe Rogan 51:16 "Your mom's an enigma."

Jordan Jensen 51:17 "Your mom's really hot. You should go talk to her." (laughs) "Your mom's an enigma." Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 51:20 Yeah. "Your mom... Your mom... I, I noticed your mom's an enigma." Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 51:23 (laughs) "I think you noticed that too."

Joe Rogan 51:24 "Yeah. The moment I saw you, I noticed it."

Jordan Jensen 51:26 That's crazy.

Joe Rogan 51:27 Yeah, crazy. It's so sad.

Jordan Jensen 51:28 Is she in jail or something?

Joe Rogan 51:31 I don't know. I didn't get that far. I can't. With stuff like that, where people are mean to their kids, I'm like, "I can't do this."

Jordan Jensen 51:36 I love that shit.

Joe Rogan 51:37 I can't.

Jordan Jensen 51:38 I don't love it, but I fucking fall asleep-

Joe Rogan 51:40 It's hard.

Jordan Jensen 51:41 ... to that horrible shit.

Joe Rogan 51:41 It's hard. If you love your k-... I love my kids. I can't... I... See some-... Seeing someone being that... It's not just... It's fucking evil beyond belief.

Jordan Jensen 51:51 How old are your kids?

Joe Rogan 51:51 She torched that... I have a 28-year-old daughter. I have a 17 and a 15.

Jordan Jensen 51:57 Wait, if you're... If you have a 28-year-old, you were how old?

Joe Rogan 52:00 Well, it's not my biological daughter.

Jordan Jensen 52:02 Oh. Okay, okay, okay.

Joe Rogan 52:03 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 52:03 So, h-... Did you have any kids... Were all your kids had after you were financially good?

Joe Rogan 52:08 Yes.

Jordan Jensen 52:09 Really?

Joe Rogan 52:09 Yes.

Jordan Jensen 52:09 You think that's the move?

Joe Rogan 52:11 I don't know. There's something to be said for growing up poor.

Jordan Jensen 52:17 Yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 52:18 You know? I grew up poor. I think it's good. I think I, I understand hard work, you know? I understand what it's like to have to have a job to get stuff. Like, you know, you want to buy a new pair of pants, you need to get a fucking job, you know?

Jordan Jensen 52:32 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 52:32 You need to get a car? Well, you have to save up.

Jordan Jensen 52:34 But all those things you're describing-

Joe Rogan 52:35 Save, save, the train forever.

Jordan Jensen 52:35 ... you can do. Po-... Growing up poor for me is like growing up watching your parents fight over who is gonna pay the child support. You know what I mean? I think you can-

Joe Rogan 52:46 Right.

Jordan Jensen 52:46 ... grow up fine-

Joe Rogan 52:48 Right.

Jordan Jensen 52:48 ... and still work. Or grow-

Joe Rogan 52:49 Well, my parents didn't fight. My, my-

Jordan Jensen 52:51 They didn't fight?

Joe Rogan 52:51 My, my stepmom and my, uh, uh, excuse me, my stepdad and my mom have been together for a long time, and they have a very good relationship. So, I'm... That, that, like, modeled-

Jordan Jensen 53:00 Your stepdad?

Joe Rogan 53:00 ... for me when I was a, when I was a kid. My parents got split up, my biological dad and my mom, when I was five. And my mom married my stepdad when I was, like, seven. And he's-

Jordan Jensen 53:09 Where's your dad dad?

Joe Rogan 53:11 We don't talk.

Jordan Jensen 53:12 Oh, we don't talk.

Joe Rogan 53:12 I don't know him. But-

Jordan Jensen 53:13 Okay.

Joe Rogan 53:14 But my stepdad's a great guy.

Jordan Jensen 53:15 So, you have good parents?

Joe Rogan 53:17 They, they have a-

Jordan Jensen 53:17 Love each other?

Joe Rogan 53:17 They modeled a good relationship when I was a kid, of people that don't yell at each other, don't fight, and-

Jordan Jensen 53:23 That's nice.

Joe Rogan 53:23 ... get along.

Jordan Jensen 53:24 That's how you can be in a-

Joe Rogan 53:24 They have disagreements and stuff.

Jordan Jensen 53:26 ... loving relationship.

Joe Rogan 53:27 Yeah, yeah. They have disagreements, but they're nice to each other, kind to each other. And, um, uh, you know, if you see that when you're a kid, you go, "Oh, this is possible." But if you see, like, chaos all the time and everyone's fighting and screaming and yelling at each other, you're like, "Keep me the fuck away from whatever this is."

Jordan Jensen 53:47 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 53:48 You know? 'Cause I remember-

Jordan Jensen 53:48 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 53:48 ... I'd watch my grand- my grandmother and my grandparents. My grandmother was always yelling at my grandfather and was like, "Oh, don't stay married, whatever you do." I was like... Well, when I was a little kid, I was like, "You got to get out while you can."

Jordan Jensen 53:58 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 53:59 You know?

Jordan Jensen 53:59 I think that's why there's so many avoidant men right now is because I think there's so many of those, like, lazy boy dads who are, like, dissociated, looking at a TV that isn't on. And every time they d- try to, like... You know, every time you're like, "Hey, Jim, how's it going?" Their, like, wife flies in and is like, "Don't talk to him for a s-" Like, there's so many couples like that, where it's like-

Joe Rogan 54:17 Well, there's a lot of cucked out men out there. Cucked out by their job, cucked out by life.

Jordan Jensen 54:24 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:24 You know? You just, you stop being a man and then you stop getting any respect from the people that know you 'cause they know you're kind of a bitch.

Jordan Jensen 54:31 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:31 The people that really know you, like your wife and your kids really know you, like, "Oh, Harry? Harry's a fucking bitch."

Jordan Jensen 54:37 Yeah, there's so many-

Joe Rogan 54:37 He's always crying.

Jordan Jensen 54:37 ... boomers like that, though.

Joe Rogan 54:38 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 54:38 There's so many where it's, the dad is so quiet and so-

Joe Rogan 54:42 Mm-hmm.

Jordan Jensen 54:42 ... distant, and the mom is just so up everyone's ass.

Joe Rogan 54:45 Well, Thoreau wrote about that, like, what? Whenever he wrote this. He said most men live lives of quiet desperation.

Jordan Jensen 54:52 (laughs) That's fucked.

Joe Rogan 54:54 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 54:54 That's fucked.

Joe Rogan 54:54 That's fucked, but that's real.

Jordan Jensen 54:56 But why does that happen?

Joe Rogan 54:57 Well, there's a whole bunch of reasons. Because you stop challenging yourself, or you never did. You stop growing and, and you, you don't have any character. You don't exhibit a strong will and you don't have discipline. And then, you know, you're emotionally disconnected from the life that you've chosen. And then you have a job where you have to pretend to be someone you're not for eight hours a day and work for a boss who's a piece of shit.

Jordan Jensen 55:22 And then you lose the job-

Joe Rogan 55:23 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 55:23 ... because the job becomes irrelevant.

Joe Rogan 55:25 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 55:25 And then you don't have your identity.

Joe Rogan 55:26 And then you're, you're a broken man. And then-

Jordan Jensen 55:27 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:27 ... you're, like, 46 years old and they're turn- telling you to learn to code.

Jordan Jensen 55:31 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:31 Like, oh, great.

Jordan Jensen 55:33 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:34 You know?

Jordan Jensen 55:34 That's fucked.

Joe Rogan 55:35 It's a lot of people, they don't know what to do and they didn't get good advice when they were young. They didn't get a, a good direction, you know? They didn't, they didn't find something that they could focus their energy on and realize like, "Oh, if I focus my energy on something, whatever it is, I can get better at stuff." I'll start off sucky, but-

Jordan Jensen 55:52 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:52 ... you keep working at it and eventually you get... Some people never learn that.

Jordan Jensen 55:56 Well, it would be nice if they could also focus on being a parent. Like, I, I feel like the-

Joe Rogan 55:59 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 55:59 ... women stay...... loud because they're like, "I'm a mother, I'm mama bear." You know? So I'm like, it'd be nice if the dads would get off the La-Z-Boy and be like, "I'm gonna help raise my kids," instead of just being a pussy.

Joe Rogan 56:09 Well, there's, you know, it's just fucking some people are just beaten. Life-

Jordan Jensen 56:13 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 56:13 ... is just ... They wanted to be Spider-Man.

Jordan Jensen 56:14 Yeah, yeah, totally.

Joe Rogan 56:15 (laughs) They wanted to be cool.

Jordan Jensen 56:16 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 56:16 They wanted to, they wanted to have a good life, and life just fucking cracked them in the dick every time they made a move.

Jordan Jensen 56:22 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 56:23 You know, they got their car repossessed. Oh, Jesus. Credit cards get-

Jordan Jensen 56:26 There's gotta be something biological, though, that makes a man not ... Like, you have the pride. Bert Kreischer, I just talked about it. Like, you guys have the pride in your children, hardcore. Like, as soon as I met you, you showed me a photo of your daughter. You know what I mean? Like ... But I do feel like there are a lot of men who are like, "That's not my responsibility."

Joe Rogan 56:44 Oh, that's crazy. That's crazy. Well, maybe it's the way they were raised, you know? Um, but-

Jordan Jensen 56:51 But maybe if you hadn't lost your job-

Joe Rogan 56:52 ... for sure.

Jordan Jensen 56:52 ... if you weren't in comedy and you were retired and didn't have your, didn't have your passion, maybe you wouldn't be as gung-ho about being a dad. Or maybe you'd feel like a failed dad. Maybe that's what it is. Maybe they feel like a failed dad.

Joe Rogan 57:03 Perhaps. I don't know. I would have figured it out.

Jordan Jensen 57:06 (laughs) Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.

Joe Rogan 57:07 Like, I just don't believe that. I just, if I lost my job doing something, I would find another job. I would figure it out.

Jordan Jensen 57:13 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 57:13 There's, there's other paths. You don't just stay still if the path doesn't work out. And some people do.

Jordan Jensen 57:18 Some people do.

Joe Rogan 57:19 Some people quit.

Jordan Jensen 57:19 I didn't know that until recently that pe- some people really do stay still forever.

Joe Rogan 57:23 Oh, they quit. That, well, that's why they love unemployment, 'cause they could just get a check and just still, and just l- wallow in depression.

Jordan Jensen 57:30 Yeah, but there's so many people who are against unemployment that stills, that still stay still, that are like, "Fuck, fuck unemployment."

Joe Rogan 57:35 Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 57:35 "I'm not using the government."

Joe Rogan 57:36 Yeah, well, that's even sillier. I guess, I don't know. Yeah, people are weird, you know? Just ...

Jordan Jensen 57:43 If I quit comedy right now, there'd be like three jobs that I would be almost just as stoked about.

Joe Rogan 57:48 What, what would those be?

Jordan Jensen 57:50 I would love to be a full-time contractor out in the sticks. I would be, um, a philosophy professor or a therapist.

Joe Rogan 57:58 Really?

Jordan Jensen 57:59 Yeah. All of those sound sick.

Joe Rogan 58:00 Which one sounds the most sick?

Jordan Jensen 58:02 Philosophy professor, 'cause you kind of-

Joe Rogan 58:04 Really?

Jordan Jensen 58:04 ... become a therapist when you are a professor.

Joe Rogan 58:06 Right.

Jordan Jensen 58:06 You know what I mean? You have those kids that are fucked up, so they're reading philosophy and they don't help ...

Joe Rogan 58:11 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 58:11 Like me. I was going in there being like ...

Joe Rogan 58:12 Or the guys that are trying to get laid.

Jordan Jensen 58:14 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 58:15 Trying to become a philosopher.

Jordan Jensen 58:16 It's a lot of dorks.

Joe Rogan 58:17 Bet.

Jordan Jensen 58:17 It's like, I was the only girl major in my class.

Joe Rogan 58:21 Hmm.

Jordan Jensen 58:21 And the rest were ...

Joe Rogan 58:22 Dorky guys?

Jordan Jensen 58:23 Dorks who wore ties to class. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 58:25 Well, philosophy itself is a strange thing, because you're just thinking about a structure of how you interface with the world. You know?

Jordan Jensen 58:33 Yeah. I ha- it was the only thing I could study well. Everything else, I was like, "Why would I study something that's already been known? This is crazy."

Joe Rogan 58:40 Hmm.

Jordan Jensen 58:40 But philosophy was like, no, they're all just trying to figure out life, which I was like, "Okay, I get that. And none of them are correct?" And they were like, "None of them are correct." And I was like, "Great." 'Cause I, I would study science and they'd be like, "We know the exact measurement of how to find out this thing." I'd be like, "Why do I want to study that? There's nothing new here."

Joe Rogan 58:55 My favorite book of philosophy, I r- I started reading when I was, like, I guess I was 16, is The Book of Five Rings by Miyamoto Musashi. He's a, uh, samurai who killed 60 men in one-on-one combat with swords. But he was all about the way to become a great sword fighter is you have to be balanced. Like, you can't have any holes in your game as a human being. You have to be an artist. You have to be a poet. You have to learn calligraphy.

Jordan Jensen 59:21 Oh, shit.

Joe Rogan 59:21 You have to be completely balanced, and you have to see the thing for what it is. You can't have any bullshit. You can't have any fat, right? We were talking about fat and bits.

Jordan Jensen 59:28 No delusion.

Joe Rogan 59:29 You can't have any bullshit. There's no bullshit when you're sword fighting.

Jordan Jensen 59:33 But don't ... Sometimes ... Do you ever feel like you're in that flow state in your life, where you'll be like, "I have all these moving parts and I have it down." And like, like, I recently had this where I was like, "I'm oil painting, I'm doing standup, I have my friends, I'm in this groove."

Joe Rogan 59:46 Right.

Jordan Jensen 59:47 And then something will happen where I'll just, like, have, like, explosive diarrhea or something.

Joe Rogan 59:50 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 59:50 Like, something will happen where I'm just like, "Jesus Christ, I thought I was fucking suave. I had this shit ..." I used to do that with poker where I'd be like, "I have this whole poker game on lock." And then something would hap- Like, the, it's almost like one of those swords that you have to have in balance is also humility. Like, you also have to be like, "And I'm a person who still has a butthole." You know?

Joe Rogan 1:00:11 Right.

Jordan Jensen 1:00:12 And that I've had to learn.

Joe Rogan 1:00:13 And things can go sideways, always.

Jordan Jensen 1:00:15 Yeah, because I would be like, "I'm gonna get in this flow state." (vocalizes) And then s- I'd mess up a word on stage, and I'd be like, "No, I'm re-, I'm an idiot." You know?

Joe Rogan 1:00:21 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 1:00:22 So I have to keep that also, be like, "You also are fallible."

Joe Rogan 1:00:25 Well, that's what's a good thing about standup. It's like, it, it smacks you every time you do it wrong.

Jordan Jensen 1:00:30 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:00:31 Like, you gotta do it right.

Jordan Jensen 1:00:32 It's ... You ... It's crazy how true it is that you're only good, as good as your last set.

Joe Rogan 1:00:36 You are.

Jordan Jensen 1:00:36 It's crazy.

Joe Rogan 1:00:37 Yeah, that's why, like, if you have a bad set, you can't wait to get on stage again. Like, "Get me up there. I gotta get this off my back."

Jordan Jensen 1:00:41 Dude, I was like, I'm doing no-sets in Austin. Bob last night hitting Rebecca up. I'm like, "What do you got?" (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:00:46 (laughs) Give me ...

Jordan Jensen 1:00:46 It's crazy.

Joe Rogan 1:00:48 Let me bust out some old jokes. Fuck it.

Jordan Jensen 1:00:48 I should hit up the Mothership.

Joe Rogan 1:00:50 Yeah, come tonight.

Jordan Jensen 1:00:51 What's tonight?

Joe Rogan 1:00:51 What are you doing tonight? My show.

Jordan Jensen 1:00:53 Oh, okay.

Joe Rogan 1:00:54 Wanna do it?

Jordan Jensen 1:00:55 What time's it at?

Joe Rogan 1:00:55 Seven.

Jordan Jensen 1:00:57 Yeah, that would actually be good.

Joe Rogan 1:00:58 Let's fucking go.

Jordan Jensen 1:00:59 Let's do it.

Joe Rogan 1:01:00 Let's fucking go.

Jordan Jensen 1:01:00 I was... Dude, there's a clip I wanted to post about that's really funny about your, (laughs) about your club, where I was like, "You get in here," and there's a guy who's like, "My name's Kyle. I'll carry you up this flight of stairs."

Joe Rogan 1:01:10 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 1:01:10 "I have a, I have a PhD in MMA. I'm gonna pass you up to Derek. Derek has an AK-47." And we get in the green room, and I'm like, they're like, "Do you need anything? We'll kill people for you." And I was like, "Could I have some, like, almonds or snacks?" And they're like, "No, we have smelling salts." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:01:23 (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 1:01:23 I was like, "Wait." (laughs) I was like, "Is there any just, like, water bottles?" They're like, "No, we have neurotropic dust." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:01:31 It was so funny. We ... Neurotropic. (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 1:01:34 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:01:34 We were in the, uh, green room the other day, and, uh, someone had called us, like, some alt-right white supremacist club. I was in the room with Brian Simpson, who's Black, Derek Poston, who's Black, Hasan Ahmodiot, who's Muslim. (laughs)

Jordan Jensen 1:01:49 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:01:49 It was Tony Hinchcliffe, Ron White, and me. I'm like, "This is a pretty diverse lineup."

Jordan Jensen 1:01:54 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:01:54 Like, what are we talking? This is so silly.

Jordan Jensen 1:01:55 You're looking at comments. See, it's hard.

Joe Rogan 1:01:57 No.

Jordan Jensen 1:01:57 It's hard to not look at these fucking things.

Joe Rogan 1:01:58 It wasn't. It was, it was a video. It wasn't a comment. It was a video of s- someone that one of the guys was playing. It was like, look how fucking stupid this is.

Jordan Jensen 1:02:07 Oh.

Joe Rogan 1:02:07 The idea that this, like, that you had to be ... Like...... I'm not even a Republican. Like, I voted for Trump because I thought w- we were going in a terrifying direction where there was not really a president for four years, and the same people are now gonna be running the government. Like, let's-

Jordan Jensen 1:02:23 Weren't you, like, a Bernie bro?

Joe Rogan 1:02:24 Yes. So, like, I've only voted Republican once in my life. The idea that you have to be a Republican to get in at that club is so ridiculous. That club is filled with gay people, Black people, straight people, white people, Asian. No one gives a fuck.

Jordan Jensen 1:02:39 Yeah, that green room is colorful as fuck.

Joe Rogan 1:02:40 Just, you're just doing comedy. You're just doing comedy. Whoever you are, whatever you believe, we have tons of lively discussions-

Jordan Jensen 1:02:49 I will say, one time I was there and Jordan Peterson walked through, and I was like, "You can't be here. That's too on the nose." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:02:54 He's here all the time.

Jordan Jensen 1:02:55 That's crazy.

Joe Rogan 1:02:56 Yeah, it is weird. Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 1:02:57 That's crazy. With his daughter?

Joe Rogan 1:02:58 Oh, yeah. He came with his daughter. Yeah. He's been there a few times. Yeah. He even did Kill Tony.

Jordan Jensen 1:03:04 Oh, he was on it?

Joe Rogan 1:03:04 Yeah. He was on Kill Tony. Yeah.

Jordan Jensen 1:03:06 That's crazy. Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:03:07 So was Post Malone. Th- one, Post Malone had no idea, and I brought him on stage. He had no idea what the show was, no idea what anything was, and I just brought him up there.

Jordan Jensen 1:03:16 Really?

Joe Rogan 1:03:17 I did that twice. Once with Post Malone, and once with Tucker Carlson. I was having dinner with Tucker Carlson, and I'm like, "You wanna go by and go see Kill Tony?" And they were there, and I t- told Tony, and he's like, "Bring him on stage." I go, "I'm not even gonna tell him what it is." So, I go, "Dude, we're gonna go on stage." And he's like, "What?" (laughs) And he just-

Jordan Jensen 1:03:32 Oh, my god.

Joe Rogan 1:03:32 But he was great.

Jordan Jensen 1:03:33 Was he good?

Joe Rogan 1:03:34 He did- yes. He was funny. He was, like, laughing. He was cracking jokes with the comedians back and forth.

Jordan Jensen 1:03:39 Wow.

Joe Rogan 1:03:39 It was really ... Oh. It was surprisingly great.

Jordan Jensen 1:03:42 Wait, you're not Republican. You used to be Bernie bro.

Joe Rogan 1:03:45 Yeah. Well-

Jordan Jensen 1:03:46 Are you Bernie bro?

Joe Rogan 1:03:47 I am ... Look, I think the idea of socialism is wonderful if everybody had their shit together and everybody was disciplined.

Jordan Jensen 1:03:54 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:03:55 But it's not the case. And I think that human nature, unfortunately, you're gonna need some socialism though. Right? You're gonna need the fire department. Like, this is one of the things that I point to all the time. People say, "Oh, socialism doesn't work." The fire department is an entirely socialist idea. Like, we all pay into it and they take care of everybody's fire.

Jordan Jensen 1:04:15 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:04:15 Right? You can't have only the rich people have a fire department, and the poor people, their fucking house burns down all the time. That's crazy, right? We all agree to that. Well, that should be the same with education. That should be the same with healthcare. Are we a fucking community or are we not? And if we're a community, you have to take care of the downtrodden, and you have to do it because it's bad for them and it's also bad for you.

Jordan Jensen 1:04:35 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:04:35 We're all in this together. So, you have to have a social safety